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Massawyrm's list of the 10 very worst films of the year!!!


Hola all. Massawyrm here. Alrighty. Here we go – one of my favorite columns of the year. The VERY WORST OF…list. I’ve tracked down every terrible movie I somehow missed this year, suffered through them over the weekend and now I feel fully prepared and justified in ripping apart some truly awful films. So for those of you unfamiliar with it, here’s my (brief) yearly preamble. Nothing pisses me off like reading yearly worst of lists. They’re usually a quickly crapped out, tossed off list of the movies that stuck in that particular reviewer’s craw. While they will spend days at a time perfecting the order of their top 10, little thought at all will go into a worst list. And what you get is a smattering of some of the very worst films mixed in with the occasionally mediocre, and sometimes very entertaining but un-critic-ly films that find them self undeservedly compared. Last year, a year which gave us BRATZ, DADDY DAY CARE, EPIC MOVIE and DRAGON WARS, Richard Roeper dared to call out the worst movie of year as HOSTEL 2. That’s like putting a misbehaving kid in a special ed class and calling him the stupidest creature in the room. It’s one thing to call a film “your most hated” or to refer to it as “the most irresponsible” or “worst personification of what talent can do”. But to compare them to the untalented hacks or uncaring check-takers or meddling studios or overblown egos that churned out these unwatchable misfires? That’s just not fair. SPEED RACER isn’t the worst film of the year. 10,000 BC isn’t the worst film of the year. These are. 10) IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE. Uwe Boll kicks off our list with the incredibly awesome ITNOTKADST (which when abbreviated sounds like something a five year old tries to tell you while dripping blood on the carpet from an open wound.) Now this isn’t awesome because it’s good, it’s awesome because it is bad. But in the best way possible. Normally Uwe makes movies that just plain suck. They’re not only bad – they’re boring. But not this. This movie is howlingly funny. Just try to sit through it without laughing. It’s awful – the rubber masks on the orclike creatures, the terrible combat scenes, the cheesy effects. It feels like the movie they play back to back during a Saturday matinee on television with THE BARBARIANS. If you grew up on 80’s drive-in fantasy films, then you know what this is. And you love it. Quint’s heterosexual life partner Kraken put this best: “It’s like having your favorite book retold to you by a severely retarded child.” And honestly, I can’t think of describing this any better than that. Get several friends and a case or two of beer and watch Jason Statham, John Rhy-Davies, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman, Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds and Claire Forlani all slum it like never before. Unspeakably terrific. Undeniably cheestastic. While one could argue that this might be worse than a few others on the list, it has something the others do not. Humor appeal. It’s so bad it is funny. The others aren’t. Now, onto the pain. 9) THE SPIRIT. Having just reviewed this here less thasn a week ago there is very little to add. It’s terrible, an epic misfire that you cannot fully understand until you’ve seen it. Easily the worst acting out of talented people you’ve seen all year, this film will go down in history as one of the most notable, unwatchable (with the sound on, at least) comic book movies ever made. 8) BABYLON AD (Theatrical cut.) Now, it is very important to note that what I’m writing about here is the theatrical cut of this film, which apparently no longer really exists. The DVD, which is released next week, has a radically altered ending which gives more explanation and removes a nonsensical final action sequence, and altogether plays better than the version I saw on the big screen. But that version existed, I saw it and I paid for the chance to do so. You can read my full review for this mess here, but the long and the short of it is that this is a classic example of an Interesting but flawed book adapted to the screen by someone with a very specific vision for a studio that simply wants a PG-13 action thriller without all the pretentious bullshit starring an actor who can’t catch a break and just wants to make cool fucking genre movies. It’s a mess. FOX neutered out what was good about the book - the fact that all the action sequences took place in a weird stream of conscious, metaphysical sort of way - and left in all the stupid “putting artificial intelligence in babies” horseshit and expected that in this day and age an audience would buy that a religion could legitimize itself with a simple VIRGIN BIRTH. In the age of science. Yeah. Even the DVD version has its issues. But it’s better than this version. The last act had me howling at moments, then covering my face at the sheer awfulness of others. 7) THE HAPPENING. Ouch. Just ouch. It’s never fun to watch the sheer delightful madness of a deranged man marching into oblivion. But here it is in all its glory. So spectacularly awful that it almost transcends language, this is the single worst big budget, big star, highly anticipated movie of the year. There’s one other big movie on the list, but it didn’t have the hype going into it that this did. The acting – terrible. The plot – terrible. The dialog. TERRIBLE. It’s like he wasn’t even trying. I almost want to believe that M. Night Shyamalan was TRYING to make a bad movie in order to imitate the bad movies of the 50’s he so wanted to evoke. But then he dared to call his film “The best B Movie ever made,” and removed all doubt that the man has lost his fucking mind. Ten years ago he was a complete unknown. Nine years ago he was the hottest writer/director in Hollywood. Today he is a joke. That’s the business. 6) WITLESS PROTECTION. Here’s a question: what do you get when you cross a Jenny McCarthy direct to video comedy with the annual comedy dungheap that is the Larry the Cable Guy blue collar release for the lowest common denominator? Answer: a cinematic black hole of charisma so dense that not a sliver of entertainment can escape its surface. By this point if I have to explain to you why a Larry the Cable Guy movie vacuums the fleas out of my nuthair, then you are reading the wrong site my friend. Put down the internet, go back into your trailer and please, for the love of God, if you drink around firearms, keep them pointed at all times only at yourself. Preferably somewhere near the temple area. Don’t hurt anyone else. 5) THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE. Quite possibly the single most self serving, self indulgent self involved piece of self promotion I have EVER seen, this film stands testament as to why heiresses should never be given the keys to the movie kingdom. 2008 may have been a shit year for the world, but if there’s one thing I’m proud of, it is that Paris Hilton had something newsworthy happen to her a few weeks ago (her home was broken into) and nobody cared. It didn’t make any of the news sites I read, friends didn’t blog about it. I heard about it as the third story in the 60 second entertainment news section on a radio while Christmas shopping. She’s gone. And this movie was the last holdover of her short-lived career. Paris plays, I swear on a stack of bibles, “The Hottest Girl in Los Angeles” (end quote) who is pursued by Joel David Moore who has been pining for her since the first grade (you know, when she’s not being pursued by an endless stream of stalkers and onlookers.) Unfortunately for him, she is guarded by ugliest best friend EVER (because of some bizarre movie law of physics that the hotness of one girl is directly proportional to the hideousness of her best friend.) Thus Paris’s alter ego is an undate-able monster that guys won’t even touch when drunk. The film effectively becomes TAMING OF THE SHREW except that Paris is just the McGuffin and Moore falls for the NOTTIE. It’s not just that the film isn’t funny. It’s not just that the film is lame. It’s the endless slow motion shots of Paris walking, jogging and flipping her hair, coupled with the constant adoration of her character topped off with the fact that when Paris is presented as a drunken, flatulent, marriage obsessed whore…she was only kidding and testing Moore to see if he really liked her for “who she is.” Ahem. Oh, and when he opts for her best friend she smiles, pats him on the back and says “Like I’m going to have trouble getting a date.” Classy. Way to make a movie about yourself. I won’t miss you. 4) THE LOVE GURU. Wow. Just wow. It’s hard to believe how far Mike Myers has fallen, but I try to describe it here. I laughed twice. Once at the outtake after the film and once unintentionally – when Jessica Alba caps off a series of nigh unwatchable Myers jokes with “You are SO FUNNY.” I about pissed myself at that one. This film may well have been the end of Myers career as a leading comedian. I guess he’ll just have to cry himself to sleep at night on that big pile of SHREK money. On the bright side, few people were really looking forward to this once they saw the trailer. 3) OVER HER DEAD BODY. To this day I believe the makers of this film possess a tape showing Paul Rudd teabagging a small boy in Thailand while he fingerbangs another’s delicate young asshole. There’s no other way to explain what the hell he is doing in this movie. I want to believe a chauffeured car pulled into a lot, Rudd stepped out and said “Where’s Will? Where’s Judd? We’re supposed to be making a movie,” only to then be told the sad, sad truth by a shadowy man seated behind a desk, stroking a cat while tapping a knowing finger atop a digital cassette every time Rudd began to struggle. This movie is entirely unwatchable. Eva Longoria plays the ghost of the bitchiest, most self-obsessed woman who has ever lived who now haunts a fake psychic who is slowly falling in love with Longoria’s ex-fiancé. You with me? It’s GHOST, if Patrick Swayze were a dick and Oda Mae Brown was making time with Demi Moore. Well, that and it sucked shit through a straw. I have no idea who thought Paul Rudd and Lake Bell would have chemistry together or that Eva Longoria would make a great comic foil. Or that Jason Biggs should be cast in anything. Ever again. But they have a tape. And they made this movie. And it was the very worst thing to play in theaters that wasn’t directed by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. 1 & 2) MEET THE SPARTANS/DISASTER MOVIE. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer. Rosencrantz. Guildenstern. Which one is which? I don’t fucking care. There isn’t an ounce of talent between these two chuckle monkeys nor a single redeeming quality to any of their films. They are cin-imitators. They are not actually filmmakers. They see something in one movie, then imitate it poorly and assume that this very act is funny. Their first crime against humanity this year was MEET THE SPARTANS, a film that not only name checked AICN, but mentioned every film made in the previous year. The biggest problem with that film, which I am more than a little brutal to here, is that the jokes were almost a year old by the time they got around to telling them in the film. In a youtube obsessed/“entertain me in under a minute or I’m clicking to the next video” world we now live in, parody is a daily occurrence. And if you’re going to parody something, it has to be done in an almost timeless manner (like SHAUN OF THE DEAD or HOT FUZZ.) Knowing that they are not Simon Pegg nor Edgar Wright, these two knuckleheads attempted to be ahead of the curve…by shooting a parody of films they haven’t even seen yet. This way, the jokes not only will be fresh, but lack any real context whatsoever. PERFECT. The result was the aptly named DISASTER MOVIE, which I briefly mentioned here. I keep waffling over which of these is worse than the other. On one hand, SPARTANS caused the most pollution to the collective unconscious and made these guys famous (for being tools.) But at least it parodied scenes from the films it was making fun of rather than just the trailers or characters. DISASTER MOVIE just had Batman show up and Indiana Jones as a black midget (forever proving wrong Quint’s theory of midgets and comedy. Not everything is funnier with a midget.) And not a lick of it made any sense. Then, after thinking hard about it for a couple of minutes, it dawned on me. Fuck these movies. Fuck these halfwit fucktard wannabes. This was their year. The year they came and went. And BOTH of these movies are the very worst things made this year. I painfully saw both in a theater and long every waking moment that I could take those precious hours back. These aren’t the movies they show on a loop in hell. These are the movies they show on a loop in a private screening room at the very fucking bottom of hell. Hitler is watching these right now and swearing up and down that even HE wouldn’t show these to a Jew. That’s how fucking bad these are. And that’s that. The very worst things of the year. I hope to god this is the closest any of you have come to any of these and wish you all the best in the coming year. Well most of you. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
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Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Happy 2009 AICN!

