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Citizen Kong Says CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE Is 'anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane', with 'boobs in virtually every scene'!!
Merrick here...
I'm really looking forward to this one.
Here's Citizen Kong...
The reason I'm writing: I thought I'd share my thoughts on Crank: High Voltage with you and your readers, which I've seen in a press screening in Germany today. English is not my first language so be nice if there are some mistakes in this review.
Ok, first of all, do you remember the set photos of Amy Smart with the nipple bandaids and the golden shorts? She's running around like that for half of the movie. And she's got a smoking hot striptease scene that is oh so short and yet so delicious (And there's ANOTHER public sex scene with Chelios too). So that alone warrants the ticket price. But aside from that, how's Crank: High Voltage?
Well, pretty fucking good, actually. If you loved the first one, (which was, in my opinion, an insane ride) chances are you'll like this one quite a bit too. Basically, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor just exchange adrenaline with ampere and than go along with it. So you have Chev, who's just survived both the "Chinese shit"-Poison and a drop from the sky, literally being scraped of the street by the Chinese Triad.
Then they cut out his indestructible heart and put in an artificial one in order to keep the other organs fresh for harvesting. Which is, of course, bullshit, but do we really expect science here? Chev wakes up, kills everyone around and than runs after his heart, which is in the possession of Johnny Vang (Art Hsu). But the batteries for the artificial heart are always low, so he has to find ways to recharge them, with car batteries, dog collars, tasers and even simple friction, just to name a few. On his rampage (commented by Q playing an anchorman), he crosses ways with old friends like his Doc (sleazy Dwight Yoakam) and of course Eve (Amy Smart playing dumb).
But there are also new characters along the way, like scary-skinny Bai Ling as prostitute Ria , which annoyed the fuck out of me, which is either brilliant acting or her real personality, I don't know. Oh, and Corey Haim's in this too, for no apparent reason whatsoever. And there's a guy named El Huron (Clifton Collins Jr.) who's after Chelios. According to IMDB, David Carradine is in this movie as well, but I can't remember having seen him. Even Efren Ramirez is back, who played Kaylo in the first movie. Apparently, he had an identical brother named Venus who is now out for vengeance. Yeah, I know, I had to suppress a City Slivers-groan too. Additionally, Venus has full-body turrette, which serves as a pretty weak running gag.
Actionwise, this is even more insane than the first one. Like anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane. The Stat is, once again, doing what he does best, running around, being pissed, killing people. And yeah, boobs in virtually every scene. Plus brilliant moments of "WTF?" like a bizarre Godzilla-fight which doesn't make any sense.
Still, all in all it feels like Neveldine, Taylor and Statham are just going through the same moves again with this one. I mean, there's nothing really new here, just more of the same. The editing is really fucking fast, but not in a Quantum of Solace way, so you still know what's going on most of the time. Still, the shaky cam-asthetic was beginning to get tiresome by the end of it. Speaking of which, the ending felt kind of weak and random, but I thought the same thing about the first film. That said, I would still like to see a third one, just to see what the fuck they come up with next.
So enough of my incoherent ramblings, I'm sure you get the gist. Not quite as electrifying as the first Crank, but still another charge of insane goodness into the heart of action cinema.
If you use this, call me Citizen Kong.
You can get a quick glimpse of pump action sodomy via the embed below.
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Will read article later. First now.
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March 17, 2009, 2:14 p.m. CST
HOW RONALD REAGAN, RELIGION AND HOLLYWOOD KILLED CINEMA
by 1978CreepyThinMan
In the 1980's the Reagan Administration ushered in the widespread de-regulation and removal of anti-trust laws that were put in place after the Great Depression to prevent companies from monopolizing various industries and creating the type of TOO BIG TO FAIL companies that have now created the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression itself. In regards to the decline of North American cinema it’s like this. With the HUGE success of movies like Jaws and Star Wars various money grubbing Wall Street types moved into the Hollywood system and reshaped the major studio’s into Corporate entities where the goal was no longer to just make movies and inspire friendly competition the way that proper capitalism is supposed to work. No, Wall Street style capitalism is about increasing market share by buying out or killing off the competition so that a few people/companies control everything which is closer to communism if you think about it. So, how did they go about this? By buying off politicians they were able to first get rid of the tax shelters that allowed low budget independent filmmakers and studio’s to raise money from private investors. Without these tax shelters people like George A. Romero (Night of the Living Dead/Dawn of the Dead), Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist), Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead and Spider-man Triologies), Brain DePalma (Carrie, Scarface, The Untouchables), Martin Scorsese (Taxi Driver/Raging Bull/Goodfellas), Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather 1 & 2, Apocalypse Now) etc.. wouldn’t have been able to raise the money to make their first features. Canada offered a 100% tax shelter system for investment in movie production in the 70’s and that lasted until the 80’s. Without that Ivan Reitman (Meatballs/Stripes/Ghostbuster s) and David Cronenberg (The Fly/Naked Lunch/Crash) wouldn’t have been able to make their first films Cannibal Girls and Shivers respectively. Also, in the USA, before the deregulation and removal of the anti-trust laws, studios weren’t allowed to by up movie theatres or chains to create a monopoly. So what you had were thousands of theatres and theatre chains across North America and all those companies cared about was their box office revenue. So they would book anything that made money. If you made a low budget movie you could book it into a theatre and since the Motion Picture Association of America - MPAA was a joke back in those days you could show just about anything in theatres as in evidence of Deep Throat playing not just in porn houses but even in respectable theatres all across the country not to mention the grindhouses that played an endless stream