I am – Hercules!!


Autumn's “Survivor” finale week always brings fond memories of Harry’s sore-hinder extravaganza. The almost-last episode is always on as I’m getting hammered the first night in my Austin hotel room, and the last episode is always on Sunday night as I wake from my post-Butt-Numb-A-Thon nap.

Jessica “Sugar” Kiper’s ascension to the final five gave me an excuse to rewatch her four “Gilmore Girls” episodes Friday night. (This was no chore; “Gilmore” – now chock-full of dated references – still makes me laugh like a hyena on nitrous. Somebody put Amy Sherman back to work already.) For the curious, Sugar played Jess Mariano’s placeholder girlfriend, which means she spent a sizeable chunk of her screentime each episode simply making out with Milo Ventimiglia, the broody fellow who went on to play Peter Petrelli on “Heroes.” (In her debut episode, making out with Ventimiglia is literally all Kiper does; we don’t see her face until her second episode.) Her biggest episode is her third, 3.4, in which she finds herself selling Rory’s pal Lane Kim some purple hair dye.

If you missed it, we’ve proof of Sugar's modeling career:

In Thursday’s penultimate episode, Kenny’s devious ploy to blindside Bob – by appealing to Bob’s sense of fair play in an effort to trick him into parting with his hard-won immunity idol – was thwarted by Sugar’s alliance-defying warning to Bob of Kenny’s duplicity. Sugar also surrendered her own long-held immunity idol to save a fellow contestant. So I’m a big fan of Sugar right now.

Sugar, Bob, Matty and Susie all voted Gold medal-winning Olympic track star Crystal Cox into the jury box, where she met an icy reception from her fellow evictees:

One of these five people will win a million dollars on live TV tonight:

* Kenny Hoang, 22, pro gamer, Westminster, Calif.

* Sugar Kiper, 29, actress/model, Brooklyn, N.Y.

* Matty Whitmore, 29, pro trainer, Pacific Palisades, Calif.

* Susie Smith, 47, hairdresser, Charles City, Iowa

* Bob Crowley, 58, physics teacher, Portland, Maine

The four who voted off Crystal, one assumes, will be gunning for the deceitful Kenny.

Matty is the only contestant of the five who has not yet won individual immunity.

Audition tapes:

8 p.m. Sunday. CBS.

Sugar’s Season:
22 Episodes For $14.99!!
Boxed Set Blowout!!