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Ted's Football Emporium gives us a look at the test screening for NINJA ASSASSIN!!!

Published at:  Apr 02, 2009 3:02:25 PM CDT

SPOILER ALERT !!

Harry here and fucking dying to see NINJA ASSASSIN! This sounds like waiting to get on that SHINING elevator! I can't wait! I really really really want to see this movie. What about you?





Harry and crew,

Just got back from a screening of NINJA ASSASSIN, the new James McTeigue film. Produced by Joel Silver and the Wachowskis. Sold yet? If you weren't sold by the title alone, then you have issues. Ninjas. You hear me? I've had reviews posted before, one very recently, so I figured why not send another your way. That, plus I'm scared ninjas will come after me and slice me in half if I don't.

Let me tell you this, the horror genre should be ashamed of itself. There was so much blood in this movie, it made me question if my body actually has all the blood I saw spilling out of the bodies on screen. Recent horror movies have been sub par. Ninja Assassin paints a way to fix that. Just add more blood. The movie should have been called Blood and Violence. Better yet, Blood and More Blood. Ninja Assassin FUCKING RULES.

I don't scare easily, but I'm kind of freaking out right now. If you're familiar with Robert Hamburger's epic novel REAL Ultimate Power: A Guide to Ninjas, then you will love this movie. If you are not familiar, you will still love this movie. I haven't seen so much violence on screen since Planet Terror or Scarface. Planet Terror was way over the top, and while I don't care for it too much, I have to give Rodriguez props for the amount of blood he spilled. Imagine Oren-Ishii beheading the guy that mouthed off to her at the table, holding his head as blood just gushed the fuck out of his neck in Kill Bill. Now imagine that, but more realistic happening to every fucking person that dies. I wasn't able to keep up on the body count, but I'm confident in saying that there were well over a 100 deaths.

I'll review the movie, SPOILERS BELOW! <>


The movie opens with a tattoo artist giving some gang punk some ink on his back. The punk is whiny about it, crying like a bitch that it hurts to much. The old, wise artist goes on to explain that tattoos show how a man lived his life, the journey he took, etc. The punk asks if he has any tattoos, which the old man does. One right over his heart, a ninja slicing a sword where a giant scar is. The man goes on to say that he had seen "one" once. He won't even utter the word. Ninja. The punk and his friends laugh at the old man, mocking him with the word - ninja, ninja, ninja! An envelope arrives, in it is just black sand. Proceed to the bloodiest opening of movie I have ever seen. Ninjas are the fucking shit. Left and right, bodies are sliced in half. Limbs are cut off. Ninja stars are flying everywhere. If there is darkness, there are ninjas in it. They move in and out of the darkness like ghosts. I have never shit myself in a theatre before, but I almost did out of glee because I knew what I was in for.

Cue the plot of the movie which has to happen to move the story along. Two Interpol agents are working on a case of someone that has mysteriously died. They are brilliantly played by Naomie Harris as Mika, the black chick, and Ben Miles as Douchebag, P.I. (his name was Ryan according to IMDB, but I never heard it). I was being sarcastic when I said brilliant. Epic douche chills whenever they were on screen. Mika wasn't as bad as her co-star. Here's the deal. Mika, is working this case when she comes across some shit that leads her to believe someone was killed by ninjas, and there is 100,000 in Euros floating around or some bullshit. The plot sucked, but Joe Public needs their fucking story laid out in front of them or they don't get it. Apparently, they think there is some ninja clan taking little kids and training them to be full blown assassins. Well gee, they couldn't be more fucking right.

Rain, an actor whom I have never seen pwns this movie. He plays Raizo, orphan turned death machine. In the first 45 min of the film we cut back and forth with Raizo training to be a ninja, with the glue that is Mika and her obsession to find out what happened to this 100,000 in Euros. I'm dropping the subplot of the Euros now, because they did it in the movie too, but just dragged it out. Hold on for some awesomeness.

We see Raizo, held against his will as he is trained by his "father" - the leader of the Nine Clans. Raizo is one of many young children being trained. He learns the ways on the ninja, while so, falling for a girl who is the same age and training with him. Don't remember her name, sorry. She doesn't live too long anyways, so screw it. Raizo develops a bit of a problem with another student who he is training with. Long story short, his problem buddy end up killing his love interest when she is caught trying to escape the training ground.

