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Jondough Deems Frank Miller’s THE SPIRIT The Worst Movie He’s Ever Seen!!

I am – Hercules!!
Jondough’s seen “The Spirit,” an adaptation of Will Eisner’s seminal funnybook character. It's from Frank Miller, one of the fellows who wrote and directed “Sin City.” Miller also contributed to the screenplays for "RoboCop 2" and "RoboCop 3." "Spirit" stars Gabriel Macht (“The Good Shepherd,” “Because I Said So”) as masked avenger Denny Colt. It’s also got Sam Jackson and pretty girls, among them Scarlett Johansson, Eva Mendes and Jaime King. It opens Christmas Day. The reviewer says it’s replaced “Battlefield Earth” as the worst movie he’s ever seen.
Gentlemen. It’s been ages since I sent something in. It’s not that I haven’t seen worthwhile films, mind you. I have. But life gets crazy, schedules get crammed, and suddenly the idea of sitting down to write a few hundred (thousand?) words about WHY something moved me in a particular way gets pushed down the To-Do List until someone else has written a perfectly serviceable piece which for the most part echoes my own thoughts. However, today is different. Today is special, if you will. But first, some background. I wrote years ago after having seen “Love Liza” at Sundance. I think I called Hoffman’s performance something special, which for the 12 people who’ve seen it since, is usually agreed. I also wrote a few years back after having seen an early screening of “Love Actually,” which continues to be yet another example of just why Richard Curtis is a special talent whose films get pulled off the shelf and revisited often. Sappy? Yep. But perfectly harvested sap is delicious. This year, my list of Bests include (in no particular order, except for the first) Wall*E, Slumdog Millionaire, The Dark Knight, In Bruges, Burn After Reading, Kung-Fu Panda, Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Iron Man. I have yet to see the heavyweights (Button, Reader, Milk, Frost/Nixon, etc.), but expect at least a few of them to be worthy of slots. We’ll see. Okay, so that’s a taste of my taste. Just so you know where I’m coming from. For years now, I’ve owned a copy of “Battlefield Earth.” I’m not sure I need to explain to this crowd why, but for the newbs, I’ll go ahead and give it a shot. Both as someone who wants to make movies and one who just plain loves movies, I own movies that inform my ideas of what film could and should be. Films that share my sensibility, my ideas of romance, action, comedy, etc. Films that give that same gut reaction the 10th time you watch that they did the 1st. And then, there’s “Battlefield Earth,” which I own as the example of the opposite of everything I hold true. Its incredibly bad performances (Forest Whitaker, for God’s sake...you have an OSCAR!), its insane script (which, I know, was an adaptation, so it gets SOME slack, but still: 1,000 years in the future, the Constitution is still there...untouched...still legible, along with all the books in the Library of Congress...they haven’t turned to dust. Hmm. The Harrier jets still work. ONE THOUSAND YEARS in the future), the fact that it made Barry Pepper (who I consider a fine actor) look like an idiot...GUH! SO BAD. Sorry...I’ll try and contain myself. But those aren’t the only reasons I own it. I own it because, as a whole, the movie is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It made me literally laugh out loud in the theater. AT IT, not with it. With other people, yes, but collectively we laughed (and pointed, in some cases) at the movie unspooling before us. We came together in that dark place over how bad this thing was that we were watching, and then actually hung out outside the theater (keep in mind, these are people I had never met before walking into that theater) to rehash exactly what it was that we saw. That’s a powerful kind of bad. And now I’ve seen something that has taken the top prize from “Battlefield Earth.” I mean, I honestly thought that would never happen. And it’s not like there aren’t MANY shitty movies made every year, and it’s not like I don’t SEE many of those. In fact, friends of mine and I have recently started a “Bad Movie Night,” where we have an opening act, a main feature, and a dessert: all of incredibly bad film & TV (the last one we did featured a vampire theme, so we started with “Knight Beat” (only available on VHS, but highly recommended), we feasted on the horror that is “Lost Boys 2: The Tribe”, and then for dessert, watched the (very) little-seen, “Paul Lynde’s Halloween Special” (holy crap! Amazing!). They’re our very own “MST3K” nights. Yet, despite all of the “badness,” I’ve never had that potent sense of “this is bad on a level worthy of B.E.” before last night. “The Spirit,” as written and directed (hahahahahaha) by Frank Miller, is that movie. I can’t go into specifics of HOW, exactly, I saw the film (I use that term loosely here), as there are privacy issues at stake, but it’s not even all that important. What is important is that the two of us who stayed awake (one of us has a “real” job...he’s already an outsider, no reason to ridicule him further) for the film in its entirety could talk about nothing else for the remainder of the night. After 2 hours of ruminating, pondering what had just happened, we came up with this description of what the viewing experience was like: “I feel like I just watched a movie in a foreign language, where you speak JUST enough of the language to realize that the main character just said he had sex with your mother and then wrote a movie about it...a movie that you can’t fully understand except for the nagging feeling that that’s your mother up there getting reamed.” Or, as said about a half hour later by my buddy, in all seriousness, “I think I now know what it feels like to be raped.” (The sense of betrayal, the sense of loss, the sense that somehow it was his fault.) Where to begin? (...says the guy 944 words into this already) Let’s start with the acting. Oh lord. I didn’t know who Gabriel Macht was before this film, and I don’t really care to know him after. But according to IMDB at least, it looks like his agent’s pulled an “Ari” and gotten him a bunch of work based off this lead role before anyone saw it. Good for his agent. Because when people see this steaming pile of shit, where Macht is on screen the vast majority of the time, he’s going to take the biggest hit. To be fair, I’m not sure it’s ENTIRELY his fault (see “Actors: Self-Direction”), but Christy Christ, son. Going to the gym a lot does not mean you’re prepared for a role. If your director doesn’t give you any help, for god’s sake, HIRE AN ACTING COACH. I mean, do you realize that the nature of film is for people to SEE it? People are going to see this movie (granted, not many), and when they meet you on the street (assuming you’re wearing a stick-um mask, as he sports it during the entire movie...maybe that was his idea, to protect his face), they’re not going to be able to say anything other than, “Oh, hey. You were in the Spirit...(starting to laugh)...no, no, it’s not anything you did...(laughing harder)...no, I was just thinking of something else...(bent over now with laughter, then slowly recovering themselves)...But seriously, you were awful.” This scene will be played out all over town, all over the country. Probably not all over the world, though, as it’ll tank well before it gets real distribution. (Then again, this movie may actually MAKE more sense if you don’t speak English, so maybe your star has finally come after all, Gabe.) To be honest, Old Gabe doesn’t even come off that bad...at least not compared to Sam Jackson. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? Sam: what the fuck, man? I’m not going to rehash your old glories here: you know them better than I do (hell, you’ve been reliving them on screen for the last decade). But come ON. I would have said you’re better than this...but you’re really not, are you? How big is your coke habit? Who do you owe money to? WHAT THE FUCK???? Dude...didn’t you suspect something was amiss when they asked you to bring all your own costumes from home? (Costumer Designer: Hi Mr. Jackson, it’s Susie over at Lionsgate. Listen, we’re wondering if you have anything you’d be willing to bring in for the shoot tomorrow. Do you have any old costumes from movies you’ve done in the past? Mr. Miller wants to blow the whole budget on “the look,” as he calls it. Sam Jackson: Well...let. Me. See, little lady. I do still have my mutton chops from when I played Vincent in Pulp Fiction. Will that work? C.D: Perfect. What else you got? S.J.: I’ve got some old mothafuckin’ samurai robes from a chewing gum commercial I did in mothafuckin’ Japan. Don’t MAKE me smell yo’ bad breath! That was the tag line. C.D.: Fantastic. Anything else? S.J.: Well, I really wanted to be in Valkyrie, so I bought an authentic Nazi uniform. A hat and everything. But that SONOFABITCH Toooom Cruuuuise said there WERE no Black Nazis. I said, “There weren’t no mothafuckin’ black Jedis either, bitch, but that didn’t stop George Lucas from putting me in there.” Oh, that reminds me, I have my purple light saber. Will that help? C.D.: Yes to the Nazi uniform, hold off on the light saber. Aww, hell, bring it all! I don’t know how, but we’ll shoehorn all this stuff into something. Thanks! S.J.: Hey, I’ve also got a huge plaster-of-paris Iron Eagle Nazi emblem. You know, just in case. C.D.: Yeah, that’d be the props department. I’ll have Skipper give you a call.) Samuel Laura Jackson, you should know better. That’s just all there is to it. Maybe you aren’t BETTER than this, but you should certainly KNOW better than this. This...well, this is a mothafuckin’ horrible movie. Alright, so those are the two main acting offenders...but before I get off this subject, let me just give you a brief rundown of who else is in this pile. Sarah “Why The Hell Did Studio 60 Get Cancelled” Paulson; Paz “Yes, I’m hot, but I’m fucking Spanish, not French” Vega (playing “Plaster of Paris”...clever, right?); Scarlett “How did anyone ever consider me a good actress? By sheer volume!” Johansson; Jaime “Wait...this isn’t Sin City 2? Shit” King; Dan “Hey, remember The Wonder Years? Yeah, me neither” Lauria; Louis “I play, like, 40 different guys, but only get paid for one? I’m gonna kill my agent. Oh, and Entourage hasn’t been funny in ever” Lombardi; and a special nod to Eva “Yes, I show my ass in this, perverts” Mendes, who gets the default nod for Best Performance in this movie. I know, I know, I’m as surprised as you are, but holy crap everyone else was that bad. I know this is long, and I apologize, but seriously guys, I haven’t even gotten to the Main Offender (“MO” hereinafter). Before I do, one small prop (and I mean small) to Bill Pope, the cinematographer. The movie does, truly, LOOK spectacular...but SO much of it is nearly indecipherable because of Miller’s intent on using darkness. Stop it. Didn’t you see “Renaissance”? That was ONLY black and white, and I still knew every thing that was going on. This thing’s sort of dim, and it’s a shame, because the work Pope did is pretty awesome. (See that? Even the one huzzah has a huge caveat attached to it...horrible) Okay, Mr. Miller. Let’s get it on. (I stand, wearing my v-neck sweater over button-down shirt. Frank is standing at my desk, trying desperately not to look me in the eye. I touch his shoulder, grasping it firmly.) It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. (he starts to gently weep.) It’s not your fault. (ANNNNND scene.) Seriously, it’s not. You clearly don’t have any idea what you’re doing. Someone, ANYONE, over at Lionsgate should have known this. Fuck, it’s their JOB to know this. But they didn’t. They somehow bought the idea that you “co-directed” (hah) Sin City, which even if it WERE true, doesn’t mean you directed the movie. It means you sat in a seat next to Rodriguez and took notes on what words to say when (we see Frank scribbling furiously into a steno pad, tongue out in concentration. Close up on the notebook: “Action” – say this at the beginning when you want the pretty people to talk. “Cut” – say this when everyone looks at you). How could the suits know that your direction to the actors was, apparently, “You guys’ve done this before, just do what you normally do.” (Look! There’s Sam Jackson doing Sam Jackson. There’s Eva Mendes playing sexy. There’s Eric Balfour doing...what the fuck is he doing in this movie?) Seriously, how on Earth could they know that your idea of direction is to place the camera on a tripod and have your two actors walk back and forth for five minutes in front of a dimwit committing seppuku? They couldn’t, of course, but they should have. You apparently storyboarded the whole film. Did they LOOK (like, with their eyes) at these? Didn’t they notice the length of the scene? Didn’t they notice the lack of dramatic action? Didn’t they know that high school plays directed by a middle school teacher who’s only directing because he hates his life has better staging than this? They SHOULD have. That’s my point. They should have known better. You should not. I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever, you know, SEEN A FUCKING MOVIE BEFORE. (Not a “fucking movie”, by the way...he may have seen one of those, but I don’t want to assume anything) Because if you HAD seen a movie before, you’d realize that just because you have two mouth-flappers walking back and forth (dressed, mind you, as a samurai and a geisha (Johansson)) it doesn’t mean you have a scene worth actually SHOOTING. Ugh. I’m tired of this already. The MO isn’t really the MO after all. He’s just the sap that came up with the idea, wrote the script, convinced Lionsgate to finance (I could be wrong about this, I have no idea who actually came up with the cash for this thing...and honestly, I don’t really care. Lionsgate released it; they get the blame), and then “directed” it. The real Main Offender here is the company that thought this was good. Thought this was worthy of your twelve bucks. Because they, my friends, are assholes. That’s all it comes down to. They MUST know that this movie is a piece of shit...I mean, it is so bad they literally HAVE to know how bad it is, no matter how cynical you are about the intelligence level of Hollywood producers. Which means that they think so little of the movie-going public that they’ll drop this bomb on us and just expect us to go see it “‘cause it looks like Sin City.” We’re smarter than that. Which, I think, by default, makes us smarter than them. So, execs over at Lionsgate: Fuck. You. You should know better. And if you don’t, I just got laid off, and I’ve got TONS of ideas. And none of them involve hiring a visually-overindulgent, first-time director and throwing $30 million at him. (I have no idea what this actually cost...if it’s less, congrats. If it’s more, double shame on you. I’m just guessing, based on your slate of releases and that you pride yourself on your budget-consciousness.) I apologize if I got a little (or a lot, even) long-winded and rant-ish. I was inspired by the worst movie I’ve ever seen: “The Spirit”. Folks, this movie is that bad. I heartily recommend it if you have a strong stomach and an even stronger sense of Bad-Movie-Love. Otherwise, steer clear. God I want to see The Watchmen already.

Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:33 a.m. CST

    Another movie to pass on!

    by HBO

    And buy on BLURAY, because we save money that way, right Harry?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:43 a.m. CST

    Worse than Battlefield Earth?

    by pearlanddean

    Love the write-up, now I've got to see it!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:44 a.m. CST

    Yeah but

    by Volllllume3

    Is it a better COMIC book movie then The Dark Knight?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:45 a.m. CST

    So the question is:

    by seppukudkurosawa

    would it have improved or been even WORSE if it had featured a little black sidekick/servant character named Ebony White?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:48 a.m. CST

    Lionsgate

    by catlettuce4

    Made a film this shit but won't even give Repo! a decent theatrical release? motherFUCKERS.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller is a Gimmick Writer

    by Kal Reeve

    He tainted Eisner's beloved hero with cynical, absurd style of storytelling. It's all he knows.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:50 a.m. CST

    The rape reference makes this guy an asshole

    by Steve Rogers

    Seriously, how ridiculous and offensive (and I hope no one who has ever suffered that horrendous crime reads this review). I've no douybt this movie is terrible (the trailers look awful) but to compare watching a shitty movie to being "raped"? Get a grip, wanker.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    Jondough, thanks for pitying Miller

    by Victor von Doom

    I thought you were working up your article to tear him another hole, but you took the honorable route: The man is a comic book artist and never trained as a film director. If the film is as bad as you say, you did a good job putting the onus where it belongs, on the producers for not pulling the emergency brakes.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:02 a.m. CST

    Man I dunno about this review..

    by Ironthorman

    I am usually pretty good about taking people's opinions from a movie review and using it to shape my own. But this one is just so vicious its hate mongering. no way in the world it could be THAT bad. He couldsnt destroy Eisner's character so completely. I mean fuck, I wont know till I see it, but this review was fucking HATEful.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:02 a.m. CST

    This is not a suprise

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    I saw the trailer. I looked into the abyss.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:07 a.m. CST

    That was the worst review I've ever read

    by jonnyweir

    Seriously. You want to make it in "the business" and you can't write or articulate beyond unfunny comedy and vulgarity. Go away.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:09 a.m. CST

    This Review...

    by monolithik

    ...Is only readable if read like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons. Otherwise, this was kin to walking in on Jondough masturbating to a mirror. Just saying...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Steve Rogers

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    Boo. Hoo. Shouldn't you be manning the crisis center lines instead of wasting time on talk backs?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:13 a.m. CST

    Wow, if the movie sucked, then this review blows. Get it? Anybod

    by AmericanMovieFan

    That was the most long-winded, self important, tongue-in-cheek, cocky, meandering, uninformative review I've seen on AICN. I feel that much dumber for seeing it. Of course The Spirit is gonna blow. We all knew this. And of course it looks a lot nicer than it is. Again, we all knew this. This rant just sounded like you expressing a personal vendetta against what, I cannot tell. But damn, you need to learn to edit, collect your thought before you unleash them on the world and actually say something about the flick beyond vague allusions to its suckiness and sarcastic references to all the players' past work. That P.O.S. told me nothing. Shame on you for wasting my time.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:13 a.m. CST

    I want to make it in the industry!

    by neverhed

    As a film critic! And they let people like this write up a review for Ain't it Cool News?! Say it ain't so! I've been raped! Betrayed! This buffoon couldn't write his way out of an episode of "Rebelde." I don't blame him, though. Clearly he doesn't have the training! But fuck! This is the worst review I have ever read! WORSE THAN HARRY'S REVIEW OF "TWILIGHT!"

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:15 a.m. CST

    Plant!

    by Rolnikov

    Or at least a reverse plant - reads a lot like someone with an axe to grind.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:16 a.m. CST

    Apart from the rape comment

    by MorpheusTheSandman

    which was completly inappropiate, I say, this guy just wrote what he thought he saw. I never saw Battlefield Earth (and I probably never will), and I will skip this one too if it's sooo bad ...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:16 a.m. CST

    HIRE ME!!!

    by neverhed

    [CHOKES ON OWN THROBBING, NOW-BLEEDING MEMBER] HIRE ME, AICN!!! I CAN'T HELP BUT PLUG MYSELF IN ANYTHING I WRITE!!! ALSO, THIS REVIEW SUCKED, BUT MOSTLY, FUCK I AM SO DESPERATE FOR FILM-RELATED ATTENTION!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:17 a.m. CST

    Worse than Battlefield Earth?

    by otm shank

    Wow! If you're gonna make a statement like that you better mean it. And I think it's obvious to most people who saw the AVP movies that the studios mostly don't give a shit.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:20 a.m. CST

    A more horrible film th Spike Lee>>>

    by Roketopunch

    I agree that this guy doesn't sound like critic. This can't be worse than A Miracle at St. Anna. Really, just in the fact that that film wanted to be soooo serious but wasn't even aware of itself. I haven't seen the film, but i'll tell you right now, a serious critic doesn't state if the film is the worst he/she'd ever seen. This critic is a hack.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST

    if the movie is as bad as the jokes in that review

    by oscarmike

    then it must really suck. but Bill Pope is a genius and David Newman's score should be fun

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST

    Review Review

    by NetSlut

    Couple of thousand words to say the acting was bad and the directing was awful? Christ, there's ten minutes of my life I want back...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST

    The amount of detail in this review is impressive

    by eveelcapitalist

    Oh, no, wait, it isn't. I shouldn't have to call bullshit on this "review" but I am. Bullshit. Review lacks even the slightest amount of detail citing not one moment from the movie. Why AICN posted this is beyond me. Review in short: "This movie sucks!" Why? "Cause I said so!" *Cue the sound of cock slapping across keyboard*

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST

    Stupid so-called-review

    by Aeghast

    I stopped reading halfway through.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:23 a.m. CST

    Now I want to go see The Spirit...

    by monolithik

    ...To get the taste of this review out of my mouth. Seriously. Wait, I get it... this was a performance piece, right? An artistic example of how unnecessarily convoluted and ultimately pointless the movie is, right? Right?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:24 a.m. CST

    Oh NO

    by hallmitchell

    I did have low hopes for this. There was something about the photos in Wizard that worried me alot about this film.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:26 a.m. CST

    The Internet

    by monolithik

    Has Spoken.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:26 a.m. CST

    Worse than 'White Chicks' & 'Little Man'?

    by pokadoo

    I seriously doubt it.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:29 a.m. CST

    this really isnt a review

    by bacci40

    its basically the same rant that all us fanboys have been writing since the clips from comic con made the rounds...i was hoping that the movie would bring more to search out the works of the great eisner, just as v and watchmen have led many to moore...but it seems that wont happen...but what may happen is that the sequels to both 300 and sin city will be ripped from miller's control