    by watch_the_world_burn

    Well, it is where I am, so fuck you!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Good one.

    by stlfilmwire

    A true worst list. I hate it when worst lists are filled just with big name turds.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST

    I'd go with that

    by stooopider

    All of them shit. Although I saw Tropic Thunder last night after waiting to download it on the PS3 in HD for 24 hours....not a bad movie but it had been built up so much I couldn't help but feel it was shit at the end of it all.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Legit list

    by mefrog

    Kind of inspired to make an effort to do my own "Worst" list. Right now, 10000 BC/Clone Wars/Tomb of the Dragon Emperor are the three worst films I've seen this year, but maybe I should go out of my way to see all these others. I'm soooo curious about Disaster Movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST

    It's the perfect list!

    by Carl XVI Gustaf

    Happy New Year!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    by Groothewarrior

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    I don't know...

    by wampa 1

    ...but it sure smells good!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Good list, but don't write off Shamalyan

    by dr sauch

    I mean, I'm NOT a Happening apologist, but every single other movie he has made are mind blowing in their own little way. He is an amazingly talented director and a pretty good writer. However, I think it was Massa who said, and I agree, that he should back off directing from his own scripts. Anyway, After spectacular movies like Signs, Lady in the Water, and the epically underrated Unbreakable, the guy should be given as many chances as he needs.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Again Massa swaggers with street cred...

    by conspiracy

    A Good list, and better, a list with reasons for the films being there. This is why Massa is the best reviewer on this site. That said I'd have still put Indy IV in there somewhere...when you get two guys like SS&GL together and the best they can come up with is a movie that is so bad it CREATED A NEW PHRASE THAT DEFINES BAD...well, you know it sucked.

  • A classy way to end 2008...

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Myers will revive his career with another Austin Powers film.

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    And yet another Shrek film. Everything will be back to almost normal for him.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    YEEESSSSSS....

    by UltimaRex

    Worst done right.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    I must admit, I always look at the WORST OF lists first!

    by Darth_Kaos

    They're funnier, and most are right on. I think, The Love Guru and The Happening should have been higher. I don't count those 'SPOOF MOVIES' as movies. anyway, another great WORST OF LIST Mass.<br><br> HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    hey a non half baked worst list

    by logicalnoise01

    with numbers and going in reverse? and not naming a mostly well received(by people who actually saw it)movie as number 1 over dredck by UWE boll and butt buddies who made the "movie" movies. Well done massa cool list.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Shamalyn owns you.

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    That is all.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    laughes my butt off

    by MurderMostFowl

    Great reviews, and so sadly so true. I wonder why on earth terrible movies get made like this when the technology bar has been lowered so much now days. I'd think that there'd me such an upsurge in independent films that a few more of them would bubble up and replace some of these idiotic movies. And yet... they don't.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    worst of the year lists are always the most fun

    by soup74

    thanks for taking time on yours, massa.. that was a great read.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    dr sauch.."About Lady in the Water"

    by conspiracy

    Horrible movie. I saw it on a 13hr flight in 2006...It was so bad that if it weren't for the fact that the in flight system also had Tetris to play, I'd have actually been praying for a 3 minute plunge from 38,000ft into the Pacific to end my misery.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST

    THANK YOU for not mentioning Speed Racer.

    by knowthyself

    THANK FUCKING YOU! Someone still has sense around here it seems.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    I like The Spirit but won't defend it

    by ZoeFan

    Like I'm defending Speed on another TB. I get why people despise The Spirit, yet I LOVE it. This WORST OF list is WAY more on the mark than another WORST OF on this site.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    I'm laughing Picturing Hitler

    by Crow3711

    In Hell, watching Disaster Movie, screaming that he wouldn't force it on a Jew. Now that's actually really funny.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    God I can't agree more with number 1!

