Ain't It Cool News (
Movie News

Harry chose contacts and here's why... believe it or not, it has to do with watching movies!

Hey folks, Harry here... typing at ya without the need for glasses. Now, I don't have a problem doing that usually, but as I'm always watching movies in the background, I have to have glasses on to see what's on that screen over there... Well, I don't know how many of you folks are like me... you've been a geek for a long time and you've been wearing glasses and those glasses helped to define your personality as well as your impression of your face. Well... A few days ago I went to see BOLT in 3D and - well, I hate putting 3D glasses on top of my regular glasses - and I don't want to go through with the expense of LASIK LASERING OF MY EYEBALLS - and I've always liked the eyedea of contacts. So a few days ago I randomly picked an Optometrist out to go get my eyeballs evaluated for the exo-lenses for me vision. Basically - I feel I need protection for the fucking that AVATAR is going to be giving my eyes this time next year. I don't know what brought me to Jerry Brinegar, OD - at Highland Mall - next to the LensCrafters, but ya know... sometimes the powers that be guide you to the absolute ideal physician to make things all awesome. Turns out Dr Brinegar is a big honking geek. So the small talk between the various eye tortures was about BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, STAR TREK, BENJAMIN BUTTONS, 3D, BLU-RAY and on and on and on. Hell, I think we even got a little LORD OF THE RINGS and STAR WARS in there. For me, it really took the nerves off. I mean... here this guy is, measuring my eyes, talking me through pinching stuff off my eyeball and the entire process for doing everything and... well, he totally put me in my element. It's like my regular doctor, whose office is covered with Marvel & DC superheroes memoribilia and posters. Is this normal? Are all doctors cool, or do I just randomly have the super power to weed them out. Cuz it sure feels like fate, when the only two doctors I've gone to see were big honking geeks. So cool. Anyway, Jerry was cool enough to email me my eyeballs to share with you. I know - you've seen my cut open leg and you've seen my exposed stomach... but here - you'll actually see the delivery device with which all movies enter my brain - and the nerves that carry them. Dr Brinegar says they're in excellent shape and I don't have any of the bad evil scary Diabetic problems with my eyes at all - which was a great relief. But right now - I'm just grooving to perfect peripheral vision. This shits amazing! Can't wait to go see POLAR EXPRESS at the IMAX in 3D or BOLT again!!!

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST


    by captaincosmos

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST


    by unkempt_sock

    i love looking at harry's body part

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST


    by unkempt_sock

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    I'm almost blind on my right eye.

    by DerLanghaarige

    So I don't care for 3D, since it won't work for me until they manage to find a technique that needs only one eye.<br> And I look cool with glasses, so that's one of the main reasons why I would never chose contacts lenses, if I would ever need some.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Good call, Harry. Fuck Lasik!

    by SpyGuy

    Everyone I know that has Lasik complains about it.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST


    by DarthHomercles

    I don't like the idea of something touching my eyes. That and needles freak me out!!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    this story is a non sequitur

    by frankenfickle

    regardless, you know what i've noticed harry? depth perception is much better with contacts. now get back on the stairmaster private pyle.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Now we have your retinal patterns.

    by Nordling

    At last, we can access the secrets of the Genesis Device.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST


    by Broodwich

    i can't wait to have The Collected Writings of Harry Knowles. I can smell the leather-bound jacket now...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    next up... boxers or briefs!?!?

    by LargoJr

    Ughh.. I just threw up in my mouth a little

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Could it be stuff like this that drove Mori away?

    by Hawaiian Organ Donor

    Ain't It WTF News<p>I wouldn't mess with Lasik either. One slip and "Ooops, I hope you won't miss driving and looking at your wife's jubblies while she's bending over to unload the dishwasher."

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    yeah, i'd like peripheral vision too.


