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Harry saw FRIDAY THE 13TH on Thursday The 12TH!
God. Ok, so you might of noticed that I posted that INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS piece at like 6:20am today, and that I stopped writing on talkbacks around 7:40am today. I actually went to sleep around 8:20am today - and found myself waking up to a phone call at 5pm from Lionsgate. They were calling to see if I had received a BLACK ROSE they had sent me. Apparently - it was a Happy Anti-Valentine's Day gift they were sending to remind me that this Friday the 13th & Valentine's Day Weekend - that all of you could still see MY BLOODY VALENTINE in 3D.
That was nice of them, but frankly... had they not called, I could have missed seeing FRIDAY THE 13TH tonight! And that really would have pissed me off, cuz I've been looking forward to this reboot of the Jason series. Of all the modern horrors, the one I'm least sensitive about is FRIDAY THE 13TH and JASON. I love the iconography of the series. I think JASON is an immense horror character. The idea of Camp Crystal Lake, Alice Cooper singing "He's Back! The Mannnn Behind the Mask! And he's out of control HE'S BACK!", that KI KI KI KI MA MA MA MA... and that goddamn awesome machete. He's fun. That said, recently I've just dove into the first 3 Jason movies, which I have to confess. I'm relatively unfamiliar with. I've seen the first two before, but it has been a long time. And I'd never seen the 3rd till I invited a friend over, put on our Jason glasses and watched it.
The shocking thing I realized as I watched the first 3 is this. They're pretty damn chaste. In the 3rd film, there's no 3D boobies - and pretty much across the board, the kills are weak. The first two - well, Kevin Bacon's kill is awesome, but hell. Jason doesn't even have the mask. And he's just not as iconographic without it.
For me - FRIDAY THE 13th and JASON has always been Quint's thing. In many ways, Quint is like the younger brother I never had. Instead, I had Sister Satan - and the only hockey mask she had was signed by Nine Inch Nails. Quint was the JASON freak. That said, other than JASON X and FREDDY VS JASON - we've never watched a Jason movie together. So when I read his mostly approving review on AICN, I was excited. You see - Quint isn't a big fan of the remake wave of horror. So much so, he's out there trying to make exactly the sort of horror he wishes was in theaters.
I wasn't really throwing the event tonight, it was actually something that the Producers, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form had put together with the Alamo Drafthouse - and then invited me in on. Actually, there was some last minute issues that I got called in on, that I helped iron out to make the screening happen - and when I found out that the new Jason (Derek Mears) was coming... I got really jazzed.
So flash back to 5pm, hanging up with Lionsgate and realizing that I had to call up my friends that were going and make sure everything was set up for the screening to go smoothly tonight. And due to it taking place at the Alamo South - I had to head out, as 5 o'clock traffic is terrible here in Austin.
We get to the theater and everyone is all lined up and excited to be seeing a new start for JASON.
Of everyone that has played JASON - Derek Mears is the most adorable and huggy Jason I've yet met Kane Hodder & Ken Kirzinger. Of the three, my personal favorite person is Kane Hodder. Derek and Ken both have a rather large physical presence. An awesome physicality - and without a doubt, I think Derek adds a performance level that textures Jason like we've never seen before... But Kane. I can't really put my finger on what he brought to the character... there's just a lethality to Kane's eyes, and his stocky compact frame is just the perfect Jason body in my mind. He's my Jason. That said, Derek delivers a really wonderful take on the character. But more on that later in the review.
The film starts off a little chaste. There's a desaturated sequence that shows the death of Mama Voorhees. It stay faithful to her decapitation, but you never see the head actually being cut off the body - nor anything approaching the glory of those hairy man hands trying to grasp her own head... like at the end of the original. Sadness.
Then we flash forward to current times. There's this group of backpacking hiker kids questing for a legendary field of green gold ganja... Legend has it that there's a free-growing field of tree sized shrubs of pot growing somewhere around Crystal Lake. Now it is never implicitly stated that Jason is a pot-farmer. In fact, Jason is only ever portrayed as a traumatized mentally iffy killing machine in the film... BUT - I like to think that Jason isn't a retarded traumatized oxygen-depleted man-child killing out of a mommy angst, but rather... that he's is a brilliant killer that plants pot to attract idiot no-good fornicating pot smoking slackers that have given up on traditional society and that society has given up on as well... all to disappear in his killing fields of psycho sativa. Sigh. What a masterful killer!
Anyway - even here - the killing isn't quite up to the standards that I've come to expect from Jason. There is a sleeping bag kill, but it isn't nearly as awesome as the Sleeping Bag Body meets Tree kill. It's actually more horrific, just not as downright inhumanly brutal. But there's a reason. This is Baghead Jason. He's still human. In this film, we're dealing with Human JASON, not the supernatural super-inhuman Jason. So all the kills are basically going to be within the realm of possibility. This sequence is pretty damn cool, but still... No Iconic Jason.
About 20 minutes in, we finally get the title of the film - and the movie starts off proper. In this sequence we're introduced to a group headed up to this rich asshole's father's lake cabin. We are also introduced to the cooler than cool rebel on a motorcycle who is searching for his sister Whitney, a girl from the previous sequence, who has gone missing for the past few months. The police apparently did an investigation - turned up squat. And now he's riding his motorcycle around the area trying to get a clue.
That other group is the interesting group though. You see. They have breasts. Wonderful breasts. Something you need to know about this film. There's spectacular boobage. No scene on par with that MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D full frontal sequence, but frankly this film has more hotties getting naked, and one gal in particular... SPECTACULAR BOOBS! Really.
Now - probably the most important fact about this FRIDAY THE 13TH is that it contains perhaps the single most perfect moment in Jason killing history. There is a death that takes place on a dock. That dock death is the sweetest coup de grace of any kill Jason has ever made. It has the kill - and then a payoff so exquisitely perfect that... well, the only proper response is applause... because this is the exact sort of death that we, those that love Jason, love to see.
Overall, there's a lot of good kills, a lot of great boobs and it's a damn fun film. The teenagers are entertainingly worthy of Jason's expertise - and watch for the bitch scream. FUCKING AWESOME. Is it the best Jason movie ever? I'll leave that for Quint and the hardcore Jason base. All I know is it was certainly a good time tonight.
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Hasn't everyone said the first 20mins are the best
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But how can you not mention Andy being split in half in Part 3? As a man, that death bothered me because he was walking on his hands, and Jason decides to split him in half starting at the balls. That was pretty fucked up. I'm checking the new one out today. Hopefully it is fun. Some reviewers got a stick up their ass though and are treating the original like an untouchable classic and are offended by this remake.
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i was pleasantly surprised as to how it turned out. However I still am a bit scared for the upcoming Nightmare remake.
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At the TImes Square screening last week. I missed the schlocky charm of the early installments. The new one is very slick... nothing gritty or gonzo about it, but that was to be expected. Machete and titties abound, though.
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Part 2 is damn close though, there's something really dark and scary about that one. But Part 3, man, big goofy retarded Jason is just plain horrifying, and the handstand chop is my favorite kill ever. I always wonder though...DID Jason rape the main chick in the flash back? AND are there any screaming cats flying through winows in the reboot? REEAOOOWWRRR!
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by platinum dunes before. wary of this but want it to be good
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"Of everyone that has played JASON - Derek Mears is the most adorable and huggy Jason I've yet met Kane Hodder & Ken Kirzinger." jesus christ, dude, that is JUST NOT A SENTENCE.
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just got back from Friday the 13th -
When Jason was on screen it was rowdy row-
but it comes at the price of having to suffer through, what I found to be, some of the most painfully annoying and transparent characters ever put to screen (even for a slasher movie). the dialogue had me gritting my teeth and embarrassed.
but when it got time for the Jason parts it was mostly all really good with a few nice homages that I enjoyed.
hey.. anythings better than Jason in Space- -
you know what, i give up on this site. later dudes.
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I reckon I might give that whole ANTI-VALENTINE'S DAY horror movie with the girlfriend idea a pass. After that time I took a date to see Ichi the Killer, I don't think I'll ever go to see a Date Movie harder than Date Movie!
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Same as those who like any of the previous ones non-ironically.
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I hate them...every last one of them, save for the original Halloween. That wasn't about cruelty...it was about a myth, a boogie man in the night who hides in the closets of our minds. It was spooky in that way...and not meant to be grisly, but to provoke fun scares. It wasn't meant to be sick, but to send shivers up one's spine. Friday The 13th never had, or was, what a good scary movie is supposed to be, it was all about shock value, but no substance. As for shock value, we have enough of that in the real world, where every would-be sociopath, and psychopath, seems to be taking direction from their onscreen counterparts??? I don't call this kind of a movie entertainment, but I look at it as an inditement of our increasingly sick society...one that assails sex, but applauds extreme violence...the new porn, or dares to associate the two, a dangerous subliminal synergy for those who are mentally unhinged in our society to be exposed to...one time, or repeatedly. It is time for a reinvention of the genre, one where...like the original Halloween, they don't exchange fun scares, for sick shock value perversions--there is a difference, you know.
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that's all i want it to be. i think that all the previous entry's, regardless of their social standings with their devotees, have their faults...but are, none the less, and most importantly, F.U.N. And if this new one continues the tradition, then I'll be happier than a psycho nut job in a hockey mask chopping up super sluttly, drug taking mega nude bitchy bitches :)
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Halloween? I think you mean Nightmare on Elm Street.