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:30 a.m. CST

    This is going to tank so badly

    by Tokyo_Drifter

    That I'm really, really worried that it's going to ruin any chance of Sin City 2 materializing. I honestly can't believe it got greenlit. Does anyone even care about The Spirit that isn't dying in a hospice at this point? So, no name recognition. Strike one. Hire an incompetent director. Strike two. Then let said director go wild using the same exact visuals as the one other movie he "directed." Except that the visuals for this one aren't even in context. With Sin City, that's actually how the books looked. With The Spirit, it's exactly how Sin City looked, except it's not Sin City. Someone called Frank Miller a gimmick writer. You can add /director to that now too. $7 million domestic gross, The Spirit cometh!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:30 a.m. CST

    Is this a review or really bad stand up comedy from the 80s?

    by ChuckImania

    "You know what's funny about air plane food!?" Yeah... After reading this review I feel raped, and not the normal vaginal kind of rape-I'm talking full fledged anal violation. I couldn't tell whether this was a legitimate review or a bad stand up routine. I'll give him this much: the second trailer for The Spirit looks like complete and utter shit; with that said I still believe you should ban this fucker from ever posting another review on your site. It was pretty unreadable, like worse than the script from Battlefield Earth.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:34 a.m. CST

    I agree with Chuck.

    by monolithik

    Jon, if you ever find a brick wall behind you... I'd run, because that means there are bottles being thrown at you from the opposite direction.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:35 a.m. CST

    I get this sneaking suspicion that we all know

    by gotilk

    .. for the most part, the difference between actual rape and what this guy is talking about. But let's all go with the feeling and rock on with our righteous selves. Ooh, this kinda feels nice. I feel smarter than the people who can't grasp the concept as anything but literal AND I feel good about being a guy that thinks rape is a bad thing. And in case any of you people with post-enema trash bags for brains didn't know it, that's most of us. <br> <br> I'd like to throw some of you off a cliff. <br> Oooh.. wait.. you guys know I don't mean it, right?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Something so cocky and annoying about this review...

    by THT3000

    Ugh.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Since this review exists...

    by monolithik

    Let's at least get a good internet meme out of it. C'mon. Anything? Anybody? Fuuuuck. I got nothing.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    gotilk

    by neverhed

    You're an idiot. It was pretty clear that the "reviewer" was indeed elucidating an incident in which his acquaintance was forcibly penetrated by an artistic (?) visual expression of archetypal human nature.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    Shit thats harsh!

    by Power_Girl

    In the trailers some of the shots are atrocious and some are gorgeous. I didn't think much of seeings that Frank has written some of the best "visual" novels ever penned. Judging by his comics I though he could stage a seen very well... seems not so well on film when he has a moving pace to keep up with.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:40 a.m. CST

    Jondough

    by jebuslovesyou666

    is a douche. I couldn't get passed him talking about himself, like any of us care. The Spirit just looks terrible and the dialog alone has turned me off, But if this guy is a giant TOOL. I actually feel angry about it.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:40 a.m. CST

    this was the worst written review in this website's history

    by ironic_name

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:42 a.m. CST

    It's "Watchmen" not "The Watchmen" you fuck.

    by most excellent ninja

    sounding all elitist then you say something stupid like that.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:44 a.m. CST

    I hope it's so bad it's good

    by JoeSixPack

    Unlike Elektra, which was so bad it was just boring. I hope The Spirit is so bad it's good and funny.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:45 a.m. CST

    You've angered The Internet, Jon.

    by monolithik

    Now look at what you've gone and done.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:47 a.m. CST

    Jondough Raped Me.

    by neverhed

    T-shirts, $15. Bold text on front. Entirety of his godawful review printed on reverse.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:48 a.m. CST

    Vanity Project

    by JoeSixPack

    I knew it as soon as I saw the teaser - disaster. One big vanity project for Frank Miller whose confidence in moviemaking was way too high. The funny thing is he royally screwed up someone else's source material. Miller swore off Hollywood long ago for screwing up his source material.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:48 a.m. CST

    I SAID ENOUGH WITH THE 'RAPE' SHIT!

    by yodalovesyou

    Your disappointment with a silly little movie simply DOES NOT compare to something as serious as that. In my mind, rape is worse than murder because it stays with the victims, leaving them mentally scarred for the rest of their lives. Time to grow up and stop being so pathetic.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:49 a.m. CST

    Sounds as bad as Miller's modern comics

    by most excellent ninja

    whatever happened to Dark Knight Returns, Year One, Born Again Frank Miller?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:50 a.m. CST

    Entourage isn't funny?

    by most excellent ninja

    huh? I'm pretty sure there are a few laughs here and there. if not mostly there. you must be a boring sack judging by this review and your comments. I am expecting this to be shit though.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:51 a.m. CST

    I SAID ENOUGH WITH THE 'APE' SHIT!

    by neverhed

    Your disappointment with the free (albeit unfortunate) expression of thought DOES NOT compare to something as serious as that. In my mind, large, wild primate feces is worse than murder because it stays in the air, leaving olfactory glands scarred for the rest of their lives. Time to grow up and stop being so pathetic.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:53 a.m. CST

    Is this Devin Faraci's younger clone?

    by most excellent ninja

    even though the movie looks shitty, the way this guy comes across is as a loser asshole like Fatraci himself. A sad sack of shit in life who is utterly boring. But this guy likes Dark knight so maybe i'm wrong.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:54 a.m. CST

    I was with you.. but you lost me on no one remebering...

    by Kirbymanly

    The Wonder Years. He was everyone's Dad. You lost me but, then again, I had no hope for this from the start. Robocop 2 anyone? Stick to what you know.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:55 a.m. CST

    Now THIS is rape.

    by monolithik

    If anybody knows what rape is, it's The Internet. It shows you what it is, not the other way around, okay?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:55 a.m. CST

    Sometimes (this review, for example)

    by ledbetter51

    ...parenthetical asides can be really damn annoying when overused (maybe you should find a new trick).

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:56 a.m. CST

    "Samuel Laura Jackson"?

    by Catnip_Thieves

    Okay, that made me chuckle.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:57 a.m. CST

    Oh, and... Worst movie you've ever seen?

    by Kirbymanly

    Try sitting through "Body Parts" or "Superman IV". I've got a feeling it's all relative.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:58 a.m. CST

    "Wrong Kid Died!"

    by monolithik

    I thought you should know what your reviews do, Jon. They kill people.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:01 a.m. CST

    Try sitting through Epic Movie

    by most excellent ninja

    THAT is the worst movie i've ever seen.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:01 a.m. CST

    SIN CITY was over-rated - by geeks mostly

    by Mr Gorilla

    Seriously , SIN CITY was a fun watch, a guilty pleasure, but it was never more than a mosquito's eyelid away from being trash. It has NOTHING to do with film noir, apart from being urban and quite dark visually. It's just unpleasant, and slightly the product of a dirty old man, salivating as he gets young actresses to wear nothing/pretend to be lesbian/get beaten up. Ugh.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:04 a.m. CST

    Entourage DOES suck

    by Holy Hell

    And cut this guy some slack. Jesus. He just got laid off, saw a movie he hates and wrote about it, actually got it posted here, and you guys are chopping his junk into kibble. I'm pretty sure he'd rather sit through The Spirit again than ACTUALLY get sodomized with a fuck stick (go watch Bad Santa again, btw); get over the rape thing. Wasn't all that great a review, but I give him some points for passion and a few more for pity. It's almost Christmas for God's sake.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:07 a.m. CST

    Let's not give Miller a pass...

    by Kal Reeve

    ...just because he's a comic book writer. He deserves to be faulted because he is a self-serving writer. He doesn't write to a character's strength. Rather, he skews them, taints them with his perverse characterization. He first did this in the "Dark Knight Returns" by portraying Superman, the World's Greatest Superhero and fighter for truth and justice, as a corrupted tool of the government who is willing to kill. And over the past two years he has defaced Batman and numerous other legendary DC heroes with twisted depictions in "All Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder." So it is not surprising that he is now sullying the good name of The Spirit.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:09 a.m. CST

    Gorilla

    by Holy Hell

    True. There were some creepy, atmospheric moments, but Sin City didn't really deliver. The whole "comic book come alive!" euphoria was more than a little overcooked.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:13 a.m. CST

    This "review" gave me headache

    by DarthBakpao

    I stopped reading after 3-4 paragraphs...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:15 a.m. CST

    Geez that was a shit review

    by terryworld

    i wont crap on and bore your tits off. Pathetic "review"...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:17 a.m. CST

    The movie being bad or not, this review was AWFUL

    by ricarleite

    Barely a review at all, he just claimed the movie was bad, but barely gave any insight as of why. Worse that B.E.? I doubt it. It SEEMS Frank Miller might have pulled a "The Avengers" there, but that's not THAT bad. I feel this is either a BAD idea for a plant (bringing notoriety by dissing the film yet saying nothing bad about it), or a fake. Now that I think about it, no way this is real. No way.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:17 a.m. CST

    5 comic con pannels

    by Redfive!

    I remember sitting through 4-5 spirit comic con pannels only because it was usually in the middle of 2 good pannels and seeing this fat bitch producer who wouldnt shut her mouth and the funny thing was nobody ever cared enough about a spirit movie.please go away....

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:18 a.m. CST

    If i'm Harry, i'd delete this so-called review from my website

    by DarthBakpao

    It gives nothing but self-important rants. STFU Jon!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:18 a.m. CST

    Jondough.

    by monolithik

    Remember this day; this talkback. Let it make you into a man. Let it fill you with the anger of a thousand suns... and then may you burn bright, born anew.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Trailer looked bad.

    by Fortunesfool

    This doesn't surprise me. Although watching a bad film is nothing at all like being raped. That analogy really needs to stop.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:21 a.m. CST

    I wonder...

    by neverhed

    ...if we've spent as much time discussing how shitty a reviewer Jondough is as he spent stroking himself to the anticipation of hitting "send."

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:21 a.m. CST

    And by the way, he did NOT see the film at all

    by ricarleite

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:21 a.m. CST

    Pardon my mistake.

    by monolithik

    I called this a review. It manages to prattle on about several films -- why? Fuck all if I know. But it never manages to review any of them. It's a rant, not a review. My mistake.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:22 a.m. CST

    This Guy Has Sucked 47 Dicks

    by Broseph

    opinions are like assholes everybody's got one and they all stink

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:22 a.m. CST

    The mouse cursor came in handy - as in CLICK DOWN

    by Spacesheik

    What a piece of shit review...totally uninformative, jumbled, had some good stuff in there like references to Paul Lynde and the Sam Jackson 'Black Nazi' and coke bit, but the reviewer is a shit writer trying to come off hip, sardonic and sly.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST

    Worst Review I've Ever Read on This Site

    by Conans Sword

    he hasnt got a clue how to articulate himself. all of that just to say it has bad acting. he clearly has an axe to grind with sammy jackson as well. And without getting on a high horse, the rape thing just makes you sould like an asshole.hope you fail at life and kill yourself

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Well, it's okay if you hate the movie...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...but why did you try to be funny in your review? Because you wasn't. I believe you, that the movie may be really that bad, but damn, the review wasn't a masterpiece either. (It wasn't Neil Cumpston-bad, because you wrote more than just "shitfuckpopculturepussy", but damn, it was very difficult to read.)

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:35 a.m. CST

    Conans Sword...

    by Kal Reeve

    The rape remark was out of line and I don't fault you for calling the reviewer on it, but how do you justify your hoping that he kills himself?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:35 a.m. CST

    There Is Nothing Positive Here.

    by monolithik

    So let's talk about that Wolverine trailer some more. Ryan Reynolds in a red shirt? Oh man. What's the deal with that, am I right? That's no Deadpool...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:36 a.m. CST

    How to say nothing and use many words doing it!

    by VoxMillennium

    What the hell? I don't have high hopes for this movie, but calling it the worst movie of all time because the acting is bad and the directing is bad? Why? How? This reviewer comes accross as a self-indulgent prick and I don't like talentless hacks coming all over my keyboard uninvited and subsequently calling it a review.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:36 a.m. CST

    Yeah, I don't think he saw the movie at all...

    by sonnyfern

    What happens it? What's it about? It's so bad becauussee....people dress funny? It's a comic book movie..are you kidding me? I'll wait for a better review thank you very much...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:39 a.m. CST

    Miller + Cocaine + Ego divided by Reality = Box Office Bomb

    by LaserPants

    and career implosion. Oh well, Frank, it was a good run. You can always go back to making comic books. Perhaps something about a dangerously unhinged psychopath in a dark future and/or ersatz noir setting? How about an even gayer sequel to 300? Poor Frank.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:42 a.m. CST

    300 words or less

    by Aeronaut

    The powers that be on this site must really impose a word limitation on reviews. This self-undulgent wordfest is a classic example. I saw the trailer to this film and that was enough to convince me it was pants.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:44 a.m. CST

    I'm 944 words into the review...do I keep going?

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Does he actually review the movie? I....don't...know....if.....I.....can....make....it....

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:45 a.m. CST

    Oh he does.

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Here we go...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:45 a.m. CST

    Im gonna go out on a limb.....

    by chetedawg

    and say this guy doesnt like The Spirit........HE LOVES IT

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:45 a.m. CST

    In all seriousness...

    by neverhed

    ...come on, AICN. I realize you pride yourself on publishing early reviews to the site, but at least wait for one that dabbles in coherence and, I don't know, projects the sense that the reviewer actually saw it. This review is a self-indulgent waste of time that ANYONE who has seen the trailers could have written. Anybody patient enough to wade through the first thousand words of this meandering pile of shit are left with nothing-- not a speck of an actual review. Not to mention, the "humor" was nowhere near effective or charming enough to allow the reviewer to coast through neglecting any real details about the film. And he's supposedly working or trying to work in film? FUCK. I don't mean to sound overly insulting toward the site, because obviously I still come here for something, but impose SOME standards on yourself, for fuck's sake.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:48 a.m. CST

    This "Review" DOES Have Value...

    by monolithik

    ...There will be many classes taught from this page. Cautionary tales, all.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Re: neverhed

    by ricarleite

    Welcome to AICN. Some tips, read only Massa's reviews and some of the Movie of the Day. Stick to the TBs, pay no attention to the other stuff posted above it (it's just copied and pasted from CHUD or Yahoo News, or bad reviews like this). And avoid seeing any pictures Harry posts, it's usually sick stuff, like himself or his eyes.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    I agree Steve Rogers

    by smackfu

    Personally, I feel a Holocaust comparison would be much more appropriate.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Or does he?

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Wait a minute. I could have written that review based on the fucking trailer.<p>Jondough, you son-of-a-bitch, you stole minutes from my life and I want them back!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:54 a.m. CST

    The reason why this cretin didn't send in anything...

    by JackPumpkinhead

    ...is that he cannot write. And the only thing he'll ever have in common with filmmaking and writing is exactly what he's doing, i.e. watching bad movies and imagining his would be better. This was the worst piece I've ever stopped reading, and I skipped half of it... not to mention the pathetic attempts to be funny, witty and sarcastic, and failing horribly every time. By the way, he should also be aware that inserting pitiful references to his life into his "reviews" will just make for another paragraph that everyone will skip. <p> Whatever it is this "Jon" is doing, he should stick to it and never aim higher. He doesn't belong there. <p> By the way, this made me think that maybe The Spirit will not be as terrible as I'm expecting. Since such a doofus said "it was bad!", then perhaps it's good, after all.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:54 a.m. CST

    The reviewer tries to be funny, but failed

    by estacado1

    What the reviewer said can be said in one paragraph. But in his lame effort to be funny, he extended it with meaningless rant to convince readers of his comedy skills. Next time, leave the comedy to those who know how to do it right. And what's with the reluctance to dissing Miller. Just because he's a geek god, doesn't mean he can direct. If he's the problem, then he's the problem. Don't divert it to the studios. Miller the is one who insisted on directing. His own ego destroyed his movie (if the review is to be believed). He certainly deserves what he's getting.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:55 a.m. CST

    Honestly, the trailer for this looks like shit

    by Gungan Slayer

    It really does. I heard Michael Uslan give a talk a month or so ago. The talk itself was really interesting (really cool guy) however, at the end of his presentation he showed a trailer for "The Spirit" and the audience itself was trying really hard not to laugh at it. Kinda felt sorry for the guy. As for it being worse than "Battlefield Earth" hmmmmm me thinks this guy hasn't seen enough movies yet.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:03 a.m. CST

    By the way, this really should be removed from the site.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    It's a disgrace, seriously. At least that piece that was once sent in about "Cloverfield" ("IT WAS AWESOME!!!", as far as I can recall) was amusing. There's nothing amusing or worth... well, anything... about this. "Jon" just came into your living room and dumped a big shit right onto the middle of the floor. There's absolutely no reason to leave it there.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Much like the psychic team member from Team America

    by smackfu

    Because of my powers I was able to predict this movie would be terrible. In all seriousness though, as I've stated a few times on this site (in regards to Sin City, the Dark Knight graphic novel, and the Spirit trailer) I firmly believe that Frank Miller has the mental age of an 11 year old boy. I say 11 because at the age of 10 most boys haven't yet felt the pang of adolescent hunger, and by the age of 12 they've realized it's the 100,000 year old desire to run up behind a girl and ream her from behind while she fills a rudementary jug of water at the water hole, and has focused that adolescent hunger where it belongs, the pursuit of sex. But no, Poor Frank is stuck at 11. He feels the pangs of hunger, some vague, frustrating urge to express himself, but without the focus of a successfully completed puberty he has no idea why his dick is getting hard and what he's supposed to do about it. So when it happens when he draws a picture of a guy getting his skull crushed in with a steel toe boot, or a ninja cutting a torso in half, he finds some semblance of inner focus, and 40 years of repetition did the rest.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:07 a.m. CST

    It looked like complete dross from the first frame of the traile

    by The Grug

    No surprises here.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:12 a.m. CST

    Miller sounds like hes been to the Lucas school of actor directi

    by wowsah156

    Yeah, i just want you to do that acting thing you do SO good!! And pretend you are talking to a person. You can use that broom stick as a prop!! Frank Miller4 needs to be handcuffed to a chair and made to watch Revenge of the Sith and until he soils himself.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:26 a.m. CST

    I have no doubt this is an honest review..

    by MPJedi2

    But A)Wil Eisner came up with this, and Miller just fucked it up. Really this has been obvious to anyone who knows the comic for months. THE SPIRIT culd be an great little film, a "daylight noir" with a tone akin to RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. (Hero who is in just over his head, takes a beating and comes back for more, Filled with humor, but not cloying or winking at the audience.) B) Don't write a bad review and then whine about "all the ideas" you have...It makes you look like an idiot spewing sour grapes...Oh, wait...I forgot where I was posting.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Best Buy needs to rehire this guy quick!

    by BigGuy219

    Man. I knew the layoffs at Best Buy would hurt the economy, but now that this guy isn't allowed to take the $10 for my DVD he's left to write self-indulgent, pathetic, seemingly endless reviews of bad movies I'm in favor of a bailout!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller doesn't know how to work with actors....

    by thecomedian

    I picked up on this watching Sin City. It IS the same deal as Lucas. He's another thickheaded geek writer who's so in love with his unrealistic dialogue (no one talks like that) and doesn't know anything about the craft of directing actors in motion pictures. Kevin Smith has the same problem though he's gotten a little better over the years. Anyone who hasn't had the training or done the research(this includes music video douches who jump into features)will make these same mistakes. There's shit you can get away with on the stage, in commercials or on sitcoms that you can't get away with in features because when people go to the movies and stare at the silver screen for 2 hours they can tell when performances are one dimensional or off. Directing is a craft that lives and dies with your actors performances. All the cool special effects and shots in the world can't save that. Only Kubrick could get away with 1 dimensional performances and that's because most of his characters were cogs inside a machine.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:33 a.m. CST

    oi stopped reading this shit review

    by goatboy500

    when the reviewer, trying to be funny, claimed that samuel L played vincent in pulp fiction. uhhhhh, yeah. okay. if there's one thing worse than an unfunny fuckhole, its a badly researched one. so, to quote sarah silverman in larry sanders.... you must get laid like, almost never, huh?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:36 a.m. CST

    plant!

    by 40ozToFreedom

  • and I stand by it. It does suck. You just don't realize it does, like the execs that put him behind the wheel of this film, you haven't *really* looked at the work very closely. Frank Miller sold snake oil to the comic industry back in his day, and that snake oil was the notion that he wrote 'mature comics'. Only his comics weren't 'mature' by any stretch of the imagination. They were just unusually violent and graphic. And we at the time, adolescents most of us, bought it, because adolescents, having spent our lives to that point dealing with very immature content, see the splattering brains and the tit shots and buy that snake oil, and drink it up like it's Father O'Hanley's Peach Schnapps, too dizzied by it's intoxication to question it. <br><br>But Frank Miller's comics were NEVER mature. They were in fact the opposite, the adolescent meanderings of a horny 11 year old in English class, a tacky mash of rage and lust where the narrative is nothing but a tedium that he must plod through to set up his next skull bashing, castration, or hooker appearance. <br><br> I'll give you this, Dark Knight Returns was the most mature thing Frank Miller ever wrote, and the idea of Batman as an old man was a novel idea, but that's all. If you can take of the rose colored glasses, and judge it on it's merit, you'll realize it sucks, and has sucked all along. It's only selling point was the concept that it was 'mature' content, and the years of corresponding experience has surely proven to you that you surpassed this man's maturity around the time you went to your Junior High prom.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:44 a.m. CST

    WOOP WOOP WOOP HYPERBOLE ALERT!

    by The Amazing G

    what is this? imdb? also tl;dr....seriously

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    and incase you think I'm defending this movie...

    by The Amazing G

    let me just say.....not necessarily, but anyone claiming a movie is "the worst movie they've ever seen" instantly negates their review in my opinion no matter whether the movie in question is good or bad, it's just too imdb-y for my tastes

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:47 a.m. CST

    "I stand, wearing my v-neck sweater over button-down shirt."

