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I am – Hercules!!

If you’re a “Galactica” fan and can resist the “Caprica” prequel pilot co-written by “Galactica” mastermind Ronald D. Moore, you are a stronger individual than I. It’s set 58 years before Cylon War II (and, given that Bill Adama is 11 years old, less than a decade before Cylon War I). The compelling sci-fi drama deals with how the Cylons came to be, and how they came to get out of hand. The 90-minute movie is highly compelling, free of space battles but loaded with imaginative visual effects. While I judge it to be not as strong as 2003’s “Galactica” miniseries, it’s easy enough to imagine a great series emerging from it. (Though she wasn’t involved with the pilot/movie, Jane Espenson – of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” “Firefly,” and “Galactica” fame – is running the writers’ room for the “Caprica” series that arrives on SciFi next year.) Like the 2003 “Galactica” mini, the “Caprica” movie comes equipped with a cast that feels a little too strong for basic cable, and features standout performances by Esai Morales (who plays Lee Adama’s grandpappy Joseph), Eric Stoltz (who plays modern Prometheus Daniel Greystone), Polly Walker (who plays duplicitous headmistress Clarice Willow), and especially Alessandra Torresani (who plays Daniel’s supergenius daughter Zoe). Parts of the pilot reminded me of “Pet Sematary”; others brought to mind “The Fly” (and “The Fly II” too, since Eric Stoltz again portrays a genius dabbling in dark, cutting-edge superscience). There’s also quite a bit of “The Godfather” series in this project’s DNA, as we learn here that before Bill Adama’s pop became a civil right attorney he was a mob lawyer. If that’s not lure enough, “Caprica’s” first and not-very-basic-cable-like scene features a club full of young women naked from the waist up. (One wonders if the SyFy version will favor blurring or feature alternative takes with the same girls in belly shirts.) There’s also bloody fistfighting, deadly gunplay and dancing. All in the first scene. Soon thereafter someone is told, “Go Frak yourself” and another says “So say we all.” A short time later we see books with their corners cut off, so we know haven’t accidentally tuned in to Showtime. Though “Caprica” is set 58 years before “Galactica” starts, it often feels perversely more futuristic than it progenitor, with sleek robo-butlers that remind me of Eve from Wall-E and “Firefly”-ish levitating trains and electronic paper that looks like it was borrowed from the set of “Minority Report.” There are also popular “holobands,” visor-like virtual-reality devices that I never noticed Callie or Dualla or Gaius wearing when they were off duty. The teens dress like 2009 teens, the gangsters all have tattoos, and a lot of the grown-ups are still wandering around in fedoras. The gangsters sport tattoos and fedoras. Fun “Caprica” facts: * The 9/11 terrorist attacks, which inspired the Galactica’s memory wall, are evoked differently in “Caprica.” * There is not yet any centralized government for the 12 colonial planets, and no president overseeing such a federation. Caprica is ruled by its own prime minister. * English is not the first language on the planet Tauron. (They may, in fact, speak Latin there. Or maybe not; I don’t speak Latin.) * Bill Adama’s paternal grandparents perished in a Tauron civil war. * We learn that the term “Cylon” comes from “Cybernetic Lifeform Node,” which I guess actually makes them CyLNs. If I understand correctly, they’re created in the pilot when supergenius Daniel Greystone sticks a “metacognitive processor” (or perhaps “megacognitive processor”?) inside a “cyber combat unit,” which looks a lot like an old-school centurion with the metal “skin” stripped off. (Think C3PO in “The Phantom Menace.”) The “MCPs” somehow make the Cylons smarter than the average robo-butler. The players, as (SPOILER ALERT!) revealed in this column more than a year ago: * DANIEL GRAYSTONE is literally the father of the Cylons, a fortysomething “spectacularly wealthy” computer designer. * ZOE GRAYSTONE, Daniel’s hot 16-year-old daughter, dies in a suicide bombing. Daniel learns that Zoe – like iconic “Twin Peaks” dead teenager Laura Palmer – had many secrets. For one thing she was a closeted monotheist! For another, she was even more of a technological genius than daddy Daniel, and succeeded in secretly uploading her personality and DNA into a holographic avatar. Daniel comes to combine the Zoe avatar with stolen technology to create the first Cylon, “a robotic version of his dead daughter.” Oo! * JOSEPH ADAMS, Bill Adama’s pop and Romo Lampkin’s