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Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Helter Skelter, Ed Gein, The Deliberate Stranger- there are shitloads of awesome serial killers out there, don't write them all off.
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Julianna Guill is indeed spectacular and that's with not seeing the best part. Beware of the new Jason, he is so deadly, he kills projectors! I liked how they compressed 1,2, and 3. Here's hoping that the 13th Jason movie has even more breasts and blood!
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Or just you shooting the shit with us Harry?
That said, I'll wait for the dvd.
Cinema prices in the UK being what they are, I'll be rarely visiting this year. -
Feb 13, 2009 2:10:45 AM CST
Kirsten Baker had the best nude scene of all the friday 13th mov
by manzilla
God I feel dirty....
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I think that's something everyone can agree on.
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no need to read the rest of the review - you remembered Alice so yer awesome
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I meant "shitloads of awesome serial killer MOVIES," but I think I prefer it the way it is...
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Feb 13, 2009 2:25:16 AM CST
TheGoddamnSiege: Nightmare Got More Than A Little Bit Messy
by media messiah
I appreciate Nightmare's fantasy angle, that's how these movies should be handled, however, too many blood and guts shots overwhelmed the movie, and quite frankly, they weren't needed--but it was well made. It just could have used a lot less gross imagery, and maybe I would have enjoyed it more.
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The next one should be called Friday the 13th part XIII. I know, I know, it's gimmicky. But growing up, for some reason my friends and I thought the 13th Jason movie was going to be a -really- big deal, on par with the Star Wars prequels. Obviously, we lived in a vacuum and watched too much horror and porn. Anyway, I'm sick of modern sequels abandoning the "part" in their titles. And dammit, Friday the 13th part XIII just sounds right. I hope they make Jason movies forever. I love how every generation of teenager gets their Jason series. The entire franchise has chronicled teenage culture and fashion for nearly thirty years, which is fascinating to me. Plus, it does all this with a shitload of boobies and gore.
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from Part 7: The New Blood. She shows her tits, ass, and puss.
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Feb 13, 2009 2:40:08 AM CST
I found Harry's review to be "chaste" and...
by thebomankicksassandtakesblame
...not very iconographic.
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Always liked that whole harpoon-through-the-eye bit. And yes, the sleeping bag against the tree is fucking awesome, too. And I actually like Jason in Part 2 with the bag over his head. The first time we see his totally deformed face is pretty creepy. Afterwards, his deformity had to be a little toned down so the face would fit behind the hockey mask. But I still love that out-of-control mess that is his Part 2 face.
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Who else is excited about Bianca and Reese getting lesbian married?!
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...you are spot on. when the choice here these days is spend £30(currently $43) for two people to go to the cinema to watch some cgi shit or pick up a classic movie for £3 on dvd it's a pretty easy choice. this country's cinema business is fucked unless they do something about this. thank god i don't live in london!
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Auto one star film here. I saw My Bloody Valentine in 3D and that was bad enough. Add that Bay is involved with this crap.
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Feb 13, 2009 3:18:18 AM CST
Harry, does it do more for the franchise than the TCM remake?
by industrykiller!
Because I thought the TCM remake was terrible, along with other crap remakes like The Hills Have Eyes. Is Friday of an identical tone to those other platinum dunes turkeys? I see that as the anti horror. It's just dark and slick and devoid of all the silly fun. I need some clarification here.
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oh well.
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I mean that literally, as in the lighting is dark. I certainly don't mean in atmosphere, cause platinum dunes films couldnt be less threatening.
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that would be great. i just loved the idea behind 3 and 4 (dream warriors vs Freddy), and could imagine how awesome it would be if they had a huge budget for them.
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basically something like X-men vs. Freddy in Dreamland, and Freddy uses their fears to kill them off one by one. i think i loved the whole Nightmare on Elm Street mythology more than the movies themselves. its a pretty great idea.
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the 1st lesbian wedding already happened on PASSIONS last year when manish-Norma & the eldery-Edna got married.
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I agree about that dock kill Harry...brilliant. Next to Corey Feldman in part 4 this friday had the best acting. I think Derek Meyers was amazing as Jason.
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Fuck me. How lame.
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the chick is on top of her man fucking and then "Jason" stabs her through the back with a sign post. He then slides it out of her upwards, cutting her in half!
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Usually I'm hostile towards remakes but this I'm looking forward to.
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the nitroglycerin frozen head smash
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Feb 13, 2009 4:32:01 AM CST
"Chaste" was today's word on Harry's flashcard, apparently.
by bob cryptonight
Keep goin', brother! Book learnin' ain't so danged hard, now is it?
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Feb 13, 2009 4:38:49 AM CST
"About 20 minutes in, we finally get the title of the film"
by ricarleite
How artistic.
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Prove me wrong.
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Wow!
Nice to read/see a positive review of what could have been a gawd damn awful reboot of an iconic Horror Movie that kicked off an inconsistant franchise
Nice to hear from you Harry that this movie is actually funa nd worthwhile to see and will not fall on the Cinematic Dung Heap/Pile of the recent horrible retread/remakes that have been give us horror genre fans appoplexy/fits of disgust and rage at having our childhood memories of our favorite (now total campy and cheesy) killer horror genre movies being destroyed by horrificly bad "re-imagings"
I will definitely have to check this out -
I feel guilty cheating on the Baleback.
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...This has gotta be better than the last 4 or so Jason sequals. Simply because a professional film making cast and crew could not deliver worse. Seriously, it's a dude in a hockey mask killing hot teenagers with a machette, and its Friday The 13th. I would have loved to have seen a more traditional or creative homage to the first few films, or shit, even a good film, but as long as its in focus, its gotta be more fun than part 9 or the space one (okay, I know, the fucking sleeping bag bit was funny and all).
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Interesting ideas you have there. Welcome to 1982. Just wait until they release I Spit On Your Grave.
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I was a little upset with the amount of horror remakes, but I am over it now (except Evil Dead-leave it alone). How many different takes do we have of Dracula for pete's sake? Remaking classics for a new generation almost makes it feel like a myth, except instead of siting around the campfire, we are sitting around a screen. And let's be honest here, the 1st Friday isn't the Citizen Kane of horror. everyone did a great job of updating this for the 21st century. Did anyone really want them to wait 3 movies to show Jason in his mask?
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...I actually liked the Texas Chainsaw remake...For what it was. I find the whole Chainsaw franchise plain strange. The first one is what it is, everyone loves it, its an interesting country punk shock piece. The second one is bug fucked bad taste comedy, schlocky and excessive. The third one is...Just garbage really. But I still find the redneck atmosphere off putting. The 4th one is the really interesting one. A giant fucking cluster fuck mess, but packed with interesting ideas. The remake on the other hand, like all Platinum Dunes releases, takes the iconographic images, the most base and shallow aspects of the story and the title and repackages it as slick commercial entertainment. It doesn't really gel or stand toe to toe with any of the entires in the series, but it was well done for what it was. The sequal, or the prequal as it were, on the other hand was fucking abysmal dog shit. It TRIED to achieve the very low goals set by its predecessor and even failed at that. So long as Friday The 13th can just deliver well paced, very pretty looking shots of a big guy hacking up horny teenagers they will get a C pass from me. I'll see it, enjoy it as a bottom feeding slasher flick and move on to working myself up over something more interesting. On the other hand, I'm dreading Nightmare, because thats a film/series with some terrific and exciting ideas that could be used very effectively, and they already had the platinum dunes MTV treatment with parts 4-6, so it seems like a real waste to do it again.
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It's stunning! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rDBQAz08FY
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First 45 min. is especially weak with bloodless kills and a clumsily handled origin story. Once the second batch of teens arrive to the lake and gets killed, it's damn good times. In short, one-half of a great Jason flick. How I stack 'em: 3>1>FvJ>6>4>2>X>7>remake>5>8>9
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OooooHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
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Thats one fucking shitty trailer. For all the crap I've been giving Tarantino, Bay shows him up by randomly stringing together what looks to be an effects reel comprising random shit from his film resume. Heres some shit from Armageddon, some crap we found on the floor durng Pearl Harbour and some CG tests from the first Transformers flick. Oh yeah, Shia, just so you know this isn't a fucking cartoon. Wow, just looks amazingly crap.
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They were "stupendous".
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It's not supposed to give you anything more than a taste of what's to come. The Trailer will be much later and will naturally be more coherent. In the mean time, stop being such a [insert your name here!]
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When he was a real person and total freak...not a hulking superhuman cartoon character with a hockey mask.
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i mean yes its funny that he freezes her then like that wasnt enough and she's already likely dead, he smashes her face for good measure. i get the funny of that, but i dont get how its become this favorite kill among many fans. i guess maybe its not that "awesome" to me because the second he dumped her head in, it was obvious what he'd do next. but of course, that scene is the LEAST of that movie's problems.
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God, so it really is going to be a pile of shit!? Nah, I already know its Michael Bay and Transformers, and the last time that happened it was a piece of shit, so I was just ragging on the trailer because its almost a parody of a Michael Bay movie.
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Let me break it down for you
1. "Gun, where are you!"
2. Jason running (he looks dumb running)
3. People in the theater laughing when Jason impossibly shows up out of nowhere.
4. Token annoying immature asian.
5. Mostly Stupid unoriginal deaths.
Only had 3 things going for it..the dock kill, boobies, and no cat jumping out of nowhere to shock scare. Oh wait there was that cheap dog scene. -
It should have shown Jason as a child, like a different take on the Freddy vs. Jason version. I guess they're setting up future versions for "zombie" jason, because Human Jason is a pussy. He even gets beat up by the skinny main character.
