While it is sometimes said in shadowy corners, in backalley whispers that Moriarty doesn't know dick, I can assure you that at least as of tonight... Moriarty does in fact know DICK, so just shut your mouth about the dear professor. For tonight, whilst I watched 7 seconds of John Holmes' dick at the Dobie in 3-D, Moriarty was watching a DICK of another sorts in Los Angeles... And here is his final assessment of DICK...
Hey, Head Geek...
"Moriarty" here.
I was working late at the Moriarty Labs the other
night, trying to devise a way to sneak into a
screening of the upcoming Columbia comedy DICK when
the studio actually threw a wrench in my plans by
doing the unthinkable -- they invited me to see it.
Damn! All my subterfuge, wasted. It almost took the
joy out of my drive over to the Sony lot, but by the
time my henchmen and I parked under the giant
billboards for BIG DADDY, MUPPETS IN SPACE, and DICK,
I was in a better mood, ready to laugh.
It's a good thing, too, since DICK is a sly, charming
little film with one of the year's most original comic
concepts. The press notes for the film describe it as
"CLUELESS meets ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN," and I
suppose that's a good way to shorthand it, but I
honestly didn't expect a picture that was as wise
about the Watergate era as this one was. It should be
interesting to see if the audience that's the same age
as the lead characters tune in to the film's snarky
sense of humor and its specific historic references.
The film opens with French Stewart playing a talk show
host who is interviewing Bob Woodward (Will Farrell)
and Carl Bernstein (Bruce McCulloch) about the
identity of the still-mysterious "Deep Throat." In
this one scene, director Andy Fleming and his
co-writer Sheryl Longin reveal just how much they know
about the real Woodward and Bernstein, but they also
manage to establish that this is a fantasy fairy tale
version of the real world. People are definitely
recongnizable, but everything's heightened to great
comic effect.
From there, we're right into the meat of the film, as
the Jackson 5 standard "ABC" kicks in. I love the use of music in this film, and there were
some brilliant choices for individual moments,
including the best use of "You're So Vain" that I can
imagine. It manages to be both funny and deeply
poignant. As the film opens
(with a very pointed visual reference to ALL THE
PRESIDENT'S MEN), Arlene (Michelle Williams) and Betsy
(Kirsten Dunst) are working together on Arlene's entry
to the "Win A Date with Bobby Sherman" contest.
They're in Arlene's bedroom at her Watergate
apartment, with Mom (Teri Garr) asleep on the couch.
The two girls are best friends, and it's a good thing,
since neither one of them seems to connect with anyone
else. They're both 15, giggly, blissfully unaware of
the world around them.
When they finish the letter, they sneak out to mail
it, taping open a door so they can sneak back in
without waking Arlene's mom. What they don't know is
that the Democratic National Committee office is being
broken into at that exact moment, and their actions
are going to trigger a chain of events that reveals to
us, the viewer, an entire alternate history of
Watergate that finally explains things like John
Dean's resignation, the missing 18 1/2 minutes of
tape, and the origin of Nixon's paranoia.
The thing that makes the film really pay off is the
outstanding supporting cast. Dan Hedeya is Nixon, and
he manages to make the role his own. Dave Foley is
wonderful as Haldeman, Saul Rubinek does a wicked
Kissinger, Jim Bruer does nice twitchy work as Dean,
Harry Shearer is a suitably creepy G. Gordon Liddy,
Ana Gasteyer etches a memorable Rosemary Woods in just
a few scenes, and Farrell and McCulloch steal every
frame of film they're in with their Woodstein
performances. There's an image of them walking in
slow motion through a newsroom that is worth the price
of admission all by itself.
DICK isn't a film that's going to change the world,
but it might just change your mind about Andrew
Fleming. He's one of those guys who genuinely seems
to learn from picture to picture, whose work is
getting better and better. His last film, THE CRAFT,
was a mildly successful picture with an outstanding
collection of hot teenage girls. Fairuza Balk, Robin
Tunney, Neve Campbell, and Rachel True in Catholic
schoolgirl outfits with evil powers... what more could
a mad scientist like me ask?
This time out, though, Fleming's really nailed a lot
of the subtle moments, the smaller details. The world
of the film is rich, lived in, and feels real. He's
using teenage girls again, but the work by both
Williams and Dunst goes way beyond the easy
stereotypes they could have played. Williams is sweet
and funny as Arlene, the dreamier of the two girls.
She's the one who falls in love with Dick, convinced
that he's a good man. She's also the one who wants
revenge when she learns the truth about Tricky Dick.
She's got sharp comic chops, and she really shows a
bit of range here. This isn't anything like the work
she does on DAWSON'S CREEK, and it's a refreshing
change of pace for her. If this is any indication of
what she's capable of, I hope she makes good use of
each of her hiatuses.
Kirsten Dunst, though... oh, boy. I know I'm going to
take heat for this. Hell, I fully expect to be beaten
senseless in the TALK BACKS below, but I don't care.
The Professor has been smitten. As of tonight,
Heather Graham is now officially my ex-future wife.
The lovely and funny Ms. Dunst has leapt to the top of
my list. Pictures have been circulated to all the
henchmen, and I don't care who knows it. She's been
getting better and better as an actress over the
years, even in slight movies like last year's SMALL
SOLDIERS. In that film, when she finally starts
fighting back and destroying the toys, watch the glee
on her face as she cuts loose. When was the last time
you saw an actor so engaged by a special effect? Now
she's been given a role where she gets to be flat out
funny, and she delivers. Between the scene where she
distracts someone so Arlene can search Haldeman's
house and the film's final images under the closing
credits, I have had plenty of Evil thoughts for one
night.
For anyone looking for a film that's a little harder
to categorize than most, something that engages you
brain and your funny bone in equal measures, DICK is
an unexpected late summer delight, and well worth
seeking out. Maybe I'll get lucky and enjoy myself at
LAKE PLACID tomorrow. We'll see. Until then...
"Moriarty" out.
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