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Massawyrm totally breaks up with Anne Hathaway over BRIDE WARS!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
Have you ever had someone that let you down – that just plain disappointed you? Even though whatever it was that let you down involved someone else who you aren’t the slightest bit disappointed with…because you’ve come to expect that from them? That’s Bride Wars. I don’t know what the fuck Anne Hathaway was thinking. She’s awesome. She’s got a great nose for projects. And she always seems to appear in projects that audiences often find to be much better than they have any right to be at first glance. I will never forget that cockeyed stare Harry gave me the night I went over to his house after posting one of my earliest reviews for the site. “The Princess Diarrhea?” Diaries. “Gay.” You watched it? “Gay.” Watch it, Harry. “Ga-ay.” I remember in that piece discussing what a great young actress Hathaway was and how, if she played her cards right and chose the right roles, she could be a major talent one day.
Guess what? She played her cards right. She chose the right projects. And then she turns around and makes this.
Kate Hudson? By this point I’ve come to expect EXACTLY this kind of movie out of her. She couldn’t smell a wet turd on a hot day from five paces away. She doesn’t need career advice, she needs a bomb sniffing dog and a restraining order against Matthew McConaughey’s people. She doesn’t make good movies. She simply uses her God given talent and charisma to get people to go see very bad ones. So I can’t be angry at her. She’s just doing what is in her nature to do.
But Anne, she’s my pick for Best Actress this year. She blew my doors off in Rachel Getting Married. So to watch her slum it in what I can only imagine is just another casualty of Writer’s Strike filmmaking kind of hurts. It’s not that I expected this to be a whole hell of a lot walking in, but I certainly never imagined it was going to be a nigh unwatchable mess seasoned with a healthy mix of unlikable characters and boring, entirely unbelievable situations.
The film this most reminded me of was How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Not only did it have the same cheap production values and goofy floor wax commercial score – but it seemed to have the very same hatred of women that its predecessor had. The biggest problem with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was that every woman in the film was either a backstabbing bitch or whiney and entirely lacking in the ability to function on their own in the real world. Every woman but one, that is. Kate Hudson’s character. And that is because she was written as a man. It boggled my mind at just how eagerly women gobbled up a movie about stupid women were, but it worked. And so they’re trying it again.
This movie does not like women at all. It seems to be in love with girlish things and ideas. But not actual girls. Both of the film’s leads are stereotypical time bombs waiting for some occurrence to come along and give them an opportunity to finally use their ticket to take the express train to crazytown. And as you watch two men smile and even celebrate what they love about their soon to be spouses…things that we married men like to refer to as WARNING SIGNS…you quickly become freed of any attachment you might have to the characters and simply sit back and watch a boring hour and a half of lame, catty revenge.
Imagine if Nora Ephron awoke from a dream to pencil down a half baked idea based upon having watched Rushmore just hours before and then that notepad was stolen by someone with no imagination whatsoever that wanted nothing more than to set feminism back 20 years or so. That’s Bride Wars. Lacking a single enjoyable, or hell, even palatable moment, this film meanders from lame girly revenge moment to lame girly revenge moment as two women who were at one time lifelong friends, seek to completely humiliate the other by dying their hair blue, giving them a super orange tan or tricking them into overeating so they won’t fit into their wedding dress. For 90 cringe inducing minutes.
Yeah. It’s Mean Girls for the ladies that found that film a little too cerebral.
But that’s nothing compared to the mind altering surprise twist ending that the film seems eager to set up only to nonsensically try to explain and get away with just short of rolling the credits. It’s a moment so out of left field, so undeserved and cheap, that had I had an ounce of investment in the film, I would have felt robbed. Instead, it was just another thing to add to a laundry list of complaints when trying to unravel at which point this film really went wrong. Was it the constant stream of 3D photo montages that looked more like it belonged in an UHF advertisement for a local wedding planner than it did anything resembling a Hollywood movie? Or was it Candice Bergen’s seemingly contractually obligated droning voiceover explaining to us things that might have been more interesting had they been shown to us instead? The world may never know. Even Hathaway seems to be phoning this in, seemingly grasping the idea that her character actually HAS no character and doing the bare minimum necessary to collect her check and move on to a project with merit.
