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Massawyrm says PUNISHER WAR ZONE is the STARSHIP TROOPERS of comicbook movies!!


Hola all. Massawyrm here. First things first, Punisher War Zone is not GOOD. Oh, fuck no. It is a stiflingly stupid mess of a film that flings itself repeatedly headlong into a brick wall of absurdity. If you’re one of those guys crawling out of their mother’s basement, wearing a Punisher t-shirt and carrying two prop sub machine guns drooling over how awesome a movie this could really be, this movie might upset you a little. If you lay awake at night dreaming of how Hollywood could make a truly incredible Punisher film if only they listened to you and pulled the movie right out of your head, you might come to curse the name Lexi Alexander. Hell, if you’ve so much as photo shopped your head onto the Punisher’s body and used it as an avatar over on Superherohype, then you are gonna shit yourself with disappointment when you finally see this. Because let me tell you something, Hollywood may never make a serious, real, honest to god Punisher movie. Lexi Alexander sure didn’t. And you know what? I’m glad she didn’t. The Punisher is a relic of a bygone era. A product of his time, he began his comic career as a Spiderman villain. An unstable Vietnam vet with an unending grudge against criminals, Frank Castle emerged with his own comic during the rise of the anti-hero in the early to mid 80’s alongside such luminaries as Wolverine and Batman’s reinvention as The Dark Knight. But unlike Bruce Wayne or Logan, Frank Castle wasn’t multilayered or in any way deep. He was a psychopath - a deranged, fucked up killer who lost his family in an act of random violence and in turn became the boogeyman for criminals in New York City. And like the popular boogiemen of the time - Freddy, Jason and Michael Meyers – the best part of watching Frank’s adventures wasn’t to see why he went after certain guys or what their backstory was. It was to see how he was going to kill the next guy and what clever, inventive, devilishly brutal way he was going to go about doing it. So yeah, as a kid, I fucking loved him. But a few years ago they put out a Punisher video game that kind of changed the way I looked at him. The cover proudly proclaimed there was something like 100 different ways to punish the guilty – and then challenged you to find them all. The picture was of Frank holding a guy under a drill press, and for a second I though “Awesome! This is gonna kick ass,” only to begin to wonder “Why isn’t there a Nightmare on Elm Street game in which you run around slaughtering teenagers with 100 different ways to punish the kids of Elm Street?” Because that’s all this is. I know, I know. “These guys are guilty! They’re bad guys! It’s okay to delight in watching their slaughter.” It sure is. I love a good slasher movie, myself. But it’s impossible to pretend nowadays that this is anything but that. It’s not the 80’s anymore. Batman has substance and is conflicted. Wolverine has substance and is conflicted. The Punisher? He’s a cartoon. And that’s exactly how Lexi Alexander sees him. She doesn’t take this movie seriously for a second. Her approach is identical to that of Paul Verhoeven on Robocop and especially Starship Troopers. This isn’t a movie glorifying The Punisher. This is a film with its tongue placed firmly in cheek, subtly making fun of him every chance it gets. AND I LOVE IT FOR THAT. Not because I think the Punisher is deserving of mockery, but because Alexander gets it. She sees Frank for what he is and set out to make a glorious, deliciously fun romp through his grime covered universe. And in doing so she actually managed to make the most faithful, spot on adaptation of the comic we are likely ever to see. There are exactly three things she gets right in this that no one will dispute. The first is that, for the first time in history, someone has made a movie in which the Punisher actually shows up. Not that pussy Thomas Jane version. Not Dolph Lundgren and his silly traipsing through the sewers on a motorcycle. THE PUNISHER. When Ray Stevenson first appears in the dark holding a burning flare – you see him. You know it’s him. When he speaks, you hear Frank Castle. Not some lame facsimile. This is one cold, brutal son of a bitch who is going to kill every mother fucker in the room. And then he does. The second thing she gets right is the origin. Not only does Frank Castle look and sound like he should – his origin is intact. This is not a sequel to the last film. Lexi took a fantastic approach to the last film and said fuck that piece of shit. She went back to the well. There isn’t a single shred of the last movie’s storyline in this. Franks family died in random gang violence. In New York City. And he lives underground where he is helped by a bevy of characters from straight out of the comic book. Comic book fans will love the attention to detail. And lastly, she made this bloody as fuck. This movie doesn’t play around. The second the shit goes down, The Punisher starts punishing. Guys get decapitated, grenades blow off limbs, bullets rip bloody chunks out of people. And heads…explode…kind of a lot. This thing is soaked in blood from the very first moments of the film until the very end. At times it has this whole Robocop meets Story of Ricky thing going on. He punches through a guy’s head for fucks sake. It’s just silly. And really, that’s the core of this film. It is camp. Deliberate camp that doesn’t feel overly self-aware. I mean, when a guy gets hit square in the chest with a grenade and just plum vanishes in a puff of smoke on what is OBVIOUSLY a soundstage, you know that Alexander isn’t being serious. The dialog is unspeakable, but often howl-inducing. Just about every actor in the film chews up scenery like they were told it was craft services. And almost every set is a gaudy soundstage drenched in neon. There are just scenes of such absurdity – up to and including Frank walking across the street, in plain view of pedestrians, with guns holstered all over his body – that you can’t for a moment take this seriously. It is gloriously over the top, a hilarious film that perfectly gets The Punisher right while never for a moment taking him seriously. Hell, from the moment Seinfeld’s Newman walks in to sell Frank guns (You can almost hear him say “Hey jerry, guess what I got”) to the Dockers commercial flashbacks of his family life, this movie will make you piss yourself with laughter. And I love the shit out of it. Like I said, it’s not good. But it’s fun, it’s gory and often times it is quite inventive. It never gets boring and it’s never so bad it hurts. It is always so bad it’s good. This is a midnight movie for folks who love MIDNIGHT MOVIES. Vern is gonna lose his mind over this. The beer-and-buddies crowd is gonna have a field day. And make sure when and if you do go to take a friend to lean over and crack wise with. But don’t take this seriously. For a second. The hardcore Punisher fans? They’re gonna hate the hell out of this. They’re gonna piss vinegar and spit blood screaming about how Hollywood needs to finally take the Punisher seriously. They might even be deluded enough to say that the previous effort was the only good Punisher film. And they would be wrong. They’re gonna hate this. Unless they’re in on the joke. Like you. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
Sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God. And I'd really kind of like to make HIM watch Thomas Jane's Punisher movie.



Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    J.Rico Is My Hero!

    by roberthorry

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    WAIT A MINUTE

    by Ray Gamma

    I THOUGHT "STARSHIP TROOPERS" WAS THE "STARSHIP TROOPERS" OF COMIC BOOK MOVIES?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Your argument is invalid

    by Dude_Diggler

    If Punisher isnt good than it is impossible for it to be the Starship Troopers of comicbook movies, because Starship Troopers is the most awesome movie ever made

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Quite looking forward to this now...

    by Rain_Dog

    Gonna go with some buddies and sneak a six-pack into the theatre.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Diggler

    by Charlie_Allnut

    Roger that. Starship Troopers did rock. Probably the best sci fi movie since Aliens and the original Predator. This does sound fun though. I liked the Thomas Jane movie, but it didn't feel like the Punisher, it just felt like a pretty decent action movie set in the real world, not the comic book world.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Thank God

    by Bill Brasky

    I can't wait! Maybe I might be a little 'sick' tomorrow and catch it in the A.M. even.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    The coolest thing about the Ludgren Punisher...

    by The Shyster

    was when he cauterized his gunshot wounds with the hot knife. I always wonder if I'd ever have to do that if I got shot or something (it's a toss-up between that & my HMO)

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:34 p.m. CST

    Great...

    by shodan6672

    Another "ironic" film from Hollywood.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Awesome.

    by Mosquito March

    As a dyed-in-the-wool Punisher fan since the mid-'80s, I've been waiting for somebody to let Frank Castle finally drop the hammer and make some motherfucking heads explode. It's got big shoes to fill after RAMBO, though.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Robocop tongue in cheek?

    by DarthCorleone

    You weren't watching the same movie I was watching.<br><br> Satirical? Yes.<br><br>But tongue-in-cheek? Save for a few moments, hardly. Robocop is one of the better examples of serious, cinematic sci-fi.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    The Shyster

    by Mosquito March

    The thing I liked about the Lundgren film was that he was hardcore enough to consider letting all those mobsters' kids die. Thomas Jane's movie didn't have the balls to let Frank Castle be that unfeeling. The Punisher should be JAWS for bad guys. If that's what they've done here, I can't fucking wait.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:44 p.m. CST

    That dud at Chud loved it...

    by crankyoldguy

    But he's a moron, so...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Well, that sucks-not that we didn't see it coming.

    by Dingleberry Jones

    Too bad, I like the character. Sure, he's a product of the Dirty Harry/Death Wish era-that doesn't relegate the character entirely to that era. The character only lacks handlers who want to push themselves creatively. It's obvious, but look at Batman Begins. After Batman & Robin that character was box office poison, a joke, put the right guy on the project and BAM!-commercial and critical success. Going cartoonish with Mortal Kombat-esque "fatalities" for criminals is lazy and a cop-out. But hey, at least there's no Travolta and the thing doesn't take place in freaking Tampa. Tampa?!? Marvel Studios-step your game up.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Now I HAVE to see this

    by bishopfan85

    By all means did I not want another story heavy attempt at a Punisher film. Although I personally enjoyed the first one (for what it was) if there is any Marvel character that deserves nothing but campy over the top gun play it's The Punisher.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Sweet, I love ROBOCOP and STARSHIP TROOPERS. Cant wait.

    by Mike_D

    :)

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Pullo WILL fuck you up. This sounds watchable...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...that first Punisher guy had lady parts.

