Cool News
They want to make a STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie... sigh...
In the beginning, there was this:
Then there was this:
and this amazing adversary:
Then they reinvented Stretch with this fucking awful head!
Still Later there was this:
As you can see...The toy went from awesome to having awesome villains... to sub retard toy status. Now, the powers at be have decided to hand the astonishingly pliable property that is STRETCH ARMSTRONG to Steve Oedekerk. The guy behind such shit as: PATCH ADAMS, THUMB WARS, BAT THUMB, THE GODTHUMB, FRANKENTHUMB, THE BLAIR THUMB, KUNG POW, THUMBTANIC, BARNYARD, ACE VENTURA, JIMMY NEUTRON and both BRUCE & EVAN ALMIGHTY. That said, he's not done with us yet. He's going to dish out a STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie... something that will probably be rushed to beat whatever PLASTIC MAN movie the Wachowski's have in the works - and will further taint my fond memories of my Stretch Armstrong that I had... as a child.
That's right, this is Harry... and I have a painful Stretch Armstrong memory. I got this awesome toy for Christmas 1977. That following Spring of 78, my childhood house was broken into. The thieves stole untold treasures and collector items from my parents' horded geek gold... but the real trauma came when I walked into my bedroom. You see... STRETCH ARMSTRONG, for a period of time, was my favoritest toy ever. I loved that toy. And on the day where we found our house raped by strangers... I found the gooey innards of Stretch Armstrong poured all over my child hood television and his decapitated head glued to the set top. WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
Oh sure. Sure, the thieves undoubtedly decided to see how far Stretch could stretch. The commercials made it seem he could stretch for miles... but that wasn't so. This wasn't miracle material - and when grown man strength was applied - it could and would burst. I never replaced my Stretch Armstrong. It was a casualty of home invasion. And now, hack extraordinaire... Steve Oedekerk will dig all that up, ruin a genuine great property in PLASTIC MAN - and bring back my own personal trauma. What a jerk move!
Then there was this:
and this amazing adversary:
Then they reinvented Stretch with this fucking awful head!
Still Later there was this:
As you can see...The toy went from awesome to having awesome villains... to sub retard toy status. Now, the powers at be have decided to hand the astonishingly pliable property that is STRETCH ARMSTRONG to Steve Oedekerk. The guy behind such shit as: PATCH ADAMS, THUMB WARS, BAT THUMB, THE GODTHUMB, FRANKENTHUMB, THE BLAIR THUMB, KUNG POW, THUMBTANIC, BARNYARD, ACE VENTURA, JIMMY NEUTRON and both BRUCE & EVAN ALMIGHTY. That said, he's not done with us yet. He's going to dish out a STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie... something that will probably be rushed to beat whatever PLASTIC MAN movie the Wachowski's have in the works - and will further taint my fond memories of my Stretch Armstrong that I had... as a child.
That's right, this is Harry... and I have a painful Stretch Armstrong memory. I got this awesome toy for Christmas 1977. That following Spring of 78, my childhood house was broken into. The thieves stole untold treasures and collector items from my parents' horded geek gold... but the real trauma came when I walked into my bedroom. You see... STRETCH ARMSTRONG, for a period of time, was my favoritest toy ever. I loved that toy. And on the day where we found our house raped by strangers... I found the gooey innards of Stretch Armstrong poured all over my child hood television and his decapitated head glued to the set top. WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
Oh sure. Sure, the thieves undoubtedly decided to see how far Stretch could stretch. The commercials made it seem he could stretch for miles... but that wasn't so. This wasn't miracle material - and when grown man strength was applied - it could and would burst. I never replaced my Stretch Armstrong. It was a casualty of home invasion. And now, hack extraordinaire... Steve Oedekerk will dig all that up, ruin a genuine great property in PLASTIC MAN - and bring back my own personal trauma. What a jerk move!
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I actually have childhood memories of going to FAO Schwartz and getting Stretch and that weird Dog of his...
Let the rapage of my childhood continue! -
...I mean the stretchable dachshund. Not Stretch Armstrong's amazingly stretchable penis.
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what kinda sick bastards glue a head to a TV set?!
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I can't believe that even Stretch Armstrong is too sacred. It was a fucking toy, who cares? It's not like they're making a Moonboots movie.
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We see THROUGH your evil schemes!
