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DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION Is "a terrible film" Says One AICN Reader!! 'Characters throwing energy blasts and turning into apes'...
Merrick here...
Earlier this week, we ran a not entirely hostile review of DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION, which is coming to The States in a few weeks but is already playing in Japan.
You can find said review HERE.
But here's a different review from Greg, who is somewhat less forgiving. The other couple left the theater after the lights went on, laughing as they went" - pretty funny.
Enjoy!
Here's Greg:
Talking about myself for a paragraph is not something I’d like to do because I think my life deserves a retrospective, but because how I view this film needs some context. Recently I’ve seen a lot of reviews talking about how Watchmen changed how readers viewed comics and in some cases, changed their lives. Dragon Ball Z was my Watchmen.
One Sunday morning I woke up to see the first syndicated airing of Dragon Ball Z in the United States on (at the time) WB11. After just 24 minutes the direction of my life was completely turned around. DBZ sparked my interest in Japanese animation which led to the creation of my old DBZ website which provided the path to my being scouted for a job writing for a DBZ magazine which allowed me to save money for my first trip to Japan .
These days I speak fluent Japanese, live in a small country town in Japan with my wife who, bless her heart, moved out into the sticks with me from Yokohama , and teach English at a local high school. While now I don’t read much manga (besides DB’s spiritual successor One Piece) and I’ve all but given up on Japanese animation aside from Ghibli’s occasional offering, the role Dragon Ball played in inspiring me to make my adult life what it is, is irrefutable. I’ve grown to recognize the series’ many imperfections and I can’t remember the finer details of many of the story arcs anymore either, regardless, the series is very near and dear to me.
That is why I tried to view this film in two separate ways to do it justice, one as the long-time fan of the series and one as a long-time fan of film that knows nothing of the series. Hopefully you will find that by doing so I’ve given the film a fair chance to prove itself as something unique and not just the deflowering of that which DB fans around the world hold sacred.
Dragon Ball: Evolution is the attempt to give Dragon Ball a meaning or direction beyond simply getting stronger, forging friendships and showing bravery; the three classic elements of any successful comic printed on the pages of Shonen JUMP, the serial weekly comic magazine Dragon Ball was published in. When we were young boys, what did we love? Big things! Strong things! Things far more powerful and stronger than us! Dinosaurs! Godzilla! Robots! As we got older we learned to appreciate what it meant to be brave and stand up to bullies.
Years later when we filter into and out of high school, we learn the importance of friendship beyond just having someone to watch ‘the game’ with or play video games with. That’s why stories like Dragon Ball are so successful the world over, they appeal to something most adults and children can relate to on very basic levels.
DB:E tears most of that out and instead, asks us to accept somewhat familiar characters in a story about finding oneself and accepting your differences. Or wait, is it that having confidence in yourself will allow you to get the girl and oh yeah, perform some cool battle moves? Nonono, I’ve got it, it’s that love can bloom in the least likely of places between complete opposites. Actually I think it’s how listening to your elders might just save your life.
And it goes on like this.
Since when did Dragon Ball become an amalgamation of every Dreamworks CG flick ever made?
Take aside the ‘meh’ acting and the unbelievable scenarios our characters find themselves in that make ‘LOST’ coincidences seem downright normal, the biggest problem with the film is it suffers from a severe case of identity crisis. Someone or some group of people, thought it would be a good idea to throw a bunch of clichéd character development ideas at the wall and whatever stuck, they ran with. The awkward outcast in high school who doesn’t believe in his ability to grow, the wise grandfather whom the rambunctious teen ignores, the self-confident sophisticated girl who falls for a grungy uneducated lunk, the cold villain who has seemingly unlimited resources but… still somehow remains a step behind.
These and more are all there, and they’re all handled with the grace of a bull in a china shop. The ‘spark’ of love between Yamucha and Bulma was dealt with in one brief scene where they shared a thought, that it’s unfortunate they had knowledge of the world’s impending doom, and cupid’s arrow strikes! The two who previously couldn’t stand each other (all 2-3 scenes they were in) go for a kiss.