    by theyreflockingthisway

    I always thought a parody worked best when it made fun of a genre and not an actual film. <br><br> I'm not a huge fan of Shaun of the Dead but it is an example of a spoof done in the right way. It's not a film that rips scenes from another film and plays them out in slightly differently. <br><br> The one that started it all was Scary Movie - which spoofed Scream, which was classed as a spoof of the horror genre itself! It's like making a spoof of Spaceballs or something! Idiots.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Sorry...The Happening

    by BackStJoe

    was in the top five BEST films of the year. For me, Shyamalan hit it out of the park yet again.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Bravo!

    by MrD

    At last someone takes a worst of list seriously. Thanks for all the hard work, Wyrm. No go get plastered and try to destroy the neural pathways that contain these memories.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Way to take the high road, Massa.

    by Darkman

    SPEED RACER was nowhere near the worst of the year. <br><br> Eat shit, Capone.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    I just had surgery

    by Maceox

    Hernia. And i think i ripped a couple of stitches with these to gems from massawrym: "Uwe Boll kicks off our list with the incredibly awesome ITNOTKADST (which when abbreviated sounds like something a five year old tries to tell you while dripping blood on the carpet from an open wound.)" and if that were not enough he follows with: “It’s like having your favorite book retold to you by a severely retarded child.” I am sending you my hopsital bill dude.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    How does Uwe Boll get such fairly big name actors?

    by I Dunno

    I mean we're not talking Tom Cruise or Angelina Jolie but the biggest name he should have ever gotten was Clint Howard in House of the Dead. And don't tell me money. I find it hard to believe that these B listers can't find work that pays as well that isn't as embarrassing. <p>*not going to mention Ben Kingsley in Blood Rayne because he has a long sad history of slumming it</p>

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    I Haven't Watched Any Of These

    by The Chalk Outline

    So I guess I really am lucky after all.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    IN THE NAME OF THE KING ... WHO CAST THIS MOVIE?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Ray Liotta in a fantasy medieval setting ... and fucking LeeLee Sobieski no less. Yeah, it was so bad I actually enjoyed it too. And I subjected my F-I-L to it for added enjoyment.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    i loved Speed Racer

    by kamar

    I'll never claim it ws a great movie but I loved it for all the same reasons I loved Flash Gordon in the 80s ... pretty ... colors ... i have to go take my meds now ... with a swig of Uncle Jemima's sour mash whiskey ...

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    I liked The Spirit more than Speed Racer...

    by DEX

    ... but that's not an endorsement. Massawyrm just punished The Spirit the way he claims Capone did with Speed Racer. Ah well, neither can be called a good movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    FUCK YES!!! THIS IS A LIST!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    You are shitting on every other reviewers lists right now. Shitting on them after eating 16 Nacho Supremes!!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    I saw The Spirit last night, what's with the hate?

    by Spandau Belly

    It's so deliberately hammy and purposefully dinky that it's hard to hate. All the reviews I read acted like Miller was trying to make a compelling serious superhero movie when it's pretty obvious he wanted to make a hokey goofy slapsticky Looney Tunes type affair. I had a pretty good time. It ain't great, it but all these reviews calling it the worst thing ever are totally off base.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Crystal Skull...

    by shartron

    is on my list because it was such a complete waste of our time. Talk about slumming it. That was this movie. They KNEW it was a goldmine and just threw a crap story with average effects up on the screen. And Speed Racer was junk. My kids had a hard time watching it. Great visuals but TERRIBLE acting. And way overlong. Expectations for these two films were very high and they both shit the bed.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    The Spirit

    by TheNorthlander

    The more I hear about this the more I have to see it.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Hitler isn't dead, he had a walk-on role in Valkyrie

    by nomihs

    Hitler would've played himself, but he didn't feel 'right' for the part. He was taking some time off from partying in Vegas with Elvis, who isn't dead either.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    so that's what first tastes like

    by watch_the_world_burn

    Kinda salty. In all seriousness, happy new year to one and all. Hope 2009 brings all you wished for and more. Begs the question why I'm posting on this board instead of going to bed...Good list, Massa - have to admit In The Name Of The King was a guilty pleasure, the mountain jump was hilarious!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    I think the reason I can rank Speed Racer...

    by jimmy_009

    ...as my worst movie is that I generally have a filter on what I will see whereas a lot of reviewers have to see everything. I won't go see Meet the Spartans. Ever. So I can't rank it as my worst because I won't see it. I had -some- hopes for Speed Racer so I rented it, was hugely let down and annoyed by it more than any other movie this year. I'm sure there were worse movies made this year, but I would never see them in the first place.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    I had chili for lunch.

    by Godovhellfire

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    BABYLON AD (director's cut)

    by palewook

    is far superior to the pos of shit Theatrical cut. which was a real turd in the 3rd act. how the studio fucked up this cut and refused to release the director's cut is a pure wtf moment. <p> Babylon AD Theatrical cut is definitely in the worse movies of 2008. <p> yet Babylon AD director's cut is a solid enough film to avoid being among the worst crap of 2008. the director's cut doesnt belong in the top 20 movies of 2008, however you could place it in the top 25-50 movies of 2008. <P> how did a studio manage to fuck this movie? someone should have been fired.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Paris is on holiday in Australia

    by MattInTheHat

    She should be exporting herself back to the US soon so you can catch up with what she has been up to. Apparently she went on a big shopping spree in Sydney and visited a few places for the new year. I think she bought a new dress. If you don't hear all about it write to your Senator or Congress and demand action from your local news agencies.

  • and have little resemblance to Will Eisner's The Spirit, I was ok with it. It is a goofy film and as far as I could tell it was intended to be just that. I would have preferred a Spirit movie to look less like a junior version of Sin City and more like a muted Dick Tracy, and would have preferred it to have a tone less like the 60's Batman show and more like Brick. But by the time I saw the film I had a pretty good idea what I was in for. I wouldn't put it on my top 10 but wouldn't put it on my bottom 10 either. It would probably be somewhere in the middle keeping Speed Racer company.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    can we nomiate Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

    by palewook

    for AiCN's biggest assholes of the year for 2008? <p> someone had to take the title from UWE, Bay, or rattner. <p> Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer clearly deserve the honor. who do these 2 have photoshop black mail images of anyplace? and what are they doing. how do can they possible continue to get funding unless..

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    MEET THE SPARTANS made 84 mill worldwide...

    by the beef

    and DISASTER MOVIE profited 14 mill. The joke was on us.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Who cares when AVATAR is fucking our eyeballs in 2009?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    nobody

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Thank you Massawyrm!

    by waggy

    I usually hate reading "worst of" lists for the exact reason you stated. It's almost always critics throwing the mediocre blockbusters they were forced to review onto a list and calling them "the worst movies of the year". Personally I hated Speed Racer, but I would totally agree that all 10 movies you named are worse than it. Thanks for calling out the true shit of 2008.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm:There's another Biggs/Longoria movie???