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Got to be over 40 to remember that toy.
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the bad guys kill by cutting him open with scissors and letting out his goop
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Kung Pow is awesome, DO NOT dis Kung Pow man!
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I need a cigarette... how'd he DO that?
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and it's non-dairy!
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I understand how seeing the corpse of your Stretch Armstrong doll would be a traumatic experience that still makes you sad. But enough with the goddamn "he raped my childhood" crap.
It's STRETCH ARMSTRONG. Stretch Fucking Armstrong. People complaining about G.I. Joe was bad enough. People complaining about Transformers was bad enough. But dude...this is STRETCH ARMSTRONG. Of COURSE the Stretch Armstrong movie is gonna be shit from a shitty director. WHO CARES? What, were you expecting a Stretch Armstrong movie directed by Stephen Spielberg or Paul T Anderson? -
My memories may be off, but I'm quite sure the 90's stretch had a villain as well, playing off the "alien" theme as well(albet via colored plastics).
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They haven't made a movie worth watching since the first Matrix. That was a masterwork. Part 2 had one cool car chase and nothing else. Part 3 was worse than Phantom Menace... That's right. I said it.Oh and Speed Racer was LAME.
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i'd pay to see that, so as the good major's arms would go limp after the wires inside of him broke.
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I used to warn my Stretch Monster he should watch out... my Shogun Warrior Godzilla was going to kick his ass... as soon as my 6th birthday would arrive, and that took F O R E V E R.
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and Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, The Spirit, Hotel for Dogs, and whatever the next Wayans project is, and combined it into one pot, someone could finance a $200million 3 hour HALO movie that would make more money than 'The Dark Knight'.
::sigh::
I hate hollywood.
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is that all the commercials are exactly the same. Stretch his arms. Stretch an arm and a leg. Tie him up in a knot while the kids yell "Oh no he's escaping!" And scene. Harry was such an easily amused child...
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what is this, 4chan?
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When I was a child some evil fuckers broke into my house, shot my father, raped my sister and strangled my dog.
But your story is much, much sadder. -
He talks out of his butt...amazing right?
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...they pitched me on "Magic 8 Ball" the movie. When I didn't respond to that, the production company (Tollin/Robbins, the Smallville people) then asked me to incorporate the Magic 8 Ball or any Mattel toys into some of my original pitches and build up the significance of the toys since they wanted to make movies either about the toys or with the toys prominently featured in them. I'm talking I literally pitched a movie that had kids in the story in an Encyclopedia Brown kind of way and they said "what if they do all of their discovering with the help of the Magic 8 Ball on their journey"...yeah...Magic 8 Ball the movie, unless it's about mystical cocaine, is going to suck.
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Fuckin amateur.
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Why not take the studio executives who came up with the idea of a Stretch Armstrong movie, and pull their fucking arms until they fucking stretch right fucking off.
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bad guys tie Stretch up, but oh no he escapes!
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Idiots.
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Taint it cool fond memories.
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He and I are done professionally, man.
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Part of me wishes you'd have taken that gig. That could be my favorite review ever: "Is M8B: The movie worth your time? SHAKESHAKESHAKE. Definitely not.
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After stretching the dog, the announcer says 'like a good dog, he always returns to his original shape.' Are they trying to imply my dog is not good?
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....I wish I was making that up.
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I don't get that argument. A movie will taint your memories of a toy? And a pretty sucky toy at that! You can ignore the movie if you want. You don't have to associate the movie with the toy! Jeez, it ain't like Oedekerk is molesting your childhood, Harry.
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Feb 16, 2009 2:15:51 AM CST
I forgive Odekerk for all that garbage because he made Ace Ventu
by thecomedian
He should really team up with Jim Carrey and give us a proper sequel. The Africa one was shit and the one with the fat kid is just creepily awful. As far as stretch armstrong goes this is old news but I feel your pain Harry. The seventies commercials for the villains are hilarious.
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I'll go see that after "they" re-imagine Star Wars.
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This is a bad idea......someone should go for....M.A.S.K or Bravestar or Ulysses 31 or Steel Hawks or a live action Starchaser: Legend of Orin or Visionarries or Centurions or maybe, just maybe....COME UP WITH A TOTALLY ORIGONAL FUCKING IDEA INSTEAD OF CONSTANT REMAKES, REINVENTIONS OR NEEDLESS REBOOTS. Hollywood has died & the game industry is on the rise......bad times!