That’s what we’re dealing with.
“But wait!”, cries the ever vigilant fan, “Many things happen very quickly and with little explanation in the comic!”
Very true, and I’d be willing to give you that point IF this film wasn’t made with the intention of stiffing everything fans know and hold dear about the series.
I will not create a list of the holocaust unleashed on Dragon Ball canon within the film’s one hour and thirty-five minute running time. I never watched anything beyond trailers for fear of giving the film a poor chance without seeing a scene in context, but I assure you, there are things done and words uttered that will have you shuddering with rage at the liberties they took with the story.
Just performing the Kame Hame Ha has become like some sick bastard child of the Electric Slide and the Macarena.
Now those liberties were taken with the intention of making a deeper more believable story that they could market to a wide audience. That’s why Goku, an uneducated bumpkin, is in high school right? That’s why Chichi is a rich girl who, oh yeah, secretly practices kung fu instead of a mini Amazon right? That’s why Goku is all dreamy about girls when he thought breasts were just an extra butt right? That’s why the film is set on OUR Earth instead of a fantasy world right?
Nay.
While the film is attempting to create some overarching personal story growth story it’s handled so sloppily that no one over 10 could believe it for a moment. There’s so much CRAZY information being poured forth with strange names that unless you’re a long-time fan, it’s incredibly hard to keep up with who is who, what they can do and why they’re doing what they’re doing. This created and endless stream of explanations that are drastically different from the source material only serving to raise the blood pressure of fans even more.
The question I pose to Mr. Wong is, “Who is this movie made for?”
The fans in Japan ?
I saw the film on its advance opening night here. There were twelve of us in the theater. Three older men by themselves, a family of five, and another couple. When a movie is over in Japan , no one moves. Everyone stays glued to their seat and savors the list of names onscreen even if they can’t read them. The older men and family all left dead silent during the credits. The other couple left the theater after the lights went on, laughing as they went.
The fans in other countries?
Apparently not. I think many of them will agree with me. Actually I think they’ll be far more severe than I am.
The curious general public?
Impossible. There’s so much crazy information flying back and forth it’s a chore to keep track of it, UNLESS you were a fan going into it. And the weak attempts to give Dragon Ball themes like ‘love’ or ‘finding oneself’ comes off awkwardly when you’ve got characters throwing energy blasts and turning into apes.
I simply would love to know for WHOM this movie was intended.
The one cool thing I’m able to say about DB:E is that it has one cool DB-inspired fight. It’s a short scene but it’s the only scene in the film that felt lifted off the pages of the comic. It involves Goku refusing to lift a finger in a fight causing a reckless punk to total his own car. Classic Toriyama. Too bad I can’t say the same for the ‘climatic’ battle with the big screen debut of the Kame Hame Ha that is over before you can blink. There were days when we fantasized about a Hollywood CG Kame Hame Ha. This ain’t it folks.
Speaking of series hallmarks, there are small nods to bits and pieces of the original story but they seem forced. When I first noticed a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ set of nudie mags by Roshi’s bed I though, “Hmm, clever.”, but they continued to force that one idea later on more and more while ignoring many other avenues. Early on the term ‘Dragon Ball Energy’ is coined which Bulma quips, “DBE….catchy!”, she might as well have looked directly into the camera and given a big ol’ wink.
The most painful part, even more moreso than the Hamasaki Ayumi cued roll to main cast roll, comes during a break in the credits when we watch a minute of footage of a minor character doing something that is so incredibly obvious, you know it can’t actually be what you think it is. You know they had to pay makeup artists, light technicians, cameramen, caterers, shoe-shiners and yes-men all for this one final scene that has to be so spectacular it will leave us wanting more of this punishment. And when it’s revealed that it’s exactly what you thought it was, you just have to laugh long and out loud.
