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Gimme an F!!! Gimme a U!!! What's that smell? Capone isn't cheering for FIRED UP!!!

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here. I'll give this silly comedy some credit. At least this film has some jokes in it, and it doesn't resort to sensory memory to get its laughs the way films like MEET THE SPARTANS, DISASTER MOVIE, EPIC MOVIE, DATE MOVIE, and all of those other terrible movies that end in MOVIE do. On a certain level, Fired Up certainly has fun with the cheerleader movie format. Specifically, it's a send-up of BRING IT ON; hell, there is even a scene in which all of the cheerleaders at a three-week cheerleading camp watch BRING IT ON with the earnestness that many of us would watch THE GODFATHER. That scene at least made me laugh. Let me rephrase that: that's the only scene is this movie that made me laugh. Featuring a collection of largely supporting actors from other, better movies and/or television shows, FIRED UP suffers from R-rated envy. This is a PG-13 film that is desperate to explode into a string of vulgarities the likes of which the world has rarely seen. Alas, we are stuck with weak innuendo, bad jokes, and flirtations that never result in copious amounts of skin. What's worse, the actors seem almost embarrassed to be holding back, and there's this weird vibe running through the movie that wants us to think it's dirtier than it is. This film is tame shit. I genuinely believe the film's stars, Nicholas D'Agosto (who had a run on "Heroes" first season) and Eric Christian Olsen (BEERFEST, DUMB AND DUMBERER) would make a great comedy team. They have a great chemistry and necessary rapport to make these two horny football players funny and endearing in their tasteless behavior. But with their balls cut off, the pairing is wasted. The story involves two high school football stars who are heading off to football camp, which disturbs them to no end because they will be without girls for three weeks. When they hear about the cheerleading camp featuring hundreds of girls, they decide that cheerleading is for them. On their journey, they learn to respect women and take pride in the routines they've worked out with their cheermates. Nobody else in the cast really stands out in FIRED UP, but I will give credit to Adhir Kalyan ("Aliens In America," "Nip/Tuck") as Brewster, the gay Middle Eastern cheerleader. His performance often delves into the worst kind of stereotyping, but the guy never stops trying to make us laugh at his ridiculous behavior. I can't remember the last time an actor worked so hard in a lame movie. (Technically speaking, he's the biggest star in this movie since he's also featured in PAUL BLART: MALL COP.) Also on hand in forgettable roles is DISTURBIA's Sarah Roemer as the cheerleader captain; Molly Sims and John Michael Higgins as the husband-and-wife team who run the camp; Philip Baker Hall as the boys' football coach; and "90210's" AnnaLynne McCord as the captain of the evil cheerleading team. I've probably spent way more time analyzing this movie than the screenwriters spent writing it. It ain't that deep, in case you hadn't guessed, and that's a shame because just a little more effort and a nudge into R-rated territory might have molded FIRED UP into something worth watching. It probably still would have sucked, but there might at least have been a handful of tasteless jokes to savor. FIRED UP is like watching a porno, where the filmmakers don't show any body part below the shoulders and the cast can't say the F-word. What's the point of making a film about horny high schoolers if things can't get a little raunchy? -- Capone capone@aintitcoolmail.com



Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 20, 2009, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Hmmm

    by Johnny T Williams

    This weekend will be boring, I might check this out.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 7:29 a.m. CST

    Looks like it's my lucky day today

    by Johnny T Williams

    Cool. I wonder what other marvels is the weekend saving for me?

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 7:34 a.m. CST

    by cripplefight

    You mixed up the actors. Eric Christian Olsen was in Dumb + Dumberer, and the other guy had a run on Heroes. I mean, you had to watch the movie, which must have been hard, but a little follow-up research isn't much to ask. Seriously, basic research, like looking at their IMDB pages.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Ditto cripplefight

    by wampa_one

    How hard is it to get their names & credits right?

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Eric wasn't in Heroes

    by allyousay

    Sorry. He wasn't. Check imdb.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Who are the ad wizards...

    by wampa 1

    ...that came up with this one?

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Sarah Roemer

    by HoboCode

    IS HOT! But you couldn't pay me to see this shit.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Fapworthy scenes?

    by dr sauch

    That's all I'm interested in. Like in life.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Capone, you reversed the movies/shows those guys were in...

    by FilmCritic3000

    It's the other way around. This might be a passable watch when it airs on tbs in two years.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 9:02 a.m. CST

    "...disturbs them to know end..."

    by jim

    Yeah, I too hate spoilers.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Motoko Kusanagi Needs to Fuck Off

    by Judge_Dredd

    And die!

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Capone, are you saying that Annette Kellerman and...

    by Leafar the Lost

    ...Harry Knowles are wrong? They both loved "Fired Up". Did you see a different movie than they did? How could Annette Kellerman and Harry Knowles possibly be wrong? I don't get it...

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Olsen was the one in Dumb & Dumberer and Beerfest

    by JuanSanchez

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 9:55 a.m. CST

    The Same fucking ad wizards

    by Francis Begbie

    that came out with every fucking movie!!!! God your annoying Wampa 1, Jesus fucking christ, is that all you do? "who are the ad wizards?" you are the Steve Urkel of talkbacks, get a new catchprase!!

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Capone do you know what you're talking about?

    by D.Vader

    Eric Christian Olsen was in Beerfest and Dumb and Dumberer and the OTHER guy was in Heroes Season TWO, not one. <p> Yiiiiiiiikes.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 10:32 a.m. CST

    SLUMDOG CHEERLEADERS!

    by palpatinefuckedmydog

    I'll watch it for their pom poms:)

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Ignore Capone.

    by stlfilmwire

    It is funny. Shocked that Capone is being this uptight and artsy fartsy with this one. It is complete PG13 escapism. Is he bitter because he didn't get to see a bunch of naked girls to rub one out to? This movie overachieved. Why does Capone make a big fuss about the fact that this is a largely unknown cast? This thing movie had a lot of great wit, one-liners, and funny exchanges. This movie was clearly a little comedy... and I think it really did a great job of becoming a nice over-achieving success.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Movie trailer voice: Starring that girl from 90210

    by photoboy

    and that Asian chick who isn't very hot in KnightRider. They are Fired Up!

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Has Capone liked ANYTHING this year so far? At all?!!

    by Mike_D

    Seriously.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Not R-rated??? What were they thinking!!!!??

    by Bob Cryptonight

    Not seeing it.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 11:47 a.m. CST

    This movie looks like shit.

    by Outlaw

    Fuck, this and Madea's "Who gives a shit" are the only movies out today...I'm probably going to sit this weekend out!

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Once again

    by drewlicious

    Who the hell wants to root for popular high school jocks?

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Last time an actor worked so hard in a lame movie:

    by Archive

    Dwayne Johnson in "Be Cool"

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 2 p.m. CST

    Last time an actor worked so hard in a lame movie:

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Kurt Russell in "Death Proof"

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Dwayne Johnson in Be Cool

    by liljuniorbrown

    He acted his ass off in that shitfest. If the movie would have been structured around him and Vince Vaughn it would have been classic. It's sad to see people killing there selfs for nothing.

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    FINALLY SOMEONE WITH SOME DAMNED SENSE!

    by BMacSmith

    this movie is shit!

  • Feb. 20, 2009, 8:36 p.m. CST

    Last time an actor worked so hard in a lame movie:

    by BMacSmith

    Jason Bateman in "smokin aces"