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Capone wants to kill FOUR CHRISTMASES and begs for a moratorium on new holiday movies!!!

Published at:  Nov 28, 2008 12:48:16 PM CST


Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

In a couple of weeks, there is a sweet little film called NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS coming out about a Chicago-based Puerto Rican family getting together. I'm not here to review that film yet, but just let me say that after that movie comes out, I'm asking--begging!--all studios around the world to stop making holiday movies for a while, at least until you can legitimately come up with some new ideas that aren't dumb as fuck. And let me be doubly clear, I'm not saying NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS is dumb; it's not. It's actually a nice twist on the more traditional holiday films of late. No, what I'm saying is that FOUR CHRISTMASES is a terrible, agonizing, turd-like misery. And the idea that I know so many people who are actually excited to see this movie despite my best efforts to warn them against it is infuriating beyond words. I want to kill this movie.

Look, I dig Vince Vaughn, but I don't dig this PG-/PG-13-level Vaughn who fast-talks his way into and out of every situation, whether it's appropriate or not. Vince, you are a better actor than that. Let's change it up a bit, buddy. OK? Hey, look. Your old buddy Jon Favreau is in FOUR CHRISTMASES too, and look at what he's doing. He's playing a role totally unlike anything he's played before. What a concept! And here's another ground-breaking concept, Vaughn: Favreau is actually funnier in two scenes than you are in this entire movie.

One more idea for Vaughn: don't worry so much about entertaining the kids. The kids have some great animated things from which to choose. They don't need FRED CLAUS, and they sure as shit don't need FOUR CHRISTMASES, whose only saving grace is that it's considerably shorter than Fred Claus. The set up is about as contrived as you could possibly imagine; every character is one-dimensional and act/reacts in completely predictable ways. And worst of all, the jokes just aren't that funny (except the baby puke jokes; those are funny). And what is with Vaughn and these Christmas movies? Is it because his face has become so bloated that he actually resembles a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade float? Maybe. I seem to recall a time when this guy was edgy, but what passes for edgy in FOUR CHRISTMASES is playing a sassy Joseph in a "Birth of Jesus" play.

Wait, did I even mention Reese Witherspoon was in this movie? I don't think so, because her presence is totally overshadowed (literally and figuratively) by Vaughn. This woman is smart, pretty, and a great actress, so what the hell is she doing in this nothing movie? Then we get the parents--John Voight, Mary Steenburgen, Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek. There are so many Oscar winners in this movie, I've lost count (actually, including Witherspoon, there are five). Let's throw in a couple of Grammy winners while we're at it, thanks to cameo roles by Dwight Yoakam and Tim McGraw. Emmy winner, anyone? Kristin Chenoweth plays Witherspoon's sister. With a running time of 82 minutes, FOUR CHRISTMASES features more wasted talent per second than any film you'll see in the 21st century. I'm 99.9 percent sure about that. What kills me most is that the movie is directed by Seth Gordon, who directed the essential documentary of 2007, THE KING OF KONG: A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS. Having to write about this movie is actually making me angrier than when I watched it originally.

But the real question is, what are we supposed to learn from FOUR CHRISTMASES? Families should get along? Couples in love should want to get married and have babies? Little kids are assholes? Parents just don't understand? No shit. I learned that last lesson from the Fresh Prince in the late '80s. If after all of my warnings, you're still considering seeing this movie, come to me, let me whisper something in your ear. Come close...a little closer...closer still...that's it...SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com






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    Readers Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 12:50:05 PM CST

    again?

    by doodah

  • Nov 28, 2008 12:52:29 PM CST

    This looks fucking awful...

    by i_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looking_for

    from the trailer. Such a good cast. Duvall, Steenburgen, Voight, Spacek. All quality. WTF are they doing in this shit?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:07:41 PM CST

    Can't wait to see it

    by thunderbolt ross

    It looks amazing!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:10:41 PM CST

    i agree

    by taff

    I love Christmas movies but even with all the talent in this one I decided after I saw the first trailer that it was a bomb. A good Christmas movie has a long life on TV and DVD, why oh why do talented people keep making junk.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:24:46 PM CST

    Elf was good

    by yomomma

    I liked Love Actually too. A few decent holiday flicks still manage to get made.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:33:10 PM CST

