Massawyrm taps his feet and hums along with the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
I’ve finally come to grips with it. I love remakes. It’s not like I count the days until a new one comes out or anything – but I sure as hell appreciate them. It took a while to fully understand and embrace, but it struck me just this weekend as I dove into a chicken fried chicken platter at Austin Diner. The radio was playing a program focusing on “The Number 2 Records of 1955” and I noted that I knew every single one of the songs. And dug them. Except that I wasn’t at all familiar with any of the 1955 versions. I was familiar with either the originals..or the subsequent covers. But there I was, grooving along with versions with which I was entirely unfamiliar and appreciating what each had to offer that differed from the version I knew by heart. And then my mind, as it often does, turned to film.
And it was then that I began to become excited about Friday the 13th.
I’ve never been the world’s biggest Jason fan. I love the mythology, I love the story, shit, I love the look. But the movies? As a series they have issues. Once Jason came back in 6, the mythology was slipping away. By part 9, Jason was just some crazed, demonic worm from hell simply inhabiting the body of Jason Voorhees and took to inhabiting others once his body was completely blown to shit by the military. By part 10 the only thing left to do was launch him into space and make a fun of him. Jason, as a movie villain, was no longer scary. He was THE cliché. Even the early films have a hard time holding up. Despite how magical they seem in our head, they really are only good for the kills. And the boobs…if your internet connection is down.
I’ve written this before, but it bears repeating. Freddy, Jason, Michael, Pinhead. These are the Universal Monsters of our generation. You simply SEE a bladed glove or a hockey mask or that white painted Shatner mask and you see the monster clearly in your head. Ask your friends about who these guys are and they’ll tell you. Hell, ask your parents. They know the legends. They know the stories. And everyone has their own campfire version they’d tell. And that’s all this is. Another campfire tale about the mad murderer of Camp Crystal Lake. And before we go any further it is imperative that you know that’s exactly how I see these movies. Because keep in mind that I’m the guy that liked the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and the guy who loved TCM: The Beginning, and the guy that digs the everloving shit out of Rob Zombie’s Halloween. I don’t like any of them BETTER than the originals. I like them different. I like them as retellings of great stories the filmmakers are simply borrowing. Of course, this Friday the 13th gets two additional passes as A) it is executively produced by the original producer/director Sean S. Cunningham, and B) let’s face it, Cunningham was just ripping off Carpenter to begin with. This isn’t exactly sacred ground.
Now, that said, I dug the hell out of this thing. Easily my favorite Friday film to date, this is effectively a trimmed down conglomeration of all the best, essential moments of films 1-3. And the sucker is LEAN. 97 minutes of Jason chasing pot smoking, alcohol drinking, over sexed teens through the woods and killing them in brutal, inventive ways. You know, when he’s not just taking them down with a machete. His mom is in here, her shack, the camp, how he gets the mask. Everything you need to tell the Jason story is present and accounted for. Nothing more, nothing less.
Which of course will lead to a problem with anyone expecting more. There’s almost zero character development here. And the film doesn’t try to branch out and create a brand new version of the story filled with twists and turns and whole new angles. It’s like Marcus Nispel set out to make the perfect telling of the tale. Only it’s not perfect. It has its flaws. And the real measure of how you feel about this film is how you wrestle with its two biggest.
The biggest and most glaring problem is that it suffers from Swordfish Syndrome. The first 15-20 minutes of this movie are bad ass. No. Strike that. They are FUCKING AWESOME. A group of teens show up in the woods and what you get is an abbreviated Friday the 13th story. The characters are readily established, all of their sinful ways are quickly tallied on screen and then guess who shows up. The deaths are fast and furious and have an exceptionally brutal, post-torture porn feel to them. The gore is great and the deaths are so fucking awful to look at that you begin to squirm and writhe in your seat. It is everything a Friday the 13th movie should be. EVERYTHING.