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    Which will be worse, the movie or the review? Not suprised at all that Hercules is the cause of this shit being put up.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:48 a.m. CST

    Eva Mendes shows her ass in this?

    by Magic Rat

    sold!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Trazadone deems this review the worst he's ever seen

    by Trazadone

    I have no doubt that The Spirit is awful. I mean, from the ugly-ass posters to trailers giving the impression that the entire film was shot in a YMCA, this looks like one huge bomb. But damn, Jondough, you're writing is just awful. It's wordy and laborious to get through. Stating that you've already written "944 words" before starting the review to be cute is not cute, it's grating. I couldn't even get through your "review" because it's a complete mess - did you go to the Harry school of movie review? Get to the point, man!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Fine, I won't use the word rape.

    by ChuckImania

    I was molested by this review... and unlike Uncle Jim, Jondough didn't even toss a GI Joe my way when he was finished. Treachery... In all seriousness I'm sure people on this forum can distinguish between physical rape, and the mental rape endured after reading this "review".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:51 a.m. CST

    WORST REVIEW EVER ON AICN

    by Playkins

    Seriously.... second only possibly to the infamouse Batman Begins review that sparked the "has a beer and cheets on his wife" bullshit.<P> I mean, FUCK... that guy rambled INCESSANTLY.<P> Please, Harry... for the love of god, don't post another one of his reviews.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:56 a.m. CST

    what is "has a beer and cheets on his wife" thing from?

    by The Amazing G

    I'm afraid I don't know

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:57 a.m. CST

    Who the fuck is this guy?

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    This guy's a fuckin' joke. The material in The Spirit trailers alone is more entertaining than half the movies out there. Eight of everything, muthafucka!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7 a.m. CST

    Got through 1/4 of the review,

    by the new transported man

    then I got a case of the shits & had to dip out. This reviewer is either a dork or a genius.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7 a.m. CST

    Words without a framw

    by CanuckCritick

    After reading for 30 precious minutes that I'll never get back, I still don't clearly see WHY it's SUCH a bad film. It'd be fun if such articles bore the fore-warning "reviewer is fishing for a job at AICN - he even blatantly SAYS he was recently laid off (and we sympathise with his former employer)".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:04 a.m. CST

    So I should see the Spirit?

    by andrew coleman

    somehow that review sold me on the movie. I mean what else am I going to do on X-mas anyway? Might as well see a bad movie.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    I repeat: It's still better than a Neil Cumpston review.

    by DerLanghaarige

    Not THAT better, but at least I can't sum it up with "shitfuckpopculturepussy".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    what a horrible review, is this MiraJeff with a new name?

    by Spandau Belly

    This guy just came off as the worst most unlikeable stereotype of film student wannabe ever. What was the point of that whole top movies of the year? To let us know this guy likes the same stuff everybody likes?<br><br>And bashing Paz Vega for playing a French woman? It's called "acting" because you play somebody else. Why don't you blast her for not playing somebody named Paz Vega while you're at it?<br><br>Man, this was the worst review I've read in ages. It makes me want to see this twice just so that it makes loads of money and cheeses this guy off.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:07 a.m. CST

    It's even better than a Massawyrm review!

    by DerLanghaarige

    But I still wonder why this one has been posted. Maybe because he was the only person who sent one. Or he told Herc that he hates Mamma Mia and thinks that The Dark Knight is the best movie of 08.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:08 a.m. CST

    This is fuckin' hilarious.

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    Either the guy who posted this is a robot built out of a goddamn toaster, or he's just the biggest idiot ever. If I meet this man I will go Midnight Meat Train on his sorry ass.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:08 a.m. CST

    You clearly don’t have any idea what you’re doing.

    by TheNewAddiction

    Anyone could have known that by simply reading one of his comic books. This doesn't surprise me at all, people listen to their own hype and then over extend themselves into areas where they have no business.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:09 a.m. CST

    The Amazing G

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    Way back in the day when Aronofsky was attatched to the relaunch of Batman, AICN ran a supposed script review of his and Millers take on the subject, which was both a so bad its good write up of a so bad I don't think it could be real script. One passage of the review mentioned that Gordon has a beer and "cheets" on his wife.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:09 a.m. CST

    That's The Best Review I've Ever Read!

    by Brody77

    Fuck Frank Miller! But I'll still skip through it on dvd cos I love Eva Mendes!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:09 a.m. CST

    The Review

    by Gunslinger1919

    Whether I agree or disagree with this review, at the very least I am sure, just from the trailers, that Miller isn't being even the least bit respectful to Eisner's characters or sensibilities. So, I said it once, and I'll say it again....I pray to god that 5 years after you die, Frank, Paul Reubens gets the rights to one of your babies....or Joel Schumaker decides to bring one of your characters to vivid life with nipples...maybe then you'll roll over in your grave like Eisner's doing right now. --G

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:11 a.m. CST

    That was probably the worst

    by Rat Fink

    fucking review I have ever read. Just say the movie sucked and why it sucked. I don't need to know why you have Battlefield Earth and what you do on a Friday night. God Damn I'm gonna go shoot myself after reading that shit.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:13 a.m. CST

    What's wrong with Pee-Wee Herman? Nothing!

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    I'm sure Frank would love it if Pee-Wee worked on one of his properties. And Joel's done some bad things, but he's a decent guy! Frank Miller can literally fuck Eisner's cold dead corpse, and it would probably be a good watch.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:14 a.m. CST

    Tom Cruise wrote this review, didn't he?

    by tonagan

    It opens the same day as Valkyrie, you know.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Am I the only one who remembers ROBOCOP 2?

    by Thick McRunFast

    Miller got the writing credit on that one, and it was laughably bad. A friend of mine still says "You can't have any Nuke, bitch!" from time to time.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:16 a.m. CST

    What happened to MiraJeff, anyway?

    by tonagan

    I miss him (I'm not being sarcastic, either.)

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:21 a.m. CST

    Another d-bag who thinks he's funny

    by Harrigan

    And no one cares about your backstory.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:22 a.m. CST

    thanks WhinyNegativeBitch...

    by The Amazing G

    I actually googled the phrase and found that article!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Alright, I have to say this before it gets out of hand....

    by RockLobster800

    the name of the film is Watchmen...not THE watchmen.Ive noted in every Watchmen talkback a shit load of people refer to it as THE Watchmen-the book is called Watchmen, it has always been referred to as Watchmen, and the film will also forever be known as Watchmen. Im sorry to be pedantic but I already had too much of people reffering to The Dark Knight as Batman:The Dark Knight this year, and Im not going to sit back for the next few months and have reviewers and people who are soooooo damn eager to see the thing get the name wrong.So everyone, just know this-there is no "the" in the title...its just Watchmen. Dont even get me started on Snyder feeling he had to call the characters in the book Watchmen, assuming that people would be too stupid to interpret the meaning if they just put in the literary referance at least onc...my apologies dudes, this the wrong place to vent

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Self-absorbed prima-donna that likes to incessantly rant?

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    He MIGHT have a career as a filmmaker, after all. <p> Never post a review from this guy again.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:30 a.m. CST

    I feel raped from all the references to rape

    by MIkeYH

    doesn't everyone understand by now that equating a film watching experience to rape is so 2003?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Gee this is so surprising

    by kafka07

    And those trailers looked soooo promising.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:36 a.m. CST

    Told you so.

    by Darth_Kaos

    I called that first trailer, THE WORST TRAILER EVER MADE!, and now it looks to be the worst movie ever made. If anyone is surprised by that review, you must be one those people who also believe that Bush was a great president. Come on guys, this had failure from the get go! Frank is, and has always been an overrated fuckhead. Just because of Sin City (like the reviewer said) he co-directed (hahahahahah) and with the success of 300 (which is one the worst movies IMHO - Hopefully Zach will redeem himself with Watchmen) qualifies Miller to Direct. The ego on that prick. Shame on all the established actors who participated in that piece of shit and I hope all their careers are damaged from this point. The unknown star of the movie (whatever his name is- that poor bastard) will pretty much be at the same rank prior to this movie.<br><br> Shame on Lionsgate! Punisher: War Zone bombed, and this will as well. If it wasn't for the SAW movies, they would be out of business right now.<br><br> Wake the fuck up Hollywood! Stop thinking you can put anything out and everyone would want to see it!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:36 a.m. CST

    About Robocop 2:

    by DerLanghaarige

    To be fair, it's a fact that Frank Miller had nothing to do with the shooting script.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:37 a.m. CST

    I was raped by Sometimes I Guess' post.

    by tonagan

    And this post is the equivalent of me sitting in the shower, fully-clothed and crying.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Damn,I really sound like I'm gonna defend Miller or the reviewer

    by DerLanghaarige

    I don't. I just say that Rocop 2 wasn't Miller's fault (as far as we know) and that the guy who wrote this awful review is still a better writer than Cumpston and Massawyrm.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Fuck You Frank Miller

    by Laserhead

    Hah. A first movie that kills his film career is perfect. Was there any doubt this was going to suck corpse-balls after hearing the dialogue in the trailers? Fuck you, Frank, you fucking coked-up hack.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    Damn You Michael Bay

    by MCMLXXVI

    Damn You Michael Bay

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    Psycho_Kenshin

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Loved your post dude. Not only did it contain the line "the guy who posted this is a robot built out of a goddamn toaster" which I'm guessing is a BSG reference (although I'm not quite sure what it means) but you also threatened to go Midnight Meat Train on him which is also my new threat (I'm fond of telling the neighbor's dog I'm going to "go Midnight Meat Train on you if you come near my lawn").<p>Get off my lawn!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Love Liza is great.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "I am a big fan of radio control!"

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Has MCMLXXVI ever said anything else?

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Dude, don't you get tired of writing the SAME thing over and over and over again? You've got persistance, I'll give you that, but isn't it a chore now?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Robocop 2 might not have been Miller's fault

    by Laserhead

    But every comic he's 'created' the last 18 years is.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    DerLanghaarige

    by Thick McRunFast

    Enough of Miller's script was there for him to get credit; he also got credit for ROBOCOP 3 -- was he railroaded there, too? Or is it possible that Miller doesn't understand the nuances of writing in different mediums? What I've heard come out of the actors' mouths in the trailers would be kitschy-cool in a graphic novel, but on film come off as unintentionally hilarious.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Let's Just Stop With The Raping

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I'm not talking about AICN here but the world beyond. All you potential rapists - just stop for god sake. You're hurting people and destroying lives. So please stop.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    This isn't a movie review...

    by Raindog789

    ...it's a fucking head trauma with a side of gastrointestinal distress topped with flesh eating herpes. If watching The Spirit is like getting raped, then reading this "novel" is what it must be like watching Carrot Top perform at Auschwitz. I have 5 words for you Jondough.."Get to the fucking point"

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Review is actually quite clever

    by Bass Ackwards

    Reviewing a movie that's terrible to sit through by writing a review as equally terrible. Talking about a movie thats a vanity project for Miller by making a review that's a vanity project. Movie's bad dialogue=review's pathetic attempts at clever. This guy is brilliant!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:53 a.m. CST

    I Deem jonDoughs review of the Spirit the worst review I've ever

    by clockwork-kid

    How many times can one guy use the word "Seriously?" It seemed to be all about Jon, trying to be clever, and not one ounce of ANYTHING that happend in the movie...We get how much you hated it, and how bad you thought the acting was, but can you use an example? It begs to question, did he even see the movie at all? I mean....Seriously?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    IAmMrMonkey!

    by D_T

    I'm convinced MCMLXXVI is an escaped sophomore Scripting 101 project - there *can't* be any human presence behind it after all this time.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    WHAT THE FUCK?! People dissing Robocop 2?

    by most excellent ninja

    aintitcool never ceases to shock me but there will always be 3 or 4 fuckheads who are so boring they rag on something awesome. the kid with the suitcase gun, Cain, robocop walking in with the machine gun in the auditorium, smashing cains brain, using a deflection to save the baby. awesomeness. fuck you.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Reading the review...

    by seanny_d

    I was thinking to myself "This review can't be THAT bad, can it? I must just be tired this morning." <p>And then I read the talkbacks and discover that, yes, this is the worst review I've ever read. Wow. I can't believe I made it through the whole thing.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Appreciated

    by Cobbio

    Thanks for the review, Jondough. Yes, you had a lot to say, and maybe you could've said it in fewer words, but I enjoyed it. Then again, my power's out for the third day in a row, I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket, and I had huge nagging suspicions about "The Spirit" after the first trailer. To me it looked stupid and pretentious as hell. Even the scenes they showed, with hot babes, swashbuckling music, and abundant Sin City-ness, rang hollow as hell.<p> So thanks for the review. Rather than soiling my brain with horrid, shit-tasting cinema I'll never be able to unsee ("Battlefield earth"), I'll skip this one altogether.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:07 a.m. CST

    Hopefully this guy gets raped soon.

    by kiddae

    You too, Hercules. Oh, you didn't write it? You ran it without comment though, you fat piece of shit. You are - A Worthless Dripstain!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    I like Robocop 2

    by kafka07

    It had much of the same cynical futuristic dystopian wittiness the first movie had. It was Robocop 3 that sucked.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Ignoring the Review, But Back to the Movie...

    by Aquatarkusman

    ... this may be the funniest movie Sam Jackson's been in since National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon. The fact that the TV commercials for it are USING CHRISTMAS MUSIC TO PROMOTE IT (because of its release date) should tell you that we are dealing with a producing and directing team capable of Onion-level satire.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Robocop 2 Was Fine...

    by Aquatarkusman

    ... as long as Tom Noonan had corporeal form (he was a great villain as Cain). Once he became the Lawnmower Man inside of the robot body, it was simply a re-hash of the ED-209 showdown in the first Robocop, but with a brain involved.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:14 a.m. CST

    let's keep this reviewer busy

    by Datascream

    with OTHER shit so he won't write anymore "reviews". I mean come ON. How long does it take to get to the fucking point (I mean come ON, I mean REALLY). It's one thing to rant (but it's another thing to use "()" this shit all the fucking time!), but there's another thing about writing it all out for an entire "review". There's a time and a place for ranting, it's called chat and conversation.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Reference This

    by BackwardGalaxy

    All the women in the room, look to your left... now look to your right... Statistically speaking, the odds are that one of these men will rape you.<BR><BR> "I'm not going to rape you."<BR><BR> "I might."<BR><BR> Seriously, we needed an 80,000 word review to tell us this was bad?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    I'm throwing both my shoes at jondough

    by Internet Thug

    first review i have ever walked out on. btw the magna carta is still in one piece nearly 100 YEARS IN THE FUTURE.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    The ROBOCOPs @ Rotten Tomatoes:

    by Thick McRunFast

    ROBOCOP: 85% fresh, ROBOCOP 2: 33%, ROBOCOP 3: 5%. Yeah, I'm really off-base saying the sequels sucked.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Jondough - I shit on you!

    by TurdontheRun

    I echo the sentiment on what a shitty review that was. "I just got laid off and I've got loads of better ideas for movies than this!" he petulantly whines. I expect that's the real source of his ire right there. Get a proper job, you bum - you will never be part of the Hollywood system. Letting any old Tom, Dick and Harry post insipid nonsense is part of what's driving this site down the crapper. And I wouldn't be surprised if this actually is MiraJeff; he was a grade-A cunt as well!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    "People are going to see this movie (granted, not many)"

    by jae683

    He does know he's talking about American audiences, doesn't he?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    I choked on that review

    by greenstyle92

    I came here wanting to figure out what happened to the Spirit, (one trailer we universally condemned then nothing until "it drops Christmas." What the-?) and I couldn't even get a good idea of the film from this so-called review. It's more about celebrating the reviewer's so-called "cleverness" than actually discussing the film. I don't even have a good idea what the main complaints are. (Sam Jackson in a nazi costume, a laughably bad lead, bad direction, but jeez, you should be able to expand on those points like an adult!) Just goes to show that we shouldn't promote reviewers from the talkback ranks. Hopefully someone who knows what they are doing takes a crack at this film so I can know how and why it sucks.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Not since Randall recommended a movie...

    by V'Shael

    has any review been so utterly worthless. <p> I don't appreciate your ruse, sir. Your cunning attempt to deceive us, into thinking anything could be worse than Battlefield Earth without an advisory from the World Health Organisation. Or at least the CDC.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Why give MCMLXXVI shit for doing his thing

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    The man has discipline on a level completely unknown to us mortals, we should be pining a medal on the sumbitch. Instead, we got people like Herc running things here, putting up crap like this review, who, I guess when you think about it, is also disciplined if you consider the strict regimen of horseshit he sticks by with every article he posts. It's like he's a talkbacker who got admin powers through some glitch or something.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH WILL NEVER BE REPLACED AS WORST FILM EVER.

    by alice 13

    because there are actually living breathing human beings walking around out there (including the loonies that made it) that actually really really believe and accept this shit which was dreamt up by a schizophrenic on drugs is 100 percent truth.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Jimminy-Titty-Fucking-Cricket you guys need a life

    by James Hall

    Have any of you noticed how much time and energy you've wasted reviewing SOME OTHER GUY'S REVIEW?!? At least he wasted his time (if you consider it that) ranting about a movie! You're wasting your time ranting about him!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Robocop 2

    by TurdontheRun

    It wasn't bad-perhaps I'm viewing it through rose tinted glasses, but at least it was violent and satirical. Not a patch on Verhoeven's entry, of course, but better than some of the shit we're served up nowadays. They turned the Old Man into an overt villain, though, and the Robocop malfunctions section was pure ham, but it did have a fat man being gutted with a scalpel and a foul mouthed young tyke, so 'twas entertaining. Miller's original script was published in comic form - anybody read it? Was it better than the final product?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Complaining about badly-written reviews on AICN

    by Thick McRunFast

    You guys have read Harry's reviews, right?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Dear God

    by cocolopez

    This "reviewer" only likes to hear himself talk- it takes forever for him to actually start tlking about the Spirit- and once there- instead of comparing it to Sin City which he sould have done (Miller's previous comic adaptation directorial effort and as the "reviewer" mentioned something that "looks like Sin City") he instead goes into boy-ain't-I-a-riot fantasy dialogue with the cast. This is the worst review I've seen on this site- and I see bad reviews here all the time. Also- unlike 98% of the brainwashed here- I'm not impressed when someone lists Dark Knight in their top ten as a sampling of their tastes. It was the most overrated movie of the year with an unbelievable charcater arc (Dent), a major character with no backstory or arc in general (Joker), an absurdly gruff talking Batman with no Batcave, a franchise frustrating switcheroo (Maggie for Katie), and for all its "darkness" a happy hey-everyone-is-good-after-all ending. Dark Knight was merely good- only for Ledger's performance- movie itself is a complete failure compared to Batman Begins and wasn't on the level of Iron Man.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Right-- how is this review any worse

    by Laserhead

    than Harry's, which are almost indecipherable in their mangling of language and rank sentimentality?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:40 a.m. CST

