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AICN COMICS SHOOT THE MESSENGER: The @$$Hole X-M@$$ List! + Previews: ROBIN, VINCENT PRICE, NIGHT PROJECTIONIST, & HELLBLAZER!!!
What’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER?
Well, AICN COMICS: SHOOT THE MESSENGER is your weekly one stop shop for comic book news that’s dropped in the previous week. Thanks to Newsarama, CBR, Wizard, etc. for reporting it as it breaks. Click on the links for the original stories. This column cuts the crap to run down all the vital information for those of you who don’t follow it as it comes in, and serves it all up with that special ingredient of @$$y goodness. It’s also the place for interviews, previews, and special reports.
Hey folks, Ambush Bug here. Before we break out the eggnog and start with our X-M@$$ list, let’s take a look at a few sneak peeks coming out this holiday season.
First up is ROBIN #181. This comic has been smoldering under the radar for a while. After Dixon left the book, it fell into the capable hands of Fabian Nicieza who is amping up the action and angst for the Boy Wonder. Check out this 5 page preview.
ROBIN’s been surprisingly good under the writing talents of Fabian Nicieza. Be sure to check out the friggin’ anarchy this Wednesday.
THE NIGHT PROJECTIONIST is the latest book released by Studio 407, a publishing company who have been putting out some quality horror stories for a while now. Check out this gothic nightmare of a story in this 8 page preview.
I love the art on this book. Very reminiscent of Tom Mandrake. Check out THE NIGHT PROJECTIONIST #1, coming soon from Studio 407.
Wednesday is a very special day for Vertigo fans. HELLBLAZER reaches it’s 250th issue--the first Vertigo comic to do so. The book is written and drawn by some of your favorite Vertigo creators. Check out this extra special preview which features the first page of each story.
Check out this Vertigo milestone on Wednesday!
Finally, we creep into the crypt for another spooky tale from Bluewater’s VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS. Issue #4 is a Poe-esque cautionary tale featuring Mr. Price playing a Bluebeard character. Don’t read this issue with the lights out. Well, you wouldn’t be able to read it with the lights out, but you know what I mean…
Find out the rest of this creepy tale when VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS #4 hits the stands this week.
AICN COMICS: Ye Olde Christm@$$ Wish List
Thank you, Father Christmas. You got me just what I wanted most: the gift of not being digested by a bear.
-- Stephen Colbert: A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!The Holidaze are almost upon us, which means if you’re anything like these @$$holes, you haven’t even started shopping for presents yet. Thankfully (or, depending on your point of view, unfortunately,) the various contributors to AICN’s Comic Book division have rattled off a list of all the best swag to give to the comics fiend on your list.
We’re all on your list, right?
A Stones Throw Shopping Guide
BottleImp’s Bag of Goodies
Ryan McLelland’s LIST O' WHATIWANT
So instead of listing some things that are cool to get this holiday season I'm going to list three things I WANT - and are still cool for the season. This way if you go out and get one - get two and SEND ME ONE!Vroom SockoSees You When You’re Sleeping…
And now, a poetic interlude…
The Night Before Crisis,
or A Few Reasons I Can’t Think of A Single Comic Book From This Past Year to Recommend for Christmas
By Prof. Challenger (with apologies to Clement Moore)
‘Twas the night before CRISIS
When all through the multiverse
Dan Didio’s hand reached for your purse.
The lies were all spun by marketing with care,
In hopes that great profit soon would be there.
The middle-aged knuckle-draggers were hunkered in front of their Dells.
Watching nude visions of Power Girl with strategically placed bells.
And wife with her eyerolling and I with my cash
Had just settled down for a continuity bash.
When right out of the gate confusion set in,
I ran to the computer to see what was the matter.
Away to the internet I flew like the Flash,
First Lying in the Gutters, and then headquarters of @$$.
The distraction of the breasts of the pop-up ad girl
Just fed into the problem of my own A.D.D….now where was I?
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an insulting and increasingly late series by one insane writer and a round of beer,
With a bald, mustachioed EIC, so power drunk and so sick;
I knew in a moment he might be a dick.
More vapid than Britney his cogs they came.
And he meddled and dangled cash while he called them by name;
“Now, Morrison! Now Ross! Now Robinson and Johns! Move On, Dixon! Move on Kitson! Move On, Shooter and Waid!