    I just ate Chili Cheese Fries and I'm about to

    by stuntcock mike

    shit my ass.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:36:00 PM CST

    Stuntcock Mike,

    by mrfan

    Love chili cheese fries. Don't like to shit my ass though.Did anyone see Witherspoon's appearance on Letterman talking about how her assistant does this and that including taking her kids everywhere for her.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:42:08 PM CST

    mrfan, dude, it fucking hurts.

    by stuntcock mike

    Reese always seemed like a spoiled princess though. Still, she's hot as fuck.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:44:13 PM CST

    I'd fuck Reese Witherspoon until she cried.

    by thrillho77

    Which would probably be before I even entered.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:44:37 PM CST

    Amen, Stuntcock Mike

    by mrfan

    Amen to that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 1:57:52 PM CST

    There has not been a great christmas....

    by emeraldboy

    Since a christmas story, gremlins, elf. etc. Santa Claus the movie wasnt bad. Irish parents hated bad santa so much they had it pulled from cinemas. no really.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:04:44 PM CST

    And I love actually wasnt bad....

    by emeraldboy

    Very funny. Bit too full of richard curtis mates. bit too media savy. But it contains one of the best scenes in a modern british movie. That press confrence between Grant Pm and Billy bobs Us president. He gives Billy bob a verbal slap in the face. pity blair didnt do the same.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:05:06 PM CST

    Don't worry, Harry will love it

    by pondscum is banned

    He'll tell us that it was so good that it was like being at the birth of Christ at Bethlehem but covered in mistletoe flavoured vaginal secrections. Oh and that he cried.

    Wait! That gives me an idea - the Crying Harry Knowles Doll - the perfect Christmas gift. Your kids (and studio executives) will love it! Just put it down in front of any movie and watch tears of joy flood from it's eyes and tainted Hollywood cash fills up it's pockets.

    If you can't afford one, don't worry, you can make your own. Just glue your pubes to a troll doll, inflate with a bicycle pump and spit on it's eyes.

    Now where's the Wayan's brothers with their hilarious Four Kwanzas?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:06:22 PM CST

    love actually....

    by emeraldboy

    was a bit too long and was stuffed with too many characters and not enough stories. bill nighy, god bless that man.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:12:07 PM CST

    Bad Santa was the last great christmas flick...

    by i_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looking_for

    Before that... Die Hard 2.Love Actually was surprisingly watchable though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:14:45 PM CST

    Watched Fred Claus yesterday...

    by director stan arthur

    expecting nothing and was pleasantly surprised how funny it was.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:24:09 PM CST

    Cameo by Steve Wiebe, the King of Kong

    by bob loblaw law blog

    My wife wanted to see this, so we went yesterday... and when Kristin Chenoweth's character introduces her husband, he's playing a video game with a Wii classic controller. The sounds in the background were from Donkey Kong... and I thought I recognized the husband.And then it hit me... it was STEVE WIEBE!!The movie was pretty forgettable, but kudos to Seth Gordon for giving the King of Kong in his film.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:25:01 PM CST

    Giving him a cameo, that is.

    by bob loblaw law blog

    Oh to be able to edit one's posts.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:41:03 PM CST

    Steve Wiebe

    by pussyslayer09

    The guy just has that face to be some sort of a secondary character... I fucking love King of Kong, and it ranks up there with Roger & Me, and Sicko... Go Wiebe... (I will never see this piece of shit movie by the way)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 2:55:38 PM CST

    Wait...there are people here who like Love Actually?!

    by my mom is a whore

    You people fucking amaze me. That was one of the worst movies I've ever witnessed, and is certainly amongst the worst movies in Christmas history. It's so saccharine that my teeth might have actually started bleeding if i hadn't punched myself in the face just before in order to stop myself watching the horror unfold. And how did they manage to get some of my favourite actors to play such two dimensional walking cliches. Alan Rickman?!?! Liam Neeson?!?!?!Fuck. I hate that movie. I fucking hate it.I wish I could find every copy of Love Actually and set fire to it. And then I'd throw flaming copies at everyone who ever enjoyed that movie. If i ever have a child who decides that they like Love Actually, I will actually put all of my money into time travel research so that I can go back and terminate myself before the child is ever born.Love Actually is where smiles go to die.I HATE THAT MOVIE.Okay, rant over. Feel strangely better.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:17:07 PM CST