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So many layers...such a rich character...gimmie a break.
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You seriously cannot put one coherent thought together. Please stop writing reviews.
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Feb 13, 2009 7:58:26 AM CST
I went to see Shakespeares 12th night on the 13th...and missed i
by londoncalling
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...without mentioning Debi Sue Voorhees from Part V are wrong, wrong, wrong. Debi Sue is THEE boob queen of the F13 series. Yes, I actually wrote this post and managed to not feel dirty. Anyway, this remake is the best F13 since Part 6, definitely. Parts 7, 8, and Jason Goes to Hell are fucking horrible, and at least Jason X was fun, if stupid. Freddy Vs. Jason was a lot of fun too, but this new film actually does a few things right- like explaining how the hell Jason gets around so fast. Here's my rundown- 4>5>1>6>remake>FvJ>2>3>X>9>7&8
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...or has the quality of the advertisements on this site really gone downhill recently? "Merlin's Amazing Face Changing Masks"??? What the fuck man. Must be the fuckin credit crunch, you may have heard of it.
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I was there last night, and while I had fun at the screening, the film is pretty much exactly what you expect. Yes, there are a few good kills, and the dock kill is by far the best that we saw (I say this becuase the Asian Stoner death was ruined for us by technical difficulties - though as an added treat, we got to see Derek Mears re-inact the killing with an Alamo staff member after the screening).
The thing I was most disapointed with was the way the opening was handled. No young Jason, and the shortness of Mama's scene didn't build the frightening aspect of the birth of the Jason character as we know him.
While the physical aspect of Jason looked great in the film, something about his eyes and the speed of which he moved didn't crep me out as much as Jason of yesteryear.
I'd say it is better than the last couple offerings, but all in all just OK.
The producer's and new Jason had a Q&A durring the inadvertant intermission halfway through the screening and at the end. They discussed the possibility of returning to Camp Crystal Lake for a sequel if this one does well enough this weekend, and that they are thinking on returning to 3-D for Friday the 13-Dth. These are the also guys planning the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, but couldn't give any casting details, but said Robert Englund did not want to return to that role again.
If you love the Friday the 13th flicks, you'll have fun with this one. To me it had all the pieces, but just didn't deliver the terror I was hoping for. Good to see Jason back from being a supernatural character and just doing his thing, though. I'm just not sold on the whole remake every 80's horror movie thing - I find it annoying. I thought it was better than My Bloody Vaentine 3-D though - I'm just happy I didn't have to pay for either of them.
The one thing I came away frim the movie with... DO NOT TRY AND STEAL JASON"S WEED. -
Cant get excited for this one.
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That doesn't make any sense at all!
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... they're just not grimey enough... Even in scenes set at night are just too damn bright to be scary, ominous, or at the least creepy and suspensful... Even the recent remakes I thought were good like Dawn of the Dead, TCM, and Hills Have Eyes just looked too damn bright and slick... One of the drawbacks of this high-def blue-ray era...
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So boring. And you know Harry is a moron when he says he loves Jason but isn't that familiar with the original films. Have fun cashing that payola check!
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What the fuck is up all the "the kill"? Are you one of those jerk-offs that masterbate to the skinning of rabbits? Tell us if you thought the movie was scary. Did it make you jump? Was it stupid? Freddy versus Jason was funny as shit and entertaining. Christ, just give a fucking straight review.
"The kill.." /facepalm -
you amateur.
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on 1300am
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Boring as hell.Awful acting.there's a batltle between of the primmed hair between the rich kid qaqnd the cliche rebel.Kinda sad when aaron yoo is the most famous actor
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I gotta tell you, I am so goddamned proud of you for referencing Alice Cooper's "Man Behind the Mask" I'll bet a hundred bucks 99% of people have never even heard of it. The only way you would even know it existed is if you sat through the end credits of Friday 6 or actually owned any AC albums from back in the day. And don't forget Teenage Frankenstein. That was another song Alice did for the Friday 6 soundtrack.
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how many of your updates for the next two weeks are going to do that? Just curious.
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...where you basically talk about yourself, throw out a few names and references to Lionsgate to show us how important you are, tell us about your day, duh-duh-da-duh-duh.....Im not sure, was there an actual review in there? Man, the guys at Entourage were dead on! That being said, another bullshit remake of a bullshit movie franchise. Yeah, the first one was OK because the mother is a fucking sick as fuck demented character who wants to slaughter people because of the death of her boy, THATS a good premises to base a horror movie on! If they had STOPPED after the first one, it would have gone down as a GREAT horror movie over the years, but NO, they had to make like 15 more ass sniffing movies. I'm calling Shenanigans.....
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Feb 13, 2009 11:07:57 AM CST
So we learn about everything in Harry's day in a film review
by somashine
"CHRIST MAN YOU ARE FUCKING AMATEUR"..What the hell is wrong with writing just ABOUT THE FILM?
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The first one was o.k., but really? It's just a dumb series kids liked to watch.
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This morning I took my blood pressure medication, and had to eat a bagle with it because it I take it on an empty stomach I get some serious cramps. Oh, yesterday I watched Casablanca on TCM man that movie never fails to deliver no matter how many times I see it. "Sit down or I'll shoot you through the heart." "That is my least vulnerable spot but considering the circumstances, I will sit." There isn't a single wasted line of dialogue in that entire film. Pure efficient storytelling. So I urge you to go see...uhm..oh wait, wrong movie. Where was I? Ah yes Friday the 13th. When I was a kid I taped a dollar bill to a fishing line and would...hey I just remembered I saw this movie yesterday that oddly enough had Friday the 13th in the title. It was not INGLOURIOUS BASTERNS and I point that out for two reasons: (1) it actually wasnt and (2) I haven't referenced that movie yet in this review of some OTHER movie and I really should since my whole set visit to Germany resulted in a talkback that doesn't even have 280 comments yet.
So anyway there were some really pretty boobs in the movie so you should see it.
said that. -
twat
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you're all amateurs.
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Was from Jason X when he skewers that marine on the huge drill, and the guy slowly spins as he slides down the drill bit. Awesome.
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Pat Robertson > Quentin Tarantino
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awesome.
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Did you go to school?
"you might of noticed that I posted that INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS piece at like 6:20am"
Might OF noticed?!! It's might HAVE noticed dude. Stop dumbing down please, it makes you look foolish. -
...Harry's review is littered with misspellings and horrible grammar, and THAT'S the one you point out?
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It was in the first sentence, which made it impossible for me to read on. That particular grammatical error however, is becoming more and more prevalent these days, and I fear it will end up becoming accepted by the masses if idiots keep perpetuating it.
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..belonged to Juilliana Guill. Man...wat a rack, those beauties weere fucking gorgeous. Willa Ford's weren't too shabby either, actually! And the film...surprisingly good for what I expected! Thanks, Nispel, New Line, Mears, etc.!
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would Harry keep the DVD review. Its one of the few GOOD things about this site anymore, why keep it when we can have a ScriptGirl article, or more tales of what Harry had for Breakfast and how he and Yoko went to the zoo...While Im ranting, good job putting the LOST talkbacks up at like FIVE O' FUCKING CLOCK!! LOST fucking dominates this site and it should be up at like 11:00 AM tops! Oh, and can we STOP with the SNL talkbacks, that show jumped the shark 20+ years ago. How bout a "Burn Notice" talkback?! Yeah, its not heavy drama, but its LOADS of fun, VERY popular and its fucking got Bruce Campbell in it who is a geek legend.....jesus, wtf?
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if you can't get beyond grammatical errors, you sir, are at the wrong website. There is nothing here that you'll be able to read.
I DARE YOU TO READ THE INGLORIOUS BASTARDS SET VISIT UPDATE. It may well be the worst this site has witnessed. -
It was from a movie called 'PROPHECY' that came out the same summer as ALIEN. In it, a huge mutated bear attacks a family sleeping in the woods. The teenage girl jumps up and tries to escape but she's zipped up in her sleeping bag. The bear/thing swats her, slamming her body into a tree, leaving the bags feather stuffing to float down in the still air. Great monster movie. W/Talia Shire.
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The best kill was the slamming the girl in the sleeping back into the tree. The second best was the liquid nitrogen kill from Jason X.
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Feb 13, 2009 1:13:44 PM CST
Uberman, Prophecy also had one of the best "final scares"
by tylerdurden3395
Good shit.
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and a crash vs. picking up the bag like a sack of groceries, then swinging away.
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I loved Prophecy when I was a kid.
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My favorite line: (a Freddy is about to claw that chick from destiny's Child.) "How Sweet, Dark Meat"..nice concept, although it couldv'e been better. I'm just dissapointed that they didn't include a cameo from Pinhead as orginally planned.
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Nothing compared to horror classics such as the original Halloween and Nightmare. I just can't believe that anyone would be dumb enough to pay good money to see this dead horse franchise. Nobody went to see Jason in Space. Why does anyone think they want to see a redo of a series that squeezed every possible ounce of meager entertainment they could out of the horse's corpse. I just don't get it. We're in a recession, spend your money and time wisely.
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Halloween is the classy broad you marry. Friday the 13th is the slut who lets you hit it in the pooper.
