Logo

Cool News

Cenobite chains up David Goyer's THE UNBORN and passes judgment!!!

Published at:  Jan 08, 2009 3:59:29 AM CST

SPOILER ALERT !!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Now, the below review isn't a positive one, which doesn't make me happy because I think David Goyer's horror film looks fantastic. It's the only trailer that I've ever seen that has made not just one, but two different audiences scream when it played in a dark theater. I've never seen that in all my years of movie watching... it's that creepy old dude who turns his head upsidedown.

I hope I radically disagree with the Cenobite who wrote in with his/her/it's thoughts, but I won't be able to tell that until Friday since there has either been no screenings in Austin or none that I have been invited to.

Now here's Cenobite's opinion on the flick:



Hey, Harry... I just saw The Unborn at a press screening last night in Hollywood and wanted to send word to your dear, dear readers: Avoid this film.

Oh, David Goyer, why is everything such hit and miss with you? I want to like him, I really do! With such scripts like 'Batman Begins', 'Dark Knight', 'The Crow' and my favorite 'Dark City'. But his movie just sullys it all. Why make one original film when you can make a crappy generic combo of many better films? The Ring, Silent Hill, The Exocist, Jacob's Ladder, The Omen, Prince of Darkness, etc.. I have to say, it also had one of the worst lines I've heard in a long time. This quote was bad enough and so out of context that an audible gasp went through the audience. Nearly all the movie critics' heads popped up from their coma-like slumber like groundhogs on the prairie, choking on their popcorn and looking at each other like, "Did I just hear that right? Did she just say what I thought she would say?!" when the line was uttered:

"You must finish what was started in Auschwitz!"

Um, yah. I don't think that killing off the rest of the Jews was the intent of that line, but everyone definitely took it as such. Did anyone proofread this script? In fact it seemed the film that was shot was from the first draft. From the opening scene, I knew we were in trouble. We start the film apparently already deep in the story without any sunny, happy intro to explain the lead character... and already it's a dream sequence. This is followed by the first dialog of the film from Meagan Good to the main character being "crrray-zah" due to having a "pussy disease". Great. "Check, please!" The film unravels with the usual jump out and scare you tactics we've seen thousands of times. For example: you have a scene with a mirrored medicine cabinet in a bathroom making weird noises with the lone character going back and forth, opening it suddenly, walking away slowly, going back and opening, closing the mirror, we all know what's going to happen. It's either going to be: (a: Somehting scary suddenly appearing in the reflection that wasn't there before when the mirror is moved (b: something suddenly appearing inside the medicine cabinet when the mirror is opened or (c: Someone being behind her who wasn't there before... a monster or might just be a cop-out normal person. Oooh! I can't wait! Later, we have the typical wise character tell the audience all the necessary mumbo-jumbo that neatly set up everything for the audience (a la "Gramlins" feeding rules or "Candyman") then watch the said facts occur so we know exactly what's going to happen... and it eventually goes horribly, horribly wrong. I could go on about specific details, like a flashback to a Nazi concentration camp with a doctor obsessed with twins and turning brown eyes blue, but what little story is there might be ruined.

OK, was there anything good about this film? The lead Odette Yustman is hot, but we get a shower scene with no payoff (that occurs out of the freakin blue for some reason). There are a couple of nice makeup effects reminiscent of Silent Hill, The Thing or The Exocist. We have Gary Oldman (Why are you in this? Another house payment?) but even he couldn't save this film.

When the film finished, all I could think were 3 things: 1: How did the people get the money to shoot this stuff? 2: Why did Gary Oldman agree to be in this film and 3: All original ideas and creativity are completely dead in Hollywood. My friend and I were glad we did not pay money to see this one, in fact we were hoping we could get some money back for watching it. If being forced between watching 2 horrible films, I'd pick Doomsday to this one any day! Oh Mr. Goyer... why?

-CENOBITE




    + Expand All

    Readers Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:09:56 AM CST

    shame...

    by blckmgk13

    ...the previews did make it seem not half bad

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:11:13 AM CST

    Uhm...first?

    by sithtastic

    and...why was Gary Oldman in this? What's more, I can already see the whole brown eyes to blue non-spoiler to this thing...in a horror film, being ruined. No need to see it...skip.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:19:02 AM CST

    this film fails...

    by havocschultz

    for it's epic lack of Odette nakedness...what's the point in casting such a blatant piece of sex, and then not letting us have a taste...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:19:59 AM CST

    Goyer can't direct for s*~!

