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MiscalledHobos raves about Sam Raimi's first directed horror in forever, DRAG ME TO HELL!!! Quint will be loving on it later!
Dark ones that live in the shadows and that I capture the souls of children to appease, bless you for delivering unto me, Harry Knowles, the first review of a Sam Raimi horror film that seems to officially rock the balls off of the following geek! For those of you reading, realize that the following has spoilers, but there is a bit of pre-spoiler stuff that MiscalledHobos writes that just makes me extremely happy. I can't wait.. This movie needs to hit my eyes NOW!
Greetings!
I just got home from the AMC Burbank screening of the new Sam Raimi movie DRAG ME TO HELL. Hoo boy, super fun stuff.
Music and special effects weren't quite reablahblahblah.
This movie...oh man. I didn't realize how much I missed having this living piss scared out of me.
So, Christine (Alison Lohman) pisses off the nastiest gypsy woman I've ever seen on film, Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver). Ganush places a curse on Christine, which means she's going to be physically and mentally tormented by a demon for three days, and on the fourth day it is going to literally drag her to hell.
That's the most basic synopsis I can give without spoilers. If you wish to stop reading then just know that this is balls-out Raimi. Tons of gore, suspense and laughs. Go see it.
DRAG ME TO SPOILERS
Movie starts with a prologue. Family comes to a Womans' mansion begging her for help. Their child says that demons are chasing him. They bring the kid inside, but before She can do anything, invisible forces attack everyone and drag the kid into, presumably, hell.
Title card.
Christie works as a loan officer at a bank with, among others, David Paymer and Reggie Lee. Paymer is sweet, as usual, but I have to mention what a fantastic worm Reggie Lee plays. It would have been great to see Ted Raimi play this role too, but Lee slams it. I loved hating this guy.
Anyways, Mrs. Ganush comes in and asks Christie for some more time to pay back a loan, however, Christie is vying for a promotion so she turns it down.
THEN...
Holy fuck. My favorite scene in the movie is what happens next. The Classic, a flying handkerchief, a slow pan to the right, a stapler, a set of gums, a brick and a button. It doesn't make sense, but I can't in good conscience give this scene away. Suffice to say, in perfect Sam Raimi style, the guy made me laugh and want to tear my skin off in the same SECOND! Lorna Raver is such a great body for Raimi. Did the flying lady-ghoul in EVIL DEAD freak you out?
Christie is cursed, she's fucked, who's going to help her? Justin Long? As much as I love that guy (and he's very funny in this) I just don't see it happening. First, she goes to Dileep Rao (never seen the man before, but I look forward to whatever he's doing in AVATAR). He plays a fortune teller and explains to her exactly what this curse entails. That night, Christie is visited for the first time by the demon Lymen (I honestly don't remember its name, but it started with an L).
Dileep can't help Christie so he takes her to the one person he knows who might be able to help her, the woman from the beginning of the film, Shaun San Dena (played by ...uh, terribly sorry, but I don't know the actresses name). The seance scene that follows is, once again filled with scares and giggles and a talking goat.
The movie doesn't end there, but I really feel bad giving away plot here. This movie was sincerely fantastic. I love Sam Raimi and, after being turned off by Spiderman 3, I was immensely stoked to see a horror film from him. I can't recommend it enough.
Sorry for the briefness and unprofessional nature of this review, but it's my first and I'm just so fucking excited after seeing this movie.
If you use this, please give the name MiscalledHobos.
Thanks!
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+ Expand All
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okay, i'm done.
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okay, i'm done.
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But I smell a plant.
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It's a few sentences, then SPOILERS. But I'm excited. Never cared for Spider Man, so Raimis lost no love from me with the way he's handled that franchise.
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I know what you mean...
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I can't wait!
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Maybe? Hope not.
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Its a giant maneating-plant!
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Where's the best place to get tix for advance movie screenings in L.A.? I'm unemployed with lots of free time to watch some movies, so lemme know...
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It made me want to see Raimi turn to horror again. I hope, sincerely, that this film is as great as I want it to be.
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Could have fooled me.
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they got into the advance screening and LOVED the film. What Quint told me on the phone absolutely vibes with Hobo above. This one is the real deal!