of Horror and exploitation flicks day and night. If your movie was good and made money you could use that money to make more prints and advertise across the city, state or even the whole country if your movie was a hit. This is how AIP, Roger Corman and later New Line Cinema and Troma operated for decades, that is, until the 80’s. Now the deregulation/anti-trust laws removal (from here on in referred to as DR/ARL) wasn’t the only reason for the decline of audience attendance in the 80’s. VCR’s made it possible to rent movies and watch them from the comfort of your own home. As a result thousands of theatres and a few chains went under. Mostly these were the single venue style theatres with one screen where they would play double and triple bills and alternatively use the theatres for rock shows, stage productions etc… But the second thing was that after the DR/ARL, the major studios were allowed to buy up theatre chains and individual mom and pop theatres with the intent of shutting them down. The 1980’s saw the rise of the multi-plex, most of which were built by the major studios and a few other companies that operated such as Famous Players or Odeon Cinemas as an example up here in Canada. They were built with maximum comfort and convenience but had as much personality as your average McDonalds in comparison to a family operated restaurant. Now because these chains were all owned by corporations they would only do business with each other and book only each others movies as well as their own, effectively shutting out any independent studio’s or producers. By the late 80’s most of the independents had been killed off so now it was mostly the majors with the exception of a few studios that survived because they had highly profitable franchises (New Line and the Nightmare on Elm Street series) or they distributed some low budget independent, art-house and European films (Miramax with The Crying Game, El Mariachi, Resevoir Dogs etc…) to the single art-house theatres scattered across the country and because those movies made soo much money and received soo much national critical attention from Siskel & Ebert etc.. even the corporate owned theatre chains started booking them because money is still money. So how does the MPAA tie into this and the decline of balls out American Cinema? It’s because Hollywood is always the target of right wing mouthpiece’s and various religious organizations across the country as witnessed by the ridiculous uproar by the moral majority over movies such as Dogma, Kids, Natural Born Killers etc…. in the 90’s or if you really want to go back in time you could find examples of this with almost every single successful film made during the entire history of cinema that features any sort of violent or sexual content. Look up the Hays Code and watch some pre-code movies made in the 20’s and early 30’s and you’ll notice how much more violent, sexual and lurid movies like the original Scarface and Mystery of the Wax Museum were for the time and how North American cinema went through a period of melodramatic puritanism that lasted from the 30’s (with the exception of a few underground films) and only ended with the collapse of the studio system in the late 60’s which ushered in the most fertile era in American cinema history as a result of filmmakers being allowed to realistically and unrealistically portray sex, violence and real or not-so real life like never before. During this period the political and religious freaks bitched about all the sex and violence but their complaints didn’t catch any traction especially with all the political turmoil of the era and the fact that Government violence against it’s citizens (the Kent State shootings) and the global imperialism/war mongering (Vietnam) made Government criticisms of Hollywood on behalf of religious furor a moot point. After Jimmy Carter lost the presidency because he inherited the dismal economy of the post-Vietnam era and dared to tell America the truth, the American public stuck their heads up their collective asses and voted in an ex-actor who was the straight man to a chimp as President of the United States. But Ronald Reagan only got into power because the Republican Party aligned themselves with various snake oil salesmen such as Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart and their mindless followers creating the Moral Majority movement of the 80’s of which it’s existence was to paper over all of the ugliness going on in the USA and promoted the fantasy that America was a land of rainbows, puppies and sold their bullshit with all the tenacity of a used car salesman selling a rusted out shitbox with a fresh paint job. This gave the religious right more power then they had in decades and made politicians live in fear for their political lives. Once again the religious freaks put their attention onto Hollywood because all of that sex and violence was polluting their Good Christian country. So they put the screws to politicians, mostly those from the Redneck States, who then came down on Hollywood and threatened to dismantle the major studio’s monopoly by reinstating those tax shelters and the DR/ATL. It’s at this point that the religious right gained almost complete control over what got shown in theatres across North America but they couldn’t implement their control in the style of the Hays code for fear of being labeled as CENSORS so they operated in virtual anonymity under the MPAA. It’s under this system that the MPAA and the major studio’s were able to kill off independents. The scam worked like this, you’re a low budget independent Director, Producer or Studio. You make money by making the type of movies that the majors don’t such as Horror and exploitation with outrageous sex and violence. The major studios are only interested in the only two types of movies they know how and want to make, glossy big budget extravaganzas and worthy Oscar winners. They think it’s beneath them to make Horror and exploitation films with gratuitous gore and sex except for when it’s being done by a major Hollywood actor, producer or director in which case the MPAA seems to have no problem with slapping the film with a family seal of approval R-rating. They used to distribute the occasional low budget shocker or sex flick, such as the Friday the 13th series which was distributed by Paramount or Porky’s which 20th Century Fox put out, but the ire of so called “respected” critics like Siskel & Ebert along with the political pressure from the religious right forced studio’s like Paramount/Fox to stop distributing low budget gore and sex flicks which is why they sold the F13th series to New Line while Fox eventually gave up on sex comedies. Anyway, you’re an independent Director, Producer, Studio who’s made “Teenage Lesbian Orgy in the Girls Locker Room of Gore” and you’re looking to distribute it. In the 70’s if the moves was good, or at the very least had plenty of entertaining sex and violence, you could put it out on a small scale