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We have a review of TWILIGHT! Does it suck? (Get it? Get it?)

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Now, I've been a bit pessimistic about this movie... actually, that's not true. Being pessimistic would mean I feel strongly about it and I don't. The whole TWILIGHT craze has passed me by. I'm open for the movie working, but nothing I've seen so far has really struck me as being impressive. At this point if it's just not THE COVENANT with vampires and Kristen Stewart, the movie will be a big surprise for me. What we have below is a review from a reader calling herself Saffron Starlet, a fan of the books who got to see the movie early. And it's a positive review. I'm really curious to hear reviews from all over the map. I usually don't put my interest in early reviews, but I really do want to hear what non-fans think of this film before I see it (as it looks like I won't be able to sneak into a press screening). But here's one of the first looks we've gotten on the film! Beware of spoilers and enjoy!

What do screaming girls, blood, proms and pale skin all have in common? That would have to be the new vampire flick “Twilight.” While it hits theatres in a matter of days, a quick sneak peek tonight invited many of us to enter into the world a little early. As a fan of the books (yes, I’ve read all four and did so in less than a week. I know, I have no life), I knew that a lot would have to go to make the movie short enough to fit into a teenager’s attention span. On that, I believe the writers, directors and other staff of the film succeeded. There were some problems with pacing, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Oh, and just to warn you, I’m liberal on spoilers, so fans and non-fans alike: BEWARE. Firstly, the casting department did their duty in finding people who captured the essence of the characters, if not the exact look every person who read the books concocted in their own minds. Kristen Stewart reads like a dream. Her inflections during narration and voice over never come off as though she’s reading a script. Rather, you feel like the confession flows off of her lips before she can properly retrieve and destroy it. In the role of Bella, she asserts more confidence than one might read in the book, and a little less of the vulnerability one might expect, but the balance is basically achieved. When pushed to the brink in moments of despair, she delivers. Her unfinished, jagged sentences never seem planned, never seem rehearsed. After viewing interviews with the teenager, I was not sure what to expect out of her as an actress, but she shines. Robert Pattinson. I cannot say enough about how much I loved in his performance. At the conclusion of the film, the moments that stuck out most in my mind involved him and variances between the film and book that only he could carry off. Most notably, Pattinson accurately captured the disgust Edward feels for himself, not just for what he is, but what that could do to the only person he’s ever loved so intensely. The simultaneous drive to protect and destroy his beloved reads across Pattinson’s face with such intensity that I felt tempted to cry several times. One of the most notable scenes was one of the shortest, but his face sold it. As Bella lays against his chest, caught up in sleep, completely at ease, he stares at her, his face filled with trepidation; as though this moment simultaneously captures his greatest fears and greatest joys all at once. He’s unable to enjoy the moment because of the fear he holds at his own lack of control, and Pattinson sells this so beautifully. I could go on and on about what he did with this role, and how he took it places I thought it never could go, but I’ll say just one more and then hang up the towel on the Brit-love for the time being. The scene when he starts to unravel, when he’s begging his family to help, even the ever-off-putting Rosalie, I couldn’t stop watching him. Edward of the book never seemed so breakable, at least not in the first book, and yet I thought it made perfect sense for him to be at his most vulnerable when someone else threatens his love because of his own perceived selfishness. Pattinson takes Edward to the brink without pushing him over, and the moment remains one of my favorites from the film. Among the Cullen family, Peter Facinelli as Dr. Carlisle Cullen stole the show, but that may be because the rest of the family felt horribly underused. Facinelli gave Dr. Carlisle a degree of control and authority over the rest of the family despite their lack of a significant age difference. Never once did I doubt Carlisle’s hundreds of years of history and life experience. One of the most understated, and probably will be underrated, performances in the movie was Billy Burke as Bella’s father, Charlie. The level of discomfort he felt talking with his daughter about boys, about their lives together, about almost anything was sold to a note-perfect degree. Silly moments, such as playing an almost imaginary game of tag with his friend in a wheelchair, never seemed phony, and the more heart-wrenching moments, such as watching his daughter walk out on him, always felt organic and real. It would have been easy for any other actor to break down and oversell the pain in that scene, but Burke’s face and eyes sold it without pulling him out of the character of Charlie that we know from the books. I do hope critics do not ignore his performance, because his balance of “normal” helps us better appreciate the fantastical world of the Cullens. The school chums were all well cast, as were the Cullens, but as said previously, I feel like I did not see enough of them to comment too much on their performances and characters. Jackson Rathbone radiates off the screen with his quiet presence, and Ashley Greene’s Alice was appropriately sweet and mischievous. Kellan Lutz as Emmet probably had the least to do besides Elizabeth Reaser’s Esme. They both had maybe ten lines the entire movie, and that is one of the weaknesses for me. Nikki Reed as Rosalie did have a few very nice moments, one of them being towards the end of the movie, and a favorite for me. The baddies did a fairly good job with what they were given. Rachelle Lefevre came off appropriately sexy and creepy at once, while Edi Gathegi did well with the small part of Laurent. Cam Gigandet really sold James for me. My version in the book was nearly as malicious as his on-screen interpretation, so I walked away satisfied. There’s not a lot to say about Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, but I know someone would stone me if I failed to mention him. He did not have a lot to do in this film, but I think that he is more than prepared for what he needs to do in the next one. That is to say, I felt the potential in him to shine, the same way I did when first I spotted a young Robert Pattinson as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. There was a lot to break down with the book to try and condense it for film, so when I noted several scenes in the book condensed to one in the film, or scenes missing altogether, I was not surprised. I tend to enjoy a book better than its movie adaptation, but there are exceptions (Princess Bride being among them). I went into the film trying to keep an open mind, and most of the time I think they made exactly the right choice on what to keep and what to leave behind. A lot of the back-story with Bella and her school chums fell to the wayside, as did a lot of her first day of school, which takes up a significant amount of time in the book. Similarly, a lot of Bella and Edwards first moments as a couple disappeared. Among the casualties are lunch table conversations, a million and one questions, before-gym-class face stroking, Edward taking time away from her to get strong before the Meadow Scene, Tyler trying to ask Bella to prom, Edward and Bella’s discomfort in the dark in Biology, and so much more. I have to say, I didn’t really miss much of it. It seemed like the right stuff to go went. My problem was with the pacing of the first half of the film. In a book, or even in a television series, there’s more opportunity for breaks and to skip and flit around. In a book, you end a chapter. In a TV series, you go to commercial. In a movie, though, that principal does not always work as well, and at times I could barely tell if it was supposed to be a different day, the same day, or a flashback. The only thing that gave me a clue was the clothing in the scene to let me know if it was “later that day” or another day entirely. However, I know some footage lays on the cutting room floor, someday destined for the DVD release, and I cannot fully judge the layout of that first half until I know what had to be cut. I also believe there may be some missing Cullen family scenes in that cut footage, but I guess I’ll have to wait until the DVD comes out to find my answer. Once the film reaches its groove, once the teen and immortal determine this is their path, the movie moves swiftly from one thing to the next. I feel like the beginning had to be condensed so there would be enough freedom in the second half of the movie to include as much as possible and to keep it as put together as possible. Everything from the baseball scene, to the scene at Bella’s home where she declares she’s leaving, to the prom scene at the end resonated perfectly, and I found myself thinking “What a cool pace we’re at now” as soon as all that started moving. Most of the iconic, fan-adored lines from the book find a way into the movie, even if in ways you did not expect. Many key moments that book fans cling to shine, but there are also a few added scenes and lines that add so much to the movie. That’s not to say anything detrimental about the books at all, but only to say that I think the writers handled that aspect of the medium change with ease. One of the biggest changes comes toward the end of the flick, and I don’t want to completely ruin everything for those going in blind, but it’s a Cullen family moment, and it’s completely contrary to the book, and I don’t care. There is another big change from the book to the movie that happens in the last ten minutes. Again, I don’t want to spoil you all too much, but the way Pattinson played it, and the way they edited it together was magic. It was torturous, and added so much more agony to Edward and to the relationship, but it resonated with me even more than that section in the book ever did, and I thank whoever came up with that one major change. It enriches the characters so much, and I think it gave Pattinson even more to work with in those final moments of the movie. I do wish we got to see more of the Cullen family in this one based on my knowledge of the future books. I feel like we needed a little more setup on how they relate to one another and to Bella. The one or two scenes we had never felt like enough for me when I thought about it in context of the series, but for the one movie, for someone not familiar with the books, it works. There is only one thing in the movie that really bothered me actively. One thing. I know, after all the adulation I’ve laid out, you’ve been waiting for me to have a major issue. Well, here it is: Bella’s Lullaby. In the book, that is such a huge iconic thing for him to hum it to her, for him to play it for her, because it so greatly contrasts the other song he played for her that he wrote. The Lullaby symbolizes such a drastic change in him and in his heart. In the book, Esme goes on about how Bella changed Edward, about how she was worried he would never find someone, and that lullaby is an actual representation of the change. It’s unlike the other song he plays for Bella because it’s inspired by her bringing out the humanity in him. We do hear the song in the movie and see him play it for her, but I think it was under-utilized. It needed more explanation because music is such a big part of the next book, and I would have hoped they would give it a little more care. Again, there could be a deleted scene somewhere out there contradicting everything I’ve said, so I’m trying to keep my heart and mind open. I would like to advise book fans to go in with an open mind and remember that movie adaptations are never exactly the same as the book due to time constraints. There are some differences, there are some different scenes, there are some different lines. None of it should be perceived as bad until you allow yourself the full experience of the film. I want to see it again so I can really soak it up and stop thinking, “Ok, they cut that. They added that. Oh, what’s that!?” If I were not a Twilight fan, though, I would still have enjoyed this movie. It’s fun and romantic and even a little dark and twisted, which makes it even sweeter. -Saffron Starlet

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Wow ... looks like shit

    by Lamerz

    seriously

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:25 p.m. CST

    My little sister's going to love it.

    by boost0

    anyone with an eye for cinema is going to hate it.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:26 p.m. CST

    Who cares? Avatar is fucking eyeballs soon.

    by Lamerz

    Avatar will make you cum out your tear ducts! Optic orgasm!<P>Oh, and fuck first posters

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:29 p.m. CST

    It's funny how...

    by mansuper

    a positive review like this one, can make a person NOT want to see a movie.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Ok WTF

    by Xandar1977

    with everyone saying that Avatar is going to fuck our collective eyeballs? Let's see a trailer and then we can pass judgement. Until then, my eyes are happy being unfucked. Because that would be painful.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST

    that review is so long.

    by tehgreekhammer

    Im not even going to read it. good job typing it all up there buddy. Not because I dont like Vampire movies or anything. But simply because Twilight isnt a Vampire movie. I mean all of the scenes in the commercial take place outside during the daytime. "Oh but its cloudy out so that makes it ok".. FUCK YOU U STUPID WHORE AUTHOR. VAMPIRES DONT COME OUT IN THE DAYTIME CLOUDY OR NOT.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST

    as a guy i have to say

    by Jarek

    Twilight looks gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST

    I think I'll take a shit and look at that instead.

    by vic twenty

    At least the shit will have corn in it.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Plant

    by Chickswithguns

    Plant.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST

    Somebody explain this to me

    by Geekgasm

    cuz I know nothing about this whole book series - why do the vampires run around in daylight?