    by filmcoyote

    The problem here is like so many writers who become directors - sure some are great, many are amazing - but many can't self edit. A good writer is made better by a good director with fresh eyes. If you listen to the commentaries on Blade 2 for instance Goyer continually (and somewhat bitterly at times) talks about how this idea and that scene (etc) were all Guillermo's idea and he wouldn't have done it that way, he'd do this... Every time you think that's a horrible idea, thank God for Guillermo. Jump forward to Blade 3 and you see the evidence of this. Let him do it his way and it's terrible. The line in this review about "like they shot the first draft" rings exactly true. Goyer, like many talented writers with no directing talent, is in love with his own creation and can't see the flaws which another director might be able to point out and rework. No surprise this is a dog. They have to keep this guy away from Magneto if it gets made.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:21:16 AM CST

    Noooooo!

    by sonnyfern

    I refuse to believe this movie is crap until I see it with my own eyes...that trailer is ridiculously good!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:21:17 AM CST

    Noooooo!

    by sonnyfern

    I refuse to believe this movie is crap until I see it with my own eyes...that trailer is ridiculously good!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:25:57 AM CST

    Script for Dark Knight.

    by biggerjohn

    Let's not forget- Goyer didn't write the script for The Dark Knight but rather he outlined the story with Nolan.

    He did write the script for 'Batman Begins' which had some of the most abysmal dialogue I had heard in ages. "I am Ras-Al-Ghoul!" Fuck off, Qui-Gon. You twat.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:29:44 AM CST

    I'll still see this.

    by red_weed

    I always prefer to make up my own mind with comedy and horror, I always find those are the genres that seem to have the greatest differences in personal reactions. Also, I'm just excited there's a horror film coming out. I mean when was the last time i saw a scary movie at the cinema? where did they all go? Well here in Australia at least there hasn't been much, i think the last one was mirrors. I guess even shit horror films is better than no horror films. Although good horror films are always a pleasant surprise. And the trailer did look like i had enough moments to warrant a look. God I hope the release bloody valentine in 3d here.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:34:27 AM CST

    Goyer wrote nothing on Dark Knight

    by industrykiller!

    Let's not give him any credit for that one. And yeah he wrote Batman Begins, which anyone who knows anything about good writing would tell you has a horrible script. The Crow and Dark City are good but they were a loooooong time ago.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:45:22 AM CST

    The trailer shows only the goods

    by cenobite

    It is pretty good. I only wish the movie could of been the same with some new twists. In a way, like comedies, all the 'good stuff' was shown in the trailer. All the 'horror' was the jump out and scare you type. No real 'meat' was here, just simple run of the mill 'gristle' formula. I did like the dog w the upside down head... but that's in the trailer too. Yah, this ain't no POLTERGEIST or Jacob's Ladder. Oh, and where the f**k did the boyfriend go during half the movie? He just disappeared and reappeared towards the end of the film!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:49:22 AM CST

    Sounds exactly like what I expected from the trailer.

    by derlanghaarige

    The whole audience was laughing as soon as it started with the "scary" kids voice.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:49:36 AM CST

    and *SPOILER*...

    by cenobite

    ... all the black people die.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:50:00 AM CST

    The Crow 2

    by jebuslovesyou666

    was terrible and Goyer wrote that. Not the first one.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:55:15 AM CST

    and...

    by jebuslovesyou666

    looking on Imdb, just about everything he's done has been shit. Why such a revelation? Dark City, batman begins, and the dark knight are the only things worth a damn. The trailer does look awesome though, so its gonna get my cash.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:05:48 AM CST

    Don't worry. Paul Blart : Mall Cop will be...

    by alonzo mosely

    jacking off into your eye real soon...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:11:56 AM CST

    Did not need someone telling me this flick sucked

    by heckles

    Sideways looking dogs and people doing a spider walk, like so many other shitbag other movies, paved the way for mediocrity.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:12:01 AM CST

    Finally a review for this...and its negative. That blows.

    by mike_d

    I was looking forward to this.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:25:46 AM CST

    THIS REVIEWER HATED IT GOING IN

    by dogsoup

    It's like geek class: Horror Movie Guy was writing this review in his head while watching it just so it would get posted. I did not read anything in that review that really told me why it sucked aside from instances where the reviewer wanted to name drop tastes. I think the reviewer will be in the minority and the people who saw the trailer with Quint will be in the majority. Everyone in my world who isn't so tied into geek culture that they even KNOW about Watchmen, Avatar, or any other movie we talk about week after week on here is talking about this movie.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:32:45 AM CST

    Hated going in? No. Hated when leaving? Yes.

    by cenobite

    Actually, I didn't even see the trailer before seeing the film, but since I knew Goyer was attached, I had high hopes. When you have people laughing at the film during scenes that are supposed to be scary... I don't think that's a good sign.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:39:43 AM CST

    Sounds better than SPEED RACER, imho.