And then the screen goes black and the title comes up, almost with an attitude. IT’S FRIDAY THE MOTHER FUCKING 13TH BITCHES! The audience applauds. Not a drafthouse, film loving audience mind you. A regular beer and pretzel crowd that won their tickets off the radio and brought their 5 year old kids because they were too cheap for a baby sitter. THEY applauded and hooted. And then the film proceeds to kick ass. But never quite as awesome as it was in the beginning. No death is as dastardly as one you will see and no wound as gruesome as another in almost the same shot (but on a different person.) And having ramped up the audience and set the bar so high, the film, while very entertaining and every bit what you want from a Friday the 13th movie, can never quite catch up. So it feels like it’s floundering. Holding back. It led with its best kills, a cardinal sin in a medium that owes a lot to the law of diminishing returns.
The second problem is a story choice. It is the one thing they do differently from any other moment in the previous series (that comes to mind, anyway) and seems counter to the mythology. And while it gets explained away in a manner that I was willing to accept, I have to admit it took me out of the film for a moment or two – and I can see how some folks might never get pulled back in. Odds are you’re going to hear about it a lot after the film is out, from those that don’t care much for the handling of the material. Personally, I like the angle and feel it keeps in line with abandoned storylines – but I also can’t honestly fault those who get annoyed or even angered by it. It’s a substantial enough change and something people will talk about.
But on the whole I found the film entertaining as all hell. It’s pretty breathless, speeding through all the crap and lacking a single bit of fluff or filler. They make very little effort to make you like the cast, as they really are just corpses waiting to happen. And everything works. Jason has a real menace about him again and the mythology feels more like the story we all tell…rather than the one we see in the original films. It’s a fun ride, a thrilling riff on a tale we all pretty much know by heart. It is by no means definitive, but it is a great way to enjoy a classic tale.
Love it or hate it, this one’s going to be talked about.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
Readers Talkbackcomments powered by Disqus
+ Expand All
Feb. 10, 2009, 9:56 a.m. CST
Personally, I find most remakes pretty weak (Dawn of the Dead was amusing albeit different than the original) but I had little hope for this film. I'm hoping to be proven wrong.
Feb. 10, 2009, 9:58 a.m. CST
won't see it.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:03 a.m. CST
...deserve a Jason-inflicted fate. Scum sucking wretches.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:08 a.m. CST
and go see Coraline again.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:10 a.m. CST
by vic twenty
It kind of goes downhill from there, but the characters who are supposed ot be likable are, the kills are pretty good (except one, which is barely visible through the "shaky-cam haze". <p> Overall a good time. It is what you think it is. And funny you bring that up, Behemoth, there were PLENTY of kids in this, and between the sex and violence, there were a few parents rethinking their fun night out at the movies. WTF were they tinking??
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST
A good review...but Massawyrm liked Rob Zombie's Halloween....So confused...must...make...decision
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST
After reading that review I can deduce one thing, that this movie is pure shit. Just like all the other remakes. I hated TCM remake and the Zombie films....don't even get me started.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST
...is why I watch DVD's at home
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:21 a.m. CST
The unrated Blu-ray will restore some of the brutality apparently missing from the theatrical cut. Glad Massy liked it so much. This is an encouraging review.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:21 a.m. CST
2-hour podcast you can hear live or anytime on replay featuring exclusive live interviews with actresses Betsy Palmer and Adrienne King, actor Ron Millkie, writer Victor Miller, 'Crystal Lake Memories' author Peter Bracke, 'His Name Was Jason' producer Anthony Masi, and Arlen Escarpeta, co-star of the new 'Friday the 13th' re-imagining. Wednesday, Feb. 11 at 10pm EST/ 7pm PST only at: www.blogtalkradio.com/moviegeeksunited All of these interviews will be aired in uncut versions as well...which makes for nearly six hours of 'Friday the 13th' material...
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:22 a.m. CST
when it comes out there. Never a big fan of Jason. I was always keen on the dude who wore a lovely Xmas colored sweater and smelled of burnt hair.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:23 a.m. CST
by Jonas Grumpy
So, what WERE all of those #2 songs from 1955?