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:36 p.m. CST

    Hrm.

    by maelstrom_ZERO

    <p>I'm actually curious to see how this movie will turn out. I've read all 4 books, and while they had their strong suits, it suffered from the same problems that most teen-dramas suffer from: completely unrealistic behavior from the characters involved and horribly contrived plot devices.</p> <p>The movie, from all the trailers I've seen, looks like shit. But perhaps I'm wrong. It *might* be good, sort of. (But probably not.)</p> <p>I'll probably just watch Let The Right One In instead. Hahaha.</p>

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:36 p.m. CST

    Oh and I agree with the guy who said

    by Geekgasm

    PLANT

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:37 p.m. CST

    From the trailers alone...

    by Thrillho77

    this movie looks terrible. The acting looks like it would be absolutely unacceptable, were this not a major, popular franchise. <p> Not to mention that the art style of the movie looks like muddy shit, rather than an effective darkness. <p> I honestly feel like it was slapped together in 3 months. Was it?

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Jarek

    by Geekgasm

    has described the gay porn version of Twilight I will look forward to watching in a month or so. Maybe called Twinklight.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:41 p.m. CST

    Re: Geekgasm

    by maelstrom_ZERO

    <p>Vampires run around in daylight because Stephanie Meyer (the author) decided to reinterpret the entire vampire mythology to her own personal liking.</p> <p>Off the top of my head, Meyer's vampires still retain super strength/super speed/immortality, but the differences are that they can walk around in sunlight (it doesn't kill them, only make them sparkle), they're immune to Christian artifacts, and the only way to kill them is break them up into really tiny pieces and preferably burn them.</p>

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:41 p.m. CST

    This is the SEX AND THE CITY of horror films

    by thegreatwhatzit

    Jesus, even the trailers make me cringe. Chick flick.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Turns out the shit had peanuts.

    by vic twenty

    I don't recall eating that.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Hannah Montanna

    by Dark Knight Lite

    but not a dime from me.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:47 p.m. CST

    WTF?

    by Dark Knight Lite

    I was typing and it just went ahead and posted. My joke was ruined by ghey vampire karma.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:50 p.m. CST

    I sure hope Whedon is getting royalty checks for this bunk..

    by OgieOglethorpe

    ..because most of that story is sucked right out of Buffy, it sounds like..

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Is this a movie review or a book report?

    by CZ

    Frankly, from what I've heard of the books, they're just trashy romance novels and I never want to read them. I want to know if the movie can stand up on its own - if there's anything that would appeal to someone outside the squealing, frenzied, hive vagina that comprises the existing fandom. This review? Not doing that.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:53 p.m. CST

    The series sags greatly

    by Larry of Arabia

    The first book is quite good, if not my 35 year old male cup of tea. After that the novels fall off a cliff quality wise. Two is not bad, three is readable, and Breaking Dawn is frankly a piece of crap. The 5th book turned into a non-starter. (I'm a children's/YA librarian, so reading these was pretty much required)

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    There was a line around the block on SUNDAY ...

    by Playkins

    ...for a special screening (premiere?) on MONDAY in Westwood, CA. 80% were girls that looked like they were probably ditching class. In comparison, when Dark Knight opened, there was only a line around the corner.

  • Nov. 18, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    I wasn't going to see this......

    by otm shank

    but after that lovely review, I'm not going to see this still.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:02 a.m. CST

    I bet Disney's kicking themselves in the ass

    by Snookeroo

    for releasing "Bolt" on the same weekend as "Twilight".

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:05 a.m. CST

    yawn...

    by Admiral Akwelches

    ...the only thing worse than reading this review would be reading the books. Watchmen is looking pretty good. I hope so.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:16 a.m. CST

    Guys... in all fairness.......

    by Playkins

    If you aren't a 14 year old girl, this isn't even something made with you in mind. No sense talking about how much its like blows.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:21 a.m. CST

    Enough with this Twilight shit already!

    by TheMcflyFarm

    Seriously, who gives a fucking shit! It looks like crap that took a crap. They might as well call it The Covenant 2. I fucking hate it when these things come around, you see a trailer for it and want to shoot your entire family in the face. Then all of a sudden you hear people talking about it like it's the most anticipated film in the world and how all these people read this book that you never heard of in your life! Just the fact that there is a review for it on this site and that I am writing in the talkback makes me want to eat a bowl of AIDS

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:31 a.m. CST

    CZ

    by WerePlatypus

    If you think about it, there IS a possibility that this will be someone's book report. . . so I guess it makes sense. Anyway, I look forward to seeing this on channel 23 during the Saturday afternoon movie, I'd say roughly three years from now. . .

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:32 a.m. CST

    Not even a chick flick. A teenage girl flick.

    by V'Shael

    She's so in love with the male actor, that naturally he's the greatest most subtle performer the world has ever seen.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:33 a.m. CST

    Hrrmmmm

    by macheesmo3

    That was the Plantiest thing I've read on here in a good long while.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Vampires in daylight...

    by BurnHollywood

    Meyers is correct about this aspect of the traditional vampire...while they aren't crazy about daylight, it doesn't harm them.<p> That was an improvisation started by the original NOSFERATU in 1922 and used as plot gimmick ever since.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST

    I saw a behind the scenes clip at the cineplex

    by the milf lover

    between cast interview bits, it showed the vampire guy jumping/flying around with the girl on his back, and some other action/fight stuff, and it looked really bad. It actually made the movie look even worse than the trailers did.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:47 a.m. CST

    ~~~~~FUCKING "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN"!~~~~~

    by The Marquis de Side 3

    John Lindqvist's book "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN" and his subsequent screenplay for the film are amazing. THAT is the book teens should be reading, not this "TWILIGHT" junk. too light, too fake, too empty...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Whenever

    by Nozoli Apples

    A reviewer covers every single aspect and actor, often with cheesy adjectives, then mentions the extra stuff that will be on the dvd, you know it's a plant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:54 a.m. CST

    Whoa, this sounds like utter crap.

    by AnnoyYou

    Romance novel crap at that. Wow. The young women of this country are stupider than I could ever have imagined. They have bought this dreck wholesale, without so much as a tiny bit of discernment or discrimination. It's completely disheartening. This "phenomenon" has only shown one thing: that today's young women wish for nothing more than a man to take over their lives and "save" and "protect" them. No self-actualization, no self-reliance, no self-determination - let the beautiful man do it all! This makes me sick.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:06 a.m. CST

    smells like teen plant

    by SpiceMonkey27

    i agree with annoyyou. anyways i bought the poltergeist bluray and it had a booklet for coming attractions and at the back had the logo of LotR:fellowship of the rings, not the trilogy just fellowship, WOW when is that coming out on blu? anyones knows?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:30 a.m. CST

    in the words of General Disarray....

    by red1701

    "Buffy did it!" and much better. Whedon should sue for the Angel/Buffy ripoff storyline.

  • It was apparently wrote with just people who are already familiar with the story and characters in mind. I couldn't follow it because I know absolutly nothing about Twilight. And just from what I did get from that review it's going to probably stay that way. Sounds like a teenage girl flick to me. I'll pass.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Makes You Sick?

    by wallygogo

    Annoyou, the fact that young girls around the world love a book series "Makes you sick?" With all that's going on in the world this is the kind of stuff that turns your stomach? Wow, I feel sorry for you.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:38 a.m. CST

    I dont usually say this...

    by Weresmurf77

    But I do smell plant. The way it's written just reeks. Probably the author lol. Either way, sorry but the book report nee movie review didn't do much for me, it's 'The Covenant' all over again...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:41 a.m. CST

    I have to admit...

    by ajent42

    Robert Pattinson is hot. What do I care about Twilight? Let's just see Cedric Diggory.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:42 a.m. CST

    You know on second thought

    by DOGSOUP

    Id fuck Alice so hard every teenage girl who likes this movie would feel it. And by jesus titty-fucking god, we would NEVER get married.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:46 a.m. CST

    SPOILER

    by wallygogo

    Twilight: Edward saves Bella's life and kills James. New Moon: Edward's family almost kills Bella after she accidentally cuts herself. Edward's family leaves town. Bella pals around with local boy Jacob Black who turns out to a werewolf. Edward has a change of heart and comes back. Eclipse: New born vampires in Seattle are killing people. They come for Bella to get even with Edward for killing James in book one. Edwards family joins up with the werewolves and they kick ass. Breaking Dawn. Edward and Bella get married. Bella gets pregnant and eventually gives birth to a half human half vampire girl. Edward turns Bella into a vampire. Jacob Black "imprints" and instinctively choses the baby girl as his future mate or life partner. Once again the vamps and werewolves join forces to fight the Voluturi, aka, the vampire rulers of the world who want to destroy Edward and Bellas baby because they view it as an abomination. During the fight Jacob Black dies to save Edwards life. Bella bites him and turns him into a vampire. They defeat the baddies and live happily together as a vampire family.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:55 a.m. CST

    wallygogo Excellent work.

    by DOGSOUP

    Now go forth and spread your message to every forum from here to webMD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Guys, If You're Single, Go See It To Meet Women!!!