and expand statewide and nationally if the movie is successful as I previously mentioned. The problem is that because the Reagan administration removed the DR/ANL, the studio’s now own 90% of the theatres across the country and won’t distribute your movie because it doesn’t have the Siskel & Ebert types across the country slobbering over it and they don’t want the headache of enraging the religious right. So what are your options? Well, there might be some small chains, mom and pop theatres that you could distribute to but there are issues when it comes to the rating of your movie and how that effects your ability to promote your epic. The situation is this, you take your magnum opus to the MPAA to get an R-Rating, now an R-Rating in the USA and the system itself is designed to censor without the appearance of censorship. An R-Rating means that no one under the age of eighteen can enter a particular movie without someone over the age of eighteen, BUT, the catch is that if you’re over eighteen you can bring anyone of any age into the theatre with you. That means that some dipshit eighteen year old, which DO exist and they are many, can bring a ten year old child into the theatre to see “Nudist Amazonian Warrior Interracial Dyke Cannibals of Sodomy” which will no doubt turn the impressionable ten year old into a peace-loving- gay-commie-pinko-liberal-Marxi st-serial killing-rapist-transexual-who- wants-Communist-socialist-Free -Health-Care-and-less-money-sp ent-on-the-military-to-finance -better-education-and-alleviat e-poverty-to-bring-about-a-new -age-of-Universal-utopia-which -will-allow-the-human-race-to- look-towards-the-stars-and-exp and-our-spieces-across-the-gal axy-for-eternity-untill-the-en d-of-creation….and that’s bad. So in order to Protect The Children™ and receive an R-rating the MPAA tells you to cut your film BUT they wont tell you what to cut because then they could be accused of censorship. They’ll just let you know when they see it. So you cut a few frames and trip a scene here or there and they tell you to keep cutting. You go back and forth until you scream in frustration about what else you need to fucking cut and they tell you that it’s not the footage as per say but the “tone” of it and how it’s this or that. The point is to get you to water down your movie until all its commercial elements (i.e. The Fucking and Killing) no longer exist and you have a movie that has an R-rating but won’t make a penny in theaters because your flick wasn’t that good to begin with and all you had was the nudity and gore. Now you could try to release it unrated which a lot of movies did up until the 80’s and many were highly successful such as Dawn of the Dead but that was when you had those independently owned theatre chains and mom & pop theatres that would play your movie even without a rating and you could still mount an advertising campaign to let the public know about your flick. Even in the 80’s there were still a few theatres left that would play un-rated movies the only problem is that with media consolidation all of the newspapers, TV stations and magazines were controlled by a few corporations and those corporations had political ties to the religious right etc, etc… so they would refuse to run advertisements of your un-rated movie and in those pre-internet days that meant that you were shit out of luck and no one would know about your masterpiece. The only other option was to tell the MPAA to fuck off and refuse to cut your movie in which case it would be given an X-Rating which effectively put it into the category of Pornography and no theatres would play it apart from porn houses and even those were being killed off by the VRC revolution of the 80’s. So without a means of finance, distribution or publicity this is how most of the independents went out of business in the 1980’s which is why North American cinema has been sliding into the shitter for the last quarter of a century as a result of corporate greed, religious fanaticism and political scumfuckery. Today not much has changed and it seems like a miracle when a good movie gets made and released in North America but they are few and far between. The great hope is the internet, on-line distribution and digital downloading but there are two main issues. The first is that without financing most independent movies today are shot on video cheapies that offer very little in the way quality scripts, production value or even competence although occasionally you get a good cheesy film like Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, The Janitor and Blood Car. The second problem is how do you make money off something that people can get on-line for free from torrent sites? The answer is to make a good movie against the odds and hope that people like your movie enough to want to buy the DVD but those odds are against you and as long as Hollywood maintains its corporate monopoly on national theatrical distribution, North American cinema will never recover.
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"According to IMDB, David Carradine is in this movie as well, but I can't remember having seen him" are you kidding me?
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So count me in for part two, baby.<br> But damn, I need a press card. Me also wants to see shit like that in press screenings.
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Am I supposed to read that many lines of text on a computer screen? My eyes hurt.
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the actress was ugly, the action was lame, and it was just stupid.
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Listen, I'm all for more good actors doing genre movies, but Statham really needs to do a flick that reminds everyone that he's a decent actor.
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feel free to use paragraphs in the future.
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about Natasha Richardson, who was in "Tales from the Crypt" :(
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...has thousands of notebooks filled with tiny text stacked floor to ceiling in his creepy apartment. Oh, and Crank 2 looks dope.
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March 17, 2009, 2:33 p.m. CST
creepy thin man how many times are you gonna post that?!
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
douche
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...that giant block o'text just depressed the piss out of me. Didn't even read it and it depressed the piss out of me.
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in the lobby with Jean Claude VanDam. I want the three of you to discuss career choices and how they eventually come back to bite you in the ass. Yes, I know, Jason-Shotgun rape in the rectum sounds visually enthralling, but it does'nt always make for cinematic thrills. Steven and Jean Claud have some projects they passed on that your agent thinks you'd be great in. Have at er', guys!