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He's kind of the poor man's/Middlebrow/half-assed/painfully-unfunny-at-times/yellow school bus for retard's Savage Steve Holland. If only Savage Steve had not have thrown his career away doing all that Disney channel bullshit.
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Will Smith
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After you wrote "the one with the fat kid," I felt compelled to google search "Ace Ventura 3." The result nearly threw me into a hellish fury in which the world would not see rest until everything was incinerated and destroyed.
The fat kid in that movie should be arrested for war crimes. Can we try him as an adult? -
Period. End of discussion.
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It Walks Downstairs. Alone. Or In Pairs. Next Summer. Beware.
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Now there's an idea for a remake. That was an excellent cartoon, up there with "Mysterious Cities of Gold".
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ever the king of ovr-reacting. Stretch Fucking Armstrong is hardly an untouchable property and we all know you're going to come on here and post the first trailer claiming several pairs of pants are now stained and crusty. That is, if they pay you enough to like it, right?
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Staring Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Scarlett Johannson as a pair of bikini clad crimefighters that slide down yellow water chutes to thwart criminals.
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Granted, I'm as annoyed as anyone that they're throwing another franchise on the big screen hoping the nostalgic masses will bite but, really, your going to get this precious over Stretch Armstrong? You act like they're letting Michael Bay direct the Arrested Development movie or something.
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Granted, I'm as annoyed as anyone that they're throwing another franchise on the big screen hoping the nostalgic masses will bite but, really, your going to get this precious over Stretch Armstrong? You act like they're letting Michael Bay direct the Arrested Development movie or something.
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Rule that damn B.O. with a rubbery, pliable fist!When Harry sighs, a fairy dies.
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"Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" was considered enough of a plot that Fox decided to greenlight it.
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"HA HA HA... I'll now incinerate you with this 25 watt bulb!!!"
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Stretch moves to L.A. where he gets a job in porn. he can be the first guy to suck his dick over his shoulder.
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Then you get a stretchy idiot AND pirates.
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Now worth about a gazillion geeky dollars, but he leaked over all my books and went in the bin.
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I REMEMBER that commercial. Who really cares about this? They fucking made underdog the movie, pretty much nothing it sacred. Give me Wacky Racers the movie.
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Eh? Eh????
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He is after all; "The Ultimate Man of Adventure".
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fuck!!!!!!!
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I also remember that whenever I found them in the stores they were always broken.
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A Stretch Armstrong movie.... This really does mark a new low in the history of the moving image. I'm waiting for a flick based on a chocolate bar or something, so that I'll know it is time to plan a way to make Hollywood fall into the Pacific...
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This is the best movie news in a long time. I can't wait to see this shit-tastic movie.Damn Harry, your Stretch got raped. I never really got into that toy but...that was still pretty fucked up what they did.Someone should get you a new one for your next birthday.
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The third Matrix is 2 hours of my life that I can't get back. I've not seen it since I was crushed watching it at the flicks. When the first one comes out as a single on Blu I'll be first in the queue to get it but I'll not get the box set and pay for the two turds that are the sequels. The Phantom Menace is Citizen Kane compared to those two escapee's from the abortion bucket! It took them six years to write the genius first, six months to write the other two. Says it all really. And having thought about it more, the Stretch Armstrong movie is sounding like the work of genius since jrb reminded me that matrix 2&3 exist.
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Patch Adams, Ace Ventura et al are Tom Shadyac. I know you don't really care Harry, but at end of the day you call yourself both a movie geek and a journalist. PATHETIC.
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I've always thought that the cinema needed a film about a hero that could stretch but then go back into his original shape in a slowish manner.Stretch Armstrong was a shitty toy that had no application apart from stretching and then unstretching - I was a child of the 70's and I never, ever asked Santa for a Stretch Armstrong - because even as an 8 year old I could see that it's get boring pretty quickly.OH NO, HE'S UNWRAPPING INTO HIS ORIGINAL SLIGHTLY SHITTY SHAPE!!!!!The upshot of this news is that I have re-evaluated how much of a good force electricity is!
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When are getting an edit button damnit
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... into a real screenplay.
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I swing a bit more! I swing a bit less!
