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Massawyrm gets juiced on CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
You know, when I first saw the raw footage that was cut together and unceremoniously dumped as some sort of preview teaser trailer online, I was horrified. And rightly so. It looked like complete ass. It was filled with terrible jokes and outtakes – and every bit of it was shot on handheld HD cameras that looked bad on the small player online…so I could only imagine what it would look like blown up on the big screen. There were porn stars and a Corey Haim appearance and it occurred to me: somebody gave these jackasses $20 Million to make a TROMA movie. But Troma only works because they have no budgets. You can feel the love coming off the screen. This footage didn’t feel like it was loved.
But boy how that footage was raw.
The final product? Completely, madly and deeply bugfuck insane. There aren’t words to describe it that don’t invoke notions of lunacy. This is CRANK taken to Eleven. Everything that was fun about CRANK gets a triple dose here. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a chocolate revolver – a six shot espresso mocha that causes heart palpitations and vibrates you so fast you can pass through solid matter. It is the very essence of hyperbole, boiled down and served in the rowdiest, most raucous WAFFLE HOUSE you’ve ever degreased a spoon in. It is not serious. It is exploitation – and it knows it – and rather than trying to hide that fact, it revels in it.
It is not a good film. They didn’t set out to make a good film. They set out to make an awesome film that would make you clap and cheer and laugh your ass off at insanity that could only at times be drug induced. And that’s exactly what they made. There is nothing right about this picture. In fact it spends so much time in the wrong mindset that on the rare occasion that Chev Chelios does something resembling nobility, it kind of fucks with you. Because Chev ain’t fuckin’ noble.
Storywise this is almost a carbon copy of the first, picking up right where the previous film left off. Chev wakes up with an artificial heart and a dying battery. He needs to get his heart back or he’ll die. So he needs to run very fast, drive very recklessly and kill a holy fucking shitload of mother fucking assholes – only occasionally interrupted by phone calls from his doctor to progress the plot. It’s like watching one of those awesome Asian kids who play videogames one handed playing GRAND THEFT AUTO, without so much as pausing to look around. It is nonstop fighting, fucking and carjacking, all set to the brilliant music of Faith No More/Mr. Bungle frontman Mike Patton.
And if any of this language offends you, dear god, whatever you do, do NOT see this film, because this language is what this film casts off in the opening credits alone. And it barely scratches the surface of the depravity that you’ll see here. Yet, the film never tries to be overly offensive. It never lingers. The tits or blood or anal violation is there and then POOF we’re onto something else. It’s just classic exploitation. Unlike many of the exploitation/grindhouse throwbacks we’ve been seeing, CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE isn’t trying to remind you of what watching a flick like that was like. It just happens to be a flick just like those – with all the modern sensibilities.
But the single most impressive elements of this film are the cinematography and editing. Shot on something like 20 or so cheap, $1000 HD cameras, the filmmakers had the freedom to run with, toss and in every way abuse these cameras, getting sick angles and wicked action shots that aren’t really possible when you’re risking high dollar state of the art cameras. Then the footage was cut together by someone with ADD on speed, creating a close up, fast cut, right in the middle of the shit vibe that is unlike anything you’ve really ever seen. Then they color corrected the living shit out of it to make a BEAUTIFUL looking digital film that you WILL NOT believe was shot on the same bullshit Best Buy cameras families are recording their vacations with. This style is so inventive that I cannot imagine not seeing it ripped off several hundred times by indie filmmakers pushing the limits of low budget film in the next few years.
Frankly, I never thought this could work. It didn’t seem possible. A sequel to a film in which the main character dies shot on HD mini cams? No way.
FUCKING. WAY. This movie rocks hardcore. It is not a movie meant to be seen on DVD. It is not a movie meant to be seen alone. It is definitely not a movie meant to be seen at two in the afternoon. It is meant to be seen at Midnight, with friends at a theater. You will hoot. You will holler. And no matter how stupid it gets, no matter how retarded it appears to be – you will embrace it and love every demented frame. It is a movie that gets itself in a big way. If you enjoyed the first one, this one will blow your doors off. Despite being something of a retread it is actually a far better and more enjoyable film than the original.
It is its own thing and something totally unexpected. And I recommend the hell out of it.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
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my shaft
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work the balls
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I dont really like my balls being played with
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to swallow the gravy.
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since there isn't much else in theaters, I still need to see Observe and Report though
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This reviewer obviously works for lionsgate.
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Is ANYONE paying money to see this pile of shit?? Just mail your money to me and I'll send you a hammer to smash your reproductive organs with.