You first four stay here and do what I want, by gosh!
But, dash away dammit! You last four get lost!
Like a La Brea mammoth in the tarpit sinking,
Or course J.G. couldn’t meet deadlines, what the hell was he thinking?
So out to the stores the increasingly late sack of monkeyshit flew
With tie-ins galore and R.I.P. too.
And what the hell’s up with that Japanese team?
Kirby’s Fourth World replaced by a bad dream?
As they drew a head,
With a mohawk and pinched expression,
Downward I spiraled into utter depression.
And then the finale of R.I.P. was just a ploy not funny
With an ending yet to come,
I wondered just how big of dumbasses us fans have become,
To support such blatant manipulation with our hard earned money.
Wait for the trade
Had once been the mantra you see,
But now even that format
Can deliver a complete story.
Didio’s eyes how they twinkled! His moustache so hairy!
His beer glass half empty, his nose like a cherry.
His droll little mouth could speak out of both sides at once,
And present an illusion of planning but every friggin’ time punts.
FINAL CRISIS ties in to R.I.P. which leads into
BLACKEST NIGHT which springboards into SECRET ORIGIN which prompts a BATTLE FOR THE COWL.
FOURTH WORLD begets FIFTH WORLD which returns to the THIRD WORLD and into the DREAM WORLD and infringes upon DISNEY WORLD,
It’s amazing what peyote can do.
He spoke many words, but contradicted himself always because it’s his work,
And filled all the press releases with half-truths and lies revealing himself to be a jerk.
So flipping his middle finger to us, he gave a nod
And somehow held on to his job.
He sprang back to the bar and called together his team,
And they planned and they plotted the next money-making scheme.
But I heard him exclaim as he stumbled into the night,
“FINAL CRISIS was just a precursor to more and if you don’t like it you can just SUCK IT!”Humphrey Lee’s Alcohol Addled Shopping Spree
Jinxo’s Jigger of Gifts:
superhero’s Supergifts
Optimous Douche Checks it Twice
The first two Very Special Douchey Christmas Comic Book List items come straight from you, the TalkBackers. For every post that merely slams our reviews, tastes, mothers and sexual orientation, there are other posts that expand the dialogue and offer up some choice titles that might be of interest. Thank You TB for the following stocking stuffer ideas.Deck the Walls I’m generally a word guy when it comes to comics, but there are three artists that make me stand back and simply stare at the beauty and/or mad genius they put on a canvas. In no particular order may I present the works of James Jean, Alex Ross and Frank Quitely that I would be proud to hand in my man cave.
Now, for anyone not rolling around in millions of dollars may I present the more attainable way to obtain Ross’ work in giant size. Go to Amazon and type in Alex Ross POSTERS.
What Ambush Bug would have gotten this year if he hadn’t been so damn naughty…
Since they haven’t invented the Universal Translator yet so I can understand the writings of Grant Morrison a little better, I guess I’ll have to settle for these picks.From all of us, to all of you… Buy some crap to stimulate the economy.
Oh, and enjoy the season.
What comic book related stuff is on your X-M@$$ List this year?
Readers Talkback
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First?
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never been first before....yeeeeaaahhh!!!!!!!
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the worst are the apologists defending JG Jones' art. One dude on the CBR forums called dotdotdot, said that there is no other artist who could have done Final Crisis, not even JH Williams III, David Aja or Phil Jimenez. Is that is the dumb thought of the year? Possibly.
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WORD.
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That's basically why I'm off (new) comics again. Let me know when Alan Moore re-starts the ABC line.
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Dagger has possibly one of the sluttiest outfits in comic books. Gotta love it!
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Not counting Vampirella or Lady Death, but who gives a shit about them...
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The most enjoyable critical writing I've encountered in maybe forever. Try to read that book and keep yourself from checking out at least one of Seagal's DTV oddities-- it's difficult. Optimus, I also quit comics in the 90s (mid-nineties to about 2001). Wonder how long it'll last this time.