    by motoko kusanagi

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:56:29 AM CST

    Speed Racer is awesome, and Goyer has no talent

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    Blade 3 = Garbage. Threshold = Garbage. Batman Begins and Dark Knight = Saved only by Nolan. Hell, even Blade 2 was retarded. Funny how he looks a bit like Stanley Tucci though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 6:06:09 AM CST

    DoomsDay!

    by laraz

    Hey I thought DoomsDay was a bad/ good film. It didn't take it's self serious and it wasnt meant to be, I dont think. So to say that it was a total mess is just wrong!Second this movie might be bad, but if audiences like it who cares what you think! This could be the next Patch Adams, AH! Now that is something to scream about!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 6:40:16 AM CST

    Oh yeah I called this in October

    by murdermostfowl

    October 9th myself and a few other TBers consulted out crystal balls ( uh... nevermind ) This movie is going to be crap. I'm sure we'll see several more reviews for it, but they won't be any better. Quint, I can see why you had high hopes, but the trailer alone looked like rehash city.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 6:59:49 AM CST

    ABC News Review

    by lost_horizon

    David Blaustein: "I knew after five minutes, this movie would be terrible. One out of five stars." Just heard that, if anyone cares. Oh, and it's always funny when reviewers play the "Did anyone proofread this?" card, and then proceed to misspell "exorcist".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:09:35 AM CST

    Doomsday is crap

    by cuervojones

    Doomsday is fun. Funny crap. Crappy fun.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:27:11 AM CST

    Boring

    by jefflebowski

    How many more generic scare films featuring a creepy kid and the typical mid-2000s female lead do we need?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:28:01 AM CST

    Goyer probably wrote the parts of TDK

    by i dunno

    where everyone calls Batman "THE Batman". I wanted Bruce Wayne to snap and yell, "It's just Batman, Goddammit! Whoops".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:30:23 AM CST

    Rhona Mitra

    by chaddyd

    Was in Doomsday. That makes the movie good, even (or especially) Hollow Man. Having said that, the chick in this movies is shot as shit, ergo, this movie will be at least watchable.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:55:59 AM CST

    THE INVISIBLE IS A GOOD MOVIE!

    by nasty in the pasty

    Christ...

    Reply to Talkback

  • After Blade 3 and The Invisible, because they were both really, really horrible films. Ones you might accidentally tune into on TV and either get out to after three minutes or completely forget after the first commercial break. And that's still cutting some slack.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:27:22 AM CST

    "PUSSY DISEASE"? SERIOUSLY?

    by turketron

    Is that dialogue actually in the movie, or are you just joking?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:30:52 AM CST

    THE INVISIBLE is *half* a good movie.

    by darkman

    When the writers were serious about pursuing a relationship between the unlikable twat and the guy she BEAT HALF TO DEATH, the film lost me like a contact lens in a fog, but hey, to each his own.

    In spite of Odette Yustman's hotness, this new film looks and sounds silly. Nice to know I was right.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:31:44 AM CST

    shame.

    by zom-bot.com

    i wanted to see a good scary movie, but i did get the feeling this was going to use all the trite cliches....the dog with the upside down head had almost sold me, but i think i am gonna have to pass.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:41:19 AM CST

    Alonzo Mosely

    by ironic_name

    are you the real Alonzo Mosely? cuz if so hook me up with that Kristen Key chick. I think I can make her straight.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:42:31 AM CST

    yeah, in the first issue of Batman

    by i dunno

    Batman also carried a piece. And Robin didn't come in till much later.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:43:10 AM CST

    I take not issue with the review, but she's too hot to miss

    by dr sauch

    Odette Yustman is just too hot to miss. She's unreal.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:45:30 AM CST

    Did they think because the crab walk in the Exorcist

    by i dunno

    was a deleted scene put back in later that enough people hadn't seen it so they could just rip it off? From what I've seen in the ads, it was much creepier in The Exorcist. And a lot more impressive too, since it was done back in 1973.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:47:51 AM CST

    "Odette Yustman is just too hot to miss"

    by i dunno

    She's definitely hot but the phrase "pussy disease" makes my peener retract like a frightened turtle's head. And apparently she was one of the kids in Kindergarten Cop but luckily I don't remember that movie so it's not creepy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:51:13 AM CST

    Hit or Miss is Right

    by cowboyone

    Goyer should probably stick to comics properties. He seems to struggle with horror and thriller scripts, despite his obvious love of the genres.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 8:53:45 AM CST

    The INVISIBLE was laughably bad

    by cowboyone

    For too many reasons to name here ... not the least of which was making the "school bully" the love interest. WTF?!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:10:54 AM CST

    He didn't write DARK CITY alone.

    by geekzapoppin

    He was one of three writers credited on the film. I seriously doubt that anything remotely creative of interesting in it was due to him. He can, however take complete credit for the Hasselhoff NICK FURY film. Also BLADE III. Before you say, "What about BLADE 2?" Yup, that movie was awesome. BECAUSE OF DEL TORO! If you gave that script to a less-talented director, you'd have... well, BLADE III.