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If you actually want anyone to read your bullshit post at least put it in fucking paragraphs.
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Yeah, you're not one of us, dude. That shit ain't funny. It just makes everyone who hates this film hate us even more, assuming we're all berks who joke about anal rape.
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Quit raping us with your run on sentences, which are probably less painful than the embedded shotgun. See, I tied commentary in with the actual "article." Go get a blog threadjacker. <p> Also please note the use of paragraphs. It is what delineates the completion of a group of related thoughts. <p> If you want to make a movie, then do it. There is always room for a good idea. But there is one intractable law that applies to artistic endeavours. I think I first heard it from Harlan Ellison: "Ninety percent of everything is Shit!" Waste your time blaming Eighties politics for your failure to produce good cinema if you wish, but the majority of film has been crap from the beginning of the medium to the present. Presidency is irrelevant. <p> That said, this Crank movie looks flippin awful.
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March 17, 2009, 2:35 p.m. CST
A paragraph and space bar would help ease the viewing....
by samuraiyao
I bet you got some insightful info here so i'll just copy and past on word document, thanks 1978creepythinman...
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is not fit at all, looking forward to this tho and yeah stath needs to start doing some better roles but it all depends on what he's being offered really. i thought he was really good in london
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Is rather fine. But I guess the geek majority would rather hate-fuck Megan Fox.
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And this is why we should all band together in support of Watchmen. It's a pretty bold and risking undertaking. I still can't believe one of the corporations (or a couple of them) ponied up 150 mil. for a movie that explicit. Oh, and Crank was garbage-y fun. I saw it at a bar, and felt at the time that it was the best way to experience it.
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"Forget you, motherjumper!"
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This movie will be like being anally raped by a shotgun while endless boobs parade out of sight right behind you. Mr Planty McPlanton may have enjoyed it, but any movie that has the subtitle High Voltage already has conceeded to being absolute garbage. If you can't keep your attention on a single cut for more than 2 seconds, this movie might be for you and if you like bad dialogue, stupid plots, horrible acting, and shaky cameras, then by all means go see this shit can. If you'd like, you can email me though and I'll charge you only $5.00 to see a picture of my latest shit straight out of the toilet. It will definitely be more entertaining.
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It's only obvious.
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It's only obvious.
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doesn't seem to realize he's a good actor. He needs to make better films, he's capable of it, even if they can't all be as good as the Bank Job.<p> In the meantime, how about we all turn "anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane" into the next aicn catchphrase.
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Seriously, fuck you, Citizen Kong, you fucking plant!<p>Some boobs and some f-bombs and you guys go wild. Seriously, grow the fuck up!<p>There is zero acting, zero editing, zero directing and zero fucking camera work. I mean, look at those horribly filmed images. Who the fuck things this handy-cam shaky-cam bullshit is cool?!?<p>[rant over]
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March 17, 2009, 2:44 p.m. CST
THIS SITE DOESN'T LET ME BREAK IT INTO PARAGRAPHS
by 1978CreepyThinMan
Because Harry is a lazy cheap fuck who wont give this site a proper formate with shit like spell check etc...
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Fuck anyone who doesn't think she's hot. Including gay guys. She should be required to do nudity in every movie.
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March 17, 2009, 2:46 p.m. CST
WHY DON'T YOU FUCKSTICKS READ IT AND TRY TO INVALIDATE IT......
by 1978CreepyThinMan
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Co-starring Vanilla Ice as the rapping, jam-clad villain.
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And then he writes in a manner in which one cant help but think English IS his mother tongue....
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is you, you retarded goat humping Marxist shit heel. Go shovel your off the wall drivel back into that shit heap you try to call a brain and quit shitting up the talkback with your inane vapid babbling. Christ on a popsicle stick, your stupid.
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You used the wrong version of 'you're' you fucking moron. Shove a popsicle stick up your ass you dildo.
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Your argument, or the one you've pasted somewhere from Google more likely, is kinda null and void in a talkback dedicated to a film where men appear to get shotguns shoved up their ass. <p> I understand the argument about stifling creative freedom and the financial inclinations behind the film studios and cinema chains (god forbid they wish to make money in an age where P2P is a dominant and still as of yet unchallenged issue), but this 100% negativity about oppression and censorship just comes across as a simplistic stupid teenage 'fight the system' rant. <p> Put simply:- It's no-ones god given right to have immediate access to chains of film distribution. You want to make the films people want to see and the films YOU want to make? You have to start small. Work with the system to help with the practical side and ultimately you may end up in a position to subvert and help change the 'powers that be' that you speak of. <p> Paragraphs are also not your friend you trolling douche.
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Anyone who thinks that this is an "action" movie is completely out of his fucking mind.<p>Like 1978CreepyThinMan, you fucking moron! Nobody cares about your 100.000 word posts!<p>Stay short and USE FUCKING PARAGRAPHS, you dumb monkey.
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exactly what drug, and how much do I need to enjoy this? Because what I've seen of the trailer, I better stock up on some mesc and shrooms.
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twice over the weekend on USA. The movie gets better and better every time.
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But now it's gone.
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of what "SyFy" will be. SF in vague outline behind guns and boobs.
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so much.
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It was akward.
