Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Now, the below review isn't a positive one, which doesn't make me happy because I think David Goyer's horror film looks fantastic. It's the only trailer that I've ever seen that has made not just one, but two different audiences scream when it played in a dark theater. I've never seen that in all my years of movie watching... it's that creepy old dude who turns his head upsidedown.

I hope I radically disagree with the Cenobite who wrote in with his/her/it's thoughts, but I won't be able to tell that until Friday since there has either been no screenings in Austin or none that I have been invited to.

Now here's Cenobite's opinion on the flick:

Hey, Harry... I just saw The Unborn at a press screening last night in Hollywood and wanted to send word to your dear, dear readers: Avoid this film.

Oh, David Goyer, why is everything such hit and miss with you? I want to like him, I really do! With such scripts like 'Batman Begins', 'Dark Knight', 'The Crow' and my favorite 'Dark City'. But his movie just sullys it all. Why make one original film when you can make a crappy generic combo of many better films? The Ring, Silent Hill, The Exocist, Jacob's Ladder, The Omen, Prince of Darkness, etc.. I have to say, it also had one of the worst lines I've heard in a long time. This quote was bad enough and so out of context that an audible gasp went through the audience. Nearly all the movie critics' heads popped up from their coma-like slumber like groundhogs on the prairie, choking on their popcorn and looking at each other like, "Did I just hear that right? Did she just say what I thought she would say?!" when the line was uttered:

"You must finish what was started in Auschwitz!"

Um, yah. I don't think that killing off the rest of the Jews was the intent of that line, but everyone definitely took it as such. Did anyone proofread this script? In fact it seemed the film that was shot was from the first draft. From the opening scene, I knew we were in trouble. We start the film apparently already deep in the story without any sunny, happy intro to explain the lead character... and already it's a dream sequence. This is followed by the first dialog of the film from Meagan Good to the main character being "crrray-zah" due to having a "pussy disease". Great. "Check, please!" The film unravels with the usual jump out and scare you tactics we've seen thousands of times. For example: you have a scene with a mirrored medicine cabinet in a bathroom making weird noises with the lone character going back and forth, opening it suddenly, walking away slowly, going back and opening, closing the mirror, we all know what's going to happen. It's either going to be: (a: Somehting scary suddenly appearing in the reflection that wasn't there before when the mirror is moved (b: something suddenly appearing inside the medicine cabinet when the mirror is opened or (c: Someone being behind her who wasn't there before... a monster or might just be a cop-out normal person. Oooh! I can't wait! Later, we have the typical wise character tell the audience all the necessary mumbo-jumbo that neatly set up everything for the audience (a la "Gramlins" feeding rules or "Candyman") then watch the said facts occur so we know exactly what's going to happen... and it eventually goes horribly, horribly wrong. I could go on about specific details, like a flashback to a Nazi concentration camp with a doctor obsessed with twins and turning brown eyes blue, but what little story is there might be ruined.

OK, was there anything good about this film? The lead Odette Yustman is hot, but we get a shower scene with no payoff (that occurs out of the freakin blue for some reason). There are a couple of nice makeup effects reminiscent of Silent Hill, The Thing or The Exocist. We have Gary Oldman (Why are you in this? Another house payment?) but even he couldn't save this film.

When the film finished, all I could think were 3 things: 1: How did the people get the money to shoot this stuff? 2: Why did Gary Oldman agree to be in this film and 3: All original ideas and creativity are completely dead in Hollywood. My friend and I were glad we did not pay money to see this one, in fact we were hoping we could get some money back for watching it. If being forced between watching 2 horrible films, I'd pick Doomsday to this one any day! Oh Mr. Goyer... why?

-CENOBITE