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Massawyrm gets gleeful boy goo all over FAST & FURIOUS!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Hell yes. After two lame attempts, Diesel pricing himself out to pursue other endeavors and a whole lot of eye rolling, THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS finally has its true sequel. FAST & FURIOUS explodes on the screen with the same over-the-top insanity of the first film, with all the 13-year-old pleasing antics that made so many of us fall in love with the film the franchise the first time around. That’s not to say it’s a great film or even completely on par with the first – but it is awesome, a lot of fun and everything one would hope to get out of a F&TF movie. The film opens with what we all saw in the first trailer and just goes bugfuck crazy from there. The stunts are wilder, the chases more hard core and the street racing (what little there actually is this time around) is far more intense. Everything is ramped up in the way you expect from a sequel – and there isn’t a single weak action moment to be found anywhere within. You’d think by this point in the series that we’d seen it all – but they pull out a number of tricks that takes this run down clunker of a franchise and gets her motor purring like she was brand new. If there’s anything this reminds me of, it is Stallone’s latest films ROCKY BALBOA and RAMBO. This doesn’t try to reinvent the series. It aims to recapture everything that worked about it in the beginning, and in that way makes it fresh. Vin is back and in top form, proving that his tired performance in last year’s BABYLON A.D. was in fact what he was trying to do with his character and not a marked drop in his ability to embody the essence of a living action figure. He drives fast, he fires off cool as all hell one liners and he beats the hell out of people who fuck with him. Yeah. It’s pretty much everything you want out of him. Meanwhile, Paul Walker used his downtime to work with directors who knew how to get real performances out of his actors and learned how to emote beyond the two expressions he used to alternate between (serious and smirking), turning in a truly bad ass performance in his own right. There’s one scene in particular that punctuates just what kind of effect exposure to Dominic Toretto has done for him not to mention what kind of badass he’s become in his own right. Picking up five years after the first film, the plot seems to run a little close to the plot of the second (2 FAST 2 CURIOUS), leading me to believe that this might have been mined from the original (and sadly abandoned) script to the sequel that got dumped when Vin priced himself out to go do CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK. With Vin out, the writers felt that it didn’t make sense to bring back Brewster or Rodriguez, thus they put together a film out of the remnants of what remained. Well, this could very well have been that second film. It sure as hell feels like it. While the continuity of the other two still exists here, it is far and away superior to both of those sad attempts. Everybody coming back works in this, especially Jordana Brewster who is mysteriously dressed as a Sunday school teacher and exists in a universe in which we’re supposed to believe that 20 guys a minute aren’t trying to hook up with her at any given time – leaving her nice and single for Paul Walker’s return. The film does a nice job of taking all of the previously unresolved emotions and amplifying them just right to pick up right where they left off. This is a true continuation rather than just a FURTHER ADVENTURES OF… film. That said, while it is a worthy sequel it isn’t as great as the original. It is fun and raucous with plenty of great moments, but it lacks the full power of the original – nothing unexpected with it being a sequel and all. But there’s nothing WRONG with it. Justin Lin does a great job here and fully redeems himself for the mess of the last film. I gave him a fairly rough go last time around, but this is a film more in tune with the talent we all saw from him early on. This movie is lean, mean and fires on all cylinders – and it is clear that a lot of that credit goes to Lin. Look, you pretty much know whether this is up your alley or not. But if you’re the type of guy who dug the hell out of the first film and looked at this trailer with hope and wonder whether it could recapture that old magic at all, know now that it does. It’s well worth seeing big and loud and with a rowdy crowd. Enjoy it. It’s one of those rare sequels that does exactly what it is supposed to. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
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  • April 3, 2009, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Interesting Factoid Re: Franchise Continuity...(?)

    by Merrick

    I agree with Massa's assessment whole heartedly. One interesting thing to watch out for in this film - which I'm surprised more people haven't tracked on-------------------> (**MINOR** spoiler ahead)---------------->There's a scene in this movie in which Vin Diesel's character says "goodbye" to his friend/cohort "Han". Vin asks Han what he's gonna do next...Han replies that he's heard of "some crazy shit going on in Tokyo". For those who don't recall, Han (played by Sung Kang in both this film and TOKYO DRIFT) is the *major character* who drafts Lucas Black in TOKYO DRIFT. Han dies in TOKYO DRIFT, the end of that film...we learn that Vin's character was "an old friend" of Han. SO...not only is this current film a very direct sequel to the first installment, it's actually a *prequel* to TOKYO DRIFT. I.e., when watched in sequence, the new movie is now part three and TOKYO DRIFT is now seamless Part IV. And...Vin's appearance at the end of TOKYO DRIFT (now Part IV) suggests something about the outcome of the final moments of this film (actually Part III). Interesting how ONE LITTLE LINE cross-connects so much, so seamlessly. OH, and...FIRST!!!