    Shame that this movie sucks considering

    by togsolid

    that King of Kong was so damn good. Ah well, they can't all be winners.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:26:49 PM CST

    Hey Whore boy: There are lots of people who love Love Actually

    by stormwatcher

    Because its a fantastic anthology movie. No wait, go ahead and tell me what's wrong with it BUT without cursewords or references to your dick. I would love to hear what's wrong with that movie. PLEASE, Enlighten me, I have a Thirst for Knowledge. I need to know what was wrong with that movie right now!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:29:41 PM CST

    Oh and don't say Cliche without proof son of a whore

    by stormwatcher

    Saying something is cliche is cliche on this site. Proof boy whose mom I tapped. Proof of its Clicheness. Also did you really smite yourself in the face or was that the comedy you bring to the table that is supposed to elevate you above the comedy found in Love Actually? Cuz if that's your best then Four Christmases may be for you!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:35:38 PM CST

    Fabulous beatdown, Capone

    by bravogolfhotel

    "FOUR CHRISTMASES features more wasted talent per second than any film you'll see in the 21st century." Ouch.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:38:20 PM CST

    Last good Christmas movie was Millions

    by nasty in the pasty

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:46:16 PM CST

    It's a stress release valve

    by antonphd

    This movie is a fluffy holiday popcorn movie to see between shopping and sledding. It isn't supposed to be deep or poinant. It's just fun. Like throwing snowballs and eating pie. My wife and I watched it and had a good time. It wasn't import. It was just time together. People eat drink and try to be merry at Christmas. There's everything right about enjoyinging yourself with a holiday movie about unavoidable family bs that posses you off but ultimately you endure because you love your family. Lots of people wish they could be in figi during Christmas. It is funny if you relate.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:47:26 PM CST

    Another vote for Millions here.

    by tonagan

    Very good.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 3:59:37 PM CST

    I get the feeling Capone didnt like the movie

    by the milf lover

    must be something he wrote in the review...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:00:47 PM CST

    Does anyone remember...

    by emerald saber

    Santa Claus (1985)? The one with Dudley Moore and John Lithgow? I loved that movie as a kid. As a kid, I stress.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:01:07 PM CST

    Talented People Make Shitty X-Mas Movies...

    by chewblacca

    ...because they get dragged out and shown every fucking year and the stars get paid every god damned time. The become "timeless holiday classics". Like Christmas music, itt's the Chistmas movies that pay off year after year. Given how much money they can make in the long run, who can blame the talent for wasting a month of their lives on these turds. Still, would it kill the writers/directors to try a little.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:02:29 PM CST

    Christmas Vacation

    by metiphislabs

    Was the ONLY good family getting together Holiday move ever made. Because the quirks of the parents were so damn real!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:04:24 PM CST

    Santa Clause the Movie

    by metiphislabs

    Hell yes that was AMAZING. John Lithgow creates "Christmas... 2!"

    lol

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:06:28 PM CST

    Last really good Christmas movie

    by thot

    IMO, was Elf. Something a bit different and lots o' guffaws. Four Christmases looks o.k.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:08:52 PM CST

    no subject

    by bluejack

    I did not laugh for the first half of the movie. The second half I laughed less. Forced to see it with my girlfriend and I earned about ten billion points watching it.
    Not sure where all this talent Reese Witherspoon is hiding. All her roles are tired versions of "Legally Blonde", ug. Baby puke jokes? Do not watch/not a rental/would serve as a good prop for an unbalanced table once it comes out in a DVD box.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:48:12 PM CST

    To Whomever Is Responsible For This Movie......

    by thelordofhell

    I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!! Hallelujah!! Holy shit!! Where's the Tylenol?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 4:58:17 PM CST

    Looks like Twilight will be Number One again

    by zinc_chameleon

    This weekend, because Four Christmases was supposed to be the big competition. Reese didn't even look interested on the posters.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 5:14:30 PM CST

    thelordofhell

    by thrillho77

    You are now my lord. I worship thee.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 5:55:05 PM CST

    Saw it. Didn't throw anything.