  • then I'll go & see it...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:53 p.m. CST

    Hard to believe this is the 3rd Punisher film

    by kafka07

    and hopefully the last

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:53 p.m. CST

    SST

    by Alientoast

    I loved Starship Troopers 1. Probably one of the most fun movies ever made. Thanks for the endorsement of Punisher, guess I'll need to check it out. Do you want to know more?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Garth Ennis...

    by question83

    ..rules. His Punisher stories are great material for a movie. Fucked up characters, lots of over-the-top violence, dark, cynical humor.... It would be great if Tarantino made a movie based on this material. Well this or, a Preacher.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    I was in Starship Troopers

    by Bass Bastardson

    I am not in Punisher: War Zone. Fuck Punisher: War Zone.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:59 p.m. CST

    You've convinced me

    by terry1978

    I will see this tomorrow.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    How does one make a "good" Punisher movie?

    by milesdyson

    The character is a one dimensional pscyho killer. this sounds like a faithful adaptation of the ridiculous Punisher stories I've read.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Thomas Jane Punisher

    by roundhoward

    My brother and I went and saw the Tom Jane Punisher on opening weekend, and laughed our asses off. One of my favorite John Travolta performances of all time... just a thoroughly lame weiner through and through. Brave performance if ya ask me. Kinda like pussy Orlando Bloom as Paris in Troy. Anywho, we loved that movie so much that we came back a couple hours later, chugged some 40s, and watched it a second time. TJ's Punisher has a special place in my film library, not as a good movie, but as a fun one. Now, if War Zone can match that feeling AND bring buckets of blood? I'm all fucking for it. I dig Frank Castle as much as the next comic fan, but honestly, that's what we have comics for. Movies are a different beast. It's why I didn't mind Bay's Transformers, because I just wanted to watch giant robots fuck the shit out of each other (which they didn't do literally, kinda disappointing.) I'll always have my 1984 Transformers movie that I can identify as the "real" Transformers, just like the Ennis run on the Punisher book is the "real" Punisher. So, as far as I'm concerned, if you wanna break continuity so you can punch holes in people's faces? Rock on, sister.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Guess I am in the minority of Punisher

    by Continentalop

    Seems to me everyone here loves a campy, ultra-Ultra-ULTRA-violent Punisher who is more Freddy Kruger and less Charles Bronson. Not me. I like my Frank Castle and his stories as serious and a heart attack and as gritty as the French Connection. To me he was the most realistic of “super-heroes” (and I use that term very, very loosely). I mean, he isn’t a billionaire heir who travels the world to learn how to fight crime and avenge his parents murder, he is a U.S. Marine trained to kill and hardened by combat. He doesn’t have batarangs or boxing glove arrows, he has a M4A1 carbine, M1911A1 pistol, and a KA-BAR. Frank Castle is the one vigilante in comics I could actually believe is wandering the streets of the East Coast, waging a true “War on Crime”. <p>

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Would Like to See a PUNISHER Flick Based on Garth Ennis' Stories

    by Prof_Ender

    ...this sounds like a pisser. I'd rather see this instead. ^_^

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Can We Finally Have A "Moon Knight" Movie Instead???!!!

    by Media Messiah

    The Punisher is dead, and this film should have been released straight to DVD and forgotten about, instead Marvel has now perhaps forever damaged the name of The Punisher as a viable film property by going through with the release of this obvious mess of a film, one like the others before it, was miscast?<BR><BR>Please make a Moon Knight movie in place of throwing good money after bad, over and over again. The marketing, advertising, film print duplication and distribution cost of this Punisher film must have cost 50 million dollars alone, enough to fund and make an entire film...like Moon Knight, for instance???

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    1986, rather.

    by roundhoward

    That's the TF I'm talking about. You know, this one: http://tinyurl.com/68y5gj

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Does anyone say "Bitches leave."?

    by Han Cholo

    Funniest part of Robocop. That movie might be tongue in cheek but the part where Boddicker and his gang slaughter Murphy and when ED-209 eviscerates the OCP employee scarred me as a kid.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Holy Crap! New GHOSTBUSTERS game trailer!!!

    by Mike_D

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFD8rh2YDyA

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Anyone see SST3?

    by TheHumanBeingAndFish

    SST3 is a damn good sequel IMO. I'll catch punisher on DVD.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    Punisher was my comic of choice

    by FILMFUNK

    I saw Thomas Janes effort and he was good but he wasn't THE Punisher and Dolph lundergarden I skipped just coz, well it was the blonde fucking russian mute from Rocky and He-Man for crying out loud! but the trailer to this looked like an 80's film even the lead guy whoever he is looked 80's and it looked violent as fuck in a cheap and nasty way so fuck it i'm up for some trash on the big screen!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Oh yes! This is gonna be sweet

    by Power_Girl

    I love stuff like this movie. Chezzy 80s slashers, Starship Troopers, Speed racer, Twilight and Batman and Robin. This will rock my socks!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Hyphenate Spider-Man

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    You will not be taken seriously until you do.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Invoke the name of Vern

    by Archive

    at your own peril!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:29 p.m. CST

    There was a stirring in my pants after that review.

    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    Wow. Holy shit. Either one of the best reviews I've ever read on AICN or the worst hype ever but fuck me cold this sounds so awesome. I loved every movie you just compared this to and it sounds like EXACTLY the way I wanted a Punisher movie to be. This is what I've personally wanted all my life in a Punisher movie. It sounds awesome. New cult classic matter of fact the way you described it. Jesus I am so pumped now I can't think about anything else. Like I said either one of the best reviews ever on AICN or a lot of malarkey that will be piss me off upon leaving.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Ebert called it:

    by Archive

    Disgusting. He said it had all the trappings of a good movie - fine craftsmanship across the board - but that disgust was the emotion that welled up in him. The difference between him and us is: Ebert grew up watching Detination: Moon. We grew up watching Aliens.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    I thought Wayne Knight was dead

    by Hikaru Ichijo

    I swear that was all over the media years ago. Did he pull an "Abe Vagoda"? And if he's not dead, and everyone thinks he is, no wonder he hasn't been working. Welcome back, bro!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:33 p.m. CST

    I didn't like Crank or Shoot 'Em Up

    by Archive

    but I think this is less a commentary about making movies, and more about Punishment. Action films need to stop being so damn post-modern, because if the whole damn thing's a commentary, who gives a shit about the action?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:36 p.m. CST

    I almost didnt read the review

    by the milf lover

    because I want to avoid any spoilers, but from what Massa says, there doesnt seem to be any story to spoil. Sounds like a fun ride.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:37 p.m. CST

    Sold! I'm off to get in line!

    by cinemaniac

    Not so sure about comparing it to "Starship Troopers", but it sure sounds like unashamed, unabashed "Rambo" level stupidity. Awesome. Ray Stevenson rocks. Bring on "Rome:The Motion Picture".