future mentor, is a fortysomething Tauron native who long ago emigrated to Caprica and overcame anti-Tauron prejudice to become an influential defense attorney on the more affluent planet. Joseph’s wife and daughter (Bill’s mother and sister) die in the same blast that killed Zoe Graystone. Joseph Adams and Daniel Graystone, despite their very different backgrounds, are bonded by the tragedy. Adams, who still has “powerful ties to the Tauron crime underworld,” helps Greystone create the first Cylon by facilitating the theft of cutting-edge robotic technology from a Tauron computer developer. * TAMARA ADAMS, Joseph’s dead daughter, may also be resurrected as a robot, but Joseph – much like the dad in Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary” – comes to regret his role in the Cylonic creations. * AMANDA GRAYSTONE, Daniel’s thirtysomething wife, is a successful surgeon devastated by the loss of her beloved daughter Zoe. * SISTER CLARICE WILLOW is another closeted monotheist and the headmistress of the Athena Academy, the polytheistic religious school Zoe attended. A product of colonial slums, the sister is presumably responsible for converting young Zoe into a monotheist. * BEN STARK is Zoe’s unbalanced monotheist-fanatic boyfriend, the suicide bomber who kills, among many others, Zoe, Tamara, Bill Adama’s mom and himself in a horrific train bombing. He too secretly uploaded himself into a holographic avatar. But his can only be contacted by headmistress Willow. * WILLIAM ADAMS, a dour 9-year-old introvert unaware of his Tauron heritage, is Joseph Adams’ sole surviving child. Like John Connor, he will prove humanity’s savior in a universe ruled by murderous robots. (One character cut out of the pilot is TOMAS VERGIS, Amanda Graystone’s Tauron ex-lover and one of her husband’s chief competitors. Following Zoe’s death, Amanda was to covertly return to Vergis’ bed to learn more of the tech that might be used to resurrect her daughter. Because these scenes are not among the “deleted scenes” on the DVD, we’ll assume this character will still find his way into the “Caprica” series when it launches next year.)
EXTRAS: DELETED SCENES (7:09) Sister Clarice confronts Zoe about her second thoughts. Joe Adams confronts his son’s grandmother over the boy’s religious upbringing. Joe learns that Zoe Greystone was among the terrorists who killed his daughter. Sister Clarice reveals she grew up on racy Sagitteron, then finds the avatar for Zoe’s suicide-bomber boyfriend Ben. VIDEO BLOG: “What the Frak Is Caprica?” (3:23) Writers Remi Aubuchon (“From The Earth To The Moon,” “24”) and Ronald D. Moore explain that societal breakdown on Caprica allowed the colonies to become vulnerable to Cylon evil. Learn that while it is not a “space drama,” there will be space in it. Though the perky actress who plays Zoe Greystone is listed as Alessandra Toreson on IMDb, she’s identified here as Alessandra Torresani. VIDEO BLOG: “The Director’s Process” (3:05) Director Jeffrey Reiner, we learn, likes to run several cameras at once. VIDEO BLOG: “The V Club” (3:35) Alessandra Torresani gives a tour of teen Caprica’s virtual club. VIDEO BLOG: “The Birth of a Cylon” (3:07) Reiner introduces us to the table on which the first Cylon was born. COMMENTARY (92:15) Writer Ronald D. Moore, director Jeffrey Reiner and producer David Eick. Learn that the virutual V Club was filmed at the same theatre in Downtown Vancouver that served as “Galactica’s” virtual opera house. Learn that the V Club sequence originally did not kick off the pilot in early drafts of the script. Learn that Eric Stoltz likes to prepare a lot more than Esai Morales. Learn that the expense of hiring Polly Walker precipitated a giant fight with NBC Universal. Learn that both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates inspired Daniel Greystone. Learn that civil liberties attorney Joe Adama didn’t gain his mob-lawyer background until “Caprica’s” creation. Learn that a subplot involving Amanda Greystone’s extramarital affair was cut from the pilot in part because it made her unlikable. Learn that at one stage of the production Surge, the robotic domestic, more resembled a Roomba. Learn that many of Sister Clarice’s scenes in the pilot were cut because they made her seem too villainous. Learn that a Pyramid game sequence was cut at the behest of the pilot’s line producer. Learn that the racist minister’s glasses were a direct lift from “Blade Runner” replicant manufacturer Eldon Tyrell. Learn the colonies are not united at this stage of history and each planet is its own nation-state and there is no federal government or president; only prime ministers.