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:27 a.m. CST
by Baron Karza
But not quite..
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:28 a.m. CST
by Spandau Belly
Jason should stick to comedy, maybe branch out into a rom com.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:32 a.m. CST
This is a series that could have been remade after the first film which was merely passable to begin with. Massa's talkback baiting intro was pretty nifty. Although, I thought it was interesting he undercuts his own taste by citing all the remakes he likes. After all, those are not very good films. I guess he figured if you come to this site often enough, then you probably know he's not a very reliable reviewer.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:34 a.m. CST
And the only "Friday the 13th" that is a genuinely good horror flick on its own. In fact, it's probably too good for this series, as all other "Fridays" have to be judged by comparison to "Jason Lives", and they all fail, though some less miserably than most.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:35 a.m. CST
For not even attempting to bring some real quality to it, simply bc the original series is considered "shit"? That's so lame.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:45 a.m. CST
Looking foward to seeing it but DAMN! I still thirst for TRICK R TREAT!!!! I need to watch it again!!!
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:54 a.m. CST
...had Smokey in it and Ice Cube. Wait... this isn't a sequel?
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:58 a.m. CST
... but my recollection is that all the Friday the 13ths are varying degrees of shitty, so I don't really feel compelled to see this either.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:59 a.m. CST
by a goonie
I love the first three flicks and thoroughly enjoyed 4 and 5, while 6 is a pretty awesome ride. 7 and 8 are enjoyable, but 9 is a piece of shit that tries hard and fails miserably. Jason X is worth a laugh, but not much else. And Freddy Vs. Jason was entertaining, especially since it had Katherine Isabelle and a shot of Jason holding a decapitated Freddy's head. So that was good.<br><br>Anyways, I'm not completely in love with the endless horror remakes of late, but I'm not against them either. I love Nispel's remake of TCM, but strongly disliked his Pathfinder, so I'm hoping this remake delivers thrills on par with the former. Either way, it's a Jason movie, so I'll see it. But I was very disappointed by Zombie's Halloween, so I just want to see something that gets it right AND scares the shit out of me. Looking forward to finding out!
Feb. 10, 2009, 11:04 a.m. CST
Now that's good parenting!!! I feel sorry for the kids nowadays that gotta be dragged to see crappy PG movies like Mall Cop and Marley and Me... That's CHILD ABUSE IMO...
Feb. 10, 2009, 11:08 a.m. CST
Paint by Numbers, Saltine Cracker Flavored remake will taste like Victory. <P> It's that shit taste in your mouth from all those shit remakes you've been eating over the past few years, that has you all delusional and what'not.
Feb. 10, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST
I hated Halloween and the 2 Platinum Dunes Chainsaw movies even more than all those crappy Japanese horror movie remakes from a few years ago. I also loved My Bloody Valentine(great gore, non-implant tits, cool mythology although the ending kinda hurt it, and the closest feel to a late 70's/early 80's slasher movie since Eli Roth's Thanksgiving trailer)! I guess with that, I feel 100% differently than Massawyrm does. I was looking forward to this movie though. I hope it isn't like P.Dunes first Chainsaw movie; cool trailer but sucky flick.
Feb. 10, 2009, 11:50 a.m. CST
Hang your head in shame
Feb. 10, 2009, 11:57 a.m. CST
Re-makes-are for people who cant write a decent horror screenplay! And people who view re-makes are mindless twats! Go rent the originals, they will please you!
Feb. 10, 2009, 12:01 p.m. CST
The Plumber, Susperia, Dressed to Kill, and dare I say it, PSYCHO.
Feb. 10, 2009, 12:17 p.m. CST
Really? All of those movies just seemed kind of haphazardly written stories, with no rhyme or reason to what the hell Jason is/was.
Feb. 10, 2009, 12:20 p.m. CST
All of the complaints I've seen regarding this movie so far don't make sense. This is a slasher movie. It's Friday the fucking 13th. Character development has *always* been at a minimum. The plot has just been a way to get from kill to kill. Lighten up.
