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A Brilliantly Written MYSTERY MEN review by Executive-Man!
From time to time an emailed review just strikes me as the most brilliant thing since raspberry watermelon jam, and this one is it. I tell you, I hope that Executive Man becomes a regular here because I just about fucking died reading this brilliant piece. Read whether you give a crap about Mystery Men or not... Just read for the sheer joy of it!
You don't know me, but you all want to be me. I sit in my bungalow on
The Lot (guess which one), hit lunch at where ever Peter Bart writes about
that week, and then get all sorts of calls from people begging me to see
their movie and tell me how to fix it, sell it, buy it, or dump it. I'm
the guy who reads all these reports every day while my Harvard summer
intern gets my car washed, my assistant runs to the cleaners, and my other
assistant fills out my expense form. I've never met the man, I've never
talked to him, but I've seen almost all of his movies almost all the way
through, so Tom Cruise is nonetheless a close personal friend of mine.
Yep, I'm a power player. A Bigshot. A Suit. A Studio Exec. Hail my
power, envy my power... whatever your choice, You Will Follow.
So I'm in the middle of my morning manicure/blowjob, (at least one of)
my feet on my desk, my speakerphone on of course. Ring ring ring. The
damn intern forgot to turn the ringer off again. But in this case, there's
no need to give the "you'll never work in this town again" speech for the
third time today (even though I only meant it the second time). It's
another Studio Exec, from a rival studio. He wants to work for me, so he
kisses my ass (we have a special add-on to the studio phone systems that
let's callers do this holographically) and begs me to attend a special
screening across town. Well, I needed to run to North Hollywood to pick up
some new porn (interns never get it right, anyway), so I consent. So off
to the Universal City Cinemas I went. (Never mind they forgot to comp my
parking, so I had to shell out seven bucks for a parking space for my
German-Italian all-terrain sports sedan diagonally across three spaces in
fear someone would actually breathe on it, and then removed my windshield
wipers so I couldn't get a ticket or a flyer for cheap Thai food.)
The flick was MYSTERY MEN. And let me tell you, because you can
believe me, because as a Studio Exec I am never allowed to lie (or at least
admit to lying)... it's brilliant. Truly. But most of The Masses would
never know.
And you'd never know from the reaction of the audience. See, for the
most they Just Didn't Get It. It's only partially their fault. And I
don't know if it's because they've surrendered their intellect or if we
Studio Execs have finally beaten it out of them. I hope it's the latter.
Kinka Usher (another close personal friend of mine since I was two
people behind him/her at Ralph's Grocery a year ago) has made one of the
most subversively brilliant and funny films I've seen. Now, it's not as
laugh-out-loud or obvious as SOUTH PARK, but it's damn funny, as long as
you think while (or soon after) you watch.
The best thing about the movie is that is so referential to every
over-the-top-idiotic actioner to come out since Die Hard. The camera
angles, the gratituous explosions, the poorly motivated Bad Guy, and wanton
blood and sex (sometimes together)... they are all inspired by and come
from the most horrid place imaginable... our collective cinematic memories.
The movie is a commentary on action films, and the fact that the
mostly 17-year-old audience didn't get it only proves how perceptive Kinka
is. These younguns and their crucial $8 have been beaten into idiocy by
Die Hard II, Die Hard III, Rambo II, Rambo III, any $100 million grossing
American Studio film by a Dutch, Swedish, or German director, all the
one-word-titled and most of the two-word-titled Schwartzenegger films,
anything Kopelson's produced since 1994, or anything Jon Peters has ever
even read after the first Batman.
Don't get me wrong, these people are all close, personal friends of
mine, and they've proven themselves to be better than almost anyone at
conning 17-year-old boys out of their $8, which is all we really care
about. And to get that, we've twisted all you people into following
formulaic plots concocted by no less than 12 writers per film (were
negotiating with the WGA to change the designation from "Written By" to "
'Written' by"), fast cameras, Oscar winners in small-but-crucial supporting
roles, music that tells you what to think rather than reflect what you
feel... if it all wasn't so obvious, I feel like I was spilling trade
secrets. But instead I'm laughing all the way to my leased house in Malibu.
