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Capone finds TWILIGHT neither romantic nor creepy, even with all of those pretty faces!!!

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

I've never read one of Stephenie Meyer's novels about the tormented love affair between the human Bella and the vampire Edward, so when I speak about TWILIGHT, I am only discussing the film version and whether or not I was indoctrinated into this story to any degree of satisfaction. I want to know if screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg and director Catherine Hardwicke (THIRTEEN; LORDS OF DOGTOWN) have constructed a compelling film for those of us who know nothing about novels or where the tale of these angst-ridden teens is headed. The truth is that Twilight is a beautiful-looking work with a pair of the most bizarre and frustrating characters you're likely to see in a film this year. I'll give the movie credit for avoiding most of the infuriating trappings of modern vampire films, but that doesn't make the resulting work all that captivating.

And let me add this right up front, if you do go see Twilight and coo and swoon over the film and try to tell me it's a great movie, I'm going to point you right at a theater in this city playing LET THE RIGHT ONE IN to give you a prime example of a truly great young vampire tale. I realize it's not fair to compare these two movies, but for all its trumped-up drama, longing gazes and breathy dialogue, TWILIGHT doesn't hold a candle to the emotional weight of the stark Swedish vampire story about a 12-year-old boy who falls in love with a same-aged vampire girl.

I should applaud the choice of Hardwicke to direct TWILIGHT. She has made a succession of films in recent years that tap into hormonally heightened teens, and this story seemed almost written for her. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is a withdrawn girl moving from her mother's home in Phoenix to her father's place in the rainy Pacific Northwest, where she spent her early years when her parents were still together. She reunites with old friends, including the Native American Jacob (Taylor Lautner), and meets a whole slew of new ones. It is at school where she first becomes acquainted with the Cullen "family," who all dress rather formal for high school, are intensely pale, and pretty much stick to themselves. Bella is paired with Edward (Robert Pattinson) as a science glass lab partner, and the two seem unnaturally drawn to each other. Much of what follows is a variation (although not that great a variation) on a high school courtship movie. The two dance around each other and their unmistakable attraction, but a series of strange incidents involving Edward popping up in the least likely places and a little investigating lead Bella to discover the truth about Edward--he's a vampire.

One of the reasons I'm guessing TWILIGHT was such a big hit among the younger female sect is that Edward and his family are "good" vampires, trained only to drink the blood of animals and resist killing humans. And what self-respecting 13-year-old girl doesn't want to hang with good vampires? But since you can't have good without bad, we eventually do meet the villains of the piece, three vampires (led by Cam Gigandet's James) who stalk and kill humans, and have moved into the area not knowing that the Cullens have laid claim to the area. We can tell they're bad vamps because they dress like they just left the club at 4am and are still ready to party.

One thing I did like about TWILIGHT is the way Hardwicke shows the balancing act that Bella lives everyday going between the human world at high school and living with her sheriff father (Billy Burke), and getting to know Edward and his family, led by Peter Pacinelli as Dr. Cullen (cool idea making the local medical examiner a vampire; that way he can cover up any suspicious deaths in the area). But as much as I tend to admire Stewart's style of acting (in such works as INTO THE WILD and this year's WHAT JUST HAPPENED?), her stammering and nervous ticks started to grate on me after a while. She brushes hair out of her face and wrings her hands so often that it's distracting I realize Bella is a fish out of water and a natural-born klutz to begin with, but I felt like Stewart was flailing and uncomfortable playing someone with zero boundaries or filters. It also seems impossible for her to finish a thought or a sentence. I imagine a screenplay loaded with ellipses (...).

And then we move on to Pattinson, who plays Edward as the vampire version of James Dean complete with gravity-defying hair, the whitest skin available in a makeup kit, and red lips that make him look more like someone you'd meet in a tranny bar than a haunted house. His eyes almost never leave Bella, which is meant to invoke some sort of sexual tension or danger, but to me it was just plain creepy. In fact, there are so many moments of mutual glaring at each other in the film's early moments that some of the young die hards were even laughing in the audience when I saw the film. Edward stammers slightly less than Stewart, but he's completely devoid of any charm or grace despite his insane good looks. One show-and-tell sequence in which Edward allows Bella to see the full extent of his physical abilities is about the closest we ever get to a traditional seduction, although a bedroom kiss in the home of the virginal Bella is one of the rare instances of on-screen chemistry between Stewart and Pattinson.

TWILIGHT is not a complete failure. Hardwicke's work in showing up this sleepy little down in Washington state almost makes it feel otherworldly. Some of Meyer's' takes on age-old vampire lore are kind of neat (direct sunlight doesn't hurt these vampires but it does make they sparkle like they have diamonds under their skin). And I'm pretty sure we never see a set of fangs in the whole movie. Once the film moves away from the romance and into a cat-and-mouse game between the good and bad vampires, the tension is strong enough to keep us entertained. But in the end, TWILIGHT is little more than a "Dark Shadows" for the high school set. It's a soap opera with a bigger budget, and a not-so-veiled plea from Meyer for abstinence before marriage. But it's a clever and well thought out gimmick that seems to drive the young girls wild, both in book and movie form. You have to respect that on some level. In a lesser director's hands, the film would have been a cataclysmic mess. In Hardwicke's capable hands, TWILIGHT is passable without being exceptional in any way.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com