Feb. 10, 2009, 12:25 p.m. CST
I realize this is a geek site, and I'm a good 20 years older than most of you, but this is Friday the fucking 13th!! Not Shakespeare or even John Carpenter!! "Part IV is better than Part VII, but it goes off the rails completely in X...etc.etc.etc." Friday was simply a cash-in on the killer-on-the-loose theme made popular with Halloween, with the Friday The 13th date added because Halloween was named after a "holiday". It was made to seperate teenagers from their allowance, and brilliantly used the rising talent of Tom Savini and his make-up effects to achieve those results. Other than that its leadup-false scare-kill, over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed My Bloody Valentine, but because of its use of 3D, some resemblence of plot, and some decent acting. This looks to have none of that. Hey, gorehounds, enjoy. But lets not elevate a C-movie to the greats of cinema, because it was kewl when we were kids.
Feb. 10, 2009, 1:07 p.m. CST
by vic twenty
I hear you, but the acting is really not that bad in this. Except for the two minorities, which are embarrassing, the characters are fine - they do a good job of letting you know what kind of people they are, and then they kill them. OR DO THEY????? <p>
Feb. 10, 2009, 1:26 p.m. CST
However, TCM: The Beginning was fucking terrible, as was the Halloween remake. I just saw Jason Goes to Hell for the first time. The first 1/3 was screamingly funny, with the black guy eating the heart. The rest was pretty bad but the kills were nifty.
Feb. 10, 2009, 1:28 p.m. CST
something like that
Feb. 10, 2009, 1:40 p.m. CST
what a hypocritical bitch
Feb. 10, 2009, 2:03 p.m. CST
by Massawyrm 1
He loves remakes but hated a shitty one! Hypocritical bitch!
Feb. 10, 2009, 2:05 p.m. CST
I saw the original in a theater. Kids were drinking, as I recall the cans rolling down under the seats. It was loaded with HS/Jr. High kids. At the end, EVERYONE jumped when Jason flys out of the water. Years later I worked in a home with some folks with delays, and one big dude who was mildly retarded named Jerry. Jerry LOVED these films and would rent them and watch them over and over on VHS. He'd damn near drool and he sat hunched over watching the screen. I was at the age then that I realised that they A.) were pretty bad, and B). Were pretty boring. I bet somewhere Jerry will be first in line to catch this new one...
Feb. 10, 2009, 2:22 p.m. CST
Low-quality (by normal movie standards) films like this don't really need reviews do they? I mean, for fans of the series, sure, some other fan should write up about how this is like or unlike the others, but writing about characters or plot is a waste of time and energy. Has anyone expected, ever, in history, for a Jason movie to have good characters or plot? No. If it happens one day, it shouldn't be discovered in some review, but by some fan baffled by the quality of the slasher he/she is watching.
Feb. 10, 2009, 2:46 p.m. CST
by Le Phantom
They remake this shit but no remakes of "King Kong Escapes" and "War Of The Gargantuas"! Not even "The Boy Who Cried Werewolf" or "Sssssss"!. Come me some money and I'll give you some fun fuckin' remakes!