I know the January/February dumping ground is tough – hell a goodly half of my worst of for last year came from this very same period. I just didn’t realize that this would be a solid contender for next year’s list. But it is. If you run into a moment this weekend in which your significant other offers this film as an option and opines “Really, how bad could it be,” feign an illness. Really. An appendix bursting or something. Because as much as I have a strong distaste for How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, at least that had a romantic chemistry to distract you from the films awfulness. This one doesn’t.
I daresay this is one of Hudson’s worst films. And that’s saying something.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
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Readers Talkback
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Anyway... damn I'd love to love me some Hathaway. I don't care if this movie is crap.. Never watched chick flicks anyway. I just need to know she still has heavy boobs.. Answer to the question of life.
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TIA.
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basically this review is an endorsement, right?
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Huh?! Suddenly I miss Moriarty.
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now I have to cancel plans...
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career footsteps. Wildcats, Protocol, Overboard, etc. Were any of those GOOD movies. And don't dare mention Kurt.
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Jan. 9, 2009, 12:41 p.m. CST
“The Princess Diarrhea?” Diaries. “Gay.” You watched it? “Gay.”
by AgentArchangel
...and yet, he liked Twilight. Ga-ay. The circle is complete.
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Booby-booby-booby-booby... Think Baywatch, the whole cast of Baywatch all contained in just one left boob of Hathaway's. Thats how good they are and the film?... yeah... the film... what? Five stars!!! <p> <p> On Hudson.. Cheeek Fleeek. I have only seen almost famous and I never watch a film that has smiling women on the front cover and unfortunately all her films are that... So yeah I have only seen her in one film and she is nothing spesh.
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Anyone catch "George Romero's Diarrhea the Dead"? Sounded good..
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Jan. 9, 2009, 12:46 p.m. CST
mrfan, yes we can all share cos theres enough room for all.
by Damien Chowder
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...it was a little watered down.
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And yet they flock to these things. Weird
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overdosed on pills or jumped off a bridge the second after she got done filming "Almost Famous" That movie shot her up so fast and so high, that everyone couldn't stop talking about her. She would be remembered like James Dean for years and years. Now we know the reason she's good in that movie, is cuz she comes in small doeses, and I'm sure Cameron Crowe had to direct the SHIT outta her. That's my biggest beef with Hollywood actresses. They start of playing supporting roles (think J-LO in 'out of sight') and they steal every scene they are in, because they show up in small doses. Then all of a sudden Hollywood decides these ladies are ready to be leading Ladies in their own movies...guess what...they're not. And the worse part is they start to believe they are! They all start to think they're fucking Audrey Hepburn, and royalty. (Examples: Katherine heigl, Eva Longoria, and so on.) J-Lo is the fucking worst. No one wants to see this chick in a leading role...fuck her and her my shit don't stink attitude. Some people should just be supporting actors, Not Leads! But then again...i never see shit movies like "how to lose a guy" "failure to launch" "wedding planner" and so on. Women (who arent film geeks) are idiots, and will watch anything...Oh and Brittney Murphy, your shitty romance comedies suck too!
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why doesn't anyone make a movie called "C"? Make it all about cunty women, being cunty to each other. Then they can have a scene where they sing-a-long to "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" while throwing baking powder at each other in the kitchen. During that scene, one of the Cs can get some baking powder in her eye, a record scratch of the song stopping, and she calls the others a bunch of cunts for getting baking powder in her eye. Then one of them steps in a dirty cat box....
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I had no intention of ever seeing this but to hear that it has such an awful ending that is "so out of left field, so undeserved and cheap" makes me curious to see how bad it can be. A bad movie is one thing, but a bad movie that tries to wrap up a ridiculous premise with an even more ridiculous denouement might almost make it worth watching. Might. Almost.