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The best movie equating vampirism to puberty
by seppukudkurosawa
Nov 21st, 2008
07:00:59 AM
How many fucking Twilight reviews are there on this site?
by I_am_not_the_droid_you_are_loo king_for
Nov 21st, 2008
07:01:19 AM
sucked, pun intended
by Gargolito
Nov 21st, 2008
07:02:28 AM
"TWILIGHT is not a complete failure."
by V'Shael
Nov 21st, 2008
07:06:24 AM
Damn You Michael Bay
by MCMLXXVI
Nov 21st, 2008
07:11:58 AM
F hollywood for blocking let the right one in
by palewook
Nov 21st, 2008
07:22:51 AM
Where the hell is "Let the Right One In" playing?
by SoylentMean
Nov 21st, 2008
07:49:01 AM
Star Wars vs Star Trek
by Diagnostic
Nov 21st, 2008
07:53:10 AM
Gay. This movie is just gay.
by dr sauch
Nov 21st, 2008
07:55:19 AM
Remember 'Love Story'?
by zinc_chameleon
Nov 21st, 2008
07:57:13 AM
Let The Right One In
by Stormshadow4life
Nov 21st, 2008
08:00:28 AM
True Blood vs. Twilight
by Mr Slippy Fist
Nov 21st, 2008
08:28:14 AM
Vampires watered down to diarrohea..flush it all
by quantize
Nov 21st, 2008
08:35:41 AM
LTROI is incredible
by SpawnofAchilles
Nov 21st, 2008
08:41:56 AM
necgray. no.
by palewook
Nov 21st, 2008
08:45:02 AM
Lost Boys vs Near Dark all over again
by kwisatzhaderach
Nov 21st, 2008
08:52:54 AM
I'm not Twilight's market
by quentintarantado
Nov 21st, 2008
09:19:00 AM
Prop 8 Opponents
by j_difool
Nov 21st, 2008
09:54:01 AM
mormon propoganda?
by Magic Rat
Nov 21st, 2008
11:10:21 AM
"A screenplay full of ellipsis"...?!?!
by Ellipsian
Nov 21st, 2008
12:12:24 PM
More whiny teenagers
by codefool
Nov 21st, 2008
01:00:48 PM
Magic Rat
by frozen01
Nov 21st, 2008
02:46:09 PM
frozen01
by Magic Rat
Nov 21st, 2008
03:43:18 PM
You are crazy - Breaking Dawn rules
by Chakalak
Nov 21st, 2008
05:00:07 PM
Whatever happened to vampirism being a curse
by Continentalop
Nov 21st, 2008
10:32:17 PM
hey hey
by ranma627
Nov 21st, 2008
10:39:34 PM
kwisatzhaderach
by ranma627
Nov 21st, 2008
10:46:17 PM
actually...
by crankyoldguy
Nov 21st, 2008
11:15:42 PM
and okay review here, but...
by crankyoldguy
Nov 21st, 2008
11:17:01 PM
and ranma627
by crankyoldguy
Nov 21st, 2008
11:18:52 PM
oh, you're 24....
by crankyoldguy
Nov 21st, 2008
11:19:48 PM
i stated my age
by ranma627
Nov 21st, 2008
11:37:31 PM
I never called
by ranma627
Nov 21st, 2008
11:39:29 PM
also
by ranma627
Nov 21st, 2008
11:41:53 PM
haven't seen Right One...
by crankyoldguy
Nov 21st, 2008
11:46:03 PM
i don't care for vampire lore
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
12:38:53 AM
The point is they are not Vampires
by crankyoldguy
Nov 22nd, 2008
12:48:34 AM
vampires
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
01:40:44 AM
they're not, period
by crankyoldguy
Nov 22nd, 2008
02:21:14 AM
I just think you overanalyze it
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
02:28:29 AM
Saying man shows my age?
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
02:29:49 AM
Bill Paxton's
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
02:37:16 AM
Bring Vampires Back As A Curse!
by Sidepocket
Nov 22nd, 2008
04:12:29 AM
Agreed...
by Pop_aristocrat
Nov 22nd, 2008
05:08:43 AM
ranma627
by alanmoore
Nov 22nd, 2008
12:16:06 PM
Frankly alanmoore
by ranma627
Nov 22nd, 2008
08:10:50 PM
To those bitching about "Mormon propaganda"
by Durendal
Nov 22nd, 2008
09:02:39 PM
On more time for some stupid twits here
by crankyoldguy
Nov 22nd, 2008
11:43:29 PM
Met a funny Morman once...
by crankyoldguy
Nov 22nd, 2008
11:44:44 PM
And Ranma...when you grow up...
by crankyoldguy
Nov 22nd, 2008
11:48:44 PM
Durendal
by Sidepocket
Nov 23rd, 2008
12:13:28 AM
crankyoldguy
by ranma627
Nov 23rd, 2008
01:38:44 AM
How far we've come
by ArmandVA
Nov 23rd, 2008
11:17:18 AM
mormon propaganda
by maluquiro
Nov 23rd, 2008
05:40:28 PM
crankyoldguy and alan moore
by maluquiro
Nov 23rd, 2008
05:47:49 PM
i mean
by maluquiro
Nov 23rd, 2008
05:58:08 PM
Just to bring some levity to this cat-fight
by watch_the_world_burn
Nov 23rd, 2008
10:20:26 PM

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