Feb. 10, 2009, 3:34 p.m. CST
Halloween, and Nightmare On Elm Street. By part 5 both Elm Street (dream child) and Halloween (Michael cant kill a little girl) got retarded. <P> Fridays 5th entry was and still is fucking awesome as hell! 6 sucked ass, but 7 was oddly entertaining. Friday part 4 was gold the absolute benchmark of the franchise. <P> Halloweens part 4 is shit. <P>Nightmares part 4 is ok for fx work but story wise it's so fucking retarded. Nightmares part 3 is great, but Friday part 3 gave Jason his look and he ran in that one and he was menacing! <P> Halloween 3 is great if you can get over the no Michael Myers in it issue some fans can't seem to overlook. I love me some Halloween 3. Tom fucking Atkin and Dan O'Herlihy! <P> Friday part 2 was good as well. So fuck all you people saying the Friday sequels sucked. your under 20 or early 20 at best. You didn't grow up with it or your parents refused your viewingship of it. So you caught it on the backswing or outside of the timeline were it power. Just like most of the universal monster movies are cooky now.... <P>part 6 is when the boat started to sink, and then 7 sorta righted it again, but 8 fucked it in the ass, 8 is still worth watching to see NY as it sorta was before Rudy Giuliani cleaned it up. Time Square doesn't look like that any more. <P> Friday survived because the films were fun date movies, the plot wasn't the biggest priority. They were ride flicks. Scares, fucked up kills, tits and ass, and funny bullshit. The gore was always pushed to new levels and the deaths were very imaginative, and Jason was scary to those who where the right ages at the time. <P> Damn the world is so fucking jaded now. This new gen with your black is evil furrowed expression on masks and villains are creepy, you have fucking retail goth shops that also try to promote horror, these teens are growing up on nothing but remade horror films. These fuckers have no real original horror culture, unless they back catalog or hunt out the shorter run original new titles. What will the future horror makers growing up in this generation provide us with if all they fucking eat is remakes! They are not learning anything new, sure we still get some original horror flicks from them, but I promise you the good ones that are actually original will be few and far between the recycled efforts and remake. They don't have a voice. They live on replay. Horror is in a sad fucking state. I thought the mid 90 teen horror trend was bad, but this takes the fucking cake! Time will prove this trend to be as fucking dumb as Bell Bottoms, Disco and Afros. And the future horror talents will be have less of a creative voice and vision to offer because of this crap! Your teachers suck!
Feb. 10, 2009, 3:55 p.m. CST
"I give up. I'll bend over for the MBA business people in charge of studios too afraid to make an original horror film. I give up. Hmmm. More shit please. Yum!"
Feb. 10, 2009, 4:41 p.m. CST
by mack the knife
"I love remakes"
Feb. 10, 2009, 4:49 p.m. CST
by The Reluctant Austinite
Actually, it might be a silly question, but I'm asking it anyway. I've got an 11 year old niece that I've practically raised. She's worked her way up from the baby rollercoaster to the big, scary coaster that even I don't want to ride anymore. With movies, though, I've kind of tried not to completely expose her to anything too extreme. I started her with "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstien" when she was three or four and last Halloween I let her see "Halloween: H20" because she wanted to see the horror movie with the mom from "Freaky Friday." She also has seen my Michael Myers figure sitting by my computer, so she was curious. She wanted me to take her to see "Prom Night" but I refused on the grounds that her first big horror pic not be a total piece of shit. I saw stuff like the original "Friday the 13th" in the theater when I was around 13 years old. I was considering taking her and a couple of her friends to see the new remake as a supervised first big horror show, but I'm not sure exactly what I would be getting into. The Rob Zombie "Halloween" was just over-the-top with sex, nudity, rape and constent harsh language to the extent that I don't think that would be appropriate. However, most of the "Friday 13th" and "Nightmare on Elm Street" films I think would be okay for a mature 11 year old that understands the nature of fantasy and cinema. I think "Freddy Vs Jason" would be okay. But what do you think? Is this any worse than those? Is this more Zombie's "Halloween" brutal or is it more fun in scary tone?
Feb. 10, 2009, 5:09 p.m. CST
I'm sure they could've put an 11 on it and it would've been just fine.
Feb. 10, 2009, 5:22 p.m. CST
Feb. 10, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST
are fucking great, and I believe firmly that both Jason and the mom were both the killers in part 1, Mrs. Vorhees was the only one shown however. Come on, could she have tossed a body threw a window? or strung someone up in a tree? when she fought at then end she couldn't even beat that teen bitch. As for this remake piece of shit...fuck it.
