Citizen Kong Says CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE Is 'anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane', with 'boobs in virtually every scene'!!

Merrick here...
I'm really looking forward to this one.
Here's Citizen Kong...

The reason I'm writing: I thought I'd share my thoughts on Crank: High Voltage with you and your readers, which I've seen in a press screening in Germany today. English is not my first language so be nice if there are some mistakes in this review. Ok, first of all, do you remember the set photos of Amy Smart with the nipple bandaids and the golden shorts? She's running around like that for half of the movie. And she's got a smoking hot striptease scene that is oh so short and yet so delicious (And there's ANOTHER public sex scene with Chelios too). So that alone warrants the ticket price. But aside from that, how's Crank: High Voltage? Well, pretty fucking good, actually. If you loved the first one, (which was, in my opinion, an insane ride) chances are you'll like this one quite a bit too. Basically, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor just exchange adrenaline with ampere and than go along with it. So you have Chev, who's just survived both the "Chinese shit"-Poison and a drop from the sky, literally being scraped of the street by the Chinese Triad. Then they cut out his indestructible heart and put in an artificial one in order to keep the other organs fresh for harvesting. Which is, of course, bullshit, but do we really expect science here? Chev wakes up, kills everyone around and than runs after his heart, which is in the possession of Johnny Vang (Art Hsu). But the batteries for the artificial heart are always low, so he has to find ways to recharge them, with car batteries, dog collars, tasers and even simple friction, just to name a few. On his rampage (commented by Q playing an anchorman), he crosses ways with old friends like his Doc (sleazy Dwight Yoakam) and of course Eve (Amy Smart playing dumb). But there are also new characters along the way, like scary-skinny Bai Ling as prostitute Ria , which annoyed the fuck out of me, which is either brilliant acting or her real personality, I don't know. Oh, and Corey Haim's in this too, for no apparent reason whatsoever. And there's a guy named El Huron (Clifton Collins Jr.) who's after Chelios. According to IMDB, David Carradine is in this movie as well, but I can't remember having seen him. Even Efren Ramirez is back, who played Kaylo in the first movie. Apparently, he had an identical brother named Venus who is now out for vengeance. Yeah, I know, I had to suppress a City Slivers-groan too. Additionally, Venus has full-body turrette, which serves as a pretty weak running gag. Actionwise, this is even more insane than the first one. Like anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane. The Stat is, once again, doing what he does best, running around, being pissed, killing people. And yeah, boobs in virtually every scene. Plus brilliant moments of "WTF?" like a bizarre Godzilla-fight which doesn't make any sense. Still, all in all it feels like Neveldine, Taylor and Statham are just going through the same moves again with this one. I mean, there's nothing really new here, just more of the same. The editing is really fucking fast, but not in a Quantum of Solace way, so you still know what's going on most of the time. Still, the shaky cam-asthetic was beginning to get tiresome by the end of it. Speaking of which, the ending felt kind of weak and random, but I thought the same thing about the first film. That said, I would still like to see a third one, just to see what the fuck they come up with next. So enough of my incoherent ramblings, I'm sure you get the gist. Not quite as electrifying as the first Crank, but still another charge of insane goodness into the heart of action cinema. If you use this, call me Citizen Kong.

You can get a quick glimpse of pump action sodomy via the embed below.