Cool News
Massawyrm gives a cold reception to NEW IN TOWN...
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
I certainly get where this movie is coming from. Every year Hollywood puts out half a dozen comedies or so – indie or otherwise – that take an educated, worldly city slicker and dumps them in an inbred, backwater, middle of nowhere with the aims of making fun of rural folk. The idea is that when you juxtapose a Starbucks drinking, CNN watching, blackberry wielding urbanite against small town Midwesterners and then make those small town folks dumber than dirt, it’s easy to make very average people feel good about themselves; make them feel…above average. Whether you place the film in the south, West Virginia, or as is most common, somewhere in Texas, there is plenty of comedy to be mined – mostly because a lot of the stereotypes are true. People shop at Wal-Mart, watch pro wrestling and live in trailers. Many of them do all three at once. Hell, I spent a summer in a Texas town in which the only thing to do on Friday Night was sit in the parking lot of Taco Bell. Until 10pm when it closed. Then you were fucked. That’s when the beer and shotguns usually came out.
So the idea that occasionally someone makes the inverse of that, in which a dumber than dirt Starbucks drinking, CNN watching, blackberry wielding urbanite visits a small town and makes a complete ass of themselves, doesn’t seem so undeserved. But it doesn’t make it any good, or any better than any other “learning how the other half lives” crap either. And that’s all this is. Another less-than-charming DOC HOLLYWOOD knock off, this time starring Renee Zellweger. The press release description alone tells you ALMOST everything you need to know.
Lucy Hill is an ambitious, up and coming executive living in Miami. She loves her shoes, she loves her cars and she loves climbing the corporate ladder. When she is offered a temporary assignment - in the middle of nowhere – to restructure a manufacturing plant, she jumps at the opportunity, knowing that a big promotion is close at hand. What begins as a straight forward job assignment becomes a life changing experience as Lucy discovers greater meaning in her life and most unexpectedly, the man of her dreams.
What they forget to tell you is that she’s apparently never heard of The Weather Channel and she thinks it’s totally appropriate to wear a mini skirt in Zero Degree weather. One could easily claim that the plot of this film is about a woman coming to grips with how to live in the cold and they wouldn’t be too far from the mark. That’s where all the comedy comes from. Wearing heels on ice or in a factory. Walking on cold hardwood floors. Driving a car into a snow bank. Funny shit, right?
Sigh. No. No it’s not. But it’s harmless. I’d call it Paul Blart for the XX crowd, but it’s even more harmless than that. It is, for all intents and purposes, a Hallmark movie for the 35 and up crowd filled with all the mindless, goofball, Oh-look-I-fell-down-and-shot-my-boyfriend-in-the-butt comedy that you expect from lowbrow cable television. It is one cold joke after another, when it isn’t making judicious use of the word TAPIOCA, which gets used so often here that it actually gains sentience and forces its way into the film as a game saving plot point. A fellow critic mentioned that this film would have been much better had a drinking game been made out of the word – but I insist that 20 year old college girls have died from fewer shots while on Spring Break in Cancun, and don’t for a moment recommend it.
This film is everything it looks like and everything it appears to be from the above synopsis. It is the cinematic equivalent of eating cardboard – free of any kind of flavor or texture as not to potentially offend anyone. I miss the Renee Zellweger that was in cutting edge comedies and Oscar-bait rather than making rated PG movies made for our Moms. But that’s what she’s been up to, and she is showing no signs of slowing down. If you’re a regular reader of this site, there’s zero reason for you to see this. Ever. If you’ve got someone asking you to take them, distract them, change the subject, feign an illness – because while this won’t kill you, it will hurt for about 85 minutes.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
-
+ Expand All
-
mention Fargo in the ads for this movie. Fuckers.
-
...what happened? :(
-
All squint and anorexia. She's really unpleasant to watch now.
-
...but I know better.
-
Clearly, they hate you. "Actually, Massa, I think we'll send Quint to Santa Barbara this year. Why don't you head down to the local multiplex and see the latest Renee Zellwegger comedy".