Feb. 10, 2009, 6:05 p.m. CST
by The Reluctant Austinite
What was her motivation? Are you going to say, "She's just crazy." No, she was killing horny counselors BECAUSE she blames them for her son's death. That last shot of Jason rising from the water was meant to be a nightmare/ hallucination sequence to get a last second scare, according to Sean Cunningham, but popular demand made a sequel possible. Jason's sudden real life existence in the sequel is never really explained, and his motivation is suddenly for the death of his mother by a teen! My head hurts.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:02 p.m. CST
by Bass Bastardson
And part 8 is just fucking AWFUL. Awful, awful, awful. The only good part is when Jason punches that guys head off and the only reason THAT is good is because it is so outrageously stupid that it is hilarious.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:17 p.m. CST
I'd say that maybe she's just crazy..obviously that's part of it, or she blames the horny teens for making Jason "the way he is" In her mind the drowning or "almost drowning" caused him to be that way. The last shot of jason jumping out of the water was just that a dream/tease for the audience. But I think there's enough evidence in part one to suggest he's killing right alongside his mamma.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:30 p.m. CST
they are all the same ( and no, moving him to New York and Manhattan doesnt make them any different. <p> an whoever said Firday XIII sequels are better than Nightmare on Elm sequels is huffing too much paint. Elm streets sequels were much better.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:30 p.m. CST
but you get the idea.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:35 p.m. CST
In my opinion the first and last (the wes craven ones) are awesome, the others are just silly..but still I don't think the first one should be remade! I'd like to see some original horror rather than these dumb remakes...now they're remaking Last House on the Left...ugh, just leave well enough alone!
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:49 p.m. CST
by Frodo T. Baggins
Becauuuuse....After his mom, I thought there wasnt any? Someone seriously please post that.
Feb. 10, 2009, 8:50 p.m. CST
by Frodo T. Baggins
Feb. 10, 2009, 9:53 p.m. CST
by Nasty In The Pasty
And I'm sure as fuck not gonna start now.
Feb. 10, 2009, 9:57 p.m. CST
wasn't so bad, but then again I like Freddy vs. Jason also.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10 p.m. CST
and now Zombie's re-making Halloween 2. This from a guy who showed so much talent in his first 2 films. He needs to drop the Halloween shit and make "Werewolf women of the SS"!! I mean come on, next he's gonna re-make season of the fucking witch??
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:20 p.m. CST
Has not been released. "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane". Little irony, great twist, gets points for painless social relevance. Brutal as hell. See it now.
Feb. 10, 2009, 10:40 p.m. CST
by geek molester
Freddy's scenes are lit much more professionally.
Feb. 11, 2009, 1:50 a.m. CST
by George Newman
Part 6 is awesomely Over the Top. Jason is resurrected by a lightning rod-like spear that crazy-grown-up Corey Feldman character stabbed into him after digging up the body!! It's a ridiculous setup for a ridiculously fun movie. It's always the best one for a party
Feb. 11, 2009, 1:56 a.m. CST
by Just another useless chump with a microphone
I saw a sneak preview monday night. Massa's not far off...I was actually surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie! But it has a built-in drinking game. You take a drink every time you see the words Crystal Lake onscreen. Seriously, count when you watch the movie...they pan to the "CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE" sign every 30 seconds. They show the Crystal Lake town sign, and Crystal Lake Gas Station, and when the cop shows up, they focus on a full-screen shot of CRYSTAL LAKE POLICE on the side of his cruiser. Seriously, guys, we get it...they're at Crystal Lake. You only had to tell us once. <p> <br> <p> Beyond that though, yeah...it's a pretty damn fun movie. Lots of great brutal kills, fast pacing, and for once in a recent horror movie, I didn't hate ALL of the teen victim characters (just most of them)
Feb. 11, 2009, 6:12 a.m. CST
Feb. 11, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST
...And make of that statement what you will. Saw the film at a press screening last night. It's fun, but aside from the opening scene with Mrs. Voorhees and a later scene showing how Jason found his mask, it's really just "Friday the 13th Part 12." Imagine a Friday the 13th with actual production values and a director who knows how to effectively use jump scares...that's this movie. No more, no less. Personally, it was just what I was expecting, which isn't a bad thing. It's fun.
