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Massawyrm Tiger-Uppercuts STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI and calls it the must see bad movie of the season!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Some movies are so terrible that they transcend the mortal realm of what was intended and instead become something so spectacular that you dare not blink for fear of missing a second. They are movies that make you cry out in glee and howl at the screen as each attempt at being cool or funny or inventive instead fails, tripping over itself time and again in a series of blunders so magnificent that it defies every expectation. And as you’ve probably guessed by now, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li is just such a picture. A moist, gaping hole of sanity, this film is repeatedly fucked by its own incompetence, its mind numbingly awful script, and its complete and utter inability to even sustain its own logic. In other words, it is one of the greatest things I have seen on screen all year. Never boring for a minute, SF:TLoCL strives to break away from its source material – to find a story outside of the story in some vain hope of creating something better than it is adapting. Take everything you know about the STREET FIGHTER series of games and set it aside. No seriously. Take it out of your skull, put it in some of that Tupperware you keep in the bottom drawer and bury it in the back of your freezer never to be seen again. Because that’s exactly what the filmmakers did here. And it’s the only way to make a lick of god damned sense out of it. Let’s be clear on one thing: this ISN’T a god damned Street Fighter movie. There are streets. And there is (occasionally) fighting. And the main character is named CHUN LI – played by SMALLVILLES Kristin Kreuk. And that’s about where the similarities end. There is no tournament fighting of any kind in this film. I repeat. There IS NO TOURNAMENT FIGHTING anywhere in this film. Not a single street fight for money. I counted 5 characters from the game, INCLUDING the film’s namesake – six if you count someone who has a name but not even a passing resemblance to the character he may or may not be based upon. NONE of these characters make any sense in the setting in question. You'd think being set in Bangkok, they might include one of the handful of Thai characters from the games in the film. But no. Not even Sagat. M. Bison, a blonde Irish man born and orphaned as a baby in Thailand (0_o) but mysteriously possessing an Irish accent that is apparently hereditary, is buying up waterfront property in the slums along with his man servant Balrog (played by Michael Clark Duncan.) Bison kidnaps Chun Li’s father and Chun Li, believing he’s dead continues on with her life…that is, until she receives a mysterious scroll. Don’t ask. It doesn’t mean shit. It just manages to put Chun Li in the right place at the right time to be told to go to Thailand and wander around aimlessly until a secret kung fu master decides she’s ready for training. So she wanders aimlessly. Kung Fu master Gen finally finds her. Training in martial arts, blind fighting and causing a big glowy ball of CG bullshit to hover above your genitals ensues. But don’t worry. Despite a complete and utter lack of any physical traits that make her resemble Chun Li at all, she is incredibly hot, and will perpetually distract you from most of the boring crap this movie has to throw at you. If there’s anyone I’ll watch wander aimlessly for five minutes through the slums, it is Kristin Kreuk. In fact, the one scene they actually make her look like Chun Li at all, wearing the blue dress with her hair in those adorable buns, she looks mind numbingly awesome. She does this lesbian dance scene and strikes poses that connect with primal instincts that cannot be described in terms without using phrases like “exploding dicks” and “self generated lubricant.” The films ONE single, intentional note hits perfectly here. And then returns to its regularly scheduled suck. Sure, what follows is this whole revenge plot and some fucking McGuffin with a girl that is supposed to be M. Bison’s weakness but instead gets left behind when the plot doesn’t need to get everyone in one place any more. But you don’t (and won’t) care about any of that once you lay your eyes upon the film’s REAL star. Chris Klein. Oh yeah – THAT Chris “American Pie” Klein. He plays Charlie Nash, who many of you will remember as Guile’s Vietnam war buddy killed by Bison only to return in the prequel. But what the fuck did I tell about that shit? Put. Your brain. Away. This Charlie Nash is an Interpol agent on the trail of Bison and his crime syndicate Shadowloo. Charlie Nash possesses two things. The first is a magical plot thread finding computer that instantly can give him news stories Sherlock Fucking Holmes with Google and a fistful of clues couldn’t find. And the second is ATTITUDE. Serious, real, honest to god 80’s attitude. Imagine every bad cop movie you saw in the 80’s and try to remember every Don Johnson impression you ever saw in those movies. Now multiply that by the biggest number you can think of. I’m talking government bank bailout big. THAT’S how fucking awesome Chris Klein is in this. He strikes poses. He hangs up his phone with a whip of his head and the phrase “NASH OUT!” He effortlessly puts together complicated plot lines, then manages to oversimplify them to the point that a mewling idiot could understand it – all while managing to sound surprised and shocked at his own brilliance with a Keanu Reeves like level of film confusion. He then bumbles and stumbles his way through the plot, completely ignorant of the fact that he actually doesn’t have anything to do. So he FINDS things to do. Even if it doesn’t make a lick of god damned sense. Every moment he’s off camera the film is lacking for it. He doesn’t have a place anywhere in this movie, and yet, you cannot take your eyes off of him. I want so desperately, SO DESPERATELY, to believe that Klein was doing this intentionally. That he read the script, saw the zeroes on the check and said “Fuck, it. If they’re gonna offer me a shit sandwich, I’m gonna eat it with a fucking smile.” Seriously. When you’re done here, google some photos of him from the film. Note the ever present stubble, the look of unbridled, determined intensity. No way does anybody think that looks cool. Not anyone that didn’t just wake up from a coma, that is. That said, I’m not denying that this film might have been made to capture the all too oft neglected “coma patient” demographic. It certainly feels like it’s playing to them. This is shit. Really, really, really bad shit. And I don’t think a single one of you is surprised. It lacks a single, genuine, perfectly executed moment that doesn’t come across as completely ridiculous. Written as if they were quite literally making it up as they went along, it is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen since IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE. And it certainly falls into the category of must-see terribleness along with it and its predecessors THE COVENANT and TORQUE. This movie made me giggle and cackle with glee. It was incredible. A mind altering, fit inducing, asstastic mess of epic proportion. If you ever believed they could actually make a good Street Fighter movie, this movie will make you weep bitch tears. But if you enjoy a bad movie – I mean a really, truly awe inspiring, god awful piece of shit – then this is your midnight movie. Get some beer. Some friends. And get ready to have your ass handed to you by one Mr. Chris Klein and one miss Kristin Kreuk. They will rock your fucking world. And you just might understand why I love the hell out of this drooling moron of a motion picture. Put away your “Come out from behind the curtain wizard,” and get ready to “NASH OUT!” Just don’t expect anything resembling a Street Fighter game. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here. NASH OUT!



Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    so what's new

    by fort9er

    i'd still do chunli.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Never Liked that game...and FIRST

    by DoogieHowitzer

    I hope so anyway....damn delay

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    muahahaha

    by fort9er

    Me, Grimlock say you second.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Like anyone is surprised!

    by ganymede3010

    The trailers looked like shit, the cast is shit, so it's not surprising the movie is shit.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Curses - Foiled again

    by DoogieHowitzer

    But I cuncur that KK is a major-league hottie who was horribly wasted on Smallville. Great eye-candy for the boys to match Tom Welling - the eye candy for the girls and gays (he is one handsome fellow)

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Shitty movie

    by Rat Fink

    should be direct to DVD. I need to get a job in Hollywood. I got some good ideas for movies that would blow shit like this and Clue remakes out of the water.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:16 a.m. CST

    ABUGEN.

    by jameshardy

    HAIDOKEN.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Spinning Bird Kick!

    by HerbWestAustin

    This does look hilarious

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:18 a.m. CST

    So Massa, based on this quote:

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    "as each attempt at being cool or funny or inventive instead fails, tripping over itself time and again in a series of blunders so magnificent that it defies every expectation" <p> Would you say it's the cinematic equivalent of the infamous internet video of the black karate dude with nunchucks?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:19 a.m. CST

    You had me at "lesbian dance scene"

    by Oliver Queen

    Too few movies have those. It's a shame, really.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:21 a.m. CST

    so why call it Street Fighter....

    by MamboMan

    if it has nothing to do with the game....... ugh... why bother...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:25 a.m. CST

    oh dear christ

    by funnyhat

    I was bent over laughing through half this review. Almost (ALMOST) as good as Neil Cumpstons review of Grindhouse you guys posted last year. Way to give it to em Mass. Someone should find a way to email this review to everyone who financed that movie. Maybe they will get the hint. <br />Take all the money that financed all Uwe Boll failures, this 'Street Fighter' movie, the larry the cable guy DTV movies, and Jumper, roll it into one big pot, and you have enough money to make TWO badass HALO movies, gaurenteed to generate a bazillion dollars. QUIT FINANCING THIS SHIT HOLLYWOOD! QUIT MAKING BAD VIDEO GAME MOVIES! YOU ARE KILLING ANY CHANCE OF QUALITY ONES BEING GIVEN A DECENT BUDGET AND DIRECTOR BY MAKING THIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:25 a.m. CST

    shadowloo?

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    Shadowloo? <p> <p> ...SHADOWLOO?!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Follows the game plot better than the '94 film.

    by NinjaRap

    Bison is the head of the criminal mob Shadaloo. Chun-Li's father disappears and she hunts down Shadloo & Bison to find him. Charlie helps her do so. She trains with Gen to gain martial arts skills. Balrog and Vega work as some of the major lieutenants to Bison in Shadaloo. Now, clearly, all that stuff is taken from the game storylines (mostly the Alpha series). Also, I feel compelled to note that shockingly few of the Street Fighter games actually have tournaments in them - the entire Alpha series seems to be about people who run into each other by accident and decide to pound the shit out of each other on a whim.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST

    they're not even calling by it's full title anymore

    by zom-bot.com

    the commercials are just calling it street fighter,

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Which is more awesome though?

    by Monkey Butler

    The JCVD version or this? "Quick, change the channel!"

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Awesome review....

    by pdennett316

    I like me some 'so shit it's actually great' movies, and the lesbian dance scene is the sweet cherry on top of the shit pie. <p> Bring it on!!!!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Now this is a must see

    by JoeSixPack

    I couldn't have cared less about this film until I read this review. I plan to see SF:TLOCL

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Sorry, no

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Nothing can top how joyously dumb the first one was. That was a truly good 'bad' film.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:32 a.m. CST

    It lacks a single, genuine, perfectly executed moment

    by Stormshadow4life

    "The films ONE single, intentional note hits perfectly here" so which is it?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:32 a.m. CST

    *GASP!*

    by TheJake

    You mean this movie isn't the Street Fighter movie we've all been waiting for?! I never would have guessed in a million years that a video-game-to-movie adaptation would be anything less than brilliant! I'm am shocked and horrified and I'm not even sure I can believe such a thing!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Cant' be any worse than Van Damme's..can it?

    by Jugdish

    I hope not

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Hey Massawyrm... Is it as good as or better than "D.O.A.: Dead o

    by Mr. Profit

    Because that movie was so epically bad yet had strong fight choreography. And Sarah Carter vs Holly Vallance in the rain was good shit.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:37 a.m. CST

    Nothing Can Beat the JVCD Version

    by Aquatarkusman

    Truppers! Now ees tha time to fight Embisson!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Jugdish

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Are you honestly telling me Bisons monologue about his plans for world domination wasn't awesome? <p> Where's your love of cinema?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:41 a.m. CST

    So it's Street Fighter: The Spirits Within?

    by Kevin Holsinger

    "See, we got a character named Cid/Chun Li, so it's TOTALLY part of the franchise."

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:43 a.m. CST

    I'm sold! I loved DOA!

    by Spandau Belly

    This is exactly my type of thing!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Let me guess, more "guest starrings" on Smallville now?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    The male half of Smallville's set equipment, Welling, also had ambitions of "big screen transition" a while ago - which "The Fog" hopefully ended.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:44 a.m. CST

    You come to fight a madman & instead you find a GOD?!?

    by NinjaRap

    Still do you deny my godhood? KEEP YOUR OWN GOD! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to him! FOR I BEHELD SATAN AS HE FELL FROM *HEAVEN*.... *****LIKE LIIIIIIIIGHTNNIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!*****

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:47 a.m. CST

    You know what bothers me???

    by Sephiroid

    If they actually tried, instead of thinking "meh, we got Kristin Kreuk...who the fuck gives a shit if the movie is related to it's source material", we just might had something decent... And by the way I still think that Ming-Na was a hotter Chun-Li than Kreuk.. YASAIII!!! And the JCVD version is one of the best "so good it's bad" movies. Just remember... Guile's speech, Zangief, Bison... Ahhh... the 90's...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Are there Chest Bumping Fat Kids Nashing Out

    by most excellent ninja

    that is the question.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:48 a.m. CST

    The day Bison came to your village...

    by Sephiroid

    and killed your father was the most important day in your life. For Bison... it was Tuesday. Raul Julia is THE man!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:50 a.m. CST

    TIGER UPPERCUT!!!11111

    by most excellent ninja

    Leet Version of Sagat.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:50 a.m. CST

    You say it sucks ass now....

    by Corterville

    ...but wait until DragonBall comes out. Street Fighter will look like the Godfather compared to that turd.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:52 a.m. CST

    The JCVD street fighter, one of the first movies I hate

    by most excellent ninja

    apart from JCVD saying "no captain, you've lost your balls!" it was one of the few movies I hated as a kid, the other being Batman Forever. As a kid you like everything but I thought those two movies sucked. Guess I was right. I get Nostalgic about Forever though, but it's a pretty ridiculous movie.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:52 a.m. CST