  • April 3, 2009, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I like Michelle Rodriguez...

    by BiggusDickus

    ...but I admit to being a little bit scared of her. Is this normal?

  • April 3, 2009, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Funny Quote from Garth over at Darkhorizons...

    by Judge Briggs

    Sums it up from his review: What's notable here though is the franchise's continued dalliance with subtext, or more specifically that fine line between macho posturing and gay enticement. Though only touched upon in the first and most coherent of the films, "2 Fast 2 Furious" brought the guys & gears genre out of the closet with Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson as ripped, sweaty buddies so into each other that when separated, all they could think about is getting back into the saddle of their big throbbing machines... not to mention their cars. Its innocent overtness is both hilarious and sweet, making it a hard film to hate.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:43 a.m. CST


    by lanalangsucks

    so it did

  • April 3, 2009, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Well this will make BIG money!

    by lanalangsucks

    like it or not

  • April 3, 2009, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Merrick's comment on franchise continuity makes me wonder

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    where George Lucas went so wrong.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:54 a.m. CST

    OK but the first one really WAS good...

    by Mr Gorilla

    Story was written enough that there were good situations - what with Walker being undercover etc. Once THAT cat is out of the bag, where do you go? Hope this is good...

  • April 3, 2009, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Jordana Brewster is smoking

    by palewook

    and a true sequel to F&F has my interest. One of the few movies in 09 I plan to see at the theater.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:58 a.m. CST


    by ABking

    This series is fun and all and I see this tonight, but ROCKY BALBOA and RAMBO had more to say than just action. I'm not sure this movie will. Vin Diesel is good in these kinds of films but he is a limited actor.

  • April 3, 2009, 11:05 a.m. CST

    So, the 1st isn't a "re-imagining" of Point Break?

    by Darth Macchio

    Cause outside of minor changes, it is the same movie. Maybe the sequel to Point Break can ape the latest quasi-se-pre-quel to F&F? And why is Michelle Rodriguez so pissed all the time? She's like Ice Cube...every picture I see if angry browed and furious. You shouldn't be angry! Anger leads to hate which leads to the dark side.

  • April 3, 2009, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Mass, correct. Good flick.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • April 3, 2009, 11:22 a.m. CST

    still looks boring as shit to me.

    by BMacSmith

  • April 3, 2009, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Who are the ad wizards...

    by wampa 1

    ...that came up with this one?

  • April 3, 2009, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Should have done this ages ago. Diesel needs a new agent.

    by dr sauch

    Vin Diesel is so great, he needs to pick better stuff. And Paul Walker is underrated.

  • April 3, 2009, 11:42 a.m. CST

    if the main characters all die in horrible horrible fire, I'll g

    by Iron-kong

  • April 3, 2009, 11:43 a.m. CST

    go see

    by Iron-kong

    I can never tell where the subject line cut off is. A little help?

  • April 3, 2009, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Ace of Wands is so cool it hurts.

    by dr sauch

    Get over yourself you little twerp. Try and enjoy stupid movies. Life will be that much brighter for you.

  • April 3, 2009, noon CST

    I would swallow Michelle Rodriguez's queefs

    by turketron

    Just thought I would share. Me seeing this movie is dependant on if some friends want to go. Only one I saw in a theater was the first one.<p><p> Btw, enjoyed Paul Walker in Running Scared.

  • April 3, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Never thought the movies looked good

    by Han Cholo

    They just looked like vanity projects for Diesel who at the time might have been slumming but went on to even worse fare. I can't believe people pay to see this shit. Talk about lowest common denominator. Sorry Wyrm, I usually agree with your reviews, except for Watchmen, but this looks like absolute shit and a half-assed attempt for Diesel and Walker to reclaim some semblance of their stardom. Though was Paul Walker ever really a star?

  • April 3, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Oh look..another retarded sexual inuendo from AICN

    by Nobody_Touches_Buddy_Revell

  • April 3, 2009, 12:16 p.m. CST

    learn something new

    by cahcat

    that bit about the cross franchise, I was curious seeing Han again, they really do care about the details. I saw a midnight show of Fast and Furious and had a good time. Lots of guys were there along for the ride. Nothing will top the first film, but this one does follow up quite nice. I love Vin, I loved the racing, It had me riled up. so the move took me on a fun ride, what more could I ask for. yup.