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I promised the wife a few weeks ago I would be watching this. Pray for me.
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...looks like 20 miles of bad, hard road in this movie. How much heroin did she have to shoot to look like that?
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that Hudson was kinda okay in Almost Famous is because she briefly flashed a little tit... And I believe Hathaway has flashed some tit in at least a couple of movies...if this film was Hard R and had them mud wrestling naked for 90 minutes, it could've very well beaten The Dark Knight's box office tally...
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What's wrong with OVERBOARD? Okay, FIGHT CLUB it ain't, but as far as undemanding popcorn family entertainment goes, give me OVERBOARD over ARE WE THERE YET? and so on. OVERBOARD was CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN with charisma. It was Kurt and Goldie showing REAL chemistry between two real-life lovers onscreen. It was Kurt being all ovably blue-collar and broke, and Goldie being all posh-but-loves-to-chug-a-beer confused. It was wonderful. And it had Edward "Max from Lost Boys" Herrmann being goofy and slapsticky! What's wrong with that?!?!?<P> The rest can go to Hell. But genuinely, without irony, I really enjoyed the Hell out of OVERBOARD.
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We're being carpet-bombed with advertising for this shitfest in the UK. I think the kind of people who actually enjoyed the SEX AND THE CITY might enjoy this movie - but me? Avoiding it like the norovirus.
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It's just not worth it for a movie geek to have a girlfriend with shitty, chick flick taste in movies and TV. There are plenty of hot girls who are fellow geeks.
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I just looked at the Wikipedia entries for both Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, because I didnt know who they are. Now I know why, because I've not seen even one flim on either's list. Weird. Are they all, like, chick flicks and stuff? And "drama" type crap? Or not?
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Agree. It isn't a bad flick.
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Anne Hathaway does her share of selling out in commercial garbage that is forgotten a week later. I don't get why Massa's so "disappointed" in her for doing this. It seems right in step for the George Clooney career model ratio of one commercial piece of crap to pay the bills for one failed "indie" flick.
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something's up with her face and she makes shit movies. And all those cunts who constantly watch Almost Famous. Kill each other.
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that was definitely not a chick flick....
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if it had an extended two-hour scene of Hathaway naked on all fours shoving a dildo in and out of her ass. I would SO go to see that.
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Come on Wyrm, give it up.
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pretty sure brokeback mountain is a good movie fuckwit.
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For me, that's reason enough to celebrate the release of this film.
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how could she be on all fours and still be able to ram a dildo up her ass? Is it suction cup mounted?
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Eddie was riding high on Dreamgirls and insiders say Norbit cost him the Oscar that year.
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pwned
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Yeah, dramas suck. Who needs a bunch of people getting all serious and stuff.
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From what I've read in other reviews, they end up getting married simultaneously at the Plaza, and the film sets itself up for "Baby Wars".
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How original. I bet its nothing like... My Best Friend's Wedding, My First Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Polish Wedding, Samoan Wedding, Four Weddings and a Funeral, The Wedding Banquet, Wedding Crashers, American Wedding, The Wedding Date, The Wedding Planner, License to Wed, Murial's Wedding, Betsy Wedding, The Wedding Singer, Father of the Bride, Runaway Bride, Bride of Chucky, 27 Dresses, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, What Happens in Vegas, Rachel Getting Married, 50 first dates, I Think I do, The Best Man, Made of Honor, The Bachelor, The In-Laws, or the Groomsman...NAW. Nothing like those.
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On behalf of all of us.
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or would it be more like that scene in the church in the original "The Man Who Knew Too Much" except instead of throwing chairs at each other they throw babies?
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Ughk..uggkkkkk....sorry I just throw up in my mouth.
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...Zombie Lesbian Catholic Wedding Massacre, Part II: The Revenge of Zoltan and his Sexy Zombie Strippers, subpart F...the Third. Little known classic.