    FUCKIN' A MASSAWYRM...

    by lovecraftian

    I love your fuckin' reviews man. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I wipe away tears. I need the catharsis.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:53 a.m. CST

    But on to the matter at hand...

    by Sephiroid

    ...Has ANYONE of these fucking MORONS seen the Strret Fighter II anime? Is it really so hard to make a live action that has at least 20% of it's awesomeness? For fuck's sake... Let Japanese people, do a Japanese movie, of a made in Japan fighting game. Americans suck at it. Let's face it. Anyone remembers the American Street Fighter Cartoon?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Street Fighter II anime = Utter Shit

    by NinjaRap

    People seem to love it for the cool use of music and a couple of badass fight sequences. Oddly, they seem to ignore that the ploting, dialogue and characterization is all utterly goddamned retarded in that piece of shit.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:56 a.m. CST

    And God... Apart from Dragonball...

    by Sephiroid

    ... which even the anime was overrated imho, we got the live action King Of Fighters coming... THESE kind of movies, fuck our eyeballs. And by fucking, I mean anally fisting followed by a humongous King- Kong like dick...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Place your bets on what'll be worse: This or "Tekken"?

    by NinjaRap

    Also coming this year.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Ninja Rap...

    by Sephiroid

    ... At least the SF II anime had a way better plot than any of the SF movies. And i think that the characterization is pretty spot on. What did you expect? Fucking 2001 Space Odyssey?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:58 a.m. CST

    I'd rather watch D.O.A

    by FuryofthefilmFan

    At least it knew it was silly. Kristen Kruek has the personality of a brick. The best thing she did was get grinded by Matt Damon when Scotty didn't know. Someone must have saw her wire work in smallville and figured ,meh, she can kick , why not. Frankly I'm tired of movies so bad I have to make them good by laughing at how bad they are...I just want good.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Oh Christ...

    by lovecraftian

    TEKKEN? Really? Yoshimitsu is the best part of that. But what the hell will they do with it? 20 to 1 they focus on Angel and Devil.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Tekken will probably end up sucking but...

    by Sephiroid

    From the first pic i saw, at least they got the casting and appearances right...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Download it. They don't deserve your money.

    by V'Shael

    Sometimes even the really bad movie makers, just need a bullet in the head.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Not a bullet...

    by Sephiroid

    Just not our money...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    SF anime

    by cloudrider`

    yup, the plot is retarded. or more precisely, there is no plot. but when they fight... it's just one of the best fights ever put on films, animation or live action. <p> and that's all you need to do with this hollywood film. make the fight scenes spectacular. just plot a simple enough storyline for multiple fight scenes to fit into. do the jackie chan way.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    NinjaRap

    by RaveX

    http://tinyurl.com/amvd4c <p> I say it's gonna be a tie...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Why does no reviewer mention writer Justin Marks?

    by D.Vader

    This is the young writer so many pple are hedging their bets on, hiring him to write Voltron and He-Man and Supermax, yet no reviewer wants to mention he WROTE THIS FUCKING MOVIE TOO. <p> Are we geeks so anxious to see live-action properties based on our childhood that we're willing to overlook shit like this? Come on! Place some fucking blame on Marks! And let's stop acting like his future movies based on beloved cartoons and comics are going to be awesome. Lower your expectations NOW.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:13 a.m. CST

    And what exactly was the story of the video game?

    by Spandau Belly

    There was a tournament? There was money? I don't remember any of this stuff. Just people showing up and beating each other. I'm playing SF4 right now and each character has a vague and confusing anime intro and extro that don't make any sense to me or even seem like a plot. They just seem like little trailers for something that might make sense if I saw the whole thing.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Interview at Comingsoon.net

    by NeoMyers

    It's funny to read Massa tear the movie apart and THEN to read Kristin Kreuk and Chris Klein interviewed. They are so serious about the movie you'd think they just filmed "The Godfather." Here is the link: http://tinyurl.com/dfbhbp

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:22 a.m. CST

    No one who was on "Smallville" can pick a script

    by NinjaRap

    Otherwise they wouldn't be on that horribly-written turd, now would they?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    "Never boring" but full of "boring crap?"

    by cinemixtape.com

    What in the fucking hell are you talking about?!??!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Were you trying to write a review as bad as the movie?

    by cinemixtape.com

    Because you contradict yourself like 400 times in this "review."

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:28 a.m. CST

    "weep bitch tears"

    by HoboCode

    Fucking great review Wyrm. Fucking laughed out loud several times. I look forward to the stills of Kreuk hitting the Internets.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm, GREAT FUCKING REVIEW!!!

    by Slippy

    Bravo brother, BRAV-F'N-O. I was laughing my ass off reading the entire thing. I'll definitely see this solely to see Kristen Kreuk doing splits and dressing like a slut. She is definitely in my top 5 for hottest actresses in Hollywood.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:45 a.m. CST

    SF:TLoCLINO!!!!!!!

    by ProziumJunkie

    "weep bitch tears" & "Nash Out" new AICN catchphrases?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:48 a.m. CST

    AWESOME REVIEW!!!!

    by Laya Maheshwari

    Hell yeah! I was laughing most of the time!!!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:49 a.m. CST

    ah shit, now i've got to go watch this

    by Gungan Slayer

    such is the price for enjoying shitty movies that are hilariously bad. Awesome review; it's essentially convinced me to go watch this shitty movie.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:50 a.m. CST

    That was one helluva fun read, Massawyrm!

    by a goonie

    I usually enjoy reading your reviews, but you especially nailed this one. I've been pretty pumped about seeing this movie for a while now, in hopes that it would be exactly what you're describing here. This sounds like what I want. I loved Street Fighter the game as a kid (and still do, in some ways), but I couldn't care less if a great movie was mined from the source material. This flick sounds like a blast. I can't wait to check this out.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:52 a.m. CST

    T. Hawk what's with the headband?!

    by CyberVishnu

    They need to get this right! I am so tired of the characters being fucked with! This is how it runs down. Balrog is a cameraman not a prize fighter. E. Honda is a hawaiian sumo who drives vans. Chun Li is a terrible journalist. Zangief is not a famous soviet strongman but Bison's numbnuts muscle. Ryu and Ken are the two most notorious con men in all of Southeast Asia. Sagat is a native american arms dealer. Dee-Jay is a former tech support agent for Microsoft. Cammy is an austrailian major who functions as Guile's right hand. Dhalsim is a wimpy, scrawny prime minister for the Maharajah who can't stretch any limbs, but ends up bald by the end of the film so he looks more like the character.All unified by the pacts...BISONICA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO STREET FIGHTER BITCHES!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:14 a.m. CST

    by zinc_chameleon

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Get Jija's Butt to Hollywood!

    by zinc_chameleon

    Put JiJa in a big-budget Hollywood film, with a director who knows how to tell a story, and watch her be the next Bruce Lee. Sorry, Kristin, but hot ain't enough. I expect Street Fighting! One of my Linux workstations is devoted to Chun Li. Check out Jo-Chen's versions of her. Sorry about the previous post; Windows keys do odd things on Linux.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:24 a.m. CST

    I hope it does good at the box office

    by lostbat

    Because I NEVER want to see Kirsten Kreuk fuck up any episode of Smallville again!!!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:24 a.m. CST

    "lesbian dance scene ?" I'm IN !

    by Se7en

    .....