    The problem after sin city...

    by emeraldboy

    is that all graphic novels are going to be shot that way. I didnt like sin city. Mickey Rourke was great though.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Miller hasn't even written anything good since book 2 of Sin Ci

    by johnnyg korrupt

    Dark Knight Strikes Again was terrible, so so terrible and so has everything else since Sin book 2

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:45 a.m. CST

    AICN will gush all over this thing

    by GodMars

    Sure, one of the "staff" will dump on it, but the rest will gush because they are dumb. Especially Harry.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:46 a.m. CST

    The GODDAMN Spirit!!!

    by Thrillho77

    Goddamn Miller is a hack!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    'The Spirit' movie that could have been

    by sanzaru

    Read and weep: http://tinyurl.com/67f35b

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    “Paul Lynde’s Halloween Special”

    by half vader

    Oh my God. That's too awesome to be real. <p> And thanks for that "anti-plant" smear/review. You're a suit from a competing company right? 'Cause you sure can't write... <p> And where's Harry and the long-lost weekly DVD review anyway? I prefer that rambling to this. And I thought I could talk the leg off a chair!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    well i liked it.

    by snaredrum

    the review i mean, not the film. the film sounds awful!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Sometimes AICN posts extremely well written, thougtful reviews..

    by Pdorwick

    ...and sometimes AICN posts reviews like this. Jesus buddy, don't quit your day job and if you're thinking about becoming some kind of writer... don't.<br><br>I have no vested interest in the film but I do like reviewers to show at least a modicum of talent with their prose. Hang it up Hercules.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Oh come on, who cares about the actual movie

    by half vader

    anyway? Surely not even Miller is interested in anything here beside those luscious girlies.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    That reviewer writes like I talk

    by Thrillho77

    Needless to say, I have no friends and now talk to a set of Star Wars Bend-ems that I keep on the shelf next to my computer desk.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Knew it.

    by UltimaRex

    Just knew it.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:58 a.m. CST

    sam jackson as vincent vega?!

    by thekylegassproject

    not to pour salt in the open wounds from the raping YOU are taking for writing this review, jondough...<p> but samuel l. played jules winnfield in pulp fiction. wtf man?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:59 a.m. CST

    I refuse to believe it's worse than Battlefield Earth

    by I Dunno

    I'm sure it sucks but it would have to come out of the screen, kick you in the balls and eat out your girlfriend to be worse than Battlefield Earth.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:59 a.m. CST

    The NYC Comic Con panel was all I need to know.

    by knowthyself

    Miller was so smug and self satisfide. He just grinned and said "I think we have something special here.I think we got it just right." You can tell the suits were sucking him off and that he just got into this gig cause he saw all of the hot ass Rodriguez was getting on the set.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:04 a.m. CST

    that was a cheap shot...

    by thekylegassproject

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:04 a.m. CST

    No way the movie is more annoying than this review

    by milesdyson

    What the fuck, man? WHAT THE FUCK?? Come on. Dude.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    I WASN'T GOING TO SEE THIS ANYHOW

    by BurgerTime

    I figured it was made to cash in on the Sin City crowd, and it sounds as though - thanks to this incredibly long winded and self-indulgent review (on AICN?? Really!?) that I was right. <p> I'll catch it when it comes on TV. No, not pay. I'm talking network, baby.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Did somebody say Scarlett J. as a geisha?

    by Thrillho77

    That is enough for a rental from me. And possibly even an solitary experience, sans pants.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Miller Backlash Is Out of Hand

    by The Funketeer

    It's gotten to the point where I can't trust any negative criticism of Miller's work any more. Sure he's done some sub par work but not on the scale that people seem to imagine. I'll see it because I'm a Miller and an Eisner fan and judge for myself.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Worked in how you want to make movies and need a job

    by jimmy_009

    Fucking weak. If you're constantly working in how you want to make movies into a conversation, chances are you are not and will never be in any place to make movies. Also EVERYONE has a ton of ideas. Whining about you just got laid off (read: fired) but how you have a TON of fresh ideas is doubly weak.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:14 a.m. CST

    "The Worst Movie He’s Ever Seen!!"

    by wcme

    Worse then "Superman Returns"? Worse then "HULK"? You have got to go a far ways off the road and into the swamp to beat that trifecta. HEROES villains that could remove my memories (and they used 'Bonami', luther!)would scrub my mind for days and not get images of Bruce banner, chained to a chair and his deranged father howling at the sky under spotlights while the army (who inexplicably let his dad in to see him) look on in stunned silence while the camera spins wildly overhead. And a Stalker Superman that, after telling the president at the end of II "I'm sorry I left. I wont let you down again"... takes off for 5 years (and tells no one!) in what I assume is his repaired rocket ship that sent him here, because as soon as he leaves the Yellow sun, he looses his powers, so now hes a mere mortal zooming through the cold vacuum of space and needs to breathe, eat, go to the bathroom, etc for 5 YEARS to and from a giant pile of rubble that was his home planet. Worse then THAT? Wow. that's an accomplishment!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    My review of the review?

    by ByTor

    EPIC REVIEW FAIL

  • After being burned by Frank Miller's crapgasm THE DARK KNIGHT STRIKES AGAIN and the first couple issues of ALL-STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE LONG-WINDED TITLE, there's no way I'm watching this until it airs on HBO that I'm already paying for.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    A sigh of relief

    by Brian

    Now maybe Frank will go back to funny books, where he fucking belongs. plz & thnx.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:23 a.m. CST

    ANTI-PLANT

    by Rolling_Stone

    This guy is just a hater, and his review is more about himself than what he saw.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:23 a.m. CST

    I fucking love this talkback!

    by moody by nature

    Seriously it's degenerated into madness! Hell even poor MCMLXXVI is gettin' called out! Where's that Avatar dude to tell us all about the eye-ball fucking this review is gonna give us? Anyway fuck all that...From comingsoon: Stephen Norrington is "reimagining" The Crow. "Whereas Proyas' original was gloriously gothic and stylized, the new movie will be realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style," Norrington said. FUCK THAT.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Movie can't be worse than this shit review

    by Mickguinness

    Seriously, how many people are interested in hearing 1000+ words of nonsense about the reviewer's odd little world before we get to anything substantive about the fucking flick? I don't give a good goddamn about your bad movie night with your only 2 friends in the world, whom I can only assume are your cousins, parents or relatives of some kind. And as far as the person comparing this movie to the feeling of being raped, and the reviewer for passing that little nugget on, I have only this. YOU MY FRIEND, ARE AN ASSHOLE!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I think the real problem with The Spirit is...

    by knowthyself

    ...we all saw Miller getting suckered into the hollywood system. With our very own eyes. We saw Rodriguez gas him up. We saw 300 suck his GN's wang. All leading up to Miller thinking he could direct a movie. Its the very evils of the studio system to do this to someone. You get caught up in the hype and forget that in the end you have to deliver a competant product to audiences. I'm sure Miller had a great time fucking all the lead actresses but we get none of that pleasure. So if the film sucks its even worse because we saw this coming a mile away.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    This Guy Is A TOOL!

    by HerbWestAustin

    who gives a fuck what this arsehole thinks.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    The Spirit (Movie) == LXG (Movie)

    by Squashua

    In that both were adaptations of comic books that had nothing to do with the actual content of said comic books.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Harry's reviews...

    by V'Shael

    Harry's reviews may be meandering pieces that go all over the place, but he doesn't have an editor, and no one is going to tell him "Hey, Harry. That bit stinks. Don't print it." It's his site, so he'll print what he's happy with, and frankly it'll be a miracle if his style ever improves because there's no impetus to change. <p> But reviews like the one above, even if they are "exclusives", are selected and printed. Someone read this and decided "Yeah, that's good enough for AICN." So you're damn well right that the talkbackers will say "This is shit. Did you really think this was good enough to see the light of day? Could you not have done better?" <p> Couldn't this have easily been replaced with "Industry insider-wannabe claims to have seen The Spirit. Rates it worse than Battlefield Earth, but blames the acting. Mostly." Did we need 1000 words of his shit? Really?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    That review was painful to read.

    by Diagnostic

    Jondough should get Frank Miller to write one for him.<br><br> I am not a Frank Miller fan btw.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Weed?

    by Coma Baby

    Could this possibly be a "weed", the anti-plant? I couldn't finish this review. I do have the feeling this film isn't going to be good. But clearly this guy is unjustifiably full of himself, busting a nut to show how clever he is with the put-downs at the expense of, you know, content..

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:41 a.m. CST

    So, did this reviewer say anything about the movie?

    by Squashua

    I mean, besides his opinions? Something to prove he saw it? <br><br> I gave up on Frank Miller while reading All Star Batman.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Did you really think this was going to be good?

    by Mr Gorilla

    I mean, it looks like the whole things got the vibe of those worse than useless voice-overs from SIN CITY.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Robocop 2

    by kwisatzhaderach

    was fucking terrible.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:47 a.m. CST

    not the worst

    by triggermark

    man, what about all that hatred in that review. Did that guy write the first draft of the script and now tries to blame someone (Lionsgate) who eventually fucked it up? Just came back from a screening and, yes its bad. There is terriffic bad acting in it, the guy who plays "spirit" has no presence at all, eva is beeing the hottest chic in years and yes, she shows her perfect ass in the movie. The Problem with it is, that it looks like "Sin City" for 10-year olds, no blood, no coursing, seems like a rating issue. Many people felt asleep during the screening because its lack of dramaturgy, the charakters are just so boring predictable and the jokes are just awful.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Brevity.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Yup, its soul.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Hold Up There, triggermark

    by Mr. Winston

    I'm sorry, but I just have to know how you managed to misspell (or misuse, I guess, though it's definitely misspelling) "coursing", "felt alseep" and "charakters" all while correctly spelling "dramaturgy". I don't think you used dramaturgy correctly, mind you, but the fact that you know that it's a word at all AND were able to spell it correctly in the context of your reaction... <br> <br> I think you broke my brain, triggermark. I think you broke my goddamn brain. <br> <br> In other news, I can't wait until AICN informs us that Jondough is actually Shane Black pulling one over on us. If that's the case, I will laugh. If that's not the case, this really does need to be deleted. For the sake of the site. Saying any more than it's awful and I agree with everyone here more than I've ever agreed with anyone on anything is pointless.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    I don't know...

    by wampa 1

    ...but it sure smells good!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Doesn't matter if he is a plant or not.

    by mrfan

    Come on,people. It really doesn't look that good.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Could this motherfucker be more in love with the sound of his ow

    by TheContinentalOp

    This review is like 3000 words long and tells me next to nothing about the movie and never manages to entertain in its own right. Simply saying over and over again that a movie is shit does not explain WHY the movie is shit. This is the most self-indulgent thing I've ever read. (Tip: apologizing for being wordy does not excuse it.) I think I'm going to see The Spirit out of spite.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    n voice.

    by TheContinentalOp

    I'm a jerk.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    n voice?

    by TheContinentalOp

    I'm a jerk.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Worst review ever.

    by mr.brownstone

    I was looking forward to reading it. A third in, before the real review even began, I started to get nauseous. When it got into the "dialogue" between Jackson and the costume lady my eyes started to bleed a little. You Jondough are the worst fucking writer I have ever read. You have the ability to turn rays of light into shards of glass. That's real power. Fuck. You.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    YES!! YES!!! DOWN WITH FRANK MILLER!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    GO THE FUCK AWAY, AND TAKE JAMES CAMERON WITH YOU.....CUNT.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    All this guy talks about is the acting

    by barnaby jones

    TELL US ABOUT THE FILM ! Does look shit though.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    That is the worst written review

    by deanamatronix

    I've ever read. Rambling bullshit. I gave up after the 'C'mon Sam Jackson, I mean come ON! Come on, come on, come on...'' Get to the fucking point.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Jondough must be a few ribs short

    by skimn

    since he successfully blew himself with that review.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Saw a trailer for this

    by OptimusBob

    at a screening of The Day The Earth Stood Still. (Which, itself is boring and UTTERLY pointless.) and from what I saw it looked like total shite,like a bad parody of sin city.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Did Frank Miller say something bad about Harry?

    by SomaShine

    That's the only explaination for this review appearing on this site

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    sanzaru

    by GetEveryone

    Cheers for that link, man. Very informative, interesting read.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller sucks

    by j_difool

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    I'd rather read MCMLXXVI's review of The Spirit

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    ..than this one. At least MCMLXXVI's review would be short and to the point. Even if the point has nothing to do with the movie and consists of four words beginning with "Damn" and ending with "Bay".<p>It would still be more informative than this 'review'.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Robert Rodriquez wrote this review

    by wash

    It's well known he had a falling out with Miller.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Damn You Jondough

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Damn You Jondough

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    What a shit review

    by GilbertRSmith

    I was gonna say the guy is doing a bad Seanbaby impression, but Seanbaby usually uses examples from the subject of ridicule to back up the ridicule. This is just a guy trying to show how funny he is while not really informing us about the movie very much. Nothing he said here couldn't be culled from the trailer and the wiki page.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Hopefully this movie will retire this style of film...

    by GrandMuffTarkin

    Once for Sin City was plenty.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    dont want to come across like a geek but...

    by Uridium

    its just 'Watchmen' (loose the 'The') Great review, very enjoyable read. Thanks for the headsup about the Spirit film, I think most of us could already smell the steaming pile that was approaching.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Jondough was laid off...

    by BigFo

    for writing a 6000 word performance review comparing the poor cashier to other bad cashiers in filmdom.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    So our Christmas offerings are

    by skimn

    Son Of Sin City 2: Color By Numbers<p>Owen And Aniston Make Cute With Dog<p>Tom Cruise And Half Of The British Acting Academy Take On Hitler...?<p>Since it has one of those mid-'70s, WWII, what-if plots feel to it, I gotta say Valkeyrie, however the fuck you spell it.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Gee, Didn't See That Coming

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    "My Mother. My Lover"<p> Ahhahahahahahahaha<p> Cocaine. It's hella drug

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Number of plot points referenced: Zero

    by GilbertRSmith

    I seriously doubt this guy has seen the movie. If it's that bad, why not tell us why it's bad? Why just wisecrack about how desperate the actors must have been for ten pages? Why not tell us about what, exactly, makes Frank Miller's writing and directing suck? Why not mention at least ONE THING the movie does poorly? Why is the review so vague and non-specific? This seems like some uninformed angsty hipster using a popular movie site to rant about a movie he hasn't seen, but hates on principle. That's what Livejournal and talkback are for. This doesn't deserve to be the first Spirit review on AICN. This guy simply did not see the movie, and the review makes that painfully clear.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:45 a.m. CST

    It's possible that the person never saw the movie.

    by JDanielP

    I will read some official reviews before I decide if it's worth the time and money. (As far as I'm concerned, this person could be just another hater.)

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Wannabe Directors

    by GilbertRSmith

    This sentence makes it clear JonDough's another wannabe director who's jealous of guys like Frank Miller and Quentin Tarantino "Those no talent hacks who get all the breaks". "You should know better. And if you don’t, I just got laid off, and I’ve got TONS of ideas. And none of them involve hiring a visually-overindulgent, first-time director and throwing $30 million at him" JonDough, if you've got such great ideas, make a fucking movie. It doesn't take a "Big Break" to make a low budget flick.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    I'll be checking out David Fincher's latest.

    by JDanielP

    But I remain curious as to what Frank Miller has done.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Scarlet may be hot, but she is a HORRIBLE actress

    by ShiftyEyedDog2

    ...possibly one of the worst working today. Wooden delivery, complete lack of emotion... whether it's a deep drama or a comic book flick, this chick is awfu and should not be working.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Get a life. All of you.

    by kesoze4

    The dude was lucky enough to see an advanced screening, which all of us would go to, and he hated it and decided to share his opinion. Don't like his writing style, I'm sorry, but the number of people saying that the review was a "waste of time" is hilarious given how there's not much greater a waste of time in general out there than visiting movie review sites. So damn easy to criticize via a 20-word talkback post, but given the general level of coherence in most of your BS, I'd bet good money that none of you could write a better review. Shut the F#&A UP and just say "thank you for letting me not waste my money".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:50 a.m. CST

    kesoze4

    by GilbertRSmith

    You're allowed to use the Fuck word on this site. And I didn't call it a waste of time, I just said that the guy didn't see the movie. I know I'm just killing time here, and part of that includes bitching about total shit reviews. Just like, hey, part of that involves bitching about people bitching about those reviews! LOLOLOL! IRRRRONYYYY!!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    The Spirit will be amazing!

    by nyhillbilly

    This is bullshit as far as I'm concerned! Frank Miller is a genius with his new way of portraying comic books. I dont care if people think this is not as true as it could be...there is no way any other director could make The Apirit in the way Frank Miller will! He know how to not only make the characters come to life but he stays true to the story6. This review is totally lame,he has no idea what makes a great comic movie... this movie will be so cool- I can't even wait the 10 days till it comes out!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    I don't care about his horrendous writing style...

    by BadMrWonka

    I'm just wondering why such an angry review by someone who just got laid off and has zero proof in his review that he actually SAW the film, gets published?<p>couldn't anyone with a little creativity and an axe to grind have written this without seeing the film? I'm asking honestly, AICN...

  • er...my shit filled arse?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:58 a.m. CST

    RE: "Has MCMLXXVI ever said anything else?"

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Yes, he has. A long time ago before he became AICN's token one-trick pony.<P>I can't wait for his head to fucking explode when TRANSFORMERS 2 comes out. It's going to be magical. Oh, and the TFers Talkbacks, let's not forget those!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    This was print-worthy?

    by epitone

    I'm amazed I read as far as I did. If I got through the entire thing I only would have been enabling this idiot in his logorrhea.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    As for THE SPIRIT...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...ZZZZZzzzzz...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Re:Xmas moovies

    by skimn

    Ooooops forgot about Benjamin Button...never mind...<p>Kesoze4, I wasted several vital seconds of my life reading your screed. Fuck off now.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    GilbertRSmith

    by kesoze4

    Yeah, I know damn well that I can swear, just actually choose not to. Somehow a good F@#$! can come off funnier than actually writing it out, while the latter just generally makes people come off as sounding immature. Then again, I'm participating in this pointless thread, so clearly I have no ground to stand on. I hope everyone here who thinks the dude is somehow lying goes and sees the movie anyway and gets exactly what they deserve. Awful superhero movies produced by companies who don't give a F#%& about their audience definitely deserve far more discussion and higher financial rewards than actually terrific movies like, oh, say, Slumdog Millionaire.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Fine, so let's say The Spirit sucks...

    by GilbertRSmith

    That doesn't change the fact that this review is obviously written by someone who didn't see it. If it sucks, the first real review will inform us of that. This guy doesn't tell us why it sucks, he just makes a bunch of bad jokes that have nothing to do with anything. You could switch out the names and titles and so on with any other movie in the world and it would read exactly the same. It's not that I'm trying to stick up for The Spirit, I'm just wondering why in the hell AICN doesn't read their reviews before they put them online.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Bad review

    by masteryoda007

    Made me want to top myself. Enough of the rape refernces already. These weirdos are really hung up on using the rape phrase. Hopefully one day Big Bubba will be sharing a cell with you and you can experience the bright and cheery nature of rape first hannd. What a bell-end.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    In other words...

    by GilbertRSmith

    Saying that Slumdog Millionaire deserves more attention (it does), is beside the point when the topic of the discussion is AICN's policies regarding which reviews to take seriously. Not even Entertainment Weekly would print this review.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Will see it... twice

    by vineethchacko

    Any review that goes like this one should 1) never be hosted on this site. 2) be saved as an example of the type of person we should never become. 3) Be enough proof that this movie is worth a watch.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    I have a collection of articles at home

    by ArcadianDS

    Most of them are archived H.L. Menchen, Andy Rooney, and Louis Grizzard articles. I keep copies of them because it helps me define and refine my thoughts on what a good article should look and feel like.<p> And then I have a copy of this review, because it is the literary equivalent of Battlefield Earth.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:17 a.m. CST

    I talked to MCMLXXVI once....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...it was like 6 months back in the middle of the night. He broke down and explained its hard resisting the urge to jump in on a TB. But he's gotta stay true to himself. I swear to Christ.....thats what he said.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Fuck! Hire Jondough already, whydon'tcha?

    by NivekJ

    If this fucker releases reviews that good every few years, they're worth their length. Give him an account and a paycheck: I need reading material during work. C'mon guys, there's a recession, and I could use the laughs. All TBs hail Jondough (and as for The Spirit, I'm honor-bound as a Bad-Movie-phile to go see it. I know shit when I see it [DTESS doesn't count - in my view, mediocrity is far worse than bad as it's unenjoyable]).