    by Media Messiah

    I don't know if I have a girl or not, she is sort of testing me, so I can't pull this, but if you guys are looking for high quality girls who are into genre films, what better way to meet them than standing in line for this movie, or being seated in a movie theatre or theatres, showing this film??? Good luck, and I hope you meet a nice girl, and treat her well, if you do!!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:56 a.m. CST

    Awful books

    by VoldemortWearsPrada

    I tried to turn my brain off and read the books, but I couldn't get past the first few pages. The writing is absolutely appalling - the worst I've seen in a published book for ... well, ever. It reads like some teenage girl jotted it down on the back of her pencil case, replacing the dots in the i's and the j's with little love hearts. I'm not anticipating finding the movie any better.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:08 a.m. CST

    A movie about Joseph Smith Cullen

    by There Are Twelve Models

    <P>Mormon vampires don't drink, don't smoke, don't swear, and don't french kiss. Chance of ridiculous underwear: 95%!</P> <P>Why in the world would a 100 year old man choose to enroll in high school? High school is universally reviled as one of the most miserable life experiences endured by modern man! The only reason anyone goes is because they have to. A man with a century of knowledge and life experience would have to be pretty sick in the head to moon over a vapid, ugly 16 year old. (If I remember right she's supposed to be clumsy as hell and not especially pretty.) Hell, I'm not even thirty and I think most teenagers are abominable, annoying twits! A 100 year old fart wandering the halls of a modern American high school would be driven nuts by the self-centered whiny arrogant entitled myopic egotistic selfishness on display. If not, he's most likely a pederast on patrol and who'd head straight for cheerleader heaven, not waste time on a bookish, clingy nerd like Bella. What a love story for the ages! The fact that teenage girls across the nation swoon over this ridiculous garbage their complete imbecility. Their idea of a storybook romance is for an asexual ladyman 30 years their senior to sweep them off their feet and solve all their problems. Remember ladies -- your life is worthless without a man, and if he dumps you your life is over! If Edward existed in real life he'd be over at the university scoring chicks old enough to drink and put out without being arrested.</P>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Yes we get it

    by SomaShine

    Retards

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:13 a.m. CST

    maybe the vampire guy goes to school

    by the milf lover

    like in one of those cartoon stories, where in order to get a job/promotion, he needs to get his high-school diploma.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:20 a.m. CST

    Anyone who doesn't think this is a plant

    by methosb

    is a fucking idiot. "Everything from the baseball scene, to the scene at Bella’s home where she declares she’s leaving, to the prom scene at the end resonated perfectly, and I found myself thinking “What a cool pace we’re at now” as soon as all that started moving." Come ooonnn!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:27 a.m. CST

    The trailer looked dreadful

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Particularly the action scenes. Ugh.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:29 a.m. CST

    I cannot concoct a reason....

    by therightclique

    ...why anybody would give half a damn about a vampire tale written by a Mormon. Are these vampires going to sit around singing together and play games at for their family home evening? This isn't even a knock on Mormons. However, you can't really have cool vampires if you're not allowed to even think about any of the stuff that makes vampires cool.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    stupid lack of an edit button.

    by therightclique

    ..... stupid Mormon vampire story ....

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:36 a.m. CST

    So how was the FUCKING MOVIE?

    by topaz4206

    My goodness, I tuned out of this review at about the 2,000 word mark, but all I saw until then was "this was left out, this changed, they kept this in."<br><br>I haven't read the book, and I still have no clue what the reviewer saw.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:36 a.m. CST

    Goddamn TWILIGHT

    by caruso_stalker217

    Why am I even reading this shit? I hear enough about the fucking books and this fucking movie in the break room at work. I swear everybody with working goddamn lady plumbing is talking about this bullshit.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:49 a.m. CST

    "before-gym-class face stroking"?? Sounds Kinky.

    by Mike_D

    I'm there.

  • that there will be deleted scenes to solve plot issues. nice.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:51 a.m. CST

    Why don't they do Rogue Angel?

    by Han Cholo

    Hot protagonist chick who wields Excalibur. That's better than Twilight already.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:04 a.m. CST

    Twilight gives me a case of the red ass.

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    Count Orlok is rolling in his grave.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:09 a.m. CST

    This review is unreadable.

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    Christ, kids these days.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:14 a.m. CST

    Umm, reveiwer.

    by Fortunesfool

    Time constraints are nothing to do with bad movie adaptations. They're two completely different mediums. If you shot a book word for word it'd be dull. It doesn't fit with the basic structure we expect from film. Bad movie adaptations are a result of the people making the film, not having a fucking clue about film-making.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:14 a.m. CST

    oh no.

    by alice 13

    ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:14 a.m. CST

    Either a plant

    by Olsen Twins_Fan

    or a 12 year old girl with a thesaurus but no dictionary.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:14 a.m. CST

    does aint it cool get paid by the studios to print this?

    by soup74

    i mean, sure someone from a studio wrote this, and sure no one here cares about this movie.. so does a studio give this review to harry to print..just in case some of us might be interested... then pay him back in favors, etc, etc? <br><br>seriously? i would understand.. that makes sense, right?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:16 a.m. CST

    P.L.A.N.T.

    by mattg76

    You've got to be kidding me "At the conclusion of the film, the moments that stuck out most in my mind involved him and variances between the film and book that only he could carry off." Oh, wait, it gets better: "One of the most notable scenes was one of the shortest, but his face sold it." Piss off, you studio PLANT!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:16 a.m. CST

    Wanna hot chick?

    by thegreatwhatzit

    Check-out Denice Duff in Full Moon's direct-to-video SUBSPECIES franchise. Not great (not by a mile) but Duff is hot and more tolerable than this generic soap opera.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:18 a.m. CST

    McPlant with fries!

    by mattg76

    "Rather, you feel like the confession flows off of her lips before she can properly retrieve and destroy it." 1) What the hell does that even mean? 2) Who has the WEED KILL?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:21 a.m. CST

    I couldn't read the review after 3 1/2 paragraphs.

    by Roketopunch

    Give me a break. How come every vampire flick written by women sounds gay. Makes me want to rake my nuts on a cheese grater.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:28 a.m. CST

    Hey tweener I'm hundred want to stroke it before gym-class?

    by Knugen

    Oh, and those darkies are evil! BTW, can I suck your plump ass?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:35 a.m. CST

    I call bullshit on the review...smells like a Plant!

    by Shub-Wankalot

    All rosy without any shit to stain its mulch? Yeah, sure...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:55 a.m. CST

    Ending SPOILER: is there a SQUID in his pants?

    by Bob Cryptonight

    Or something like that. Whatever.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:01 a.m. CST

    Who cares when AVATAR is fucking our eyeballs in 2009?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    nobody

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:06 a.m. CST

    cz- "squealing, frenzied, hive vagina" ha ha ha

    by Kubla_Khan

    That is a genius phrase. Applause is due. I would watch a film about a squealing frenzied hive vagina, no question. Sadly, this is not that movie!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:10 a.m. CST

    I like movies

    by u.k. star

    Sorry, but I happen to like movies / films. I also own a cinema pass, so unless someone whose opinion I really trust says otherwise, I'll be going to watch the movie. It IS a fantasy type film after all. As for the Vampire daylight thing, I have no idea how, or why this works in these stories but it is by NO means the 1st time I've read / seen Vampires that can move around in some kind of daylight. Although it is usually the mostt powerfull, Dracula types, that can do so.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST

    If a Buffy movie happens off the back of the success of this

    by henrydalton

    Then it'll be worth all the mewling teenygoths getting wet over it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:23 a.m. CST

    The first guy that coined "Avatar-fucking eyeballs.."

    by redfist

    needs to be taken out back and beaten with a lead pipe.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Twilight= shit.

    by Lost Jarv

    But this plantalicious review is worth it because you lot are on awesoome form.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:47 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by Lost Jarv

    Wow, with a quality filter like that you must watch some proper crap.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:52 a.m. CST

    Twilight

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    It may be a Buffy rip-off, but Buffy stole from Anne Rice... and X-Men... and countless other shows. Now Buffy is, to me, excellent so I let it slide, but it's hardly a complete original.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:02 a.m. CST

    You guys and your fuckin' Buffy

    by caruso_stalker217

    Seriously, what the hell?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:13 a.m. CST

    Vampires are boring. Werewolves rule!

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST

    http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=ZXZi25kwhHA

    by deciple87

    this just about sums the whole thing up...and read the comments.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:44 a.m. CST

    Well, The Book Sucked, So, I Reckon The Movie Will Suck More

    by LaserPants

    Twilight = cheesy, inept, poorly written romance novel for teens with goth pretensions. Its a Harlequin novel for the too-much-eyeliner set.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:45 a.m. CST

    TRUE BLOOD Is Where Its At

    by LaserPants

    Its BUFFY for adults.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:47 a.m. CST

    I'm Gonna See LET THE RIGHT ONE IN Instead

    by LaserPants

    Looks great, and Del Toro praised it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    “What a cool pace we’re at now”

    by Gungan Slayer

    Yeah, plant. LOL

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:53 a.m. CST

    Can we not just agree that...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Joss Whedon should be rounded up with the rest of these hacks (Anne Rice definitely included) and pack them off to Germany or France or somewhere they can only make foreign language teen shit instead of english teen shit? At least then we could moan that foreign films don't get enough distribution, rather than getting the opportunity to sit through 90 minutes (i'm guessing at its length - what did the 'reviewer' say? Oh yeah: "I knew that a lot would have to go to make the movie short enough to fit into a teenager’s attention span." Hahaha) worth of teen fucking angst in-place of plot. All those fucking whiny bitch bands like My Chemical Romance must be wanking into their wallets right now, in preparation for the teen-goth resurgence the likes of which hasn't been seen since The Crow.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:03 a.m. CST

    http://stoney321.livejourna l.com/317176.html

    by Lost Jarv

    best review of this dreck, <P>I'm going to repost this every time Harry sanctions another article on this nasty, bigoted, morally bankrupt tween dreck.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:04 a.m. CST