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I see you're (how's that hit you fuck stick)one of those shit eating bucket's of monkey spunk that have no real ability to form any kind of meaningful comeback except for critiquing a mistyped word in a talkback without an edit function. Way to go you incredibly unoriginal simple minded little fucktard. If that's all you've got you should go back to fucking yourself in the ass with your Barry-O black thunder ass shredder edition dildo and stay out of the big boys area where you just look like a self-important cunt. In closing fuck you very much for reading and enjoy licking the dirty taint of 1978.
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March 17, 2009, 3:34 p.m. CST
Finally! Justice has come to AICN. 1978CreepyThinMan....
by Motoko Kusanagi
...and his awesomely bad 100.000 word post has been deleted.<p>Thank you, my fellow admins.
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Lost Skeleton of Cadavra was shit. the trailer looked interesting, but it was just crap. poor sets, poor script, also i dont remember laughing. if you want an homage movie try "I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I." or "OSS 117". <p> if you think that was good then our opinions differ so much that i cant read the rest of your diatribe. <p> but i agree w/ some of it, re: hollywood owning/censoring movie theaters. its just like blockbuster's family friendly policy. of course nothing gets censored fully, home videos created a huge market. now the internet has created another. many people make their own home theaters now, and there are lots of 'brew and view' bar movies too. <p> crank was good, at least something new compared to boring transporter movies. crank 2 i cant tell if it will be good or shit. i fucking hate shakey-cam.
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I was just goofing. No hard feelings? I kinda get drunk on power now that I have a login and can emulate the people who call bullshit on typos. This shit is fun. Good stuff.
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March 17, 2009, 3:53 p.m. CST
Whoever saw Crank 1 and forks out money for Crank 2....
by sheenakrull
is a moron. Crank was hands down the worst piece of shit film that year. Besides you can wait a few months and watch it on Syfy after Kull the Conquerer.
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She seems absolutely insane, but crazy hot at the same time. The fear that she would knife me in the back just makes me want her more.
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Do you remember early in the movie when Leguizamo is tagging his wife's cousin from behind in the car? Or the orgy scene? Yeah, that was awkward. I think I was 15 when we watched it.
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or grow into it?
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I think I was about 8 when my very posh and reserved grandmother rented A Fish Called Wanda on the basis it would be a "stand up British comedy" I think she was expecting Fawlty Towers until Kevin Kline started inhaling man smells from his arm pit. Oh, and is that Jenna Haze the porn star who shouts "Fucking Pussy!" in the trailer?
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That doesn't seem physically possible. But I know what you mean. I would apply that to those goddamn iq killing 'date/epic movies'.
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Statham is a good actor and above this shit. I'm not saying it won't be fun, but I'd hate to see him turn into Stallone, a once decent actor that can't act any more because he's been making lurid action movies for so long. It's ok when someone goes slumming every once in a while (see Paul Giammatie in Shoot Em Up!) but he can pull himself into better roles. Oh, and people like Crank but hate Shoot Em Up? Seriously?
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Kline was so damn funny in it. But that would be a terrible family movie. Especially when Kline starts up with the Italian (I think it was Italian).
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Is there anyone cooler than Paul Giamatti? He is upcoming slate includes arthouse roles like Valadamir Checkov and King John, then he plays Col. Tom Parker in Bubba Nosferatu with Ron Perlman. That's just awesome.
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is never raped. It's not a laughing matter. I know three women who are still suffering the emotional wounds years after a rape.
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I found the first one to be great fun. Nice to see an action flick that delivers and doesn't take itself too seriously.
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I think that is what he meant to say. <BR><BR>The first Crank was really good--I was shocked, really, but the whole concept for the sequel is just ridiculous?
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and you guys are bigger dicks for giving this headline to this article. yeah, anal rape with a shotgun... that's real funny?? Sad really that Aint it cool have come to this sort of crap.
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Why would I spend good theater spending money for a movie that looks like it was filmed by crackheads with cellphones?
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How can anyone take this site seriously with headlines like this. I mean filth is funny until it crosses a line. And that line my friends is AICN
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I'll end up renting this when it's on DVD, not a chance I'll pay to see it in a theater. SPIDER STRING! GFY
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Needs more Giant Robots to stomp on Shittyzen Jurassic_Kong here. Go away.
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yeah I'm mostly just goofing too. Except for when I'm talking to 1978, I'm pretty sure he believes what he's saying. And yes the bureaucratic power of hurling insults across the internets at faceless pseudonyms is a heady brew! So no hard feelings. Talkbacks are a wonderful sporting event.
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anal rape with a shotgun? It's not like they're suggesting you go do it for Pete's sake. I suppose you're one of those Obama cunts that thinks calling those pig fucking dumb fucks at Gitmo "enemy combatants" is a bad idea? How about terrorist attacks now being labeled man-made catastrophes? Did it make that soft gooey string of chicken shit you try to call a spine feel better when they did that? This country is so full of effeminate twats it's absolutely pathetic to see. CHRIST, go fucking hang yourself before that atrophied raisin you call a dick has a chance to bring another cunty asshole into the world you soft boiled nagging old bitch!
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Get some therapy man. I don't say that with sarcasm, venom, anything but concern. You have some serious issues. Step back and recognize it.
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Get some therapy man. I don't say that with sarcasm, venom, anything but concern. You have some serious issues. Step back and recognize it.
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Anal-rape-with-a-shotgun is an acutual scene from the movie, he wasn't being creative, just being actual.