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Chris "Rollerball" Klein

    by jim

    I have a feeling, Massa, that Klein is tremendously more oblivious than you would like to believe.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:30 a.m. CST

    NinjaRap You think Kreuk gets script offers?

    by lostbat

    She must have have been sleeping with somebody to land this role......

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:38 a.m. CST

    "weep bitch tears" & "Nash Out" new AICN catchphrases

    by Mike_D

    damn skippy

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:42 a.m. CST

    The rise and fall of Michael Clarke Duncan

    by lostbat

    How low can you go.............

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:01 p.m. CST

    When are the Japanese going to adapt this themselves!?

    by Raymar

    Clearly Hollywood will never "get" SF.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:02 p.m. CST

    "Keanu like level of film confusion"

    by drewlicious

    Possibley my favorite phrase of all time.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:05 p.m. CST

    I've always felt...

    by jsm1978

    that Street Fighter had, by far, the weakest story of all the "big" fighters. So it's not really much of a surprise they have trouble putting together a film with a coherent plot. <p> That being said... look at some old Van Damme movies about fighting tournaments (Blood Sport, etc). There's your basic structure right there. It shouldn't be THAT hard.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:06 p.m. CST

    If you're into this sort of thing...

    by DeadPanWalking

    ... and by that I mean bad movies that are unintentionally hilarious because they take themselves seriously, I can not recommend anything higher than The Butterfly Effect. Watch it with the commentary, too, you WILL NOT be able to stop laughing.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Lana Lang Kung Fu

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    90 lbs of ass kicking believability

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:13 p.m. CST

    by Alec.Eiffel

    I always imagined that the best way to do a street fighter movie would to have it sectioned off into three segments which all told the same story from different perspectives. One would follow Chun Li, one Ken & Ryu and then a last one following Guile. We'd get to see each of their motivations for entering the tournament/wanting to beat Bison, and a lot of cool fights. Most of the characters could be incidental contestants in the tournament (we don't need to know tons about Zangief, for example, but it would be awesome to see him fight Guile). Also, the main thing is that Bison should be played by Chow Yun Fat, think about it, that would be sweet.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:16 p.m. CST

    So, it's the natural descendant of American Ninja?

    by Royston Lodge

    My buddies and I couldn't get enough of the mind-numbing terribleness that was American Ninja - and it didn't even star a freakin' hot girl!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:17 p.m. CST

    On a Torque level?

    by Homer Sexual

    No way, because Torque is seriously my number one all-time favorite bad movie. <p> I had hopes this would be just what this reviews claims. Yay!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Klein is a poor man's Keanu

    by Unlabled

    word

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Is it as good/bad as Death Ring?

    by Royston Lodge

    Death Ring is the winner for my personal favourite good/bad martial arts movie. It stars frikkin' Don Swayze fer cryin' out loud!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:37 p.m. CST

    ANYONE WHO WATCHES THIS SHIT IS AN ASSHOLE

    by BMacSmith

    stop being part of the problem.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Is it worse than the original Street Fighter Movie?

    by Orionsangels

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 12:58 p.m. CST

    I always thought BLOODSPORT was the perfect SF Movie

    by Orionsangels

    Even though it wasn't a SF movie, it feels like SF more than any other SF movie.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 1 p.m. CST

    I hope it's at least as good as DOA or Dungeon Siege

    by TylerDurden3395

    Nobody I know will go see it with me so I guess it'll be a mid-week matinee for me...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Is this leaked online yet? Anybody?

    by Mike_D

    It ain't getting my moola thats for damn sure.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST

    two Street Fighter movies NOT starring Ryu and Ken?

    by BMacSmith

    how is that possible?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Two Street Fighter movies with no martial arts competition?

    by Damien Chowder

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 1:47 p.m. CST

    SONIC BOOM BOOM! On your chest

    by Frodo T. Baggins

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 2:09 p.m. CST

    Street Fighter 2: The Legend of BLANKA

    by BMacSmith

    starring Hayden Christiansen as a Ugandan caricature artist named Blanka who is sent to Canada to stop Akuma (Burt Reynolds) before its too late.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Massa..

    by P2Rock

    Great review, frickin hilarious and i suspect on point but i fearr that its awfulness will surpise its comedic value for me. But I have to ask, Is it wirse than the Happening??????

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 2:29 p.m. CST

    OMG.......

    by bugkill

    This review had me in tears...tears of laughter! LMAO!!!!!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Was Maggie Q Unavailable?

    by Mr. Profit

    Because she is Chun Li. Sorry Kristen.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 2:47 p.m. CST

    CHUN LI: MALL COP

    by Pennsy

    Coming in 2011.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:05 p.m. CST

    animated

    by nightfalls

    i think for any movie sf wise the animated ones are just pure class,i would like to see a great live action some day

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Instead of watching this crap...

    by Chief Joseph

    Pick up the Sister Street Fighter Collection from the now defunct BCI Eclipse while you can.<br> It's got a surprisingly similar plot to this movie (probably not coincidentally), but it's actually good. And it stars the totally awesome Etsuko Shihomi.<br> Don't support the Hollywood Childhood-Rape Machine.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:29 p.m. CST

    This is one of the greatest reviews I've ever read

    by vegetableman

    !

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Give me Ming-Na any day

    by alienindisguise

    She was smoking hot in the original. Fuck this new turd. It shouldn't even be qualified as a movie. A tleast the roiginal TRIED to put everyone in their right costumes. The lazy fucks of this piece of shit didn't even attempt it...pussies.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Maggie Q wouldn't touch this shit with a ten-foot pole.

    by thedarklinglord

    Kristin "My Talents Are Too Great To Be Wasted On A Show That Fucking Gave Me A Career" Kreuk, however, probably thought this would be her big break into Hollywood blockbusters. She's hot, but the bitch can't act to save her life. Porn would better suit her talents. <br> <br> You seriously have to wonder what stars are paid to do these sort of turd flicks. I mean, Michael Clarke Duncan has done shitty movies before, and he's not a Tom Cruise or anything, but surely the man can read? How much money does it take for you to say, "Eh. Fuck my respect for myself and the craft, I'll take the cash."