  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Maybe I should really try some laser surgery one day.

    by DerLanghaarige

    Could be cool to have two working eyes instead of just one. And what could go wrong? That my right eye gets completely blind? Whatever, several eye doctors comfirmed that my left eye alone is good enough. And if it even gets that worse that I'm losing my eyeball, well...let me say it this way: I think we all thought that Charles Dance was one cool motherfucker in Last Action Hero. And with one eyeball less, the fucking gets much easier in 2009.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I don't see Venom anywhere in those fucking things!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    But I think I see Dave Bowman's lifepod in there somewhere. Trippy.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    You talked this guy about Battlestar Galactica...

    by Johnny Smith

    ...while you were getting your eyes plucked at, and you were able to not think about Colonel Tigh's empty socket? Good going, man. That takes great willpower. And I mean that sincerely.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Contacts are the HD-DVD of vision correction.

    by thebearovingian

    FAIL.<p>LOL. ROFLMAO. Am I the first smart alec to bring up the HD-DVD/ Blu-ray debacle YET AGAIN?! Let this be the death blow then.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    When I had Lasik done...

    by ZsAsZz

    They gave me the only thing cooler than Harry's pictures of his own glowing eyeballs - a video of them cutting open the end of my eyeball, using a vacuum to clean off the goo, shooting it with lasers, and putting it back together. Fucking awesome. I was legally blind so it was worth it for me. Not sure I would have done it otherwise. Been years and no issues yet.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    One other argument against LASIK...

    by Archive reposession! Beware the Repo Man!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Harry -- Showering & Contacts

    by I Own You

    Once I could see my fat ass in HiDef while showering; it gave me extra incentive to drop all the weight. Hope it does the same for you.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Thank goodness.

    by HoboCode

    Those stupid Ghandi-style glasses you wear make you look even fatter.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Who gives a shit?

    by Harrigan

    "Well... A few days ago I went to see BOLT in 3D and - well, I hate putting 3D glasses on top of my regular glasses - and I don't want to go through with the expense of LASIK LASERING OF MY EYEBALLS - and I've always liked the eyedea of contacts. So a few days ago I randomly picked an Optometrist out to go get my eyeballs evaluated for the exo-lenses for me vision. Basically - I feel I need protection for the fucking that AVATAR is going to be giving my eyes this time next year." How ridiculous is that paragraph?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    I had a lazy eye for the first 16 years of my life...

    by odo19

    so 3D never fucking worked at all for me growing up. Annoyed the hell out of me I could'nt see what everyone else was. I think Beowulf was the first film I saw that was 3D where I could properly see what 3D was all about.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Had LASIK.

    by Lucasblows

    It rocks. Stop being pussies.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Lasik - worst mistake of my life.

    by HoboCode

    I had it done about 6 or 7 years ago. It took me 2 weeks to heal. It took me a year before I could see at night without halos around every light. I still don't see 20-20. And I have chronic dry-eye that requires me to use eye drops.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Sweet: Now I can defeat the Retina Scan security

    by chromedome

    at AICN HQ, pass thru all the slamming sliding doors, drop thru the phone booth floor and slide on in to the control room.<p>Anne Hathaway will be there, right? RIGHT??

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST




  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:41 p.m. CST

    -sigh- I should get my contacts back.

    by Anna Valerious

    I had to give it up due to a nerve problem and I still should make an appointment for that where I work. Besides, I think it hinders my cosplay/acting abilities somewhat.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Don't be such a baby, Harry. LASIK

    by Alifemde

    It's easy, and you never have to worry about glasses or contacts again. You can use your kick-back money from Godzilla '98, all of Tarantino's movies, and whatever else the studios pay you for to get you to praise their films to pay for it! Win win!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Okay this was disturbing

    by Orionsangels

    Anyway, I saw BOLT 3D and had no problem putting the 3D glasses over my own glasses.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:46 p.m. CST


    by kaspianwithak

    your mother must not have been the nurturing type huh?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:46 p.m. CST


    by Alifemde

    You went to one of those "$299 Lasik!" specials that advertise in the Sunday comics didn't you.... Your eyes are things that you need to NOT go cheap on. Had mine done 5 years ago, am at 20/15 still, no deterioration of the surgery, and no dry eye. If you're going to do something to your eyes, people, spend a little more and get the GOOD operation. Seriously.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST


    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    "I don't know what brought me to Jerry Brinegar, OD - at Highland Mall - next to the LensCrafters, but ya know... sometimes the powers that be guide you to the absolute ideal physician to make things all awesome." I can't wait until we get an article where Harry details his appropriation of weekly groceries from the totally awesome and geeky MT supermarket, and how we should all check it out because eating food goes hand in hand with watching movies, etc. Anyway, that desperate cash grab did provide us with some cool photos of Harry's eye, and mention of laser surgery. I want it, bad. I've lost two pairs of 500 dollar glasses in the last year and a half. My buddy from india paid 2,500 for his eye surgery on eyes much worse than mine, and they work great.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST


    by reckni

    Medical procedure because of Avatar?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Photos of your eyeballs, Harry ??!!!

    by Bill Clay

    PLEASE don't share your prostate exam with us.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    So since Harry titled this article the same way...

    by Little Beavis he did his infamous "Harry's chosen HD-DVD, and here's why", does that mean in 6 months he'll be getting Lasik after all???? (zing!)