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with "Bride of Chucky".
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Perhaps Hathaway does put a voodoo curse on Hudson and turns her into a doll and she kills and kills and kills....MAYBE THEN...I'd see this movie
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...and ideas. But not actual girls." There's a word for that. 'Gay'
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Just cuz it aint bad, doesn't make it good. I was simply including it Goldie Hawn's "Kinda Ditsy Blond Has Something Happen, Wackiness Ensues" resume of movies. And Kate is following her with the same kind of movies you forget the second you walk out of the theater.
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And I'm sure the Alan Arkin/Peter Falk classic "The In-Laws" has very little to do with this. " Serpentine Shelly. Serpentine." Classic..
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Otherwise, I am very disappointed that you paid to see this hyper-marketed movie. You know the movie is going to be total crap when something of this genre is marketed like a summer action flick. This movie was pimped more than one of the ladies from Hookers at the Point on HBO.
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Enjoyed Wildcats,Overboard,Bird On a Wire,Private Benjamin and Death Becomes Her is great
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god, just checking on imdb.Goldie Hawns only made 11 movies since 1986
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and bruce willis was in 7 movies just in 2006
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Under her boobs? Gross. That might kill her. Personally, I prefer the hand-on-top-of-the-boobs manoeuvre.
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I hadn't thought that out. Maybe Hudson would be manipulating the dildo. Or she's actually on all threes with one hand manipulating the dildo. I don't know about all the blocking of the scene, just so long as she's naked and has something going in and out of any of her orifices.
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How could anyone not see where this movie was going? I'd be interested if one of the women killed the other one in some sort of John Woo type gun fight in the end. Maybe they can save that for Bride Wars 2: The Bloodening "This time she'll say I do... Want to kill you!" Now that would be a movie!
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Also we shouldn't bash women cause they go see movies like this. Pretty sure a lot of dudes went and saw movies like Transformers and the Punisher which were pretty fucking awful flicks.
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IN OIL
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Check out Passengers. (Or rather don't.) Came out 2008. Hathaway, and Patrick Wilson. Kind of aimed at the same crowd that went to see Premonition(or non-crowd since that film tanked). And this ain't some indie film: Sony release. David Morse, Diane Wiest, Andre Braugher, some good actors here. Directed by Rodrigo Garcia who has done solid work at HBO with Sopranos, Big Love, In Treatment. Passengers barely got released. Played in two theaters here where I live for a week before disappearing. And you know why? It is balls out terrible.
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first you call a movie bad by calling it gay then u show an image of u getting fucked...you are a fuckin closet faggot...most bigotted homophobic people are gay themselves..thats why they make such a big deal to show that they are not that...fuckin pathetic and juvinile <BR> <BR>
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...one of the girls doesn't get married and dumps her fiance. But I don't know if that's the "big twist."
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that perpetuate a stereotype of women being catty, shallow, materialistic bitches, "Oh no you di-int!" type character.
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They have the rep of being horrible, and they are, but we love them anyways. And occasionally we get a real good one that goes against the grain so we can be like, "see, they're not all that bad."
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she's got bits and pieces of a beautiful girl but for some reason the excessive gum/teeth/big mouth/drooping huge eyes don't work well together. Totally bangable but now that she's getting older she wasn't as "hot" as she was in her earlier films.
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before turning it off. Harry put it best when he said, "They’re all the exact sort of woman that I feel all men should avoid ...They over-react to EVERYTHING. Decide to be spiteful in a heart beat...they’re the furthest thing from being sane."
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you people are misogynistic assholes.
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When was the last non-"family" movie to get a PG rating?
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...and why go see it at all when the early reviews dumped on it unanimously? At some point you guys have to just say no, and stick with films worth losing 2 hours of your life on.
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The racketeers have to make their opening weekend BO ripoff before the consumer masses find out the latest productions stink. Attention all so-called movie reviewers: lie your asses off or no more junket payola for you.