    by AshesOfDonnie

    I thought the worst these two made was Lower Learning. my gawd that was one of the worst, but your description for "dead body" makes that movie alot worse. for the rest of you, stay away from Lower Learning. Rob Cordry, Kyle Gass, Eva Longoria Ginobli Duncan Parker, Monica Potter..fucking waste of talent.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    It pains me to say it but I have to give Indy 4

    by I Dunno

    an honorable mention. It was by no means one of the worst films of the year but it sure was a disappointment after all the waiting and hype.<p>Raiders is my favorite movie of all time (well, tied with Jaws and the Star Wars trilogy. Original, huh?). I'm a Temple of Doom apologist but with Last Crusade it started getting silly. Not as in implausible events silly but the slapstick and goofy humor, which made me weary of Indy 4. I was right. I had my fingers crossed going in and when that Paramount logo dissolved into a dirt hill with CGI gophers, I literally said, "FUCK". First time I ever talked in a theater. <p>But the CGI shenanigans weren't even the worst part. It committed the worst crime imaginable. It was BORING. I still don't know who a couple of the characters are and...well no one cares what I think, I just had to express that. Indy 4 wins the Phantom Menace Award for biggest letdown, in a way making it worse than a lot of movies on that list. </p>

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:56 a.m. CST

    I nominate Ghost Rider.

    by Knuckleduster

    I know that was last year, but that movie was so bad that its stench has carried over into this year, and probably many more years to follow. <p> Oh, and Hitman. That was just embarrassing for all involved.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Hitman, I forgot about that

    by I Dunno

    That had so much potential, the stories in the games were so good (well as far as I got to them, I suck at video games), they could have had a nice little franchise. But of course they fucked it up. And totally mis-cast. I know Timmy Elephant or whatever is no spring chicken but he looked like a teenager. Statham was genetically engineered for that role. But even he couldn't have saved it.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Paul Rudd quote

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    "Paul Rudd teabagging a small boy in Thailand while he fingerbangs another’s delicate young asshole."<p>Just a LITTLE too much detail for comfort, there.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Thanks for going after the "Disaster Movie" guys

    by JacksParasites

    Even Bernie Maddof hasn't been quite that much of a blight on humanity as those fucktards. But this has really been an epic fail year for Jenny McCarthy. A crappy movie while proving to be more delusional than Tom Cruise. Then she brought Jim Carrey down with her. And now there's even websites devoted to criticizing her stupidity like stopjenny.com.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Why not Indy 4?

    by batzilla

    Now THAT was a HUGE piece of shit!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Masa you're not familiar with the DUFF principal?

    by Xiphos_2

    It states that all hot women have a Designated Ugly Fat Friend(DUFF) as thier wing girl. It makes them look even hotter to have a Duff next to them<p> The DUFF is what you have to pawn YOUR wingman off on inorder to get into the hot chicks box. God bless the wingmen, you take one for the team, you magnificent bastards.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:35 a.m. CST

    The Spirit...

    by ChocolateJesus

    Was a great fucking movie. Anyone who says it sucks is a conformist too busy staring up his own asshole to appreciate a very singular movie for what it presented itself as, and not what you think it should have been. I truly can't believe the amount of ire the Spirit is accumulating from people who supposedly like movies.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Good to see a few people on here that actually...

    by TiVo1138

    LIKE The Happening. <br><br> Our kind are few and far between.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    delicate young asshole

    by zom-bot.com

    yeah massa- it wouldn't have been so creepy if you hadn't used the word 'delicate'. kinda sounds like you let some feelings slip there, buddy.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Oh...

    by ChocolateJesus

    And as far as Eisner vs. Miller? I've read a handful of Spirit comics from the forties, and I found it to be a pretty goddamn good representation of the SPIRIT of those comics (chortle). The comics are really entertaining and likable, and have a really distinctive style to them, but I don't see what's so sacred about them. An obvious fan who is also an artist interpreted his (and yours, apparently) beloved comic into something genuinely new. Isn't that what we should be expecting from all adaptations? Guess what, you guys: Spider-man is garbage. If anything, you should be complaining that Ebony White isn't in it, and the Spirit (I think) wears socks. And that's fucking it.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Hating 'The Happening' is just a trend

    by superunknown85

    People just trying to be cool. A few years from now it'll be considered one of the better movies of the year.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    The Spirit is like a porno...

    by Alkeoholic77

    If you watch it because of the visual you are set, but if you expect a plot... well then that's your problem.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Speaking of teabagging

    by xevoid

    A bunch of us went to the Dickens faire here in San Francisco a few weeks back. Its kindof like a ren faire but with Christmas, Charles Dickens, and people dressed up in top hats and bad plaid pants. Lots of hot women though, believe it or not. <br><br>Anyway, one of my friends went as a Mr. Bagger, Chester Bagger. We introduced him as Chester T. Bagger. The ladies loved it. It was amusing.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    uwe malmsteen

    by j_difool

    any actual relation between uwe boll and yngwie (wing-wee) malmsteen? or is the naming purely a coincidence?

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Not much of a trend guy

    by drewlicious

    The Happening is something I will despise until the end of time. It was ridiculous, poorly written and acted, the score completely undermined everything the film was attempting, and unintentionally funny on so many levels. Plus it openly preached to the audience at the end which is sanctimonious it's like they were daring the audience to charge the screen. The earth is punishing us for our foolish ways. You know if you subsitute "God" for "earth" people would be calling you a religious zealot and Bill Maher would be making fun of you on a weekly basis. Instead you're a deep thinking environmentalist and Leonardo Dicaprio would gladly lick your asshole clean for your boldness. Oh, and The Day Earth Stood Still deserves a place in movie hell right next to it for the exact same reasons.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Worst Films Ever 2008

    by Conqueror Worm

    I nominate...</p> Saw V: Taxi for Jigsaw</p> X-Files: I want to believe (this shit)</p> Max (piss) Payne</p> The Day the Earth Stood in Shit</p> Incredible Hulk 2: Don't make me Ang Lee, you won't like it when I'm Ang Lee.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    superunknown85, are you high or just trolling?

    by I Dunno

    Why is it that any time someone likes a movie that everyone else hates, they accuse the haters of "trying to be cool"? If everyone hates a movie, critics and audiences alike, how does it make them simply trying to be cool? That doesn't make any fucking sense. <p>Next you're going to run the other cliche aimed at haters, "Why don't you go watch your (insert extra gay movie here) then?"</p><p>I had an open mind towards the film, despite the reviews. I don't mind Marky Mark and I love Zooey Daschaenaahnaal. Didn't help. Movie sucked. </p>

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Yay

    by Potch

    I'm just glad Twilight didn't make the "worst" list. :-)

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Hating Big Movies

    by tmanero

    Massa, I can admire your points about the critics hating big movies, but I think you kind of contradict yourself by including The Happening and The Spirit on your list - I know a lot of film lovers that can point to moments of talent on display on those films that I am sure is completely lacking from the latest Uwe Boll opus. I still have to disagree with you on the larger point. Now, I haven't seen Speed Racer yet, but I am very curious - I love the Wachowskis, even loved Matrix Reloaded. But sometimes it takes true talent to make a true disaster. I can remember AI and how so many absolutely hated that movie, myself included. Sure, Spielberg did some nifty stuff in that movie - the talent and money are truly on display. But the film is just a complete mess - that last act is just such a truly highly budgeted debacle that I doubt those two spoof guys could even make a parody of it, as badly. Same with Alexander - Oliver Stone is a great filmmaker, but wow, he really created an epic distaster with a level of badness that Uwe Boll just could not have pulled off. You might call it laziness on the part of some critics, but these types of bad films are the ones that you remember at the end of the year - that's why big films like Speed Racer and Happening will always end up on these types of lists. I mean, who the hell even paid to see that crappy dragon movie, let alone remember it just one month later?