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Harry...could it really be so??? And if this horror flick explodes in all the nice ways we want to, critically and comercially, will that sway Sam's thoughts on a return to Evil Dead territory? I'm sick to death of the rumourmill as much as the next guy. The dead horse has been flogged. It got up and shambled off to join Romero. But...if this goes well...the possibility, at least, is giving me a boner.
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Let's cut to the chase - does he pull a Katie Holmes quality boob shot out of his ass?
Because after Spidey 3, this fucker has a loooong way to go to win back his fans.
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Sounds Like a return to form for me. For what it's worth, I have NEVER disliked RAIMI!!!! Maybe I am getting old, but you have to understand he makes his movies in a certain vain for a certain ideology. I can't wait. I still remember being scared the pee pee out of me when I was 8 years old trying to figure out if I should rent the EVIL 2 VHS, the one with the skeleton with human eyes in it. Although I am damn near 30 (and desensitizied to horror) I CANT WAIT!!!!!
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i'm just young enough to have missed army of darkness in the theater, so i've never seen a raimi horror film in the theater. i'm dieing to see this.
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I'm not sure this is my bag, baby.
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I can't wait to see this. The trailer looked great. This is coming from someone who saw ED2 second day in the theater (with one friend and maybe 5 other people total, wtf?) and AOD 1st day. I'm old school, bitches.
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What's the betting that as this features a major plot point of a bank denying an old woman a loan that loads of critics will read it as some kind of social commentary on the economic downturn? Even though it was written 15 years go.
Anyway, it sounds great and I never lost faith in Raimi (I think we all know where the blame for Spidey 3 should be apportioned). When do we get to see (a hopefully not-too-spoilery) trailer for this thing? -
I MUST KNOW!
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C'mon Sam. Bruce wants to do it. We want to see it. What's stopping ya?
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raimi works best by his wits...no money and he shines and damnit yEs.....we need evil dead 4...i want one more look at ash before i die
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This is the movie you've been waiting for. It's like Raimi came out and said "hey guys, you've been waiting for me to do horror again for a long time... this one is for you". Total RaimiPorn. Loved it.
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They said the movie was ultimately going to get a PG-13... and if this is the cut they end up with and get a PG-13, then I don't give a shit. This movie didn't feel PG-13. Raimi is not fucking around... this is not your Friendly Neighborhood Raimi... it's balls to the fuckin' wall horror, deadite style.
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Loved her in Tucker, love her period. Ewww that sounds bad.
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Jan 28, 2009 3:34:25 AM CST
I was supposed to go to this and totally fucking forgot about it
by industrykiller!
Dammit I am an idiot.
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Nah...impossible.
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wow, good thing there was a spoiler warning...
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...It's really cool...? Care to add anything of interest to review next time? Like...WHY?
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Thank god Rami still has it.
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This movie may actually be great, but that guy is a fucking plant. He hits all the plant tells which we've listed in these talkbacks time and time again. The only thing that these marketing fucks seem to have learned is to throw in the odd profanity here and there. The problem is that it sounds about as convincing as Clark Griswold's "what it is, bro" when he got lost in the inner city.
Fuck you, miscalledhobos. -
fuck me, where to begin. Listen whoremasters, we've told you untold times how to do this, so could you pleae refer your poor peons to AvP reviews. From the top:
You think a nice attempt at humour early on and good use a mild swearword such as the word "pissed" will ingratiate you with the angry nerds on this site. WRONG- it's hardly "chocolate covered pussy juice". If you are going to swear, then please do so properly, cuntflap.:
Secondly, spoilers or lack thereof. Every plant review in the universe always says things like “drag me to spoilers” and then gives away such integral plot details as “The film begins with a prologue”. You don’t fucking say. I might not watch this film now that you’ve spoiled that for me. I thought it would begin with a fucking epilogue. Moron.
Thirdly, genre knowledge. Listen, cuntybaws, if you are going to throw around esoteric pieces of genre knowledge then back them up. We can, even if this one is hard: “nastiest gypsy woman”. Give me 3 nasty gypsy women. Come on. Twat
Fourthly, language. This is probably the plantiest piece of marketing whore speak I’ve seen in a long time: “Suffice to say, in perfect Sam Raimi style, the guy made me laugh and want to tear my skin off in the same SECOND!” Perfect Sam Raimi style? What precisely is that? I know, but I bet you don’t.