Dragon Ball: Evolution is a terrible film for both DB fans and as a standalone film. It’s not unwatchable, but it’s definitely in the same league as Street Fighter circa JCVD which means you’ll want to gather your friends and have a great laugh together.
With respect to the thesps, kudos to Chow and Joon. Both had a lot of fun with their role and tried really hard to make their roles seem close to the source characters, especially Joon. The problem for Joon, not so much Chow, was the script refraining him from acting more like the character Yamucha would, particularly around females. Chow seemed to have a blast, it just would have been nice if they coached him on how to properly pronounce ‘Gohan’. Chatwin’s Goku is not the Goku you know from the comic. He doesn’t do a poor job on screen, he just does a poor source Goku. Emmy Rossum’s Bulma takes her part far too seriously creating a nerdy instead of perky Bulma and Jamie Chung’s Chichi is just kind of there onscreen. Worst line-reading goes to Randall Duk Kim who was clearly overacting trying to do far too much with the little screen time he had.
Dragon Ball remains a cornerstone in my life and with the start of a comic-accurate animated edit of the series hitting the airwaves in Japan this April it will be interesting to experience it once again. As for live action films? My wish would be for a reboot.
Please?
Readers Talkback
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...and 55 episodes later, only 10 minutes of fight has elapsed and we're still waiting. Dragonball wrote the book on dragging things out. I think Lost is based on it's structure.
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Bring on "Wolverine", "Star Trek", "TS", and "Transformers 2." All of those films look more exciting then "Dragon Ball." Even "Angels and Demons" looks interesting, compared to this shit. At any rate, "Watchmen" might be the best mainstream film of this year. You can write it down. :)
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March 15, 2009, 8:39 p.m. CST
Everyone knows that BERSERK is the only manga that counts.
by JudasPriestly
Some goofy live action movie about Dragon Ball Z was bound to be entertaining as Street Fighter.
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It took forever just for something to happen in the episode. Like they'd stare at each other for 20 minutes, with facial closeups of every character in the scene....then someone would finally do a move and the episode would be over. <BR> next episode. second move.<BR> It was soooooo slow and dragged out, thats my only complaint....but hey, DBZ posters are awesome arent they?? :)<BR><BR> I loved DBZ posters and games growing up, the cartoons were a bit slow with all the close-ups of every single character in the series before someone does one thing. I was a fan....but not enough to start a DB web site and move to Japan to teach high school.
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FOX fucking up another beloved franchise? Really? WHO would have thought?
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I just reread it. Didnt mean to come across as mean.
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The reason for that is that the show could not get ahead of the manga. So they had to drag shit out to stay behind it.
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Boring Alert! And Evangelion217, how can Watchmen be the best mainstream film of the year when it can't hit #1 two weeks in a row. Even Paul Blart and Madea goes to jail managed to pull that off.
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March 15, 2009, 9:02 p.m. CST
chatwin as goku sounds as bad as
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
chris tucker as malcolm x.
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trying to make Anime into Live action=Epic FAIL.
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I'm gonna go to the theatre dressed as a Street Fighter character and act as if I can't tell the difference and then about halfway through the film stomp to the managers office all pissed off and bitch about how Chun Li's not even IN the fucking thing and DEMAND my money back.
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his power level!?
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No Trunks no story know Trunks know story.....then again if Trunks was is it they would prolly (%%* that up too. So maybe its good he wasn't in this
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did we really think it was going to be good, or at least faithful to the source material? c'mon people we saw this coming when they announced it was green lit. this movie, and all FOX movies are made to make FOX money. that's it. it's not to please fans.
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Stop suggesting that people see this as a good laugh with their friends at the theaters! THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS TO GIVE MONEY TO SHITTY MOVIES, REGARDLESS OF THE REASONS! Movie studios don't give a shit WHY you are seeing the movie, they don't CARE if you think it's funny and sucks, so long as you are PAYING to see it, you are FUNDING more shitty ass movies. If a movie fucking sucks, don't fucking recommend it, PERIOD.
