I am – Hercules!!

Last week’s installment explained a lot.

As I understand it:

The planet Kobol birthed 12 human colonies and a 13th (Cylon) colony called Earth.

At first the Kobol Cylons couldn’t reproduce, so they invented the resurrection machine. Then they discovered how to reproduce and forgot about the resurrection machine.

Saul & Ellen, Galen & Tory and Sam all lived on Cylon Earth re-inventing resurrection technology -- until Cylon Earth was annihilated in a nuclear holocaust.

The five Cylons, resurrected post-catastrophe, traveled for 2,000 years at subluminal speed until they stumbled upon Cylon War I, being fought by the human descendants of Kobol and new Cylons “invented” only a few decades before by a billionaire scientist who looked just like Eric Stoltz.

The five 2,000-year-old humanoid Cylons somehow sat the Stoltz Cylons (which looked like 1978 Cylons) down and told them they’d give the Stoltz Cylons resurrection technology if they called off their war with the humans.

The five also created John Cavil, who was modeled after Ellen’s Cylon dad.

Cavil killed the five, then resurrected them with false memories. He kept the five’s identities secrets from the Leoben, D'Anna, Simon, Doral, Six and Sharon models.

Cavil made Saul Tigh believe he was a veteran of Cylon War I, and that Tigh’s father was a viper pilot and that Tigh’s grandfather was a presidential military advisor.

Cavil made Ellen Tigh believe she was a Picon refugee. He also boned her on New Caprica.

Cavil made Galen Tyrol believe his parents were a priest and an oracle. The first time we met Cavil, he was tormenting Tyrol with the idea of a godless universe, and the idea that Tyrol secretly suspects himself to be a sleeper Cylon.

Cavil made Sam Anders believe he was a Caprican pyramid player. He made Tory Foster believe she was a Caprican expert on political polling.

But wait a minute -- wasn’t the Temple of Five on the Algae Planet constructed 4,000 years ago? 400 years before the members of the 13 colonies fled Kobol?

And who or what has been keeping spare copies of Kara Thrace lying around?

Tonight’s episode, titled “Deadlock,” is the last written by the great Jane Espenson, who’s been doing such a bang-up job on “Galactica” she was chosen to pen the Cylon-centric post-series “Galactica” prequel “The Plan.”

SciFi says:

Ellen is faced with a decision that could have repercussions for humans and Cylons alike.

After tonight, only four episodes left.

10 p.m. Friday. SciFi.

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In Caprica: The Pilot

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