    NEUR0M4NCER

    by Lost Jarv

    Woah. Hold on a fucking second. You did not just slam The Crow did you?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Hell no, The Crow is great... I even owned my own pair of leather pants for a while. But you see where i'm coming from; The Crow inspired millions of teens in creating, or at least 'energizing' a niche sub-culture. 'Goths' suddenly had a new (awesome) icon in Brandon Lee, but at least it was justified in that case. Twilight is just going to inspire more of that pathetic "I'm so different, nobody understands me" shit we had to put up with when The Crow came out.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:16 a.m. CST

    green AND leafy

    by ArmandVA

    ok, i read the books and loved them, but that is the plantiest plant i've ever seen planted. every trailer i've seen for this movie makes it look like shit, and this "review" makes the studio seem desperate. i mean, we know the studios think we're all stupid--just look at the shit movies they keep tryin to shove down our throats. but, damn, this obvious of a plant just kinda reeks of a bit of contempt.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Just watched the trailer

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Given the fact that i'd never heard of this 'franchise' before last week, and on the strength of that review, I just went to check out the trailer. Fuck, it's poor. I hate Buffy, but i'd still rather watch the musical episode looped to the runtime of this piece of shit than pay to see Twilight.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah -

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    ... and on the trailer page at IMDb there's a button that says "This content should be taken down; how do I report it?"... we should report it en masse for being crap. Go on, put your IMDb accounts where your mouths are.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:42 a.m. CST

    Fair enough

    by Lost Jarv

    and I've reported it for being offensive propaganda.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by u.k. star

    No what 'I do is see a lot of good or entertaining or very good films that other people miss out on because their "quality" filters are set way to high. Actually they aren't they just think it's cool to say something looks shit or rather IS shit when they aint even seen it. More to the point I see lots of films on the big screen, as they are meant to be. Sure some of them are rubbish, but I've seen nothing about Twighlight to make me assume it must be rubbish, especially not just because it appear to be aimed at girls. So what? so are all of these films that are supposed to be aimed at men Rubbish too? They must be if it is so impossible for Women to like them. It's just outdated nonsense. A film being highly anticipated by women / girls does not mean it's automatically rubbish. Vampires being able to move in some amount of daylight does not instantly = rubbish (it may be but you can't assume). Oh and trusting my peers, my friends & family with similar tastes, reviewers who have a similar history with films they like dislike is pretty much the best "filter" I could have. Miles better than listening to whiny fanboys who seem to hate all movies. Let's see, X-men, spiderman, The Departed, Iron Man, Lord of the rings and countless other movies I should have missed according to the "plant" this will suck", "it WILL be a turd" brigaid on the net. Oh I also happen to rate movies for a research comapny over here, it's one of the reasons I have a pass and get to see some movies early, so I actually have to watch some films. I'd rather stay a movie lover and see some crap along with the good, than be a person who seems to just hate movies as so many on here appear to do. I wonder why they are on a movie site when they appear to loathe all things big screen.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7 a.m. CST

    200 year old dude in high school....Pervert

    by masteryoda007

    Why else would a 200 hundred year old vampire be hanging about a high school with teeny boppers? Raincoat wearing peado is what I would call him.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    And the fact that you rate movies for a research company makes YOU the reason pieces of shit like this get a green-light.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:02 a.m. CST

    Hot Topic: The Movie

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    Everyone keeps saying how women go bat shit for this. My wife never read the book dismissing it as, "Tween books for the emo crowd." Then she saw the trailer and said, "Thankgod I never read the books because that looks fucking terrible, like Jumper meets the Little Vampire!" Yeah, glad I married her.We also hate Twilight fans who think TrueBlood is a rip-off of their beloved franchise; the Southern Vampire series was written years before this. Oh yeah and Kristen Stewart looks like Mask.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:04 a.m. CST

    Didn't we do this a decade ago...

    by BiggusDickus

    ...and wasn't it called 'Buffy'?<p>Or maybe it was two decades ago and called 'Fright Night'. I can't remember...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    It's Vampire Potter dude. there's no getting out of it. The trailer says it all. Every second of the trailer whispers sexily in my ear "I'm sexy, i'm slick, i'm about all the things *you* want to be", like a drunk jock on prom-night. Thing is, when you move away from his beery breathed mouth, you see that he's actually soiled himself, and you wouldn't want to be seen dead with him.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:05 a.m. CST

    For everyone screaming "Plant!" on this site

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    Has anyone EVER actually been proven to be a plant? No? I thought so. That's because all of you think that this site and your opinions are worth more than they actually are. Get over yourselves for Christ's sake. And why come on to this section if you already hate teen girl vampire stories? Just so you can make another junvenile comment peppered with "crap", "turd" and other references to bodily funtions. Do you really feel superior after leaving posts like that? Does it alleviate the pain of knowing that while you're spinning your wheels wasting time scribbling assinine shit thinking that you know about film so much and are also being witty , others are actually CREATING things that you will eventually tear down. You're pathetic.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:08 a.m. CST

    Paul Bucciarelli

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Heh. You couldn't resist your own bodily function reference though, couldya? You're one of us now.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:10 a.m. CST

    Oh shit...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    ... did that sound like vampire dialogue? Fuck, I should write movies.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:11 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by just pillow talk

    "I wonder why they are on a movie site when they appear to loathe all things big screen."<p>Because this is...TAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLKBAAAAAAAAACK!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:11 a.m. CST

    oh, and it looks like shit

    by just pillow talk

    I hate movies.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Why do so many "guys" bitch about this?

    by Nice Marmot

    I think it looks bad too, but Jesus Christ, every fanboy geek site is dripping w/ venom. Just don't read the books, don't watch the movies, don't cry about all the girls you aren't fucking enjoying it so much. It's like everybody has reverted back to first grade and pulling the girls' hair again.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Now we know how it feels...

    by tonagan

    When we yammer on about Star Wars and comic book movies to people who don't care. Makes you think.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Nice Marmot

    by just pillow talk

    You're a poop head.<p>*pillow runs away laughing*

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:28 a.m. CST

    I Love Twilight because it gives my wife perspective

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    on why I'm so geeky on all the shit I'm geek about. So now that she's a complete fan-girl for this series she can't complain when I go on and on about my interests.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:29 a.m. CST

    Does it have a squid?

    by codereduk

    No squid, no like! All films must have THE SQUID!!!! And do nasty things to my eyeballs

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Nice Marmot

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Not in defence of the venom, but I reckon it's because guys feel very strongly about genre films. Making a film about vampires, from whatever source material, immediately begs comparison to other vampire movies. There's an unspoken sentiment that goes along the lines of "If you can't do it better, or as good as, don't do it at all"... Compare the look of this movie, and it appears to do nothing 'better or as good as' at any point. If anything, it looks *inferior* to The Covenant, which seems to be the closest recent film. Other films it will have to stand alongside (not saying thses are good or bad) are: Underworld, Lost Boys, Interview With The Vampire, and maybe The Craft (tonally). I think fanboys (myself included) take this as a personal affront to a genre we quite like. To elaborate, what I mean is that it looks like someone's taken some of the things we like about vampire flicks, and watered it all down with thick smelly piss, and then painted the resulting goop onto a bunch of unknowns, filming the resulting chaos.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:36 a.m. CST

    No Squid, No Peace.

    by Le Vicious Fishus

    Know Squid, Know Peace.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Why Is It That Boy Geeks...

    by Sean38

    ...get so bent out of shape when girl geeks find something they love? Let them enjoy it the way we enjoy The Dark Knight or LOTR. Christ you guys are a bunch of easily threatened little nerd.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    this is worthless

    by dioxholster

    everything is worthless here, a TWILIGHT talkback is worthless, you know why? cause what we shouldve been really doing is ignoring that piece of turd and go on with our lives as though it never even existed. and girls change quickly so their fandom will decrease and grow up to be miserable soon so lets cut them some slack. let them have this one. which is why im gonna say: TWILIGHT IS AWESOME!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!! --jesus that was painful to write but im doing it for the peace.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    It's up to South Park tonite...

    by Kid Z

    ... to put this gay-ass Twilight movie and book series in it's place!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    That 'review' was a load of fangirl jizz

    by Kizeesh

    I'm surprised she didn't put a link to her slash-fanfic page afterward. <p> I appreciate it's an opinion and an early review but the writer has no concept of criticism, only what's different from the book she schlick's over nightly.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Count PLANTula

    by Zombieflicker

    Dang, that review was longer then the movie!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:47 a.m. CST

    SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    by dioxholster

    i fucked that wife of yours. sorry i just liked the fact that she hated twilight too.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    dioxholster...

    by BiggusDickus

    Keep hold of that sentiment, son. It'll stand you in good stead for when you get married. Trust me on this.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Uk star

    by Lost Jarv

    oh fuck off you condescending shitbag. <P>Listen, asshole, I watch a hell of a lot of stuff, and do not tend to dismiss things out of hand. However, 2 minutes of research into this dreck (see link I posted earlier) should give you enough of a clue as to why it not only is bad and best avoided but also downright fucking evil propaganda. <P>And you CLEARLY aren't up to your job as a rating officer, given some of the shit that gets the green light. <P>So fuck off and die in a pool of your own vomit, you talentless homonculous that is partially responsible for the abysmal output of most studios. <P>And for the record, asshole, if you can find ONE example of an AICN user that posted negatively about Iron Man then I'll be astounded. <p>I actually think you're a fucking plant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    WTF?

    by dioxholster

    does everyone here think im some 12 year old? im 20! idiots.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:52 a.m. CST

    PLANT

    by Karl Childers

    a tree. It's never to early to celebrate Earth Day.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:52 a.m. CST

    After gay marriage...

    by dioxholster

    marriage will be a joke. so i dont care

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:55 a.m. CST

    and the reason that this shit matters

    by Lost Jarv

    is because it's a fucking emo tween drama masquerading as genre work. <P>Neormancer is bang fucking on. If this is successful, then watch out for 1 million wank clones following (that rating officer assholes will give 7/10 because they're so easily fucking satisfied) or if it bombs then we can say goodbye to anything with Vampires (proper ones, not sparkly ones) for a fucking long time.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Seeing Twilight will get you chicks!

    by OBSD

    I'm calling Shenanigans on that bullshit right there. The idea that going to see a movie and then picking up a girl who is into that movie is beyond ludicris. But let's break this down for those delusional enough to believe it. The girls who are going to see this are gust that Girls. (mostly) tweens or at most teens. Any woman older than that is going to bring their boyfriends/ husband. And the younger ones will bring their mothers/ or travel in gaggles, as teenage girls are wont to do. And the older ones will travel in packs as well. So if you want to hit on a teenage girl who is with her mom, that shit will land you in the pokey. If you want to hit on a girl with a boyfriend, that shit will land you in the emergency room. And if you're dumb enough to hit on a girl who is cloisterd inside a whole gang of girls and you don't have a shitload of tequila on you, well, good fucking luck. Also, these girls/women want to fuck that vampire dude. Not you. And let me tell you, these girls are not going to settle for a real dick when they can have the fantasy. Also, I have to call bullshit on Harry's theory that Twilight is a gateway to better genre movies. That's like saying that people who love Britney Spears's music are gonna love Godspeed, You Black Emperor. Sure, it could happen. But it won't.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    NEUR0M4NCER

    by u.k. star

    It does? YOu have somehow gleaned what movies I likke ? You have somehow seen my movie collection? Or the essays I wrote for film studies have you? Better yet you've travelled to the future to a time when i have SEEN this film and given it a positive score? Don't try to wind me up and start an argument I reserve judgement for films I've seen. Oh and the reason films like this get greenlit ( I assume you've seen it as you call it shit?) is to make money. It's greenlit because it's based on a massively popular book and has a chance of MAKING MONEY. If you or I don't like that it's too bad. Interesting that you should coose to be so "angry" at me when I haven't even seen the thing?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Thanks for being brave enough to post a review here

    by freydis

    I doubt I'll watch it or read them, but hey, I'm always curious to read a review and glad that people write them up, especially if they know they're going to get ripped to pieces in the talkback.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:07 a.m. CST

    sorry

    by OBSD

    "just". Not "gust".