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...that came up with this one?
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:( http://tinyurl.com/d8hrtc
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to Linkin Park's "In the End"?
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...Dragonball? Of course it is going to be terrible, and anyone who would want to make such a film, can't respect the material, or the audience its meant for!
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THIS WAS A FANTASY SUPER MOVIE TO MAKE ALA LOTR!
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He died in his sleep. They say that good people die in their sleep. Here's wishing you a peaceful journey.
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They're just going to reboot the damn thing in a few years anyway...
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did any of us think it wouldn't be teh suck? honestly...
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and will be a mega-hit like Transformers. All the kids who grew up on Dragonball Z will be in their 20s or 30s, and will take their GF's, wives, and kids.
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Don't give me this bollocks about how they sit patiently through the credits. I've lived in Japan for a number of years now and it's a mad rush by everyone to exit the cinema as soon as the movie fades to black... just like everywhere else in the world. It's only a few people that stick around to 'wait' out that mad rush of people. Why is it always the High-School English teachers that live out in the country areas of Japan that sprout this crap about the country and give everyone else in the world the wrong impression? Sorry... rant over. And yes, Dragonball: Evolution sucks in a huge way (that StreetFighter, Double Dragon huge way)... at least I agree with this guy on that one.
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March 15, 2009, 10:39 p.m. CST
I lived in Tokyo for a while (Shibuya/Harajuku)
by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours
ApneicMonkey is right on the money. And as fast as fads come and go in Tokyo, I'm surprised anyone there even remembers DragonBall!
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The kids that grew up on DragonBall Z are in their 30's RIGHT NOW! At least those of us that didn't get cable until college...
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A guy got to make a living being a fan. I know nothing of dragonball, but I'll always dig stories like the reviewers.
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Where exactly in the review did I suggest anyone go see it in a 'theater' with friends?
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So... because you have a different experience, my observation in having been in the country for close to a decade now is wrong? Hmmm. You'll notice a TB from the previous review made a similar comment. Guess he was wrong too. The world should surely listen more to what you have to say about Japan.
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March 15, 2009, 11:19 p.m. CST
I like people throwing energy blasts and turning into apes
by JimCurry
So I'm there.
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"Hey we're complete opposites and share nothing in common and I hate you for trying to trap me in a hole in the desert!" "You're right! Hey, bummer the world is going to end and we're the only ones who know." "Yeah! Let's kiss!"
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The trailer says all you need to know-- it's meaningless flash and action which is supposed to impress us and badly failed to stir even my 10-year-old.
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I take everything he says as Gospel.
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Yes. Yes I do.
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Then may the Force be with you.
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March 15, 2009, 11:47 p.m. CST
"Dragon Ball remains a cornerstone in my life"???
by Emperor_was_a_jerk
Holy crap. OF HIS LIFE! This person sure does love Dragon Ball! That is one long-ass review to say it sucks.
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Surprised he did not mention him or Marsters in the review.
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March 16, 2009, 12:07 a.m. CST
You've pretty much centered your life around DBZ...
by TheGhostWhoLurks
Moving to Japan, learning the language, picking up a wife and laying down roots there, as a result of your love for the anime and you're SURPISED that you didn't like the live-action flick based on it???<p>Dude, you've invested WAY too much of yourself in DBZ to EVER like any Hollywood-made film about it. Anytime anyone is that hooked on a certain property, they're begging to be disappointed by whatever shows up in the theatres, because live-action films ALWAYS take liberties... using really BAD ones.<p>But don't feel too bad. I don't think even people ignorant of the source material will flock to see this film. It's just another poorly-acted, kiddie, kung-fu flick in a long line of crappy films that belong in the 25-cent DVD bin at Walmart.
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Actually the point of the introduction was to point out that while DB was a starting point for my interest in Japan when I was in grade school, I haven't seen an episode or read a comic in almost 10 years. I had no expectations going into the film and my comments aren't that of a DB fan, but as a fan of cinema. I've seen what DB fans have to say about the film and believe me, it's nothing like this. On one side they're calling the soundtrack alone a masterpiece that surpasses that of The Dark Knight. On the other side they're saying because Goku isn't Asian the film is racist. Yeah ok.