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...that is. Honestly, this doesn't give much more insight than the special trailer that was on the internet a few months ago. Is this review real?
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I'm sorry, SYFY. <p> Least, I assume so. Leprechaun 3 is on now. (That's the one where he;s in Vegas).
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for awhile i wasn't sure what everyone was commenting about. funny.
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you fucking sensitive ass bitches...oh i know someone who was raped wahhh...we all know people who have died, or a terminal illness big fucking deal
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SOLD I say. The first movie was so dopey and over the top entertaining I'm actually looking forwrd to part 2. Screw AVATARD, This is the true eyeball fucking movie.
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Fuck you too you wishy-washy minge. Perhaps you should step back and realize your balls retreated up your asshole several years ago and should get some help in allowing them to drop. By the way, I say that with only concern ya' dumb cunt.
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if these dumb useless old women stopped prattling on about how many people they know who've been raped and how they're still suffering, so using the word rape is insensitive then these twats would have to stop and realize how worthless their lives have truly become to them and the only way they can feel adequate is to bitch about something so colossally insipid as this. Their worst nightmare is running out of shit to piss and moan about.
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They're pornos, ya' stupid git. And you don't have to mess with all of that daft "plot" and "acting". As for the complaining about the usage of the word "rape" in the title, the most vocal people are the ones pissing and moaning about those who were offended. So shut the fuck up you ignorant hillbillies.
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God, I fucking love this shit! My turn: If you didn't absolutely love "Watchmen" with all your fucking heart, then you are an uncultured braindead hillbilly backwoods chicken-fucking dipshit. And you should not be allowed to procreate, anticreate, or do macaroni sculptures! And if thought Crank was a good movie: good for you. Now kindly step into a meat locker and jump on a hook.
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Actually, they do have a fair argument about rape and the inappropriate use of the word. Seeing the damage of what rape can do to people, like any other violent physical crime, is a gift that keeps on giving, in a negative way--from STDs like HIV and AIDS, to behavioral disorders in victims...like Panic Stress Disorder. If you have ever met a girl, a woman...who has been raped or interfered with sexually, many are so emotionally damaged...or disfunctional, that it impacts many of their relationships, and most importantly, their romantic relationships.<BR><BR>All of us know a girl who we could not get close to, or who pulled away from us, at a certain point in the relationship, emotionally or sexually, or both...and you can bet that much of it has to do with some past sexual assualt in their lives, and the rest of us, the good guys, are made to pay for it, over and over again...because nothing seems to make it better, no matter how kind you are, you are still a man...reminding them, those girls, or that special girl or woman in your life, that maybe you could be like the coward, or cowards, who raped them. Rape isn't a crime of sex, it is a crime of violence and power, and often is backed with threats of death...and many of those threats, very real, and the hours, days, and months of fear...from threat of pregnancy, debate over abortion, fear of serious and deadly STDs...and fear of additional attacks--hence the continued, and perhaps, permanent psychological damage to, and for, the victims. <BR><BR>These guys who are complaining about the use of the word "Rape" aren't being PC, they are reaching-out to remind other men in this virtual locker room of ours, that from time to time, we must be sensitive to what real rape is, and educating our brethren...because quite frankly, there are a lot of immature, or mentally unstable men out there, who read these posts, and become comfortable with all the foulmouthed sailer talk...and begin to think it is okay...and some may even act upon it. Don't believe me? You should see how some of these guys act in the Script Girl Talkbacks. Yes, her act, with all the cleavage, does attract the nasty talk, deservedly, but when people start using words like rape and murder imagery, and aiming it at women like Script Girl, or any other woman, regardless of what they are wearing or not wearing, that is just perverse, wrong, and absolutely unacceptable, and that is the type of concern being voiced by those opposing the casual use of the word rape. If you sit back and allow it enough, and unopposed, those who are highly impressionable amongst us...often assume it is okay to think it--say it, and then...do it; and the rest of us are left to pay for their crimes, by way of the damaged relationships we have with females--damage that we did not cause or support, but was caused at the hands of cowards who raped those girls/women, often, long before we ever met them--and that creates a circle of suffering, with seemingly...no end to the feedback loop of pain.
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March 17, 2009, 7:42 p.m. CST
Note: The "They", Would Be The Critics Of The Use Of...
by Media Messiah
...the word...rape. I say this to clarify the opening sentence of my last post, see above.
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words lost all meaning.
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And Media Messiah you know FAR to much about rape, what next, tears are the best lube?
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was a piece of shit shot by a romantic comedy writer with no action astetic. Clive Owen should've been James Bond. Transporter 3 should've been much better. And Taken 2 needs to come out soon. I don't care if they kidnap that daughter all over again I want more Liam Neeson.
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you are so cool and awesome can I please suck your willy?
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has fucking yoga instructor as the 4th billed person on IMDB.
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are FUCKING TERRIBLE. I have yet to see a movie that he "stars" in that's worth watching. I make it a point to steer clear of all his movies. I read someone mention Shoot em up. That movie was an abortion.
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...because I have known far too many people who have been raped, women/girls, and men...the latter group, when they were children. If you ask, or just listen to those around you, you will be surprised about how many people you know, who have been assailed sexually, in some way.<BR><BR>What are the numbers? I think, one out of every three or four women/girls have been raped or sexually assualted in some way? Just listen to the news, you don't have to be an expert, just be attentive to the world around you.