    by hikaru ichijo

    If we're to be honest, most holiday movies bite. Filming a good Christmas movie is like capturing lightning in a bottle, so you sit down in front of these things and turn your brain off, or else I don't know what your problem is. Four Christmases had some good gags, but I agree that it would be nice to see Vaughn doing something out of character. He used to do dramatic roles and was good at it. I fear that if he continues doing comedies we will lose a valuable resource.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:02:19 PM CST

    So...it's good then?

    by vadakinx

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:09:06 PM CST

    TOO SOON!!

    by pageiv

    So why does Vince play the same role in his last few movies?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:09:36 PM CST

    Supposedly, Reese and Vaughn were at odds on-set

    by pennsy

    As in can't stand each other, Vaughn and Anniston in The Break-Up, only for real.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:27:54 PM CST

    Christmas movies usually so suck ass

    by judge briggs

    No surprise. Though, National Lampoons Christmas was hilarity. Oh Chevy Chase, what ever happened? Oh that is right- the 80s ended.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:31:09 PM CST

    hahaha

    by pubgrundy

    i still wanna see it


    only for jon favreau!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:31:52 PM CST

    Love Actually was super overblown and

    by judge briggs

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:33:08 PM CST

    I cannot stand Reese and her HUGE head

    by charlie_allnut

    Why do people think she's hot?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:34:46 PM CST

    I'm being dragged kicking and screaming to see this

    by spacechampion

    literally.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 6:35:33 PM CST

    Trick 'r Treat gets shelved, but THIS garbage gets released?

    by glenn_the_tool

    there truly is no justice in this world.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 7:02:30 PM CST

    Romantic comedies disguised as raunchy comedies

    by terry1978

    That is the current "in-thing" right now, and you can see the shit a mile away, yet we still love it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 7:17:40 PM CST

    It's actually a nice twist on the more traditional holiday films

    by donnyunitas

    because they're Puerto Rican. Oh, that should be good. Stereotypes are awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 7:29:26 PM CST

    Vaughn should lose the fuckin toupée. Yr Bald!

    by jah_kingdom

    And get off the methadone and lose some fuckin weight. Vince Vaughn looks like Andrew Dice Clay and Dan Akroyd had a baby.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 7:40:13 PM CST

    Wow the hate for Love Actually makes me sad

    by lovecraftfan

    i totally got its charm and I completely fell in love with it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:24:23 PM CST

    Saw it today

    by slone13

    Capone is being more than a bit overly dramatic. "FOUR CHRISTMASES features more wasted talent per second than any film you'll see in the 21st century." I'm not saying the movie was great or anything, but seriously, save the drama for your mama, Cappy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:30:12 PM CST

    Hey Wait, Didn't...

    by infernodragyn

    Jon Favreau play a UFC Fighter in some episodes of friends, so his role is kinda like a role he already played.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:35:36 PM CST

    My Mom Is A Whore, Love Actually is one

    by grammaton cleric binks

    of the few good chick flicks out there that guys can also enjoy. It's sitting in my collection right now. You come over here to destroy it, and unfortunately I'll have to go gun kata on you before you can go Danny the Dog on me.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:42:22 PM CST

    I give Vince Vaughn

    by melvin_pelvis

    5 big ass oily foreheads out of a possible 4
    The guys as entertaining as an anal fissure

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:43:33 PM CST

    Lee Majors in

    by grammaton cleric binks

    The Night the Reindeer Died.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 9:45:18 PM CST

    Rumor mill sez

    by melvin_pelvis

    big time friction on set, stars won't do the promotional tour together and don't expect them to ever work together again
    Lot o' groans of relief when shooting was finished.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 10:07:29 PM CST

    Die Hard = best xmas movie

    by quintana007

    followed by Chevy Chases hilarious Christmas vacation. Runner ups: Nightmare before christmas, A christmas story and Scrooged.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 10:10:18 PM CST

    The Ref is the ULTIMATE Christmas movie

    by nasty in the pasty

    "You know what this family needs? A *mute*!"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 10:13:04 PM CST

    Wow, great tip Nasty

    by quintana007

    Don‘t know The Ref but it sounds good enough for looking at. Thanks

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 10:20:38 PM CST

    Didn't Favreau play a character like this in The Replacements?