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:48 p.m. CST

    PLANT

    by BuckFifty

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Lana Lang Nostril pr0n

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    Hope they spent some time filming these glorious orifices in this movie

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Not many films can boast a total ZERO

    by skimn

    on Rotten Tomatoes. This one can. I watched Name Of The King hoping for so-bad-its-good goodness. But, it was just bad. This, tho, sounds like the real deal. Can't wait for the DVD. No way in hell would I spend good, actual theater going money toward it.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Sounds like SHIT served up Uwe Boll style

    by riddleman1674

    I don't think a loaded bong & a six pack could help me sit through this one haha. If I wanted a good laugh I'd watch some washed up French action star gawdawfully trying to play an American Colonel. Thanks for the warning!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:12 p.m. CST

    DUNGEON SEIGE was too boring to be so-bad-it's-good

    by caruso_stalker217

    But I think... I think I kinda liked it anyway.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Wait a sec, the guy who wrote this wrote Supermax

    by blindambition238

    That Green Arrow movie being developed by WB/DC... He also has the Voltron, He-Man, and McG's/ Will Smiff's 20,000 Leagues adaptations under his credits... <p> Sweet!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:27 p.m. CST

    He should write all the sites reviews

    by EjkoUSC

    I'm sold. Will wait for netflix still though.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:31 p.m. CST

    they should market the movie with this review.

    by soup74

    seriously.. just by comparing it to a bad movie like torque (perhaps the greatest bad movie ever made.. i see 'homer sexual' mentioned it, and i agree.. everyone else, watch it again. its a cartoon brought to life. the end scenes just keep piling on ridiculousness as they go.) <br><br>anyway, if street fighter was up to that level, I would happily go see it.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 4:58 p.m. CST

    The Legend of Dhalsim would have been better...

    by samuraiyao

    He was my favorite SF character...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Kristin Kreuk deserves better

    by Itto Ogami loses Daigoro

    I can't believe this is the crap she's offered. Oh well I guess a paycheck is a paycheck.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Earthsea

    by mooli_mooli

    Okay, so with this, and the fucking disgrace that was Earthsea, that's two ham-fisted, source-material-destroying properties Kreuk has been in. Three if you count Smallville (which I do).

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    I guess this means no Fatal Fury movie.

    by Orionsangels

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    LMAO @ Irish accent being hereditary comment

    by Osiris3657

    good one Massawyrm!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Cobra Kai... Glen or Glenda?

    by TylerDurden3395

    Bad because it's shamefully inept in just about every way. Good because no single director in history would put himself that far out there and say "Look I'm a transvestite...ACCEPT ME!" Add in a whacked out Bela Lugosi going on about "Puppy dog tails and BIG FAT SNAILS"? BRILLIANT.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 6:20 p.m. CST

    I thought that was Lana Lang

    by malificus

    What a waste, she's no Chun Li tho she certainly kicked a little ass on Smallville recently in some hand to hand action. Kreuk's head is far too tiny to really enjoy her in any roll, I know that sounds stupid but that's all I can think about when I see her, "what a tiny head she has.." Massa's got one super-gay pic going there, I don't know that I would use that, unless I was a super-gay, pseudo Solid Snake pillow-biter.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    I will whoop all of your asses in SFII

    by Azlam Orlandu

    And I'm still not going to bother with this tripe.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Wow, what a poorly written review

    by Mose Schrute

    Massawyrm claimed recently he "made his living" as a film reviewer, but continues to refuse to disclose which venue pays him this "living wage." You'd think he want to drive readers to the site that pays him enough to "live on." You don't think he's a lying sack of shit who could never get a real job as a writer, do you?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Movie poster

    by jub3i

    If this quote from Massa's review was on it:<br><br>"A moist, gaping hole of sanity, this film is repeatedly fucked by its own incompetence, its mind numbingly awful script, and its complete and utter inability to even sustain its own logic."<br><br>I'd buy it immediately.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 7:57 p.m. CST

    cobra kai...

    by Harold-Sherbort

    Plan 9. Hudson Hawk. Men at Work. Maybe? Just some suggestions.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Manos: The Hands of Fate

    by Forsakyn

    Genuinely Bad Film: Check! Genuinely Good Film: Check! (genuinely good as being "oh my god, this movie is so bad yet so entertaining). And yeah, I only know of it from MST3K, and I know it's got a cult-status from that already, but it is well-deserved.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:24 p.m. CST

    I love you Mose Schrute

    by Massawyrm 1

    You and your crazy inability to use google...

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:27 p.m. CST

    Showgirls

    by Wolfrankula

    No one has ever straddled the so good/so bad line like Verhoeven with Showgirls. At first it just seems like a terrible movie. The one starts to realize it's a great movie about really terrible people. Really terrible, naked, dancing, pasty-wearing people. Truly gets better and better with every viewing. If only for Henrietta Bazoom: "She misses us like that lump on my twat I had taken off last week."

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:48 p.m. CST

    I was telling my ex...

    by Shermdawg

    "Don't do this movie, there's NO WAY it'll ever be as good as the JCVD masterpiece, just because you lose out on Get Smart, doesn't mean ya gotta get all depressed and settle for the first starring role that comes your way....but she never listens to me.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 9:57 p.m. CST

    DEATH RING sighting!

    by Mullah Omar

    Royston Lodge, brother, I share your love for the Don Swayze, Mike Norris, Chad McQueen, Billy Drago vehicle DEATH RING. That is one of my all-time favorite bad films. Drago has never been hammier and all the principal characters would get out-thespianed by the Cinemax soft-core crews. LOVE THAT SHIT!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:06 p.m. CST

    Poor Chris Klien

    by liljuniorbrown

    I thought the guy could have done something great after Election and the first American Pie movie. He seemed to stay away from the shit like American Wedding ,but he did do the Rollerball remake which was bad. I'm torn man. For some reason I wanted this guy to be better than this shit. I mean,he was the funniest part of that shitty Ryan Reynolds movie he was in. Oh well. He did get to fuck Katie Holmes back in the day so maybe things aren't all so bad.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Massa!

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    Dude, Spill is freaking awesome. Just found it thanks to your google suggestion. Why no love for it on this site? Mori pimps Hitfix, and Spill has cussing cartoons!

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:46 p.m. CST

    Surprise surprise...

    by Semen Stains

    we all knew this already right? still funny ass review Massa,at least im enjoying the hell out of ftreet fighter 4 at the moment,anybody seen the Anime movie that comes bundled with the special edition? any good? much Akuma on Gouken action?