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..I'm not one of them?
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When did you become attentive to the world around you? Trying something new?
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Statham has been in a bunch of almost action films. He's needs his Die Hard. Something that stamps him into the pop culture. I love the Bourne films, but I really want action with an actual action star. Vin is too busy racing cars, The Rock is making Disney movies and Will Smith is chasing an oscar. Statham is my generations only hope for a real rated R action star. Help us Sly Stallone, you are our only hope.
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Seriously it's one thing to say you'd meet her at a bar and fuck her once or twice but she just looks like her pussy smells bad.
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March 17, 2009, 10:25 p.m. CST
Did someone say boobs in every scene?
by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours
*Spider-Sense tingles*
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But I thought she had the chops to further validate her acting aptitude. I'm disappointed that a genuine talent is saddled with stale scripts and bimbo roles. She transcends the scuz and declines to milk the press (a la Lohan). But how do you explain her brief role in MIRRORS? (yielding to a skin shot and then mutilated in a scene that earned the film a hard R-rating).
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There is no subject so serious that it can't be joked about. Obviously the circumstances matter, but this is AICN... the circumstances allow jokes.
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Rape: the gift that keeps on giving. Nice one. Why don't you stick that on a Hallmark card? You're trying to tell me 25%-33% of all women have been raped or sexually assaulted in some way? Bullshit. Even reported rapes, some of which are fabricated, would only make up 1% or 2%. Unless you're in southern Africa.
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You said abortion.
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March 17, 2009, 11:29 p.m. CST
Eh, I'm desensitized to blond bimbos proudly showing off
by GibsonUSA Returns
...like its so gnarly. Cause there are too many of them acting like that now. When I was in jr high i may have been "whoa shit!"...but now its like eh.
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Is that Crank KNEW it was fucking stupid and ran with it.
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...rapes, are false according to reports.
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More, than not, we debate movies, TV shows and comics books, on AICN.com...but it doesn't mean that our lives are limited to that...and that, only. The fact that we are fans of genre fair, means that most of us, are smarter than the main population--so why don't we claim our place, by acting like, what we are?
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Like if Sarah Palin's baby grew up and fucked one of Octomom's mongoloid kids and they spawned a super-ultra-mega-retarded baby, and that baby was oxygen deprived for 20 minutes but they managed to resuscitate it only to drop it on its head and have it roll down a flight of stairs. It was THAT fucking retarded. Times ten.
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If you are, I am sorry. You deserved much better out of life, than to be attacked.
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and they're also acting like a bunch of old women. It's ludicrous this is even being brought up. Men have become weak minded cunts. They're so sensitive. Go and let your gf douche out your minge for you and maybe you'll feel better.
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March 18, 2009, 12:24 a.m. CST
DRAGONBALL MOVIE BOOTLEG ONLINE!!
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
im sure we all care!!
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Yup. Can't wait for Crank 2.
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Hey! Pick another name!
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You can only throw "CRAZY SHIt! Crazy shit! CRRRAAAZZY SHIIITTT!!!!" at the audience so much until you just shrug and don't give a shit. Took Crank about an hour to get to that point. I give this one about 15 minutes.
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Are they proper ones, or those fake, plastic jobbies you Americans love so much?
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It's a like an action movie on crack with loony tunes!
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..with the nipple bandaids and golden shorts? SOLD!
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1) My first language really IS German, but thanks for thinking otherwise, that's the best compliment for a non-native speaker, I think. And I'm not a plant, unfortunately. Believe me, I would like to get paid to write this stuff. 2) As others already pointed out, the anal rape-thing was NOT a figure of speech, the shit's actually in the movie and was meant to illustrate just how far this film goes. I don't think personally that anal rape is funny in real life, but c'mon, we're talking about a cartoonishly violent action movie here. 3) Boobs: As I have already written, lots of them. Mostly fake ones, as far as I can tell. Some are even shot leaking silicone. 4) Yeah, Crank is dumb. As is the sequel. That's the point. It's a dumb action movie knowing it's dumb and constantly making fun of that. As long as you embrace this concept, you're going to have a lot of fun.
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Hit a nerve with you, eh? You must've been raped at one time or another. Or are a rapist.
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Yeah, talkback-raped, just now. ;)
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Giant Robots lions w/ Great British Teeth? We need Lions w/ British Teeth in more movies. Make more of those--and Hollywood will truly know a Golden Age.
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Poor widdle me, I'm being oppressed by the political correctness police!! That person is usually trying to justify loathsome behavior. But calling out the post title isn't about being PC, but merely decency. Now, if the title were, Crank: High Voltage is like being raped by a nigger!! you'd be okay with that, or would be irritated by people being disgusted by it? -- Of course you would, because you are a manly-man, message board bad ass who hates that political correctness interferes with your commitment to being insensitive.
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"one out of every three or four women/girls have been raped or sexually assualted in some way" <P>Are you honestly trying to say that between a quarter and a third of all women have been sexually assaulted? fuck off- all you do with statistics like that is diminish the crime, and demean actual victims. <p>You complete fucking dipshit. <P>I'm so angry now I can barely type
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come on statham, you're better than this
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He is this generation's Stallone. The man is cool and his movies are popcorn entertainment. He is already an icon as the Transporter and he will kick serious ass in The Expendables. If you don't count Stallone, Statham is a bonafide action star. Get used to it.