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    As for MCMLXXVI

    by vineethchacko

    He's committed.... only prob is he seems to be committed to posting his special credo in every talkback until the end of his days. or the end of MB's days. One or the other - must be like a vow of talkbacking.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    2,623 words wasted

    by Kurutteru Yatsu

    On a film nobody was excited about to begin with. This talkback has already entertained me more than everything I've seen of The Spirit combined.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Even Harry thinks wishes this guy got to the point!!

    by BobParr

    Please feel free to tell me more about yourself. Most interesting.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Drinking Game

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    Every time you see or hear the word Spirit, replace it in your mind with Assprint and take a drink

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Wow! Surprising posts

    by Homer Sexual

    When I clicked, I expected to see some people defending the Spirit, but not this many. <p> I find this review very amusing. The previews are so wretched, I figured this is gonna be bad. But now I have more interest in it, to see if it is really THAT bad. <p> And also because so many people seem to be hardcore Frank Miller fans, even though (because?) he's been clearly bonkers for years.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Thus

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    The Spirit = The Assprint

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    So, the trilogy of craptastic movies is complete.

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    The Spirit sits proud between Battlefield Earth and Speed Racer.<p>Congratulations.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    HIRE CARL WEATHERS!

    by DeweyOxburger

    Shit, I thought I was on 'The Expendables' talkback...carry on with your rape and Robocop chatter...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    How to write a good review...

    by Lost_Horizon

    1) Have something interesting to say. 2) Get to the fucking point already. 3) Avoid references to your "buddy's" rape fantasies. Err, I mean "insightful analogies". 'The Spirit' PROBABLY is a terrible movie. That WAS a wretched review. Pee-yuu.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    This guy likes watching bad movies

    by Rupee88

    Anyone who has a "bad movie night" loses a lot of credibility. I don't doubt that The Spirit is not a great film, but it sounds like at least it maybe tried to be...better than most of the contrived, derivative sh*t that comes out of Hollywood constantly.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Hey at least the style is new. Love the comic book B/W feel.

    by Damien Chowder

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:39 a.m. CST

    fake outrage

    by soup74

    why do people get all bent out of shape when someone uses a word, like 'rape'?<br><br>yes, rape can be a horrible crime, but it can also be a descriptive word for something horrible happing to someone.<br><br>when someone says something is 'a cancer on society' do you get all bitchy because cancer is one of the biggest killers in america? <br><br>no you do, and if you do, you're an idiot.. quit pretending like you're offended..and if you are really offended.. grow the fuck up. who gets offended by words? (no matter what they imply.)

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    jondough is a douche

    by kingmercury

    god what a crap review, you bitter little shit. im sorry your stuck making fries at fucking burger king and haven't gotten your big shot yet! I could have crapped out a better review than that. you told me nothing! except how small minded and retarded you are. on a side note. i think half the problem with this film is history..history of 300, and sin city. look this isnt his creation. and I think the marketing and his background is setting people up to be disappointed. I never read the spirit, i love comics but it never looked interesting to me. I sense the more comical nature of it was inspired by the comics I could be wrong. maybe it will suck I dont know, but dont base your decision to go on this turd burger jondough. I love this site but honestly sometimes people like this ruin it for me.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Scene

    by kesoze4

    The level of defensiveness around a movie no one really cares about is staggering. He didn't see it? Okay, after paying to go see it, all you bright, talented writers who are in no way "bitter little shits" yourselves please let me know how fictional this line of Jondough's is: "Seriously, how on Earth could they know that your idea of direction is to place the camera on a tripod and have your two actors walk back and forth for five minutes in front of a dimwit committing seppuku?" If there's no terribly paced seppuku scene in the movie I'll freely admit I was wrong and you cheerful, bright, highly creative folk are right, and will pay money to go see The Spirit. In the meantime a big thanks to all of you for contributing so much to this world.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Whoa Johndough!

    by DarthJedi

    That was intense. Funny, though. I had the exact same feeling after watching the trailer.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    I stopped reading when he started his Sam Jackson sketch

    by slone13

    I'm sure the movie's bad, but this "review" was fucking awful.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    I'M SO MAD.

    by neverhed

    As one of the first people who read and commented on this review, I can tell you, having gone hours without even being close to a computer: Your rage will only intensify. This review has undoubtedly given me cancer and brain AIDS.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Coco!

    by Lost Jarv

    How's the music career coming along? And yes, I would like fries with my burger.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    So what's the big deal with "The Watchmen" anyway?

    by Lost Jarv

    It's not as if the funny book is any good. I bet this will be better.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    you can say Miller is a crappy director but not a crappy artist

    by Rupee88

    He did write and draw some very compelling comic books in the past. No one stays super talented forever. He has contributed more to our culture than any of you fuckheads. He just got in over his head with this Spirit thing.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Did this guy see the film?

    by Archive

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    The question is....who's a bigger hack?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Frank Miller or Zach Snyder. Both claim to be artists, both claim to be directors, both do their own storyboards. Discuss. Both make nearly unwatchable films that would barely entertain a Golden Retriever.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:04 p.m. CST

    I ask because...

    by Archive

    ...the only details about the movie in this review are the two main leads and the name of the director. And as pure trash-talk goes, this guy could stand to take some of that hard education from Vern...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:05 p.m. CST

    560 Fucking Words BEFORE the Review?

    by Read and Shut Up

    It's like this cartoon I saw the other day: MAN 1: I have nothing to say. I'm not interesting. MAN 2: You should blog it. <p> <p> Seriously Harry, if you're paying by the word I understand...otherwise, can SOMEONE on your staff get out the editing knife?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    FUCK YOU. Who fucking cares how long this is?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    The movie looks like shit. This guys confirms it. Frank Miller....fuck off and get hit by a train.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    I've Made my Decision

    by YakMalla

    I'm going to see this. I'm sure it will suck. I'm just going as a protest to this horrible review.</p>Jondough. Dude. You should NOT choose writing as a career. You want to work in film? Look into key gripping or something.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    If the movie...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...is only half as bad as this review, it will still be unendurable. <p> Christ, what an awful piece of work this thing was.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    I Care, Craptwat. That's Why I Mentioned It.

    by Read and Shut Up

    I don't care about the backstory, or what your motivation is. Submit a review and be done with it. And I wouldn't go so far as to wish Frank Miller impaled "Omen"-style, but he does need to walk away from the movie business at a brisk clip. Period.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    neverhed

    by gotilk

    You're right. My bad. How could I have missed that??

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    HEY MORBIDOBESITY WHAT'S UP ASSHOLE

    by BringingSexyBack

    Not every movie can be great like You Don't Mess With The Zohan.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    The worst thing I've ever seen? THAT FUCKING REVIEW!!

    by TallBoy66

    Here's a summary for everyone: "Blah blah blah unfunny self-wankery blah blah blah I am beating a dead horse and everything I say sucks and bombs blah blah blah."

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    WHY DOESN'T MCMLVXXI REGISTER ANOTHER NAME

    by BringingSexyBack

    Doy!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Hey Everyone I watch shit that is only available on VHS!!

    by Internet Thug

    aren't me and my posse the retroest-hipster douchebags that ever bought a 6 pack of Dos Equis??

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    I DIDN'T READ THE REVIEW BUT I GATHER IT WAS BAD

    by BringingSexyBack

    Trailers look shit. Not even ScarJo's titties can save this thing. And anything Eva Mendes appeared in has sucked.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    LostJarv

    by cocolopez

    Wow, some memory! Life must be pretty sad for you. Burger (my shit) is on the house- enjoy!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Seriously, someone should just slap Jondough in the face

    by TallBoy66

    Like a naughty puppy. Maybe then he'll stop. "BAD! JONDOUGH! BAD!" *thwap!*

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Worst review I've ever read

    by Giario

    Please don't accept any more reviews from this clown. Seriously embarrassing. Reads almost as if this guy wrote it purely for his own amusement, then someone found it and sent it to AICN to humiliate the woefully-mediocre cunt. If that's the case then job done.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    gah!

    by Dollar Bird

    I was pretty please with this guy's writing untul he got to the Sam Jackson/Costume designer conversation. That's where the whole thing fell apart. I actually thought he did a better job giving "Battlefield Earth" a review than "The Spirit".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    I lost myself...

    by rost

    while reading this review. Hell, I even read the whole damn thing. There was no time anymore, no sound, no nothing; only the search for something about the movie...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    A message to the reviewer...

    by Zeegloo

    I will not proceed to rip you a new one, since everyone else already has. As somebody who has put a review on AICN, I quickly realized some sort of talkback reaction is inevitable (granted mine was pretty mild, but there was still some doucbebags in the bunch). However, I would find it pretty hard to believe that you wrote this review WITHOUT the TB in mind. I give you major props for having the balls to submit this review. Try not to get too tangled up in the angry chaos that has ensued... it really isn't worth your time. Most people here (myself included) need a hobby AWAY from the computer.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    also:

    by Dollar Bird

    An open letter to the girl in the Busted Tees ad with the piñata shirt that reads, "I'd hit that.":<p>Indeed, your clothing's sentiments ring true with me, but I'm not thinking about your _shirt's_ piñata.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Seriously, someone should just slap Jondough in the face

    by Cameron1

    Amen. Miller too though.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Dollar Bird

    by Zeegloo

    I second that!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Yep. This guy's an idiot.

    by CoursinLarry

    Guess what, dude. This review isn't going to be your big break. And it's been said by others before me, but I have to mention it. The rape comment was unfunny and inappropriate. Ask any rape victim. I bet they'd tell you that watching a bad movie is not the same.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Why this guy is a tool:

    by Raymar

    I learned NOTHING from his ranting other than he thinks some of the performances are weak (and from what I've seen Sam Jackson looks pretty awesome) and its a little dark in some scenes (but apparently still gorgeous looking nonetheless) So how does that add up to THE WORST MOVIE EVER?! Ever see "Eye of the Beholder" or "Valentine", buddy? What about the plot, action, etc? And if he can't appreciate the awesomeness Jackson as a samurai or in the SS costume than he just has no imagination or creativity in his black heart.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    What AmericanMovieFan said...

    by Anti-fanboy

    And that's how I felt after just the first paragraph. Miller's stuff, as bizarre and exaggerated as it often is, always has the potential to strike people the wrong way. There was some great iconic imagery in the trailers, and that by itself has me looking forward to this.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    ...so by tearing into the review like this....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...its safe to assume you will all pay to see The Spirit, and you are hoping every film looks like this from now on? <p>Oh good. Fuck off.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Sam Jackson: A one note, one trick pony.

    by uberman

    Sam Jackson plays Sam Jackson playing Sam Jackson. Just cut and paste his roles-they're transferable. And as far as him being a believable hard core bad ass, I never bought it. He's not nearly as bad as he thinks he is. And the "Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuck" shit he gets to pass off as dialoge is getting stale. Just because it worked many years ago in 'Pulp Fiction' does NOT mean you resort to it in EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN MOVIE ROLE SINCE THEN!!!! Sam, you have officially jumped the shark. Now take your gabillions of dollars and go play golf. Enoughs enough.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    danny dick lover

    by cocolopez

    that's some overshoot- from us panning a shitty review leading to us all wanting everything to look like carbon copies of Sin City. What's 2 x 2? 1,600? And why so angry? Is JonDough your Pony Boy? Were you the one he refers to left feeling raped- and was that before or after he pulled his cock out of your ass?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 12:55 p.m. CST

    which is worse, the movie or this review?

    by BMacSmith

    come on man, leave the funny to funny people. I don't care about your bad movie nights in your parents basement.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST

    This Review Gave Me AIDS,

    by Tipsy McStagger

    Killed my dog, turned my homework in late, caused global warming, killed John Lennon, robbed and beat an old lady, and elected George W. Bush president. Wait. It also just raped me.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Wow so this movie will rock!

    by theycallmemrglass

    Or maybe it wont. But how the fuck can anyone take this reviewer seriously who enjoys a weekly marathon night of watching really bad movies? Who the fuck does that? Why? What fucking sense is there for doing that? What the fucking fuck?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    review

    by DylanDenham

    I feel like going to see this movie just becos the review is so wank, anyone who writes this badly can't know what he's on about. Maybe the guy who said Plant! was right...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    there's real anger, there's shctick...

    by wash

    and then there's DG_DB. Cock fuck cunt shit ass rape titties all caps WEEEEEEEEE.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Fucking Lemmings

    by Frankenbastard

    Man you almost had me till you typed “as written and directed (hahahahahaha) by Frank Miller” then it just made you look like a 10 year old douche. I love the name dropping of your favorite films interwoven with summer pop movies. That coupled with the fact that you want to be a film maker screams that you’re just one of those twits that makes people cringe when you get up at Comicon and ask a director “ do you think Wolverine can beat up Batman?”. Your review of a film stunk as bad as the new The day the earth stood still and that my friend was right on par with Battlefield Earth. I’ll do what I always do, ignore what people are told to like and just judge for myself. It kills me how most of the freaks in the talkbacks have never even watched a film pre 1980 and then want to be film makers, good fucking luck. Go watch some real god damned movies for a change then have an opinion. Yea this film might be bad but Christ learn to write a real review.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:12 p.m. CST

    ROTTEN TOMATOES LINKS TO THIS REVIEW

    by Zeegloo

    My oh my... on the front page too

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Really think he hasn't seen it?

    by Zeegloo

    I mean I know that his review was awfully vague as far as actual details ABOUT the film itself go, but why would anyone put up a piss poor review for this one? Not that it isn't possible, just doesn't make sense...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    That's right-

    by cocolopez

    Rotten Tomatoes linked to the "review"- making it painfully obvious why Aint It Dull made such a hoopla over it and published it- to make a little noise. "So the review sucks wild ass- says next to nothing about the movie and is written by a hideous self-indulgent twit- who cares? It's spin! News! The early word on the street! Ain't it cool, guys? Ain't it GEEKY cool?"

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Either way...

    by Zeegloo

    He's gonna be a dead man if he tries defending himself in TB -_-

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:26 p.m. CST

    MorbidObesity

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    That may be....but there are a ton of average movie-going people that check Rotten Tomatoes for reviews before seeing a film. So whether or not you believe this guy actually saw it-- this thing is fucked. Absolute fucking bomb. Bye bye Frank Miller, it was nice knowing you.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Might be the worst movie ever made...

    by DarthCorleone

    ...but enough with the rape analogy. It's more than politically incorrect. It's insensitive and offensive.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    This review makes Massawyrm's reviews look good.

    by Leafar the Lost

    After reading the worst review on AICN of all time, I feel a sense of betrayal, a sense of loss, a sense that somehow it was my fault. I have no idea who this Jondough idiot is, and I don't want to know. After his rape reference, I really don't care. If he wants to know what it feels like to be raped, he should go to a nearby prison on visiter day.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    I've forwarded the review....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....to every entertainment/movie site I know exists. They should be up soon. <p>DIE FRANK DIE!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:33 p.m. CST

    Damn

    by cocolopez

    I knew there was a reason I stopped coming here. Time to leave again.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Get To The Fucking Point

    by topaz4206

    Worst review ever made.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:41 p.m. CST

    I wonder...

    by Zeegloo

    Can a TB get so hateful and angry that AICN removes the review?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:42 p.m. CST

    cocolopez - good, fuck off.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:42 p.m. CST

    Zeegloo

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    They might remove it in a last minute effort to save Frank Miller's career. For some reason AICN is pulling for that cunt.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    300 replies to a "poorly written review"

    by Magic Rat

    the guy's writing skills aside, he accomplished his job in getting people to respond.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading at...

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    ..."I still have my mutton chops from when I played Vincent."

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    yeah, when you have skits in your

    by vaudeville villain

    movie review, it's time to call it a day. sorry to add even more to the growing pile of hate, but that was pretty terrible, guy. and really... who has weekly movie nights where you watch nothing but bad movies? i hope you find work quick, if for no other reason than the fact that you spend your free time in an *incredibly* lame fashion.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    oh, but when i say those things, of course

    by vaudeville villain

    i say it as i stand, wearing my v-neck sweater over button-down shirt...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 1:59 p.m. CST

    This review is worse than Battlefield Earth

    by Alonzo Mosely

    I've been coming here, what, like 11 years (note to self, get a fucking life) and this is probably the worst example of a 'review' ever, and it didn't even need to have a beer or argue about what real dragons would do. Hell, Demon Dave would rather be juggfuckled than be associated with this review, that is how bad it is...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2 p.m. CST

    This TB is addicting

    by Zeegloo

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:03 p.m. CST

    talkbackers...

    by emeraldboy

    remind me of Statler and Waldorf. It was great movie. well it wasnt that great. in fact it was the worse movie i have ever seen. yeah. it was terrible. awful. boo. boo. awful.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:04 p.m. CST

    I agree with others here: This review is badly written

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    Incomprehensible. I'm not at all defending The Spirit (from what I've seen online, the movie looks terrible). But this review is an epic fail at conveying how bad the movie is. Perhaps this is a "reverse plant"?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:06 p.m. CST

    DGDB

    by skimn

    Besides looking like a pedophile in a bad Vincent Price get up, whats your beef against Miller? And don't just say "talentless hack", sir.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    did mirajeff write this review?

    by Bob C. Cock

    could have fooled me

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:16 p.m. CST

    THE CURIOUS CASE OF MORBID'S OBESITY

    by BringingSexyBack

    Stop eating and start exercising. Walking is good for you. Too bad you have no place to go. Sorry about that.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    JONDOUGH NEEDS TO ATTEND THE MORBID SCHOOL OF REVIEW WRITING

    by BringingSexyBack

    His opinion is worthless but at least he gets to the point, i.e.: "Zohan is pretty great."

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    COCOLOPEZ!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Don't leave! AICN needs the return of some of its most infamous trolls. The new ones around here SUUUUCCCKKK!!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:21 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading when I got to the "Frank Miller (hahahaha)" pa

    by MattmanReturns

    Yeah. Frank Miller. Hilarious. Don't bother explaining yourself.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Coming to an Urban Outfitters/Dictionary near you:

    by Kurutteru Yatsu

    "I stand, wearing my v-neck sweater over button-down shirt" could easily be the new "I put on my robe and wizard hat." Just putting that out there.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:46 p.m. CST

    GODDAMN, is this a reviewer's director's cut?

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    It's called the delete key. Look into it occasionally. I want to read this review, but I don't have 34 hours to set aside to do so.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:46 p.m. CST

    and to think, everything that i've seen

    by vaudeville villain

    about this movie thus far has been shit, but after reading this review i'm almost rooting for it. okay, not really (i still think it's going to be shit... just not the worst ever).

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    No detail

    by Reckoner

    This review sucked. No plot detail or examples whatsoever. But, I do think The Spirit will be awful and I won't even rent it on DVD. The trailer was awful and made no damn sense. The dialogue sounded incredibly bad, too.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:51 p.m. CST

    I didn't know Seth McFarlane submitted reviews to AICN...

    by Stalin vs Predator

    One can instantly recognize Seth's witty, humorous and timeless writing style in this review. It's even better than "Family Guy", though not as polished as "American Dad".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Is JonDough the most hated reviewer on AICN now?