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the movie with the sticky spiders that you'd throw against the wall.
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So, Steve Oedekerk broke into his house and killed his toy?Harry, it's time to grow up.PS: Ace Ventura and Bruce Almighty were all right.
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What I'm waiting for is POGS: THE MOVIE.In this film, utterly useless plastic disc from the planet Pogotron come to Earth and gather dust in the bedrooms of millions of gullible children... for some reason.Shia is attached to star, and several well-respected actors are interested in shedding every last ounce of dignity they have to make a few quick bucks in supporting roles.Coming soon to theatre near you.
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Feb 16, 2009 5:47:36 AM CST
JONNY QUEST Movie To Star Zac Efron And Dwayne Johnson?
by bob cryptonight
JONNY QUEST Movie To Star Zac Efron And Dwayne Johnson?--- Way, way back in August of 2007 Warner Brothers announced that they were making a feature film based on the "Jonny Quest" cartoon series. If you don't remember this bit of news maybe that's because the blinding success of WB's other big screen cartoon adaptation of the period, "Speed Racer", made any talk of reviving 1960's animated properties seem like a really, really bad idea.
Bad idea or not, with the whole "Speed Racer" thing now behind them, Warners seems to have put "Jonny Quest" back on the table. Moviehole is reporting that at least one role in the cast has already been filled by Dwayne Johnson and that the project is definitely moving forward again with Andy Fickman ("Race to Witch Mountain") directing.
For those of you who missed the whole "Jonny Quest" phenomenon, the cartoon is about a twelve year old boy who accompanies his super-scientist father on fantastic adventures around the world… if you are a fan of "The Venture Brothers" than you really know all you need to about "Jonny Quest".
The always winsome Johnson has confirmed that he will be playing Race Bannon, young Jonny's secret-agent bodyguard, in the "Quest" feature film and that rumors that had Zac Efron playing Jonny were not off base. Efron has not signed just yet - aside from a full slate of other projects the actor is also a bit older than the role calls for. Johnson, however, remains adamant that the project "will happen" and that the latest version of the script is "awesome". -
that you DON'T have some personal investment with?
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Yep, them labia on ScriptGirl can really stretch.
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Feb 16, 2009 6:22:54 AM CST
I read a hitfix.com that Christian Bale's dick is set to star
by yackbacker
It's that big, people.
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Checking to see if I overslept and this is April 1st.
Here I thought all those remakes were a sign of Hollywood's creative desperation ... -
NO ONE answered this one!
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I had the Stretch Monster when I was a kid...neat until he developed a leak then oozed gel all over the place. Always thought that was a missed opportunity: should have made the gel some really vile color instead of clearish-pink! When you froze the "stretch" toys they became brick-like weapons until thawed...
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And I liked Kung Pow.
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You gobbled that muck up by the fistful, so obviously Hollywood is going to assume there's money to be made by pandering to people who want to see films about toys.That aside, the third act of this Stretch Armstrong film will be incredibly tense. Just imagine, Stretch is trying to save someone by using his stretching abilities, but it will have been established in act one that Stretch's head will fall off if he stretches too far (since that was what ALWAYS happened with those fucking toys), and we will ALL be on the edge of our seats as we bite our nails and wonder: Will Stretch save the day, or will his head fall off?
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Right?
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When you say that it was awesome and that you want a sequel, you are making a fool of yourself.
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I knew kids that ate that crap when the doll would break so naturally I had to give it a try, dipshit that I am. It looked like Jelly so what the hell! Sure 'nuff, it was sweet...but nasty. Just the way I like it.
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How about a "HUGO - Man Of A Thousand Faces" movie? That doll crept the shit out of me when I was a kid!
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I shit you not, we have a range of childrens lollypops called Flik n Lick in the UK.
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In a world where weebles wobble, only one sinister force has the power to make them all fall down...
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I can understand griping about the others to some degree or another but KUNG POW: ENTER THE FIST and THUMB WARS are fucking hysterical. If you can't laugh at either of these projects, you officially have no soul.
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Is it April fools day?
It won't happen. I truly don't believe this will ever happen. If it does, it will go down as one of the greatest blunders of filmmaking. -
Stretch Monster FTW!
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is a fucking classic, you moron. Everything else this douche has touched has been shit, but give credit where credit is due. 99% of the reason the film works is Jim Carrey, but even that didn't carry over to BRUCE ALMIGHTY.