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    As far as the Thomas Jane is concerned,

    by Archive

    the thing that turned me off first was the awesome but totally false advertising! "This isn't justice. This isn't revenge. This is punishment." Yes, it was justice. Yes, it was revenge. No, it was not punishment, Castle-style. That tagline gave me the impression that they totally got the material, when they clearly did not. It was like the disappointment after the totally freaky, ambiguous teaser for ID4 with NYC all in shadow under some strange alien shape, and then you get Will Smith punching aliens out, and glorified aircraft carriers from space. Hooey!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Continentalop

    by Mosquito March

    I agree with you in principle about wanting a serious '70s style Punisher movie, but the root problem is that the character of Frank Castle is dead inside. His character arc was complete when he decided to start killing. The only way you can make him an engaging character for a Friday night movie audience is to pussify/make him a hero like the Tom Jane movie, OR, to turn him into a human attack copter and let him Tom 'N Jerry the shit out of over-the-top bad guys for two hours while people in the audience scream. After a Punisher movie that was almost completely devoid of any kind of real punishment apart from the film itself, I can't wait to see this one. Maybe what needs to happen to make fans in your boat happy is an adaptation of Don Pendleton's Executioner novels. The Punisher was always a carbon copy of those anyway. And, again, I say that as a longtime Punisher fan.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    One thing I agree with Massawyrm..

    by Stalkeye

    ..Tom Jane's version was a pussy. Wassup with the fake fire hydrants and breaking up a mobster marraige?How fucking gay.But in this new version Jigsaw looks stupid and the jury is out on stevenson who does not look too convincing as Castle. Oh, and i'm not impressed with the handing upside down spinning with guns blazing shit. <p> Pass!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Ebert's Review...

    by Mosquito March

    ...has got me even more amped about this film.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Michael France's Draft is THE DEFINITIVE PUNISHER FILM.

    by SamBlackChvrch21

    According to this review. NO FUCKING WAY, I haven't seen it yet and I know Its not to my Standards. If they want to make a good Punisher Film, make Michael France's Draft into a movie. In the meantime I'll hang around with my T-Shirts and Back Issues, sobbing over the mess they made of my favorite character. I really deserve Travolta's face on a platter.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    What a shitty review ...

    by MattFini

    One of the worst. RoboCop is tongue in cheek? RoboCop was satirical and Verhoeven played it perfectly straight outside of the obvious humor.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST

    shakey cam?

    by IndyAbbey Jones

    hpw are the action sequences..do we have to put up with shakey cam..cause that will really ruin an action movie, transport 3 wasn't great but the shakey cam made it seem alot worse then it was<P>so anyone who has seen it...is there shakey cam, how are the action scenes filmed?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Wrong, the last Punisher film was OK

    by CrazyGnome

    "They’re gonna hate this. Unless they’re in on the joke. Like you." Why didn't you say, "If you disagree with me, you aren't cool".

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:09 p.m. CST

    OH MY GOD!

    by The Amazing G

    fucking Wayne Knight is in this movie? yes I think I'd like to see this now...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:11 p.m. CST

    I don't believe this review. Chud's review was da' bomb.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    And I'm fucking there tomorrow night.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:15 p.m. CST

    This Looks HIlariously Awesome; Grindhouse-y Punisher!

    by LaserPants

    I can't wait for this now. I was gonna wait for dvd, but after reading how much of a retardo bloodbath it is, I gotta see it in the theatres...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Chris McQuarrie. . .

    by Cluracan

    should make The Punisher. Just watch "The Way of the Gun". THAT has the potential to be the Punisher.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Why would fanboys hate this?

    by catlettuce4

    It sounds like the Ennis' Punisher which was a huge hit.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:50 p.m. CST

    It's obviously just a...

    by ChezKing

    different take that's all. A new and different version of the character. Keeping most of the comic intact but playing the action extreme and ridiculous. Actually sounds fun. The Punisher is not an original or interesting character at all. Only thing interesting is his look and extremely inventive ways of killing, which is what this movie sounds like. I'll be seeing the matinee.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Mosquito March

    by Continentalop

    True, he is dead inside. But so is Bronson in Death Wish, or William Devane & Tommy Lee Jones in Rolling Thunder, or Lee Marvin in Point Break, or even Tavis Bickle to a degree from Taxi Driver. Plus, I want only one film (maybe two), not a whole James Bond style series. Only one truly down and dirty, gritty, awesome 70’s style vigilante action flick with an uncompromising ending. That is all I want!<p> The ultimate Punisher movie: Made in 1975. Clint Eastwood plays ex-marine and Viet Nam vet Frank Castle who seeks revenge against the mafia family and mobsters responsible for the death of his family. Co-Starring James Caan as Billy Russo/Jigsaw, Yaphet Kotto as “Boss” Morgan, Richard Conte as Silvio Manfredi, Gianni Russo as Joseph Manfredi, and Steve McQueen as Burt Kenyon/The Hitman. Directed by William Friedkin, script by Paul Schrader, cinematography by Michael Chapman.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST

    How about a "Hearts of Darkness" Movie????????????????????

    by crackerfarmboy

    You know the graphic novel from the '90s? Wolverine, Ghost Rider, and The Punisher vs. Blackheart. That was the tits back in the day. Blackheart wanted to recruit the three most badass "heroes" and give them demonic powers so that they would serve him and help him kill his father: Mephisto (the devil). Guess what? They said "Go fuck yourself and they teamed up to tear apart Blackheart and his army of demons. Like I said, the story was the tits! Instead what do we get? A shitty X-Men 3, a dreadful Ghost Rider, a mediocre Punisher (it was better than most give it credit for), Warzone which looks crappy, and Wolverine's solo film which I've yet to hear anything good about. Bring on "Hearts of Darkness"!!!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    hey massawyrm, you've been in top form...

    by Citizin_insane

    for a while there i was skipping over your reviews, but this is the best write up i've read here in a while....

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:03 p.m. CST

    So how come he doesn't have the skull on his chest?

    by rev_skarekroe

    At least Thomas Jane had the skull on his chest.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST

    This review isnt good...

    by Carl XVI Gustaf

    but I love it! We sometimes need to be reminded to don't take movies too seriously and have fun.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:23 p.m. CST

    rev_skarekroe

    by blindambition238

    He does. Its just really faded...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Robocop

    by Kaitain

    "But tongue-in-cheek? Save for a few moments, hardly. Robocop is one of the better examples of serious, cinematic sci-fi." In the voice of Apu: "Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir!" Robocop deals with some serious IDEAS such as a fascist/corporate state future, the rise of risible news networks, corruption and urban decay, but this does NOT make it "serious sci-fi". Puh-lease! It's an urban western with some sci-fi concepts in it, and its tongue is firmly in its cheek. Verhoeven IS kinda hard to categorize, though. Starship Troopers has a similar vibe: ridiculous and comic book, yet with some very important shit underneath the surface.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Verhoeven played it straight?

    by Kaitain

    "Verhoeven played it perfectly straight outside of the obvious humor" ...which, errr, permeated Robocop. It was dripping in the stuff.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:31 p.m. CST

    ID4

    by Kaitain

    "It was like the disappointment after the totally freaky, ambiguous teaser for ID4 with NYC all in shadow under some strange alien shape, and then you get Will Smith punching aliens out, and glorified aircraft carriers from space. Hooey!" Never a truer word spoken. Most extreme mismatch ever between promise of trailer and delivery of movie?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Of Course I Won't Be Seeing This Crap...

    by Aquatarkusman

    ... but I won't say a word agin it either, as the director was apparently a former world kickboxing and karate champion.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:36 p.m. CST

    Can we finally have a ROM movie instead?

    by Orionsangels

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Can we finally have a Power Pack movie instead?

    by Orionsangels

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Can we finally have a Dreadstar movie instead?

    by Orionsangels

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:38 p.m. CST

    The Max comics are great stuff

    by GrubStreeter

    This flick may be campy and ridiculous, but we'll always have those.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:40 p.m. CST

    No way Kaitain

    by blindambition238

    Two words: Phantom Menace.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Rolling Thunder

    by Acquanetta

    I always thought Tommy Lee Jones circa Rolling Thunder would've made a great Punisher. He could've even worn the classic costume, since you didn't have to try and justify comicbook movies- or make them "realistic"- back then. I wasn't a fan of Ray Stevenson being cast as Frank Castle, but this sounds like it may be pretty damn fun. I also give credit to little Lexi Alexander. It sounds like she stood her ground with Lionsgate and delivered the kind of ultra-violent, darkly comedic Punisher film that no one else would. I'm sold.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Tom Jane Punisher

    by slowgraffiti

    Was pretty fucking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm an old Punisher fan, but I also really don't give a shit about it anymore and I was so surprised by that movie. You're really gonna step to Roy Scheider and Will Patton? Try it.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Re: Tom Jane Punisher

    by Acquanetta

    Jane's film was way too convoluted for its own good, but it was still a decent, old-school action flick. If the entire film had been like the Russian fight and the final showdown, it would've been a classic.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:57 p.m. CST

