Movie News

Star Trek Barbies? That's how to make future babes geeks!!!

Published at: Jan. 21, 2009, 4:20 p.m. CST by headgeek

Hey folks, Harry here... with a brilliant concept. TREK BARBIES!!! Yes, every little girl in the world needs Star Trek Barbies, so that in like 15 years all future geeks will have excellent geek brides. Either that... or geek boys will be seen playing with these and get pummeled mercilessly until they are very nearly dead. That said... Look at Kirk's hair!!! Do you think that there is ANY CHANCE that it will stay like that? That'll fray and get crazy Einstein looking hair quick... won't it? Uhura is looking good, I might have to pick that one up... for Yoko. Yeah. For Yoko!





Readers Talkback

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  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:22 p.m. CST

    DUMB

    by TiNSeLToWN TeRRoR

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Well, I saw Star Trek Barbies around 1996

    by DerLanghaarige

    In a comic book store in Germany. But I didn't see them again after this, so I guess it's okay(?) that they do some again after 13 years.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Okay, if I remember right...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...it wasn't a Doll of the Star Trek characters, it was THE Barbie in a classic Trek uniform, so it's different from these. I think.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:24 p.m. CST

    But Star Trek Barbie isn't nearly as weird as...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...the Abraham Lincoln Action Figure that I saw in Toronto a few years ago.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:25 p.m. CST

    And I'm sure you know this old sitcom joke...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...when someone says: "You play with dolls" and the other one yells angry: "They are action figures!!!"<br> This gag has been repeated a million times, but does anybody know where it was used the first time?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:28 p.m. CST

    TOS Barbies

    by WeLiveStill...OrNot

    I bought TOS Barbies years ago.... was happy to see they are worth about 5 cents more now then when I got them.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Is that Scott Baio?

    by Yotz Von Frelnik

    Looks a little too round-headed for the Quintos.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:31 p.m. CST

    STINO!

    by SingingHatchet

    Give me the Shat doll!

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Captain i'm detecting shit toys.

    by Judge_Dredd

    Whats this bullshit?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Uhura

    by redshirt

    Sweet Jesus, is Uhura really that anorexic looking? Her legs look as thick as my forearms in comparison. Great role model for the kiddies.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:36 p.m. CST

    I can't stop peeing when I poo...

    by SnatchVagina

    Truth.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Star Trek Barbies

    by Monkey Man Zero

    That's the entire concept behind the new film. It was a doll tie-in all along!

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:48 p.m. CST

    A Big Mac® a Day

    by Chanoc

    That´s what Uhura needs. God, I can´t imagine what an Amy Winehouse Barbie would look like

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Chanoc

    by redshirt

    Think toothpicks. With tattoos and track marks.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 4:58 p.m. CST

    "Future babes", Harry?

    by MCVamp

    There will be far more 45-year-old men with these in their toy collections than 6-year-old girls, friend.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Damn it harry. The reason this is news...

    by menstrual_blitz

    ...is because we get our first look at some new Star trek gear; the new tricorders, communicators and phasers. But no. No mention of any of that. Just goofing off about playing with barbies. Other websites have posted close up, cropped images of the new gear.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:08 p.m. CST

    The Kirk doll looks a lot like...

    by MCVamp

    Failed '80s heartthrob Maxwell Caulfield.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Nichelle Nichols

    by Flyingcircus

    is rolling over in her grave, and she isn't even dead yet. At least she looked like a real woman with real curves and not a fucking spaghetti noodle. *sigh*

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:21 p.m. CST

    To sniff the doll is to KNOW THE MAN

    by Prossor

    from the annals of aicn's creepy chapter.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Looks like the Star Trek dolls from the 70s.

    by Flim Springfield

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 5:43 p.m. CST

    And every motherfucker on this board will own one

    by terry1978

    I don't even know why you're all feigning that faux-disinterest anyways. As soon as your local store gets some in, they'll be sold out, but not due to young girls.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Just been watching Star Trek II

    by kwisatzhaderach

    It's a goddamn masterpiece compared to the shit we get foisted on us nowadays.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:03 p.m. CST

    They're NOT Dolls, they're called Action... oh wait

    by Shadowhawk

    Ok, they are dolls.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:11 p.m. CST

    yep, another sign of the apocalypse...

    by br1947

    Who says dolls promote an unnatural concept of beauty in young girls minds? The Uhura stick figure is perfectly natural...

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:22 p.m. CST

    I see they're really tried hard...

    by photoboy

    ... to make the Spock figure look entirely unlike Zachary Quinto.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Spock looks like Zac Efron...

    by blackmantis

    ...and I shudder to think some exec probably lobbied for him to play the part.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Kinda Makes Sense

    by GeorgieBoy

    After the TOS Star Trek dolls that came out 20 years ago. JJ is trying to replicate everything that happened with Star Trek that happened before. Now where's my working walkie-talkie communicator?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:29 p.m. CST

    That's just Shatner's toupee, don't you know.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    http://www.ussvictoria.co.uk/fullofshat/images/sh_toup.jpg

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Future Geeks are inevitable... Terminator 3 style!

    by Power_Girl

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:34 p.m. CST

    STAR TREK MOHAWKS!!!!!!!!

    by alice 13

    TO BOLDLY MO WHERE NO ONE HAS MO'D BEFORE!!!!