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You sure about that? A movie would really have to go out of its way to be as wretchedly unfunny as that piece of shit.
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I'm five minutes into EVAN ALMIGHTY - Mrs-Spud-To-Be's choice of movie for minute - and already I'm gnawing my own foot off in boredom. Pray for me...
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Jonah Hill's in EVAN ALMIGHTY. The most unfunny fuck in the Slacker Pack. Judd Apatow has A LOT to answer for...
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Best to start drinking man! Drink heavily!!<p>Hey Quin, we're saying that films that are targeted for women, starring women, probably written by women, depict women in the worst manner. A movie about two women who try to sabotage each other because there wedding falls on the same day? And WE'RE misogynist?
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But that doesn't stop me being turned on by the advertising on the Underground. There's just something about two attractive women wearing wedding dresses, wrestling each other that gets me going. I know, I know... I'm weird
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Trying to surf the net and avoid watching as much as possible. But the plotholes!<P> Why doesn't Evan just show his wife that he can't shave the beard off, thus proving that something supernatural is going on? Why doesn't anyone question why half the world's animals keep following him around? When the fuck will Morgan Freeman ever do a role as great as Det Somerset in SEVEN again?<P> GAAAAHH!!! You're right, skimn; should've started drinking heavily...<P> Oh, and ditto about the misogynist thing. I'd like to see the feminists explain their way out of BRIDE WARS...
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Oh man why were you even watching this in the first place? <p> And as drewlicious says, why the fuck do women watch these films that basically portray them as dopey cunts?
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But that bit about the ending's got me curious, I'm ashamed to say. Someone please spoil it for the rest of us.
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It was telegraphed. You knew early on that--spoiler!!!!--Anne Hathaway would end up not getting married to the lame guy she was engaged to, because it was telegraphed. And of course she was going to back out of it on her wedding day, just in time to be the maid of honor at Hudson's wedding, after attacking her because of showing some video of Anne Hathaway being kind of hot for ten seconds . . . the movie is a little schizophrenic, lets put it that way. The set up for the battle between life long friends is hard to accept, the battle is mostly yawns, and Hathaway not getting married to the doofus is telegraphed. And everybody is fine with it--thinks it's great, after making such a mess of everybody's life for the past three months and blowing some giant wad of cash on her wedding, she backs out at the last minute.<br><br>I could go on. A couple of hot scenes with Hathaway, but no nudity. Kate Hudson doesn't look like she'll age well. The ending is telegraphed, not a twist. The "baby wars" set up is not a "twist". It's a way to end the movie--hey, now they are both pregnant and due on the same day! Although, Hathaway is pregnant by her new husband, the good guy who is also Kate Hudson's brother in the movie . . . yeah, except for there being anything surprising about the ending, Massawyrm is right. Enough made me laugh that I enjoyed it, and don't really regret having seen it, but not enough that I would actually recommend anybody spend their hard earned money on it.
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Walking wallets, usually, or a Really Good Guy. Which equated to "doormat in good clothes with sharp sense of humor. But still a doormat". I think that's why women like them.
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I mean she was great as Penny Lane in Amost Famous-I mean she was GREAT. but since then she just does not have a clue alas
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That's...fucking it? I appreciate the info but jesus Massa, shit like that happens in every other fucking movie of this type. To show how they're still great friends etc. Blech. But at least you didn't leave the cinema miserable, kevin.
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is more like the ending to an Archie story. "I'm due... you're due... we're due..." and then they each slap their foreheads and faint, falling out of frame while their legs pop just up into frame. And cue end titles.
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I just finished watching EVAN ALMIGHTY. Well made bleh, but bleh nonetheless. Harmless enough... then I learned they spent $175 million on that movie.<P> $175 million. On EVAN ALMIGHTY.<P> Isn't that almost the same as they spent on TRANSFORMERS? Fucking hell. Terrifying. That could be the most expensive "meh" in cinema history.<P> Oh yeah, BRIDE WARS: cheers for the spoilage guys. Nothing I didn't expect, and now affirms my decision to completely avoid this shitfest until it turns up on cable.