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Here is a web page with both "Teenage Frankenstein" and "He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)" that Harry was talking about in his review. Harry, this one's for you!
http://tinyurl.com/c77w99
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You've been accused and called a whore in the past, but the fact that you HAD to mention Lionsgate calling you to shill their '80s slasher remake the opening weekend of a competing '80s slasher remake, makes you a bigger whore than the walking uterus that just opened a website for "donations" for her litter of future welfare recipients. Lionsgate probably planned on this weekend before Paramount claimed it for Friday The 13th, so they moved it up to January. "I know, we'll call Harry, he'll shill anything..."
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Geeez,you write like the rest of these talk-back retards.
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I just don't understand why the reboot. Why not Friday the 13th Part 12? Like it would make a difference. At least Jason X was original in that it was in space. They don't even try any more because they know that no matter what some idiot frat boy is going to pay to see blood and boobies. At least Harry got to see it for free, although he's still wasting his time. I myself won't waste my time or money.
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would not go to see anything with a sequel number in the double digits (Just like what Paramount is doing with J.J.'s Star Trek). Only pornos can have Part 12 in the title and get away with it. F13 actually drops the whole reboot mentality once Jason gets the hockey mask. From there on it's more or less Part 12 but with a non-zombified Jason. And once it drops the whole reboot baggage, it rocks.
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"Come on Jason! It's me you want, remember? Come on, come on you pussy..."
Great movie -
We are shown the skill saw and the wood chipper in the movie but they are never used! I felt like I've seen all these kills before, it was basically a 'best of' Jason's kills from the other movies. Would've been way cooler if Jason would've fed some fornicating, drug using punk into that wood chipper. I also thought the body count was pretty weak, it should've been much higher. Even the stupendous boobs couldn't overcome the lack of inventive kills.
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Saw it last night at the screening with Harry. I love the franchise and this is definitely a worthy reboot. I have a few minor gripes but overall it was a hell of a lot of fun. Full review here: http://tinyurl.com/pv8do
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thanks Harry!
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Just saw this today. The movie does tip its hat to the 1st 3 Friday movies, which I thought was clever. But other than that, it doesn't come close to topping the Original. The acting is bad, and Jason wasn't scary. Where is Betsy Palmer when you need her?
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Inept filmmaking.
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Oh wait, is it the one about the great big fat person?
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Please compare you big damned ape!
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CH CH CH HA HA HA
I have *never* heard "ki" or "ma". -
I had been looking forward to this, but most of the reviews (by people who like the genre) have been bad. And Harry's "good" review is terribly done and helped convince me that this movie isn't worth the money.
I would like to know which movies people like the best of the old ones.
1. Part 2-scarier than the original
2. Part 4 Final Friday w/Corey Haim
3. Part 1-Betsy Palmer deserves more credit
4. Jason Goes To Hell
I really love those four.
5. Part 7-Telekinetic girl
6. Freddy Vs. Jason
7. Part 3-3-d
8. Part 5-new generation
These last three were all uber-lame
9. Jason X
10.Part 6-Jason Lives
11.Part 8-Manhattan
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gives most crap movies a glowing reviews. Remember, Phantom Menace, a giant suckfest of epic proportions, Harry said the following: But.... Guess what? Mesa Luved Him! How much cash did you get for that one?? because Jar Jar is only dlightly less annoying than my mother-in-law....
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for the typos......
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any Friday the 13th film could be could. The premise alone annoys me. I'd like to see someone get a hold of an army-issued personal missile and blow that stupid Jason fucker to bits already.
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any Friday the 13th film could be could. The premise alone annoys me. I'd like to see someone get a hold of an army-issued personal missile and blow that stupid Jason fucker to bits already.
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Jason. What a fucking amateur. Wandering around all da, du, da, du with his hockey mask on. Doesn't he know IT'S FUCKIN DISTRAAACTING.
Hold on? There's spectacular boobs in it - Ohhhh goooood. Gooood for you. Fuckin ass.
I'm headed back to the BaleBack. Tom, can you put this on... -
"I'd like to see someone get a hold of an army-issued personal missile and blow that stupid Jason fucker to bits already"
Mate, that happened already, in Jason Goes To Hell. Didn't stop him then either, lol. -
YEP it's a Friday the 13th movie. I was satisfied with it. If you like Friday the 13th movies you will enjoy this one. Unless you want to be a nitpicky little shit and pick the fuck out of it. I grew up with the series and it has a special place in my heart as I was born on June Friday 13th, 1980.
This film was fully enjoyable and the fact is, the Jason bait was more entertaining to watch in this one than any past Friday film. Jason crushes teens like bugs. No more, no less. Have fun seeing it. -
I copied this post from another website I frequent. I feel the same damn way this dude does. It's so on the money too. Derek was an excellent Jason. They made him scary again. Thank god!
Absolutely hated the ending. They pussed out to the max. I mean it was playing out real good till the final moments that is.
The machete drop to his chest with the "Jason, go see your Mother in hell" line was poorly acted, something felt off about it, but that's not what had me rip roaring pissed. He's nearly in the wood chipper for god sakes, it's tickling his head, fucking push him in or something. WTF!?!?!?!
The Mask. Oh yeah, That was fucking retarded as hell. Sure it was a cluttered dusty barn attic with lots of strange crap in it. I can totally buy him finding it up there. That's not the problem. Something was off about the way he found that mask.
The stoned out backwoods fucker fights back when Jason surprises him. He tears off and destroys Jason's pillow sheet masks. He says "That's just wrong, man" (talking about Jason's ugly mug) Jason slashes his neck.. It's all good, but then, no, wait a minute, hold up..... Did I have a seizure or something? Cause suddenly there's a hockey mask under Jason's fucked up pillow mask. It's like under it, when he pulls it off the floor to look at it, or something like that..
Couldn't you have shown Jason looking around, and finding it? Why was it right there, conveniently under his other mask???? I have to watch this scene again, maybe they showed it before this, but the way I saw it played out, man, it just wasn't filmed right.
The Token Black Dude.
Clay and Jenna: "There's a killer out there..."
Token Black Dude: "I'm going to go find my friend."
Group: "Don't do it!!!"
Token Black Dude: "You don't know about me..."
The group lets him go it alone. This is the only group separation scene that really pissed me off, and then- when he's out there screaming for help. They say it's a trap.. Well duh.. but hey numbers and there's tons of shit in that house to defend yourself. Prick bitch gets his dads gun later on, but then again he's a fucking douche, so I can acept him not doing anything, but the others.. Really?
The very end. OK so they dragged his big 7 foot tall 300 pound ass to the dock. They took off his mask.. Don't know why? Maybe they wanted a peek. They didn't try the police officers CB or anything like that to call for help. Maybe it was dead. That earlier scene with the cop car was hard to follow. But still man. They just figure- Hey fuck a crime scene, fuck leaving the body where it was, so we can say this dude killed our friends when the police are finally contacted- Nahhhhh fuck that...
Let's toss the body in the lake, so when it comes time for Splaining we can look real fucking dumb and say we threw the killer in the lake, honest injun, drag it if you don't believe us.
Well OK, back to that scene. In goes Jason's body, then Clay kicks the mask in. The mask hits the bottom of the lake first, then the lockets tossed in.
Cut to an image of the masks at the bottom of the lake and the familiar chi chi ah ah music, and then a shot of Whitney and Clay looking all depressed and fucked up, and then Bam!!! Jason does his Kool Aid man impression and he pops out from under the dock and grabs Whitney "With his mask back on" that fuckers fast... He got his mask with grease lighting speed. He must of hung out with Phelps or something...
So those were the real crap moments of the film IMHO. The rest of it was pretty good.
Smaller Issues:
How'd Jason get on the roof?
Regular Music in the film. Only time this was ever cool was when Crispin Glover was dancing to it.
That bitch in the begining who was running away was a terrible actress.
Shakey cam bullshit with the first group. I hate shakey cam. Thankfully it stopped after that semi opening scene.
OK, still one more complaint and then I'm done.
I still can't believe that opening. With that chick running away from Pam. The chick has a machete in her hands, why's she running?
Pam becomes the dumber one of the two when she confronts this freaked out and armed counselor to spit that "Why I killed Your Friends" speech .... Oh yeah that made sense. Go ahed and remind her thats she's the last one left and your going to kill her when she has hollywood sized machete in her hands. Fucking brave... I think not- Stupid is more like it.
Alice fought Pam for the machete in the first film... There was some seriously good stuff in the remake, honestly- but the bad shit was way to hard to ignore.
---------------------------------Totally agree with this guy 100% on everything. -
Was a Friday the 13th movie ending. I mean what did you think you were watching!? If anyone has a problem with the ending of this movie, they were not fans of the original series.
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Ever notice Harry likes to put alot of his youthful nostalgic references in alot of his reviews..problem is you can tell he googles the movie and learns that years trivia to add it into his reviews trying to act all Tarantino.
Harry do you even read your posts back to yourself to see if they make sense. Like the "Derek Mears is the most adorable and huggy Jason" line. What the fuck does that even mean. And do you even know what "Chaste" means?
Well two definitions:
not having any sexual nature or intention : a chaste, consoling embrace.
• without unnecessary ornamentation; simple or restrained
Im guessing your trying to use the second definition....but what was restrained about the beginning....A woman gets her fuckin head cut off....Jason burns a woman alive in a sleeping bag. Where is the restraint.