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Who are the ad wizards...

    by wampa 1

    ...that came up with this one?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Barbie & Ken Star Trek Flashback...

    by ElectricDreams

    http://www.bonanzle.com/booths/eclectique/items/Star_Trek_Barbie_Ken_Collector_Edition_30th_Anniversary

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:07 p.m. CST

    DerLanghaarige

    by gotilk

    The doll/action figure joke actually started in reality. Well, at least mine. When I brought my star trek ACTION FIGURES to school for show and tell. SCARRED!! Dolls, they called them dolls. I'm sorry, dolls do NOT time travel, shoot Klingons with phasers and analyse insects with tiny tricorders. well... in my world anyway. .. eh.. fuck 'em. I got laid about 4 years earlier than the lot of them.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:09 p.m. CST

    Did you hear about the new Divorced Barbie?

    by Jodet

    It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Looks like a dead wolverine

    by Redc40

    got stapled to Kirk's dome.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:17 p.m. CST

    i'm detecting massive quantities of fail in this sector.

    by Warcraft

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:24 p.m. CST

    What's up with those boots?

    by Quake II

    I like the old officer/riding boots better. Those are just....wrong. At least Uhura has Nazi jackboots.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Question.

    by a rolling stone

    Is it wrong to be attracted to the Uhura doll? I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for...for a friend.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Wrath of Khan is a bit crap.

    by Judge_Dredd

    Can't really see why people love it so much.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:07 p.m. CST

    UHURA NEEDS A SANDWICH!

    by Missing Dink

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Wrath Of Khan....Crap?

    by rogueleader66

    What drugs are you smoking? That was and still is the best Trek film ever. What was so bad about it?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:36 p.m. CST

    NY Toy Fair is almost here

    by stvnhthr

    I hope I can sneak into Mattel's booth this year.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Did ya'll see Grandma's Boy?

    by Mockingbuddha

    They should animate that one scene, (you know which one) for the top of the AICN page, but use Harry and that Uhura doll. Hee hee.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:43 p.m. CST

    I AM COMPELLED TO BUY

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    not really

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:44 p.m. CST

    I keep fucking reading this as...

    by The Amazing G

    "Star Trek Babies" do do do do dooooo

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 8:57 p.m. CST

    I have Star Trek Barbie and the problem is....

    by captain_kirk

    Kirk is looking at Ken. The wrong way.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 9:17 p.m. CST

    The difference between Barbies and Action Figures?

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    With Barbie dolls, even the MEN look feminine.<p>If these were action figures, with real clothing, they'd be snatched up like free crack. As it stands, Spock and Kirk look like they just stumbled out of a gay club. Or a Twilight cattle call.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 9:36 p.m. CST

    loserguy3000 - you're right

    by dogrobber

    Gerry Anderson's 'Captain Scarlet' or that Japanese puppet show (Star Fleet?) were the first thing I thought of when I saw these things.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Did anyone else misread this headline as "Star Trek Babies"??

    by Regicidal_Maniac

    For a second my interest was piqued. For some reason Star Trek Babies seemed like a kind of 'so stupid it's actually cool' idea. I had visions of that JLU Babies episode.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 10:30 p.m. CST

    Ha ha ha, as if this POS isn't already doomed!

    by kabong

    Now they're flogging dolls.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 10:39 p.m. CST

    I did Regicidal_Maniac

    by The Amazing G

    see my post above

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 11:06 p.m. CST

    by astralith

    Is this our first look at JJ class phasers?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Is there any reason on God's green Earth . . .

    by Spacejockey426

    . . . that these damn things look gay?

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 11:50 p.m. CST

    Is it cold on the Enterprise?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    They're all wearing sweaters.

  • Jan. 21, 2009, 11:52 p.m. CST

    They should market Naked Dreadlock Barbie

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    They all end up that way by the time the kids are done playing with them.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 12:12 a.m. CST

    I sure as hell won't buy this.

    by Cotton McKnight

    I don't really buy any star trek stuff anyway, but this in particular- wow. How can star trek fans not be embarrassed by this? Star Wars and all the other major properties get cool toymakers- gentle giant, mcfarlane, and yes even hasbro makes good stuff. Star Trek has barbies. Good grief.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 1:07 a.m. CST

    I thought it read star trek BABIES

    by BendersShinyAss

    I had this terrible fear it was all going to go too far... it's only a few months off... lets keep it cool, huh? <p> hey JJ. The film is locked, right? do me a favour. leave it a little while, have a watch and tweak once more as needed. seriously, don't hand us shit pleeaaaaase. <p> that said, DO NOT fuck with it if you're happy with it. I hate that second guessing shit. <p> you did give it a good poetic and satisfying ending tho right? Will i have a lump in my throat??