    by xiphos_2

    Now I've only seen the trailer maybe twice but Favreaus(He's so money!)charactr in the Replacements seemed an awful lot the Charactr from 4 Christmases

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:01:09 PM CST

    I second The Ref as a great Christmas movie

    by big jim

    Dennis Leary, Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis, directedy by Ted Demme. Now there's a talented group that didn't waste its potential!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:01:20 PM CST

    A Christmas Story and Natl. Lampoons Christmas Vacation

    by zeke25:17

    ...and for the nastiness, Bad Santa; and for the lit'ry: the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol (all these nuts who think Alistair Sim was a better Scrooge have been hitting the eggnog too hard). Those are the great Xmas movies. Everything else after that worth watching is a stop-motion animated special

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:04:24 PM CST

    Though I must give honorable mention to The Ref

    by zeke25:17

    When I saw American Beauty, I couldn't help but wish that Judy Davis, rather than Annette Bening, had played Lester Burnham's missus. I've liked Bening's work for years, but she seemed so much like a caricature in Beauty; Davis, by contrast, seemed to work so much better with Kevin Spacey. A shame they haven't teamed up again.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:30:58 PM CST

    I saw it; it's shit

    by snowdogs

    I hadn't read any reviews yet and saw it yesterday on Thanksgiving on a date. It's painfully unfunny and I completely agree with Capone. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE--it's not even worth your time to eventually rent it. But Capone, you're wrong on one thing, Favreau did play a character like this before in the Replacements.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:31:29 PM CST

    Christmas Vacation and The Ref....

    by otm shank

    are two holiday traditions in my household. "Your husband ain't dead lady, he's hidin'."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 28, 2008 11:39:45 PM CST

    Just got me The Ref

    by quintana007

    8 Amazon-Bucks hopefully well spent. Not only because many here list it right up with Christmas Vacation, i just love Kevin Spacey. Another great movie from him is Swimming With Sharks - funny as hell... Thanks again.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 12:19:16 AM CST

    Forgot about the Ref

    by spectrebeeyatch

    I must buy this movie.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 1:18:43 AM CST

    Moratorium: Best Idea This Century

    by yotzvonfrelnik

    These holiday movies every year are shit. 'Nuff said, period.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 1:21:36 AM CST

    Vince Vaughn is worthless

    by batzilla

    WHY do people like him? Or is it just a few Hollywood jackasses that are forcing this douche bag on us? I just don't get it/him. No talent at all.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 2:24:57 AM CST

    Xmas is dead

    by kafka07

    and so is that poor Wal-Mart worker trampled to death by insane xmas shoppers.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 2:28:28 AM CST

    In Australia

    by javery56

    They changed the name to FOUR HOLIDAYS... probably trying to distance themselves from their own movie in the hopes of tricking people into paying for admission.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 3:16:19 AM CST

    sounds like The Grinch crawled up SOMEone's ass

    by rocco curioso

    Actually, thanks Capone. I haven't witnessed such a fine display of holiday season vitriol since my mom presented Granny Curioso with the Christmas gift of a pair of edible panties following the "drop dead" cardiac arrest comedy stylings of Gramps at that year's family Thanksgiving shindig.And yes... you had to be there.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 3:50:33 AM CST

    Hahaha, Capone, I enjoyed reading that...

    by ray gamma

    It was a fun read, although I don't know if you're maybe over-"un-hyping" it.

    (Can someone please coin a phrase that is the exact opposite of 'hype'? There is a gap in the dictionary.)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:43:56 AM CST

    Thank God We Have Scrooged,Christmas Vacation,and Bad Santa

    by broseph

    I'll watch this on cable

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:47:51 AM CST

    Oh and Gremlins

    by broseph

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:59:02 AM CST

    Lethal Weapon was on TV 2 nights ago

    by pokadoo

    Got me in the fesrive mood, it makes a great Christmas/Bulletfest Double-Bill with Die Hard!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 5:01:36 AM CST

    Plant!

    by epleterte

    aaaaaah....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 5:02:20 AM CST

    Fesrive? D'OH!

    by pokadoo

  • Nov 29, 2008 5:13:01 AM CST

    No intention

    by watch_the_world_burn

    of watching this, but thanks for the heads-up all the same, Cap.And why the fuck is it called "Four Holidays" here?!? I'm pretty sure Christmas means the same thing in the southern hemisphere as it does in the north.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 7:03:54 AM CST

    Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?

    by theyreflockingthisway

    I like to think it is - it always gets me in the Christmas spirit and has none of that slushy "the true meaning of Christmas" crap they seem to stick at the end of these things.