    True dat

    by slowgraffiti

    That was the only scene that felt like a comic book

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:13 p.m. CST

    crackerfarmboy

    by StrokerX

    was that a Mark teixeira run? I was never into Ghost Rider but I remember The Punisher and Wolverine being involved and the covers were freakin sweeeeet. That really would be a kick ass movie. Too bad the characters have all been handled really badly. I still say Hugh Jackman was the wrong pick for wolvie....too tall...that's one of the appeals of Logan...he's a lil furball....that will kill you violently.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:20 p.m. CST

    Continental Op/Mosquito March

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    Great 1975 fantasy casting/crew. Definitely Chapman as DP. Jerry Fielding or Lalo Schiffrin for the score. I always thought the Wiseguy era Ken Wahl would have made a good Frank Castle or Mack Bolan. Stallone wanted to do Mack Bolan for a while. The Exterminator I believe started out as an Executioner movie but went off and did it's own thing. Sort of how Robocop came out of the first failed attempt to do Judge Dredd on screen.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:20 p.m. CST

    a good wolverine needs to be

    by StrokerX

    the size of like a Matt Hughes from the UFC. I forget...in the movies...did he ever wear a cowboy hat? Oh well...i'm rambling...i'd like to see Cannonball too...he was cool. Shit if they were smart they wouldve introduced Cable and then spun off an X-Force movie...lol...shatterstar...i think Liefield owns him or something tho

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:25 p.m. CST

    The Thomas Jane movie was about half good...

    by John Maddening

    All the stuff from Garth Ennis' "Welcome Home, Frank" series was awesome...Spacker Dave and everyone in the apartment, the torture scene with the popsicle, the giant Russian...<br> <br> But all this crap about Miami, the lame-ass John Travolta character, the stuff they changed all sucked.<br> <br> That said, I still haven't watched it again since it came out. This one I'll probably check out as a matinee.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:27 p.m. CST

    and Bishop!

    by StrokerX

    Loved that first Bishop arc. Seriously....Gambit...the Last X Man...that shit was tiiiiiight. And Jubilee.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:39 p.m. CST

    No Thomas Jane=Epic fail

    by j2talk

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    I liked the Lundgren Punisher

    by nyj_et

    It had a pretty solid story, Lundgren came off convincing, since the role didn't call for someone with the chops of Brando or Redford, Lou Gossett Jr did a fine job and Jeroen Krabbe and that japanese chick (she had the best line; "We are Yakuza. When your ancestors were fucking sheep on the shores of the Mediterannean, mine were the crimelords of Asia.") It just didn't have any money for better sets or locations. Give it another look. Chances are it'll come off a whole lot better than the Thomas Jane version from four years ago. That said, I'll be waiting for this one on video.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:49 p.m. CST

    Nice

    by Xiphos_2

    Now I'm getting excited for this movie.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm: ya bastage.

    by palewook

    now i might have to sit through this movie. you've made me curious. <p> We're never getting a Garth Ennis Punisher on the big screen. perhaps this version will be something to settle for.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:03 p.m. CST

    oh as for the punisher's 70s roots

    by palewook

    it was marvel wanting dirty harry in super hero form.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Road to Perdition was nearly a Punisher film

    by IndustryKiller!

    ANd no a Punisher film doesnt have to be ironically good. That film gets the tone and atmosphere exactly right. And to anybody who says its the kid that makes that great, bullshit. Watch it again. That kid is terrible, easily the worst part of the film. You could have just as thrilling a story if everyone in Hank's family had died and he was just out for revenge. Anyone who says the Punisher is a relic just doesnt know the character.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:07 p.m. CST

    As for Wolverine having substance

    by IndustryKiller!

    Wrong he DID have substance, in the eighties and a bit in the early nineties. But since then hes just a wise cracking novelty, more wise ass than bad ass. Look at Whedons run, he butchered that character. he was more like Gimli than Wolverine. ANd the movies get him all wrong too. I bet no matter how silly this is its a GENUINELY better film than the awful looking Wolverine film coming out.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:09 p.m. CST

    My shit theater isn't showing this

    by caruso_stalker217

    The fuckers.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:10 p.m. CST

    I love PUNISHER '89

    by caruso_stalker217

    It has an actual like dramatic scene between Lou Gossett Jr. and Dolph Lundgren. Good shit.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Now give us an ALPHA FLIGHT movie already!

    by caruso_stalker217

    Do it, you Hollywood cokeheads.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Strokerx--------------------------------------------------

    by crackerfarmboy

    No. Howard Mackie wrote "Hearts of Darkness". It's an excellent read. There's a sequel too called "The Dark Design", unfortunately it's no where near as good as HOD. It would make a SICK film, or even a direct to DVD animated feature.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Industry Killer

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    The problem that I had with the kid is the same I would have with any kid in the role as written. I wish that his character was more like his Lone Wolf and Cub counterpart. Instead of that reluctant whiner we would've had another Daigoro, joyfully helping his old man out dispatching the enemy.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:29 p.m. CST

    Tom Jane was The Punisher in name only

    by fanboy71

    The Dolph Lundgren flick was actually a better depiction of the character, even though they screwed up his origin and even the names of his wife and kids. I am a die hard Punisher fan since the 80's, and I don't see what is so fucking hard about making a true Punisher flick. I really had hopes for this one, because Ray Stevenson kicked ass in Rome, and he seemed to fit, but if the comedic element this review speaks of is true, it looks like another wasted opportunity. Here is a recipe for a good Punisher flick... take 3 parts Man on Fire, two parts Rambo, one part Jack Bauer, mix in a bowl, leave out any and all comedy, love interest, and most of all mercy, and there you have it. Simple. I also think the Punisher would make a kick ass TV Series, ala The Shield. Each week we get a Law and Order type crime, but the criminal gets away and it's up to Frank to track and kill him/her. Of course, there would be a Punisher Task Force tracking him the whole time as well. So much potential. I will still see this this weekend, but with my expectations set on low.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:31 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm writes pretty well ....

    by NoDiggity

    ... he writes so well he makes you want to go see bad movies. Beware!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:38 p.m. CST

    I love PUNISHER '04

    by UMAGA

    It's a lot of fun and the score kicks ass. They should have never got rid of Jane.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:39 p.m. CST

    BOO HOO JANE'S MOVIE WAS IN TAAAMPA!

    by UMAGA

    Nerds.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:49 p.m. CST

    Fred thought Starship Troopers was great not camp at all

    by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar

    Perhaps Fred misunderstood the review comparing the movies, and the implication that Starship Troopers was intentional camp. But Fred thinks that Starship Troopers succeeded because although the novel was originally intended for young adults, even with it's undoubted fascist leanings, Verhoeven did not camp it up. He played it straight, almost literally from the book. And thus the film never feels as if the filmmaker is making fun of the source material or winking at the audience, even though the source material itself can be thought of as juvenile. <p> If nothing else is shows Verhoeven genius, because he did not succumb to laughing at the source, and made a truly outstanding movie.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:44 p.m. CST

    Word of advice.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Let Vern decide what Vern loves, man. He gets Verhoeven, Starship Troopers and Robocop way better than you. He also gets writing better, so we'll see.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:46 p.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE LOOKS FUCKING SWEET!

    by Slippy

    This trailer takes me back to the time of the 80's/early 90’s action movies with Dolph, Van Damme, or Seagal. I was also a HUGE fan of the Punisher in the early 90's and from what I remember, it was extremely violent. I just want my Punisher with minimal back story, minimal character development, Jigsaw, and a Punisher who “humbles” of the bad guys. Looks like it hit all 4 of my expectations for this movie. I will be in attendance this weekend.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:49 p.m. CST

    The approach is exactly that of Robocop or Troopers.

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    An incredibly well made action film steeped it black humour and social satire? Yeah, Massawyrm's reviews don't eat shit at all.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Of course, if its half as retardedly fun as...

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    ...The Story Of Ricky, I'LL eat shit and enjoy its awesomeness.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Punisher 89' was rather enjoyable.

    by otm shank

    As was the 04' version. They both had their misfires, but overall were fun. This one looks ok as well.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:53 p.m. CST

    Man, '89 Punisher is badass!!!!

    by Dogmatic

    I liked Tom Jane's fine, and I'm sure I'll dig Ray Pullo's Punisher fine too in its own way. But the Dolph's Punisher was way underrated. The only thing it lacked to be a great Punisher flick was him wearing the skull. It is great 80's action movie stuff with ruthless villains willing to off kids and a great plot of Punisher having to team with some mafia enemies to tackle the Yakuza! Punisher was willing to let kids die...actually had to think about it since it was helping mafia guys save their kids who would probably turn out mafia later. <p> I love when the son of the main mafia guy can't go thru with killing Frank and Frank says "You're a good kid. Grow up to be a good man, or I'll be waiting." Man, that's some cold shit! Hey little 10 year old! Grow up good and you're fine, grow up bad and I'm gonna kill you real good! Yeah, it was great....and has Lou Gossett Jr.!!!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Was the video game any good?

    by veritasses

    ?