But back to the film.
You might think I'm completely dissing the movie (another term I've
verified by calling my good friend Puff Daddy, whom Oliver Stone
recommended to me personally to call for "Street Language" tutorials but
definitely NOT for acting lessons). I'm not. Not at all. This is a film
you have to see, and that you will thank me for seeing. Even if you don't
get The Big Joke, you'll get all the Obvious Little Ones. Small ones are
sweeter. Big Ones make you choke. At least, that's what I tell my
girlfriend du jour, out of half rationalization and half rationale.
If you know nothing about this film, it concerns a troupe of
second-rate superheroes with odd and seemingly worthless talents (people I
can certainly identify with, if not the rest of the world) who have to
rally to save their beloved Champion City from the evils of Cassanova
Frankenstein.
The script is deliberately conscious of the formula factor. Every
character intro, every beat, every segment of the arc (all terms I know are
right because I just had a Stanford intern call my good friend Billy
Goldman to verify), are measured, written, and executed to be as cliched as
possible.
Now you say, cliche is bad. Wrong. Here, cliche is good, but only
because the Best Character Actors In The World are playing them, and it's
part of the joke.
Bill Macy (who I used to let sleep on my couch when he was still doing
walk-ons in Mamet films), Ben Stiller (who's father gave me my first Big
Break when I was just a wide-eyed little pisher - in fact, he taught me the
meaning of the word "pisher"), Janeane Garofalo (who, restraining orders
aside, is one of my closest friends), Hank Azaria (wonderful wedding last
weekend Hank, thanks for the invite and hope you like the Cartier gift
bag), Wes Studi (cast not only because he's an incredible actor, but also
because Hollywood has that pesky EEOC hearing next month), Geoffrey Rush
(who I discovered years ago but wouldn't cast in any films because no one
else had ever cast him in any films) and Paul Reubens (probation voucher,
brought his own tissues this time) all are incredibly smart actors who
truly Get It.
They milk the dialogue, they add their intellect and force of
character, and they truly mold each of their heroes into indellible and
unforgettable PEOPLE, not cartoon characters. Unlike in the actioners I
usually throw at you in this box office shell game, these are real people
surrounded by cartoon, not caricatures surrounded by cartoon. You believe
them, you love them, you are them, except the Mystery Men are smart enough
not to pay to see DEEP BLUE SEA or WILD WILD WEST.
Kinka uses every silly camera trick that anyone who ever worked for
Jerry Bruckheimer or paid Don Simpson an unwarranted compliment out of fear
used. It's exaggerated, it's crazy, it's manipulative.... and that's the
point. See it in context and you'll be laughing at every edit. Don't see
it in context, and you'll just have to wait for the fart jokes or a Ben
Stiller witicism, and luckily those are plentiful, and require no analysis.
For those of you out there that let fart jokes blow over your head, there's
some cool explosions.
Wes Studi as the Sphinx, is without a doubt - and I can say this with
a straight and sincere face - the single best Native American actor in this
film. When he tutors and trains his grasshopperlike Mystery Men, his voice
echoes with the Wisdom of Ages. He's Chingachook, Sun Tzu, Bhudda,
Quai-Chang, and Jack Handy combined. If you don't find yourself quoting
him at the office the next day, then you need to see the film again and
take notes.
Janeane plays a slightly distrubed kinetic psychic with Freudian
conflict and a bowling ball all of us will soon be checking eBay for. This
movie once again, like CLAY PIGEONS, PERMANENT MIDNIGHT, the guest penpal
voice on FELICITY, and the MAD ABOUT YOU finale, that she is one of the
best actresses in The Biz. Funny, smart, convincing, sincere. This is a
woman who's performances are always perfect and windows I always look
forward to peeking through. And since I wrote my number on her coaster
last night at Spago's I need to practice my compliments. At least this
time, when she calls, I won't be lying. She's priceless and would be an
absolutely perfect woman if she didn't smoke (smoking is out this year, so
I have to say that).