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Hmmm, if only this were an animated review with a couple of black dudes and a robot. Soon I hope . . .
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Hmmm, if only this were an animated review with a couple of black dudes a fat blond guy and a robot. Soon I hope . . .
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Apr 17, 2009 8:43:15 AM CDT
Hey Wyrm...they didn't use "Best Buy" camcorders...
by napolean_bonerparty
They used Canon XH-A1's to shoot this flick. They're close to $4K each. Obviously not what families use to videotape their Disney vacations.
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Just to continue with the whole porn vibe this week has given off I thought I'de mention that your signiture/picture looks a lot like Ron Jeremy. Oh and I haven't read the article yet.. i'm lazy!
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does amy smart get naked?
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That Massa's review was probably more enjoyable to read than this crack-addled, epileptic-fit-inducing movie is to be seen.
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I will go see it this weekend at some point.....cheers
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Havine watched it last night I can only say I agree with some of the review. It is definitely a rush with some crazy scenes...but I don't know if that along makes it worth watching. It almost seems to be pointless filmmaking. I mean, Statham running around for an hour and a half creating havoc does have some interesting moments but I don't know if it makes a movie. Then again, he's done that four times before with the original "Crank" and the 3 "Transporter" flicks, so what do I know?
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The first movie was snake-armpits-level kind of crazy, and pretty damn fun to watch.
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Apr 17, 2009 9:02:10 AM CDT
I enjoyed Crank.... I enjoy Crack Even More However...
by darfurontherocks
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Massa I love your reviews but this sounds right up Vern's alley.
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Make 8 more Cranks please.
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Granted I haven't seen the flick, but . . . really? I'm starting to think you boys @ AICN are paid to like certain things.
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Preferred Shoot Em Up, myself. But I'll see this.
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yikes
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the holy trinity of dumb batshit crazy action flicks.
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The theater I go to tickets you at the entrance only. I think I'll pay to go see observe and report and just walk into Crank. Sounds like fun.
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...after I see Observe and Report of course. Otherwise I would be stupid.
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This movie goes to hell. I loved the movie, but when Stath takes a back seat so other characters can show up and spout exposition, the movie GRINDS TO A HALT. When Amy Smart is being interogated by the cops? That felt like an eternity. it's a testiment to Jason Statham... i cant remember the last time a movie suffered so much when a character wasn't onscreen. Hopefully The Expendables will send this man into superstardom.
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I'm not even lying. It's fucking awesome. Go see it.
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I won't bother seeing it at all. The first one sucked donkey balls.
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I don't know bud, I am not a fan of CRANK. I even watched it again recently hoping to turn around on that. It has some funny ideas and scenes I like but it just has such an annoying style and douchebag sense of humor that I can't get into it. And every indication (including this review) is that the hyperactive skateboard video style and moron frat boy attempts at shock humor are multiplied by ten thousand for part 2. So I don't know about paying money for this in the current economic climate. I'll probaly wait for video so I can take it in small doses. I promise I will give it a shot but don't be disappointed if I hate it. Let me know if you think it's good.
p.s. I actually agreed with Massawyrm on DEATH RACE though, I was surprised how much I enjoyed that one. -
I told all of my friends that I would be there on opening night if I had to go by myself, and so far I am. AND I DON'T CARE! I'm gonna be as close as these old eyes will let me without needing Drammamine and soak up the lunacy.
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you CRy and waNK at the same time
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i must know!
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Apr 17, 2009 4:16:49 PM CDT
Open that gorgeous, metal-filled mouth of yours...
by nasty in the pasty
...and really GOBBLE MY CRANK!
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It cost $7.50 to watch this movie at a matinee. How in the world is it difficult to spend $7.50 to watch a movie? It's not like you have 20 new films coming out this weekend. Lame.
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..till someone screamed "plant". You guys must be slipping.
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i will see/hear it in the theater.
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When I sneaked into Crank after deciding not to watch the Wickerman (what a mistake! one of the greatest comedies of our times!), I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I knew from the get go the film was not even trying to be sensible, it's just a bunch of really cool slick scenes edited into one roll. If you go into this trying to find "meaning" or "philosophy" there is none, just sit back and laugh at the sheer stupidity and awesomeness of what's on the screen and relax. Don't analyze it.
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What a bunch of crap! Rude, crude, violent and all pointless. I loved the first one! Studio people were there with audience comment cards!
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semi topless, black tape on her nipples most of the time.