    He's a hack.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:19:26 AM CST

    Fuck you. Doomsday rocks.

    by lost jarv

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:25:52 AM CST

    "avoid this film" REALLY? You had to tell us that?

    by squashua

    *sarcasm* I had NO idea. */sarcasm*

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:35:02 AM CST

    goyer sucks

    by jack d. ripper

    The times when he's part of something good--Dark City, Batman Begins--there are enough writers--Proyas, Nolans--there to dilute his awfulness and neutralize it. When left alone--The Invisible, apparently this, Blade Trinity--he is AWFUL. Let him run wild and you will regret it. He is terrible!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:40:39 AM CST

    goyer has a talent

    by zom-bot.com

    for being part of some of the most promising sci-fi or horror premises in the past decade or so, and then totally screwing them up with ham fisted dialogue or horrible second acts and endings. everything he has been a part of had the potentials to be awesome, yet somehow soured and ruined a good thing. i guess people keep hiring him and associating him with the good parts, instead of realizing he's the part that sucks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:49:26 AM CST

    Maybe the line was "...aww shit!"??

    by darth macchio

    And not "Aushwitz"? One little tiny W makes all the difference sometimes.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 9:54:00 AM CST

    Fuck that "trailer was great" talk.

    by burgundy82

    Not one, not two, but THREE different people/animals with their heads on upside-down? Way to run the only halfway-startling imagery into the ground with about 15 seconds of footage, you stupid pricks. About as terrifying as Tom Tucker's son on Family Guy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:02:03 AM CST

    Don't understand the Doomsday hate

    by joker gordon levitt

    Was there anything glaringly wrong with the movie? Tough chick vs Urban savages? Medieval Utopian societies? The government gets it in the end? An indian prime minister? Rhona f-ing Mitra? Whats not to like?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:09:39 AM CST

    What's not to like about DOOMSDAY?

    by aaronius

    Well it starts off as "28 Days Later" meets "Mad Max", and then halfway through it becomes "A Knights Tale". I think that's the biggest complaint. For the record I don't think it completely sucked, but it wasn't great.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:17:08 AM CST

    Lost all cred with the Doomsday crack.

    by slyandthefamilystallone

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:26:06 AM CST

    Not The Crow, only part of the Outline of TDK

    by hegele

    He did the City of Angels sequel, which was meh, and although he did do quite a lot on Batman Begins, he wasn't nearly as involved in The Dark Knight.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:26:44 AM CST

    I LOVE Doomsday

    by angelopoulos

    Damn that movie was fun as hell. It knows it's bad and loves itself for it. Absolutely a blast.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:28:20 AM CST

    Was that a review?

    by masteryoda007

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:29:41 AM CST

    I'm not surprised

    by ptsdpete

    While the head-turning thing could potentially be quite sick imagery in it's own damn right, it doesn't impact too much within it's sequence or context; which is much of what I can say about the film and it's ' horror ', judging from the trailer. I don't think a lot of stuff don't get to that these days in mainstream cinema, either, with the ' NSFW ' ( adults get PG'ed too, now ?!? ), sanitized PG-13-fication and boring corporate flash. And certainly, useless acting people like an Odette Yusman don't help matters. They're not ' censoring ' things and stuff, and neither are they ' scandalized '. It's all within the rules. They just want to reduce you into the safe, non-threatening NOTHING. And push the dissenters out.
    How can you make real, affecting horror film in when you aren't even being allowed to genuinely TERRIFY?!? ( For ' fear ' of whatever - which is the damn POINT IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE !!! ) It's like a swath of ' 50's esque Comics Code ' atrocity felled over most cinema these days that made everybody toe the line and not provoke - a reaction of an always pathetic nature, I suppose, to a ' crisis ' or some other that was easy to miss. Someone screaming at fire that wasn't there, I suppose, and who probably didn't even exist. Did somebody kick a grandmother to merit this ? What the stupid damn hell fucking happened, that it's nature kids don't seek out R-rated stuff anymore ? I don't fucking get it.
    So, yeah very little wrenching horror, nowadays, from the looks of things. Except ' Midnight Meat Grinder '. THAT'S the disturbing stuff !
    ****
    Kids these days. Where they're at, so damn plastic.( I couldn't even barely tell any of those 90210 idiots apart from each other ! ) It's like ' blandety-blandy-bland-bland ' and that's all there is to them. BLAND. And they're ending up taking horror along with that shit. It gets even SHITTIER how that shit get to set the fucking standards ! And their music is WHAT again ? Fucking sakes.
    ( Stupid fucking shame ' The Dark Knight ' got shown in their time. Its merits would likely be lost on them today at the rate they're being made to be at. They're probably just gonna end up remembering the ' batpod ', or something. Fitting to point that out, I guess, ' coz this film is written by David Goyer. )