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll wrap this up. It's late and while I've
been writing I've had three hookers waiting for me in my hottub. Don't
worry about me, I negotiated a flat rate and not hourly. Besides, The
Studio lets me expense it.
Some of you are bored, so I'll give you the Cliff's Notes version, cut
to a length even a graduate of an American high school can understand...
It's just damn funny watching these characters run through this really big
city blowing up shit and saving the world from some big bad plasma
desctrcto-ray.
We are all Mystery Men at heart... at least, those of us in the exec
ranks are. We have no useful talent for anything beyond the world we
create for ourselves. Just as the slaves stood with Spartacus, I stand
with the Mystery Men.
Until next time...
--ExecutiveMan
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...and it's the BEST film since both "Wild Wild West" AND "The Avengers."
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Harry, this guy obviously suffers from little dick syndrome. It's cause of know it alls like this that shitty movies like the ones he was talking about were produced and that they have such horrible actors. Live long indy producers that saved guys like this's sorry ass.
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I am first and i think it will give me an ego boost actually i dont care. Big T out.
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Well, OK, how would I know? But that's the caricature, and we all hate studio execs, and so I must laugh. It's a pity Universal bungled what should have been the easiest-to-sell film of the year: Name the cast. Explain the concept. Watch people come and spend their money. Unfortunately we got a bunch of muddled trailers that weren't very funny (the first ones made it sound like it was supposed to be a serious action movie). It's a shame, but it's also good, because it leaves the August 6th weekend for Iron Giant to lord it over the BO (No, really! It's looking like that might actually happen now!) Do you realize The 6th Sense, Dick, Mystery Men and Iron Giant are all coming out the same week? All supposedly good movies.
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it was a well-written article, funny, insightful and it has a good ending. I got most of the jokes, but will it "play in peoria" as they say? i don't think so, since it may be a little bit too 'hollywood hip' for the masses.
Oh yeah, the movie. so you think that the camera work is intended as a joke, and not just the shabby work of a hack? and everything in the movie is 'tounge-in-cheek' and beautifully cliched and not just awfully bad? an interesting point of view. -
some people arent going to get this review. see zereph above.
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and see zereph below when he says he DID get it and im an ass.
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This e-mail seems an awful lot like a nice hit-piece to get the movie types salivating. Harry has a pretty big circulation and this little "buzz" letter sounds a little too scripted to be genuine. Plus noone eats at spago anymore.
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Reading this brilliant review reminded me of my 11'th grade physics teacher who taught me that "sarcasm is a disease".
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you, Taliesin, are one. Zereph is obviously a moron. We all know that. But when you make a special effort to seem cool by picking on a moron, you just reveal yourself to be an ass. A big ass. And, by the way, that review was not particularly funny. It tried too hard to be funny, just like you were doing with your posts. And, speaking of ass...kiss mine.
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guess you must feel i was picking on you the other day too lol
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Yeah, I can see he's "trying to be funny" but then, where's the harm in that?! I liked his style... kind of in your face but that's okay. I don't think this movie will be good with the masses (much like this review) but I think I'm really going to like it. I hope so anyway, I've been disapointed by a lot of summer's "best" so far (except South Park - I still sing "Uncle Fucker" in my head all the time)
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Speaking of those trailers, which I am, I think that I shall point out one thing about them which I believe to be a bad thing. This thing is a thing that I have noticed in other trailers as well, and the thing is: how they splice bits of dialog together from different scenes to make a "new" little scene that actually isin't in the film (or at least an odd variant on a real scene). For an example of this that does not refer to this film, read this: ***very slight Fargo spoilers ahead (yes, Fargo. No, that has nothing to do with Mystery Men. Leave me alone)*** remember the trailer for Fargo? The scene where Frances McDormand (or however her name is spelled) is questioning the two...er..."women of ill repute" at the truck-stop-ish place? (Ok, stop if you don't remember this) She (Frances) asks of the women something to the effect of "Now is there anything else you could tell me about this particular gent?", to which one of the women replies "well he wasn't circumcised", to which Frances replies "Oh, yeah?" in a way that would suggest she was amused at hearing this. WRONG WRONG WRONG! That is not in the movie! In the movie, Frances asks her question, and the lady replies that "He was kinda funny-lookin'",
and Frances' "amused" reaction comes after the ladies inform her about the men-she-is-seeking's trip to the twin cities. In this context, her reaction is obviously not amusement.