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Next a photo of my testicles...

    by quantize

    i dont come here to read about your life and personal preferences Harry. Have a nice one, but its as interesting as watching paint dry... yesterday i was taking a crap etc etc

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    DGDB please tell me your joking

    by rhcp2sweet

    Dear God tell me your joking.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by MamoVaka

    is the best thing I ever did.. a miracle and I am VERY happy I did it.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Though those were green coktail onions...

    by Darth Macchio

    at first glance anyway...sorry. My bad. Be glad it's not like getting neutered. The put the poor pooch in an upright stradle (he's not on his back but the device spreads his legs exposing the family jewels). Then this dude in a lab coat and big thick welding glasses comes in with a giant shoulder-attached laser canon. He stand and aims slowly and methodically and gently depresses the trigger lasering your dog's balls into oblivion. It's totally and completely heinous. My dog took a shit in my Lucky CHarms box the following day. Lesson learned.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Super power to find geek doctors...

    by The Eskimo

    ...sounds like something you'd see in Heroes. God that show is awful!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    The Doc should have talked about Saturn 3 while

    by Monkeybrains

    he was looking at you eyes. <p> Are the contacts comp due to the mention here?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Lasik will be the way of the future...

    by catman

    ...and contacts will become obsolete. I base this statement solely on the fact That Harry always bets on the loosing horse

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST


    by Jason B. Swaim

    How goes the weight loss post lap band? Not busting your chops. I am really curious.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    This is absolutely FASCINATING NEWS!!

    by The Gospel According to Bastardface

    Thanks for sharing. I love this BLOG!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Medical procedure for obesity, but not

    by teethgnasher

    for vision. Would hate to see his teeth.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    So Contacts will be going out of business?

    by Monkey Man Zero

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Many people can't even see 3D anyways

    by Mr. Moe

    weak stereo-vision is very common, and that fact will keep 3D from ever being the future of cinema. It will always be just a gimmick that only some can enjoy.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Harold's teeth

    by Little Beavis

    boston-baked beans

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    What the fuck just happened?

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    No seriously! <p>*Looks up at main article*<p>What the fuck just happened?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    So no Tuesday DVD releases

    by yomomma

    But we get to see Harry's eyeballs? PRIORITIZE dude.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    The Gospel According to Bastardface

    by unkempt_sock

    get it???? sarcasm. dick.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    I once sat throught BNAT with wire holding my glasses together.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    It's true. I came down to Austin and my frames immediately broke. PETER BLOOD'S wife did a MacGuyver and used a small wire wrapped around them to hold them together so I could go to BNAT the next day. It was my true geek moment, and could have only been better if we used tape.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Re 3D:

    by GoSensGo

    Could you wear a red contact and a blue contact and skip the 3D glasses completely?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Harry has chosen toilet paper and here's why..

    by BobParr

    Hey folk, Harry here. I used to wipe my ass with my left hand (while typing with my right) and one day I got poop all over my keyboard. So Yoko suggested I use a 3rd party material to wipe my ass. So now I've got a clean ass and something to write about other than the faggy vampire movies Yoko drags me to. I miss my dingleberries.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    The main point

    by evil twin

    I think the main thing to be taken from this story is that Heroes is shit.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Harry, those pics are WICKED!

