Hey folks. Capone in Chicago here.

Remember when Brendan Fraser used to act and didn't just make shitty, uninspired action-adventure movies? I have some vague recollection of those better times, but my memory of them is quickly fading. With three such hunks of junk under his belt in the last six months--JOURNEY TO THE ENTER OF THE EARTH, THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, and now INKHEART--I'm fearing the worst for an actor I used to genuinely love to watch in films such as GODS AND MONSTER, THE QUIET AMERICAN, BLAST FROM THE PAST, and WITH HONORS. Hell, I'd even settle for another MONKEYBONE or AIRHEADS. (I actually always loved MONKEYBONE, but I digress.) Brendan, please stop making these types of films, if only to preserve what little legacy in film history you might still have. In INKHEART, Fraser plays rare book collector Mo Folchart who is traveling the world with his daughter, Meggie (Eliza Bennet, one of the charges in NANNY MCPHEE), in search of elusive titles for his collection. But Meggie suspects that, in fact, her father is searching the globe's bookstores for one title in particular, although she has no idea which one. Mo's wife, Resa, (Sienna Guillory) has been missing since Meggie was very young, and while he's allowed her to believe her mother abandoned them, the truth is far more complicated.

While in the Swiss Alps, Mo finds a novel called "Inkheart" in the nether regions of a tiny specialty bookstore. Suddenly his life turns upside down when a strange man named Dustfinger (Paul Bettany), who seems to have the ability to control fire, confronts him, calling him Silvertongue and demands that Folchart send him home. Mo and Meggie narrowly escape Dustfinger's fiery ways, and they land upon the doorstep of Mo's stuffy Aunt Elinor (Helen Mirren), another book collector. But it doesn't take long for Dustfinger to find them, and this time he's brought reinforcements in the form of bizarre-looking men with misshapen faces and writing across their features. They are the minions of the evil Capricorn (Andy Serkis), the villain from the "Inkheart" book who wants to abuse Mo's abilities as a Silvertongue, a person who can bring things (both living and inanimate) out of books by simply reading passages aloud. It's a great idea for a story, but in this film, all opportunities to bring these possibilities to life are squandered in the worst possible way. All anyone in this film wants is to either be sent back into the "Inkheart" world or bring back people from it--Mo's wife was transported into Inkheart, since everything that comes out of the book must be replaced by something from our world, or some horseshit like that.

The presence of Bettany, Mirren, Serkis and Jim Broadbent as the "Inkheart" author Fenoglio might lead you to believe that this film has something special, or at least above-average, to offer, and you'd be miserably wrong. There are elements here that are actually quite interesting and in a different movie might have made for something special. The idea of characters from all of these different works of classic literature in the same world is kind of cool. There are a couple sequences in Capricorn's castle where we see a stable filled with animals from various stories, including flying monkeys from "The Wizard of Oz" and a ticking crocodile from "Peter Pan." But then none of these elements are ever utilized in a satisfying way. And then it turns out that the author of "Inkheart" can simply rewrite passages to be read by Mo and change everything, including the endings of classic books. Think about the message that sends: If you don't like the great works of fiction, change them. I didn't know the film was about a screenwriting class.

I grew increasingly frustrated with INKHEART and its changing rules and vanishing characters, who would be introduced early in the film and then go away from long stretches, only to return when the plot needs them. Fraser is giving one of his now-classic act-by-numbers performances. He couldn't care less about what he's saying or doing. He just knows he's in his third film in a row opposite a young actor, but it doesn't make him any more hip or happening or relevant. Screenwriter David Lindsay-Abaire (co-writer on ROBOTS and apparently the writer of the latest SPIDER-MAN 4 script) has drawn some good ideas from Cornelia Funke's novel, but done nothing with it. And director Iain Softley (BACKBEAT, K-PAX, THE SKELETON KEY) seems incapable of directing a decent action sequence or bothering to spend just a little time developing these characters. I actually grew to hate this film the longer it stayed on screen. If it had a running time of 10 minutes, this might be a good review. But as it stands, the film is unbearable despite a strong start and one or two interesting characters... I liked the ferret or whatever that furry creature was. This is what I was reduced to watching INKHEART.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com