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:30:02 AM CST

    Doomsday is great!

    by masteryoda007

    Rona Mitras ass is the star of the show! In Blu-ray the gore is really ramped up. Re-watching this was fun.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:31:05 AM CST

    head turning 180 is scary, but kids are scarier

    by joker gordon levitt

    Kids scare the crap out of me.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:40:58 AM CST

    Sounds like this film was only missing.....

    by bobman46

    Dead wet kids with long hair.

    Oh and Doomsday was a HUGE turd by the way. It's only saving grace was that it made me want to watch 28 days later, braveheart,Mad Max 3 Beyond thunderdome, A knight's tale- but really smacked of some tv movie robin hood- and the road warrior - ALL of which- yes, even the tv movie robin hood- where way better that than pieced together abortion of a film. That woman in it needed to cheer up. A lack of facial movement does not make you cool and hard looking.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:41:26 AM CST

    Loved Blade 1 and 2, Both Bats, Dark City, even that retard movi

    by stormwatcher

    he did was pretty good. I don't think its fair to hate him outright and give all the credit to Nolan, I love me some Nolan but his Insomnia was Terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibbbbbbbblllllllllle. Original was amazing and I saw it years before thank you Criterion. Yeah, this looks like crap but I can't hate Goyer like some of you.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:45:55 AM CST

    "Funny how he looks a bit like Stanley Tucci"

    by geekgasm

    Wow, now that you mention it, he really does. How sad for him. In this day and age, there is nor eason for a man of any means at all not to have a full head of hair. Look at Jeremy Piven. That bitch knows how to hair it out.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:46:24 AM CST

    Obvious suckage from the commercials

    by mooly

    I knew this movie was shite the second I saw the trailer and every single monster...even a dog...had an upside down head. Clearly, "upside down head show" was a terrible title/idea so they went with The UNborn. That image with the old guy is pretty good, but is quickly ruined by putting it in every single commercial ALONG WITH a dozen other upside down headed creatures.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:57:48 AM CST

    doomsday bite that no one has mentioned

    by zom-bot.com

    how can you NOT also mention the obvious rip from Escape from new york in there? go in there and rescue someone from the forbidden zone before X time or you die and we act like you didn't exist?a better question would be, why were those people cannibals when there was SOOOOOOO much livestock out in the fields just inside the fence right by their city?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 10:59:42 AM CST

    zom-bot.com

    by bobman46

    Good call! Hate the fucker even more now

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:03:07 AM CST

    Dang all the black people?!

    by mrjonz72

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:05:10 AM CST

    by the way

    by bobman46

    The reason they might be cannibals is that it IS Glasgow - I LOVE the city but when they filmed there- they had to clean up bits of it to make it look apocalyptic. There's cannibals there right now! Great city though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:14:13 AM CST

    rhona was totally a female snake plissken

    by zom-bot.com

    former soldier of sorts on the bad side of the law....even down to having one eye. i appreciate the fact that the movie was homage after homage to all of my favorite movies of all time, but just once i'd like to hear them ADMIT that's all it was. i mean when rhona hit the brakes and the other two vehicles shot each other, i mean...come on now. road warrior OWNS that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:19:39 AM CST

    It's PG13. What did people expect?

    by thelastcleric

    The proliferation of bubblegum horror, largely inspired by the insipid Japanese horror trend, markets these weaksauce "horror" films to a 12-17 year old demographic that can see them without mommy and daddy. They are pussywhipped horror for the Jonas Brother demographic. Meanwhile, Midnight Meat Train, which was a decent, gory little flick, gets dumped in dollar theaters while shit like this gets a wide release and a sizeable ad budget.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:21:52 AM CST

    Here's my problem with THE UNBORN:

    by bob cryptonight

    They make that unborn little kid look all creepy and weird, BUT--why the hell is he wearing that dopey out fit AND WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET IT?? Everytime I see that trailer I start laughing. I mean, he's unborn, but yet he has the fashion sense to pick out some Amish looking black suit? How does he even know about clothes? But given that he needs to wear clothes for the film, why isn't he just dressed like a normal little kid? The movie makes it look like he went shopping at Creepy-Kids-R-Us...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:21:59 AM CST

    zom-bot

    by skimn

    Doomsday's opening is an entire homage/rip on Carpenter's EFNY, from the graphics explaining the situation, to the title font that Carpenter used for years, film after film.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:25:55 AM CST