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    They look like heads up consoles to a Romulan War Bird. NICE!!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    highland mall

    by bluepizza

    highland mall is ghetto

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Caveat ocular

    by TheGreatPumpkin

    Harry - I have to tell you that some years ago I went to see Sky Captain and my right contact lens jumped right out of my eye. The movie was unwatchable right then and there (I tried closing the eye, but the loss of depth-perception was unbearable)... Just keep some rewetting drops and your glasses with you at BNAT - you will likely need them both!<br><br>...and no, I don't know if being unable to see Sky Captain made it better or worse... (kidding, I did see it fully again a few days later and liked it. Well, the idea of it mostly).<br><br>The only problems I have had since are usually my eyes drying out when I absolutely CAN'T LOOK AWAY, like with Wall-E, for example. Just saying...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Harry hit a soft spot.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    I've had glasses since high school, and tried contacts once but my eyeslots are very small and I couldn't get them in. By the time I'd get them in, I looked a mess. I've wanted to get lasik for the last 15 years but each year I never was able to save the money to have it done. As a lifelong film fan, I worry about my eyes a lot. Going blind is the one thing I fear more than anything. I'm not afraid to die, but as long as I'm here, I want to be able to see film. Halloween is always a problem. This year I was a monster at a church haunted house, but there are limitations on what monsters I can do. I can't do masks. Some make-up doesn't work. Dracula can't wear glasses, and try wearing KISS or Alice Cooper make-up with glasses. Or don't. Please. You do get used to your glasses, but they're like a ball and chain you have to carry with you.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST


    by MattmanReturns

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    No..The Main point of this story is..

    by conspiracy

    That "Star Trek 2009: "Reinventing the Kirk", is going to suck.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    3D movies are annoying.

    by Han Cholo

    I saw Beowulf in 3D and through the whole film I had a headache from those fucked up glasses. Cameron says that going 3D will get butts back into seats, a pompous statement if I ever heard one. Avatar won't be fucking anything if I have a headache while watching it. They seriously need to master 3D without the damn glasses. Oh yeah and contacts rock. Lasik is a 50/50 shot. If you're gonna fuck with your eyes, make sure you go with someone who comes highly recommended.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Harry, can you post the links

    by the milf lover

    to your open leg and stomach? I missed those, and only seeing your eyes is like watching the third movie of a trilogy after missing the first two: it doesnt make any sense!!!!!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Reluctant Austinite


    I feel your pain - I hate having to come up with Glass wearing characters for Halloween and I miss wearing masks, as lenses fog up under the mask. Actually - after the exam, my wife and I did some Christmas shopping and went into Hot Topic - and they had a Joker ski mask, that I instantly pulled on... and... could look out the eyeholes CLEARLY and without having to put goofy glasses on the Joker! Amazing!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST


    by yoko knowles

    I don't think you can even begin to understand how ghetto Highland Mall really is. I can tell you all about selling small booty shorts to big booty hos. Pardon me, but I have to get back to servicing Harry's nine visible inches.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Slow news day?

    by kravmaguffin

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    Living up to your name I see.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST


    by greigy just wanted to say

    .....awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeee Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!..... is they usual reaction...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Now those eyeballs...

    by NivekJ

    ...deserved to get fucked!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Best BNAT poster ever!...

    by Nordling

    Wait, wrong article.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:51 p.m. CST

    DIAL M.. and CREATURE... Now That's real 3D

    by greigy just wanted to say

    Lucky enough to see them on the big screen looking like a complete tool with the glasses....HEAVEN

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST

    And the dvd section!?

    by enough22

    Once again you disrespect us. And you will post it late and with a lame excuse, like always. Enough is enough. And Quint, please, take grammar classes, please, because you cannot write in English, no way.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST


    by greigy just wanted to say

    Oh come on someone HAD to qote it...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    where can you still see Polar Express in GOOD 3-d?

    by awepittance

    the only way i know of now is the new blue-ray release that comes with the shitty red and blue glasses.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    I stopped using contacts this year...

    by cifra

    after 19 years doing so. One slipped backwards of my eyeball and stayed there for 15 hours. Of course I went to ask for help but I was told that probably it fell and my pain was due to having touched my eye with dirty finger... after a whole night without sleeping, it popped out at 5 AM, covered with infection... went to the doctor next morning and told me I was SO lucky, 'cause that rarely happens (the contact popping out again on its own) and that she always advise people to NOT use contact, as they're an open entrance for all kind of infections. Sigh. Once has been enough, it was a real nightmare.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Polar Express in austin


    get rereleased every holiday season at our local IMAX 3D

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:07 p.m. CST

    Sending to the Private & Personal/Shameless Promotional Room!!!

    by seppukudkurosawa

    Oh wait, this isn't The Zone.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST


    by drewlicious

    Thank you for adding yet another subject to my fear roster. So did the doctor say what he would have done if the crazy thing didn't pop out?