  • April 3, 2009, 12:35 p.m. CST

    He wanted 20 million as if he was TOM CRUISE!

    by ABking

    Vin had two hits -xXx and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS- and then thought he could just jump to demanding 20 million dollars as if he was CRUISE, SCHWARZENEGGER or STALLONE. That is what hurt him in Hollywood. Now he is forced to make sequels. Oh well...

  • April 3, 2009, 12:40 p.m. CST

    90% of AICN TB'ers probably don't even own cars

    by torontoxic

    ...let alone know how to drive a stick so its no wonder the appeal of these movies (the CARS) is lost on them. The plot should be lean. The lines should be kinda cheesy. They're called genre conventions, kids. The guy who fixes your step dads beemer expects them.

  • April 3, 2009, 12:43 p.m. CST



    Shitting in your eyeballs 2009

  • April 3, 2009, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Michelle Rodriguez in PRISON DYKE!!


    Where's Ludacris?

  • April 3, 2009, 2:45 p.m. CST

    MmmmMMMMmmmmm, ANAL...

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Rodriguez is one sexy seniorita!

  • April 3, 2009, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Fast and Furious movies are for idiots.

    by unclemeat

    Who think driving really fast and putting neon on their cars makes them macho. Fuck these guys.

  • April 3, 2009, 3:21 p.m. CST


    by MattmanReturns

    I dunno about Neon lights, but if you don't dig fast cars, I question your sexuality. Men are born liking fast cars, that's just a fact of life.

  • April 3, 2009, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Ever see the douchebags who trick out their cars?

    by Han Cholo

    These are the "people" movies like this are marketed to, in other words, the lowest common denominator. That and teenagers who eventually grow up to be said douchebags or want to be. But for the life of me I can't comprehend why someone would choose to look and act stupid with a similarly stupid looking car. <p> Ok I'm at fault too. I would like some nice rims and possibly a body kit to make my car look cooler but shit, I'm not gonna go paint it up all ugly and put Nitro and neon lights in it. The most I'll splurge for in the car itself is a nice radio but that's it.

  • April 3, 2009, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Neon cars look hilarious in normal settings

    by MattmanReturns

    Sure they look cool when they're in a street race (which happens... never)... but on a freeway they look dumb.

  • April 3, 2009, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Rodriguez Scissors

    by Frodo T. Baggins

    And Scissors Well

  • April 3, 2009, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Mass is the only Reviewer I listen to on this site or any site!

    by Darth_Kaos

    His taste is gold in my book. usually I don't follow what reviewers say about films, cause it's just an opinion (like ass-holes). With Mass his taste mirror my own, and even if I don't think it's right for me, he convinces me that it is.<br><br> I was waiting for his write up and now, I will see this movie.

  • April 3, 2009, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Darth_Kaos needs to look at more sites

    by Nobody_Touches_Buddy_Revell

    just sayin

  • April 3, 2009, 4:02 p.m. CST

    This movie is for meatheads and those

    by Dingbatty

    guys in the 90's who would never remove their baseball caps.

  • April 3, 2009, 4:04 p.m. CST

    2 Fast 2 Furious was the height of this series.

    by NinjaRap

    That movie was so gleefully fun, with the best racing sequence (no more racing in straight lines and no silly drifting - INTENSE COURSE ACTION), the best lead character chemistry (Brian and Roman are hilariously homoerotic with each other), the best villian (who doesn't love Cole Hauser? Espeically when he's inexplicably playing a Cuban?) and the best love interst (Eva Mendes > all). It was a complete blast, and sadly this mvoie seems to utterly ignore the events of that film and erase it from continuity, which is utterly tragic.

  • April 3, 2009, 4:05 p.m. CST

    So about the whole Han storyline...

    by nomihs

    If FatF is the defacto 3rd film, and Tokyo Drift is the fourth, what is the time frame between the two films, continuity wise? If Han says that he's heard some "crazy shit going on in Tokyo..", I'm a bit confused I guess. That, to me, suggests that he has connections, but not realistically the kind of operations we see in TD. Maybe I'm just wrong in my view, but I would prefer a bit more of a connection to link Han to both films. <p> Or perhaps I should just STFU and watch the damn movie.

  • April 3, 2009, 4:08 p.m. CST

    this movie is for suburban white gangsta rappers and

    by BMacSmith

    sluts that worship Paris Hilton. Does anybody even trick out ricers anymore?