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:09 a.m. CST

    Frankly, this Twilight shit has no place here

    by Lost Jarv

    it's not cool, it's not geeky and it's only being pushed by Harry because his missus likes it. Which is fair enough as it's his site.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    just pillow talk

    by u.k. star

    Is that supossed to be an answer? I ate Soap operas, but I aint on a soap opera website telling everyone how rubbish soaps are.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:13 a.m. CST

    dioxholster

    by just pillow talk

    How about you elaborate on that little sentiment of yours "marriage being a joke" now?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by u.k. star

    You insult me. I answer your insult with an explanation and I@M the condescending one? Your answer then, rather than to say " o.k then we have different approaches to how we avoid movies" is to swear and get even more personal? Seriously. That's your argument, that you can swear at me? How muc power do you think a guy who fills in a form at the end of movies that are already made has? It aint exactly a job either. The hatred is just bizzare. Why the venom and hatred to someone you don't know, and who hasn't insulted you personally? Oh and who for all you know knows way more about good movies than you?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:16 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by just pillow talk

    Apparently you don't want to have a sense of humor right now (humour for Jarv).<p>Clearly rational discussions are not the norm in talkback, it's fucking war here baby!<p>And this movie looks like a soap opera, so why are you surprised that many on this movie site (which is attracted to Iron Man, LOTR, Indy, etc) don't think this looks good?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Yeah the girls have as much a right to geek out

    by knowthyself

    ...as we do fellas. My wife loves these books and is primed to see the film with fangirl T-shirt and her girlfriends on opening day. We have plenty of starwars flicks and LOTR movies to go gaga about. Give em a break. Think about it...THAT'S how stupid WE look to them lol.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Is it wrong that

    by yodaismyhomie

    I'm 32 and want to see this? That said, I do think this reviewer was a plant. Someone who can read all 4 of those books in one week is not going to know that many actors/actresses by name other than maybe the two main stars. Who review was not that of a reader who enjoyed the movie transition, but that of someone who can only praise every nuance of every actor...honestly who would do that other than the studio?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    "Frankly, this Twilight shit has no place here"

    by Karl Childers

    Funny, I feel the same way about Harry Potter.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:29 a.m. CST

    It's A Vampire Film for Chicks - Why All the Hate?

    by cowboyone

    Why not cash in on it? A producer credit on this flick is like a Golden ATM card.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:29 a.m. CST

    I couldn't get through the 1st paragraph of that review.

    by Slippy

    I couldn't give a shit about this movie. This looks like the same crap as High School Musical. True Blood is where it's at.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Well...we sure think they're great...

    by knowthyself

    ...that doesn't mean everyone does. I for one will be taking advantage of my wife when she comes home from the flick. I'm sure all that vampire on girl necking will get her in the mood. And yes thank god I'm not being forced to go with her. But I am not going to put down something she enjoys. Again...geeks should understand better than anyone. LOTR may be cool to you....not to others.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    I'm 41 and I'm so not their target market.

    by quentintarantado

    I think I'll watch it. If it sucks, I bought a ticket which gives me the right to bitch. If I like it, I will have to swallow a lot of humble pie and crow.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    No, I wouldn't care to guess what you have in your movie collection - and let's not get onto the Film Studies essays (my Film Studies essays have been on such notable films as Supernova, Nightbreed and Spacehunter - yeah, lecturers hate me). You are absolutely entitled to your personal opinion, but I still say that, given what i've seen in the trailer and excerpts i've now read from the books, as-well as the marketing, that this film will not be very good. Sure, it's not the end of the world, but like pillow says: "It's fucking war in here baby!". You obviously don't frequent these boards much. Perhaps you'd be better off in the nice clean moderated boards at IMDb... which I also frequent. The whole idea of this site and its TalkBacks is to give hard-core film fans a place to vent their spleen, not to be all fucking "Well, I respect your opinion". And I think that if you had the balls, you'd caome back here after seeing the movie and tell us all how wrong you were. It's gonna be poo, and it's obvious for all to see.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    just pillow talk

    by u.k. star

    You mean in regards to what you said or what Jarv said. I have no issue with what you said, and responded to you in a similar manner. Jarv wasn't trying to have a laugh with me, he wasn't even really having a laugh AT me so humour has nothing to do with it. He's just insulting me in lieu of an argument. If I read it wroong and it was all in good fun, then I'm truly sorry and I move on, just as I'm trying to do now, but a little happier. I'm not complaining about people trashing the movie. It's more the whole attitude of proclaiming every film a turd before it's even been seen. Also this idea that any movie aimed at girls / women must be shit, anyone who likes a film that "you" (any poster) doesn't is an idiot. As I said with the films I listed. acording to talkbackers they were all goona be crap too. You can't find a mvie that doesn't have tons screaming it'll suck, so it's logical to wonder if there are ANY films that they like at all.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    U.K. star

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    Don't waste your breath. He's one of the new breed (I hope so because if he's my age, that's totally pathetic) of fanboys that hates on everything but defends their mean-spiritedness by saying how much they love cin-e-ma. Look for the telltale behavioral signs: juvenile (this movie looks like someone took a shite and laid a big turd) ,whiney (Why do they have to change things when they adapt them?), sexist (threatened by girls/women having something to go geek over), judgemental or worse, PRE-judgemental (Judging from the 30 seconds I just saw, I declare that this movie will suck!). He and his kind are the reason these talkbacks have become unbearable. Here's the funny thing. When once in a while one of these effete little pricks manages to land a PA job on a movie, they usually make the worst type of crew member because they're too busy talking about how much of a genius David Fincher is instead of actually learning and working. The upside is if they don't get canned quickly by the AD dept.and quickly sniffed and singled out for potential perfect practical joke victim by the grips.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 years old and I like bald, young pussy"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Actual script dialog.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Spleen venting

    by u.k. star

    I've been on aintitcool for about a decade. there was a time when spleen venting ment taking it all out on the system on Hollywood and so on, not on your "brothers", certainly not without cause. It's nothing to do with cojones, I have never said it WILL be good, just that I've not been put off by the whole "aimed at girls" thing. My wife and I will see it when it comes out over here, and if there's a talkback on AICN I'll say what we both thought. What I won't be doing is swearing at other talkbackers. fuck the system for sure, not each other. (oh you know what I mean!) I got 97% in mine. I did The Searchers, Birth of a Nation and Alien vs Alien (directors cut). I hhad a hell of a time gtting them to accept the director's cut of Aliens as official. Oh like everyone on film studies I had to do Star wars too. Also did a funky piece on tech noir of the early 80s. Cool way to do an essay on The Terminator.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    to STFU Donny - I totally agree

    by VAwitch

    Its funny to watch non-geeks that rug us about our interests, then find something to hook them.<P><P>I'm not going to see it, except maybe on video. But then again, I'm not the target audience. If I was vampire/mortal love angst, I will read the SEVERAL paranormal romance-series that feature grown adults, rather than a high-schooler. Same reason I haven't read the HP books (and for the record, I think HP is many times better than Twilight) - I like to read books w/ adult main characters, since I'm well into adulthood.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Twilight

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'm going to see it. Why? Because I find watching bad movies to be an awesome experience. This sort of film is new Grindhouse, chaps.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    I first heard about this Twilight business about a month...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...ago. In the four weeks since it seems to have taken over the world. Is it really that big of a deal? And I have to say...I'm amazed that someone managed to trot out teenage vampires again and turn them into some sort of phenomenon. I would have thought this particular horse had been beaten to death and had its corpse fucked years ago...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Paul Bucciarelli

    by u.k. star

    Funny as you can see above I was just talking about how different these talk backs used to be.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:49 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'm doing an MA in Screenwriting, and just did an Essay on Death Proof. I now hate that film. True story.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Thank God the US isn't the only country making vamp flicks

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    Anyone who digs vamp movies isn't a freshman girl in high school should check out Let The Right One In instead. It's a swedish movie with a real limited release. The movie website has a list of playing theaters. See it now before its remade and totally fucked up.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by u.k. star

    HAHAHAHA. I was lucky I managed to come out of it all liking some films more than I had before. I was forced to watch Gone with The Wind more times than i'd care to remember though! It's the film on all the best ever lists that I have Never understood why it's there. I just do not rate it at all. Maybe it's a black thing, I don't know? I doubt it, I was abl;e to appreciate the artistry of Birth of A Nation (loathsome but very well made). another True Story.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    Let The Right One In...

    by u.k. star

    That does look like a good film. Have you seen it? I'm gonna finish by quoting Star Trek (another crime I guess) "Just because we can do a thing, doesn't mean we MUST do that thing.! Sure talkbacks CAN be war, but they don't HAVE to be.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    BTW the "smart" alternative is..Let the right one in.

    by knowthyself

    FYI.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I love the course for forcing us to watch new films, but Suspicion (Hitchcock, 1941 I believe) was pathetic. Just God-awful.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Damned right I insulted you. And I wasn't joking.