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Spirit plot

    by ChocolateJesus

    Those seven page Spirit comics never had too much plot either. If you go into any movie "expecting" something that was never promised, you're setting the movie up for a fall in your own mind. All I ever expect is that a movie is interesting on some level, and then I see what's going on from there.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    I am so proud of the fact...

    by Continentalop

    ...That I did not see one of those movies. I would like to thank my discerning taste, and my ability to wait until a review or word of mouth before rushing out and seeing every movie. Thanks to guys like Massawyrm acting as reconnaissance, I have been able to avoid a lot of shit the last two years. Guys like you deserves medals. <p> I will nominate Meet the Spartans and The Love Guru as the two worst trailers of the year. The trailers alone made me want to punch the filmmakers.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    "It’s never fun to watch the sheer delightful madness of a deran

    by Alkeoholic77

    If that's not about M. Nyght Shamalamadingdong then nothing is.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:10 p.m. CST

    In that case, Chocolate Jesus

    by greyspecter

    they should have looked to the current incarnation by Darwyn Cooke. There's some actual story there.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Hating Big Movies versus Hating Small Movies

    by Continentalop

    I guess the closest comparison is the with sports teams. A bad Div. III college team is going to raise some ire in you, but not nearly as much anger or disappointment as a bunch of multi-million dollar pros playing in the big leagues. The disparity in talent, skill, resources and pay is what makes one more critical of the bigger movies. I can understand a kid dropping a pass to his hands, not a pro; I can understand a low-budget movie having bad acting or no plot, not a big studio movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Uh, it's Daddy Day Camp, Massawyrm...

    by FilmCritic3000

    Get your shitty, directed-by-Fred-Savage, Cuba Gooding Jr. career nadir unnecessary sequel that almost went direct-to-DVD's title correct, good sir.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Love the new Busted T girls!

    by Kentucky Colonel

    More Boobies!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    WUNDERBAR!!!

    by Alkeoholic77

    That was the article of the year.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Good list Massa.

    by Stalkeye

    As much as i couldn't watch the rest of Speed Racer, i don't think it's bad enough to make it in the top 10 list of POS movies.especially when there's competition like In the lame of the king,Saw V,Indy 4,Love Guru,DISSasster movie and especially Meet the Spartans.Worm, the Hulk remake wasn't as bad as i thought it would be,although Lee's version is still the best IMO.Punisher War Zone could have easily been on the list,save for the fact that it's better and more faithful to the Comic's canon than Jane's lame version.And just as violent and unapologetic as Rambo.<p>The Crappening and Max Payne-in-the-arse should have been the nail in the coffin for Marky Mark's acting career..however, he's used up 2 of his 9 lives.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Best best & worst lists

    by chewyou812

    from AICN are from Massawyrm. Nailed 'em both.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Worst songs of 2008

    by Stalkeye

    i kissed a girl, Spotlight,no Air and anything Britney Spears..Just for starters.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    What about Towelhead?

    by Powers Boothe

    That was pretty darn terrible.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Stalkeye

    by Conqueror Worm

    I agree, Ang Lee's version was superior, it didn't follow the usual shitty formula that this New Adventures of Hulk did, or Iron Man for that matter, but Downey Jr made that film cool, so all is forgiven.</p>

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    actually..

    by dengreg31

    Hostel 2 was not only the worst film of last year, but of the decade... What a hack..

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    The worst list is PERFECT

    by Trazadone

    You nailed it.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Hostel: Part 2

    by Conqueror Worm

    I thought it was alright, not as good as HOSTEL: Part 1, Roth should finish his trilogy.</p> F.A.C.T.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Capone is probably pissed you blasted Paris, Massa--

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    He thinks she lights up a room as soon as she enters.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Damn IT! You now made me WANT to rent

    by skimn

    In The Name Of The King. The cast looks like a VH1 Surreal Life set in middle ages.<p>Sorry, you had to sit through the "Hi, I'm Eva Longoria, someone cast me as lead in their moovie!!" For a much better Rudd experience, check the bargain bin for the fell-through-the-cracks, I Could Never Be Your Woman with Michelle Pfeiffer. Rudd is at his man-child best.<p>Glad to see the delusional pro-Happening crowd still exists.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    The Spirit kicked ass!

    by Speed Fricassee

    Fuck all you haters and naysayers. You too, Wyrm.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Notice that the staff member don't want to upset Speilberg

    by Darth Fart

    Indy 4 is one of the worst of the year, and you guys know it but you don't have the balls to say it. All the staff writers skirted Indy 4, didn't dare pummel it when it came out and won't do it now. :)

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Day The Earth Stood Still, Anyone?

    by SnarlingCur

    I didn't see any of the films on this list, thank God, but out of all the films I did see this year in the theater; The Day The Earth Stood Still is by far the worst. Just remember; if an alien invasion happens, and they want to destroy all the humans for being bad to the earth, just have a child cry in front of a tomb stone, and that will PROVE we can all change!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:55 p.m. CST

    "Paul Rudd teabagging a small boy"

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Classic, Massawyrm! Now, for the first time, I understand why Paul Rudd made this film. Good call.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    BackStJoe

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I hope that's a joke. The Happening? The five best films of the year? WTF? What drugs are you on, and I can have some?

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    right on

    by mcdowell_32000

    can't argue against any of these movies making your list. well done.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    GREAT Worst List...

    by KennyKilo

    I didn't see most of those movies except 'the Happening.' 'Hottie,' 'Body,' 'Witless,' 'King,' and (yes, you crazy fan boys) 'The Spirit' all looked terrible.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    superunknown85... The Happening

    by MattmanReturns

    You're no different than the few Dark Knight haters who claim it will be universally loathed in a few years. 99.9% of people hated The Happening, and those people aren't going to magically catch it on HBO in a few years and say, "You know what, I was wrong, this is a fucking masterpiece. I dunno why I didn't see it before. Shame on me, I better log on to Harry's talkbacks and confess my mistake."

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Re: Shyamalan

    by Bricktops hammer

    Lots of people keep saying that not liking The Happening is just a trend. Or people just wanna look cool by hating on it. I personally love Shyamalan's films. I even try to explain to people why, though flawed, Lady in the Water is a good little flick, but The Happening is just an unwatchable movie. No one in the film seems like a real person, some of the effects (lion cage scene) were terrible, and the ending is truly laughable. Shyamalan, as we knew him, is dead...that is all

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:25 p.m. CST

    I would like to officially ban *** just *** from all online crit

    by The Funketeer

    It's played out. Stop using it.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Did everyone forget about 10,000 B.C.?

    by jimmay

    Don't get me wrong, I can understand why you'd want to, but that movie was an utter failure. A big, loud, pointless, cliche ridden mess. It was actually worse than the happening. At least that was amusingly bad. 10,000 B.C. was just banal and completely empty.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:39 p.m. CST

    sorry

    by Bricktops hammer

    can't "just" ban a word...I like using it. Just get over yourself

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Hostel 2 wasn't just bad, it was fucking evil

    by I Dunno

    The homely girl strung up naked, whimpering while some other naked chick slices her up...I like horror as much as the next guy but if the much reviled term "torture porn" had a definition, it would be that.<p>Of course no one on this site would dare criticize anything by Harry's asshole buddy.</p>

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Massa...

    by landocolt45

    I can't believe you actually could make it though all of the Hottie and the Nottie. I wouldn't watch that movie if they PAID me to. UGH. And they should just stop making these parody movies, lately the actual movie that comes out seems like the parody (Day the Earth Stood Still)...