Look I'm not gonna eat your lunch over spellin errors(cause you already ate it). My grammer is horrible...but make sense dammit.
Face it...you dont know how to write a review..and should stop....where the fuck is the DVD colum...your two weeks fuckin late on it.
As for Friday the 13th....Jason kills a bunch of people...some deaths are cool...some arnt. Derek is a good Jason(im biased..i know the guy). Yes lots of hot naked girls. Its just like the other entries in the series.....good stuff...bad stuff.
Take it or leave it...you all know what your gonna get from this type of moive...especially a Michael bay horror film...I mean the guy named the decepticon tank Brawl Devistator in the first movie...and now the sequal has the real devistator...yeah this is the guy we want makin our horror films.
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What's the word on the 3D quality? Will it look like anything approaching passable on my old CRTV?
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Freakin loved it
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I haven't seen any of the originals, usually hate horror movies (My Bloody Balentine 3D? Gimme a FUCKING break...), but I felt this was the perfect "first" stupid-teen-slasher-unvelieveable-horror-gore-fest movie of a (probably) continuing franchise.
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If you're going to make a new installment of a franchise and don't want to call it number 11 or 12, then at least give it some kind of a new title. It would've also have been interesting if there never were any sequels to the first Friday the 13th and they made this movie as the second one nearly 30 years later. That would be pretty cool, but wouldn't have made any money.
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What are all the AICN reviewers going on about? This flick was only one step up from the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies, since it had nudity. Even then, you could make the case that those movies had better, well-known actors. This was just... Reheated nothingness. Freddy vs Jason was a total riot, and then they serve up this retread? Ugh.
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Feb 13, 2009 11:46:11 PM CST
Felt like I was watching a "Supernatural" feature film at times
by spifftacular squirrel girl
I half expected Jensen Ackles to pull up in his car time to time during Jared Padalecki's scenes. Overall the movie was okay but not very memorable.
And am I wrong but was that Special K from "It's Always Sunny.." as the guy trying to sell weed? -
I know. Yes, I know. I shouldn't be surprised. I've been a loyal reader of this site for nearly ten years, been posting in Talkbacks for the last two. I understand that the main thing of interest in your reviews is the opinion and not the quality of the writing. Yet, I can't help but feel continually stunned by how little care you put into your reviews. They seem only to get worse with time. Do you have any genuine regard for the craft of your chosen profession - for writing? Do you proof-read your pieces even once? Are you capable of even trying to meet the same standards, as a writer, that you demand of so many filmmakers in their chosen endeavors? Paul W.S. Anderson at least cares about his work, even if his films aren't very good. Do you care about your work? Does grammar or spelling or coherency mean anything at all to you? Or are you just too "cool" for all that?
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"Might of noticed?" Honestly, Harry's not even TRYING to proofread now. That's a first-grade error. Christ.
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just TERRIBLE in every way. lame. boring. for Christ's sake, is Platinum Dunes going to pull this excrement on everything? what a dismal let down.
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is Jaimie Curtis a for real hermaphrodite ive heard this rumor over the years
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"Same as those who like any of the previous ones non-ironically."
Liking something 'ironically' does not make you smarter or cooler; just less honest. -
Like getting drunk and listening to a cover band play OK versions of some classics. Not bad, not great. Certainly better than that horrible My Bloody Valentine 3D piece of shit.
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Feb 14, 2009 2:17:13 AM CST
Reasons why this was a piece of crap and Harry is nuts--SPOILERS
by kirbymanly
This is only for those that have seen the film. Ehhh, who am I kidding? I'm not giving anything interesting away.
Not that these kind of movies should ever be questioned... but there's a LOT of strange things going on in this film.
1) Why does Trent's girlfriend kind of accept that her boyfriend is screwing another chick in the bedroom?
2) Why is everything pointed out in dialogue? "Where are you, gun?!" Comes to mind.
3) Why does any flashlight that moves left to right have a sound effect?
4) How did the cop(s) know where the douches were calling from? I suppose it was a case of "Well, I suppose its the only expensive house on Crystal Lake... must be them!"
5) I wonder how the scene went when Jason went to Home Depot to collect his series of lights for his self-made, underground bunker.
6) Outside of setting up a "shocking ending", why in the hell would the bother and sister team not leave Jason where he is after killing him? Why bring the bastard to the lake, which then destroyes the crime scene? They ditch the evidence that would back up their story with the cops. This makes zero sense.
There's "ehh, it's just a movie" and then there's insulting people's intelligence. -
Jesus Christ! Get over yourselves! I bet you were super-careful to check your post for spelling or grammar errors. Heaven fucking forbid that Harry provides you with a free site with information and opinion (quite a bit of it exclusive or with a valuable perspective not available elsewhere) and some of it has some *gulp* errors of grammar or spelling! You're pathetic. Did I say fuck off? Oh, I did. So fuck off.
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I would have liked to have seen this film tinker with surrealism. As in have Jason be portrayed by a glazed bear claw doughnut being dipped into coffee. Have a framed autographed photo of Freddy Mercury act as the machete, and all the victims are photocopies of pages from the Bible. Camp Crystal Lake could be a metaphor for underage gay sex that leads to human papilloma virus, visually it could resemble the frozen foods section at Wall-Mart. They also should have had subliminal flashes of the Batman nipple costume from Joel's masterpiece.
When the dust settled I half enjoyed my evening of gathering with a crowd of teenagers with diminished tastes and horrible public conduct standards, who cannot stop texting people who will forget all about them in less than a year. Stale popcorn and uncomfortable seats in a room full of half-wits watching gasoline poured directly onto a sleeping brain, almost beats going to bed early and masturbating to internet smut (the same reason I missed Janet Jackson's boob at the super bowl).
Question: How many more people have already seen this than Coraline (which is a masterpiece)? -
he gets to see naked boobs everyday if he wants and please, how could anyone be looking forward to this pos the slasher genre had its time...the reagan era....the beginning of the dumbing down of americawith all the porn that 17 year old boys can now see on the internet, how does one sell a movie based on boobies?i dont get it...and that is why i dont work in hollywood
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There was nothing in this movie that hasn't been in the other movies. The kills were great! The double axe kill, the knife going SLOWLY in the asian guys throught, the fucking tow truck kill. THAT SHIT WAS GOLD! I think when Jason is holding the chick up in the bathroom...and they do a close-up of his face. I think that's my favorite shot of Jason EVER. This thing was badass.
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can I change my name? if not will I get banned if I make a new account with a different Email? thanks....
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It's either "throat" or "troat", depending on what area of the country you are from. Also, if those kills were your version of "gold"... Yikes. No imagination what-so-ever was involved. The proof is in how shit-brained the script was. Not that ANY of them have ever been noteworthy scripts... you just expect more in this day and age. The cookbook was already written. You make what the author wrote. You get: "It's...just okay" from your guests. You then move from what you know to make it a bit more personalized. You add a few more things that agree with your taste, twisting it a bit, without dismissing the original concept. That's not this film. It was so stupid it made "Jason Takes Manhattan" look like a fucking masterpiece.
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Jason uses his pot plants to lure Michael Phelps to Crystal Lake so he can kill the fourteen gold medal winner. The finale includes Phelp's swimming for his life. I'm not going to tell you if he made it.
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You may change your name to any of the following:
The Okay I Guess G
The Who Cares About G
The Suckered Into Waiting For Harry's DVD Column G
The Unsure About His Title G
or
The Amazing Male G-Spot (aka p-spot)
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Every would be victim of Jason is bored that they unceremoniously commit suicide just before Jason has a chance to kill them. After an hour and a half of this Jason jabs the machete into his own frontal lobe out of frustration and (again) boredom.
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Jason finds himself in a rut at his job as an investment banker and decides to take a vacation to Camp Crystal Lake. To his delight it has been renovated and transformed into an all male nudist retreat. No boobs in this sequel unless you count Harry's, Texas Chainsaw remake like, cameo.
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thousands of movie goers face disappointment as they discover that they had already seen this film nearly a dozen times already.
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Jason takes a nap in the tall grass during a particularly beautiful sunny day. He awakes to find a group a breakfast cereal monsters (Count Chocula, Franken Berry, Boo Berry, and Fruity Yummy Mummy) standing around him proudly sporting whatever erections they can muster. They invite him to play Wii Bowling and discuss the possibility of remaking Schindlers List with updated story telling techniques in vibrant color. Hijinx Ensue.
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It's about standards, you douche nozzle. You clearly have none and neither does Harry.
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I can tell you who did halloween and nightmare on elm street. also evil dead and tcm, but not f13.
i think the icon of jason is bigger than any of his movies. whether you can see breasts at home or not, it is a prerequisite in a F13 flick.
i thought the end was reminiscent of f13 part 1 and hatchet. overall, a fun movie and a good F13
i think harry's adorable jason remarks were concerning the actor himself -
...it would've ventured into more goofy territory. What can I say I think it hit all the right notes. You either dig this type of shit, or you don't. I loved it. After the pot was revealed, my friend leaned over and said "now he's got a real trap, motherfuckers are going to be coming from all over the place." And we laughed, cause damn it, this is JASON we're talking about here. It's not psycho, it's not sacred. It's Jason, with sharp weapons, killing folks. And it wasn't just Jason in this thing, it was EPIC Jason. Big, hulking, and seemingly unstoppable. Things never got to fucking silly like MBV, yet it wasn't so humorless that it was boring. The kills weren't all fucking CG shit (which I HATE) and it didn't have any scooby doo whodunnit bullshit. It was back to basic Jason done RIGHT. Yeah it had it's problems here and there, but nothing greater than the older movies had.