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:11 p.m. CST

    wow, dude, even your eyeballs are huge

    by Magic Rat

    : )

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    as my eyes get older and dryer...

    by crankyoldguy

    I find myself thinking about laser correction, but just can't afford it right now (I don't trust the low-price advertisers - it's the eyes, y'know?). So instead, I turned to the ol' glasses towards the end of a day. I do envy those that don't need any corrective lenses at all. Plus now, I need reading glasses, too when I wear the contacts, go figure.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Glad to see you're breast cancer free Harry

    by SomaShine

    just sayin

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Dude, you should have just got the LASK.

    by Lucasblows

    Best $3,800 I've ever spent.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I really... really... REALLY find myself nauseated by the recent posts made by the MODS.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Bob Parr

    by Seth_Brundle

    Seriously, I spit beer all over my laptop at your TB. And I hate to paraphrase Napoleon Dynamite, but this is pretty much the worst article ever posted on this site.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Dont want to scare you, but contacts can go to your brain

    by ricarleite

    if you sneeze.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Don't use the red-tip rewetting drops...

    by TheGreatPumpkin

    Oh yeah, doesn't everyone who uses contacts know someone who uses the burn-your-eyes-horribly solution that has to sit overnight with the special container? Don't mix that shit up, seriously. Spray it in yer eye, make you want to die. It's like macing yourself.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Listen up mother fuckers

    by C0ns

    I got my eyes lasered real good. Let me tell you, best move of my life. The operation itself was like booting a little sad lookin' kitten; sure, i didn't enjoy it, but in the end it was really nothing. No pain at all, and it's basically just like the coolest fucking light show ever. And then it's done. like 4 minutes. seriously. No big deal. And it's life changing man. People who can see won't be able to understand this, but after living your life relying on glasses or contacts to suddenly moving on to being able to get up in the morning and you can just see... it's phenomenal. Just get a good doctor, and you're golden baby.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 5:59 p.m. CST

    congratulations on contact lenses making their way to Austin!

    by m00kiedood

    I hear city council is passing a bylaw that will legalize over the counter toothpaste!<p> welcome to nineteen freaking fifty five

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Avatar is Cameron's attempt at an Edgar Rice Burroughs


    Fantasy Film.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Lasik is painfull to watch...

    by Ironmuskrat

    My wife had lasik done about a year ago. They doped her up on Valium and put numbing drops in her eyes before the operation. <p> Being a dutiful husband I was there with her during the surgery. The nurse ask me if I wanted to watch the procedure, I said OK. I stood outside the operating room in the hallway looking thru a window. I thought "cool, I can't really see anything, this won't be so bad." Then the nurse proceeds to roll up a big ass 42 inch flat screen TV with nothing but my wife's eyeball filling the screen. I then got the pleasure of watching the eye doctor slice and dice her eyes with lasers, poke them repeatedly with metal objects, rub them with swabs. <p> Basically think of every horrible thing you would never want to have happen to your eyes and I got to see it happen in high def. My wife asked before the surgery how they would keep her from blinking or closing her eyes during the operation, the nurse said not to worry, they would use a speculum to keep her eyes open. As it turned out speculum is a fancy word for big metal hooks under your eyelids. <p> Funny part is my wife said she didn't feel a thing and could only see a red light during the procedure. She got 20/20 vision and I still have nightmares about metal hooks and eyeballs.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Hey Harry


    How goes the weight loss? How's 'bout a pic.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Laser eye surgery

    by gumbercules

    Harry, you gotta do it. It made everything better; swimming, going to the movies and the "spiderman" moment in the morning when you first wake up is incredible! The best is the valium they give you so you don't freak during the operation. Just go for it because contacts suck.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST


    by HoboCode

    Oh go fuck yourself. You don't know wht I spent on my lasik. The procedure is the procedure anyway.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:31 p.m. CST

    OMG, it's full of stars!

    by Xandar1977

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    contacts and IOL

    by Himbo

    I joked to Harry about contacts as I thought he looked like greasy German from Raiders [this comes from a guy who looks more like the greasy German]. Contacts are a great intermediate step. But rather than LASIK, I'm saving for the implantable intra-ocular lens [IOL]. Which in addition to being upgradable as needed, makes you kinda bionic.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:21 p.m. CST