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    I was surprised by 10,000 B.C.

    by zinc_chameleon

    Not by its incredible scientific and historical inaccuracies, but by how hard they tried to give it a mythical quality. Sometimes it really worked, as when--straight of Edgar Cayce--they portrayed the Alanteans as technologically advanced, but morally decadent. And how they made the mammoth hunters seem like a believable tribe, with lots of rules and regulations about how to handle oneself. Finally, the giant birds were great! Near as I can tell, it was species phorusrhacids, which did exist at the end of the Ice Age. Someone should definitely use those critters in a better movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    An American Carol

    by kafka07

    should be on the list somewhere too.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Hostel 2

    by ZoeFan

    OUCH

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Myers beat a dead horse with AP3

    by Six Demon Bag

    he's done..all he has now is Shrek and that's flatlining quickly, regardless of 2 more sequels on the way

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:09 p.m. CST

    This is a first...

    by Six Demon Bag

    i'm proud to say i haven't seen any of these "films"..don't gotta lotta time on my hands and i gotta choose wisely with how i spend it...pat myself on the back. BTW Speed Racer is waaaay better than any of these i'm sure

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Why is Speed Racer not on this list????

    by TheBlackKnight

    Oh, that's right, it was a GOOD MOVIE.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Final Word(s) on Hostel: Part II

    by Conqueror Worm

    Writer/director Eli Roth uses colour, composition, camera movement and music to bring a terrible poetry to events: the camera swirling through a 180 as it reverse dollies, gliding back to reveal a victim hanging upside down, naked; or a pair of clients coasting into the factory’s forecourt in a limousine, the high-angled shot and a mournful folk song, ‘Synecku, Synecku’, passing heavenly judgement.</p> Any blood here is pumping straight to the brain. Hostel: Part II is astute and subversive, its wily sexual politics paving the way for a killer climax. Significantly raising his game, Eli Roth has crafted a sequel to die for.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Paris Hilton...

    by gavdiggity

    I'd like to add Repo: The Genetic Opera as a runner-up. <p> god, what a shitpile.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    greyspecter

    by ChocolateJesus

    No, they shouldn't have, because if they'd wanted to, they would have. I thought the non-existent plot was charming, just like the whole movie, just like the Spirit.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Yngwie VS Uwe...

    by Darth Macchio

    Yngwie (pronounced ING-vay) Malmsteen is Swedish and Dr. Uwe (pronounced DOOSH-bag) is German.<p>And my guess as to why he gets out of work B actors who may or may not have once been A list or possibly close to A list is due to Germany's laws of investors making money off of flops or something. Meaning, Boll has wads of cash that some of these folks haven't seen since they actually were B listers.<p>And even if Kingsly is slumming it up with the German Doctor, at least The Walken hasn't fallen so far. Yet.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Funniest thing about Sir. Ben Kingsley.....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....doing a Boll movie. I read in an interview that he turned down Geoffrey Rush's role in Munich for BloodRayne!! No fucking joke. He said he did it because he always wanted to play a vampire.<p>MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Thats the funniest thing I've read since Tony Snow died of cancer!! HAHAHAHAHA!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    I nominate Quantum of Solace

    by Continentalop

    I know some of you loved it, but to me it was a huge disappointment especially viewed against Casino Royale, and was such a badly made film it felt almost amateurish.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    NO FUCKIN WAY

    by Conqueror Worm

    If you thought Quantum of Solace should be on a 'Worst Of' list then you need to watch it again.</p> F.A.C.T.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Hitler is watching

    by TheCap

    What ... is that a reference to some sort of Socialist Santa Claus ? Sick b*astard. That is all.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Uwe's genius...

    by Massawyrm 1

    He answered this question at the Bloodrayne Q&A, much to Harry's, Quint's and my amusement. He's brilliant - and has chutzpuh to boot. He said "Vell, you see, most people, Zey send Ze script and offer like six months before Ze movie and maybe you like it, maybe you don't, but actors, Zey say I Vill vait and see if something comes along. Not me. I send Ze script and offer a three Veeks before Ze shoot, and then Zese actors, Zey Vant to Vork, so they take Ze check and are done before their next movie is done casting." The VERY NEXT QUESTION was "Uwe, why do your fight scenes suck so bad?" "Vell, you see, I only have about 3 Veeks to Vork Vith my actors before we shoot ze movie..."

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Conqueror Worm

    by Continentalop

    Quantum of Solace is on MY worst list. That can mean two things: either I have been lucky enough not to have seen that many bad movies this year; or else Quantum is an example of some very banal filmmaking and some of the poorest editing and character development in years. I will let others decide what is the case. <p> By the way, love your user name.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:33 p.m. CST

    QUANTUM OF SOLACE is like the gold plated cunt...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....of action films. <P> That opera scene alone was one of the best scenes of the year. I have no idea how anyone cannot love that fucking movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Continentalop

    by Powers Boothe

    Quantum of Solace on your worst list? Wow, that's almost as bonkers as Speed Racer on Capone's list.<p>Care to show us the rest of your list just so I can have a little perspective?

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Great list!

    by alienindisguise

    All the people involved with all these pieces of shit should never be allowed to work in film again...EVER!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Crazy backward German logic!

    by Conqueror Worm

    You've got to love that Uwe Boll. </p> Re: Continentalop......I'll accept your first answer, I will give you the fact that on first vidi Quantum seemed like bad-fit-inducing editing, but on second watch the film just seemed to flow smooth, uber-tight, tight as ducks arse in fact.</p> Cheers for the user_name compliment, Poe was a genius.</p> F.A.C.T.</p> (thats the last time im using that)

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Worst movie of the year for me was Indiana Jones KOTCS

    by Dapper Swindler

    Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans are supposed to be terrible movies for idiots. And they're not harming anything. But KOTCS had NO EXCUSE for being so awful. The disappointment factor for that movie was astounding. And it ruined one of the greatest franchises out there. No amount of complaining will ever be enough.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Totally agree Dapper Swindler

    by br1947

    you put it perfectly

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST

    sorry...the worst film was the last Mummy movie

    by Magic Rat

    the one with Jet Li. That crap was unwatchable about 1/4 of the way through.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Worst movie of the year: whiny fanboys

    by MattmanReturns

    who won't shuttup about Indy 4. Actually, that's going to be the worst movie of the next 20 years, probably.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    The Spirit makes me sad.

    by WickedChicken37

    Such high hopes.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:07 p.m. CST

    QoS was actually one of the best Bond films in years.

    by Stalkeye

    just that the main villian was a fucking bore compared to most of the previous Bond baddies.And I'm not 100% content with Craig as Bond, but he manages to convine me..somehow.Anyway, the coolest quote was near the very end of the film; "I never left".