    And I'm with Alonzo Mosely

    by skimn

    FAT IS FUNNY!!!!!! Hollywood has known that for years. Look no further than the classic Norbit.I'm wiping my eyes just thinking about it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:37:59 AM CST

    skimn

    by zom-bot.com

    damn, you're right- i felt it but didn't fully associate it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:50:51 AM CST

    I predict future religions will be built around Paul Blart...

    by alonzo mosely

    People will attend Mall on Sunday to worship, and all the Priests will be fat guys in mall cop outfits.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:51:55 AM CST

    Grammlin's? What is a Grammlin?

    by liljuniorbrown

    What happens when you feed a Grammlin after midnight? Was that a some kind of joke or do you really not know how to spell Gremlins? Either way it made me laugh.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 11:53:29 AM CST

    Gramlin

    by liljuniorbrown

    Just thought i'd put it out there again.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:10:46 PM CST

    Arrgh

    by chickendelicious

    What was that about this script seeming like a first draft? Seriously, Cenobite, proof read your reviews before you send them in. Reading this one gave me a headache.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:13:46 PM CST

    I wanted to like Doomsday

    by jackie boy

    and I went into it knowing it was one "homage" and ripoff after another. But it just seemed hollow to me. Someone above mention how Mitra's lack of expression was supposed to make her seem hard and shit; to me it just seemed like a lack of direction. We liked Snake because he was a badass and his 'don't give a fuck' attitude; Mitra just looked like she didn't give a fuck what was going on. DOOMSDAY was kind of like something Tarantino would make- elements from all his favorite movies of the genre blended into one badass smoothie of a picture. Only not that good. Tarantino gets deeper than just surface shit like eye patches and shit and that's what makes his pictures work. And that end car chase was weak. It was trying to ape The Road Warrior, which I respect, but The Road Warrior did it so much better almost thirty years ago now.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:15:16 PM CST

    Re: Blart as religion

    by skimn

    And the communion host will be delicious, delicious mini Mrs. Fields cookies..My God man, you're on to something.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:28:10 PM CST

    If the trailor LOOKS like crap, SMELLS like crap...

    by uberman

    then the movie is probably crap.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:32:01 PM CST

    And no press screenings prior to release?

    by skimn

    IT IS CRAP ...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:40:10 PM CST

    Isn't anyone bothered...

    by valmont12

    ...by the age of the "unborn" creepy kid? Based on the trailer, he's supposed to be Odette Yustman's unborn twin, so he should either be her age or be a fetus, right? Why is he a 10 yr old kid? I don't know--maybe it's explained in the movie or something. I'm guessing that the producers thought a preadolescent kid was scarier? Not as scary as a killer fetus haunting you, I bet...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 12:41:19 PM CST

    And speaking of Carpenter

    by skimn

    didn't he do a similar backward crabwalk person/creature in In The Mouths Of Madness?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:10:35 PM CST

    I'd take Doomsday over 9/10 films.

    by metrogenic

    If you don't like it, it wasn't made for you.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:24:24 PM CST

    It Sucked

    by gqsioux

    I was at the same screening, and I agree with the review word for word. It's shocking that Goyer's name is attached to this. There was only one cool sequence, and it's the chase seen featuring the mangled old man that you see in the trailer. That's about it. The rest was cliche, laughable, and plain bad.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:30:25 PM CST

    skimn

    by el borak

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:30:55 PM CST

    liljuniorbrown

    by yardape

    Gramlins are like Gremlins, but, Instead of the whole, "don't feed them after midnight or get them wet" thing. Legend says they must but Bathed, fed and put in their beds before 7:00 pm, If not they'll multiply and force the world to play shuffleboard and bingo for eternity.

    I shudder at the thought

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:31:57 PM CST

    gq

    by el borak

    what exactly is the pussy disease line?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:46:02 PM CST

    but Odette Yustman is hot in the film right?

    by joker gordon levitt

    Wonder Woman?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 1:57:19 PM CST

    Lost all possible credibility

    by subtlety

    When he/she/it called Doomsday a bad film. If that kind of perfectly crafted hysterical insanity doesn't at least impress, you don't know shit about genre movies.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:07:55 PM CST

    zom-bot.com Doomsday Cannibals

    by yomomma

    Why WOULDN'T you be a cannibal in those circumstances? Sweet, tasty long pork... The first thing any reasoning adult would do following the apocalypse is to join a cannibal gang. I'm just waiting for the economy to slump a little more, and I'm fixing girlscout fricassee. I loved doomsday BTW. All you movie geeks are so serious nowadays, you guys would HATE classics like Evil Dead 2 if they were released today. Unless they cast hot chicks. Speaking of which, are you guys all ten, or have you just not discovered porn yet?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:15:21 PM CST

    I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED

    by durhay

    that a horror film released in January would suck.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:16:02 PM CST

    I took Doomsday as a Homage

    by yomomma

    To all of my favorite 80's movies. I LOVED Road Warrior, Escape from NY, and Knightriders (not Knight's Tale you nitwit. Try watching something filmed before 1990), why wouldn't I love a mash up of those films starring a tough/hot protagonist in the same vein as Terminator or Aliens? You can't make an homage without referencing the films you are paying tribute to, that doesn't make it a bad or particularly unoriginal film. Or would you have preferred yet another bad remake? You haters are just dead inside.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:16:04 PM CST

    Do plants write in talkbacks

    by crazygnome

    After reading some of these, I would think yes.