    Infact I'd say Home Alone is another great christmas movie. I think the formula here is to set a film at Christmas but not actually be about Christmas.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 8:51:48 AM CST

    It's not a Christmas Movie, unless...

    by hikaru ichijo

    it seeks to embody "The Spririt of Christmas" So Home alone, with Christmasy soundtrack and incredibly sappy ending is a Christmas Movie, while DIE HARD, which employs Christmas as a plot device, is not.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 8:56:00 AM CST

    Vince Vaughn's bloated parade float head

    by nasty in the pasty

    HA! I guess only male comic actors are allowed to look like they haven't stepped inside a gym in years.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 8:56:52 AM CST

    Road To Bethlehem

    by hikaru ichijo

    A chase movie that provides a story for Joseph as he and Mary flee from the Romans. It features magical Kung Fu, and comic relief from the Wise Men. SPOILER: Just when things look their worst, they reach the manger and baby Jesus is born in a nick of time and uses his powers to save his friends. It's awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 8:58:33 AM CST

    And, sadly, the Ref DVD is non-anamorphic

    by nasty in the pasty

    This is a movie that deserves a crisp new transfer and some special features.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:02:20 AM CST

    Scrooged was great...

    by emeraldboy

    and I loved the Al green/annie lennox song. They dont make films like that anymore. That film was quality. Great concept great all star cast. I also loved the black adder christmas special. The one where the closer it got to christmas the meaner he blackadder becamer. Three reasons to watch bbc this christmas. One Dr.who(rumours are spreading that David Morrisey is about to enter the Tardis when asked Morrisey said he would love to do it.) Wallace and gromit in a matter of loaf and death. Three the official blackadder documentary. All the cast, all the crew.plus and this is the biggie. for the first time ever on tv. Rowan atkinson talks exclusively about his most famous role. Sir Edmund Blackadder.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:04:31 AM CST

    Love Actually

    by m_prevette

    Is a terrific movie, sure it takes place in some altered reality but, damn, it's very effective and sweet. Oddly enough, some of the scenes that work best are the dialog free ones - Knightly realizing her husband's best friend is in love with her, the cue card payoff of that story, and Emma Thompson's beautiful controlled meltdown as the Joni Mitchell song plays. It's sugar sweet with no apologies, but I dragged my g/f to see this in theaters and I love this movie. But I can see the fanboy hate however, since there's no kung-fu.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:05:47 AM CST

    Scrooge with Albert Finney

    by m_prevette

    Is my fave Christmas movie though. An excellent musical, Finney is brilliant as Scrooge.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:06:24 AM CST

    Despite its sappy ending....

    by emeraldboy

    Home alone is a great film. and one of the best black comedies ever made. it was a great way for john hughes to retire. and spend all that money.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:18:12 AM CST

    Silent Night, Deadly Night

    by grammaton cleric binks

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:51:30 AM CST

    Everybody knows how to celebrate a proper Christmas.

    by le chevalier noir

    It's the occasion when you're to PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 9:59:41 AM CST

    Love Christmas Story

    by mrfan

  • Nov 29, 2008 10:01:19 AM CST

    Brutal review!

    by shaolin1942

  • Nov 29, 2008 10:01:35 AM CST

    Brutal review!

    by shaolin1942

    I loved it!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:12:37 AM CST

    I wouldn't call Home Alone a Black Comedy

    by the_joker

    It was great slapstick. Due mainly to the fact that Daniel Stern and Pesci played it up so well.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:16:30 AM CST

    Glad to see some love for "The Ref"

    by mr.underwater

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:38:06 AM CST

    Capone, I was forced to see this abortion too

    by zoefan

    While there were some parts I laughed at, this movie was God Awful. The only Christmas-like thing about the movie is that it's set during Christmas. This movie could have happened at any time during the year. But because it's set during Christmas it's considered a Christmas movie? That's absurd, and so is this film.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:39:07 AM CST