Anyway, that was really long-winded (at least it felt like it was) but my point is that the "scene-splicing" thing is bad, beacuse I don't like it, and it's everywhere (compare the different trailers for Runaway Bride, even, and you'll see it's what they've done) I do not know how effective this posting is. -
Every recent talkbalk confirms the unfortunate truth -- the credibility of AICN's e-mailed movie reviews has been done irreperable harm by the recent Salon article, comments by Mr. Poland, etc. It is now impossible to read a remotely positive review without suspecting a studio-employed hand at work. Not that I disagree with Mxyzpltk's comments, but... the cloud of skepticism obscures precisely what has always been the site's advantage... the advance testimony of normal fans able to sneak into exlusive screenings and provide credible hype. Here's hoping you successfully move on to other media, Harry, because the decline has undoubtedly begun.
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Don't think for a second I'd get up from my Porsche office chair to throw a little truth in your face. But lucky for you, direct conflict is against The Studio Code, so you'll have to settle for distant memos and third-party rumors.
I do not work for MM, nor Uni (at least, not this week), nor anyone associated with the film. I am new to the AICN contributors. On occasion, I just itch to tell a little Truth, share a little Insight, do a little dance, make a little love... I have Hookers and Interns for the last point, and AICN and The Net for the others.
I work for a studio - or as I put it - the studio works for me.
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The authenticity (or lack thereof) of a given review is beside the point. Given the recent airing of certain suspicions/allegations, our perceptions of said reviews will remain forever tainted, and thus the reviews themselves diminished.
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I don't believe that this review is a plant, as most people working for the studios couldn't write this well. Almost sounds like Harlan Ellison if I didn't know any better.....
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Jul 23, 1999 4:31:27 AM CDT
So The Guy Wants To Put A Little Humor In His Review? Leave Him
by justin sane
...Just let the guy write his reviews however he wants! I personally thought his review was a lot more interesting (and clever) than most of the usual reviews we get. Sure, I like to hear someone's opinion, but not in the form that seems like it's written by an automoton. Hmmm... a reviewer who's an automoton... Executive Man, you just may have your next big hit for Jim Carrey!!
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I'm curious as to whether or not anyone else thinks that MM is inspired by The Tick. The Tick which IMHO is one of the greatest cartoons ever already explored the wannabe super heroes (civic minded five anyone?). Not that I'm trying to rip on the movie but if anyone thinks that the idea of 2nd level super heroes is fresh or original than they need to do some more research. Anyway just wanted to throw that bone out for public consumption.
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But you're close. The Mystery Men are actually characters from the "Flaming Carrot" comic book.
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It should just be noted that Flaming Carrot and the Mystery Men were around long before the Tick.
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That had to be one of the best reviews EVER. I was very hesitant seeing this movie with the way some of those other reviews were written. This guy is great! Why? you ask. Because he speaks the truth, he makes no excuse for what he is or what he does. Even if it's completly made up it's written so humorously how can you not enjoy that? I personally will see this just because of that review. I just wish he would have done one for Eyes Wide Shut.
THANKS EMAN! -
...and let us not forget "Captain Nice" and "Mr. Terrific"...
And the earlier poster was correct-- nobody eats at Spago any more. Even Ben Stein eats at Morton's. -
at this review is pretty right on. Sadly, I think it'll make no money, because for some reason the ads really don't look that good to most people I've talked to. (And what movie casts Claire Forlani and then hardly uses her in the ad campaign?) The movie is truly fun in a brainless, summer popcorn way...the way that action movies USED to be before they turned into loud spiritless drek. That said, the audience I saw it with seemed to miss the satire. They thoroughly enjoyed it (lots of laughs, quite a few people staying through the credits). Like the guy said, even if you don't get the Big Joke, you'll still have a godo time with all the little ones. By the way, this movie has my favorite set of movie villan henchmen since...well, since Mini-Me. Eddie Izzard and Pras rock.