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Sean S Cunningham. Any post 20 year old horror fan can tell you that.
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You can tell a lot of the good stuff was edited out or changed. My MAIN issue with the movie wasn't the tone or the story, it was the fucking score. Jablonsky's score was awful and too minimalist. They really needed to license Manfredini's stuff from Friday the 13th Part 3. Stupid disco intro aside, the rest of the film features the best F13 music. I thought they dropped the ball with the music. Aside from that it's a fun movie that seems too lean and could have benefited from about 20 additional minutes. More buildup for the prologue featuring Jason's mother, and more time for the final battle. Also the ending... Is that what 2 writers came up with. Not one. But 2? Seriously? Half the final battle is similar to Wrong Turn 2. And then the ending. That's it? I enjoyed the movie, but I'm sure some people might not like the ending as it is just OK.
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While at the screening on the 12th, the producers said that Jablonsky actually wrote a lot more of a score for the film, but they pulled a bunch of it out to put the jump scare noises in. Was it a good decision?
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Beware....
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I know that I may seem silly bitching about a score when the film wasn't bad, but I feel the score did the film no favors. I'm not a Manfredini super STAN, because after "Jason Lives" his scores for "Jason Goes To Hell" and "Jason X" were overdone cheese. But if the film would have littered the movie with some of the older pieces of music from the earlier films, it would have worked better for me. In "Friday the 13th Part 3", there is this one piece of music where Chris is in the cabin looking for Rick while he is outside being held by Jason that is just great. If this movie had scenes with music like that, it would have worked better. It's like the "Dawn" remake that didn't even feature that famous mall song that sounds like a zombie playing a xylophone. Overall the movie was fun, but I think it was actually too short IMO. The prologue with Jason's mom didn't have enough buildup, even though it was shot well. They had an opportunity to re-do the ending for part 1 (with a shot of adrenaline) making it better, but instead it was just OK. My other issue is the final fight. It needed more "action" moments. In my opinion, the Brother should have bit it to shake the stakes up. They both shouldn't have lived. And Jenna should have had a Gellar in "I Know What You Did Last Summer" moment where you felt bad when she died because she died in a fucked up way. It was too quick. And Whitney's showdown moment believe it or not lacked the punch of Ginny's similar moment from part 2. Overall I had fun, but there were things that could have been done to give it more. But I liked it, and I know the DVD will be a dramatically different movie since you can tell the MPAA cut it the fuck up.
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GREAT KILLS, GREAT BOOBS, GREAT CHARACTERS FOR A HORROR FILM... AND YES IT ROCKED!!!!!!!
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Is this film worthy of a Frank Booth reference?
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"Derek Mears is the most adorable and huggy Jason I've yet met Kane Hodder & Ken Kirzinger."What does this mean?
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"It's actually more horrific, just not as downright inhumanly brutal. But there's a reason. This is Baghead Jason." ...snip... "The teenagers are entertainingly worthy of Jason's expertise"Does this mean that Jason is a novice expert?Harry, please. Get your thoughts together first, write an outline, THEN write a review. Save the impromptu post-from-the-hip shit for TB.
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...his stomach rumbled so loudly you could hear it all the way to Monday the 16th!
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Keep thinking - you're half right. It's about standards, and ours differ. You are whining about what I am claiming to be a pathetic and irrelevant standard in this case, given the other virtues of the site and Harry's work. This is all I'm going to say on it. I suggest you go find some well punctuated and grammatical film reviews and stay there, feeling good about your standards.
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Hello sequel....
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You have to see Part 4 and Part 6, because they are the best. Part 4 is full of fantastic gore and hilarious scenes with Crispin Glover and Corey Feldman. Part 6 is almost a parody, with Jason playing James Bond in the opening credits and self-aware oddball characters. Trust me, friend. It will be time well-spent.
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i don't get that? i just don't. there's horrible death happening around the world right now. how disconnected do you have to be to enjoy watching a slasher film right now? maybe it's a spoiled brat thing. yeah, i think it is. but what can you expect from the same kids who fight over how true a movie is to it's cartoon roots. sigh.
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As odd as it sounds, sometimes you need some cartoonish homicide to cope with the real deal.You also have to consider that there is a message behind the films, as odd as it may seem. I think I recognize your TB handle as one that shares some of my political views. If I'm not wrong, perhaps you may dig this: http://tinyurl.com/b5w7d8
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The is to be disconnected. your world is a shit bomb of fuck that only appeals to snobs like you. Fuck your ira, fuck your mutual fund portfolio, fuck your economy, fuck your ripoff high wage as a phd, fuck hospital costs, fuck college tuition, fuck the cost of college books, and fuck you knowitall. --- chainsaw blast to the face fucker, you need a zombie blood laced enema.
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Go play Myst, you'd love that point and click adventure.
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I now understand wanting to see a horrific murder - I retract my prev post - god help me
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What's wrong with a little fictional violence? I grew up watching the "Friday the 13th" movies. They have a special place in my heart. But come on, why do people have to be such fucking snobs about movies? I have seen EVERY movie up for consideration for the Oscars. But why can't I also enjoy a little carefree hack n slash? I hate the misconception that every person who loves slasher is some chronic mouth breathing masturbater who hates women. It's stupidity to think that. These films are either for you or they aren't. It's not hard to appreciate a film like "Slumdog Millionaire", "The Wrestler" or "Gran Torino" while acknowledging how much fun "Rambo 4" was. I feel sorry for the snobbish people who can't enjoy pure popcorn. Also "F13" was tamer than any of those ridiculously over the top "Saw" movies.
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... what is the major malfunction here: "Ok, so you might of noticed"?
It's might HAVE!
Might HAVE!
"Ok, so you might HAVE noticed"
FUUCCCKK!!! -
his phd, if he is one, does not command a rip-off salary. many of the things that you enjoy when you get back from the construction site were developed by phd's. read a book.
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Wolverine guts him and slows him down, Storm brings down the lightning and then Cyclops vaporized the killing machine moron. End of story.
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are you looking down on me (or your perception of me) from the mountain of contributions you've made to the human race, or the pile of books that I just finished?
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TOS:
Kirk: Spock, we have no choice, there's no other way.
Spock: As much as I abhor killing, in the case, you arrived at your decision through logic and the needs of the many as this one does nothing but Kill. I agree, Jim
Both set phasers to vaporize.
No more Jason
End of story.
TNG does the same, but the let Worf get out his aggression first. -
Hulk rips his fucking arms out of sockets, followed by the legs, stomps the torso and face.
Then Iron Man comes along to blow up those pieces.
End of Story
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If you wasted your money on it, you're a pathetic individual.
At least the Freddie shit had some creative whimsy, but I would've never paid to see those either, only on TV. -
Because other entries have included the ending of the first one in their opening 'tale of the legend' sequences. This seems more like the next sequel, and I have to say, it was a damn fine one. You throw out the 'remake' term from this film, and you end up with probably the best sequel since part 4. In terms of T&A, it is hands down the best of the series thus far, period. Awesome tits, gorgeous asses, and thankfully (and finally!) truly good looking women to enjoy not only their bodies when they are all sorts of naked, but also beautiful faces when they are not so naked. Definitely to thumbs and a wang up here!
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Feb 14, 2009 7:56:24 PM CST
Why did the same screenwriters get Jason so wrong in FvsJ?
by monkey_king
C'mon, the guy can swim like a super-human Michael Phelps and survive a lake drowning, but they make him...afraid of water? Retards! Plus, what was up with all the near-hotties with bad bood jobs? The only boobs worth wanting to see unrestrained from the confines of a banana sling were those of the main actress who survives to the end. FvsJ needed less comedy, more thrills and chills...and less fake tits. Ronny Yu I love, but replacing Kane Hodder left a bad taste that lingers to this day in my mouth.
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considering how hard it is to write a "versus" movie and make it make any kind of sense I thought i was VERY good. Freddy was spot on and the Jason scared of the water and everything was cool cuz it gave him a weakness finally. I liked that movie was better than this remake. I love boobs as much as the next guy but the FUCKING was over the top in this movie and almost felt like a skinemax movie at times. I KNOW jason movies pride themselves on dumb teenage nudity but damn, some of that SEX was graphic and took away from fear that was building up it was like...okay I'm scared...now horny...now scared..now horny..etc etc
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What the hell is so hard to understand about basic English? It is NOT "should of". It is "Should have"! Graduate high school much?
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I dug it and it has allot of boobs, finally a modern movie that's not afraid to show allot of boobs!
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Is it the best of the 13 series?
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These movies are fuck-tard ridiculous, which is fine. I actually find of like the idea of a joke feeding in on itself, especially when the face of the joke is covered in the blood of stoned teenagers. I wish it weren't a remake but rather just a continuation of banality rather than a new coat of paint on a stalled junker. There's really something to be said of a franchise lasting this long despite its inane concept. The point is to have campy fun and grope your girlfriends tits in the theater while throwing popcorn and laughing at the comments around you. This is one of the only movies I can approve of people talking through at the theater. At the theater I saw it in someone near me yelled "behind you!", teenagers were disgustingly and passionately French kissing, and the room was destroyed with litter and popcorn.