    God I hope this is as good as John Grisham's

    by series7

    Christmas with the Kranks. My family has made that a staple Christmas film rotation ever since we saw it opening day. It was soooo funny! Another great one is Surviving Christmas, which included a great cameo from Spongebob!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:42:00 AM CST

    If you're thinking of seeing this film

    by zoefan

    Just know it's basicly a D-List version of Meet the Fockers. But set during Christmas.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 11:56:48 AM CST

    Not THAT bad...

    by seanny_d

    It wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but I found myself at least mildly entertained. Some people want to see a Christmas movie on the big screen during the holidays. And this could do it. Fred Claus on the other hand I found PAINFUL to watch. Not only was it boring, but there are few times I have wanted a movie to be over so quickly.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 12:06:17 PM CST

    Let Me Weigh In On Love Actually.

    by kubla_khan

    I hated it, for the sole reason that I saw virtually no real depiction of love in that film save for the opening documentary shots of families arriving/ departing at the airport. Every relationship in the film felt fake to me, save for the one between Rickman and his wife. Otherwise there was none of the apocalypse that comes with real love, just sickly-sweet over-romanticised bollocks. Plus Hugh "but blinking IS acting" Grant could never be Prime Minister - his nose just isn't big enough for the national trough.

    Oh, and my vote for the opposite of hype: Zype. As in, "The zype on this film is staggering. It literally seems like no-one gives a shit."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 12:16:40 PM CST

    Die Hard

    by mr. zeddemore

    IS a Christmas film.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 1:54:15 PM CST

    Reese Witherspoon is a cunt!!

    by pdennett316

    That is all.

    Actually it's not all, she just looks like she could start a fight in an empty room and her face is emminently punchable.

    Kevin Smith has a dislike for her due to her bitchy treatment of former GF Joey Lauren Adams. Fuck the overrated cow, she is the most undeserving actress in Hollywood after Halle Berry.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 2:13:40 PM CST

    Die Hard is a Christmas Film

    by xiphos_2

  • Nov 29, 2008 2:26:20 PM CST

    pdennett316 is an idiot.

    by mrbscribe

    Kevin Smith really doesn't like her 'cause she dissed his dialogue on the overwhelmingly awful "Overnight Delivery." But Kevin Smith is just really fucking insecure and does these things to stay in the spotlight (for attention).

    Oh and Reese Witherspoon is not a cow and you will never have a girlfriend

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 2:35:29 PM CST

    I've never voluntarily gone to see a Christmas movie.

    by royston lodge

    Ok, a gf dragged me kicking-and-screaming to see The Polar Express, but other than that I've never ever ever driven to a movie theatre and plopped down $10 to see one of these movies. I've seen lots and lots and lots of Christmas movies and specials on television of course, which is where they rightly belong. If you're gonna watch a heart-warming Christmas tale you should be in the warm glowing warming flow of a roaring fire surrounded by your loved ones (or on the couch in your pajamas with your cat on your lap, a tub of Ben & Jerry's on one side, and a bottle of rye whiskey on the other). The best of the best are the silly little animated specials, both the new ones and the classics. While top billing should always be given to A Charlie Brown Christmas and Garfield's Christmas special, I'm incredibly fond of A Wish for Wings That Work (featuring Opus the penguin), and Olive: The Other Reindeer. I simply cannot fathom why anybody would want to trudge to a movie theatre in the middle of winter to sit in a darkened room with a bunch of strangers for two hours to watch any sort of Christmas movie, let alone a badly-made one. (This year, I bought A Colbert Christmas on DVD, and I ain't pushing the 'play' button until the evening of Dec 24.)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 3:28:26 PM CST

    AINT IT QUIET NEWS

    by ray gamma

    IT'S A QUIET WEEK FOR MOVIE NEWS FOLKS.... come on guys, the whole site has practically ground to a halt this week.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:07:52 PM CST

    Reese is MILF-tastic.

    by pennsy

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:16:33 PM CST

    Looks like FC is gonna beat Twilight at the boxoffice...