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My 9 year old loves the cartoon and he saw the trailer and said he thought it looked like crap. He's 9 and even he knows shit when he sees it.
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Yeah... he was wrong too and you're just feeding the stereotype. I guess it's not really your fault, it's just the skewed way that you view Japan because you're a classically sterotypical Japanophile yourself. The gurugurugaijin... the manga... the English teaching... You yourself are the poster boy for the cliche of every foreigner living in Japan. Were you part of the JET program by any chance?
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What 9000?
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and that's as royally fucked up as possible, while still being able to make it to the cinema and into your chair. I plan to gel my hair into obscene spikes, down a fifth of whiskey, maybe smoke a bit, and ride the DBZ pony for 90 minutes of whiskey, smoke-induced joy.
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Those hour long movies they made were fucking balls-out insane. I remember one where Goten and Trunks fused so they could re-kill fucking Hitler, all over again, because he escaped from hell or something.
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I had coffee. But no breakfast as I don't usually eat it. I know, i know, it's the most important meal of the day. But as i write this talkback,a little retrospective to how I got here needs to be explained. It was a tough day. Not working because I am on holidays. So all that I had to do today was watch back to back installements of The Matrix trilogy which I picked up on Blu Ray the other day. And oh my, astonishing. But i digress. Due to lack of said breakfast earlier in the day, i found my energy levels somewhat lagging by midday. So, a nanna nap was in order. After a solid 4 hour sleep, I woke up, grabbed a beer from the fridge and logged onto AICN where upon i discovered a review on the Dragonball movie. I have no intention at all to see this flick as i think looks like it will suck the life out of me. But i figured hey, this review looks like a fun read. And low and behold, i had to read his life story before getting to the goods. So i gave up. And came straight here. To do the same. Ha ha. See...no fun reading longwinded shit. Forgive me. i just woke up and need another coffe.
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...And think the cartoon is retarded. I also doubt the sanity of someone who makes life choices based on childrens cartoons from Japan, but it was refreshing reading a coherent, concise, well written review for once.
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...She'll be huddled in the corner in fear of all the unleashed penii.
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*claps* Well played ApneicMonkey. Well played. Yes it's true, I lied when I said people stay to watch the credits in movie theaters in Japan. It was all part of a far bigger plan than you could ever imagine but you, you had to go and ruin it. All our dreams, dashed. You saw right through it didn't you? More people should listen to you and your expertise in the field of anthropologic evaluation of Japanese movie theaters. When it comes to them, only ApneicMonkey knows his shit so listen up TB readers. Because if anyone says otherwise, it's poppy-cock. This round goes to you Sir.
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March 16, 2009, 2:41 a.m. CST
I agree with TheGhostWhoLurks. Harcore DB fan = gonna hate this
by Mike_D
its true.
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Shut the fuck up please. Nobody cares. Let's all get drunk and watch this dumbass movie.
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....would be FullMetal Alchemist. In the right hands and filmed on location in Prague or Budapest or some other vaguely exotic Central European locale, FMA could be a fantastic series of films. It already has a beautifully realized world and great characters. That said, I'm sure Hollywood would find ample ways to fuck it up.
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Really fantastically written. Well done Greg.
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No way around it.<p> But... at least I like Ayumi Hamasaki. Japanese pop stars are a lot more likely to churn out songs for bad movies, anime, and video games.
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is a gentleman and a scholar.
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I'd watch as long as guy plays the male version and a girl plays the female version. <BR><BR> Like Zac Effron gets splashed by water and turned into Jessica Alba. lol.