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm Got It Right...

    by Fletch Gannon

    Speed Racer the worst this year? Don't think so...we were bookended with shit with Spartans and Disaster. Great list and good reviews!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Oh and then there's that Mummy 3 film seaking of which

    by Stalkeye

    I watched only 25 mintes of this shit only to eject the BD disc from my S3 and ship i bak to Netflix.3rd time was never a charm.<p>My Wife hated towelhead as it was a bit disturbing and ontroversial.Arron "Two Face" Eckart banging a 14 year girl does not make for that average "family-friendly" flick.It's further proof that (Director/Writer)Alan Ball is nucking Futs! True Blood is a great series however.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:18 p.m. CST

    AWESOME

    by The Aquarian 1

    I love Massawyrm. Take over this place, you're still true. Keep it up. Yours, THE AQUARIAN 1

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    INDY 4

    by The Aquarian 1

    Sneak this in next year.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    The Day the Earth Stood Still was the worst for me!

    by HellKing

    I'll have to say I didn't go see that many movies this year so I know there are plenty more out there. Aliens would not think like left wing hippie nutjob humans so Hollywood stop transferring your beliefs to species beyond the Earth now. If humanity is destroyed because of human activity, that's the Earth saying f*ck-off humans. The Earth is not crying for the help of human beings.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    As requested by Powers Booth, my Worst List...

    by Continentalop

    Like I said earlier, I have been fortunate enough not to see that many bad movies this year (I will admit I wait until reviews or word of mouth before seeing most movies) and when I do see something bad, it usually because I went to a free screening (of course, losing hours of your life means it is no longer free). Having said that, in no particular order, are the movies I liked the least this year: <P> Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull <p> Quantum of Solace <P> Four Christmases <P> Cloverfield (I will be honest, I was just disappointed) <P> Miracle of St. Anna <P> Righteous Kill <P> The Eye <P> The Happening <P> Semi-Pro. <P> Halloween (this is probably my number one pick for worst film of the year)<P> So with this as reference, you can decide if Quantum of Solace deserves to be on this list or not.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    20 Years won't be long enough

    by Dapper Swindler

    To fully whine about KOTCS. Perhaps some kind of memorial should be erected so we can all remember this tragic and shameful moment of humanity.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Where's THE DARK KNIGHT?

    by brokentusk

    Now there was some awful shit! <p> Just kidding, please don't murder me. <p> I guess I now have no choice but to get drunk with my mates and watch IN THE NAME OF THE KING next week at our movie night. <p> HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Didn't live up to the hype VS Worst of the year

    by Conqueror Worm

    I didn't think Indy 4 lived up to its hype, years of waiting around led to a mildly entertaining film, not memerable at all.</p> That's the thing see, for a film to make BEST or WORST lists surely they have to make an impression when you leave that theatre.</P> Indy 4 just 'was', as soon as it was over it left your mind, entertaining, nothing offensive, instantly forgetable.</P> But not WORST of the year.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:14 p.m. CST

    Feast 2: Worst Movie of the Year

    by TylerDurden3395

    The scene where the baby gets thrown down on the pavement is more reprehensible than anything in Hostel 2.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Stalkeye=wrong

    by RockMSockM

    QoS was dreary and forgettable. Sure, there were memorable moments, but Craig's one-note performance wears on you. All it was was Licence to Kill with Jason Bourne in the lead. And I am proud to say I liked Licence to Kill better. Here's hoping they'll make a BOND movie next time around.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Babylon A.D. was the worst for me

    by the milf lover

    Saw it in theatre and couldnt believe how fucking wretched the whole thing was. So bad that I dont even want to take a chance on the Director's Cut, no matter how much better it is supposed to be.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Haven't seen The Happening.......

    by archer1949

    I saw a five minute clip and the dialog was so bad that my teeth were sore from the involuntary grinding. I will check out the Dungeon Siege thing for the cast, if nothing else.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Wow some of you guys are...

    by andrew coleman

    Pussies."Towelhead not your average family friendly movie" REALLY? No shit ass hole unless you were trying to be funny you are an idiot. And the list isn't "Sickest movie" of the year it's worst movie of the year. So mentioning the gross scenes really adds nothing. But I say Name of the King is one of my favorites because of the good laughs. Good drinking movie too. Babylon A.D. was really horrible but I might rent the director cut to see what was changed. So those of you saying Solace is one of the worst, you're fucking idiots. You might have been sad Moneypenny wasn't in it but that doesn't make it the worst.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 8:35 p.m. CST

    No, the Happening sucked big time. It was awful, but....

    by dr sauch

    The rest of Shaymalan's work is flawless.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Role Models

    by mojoman69

    ate a lot of dick too, I guess Paul Rudd has a death wish for his career.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:12 p.m. CST

    shaymalan?

    by mojoman69

    aside from sixth sense and unbreakable everything else he has done has eaten major dingleberries!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 9:17 p.m. CST

    Friedberg and Seltzer dont make movies

    by bacci40

    they make extended youtube parody films....its true...biggest con artists in hollywood...bigger than the ratt...and thats saying alot

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:27 p.m. CST

    hate to say it but paris hilton

    by Potatino

    made front page news here in melbourne because she umm went on a shopping spree.. damn the herald sun sucks

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:40 p.m. CST

    forgot to add Terminator 2

    by Prossor

    it's from 1991 but its cheddar cheese stench kind of wafts over into this decade too... i mean compared to the previous Terminator. just sayins all.

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 10:44 p.m. CST

    The Happening

    by Chief Joseph

    I passed on a free showing. Thanks for helping me keep two hours of my life, guys!

  • Dec. 31, 2008, 11:36 p.m. CST

    I AM GOING TO SEE VALKYRIE, SPIRIT, LOVE GURU AND THE ROOM THIS

    by reflecto

    PRAY FOR ME

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 12:02 a.m. CST

    I liked Hitman

    by allykatD

    I stayed away from it in the theaters because of the bad reviews. I put it on my netflix list and ended up loving it. Of course I was sitting in my comfy living room with an entire bottle of wine to myself, but I rewatched it the next day and still liked it. Hitman was a nice piece of moviemaking. Not great. Not brilliant. But definitely entertaining.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Can we make an exception and get T2 ON THE WORST FILMS OF 08?!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Its that bad it should be on the worst films of the year list, every year for the next 45 years.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 12:31 a.m. CST

    spectrebeeyatch

    by Stalkeye

    yes asshole I was being a bit sarcastic when mentioning Towelhead as not being 'famly friendly" it was tasteless and typical of Alan Ball to ignite controversy. Ergo, I deemed it one of the worst Movies of 2008 be it sick or just plain bad.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 12:37 a.m. CST

    RockMSockM

    by Stalkeye

    i digress, IMO QoS as much better than License to Kill. And like i mentioned earlier, I'm not realy sold on Craig being Bond, but the action and fight scenes without relying heavily on gadgets (Q takes a holiday I guess.)made this a ardcore actioner even if it resembles a Burne flick. That's just my opinion however I resect your rght to disagree.<p>Happy New Year fuckers! Time to nurse my hangover.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 1:35 a.m. CST

    You are spot-on about ITNOTKADST, Massa

    by Rocco Curioso

    Great list overall BTW, but *that* movie deserves extra flogging. About 2 monhs ago, I dropped by my friend Matt's house (he's twice the movie geek I am).<P>"Whatcha doin', bud?"... "Watchin' a movie... come on in". He was about 15 minutes into it.<P>After a further half-hour's viewing, I turned to him with this "WTF, dude?" expression, to which he instantly replied "It's like the tractor beam Uwe Boll never created, but wished he had. You are powerless to resist... powwwwwerleeeess" (on the last word, he waved his hand in some half-assed Jedi Mind Trick gesture).<P>I trusted him enough not to bail, but the surreal factor shot up into the stratosphere whenever Burt Reynolds showed up. Mind you, this wasn't "Late Model Boogie Nights Charisma" Burt... it was "Bored As Fuck What Was I Thinking When I Signed Up For This?" Burt. Instead of taking me out of the movie, his listlessness only drew me in more. Amazing.<P>Suffice to say, I now have my friend Matt on retainer as Official Lameass Movie Consultant.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 1:46 a.m. CST

    You missed a couple...

    by Philvis

    I can't believe you didn't include Don't Mess with the Zohan. That is one of those movies where at the end you just think, "did that really happen...did I really just watch that?" I also got duped into watching that Mama Mia movie last night with the wife. I told her at the end of it that she owes me one and a half hours of my life back that was so bad. I rarely find a movie that I hate...these two I hated.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 4:25 a.m. CST

    too easy picks

    by quintana007

    i could point them out without seeing em. In most cases i did actually. How about real failure on a higher level, that matters?