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Betcha they offer some sort of Re Bull knock off in the theater to promote this movie.
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Amen. He really is the last action hero. I hope he doesn't ruin it with a kidfriendly Disney-movie somewhere in the future (I'm looking at you Dwayne!)
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How did you know? Yeah, they did exactly that, here's proof: http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/8592/foto028h.jpg
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http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/8592/foto028h.jpg
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Just throwing this out there: -1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be a victim of sexual assault in their lifetime. -Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. -60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. http://www.rainn.org/statistics
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and the first one was a piece of shit w/ undigested food in it.
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Despite usually hating this sort of brainless shite with a passion i actually enjoyed Crank..maybe because it was SO brainless. But i agree Statham is a fucking monkey..and just shave your fucking head already you balding twat.
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...named Carlos. met him at Sundance. Thought he was Effren, just put on a few pounds. met Effren on the set of neveldines and Taylor's Game. A little embarrassing.
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this review in the office yesterday, i'm guessing they saw that headline as i'm being treated like a lepper now. Oh and Crank was total dog shit btw.
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You guys sure hate B movies. Not every movie needs to be a masterpiece, sometimes you just want empty entertainment. As if any of you haters could A) make a more entertaining movie -or- B) get a woman like Amy Smart to fuck you.
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You pointy headed dale gribble conspiratard. you're throwing out lies and bullshit YET again.
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Ah, I think you can actually see him in a flashback showing the two brothers together dancing in drag. So in that case, I can forgive the clunky plot device of the twin-brother-who-lives.
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this guy sure can write well. bullshit? yeah pretty much
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The Evil Dead series, Phantasm, Sword and The Sorcerer, etc. the list goes on...I think the hyper style of the filmmakers of the Cranks divide peoples opinion.
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I couldn't make an entertaining movie, but I have gotten a girl who looks like Amy Smart (if you squint with your glasses off) to talk about fucking while I was sitting next to her. And, we all know, talking is pretty much the same as doing. So, boo-ya! Plus, not all B movies are fun. There is a distinction between shit and entertaining drivel.
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as a statement seriously? Thats mild compared to some of Harry's statements.
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How about a little discretion, AICN? Don't use it and then you don't have to call him Citizen Kong or anything else.
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should not have a hyphen between shotgun and insane otherwise it is redudant. Of course anal-rape-with-a-shotgun is insane. Without the hypen you are describing the type of insanity. Makes more sense. Lesson over.
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I have to think that everyone complaining about the content of the review and headline have only recently started reading AICN. <br> <br> If anything, the imagery is less offensive *but* more literate than most of what Harry writes. <br> <br> Otherwise, par for the course.
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Yes you may.
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The two terms are interchangeable.
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Debating rape statistics in the TB for an utterly (surely) insipid sequel to a dumb-ass action movie. I didn't just wake up with wounds I can't explain-I woke up on Bizarro World.
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"anal-rape-with-a-shotgun-insane"<p>All meaning the same...
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I'd call it a C+ movie. You know, like the retard in the helmet who tries and tries and once in awhile they do eventually achieve beyond expectations for brief moments... then it goes away and all you're left with is a retard in a helmet. That's Crank. Pretty much.
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Citizen Kong here again (for those of you wondering, Kinemaniac was the rather lame nick I chose when I registered here): I guess you AICN-Talkbackers are just too clever for me. So I've decided to tell the truth: that I'm really a six-year-old rapist from Clusterfuck, Idaho, bought and paid for by the studio. Seriously, though, please don't stop. I havn't had that much fun for ages! :D
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I think you guys are giving this review and film waaaay too much tb. it's a silly little popcorn flick, a rehashed sequel isn't much to get excited about. In an effort to find some common ground, I think we can all agree that sexual assualt is heinus and horrible, and while the word "rape" does get thrown around like a baby in a rottweilers jaws, it's going to stay in the internets lexicon as exuburant hyperbole. i.e. eye raped, mind raped, etc. and yes it is a shame that a culture can become so insensitive that the word hardly causes any reaction. I'll climb off my soapbox know.
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"You can't say this." "You can't say that." FUCK YOU! Free speech means you have to grow some balls! You've got a problem with that? Grab a gun and fight with your fucking comrades! I'll meet you guys on the battlefield (I'll be the one shoving you up the man-cunt of your great leader)
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And I defend their right to say it. But that doesnt mean they arent immature dumb fucks.
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THEY ARE IMMATURE DUMB FUCKS! What do you people want? For them to lie? I'd rather see them honest. In my country the PC mafia rules and everybody goes around spewing lies and smiles through gritted teeth. If the far left got their way, that's step one. Step two you ask? The fucking thought police.
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says it best. I don't care if you want to call a worthless piece of shit movie "a ben-wah ball dangling ass juice dripper." And I don't care if you say the phrase offends you because your little sister was murdered by ben wah balls. But don't call me a pussy, you fucking twelve year old virgin who hasn't touched a booby yet. Someday you will piss off the wrong person hiding behind your false sense of anonymity and get the royal beating you deserve, you hillbilly twat.
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March 18, 2009, 9:07 p.m. CST
But will there be 'splosions??
by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours
Don't fucking lie to me...
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...only time will tell. I love Jason Statham, he could put out a thousand Cranks and Transporters and I'll watch because nonsensical violence in movies is like crack to me.
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