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:16 a.m. CST

    Fuck me

    by tyler_turden

    Massa, how can you honestly review this and not mention Ennis? Ennis makes the Punisher a seriously good book, his take is definative. The fact you don't mention him makes me wonder about your taste.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:25 a.m. CST

    'Wyrm you're half-wrong

    by Cotsos

    Punisher has been written in various ways. Especially by Garth Ennis.Both as a cartoon in his first non-MAX series, a Wile E Coyote with gadgets that work :) and both with a serious approach. You want serious? Check out Punisher:BORN, or Punisher:THE END. Or every other Pusniher storyline from the MAX series (I would suggest some of the first ones, or Ennis' last one.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:32 a.m. CST

    sounds like crap

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:36 a.m. CST

    slightly over the top camp, "punisher, war journal"

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    great comics - those would make a good punisher comic book movie - especially if it looked like ariel olivetti's art

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:41 a.m. CST

    starship troopers - only good thing, the bugs

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:41 a.m. CST

    coed showers with no boners? bullshit

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:42 a.m. CST

    Sounds like TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Cool!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST

    jake busey playing a sparkley green violin, how cool

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:45 a.m. CST

    Fuck Ennis!!

    by SMARTASS8

    I'm so sick of eveyone acting like Ennis is the supreme Punisher writer. He's been coasting since Precher in my opinion(even that book faultered towards the end). His MK Punisher was a black comedy where he could show us how much he hated superheroes. His Max Punisher is a less creative version of Preacher arch after arch. We are introduced to a villain who is a sexual deviant and/or incredibly violent. They kill a bunch of people and than Frank kills them by the end in a way that would make Leatherface proud. Yawn! I'll take Steven Grant or Mike Baron's Frank over any of Ennis'.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:28 a.m. CST

    Comparing to Starship Troopers 1 and Robocop 1 raises the bar

    by Joey_Redballs

    Satirical, violent, absurd, and gorey action really doesn't get any better than the first Robocop or Starship Trooper movies. By comparing this Punisher movie to those Paul Verhoeven classics is really raising the bar for my expectations. (Also see Total Recall, but avoid Showgirls unless u have the need to spank it to Jessie from Saved by the Bell... then by all means, enjoy.) It's easy to make a rather disappointing satirical & violent action movie: see Starship Troopers 2 and Robocop 3 (although Robocop 3 wasn't all that violent). I think making the comparison is dangerous. I was just going to watch a bootleg online, but I now I feel like convincing friends to go out for drinks and a campy, bloody movie. But if I do make the effort to arrange something...will it be worth our time? Massawyrm!? Is this movie really worthy of comparison to Robocop 1 (or even 2 for that matter) and Starship Troopers 1? Seriously!?

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:48 a.m. CST

    a Perfect Punisher Movie or...Movies

    by Joey_Redballs

    E-Z Japaneezee! Or should I say, E-Z Vietnameezee? If you want classic punisher, then it's a period piece set in the 1980's but no later than 1985. We get the backstory told in flashbacks (as Frank has them in his head): the NAM war, and his family's murders. Throw in a cool bad guy or three...Kingpin, Bullseye, Jigsaw, shit...Dr. Doom if you want to be truly absurd. Want another great Punisher movie? Speaking of Dr. Doom, how about making an elseworlds movie on "The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe". It would be a must see rated R extravaganza for anyone with the morbid curiosity of wanting to see every Marvel Superhero die on the big screen. Speaking of which, will we see a Marvel Zombies movie in my lifetime? I doubt it. If so, I'd be less suprised to a see a Marvel Zombies animated movie direct to home video. (must be rated R)

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Garth Ennis is a living god

    by CuervoJones

    Well, not really. But he is an amazing writer.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:39 a.m. CST

    Actually excited to see this

    by JoeSixPack

    I strangely love the 1989 Dolph Lundgren Punisher film. It was one of those over the top 80s action films, and it was so incredibly bad it was good. I am hoping for the same thing in Punisher War Zone.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 4:46 a.m. CST

    Starship Troopers is more than just campy fun

    by Mr Gorilla

    Take a look at it. Seriously. It's eerie just how spot on it is in predicting America in the 'W' era. Bombing by the 'enemy' of a city in America (that's 911): check. All-out revenge war, in rocky, cave-like terrain (that's Afghanistan): check. Mistreatment of prisoners: check. And so on. The humour is there, sure, but just like Dr Strangelove and Team America, what's really being talked about is not funny. Not funny at all. Oh, and that bad acting, squarjawed shit? That's because the whole film is framed as a propaganda film - modelled on WW2 'Why We Fight' films. But if you're on this talkback, sure you knew that.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:11 a.m. CST

    All I hear is how right up my alley this movie is

    by gg

    You know, this movie gets a lot of bad reviews, according to rottentomatoes.com, but they all make the movie sound awesome. Ebert writes that it´s really well made, but disgusting, and in general that seems to be the gripe of the reviewers: that it is too violent. And since a Punisher movie can´t be too violent, and I like it to be well made, that sounds good to me. The 1989 version was OK then, since I was a dumb teen, but it doesn´t cut it nowadays. I liked the 2004 outing, despite it´s shortcomings. It needed more punishment, other than that, it was quite allright, if a little inconsistent in tone. It seems that this new one has severely upped the violence (Yay!), made it darker (Yay!), yet retained some comic-booky humour, and really gets the sourcematerial, even if it sets out to be just an actioner, and don´t have any of the complexities (is that a word), that was at times presented in the material I´m familiar with (the war journals of the late 80´s and early 90´s; haven´t read much newer punisher stuff, and I have a feeling that that stuff tackles this better than those I´m familiar with). Sounds pretty much like what I would like in a Punisher movie. Other than that, I would have to say, that those of you that say the character is unfit for the screen, and has very little depth, obviously isn´t very familiar with the character, and not very imaginative. It doesn´t sound like this movie in any way delivers any depth, but that doesn´t mean that a vigilante story can´t. Just look at The Brave one, and that isn´t by any means that multilayered.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:15 a.m. CST

    Hmm...

    by kLkL

    That's a lot of posts. I still think a Punisher movie should be made by the guy that directed Payback.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:42 a.m. CST

    There is no fucking way that this...

    by Droid

    will come even close to the genius of Robocop or Starship Troopers. By making that comparison you prove that you didn't understand them.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6 a.m. CST

    Starship Troopers And Robocop Are Both Brilliant Satires

    by LaserPants

    of American culture and multiple foreign and domestic policy disasters. Totally campy, totally hilarious, totally badass, and totally dead on.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:01 a.m. CST

    Showgirls Is Also A Satire Of American Pop Culture

    by LaserPants

    And, in its own awful way, is subversively brilliant.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:30 a.m. CST

    This movie must be insane

    by David Cloverfield

    I've read some other reviews. Sounds mad cool.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:56 a.m. CST

    One thing, though... that middle one wasn't "Thomas Jane's Punis

    by JackPumpkinhead

    The "film" was made by that piece of shit Jonathan Diehardlethalweaponsequel, not by Jane. Jane was actually the only tolerable part of it.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7 a.m. CST

    This sounds AWESOME

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Love the bit in the trailer when Jigsaw's brother says to him "You look great" (despite the fact he looks like shit stapled together) and Jigsaw just growls "Yessssss!"<p>Awesome.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:12 a.m. CST

    bla bla bla

    by L. Ron Bumquist

    I'd like to see an 80s set Punisher in the style of the opening credits to The Equalizer. I only ever had time for the character was when I was 14(ish) and Punisher War Zone came out with the John Romita Jr. artwork. By the time I had a full set of pubic hair I had lost interest.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:43 a.m. CST

    I'll reserve judgment because I've seen the

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    trailer, and it looks good. But, who knows? Maybe they just took the best parts. One thing is for sure, this guy looks a lot more brutal than Thomas Jane. He actually look more like the comic book character. At least they have him in New York's underground where he belongs, not going up to the feds in broad daylight saying I'm back. That's what lost it for me in Jane's Punisher. It wasn't Jane's fault. He did well with what he had.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    And, Paul Benedict just died

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    He was the Jeffersons' neighbor, and was on Sesame Street.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:47 a.m. CST

    What a crappy review

    by Whoyou

    The headline makes u think the movie is terrible and then he goes and praises it on 3 different points. Your looking way too into it reviewer. I'll keep it simple for you. Does the Punisher kick the crap out of the bad guys? Check. Is it in New York? Check. Is Jigsaw in it? Check. And thats all you need in a Punisher Movie to kick ass. I'll be in line Friday.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Thomas Jane is AWESOME!!!

    by Frank Black

    Boogie Nights, Thursday, Stander, (and even Deep Blue Sea & his Arrested Development bit) and so much more. People may not have liked him in The Punisher but he is a great actor and the man is no pussy. He is phenomenal in Stander. If you want to see a great crime film (based on a true story about a cop who robbed banks on his lunch breaks and returned later to help investigate them) rent this NOW!!!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Oh and not to mention Gram..

    by Stalkeye

    he played a Slave Owner in Mandingo. (which I never really heard of until the recent DVD release.)Bentley R.I.P.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Dolph's Punisher owns 04's lame Jane version.

    by Stalkeye

    as it was more ambitous of the two.04's Pun kinda dragged and wassup with Frank being an alcoholic? Harry Heck?The burning skull? (a chiche started by The Crow and then Daredevil)oh and Jane's Costume looked like shit but atleast it had the Skull.<p>I'm still contemplating wether or not to see this today.<p>...