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:48 p.m. CST

    Review as quotable as Princess Bride and Mystery Men

    by Immortal_Fish

    I haven't read such a review that's kicked my ass in so long. Have no clue which line to include as a tease in an email that's I'll link to this article.<P>Well done, Wyrm! Can't wait to see it.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:54 p.m. CST

    'Twas a GREAT review

    by quentintarantado

    giggled my way throughout. Looking forward to seeing the Film. The pordusers should PAY you.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 10:59 p.m. CST

    good review, i lol'd

    by compn

    dont think i'll be watching this. the first street fighter had at least some good actors in it. <p> i dont get it, did DOA really make enought money for more of these shitfests to continue? <p> my vote for so bad its good movie: CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:13 p.m. CST

    doa made no money at all so wtf are we doing here?

    by compn

    Budget $21,000,000 (estimated) <p> Opening Weekend $260,713 (USA) <p>

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 11:31 p.m. CST

    Fox made this right?

    by otm shank

    Nuff said.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:38 a.m. CST

    You know who else made no money?

    by Mose Schrute

    Massawyrm, who claims to make his living as a film critic, but refuses (after many inquiries) to reveal the magical mystical fairy tale outlet that pays him this "living" wage. I don't know what I'm supposed to Google. Too bad you can't just type who or what "pays" you to be a film critic right here in talkback. Otherwise I guess we're just to continue assuming you're "lying" about the whole "professional" thing. Because, dude, nobody gets paid to write this poorly. <p>So we'll just keep coming back until you admit at the top of every post that you were lying. See you later in this talkback, and in all subsequent talkbacks, liar.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Hey liar:

    by Mose Schrute

    tick tock

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Kristin kreuk in porn yet ?

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    Wake me when that happens

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:52 a.m. CST

    Saw this movie today...

    by Cinemanimetal

    The entertaining to just plain bad ratio unfortunately for me was much more on the just plain bad side. Nothing will ever top JCVD and Raul Julia going it at it in the original Street Fighter movie! The level of over the top cheesiness was off the charts!

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:52 a.m. CST

    So basically, you're just gonna repost this same review...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    in about a month and change the title to DRAGONBALL? Yeah... that's what I thought. Films like this are the whole reason why Bittorrent exists in the first place.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:55 a.m. CST

    Also if you want a more serious version...

    by Cinemanimetal

    Check out Street Fighter II V. It takes an epic approach to the story in having Ryu and Ken start off as goofy teenagers traveling around the world and eventually becoming more bad ass as they learn how to fight. Towards the end it slows down way too much, but once the final fights are pretty awesome. Also the Street Fighter II animated movie is good with very little story and lots of fighting.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    What was wrong with Torque?

    by Series7

    I mean seriously every music video director has to get their start somewhere?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:23 a.m. CST

    " Weep Bitch Tears "

    by PTSDPete

    Is that ' Kristen Kreuk ' bitch, or ' Jean Claude Van Damme ' bitch ?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Will Smith as Chun Li

    by PTSDPete

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Again, does no one care about the writer of this?

    by D.Vader

    Seriously, we're in some fucking trouble if no one wants to even mention the writer.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 2:32 a.m. CST

    Mose Schrute

    by Grievey

    Shut up and go grow your beets.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    I've seen this and DOA is much better.

    by filmcans

    NASH OUT.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 3:32 a.m. CST

    I still love you, Mose Schrute

    by Massawyrm 1

    "I don't know what I'm supposed to Google." See that? That right there? That's the reason you've yet to be taken seriously. But if you're REALLY dying to know, you can find my e-mail at the top and bottom of every review. Feel free to use it. But I have a feeling you won't. You're not a concerned reader. You're just my troll du jour. And on the internet, if you're not being trolled, you're doing it wrong. So thank you, Mose. Your screed completes me.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4:22 a.m. CST

    This Chun Li is so much hotter!

    by fedsprobe31

    Wall Street Fighter 4 www.sonicbloomberg.com hahahahah!

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4:23 a.m. CST

    Oh yea, and she's actually Chinese!

    by fedsprobe31

    Come on, show your support for a real Chun Li www.sonicbloomberg.com

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4:29 a.m. CST

    Just because I'm bored...

    by jsm1978

    Don't know if anyone else has done this, because I'm not reading all the comments first.. <p> Way to make a decent Street Fighter movie and even focus it on Chun Li: <p> Chun Li is investigating the crime syndicate Shadaloo because of Bison killing her father. Finds out they are holding an underground fighting tournament because Bison is looking to replace one or more of his lieutenants (Sagat, Vega, Balrog) because he feels they have failed him. Winner of the tournament is to receive a job offer. Chun Li enters to ge to Bison, and teams with Guile in investigating.<p> All your fighters are there for their various reasons... Ryu just because he lives to fight the strongest oppponents, others for the job offer, others after Bison. As the movie progresses, Ryu moves more to the forefront as he progresses through the tournament, as he has to choose between fighting just for the fight or if he will help Chun Li and Guile. And of course the movie ends with Ryu winning, walking away from a beaten Bison who is then taken into custody by Chun Li.<p> Nice, simple, gives you excuses to have all the familiar faces duking it out. Some people's favorite characters may get the shaft storyline wise, but there would be opportunity to give them all a shining moment or two.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Uhh-So you are saying it was Shite

    by Mr.LordBronco

    Lols-the review gave me a headache: No worries-You have just suffered a BAD MOVIE EXPERIENCE. You have a low level of POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. Have no worries-this will pass. Because Avatar's going to be fucking your eyeballs in 2009!!! 3-D eyeball fucking, Sahim. Tamam Infidel!!!

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 5:18 a.m. CST

    Massa. I'm disappointed in you. :(

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    If you hadn't contradicted yourself so often, this would have been an excellent review. You're a good writer and so I'll put it down to tiredness or perhaps you were on an adrenaline rush after seeing such a bad movie.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 8:26 a.m. CST

    I've seen IN THE NAME OF THE KING

    by Mr Incredible

    And that was some truly wretched shit. The ONLY way to watch that movie is to make fun of it.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Awesome review.

    by Hamtaro Hentai

    I was laughing my ass off reading that. I'm betting that review was better than the movie, so thank you Hollywood. <p> Did Kristen Kreuk look lovingly into someone's eyes during this, while obviously shifting her gaze from eye to eye? She does that really well. <p> And where the hell is Vern during all this?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Cobra-Kai...may I present THE ROOM?!

    by JackBauer@CTU

    THE ROOM is by far my favorite movie of all time. It's held that title for years now. It recently got some exposure in EW, but I can tell you right now, without a shred of hyperbole or doubt in my mind, that this is the Greatest Worst Movie of all time. I hesitate to even use the term "worst" because this movie brings me so much joy. Whenever I meet new people and they are over at my place, I try to sneak in a screening. It's almost become a litmus test for friendship. Now, the fun is just watching them watch the film, and seeing them laugh, cower in fear, and more often than not, say "What the fuck?!" Many films that fall under the "so bad it's good category" are maybe only sporadically bad or unintentionally funny in spurts. I'm here to tell you that there is not one wasted moment in THE ROOM. NOT ONE. Nothing works, yet EVERYTHING WORKS! At no point in the movie do any of the elements come together to form anything resembling "good." The behind-the-scenes story of the film is almost as great as the finished product. So, to sum it up, Cobra Kai, yes, this movie fits both of you criteria, in that it is GENUINELY BAD & GENUINELY AMAZING at the same time. And like the tagline to THE ROOM says..."It'll change your life." And it has, mine. It has, mine...