Mature Raizo, in his twenties is mysteriously given ( AND NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED ) picture of Mika. Holy shit, he's gonna kill this bitch! No. FAIL. Mika goes home to find that the lights have been cut off for three blocks in her neighborhood. BItch, if there are people, waiting outside your apartment complex, and you have been busy at work all day tracking motherfucking ninjas, are you going to go in your dark apartment? Of course she does. Christ. Dumb broads. So, shit for brains Mika goes on up to her pitch black apartment for god knows what reason ( NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED ) and is of course attacked by a ninja! Holy shit! Raizo was sent to kill her! No. Raizo was sent to SAVE HER - (insert epic YUCK here). Raizo slices some motherfucking ninja ass apart... in her apartment, and escapes with her. So now we have Mika (the plot) and Raizo (epic awesomeness) together.

Raizo and Mika go, they exchange stories as what they are each looking for. Mika wants to know where these Euros are, Raizo, tells her she is basically dead unless she does what he says. There are some comedic moments which the audience laughed at, including myself, involving Mika's pants size. Raizo and Mika hit it off, so it's obvious that there is a romance blooming. Mika learns that Raizo left the clan/cult he was in and is looking for revenge. Awesome right? Mika tells Raizo she can help him by calling Douchebag, P.I. Raizo agrees, and is obviously trapped by the Douche and the Interpol/Special Forces. The amount of people it takes to trick one Ninja is unbelievable. They capture Raizo like a dog, literally.

So now, we're holed up in some hidden building the Douche, P.I. is running. Mika is pissed she was double crossed by Douchey P.I., and Raizo is chained the fuck down to a wall. Fuck the story, here come ninjas. Thirsty for Raizo's blood. They've been searching for him for years, and now they know where he is. Another epic death scene. Agents bodies being sliced in half, limbs everywhere. Mika helps Raizo escape, but only after turning into every character that has ever had to turn a key in a horror movie. Holy fucking shit, we get it. People get nervous, and they drop their keys. I wouldn't think that an AGENT would be scared shitless and dropping her keys when trying to pull handcuffs off someone. I swear to god, if I could punch film and hurt it, I fucking would. Raizo and Mika escape, EPIC awesome escape sequence. Ninjas fighting on the highway, one of the best HOLY SHIT moments I've seen recently, and bam, onto the third act.

Raizo gets captured by his old clan. Mika plants a special tracking device in him. Here comes the epic fucking battle. ONE, with a SWAT team storming the ninja clan's hideout, 2. an awesome fight between master vs sensei. I have never seen a ninja face Hummers, machine guns or rocket launchers. Until tonight. I witnessed the most over the top violent ending to a movie ever. Mika is killed, thank god, Raizo kills his master, after an EPIC battle.



END SPOILERS.


The movie fucking ruled.

I learned two things. One, ninjas live in the darkness. Two, ninjas will kill the fuck out of me. I couldn't have been happier leaving the theatre. Watching ninjas move in the shadows was amazing. Overall, I give the movie a B+. Rain stole the show. The blood and violence stole the show. I'm scared for my fucking life because of ninjas. I'm going to suck on a bar of xanax and finish they glass of whiskey I poured. I could not be happier that I drove out to watch this movie. Yes, it had it's issues, but when it comes down to it, I was happy that I was just spoon fed an abundance of violence and blood. I'll be there again opening weekend... with a flashlight.

Sleeping with the lights on, if you use this call me, this time,

TED'S FOOTBALL EMPORIUM.

And if you talk-backers bitch about my spelling or use of words again, i'll send a fucking ninja after you.


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    Readers Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:07:37 PM CDT

    Cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

    by ninjarap

    Fucking 'A.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:09:22 PM CDT

    god I wanted to jump from treetop to treetop...

    by flickapoo

    ...I was a kid. Also, I wanted to run very fast bent over double without moving my arms. And I wanted to leap straight up into tree branches without bending my legs first. And slice people in half of course...and have the two halves hang there for a while before falling. Oh, to be a fucking ninja.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:10:29 PM CDT

    I keep waiting for the punchline.

    by stryder

    I honestly can't wrap my head around a studio throwing money at these guys to make a movie called NINJA ASSASSIN that isn't a complete parody. I'll be the first to admit that I had a ton of fun with Speed Racer and I'm sure I'll at least rent this too once the trailer shows up, but... Seriously, a movie about ninjas in this day and age? Where's Michael Dudikoff when you need him?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:10:38 PM CDT