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I don't agree that each season is better. I think Series 1 is the best, with Series 4 being a close second best. Series 2 was mediocre, and Series 3 was decent. I'd rank them:<br /><br /> Series 1: 9.5/10<br /> Series 2: 5.0/10<br /> Series 3: 7.0/10<br /> Series 2: 9.0/10<br />
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... you've never seen the Corman bootleg. Seriously. Don't talk smack about how the two Fantastic Four movies "raped your childhood" unless you've seen that movie first. Roger Corman's FF is so unbelievably bad that the Hollywood FFs are actually quite tolerable and even likable by comparison. You don't know how bad you could have had it. Even with Corman level cheese aside, it could have been as mediocre and unmemorable as the TV "Generation X" or a fucktacularly campy shitfest like the Hoff's "Nick Fury" TV movie.<p> <p> Rip on FF all you like, but at least they're actually competent adaptations, albeit flawed. Same with X3. It could just as well turned out as bad as the live action "Legends of the Superheroes" or the aborted JLA pilot (complete with pudgy Manhunter).<p> <p> Actually, those all would be great gifts for those people who rag on X3 or the FF movie. Hell, toss in "Trial of the Incredible Hulk" for those people who think "Daredevil" sucked. Watch that for a newfound appreciation for how good the Ben Afleck flick actually turned out.
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No, X3 and FF suck more. Why? Because they had money and they had the potential to draw in real talent and those two factors means they should have been much, much better. This is why the Prequels are the worst films of all time, the potential talent pool available was nearly infinite and yet... poop. the corman films, the hoff fury film, the JLA tv movie, those were always going to suck ass. you knew, I knew, everyone knew it, so they don't count because there was never any expectation.
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Get it. For yourself or for a gift.
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They're fucking based on comic books. Really. Don't expect goddamn Oscar winning acting or writing. If you want to see something thought provoking then maybe you should be in another theater. These movies are meant to be diversions and nothing more. <p> <p> The problem is not necessarily with the flicks, but with the fans. You can't please everybody. The more you try and please the mainstream the more you alienate the hardcore fans. Just turn off your brain, grab your popcorn, and enjoy the fact that somebody, somewhere in another part of the world is being sodomized by a midget... and you're NOT.<p> <p> If you think that you can do better then go ahead. I've seen some spectacular fan films. If you can't, just enjoy what you do have.<p> <p> You'll never get a faithful adaptation of Dark Knight Returns. You'll never get a respectful treatment of JLA. You'll never get blah blah blah.<p> <p> You act as if the somebody went out of their way to make anything less than the best. Every money grabbing bottom feeder has their hands in these movies. These movies are made by committee and not by artists. The fact that these movies even manage to turn out half-way competent without looking like made for DVD shit like "Man Thing" is nothing short of a miracle sometimes. Just look at Spider-Man 3. That fan clamoring for the utterly shallow Venom even swayed Raimi to shoehorn him into the flick goes to show you that artistic vision has no place in Hollywood. It's all about making money. <p> <p> A: "Who can we cast as Sue Storm?"<p> B: "Hey. Jessica Alba's hot."<p> A: "Yeah, but she doesn't look the part and can't act."<p> B: "Just dye her hair. People aren't going to be staring at her 'acting' just her tits."<p> A: "I'm sorry for ever doubting you. *sniff* This is why you're the boss."<p> <p> Fans will never be satisfied. The best you can hope for is to offend as few people as possible. Personally, I think that Chris Reeve was a bad Superman and that EVERY Superman movie has sucked so far. I'm not even a megafan of Nolan's Batman movies. They're just okay. Not a bad way to lose a couple of hours.<p> <p> To each his own.
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...that came up with this one?
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You're mistaken. I don't want "faithful." I don't want "the way I imagined it."<br><br>I want quality. I don't expect "oscar caliber", I expect a well written movie. I rate films on whether or not they successfully achieve what they intended to do. I don't expect Fantastic Four to win Best Picture, I do expect it to not be terrible though... <br><br>Quality, thats the important part and thats what FF and X3 were missing. Quality.
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The idea that anyone would want to "turn off their brain" is ridiculous. What does that mean? You want to be a moron? I don't understand. Why wouldn't you want the film to be good? Look, a whiz bang spectacular wow-fest of a movie, does not mean it has to be terriblly written and acted. You can have both and you should demand both. Settling for crap just because of some pretty boom 'splosions is ridiculous.
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I went to Dark Knight and guess what? there is oscar winning acting(How is Legder not going to win it) and writing. besides, oscars mean shit. Cher won and oscar...CHER!