    by Lost Jarv

    You totally misinterpreted my initial post (which was a joke), then come back with a load of condescending horseshit about whiny fanboys, negative thinking- the clear implication of which is that you are in some way fucking superior. And you can take your rating job and your "film school" bollocks and jam it up your arse.<P> There are lots of valid reasons for disliking twilight (trailer looks like shit, it's evil mormon propaganda etc), and you have the fucking temerity to bitch about us Geeks hating it? Fine, go and see it, give it your easily pleased 7 out of 10 but don't fucking slam on us that dislike it and it's ilk. If you have any balls at all then I expect to see you back here apologising to everyone that was negative and admitting that perhaps we knew what we were talking about?<P>If you can't take Talkback then fuck off to some regulated board- imdb like someone else suggested. This is notorious for being like a cage full of monkeys slinging poo at each other.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Let the right one in

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    I'm lucky enough to live in Austin. Or unlucky enough depending on your political leaning. Let the right one in played here at Fantastic Fest. I liked it so much I had to see it the second time it played FF. Everyone loved it. If you see it and like it spread the word.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Paul Bucciarelli

    by Lost Jarv

    You can fuck off too. I'm endlessly enthusiastic about lots of things, and I've been on here for fucking years (since before Attack of The Clones)- I like a good bitchfest as much as the next AICN-er, but that doesn't mean that I hate indiscriminatly. <P>Now say sorry.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Gone With The WInd

    by Lost Jarv

    good because of Vivienne Leigh. Not my favourite (not a fan of melodramas) but I understand why people love it.<p>However, seeing as Scarlett O'Hara basically is a young Blanche Dubois it isn't that surprising.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Not to defend this movie but...

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    Dracula could go about during the day. Check the book - Harker sees him in London in broad daylight. He just doesn't have any power. It wasn't Nosferatu that invented that trope - in fact, it was daylight that killed Orlock in Nosferatu (both versions). That said, this movie looks like a piece of fuck.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:26 a.m. CST

    The best part of twilight: Edward is a virgin.

    by knowthyself

    Thats right...he's been a vampire for many years...and for some reason he wants to wait until marriage before he fucks a chick. Thats what happens when a Mormon writes a vampire book lol.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Sorry, emo kiddies...I'm watching TRUE BLOOD instead.

    by SpyGuy

    Go ahead and mope and feel all self-important all you want while listening to Muse, but I'm watching my DVDs of TRUE BLOOD rather than surrender my testicles watching TWILIGHT. <p>Or to put it simply, Naked Anna Paquin > Fembot vampires who look more like chicks than their female co-stars.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Fuck this movie. Its a disgrace this site covers this shit....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Too Gushy!

    by s8ntmark

    PLANT

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    why are all Twilight fans fat?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Open minds

    by Lost Jarv

    I do however, freely admit that I'm a lot more cynical and sceptical now than I used to be. There's only so many times you can get burnt by things like AvP or Star Wars before you become slightly bitter.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:29 a.m. CST

    I thought she was talking about CARRIE in that opening

    by Stormwatcher

    I mean, blood, prom, pale skin ect.... guess I am old. Man this sounds terrible, oh and the trailer makes me think its a SciFi channel show.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Good God!!!

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    Movie geeks can't even get along?!I think we can all agree that we're not the intended audience. I'm sure as hell not going to pay money to see it. But my 18 year old son will probably have to take his girlfriend. I ran into a girl at 1/2 Price Books who came in looking for "vampires who aren't scary". I told her to check out True Blood on HBO. It's a great show. Every kid that loves Twilight is one the rest of us can expose to Nosferatu and Hammer Horror when they go looking for more blood.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Yeah fuck Twilight. Watch TRUE BLOOD.

    by HoboCode

    It's fucking awesome. Can't wait for the finale this Sunday. Bill and Eric would rip these Twilight emo pussy vampires to shreds.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    This shit is written by a mormon?

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    Fuck me, say no more. I mean I knew this was going to be a piece of shit but now I know it's going to be a limpdicked piece of shit. Why do mormons write about anything? They have no life experiece? It's no wonder they write for children...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:38 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 years old. I smell teen clam. Num num."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:38 a.m. CST

    Naked Anna Paquin

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    Definately helps make True Blood a watching experience. Hopefully season 2 will have Scarlet Johannson join the cast for lots of gratuitous nudity.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:40 a.m. CST

    I saw this last night, and I've never read the books

    by Freakemovie

    I'm not writing in a review to this site because I actually write reviews for another site. But briefly, I figured I'd let you know what I thought since people on here seem to be curious about non-fan reactions...<br><br> I have a feeling the movie's better than the book. From the people I've talked to who have read it, even the ones who liked it said it was amateurish writing with lots of meandering passages about how Bella's hopelessly in love with Edward.<br><br>The movie automatically improves just by (almost) avoiding that, but I think it's a matter of talent raising the level of the material in general. Kristen Stewart is terrific, and the cinematography gives you a good sense of feel for the town. The special effects, however, are extremely pedestrian, especially some nearly-laughable wire work.<br><br> Some of the plot elements I connected with. A very strange game of baseball that ended with a vampires vs. vampires face-off was kind of rad. A lot of the school elements are handled surprisingly well and realistically. The love story, which is what made it a phenomenon with young girls, doesn't do much for me, but again, Stewart sells it. (Pattinson tries to act too weird, but it doesn't really matter -- he's hot, he wouldn't even need any lines for the target audience to love him.)<br><br> Overall I left kind of relieved that this many people weren't obsessed with something that's really bad. It's "pretty good" -- not "good," but I at least understand now what the hype is about.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST

    IF YOU OPPOSE PROP 8 -- BOYCOTT TWILIGHT!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST

    With any luck

    by Uncle_Eldritch

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST

    TWILIGHT IS MORMON PROPAGANDA!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    STOP INVESTING IN HATRED AND INTOLERANCE!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Uncle_Eldritch

    by HoboCode

    Naked Anna paquin is nice, but man, naked Lizzy Caplan makes the show! Bonoriffic! tood bad she bought it in the last episode.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST

    how often is Anna Paquin naked?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    The would be a big negatory, son. Come back now.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    That not the

    by Paul Bucciarelli

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Doesn't seem like this is the target demographic

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    I mean, I don't know from Twighlight. I think there are teenagers and vampires involved. And judging from the TBers gathered here, it would seem that overall this movie holds little to no interest other than being a mini-sized cultural phenom. Am I wrong? Or is it that this IS the demographic, just most seem to dislike it?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    And DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    They're big boned. Not fat.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by u.k. star

    Yeah you have to watch some bad movies. Just reminds you that they have always made bad movies, and even the greats can make mistakes.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    With any luck

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    the Twilight fans will turn into the kind of vamp freaks that the Rice fans used to be. Of course back then black clothes and macabre tastes were marketed to kids at the mall from Hot topic. I keep hoping she falls down and get knocked on the head and goes back to writing horror. Or at least turn the subjects of her biblical biographies into blood sucking lamia.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Danny

    by HoboCode

    Anna bares her breasts i na couple episdoes and is scantilly clad in a Hooters-like uniform all the others. But there is nudity in EVERY episode. Google True Blood Lizzy Caplan and prepare to wank.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    JumpinJehosaphat

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Whatever you wanna call it, they're not fun to look at but they sure can suck a good dick in the dark.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Jarv

    by u.k. star

    Nice to see you've entered into the spirit of reconcilliation and movie talk with the rest of us. This nonsense was over, I'd like it to stay that way. You prefer to just be swearing and throwing bile through the net for no reason?Realy? Is that honestly mor fun for you than talking about the movies?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    HoboCode -- bless Anna's breasts....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...that girl is fine and looks like she gets nasty. I loved her in 25th Hour. <P>Would it be taking it too far to fantasize about nailing her on a piano?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    ON a piano, yes

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    IN The Piano, no

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Uncle_Eldritch

    by Lost Jarv

    But they won't- or at least I'll be surprised. Have you seen the comments that they put up- it's all shit like "OMG isn't he LUSH!!!!" <P>They fancy whatshisname, not the genre. You'd have more chance turning Judy Bloom readers into crack whores than converting them.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    awwww that chick from Cloverfield?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Very nice.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    I noticed that a lot of the TB

    by Maestro610

    want to know if there is something in the flick for them. As someone that reads a ton of YA fiction for various reasons I can say some things about Twilight. The flick would require several huge departures for there to be enough action to dilute the melodrama. The trailers and commercials tell the entire story of this movie so don't expect there to be anything big held back. For most men there will be very little in this flick for you except a happy female in your life for taking her or just being willingly dragged along.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST

    I would rather pay to see a Judd Apatow film....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...with Seth Rogen and Quentin Tarantino felating me the whole film, then sit through this piece of shit. I think Seth is a ball man....yeah, I would have him focus on my balls. I like it when he does the POP out of the side of his mouth.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Yes...fangirls are as hot as fanguys.

    by knowthyself

    Seriously. Goes with the territory.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Maestro610

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I've said it before, I would never get involved with a female that read this shit. I'm sorry but I prefer women with intelligence, not lobotomized twats.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    and you think you aren't condescending?

    by Lost Jarv

    Christ, you're a dickhead. <P>I'd finished with you, twat that you clearly are, and commented on Gone With The Wind, open minds and twilight fans and you come back with that. <P>To quote DGDB: Fuck off.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    JumpinJehosaphat

    by u.k. star

    I'm guessing, from what I've read, that the main target is fans of the book and their peers. This looks like teenaged girls (mostly) and "tween" girls. That seems to ba lot of people by itself, but as well as aiming at the other teen, tween girls who've never read it the fact that there's action and vampires, they're are gonna be hoping that the "vampire fan" and genre guy will go too. Take his girlfriend maybe, stuff like that. Talkbacks are often a bad place to get a clear picture of how something is playing. They have a tendency to skew more negative. at the end of the day I guess if they fall somewhere between High School Musical and Sex & the city they won't goive a money's toss about what we think. or whether we showed up or not, they'll have a massive hit on their hands.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    the book is 400 pages of...

    by knowthyself

    ..."edward is so hot and I'm so not good enough for him." Thats what my wife told me.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:04 a.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by Lost Jarv