    Here in the U.S., the economy is bad, and I don't have money to spend on crappy movies anymore. Sorry. The hot chick isn't going to do it anymore.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:25:46 PM CST

    Secret to Goyer's success?

    by van_line

    "Oh, David Goyer, why is everything such hit and miss with you? I want to like him, I really do! With such scripts like 'Batman Begins', 'Dark Knight', 'The Crow' and my favorite 'Dark City'."

    Batman has 50 years of comic books history behind it, can you really call it writing the script when you get to cherry pick the best parts? Same goes with the Crow, it was a successful comic book, again just take it and translate it to the screen.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:34:50 PM CST

    Doomsdaywillsitonyourface.gif

    by cenobite

    Maybe if I drink a six pack of Brawndo and some Taco Bell I will appreciate it?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:41:38 PM CST

    My 2 Cents on DOOMSDAY:

    by uberman

    It was, for this viewer, the single most horrible movie I saw all last year. Funny, as I loved ROAD WARRIOR. DOOMSDAY is to ROAD WARRIOR what THE BACKSTREET BOYS are to THE BEATLES.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:45:29 PM CST

    Brawndo.

    by yomomma

    Cannabis works better than The Thirst Mutilator. I would agree with the earlier post RE: Doomsday: Crappy fun, fun crap. Not everything needs to be The Shawshank Redemption to be enjoyed. Genre movies should be reviewed twice: Was it a GOOD movie? -and more importantly- Was it an AWESOME movie? Doomsday was not a "Good" movie, but I thought it was pretty awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:54:16 PM CST

    Yeah but is Odette Yustman

    by joker gordon levitt

    Wonder Woman?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:56:45 PM CST

    I should have put "Punisher:Warzone" instead of Doomsday

    by cenobite

    In all fairness. But I do love the weird love/hate that Doomsday brings out in people. ;)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:58:59 PM CST

    Goy vey

    by joker gordon levitt

    Say what you will, but the recent surge of comic films is a direct result of his work on Blade. Yes, Norrington's directing and Snipes performance made the film, but it was his script that took the comic character tot he real world.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 2:59:38 PM CST

    homages vs. ripoofs vs. genre

    by zom-bot.com

    i knew doomsday would take a few cues from my favorite science-action movies (yes, science action: like aliens, road warrior, etc. a bit more action than sci-fi, but more science than the typical action flick)...but when i watched and..boom...boom...boom...every major sequence or idea was taken part and parcel from my faves, without even much change...well, there is some point where homage just becomes 'it worked so well the first time, let's do it again'...i mean a couple nods are expected, but doomsday literally merged all those films into one without providing anything new other than accomplishing cherry-picking those elements and making a...somewhat....cohesive film.
    i liken doomsday to a 'mash-up' song made up of 5 or six songs you like. they mesh together surprisingly well, but in the end, you're just masturbating your nostalgia for the originals...and i'd rather have a movie marathon of the originals than watch doomsday any time soon. i liked it, i was just disappointed it brought nothing new to the apocalyptic table.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 3:19:05 PM CST

    Fuck it. Bring on the Nazi Zombies.

    by stuntcock mike

  • Jan 08, 2009 3:19:24 PM CST

    wait i'm wrong

    by zom-bot.com

    doomsday DID bring something new to the genre....the painful, pointless 10 minute 'concert' in cannibaltown before they ate the guy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 3:20:47 PM CST

    Doomsday

    by subtlety

    Yeah it may be derivative, but it has something that most wanna be films like it do not: execution. The eye for detail, performance, the camera, the spectacle, the details. Thats what makes a genre film go from stupid entertainment to something which leaves a mark. Doomsday may not offer much that no one has ever seen before, but it strikes just the right balance between seriousness and ridiculousness; in other words, it takes itself just seriously enough to do the job well and make you care, then it gets down to the business of having fun. It takes itself seriously enough to give the events some meaning (check out the unexpected deaths littering the film, the balls-out savagery of the cannibals, and the genuine horror of the disease-ridden population) but it also isn't afraid to break a severed head opened on the camera lens at the creshendo.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:47:34 PM CST

    Really?

    by zootrain

    A PG-13 rated horror flick looks fantastic? Really?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:59:07 PM CST

    I Dunnop

    by dennismm

    "yeah, in the first issue of Batman
    Batman also carried a piece. And Robin didn't come in till much later."


    Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939). On the cover he is called The Batman. Robin was introduced in Detective #38 (April 1940). The first issue of the comic titled Batman (Spring 1940) featured the Dynamic Duo swinging into action with a caption describing them as The Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder.


    The point of all this? Ace of Wands is right and you, having not bothered to do the smallest research before spouting off, are wrong and look foolish. Is Wikipedia not available where you're located? Google image search?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 4:59:39 PM CST

    Shit. Sorry, I Dunno. Typo there. Point remains valid.

    by dennismm

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:36:42 PM CST

    GEEK RAGE!

    by yomomma

  • Jan 08, 2009 5:42:05 PM CST

    I want to be one of the original 12 Paul Blart Apostles

    by chaddyd

    As long as Rhona Mitra is the Mother Mary. And I can bang her.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 6:17:11 PM CST

    Blartism lives!

    by darkman

  • Jan 08, 2009 6:57:00 PM CST

    CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS

    by bringingsexyback

    Odette Yustman makes this a must-see.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:07:16 PM CST

    Dark City and The Crow

    by thunderbolt ross

    Neither were Goyer's "vision". Dark City was Proyas all the way so Goyer was writing FOR him. The Crow was an adaptation, plus Proyas again. Plus it was pretty corny at times anyway.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:43:21 PM CST

    I saw Doomsday last night for the first time actually

    by chimpjnr

    I thought it wasn't bad. Not great by any means, and derivative beyond words, but wasn't that the whole point? I couldn't see much difference between the Glasgow of 2035 to today, but then I always have had a bad experience in Scotland. The scene where Sean Pertwee gets roasted and eaten was pretty hard-core for a cineplex movie though (it was Pertwee, right? I couldn't tell where all the characters introduced at the border went after a while, though I assume it didn't end well for any of them).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:43:45 PM CST

    This movie looks so bad...

    by fassbinder79

  • Jan 08, 2009 7:58:43 PM CST

    My fav. part in DOOMSDAY was the last car chase scene.

    by mike_d

    I was actually smiling with geeky giddyness.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 1:33:43 AM CST

    Unborn is aimed for one group and one group only

    by spectrebeeyatch

    Idiot teens. Mainly girls and boys who want boobs. They go to see a movie they can laugh at and scream at, but not too complicated because making them think will bother them while they are texting. Also someone else brought this up and I laughed out loud. Why is the unborn kid wearing a little suit? Shouldn't he be naked? You see that and literally you can hear the film makers saying "We really don't care about this". Horrible. Odette Yustman is beautiful and I would love an all nighter with her. But she can't pull me into this no way. Think I'll go see Milk again or FrostNixon... Or any other movie. Maybe I'll stay home and watch Doomsday.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 1:33:57 AM CST

    Ah, the co-writer of TDK writes a bad movie?

    by necgray

    And is anyone surprised? Oh, right, most of you love the shit out of TDK. Color me not surprised at all. TDK's weakness, the element that prevents it from being truly great and deserving of all the geek worship it gets, is the script. Small wonder.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 2:06:03 AM CST

    alonso

    by ironic_name

    answer me!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 3:29:39 AM CST

    What about The Dark Half by Stephen King...

    by wungolioth

    ...which this movie seems to have borrowed heavily from. Mr. King may want his lawyers to start talking to Mr. Goyer very soon.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 3:38:18 AM CST

    Shocked?

    by ironthorman

    Quite frankly Im a little curious as to why people continue to make the argument "but the trailer looks so good". What? Like there's never been a film with a tantalizing trailer that ended up being crap. And regardless of acting, writing directing etc. what about the stupid ass concept in and of itself. The ghost of an unborn twin haunting the twin that was born. That's just downright ricockulous even by crappy run-of-the-mill horror movie standards. If your smart this one gets a hard pass. There'll be a more satisfying horror experience along sooner or later, I choose to wait.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 11:24:57 AM CST

    Dark Knight was a STORY credit...he didn't write the screenplay.

    by knowthyself

    Which is why the dark knight script didn't have a horrible third act like Batman Begins did.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 11:56:50 AM CST

    Doomsday is sh*t!

    by filmfunk

    so this must be very, very, shit!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jan 09, 2009 5:45:22 PM CST

    Terrible review

    by robfrombackeast

    Missed the point - even if the film is shit.

    Reply to Talkback

User Login

Forgot password? Retrieve it here

or register as new user

Quick Talkback Form

Please login to post talkback