Feb. 11, 2009, 1:57 p.m. CST
Good I hope were are all past that now. Can we say that Rambo put a precedent for end of quick cutting action films? PLEASE? Someone teach Matt Damon how to fight before filming Boring Something 4.
Feb. 11, 2009, 2:09 p.m. CST
Didn't that count as a Jason Movie? Where does that stand within the series from best-to-worst? I thought that it was pretty cool & original...
Feb. 11, 2009, 5:58 p.m. CST
I heard Jason takes a hostage and keeps them for over a month in this movie. WTF? That's not Jason!!! The old Jason would have never done this. Why do they always have to try and add things that don't belong or fit.
Feb. 11, 2009, 11:30 p.m. CST
the super fat lady has tea with her equally fat friend, who doesn't notice the hostage under the table? or the paraplegic grampa douche? don't recall either of those characters in the original. or Michael Myers' mom being a stripper. or Michael being 7 fucking feet tall, and built like a brick shit house.
Feb. 13, 2009, 4:25 p.m. CST
by Dr. Samuel Loomis
It's a whole nother genre, grit and film. Why do people bitch about it? Christ, it's one of the more decent remakes out there, next to The Hills Have Eyes.
Feb. 14, 2009, 5:55 p.m. CST
Comparing this review to your MBV3D review, both read the same. In each, you state that the opening scenes provide the entire ride, with everything taking a massive dive thereafter. Yet for some reason, you vouch for F13 and not MBV3D. At least the latter had a gimmick going for it. So what gives here? The iconography?
Feb. 14, 2009, 5:58 p.m. CST
Personally, my gripes about the TCM remake are twofold -- the mutant kid teaming with our heroes and Leatherface effectively eliminating proficiency with the chainsaw by his own hand. The kid I could look past, yet disarming Leatherface made the potential for sequels difficult. Why else would they have gone with a prequel to the remake instead of a sequel? It didn't help that Ermy was way more menacing and threatening than the flick's icon.
- Herc Is Underwhelmed By Cuaron’s Bad Robot Pilot BELIEVE!! -- 45 total posts 23 posts
- A New Poster Of Angelina Jolie As MALEFICENT!! -- 141 total posts 21 posts
- Jon Favreau Still Contemplating A Trip To The MAGIC KINGDOM! -- 37 total posts 11 posts
- Harry shares Day 1 of SXSW which stars Jon Favreau's utterly delicious CHEF!!! -- 305 total posts 11 posts
- ‘He’s Worse Than Anybody!!’ Sunday Brings HBO’s Season Finale Of TRUE DETECTIVE!! -- 329 total posts 10 posts
- ‘That Place Can Be Exhausting!!’ Herc Endorses Tonight’s JUSTIFIED 5.9!! -- 9 total posts 9 posts
- ‘You Are Of SHIELD??’ THOR’s Hot Pal Sif Joins AGENTS!! The Premiere Of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN!! Plus New NEW GIRL, BOY, BROOKLYN, BACHELOR, BAD GIRLS, MIND GAMES, TROPHY, TOSH, ORIGINALS, GOLDBERGS, GLEE, RIZZOLI, PERCEPTION, KROLL, LIARS, COUGAR, FISHER, FIRE, CONTAINER, TEEN MOM, CAPONES & VOICE!! KING Finale!! Syfy’s MY BIG FAT GEEK WEDDING!! Lauren Cohan & Jeff Goldblum on CRAIG!! Rachel Maddow On SETH!! Ronald D. Moore On LAST CALL!! Herc’s Tuesday TV Talkback!! -- 9 total posts 9 posts
- Hercules Says RESURRECTION Is Easily The Best Broadcast Pilot Of The 2013-14 Season And ABC’s Best Pilot In Years!! -- 96 total posts 9 posts
-- 33 total posts 6 posts
- Atom Egoyan's West Memphis Three Drama DEVIL'S KNOT Gets A Suitably Dramatic Trailer! -- 18 total posts 4 posts