Fifthly, Turning potential negatives into positives. In this instance: Justin Long- why even bother. Fuck off.
The final paragraph is exemplary for everything I’ve written above: “The movie doesn't end there, but I really feel bad giving away plot here (why, you haven’t given away anything so far?). This movie was sincerely fantastic (Sincerely fantastic? You’re being sincere? Fuck off). I love Sam Raimi and, after being turned off by Spiderman 3 (negative to positive), I was immensely stoked to see a horror film from him (cack handed attempt at both geek-speak and genre knowledge). I can't recommend it enough.”
To make matters worse, you even admit it is your first review. Ergo, you’ve no track record.
I’ll end this with an appeal to the soulless fuckers that are ordering you to do this- hire me. I’m cheap, I’ve got no scruples, I’ve got an excellent AICN pedigree, can write in rough English and understand Geek. You, clearly, do not.
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... that it made the others before it seem like they should have never been made. I can't believe they gave Spider-Man back to Raimi for number 4, but maybe... just maybe... since he won't hate the villain (coughvenomnomatterwhatraimisaysininterviewshereallyhatesthecharactercough) it might improve. He needs, of course, to give up on the dance sequences, emo-peter, general corniness et al. More "fun" than the Dark Knight, I guess, but must have the same respect for the source materiall.
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but that review reeks of foilage. Why not just wait for the legitimate reviews from Quint (which followed pretty fast) than post such an obvious piece of marketing-whorishness?
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It's truly staggering how stupid and inept these soulless fucking marketing ghouls are. Like Jarv said -- HIRE A TALKBACKER INSTEAD OF SENDING IN A MORON PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
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Very imaginitive and creepy. Premise sorta urked me sounds like a mash up of Thinner and A Christmas Carol. Spiderman 3. After having watched it on cable way too many times I honestly belive a few edits would have made it a much better film. I raid the fridge and nuke food when parker does his cornball shit and make like it did not happen... Well movies got good buzz on it. Hope it lives up to these early reviews.
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nice work, man
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...when Raimi nukes the fridge?
It had to be said. -
is he in it?
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More like "lost Jarv screws up the talkback again"". You fucking cunts.
Who the fuck do you think you are telling a dude who posts a fine review about a movie that sounds great that he should fuck off and how to write about a movie, you ass-clowns. Please post your miserable and completely joyless comments elsewhere, because as usual, they are highly annoying, you frustrated assholes. -
...shut the fuck up, you monkey, and go back watching SPEED RACER for the umpteenth time.
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he's just a simple minded twat that needs marketing departments to tell him what he ilkes.
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which is like him challenging a porcupine to an arse-kicking competition.
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As opposed to my honorable fellow talkbackers, Jarv and Motoko, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and simply assume that you misread our posts in your excited state. In this spirit I therefore urge you to reread them. Once you do, I'm sure you will discover that it's not the positive review in itself that we're reactly unfavorably to, but rather the way in which it was written. It comes down to purpose and execution.
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That was such a weak attempt that I could see though it and I am not one of the jagged fanboy that stalk this site. also note: any review from this point forward from Lost Jarv is forever suspect. Jarv, you sir, are a whore.
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Flawless victory.
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*runs away in shame*
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I smell chlorophyll.
Can't say I'm massively stoked - STOKED, DUUUUUDE!! - to see this. I was a part of the "Sam Raimi can do NO WRONG" fraternity until I saw DARKMAN.
Yeah. DARKMAN is indefensible shite.
And let's face it, with the baffling exception of Part 2 (which I remain convinced is only awesome because of Alfred Molina doing all the dramatic heavy lifting) the Spider-Man franchise is stupid to the point of Bayhem. The first movie had the most OTT scene chewing villain EVER, 2 gets a free pass for being awesome, and part 3...
Who the fuck wastes VENOM in a movie? Raimi, you WASTED VENOM!!!
I still have considerable man-love for Bruce (MY NAME IS BRUCE hits Play UK on the 23rd Feb) but Raimi hasn't done awesome for me in a very, very long time. Only a post-apocalyptic future-based EVIL DEAD IV can revive my interest. Sam, this better blow my head off, man... -
It's true, awesomeness is a damn good excuse for giving a film a free pass.How many other films have used this loophole to receive acclaim and plaudits and whatnot?Quite a few, I imagine.