    And I wanted those cameltoe foot wrap things.

    by flickapoo

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:10:58 PM CDT

    Can't Wait

    by infantfinite8

    I Love Ninjas, bring it on!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:12:23 PM CDT

    So, will it be rated PG 13?

    by derlanghaarige

    He didn't say anything about the violence in that movie.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:13:12 PM CDT

    Right on....

    by travis-dane

    we NEED more Ninja movies.How about a new American Ninja movie? RIP Steve James.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:13:29 PM CDT

    "Fuck the story, here come ninjas."

    by fiester

    This should be the tagline of the movie.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:14:34 PM CDT

    I was so indoctrinated by Japanese animation...

    by flickapoo

    ...as a kid that I would wait for bad weather...cold, rainy, whatever and then run around and kick trees and other hard objects barefoot...because in the cartoons that sort of physical suffering ALWAYS turns you into a badass. It's a wonder my parents didn't have me committed.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:16:14 PM CDT

    Fuck pirates, the time of the NINJAS COME BACK!

    by roketopunch

    Tell us when it is coming out. I loved the ninja films in the 80s
    and it's well overdue for a live action rejuvenation. Ninjas rule
    over pirates. I'm sold 100% on this.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:20:04 PM CDT

    this guy has to be a plant...

    by andyny29

    the greatest martial arts movie was crouching tiger hidden dragon.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:21:17 PM CDT

    And yeah, this reviewer sounds like a moron, but...

    by derlanghaarige

    ...he was right about the Ninjas. Ninjas fucking rule! Uwe Boll's IN THE NAME OF THE KING has Ninjas and while I know lots of people who hate the movie, I don't know anybody who doesn't love the scene with Ninjas!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:21:18 PM CDT

    Once you go black you never go back...ALIVE!

    by cenobite

    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=qdS5lkeN8_8

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:22:16 PM CDT

    But does this movie has NONJAS?

    by derlanghaarige

    "Was that a Ninja?" "More like a Nonja." Seriously, this line had me rolling on the floor.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:27:46 PM CDT

    Goddamn

    by james westfall

    Ted's Football Emporium you had me at "Swear to god, if I could punch film and hurt it, I fucking would."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:28:36 PM CDT

    pwn? this movie sounds dumb.

    by haterofcrap

    probably seen it all before in anime, which is where the wachowskis lift all their ideas.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:29:20 PM CDT

    "The movie fucking ruled... buuuut...

    by vanchimera

    ... I'll give it a B+. So wait, is B+ the top of the food chain now, because I thought "ruled" meant "the best."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:33:36 PM CDT

    We need a good NINJA movie! All these comics

    by hollywoodhellraiser

    films have really taken away from this once glorious genre!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:34:43 PM CDT

    "Cue the plot of the movie which has to happen to move the story

    by d.vader

    ""Cue the plot of the movie which has to happen to move the story along."" The most OBVIOUS GODDAMN statement EVER. Who is this writer, Harry?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:39:15 PM CDT

    Anyone see that douchbag Tatum Channing in..

    by hollywoodhellraiser

    that obvious rip of LionHeart and Fight Club???What even sadder is Terrence Howard is in it. How could someone that good(acting-wise) fallen so far? Plus he looks to be channelling that black guy role in LionHeart! LOL

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:45:24 PM CDT

    Flickapoo

    by dingbatty

    their footwear are called tabi (or jika-tabi in the movies which are more shoe-like).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:45:25 PM CDT

    Sounds fucking awesome.

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    DAmn, I read it. So probably not first.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:47:39 PM CDT

    SPEED RACER FUCKING OWNS

    by kief_ledger

    anyone who thinks otherwise has absolutely zero nerd taste and doesn't belong on this site.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:47:51 PM CDT

    "This Movie Rules = B+"

    by shepard wong

    I would like to introduce the writer of this review to my friend, the A. It's a grade given to truly outstanding work. Obviously, you never got one for your writing but it's sad to think that on your best day, in your best subject, you were never better than a B+. Today I give you your first A, for effort and enthusiasm. Sure it's really just a pity A, but you've got to start somewhere. Is it guys like this in focus groups film makers listen to and ruin movies with great opinions like 'more blood equals more gooder movie'?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:51:03 PM CDT

    This review is covered in leaves

    by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    As much as i want to believe it because we need a good new action movie and star, this review sounds a bit too planty mcplant plant...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:56:26 PM CDT