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 1:29 a.m. CST

    dogrobber

    by Deus X Meshuga

    Captain Scarlet would make those two want their Mommies and not even break a sweat. :p

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 2:08 a.m. CST

    Memories

    by Scuzzy

    Christmas 1977. The ST figures I got were not much different that those looked (in style, obviously the faces were different). I got the whole bridge playset. Damn, what would all that stuff be worth now in mint?

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Holy Hesus

    by templar

    They're Hideous

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 2:38 a.m. CST

    Would It Be Wrong To Attach A FleshLight To Uhura?

    by pr1c3y

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 6:23 a.m. CST

    To that 55 y.old uncle who still dresses on his moms clothes

    by ricarleite

    The one your family advises you never to be alone with. He will own this dolls. Girls won't buy it. Maybe some Star Trek fan, for the financial value it might have in the future. Ridiculous old toys are valuable.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 6:52 a.m. CST

    I Thought It Said "Star Trek Babies"

    by kevinwillis.net

    To which I immediately pictured a poorly animated television show, with the theme song to Muppet Babies, only it would be Star Trek babies. Oh, all the trouble that rascally baby Kirk would get into. Baby Spock would find his weekly hijinx "most illogical"!<br><br>That would be such an awesome show.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Captain Scarlett rocks! And I would love to see love movie of th

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    But yeah. these dolls are gay. I know, I fancy the Spok one ;)

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 7:26 a.m. CST

    POS assholes predicting 'everyone here will see/buy this'

    by quantize

    enough you fuckin retards. It's called wishful thinking..thats right some people are actually intellectually capable of deciding NOT to see a film and stick with it..

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Ze boobies aren't anywhere near big enough

    by Stuntcock Mike

    on Spock.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Star Trek babies...

    by Chadley BeBay

    "They'll make your dreams come truuuue.. Star Star Star... Trek Trek Trek Bayyyyyyyayyyaayyybeeeees!" Good Song.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 9:09 a.m. CST

    I still have all the TOS "barbies"

    by ArcadianDS

    Harry is too young to remember those.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    I am a girl, I love Barbie, but....

    by Anna Valerious

    This isn't the first time they tried to hook the fangirl market. Yes, there was the collector's set in the '90s, but they also did characters from the DC and Marvel universes. I'm disappointed they never got the rights to make the movie version of Elektra...I'd rather have my niece playing with a girl in corset and pants rather than that ridiculous scantily clad ninja costume.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 9:24 a.m. CST

    I probably will see it

    by Cotton McKnight

    In fact I will DEFINITELY see it if the girl I desperately want to go out with (who is a huge star trek fan) agrees to go with me. But on it's own merits? Maybe a few weeks later. Let's put it this way- there have been movies I have been much more enthusiastic about that I never got around to seeing. But to your point, quantize, I never saw Star Wars "Clone Wars" and I really don't care to, either. I don't watch the cartoons either. So yeah, it is possible to elect not to see something and stick with that decision.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 9:55 a.m. CST

    I think it is healthy to have girls grow up with unreasonable

    by conspiracy

    expectations for their own beauty...keeps them off the couch and on the treadmill. Still Why does Uhura have a phaser...where is the bitches communicator?

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Actually not bad

    by Abominable Snowcone

    as far as that kind of thing goes, because they do look much like the ones from the 70s

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 11:19 a.m. CST

    I hope Kirk and Uhura's skullcaps come off for Sylar!

    by Snake Foreskin

    He uses his phaser to cut their craniums open. SYLAR GOTTA EAT!

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Kirk's boobs are bigger than Uhura's!

    by Snake Foreskin

    Especially now. Wow.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 11:20 a.m. CST

    When are we getting Spaceballs dolls?

    by Samuel Fulmer

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 11:31 a.m. CST

    rogueleader66

    by Judge_Dredd

    Dunno really, just found it a bit boring. I kind of prefer "Undiscovered Country", but thats just my opinion.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 12:51 p.m. CST

    OMG new Trek promo poster!!!

    by Abominable Snowcone

    http://tinyurl.com/d9tfac

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 3:54 p.m. CST

    What's this 'Star Trek Barbies' shit?! What's this bullshit?!

    by YouAreAllMyBastardChildren

    I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus!<p>Trekkie bastards.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 3:56 p.m. CST

    These must die.

    by Jaka

    FAIL!

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 6:12 p.m. CST

    'everyone here will see/buy this' idiots

    by Prossor

    i still havent seen indiana jones 4 yet motherfuckers. thats right, not even out of curiousity to witness the badness. heck i only somewhat like the other indiana joneses anyway.

  • Jan. 22, 2009, 8:42 p.m. CST

    Prossor

    by quantize

    You're one up on me dude coz I wished i HAD NOT seen it...cant erase that now

  • Jan. 23, 2009, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Uhura's legs

    by menstrual_blitz

    freak me out! <p> Uhura was a sturdy woman. This doll has stick legs, her calves and thighs are the same circumference! Seriously, I haven't found that the average guy has thighs three times the circumference of the average gal. Yuck. And the "future babes" bit? grosses me out too. But who cares. I doubt kids will be begging for these anyway. They shoulda been out for Christmas if they wanted a chance outside of the kids-with-trekkie-parents market.