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Jan 28, 2009 11:41:10 AM CST
LOST JARV IS THE OBAMA OF AICN!! CHANGE HAS COME!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
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that we'll probably never see again. 'nuff said. Oh, and if Quint and Kraven have seen it, post your reviews already and get some legitimacy going.
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The awesomeness test is a fine one, true. But occasionally it gets it wrong.
Case in point: TRANSFORMERS.
Megan Fox has an awesome body, true. But did it resuce that bloated, hard to decipher movie where every fight scene was just an ear-splittingly loud blur of CGI motion with Shia LeTwat superimposed on top, running round with an old cube under his arm? Yep, yep it was.
And although I had to watch it three times before I realised there was more to this movie than Megan Fox bending under a car bonnet (NOT hood, this is the UK), Megan Fox's awesomeness did not rescue the movie.
Awesomeness is a fickle bitch. -
and good fun, well played LJ
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so much crap out there, it's great to see Raimi go back to horror, though he has produced some really shitty stuff (GHOST SHIP).
and on a werewolf/Nazi mood, does anybody know anything about WOLVESBAYNE? (No, I'm not a plant)
here's the trailer:
http://tinyurl.com/ajrrgy -
Yeah , I know picking on the plants is a lot of fun... Until it happens to you and you're not a plant. I posted my early review of Ed Nortens "Hulk " and got called out as a plant..It was the last time I reviewed early or test footage in a talkback..Its not that the plant shit "manure"
bothers me. It's the quick to call bullshit from the assholes who are the first to say " This site offers no new info" and then
keeps anyone from wanting to post that new info from doing so as they will have felt like its a huge waste of their time..I enjoyed this review and I don't think anyone needs to adjust their writing styles to please a bunch of assholes who obviously are a little envious of the reviewer..As apparently all they have seen is more swinging dick than a high school gym teacher with tenure.. I would have liked to post my early test footage review of Avatar but I cant bring myself to do so as I would have to face the wrath of such esteemed talkbackers as the ones
above after having my eyeballs fucked ...Oh Well..No news is good news!! -
Fucking plant.
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Thats ok Xiphos_2 ...I had all the whining from your mother last night that I could take..She kept whining about how her son was a better fuck than me...see ya
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you got an apology for being called a plant in that hulk talkback. thats pretty impressive. what more do you want??
there is a MiscalledHobos profile, maybe its a real person! http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MiscalledHobos
but the review still sucks. any review that talks about stuff in the trailer is pretty boring. the stapler scene is in the comiccon bootleg trailer.
movie looks ok, lots of cliches in the trailer. i didnt see any trademark raimi camera angles tho. -
You're a funny boy. If you seriously thought I was gonna leave this silly board because of some talkbackers' replies to my nice persona, haha, man, you're very wrong. I eat sour talkbackers with an attitude who take themselves and their opinions way too serious for breakfast. I call them what they are whenever I want to. I actually do that a lot in "real" life too. Call me undiplomatic if you want, kid.
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It's nice to see some real news people are interested in on this site...rather than the requisite stories about The Watchmen, The Oscars and Inglorious Basterds (none of which I give a shit about). Glad to hear Raimi did this right....
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You are correct sir. Thank you for pointing that out.. The issue I take with the plant killers is just as I stated. If someone new to this site with decent info is slapped down and called a plant chances are slim even with thick skin that they would take the trouble to pass on any further info. I am not new to the site as you pointed out but I don't put up any new info anymore since the last time.. I felt it was a waste of time. I am not bitching for the hell of it but new info is just that, and it's what this site needs in my humble opinion to keep going..just saying don't shoot the messenger...thanks
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...and how can anything Raimi does be as bad as Thinner? Not fo nothing but the best and..well ONLY...good thing about Thinner was Kari Wuher. That old man gypsy looked so much like Buddy Hacket that it was fucking hilarious to me. And to see Mantegna slumming it up...sad sad sad. But holy shit did Kari look good. Nuff said on that.Meanwhile..can't wait for this!
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This is sounding like its heavily borrowed from Jacques Tourneur's cult classic Night of the Demon (AKA Curse of the Demon). The only difference being a gypsy curse rather than an ancient "rune".
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This is no doubt another take on the Story "Casting the Runes". Nice catch Football. No pun intended.
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anyone who says that it was non raimi like has no fucking idea what they are talking about.