-
Jan 30, 2009 8:16:32 AM CST
Massa, do you get Hazard Pay for doing these chick flicks?
by shut the fuck up donny
Because, honestly, I don't see why you keep putting yourself through this.
-
Jan 30, 2009 8:22:36 AM CST
because while this won’t kill you, it will hurt for about 85 min
by francis begbie
That reminds me of an episode of Arrested Development. When Maebe has to keep cutting down the incest film for her studio. "It's the best thing you can do for 52 minutes"
-
Wont you please come back to us! Remeber the days of "You had me at hello"! Hell even Cold Mountain was good, please come back!
-
Now I'll cry all day at work remembering Arrested Development is gone while New in Town is on 2000 screens.
-
When all the pull quotes can say are that your leads have "good chemistry" or that it's like "Bridget Jones goes to Fargo", that's not exactly glowing. In fact, it sounds like they could have pulled those from a bad review. You know, making lemons out of oranges or some shit like that.
-
Jan 30, 2009 9:06:07 AM CST
"People shop at Wal-Mart, watch pro wrestling, live in trailers
by filmcans
Please stop making fun of me!
-
I guess Renee needed to make a house payment....This review could have been 3 paragraphs shorter as well.
-
I try to see every movie that takes place in or was shot in Minnesota, but this one looked too crappy. Luckily, this is only set in Minnesota, not shot here.
-
Don't cry at work, just go to hulu and watch AD over and over again. I watched the series three times at work. Just listening to it in the background makes the day seem better.
-
We're all getting a little tired of the over done accents started in Fargo and continued in every fucking Minnesota movie since likes it's fact. You're all gonna pay!
P.S. I would still like to have sexual intercourse with Renee Zelweger -
Like MrInsidious I am a MN native, lived there the first 20 years of my life and even spent 9 of those years in New Ulm, MN (where this film is supposed to take place, although it was filmed in Canada).
Although New Ulm IS smaller, roughly 20,000 people it is anything from "Backwater" or "hickville". I'm so fucking tired of this portrayal!
I wish these film-makers would have actually shot the film in MN (New Ulm specfically) so the general audience would see what it's really like.
I have lived in San Francisco, Chicago and now Los Angeles and there are differences to be sure. But I have never been in a place more comfortable or welcoming than MN.
Whew, I need to go work out and let out some steam!! -
Does Minnesota really have a state holiday for the first day of Ice Fishing? This movie really has a lot to teach me about you Canadians...
-
I'm a month away from 35, and there ain't no fucking way I'd ever be caught dead at a movie like this!
-
...without being assaulted by a new Friedberg/Seltzer "spoof" movie, so that's something.
-
All 16% of them on RT
-
As you can't really plan ahead for the day that the ice is thick enough.
-
this script started out as a conventional but smart Jennifer Lopez vehicle. A lot of the humor came from the fact that lopez was the only hispanic person in minnesota and the towns folk naturally try and set her up with the only other person of color in the town, a black man. it was sweet and funny in a conventional way and I actually liked the screenplay, it felt real, if not just safe and fun. The original screenwriter even happened to be an african american man who grew up in minnesota so you know he was referencing a lot of his own experience. Well, Jenn lopez must have back out and they replaced a hot fiery latina from miami with the whitest woman alive. And then gave her the whitest man alive as her foil. The script was rewritten by the guy who did Sweet Home Alabama i believe and it was given the most generic title humanly possible. That's the hollywood system kids. Enjoy!
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 151 total posts 140 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 128 total posts 94 posts
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 92 total posts 91 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 474 total posts 70 posts
- Here's The Red Band Trailer For Drafthouse Films' THE FP! -- 64 total posts 64 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 51 total posts 51 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 116 total posts 41 posts
- Wanna smell like the Hulk? What about Cap? Consider yourself a Thunder God or a unisex God of Mischief? -- 71 total posts 40 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 35 total posts 35 posts
- Does ‘SNL’ Rhyme With ‘Deschanel’?? Learn Which SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Vet Hosts After Sexy Zooey!! -- 35 total posts 34 posts