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I was absolutely *obsessed* with DBZ when it first hit the US, when the damned cartoon network just kept looping the same 15 or so episodes from the first chapter, I started buying up the Japanese VHSs just so I could keep getting fresh episodes. But even I, a hardcore fan who can still watch this in marathons for nostalgia's sake, realize then and now that I'm watching 300 hours of people staring and grinding their teeth while powering up to blast each other across the planet. 'Canon' is not applicable to a show that really has only 5 different episodes recycled into hundreds.
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Characters throwing energy blasts and turning into apes. Sounds amazing
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I never actually said that some people don't stick around to watch the credits. In fact, I actually made a point of saying that a few people stick around... You however, made the extremely broad generalization that all Japanese people do it. You probably tell people that Japanese feel it's impolite to laugh during comedy movies too, right?
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So instead of talking about my life before I review this film, I'm going to talk about not talking about my life before the review and eventually talk about my life anyway.<p> AICN = Trendsetting bastards.
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Thank god you were around to clear that debacle up. I can't imagine what would have happened if people went around thinking every single Japanese person (ever) sat through credits based on a overexaggerated comment from a movie review. We should be thankful you're here to set the important shit straight.
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I win.
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much akin to Street Fighter Legend of Chun Li
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Dare I dream?
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Glaciers look at that shit and tell it to pick up the pace.
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That Drag-On Ball was slow? The freaking title says it all.
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The game from the movie from the anime...
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It's all the lunatic action with none of the stopping and staring.
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That's racist casting !
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Episodes was so slow because DB was so popular in Japan, that the creators of tv show had to slow things up to make the bigest number of episodes possible. That also included adding lots of shit that wasn't in the comics, just to make series longer. Just read the manga, it's awesome,and exactly as long as it should be.
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Are you the same person that set up this petition years ago? http://www.thegrandline.com/dbzinfo/sigthank.html
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March 16, 2009, 2:20 p.m. CST
kungfuhustler84, RE: there is only one way to see this
by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours
Nailed it.
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March 16, 2009, 2:26 p.m. CST
Live-action Full-Metal Alchemist?
by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours
I just became power level 9000 ... in my pants.
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You explained where you were coming from with your viewpoints. I may or may not see it now due to your review (as opposed to previously when I was adamant that I wouldn't see it). Thanks for this write-up.
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It's usually anime for a reason. Either a) it would be too expensive to do with real people (think Akira's epic Neo Tokyo setting. how the hell could I have done that in real life on such a grand scale?), or b) it would just look stupid with real people. Super Saiyan 3 Goku comes to mind...
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People who like DBZ have got to raise their standards, man. Randomly watching 10 minute segments of old Gatchaman reruns would make more sense. it's crap and all of you know it. You watched it when you were young and didn't know any better.
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when it was about fantasy and shit like that, not when they all grew up and looked like they were trying to pass a kidney stone for 20 minutes an episode.
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but there's a nostalgia factor that definitely comes into play. I only stopped caring when the reruns became sort of chronic. It took years to get to a new season. Watching the Garlick Jr. saga for a second time made no sense to me at all, so that was when I stopped. Plus, I moved to Germany.<p>I agree though. In retrospect, it is pretty low quality. I would rather turn something like Paranoia Agent on any day of the week.
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REBOOT!!!!! I haven't seen the movie yet, but you only need to see the trailer to know that this sucks.
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With the way things in Hollywood are looking & at this shitty remake rate, DB:E will be remade within the next 18 months.
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This is one of those many instances where you can tell the movie is gonna suck just by the trailer. Did anyone really feel they were watching Dragonball when they seen the trailer? No. This movie will fail. Like Street Fighter TLOCL did because the whole look is instantly wrong when you look at it. You dont feel comfortable watching movies like they are so bland that you feel you can do a better job than the actors onscreen. Bottom line, this movie looks disrespectful like every other action genre FOX adapts to their shitty cameras. Thanks for a honest review, although I think Masswyrm will not be so generous. I wouldnt
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Dude, i totally thank you for that honest review, even though I'm just thirteen, i was a hardcore fan since the age of 4,(or 5 =P) I understand...
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