  • April 3, 2009, 4:16 p.m. CST

    2 Fast 2 Curious

    by The Pusher

    Curious George discovers the magical world of underground street racing, and the only one who can stop his muscle car joyrides is The Man in the Yellow Hat. Featuring music from Jack Johnson.

  • April 3, 2009, 4:25 p.m. CST


    by Sal_Bando

    You know I'm right.

  • April 3, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Retarded shit.

    by Sappers Forward

    I really wish I was 14 again. Then maybe I'd like these movies. But unfortunately, they just suck. From the bad one liners to the totally fake/outrageous action scenes. I guess I'm just too old. But if I had to pick one thing that really grinds my gears, it would be the 1/4 mile races that seem to last for 4 or 5 miles. There are so many other technical aspects that these movies get wrong, it's just too painful to watch. Unless it's a free download...

  • April 3, 2009, 4:43 p.m. CST

    i wont pay to see this but i will sneek in for free

    by Broseph

  • April 3, 2009, 4:47 p.m. CST

    I liked Massawyrm's reviews

    by fordanjer

    until I read this.

  • April 3, 2009, 5:10 p.m. CST

    I usually agree...

    by BlueHawaiiSurfer

    with your reviews but in this case the movie is total crap. Oh PS...I haven't seen it. :o| Seriously. As far as Han goes he was born and raised in America and had a partnership with Takashi that isn't really fleshed out to much in the film. (stuff that happens before the kid comes to Japan) Dom talks about rolling with Han and how much he is like family. I read this "In the previous films the cars were fast. It's not until the fourth that we see the fury of these vehicles. Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto is back and he's out for revenge against the Dynasty drivers for kidnapping his daughter. It began 4 years before the first film took place, Toretto's back story is revealed and the connection between the Han Warrior Import Club is spiced up"

  • April 3, 2009, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Probably why they dropped numbering them.

    by Zardozap2005

  • April 3, 2009, 5:28 p.m. CST

    this movie was hilariously awesome

    by Gungan Slayer

    just like the rest of the series. Sheer utter stupidity with cars, babes and Paul Walker. What more could you want, right?

  • April 3, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Transporter 3 was shit.

    by bioforge

    At least one franchise has a bare idea what makes a decent sequel.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:06 p.m. CST

    Wrong again.


    This is just as bad as Tokyo Drift. Maybe worse. I couldn't believe how boring it was. The first action scene is great, the rest is just totally bland and they don't do ANYTHING with the characters. It all plays like one giant deleted scene. Ugh.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:47 p.m. CST

    Apparently there's hidden tunnel, the side of a cave from cali t

    by Orionsangels

    This movie was so ridiculous! I wanted to walk out. Speaking of walking. Paul Walker is the worst actor ever! Door knobs have more personality than this nimrod! Vin Diesel was like a robot. Just going from place to place spouting monotone phrases. He was the Iron Giant after all. The lack of compassion for life in this movie astounds me. The FBI knows an illegal race is going to take place on public streets. Where innocent people can die, not to mention the racers themselves. The FBI's solution? Let the race happen and let Paul Walker go undercover and help causing these potential accidents, in which the accidents are so horrific we can only assume two racers die. But whatever. The race goes on. No police, whatever. It's the fantasy land of Fast and Furious. Where cars pop wheels and races look like an Xbox360 game. This movie is already in my top 5 worst movies of 2009.

  • April 3, 2009, 10:48 p.m. CST

    o mexico

    by Orionsangels

  • April 3, 2009, 10:53 p.m. CST

    The side of a mountain not cave.

    by Orionsangels

    See, watching fast and furious makes you dumb.

  • April 4, 2009, 1:12 a.m. CST

    Line of the Movie

    by tallsy

    I wonder if "I appreciate good bodywork no matter what the make" will become this generations "My taste includes both snails and oysters." Maybe people think Vin Diesel's a better actor in these movies because Paul Walker is handicapped by liking girls.

  • April 4, 2009, 3:57 a.m. CST

    That dark horizons quote...

    by Y282

    ...sounds like the sort of thing a bloke who's scared of the outside world would say.

  • April 4, 2009, 7:08 a.m. CST


    by unclemeat

    You're almost right. Men are born liking fast cars, and then at some point they evolve. Or at least they are supposed to... If I were 13, then maybe I'd be there watching this movie.

  • April 4, 2009, 9:47 a.m. CST

    I want to see this, but I want a review, not

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    an article stating how much this movie is good, but it doesn't give a reason why. It's not that hard to give a spoiler free review. Sorry Wyrm. I ususally enjoy your reviews (some of the best actually), but as this is not, there's nothing to enjoy this time around.