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and this is something you can actually blame on him. Transformers was a huge hit, so now every toy company is looking at their products and wondering which one could be made a movie out of.
and for the record, i liked Ace Ventura. -
It's these types of statements that make playing with toys fun. Because that's exactly what kids yell out, right? "Oh man look! I can totally see his femur!"
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Using that x-ray Stretch Armstrong. It turns out that the actual human body doesn't look *anything* like that inside. Boy, was I surprised during my first op. I was asked to leave afterwards and not come back. Plus I'm still trying to settle the lawsuit with the family of the 'victim'...
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Ummm, look at IMDB, pinheads. Steve Oedekerk WAS involved as either a writer, producer, or director in the films Harry listed.And Kung Pow can put a goofy smile on my face faster than any other comedy, no matter how times I have seen it. Yes, I hate the "tongue-y" stuff, much like his "thumb" movies, but there is stuff in there that makes me laugh every time. Eeo eeo eeo wheeeee!
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Now THOSE I confuse..
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That no one gives a shit about, seriously, NO ONE CARES. read the TB's..NO ONE CARES! Just cover the story dude. Oh and when you say "man behind" you might want to refer to "writer" or "director"
And Bruce Alighty and Kung Pow were both fucking hilarious. You have no fucking taste whatsoever. -
To come back and reprise his iconic role as Stretch Armstrong. I mean, you barely even need a script when you have a guy that really "gets" the character in such a profound way. He's even willing to physically change himself to look like Stretch! He's clearly a serious method actor. And that voice! Cuts into my bones! My bones! Not only that, but the ads themselves lay the groundwork for the film. There's a fire? Stretch until you find someone who can help. There's a monster? Stretch into a little ball, and then return your regular shape! I think this one is ready for it's greenlight, Mr. Rothman.
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the toy that looked like stretch monster on steroids, but he deflated when you pushed his belt buckle? Anyone remember that?
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...you just happened to get a Stretch Armstrong the Christmas they came out. You are the coolest geek to ever search Wikipedia. Liar. And I'm all of a sudden uncool because I grew up in the 80's/90's and had the exact same toy but with a different head...
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A young, promising research assistant for a major college science department has a crisis finding true love, when a gamma ray accident totally erases his genitalia.
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Film Springfield (from above) - In the Big Wheel VS. Green Machine War, Green Machine would win. Only because the new Big Wheels DO NOT have the hand brake any more!
Kids today are getting Ripped OFF! I loved my Big Wheel because I could come tearing around the corner, and slam that fat brake on the back wheel and skid out in a 360 degree turn and then keep going.
Alas... the Big Wheel has been neutered... thus Green Machine would win.
And by the way, it doesn't matter who makes a freakin' Stretch Armstrong movie - it's a horrible idea in the fisrt place. To be honest, I can't think of a better director than Steve Oedekerk for this. He's perfect. I probably won't see it anyway. -
blaspheming words have been spoken... I couldn't give a rat's hiney about stretch armstrong. Hope this is funny. Franklin T Marmoset's post was pretty darn funny.. lol " or his head will fall off", If that's the movie i'll watch it.
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Lincoln Logs: The Movie
Operation: The Movie
Tinker Toys: The Movie
Eat Your Vegetables: The Movie
Ride Your Bike: The Movie
Pretend a Stick is a gun: The Movie
Sneeking a look at your Dad's playboys: The Movie
Tonka Truck: The Movie
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made into a movie is Micronaugts. The late 70s comic book from Marvel was awesome.
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You at the back - stop snickering!It was a red plastic rod, about three feet long, with a length of fishing twine attached to it. You were supposed to swirl it about and do tricks and whatnot. It was a shit toy, really, but it was the thing at the time. Everyone had one.My point being, are they making a film about the magic stick?
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Oh...wait...Fast and Furious...already did that one.
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Starring Rosie O'Donnel....it would be EPIC
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That's crap.
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That sounds pretty badass to me. let's come up with a storyline, yes? I'm thinking like a mix between Patch Adams and Crank. Some doofy doctor has to save some guy named Chelios who took it "to the max" for the like 3 days straight before sticking his tongue onto an active jumper cable, effectively rendering his innerds electric. The Doofy Doctor has to perform surgery on Chev Chelios and save his life by removing all of his inner organs and replacing them before he dies. The catch is that the doc only has stainless steel tools, and if he touches any part of Chev's body with it, they will be both be electrocuted to death!! Operation Crank 3: The movie?