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 11:14 a.m. CST

    STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF GUILE.

    by Damien Chowder

    Guile is a lawyer who discovers that his bosses work for a corrupt government. When his sister is murdered by John his close friend. Guile embarks on a journey of intrigue and discovers truths that will topple the upper echelons of high society. Starring Chow Yun Fat as Guile and Dolph Lundgren as John.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Lord of the streets: Legend of Ryu

    by ballymoremonty

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Here's why the liar Massawyrm won't reveal his "employer."

    by Mose Schrute

    If he typed in, say, "Newsweek," we'd be able to hop to the Newsweek website and seaach for his byline. When we found it wasn't there, we could call Newsweek HR and ask if he was a liar, and his little house of "I make a living as a film critic" lie would come tumbling down like a flimsy house of cards. <p>He cleverly refers us to Google because Google doesn't tell fucking anyone who pays him a "living" wage to write film criticism. <p>It doesn't occur to Massawyrm that any real writer reading his "work" can pick him out as the fraud he is. <p> Just type who pays you, Massa. Just a few quick keystrokes to clear it all up. <p> Otherwise, we'll be back to ask again and again. Which you shouldn't mind, because you've nothing to hide, right?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 12:54 p.m. CST

    Mose Schrute, what the fuck is wrong with you?

    by bullet3

    Like seriously, do you not have a job, or a girlfriend, or a hobby to occupy your time?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Oh, come on, Bullet3.

    by phool2056

    Does any of us have a girlfriend, job, or hobby?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Cobra Kai, re: THE ROOM

    by JackBauer@CTU

    Apparently, Amazon ran low on copies after the EW article, but I've heard that they have some back in stock. If they have DVD's available, it'll be the best money you've ever spent. Do yourself a favor and youtube "The Room Tommy Wiseau", and you'll get a small, pink spoon sample of the greatness of this materpiece.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 1:45 p.m. CST

    heh Mose thinks he's bringing own the president or something

    by BMacSmith

    talk about an overblown sense of self importance. did Massa rape his dog or something?<p> you're doing important work here, Mose. keep up that righteous crusade against a movie critic on a silly movie fanboy site, i guess.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 3:18 p.m. CST

    WHAT ABOUT VEGA?

    by robertplant

    The weird guy from Black eyed peas? Not the restaurant, Im sure there are lotsa weird guys from that particular restaurant chain. still, weird guy from black eyed peas is redundant anyway. So what about VEGA? How bad was VEGA?

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 3:28 p.m. CST

    "...this movie will make you weep bitch tears."

    by Rei-Ginsei

    Quote that on the box! I think I got more enjoyment reading that review than I ever will with the movie - but I do enjoy a terribly bad movie, so I'll probably give it a rental.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 3:30 p.m. CST

    i'm guessing Massa must've made Mose

    by vaudeville villain

    weep bitch tears over something or another in the past. seriously, dude, shut the fuck up and move on... i can't imagine anyone cares about this 'crusade' you're on.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4 p.m. CST

    I just saw this movie...

    by armando

    and is fucking great! Better than The Dark Knight even... Klien's performance make Heath's look silly.. NASH OUT!

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Oh, yeah...

    by Rei-Ginsei

    I forgot that Klein was in that movie "Just Friends" until I read a comment above. The overall movie wasn't that great, but his roll was hilarious!

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 5:46 p.m. CST

    NO! Fuck! I so wanted this movie not to SUCK

    by dioxholster

    i waited for this movie so long and no this guy tells me its bad. wtf? they trashed the source material? how dare they.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 5:56 p.m. CST

    i want to see this movie with a lolipop in my mouth

    by dioxholster

    seriously it sounds exciting. this is a good movie to watch with friends

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Kristin kreuk ... naked!

    by dioxholster

    so hot: http://tinyurl.com/cvnqrb watching this gave me two extra inches i didnt know i had.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 6:39 p.m. CST

    i unfortuntely saw the street fighter movie by rick

    by armando

    this movie sucks. worse than leonard part 6. the movie staring bill cosby as a secret agent. lets first start with what the hell did this movie have to do with street fighting. its like buying a porn with no naked women. there is only 5 characters from street fighter in this movie they all suck. liu kang from mortal kombat seems cool at first until he draws up a fire ball that is not even his move from the video game. how does he now how to use some one elses movie. also i will give 1 million dollars to anyone including the writer director if you can explain to me bison need for his daughter. why did he port all his goodness into his daughter and then use all his goodness in him to save her. the movie must have been created will they directed it. no script just all improve. i feel the director the writer and anyone who made money from this movie should give all of the money back and give it to the poor. they deserve no reward for making movie.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 7:01 p.m. CST

    armando - play dead

    by dioxholster

    coz u boring. maybe u can try writing long sentences for once that actually make sense. i sentence you to 2 hours of community service...servicing the gay cockfest community that is.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Motha Fuck

    by BruceSpruce

    Ahhhhhhhh Shit, I knew hollywood was going to fuck it up again.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Mose

    by ORGANIZED CHAOS

    Goddamn you're funny

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Mose is right

    by d_fens1969

    Massa is a douche.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 8:59 p.m. CST

    About Rose

    by Jokerisdaking

    People need to stop bitchin about Rose. In the games she is the physical manifestation of Bisons good. The movie got that dead on, shut up about it already. Everyone who complains about Rose are just showing their ignorance of SF continuity.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Did you seriously just say SF continuity?

    by TheMark

    There's a story here that we're supposed to give a shit about beyond "quarter circle forward, punch, then steal 25 cents from your mom so you can try and play again but she'll say 'no, we don't have enough time for you to be playing so many violent games,' and you're all like 'whatever mom, it's just a quarter.'"

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Forgot to end that with a ?

    by TheMark

    ????

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 10:35 p.m. CST

    Re: Shadowloo?

    by papawapa

    YES! One of the best-worst criminal organization names ever. Is that truly the name in the movie or something Massa conjured? Shadowloo, the deepest darkest shit toilet in Thailand.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 11:07 p.m. CST

    D.Vader

    by Chief Joseph

    I hear you about this shitty screenwriter, Justin Marks. Somebody believed to be the Marks is currently doing damage control/cheerleading/flaming on the imdb message boards.<br> Weird how Rotten Tomatoes gives this movie a record 0% and yet imdb users give it a 5.6.