    I second that. <P>It's thinly veiled mormon propaganda with a loathsomely anti-feminist message. <P>Why would any woman (note I say woman not teenage girl) be into this?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Its a guilty pleasure dannyglover

    by knowthyself

    You can't judge a persons entire intellect on a guilty pleasure. Come on now. My wife admits its fluff and she just as easily reads much more thought provoking stuff.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    TWILIGHT represents teen girls like SARAH PALIN represents women

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Sort of on the same side note...

    by Maestro610

    If any high school guys are trying to use this to get a girl/s whatever let me offer some advice. Don't go alone or with your friends to see this thing. Get a girl/s to 'drag' you along... you've got two days to get a girl to think she is convincing you to see something you don't want for her. Fight it all day tomorrow but on Friday or Saturday let them know that if there's an extra seat you'll "see it with/for them" depending on the conditions that align. I have been to Twilight book releases and I've seen guys make moves at them. They will smell single guys trying to use the movie to pick up chicks a mile away... you need a girl to bring you in the door to get any benefits.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    knowthyself

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I know, I know. Your wife is cool.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah..Bella is the anti-female.

    by knowthyself

    Edward is controlling and a dick and she sticks with him. She's imperfect...he's perfect. So what if her vampire baby is going to destroy her she's keeping it! Yup. And book 4 is happily ever after for this dumb broad. Ugh.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    knowthyself

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    But just tell her not to see it in theater....download a bit torrent version for the gal.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    True Blood is pretty cool

    by masteryoda007

    I had my resevations about this show at first but I find it to be really good. This show is pretty fucked up but thats why I like it......Jason Stackhouse is a legend!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    If I was 16....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...I would probably see this piece of shit 10 times, just to get a blowjob in the parking lot afterward. It may me worth the misery.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    No you responded with more swearing and...

    by u.k. star

    name calling and this "Damned right I insulted you. And I wasn't joking." I believe I'm done with you. I said it was over and you started it again, I said clearly "do YOU want it to stay over. All you had / have to do is say yeah, that was some crazy shit, forget it it's done. You keep choosing not to. Seriously why is it so hard for you? Condescending and sarcastic are not the same thing. My last comment at you started with sarcasm and went back to trying to just end this thing you have for hurling insults. End it it is easy to do.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Danny..as long as I get to stay home...

    by knowthyself

    ..I can give a rats ass how she see's it. Lets see..what else is really funny about this series...so apparelty Bella spends 4 books trying to get edward to fuck her...NO DICE. He refuses and even after they get married..he pusses out at first because he's afraid he is going to hurt her. Wow.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    twilight opening weekend

    by j_difool

    go see QofS... fuck those opening numbers up... (yeah right)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Fuzznuts

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    A werewolf novel by an Amish mom with a litter of 6

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Wait wait...I came in late. So what is the issue here? You're defending this piece of shit and Jarv is hating on it right?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 years old. I'm a Mormon. I like silky teen anus."

    by Stuntcock Mike

    In the script.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    knowthyself: an excerpt from Twilight.

    by HoboCode

    “His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.”<p> Sound like your wife is correct. This unadulterated kiddie Mormon porn.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    once again, fuck off.

    by Lost Jarv

    I can't believe I'm arguing with a patronising submoron about what order I posted in. Go back and read the times.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    knowthyself

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    What? No fucking way. This sounds like Mitt Romney's biography.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    damn....if I was a fat 15 year old goth girl....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...I might jerk off to this book as well. Maybe they got it all figured out.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Node-

    by Lost Jarv

    except because it's mormon they don't actually shag. <P>Not to mention the fact that it's snidely racist as well. <p>Mind you, the whole mormon faith is. <P>It's repellent shit and you frankly don't need an open mind- just an open internet connection, half a brain and 5 minutes of research. <P>Something that is clearly beyond film school cinema rater up there.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Just don't tell my wife lol.

    by knowthyself

    Vampires with no sharp teeth. When they stand in the sunlight they glitter for some reason. Werewolves have life long partners designated for them...get this..the main werewolf..who loves bella but can't have her..ends up having HER DAUGHTER be his future love. Pedophile much?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    No more exerpts please

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    I almost tossed up my fucking coffee

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Hey now..fat goth girls need love too.

    by knowthyself

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Jarv

    by HoboCode

    How are the books racist? This I have to know.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    TWILIGHT promotes PEDOPHILIA!! Make Joseph Smith proud!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:18 a.m. CST

    I hate this movie

    by Abominable Snowcone

    and I haven't even seen it. I hate it based on the poster alone, with that scrawny-ass guy with the powdered cheekbones and floofed up uni-horn hair. If I saw that actor, I would have to punch him in the face, just because. He might even be a great guy in real life, but I cannot stand that poster. Yet, apparently girls are ga-ga for him and this movie, because it's all over the news. I thought we were done with vampire movies, especially gay teenage vampire movies (remember Blood and Chocolate? Didn't think so)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    buying a ticket for Twilight.....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ......will ensure a MITT ROMNEY RUN IN 2012!! <p>So Twilight is ANTI-OBAMA.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    Vegan vampires...

    by knowthyself

    ....gosh it just never fucking ends. how do I know all of this you ask? Well my wife told me every little thing..frankly I was enthralled by all of its crappiness. I had to know more! It was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Probably the worst offense in the book is that for all of her wrecklessness and bad decisions Bella never suffers for it. She wants to be a vampire...luckily she doesn't get any of the transformation pains...drinking blood becomes second nature to her. She's do fucking perfect its insulting. Happy ending with zero consequences. Wow. What lesson does that teach fat goth girls?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    knowthyself

    by Lost Jarv

    It's even worse than that- it's her foetus. And once it's born, for some inexplicable reason no-one tosses his perverted ass out of the house.<P>Not to mention the fact that he tries to kiss her by force or some such shit, and everyone approves. <P>And this is before you even get on to the weird stalklerness of the hero or the fact that the Vampires have "powers" as some kind of deus ex machina (one of the bad vampires has the power to run away- and I'm not joking about that) including the ability to see the future (which only works when the author needs it), or telepathy that inexplicably doesn't work on whatshername because she is a "private person". <P>Now I think about it, it's got a lot of the same flaws heroes has.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    knowthyself is on to something

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    If you like them young just rent a hearse, park in front of the theater on opening night,dress in black, and ask for ID's,and look pale and brooding

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    STEPHANIE MILLER ENDORSES MITT ROMNEY FOR 2012!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    This is not the change we need.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    FUCK -- STEPHANIE MEYER....NOT MILLER

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Node

    by Lost Jarv

    Having the privelege of being British, I'd never heard of it until it surfaced on AICN. Then all of a sudden articles started appearing in our press on it. So I started reading around- and it's all down to the mormon shite it's based on. It's pretty repellent stuff. <P>And don't get me started on the misogyny of the fucking books- which is suprising seeing as the author is female.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    They glitter in sunlight?

    by HoboCode

    That is the lamest vampire characteristic I have ever heard. Does it at least weaken them? <p> Speaking of...the way vampires die on True Blood is sweet. None of that bursting into flame bullshit, the fuckers basically turn inside out and explode. It's sick as fuck but cool.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    hobocode

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Is that really from the book? Then it truly is romance-trash written for girls in training bras. Guys like us here can't take it seriously. At least, we shouldn't be taking it seriously.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Re: Hobocode - Wow, it really is porn for teen girls

    by Freakemovie

    I never realized the book went that far. (And again I'd like to remark that the movie's probably superior solely on the basis of its omission of prose like that.) Suddenly the obsession from pubescent teen girls makes even more sense than it did before.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    While I was living in Salt Lake (true story)

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    I worked with a guy who told me that he had a date with a BYU chick. I looked at him like he was nuts and said "good luck." He then explained to me that BYU chicks fucked like crazy, they just did it in the ass. They save the pussy for marriage but they do anal and oral like porn stars. True story.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    holy shit....read these reviews Meyer posts on her website...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    <p>Amazon.com <p> "Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands. 'Be very still,' he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen. Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat." <p> As Shakespeare knew, love burns high when thwarted by obstacles. In Twilight, an exquisite fantasy by Stephenie Meyer, readers discover a pair of lovers who are supremely star-crossed. Bella adores beautiful Edward, and he returns her love. But Edward is having a hard time controlling the blood lust she arouses in him, because--he's a vampire. At any moment, the intensity of their passion could drive him to kill her, and he agonizes over the danger. But, Bella would rather be dead than part from Edward, so she risks her life to stay near him, and the novel burns with the erotic tension of their dangerous and necessarily chaste relationship. <p> Meyer has achieved quite a feat by making this scenario completely human and believable. She begins with a familiar YA premise (the new kid in school), and lulls us into thinking this will be just another realistic young adult novel. Bella has come to the small town of Forks on the gloomy Olympic Peninsula to be with her father. At school, she wonders about a group of five remarkably beautiful teens, who sit together in the cafeteria but never eat. As she grows to know, and then love, Edward, she learns their secret. They are all rescued vampires, part of a family headed by saintly Carlisle, who has inspired them to renounce human prey. For Edward's sake they welcome Bella, but when a roving group of tracker vampires fixates on her, the family is drawn into a desperate pursuit to protect the fragile human in their midst. The precision and delicacy of Meyer's writing lifts this wonderful novel beyond the limitations of the horror genre to a place among the best of YA fiction. (Ages 12 and up) --Patty Campbell <p> --------------- <p>From Publisher's Weekly's starred review: "The main draw here is Bella's infatuation with outsider Edward, the sense of danger inherent in their love, and Edward's inner struggle—a perfect metaphor for the sexual tension that accompanies adolescence. These will be familiar to nearly every teen, and will keep readers madly flipping the pages of Meyer's tantalizing debut." <p> From Becky Anderson, of Anderson's Bookshops: "What a totally amazing debut! Twilight is that rare story that combines suspense, desire, love and friendship with an awesome twist on the vampire genre! Both young adults and adults will be "sucked" into Edward's and Bella's world and beg for more, especially after they turn the last page. I can't wait for the next book!" <p>From Karen Rosenthal, Children's Department Manager for R.J. Julia Booksellers (printed in Publisher's Weekly's "Galley Talk"): "I'm not usually a vampire book reader, but I haven't read a book in a long time that had as much sexual tension and creepy terror throughout as Twilight by Stephenie Meyer [Little, Brown]. The main character is extremely compelling. The protagonist is so consumed with her crush on him that she blocks everything else, and the fact that he's a vampire adds a whole other level. It really is the perfect crossover book. It will appeal to kids who read fantasy and darker books, but also kids who like more realistic fiction like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and all those kids who read Gossip Girl... It's a riveting action book but thoughtful as well. Sometimes teen books can be plot-driven and the quality of the writing goes out the window, but this one has both." <p>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Yup Glitter.