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Dec. 15, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST
rsanta74 - I think not. I have two words that disprove your theo
by rock-me Amodeo
Iron Man
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Just because Sony’s FF movies are better than Corman’s is nothing to cheer about. You don’t consul a fan of a Pro Sports team by saying at least you were better than a bunch of sixth graders you saw last week. They are operating on completely different levels. <p> In this case, the studios were just plain stupid or incompetent. I don’t think they intentionally looked down on the fans or wanted to take a shit on a believe comic. Hell, they probably never even heard of the FF until the told development to find them another Marvel property that could be the next Spider-Man, X-Men or what they hoped the Hulk would have been. When they saw the FF, they probably realized that this one doesn’t have the name recognition or the die-hard fans clamoring for it like they did for the X-Men, so they wanted to play it safe. They did what they thought would appeal to masses while still pacify the comic book fans. In this case, they were off, way off. They made a piece of shit. <p> We can criticize Hollywood executives and producers all we want, but the truth is they are responsible for millions and millions of dollars and one wrong mistake can end their careers, so they are very averse to taking risk. Hence, you have Jessica Alba, a hot woman and name, miscast; you have Tim Story hired as director, despite the fact he has never displayed any skill at making a large scale action movie or anything comic book related, because he isn’t difficult and will stay within budget; you have Doctor Doom tinkered with because some executive thinks that making him a CEO will make him more acceptable to modern audiences (“I heard that’s what they did to Superman’s foe, Lex Luthor!”); and they make Galactus a cloud because they are afraid people would laugh at the site of a 25-foot tall alien in purple armor with a huge helmet. I can understand why they would “neuter” the project and want to play it safe. It is completely understandable. <p> It is also completely idiotic. <p> I actually don’t like super hero movies, I think they’re way to many of them being made about characters I could care less about seeing on the big screen. But they are here to stay. What the Western was in the 50’s is what the super hero movie is nowadays. And as the Western shows, you can make either crappy, idiotic westerns aimed at the lowest common denominator, or you can make challenging, intelligent films that are considered some of the greatest films ever made (Shane, High Noon, Searchers, Naked Spur, all of these were made in the 50’s). So when studios waste a property once labeled “The Greatest Comic Magazine in the World” by making an idiotic movie that bears little resemblance to Kirby’s, Lee’s, Byrne’s or even Waid’s contributions, you have reason to bitch.
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FF was by 20th Century Fox, not Sony. Lets put the blame on the right people here.
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I hate the way people defend criticisms of shitty films with "oh were you expecting shakespeare/oscar worthy talent?" No of course I wasn't, but i was expecting a competent and entertaining film which fewer and fewer action films manage to provide. <br><br> Everyone who enjoyed transformers always has to defend it with "oh yeah well...ok the plot was shit, and the transformers weren't in it much and I couldn't really see what was going on in the fights and the script and attempts at comedy were shit etc....but it was still fun!" Now look at Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's just an adventure film. It isn't aiming to win an oscar or give me depth and insight. Yet it's a brilliantly made and entertaining action/adventure film, that has a good script, good comedy, good action etc. All the things that make up the film! So why do we accept crap now and excuse it? <br><br> FF was bad because it made poor use of the characters powers, the plot was nonexistant and meandering - there was little reason for any of the characters to be doing anything and I felt no connection with them because of it. If a superhero/action film can't give me good action and/or a reason to feel involved in them and want the good guy to win then it's failed. And that's just the basics of why FF sucked. It can't manage to give me the basic entertainment value of an action film.
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Blasphemy!
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They should have stuck tot he original, early FF with the space race, cheeso rocket and had most of the sets like "Mad Men" retro late 50s early 60s. It would have been soooo sweet. Mole Man and all. Bring in Doom later. Doom is the best character out of the FF comics and they could have foreshadowed him in FF1. Oh well. Maybe they will reboot and weave it into continuity. I did like the torch though, good effects, best fit as an actor.
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How did this happen: "And then a giant monster comes ripping up through fifth avenue!"<br><br>"Wait. What?"<br><br>"A giant monster rips... rips through... what?"<br><br>"I don't know... it sounds kind of stupid."<br><br>"But... I mean, thats how it..."<br><br>"What if we had them save a crashed fire truck?"<br><br>"OOOOH! Now thats a cool idea!"