    by pennsy

    $28m since Wednesday and looks to have a $30-33m weekend, $45-48m from Wednesday-to-Sunday. Twilight and Bolt made $11m Friday and are looking at $25-28m for the weekend. Quantum of Solace - $8.3m on Friday, followed by Australia - $5.8m on Friday, $11m since Wednesday. Transporter 3; $4.8 and 11m, respectively.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 4:47:25 PM CST

    I hope not

    by mr. zeddemore

    PG Vince Vaughn sucks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 5:13:28 PM CST

    Mr_Incredible

    by mr. zeddemore

    The lesser of two evils is still evil.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 7:29:09 PM CST

    If you're thibking of going to see this film...

    by mr. zeddemore

    DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T (Cheers Mr. Wright.)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 29, 2008 10:36:52 PM CST

    "D-list version of Meet The Fockers"

    by nasty in the pasty

    Now THAT is a frightening thought.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 12:42:28 AM CST

    slap my ass, capone

    by admiral akwelches

    oooohhhhhh, that feels good. i'd love to slap Scut Farkus, ooooohhhh yeah.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 7:14:50 AM CST

    Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Rocky IV are all

    by grammaton cleric binks

    Christmas movies. End of discussion.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 7:15:59 AM CST

    Next year the studios will release

    by grammaton cleric binks

    The Pink Stockings, a gay ensemble Christmas comdedy as they've bled all other stupidity dry.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 7:30:58 AM CST

    I would give Nothing Like the Holidays a shot

    by grammaton cleric binks

    only because of The Guz.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 7:49:11 AM CST

    Vince's head is twice the size of Reese Witherspoon's--

    by blackmantis

    Just look at the poster. He's like the fuckin' elephant man with his giant head--

    http://tinyurl.com/6otzag

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 10:52:51 AM CST

    I'll one-up you Capone

    by smackfu

    I want to cut off parts of Four Christmases, cook them, tie Four Christmases to a chair and force-feed them to it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 12:18:12 PM CST

    4 Xmases weekend: $31,7m, $46.65m since Wednesday.

    by pennsy

    Bolt and Twilight in a dead heat for 2nd (26,596,000 vs. 26,369,000, respectively).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Nov 30, 2008 7:51:16 PM CST

    Hasn't AICN grown up already?

    by antonphd

    This reads like a student review in a high school film class. I welcome new Christmas films. They are part of the holiday tradition. There's plenty of other movies to love during the holiday season... nothing wrong with movies that are just about the season. It's ok to like simple pleasures sometimes.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Dec 01, 2008 6:41:18 AM CST

    Yer being melodramatic Cappy

    by scottindc

    Parents forced me to watch i while visiting them over the holiday. Yes, it's saccharine sweet holiday fare which is always aggravating - but compared to other shit like Christmas with the Kranks, it wasn't that bad. The first half has a few good laughs..the second half loses total steam. The one thing I can't believe more aren't complaining about is the three scenes they clearly re-shot because Reese's hair is a totally different color and style. Damn funny continuity issue. But ya - it's predictable, overly cutesey and features legendary actors in small one-note roles. In short, it's a pretty typical holiday pap. But is it the worst movie ever? No...and Capone is just being melodramatic to say so. That honor still goes to Christmas with the Kranks or Deck the Halls.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Dec 01, 2008 12:20:56 PM CST

    Hey Capone, Hyperbole much?

    by borgnine jr

    It was a fine bit o'Christmas fluff. It provided a nice break during Christmas shopping or an excuse to get out of the house on a cold, gray day. What's with you knuckleheads on this site, does everything have to be an Aronofsky film? And what would you do if Aronofsky DID make a Christmas movie. This movie was lightweight, that's all, not criminally bad or tedious. What, are ya going for Massawyrm's readers, Capone?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Dec 01, 2008 1:21:57 PM CST

    Nothing Like the Holidays has Vanessa Ferlito in it

    by zeke25:17

    Always wanna call her Vanessa Fellatio. Come on, admit it, so do you.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Dec 01, 2008 2:32:58 PM CST

    Borgnine JR

    by frozen01

    Even so, why dump $10 on crap like this just to get a break from Christmas shopping? Don't own a TV?
    As long as people keep seeing movies just because it has "Christmas" in the title, they'll keep churning out crap.

    Reply to Talkback

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