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I've only seen a few previews and it was pretty obvious how this thing would end: with a nice little happy ending bow where everybody are even more friends than they were at first! Like every other crap Hollywood chick flick. I think the last chick flick I liked was Addicted To Love with Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick, not that it was particularly good either.
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...who actually liked that candy-coated, fantastical pile of over-rated shit ALMOST FAMOUS, here's a News Flash: Kate Hudson sucks!! Always has, always will.
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attacks on their looks. I'm sure the movie is just awful.
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This is why this stupid movie got reviewed... Because great bewbs makes us silly.
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Are these AICN's up to date business standards?
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That has got to be the best first I`ve ever seen. I too enjoy the awesomeness of Anne Hathaways Boobies.
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A January movie about weddings? I thought this would be fantastic. I am super serial.
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Anal sex never fails to amuse.
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Jan. 10, 2009, 8:15 a.m. CST
Massawyrm has let me down and just plain disappointed me.
by Leafar the Lost
Somehow his reviews just keep getting worse. What is the big, fucking deal about Anne Hathaway anyway? This is exactly the type of movie she should make. It's a chick flick! It's a movie that old women see with their friends, and young women drag their boyfriends to. It isn't going to win any awards. It looks like it was done cheap in order to make a profit. That is all. From your review I can see that you have had a boner for Anne since her Princess movies. Yes, she is very attractive, but not super hot (like Megan Fox). I can see where a guy (like you) would actually think that in the future you could actually hook up with Anne. I think her career will go the same route as Sandra Bullock. Every year we will see her make a romantic comedy, or some independent movie that no one sees. This will continue until she gets too old Then she will get some bad, plastic surgery (like Meg Ryan) and maybe she can be in a few more "romantic comedies" but not as the star of them. Then her career will slowly begin to fade into oblivion...BTW, I will not go anywhere near this movie. My wife can see it with her fat, single friends while I go to see the Wrestler or Frost/Nixon.
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exactly. this is how i feel about most t.v. commercials. please let it end.
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Yes, she's ugly.
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Lame lame lame lame lame... I was hoping the movie would end with them realizing that they are equally shallow, petty, ridiculous excuses for human beings (their prospective spouses concur, wanting nothing to do with them), while simultaneously realizing that they devoted far more attention to each other while working up to the weddings, culminating in them getting married to each other. But oh shit! They can't get married! They renounce their shallow ways and start agitating for civil rights? Apparently not...I would never see this movie, unless in a fit of masochistic despair. Oh, and I think sometimes people (women who flock to this shit) get confused and think that "About some women"="Pro-Woman". Sucks that there aren't many alternatives. Again, lame!
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Overboard was actually on tv in the uk today. And yes, it's still a great romantic comedy glad to see there is still some AICN love for it.
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Anne Hathaway made a light hearted buddy comedy. Name ONE single buddy comedy that isn't about two people being idiots and having some outrageous misadventure to grow in some way and make up in the end. Name ONE. It is the DEFINITION of a buddy comedy. Now, talk about sexism... guys get to make idiots of themselves playing these films and it's fine because it's all in good fun but if you are a girl playing an idiot then you hate women. Really? You think the movie was sexist? You are sexist worm. Like most men you think women should fit within a box. Kinda like the dork who Anne broke up with at the end of the movie. Retard.
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The dork who broke up with her for not being a lady and for dancing on a rope and flirting with other guys and getting into fights with her friend and all the behavior that is improper for women. Cause men get to sit around in the middle of the afternoon playing Halo and drinking beer but women should always be the more mature serious ones. Whatever you say worm. And please tell me why you get to have a picture of Harry fucking you up the ass and Anne Hathaway can't be in a buddy comedy.
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Damn it, you are so right. Took wife to see it, wasn't a good flick but Anne AND Kate looked good though.
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