Monty Cristo on BNAT X's Super Treats!

Monty Cristo reporting from my cell. I'm desperately trying to remain conscious, as BNAT X had its way with me and I'm completely raw, spent, and liking it. I want to throw some quick impressions out there for the AICNites out there. I'm going to skip trailers for the most part and add some non-film related stuff from the event too. Please excuse in advance my altered mental state when it comes to my analytical skills, I'm weak with movie exhaustion. Without further ado... Harry kicked things off describing an animation that Cartuna didn't manage to complete, but that they planned to show anyway. The problem was, they couldn't get it to play on any computer known to the Alamo. It involved eventually coming to a point where some grievous anal harm was to come to Moriarty involving a basketball. Sure, The Poughkeepsie Tapes sent me bolting out to the lobby with my traumatized wife last year, but lay off on the guy. He and Scott Swan got a network TV show episode to star Doug Jones, we all owe HIM. I briefly reflected on last year right then..meat pies always hit the spot, the glory of Mongol, BEAUTIFUL prints of South Street and Lonely Are the Brave (where is THAT on DVD??), WALL-E, the 4 plus hours of Farewell Uncle Tom thankfully leading into the pleasant surprise of Trick R Treat. I loved BNAT 9. Why? BECAUSE [I AM] WHITE! (well, half at least). Chuck Norris' Invasion USA was the perfect start to BNAT in the Year of the Fall of Hockeymom Squareglasses. A couple other trailers, and then the requisite Stunt Rock shook people's collective consciousness with the power of rock and amazing stunts the likes we've not seen in 20 years. Tim League took the stage for our first grand surprise of the day/night/day/afternoon. Thanks to exclusive work he had been doing, completely unbeknownst to Harry, he had secured the true revival of the Universal Monsters franchise and introduced exclusive talent...Teen Wolf himself. He signed a basketball for a kindly disadvantaged Jewish boy in the audience, and all was right in the world. They started up Teen Wolf and is summarily burned out due to extraordinary unforeseen negligence. Harry said Merrick has never done a BNAT, due to something relative to his having, or the capacity thereof, his balls. I fully suspect he showed up long enough to tranq the projection staff and fuck up the perfect beginning to the perfect film binge. We then got political with the next film. Harry is a political guy. He makes no bones about telling people to vote and other Marxist, anti-capitalist things like that. I was busy ordering a burger, so I missed his intro, but it wasn't a big deal, since letting the film and its themeswash over me made it clear: Viva Villa is Harry's statement about closeted, persecuted gay icon Pancho Villa and how it relates to Prop 8. Robogeek, my next seat neighbor entirely by chance, and I concurred that were it released today, it may have kept all those Mormons from ruining gay marriage for all the militant Darwinists in California. Anyone who doubts this, think back to Pancho's fond remembrance of his, ahem..."dear friend" Madero. The artist who "don't draw no bull!" and runs from Villa when he gets a look in his eyes. He acts out his closeted rage on helpless women in Mexi-wigs with American accents who society says he must love, but he simply cannot...so he keeps serial marrying woman after woman after woman. He fingers his treasured ring from Madero, caressing his silken scarf while wearing a big hat and...dreeeeaming off into the distance. Up next was Capone leading us in a crying rag watching Benjamin Button, which got to eeeveryone there, and not just thanks to the high-alcohol vodka they passed out to us. There were men hugging and crying in the restroom during the 23-second break afterward before the next film (scheduling was packed TIGHT this year). Okay, so maybe there was no hugging, but there were tears all around. Lovely film that I got an XL shirt for in my bag. Should be nominated for Best Picture, Director, Visual Effects, and Cinematography at least Up next was 20 minutes or so of Coraline in 3D. Our first 3D presentation of the show was really, really well done. It did bring to mind my primary complaint about Read D: the glasses fucking hurt. IMAX 3D glasses at least take into account everyone wearing them doesn't have a head the size of an eight year old. This was a great example of the potential of 3D. I wouldn't want to see this movie theatrically any other way. Buttons sewed on eyes reminded me of Trick R Treat from last year. Let it be said chivalry isn't dead (inside the Drafthouse). Tim League related to all of us that one of our brave Standby Warriors who got in is, in fact pregnant and sitting on a folding chair, so "if anyone is feeling chivalrous, it would be greatly apprecia--ok, there we go!" he said, as Alamo Knight of Valour Josh Emanuel (I think that was his name) stood a few seats down from me and volunteered before Tim could finish his sentence. A great Dr. Pepper commercial and trailer later, and we were in the thick of a WWII double feature: Sahara starring Bogart and Bryan Singer's Valkyrie. Sahara was great, with plenty of great Bogart-liners. "Don't worry, the Black won't rub off on your nice white uniform." Valkyrie surprised me greatly. I didn't have any expectations going in, and I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with the people calling it a problem movie in the press. It's an interesting story that needed to be somewhere in film history, and frankly it's lean, efficient, and clips along