  • Feb. 28, 2009, 11:17 p.m. CST

    I mention Marks a few dozen posts off

    by blindambition238

    but nobody acknowledged me.... :'(

  • March 1, 2009, 1:13 a.m. CST

    I may actually have to see this...on DVD.

    by Charlie_Allnut

    Sounds awesome!this actually made 1.7 mil on Fri...that's not bad considering - Gigli couldn't even manage that!

  • March 1, 2009, 1:27 a.m. CST

    Mose eats a shit sandwich and weeps bitch tears ...

    by Lamerz

    Great review Massa, thoroughly kick ass. Mose may be FUCKING DISTRACTING, but is just proving the obvious troll he is. <P>NASH OUT!

  • March 1, 2009, 1:54 a.m. CST

    Just saw this...

    by Toonol

    And it was the funniest movie I've seen in ages. It's terrible, but any aicn reader should go see it NOW. It's the type of movie you loved on HBO when you were eleven.<p> My girlfriend and I were giggling like schoolgirls whenever the cops were on screen. They were brilliant.

  • March 1, 2009, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Mose Schrute

    by Toonol

    Dude, why are you even posting? Everybody that reads what you're typing just thinks you're sad and and little crazy. You won't convert anybody to your crusade.

  • March 1, 2009, 2:39 a.m. CST

    papawapa

    by jsm1978

    That's the name of the organization in the game. I think it's had a few different spellings/pronunciations between the various games and animes. Shadaloo, Shadoloo, Shadowloo...

  • March 1, 2009, 3:21 a.m. CST

    Characters with wrong names

    by This_talkback_is_on_CRAZYPILLS

    I know must of you are from the US so won't notice but it really bugs me that they switched character names from the 'real' game in Japan. Makes it hard for me to figure out who people are. And Bison should always be a Mike Tyson clone, dammit!

  • March 1, 2009, 6:11 a.m. CST

    I just uesed teh google

    by CorpseRide

    took me under 3 minutes to locate the site in question, mose my man. perhaps you should maybe google HIS NAME? if only there was a site where he lists all his activities and so forth... he could call it his 'space', and you could find out more about him there... that would be cool. but i hope you never crack the enigma, because your impotent rage is just too funny. latrz!

  • March 1, 2009, 6:20 a.m. CST

    im seeing this bad movie

    by dioxholster

    comon people i like it when hollywood does the so bad its good thing. plus that bitch is ethnic hot

  • March 1, 2009, 7:19 p.m. CST

    The scene where Chris Klein breaks the fourth wall

    by TylerDurden3395

    and tells the audience just how dangerous Bison is... well I lost it. "This guy walks through the raindrops!" Klein acted like he was auditioning for Zoolander 2 with all his faux macho posturing. In short... HYSTERICAL. It made me wish the flick was called Street Fighter: The Legend of Charlie Nash.

  • March 1, 2009, 7:30 p.m. CST

    And how great was that Batman Begins style ending?

    by TylerDurden3395

    Gen hands Chun-Li a flyer. "There's a fighting tournament... I think you should look into it! There's a guy named Ryu... or something fighting in it!"

  • March 2, 2009, 1:07 a.m. CST

    So.....

    by boogy110

    It's not as good as the original Street Fighter Movie?

  • March 2, 2009, 1:49 p.m. CST

    DO NOT SEE THIS

    by Toulon

    Ugh, I can't even describe how bad this thing was. I went in expecting it to be 'so bad it's good,' like Massa said, but it wasn't . . . it was DEPRESSING how bad this was. Even the ridiculous Chris Klein stuff, who did manage to out-Keanu Keanu, wasn't enough to offset the GAWD-AWFULNESS of this fucking thing.<p>Please, do NOT waste your time on this . . . do not give it money, do not pirate it, do not rent it, do not watch it on TBS in 6 months.<p>It will ruin your day.<p>I can go into specifics if anyone wants, but yeah . . . you've been warned.

  • March 2, 2009, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Justin Marks: YOU SUCK

    by Chief Joseph

    He's going around on rottentomatoes as "fluxboy" and flaming all the critics that gave this movie a bad review. (And that's a lot of people.)

  • March 2, 2009, 4:20 p.m. CST

    dudes can ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT

    by turketron

    ladies can NASH OUT WITH THEIR GASH OUT.

  • March 2, 2009, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Still no name of the outlet paying you, Massa?

    by Mose Schrute

    Funny how angry Massa's many talkback accounts, er, fans get over a simple question. Why is it so offensive to ask about this mysterious media outlet supposedly paying Massa a "living wage" to write? <p> Now that I've attracted some attention to the issue, I will keep asking until answered. As I continue to post, many will continue to complain about my curiousity, and this will only draw more attention to the question. <p>We know AICN doen't pay Massa for these profanity-laced fourth-grade book reports. So who does? <p> All Massa needs to do is type the name of his employer into a black box - just a few short keystrokes - so we can investigate. <p>See you in the talkback beneath the next Massa post.

  • March 2, 2009, 8:03 p.m. CST

    NASH OUT!

    by BuckFifty

    Spine tingling stuff.

  • March 2, 2009, 8:34 p.m. CST

    Last?

    by lostbat

    Variety.com: It's official: "Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun-Li" is a flop. Even given a perfunctory release on 1,136 theaters, its estimated weekend gross of $4.65 million and per screen average of $4,093 is lame, albeit not disastrous

  • March 3, 2009, 8:37 a.m. CST

    DOA

    by BizarroJerry

    Bad movie, sure, but for me the star was Jaime Pressly's smokin' body. God that woman is sumthin' else...

  • March 6, 2009, 4:35 p.m. CST

    I love this

    by Rollofpennies

    This movie did deserve to fail. When FOX gets its hand on something they know how to ruin it and it finally back fired. This is great news. Tell me how you make a Martial Arts movie with people that have no knowledge of martial arts in their real lives. The disclpline isnt a fucking club dance. It takes years to learn. I read somewhere that these motherfuckers took 5 weeks of training to prepare for this. That was probably all the money that FOX wanted to pay. They single handidly ruined these actors career. Did they really think that fans of this magnitude would except something shittier than the original version. I wont believe that this film was Justin Marks fault. The director is the guy from Exit Wounds for crying out loud and the studio is FOX. This movie was doomed before it got started. It was poorly executed and promoted like they didnt care about it anyways. Filmed like it was saved on someones sd card from a camera phone, this movie deserved to fail. Keep it up FOX. Your doing great.

  • March 6, 2009, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Ninja Rap has..

    by Rollofpennies

    No fucking clue what their talking about. The Street Fighter II anime is the best Street Fighter movie to date. You are definitely alone on your thoughts. Its ignorant to think otherwise. Logical thought will explain this, nothing else. Even if your not a fan of the franchise.