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Bentley stole quite a few scenes

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    He was Tom Cruise's asshole college professor in Cocktail. He was also Matthew Broderick's asshole college professor in The Freshman. I gues he's good at playing asshole college professors.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    I agree, Stander is one of Jane's best performances.

    by Stalkeye

    Thursday, however was a shitty Pulp Fiction ripoff.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Is Stander the one where he's a

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    cop gone Robin Hood type crook in South Africa, or am I thinking another movie?

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Showgirls is camp

    by MELGIBSONS_DICKCHEESE

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Punisher Reboot

    by Memnoch71

    If you ask me Marvel needs to completely reboot The Punisher. If he was a Vietnam Vet he would have to be around 60 by now. Scrap the Whold thing, make him Gulf War Vet who was also in the CIA\Special Forces in South America and Everywhere else in the Late 80's & early 90's. He comes back home, his family dies through some act of Terrorist(perhaps with some mafia involvement) violence and let him start Taking people out left and right. It's just a thought..... In the Meantime, this movie does sound like fun, I'll be there.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 9:14 a.m. CST

    "I'm from Buenos Aires and I say, 'Kill 'em all!'"

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    "I'm from New York City and I say, 'Kill 'em all!'" Yes, I do see the similarities.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Media Messiah: Oh, so YOU'RE the other Moon Knight fan?

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    Damn glad to meet ya!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Let the murder rate spike back up to what it was in 1984

    by JackRabbitSlim

    The murder rate in the USA has been cut by nearly 2/3 since 1981 - let it spike back up again (a nasty deep recession has a lovely way of inversely pushing back up the butchery) and youd be amazed how quickly 'kill-the-baddies' movies will come back into vogue. <p> On a vaguely related note - I hope most people are at least aware of the carnage that is occurring on the Mexican borders - 4,700 drug-related murders so far this year. Can't wait for that to get made into a movie.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    He's not a relic at all: read Ennis's MAX series

    by Laserhead

    Ennis' MAX series of Punisher stories are some of the finest comic books ever forged, and they're deadly serious. Adapting ANY of his six-issue storylines as a movie would be gold; but for some reason Hollywood needs to keep turning the Punisher into a joke.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:17 a.m. CST

    You're correct Gram (RE Stander)

    by Stalkeye

    Yep Stander is about a south african cop who after shooting an unarmed black prostester, has somewhat of a guilty conscience then goes on a bank robber spree with a few acomplices. <p>Very good movie and you couldn't make this shit up as it's somewhat based on a true story.hmm maybe i should add it to my netflix queue again.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:24 a.m. CST

    My comment got deleted ...

    by MattFini

    So I'll say it again. Massawyrm's review is shit. The guy doesn't even understand Verhoeven and he's going to refer to The Punisher as a relic? The problem with the Internet is you've got fucking morons like this talking about things they don't understand at all. Too bad.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Moon Knight fans checking in...

    by Frank Black

    I just remember how fantastic those Moon Knight covers were. Why not make some of these lesser known (more imaginative) stories instead of remaking the same stories over and over again.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Hate to say it, but I agree with the asshole who stole my name.

    by TheContinentalOp

    Anyone who says a Punisher story needs to be campy hasn't read a Punisher story in at least ten years. Garth Ennis' MAX series was the most hardcore, deadly fucking serious comic on the stands. It had some of Ennis' trademark black comedy, sure, but at its heart was a sadness for the plight of Frank Castle, a man so damaged by violence that all he knows how to do anymore is kill. It was my favorite comic for years, and I would love to see it come to the screen.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    The key to making this idea work is . . .

    by Royston Lodge

    . . . the production values. I can get behind the concept of a camp Punisher that doesn't take itself too seriously. But if the scenery and the effects and the fake blood look too cheap, it'll ruin the effect. If the dialogue is TOO silly, it'll ruin the effect. It's like the difference between Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. SotD was awesome because it was silly characters stuck in the middle of a serious zombie movie. Hot Fuzz didn't work for me because it was a serious character stuck in the middle of a very silly comedy premise. To make a silly punisher work, he has to be dropped into the middle of a serious environment. In other words, the villains have to be SO seriously criminal that only an absurd, ludicrous character can take them down.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    No UK release date

    by Slightly Mad

    USA, Iceland, Germany, Australia, Sweden, Netherlands, Belgium & Italy, but no UK! Dammit I want to see this. P.S. The Dolph Lundgren version was awesome, the only issue I had with it was that he didn't wear the skull shirt.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Damn this was good tb

    by crazybubba

    learned a lot about a character i only had a mild interest in and someone actually pulled ROM and Dreadstar out of nowhere. I miss the Dire Wraiths.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    This guy LOOKS like a PUNISHER!

    by uberman

    The Thomas Jane version? That was bad on so many levels. Just bad, and Thomas Jane is a good actor but he's no PUNISHER. As for WOLVERINE, that character as played by whats his name just oozes gayness. About as believable as tough guy as my mommy in her sunday dress. Who sees a WOLVERINE movie thats over the age of 16? I wanna know....

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    MICRO-FUCKING-CHIP

    by reverend jack sayer

    that's all i needed to know. I'M THERE.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:20 p.m. CST

    crackerfarmboy

    by StrokerX

    ah..i was referring to the artist but yeah i just looked it up and it was John Romita Jr. But i believe Howard Mackie also wrote the GR issues with Mark Teixeira i'm thinking of. Now that i think about it...i think Hobgoblin was in there...maybe holed up in a church or somethin...ahhh...time to dig thru the back issues.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Real Punisher... mhhhh

    by Sackratte

    I am a real Punisher fan... so I don't know what I should think of this review. But now I have high hope too because I really love the shit out of Starship Troopers and RoboCop. So maybe I am a Midnight Movies guy and will love the Punisher. Mhhh... can't wait now.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:56 p.m. CST

    If you put a pair of glasses on Meatloaf

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I could see him as Microchip.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:07 p.m. CST

    The Director and the review got the Punisher wrong

    by fredsaid

    Ok let's get this straight - the Punisher was never a joke or a cartoon. Maybe initially when he guest starred in Spider-Man or some other book. But in his own books, Punisher is at the heart a man struggly with own humanity. Frank Castle is just as multilayered as a Bruce Wayne or Rorshack. The Punisher never came to grips with the death of his family and the minute he lets Frank Castle "live" again, he will have to truly confront the guilt of not being able to stop his family from being killed. So he became the Punisher for revenge of course, but he wants to deny his humanity. Don't show weakness. Be as hard and as cold the people who killed his family. So there is lots to explore with The Punisher/Frank Castle. Think about it he is "superhero" who never wants a normal identity or even blend in with the rest of the world. For him this is his own way of coping with loss.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Oh and Starship Troopers was bullshit

    by fredsaid

    I never understood why people thought a bad movie like that is good sci-fi or some sarcastic take on war movies. Paul Verhooven made Robocop a classic, and ok movie with Total Recall, but he made two horrible movies - Showgirls and Starship Troopers. Paul is outta touch and so was Troopers. He said in interviews he wanted to make the next Star Wars with ST. Not commentary on war movies. ST sucked. End of story.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:26 p.m. CST

    is it at all possible for Massawyrm to

    by mrbong

    review a film without having a wankfest about his "youth" or when he was a kid? i mean, unless he's well over 50, just get on with reviewing the fucking film. start a blog to get the rest of the shit out of your system.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:55 p.m. CST