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A little strained at times but overall it puts that 'Moriarty Labs' pish posh to shame.
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I think it's a little soon to sound the death knell on AICN's credibility regarding reviews. Sure, studio flacks are going to get stuff posted here, but what of it? They'll be spotted pretty quickly and summarily ignored. When we see a movie that some mole hyped here and it turns out it sucks, we'll have a bead on the guy, even if he changes handles (writing styles are like fingerprints). Give the current fervor a few weeks to die down, and then most (not all, but *most*) of the studio folks will leave us alone and go back to buying good reviews for Gene Shalit and reviewers from the third-rated noonday newscast in Omaha. Time will tell if ExecutiveMan is worth listening to or not. We'll all know on August 6. And my money is on this review being dead on target. I predict Mystery Men will be one for all of our "Favorite Movies" lists even if it isn't a blockbuster. And isn't that what really matters?
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this guy made me hurl! I'll skip anything else he writes, thankyouverymuch
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Pretty lame. I find this kind of humor akin to the idiot bastard who sits in the back row of your class making fart noises while quoting the latest episode of Beavis and Butthead. It's lowbrow, degrading, and childish. Not to mention it's not funny!
Granted, it fits the demographic for the kind of humor that most of the "talk back" users seem to go for. I'll give him credit for writing for his target audience.
I think it was worthless drivel that makes me angry with Harry for calling it "brilliant" in the title. Looking for something remotely humorous, I find something completely pathetic.
And pathetic enough for me to respond on a "talk back" no less.
For everyone who loved it, more power to you. This kind of humor just isn't my cup of tea. -
This certainly is the best-written and most clever review to ever appear on AICN. Not that that is saying much. It wasn't particularly funny, though. I was a little unsettled. If ExecutiveMan was joking, then he was laying it on way too thick, to the point of being offensive. All the name-dropping was a little tiresome, too. If he wasn't joking, then he is a remarkable case study of the appalling immorality of Hollywood's power players. Surely he's joking. If he was at all serious, this review is, in fact, quite disturbing.
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People criticizing a film critic, brilliant! That's almost as brilliant as the media doing stories on the media's coverage of Columbine!
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In my opinion, the majority of review reviews are poorly concieved and written, and the examples on this list are no exception. One must be properly educated in order to effectively dissect and examine a piece of criticism. In particular, I found Bloodstain's review of Executive Man's review to be lacking in insight and totally without either intellectual value or mass appeal. And his work is just a symptom of the generall downfall of critic critics. This is what's wrong with the people who look at the people who look at movies today.
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I think people need to realize something. Prose is prose. Screw it. Take it for what it's worth. Read it or don't. Who the hell gives a shit if this guy is genuine or not? Read it as a story. Sarcasm is what makes this world go round. without it, we would all be sorry ass suits, walking around happytown pretending that life is beautiful, when we know for damn sure that it licks more ass than Ed Powers. This is not bitterness. Bitterness + Sarcasm = Cynicism.
He is no Cynic. He's having fun, and maybe laughing at all of the bitterness you people let out. Show a little love. Be original...or attempt to do such. -
Your article made me laugh out loud. I am a former executive for Arista Pictures, now a talent hunter. Your schathing review was right on the mark. Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Rick Stallion -
This film is not in any way brilliant nor original! It might be funny. But it is not brilliant. Hasn't anyone ever seen or read The Tick by Ben Edlund? Now... that is brilliance in its most raw. Mystery Men is obviously just ripping off Mr. Edlund's super-hero farce, and Mystery Men looks to me to be nothing more than a much less funny Tick. It's really too bad that Edlund never got around to finishing the movie...
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I just read everyone else's comments... and had two of my own.
First of all, yeah, I knew about Flaming Carrot, but I was unaware that Mystery Men were around back then. I assumed that they were a new thing. I guess perhaps they're not just ripping off the Tick after all. Though I still think the Tick looks to be more humorous. Excuse my ignorance.