    If you get lasik, you can forget about space travel

    by DonnyUnitas

    They won't even let you be a Naval Aviator, due to nitrogen expansion that will make your eyes explode from the surgery. Thats why Intra-ocular lenses are the SOP for the military. I'm not sold on Lasik just yet. Oh, and for the record, DannyGloversDickBlood is one of the funniest talkbackers on this site.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:21 p.m. CST

    holy fucking shit

    by The Amazing G

    YOKO has posted! first time I've ever seen that!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Wow. I always pictured Yoko...

    by themasterofnonsense a stereotypical dumb mall bitch. And I was right!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Lasik worked for me just dandy.

    by Flip63Hole

    I can swim and do anything and everything I want with crystal clear vision. I wake up in the morning with 20/20 vision - no glasses, no hassle of contacts. Contacts suck. Lasik is worth it in the long run...

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:30 p.m. CST

    the master of nonsense

    by Lobanhaki

    You have truly lived up to your name.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Seth Brundle

    by BobParr

    Thanks for the compliment. My genius sometimes goes unappreciated on the TBs. I don't know if Harry is out of his head, receiving bad advice from Yoko, or just baiting us a little bit with some of his recent posts. He must know he was going to catch quite a bit of crap with this post and his ultra-faggy TWILIGHT review.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:03 p.m. CST

    I didn't read the "article" because

    by Exasperilious

    I don't care about Harry's personal life.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Windows to the soul

    by kafka07

    and Harry's soul is green and veiny.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:09 p.m. CST


    by BartholomewNeff

    Yeah, like the tag line said: Where's Harry's "Bolt" review? You and Mori didn't post a review of the film. What gives? Been waiting for your impression for weeks Head Geek!

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 8:20 p.m. CST

    You have beautiful eyes, Harry!

    by Carl XVI Gustaf


  • Dec. 4, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    thank god for this article

    by TheDudeintheShadows

    i really gave a fuck about your fuckin eyeballs bein shitty

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:12 p.m. CST


    by waylayer

    ...has developed by leaps and bounds the past few years. Every yes it's more accurate and safer. And yes, spend as much as possible and don't go to a place that takes coupons. It is NOT the same procedure everywhere... there is different levels of equipment/lasers, and oh yea, EXPERTISE.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:13 p.m. CST

    Every "year," not "yes."

    by waylayer

    Geebus it looks like I'm a prime candidate for it.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Thankyou Harry

    by hallmitchell

    I've never heard of that procedure before.

  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST


    by PTSDPete


  • Dec. 4, 2008, 11:37 p.m. CST

    Funniest TB in ages.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Seriously, somebody give Bob Parr an award. <p> Oh and I'm definetly getting my eyes lasered, the TBers convinced me. And the reverse prophecy powers of Harry's "here's why" too. Way to bet on the wrong horses, dude.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Harry, an honest question (or two)...

    by half vader

    With the lap-band, how is it you can have that and still work out/go to the gym? Is it because you're still in the wheelchair and don't put as much strain on your stomache? I only ask because a doctor was saying that if you have the band then you can't be doing things which put strain on it and either stretch it (defeating the purpose), or put it in danger of bursting. Seems like gym/weights would do that. What's the deal? <p> I guess the other question is did your Doctor talk about both the benefits and drawbacks of Laser surgery? Mine told me about the dry-eye thing which she said was not a matter of a good or bad procedure at all but more akin to a type of rejection by the body. <p> And all these TBers with their "It's brilliant - fuck you!" or "It sucks, fuck you!" aren't helpful in the least...