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he's the only one with the acting chops to pull it off..also get the dog that played eddie on frasier to play fetch
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of The Hitcher. So how is the diet going??
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...to punch a Stretch Armstrong? My older brother convinced me to do it when I was a kid, assuring me that because of the gooey stuff inside it would be like punching Jello. It was like punching a cinder block.
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Think of the possiblities!
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We're indeed awesome! The black and white knights? Magnetic parts! With the mounts that you could take apart and interchange parts with? Make a centaur or mix and match parts from the white and black knights? Plus the air track transport thing (did that thing actually work? looked badass on the commercial). But I clearly remember the little colored plastic micronauts with the plastic chrome heads. Tiny hands that popped out of the wrist, etc...
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A requirement in all Hollywood films.
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few tickets. Otherwise, fuck off.
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own a Stretch Armstrong...and he'll turn out to be a homosexual.
That is all. -
I'd buy that for a dollar.
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Rubix-Cube: The Movie. I'm thinking some sort of unholy alliance between Hellraiser and Pi.
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Feb 16, 2009 11:15:26 AM CST
there is definitely something homosexual about this toy
by porkinz the x-wing instructor
i mean, come on, fondling a near-naked figure of a man, and the best part (according to the commercials) comes from shoving his face into his crotch? please...
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BEST. POST. EVER. (on the talkback!)
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That said, what fuckin' genius thought that this property demanded to be made into a movie? How is there a movie idea even associated with Stretch Armstrong? This, and the Candyland announcement, are the two biggest WTF films to get the greenlight in '09!
It's only February folks. -
i fucking want one! both are cases where the villains are cooler than the hero....
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Best...Toy...EVER!!!For sheer design, it was a fantastic hybrid of 60's era NASA with a touch of Kubrick and Thunderbirds thrown in for good measure. Heck, the moonsuit was a direct lift from a Russian sci-fi movie by Pavel Klushantsev!The only downside was that the little wires in the figures broke very easily. Mattel could make a fortune bringing these back.Check it out: http://www.tinyurl.com/MajMM1
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...no shit.
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i loved watching Armstrong and the bad guy fighting by having a "stretch-off"
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But kinda sweet.
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Bargain bin shite in the UK and in ASIA they hate anything that looks like that.
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When I was a kid my favorite toy of all time, my G1 Optimus Prime action figure was destroyed right in front of my eyes. My "friend" at the time picked up my beloved toy and screamed at the top of his lungs... "NOBODY CAN BEAT GODZILLA!!!" and threw him to my hard and unforgiving concrete floor breaking off his head which was soon lost. How could my legions of loyal autobots be led by a headless leader? It was a sad and life changing day that was soon emulated a few years later when I saw Optimus murdered by Megatron in the original Transformers: The Movie.
Those two incidents turned me into the warped sonofabitch that I am today... -
I love Kung Pow.Your clothes are black!
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Feb 16, 2009 11:52:04 AM CST
Has anyone ever seen Steve Oedekerk's stand-up routine?
by mr. nice gaius
Back in the day, he used to do a bit called, "The Psychic Severed Head" and it KILLED.
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Any idea when that one hits theaters?
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Oedekerk also wrote and starred in High Strung, which is fucking hilarious and features one of Jim Carrey's pre-Ace Ventura performances. An unusual comedy but there's a ton of laughs there... little more coffee?
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just in case we all really wanted to see it
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Bale has volcanic jizz, but Stretch's cock can extend to 3 feet in length! Who is the mightier alpha male?!!
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...Or better yet, gave him the "My mom won't let me play with you anymore" runaround for a few months.
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I win teh internets.
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In Dirtpipe Milkshakes, volume 3.
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Harry, settle down and take those meds. We're talking about a 2nd rate toy franchise here, not GI Joe, Transformers, or even magic 8-ball. Now, having said that, if there ever was a toy that could be marketed within the porn industry it would be stretch. It seems way more porn worthy than say "Edward Penishands!"