Secondly, do all of you people really not get it? I've long thought that everyone took movies like the Avengers too seriously... but I thought that something like Mystery Men, which is so blantantly satirical, would be better understood. Of course the movie is tongue-in-cheek... you actually think that it was supposed to be a serious action flick with heros like The Bowler and The Shoveler? Give me a break... -
Great review ExecutiveMan. I found it quite entertaining, even if I do live in Peoria. AICN aint going nowhere and especially not downhill! Great job as always Harry! I wish Hallenbeck would sound off once in awhile. I used to thoroughly enjoy his reviews too. Anybody se the trailer for deep blue sea with the haunting. What a piece of shit. Just as bad as 13th warrior.The opening effects shot in DBS was a fucking joke!! The composite was slipping all over the place. Unbelievable!!
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Well I think all you guys who are reviewing the reviewer are just BOOOORING. I have never even SEEN a worse review-of-a-review in my life. Are you trying to be funny, because I just don't get it. I think you're all studio plants, I really do.
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It's obvious that Exec Man *isn't* a studio exec. He's someone poking fun at studio execs. It's funny how most of you fuckin' boneheads mirror the dumbass 17 year old boys in Exec Man's review. The humor is way too sophisticated for you. Maybe you should start hanging out at the msn site or something.
Love, Bill Clinton (a guy who can appreciate the blowjob under the desk maneuver) -
...but he should be. And the brilliance of his review is that his voice is as meanly slippery as his review purports the movie to be -- and THAT makes it a brilliant review. I say anyone coming away concerned with whether or not he's really who he says he is, "Just Doesn't Get It." Which, come to think of how I started this, would, uh, include me. But you know what? Personally I think there's way too much emphasis placed on "getting it" anyway. What is that about? Just another way to delineate sides in that great game of dodgeball we all started in fourth grade and forgot to stop. Can't we go back to just liking it or not? 9 out of 10 dummies picked the same blue ribbon wine that the "experts" did -- why? Because the experts "got it," but everybody knows what tastes good. Now, I realize my buddy Executive Man himself seems a tad pre-occupied with "getting it," but come on. It's this review that fairly crackles with invention and showmanship, forget the movie. I'm only half kidding when I say somebody find this guy and do something with him. Just because he annoys you, don't let that stop you. He's obviously got talent and time in equal amounts, so for chrissake GIVE him a desk. And don't put him ON a desk -- probably that's his current disposition. P.S. Nice review. P.P.S. To the individual who called this sort of critique on critique "navel gazing", you're right. Would that your navel was as interesting.
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Perhaps I'm getting a bit too picky here, but I'd like to make a formal protest about one aspect of the review (which, other than the following, I thought was excessive but generally fine): this aggravating stereotype that most of the "cool" people on this site seem to harbor. ExecutiveMan is not the first to pass himself off as sophisticated or "cool" by casually insulting the "17-year-old" crowd. As a member of that group, I have to say that not every one of us is a video-game-playing, fart-joke-giggling, illiterate buffoon. There are those that fit that stereotype, but I didn't laugh during "South Park" simply because of the swearing and I didn't see "Eyes Wide Shut" just to get a glimpse of Nicole Kidman. I'm sure this note could garner some criticism, but describing teenagers in this way is like any other blind stereotype. I'm planning on enjoying "Mystery Men," but I can tell you now that it will not be due to big noises or all the pretty pictures.
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Where? Name _one_ Swedish director that makes big-budget action movies. Just _one_.
Renny Harlin? From Finland.
Jan De Bont? Dutch.
Paul Verhoeven? Dutch.
Wolfgang Petersen? German.
Just _one_. -
That was a brilliant fucking review, I might say, and I would also like to say that everyone of you fuckwits who post just to ferret out 'the readed studio hand' are the same shitwits who check pay phones for change, buy lottery tickets, think that porn star would dig you if she got to know you and assume, just because you can ridicule something, you possess a microbe of intelligence.
FUCK YOU!