When the characters pushed Jason's body into the water instead of performing whatever the standard procedure is for handling a dead killer and a pile of his victims, your supposed to have had your senses beaten in already. Pour gasoline over your sleeping brain and pray you stop thinking so hard because you were supposed to stop thinking when you handed the cashier your money and said "Friday the 13th please." and you fucking know it to be true.
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Since there was not even a single reference to the date, why not just retitle the movie. I dont know, maybe "Retard's Revenge," "Autistic Titty Rampage," or "Jason: Deadly Cockblocker"
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Feb 14, 2009 11:42:30 PM CST
Transformers 2 trailer was horrible... Chick with great rack was
by spectrebeeyatch
This wasn't really a remake really either. It was solid.
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Am I missing something? When I watched Transformers, I was laughing about how pathetic this film was while I was watching it. The kill bill music, the over the top product placement for Chevy, the lame story, but I guess I'm just out of touch. This is, afterall, the High School Musical Era. Fuck All of you.
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Hey Harry...is it warm inside Michael Bay's pocket?
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What is it with these half-ass directors (producers?) that say "okay now we go BOURNE!!!" which means shoot a bunch of shit with lots of cameras and cut your way out of your ill-conceived sequence. Every kill (except the dock) was confusing and cut-AROUND. I swear two kills were framed entirely out of the shot! I dispell Marcus Nispell from ever directing another reboot-- or anyone who can't bring an original, effective take to the material!
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And did you notice that a lot of the close-up shots were completely out of focus? Such a sad state of affairs... even for a Friday the 13th film.
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Good grammar and spelling should be the most basic standard to keep when one is running a website where 95% of its content is writing.
It's people like you that are making this world a more stupid place. And glance at this talkback - I'm not the only one who feels this way. -
if your reading this tell me, is your name a Read Or Die reference?
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There didn't seem to be much enthusiasm, and nothing really happened in the movie. It was kind of dull. This Nispel guy is officially on my shit list because the Chainsaw remake outright sucked. It was ignorantly made. Way too flashy. No suspense and no thought put behind the story. This new Friday decided to stick to the formula of the originals and in doing so, didn't compare.
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Right Harry?
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....and not back from the dead why the fuck was mrs voorhees killing everyone? because jason drowned didn't he?? so how in the fuck is he not back from the dead? he is supernatural because the whiole thing kicks off with mrs voorhees getting revenge for jasons death. this film was a huge disappointment. the kills were bog standard and nothing new. Plus clay has supposedly been looking for his sister for ages right? the cop tells him not to bother looking again. he cant have looked very hard if all the locals don't know him and he has never been to the camp before. terrible film
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Ya know what bugged me ? It didn't FEEL right. The uber crystal clear cinematography felt wrong. Jason's running felt wrong. The score was wrong. The kills were okay ( the dock one being the best by far) but it felt like the TCM remake, like Jason was their other brother who was too retarded to be allowed to use a power tool.
I would rank it in the bottom half of all the friday films:
in order from best to worst IMO
2,4,1,6,3,7,,Jason X,FvJ,Remake,9,8,5
In other words, it's better than Jason Goes to Hell, Jason Takes Manhatten and the abomination which is that a New Beginning.
I did like the performance of Jason. But Kane is the best! ( followed closely by Richard Brooker from Part 3 )
I'd watch this online or wait for the DVD. it ain't bad, but feels wrong. -
The Prophecy traumıtızed me as very young chıld-That and the orıgınal Howlıng are old school horror flıcks that are totally underated. Eh,that messed up bear was wıcked!
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...saw it last night. Too much shaky-cam bullshit and dark lighting. The best shot in the movie was Jason, framed by moonlight, on the roof of the douchebag's cabin. That shot was iconic. Everything else was slow and pretty boring.
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The answer is 'no' because this piece of shit filmmaker doesn't give a fuck if the title makes sense. As long as there's a seven foot retard in a Hockey mask and topless twenty year olds, we can make the biggest piece of shit we want and people will pay to see it. Fuck, why don't we make a spoof called 'Slasher Movie' while we're at it and have a guy with a Hockey mask have a cow fall on him in the trailer while a GI Joe member yells 'Yo Joe.' Then they can wonder onto the set of India's 'Who Want's to be a Millionaire' and a Transformer can be on the hotseat while GI Joe says 'Knowing is half the battle.' That would be a gold mine, I think I need to pitch this idea to Hollywood so I can get in on some of that retarded consumer money. Never mind that a movie is garbage and an insult to human intelligence to watch, it has tits, and we've never seen those, so let's pay ten bucks and go look at some titties. We're so fucking cool, we see titties on the big screen and then don't talk to girls at all except when we try to molest them on dance floors. Yay for being a fat fucking loser.
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Im serious, if the trailer suggests that I might see a pair of boobs, I am going to go to the ATM, get me a twenty, and go buy me a ticket, a large popcorn, and a large diet coke. I don't give a shit what kind of movie its going to be, fuck, we are going to see someone's boobs. This does not happen to me, so when I have an opportunity to see tits, I am not going to risk missing it. I can't wait to tell my friends how I pretty much got laid after seeing this. Why go to the gym, work on having self confidence, and learn how to talk to girls, when I get the milk for free. Well, for ten dollars anyway, if you know what I mean. (wink, wink)
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He fucking ran in the old ones complainers.
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Feb 15, 2009 6:35:23 PM CST
Friday the 13th (2009)...Hottest females in any Jason film!
by monkey_king
Every damn one was hot, but I'm still wondering why Jason let the redhead live. Did she resemble his dead mother too much or was it the necklace thing and the resemblance? This new Jason could run a Triathlon and still dismember teen hotties and girlfriend-less potheads.
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Fuck you, go to a fucking strip club, go pick up some skank slut whore from your local bar, or more likely, go watch your fucking internet porn. Please, stop judging a movie by the quality of its college tits and start looking at the film itself. I beg you, go to google or something a do a search for tits, maybe then, you can shut the fuck up.
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Jason X ownz, it's hilarious ("This sucks on so many levels!!"). This one plays it more "straight" but it distills about 3 separate Friday movies down to a 90 minute experience, and it knows the instant iconography of Voorhees, so it's totally recommended as an audience participatory film. Lotta hot chicks, lotta blood, lotta decent kills, and even the hot virginal pure chick gets it, how about that?
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He didn't run like this. He runs faster than a DOTD remake zombie in this movie. It isn't really very good at what it's aiming to do. Which i assume is capture the feeling of the original films whilst bringing something new and modern to it. It did neither, it was like a bad sequel to part 7 and it just wasn't shot right. I never felt like I was watching a Friday movie, it really felt like a 3rd TCM remake about their retard cousin Jason who lives up " 'round dem yankees in Joisy ". It was better than the last 2 Jason movies, but that's hardly a compliment.
I am a big fan of the original string of movies ( heck my name on the FANGO boards is voorheesajollygoodfellow ) i really wanted to like this, but the only satisfaction I got was when the douche got his and the dock kill. The rest of it was 100% meh. I mean they actually found a way to have even less characterization than the first 3 movies do!!! -
I thought it was a very entertaining slasher movie, which is exactly what I wanted. The characters were actually funny, the tits were great, Jason was scary, and the production values were actually good. What more did you want?
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I didn't think it was funny,well shot, had interesting kills or tits ( save one of each...well you know what i mean) It just seemed like a hollow cash in movie with none of the fun of my fave's from the original series.
Sorry, for me it was hollow and boring( save for a good Jason turn by Derek Mears) -
My problem with this movie was that it just wasn't SCARY enough. I agree with the poster who said they just plopped Jason into a TCM remake. The movie was just about 10mins too short that could have been used to build suspense. That said, Julianna Guill had "stupendous" tits and Travis Van Winkle has solidified himself as the new Zabka.
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Outside of some awesome tits, this movie was lame. It was a totally predictable recycle. I'd rather watch almost any of the 80's (except V) than this 90 minute waste of life. There is nothing to see here, move along.
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what is the new Harry gif from? I've racked my brain but just can't figure it out
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He comes and goes...He comes and gooOOoesI do love a nice set of tits [READ: female breasts] but that's not why I visit the cineplex. I'd prefer to see an entertaining and worthwhile movie. Call me a cheap weirdo bastard if you'd like...
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http://tinyurl.com/cum4pf
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the movie is goos and people liked it. i can see an HUGE 80$ on the end!
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was unexpected.
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That movie understood the absurdity of Jason and was hilarious.
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Your screen name is fitting.
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are people who never read books - ever. Because its a mistake made by misunderstanding what you hear, that is never made when you actually read it.
now you could counter-point by saying that Harry reads a great deal, but perhaps never encountered the phrase "might have" in print.
I'd concede to that point given that comic books do not have a great deal of dialogue.
Read books, Harry. -
the same people claiming box office means this is a good movie are the ones who said Paul Blart had no real competition.
What movies did this one go up against? -
Really. The series has nothing to do with the date at all, save for being the day that Mrs. Vorhees killed the first counselors in the prologue to the first movie. It isn't a holiday, it isn't even a date (since it happens in random months). It is just a title, meant to imply a day of bad bad bad luck for these people. The end.