    NINJA ASSASSIN...for your NINJA ASS!!!

    by mrmysteryguest

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:57:47 PM CDT

    Starring a cameo by Steven Seagal as COCKPUNCHER!

    by mrmysteryguest

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 3:58:40 PM CDT

    ZOMBIES VS. NINJAS!!!

    by mrmysteryguest

    Sequel!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:25:34 PM CDT

    Why not Ninja Submarine Commander?

    by melvin_pelvis

    for the last time
    Ninjas ARE Assassins
    So the title is thupid

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:32:00 PM CDT

    Forget The Wachowskis, James McTeigue, Is A Great Director

    by media messiah

    I'm not interested at all in this movie, but James McTeigue is a truly great director who should be considered to be one of the elite A-list directors, at least, he has that kind of potential!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:36:35 PM CDT

    Police Academy 3 had Ninjas!

    by derlanghaarige

    Or 4. Maybe both.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:37:24 PM CDT

    Although...

    by fuzzinate it

    I have to say that this write-up read more like a plot synopsis than a review.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:38:03 PM CDT

    This vs Wolverine

    by cranga

    I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but how come AICN is willing to run a review of this test screening but not reviews for Wolverine? Neither are ready for mainstream release yet, so what's the difference?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:43:08 PM CDT

    "the plot of the movie which has to happen to move the story alo

    by prof_ender

    Thanks, moron. Because no one knows what a plot does. -_-

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:54:48 PM CDT

    great...

    by lex romero

    ..another "i'm just going to tell you teh plot of the film and throw in a few hyperbolic dfescriptions that don't actually tell you anything about the quality of the film" review.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 4:57:37 PM CDT

    CRanga

    by cinemanimetal

    Its because Ninja Assassin was actually screened by the studio in a theater whereas Wolverine was leaked onto the internet and illegally downloaded.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:05:57 PM CDT

    Reviewer wishes he was Vern or Neil Cumpton

    by raw_bean

    Actually just came across as a retard. Still waiting on a review of this film that's worth reading.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:07:07 PM CDT

    I hate the title too....

    by infantfinite8

    But god damn, we need more Ninja movies, especially ones set in modern times, those are the best. Look, I consider the original Ninja Turtles film to be the best Ninja movie ever, then again I'm a huge turtle fan, but we still need ninjas on the big screen. For some reason they have be absent for many years, but hopefully this movie puts the "ninja craze" back into motion and we start getting some nice movies.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:09:35 PM CDT

    Ninja Lieutenant

    by d.vader

    Will he get promoted?!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:15:31 PM CDT

    Shô Kosugi returns!!!! NO FUCKING JOKE!

    by lornsorrow

    I was looking at IMDB on the cast list for this film, and there he is, the man, the real deal (or as close to the real things as we ever got)Shô Kosugi as Lord Ozunu. Now, all I can say is HOLY FUCKING NIJNA CRAP!! For those of you who, like me, grew up in the 80's during the whole Ninja craze and were a part of it, this is a big fucking deal (yeah, I had the uniform, and was heavily reading books by Stephen K. Hayes and other martial arts dudes back then, but that's not really my point). I read a few years ago at IMDB that SHO was supposed to be in a up and coming Ninja film. Well, I waited and it looked like it was never going to happen. Then it turned out to be this! I can't tell you how fucking happy this makes me. Time to break out the old some of the old Shô Kosugi films, and I still wish that Pray for Death (1985) would officially make it to dvd!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:16:42 PM CDT

    IT WONT BE AS GOOD AS NINJA 3 THE DOMINATION!!!FACT!!!

    by thefuckingcreepythinman

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:19:03 PM CDT

    Kief_Ledger, SPEED RACER DOES INDEED FUCKING OWN!!!FACT!!!

    by thefuckingcreepythinman

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:31 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:32 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:33 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:34 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:35 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:35 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:36 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:36 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:39 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:39 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:39 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:40 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:40 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:40 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:23:41 PM CDT

    Reviews!

    by laraz

    Check out my reviews for the best and latest in film, myspace url is www.myspace.com/martinjunior84 i hope you all enjoy and if you got a myspace account add me as a friend all are welcome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:27:10 PM CDT

    And Laraz gets banned again

    by d.vader

    What an idiot.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 5:43:37 PM CDT