The review was brilliant, funny, insightful and way self-depricating to be worth holding on to. This one of the best goddamn reviews I've read here and since I've seen "Mystery Men", I know it's fucking true. A lot of you solid, mostly starch floaters out there are gonna get this not. You're gonna walk out of the theater scratching your predominant upper brow and be all, "Me not fucking get it, Oog."
POST MORE SHIT BY THIS GUY HARRY!
I coudl give a fuck if he's a studio plant, but guys like this Moriarty are the reason why your site maintains.
Don't forget that. -
Mr. Myers, your review titled "Holy Shit" was simply Walter Monheit-esque in its please-like-me-daddy praise. Your frequent use of scatological references points to your utter lack of self-awareness, and indeed, of taste, Mr. Myers. That you believe Executive Man's post is at all "self-deprecating" is delusional if not very sad. That you call it "brilliant, funny and insightful" is nothing less than a tragic statement about your own reading level. Mr. Myers, you have never seen this movie called Mystery Men and you know it. You are just trying to drum up "proof" that you're "right" about Exec Man's review. Mr. Myers, his review was sophomoric. Yours was freshmonic.
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Hey, look honey. I could give a shit? Um-kay? I liked it and that's all there is to say. Save your fucking film snob, overwritten bullshit for someone who's trying to get into your panties.
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Jane-Jane: 1, GhostofLaneMyers: 0. (off topic, yeah, but someone needed to say it. )
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Everyone writing here is very funny. Oh, and when was thet last time YOU didn't see a movie that sounded or looked interesting just because of a review you saw here or any where else? Get real. You see movies like everybody else - because they are sold well or the hype is right!! You people are already talking up this new headless horseman movie, and it's not even finished yet!! But we all ran out to see the preview. That's cool. I'm hyped, too. But no reviews yet. We're sold already. How many of you will not see it if it gets bad reviews? Phantom Menace, any one?
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Uh, Ghost of Lane Dunce, whatever your name is. Dude, know when you're out-gunned and just, uh, sit down. Thanks. Jane-Jane you crack me up. And was that an old Spy magazine reference per chance???
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First I will point out the utter stupidity of Ms. Jane~Jane in belittling the efforts of people with very little capability of using the english language. Now I will point out the limited vocabulary of Mr. Myers in his constant use of completely unneccessary profanity in getting his views across. If you cannot appreciate a good comedy such as Mystery Men then you can go back to watching a movie designed for people of your intelligence level Ms. Jane. How about Air Bud for instance? I don't believe there are too many sick jokes in that movie so you should be dying to see it. Meanwhile, you will allow those those of us in the elite "Intelligencia" to enjoy satires that we can trully appreciate. Such as this excellent movie review or Mystery Men.
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Wow! I Get Blow Jobs All The Time And I Use The Shift Key For Every Word Because It's Easier To Do That Than Remember The Rules For Capitalization While I Use My Craftmatic Adjustible Bed To Blow Myself.
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I'm not sure if this movie will be great or not, but i'm ready for the sequel. "Why?", you may ask. Although I think this movie will be a lot of fun, I think they will be able to do an even better sequel because they didn't even include the 2 greatest mysterymen of them all! SCREWBALL and THE FLAMING CARROT himself!!! I hope that this one is a success so that a FLAMING CARROT move can be made (Written by Bob Burden perhaps). Screwball was always my favorite mysteryman. He has a bubble gun. But since Screwball is an alien and Flaming Carrot has that giant flaming carrot head maybe they thought it would cost too much money and CGI to pull them off. More likely, they may have thought that Screwball and Flaming Carrot were too goofy and child-like to put in a movie with such a hipster, 18-25 sheen and marketing slant (is that english?)
The other great mysterymen universal seems to have overlooked (remember I've not seen it yet) are Bondo-man, Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, Red Rover, and Captian Attack. If I were a Hollywood bigshot like Executive Man, why, I'd....
One other point, in Issue #17 of Flaming Carrot comics the mystery men are defined as "a rambunctious but ill fated hero team OF THE MID-SEVENTIES" Just to let y'all know how far this movie has strayed from the original vision. (or whatever)
I DEMAND A FLAMING CARROT MOVIE!
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