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What EXACTLY was the point of this remake (other than the obvious $$$). I would have much rather seen another Freddy Versus Jason (far superior on the fun and style level than this crap). Texas Chainsaw remake wasn't great, but at least Nispel brought some style and innovation: modernizing the film in enough ways that justified a remake and made it interesting. This wasn't even FUN. The deaths were underwhelmibg. The cast was ATROCIOUS! I think they just got stuck here: not sure if they should embrace the camp (a la Bloody Valentine) or go for a straight, disturbing tale (Chainsaw). I literally could not have been more bored. Unfortunatley, with the BO, we'll be seeing more of this crap. Platinum Dunes please keep your greedy mits off "The Birds"! I get that this franchise is meant to be mindless fun - but it need not be insulting. Oh, and please check the fucking focus before you shoot another film Nispel.
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...a stream of consciousness that dried up some time around 1982
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kids meaning teens, of course. I have to laugh at the criticism because it mostly amounts to "the crappy movies were so much less crappy in my day" Here's the thing...they weren't. Some of us who grew up with these movies have a sentimental fondness that has nothing to do with the quality, or lack thereof. They were of a certain time and place and cannot be duplicated. For you old school horror fans, this movie is not for you. M. Bay could give two shits about you. This is easy money for the kids to enjoy. It will be gne in a week. It will be 5 bucks at walmart in two weeks. Stop trying to ask these movies to be more than soulless, money making crap. Its just sad. Just stop.
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I'm not really a fan of Friday the 13th the franchise, but god damn, Jason X is entertaining for its absurdities.
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....jesus christ. give it up already.
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Where the fuck is that gif from? I first thought ORIGINAL HITCHER with the finger for fries scene, but it has no punch and it's a differente attitude... so I don't think that's it. Anyone?
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Its From Sling Blade. french fried pertaters
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Of. -course people, who knows I cuddle in the most time,....heh heh...will continue to TARGET sells ORBIT and then. Complain about. The so-called-.....stlye of Harry. 's. Reviews! Mihgt of you herd them to. Their over they're. If you can't - see them. I came.
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This is the worst Jason movie ever. And the boobs of the first girl are the ugliest boobs in a Jason movie.
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Holy shit it made 45M its fisrt 4 day out.
i know it's a great movie and it deserves all of those money. it could bring home ore than 80M.
NOW it's time for the SEQUEL! -
..but I remember in that movie the guy was eating a hot dog, not french fries.
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watch these clips of jason been not so scary more funny !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcLTQN-90AA -
Feb 17, 2009 8:10:20 AM CST
Coming from one of the biggest Friday the 13th fans out there...
by halloween68
And from his wife who's also a huge horror movie fan. We own the Friday the 13th DVD box set and JASON X. I grew up with Friday the 13 and Jason. Though I have a soft spot in my heart for Michael Myers, Friday the 13th was a big reason I grew up loving horror movies the way I did. I mean come on. The first movie I saw at the theatre unsupervised was IT'S ALIVE. The first movie I saw at home alone at home on TV was SALEM'S LOT. The first movie I saw on HBO was HALLOWEEN. The first movie I bought on video tape was FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. I'm set you up here to make the following point. Friday the 13th will never win any awards. When disecting them as a film student, none of them hold any water. That said, save for part 9 where the spirit of Jason body hops, every Friday the 13th movie has something going for it. They are all a blast in one way or another. And yes, I even love the Ambulance Driver one. You just have to know where to look. For me, when I'm watching a Jason movie, I just get caught up in the hokeyness of it all. Nobody barrells through and smashes things (in creative ways) like Jason. The idiocy of most of the situations make you laugh and the in your face intensity of the moment just carries you away. I'm hear to say I couldn't disagree with Harry Knowles in this instance any more than I do. This newest incarnate is on par with Rob Zombie's attempt at remaking Michael Myers. This just isn't Jason. It doesn't look like Jason. It doesn't feel like Jason. With Jared Padalaki (sp?) as the lead, FRIDAY THE 13TH THE REMAKE feels like an episode of SUPERNATURAL directed by Rob Zombie only with boobs. And if that's just what you're looking for in FRIDAY THE 13TH, you might enjoy this latest attempt at recreating Camp Crystal Lake. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 1 and 2 have the least amount of nudity of any of the films, and those are universally accepted as being the best films of the series by far. It's not just about uninhibited teenagers, there's more to what makes Jason tick than that. Maybe I'm just upset at all the recent remakes coming about (I didn't think much of MY BLOODY VALENTINE either). But I really think they missed the whole point here. And I really don't think they had to even make as much of it as they did. Why does everything have to be "re-imagined"? The great thing about Jason is he's timeless. He's the masked monster from our youth that can show up at any time and anywhere. Why recast his mother? Why make him look like one of the HILLS HAVE EYES mutants? Why are there mines at a summer camp? And since when does Jason take hostages? Coming from a real FRIDAY THE 13TH fan, I can't tell you how disappointed I was after seeing this. There was maybe one or two fun moments in the film and they all happened in the first 15/20 minutes. I say skip it and let's hope they don't go the Rob Zombie route and make a sequel to the remake. Eeeeey.
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I agree with the other ranters. Harry you really need to take a writing class....nearly everything you write from reviews to dvd picks...well, they almost all seems to contain awkwardly written phrases or downright poor grammar. Personally, I'd like to see some more professionalism. But on the other hand you're a geek, not a writer and that's just your style...so..carry on I suppose. : )
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You're dating the wrong girls. Ichi the Killer is my kind of date movie indeed
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I ended up going with a few friends,and we represent a teen ager, a twentysomething, thirtysomething and old fortyplus me. All of us just thought this was very boring. The only entertainment was the first 10 minutes and the last ten-fifteen minutes.
I blame Nispel. This seemed to have all the elements,but it is so poorly directed as to have absolutely no suspense or scariness. Everything looks brown, it is totally TCM with Jason. So that was a bummer.
This would be one of the absolute worst of the series. I guess I am glad it made money. I have to point out that opening weekend is all about want-to-see and hype, really nothing to do with word of mouth or quality.
My Bloody Valentine was actually much more entertaining than this crap. "Mindless fun?" I wish. Where was the fun?
Total friggin snoozefest, a waste of time and money. More than anything, it should make Sean Cunninham, Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King and Co. feel very, very superior. The originals, dated as they are, are just soooo much better. -
Screening tonight of OUTLANDER in Seattle with the director Howard McCain talking afterwards and answering questions. It's at 7 pm at the JBL Theater, 325 5th Avenue North - presented in partnership with The Science Fiction Museum and Hall Of Fame. It only costs $5 to get in. The movie is great fun, check it out.
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Harry writing about his day is part of Harry's style, and since his life is geeky, its never boring when he does it.
I for one enjoy his reviews and wish there were more of them, in the same style he is writing in and the same style he has always written in. ^_^ -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KodUySY6jMQ&feature=channel_page
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I was in high school when Part 6 came out. It was a pretty big deal in the horror world because it marked the return of Jason and made him look unstoppable in the trailers. The Alice Cooper songs, both Man Behind the Mask and Teenage Frankenstein were on his Constrictor Album (only the first was made for the movie, but no reference to the movie on the album). I am sure many people heard the song as he had a video with scenes from the movie that played on MTV every day. Jason grabs him from behind at the end.
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Feb 18, 2009 5:27:11 PM CST
Wow 42mil? not sure how they pulled that amount off cause...
by the founder
the movie was mediocre. I never expect a good story or high quality movie from a Friday the 13th or any slasher film cause its just supposed to be thrills and killing. The story is supposed to be written aroud the killing sequences, but here it was all so damn underwhelming. Jason is supposed to supernatural as someone pointed out and yet here he is seemingly alive. Doesn kind of make it moot that his mother would've been killing if her was still alive. It would seem that should would've sued the crap out of the camp and moved away with a nice settlement check. It got a ton gripes but at this point why bother. I guess the franchise has been revived.
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Does it bother anyone else that Harry hasn't had a negative review since CLONE WARS in fucking AUGUST? Seems a bit sketchy to me.
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I guess no one cares.
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FROM THE FRONT PAGE. BETTER GET ON THAT.
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but I liked the movie anyways
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This was good, with a terrible, terrible problem: In the end, the two survivors subdue Jason, and instead of running away to safety, like every other F13 survivor in the previous movies, or like every sane/non-retarded person would do, they apparently rescue Jason from the wood shredder, de-mask him, carry his body to Crystal Lake, and drop him in the water? What the fuck? I can think 100 reasons why their characters WOULDN'T do that, and 0 reasons for why they would. Out of 10-11 movies, one of which is set IN SPACE, this is the most illogical thing I have ever seen in a Friday the 13th movie. It honestly ruined the movie for me. Until then, I liked it. Sigh.
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I'd rather watch it ten times a day for the rest of my life than see this again. It's only marginally better than Jason Goes to Hell because Jason's participation in that film amounted to little more than a cameo appearance. The only part I didn't detest was when Julianna Guill showed her stupendous boobs. It has the weakest kills in the history of Jason.
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better than the sleeping bag kill from part 5? Or was it 7...? Hmmm...
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One of ..if not THE worst movie i have ever seen in my life, completely devoid of anything approaching tension, plot or originality..maybe thats the point, i guess im not the movies target audience, being that i like to use my brain
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check out my review at the horror website haunternet.com: http://www.haunternet.com/news/248
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I can't believe how retarded hollywood can be! How the hell can you fuck up one of the most simple characters in the world?!!
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Mar 25, 2009 4:16:49 AM CDT
Is richpassion.com the best site to look for quality single?
by iamalice1
So does some other celebrities,Hilton,sheen,Macdonna...are dating online too,but i am not sure which site they are using...
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Smells like spam to Orcus
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