Also the HEDGEHOG ( Ron Jeremy ) though thankfully not much.
INCREDULOUS doesn't even begin to describe this movie!!! -
If i liked crank other than the rape and the taliban parts, both of which made me want to hate the movie, will I like the 2nd?
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"They used Canon XH-A1's to shoot this flick. They're close to $4K each. Obviously not what families use to videotape their Disney vacations."
They used the Canon up to 5 XH-A1's and up to 15 Canon HF10's, which are the best buy cameras to shoot family vacations that he was talking about. A lot of the picture was shot using those. They also did use a Sony EX1 sparingly. But the bulk of the film where shot on the HF10's. These cameras can be had for $799.00 at Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001144JQU)
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Apr 18, 2009 12:16:09 AM CDT
never saw the first one but saw it a couple hours ago
by t 1000 xp professional
Had a blast with my friends. The movie is pretty insane, and it is great for it. Lots of shock value but you know what, I like it. I repeat, it is insane. Get friends and watch if you wish, chances are you guys will have fun.
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it almost seemed like they were throwing topless women on the screen just for the heck of it.
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...dumb fun post pub flick. I will be there
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I thought your PHD was in jokes. I'm just kidding about the economic climate, bud. I'm just saying I don't want to pay ten bucks (how much it costs here) to see a movie that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna want to kick in the balls.
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Watchmen was the best o' the year, so far...until tonight.
Crank 2 is #1, Watchmen is #2, Drag me to Hell is #3, Coraline is #4, and 5 is either My Bloody Valentine or Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (in case you were interested.) -
...I'll watch CRANK 2 any day, Fuck the haters.
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DAAAAAAAMMMNNN.
It was way over the top, and I LMAO a lot at how over the top it was. Seeing the world thru the eyes of the electrocution-happy Chelios took it up another notch. And every bit of weirdness that shouldn't work and wouldn't work in another movie does here. You can't explain this movie without sounding like an idiot, so don't try. Tell whomever you're talking to to just go see it for themselves and just enjoy it. It's not going to be for everyone, but who cares? -
Fun read. I'm still laughing... Seeing it asap.
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The majority of the movie was shot with canon XHA1's. The HF10's were used as crash cameras and for some of the crazier multicamera shot scenes that they didn't have enough xha1,s to cover or in situations where the cameras had to be concealed in places where they are in another camera's shot. They also built a bullet time rig with 10 HF10's. There is a detailed article in the new issue of HD Video Pro magazine all about it. The "crank 2" article is the cover story. They also talk about how the look of the movie was mostly done "in camera" by tweaking camera settings. Footage from the HF10's had to be color corrected to match. The xha1 is down to about 3k now , at least at B&H . I saw a matinee yesterday and thought the movie stupid, bugnuts insane, and lots of fun.My only issue is now big studios will probably produce much shittier clones of this movie shot the same way.
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I enjoyed the hell out of this movie.
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Fridays numbers are at about $2.6mil for Crank and its a damn shame that people have not given this movie a chance, especialy at how the first one is a bit of a cult hit. I thought this film was just over the top awesome and the most fun i have had in ages. I think the film makers and especialy Statham deserved better!.
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Some friends and I are going to see it downtown at 3:10 tomorrow. We're going to get many beers first. Massa's right: Films like Crank need to be see with other people. Won't you join us? I'd be happy to get you a beer.
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Seeing it again tomorrow.
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"The majority of the movie was shot with canon XHA1's. The HF10's were used as crash cameras and for some of the crazier multicamera shot scenes that they didn't have enough xha1,s to cover or in situations where the cameras had to be concealed in places where they are in another camera's shot. They also built a bullet time rig with 10 HF10's. There is a detailed article in the new issue of HD Video Pro magazine all about it. The "crank 2" article is the cover story. They also talk about how the look of the movie was mostly done "in camera" by tweaking camera settings. Footage from the HF10's had to be color corrected to match."
Yeah I have that issue. I just skimmed through it when I made that post above. But yeah some cray shit can be done today with cheap cams. -
it happens to be a great injoke movie i will watch the rest when the english screener goes on line....the russian voice actors suck
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Annoying style. Douchebag sense of humour. The premise, however, is great and Statham can be fun. I really wanted to enjoy Crank, but it was like listening to an asshole trying to tell a joke. Funny enough, this review has me excited and the shooting style mentioned has me interested. Hope it works. A rather large supply of booze should do the trick.
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My friend and I were just laughing and having a hell of a lot of fun the whole time. Relax and enjoy!
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