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Feb 16, 2009 1:49:11 PM CST
So this time in the 70s, when I was out of my skull on acid...
by alonzo mosely
in Austin, I broke into these fat people's house looking for a pan-dimensional wormhole or some cookies, and I was attacked by a stretchy doll. I finally vanquished it, but the voice of the demon Nubazka told me I needed to decapitate it and attach it to a powerful source or it would rise again. I did so, but still a demon in the form of a really, really fat red-headed child emerged from the bowels of hell, so I jumped out the window and ran until I crossed into Mexico...
I miss those days... -
What with all the Twilight popularity and all....
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..if it were a murder-with-a-toy kinda film...and Stretch Armstrong would fit the bill perfectly. Hit somebody over the head with ol' Strectchy and the brains come oozin' and goozin' with gusty. Damned toy was hard like frikkin' *granite*.Isn't that one reason they were pulled from the shelves? Too many kids givin' baby brother/sister a nice healthy skull fracture due to a quick bonk-bonk on the head with fun-lovin' Stretch Armstrong...
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Cooties.The mind reels.
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Feb 16, 2009 2:11:36 PM CST
The edge-of-your-seat new thriller: Don't Break The Ice!
by flim springfield
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Is possibly the brightest comedic mind in Hollywood. Does he know how to sell-the-fuck-out to make a buck? Shit yeah, and he could buy and sell you just from the $$ he made off Jimmy Neutron, but steve.oedekerk.co.m is the funniest comedy special ever to grace network TV, and Kung Pow is untouchable. Not to mention he was one of the main writers on In Living Color, which was pushing the envelope back in the day. This article makes me think of Harry as a morbidly obese Wimp-Lo, squeaky shoes and all.
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Was awful. It's a dealbreaker film... if you like that movie it is immediately clear that you have no taste. Or a brain.
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...Slinky: The Movie, starring Paris Hilton.
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I had Stretch Monster, one the all-time great great 70's toys. Everybody little boy wanted a stretch toy back in '76, and all the stories end the same way, with mom bitching about cleaning that gunk out of the carpet. Since then they've all dissappeared, although I've seen Stretch Monster's plastic head/cap go for as much as thirty bucks on ebay. I love those toys, but there is no movie there
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what a self-indulgent pack of crap. Yes, harry, they're trying to stir up your sad memory by making this movie. that was their only motivation. Fucking hell, how about giving some actual investigative work into details of this alleged movie and spare us the rambling bullshit anecdotes that have jack all to do with anything. sheesh.
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Starring Alec Baldwin
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Kill him now!!!!
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when I was a little kid. Instead,
I got the Stretch Spiderman in which
was infinitely cooler. Sigh, a part
of him was exposed to the sun for too long and his skin cracked. That was the end of him. Memories... -
What happens when Stretch Armstrong meets a high caliber rifle round... anyone have a high speed camera?
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Since the mid-90s, there's been talk of a film, either with Danny DeVito or Tim Allen. But I really like Jimmy Neutron. There's a little Sheen Estevez in all of us, like it or not. :)
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Dont you ever talk shit on Ace Ventura, you fucking hear me. This site promotes garbage movies and encourages people like Michael Bay to make movies so dont rain on Ace. Granted, Ace Ventura 2 was a shitty film, don't confuse that with Ace Ventura 1. This was not acceptable and I demand, I deserve an apology. As for Stretch Armstrong, he should whip out his dong and beat people with it. That would be a good movie. The end.
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where's the post about The Rock in Jonny Quest???
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Clearly there's not. Shit idea handed to a shit "director"
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With lots o' kung-fu
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Chosssssen One!
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and Harry, as much as you love campy goofball stuff, I'm surprised that you didn't. Now, Fetch was a stretch (pun fully intended) but the big smiling Stretch Armstrong was one of my favorite toys back in the day...
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remember that awesome toy?
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one of my favorite toys ever
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Micronauts was a cool toy and surprisingly good comic. If they used the Marvel characters it wouldn't be a bad flick. But STRETCH ARMSTRONG? Also a fine toy but...come on! I gotta move to Hollywood, you just need the balls to be a complete idiot and your fortune is assured.
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If you don't like the movie Kung Pow...you and me...well...we have different opinions...on that movie...which I think is awesome
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Late '70s or eary '80s. His gimmick was that you could tear off his arms and re-attach them. I actually tried it out in the toy store once and tore them off... and they didn't reattach.