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I can't ever remember reading a TalkBack where so many people wanted to punch one person in the face*. Even Brett Ratner and McG get more love than JonDough.<p>* I would like to be first in that line please.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 2:54 p.m. CST

    emeraldboy

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I think that may be the first post from you I've read that didn't reference some obscure Irish television show (i.e "Mary Blarneystone on Leprechaun Tonight reported on this movie and only gave it one clover leaf out of ten...)<p>Are you the same emeraldboy as before or have you stolen his login?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Frank Miller GOTTA EAT!!!

    by BGDAWES

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Mr. Monkey, you may be right, fer instance take his name

    by skimn

    Jondough: My ID is Jondough, a play on words of the proverbial most common name Joe Doe, but spelled in a way that implies either a pasty mound consisting of flour and water, or a large amount of money that should be coming my way, once some lucky producer discovers my clever turn of a phrase...<p>Sound Of MrMonkeys fist hitting face: Kermmurppph.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    You want to see the Watchmen already?

    by agro23

    I hate to be the one to say it, but I bet Watchmen is going to suck also. It looks like Mystery Men II.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    What's up with 'The Watchman'?

    by BGDAWES

    Is this, like, a movie about a super-hero (The Watchman) that fights a big squid that everyone keeps talking about?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Mystery Men was good. The Watchmen will suck.....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...Zach Snyder is a hack with great abs.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Kermmurppph indeed, Skimn!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I'd knock that Dough into shape. Hee hee.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Bad review for a bad movie...

    by alienindisguise

    seems fitting. So much money wasted on some dumbass thinking Miller's a genius. 5 monkeys with a camera could have made this flick just as well.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    I am SO excited for this movie now!

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    Though, we could have done without the rape jokes...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    LGF If it's not broken, break it, then scotch!

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    PLZ DONT MAKE REVIEWS; YOU WRITE LIKE FUCKING SHIT

    by Stengah

    Thanks for letting us know it sucked, but now please go the fuck away and save us from future head aches.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    5 monkeys with a camera

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    alienindisguise = RACIST

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Is The Watchman that sequel to

    by BGDAWES

    Hancock that Will Smith keeps talking about?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    I'm going to make copies of this review...

    by pezduro

    "So I can Poop on!". Can't believe this review got passed the editing staff.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Stengah

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Headache is one word.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Izznit Ironic - Doancha think?

    by YakMalla

    This is the Battlefield Earth of movie reviews.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Seriously

    by Exile236

    Best Review EVER!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    This TB

    by TheHumanBeingAndFish

    I could be wrong, but if I recall correctly, Harry pays the other reviewers on this site per talkback entry. So, shitty as this review is, the large number of posts made this review a success - at least for Hercules. Am I wrong?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    "the editing staff"

    by skimn

    hahhaahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaahahahah<p>You have read a review from Harry, right?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    TheHumanBeingAndFish

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Is that confirmed? I've heard that rumor go around. I suppose it may make sense, because the TB's are the only reason this site gets the hits it does.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    I laughed, I cried...

    by wintocha67

    Your review was great. Thanks.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    It's becoming painfully obvious...

    by danofan59

    that the producers of the lame TV-movie starring Sam Jones had a better feel for the character and the tone of Eisner's work than Frank Miller.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Number of hits..

    by skimn

    makes sense. What other gauge would Harry have to charge advertisers..? And what would he pay? At 50 cents a hit, the guy would have made almost 200 dollars already for a crappy review. Where do I sign up?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Wait a minute, do people think this flick will be GOOD?

    by Jack Burton

    Because it definitely won't. They ran the full trailer before "Quantum of Solace" and there was laughing and many comments of "that looks like shit". And it really does. Incomprehensible and stupid, there is no one looking forward to this thing I don't care how much you like the comic. It screams "This years Sky Captain!" and moviegoers didn't really flock to that overcooked mess.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by TheHumanBeingAndFish

    Just googled it - found these TBs: http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/21673 and http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/20982 where Hercules appears to admit it a few times, although he could of course have been joking. I seem to recall Moriarty admitting it too at some point, but maybe my memory's getting faulty.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Quite possibly the worst review I've ever read

    by Wonderthump

    Didn't take your Ritalin? Graduated from an art school? Related to someone "in da biz," are you? YOU SUCK. Please stop writing. Will you not think of the children?? That is all.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    As long as JonDough doesn't get paid

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I don't give a crap who gets money for me putting this post here.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    I AM BEING RAPED!

    by neverhed

    Are people really still sensitive over rape jokes? Hasn't that cherry been forcibly popped?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Uhhh...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... no. No one on this site is paid "per talkback." It was a joke Herc makes occasionally, especially when looking at a talkback made up of 300 people saying "fuck you" over and over.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    I, for one, would never say "fuck you"

    by NivekJ

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Sounds hilarious and fun to me!

    by Drath

    I doubt I'll buy a ticket to this, but it does sounds like a hilarious romp of a bad movie. I consider Final Destination a sidesplitting comedy it's so bad. Battlefield Earth though it's even enjoyable as bad, it's just....it's a movie you want to not sit through at all. I hope The Spirit is better than that at least. But frankly, after seeing the ballshit insane trailer, I knew this was just a silly visual mind fuck anyway. This review was funny, I'm amaze there's anyone who takes it so seriously as to still bitch.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Whoever Crowned Miller A Legit Director???

    by Media Messiah

    The Spirit was just Miller's excuse to get in the panties of some not so A-list actresses/whores hence the reason why he cast them in this movie!!! "The Casting Couch" is alive and well in Hollywood. if I was a betting man, I'd bet that Miller got lots of ass for this--and several of these so-called actresses gave up that ass for parts, all for a piece of trash film that will flop!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    No offense

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I give that bad review a bad review. I wanted to finish it, I wanted to enjoy reading it but ultimately I could do neither. There's no "there" there.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    MORIARTY

    by neverhed

    This TB isn't made up of 300 people saying "fuck you." Sure, there's a lot of intense malevolence here, but it's for a reason. If you and the other AICN-ers haven't figured out why this review should be taken down and apologized for yet, you clearly don't pay any real attention to reader response.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    BTW

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    The first trailer looked like a disaster but from the new Christmas-y one, it looks like it could be fun in a campy way. I still think it's an outrage that an Artiste such as Miller would bring the Spirit to the big screen in such an un-Eisner way ... I mean it's bizarre too. It's Frank Miller's The Spirit, which would be fine except that's not what they're saying. <p>Also: I can almost guarantee none of the females in this movie had any kind of sexual relationship with Frank Miller at any time. I don't know where you weirdos get these ideas; the man isn't exactly a Hollywood power broker.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    I always say "fuck you"

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    But not over and over.<p>Unless it's a talkback related to Michael Bay or Brett Ratner.<

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    I thought Moriarty quit the site

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Que paso? I guess (geeky, self-) righteousness never quits. <p>I'm sorry but The Legend of Billie Jean taught me to speak truth to power.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Jondough=DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by BrightEyes

    Thats why he is the only fucking loser who is trying to defend this shit review, because he wrote it. Fucking guy lives to talk shit about films on the internet.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    I blame JonDough for Moriarty leaving

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I also blame him for:<p>* AIDS<p>* The final episode of The Sopranos<p>* Firefly being cancelled<p>* That fucking terrible "I Kissed A Girl" song<p>* The death of my smile today

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    oh fuck MORIARTY.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I was hoping it was a per TB post rate. I was gonna post 500 FUCK YOU'S on your final TB, to send you off in style and make you a few extra bucks.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    BrightEyes

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I'm not defending the review. I'm defending the point of view. Everyone else on here is terrified of stepping on the toes of the Patron Saint of Shit -- Frank Miller. <p> Fuck off and gargle.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Paulson sucked on Studio 60

    by JuanSanchez

    She may have been the single weakest element on the show - and lets not forget DL Hughley and Amanda Peet were also on the show.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Film Knowledge

    by Bad LT

    Perhaps this is proof that there is some value to going to film school and/or having a life long devotion to film. Being a kick ass comic book writer or musician does not translate into being a great director.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:42 p.m. CST

    TheHumanBeingAndFish

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Thanks for looking that up.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Bad LT

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Film school education doesn't mean shit. But I think you got it right with a devotion to film. Frank Miller's only devotion is to himself and the bitches that suck his coffee stained cock.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:45 p.m. CST

    suck my review

    by GreenRoots

    IRONY: this reviewer claiming Frank Miller is a style-less writer. Just try reading that incoherent ramble above and you realize he has no credibility

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Looks Better Than The Dark Knight!!! I'm Surprised???!!!

    by Media Messiah

    My only problems with the clip is when he, The Spirit, looks away from Eva as she drops the towel. It would have played better if he slowly looked at her nude body up and down with no regrets. That said, the 6 clips from the film surprised me, they are had a Spirit about them where as the Dark Knight is lifeless A-Sexual sterility!!!<BR><BR>My sincere apologies to Miller and his cast. He may be throwing a Booty Party, but at least this film appears to have a human pulse and the Spirit of fun to it!!! Job well done, man!!! It appears that you are a legit director after all??? Big Congrats!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    The humor never dies

    by kesoze4

    Not a single soul who has posted in this Talkback to date is funny, creative, or interesting in even the slightest way, and what saddens me is that each thinks they are. No one here has written a word any decent human should care about reading. You are not unique special snowflakes. If your mommy loves you, she's the *only* one. Get the f%#& offline, go outside, do something productive, and try to learn how to make a real life friend. Because all five hundred of you coming in here and posting verbal abuse about a kindly written review as if you're the first one to do it is neither funny, nor original, nor interesting, nor a waste of anything but your own useless, unproductive lives -- lives which will fortunately have ended in sixty-odd years without anyone noticing or caring in the slightest unless you stop and try to become different people *today*. Sitting here and typing verbal diarrhea into the AICN Talkbacks isn't just *bad*... and it's not just *wasting your lives*... it's HURTING AMERICA.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Herc doesnt need TB hits money

    by the milf lover

    he's already getting paid by Amazon and Joss Whedon for all the incessant plugs.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST

    yeah but Joss only pays with blow-jobs....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....thats browncoat currency.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST

    This Version Is Actually Truer To The Coimc

    by Alen Smithee

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094017/

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    kesoze4

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    My mom told me I'm a unique special snowflake, and I believe her over you. So fuck off.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    kesoze4, that's the funniest thing I've read all day

    by NivekJ

    AVATAR. 12.31.09. FUCK MY EYES. Copyright 20th Century Fox Film Production.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    DannygloverS_DICKBLOOD

    by BrightEyes

    The spirit does look pretty bad and thats why I wont be watching it. Cause Fuck it thats why. So if you know it looks bad and don't want to see it, why do you have to go out of your way to send it to all the different film sites and bash it so passionately, if you don't wanna watch it don't watch it and find something better to do with your time than waste it on some shit film you don't wanna watch anyways.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    TheRealMoriarty

    by TheHumanBeingAndFish

    In that case, I apologize.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:30 p.m. CST

    If The Movie Is ANYTHING Like This Review...

    by thelordofhell

    It's gonna suck.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Fired Lionsgate Employee

    by GreenRoots

    I thought this sounded familiar. Variety reported that Lionsgate laid-off 8% of their staff last month. That explains this crazy reviewer's pure hatred and blaming Lionsgate over and over. Was this even a review? He didn't mention anything in particular that's proved he's seen it... IMDB+trailers+anger towards being laid off= worst the internet has to offer. Please dont let this reviewer near a keyboard again.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 5:59 p.m. CST

    I liked Sin City.

    by Amy Chasing

    At the time it was the best comic book movie made IMHO. Pity if Spirit is shit, but worse than Battlefield Earth? Dunno, I've avoided BE. But if it's worse than Dreamcatcher or Southland Tales (both movies that fail utterly despite their budgets, cast and crew), then I'd say it's baaaaad.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I'm still laughing at that post, man! I actually thought you were serious but then I realised such a thing couldn't be possible. Dude, you crack me up! More "The Spirit looks better than The Dark Knight" posts from you please, as I have a heavy day of Xmas shopping tomorrow and am SO not looking forward to it. I need cheering up!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Atrocious delivery; awful "skits"...

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    ScriptGirl...Is that you?!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Fellas...

    by Kal Reeve

    You're starting to resemble a lynch mob. Whether the review was poorly written or not, it doesn't give anybody the right to try and destroy a person. Read and reflect on the malicious things you're writing before posting them.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Don't worry about Media Messiah!!!

    by Amy Chasing

    Anyone that can write "King Chris Nolan has no clothes, and I just think it interesting that I am the only one with the courage and the guts here to say and think for myself by daring to speak the truth!!!" and think they're going to be taken seriously is obviously pulling the piss. Also see what I did there with my !!! - as impressive as MM is eh?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Kal, "read and reflect before posting"??

    by the milf lover

    Fuck that! <p> THIS IS TALKBAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    No suprise...

    by brundlelfy

    Read any of Miller's comic work lately? Exactly.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    This review sucked!

    by Evangelion217

    But I understand where the guy is coming from. He is totally, and utterly dissapointed in Frank Miller. And that's why his review seems to be all over the place, and way too emotional. I feel bad for him. And even though I do like some of Miller's most modern work, I will admit that he sucks, compared to what he use to create. He use to create real art, not trash art. :(

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:09 p.m. CST

    Wait, wait... holdon a second...

    by ebonic_plague

    Y'know, this is talkback, I can accept that for most of us the default setting is somewhere between "whine" and "bitch," and I can even see where some people would get off on putting Miller in a lower caste of filmmaker than Uwe Boll or Ed Wood... Sin City was cringe inducing in parts even for the comic book faithful, despite a noble effort from Rourke's version of Marv, and I freely admit that this adaptation of the Spirit looks like the cinematic equivalent of a bloody tampon hanging from a prolapsed rectum... <p> BUT <p> You're objectively full of shit if you think Miller is a "talentless hack," or that DKR "sucks." Miller might have the filmmaking skills of a pile of cold afterbirth, but the man managed to create some fucking GREAT comics. OK, his latest efforts have been... less than great, but Dark Knight Returns? Daredevil? Sin City? Martha Washington? Hard Boiled? I've read most of his work, and frankly, if you like comics and you'd completely write off those works as worthless based on your distaste for his admittedly dismal movie work, it's because you're the douchebag. <p> That said, this really, really does look like ass. Hope you had fun, Frank, because I think your directing career is over. Hopefully you didn't fuck it up for Gaiman.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:31 p.m. CST

    well said, ebonic_plague

    by TiVo1138

    miller owns, even if this sucks

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Ha! That *was* a great review!!!

    by Mr.LordBronco

    Of a sucky movie-wish somebody had done the same for me on Punisher Warzone which I walked out of. Hell, i do say hire the guy-harry's reviews can get to be more Rosey than even Ebert's-but he's not a geek. Waiting for gran tourino and the Wrestler this season-and those are the only movies I'd even think about paying for. o.K. Slumdog millionaire-I owe to myself to watch just because of Boyle's sunshine

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    bunch of douches!

    by cloudrider`

    any self respecting geek would FIRST and foremeost be thankful frank miller is given the chance to play with hollywood's money. i dont need to repeat the comics he's written in past. let's just say that you will most certainly never have the second highest grossing movie of all time be a batman movie. you think nolan could come up with it all on his own??? <p> so please, respect where is it's due, geeks. second of all, SEE before you judge! the rush hour movies keeps getting made, and paul wanker anderson are still making movies, so obviously you guys are still watching shit, despite your constant attacks on those 2 hacks. but an ARTIST with originality makes a movie and you all bitch BEFORE you even see it??? <p> bunch of hypocrites all of you!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    I just got laid off, and I’ve got TONS of ideas

    by illegaltouching

    That's it. That's the line.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Off topic

    by Gwai Lo

    What's the URL for Moriarty's site/blog?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    What parts of Sin City were cringe inducing?

    by crazybubba

    Just curious cause i love that movie.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Sin City

    by Gwai Lo

    I loved that movie as well but I cringed a few times. "My valkyrie... my warrior woman..."

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8 p.m. CST

    yeah, i just wish...

    by cloudrider`

    people would just stick with the review and skip all the self important bs. that's why i always hate geeks reviews. mori now has to keep mentioning his kid and how the movie affect him. harry's still useless. and i can't trust a review from someone who has too much love for seagal. you want trustworthy reviews, go to RT.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    Amy Chasing And IAmMrMonkey! I Stand By My Comments!!!

    by Media Messiah

    Dark Knight is getting a free pass. If not for Ledger's death, the film's reviews would have been more down to earth. It was largely sympathy that influenced what was going on with the reviews and those playing on those sympathies to hype the movie, something done for profit!!!<BR><BR>I recall the same being true of The Crow, but it was a horrible movie, still people gave it a pass because of the death of Brandon Lee!!! I can't really judge it, as Brandon diied before the shoot was over, and scenes were not shot and had to be altered...yet in terms of Ledger, all of his work was shot, and Dark Knight just did not deliver.<BR><BR> As per The Crow, I love Brandon for who he was, and I love The Crow director for his later work on Dark City, but...the Crow sucked--still, that was even better than The Dark Knight!!! Remember, you guys are a part of the same crowd who initially said that Return of The Jedi, and the Star Wars prequels were great...and that Superman Returns, The Hulk, The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man were great too...and they all were different levels of suckage!!! A good or great movie, is supposed to make you wanna feel joy, cheer, laugh, and scream, feel love, anger, and cry...Dark Knight accomplished none of the above!!!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Studio 60 got cancelled because it sucked.

    by Zarles

    Oh no, there's a snake loose in the pipes! Someone go get a mongoose!<p><p>Crap. Sheer crap.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST

    crow &

    by cloudrider`

    the crow is not a horrible movie. and TDK is most certainly

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST

    He's not the Media Messiah. He's a very naughty boy.

    by Amy Chasing

    "you guys are a part of the same crowd who initially said that... the Star Wars prequels were great." <P> I never said that. Nor have I ever said any of those other films you mention are great. Some of them were hugely entertaining, but that's subjective. Your failure to recognise that subverts your credibility. Your lies just make you pathetic.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST

    MORI'S GONNA BE ON AOTS TOMORROW?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'm recording it. Hey Drew don't forget to mention Danny Dickblood.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:20 p.m. CST

    crow & TDK

    by cloudrider`

    imperfect yes, but most certainly not horrible. if you want hyped up mediocre piece of shit, look no further than spider-man 1 and x-men 1. superman returns and ang lee's hulk are at least hated from the get go. x-men 1 and spider-man 1 get free pass because of cluelessness.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:20 p.m. CST

    I didn't plan on seeing it in the theaters anyway

    by The Amazing G

    because for one thing it comes out CHRISTMAS DAY and there's already TWO other movies I want to see that come out the same day, but I might rent it cuz there's some good looking girls in it...huh huh if ya catch my drift heh heh....

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by Xiphos_2

    Is the exclamtion point button broken on your key board? If it isn't, please take a Xanex and relax, or is Xanex counterindicated with the current meds you're on?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by thelordofhell

    Y'know who I feel sorry for in TDK? Aaron Eckhart. I think his performance was the best in the whole film. If Ledger didn't die, I think that Mr. Eckhart would be getting a lot more props for his role in the film.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    AICN, for Pete's sake shitcan this "review"

    by Crimson Dynamo

    This movie probably won't be a hit - it will most likely go the way of Rocketeer/Phantom/Shadow - but the six scenes I saw looked like good campy pulp fun; certainly better than some of the earlier trailers we saw. Can we get at least one black box explaining why AICN even felt like this was post-worthy?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:52 p.m. CST

    I support this review, hang in there dickblood

    by BilboFett

    And I think the guy got it right. But, I think he's too impressed with his own "wit", however. That's when he lost me a little. And when he slammed Wonder Years, that shows he has no taste. Other than that, I think he probably got the movie right. And thanks to this review, I won't be seeing it to find out for sure. Gotta save money in this tight economy. Hang in there, Dickblood.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:53 p.m. CST

    Harry and Moriarty need to give their analysis on this

    by BDuncan

    We can all agree this is a terrible and very poorly written review that shouldn't have been posted up, so it'd be helpful to get analysis on what's really bad and / or any good about this film from both Moriarty (till he leaves the site) and Harry, compared to what the Sin City film did right.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 8:54 p.m. CST

    Am I the only one who thought TDK improved

    by Amy Chasing

    whenever the Joker was present. Honestly, I really enjoyed the film (loved the way it ended) but I found myself enjoying it even more due to Ledger's Joker. Not because in real life he died, but because of his performance. It was Gotham's story, but it was the Joker's movie.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:01 p.m. CST

    By the Power of Skull Fuck...

    by monolithik

    ...This "review" is still here. And worse than I remember it being last night. But it's like a train wreck(okay, a really long train wreck)... can't... look... away...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:01 p.m. CST

    Ebonic, re: Miller and the pile of cold afterbirth

    by BilboFett

    as opposed to warm afterbirth? WTF hehehe :)

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:03 p.m. CST

    I'm Pretty Sure...

    by monolithik

    ...kesoze4 is Jondough. Just putting that out there. Jondough was way too excited to write that review to NOT come here to read our glowing recommendations of his "sure hit".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:05 p.m. CST

    Have You Considered

    by monolithik

    Mime school? It's way less irritating, we don't have to ever hear you again and you still get to flap about until the ADHD wears off.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:06 p.m. CST

    yodaloves you, re: rape is worse than murder because it stays wi

    by BilboFett

    Whereas murder is only temporary, right? ...