nicely. We saw it digitally projected, and sweet god the sound and picture were immaculate. Take whatever feelings you have about his Superman movie and set them entirely aside, good or bad. Bryan Singer never stopped being the immensely talented filmmaker who made Apt Pupil, the X-Men movies, and of course The Usual Suspects. I for one am glad every actor in the movie used their own native accent. I'm a Nazi about this kind of stuff, pun intended, and I was thankful for nothing like K-19 where I was trying to figure out exactly what Harrison Ford was going for at any given moment. You should give this movie a chance if you're judging it on the trailers. If you're a Jew-hating Nazi, you may not like it, but otherwise it's a very good film. I desperately want Eddie Izzard narrating a historical doc on the eventual DVD. Then we got 45 minutes or so with a member of the Crankiest Generation in Pixar's UP. Pete Docter has a brilliant movie on his hands. This wasn't in 3D, but they confirmed that it is being adapted for "window-in" view 3D, and I can't wait. It keeps you wondering "now what?" or "what's next" one minute to the next. The creatures we saw were great, and I half-joking, half-prying asked if we'd end up seeing dinosaurs during the Q&A. What I really wanted to get at was whether Pixar as a production house was looking at dinosaurs, fantastical stuff, and possibly bridge to John Carter. They were there for UP, everyone loved it, I was just hoping to get a peek into the other stuff going on around them. I should have been more tenacious. Next was the most physically draining experience: the Moroder Music Cut of Metropolis from '81or thereabouts. I love Metropolis and I love Freddie Mercury, but the sound level was so high it just hurt my damn ears. This cut was put together wayyy before the much longer, extended footage version currently on DVD surfaced, so it's a good deal shorter. They apparently found the one actual print that still exists, which came from somewhere in South America (thanks Nazis!). It was cool, but the amped-up volume raped my ears a couple times. Next was 20 minutes or so of Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D. We all got MvA bags, and Stephen Colbert plays the President of the United States, but I can't say it hooked me in. I don't mean to make this a West Coast-West Coast gang war or anything, but the reason I could dig in and invest in the Pixar footage was that it was contiguous, regardless of finished state. The 3D alone didn't sell me on paying extra to see this in 3D, but again, it could be that I didn't get a good enough sampling of the movie. We remained in 3D land for My Bloody Valentine 3D. I'm not a horror fiend and I've never seen the original, but I will say this: it's much better than a whole lot of the garbage being passed off as slasher movies these days. Scott Weinberg of Cinematical was outside for an extended smoke break afterward, and I'm certain, based on his comments, it was from how hard this movie yanked his crank. Gorehounds of all breeds will enjoy this a lot, and especially the 3D stuff that works well for those of that certain sensibility. The only 3D I'm sniping at here are the copious chain link fences that make you dizzy at times. The movie was self-conscious of how absolutely moronic the protagonists in horror movies can be, but not such that it gets to the realm of self-parody. The filmmakers probably don't want to hear this, but I could do without this franchising out, but better this than more of Saw. I Love You Man will go down as the one movie this year I really don't think anyone is going to hate on. Just go see it when it comes out. Look at the cast and tell me that isn't worth throwing eight bucks at. Harry's "torture" movie this year is the recently Criterion-ized Sam Fuller's White Dog. Cuts to and away from Kristy McNichol in slow-motion were the hardest part of staying awake. The couple times I began to nod off, when my eyes were closed, I jumped to a nightmare world of my memories of Farewell Uncle Tom. I don't think Harry meant for it to do precisely that. If he did, he's a mad genius. Then we begin clip-a-palooza 2008 with a couple scenes from Push that didn't thrill me, and a little bit from Alex Proyas' Know1ng, which looks good starring Known Geek Nicolas Cage. Next up were Seth Rogen & Jody Hill introducing a collection of bits from Observe and Report, which I'm glad to hear is being released "un-neutered." It looks ballsy and gives a nice twist on the Falling Down theme of "fuck the established authority structure, I've had it with this shit." And now, a letter to a young man from Kalamazoo: Dear McG, Calm down, McG. Chill. Focus on your game. Not everyone in the world hates you. You are a skilled, intense guy...emphasis on INTENSE. The people who you can never please, fuck 'em. They aren't worth your time. The people who are cool with a continuation of the franchise to scrub over the various failings of T3 and give us a movie a lot of us have wanted since we saw T2, we are right with you man. I'm gonna be as vocal as I can be to convince you that the haters aren't the only ones out there. There are many of us who believe in you making this new Terminator movie ridiculously awesome, we just don't all get vocal about it. The scattered hard-on haters are minor idiot blips on the radar. The rest of us are just cautiously optimistic and hoping it blows our faces off. There will probably be other write-ins from BNAT who will call you out for your defensiveness, but I'm gonna go another way. I have to tell you though that I'm massively