An existential-crisis tale about a fellow who comes to learn he doesn’t really exist, “My Own Worst Enemy” stars Christian Slater as a superagent given a government-engineered split personality. Henry (Spivey, not Jekyll) is the happily married suburban dad who sometimes “dreams” of being a secret agent. Edward (Albright, not Hyde) is a womanizing spy-assassin who uses Spivey’s body to perform derring-do on behalf of the U.S. government. No doubt inspired by the amnesia-driven Jason Bourne movies as much as Robert Louis Stevenson’s “Jekyll & Hyde,” “Worst” sounds plenty intriguing as a logline (I know I was excited to hear about it), but expanded into an hour of teleplay (never mind a series) it doesn’t make a lick of sense. In the case of both “Jekyll” and “Bourne,” any amnesia was an unintended consequence. Why would a government agency bother to spend so much time, money and effort to create for a top asset like Edward Albright an alter ego that would leave Edward’s body so vulnerable to enemies? I kept waiting for the newly (if accidentally) clued-in Henry to put these questions to Edward’s superiors, but he never thinks to do so in the pilot. If a compelling argument is made during the balance of the series, I do not recall it. I was also confused as to why Edward’s bosses would choose to house Henry even temporarily in Edward’s bachelor pad, with Edward’s stuff. Certainly Edward wouldn’t (and doesn’t) like it, and the place, not unsurprisingly, turns out to be full of sensitive material Henry shouldn’t be seeing or touching. A locked cell would make far more sense, but then we wouldn’t get the stupid scene with Henry indulging a joyride in Edward’s Chevy Camero SS. (Henry drives a Chevy Traverse, also part of the product-placement agreement struck by General Motors and General Electic’s NBC Universal.) The pilot was scripted by Jason Smilovic, who did far better work on “Karen Sisco” and “Kidnapped,” though Smilovic did not serve as series showrunner. In the pilot Smilovic throws a couple funny lines to fellow secret agent Tom Grady, played by Mike O’Malley (the bald guy from “Yes, Dear”), but there’s too little good to compensate for all the elements that don’t work, like the clumsy and cliché-riddled opening that shows jerky superspy Edward at work in the field. Smilovic’s replacement as showrunner was “WIOU” creator John Eisendrath, who under J.J. Abrams’ supervision had his name on some quite good early episodes of “Alias” – but I’m not sure Abrams himself could redeem this premise. USA Today gives it one and a half stars (out of four) and says:

… Badly conceived, badly executed, and woefully, ridiculously overcomplicated … Enemy wants you to ask yourself why Edward and his compatriots (including Yes, Dear's Mike O'Malley) would agree to this chip-split personality, but the show never even approaches the real stumbling block: Why would the government go to all this trouble? You can understand why we might want to turn ordinary guys into spies, but why turn spies into ordinary guys, a process that allows Edward to hide from no one but himself? … To make matters worse, or worst, Slater simplifies the division for us by making Edward an unrelieved snot, which means that the only character with whom we have sympathy is the one who isn't real. …

Entertainment Weekly gives it an “C-plus” and says:

… Slater plays out spy-story clichés that were campy on The Man From U.N.C.L.E. 40 years ago. (Edward speaks 13 languages! He can hold his breath underwater for five minutes!) To pull off stuff like this, you need to acknowledge that you know it's been done before, and bring an extra something: not a wink, not irony, but an airy authority that says, ''You ain't seen it done like I'm gonna do it.'' (What do I mean? Go rewatch the pilot for Alias.) Slater is solid: He rarely slips into his Jack Nicholson Jr. voice, and, as timid Henry, does a nice little yelp when he pops a champagne cork that sounds like a gunshot. But at one point in the premiere, a rattled Henry says to Edward — i.e., himself — ''You bastard! You slept with my wife?!'' Many viewers may resume sleeping with CSI: Miami if the smart fellows behind Enemy don't improve this show. …

The New York Times says:

… “Worst Enemy” has a convoluted premise that is cleverly wrought and holds up well, and Mr. Slater does a remarkable job of only subtly signaling each personality …

The Los Angeles Times says:

… Slater, who in his twenties, anyway, seemed to specialize in creating cult films, is in rare form here. Which is a good thing since the show's success or failure rests solely on his dramatic agility and general appeal. … there is the nagging question of how creator Jason Smilovic is going to turn what could easily have been a two-hour feature film into a television show, but let's assume for the moment he has a plan. …

The Chicago Tribune says:

… "My Own Worst Enemy" starts out quite melodramatically, echoing the kind of overly serious spy drama that NBC's charming spy comedy "Chuck" spoofs. Still, the first episode of "Enemy" ended up being a relatively compelling hour of television. As competent as it is, though, it's hard not to think that the premise contains some holes. First of all, why would any espionage outfit go to such lengths to give a spy a humdrum cover? Why bother making him forget his daily life as Henry when he's Edward, and vice versa? …

The Washington Post says:

… The show is the TV series equivalent of Frankenstein's monster, built from scraps of various cadavers and plodding along at a logy and poky pace. "My Own Worst Enemy" ends up seeming like a pale digital copy even of itself.

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

… The first 15 minutes of the much-hyped spy series (do you remember those relentless ads during the Olympics?) are pretty laughable. The idiotic dialogue might have been enough to get [Smilovic] fired. But then in the rest of the first hour (which is all NBC sent) of the pilot, "My Own Worst Enemy" gets compelling before becoming almost completely incoherent, so it's hard to say on what grounds NBC was annoyed with Smilovic (or vice versa). Bad, then decent, then confusing. That's not exactly the trajectory you're looking for in a pilot. …

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

Given NBC's recent track record -- Was the world really clamoring for a new "Knight Rider," inferior even to the low standards set by the original? -- you'll understand my shock that the new Christian Slater drama "My Own Worst Enemy" actually turns out to be an entertaining, coherent drama. … It's too early to tell if the "Enemy" premise will hold up week after week. The premise might have been better suited to a one-shot movie, but Smilovic makes a convincing case for aspects of the dual characters that can be explored for weeks and years to come.…

The Boston Globe says:

… just plain stupid. … tonight's episode is illogical and pointless, and Slater's dual performance isn't nearly as much fun as it should be. If there's any potential in this show, it is unrealized in the pilot. … I've seen twin-sibling performances on daytime soap operas that had more nuance. …

Variety says:

… There's definitely a series here; how it fares depends on which aspects of the show's split personality triumph. … a rapid pace here is key to obscure lapses in logic …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… hits the ground feeling at once vague and oddly captivating. … If this all sounds spectacularly, absurdly far-fetched, well duh! But "My Own Worst Enemy" holds our interest despite its utter preposterousness because if there is anything Slater knows how to do, it's present a believable head case. And if you check that disbelief at the door, it's possible to foresee an intriguing journey of internal anguish in the weeks ahead. …

The new DVD set comes with all nine produced episodes. Aside from a handful of promos for other NBC Universal products, no one bothered to assemble any extras.

Not to take anything away from Julie Kavner, Richard Masur and Nancy Walker, but the most valuable player on the “Mary Tyler Moore Show” spinoff “Rhoda” may have been the late Lorenzo Music, who not only wrote and produced the series but was hilarious as the voice of the title character’s stoner doorman, Carlton. The new 35th anniversary edition of the first season contains the 10-minute extra “Remembering Rhoda,” featuring new interviews with producers James L. Brooks and Alan Burns. Learn that Rhoda Morgenstern was based on a friend of Brooks’ sister, who was so resourceful she was able to find a rent-controlled apartment in New York. Learn that both Brooks and Burns still regret marrying Rhoda off, but liked the storylines that came out of her divorce and re-entry into the dating pool. Learn that producer David Davis discovered Kavner (now perhaps best known as the voice of Marge Simpson) in a Melrose Avenue stage production.

Wolverine and the X-Men Vol. 1 contains “Hindsight,” the first three episodes of the ongoing Nicktoons series. Watch as Logan puts the band back together one year after the sudden, mysterious and explosive disappearance of mind-mutants Charles Xavier and Jean Grey. It’s good stuff, incorporating lots of the wider Marvel Universe, but I’d hold out for season-sets.

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