In fact i'd argue that it's his return to form not since Army of Darkness has he gone that far back into classic Raimi territory -
I thought it was common knowledge now that Avi Arad screwed SM3. Raimi swore he'd never put Venom in SM, only to have Arad *coughPRICKcough* force Raimi into squeezing Venom in when there was already a great story in place.Anyhow, I loved Evil Dead (all of 'em), and was at the theatre to see Army of Darkness, so I'll hope that it comes here, when it's released.
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or fixed the project so that venom would make sense i might be alone among fan boys, but in never liked venom i thought the whole storyline was silly (although not as silly as the clones) thing is, raimi did stay on, and the movie sucked, and he does have to face the music
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and an unorginal whinny bitch of a plant at that. Now, good sir, isn't it time for a deep soil tratment? Open wide I have another protien injection for you. They're your favorite right?
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I disagree. Totally. I've never once bitched about "late news" etc. My reason for deforestation is as stated above- this was not a proper review it was a fucking press release- there is a difference. We've told the various plants how to do this over the years, and if I see a review that I fundamentally disagree with but isn't planty then fine. However, if I see a review for something I'm looking forward to that I may well agree with (like in this case) that reeks of marketing peon then it pisses me off and actually puts me off seeing the film. And Jaws: you still around? I thought I told you to go fuck your sister.
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Coming into the TB and whining about how "Oh, so if someone likes something, they're a plant, right?"
This message has been brought to you by the good people at PlantSpank. -
I guess I can't spot the obvious plant as easy as yourself..My bad
But I think its gotten to the point around here that everyone calling plant is like using too much weed killer and killing the garden..Again I guess I don't see as much into the suspected reviews as you all do. oh and by the way if your still looking for Jaws , He is lined up behind all the barnyard animals to have a go at Xiphos_2 ... The boy just can't get enough
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May I direct your attention to the AvP:Rectum Talkbacks. They're a great place to learn your plant-fu
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Whilst boning up on your plant-fu (cheers for that particular vision Jarv - now I've got a head full of TONY JAA VS THE TRIFFIDS z-movie schlock that I have NOT TIME FOR) I'd advise getting hold of some pretty impervious thick skin-type armour. You're gonna need it when the regulars start acting up.
I've not posted any review on this site yet that hasn't been soundly pissed on, beaten to a pulp and then used as a dirty doormat by most people. Some of those who disagree, you can talk to (Jarv and I very occasionally disagree, Smashing and I ALWAYS disagree, and Tegujai Batir needs a restraining order, he's so intent on stalking me ;P) and some you just can't (Coughlin's Laws, the aforementioned Batir, a few others I forgot) but always REMEMBER ONE THING:
It's a talkback. YOU WILL NEVER GET EVERYONE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU. That's fundamentally kind of the point.
So, if you are not the chlorophyll that Lord Jarv, Disemboweller of the Leafy Infidels, thought you were, man up, gird your loins, and join in the shit on AICN TBs. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face, but ONLY if you don't take it all too seriously.
(And to see what I mean, go look at the Doctor Who season 3 and 4 talkbacks, where I got my Reviewer's ass handed to me on pretty much every occasion. But hey, you can win them all.) -
FUCK this site's web tech and FUCK the lack of an edit button! I just ruined the heart of that fucking post!
It's YOU WILL NEVER GET EVERYONE TO AGREE, *NOT* DISAGREE!!!
GODDAMN! Harry, you must be minted enough to sort out some edit button feature for these TBs! Harry?!? -
sorry, review. He is young, but he will learn. Grasshopper.
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If I drop any more vowels in my posts - reviews or TB inercourse - it'll look like I'm responding to people in Russian. Or - which is WORSE - possibly Welsh.
But what's important is... HAS RAIMI BROUGHT IT?
My gut instinct says... maybe. I keep hearing good things, but the EMPIRE coverage and other reviews I've read / seen leads me to think this might be a so-bad-it's-good guilty pleasure flick a la DARKNESS FALLS (batshit crazy premise, taken utterly seriously by all concerned), rather than a God-like comeback by the maker of one of the GREAT horror/comedy trilogies of all time.
Hope I'm wrong. I'm off to work. See ya! -
you guys are all right, I got the gist of what you meant.. I hope the reviewer did too..
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