    I almost freaked out reading this review

    by dr sauch

    For some reason I had it in my head that this was an adaptation of Ninja Scroll, and I was like "where is Jubei?"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 6:14:41 PM CDT

    Best Ninja Flick

    by ultrakev69

    What in your honest opnion is the best ninja flick. I have fairly fond memories of Sakura Killers from when I were a lad.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 6:22:30 PM CDT

    Hey larazzzzzzzzzz

    by jub3i

    Go fuck your mother, OK?Oh, and this sounds INCREDIBLE. I hope ninjas go after laraz next. Fucking spammers suck donkey dick.Bring on the trailer -- like, now.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 6:24:30 PM CDT

    Best Ninja Flick

    by jub3i

    Partial to Enter the Ninja, myself.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 6:26:07 PM CDT

    Nightmare Scenario

    by sloanist

    Can you imagine if you were as pathetic as Laraz? Honestly, I would kill myself. That would be the honorable thing to do.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 6:27:03 PM CDT

    By the way, Laraz, I read your review just now

    by yackbacker

    And you're a monkey with a keyboard, fatty. Go offline for 5 years and come back when you're 1) less fatty and 2) literate.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 7:18:01 PM CDT

    Ninja 3: the domination...

    by samuraiyao

    That golf scene is all I needed to see to keep my sanity and subconscious..

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 7:27:44 PM CDT

    Why is AICN running this?

    by whinynegativebitch

    Its illegal for them to share this information, it will cost my friends jobs and the film in unfinished.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 8:15:12 PM CDT

    Shô Kosugi, IF he in this then I'm there!

    by hollywoodhellraiser

    Hell I was going to see this anyways!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 9:09:11 PM CDT

    Reveng of Laraz!

    by laraz

    YackBacker I will not lower to your level of stupidity & I am just as literate as your thought process and any of AICN'S reviews. Go ahead and hate it doesnt phase me, I have gotten over 2 thousand hits on my blog in the past two days! So your comment at me being DUH? Is not factual or relevant! Sloanist at least I have a stride in life to do something postive? What do you do, pick on people, someone like you is better off never being born, much less killing themselfs. You should really get some help or talk to someone, because anybody that lets there anger out on a talk back in a hateful way is just lonely and has not life! Jub3i you have to go with the mother jokes, you are below lame and sick to bring anyones mother in to a joke! I feel sorry for you as a human being and with that comment you have set the clock back on humanity 200 years. By the way a Ninja cant FUCK with me, I'm a samuri BITCH! D.Vader it's whatever call me stupid, hell at least you aint mean about it! So hater go on and hate, I am not made at you, got nothing for love for you, do your thing!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 9:41:00 PM CDT

    WhinyNegativeBitch

    by headgeek

    because this was a test screening - where they showed the film to an audience. And we do cover those, not bootleg screeners of out of date prints of movies from 3 months ago that has had 3 weeks of additional shooting and a lot of editing done. WOLVERINE has always been a very troubled project... We've reported that - and Fox actually gave the film back to the director and financed additional shoots. That's the version I'm waiting to hear about.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 9:52:36 PM CDT

    Dont have to explain the movie in detail to review it

    by awkwardavenue

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 9:58:09 PM CDT

    Fuck off laraz you bitch

    by outlawsdelejos

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:02:34 PM CDT

    Car for sale! Car for sale! Car for sale!

    by outlawsdelejos

    Hey Laraz wanna by a car? I happen to have a car for sale! Is this an inappropriate forum to propagate such a sale? WHY YES IT IS!!!! CAR FOR SALE!!! CAR FOR SALE!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:02:55 PM CDT

    Car for sale! Car for sale! Car for sale!

    by outlawsdelejos

    Hey Laraz wanna by a car? I happen to have a car for sale! Is this an inappropriate forum to propagate such a sale? WHY YES IT IS!!!! CAR FOR SALE!!! CAR FOR SALE!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:03:19 PM CDT

    Car for sale! Car for sale! Car for sale!

    by outlawsdelejos

    Hey Laraz wanna by a car? I happen to have a car for sale! Is this an inappropriate forum to propagate such a sale? WHY YES IT IS!!!! CAR FOR SALE!!! CAR FOR SALE!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:04:07 PM CDT

    raw_bean...