    You've totally sold me on this one, Mr Massa

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    I want... nay, I demand GUNISHMENT and, if this review is currect, I shall have my helpings of GUNISHMENT applenty here!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:57 p.m. CST

    i loved thomas jane's punisher

    by initiativeDW

    and this film looks like utter crap.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    You had me at hello. (you did say that didn't you?)

    by Damien Chowder

    Anyway this proves it's never "too soon" for a reboot! Reboot Superman and X-men! Singer is a talented director and X-men was a good film but it wasn't an X-men film. Superman hit the bargain bin the second it was on DVD with good reason. <p> To an extent.. Spider-man needs to be de-Raimi'd. Initially loved 1-2 but they are full of whiney emo characters! There's redemption for every fecking enemy fuck! And Dunst! Fuck her! Not in a good way either!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    I MET T.JANE DURING PUNISHER SHOOT...

    by uberman

    It was at a party. I remember hearing this strange, high pitched squeeling sound coming from the garage. I made my way through the haze of smoke and people (mostly crew from the movie)to see a group of locals standing around in a circle watching something going down on the garage floor. I squeezed my way through and was horrified to see Thomas Jane getting ass raped by some big stupid looking dude. Not thinking of my own safety, I busted through the circle to pull the oaf off Jane when, to my surprise, he lifted himself up off his elbows and grabbed my ankle. 'No! Don't...this is research I'm doing for the role of punisher.' I replied that I did'nt see the correlation. T. Jane said, "I want to play him as a guy who's had enough of taking it up the ass. By the time this circle is done, I figure I'll have a real good idea of what it's like to be screwed over big-time...just like my character." I left then, just as the squeeling started back up. A year later, I saw the film. I must say, I don't think he got the part of the character being fed up, but I do think he managed to capture the essence of a man who takes it up the butt.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Hearts of Darkness Faux Trailer.................................

    by crackerfarmboy

    Funny enough, I brought the graphic novel up before and there's a fan trailer at youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHW4RAdUnjs

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Just found out Julie Benz is in this.. I could watch her take a

    by Damien Chowder

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Not often I say this around here

    by TOGSolid

    But this review fucking sold me. I absolutely love my action flicks drenched in cheese and stuffed with camp.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Punches a guy through the head? I'm in.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 4:26 p.m. CST

    After Rambo, I'd let Julie Benz pull my fingernails out.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    "The asshole who stole your name?"

    by Continentalop

    Jeez, just when I was going to suggest us forming the League of Continental Ops!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    So its Batman & Robin with gore?

    by 2sdaychicken

    hooray...

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Hell yeah! I'm pumped as hell for this

    by Luscious.868

    This sound exactly like what a Punisher movie should be. Bring on the over the top violence. Bring on the stupid one liners. Massy is right. The Punisher is a joke and should be treated as such. This sounds like a fun ride!!!! Marvel just keeps getting it right. Iron Man done right, a real Hulk movie and now Punisher. Can I get a fuck yeah?

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Jane is Awesome but his movie sucked hard

    by Stormwatcher

    Titus Pullo looks like Frank and talks like him and this movie sounds like Welcome Back Frank by Ennis so I am there.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:42 p.m. CST

    by GhostDad

    I'm not the biggest Punisher fanboy, I read Punisher as a kid and about 5 years ago re-discovered him through Ennis' run.. and this movie just felt right to me. Punisher isn't Superman or Batman, he doesn't have rules or a code of ethics, which is why I hated the Jane movie, I also felt the Jane movie wasted too much time on the damn origin, and didn't really let him actually BE the Punisher. Well, Frank's the Punisher in this one from the opening frame, something I think is lacking in so many superhero movies. But in all, the Punisher is a goofy character, who deserved a goofy, visceral movie... and this is what this is. It's Anthropophagus with Frank Castle.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm

    by Grippy Longstocking

    I have no opinions on this new Punisher until I see it, but that review was fucking TERRIBLE. Here's my biggest issue: I forget exactly what you said because your review was so stupid, but it was something along the lines of "Frank Castle is such a shallow character, the only way a good Punisher movie could be made is if it's all over-the top violence and crazy camp." Massa, can I suggest that you actually read some of the newer Punisher books to see exactly what has been done with his character? Y'see Massa, the thing is, comics as a storytelling medium have evolved since the pedantic gay soap operas of 80's, soap operas so gay and pedantic that even my soda-riddled 10 year old brain had to laugh at them. Yeah superhero comics back then WERE a joke. Shit, they still are. But Ennis, whether you like him or not took the Punisher, kicked out all of the faggy spandex, and pared the character down into exactly what he should be. The modern Punisher comic is about one man, a man with the skills and know-how to be a complete and total killing machine, a man who was already on the brink who then has his only connections to humanity brutally severed in central park by operatives of the same corrupt system that he has unwillingly served and has tried stay above his entire life. It's about that guy and his quest to punish the deserving no matter what the cost; because his family was gunned down and he is now bat-shit crazy and DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK. Thats as believable an escapist-fictional character as anyone could hope for, especially in the Pantheon of Shitty Action-movie Heroes. Punisher could be the best of them. But yeah, believability or whatever it was you said. What makes that character less believable than say, Travis Bickle? Was Taxi Driver a tongue-in-cheek camp fest? Couldn't you have just said you liked the movie, but since you haven't read the Punisher comics since the time that they sucked, you don't know how faithful they are to the new stuff? Did you have to condescend with your closing line to the people who come to this site who actually do read the source material and enjoy the character? It's been my opinion for a long time that you are dead weight on this site Massa, you contribute nothing good or of use.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm I found the line

    by Grippy Longstocking

    ... in the reviw that flamed me up enough to dig up my AICN username and actually jump on the talkback: "It’s not the 80’s anymore. Batman has substance and is conflicted. Wolverine has substance and is conflicted. The Punisher? He’s a cartoon." ...Oh my god you fucking sucky nerd, you.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:12 p.m. CST

    War Zone was alot of fun

    by SpiceWonBruce

    I went to a midnight showing last night and the entire audience lost it during the "grenade" scene. The most fun I've had at a midnight show in a long, long time.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:14 p.m. CST

    One more thing...

    by SpiceWonBruce

    Massawyrm, this is the best, spot-on review you've ever written and one of my favorites from this site.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Spice

    by Grippy Longstocking

    What was your favorite part? I'm guessing the unintelligible blather about the video game? Favorites from the site? Psshh

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:27 p.m. CST

    To be clear

    by Grippy Longstocking

    If War Zone is just a super fun cheesy gorefest, I'm totally cool with that. The issue I have with the review is that Wyrm is saying that THIS is the only way the punisher could be, when to my mind, and the minds of many, the modern Punisher is as grim and gritty and awesome an antihero as someone like, I dunno, Richard Stark's Parker. Even though I guess Parker isn't really a hero by any definition. Now that I think of it, Parker and the Punisher need to meet up and battle.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:35 p.m. CST

    I'm Taking the Massawyrm Challenge! My Review Later...

    by Joey_Redballs

    That's right. I have made the arrangements. Friends and I are meeting for beers (luckily, there is an alcohol serving restaurant in the mall where it's playing) and then we're going to Punisher: Warzone. Massawyrm suggested the pre-beer preparation. Everyone will know ahead of time that it's a cheesefest of gore...and if it's not AT LEAST half as entertaining as Massawyrm said it was...FLAME ON! You can't compare a movie to the entertainment value of Robocop 1 and Starship Troopers 1 and not expect a backlash if you have been found to be exaggerating. You want a 2nd opinion? I'll give you a 2nd opinion late tonight. I'm even watching the movie as recommended...with male comraderie and beer in my blood. Smell U L8R!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Most will see it here

    by Dazzler69

    It does not feel like a big hit so far. I just hope it makes budget and smige for sequel. I am seeing this no matter what the reviews were for this. Mandatory Marvel movie watching.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Good not Great. 89 < 08 < 04

    by TylerDurden3395

    Whenever Pun is fucking shit up it rocks. No one scene in the movie lived up to the Russian fight scene in 04 movie, but the bazooka to the acrobatic hooligan was pretty classic. When the action stops, it's weak. (The snowglobe scene in particular.) I felt likewise about Stevenson. When he's killing he's awesome. When he's emoting, less so. But... the man looks like a walking Tim Bradstreet drawing so I'll give him a Mulligan.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Grippy...

    by SpiceWonBruce

    The entire review is great. It's well-paced, funny and spot-on. And having seen the movie, this is the closest anybody has ever gotten to making a genuine Punisher movie.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 3:34 a.m. CST