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Heard about the Wachowski's Plastic Man movie and are deciding to pre-emptively hop on what they have is the next bandwagon... I expect Fox to announced a new Fantastic 4 movie... except it'll be titled Reed Richards: Origins...
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Who the hell robbed your house, the Manson Family? That is seriously messed up. Hollywood is truly desperate now; making movies based on TOYS?!? What's next, "The Slinky Movie?" I'd probably pay money to see "Operation: The Game: The Movie." Or maybe not...
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...A fun thing we poor kids used to do was break open a package, each grab a limb, and draw-and-quarter the fucker right in the store.
His flesh would eventually tear and goo seep out. Good times. -
That shit's putting my kids through college.
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Bulletman, Big Jim, more... http://tinyurl.com/cc4jys
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Would you have the Dire Wraiths in a ROM movie?
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Sounds like a winner. Long as there's lotsa 'splosions, some idiots will pay to see it. Or better, some idiot will be well paid to *make* it...And that, ladies and germs, is the definitive statement. No matter how much we rag these hacks and their..."films"...they're kickin' back by the pool at their 3rd home in the Caribbean."Soooo....Harry Knowles called me a talentless POS on his site, huh?"*RingRing*"Hello? What's that? 8 figures to make a movie based on the Sony Walkman? *Suuuure I'll do it. Yo Harry, I'd like to take the time to say suck it, but I gotta go close on my 4th home in Maui..."
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onezeroone said:
"Patch Adams, Ace Ventura et al are Tom Shadyac. I know you don't really care Harry, but at end of the day you call yourself both a movie geek and a journalist. PATHETIC."
Dude... do your own research... Oedekirk WROTE those screenplays... as he's writing this one. So the reference is correct. -
I had the original Stretch and I also had Stretch Monster. I think my friend had the X-Ray dude, or maybe I did but didnt like it. I'm not sure. Anyway, I was a destructive kid, so I had to know what was inside him, so I punctured him on purpose with a screwdriver. I thought it was hilarious, so I let the sticky stuff flow into the carpet, where it hardened and settled in and made a big flat nasty spot that was there for years. Mission accomplished!
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Feb 17, 2009 9:32:06 AM CST
the thieves undoubtedly decided to see how far Stretch could st
by napolean solo
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I'll bet there'd be titty in THAT one. There sure was when I played in MY basement....albeit teeny titties.
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Fuck this stupid shit and get back to fucking business!
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The man behind Nothing To Lose, Ace Ventura 2, Kung Pow and Jimmy Neutron is just fine in my book.
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"We're not too old to take a bath together: The Movie"Verti-Bird: The Movie! A Helicopter pilot who can only fly in circles!Mood Ring: The Movie! If it turns black...You're Dead!
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"They took him for granite! Now they're going to pay!"
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The Marvel comic gave life to those lil' metal fuckers and with a storyline that rivaled even Star Wars.(although many have accuse Bill Mantlo of ripping off Lucas'heraled franchise.)last I heard, Gale Anne Hurd was sopposedly working on this project, however her attention was distracted due to the Hulk Movie and unessecary reboot.
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Holy shit, I can't remeber the name, they had short arms, looked like ghoulies... What were they called? They were fucking awesome. Oh and I had one of those FETCH ARMSTRONG toys... Yes, I was a poor kid and that's all my parents could afford when the Stretch mania hit. I remember I did EVERYTHING to that toy, even freezing it. Those were the days. Seriously, what were those puppets called?
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Fletch Armstrong
Starring Chevy Chase. -
It would probably be best, and more efficient, to use the Marvel continuity, than to start from scratch, for ROM, but I think it's a property that wouldn't engendered fan backlash if it isn't faithful, though I may be underestimating ROM's fandom. Heck, if Marvel films opts to allow aliens in their movie 'verse, then they could tie in the Dire Wraiths, though I think Marvel let the rights to ROM lapse.
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he would be perfect!
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...what exactly happens to a Stretch Armstrong doll when its stretched to far? It explodes into a quivering mass of shapeless goo? That... is... TOO... COOL!!! I'm surprised millions of sadistic, toy-destroying kids never discovered that one on their own...
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...no fly-by-night, direct-to DVD studio ever hacked out "GoBots: The Movie" a few years back when Transformers was all the rage.
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