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Dec. 15, 2008, 6:35 p.m. CST
To any comic book fan in Austin, go buy from TRIBE comics...
by qweruiop
...over at South Lamar. I just came back from there and it was a great experience to once again be able to walk into a comic book store kind of environment. Unfortunately it's been like over a decade since the last time (at least in South Austin), and how sweet it was to be able to do it all over again. The owners Eric and Roy were super nice and the place is great. Lots of books to see and pick from. Please do not goto Barnes & Noble or anything like that. Support your local comic book store by shopping from here =)
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It can be done. Fantastic four is easily a 8/10 movie if you check your brain at the door. If you don't, it's a 6/10. Michael Bay's unnecessary shot of a transformer jumping over a big breasted girl and giving the audience a close up on her boobs is why that movie was meh.<br><br> Joenathan is correct in expecting that when people put money and talent together to expect a halfway decent movie.<br><br> I've seen the bootleg FF movie as well as the Story FFs. Story's FFs were better but that should go without saying. The bootleg FF had a budget of like 1 million or even less. The Story FFs had a much larger budget. Yet, the story was bad. Rumor is that they are saving Galactus for a Silver Surfer movie. If you are saving Galactus for a Silver Surfer movie then don't do a FF story with Galactus. The result is what we got and it sucked.<br><br> If Christopher Nolan's TDK proved anything, it proved the superhero genre can exceed what it was expected to do. TDK was arguably the best Batman film, the best superhero film, and one of the best films of the year.<br><br> Why? Because the Nolans are storytellers. Budget + Quality Acting + A STORY.<br><br>
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I said Fantastic Four in the second sentence. I meant Transformers.
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How many titles do you guys typically purchase in a month?
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Regularly:<br><br> Invincible Iron Man <br> New Avengers <br> Mighty Avengers<br> Old Man Logan<br> Walking Dead<br> Daredevil<br> Captain America<br> Astonishing X-Men<br> Incredible Hercules<br> Fantastic Four<br> Final Crisis<br> Powers<br> Thunderbolts<br> DMZ<br> Kickass<br> Ultimate Spider-man<br><br> And then there’s…<br><br> Planetary (There’s still one left!) <br> War Heroes (when it comes out) <br> Blue Monday (when it comes out) <br> X-Men Noir (still deciding) <br> Spider-man Noir (will check out) <br> Incognito (will check out) <br> Dark Avengers (will check out) <br> Secret Warriors (will check out) <br><br> I might be forgetting a couple… the list waxes and wanes depending upon a myriad of reasons…
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No Green Lantern and no Iron First? What the fuck?
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I read Iron Fist all the way through the faction/aja run, but didn't like the new creative team so I dropped it. <br><br>As for Green Lantern... well, besides my intense hatred for non-human races (I'll admit it, I'm a specists), I also missed the start of the whole thing, so I am slowly making my way through the trades. I find the idea of blackest night really intriguing. <br>It should also be stated that I'm not much of a DC guy. Grant Morrison often draws me over, but mostly I'm Marvel. DC is always about the mask, where Marvel is generally about the guy behind the mask and I like that focus more.<br>Also, and this is just me being weird, but the idea of Space cops in spandex just doesn't sit right with me. I mean, why spandex? Yeah, yeah, superheroes... but come on, why not an outfit with pockets? They're space cops, right? Green Lantern is only a superhero on the side, really, he's actually a cop and you'd think law enforcement would have a more practical outfit...<br>Whatever... Anyway, I fully acknowledge that its good, but due to a couple of different reasons, I trade-wait.
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I just read the Sinestro Corps trade (part 1, anyways).<br>After all the raving, it's not quite what I expected -- but perhaps it gets better with the second part. What I've read thus far strikes me as a Star Wars wanna-be with gratuitous amounts of gore. The Guardians (and the Lanterns, for that matter) seem about as feckless as the Jedi (in that they are always getting their ass kicked).<br><br>I'm holding out more hope for the Brubaker Capt. America omnibus...which is on my Christmas list. But holy bankruptcy Batman, that damn thing is $75.
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Especially the last two issues.
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I believe that depiction of DC may have been accurate generally up until the 80s, but DC has been about the persons behind the mask as much as Marvel has over the last 30 years.
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