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:31 a.m. CST

    half vader


    Doctor told me that I could begin to lightly work out at the gym - on the weight regimen 2 weeks after the surgery. The weighted ab crunches I couldn't do for about a month and a half at my pre-surgery weight limit, but everything else was fine. What they're talking about is gorging your self on food. The lapband is 1 part of the process. It limits the amount you can eat at a given time, forcing you to eat about 6 times a day. What you eat those six times will help to define your success/failure level. However, just the process of spreading the meals out over smaller amounts throughout your waking hours helps to change your metabolism. That added to the gym work - really speeds things up. I haven't been hitting the gym as much as I did pre-surgery, mainly due to my wife's work schedule being increased and us not prioritizing it - which will be changing shortly - as I dearly miss the gym.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:14 a.m. CST

    People have gastric surgery...

    by emeraldboy

    and think thats it. you have to stick to the post op diet. rigidly. successful people like wynona judd evangelise Gastric band ops. We dont have that amount money that people like jud or john popper have. and we dont have people to control our diets like they do. which is why i guess when it goes wrong people do it over again or just give up. as for contact lenses. I wear glases. I once heard a story about a man in the uk who wore lenses and he ended being blinded by a parasite which got on to a lens after he washed it. IT was on documentary series presented by Ross Kemp before he went off to visit very dangerous gangs around the world.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 5:19 a.m. CST

    Glad it worked for you Harry

    by The McPoyle Clan

    but I bet the BNAT attendees are going to be disappointed when they open up their goodie bags only to see bottles of saline and Renu!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    TOO SOON!!!

    by Cletus Van Damme

    Two major surgeries so close together??? TOO SOON, HARRY!!!!<p>Lol, God bless you, buddy. I hope it works out for you!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Paul Benedict just died

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    He was the Jeffersons' neighbor, and was on Sesame Street.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Hey thanks for that Harry.

    by half vader

    I knew it was about limiting the size of the stomach to make you feel 'full' much quicker, and of course the many meals/faster metabolism is an old one, but I hadn't thought about the strain thing. Just makes me worry that's all! Thanks again mate.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Paul McCartney teaches eye yoga on Youtube


    You don't need glasses or contacts. I still need glasses myself but after trying out those exercises my eyesight has noticably improved.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Next up: Harry Knowles Colonoscopy

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Give him a mild sedative and have a Roto-rooter guy team with a doctor to jam the cam. There be smurfs livin' in there

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    The reason Harry shouldn't get LASIK

    by Mr Incredible

    Didn't Harry say he was a Type 2 diabetic? High and low sugar levels can play havoc with the blood vessels in the retina, hence LASIK could be just a big waste of time, never knowing how your vision could be in a couple of years. Contacts aren't bad, and glasses are a decent compromise. I wear glasses, and I had no problem watching BEOWULF in 3-D. Good luck with the weight loss, Harry.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Seems like a commercial for his eye doctor.

    by Bob Cryptonight

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Please post a photo of Yoko servicing your 9 inches.

    by Bob Cryptonight

    Mainly I want to see her, so please frame the photo accordingly.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Bob Cryptonight

    by Gh0ulardi

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    by Gh0ulardi

    just remove all spaces or "%20" that you see from the address, ya kno how it is when posting addy's on talkbacks.. maybe they should think about fixing that eventually, hmm?

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    by Gh0ulardi

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Patricia--er, Yoko--that's an image I now have to live with.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    Thanks. Even if I do go blind I'll have that image of you servicing Harry's 9 inches burned into my brain. And Talkbackers want photos of the deed!

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Sailor's Wank

    by mrbong

    since we are getting into personal habits here, how many of you have a Sailor's, and how often? for those that don't know, it means whacking one off with your other hand, ie with your left if you are right handed.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    wanking over AVATAR

    by mrbong

    this has got to stop. Cameron has not made a film in over a decade, and has delivered not hints or peeks of any substance that shows if this will be any good or not. all everyone is doing is opening up a dangerous platform for "James Cameron Raped My Childhood" posts within minutes of the first bootleg of the film being downloaded.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:01 p.m. CST

    I don't want to Avatar to fuck me in the eyes

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    Please, Avatar, do not fuck me in the eyes. You can be a great movie without resorting to the eyefucking. Yes, you can.

  • Dec. 5, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    No pictures of Harry's 9 inches please

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    I don't have Norton Cockblocker installed yet.

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 3:40 a.m. CST

    Why does everyone automatically believe Harry's got

    by half vader

    9 inches? Can't you see it's the words of a loving wife who has trouble with metric conversion? Maybe Harry has been working out, but that's not what we mean when we call him "big guy". Oh and ;)

  • Dec. 6, 2008, 3:42 a.m. CST

    At least Harry can laugh at the whole "here's why" thing

    by half vader

    now. Good on ya mate. Now just front up about the whole edit function thing and everyone will be happy!