    "Vern is gonna lose his mind over this"

    by Vern

    Well, not quite, but it was a good laugh. The whole mid-sized theater I saw it with laughed alot, sort of with and sort of at the movie I think, so it was enjoyable.<p> I don't really get the conventional wisdom on Punisher movies though. Personally I sort of enjoy all three but I like #2 the best. As cartoonish as that one is it seems gritty and realistic compared to the other two. I guess I like that it's more old school action with a smattering of comic book instead of the other way around. And the story and characterization definitely seem like they have more thought put into them, or at least were written down on paper, unlike this one.<p> If you ask me this one is actually pretty similar to the Lundgren version, although much dumber because that one had some clever lines and what not. This one is way gorier, but that one was also pretty damn violent and over-the-top for its time, and they share a similar love of ludicrousness. That one had ninjas going down a slide shooting machine guns, this one has the Punisher blowing up a freerunner as he does a flip. Both have wacky comic relief characters, cheesy sets and lighting, overly comic booky orchestral scores and laughable underground lairs. The big difference though is that Dolph, as much as I like the dude, looked silly in the role. His facial hair looked like a little kid dressed up as a hobo for Halloween. He's a cool dude but at that time was not ready to play a grizzled character. Ray Stevenson looks like the fuckin Frankenstein monster stomping around there. Thomas Jane was a better character but Ray looks like he could break Tom in half over his knee, so that may pose problems watching episode #2 in the future.<p> I am also happy to report to Indy Abbey that I noticed no shakycam or quick edit problems. The opening credits had me worried, and most of the positive reviews I'd seen were from people who like horrible fucking unwatchably shot garbage like CRANK. But whatever this movie's sins are it at least doesn't have that ADD problem.<p> And what's up with the Tampa thing? Why is a movie not allowed to take place in Tampa? I'll take real Tampa over Montreal pretending to be New York.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 3:50 a.m. CST

    Vern is right

    by dannydevito

    Most of the time the theater was laughing. I tried to keep it in, but scenes like when the little girl comes out during a gun standoff and says something like " mommy, I can't find my crayon" just made me want to rape a moose. Was it just me, or did anyone else notice that when Frank Castle was the "nice" family man he had blonde hair, but when his family died his hair turned black. Maybe to represent the condition of his soul.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 4:53 a.m. CST

    yeah, the little girl

    by Vern

    who for some reason wants to hold hands with the big scary looking maniac who killed her dad made for some good laughs, as did the scene where he told a priest "Sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God." I'm not sure those parts were supposed to get laughs, but to be fair alot of the parts I laughed at were intentionally funny and there's alot of black humor in the way they portray this crazy fucker who has no interests besides murder and can not help but go way, way, way overboard.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 6:06 a.m. CST

    It's Official...Punisher: War Zone Is Now A Flop!!!

    by Media Messiah

    I warned you guys at Marvel not to release this turkey, but no...your arrogance and need to burn money has lead to this...a 1.6 million dollar take on Friday for Punisher: War Zone???

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 6:11 a.m. CST

    Hi SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    by Media Messiah

    Seems you, I, and Frank Black are all Moon Knight fans--so that is three of us, at least. I know that a Moon Knight movie would be a block buster. Why Marvel is overlooking it as franchise, I'll never know???

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    To dismiss The Punisher as a cartoon...

    by DannyOcean01

    Is to completely overlook Ennis's now completed run. He took yet another fresh look at the character and not only turned him from that one note vigilante and gave him a fuck load of depth, he turned out stories that were better than at least 3/4s of the stuff being released around the same time. The joke is, Alexander was fully aware of Ennis's stuff and even had Bradstreet onboard. So fuck this review and fuck Alexander.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 11:47 a.m. CST

    I SAW IT. It is WORTH SEEING!

    by Joey_Redballs

    No, it's not Robocop 1 or Starship Troopers 1. It does have the same quantity of gore, some of it for comical effect. It may even have a higher bodycount (or almost the same). I'm sure that after it's on DVD, someone will count up the stats. There is a little political\social satire like Robocop 1 and Starship Troopers 1. But it's not throughout the movie (actually just 2 scenes with 1 character). I understand why Massawyrm compared Punisher: Warzone to those movies, but it's not a Paul V. movie. It is a Lexi A. movie. And...IT IS AN EXPERIENCE. While there was some bad acting, I believe there was more bad writing, and I prefer not to blame the actors. The story is all over the place at times. Lexi is still growing as a storyteller. This tale could have been more streamlined with fewer characters. But you probably won't be talking about that when the credits roll (no goodies after the credits btw). You will leave the theater talking about how this guy died and how that guy died. What Frank did when this was presented to him, and what he did in this situation. </p> It is cheesy. Especially, the "Call me Jigsaw!" moment. The meth-head acrobats were stupid, but they also had a terrific payoff\sendoff. The same movie could have been more serious and less cheesy throughout, but then I don't think the audience would have accepted some of the more cartoonish death being in that same serious film. I could have done without LBJ's kung fu moments, but I loved his crazy moments, which is all the time. It's NOT perfect by any standards. It's CHEESE. But you'll have a perfectly good time. And knowing about the cheese beforehand really aided in my enjoyment of the movie because I knew what to expect. It's not the Dark Knight. The Punisher: Warzone will not win an Academy Award. It's more probable that a fat, retarded kid with a stuttering problem will win both American Idol and America's Top Model in the same year (and that would get me to watch those shows!) Massawyrm was right-on about how to view this movie. Get a bunch of buddies together. Down some beers. (Have a sober driver if your watering hole is not connected to the same mall as the movie theater like mine was.) Buy your tickets.</p> My local theater F'd up twice. First, the movie didn't start on time. We had 10 minutes of nothing in between commercials and trailers while they fixed things. Second, in the middle of some pointless dialog (there's about 5 minutes of that here and there throughout) the film got misthreaded or something and we were watching half the movie on the top and half on the bottom of the screen with a line in the middle. I swear the theater employees had abandoned ship. Me and some other random guy were pounding on Employees Only doors trying to find an employee at 11pm at night. I didn't miss any action, and that's the kind of action this movie has. It will make you get up out of your chair, run out of the theater, and run down the hall pounding on doors to fix the F-ing movie so you don't miss the next big kill. I have probably a few dozen Punisher comics, mostly specials: one-shots and old-school trades (early 90's Punisher magazine B&W reprints). I didn't play the most recent Punisher videogame but heard good things. I liked the Punisher\Nick Fury arcade game and even have it on MAME. I even liked the hard-as-hell Punisher 8-bit Nintendo, Operation Wolf-ish shooter game. This movie has some of that same spirit of just beating-the-hell-out-of AND blasting-the-F-out-of. Speaking of capturing the spirit of a videogame, this is not an Uwe Boll movie. You may know that director Uwe Boll is a boxer and Lexi A. was an accomplished kickboxer before making movies. I would pay good money to see Uwe Boll get his clock cleaned by a woman. Maybe all cartoonishly violent movies should be dircted by women? Anyhow. </p> Gun enthusiasts in the theater were constantly chatting with each other about the caliber and model of the Punisher's weapons.</p> It's a nutty, ridiculous, shoot-em up movie that is better than the movie "Shoot Em Up". It's got maybe almost as much death and gore as the new RAMBO movie. Compared to RAMBO, the deaths are just as gross but not nearly as somber. Most of the deaths are humorous. Many practical effects, but a lot of CG effects. You can tell it's CG, but no CG is as awful as the gutting\rolling down the hill shot in Rambo. That was unacceptabley fake looking. </p> In the opening dark scene (with the flare), some of the deaths were REALLY quick cut. I imagine this was done to achieve the R rating. Let's hope for a Director's cut on DVD. And to conclude, the stupid, Matrix-esque, hanging upside-down from the chandilier moment is brief. I think the numbnutz at the trailer\ad house should have left that out of all ads...but then again there's so much of the movie you cannot show on TV!!!

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Jigsaw's recruitment scene...

    by TylerDurden3395

    was pitch perfect. Standing in front of a giant LCD TV of the American flag and appealing to the gangsta gangbangers and saying, "We looking for a few good men to be all they can be"... that shit was hilarious. There were a couple real thug lifes in the theater and they were applauding that scene.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 1:42 p.m. CST

    re: flop

    by Vern

    Keep in mind though, TITANIC really didn't catch on until the second or third week.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 1:53 p.m. CST

    re: Vern

    by Loosejerk

    Cracker done lost his mind.

  • Feb. 27, 2009, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Re: Re: flop

    by LordMaker

    Vern, this aint no Titanic.