disappointed in what you showed--fuckfuckfuck, don't hit me, you look like a motherfucker who can box, just wait...let me explain. You should not have told us you had the whole movie edited together in unfinished form. That just hurts, man. I wanted you to politely sequester the studio rep in a locked room and let us have it. We're not an audience that needs all the effects done to get it and dig it. There are probably twists and turns the studio wants preserved, but homeboy, when you've got this fucker done, you bring it back to Austin. When they start letting you show the whole thing to regular humans, you have to ring up Harry, tell him you need an audience full of geeks in Austin, and you will get all the raging praise it looks like this movie deserves. In the immortal words of Shakespeare, we got you dawg. Love and Deep Fried Kisses, Monty Cristo ----------------------------------- So next, we didn't get ALL of Watchmen (it ain't done, folks, calm the fuck down), we saw the completely finished, full of effects first 22 minutes of the movie. This looks tremendous. Jackie Earle Haley in person was a nice treat, and a couple questions got vague even for Inside the Actor's Studio standards, but it was really a treat. I wouldn't want to see this movie in anything but top form...which brings me to another letter: Dear Zach (but more the studio that says yea or nay), We cannot wait for this movie to get all locked and buttoned up. When you have this done, please bring it to Austin in advance of release. There are still people out there like a good friend of mine who are still on the fence about "can they make a good Watchmen movie?" That 22 minutes proved it to me. The word spreads fast from here once we see this stuff. "Maybe I'll go next weekend" becomes "well, if you say so, fuck it, I'll go the first day." Begging, The City of Austin's Geek District ----------------------------------- I've seen some arguing in the Talkbacks (yes, and grass is still green) about what closed out BNAT X based on the Fake Lineup because the last two listed are El Cid and A Boy and His Dog. As much as everyone wanted to read into the second being The Road, that didn't happen. What we did get was the full digitally-projected roadshow cut of Che (El Argentino and Guerrilla), complete with collector's programs. From talking to a bunch of folks, the consensus seemed to be "oh god, four hours in spanish after 20+ hours." I was thrilled beyond belief. DVD/Blu is nice (screener copies for the critics out there), but it's a different thing to get to see it outside of NY/LA theatrically with the crystal-clear digital projection. If anything, this was the true test of BNAT stamina and dedication. I don't hold it against non-Spanish speakers who dozed off and were woken up by the frequent gunfire. I don't hold it against those who had to catch flights to New Zealand (Quint, I later found out after impolitely calling him a BNAT Bail Out). If anything, a couple people said it'd have been easier to get through it and enjoy it had it been earlier in the program. I had the advantage of being bilingual, so I had no trouble keeping up with it, length be damned. In short, the movie needs to be reconsidered for Best Picture by people who've written it off. I'm not a socialist/Marxist/communist, this isn't coming from a political bias, but this is the kind of movie we haven't seen in decades. Soderbergh has truly broken through with the capabilities of digital equipment in diverse locations and what he's capable of producing. Che is never too much or too little. The true test of discipline is what a director can do with a runtime over three hours. If your excuse is "I hate politics" or "he's a murdering bastard on a shirt," shut up and see the film for what it is...the portrait of a man who wanted to make a difference, and dedicated himself to that for better or worse. I would put it on par with Lawrence and Zhivago, both of which were huge box office draws in their day. Things change, but a great movie is a great movie. ----------------------------------- Post Script In our goodie bags was a Trick R Treat book, which reminded me of the closing film from last year, which similar to Che, deserves better consideration than it's been given (though in a different way). I went to Fantastic Fest, saw plenty of horror, but nothing that really celebrated suspense horror and the tradition of the genre as effectively as Trick R Treat did. I said above that I'm not a horror fiend, but anyone who wants to see a scary movie shouldn't have to choose between torture exploitation A and B exclusively alongside good ol' survivor/slasher horror. Che is already killing the box office in its roadshow run, with very diverse audiences. All IFC did was give it a chance, and it's paying off...I hope with a Best Picture nomination from the Academy. I hope Warner Bros. will give Trick R Treat a shot, because we need that kind of movie out there. People will go see this stuff and support it on DVD if you let them. If you're concerned about Saw, put it in September and do a fast DVD turnaround to compete on "Saw weekend." You will kick Saw VI: The Undiscovered Torture's tired, played-out ass. I heard plenty of people cry that we got nothing when it came ot the upcoming Star Trek. Stop whining, we got plenty. I was right there with you hoping for some shred of something, but everything happens for a reason. I've been to two of these thus far, and this year was filled to the gills with stuff. I got more than the ticket price worth in terms of experience. Monty Cristo (at gmail, for any love/hate mail)