    by kjl451

    Never heard of Vern or Neil Cumpton. That peaks my interest. They must be fucking awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:06:35 PM CDT

    no subject

    by augi

    I've read some light-spoiler reviews of Ninja Assassin at
    http://www.collider.com/entertainment/news/article.asp?aid=11156&tcid=1

    &
    http://thewrongstuff.wordpress.com/2009/03/05/early-review-ninja-assassin-2009/

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:08:54 PM CDT

    Shepard Wong...

    by kjl451

    Just cause the movie rules doesn't mean it deserves an 'A.' According to the review it was a work print. So eat a bag of dicks and wait til the final cut. It'll still be fucking awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:22:16 PM CDT

    annoying fake geek Plant bullshit review

    by pipergates

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:33:33 PM CDT

    Reveng On Laraz

    by bottombrick

    Laraz, I am twice as literate as your thought process and any of AICN'S reviews. Go ahead and spam it doesnt phase me, obviously your mama had over 2 thousand hits on her bong while you were in utero! Our comments at you being DUH? Is both factual or relevant! Since your stride in life is being a moron someone like you is better off never being born, much less killing themselfs. You should really get some help or talk to someone, because anybody that tries to remove the anger out from a talk back is just lonely and has not life! Laraz you are below lame and sick to bring anyones mother in to a joke! I feel sorry for you as a human being and with that comment you have set the clock back on humanity 200 years. Besides, Yo mama so fat when she put on guess jeans, the answer popped out. By the way I know a Ninja cant FUCK with you because you are a samuri's BITCH, and a ninja won't fuck with another guy's kool-aid. Hey don't be made at me, I'm a talkbacker just doing my thang!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 10:39:05 PM CDT

    so Harry won't watch the workprint to compare?

    by nooneimportant

    it's worth watching just to compare what changed and what was made better! But Harry won't do that because he has movie morals and stuff.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 02, 2009 11:52:11 PM CDT

    Love the Jimmy Norton reference

    by darth_gonz

    Ted's _________ Emporium is one of the best gags on radio today, satellite or otherwise.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 12:26:25 AM CDT

    laraz

    by jub3i

    You say I set mankind back or some stupid shit like that, but yet, you, sir, are a fucking spammer. As an internet user, you barely rank above child pornographers.Like I said, go fuck your mother -- although, I doubt she'd stoop low enough to fuck a spammer... But, she did have you, so there's that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 2:10:04 AM CDT

    I couldn't follow that review but-

    by sonnyfern

    -I'm down for ninja shit!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 2:13:09 AM CDT

    Ninja rap

    by cuervojones

    I say YES to ninja movies.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 2:17:16 AM CDT

    Those ninja movies in the 80s were the days

    by toby_fn_wong

    American Ninja, Ninja 3 The Domination, Enter The Ninja.
    And who can forget the awesome TV show Ninja Master starring Lee Van Cleef. Release it already.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 2:51:28 AM CDT

    HOW CAN YOU JUDGE A MOVIE ON A TEST SCREENING?

    by silentbobafett2

    Seems a bit out of order to me

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 2:55:09 AM CDT

    speed racer FUCKING SUCKED

    by motoko kusanagi

    Fuck the Wachowski sisters!James McTeigue on the other hand = movie gold.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 7:06:17 AM CDT

    Ninja v Wakowskis = Movie fried gold

    by col. tigh-fighter

    I always loved American Ninja. The black dude rocked. Need moar ninjaz nowwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 7:20:51 AM CDT

    SPEED RACER >>>>>>> T2: OLD ROBOYELLER

    by laserpants

    Search your OOOOOOOZEEEEEEEEE NEIN MILLAMETAH, you know it to be true.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 8:33:07 AM CDT

    "The new James McTeigue film...

    by -guyinthebackrow

    ... produced by Joel Silver and the Wachowskis. Sold yet?" Are you drunk? No. I am very far from being sold.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 8:36:27 AM CDT

    Best Ninja Movie?

    by big_daddy_nero

    Someone asked what was the best Ninja movie.. I would have to say Super Ninjas .. that thing was just epic. Dang, it has been so long since I have seen it, I need to go find that thing on DVD right now! Just pure awesomeness!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 8:52:17 AM CDT

    Er, AICN - TEST SCREENINGS ALWAYS have incomplete fx

    by silentbobafett2

    temp music and is different from the final cut. I THINK IT'S DISGUSTING YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A POSSIBLE NON-FINISHED PRODUCT!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 8:52:50 AM CDT

    OH AND HARRY: WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT AOTC WORKPRINT?

    by silentbobafett2

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 9:47:50 AM CDT

    Is the reviewer 13 years old?

    by dhaemon

    I never heard a grown up get excited about buckets of blood spewing from the bodies of dead people.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 10:10:14 AM CDT

    Motoko Kusanagi sucks

    by removed_user

    If Ghost in the Shell was even half as good as The Matrix or Speed Racer maybe you'd have something.