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:07 p.m. CST

    I'm Kidding, Jondough

    by monolithik

    We'll probably still be able to hear your shoes. But seriously... God damn, this review just made me Hulk out. I'm sending you the bill for my blood pressure meds, Jondough.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:10 p.m. CST

    "And I think the guy got it right."

    by cloudrider`

    why? because you've seen the film? nothing can be worse than battlefield earth. he's wrong already.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:11 p.m. CST

    I'm Ashamed Now

    by monolithik

    To have people named Jon in my family. Ho. Lee. Shit. You just ruined the most common name in the world. I would hide.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Jondough didn't see it.

    by BurnHollywood

    Re-read the review and ask yourself if, as a writing exercise, you couldn't write the same thing based on the trailers and clips already available online.<p> I think AICN just got punked.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:13 p.m. CST

    I've Taken This Too Far

    by monolithik

    But it's worth it, just to make sure this never, ever happens again. Can we have Hitler back, instead? At least people didn't have to live with themselves when he was done with them. Good God Almighty.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:14 p.m. CST

    If the movie is as bad as this review...

    by dannydevito

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:17 p.m. CST

    If the movie is as bad as this review...

    by dannydevito

    count me out. Probably one of the most whiny, long winded, annoying reviews I've ever read on this site. I picture the reviewer as an overweight white man, with a mouth that looks like a vagina that eats corn nuts all day. Fuck you reviewer guy. Fuck you until your asshole turns into a donkey asshole.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:17 p.m. CST

    The Ballad of Jondough.

    by monolithik

    I am writing this song. And I will then put that song under my bed. I will then burn my house down.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah, TDK and all sorts of emotions

    by BilboFett

    Um, what screening were you at? A late night screening with half-asleep elderly? I saw it 3 times, and EVERY time they: laughed at Ledger's portrayal of the Joker, because he was GREAT and creepy, they cheered and clapped when Batman did the little 180 off the side of the building in the batcycle, we felt anger along with batman when he had the Joker in the interrogation room, we wanted to throw the joker into the table and wall as well, we felt sadness when Gordon "died", and we felt joy when he was still alive. My audience also clapped in 2 of the 3 times Gordon caught the Joker at gunpoint. Every showing clapped at the end. I'm sorry, but the movie was not emotionless, or dead. Maybe you are. And no, I never said the prequels were good, I didn't bother seeing the Hulk because I could tell its crap, I didn't like Superman Returns (my group left the theater and immediately started talking about Batman Begins instead), etc. etc. Sorry, your experience is not the majority one, nor was anything you say valid. All the critics aren't wrong, all of IMDB isn't wrong, and most of the world isn't deluded. I admit that Ledger's death gave the film a boost, but not THAT much of a boost.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Seriously, Though.

    by monolithik

    I had trouble sleeping last night, Jondough. You have damaged my calm. I'm calling my lawyers. I'm calling your lawyers. They'll side with me, too.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Most Importantly...

    by monolithik

    Don't listen to any of us fucksticks, Jondough. Thanks for the heads up.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:24 p.m. CST

    attacking JohnDough as much as you all are

    by BilboFett

    Says much less about his writing talent or masturbatory self-promotion, and much more about your weakness and frailty. Does it really bother you THAT much?? Grow up, get a thicker skin, and deal with it. This is just one opinion, like AICN always says of its reviewers. So what happens if the lot of you go see THE SPIRIT and most of the things this reviewer said is right? Will you then come back to this or another talkback and apologize? NOT A FUCKING CHANCE. Because besides not only being weak, frail, and feeble, you don't have any class. Sorry.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:26 p.m. CST

    Does every graphic novel merit a movie?

    by Fa Fa Fooey

    I would think not. But thanks for the warning, I will still clear of this piece of shit unless I get to eat out Eva Mendes.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:26 p.m. CST

    I STILL HAVEN'T READ THE REVIEW

    by BringingSexyBack

    but sure am enjoying the passionate talkback it inspired.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:27 p.m. CST

    What will the board to if Watchmen sucks too?

    by Fa Fa Fooey

    Any thoughts?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    This movie doesn't look very good, but

    by canopus

    Scarlett Johansson is a very good actress, the reviewer lost me with his little tirade about her. If I see this movie at all, in the theatre, or on DVD, it will be because of her.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    AICN should pull this review... because..... ??

    by BilboFett

    The guy hated the film, promoted himself, or didn't give a synopsis? Do any of those justify censorship or yanking the review? Seriously guys. How long have you been coming here. AICN has posted reviews that were SO MUCH WORSE than this. Honestly.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:39 p.m. CST

    This is the worst review i've ever seen

    by Sophism

    What's with all the preamble in the reviews on this site. I want to give a review of The Day The Earth Stood Still, but first a poem.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    HEY MORI - WHAT'S THE USERNAME AND PASSWORD FOR HITFIX?

    by BringingSexyBack

    You got the amateur porn vids up yet?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:45 p.m. CST

    THIS IS THE TALKBACK FOR THE WORST REVIEW I NEVER READ

    by BringingSexyBack

    I still haven't gotten the urge to punch Jondough in the face but it's just a matter of time.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Who said to pull it, BilboFett?

    by BurnHollywood

    Please, AICN, leave it up...a review this blatantly faked needs to be referenced so that it doesn't happen again.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:48 p.m. CST

    no, D.Vader, the reason why someone has no class

    by BilboFett

    Is that they are willing to expend tons of energy blasting and name-calling and ridiculing this reviewer and then not lifting even so much a finger if they later find out he is right. That is what I mean by "no class".

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:48 p.m. CST

    by GhostDad

    Ugh. Nothing worse than a guy who wants to "make it in the industry" ripping on "THE FUCKING STUDIO IDIOTS," to appear like he could do a better job when in reality, he'd suck dick to even have anyone at lionsgate read his script.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    let me backtrack a little

    by BilboFett

    I admit this is not a great review. I agree you learn nothing of the plot. I agree the guy is overly negative and is in attack mode. I agree that he strokes himself off and is impressed with his own jokes. I agree he seems desperate. I am also saying he has the right to his opinions of the movie, he didn't have to post a synopsis, and you don't have to like it. Fair?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Reverse Plant!

    by BroVinny

    I agree with the guy up there who called "Reverse Plant," but it may be that this guy was planted just to lower expectations so the movie plays better than if we were expecting a masterpiece. I'm going to see it anyway.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Reviewer wants to make movies?

    by RawShark13

    If they are half as over-indulgent and up his own ass as this review was, I got dibs on writing the snarky reviews!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    BilboFett

    by monolithik

    Listen. We're sure he's right. We know this movie is horrible, because we've seen the same trailers he has(and that's ALL he's seen, I promise you). This is not why we hate the review(er). He can be 150% correct on his take... and his review will still be the same godforsaken eyesore. Do you really not understand? Do you not see it?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 9:57 p.m. CST

    BilboFett

    by monolithik

    Fair. And we don't like it. We really. Don't. Like it. Fair?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10 p.m. CST

    I Just Figured It Out.

    by monolithik

    Jondough is the Dane Cook of amateur movie reviewers.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST

    I THINK JONDOUGH IS ON METH

    by Bass Bastardson

    That review was written by someone tweaking their fucking brains out. I would bet money on it.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:20 p.m. CST

    MORIARTY -- IF YOU DROP THE NAME DICKBLOOD....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....YOU GET STREET CRED.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:25 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Xiphos_2

    Don't attempt to read this review, there's no real reason. I bailed out at the one hour fourty three minute mark and that only got me through the first two paragraphs.<p>Plus this movie doesn't look very good anyways why invest the time?

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    DICKBLOOD

    by BilboFett

    care to explain how you came about picking "Danny Glover's dickblood" as a nick? Where did it originate from... what does it have to do with Danny Glover?? We're all here listening and waiting dude.

  • Truly, you gots to say WHY it's unbelievably bad.<p> <p>Tell us of the terible clunking "emtional" scenes that follow the terrible fucked up "action" sequences.<p> <p>Sure, if the acting is hilariously bad then the Movies toast and it looks like it is indeed in real trouble regardless of this review. But the problem is the review was a diatribe about the Actors and Director and Producers and NOT a REVIEW of the Movie.<p> <p>I want to KNOW how this is worse than at least the Happening because jeeesus christ that was a pile of shit to be measured against.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:28 p.m. CST

    THe Happening was so much more than JUST Bad Acting

    by G100

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 10:51 p.m. CST

    high school plays directed by a middle school teacher who’s only

    by WickedJacob

    I've been that teacher. I wouldn't want to see a movie staged by me either.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11 p.m. CST

    I have a feeling this review is accurate

    by Teddy Artery

    even if it is overly self-indulgent. I've noticed in the trailers a distinct attempt to make 'something out of nothing' and a hazy sense of direction and plot. I'm buying this as a legit reviewer.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:06 p.m. CST

    well then wait a sec

    by BilboFett

    That Blue Blood poster-thingy ad looks cool as all fuck. Forget THE SPIRIT, TDK, everything--this is my new passion. Especially that first girl in the foreground with the jacket that looks either cross-eyed or has a deformed head!

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:07 p.m. CST

    I thoroughly enjoyed this talkback.

    by Ultron ver 2.0

    Monolithik, I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. <p> DGDB, notsomuch.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:32 p.m. CST

    The Happening should be the new yard stick

    by Xiphos_2

    With which to measure shitty movies.<p> At least with Battlefield Earth you can have a good time with the massive cheese factor. There's nothing worthwhile to be found in The Crappenning.

  • Dec. 15, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    The Happening was shit, but it didn't look expensive.

    by Amy Chasing

    Dreamcatcher and Southland Tales (and Lost In Space if I'm feeling mean) all looked like big budget special effects extravaganzas. But they completely failed to be good in any way. The Happening was bad, but it didn't upset me as much that it was.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:18 a.m. CST

    but southland tales had The Rock!

    by vaudeville villain

    The Rock, people!!

  • For that alone it is essential viewing. ONCE. (Let's be reasonable)<p> <p>Also the moments before it when Wahlberg sees the plant and you think, He's NOT going to go ther.. Dear God! he's NOT SERIOUSLY going to go there!!" And miraculously as your jaw hits the floor Shyamalan does.<p> <p>He could have pulled back. He could have had that scene as possibly the only moment in the Movie when you felt like cheering as he regained some fraction of his sanity and had actually used the ENTIRE MOVIE to persuade you he was going down in flames and taking the whole fucking Movie with him. Only to pull back metaphorically telling the viewer "Gotcha! It was a fake out and you fell for it." If only.<p> <p>The moment when Marky Mark sees the plant is Shyamalan teetering on the edge of an enormous sewer tank. But he doesn't suddenly dance off the edge laughing nor does he simply stumble and fall into a bottomless well of shit. No. He dives in with the kind of deliberate lunacy other Directors merely glimpse in their worst nightmares.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:24 a.m. CST

    Lost In Space had Gary Oldman.

    by Amy Chasing

    Dreamcatcher had Lawrence Kasdan. <P> Good people don't mean good movie.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:26 a.m. CST

    The Happening had M Night Shyamalan.

    by Amy Chasing

    Didn't he direct some good movies once?

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:35 a.m. CST

    Shymalan directed two and half good movies

    by Xiphos_2

    He flushed all his talent down the shitter about half way through Signs. It's sad really, the boy had some promise once.<p> After The Crappenning, all Shymalan should be allowed to direct is WalMart commercials, as long as somebody else wrote the script.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Lost In Space?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Oh please....that shit wasn't even that bad. The end was just a bit dull.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:42 a.m. CST

    Southland Tales was a complete mess

    by Xiphos_2

    It did have Buffy talking about getting nailed in the ass, so that's check mark in the postive catagory. It's the only positive thing there.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:03 a.m. CST

    And WeaponX is going to blow, but seriously now...

    by noncents

    I believe this review and more power to him. There are so many uber-fanboys of garbage these days, that there is no reason for the creative forces to get better. Southland tales was actually poetic, Amy Chasing. Dream Catcher was actually the most enjoyable bad movie of all time. REVIEWERS OF THE REVIEWER. You don't see the irony of pointless anonymity. Bilbofett is a scrub-a-dub hater-nader without two feet to plant before his own jump-kick to his head. And the Dark Knight is only good once. ONCE! With surround sound in a perfected THX installation. ONCE! It has no soul and quite frankly boring. Ouch, I said it.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:04 a.m. CST

    ONE GOOD THING...

    by HapaPapa72

    (Well, besides that Eva's ass heads-up) is that this steaming pile doesn't sound like a remake, reboot, or reimagining of The Spirit. But I'm sure that's not far off.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:09 a.m. CST

    Listen to Me, Jondough.

    by monolithik

    Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm a nice guy... and you seem like a nice guy, who's had a good life(you sure as hell haven't had to deal with rape, I can tell that much). I imagine you keep yourself very happy and amused all day with your inner commentary; at least when you're not viewing your immaculate Scrubs DVD collection. But buddy... you've walked into what is - outside of 4chan - arguably the darkest back alley on the internet. Which is rule #1: know your crowd. Know where bullshit flies, and where it doesn't. And on AICN... Cute. Does. Not. Fly(unless you have boobs to back it up -- that's right, I'm looking at [parts of] you, Scriptgirl). Replace your inner narrator with your inner editor every now and then, and - when you've completed a review or whatever you're about to contribute to the world, just ask yourself, "What would the meanest, grumpiest asshole in the world have to say about this?" This will be your real-world response. Edit, and go from there. Also... make sure you've actually seen the entirety of what you're reviewing, because if Roger Ebert can't fucking get away with it... oh buddy. Have you SEEN Passion of the Christ? Something like that. The only thing we hate more than a clumsily self-promoting noob is a clumsily self-promoting noob whose entire reason for being in our RSS feeds is completely made-up bullshit. Entire nations have fallen for less. Remember this... and be careful out there, champ.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:16 a.m. CST

    LAST!

    by GreenRoots

    People always try to be first, but I hope I'm the last. Here's Jondough's review of the new Star Trek film: JJ Abrams is a fucking moron. He sucks so bad and the people behind Star Trek suck. It had promise but it sucked big balls. I saw it I swear. The acting by Sylar is so crappy. That proves I saw it. LAST

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:16 a.m. CST

    Monolithik- Edit yourself.

    by noncents

    Your self-proclaimed understanding of the AICN milieu holds the weight of a shriveled left nut. I stopped frequenting this spot a while back when I realized a majority of "boobs to back it up crowd" was invested in hearing themselves read their own comments. Your rebuttal is clearly motivated by some sentimental attachment to the work, and BS detector started going off immediately after reading your response. THIS MOVIE DOES BLOW, so stop defending it.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:18 a.m. CST

    Monolithik

    by GreenRoots

    Thank you. SECOND LAST

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:20 a.m. CST

    The Fuck?

    by monolithik

    Did I defend this movie at any point?

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:23 a.m. CST

    It Looks Horrible.

    by monolithik

    And I'm disturbed by your familiarity with the weight of shriveled nuts, noncents.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:46 a.m. CST

    BilboFett, Amy Chasing, D.Vader, lordofhell, etc.

    by Media Messiah

    I can recall when I use to attack Tim Burton's Batman movies and how so many at AICN.com claimed they were masterpieces, thus I had to be wrong(???)--the very same descriptions they are now giving Dark Knight...ironically? These same folks now claim that Burton's Batman films were horrid, and I was well ahead of the curve on that opinion, as with the Star Wars prequels. Well, years from now...when, or if, somebody finally manages to make a truly good, to great, Batman film, all this false hype over Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, will finally be placed in perspective, when people look back upon those films and say to themselves, yes, Tim Burton's Batman was lousy, and Chris Nolan's version of Batman is lousy in another kind of way. Like the fact that we weren't made to love Rachael, so when she died, it was like, so what??? Joss Whedon made us love Penny, I believe her name was, within just 45 minutes of his Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog...so when when she died, you felt it, and it really hurt and seemed personal. Nobody cared about Rachael because she was presented as being unlikable and largely emotionally detached throughout the film up until her very death scene. Prior to that, no real emotional attachment to Bruce Wayne, save for what we were told, was not conveyed...visually??? This, a major, major flaw in the film!!!<BR><BR>As far as where I saw the film, I saw it on DVD and I am glad I didn't waste my money sitting next to people who are clapping and cheering for an explosion because they feel they need to, or just because it is an explosion. Cheers, as prodded by others--or they feel like they are on the outside looking in...if they just don't get it, so they cheer to feel included. They cheered, I would guess because they felt they wanted to be in on all the hype, the falsely generated paradigm that this was a good movie. People bought into the great big lie. The King has clothes made out of gold, rubies, pearls, silver, and diamond powder--fabrics so fine that if you could not see them, there must be something wrong with your eyes...but it took a kid to expose the truth: The King has no clothes!!! Yes, those audiences clapped and cheered, I would think, due to that pre-media hype, that artificially produced societal peer pressure, not because it was dramatically deserved!!!<BR><BR>Crowds often like to parot each other, and many people get caught up in the sold hype of things...and think for, and with, the hive mind, instead of for themselves, and their own individual opinions. These are the same kind of people who bought Britney Spears' new album, and claim they love it, and praise Twilight and Harry Potter movies.<BR><BR>You are welcome to the hype my friends, you Jonas Brother's lovers, but I'll take The Beatles and Depeche Mode instead.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Is this just viral marketing?

    by walfrid

    I wonder, because this is what everyone's posting on. It's got over 500 posts already. But then it brings up the question on whether it is really a bad movie after all and is this what the advertising agency planned to do in case of a bad flick? Hmm, I wonder.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:59 a.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by Amy Chasing

    You lost me at !!! (or was that ???) <P> But seriously, don't call me out by name if you're not talking to me (ie. I'm not one of these supposed many who claimed any comic book related movie to be great or a masterpiece).

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 2:01 a.m. CST

    Who Are the Beatles?

    by monolithik

    They must be good(and not a bit over-hyped!) Buy their albums now, because Media Messiah can see the future!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 2:09 a.m. CST

    Media Messiah - WORD. Amy is Lost Either Way.

    by noncents

    I agree completely and if it were not for the surround sound, I don't think The Dark Knight would have even resonated. The story just wasn't that compelling. I thought that about his original as well, but this second coming did fool me the first outing.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    noncents - MM wasn't talking to me.

    by Amy Chasing

    So Media Messiah has an opinion. Fine, they're welcome to it. But the way they're presenting it by saying "I am the only one with the courage and the guts here to say and think for myself by daring to speak the truth!!!" complete with multiple punctuation in multiple posts - I've seen the same tactics employed by evangelical religious types. I avoid people like that. <P> It's your choice to side with them though.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 2:51 a.m. CST

    Is this TB about the Spirit or TDK?

    by kungfuhustler84

    Fucking dopes.<p>Mediah Messiah strokes it all night because he hates the Batman movies and LURVS The Beatles and Depeche Mode. How fucking alternative of you. Who doesn't prick? Now if you had said something like Black Mountain, Echo and the Bunnymen, Interpol, or (of course) Tom Waits, I would have been impressed? But The Beatles? I love 'em, but shame on you sir, for tainting their good name. What a boring chump.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:05 a.m. CST

    MM, fuck your pretentious ass

    by kungfuhustler84

    I'm going to bed.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:34 a.m. CST

    problem here is

    by dioxholster

    the reviewer thinks he has a say as though his opinon matters

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:36 a.m. CST

    Worst Line Ever!

    by dioxholster

    worst line ever from review: "Okay, so that’s a taste of my taste. Just so you know where I’m coming from."