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 4:52 a.m. CST

    Worst movie lists are a joke.

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    Instead of listing what are actually the worst movies, you list higher profile movies you disliked that'll get a reaction. The Spirit is damn awesome. Hell, I'm sure there are ten worse movies this year than Dungeon Siege. C'mon now.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 2:26 p.m. CST

    Regarding SPEED RACER as 'Worst Of' potential.

    by Orbots Commander

    Look, I didn't like the movie at all. I thought it was dull, the story was all over the place, and it was just plain overall...wierd. But you know what, I won't call it a 'Worst Of..' movie because at least SPEED RACER had ambition and it failed, but it failed in an interesting way. The Wachowskis made an interesting failure (that could have been remedied by better writing). I doubt this lands them in a figurative 'director's jail'. If anything, they'll see where they went wrong and make a spectacular next film.

  • In the final tally it should count. It had a budget of $20 million. At that price it is playing in the big leagues and should be held to the same standards as everything else. <p>And yes, it is harmful. Every time crap like this makes money it give credence to the notion that a movie does not have to be good, as long as it gets a good opening weekend. That means spending more money on marketing than on making the film, and making sure it comes in at exactly 90 minutes in order to fit in as many showings in the weekend before word-of-mouth can put off the ignorant masses. Also the reason why they are not screened for critics - no bad reviews in the mainstream media is as good as a positive one. Also, with few mainstream media critics seeing the film it won't appear on their "Worst of" lists at the end of the year which makes it easier to justify doing it all again next year. There's no incentive to make a good movie because it seems, as long as the movie is made, it will make money.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 6:33 p.m. CST

    no mention of Prom Night remake?

    by castaway

    I was able to see the shitpile remake of prom night for free with a group of friends and we all wanted our money back even though we had not paid a dime to see it. I actually thought that Disaster Movie was better than Prom Night, it at least succeeded at attempting to be a spoof it just was not a good one. The Prom Night remake was so fucking inept, that it should not be ignored for bad badness (in saying that it was not even good in a really B-rated bad kinda way). I just saw Monsturd recently and laughed my ass off because it was at least funny in spots.

  • Jan. 1, 2009, 8:06 p.m. CST

    Really Massa,

    by Roketopunch

    You without a doubt should have squeezed in A Miracle At St. Anna. You will all realize it when your soul and mental palate is marinated and broiled in feces as you watch this schlock.

  • Jan. 2, 2009, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Note to M. Night

    by VoldemortWearsPrada

    Your comments about your own genius add greatly to perceptions that your talent is being teabagged by your ego. Best to keep your mouth shut in future.

  • Jan. 2, 2009, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Football spiking a baby? That's not awesome?

    by Darth Macchio

    Well...if it just makes a splat sound and you end up getting your shoes ruined, OK. That's not fun for anyone. But if said baby spikes up and takes four or five bounces? Shit, that's fun for everyone and imagine the stories the baby will have later on?

  • Jan. 2, 2009, 10:20 a.m. CST

    You missed a few but I can agree...

    by JustyHakubi

    I personally liked The Happening. Yes it was a cornball plot, but it was different. I would have included The Day The Earth Stood Still on this list based on the known fact that little kids usually ruin good movies...Wesley Crusher... Phantom Menace for examples.

  • Jan. 2, 2009, 12:57 p.m. CST

    10,000 BC : i'd put it up there.

    by BMacSmith

    it really was unwatchable.

  • Jan. 2, 2009, 1:13 p.m. CST

    X-Files 2...

    by robert.thekilled

    Massawyrm...!?!?

  • Jan. 3, 2009, 1:03 a.m. CST

    Indy 4 is just fine! So stop with the crackbaby BS

    by Yelnick McWaWa

    Give me a Nell Carter-sized break! Speed Racer does exactly what you blast Indy 4 so, please stop the insanity. Indy 4 is what it is and no way in hell is it the worst of any year! Not when Brenden Frazer proved he's a fucking goon when it comes to action flicks and was the worst part of Mummy 3, the worst in a pretty bad endeavor. You retards do know that South Park was making fun of the idiots who acted like Indy 4 jumped off the screen and buggered them bloody. Its true, they were making fun of the crybaby, basement-dwelling, nitpicky assholes who suck the life out of flicks like this and have selective memories and can't get over nuke the fridge, yet a 1200 year-old walking/talking knight is just fine or a guy reamins alive watching his heart removed from his chest. Get some fucking perspective, get off the hate train, think for yourselves for once and realize, its your idiotic expectations that are ruining movies for you. Indy 4 was and still is tons of fun and looks phenomenal on Blu-ray!!!!! Speed Racer is definitely the worst of the summer by far.

  • Jan. 3, 2009, 7:02 a.m. CST

    Sorry Yelnick...

    by ScottinDC

    ...but I have to respectfully disagree. Indy 4 was an EPIC fail. It was a misfire of biblical proportions that left an overwhelming majority of fans cold. And South Park was teasing two things: they were mocking the fans over-the-top reaction a la "lucas raped my childhood' which was annoying hyperbole BUT they were also mocking the damage the Directors had done to their own franchises. KOTCS was simply god-awful and deserves most of the criticism it's received. As for my contribution, I would also add I Am Legend to any 'worst of' movie list...for anyone who's read the book, this movie was a plodding failed attempt and boasted the worst CGI I've seen in a film since the old clay statues in the Sinbad films. People have not screamed loudly enough about this film's many failures.

  • Jan. 3, 2009, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Avatar?

    by The StarWolf

    Characters are too young for my tastes and "Air Bender"??? What the heck kind of title is that? Yeah, I know. He 'bends' the elements to his will. Why not "Air Master"? Or "Air Elemental"? Think about a comic book super hero called "Air Bender" and he'd be laughed off the street with a name like that.

  • Jan. 3, 2009, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Her 'career'?

    by The StarWolf

    "And this movie was the last holdover of her short-lived career." We can but hope, although I'd have said "her already far too long career".

  • Jan. 3, 2009, 1:14 p.m. CST

    Dragon War

    by The StarWolf

    I'm glad to say I haven't bothered to see any of this year's 'worst', though I did see DARK KNIGHT and it was pretty poor as Batman movies go (great Joker movie, pity they forgot to include Batman). But I did buy last year's DRAGON WARS in a remaindered bin ($6?) and, yes, the first third or so made my friends and I think it had been produced to make the awful DUNGEONS & DRAGONS film look good in comparison. The second third was worse still. But then came the last third, when the dragon came out to play, and the National Guard came out with heavy tanks and attack choppers and war broke out between them and the orcs/demons in downtown L.A.(?) and that made up for a lot. That part was great fun and definitely saved the film from being a 'worst'.

  • Jan. 4, 2009, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Hmm... interesting.

    by cgh123

    "They see something in one movie, then imitate it poorly and assume that this very act is funny." This is exactly what I think about "Family Guy", but people seem to love that show.

  • Jan. 4, 2009, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer deserve to die horrible deaths

    by The Amazing G

    and they deserve to burn in hell after wards, I am DEAD serious