    Eat an entire bag of baby dicks, choke on them, and burn in hell for all eternity you tasteless bitch.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 10:12:41 AM CDT

    This Movie isn't about Ninjas

    by slaphappy slim

    No one's ever made a film (or TV show, or comic, etc.) that accurately portrays who and what the ninja were in real life. Far from a bunch of ruthless bloodthirsty murderers or the campy cartoon characters they are always portrayed as. That's the movie I'll wait my whole life for and never get.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 10:14:27 AM CDT

    Melvin Pelvis

    by slaphappy slim

    You're a retard. Ninja does not equal assassin. Do some fucking research on the authentic martial art and how it came to be.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 11:43:05 AM CDT

    I fear Ninjews

    by judge_dredd

    They are more deadly.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 12:46:39 PM CDT

    We don't want your Ninja Assassin Reviews!

    by jambone

    Just kidding, we actually do, because we can justify it anyway we want to, and there's nothing you can do about it. Besides, it is a test screening, so you are allowed to report on test screenings even though they sometimes have you sign a waiver and your ticket had a disclaimer on it saying you were not supposed to report on it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 3:29:30 PM CDT

    my friends and I used to watch the old Sho Kosugi

    by smackfu

    ninja films like mad when we were kids. Looking forward to seeing a nice, pointless, retarded film with ninjas flipping around and disappearing in smoke bombs and shit.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:03:10 PM CDT

    Do not bring your ninja evil here...

    by mrmysteryguest

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:03:59 PM CDT

    GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!!!

    by mrmysteryguest

    Ahhh...Vanilla Ice! LMAO

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:06:07 PM CDT

    Speed Racer was GARBAGE

    by thewaqman

    The same people praising Speed Racer are the Matrix 2 and 3 apologists. Look guys! It was so deep and philosophical! Way too ahead of it's time. Speed Racer was fucking terrible.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:06:59 PM CDT

    Never understood the love Speed Racer gets here....

    by thewaqman

    seriously some of you guys are fucked in the head. Almost as strange as the reviewer. Seriously could anybody make it through the entire review here? I had to give up half-way.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:07:43 PM CDT

    LOL GITS fucking destroys Speed Racer moron

    by thewaqman

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 4:53:16 PM CDT

    Sweet Sweet Irony

    by tedkordlives

    Gotta love it. NINO!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 03, 2009 8:26:46 PM CDT

    TheWaqman

    by removed_user

    "Never understood the love Speed Racer gets here..."

    We'll just add that to the incredibly long list of things that you'll never understand.

    "LOL GITS fucking destroys Speed Racer moron"

    Sure it does. Just like Pokemon destroys The Matrix. Go watch your anime, you twenty-something virgin. You obviously know jack-shit about cinema.

    "Look guys! It was so deep and philosophical!"

    Look guys! It's some dumbshit kid who couldn't understand the Matrix sequels! So he's mocking art with depth! That hardly ever happens here at AICN. Next time, make sure that you call them "pretentious" too. That's usually the word used by those that want to dismiss something that they're too stupid to understand. Then you'll be 100% cliché instead of just 98%.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 04, 2009 1:47:26 PM CDT

    The bar has been set

    by arghh

    I hope Ninja Assassin has Ninja scenes at least half as awesome as those in Curse of the Golden Flower

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 04, 2009 2:07:25 PM CDT

    RAIN, the Korean lead actor is..

    by moviemo

    The guy playing the main role is an R&B singer and actor, which as paradoxical as it sounds, actually works because his vocals are smooth even in Korean and I'm not Korean. This guy has more soul and style than our American wannabe Justin Timberlake (Rain's like an Asian Usher). He worked his body out to the max to look damn scuplted, and I just hope the movie is as rockin as it's hot lead actor, even though Speed Racer was ludicrous fun.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 06, 2009 11:46:08 AM CDT

    hard to argue with this review

    by frietag

    Because of the ninjas.

    Reply to Talkback

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