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:42 a.m. CST

    Robert Carlyle in SGU!

    by dioxholster

    im really excited about this. Robert Carlyle in stargate is like a cherry on the birthday cake. really cool that he chose stargate instead of doctor who. normally that guy wont even go for star trek or battlestar or anything, so him choosing that means that all you haters suck big time in the same way global warming sucks without the mass green band wagon everyone is jumping on as of late.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    The Dark Knight hate here is compared with...

    by dioxholster

    ...independence day after a few month u guys started bashing it. i will never understand AICN culture. Dark knight is an awesome movie, its the best superhero movie beats the shit out of iron man. i dont know where this hate is coming from.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Chris Nolan did a fantastic job

    by dioxholster

    he let the joker shine, he realised that its the best part of the movie. rachel never mattered from the start anyway.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:06 a.m. CST

    Thanks Noncents!!!: On The Dark Knight Sucking

    by Media Messiah

    Superman was a great movie on its bookends, that being the opening on Krypton, Smallville, and the Fortress of Solitude, as well as the "read my mind" sequence, and the ending where Lois died and Superman reversed time. The thing that weakened the movie was the villain (Lex) and his campy criminal side kicks.<BR><BR>The Rocketeer was a great super hero movie throughout, ranking it, for me, as the best ever made. The film just had heart, great emotion, clear plotting, humor, joy, love/romance, sexuality, scares, passion, fun, kindness, thrills, danger, a smart and worthy villain, a great 3 dimensional hero, and a big soul.<BR><BR>The Dark Knight was really bad when it came to informing us about Bruce Wayne. Cut out the action scenes and him running around in costume and you have nothing, just a lot of sitting around and posing in business suits, and lots of meaningless discussions. I would have liked to see this guy have a life and show real emotion and have some real fun and romance. How is it that the actor who plays the Spirit showed more emotion in the 6 small clips that we saw, than Christian Bale did in the entire Dark Knight film??? And that costume of Batman's, as well as the fight sequences, looked clumsy??? Really, the look of Batman: Dead End...the fan made film, on You Tube, blows Dark Knight away...and the voice of the actor that played him is inviting as opposed to Bale's chalkboard scratching monotone whenever he is in costume. Dead End on the other hand, is amazing. The entire effort was thrilling and puts Dark Knight to shame...save for the actor who played The Joker in Batman: Dead End (aka Batman versus Alien versus Predator), who was horrible--it was a solid production...complete with great fight choreography!!! Now, that is what a Batman film should look like.<BR><BR>Lastly, the black/gray...leather and cloth costume was awesome and far superior to the black colored Power Rangers uniform Chris Bale is wearing. And about DK's fight sequences, they really need to bring in the folks who do the fight choreography for the Bourne films to do Batman, as the fights in DK were absolutely terrible!!!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Yeah

    by jonnyweir

    I wish that TDK, as a Batman movie, had more Batman in it.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:40 a.m. CST

    If only TDK was as good as the Spirit

    by G100

    Or a fan flick. If only! BWahahahahahhaaaaaaahaaaaa

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:42 a.m. CST

    Batman Dead End looks like what it is

    by Steve Rogers

    A fan film. A guy running round in actual tights in a 'realistioc' version of the Batman story would look ridiculous.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:49 a.m. CST

    JESUS what a horrible review

    by elvenblade

    I would rather be strapped to a chair and forced to watch the entirety of The Spirit than read a sentence off that little nugget of shit again. Herc, Harry, everyone, you should be ashamed for printing something like that. Goddamn.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 5:19 a.m. CST

    fuck you all for hating the dark knight

    by dioxholster

    you know nothing of good filmmaking. the movie had tension that rivaled any other including that silly decaprio oscar movie cant remember whats it called.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Jondough comes off like a jizzbag

    by Stalkeye

    regardless if the movie sucks or not, your stupid SJ skit was lame at best and jealous at worse or to some point racist: "toooooom Cruuuussse","Black Nazis"? Dude, shut the fuck up and stop hatin. It's not Sj's fault if the studios give him alot of roles.Overexposed? sure, but i gotta admire his love for acting and being a workaholic.<p>Out of spite I'm gonna see this opening day.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST

    re Dead End

    by DocPazuzu

    I enjoyed it for what it was, but it was poorly edited and paced. Batman's cowl, however, was the best one ever -- a combination of prosthetics and make-up, a solution they would have done well to use in the movies.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 5:41 a.m. CST

    WTF?

    by dioxholster

    is dark knight that bad that u would compare it to a fan film? are u freaking kidding me...ur ponit is no more valid. its like comparing olivia wilde to ur mom.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Media Messiah is the last Cylon

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    So say we all.<p>And this may be the greatest TalkBack in existence.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:06 a.m. CST

    that reviewer isnt funny, but he thinks he is, ew

    by angrykirby.tk

    what a corny ass review

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:16 a.m. CST

    nothing like a talkback about the reviewer!

    by dioxholster

    i like talkbacks that deal with issues concerning the egotistical bastard that thinks this movie is well-beyond shit. the movie is of no importance here this is a reviewer-bashing site now. im Jondough btw.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:18 a.m. CST

    Valerie Perrine's Tits

    by Internet Thug

    are the greatest thing to ever appear in a Superman movie bar none.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Have absolutely no desire to see "'Tne Spirit," but

    by Drunken Rage

    this was one of the worst, most "poke-you-in-the-ribs-hey-aren't-I-funny" piece of shit reviews this site has ever posted. I'm ashamed for this idiot.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:21 a.m. CST

    okay im not Jondough

    by dioxholster

    but u cant say i havent fooled ya.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:25 a.m. CST

    comon it had a bit of funny in it

    by dioxholster

    the jedi part was funny. not LMAO but more like a Nano-laugh

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:39 a.m. CST

    To Media Messiah and other TDK haters

    by ChuckImania

    I remember back, about oh say, ten minutes ago when the vast majority of you guys were swinging off of Christopher Nolan nut hairs, now a lot of you are acting like whinny, failed film majors that have to nitpick everything in order to feel OK about your own shortcomings--That was almost as wordy as Jondough's review, so I apologize, but come the fuck on. The Dark Knight was amazing. Informing you on Bruce Wayne? What the fuck would you like to know that you don't already? Oh, and the fan film on Youtube is awesome for what it is-a fan film. You comparing to Nolan's work is not only insulting, it's a pathetic cry for attention, attention that I'm giving you because it's 4am and need a break from working on my final.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    for the record...

    by ChuckImania

    Fuck the Beatles with the exception of John Lennon and George Harrison; the other two are more like roaches that have tainted the legacy of their former glory.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 7:46 a.m. CST

    This (cough) "review" makes me MORE curious

    by JDanielP

    ...and will see "THE SPIRIT" to judge for myself. Even if this WASN'T showing on Christmas day, it would STILL be like a holiday...'cause Frank Miller is directing a movie! Good or bad, I'll pay to see THAT.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 8:04 a.m. CST

    FOCKIN A

    by turketron

    I saw the number of replies in this talkback and figured I should finally get around to reading the review. Fuck that, what a waste of time and terribly written review. What in the fuck...

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    "Yep. But perfectly harvested sap is delicious."

    by Chadley BeBay

    The reviewer just gave me ARCTIC douche-chills.... Fuck you asshole.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST

    So Harry is allowed...

    by kesoze4

    ... to write 2000-word-plus epic tone poems that would make the Vogons' ears bleed... he can go on for entire chapters about his nuclear family, his extended family, all his many terribly-named friends, what the theater is like, who called him on the phone before the movie, what he had to snack on in the dark before the trailers, and invariably end up writing a worthless-because-they're-all-glowingly-positive review. But then when one dude who gets a chance to see a movie early and gets excited to let you all know how crushingly awful it is (yes, he did see it, his descriptions perfectly match the other videos released and new reviews rolling in, all extremely negative) -- AND HE ACTUALLY TRIES TO WRITE IN THE SAME TONE THE FOUNDER OF THIS SITE ALWAYS WRITES IN -- you guys chew him up for hundreds of posts, all saying exactly the same worthless thing? Our nation's convenience store system is so f#%&ed when all you wonderfully bright children start working on your careers.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Vogons reference

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Calls the validity of everything you say into question.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    it's official, kesoze4 is *definitely* jondough.

    by vaudeville villain

    may i ask... what's the deal with "i stand, wearing my v-neck sweater over button-down shirt..."? i found that, among other things in your review, to be totally random.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Nonetheless - a response:

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    What does being bright have to do with anything? First of all Harry does get shit all the time for his reviews. Second, just because you can make claims as to the similarity between Harry's reviews and this one doesn't make it so. Third, Even if there are formal similarities, there still can be a difference in effectiveness (which there is, because this review is nigh-unreadable). <p>Fourth, the proof is in the pudding. Unless some sort of geek neurosis prompts you to believe the responses to this review are simply contrived (for what reason I couldn't guess), just accept the fact that for all his flaws, Harry's reviews have brought him a certain level of acceptance, whereas this guy is more or less being rejected. Even if YOU don't see why, it's apparent Jondough just rubs people the wrong way.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:20 a.m. CST

    kesoze4=broken record

    by skimn

    Ironically you come back to this TB to say the same thing over and over again, just as you accuse. Do you think you're making a difference? Do you think ANYONE cares what you think of this TB?

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Making a difference

    by kesoze4

    As -- yes, I said before -- not a single damn thing written in this Talkback is a making the slightest difference in the world, other than you all self-congratulating yourselves for using an anonymous internet forum to criticize the writing of some poor guy who was just trying to save people from spending their money badly. If he chose to overuse a few ineffective jokes, oh my, he must be stopped with hundreds of you lot proving how superior you are via an unending stream of clever references to AIDS and peoples' dogs being hurt. That comedy goldmine just never runs dry. And if tearing the poor guy apart is making all your lives cheerier, by all means: lynch away, mob. When you're done hanging the guy you can use the rope to string up whichever other reviewer comes in here next with something to say about some movie you haven't seen but still refuse to accept might not be that great. In the meantime I refuse to accept the "you can't stop the mob, so why waste your time" argument. No one else on this entire site (which I quite like for pretty much Herc and Moriarty alone) ever tries to point out how really pathetically evil all you kids can be. I won't change a damn soul, but at the very least I hope Jondough knows someone appreciates him saving them a $10 ticket at Loew's Boston and a $3 roundtrip ticket on the T.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Proof the Kesoze4 IS Jondumbass

    by ArcadianDS

    1. Johndumbass hasn't submitted a review in like, FOREVER AND A DAY.<p> 2. Kesoze4 has NO FUCKING IDEA what the talkback's of Harry's reviews are like.<p> Seems like they're both very unfamiliar with this site. I would like to call the following witnesses to the stand: Kurt Russel's laughter, Harry's Sad Birthday, Wife Cheeting Beer, Chocolate Covered Vaginal Secretion, Just Got Off The Phone With, Sexiest Tomboy Beanpole, and LapBand Surgery Picture. All of these witnesses will testify the the fact that Harry's self-promoting 'reviews' are hardly acceptable by the 'talkbackers', and furthermore - since when does a jondough-come-lately putting on a Harry suit and trying to imitate Harry equate to acceptable review?<p> I just got off the phone with James Michener. He said this review was way too long.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Kesoze4

    by skimn

    It sounds like you don't visit these TB's very often. Name calling and the such is rule of thumb, but when the subject is serious, you'll find some lively debate...

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Harry's Reviews

    by kesoze4

    Haven't read a Harry article in ages. Much less his Talkbacks. No idea why anyone would want to be subjected to the guy's endless (and from what I recall, frequently pretty creepy) droning, nor especially why anyone would want to read what others think of said droning. I check this site for advance movie and TV episode reviews, not birthday party news. If you're also of the opinion that it's impossible for one human to feel empathy for another without actually *being* that guy... well, tough world you got going.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    ..and as the old saying goes,

    by skimn

    If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I WANT TO LYNCH JONDOUGH AND WATCH HIS BODY SWING

    by BringingSexyBack

    and I haven't even read the review. This mob mentality is contagious. And fun!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE KITCHEN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

    by BringingSexyBack

    or something like that! You get the picture Jon!!!!!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:15 a.m. CST

    I LIKE HARRY

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:16 a.m. CST

    MEANT TO SAY "I LIKE HARRY'S REVIEWS"

    by BringingSexyBack

    Damned Enter button.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack- why dont you just go marry him...

    by dioxholster

    ...if you like harry so much.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    IF ONLY I COULD

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'd get a chocolate-covered blackbox.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Criticizing the critics of a critic

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I think it's one step too many. Plus it's stupid.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    yeah i think we scared him off

    by dioxholster

    i think we scared off alot of potential reviewers. they will never dare post something like this again.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    ULTIMATE GUIDE FOR A REVIEWER!

    by dioxholster

    <P> here is a guide i made for other reviewers: ------------- <P> *** Hello young reviewer, thanks for using this guide! <P> here you will learn all you need to know about reviewing and submitting it for AICN so it can be scrutinized by its intellectual members (who all happen to be very wealthy)..... follow these steps to better yourself: <P>1. use proper english, <P>2.proper grammar, <P>3.be modest and humble, <P>4.DONT DISRESPECT SAM L.JACKSON, <P>5. DONT MENTION RAPE EVER (probability of misusing the word rape in a review is very high!) <P>6.dont say i got laid off(makes you look stupid) <P>7.dont make jokes (dont take that risk!) <P> just comment on what worked for you and what didnt in the film, its simple as that and have fun doing it!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:05 p.m. CST

    kesoze4 is like vomit

    by dioxholster

    he must be cleaned off the sofa or face the fury of the sofa Gods...

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    What if he's right?

    by Zeegloo

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:11 p.m. CST

    kesoze4 is Jondough's bitch

    by dioxholster

    he likes it where it counts...but only from Jondough, wait maybe its the other way round i dunno.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    My sperm count decreased after reading Jondough's review

    by dioxholster

    i wish i find a movie that is not porn that makes you jizz in ur pants, if u catch my DRIFT!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Internet Thug. The Valerie comment is DEAD ON!

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Larry Hagman got to play in that melon field.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    WE NEED HOLY JIHAD ON JONDOUGH AND KESOZE4

    by BringingSexyBack

    A fatwa on them and their families!!!!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Valkyrie Vs. The Spirit Vs. The Happening

    by Homer Sexual

    I have to admit that the Happening was so terrible and laughable that I was a bit amused by it. <p> Before reading this, I just thought the Spirit looked boring. Now it may actually be amusing, if it is indeed as bad as claimed. Valkyrie actually looks as bad as either of these...I get the giggles every time I see Tom Cruise in the preview. And I actually used to like him...about 6 years ago.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    El Gringo's review of THE SPIRIT was better...

    by Leafar the Lost

    ...and I mean a million times better than this shit-cake! Based on El Gringo's well written review I will not see THE SPIRIT.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 2:05 p.m. CST

    *HOLDS BOTTOM OF SHOE AT JONDOUGH*

    by BringingSexyBack

    Consider yourself shoe'd mofo!!!

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by ArcadianDS

    you win the talkback.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Jondough is an idiot

    by batzilla

    What a painful thing to read. Or, TRY and read anyway. I couldn't get very far and so I started skipping through it only to continually land on yet another attempt at humor/sarcasm and so I finally gave up.<p>What a buffoon.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Batman: Dead End Has Its Great Merits!!!

    by Media Messiah

    That costume is the most amazing look that Batman has ever had in any of his live action incarnations. The actor in the costume actually looks like Batman come to life from a comic book, but very realistic and believable in every detail. Christian Bale, however, looks silly in the cowl they have him wearing. But I digress, back to Dead End. How about the shot where Batman rises from the puddle of water in the alley, it looked like something from the animated show or the comic books? Then there is the clear fight choreography that you can actually see for once, unlike the official Batman movies that look horrible and are truncated via editing and hidden in shadow because the scenes are not blocked out and shot right; and the weighty costume makes Bale move around like a bulky stiff and slow moving robot??? It really looks ridiculous--in fact, he looks, ridiculous!!! Cut-out the Joker scene from Batman: Dead End, and they'd have a next to perfect short film. As it is, it puts the Batman movies to shame!!! And how about those Baterang cutting weapons/brass knuckles? That looks more realistic than any hand weapon Christian Bale has used in his movies???

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    jesus.

    by ragingdrunklove

    this was probably the worst review i've ever read. granted, he's probably right about the film, but still...this is what happens when an unfunny person is repeatedly told that they are hilarious.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 6:46 p.m. CST

    PS--Batman: Dead End

    by Media Messiah

    The atmosphere, the lighting, the rain, the slow motion, even the exciting music taken from the movie Predator, really creates a exceptional look and feel for the film. They should really use the guy who directed and created it(a special effects guy I have heard) as a creative consultant for the Batman films in order to properly nail the Batman look and feel of Batman.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Holy Tinselshit.

    by monolithik

    Or Dreidelballs, as long as we're being politically correct. But are we really still on the Batman thing? Isn't there a TB from 1989 for that? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Fuckdoll, are we missing the mark here. This talkback is dedicated to the brilliant paradox of a "review" that is 100% right(The Spirit sucks, we get it -- they can't even find 90 seconds of footage to make a decent trailer) while simultaneously 500% wrong(Rape jokes, wasting a thousand words on explaining to us why B.E. sucked when we really don't need help in that department, mentioning the name Tom Cruise -- and even stretching it out, so it curses more space than usual... etc.). This "review" is an aberration -- an abomination, and we have come to kill it - and any of its spawn - with fire. Can we agree on this?

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 8:12 p.m. CST

    AICN: stop printing dreck like this

    by KCMOSHer

    This makes me want to see the movie. It could be an act of genius on the part of the studio, a reverse plant. Write a review so incomprehensibly shitty that readers feel compelled to go see it just to spite the writer. C'mon, AICN, you can seriously do better. We all know you cats are going to get early peeks at this, so you'll have reviews as soon or sooner than everyone else, don't stoop to bogus writing like this in the eager chase for an early review.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST

    This talkback has been very entertaining.

    by Hamtaro Hentai

    I *almost* feel sorry for the guy, but then again I didn't read through that entire 'review.' Even skimming it, though, made my brain hurt.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 9:51 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by kungfuhustler84

    You may be the biggest moron I have ever seen on this site. Calling Batman: Dead End the definitive live-action version of the Batman. it's a fan film shithead. It looks like a fan film, and it's executed like one. What do you have to say about Batman's frequent grunts and hollers during the fight? what about Batman and Predator circling each other? That shit was just dumb.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 10:47 p.m. CST

    by Staldo

    I thought Battlefield Earth was lame-ass TV movie bad, but no worse than that, not the kind of bad you celebrate with friends. John Travolta is one shitty alien overlord,and scientology is for lost retards and epitomizes everything stupid about religion , but ultimately BFE is no Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey or any given MST3K film in my book of delightful shittiness.

  • Dec. 16, 2008, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Batman:Dead End

    by Staldo

    Batman:Dead End was one of the greatest fan films ever, even if they got a Men's Health model to play Batman and Walter Koenig's son to play Joker almost like a prescient nod to all the preening, virginal jackasses who tried to cop the mannerisms of the Ledger Joker for Halloween this year. They need to make a sequel where a flames-free optimus prime steps on the predators and saves Batman.

  • Dec. 17, 2008, 5:01 a.m. CST

    One good thing about Batman: Dead End

    by Stalkeye

    Atleast they got the costume right.Grey & Black FTW!!

  • Dec. 17, 2008, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Awe, Jondough is hiding as kesoze4. Ain't that cute?

    by TallBoy66

    You slander a movie anonymously and people slander you anonymously and then you anonymously slander the people who are slandering you because you're too scared to post under your original anonymous handle. Pussy.

  • Dec. 17, 2008, 9:53 p.m. CST

    But, really, kensoze4/Jondough cause AIDS

    by TallBoy66

    He's so bad it weakens your immune system.

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