  • April 4, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    30 fucking million day one!!

    by antonphd

    Vin Diesel is back and more Riddick is most certainly on the way!! Thank God!

  • April 4, 2009, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Fa5t and Furiou5

    by Jesiah

    They better show Lucas Black in the beginning beating Vin Diesel (or at least alluding to it). He did ok and kept the franchise going. And what about Eva Mendes? She was the hottest chic in the franchise imo. What's she waiting for? Ghost Rider 2? Stuck On You Harder?

  • April 4, 2009, 9:55 p.m. CST

    All I want 2 know is where's DEVON AOKI???

    by maxxsterling

  • April 4, 2009, 10:39 p.m. CST

    30 Million Means That Vin Diesel Is Back!!!

    by Media Messiah

    Hello to another two Riddick films, but hopefully this time they will be filmed back to back at the same time!!!

  • April 5, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    These movies

    by Cujo_Fugate

    are for idiots. If you actually went to see any of these movies in the theater or bought any of them on DVD or even fucking rented them from Blockbuster you should be prevented from reproducing.

  • April 5, 2009, 4:03 a.m. CST

    Cujo_Fugate - relax man

    by antonphd

    do you fuck? drink? smoke? take naps? swim? hike? lie on the beach? there isn't a film that has been made that is better than the beach. not one single film ever. if you can't enjoy a simple pleasure like a movie about fast cars, that's ok. but you don't have to broadcast what a douche you are over it. let people enjoy what they can enjoy.

  • April 5, 2009, 4:15 a.m. CST

    $71 Million -- Biggest April opening EVER

    by Big Dumb Ape

    Well, apparently someone out there really wanted to see this!<p>

  • April 5, 2009, 6:01 a.m. CST

    these movies have always been dumb fun

    by redfist

    nothing wrong with that. They arent trying to be anything more.

  • April 5, 2009, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Tokyo Drift

    by MRJONZ72

    Was pretty good I found it surprisesd, I liked it...rewatched 2 Fast 2 Furious last night for the first time since it came out, to me it still the only weak point of the series..not saying it's terrible but definetly a lot weaker than the other 3.

  • April 5, 2009, 8:42 a.m. CST

    by MRJONZ72

    and why am I finding Michelle Rodiquez kinda hot all of a sudden.

  • April 5, 2009, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Not sure it was Vin Diesel or The Fast and Furious..

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    title that brought in that $70 million + opening. I kinda have to believe it was the title and the reuniting of the the original cast.<p>I doubt Vin can still open movies big nor do anyone care about his ass!

  • April 5, 2009, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Too much tunnel rubbish, otherwise loved it.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • April 5, 2009, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Oh, and not enough lesbo kissing.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • April 5, 2009, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Speaking of gay subtext....

    by haddock

    its funny that people have picked up on the homeerotic undertones in this series. I was talking to an old buddy who works in the SFX end of the business, I asked what the big effect was going to be or something lame like that, he replied that the big effect was hiding Vin Disel's homosexuality...I never would have thunk it, but there are probably a ton of closeted flamers no one knows about.

  • April 5, 2009, 11:28 p.m. CST

    nomihs- the Han scene

    by TheSecondQuest

    The opening sequence that includes Han seems to be set sometime prior to the events that we first find Paul Walker in during the movie, as Michelle's character, at the very least, needed some time to contact Walker's character and go undercover, while Vin's character needed to relocate and set up shop in Panama City. Presumably that time gap + the unspecified time between the end of this movie and the start of Tokyo Drift allow Han to get to where he is in that movie- perhaps even longer if Vin had time to race around Europe or Asia or wherever they said he was.

  • April 6, 2009, 1:12 a.m. CST


    by Cujo_Fugate

    what you wrote makes no sense. You're a fucking idiot. Your unintelligible writing is a perfect reflection of your sloppy brain. Please promise to have your balls massively irradiated so the millions of tiny little retarded sperm in your cock-sack never have the chance to fertilize an equally retarded egg thus producing another drooling slob who will pay his/her hard-earned money he/she made sucking cock at the bus stop so they can watch a high-quality actor like Vin Diesel drive a fancy Dodge Neon up and down the fucking street.

  • April 6, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Vin Diesel will start demanding $20 million per movie again.

    by Leafar the Lost

    Now that the "Fast and Furious" has made 71 million in it's opening weekend, Vin Diesel will go back to demanding $20 million per picture. Hell, this time he will demand $25 million per movie. He can tell Hollywood that he can deliver a minimum of $70 million a movie, and he deserves at least 1/3 of that.