    by knowthyself

    No weakness. They just shine cause...I don't know...stephanie meyer never read a fucking vampire book in her life before writing Twilight so...she just made this shit up to be different. Mormon women are taught to obey their husbands. That is why all of the men in Bellas life boss her around.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    fat goth girls were great when I was younger

    by Lost Jarv

    there's nothing like the combination of alcohol and self loathing in a student woman.<p>Mind you, you'd wake up and find the inevitable smiths CD and know for sure that you weren't going to make it out of her place without having to listen to some tripe about her parents' divorce.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Misogyny makes sense coming from a Mormom women.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Misogyny makes sense coming from a Mormom women.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    HoboCode

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    Hell yeah! The way the fag vampire strapped to the chair turned into bloody snot was fucking great. I caught myself thinking "what in the fuck did the effects guys make that shit out of?"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Mormon girls fuck in the ass....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...I've heard this before as well. Same can be said about hardcore Christian girls. They seriously thinks abstinence just means pussy.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Pussy Trolls and butt hole trolls...

    by knowthyself

    ...make sex with christian girls difficult. Damn trolls.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Way to go guys.

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    You've made a TWILIGHT Talkback # 1.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Gaius is right.......FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    # 1 with zero squids

    by knowthyself

    Fancy that.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    "Funny. My names Mitt. I'm 200. I seek teen trim."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    well at least the Tarantino thread ate shit.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    And so shall his film.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Somebody water...

    by cineninja

    ...this plant. This is Harlequin Romance for the Hannah Montana crowd. I blame Anne Rice for the Metrosexual emo vampire BS that even SHE has now become a born again Christian to get away from. True BLood is way better.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 years old. Where do you keep the crisp young anus?"

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    I wonder how much of the profits Meyer will donate to....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    MITT ROMNEY 2012 campaign.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    lol stuntcock mike

    by knowthyself

    lol

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Mormon chicks do make a great lay

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    I dated one in college. Thankfully the bitch ran off with a PE major. Her whole goal in life was to be an elementary chool teacher, have a house with a white picket fence(no lie) and 5 kids. Man, did I dodge the bullet.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    To be absolutely fair

    by Lost Jarv

    the nauseatingly pro-twilight article in Vanity Fair I read the other day said the film is light years better than the books. <P>Doesn't make it good though.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    a PE major?

    by HoboCode

    You can major in PE?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Uncle_Eldritch

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Did she swallow?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Uncle_Eldtrich: "The fag vampire"?

    by SpyGuy

    Way to represent the inbred knuckledraggers of America, my man. What's your sagelike stance on black and Jewish people?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Mitt Romney sleeps upside down....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...and mashes dead pigeons in his crotch.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Abom

    by Lost Jarv

    no we shouldn't ignore it. It's fucking evil stuff. We should fucking complain and we certainly should be chastising the powers that be for condoning this horrible shit. <P>I haven't felt this strongly that a film is evil since Forrest Gump.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Wow, DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    There really is no edit button on you, is there? You'll just type the first thing that pops into your head, relevant to the topic at hand or not. You are truly an amazing feat of public self-gratification. And, yes. I just fed the troll, guys. Sorry.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    SpyGuy

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    It could be worse, he could be a Mormon.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    JumpinJehosaphat

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Fuck off. You are being ignored.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:43 a.m. CST

    I worked in Salt Lake

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    At a health food store. On Sundays the mormons would come in with their broods after church. You'd see the same sallow, fatass women, 3-8 obnoxious little brats, and the husband slowly moving through the aisles. The husbands are all doughy and have the same empty, haunted look in their faces. Kind of a "what the fuck did I sign on for? Is this all there is?" kinda look. Seriously fucking sad. The women were always harping on the men and demanding they pay attention to their worthless fucking brats. Utah has the largest percentage, per capita, of women on psychoactive medication. It also has very high rates of divorce. Not sure about the rates of suicide, but I used to think the rates of suicide for mormons, whatever they were, should have been higher.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah and that suicide crack

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    I know some people are going to bitch about that. But the people who bitch never lived in Salt Lake City. Seriously - fuck ALL of those people. They are FUCKED UP.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    "When I first met Mrs Romney her quim was as tight as a drum."

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "Now I seek the young ass"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    seriously- this link

    by Lost Jarv

    http://stoney321.livejourna l.com/317176.html <P>Written by a mormon woman. Very funny and absolutely scathing.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    fuck the PLANT

    by Cedar_Room

    this is already going to do well in its target demographic - so why the need to send out these shitty PLANT reviews?? Fuck this film and the PLANT who wrote this piece of shit "review".

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    LOL DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    By who? by you? It's a public forum you idiot, not your own personal puppet stage. Just please try and make some sense. I've seen you do it before, so I know you can, you little choo-choo, you! Like all those intelligent girls you date who don't read this pap, I believe in you!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Klytus_I.m_Bored

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Thats interesting. I heard the same thing from a guy I used to work with. He lived in Salt Lake City for a few years and would just get real angry when I brought it up and say, "FUCK THAT PLACE." I tried to press him more and get some stories out of him but he would never get into it. He just said the same thing you did -- THOSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Mormonism

    by HoboCode

    It's amazing how such a ridiculous obvious cult (not that all religions aren't) is flourishly so well. I mean no one with half a brain would take it seriously. My only guess is that it has been sucessful because each Mormon has 12 kids that most of which will be Mormon as well. This is probablt how any religion flourished now that I think about it. The first thing al lthese fuckign cults do is preach the evils of contraception and glorify procreation. It's to increase their numbers, not becasue of any specific tenet.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    They wear magic underpants for Christ's sake. I knew I had to get the FUCK out of there when their weirdness no longer seemed that weird to me. I was there for 6 years (undergrad plus 2 years of work). It took about 5 years but I started getting used to the place. That's when I knew I had to get the christ out of there or be irrevocably scarred and changed. It's kind of a Winston Smith thing - enough people are telling you that 2+2=5 and after a while you start thinking "I know 2+2 used to equal 4, but y'know, everybody is different and I should be more tolerant." No, fuck that. If a nuke went off in Salt Lake, there are a few people I would mourn. The rest - FUCK 'EM. Seriously.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Chaps

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I can't bash the way Twilight does Vampires, I'm working on a script where a Vampire Detective goes to a Human City to find out the truth about some Vampires murders. Course, mine isn't mysoginistic trash...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    "After 200 years of drinking Blood I'm making a change. Ham sand

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Ham sandwiches it is.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Mormonism

    by Lost Jarv

    Downright fucking evil. No 2 ways about it. <P>It always struck me as some sort of proto- Handmaid's Tale kind of thing.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST

    topaz4206

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    That's just it: It wasn't a review. The reviewer even admits it as such in the last sentence. This was a non-entry into a world full of... something most who post here seem to care very little about. Curious, since so many here are young and like vampires 'n shit.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:56 a.m. CST

    "Hey, I'm Mitt. I'm 200 years of age. Let's go rollerskating"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "Before the anal discovery."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    In all honesty

    by Lost Jarv

    If you were 200 years old would you really want to go to fucking high school? And sit through classes? <P>Not to mention stalk teenage cretins that smell like foie gras?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11 a.m. CST

    JumpinJehosaphat

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    You sound like Coughlins Laws. Is that you? <p>And yes....ignored by me fucker. I WILL IGNORE YOU. How difficult is that to comprehend? <P>Annoying twat. Kill yourself.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Klytus_I.m_Bored

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    How the hell did you make it out of there without becoming a Mormon yourself?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 years old. I watch 21 Jump Street"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "It's like a training manual on procuring underage gash"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Holy Cannoli

    by John Drake

    How many of you actually even READ the book? I'm surprised that there aren't any actually "rules of conduct" on hand concerning certain content on some of the feedback postings.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Mormons are sick fucks....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...and the funny thing is they, like everyone else, love to point the fingers as Scientology and point out how weird they are. What the fuck is the difference? There is no difference at all , except I hate Mormons more because not only are they weird-- they are misogynistic, racist, and continue to overpopulate the fucking planet.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    John Drake -- fuck off.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    IS TWILIGHT REALLY CONNECTED TO MORMONISM?

    by BringingSexyBack

    How so?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    I bet Twilight rocks if you watch it through those magic...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...golden Mormon eyeglasses that translate home made ancient writing that you found in your back yard. Better than 3-D I bet...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    I went out there to attend the film program at the U of U, which is a very good program. I've been an atheist since birth (I think we're all born atheists) and that never changed. I grew up in places other than Salt Lake so I wasn't all softened up by the mormons.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST

    As a writer...

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    ... it's both hilarious and disturbing how much you guys hate Twilight. Oddly, I'd laugh my ass off if you guys ripped into something I wrote (I'll get published... someday.)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST

    I COULDN'T BELIEVE THEY KILLED OFF LIZZY CAPLAN

    by BringingSexyBack

    I was looking forward to her weekly fuck sessions with Jason. I remember her from Cloverfield but she was never THIS hot. I'd do V with her anytime. <P>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Klytus_I.m_Bored

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    What percentage of people you knew were hardcore? And did they try to recruit you often?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    One of my favorite moments in Salt Lake livin

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    When that kid Elizabeth Smart was returned to her mo' parents, they said that they would work on deprogramming her (she had been kidnapped by a couple wacko cultists). Then in the same fucking breath her daddy said that she would be welcomed back into the LDS church.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Please...just keep focusing on that draft of Ghostbusters 3. Its gonna be dynamite!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Abilene, Tx

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    Had to have been almost as fucked up. I was stuck there for almost 10 years. It's on the edge of west Tx in the middle of nowhere. There are 3 private christian universities there. Abilene Christian has so pull they bought a street and had it moved father away from the dorm. the good christian girls used to flash people as they drove by. Abilene is about 2 centuries past burning peple at the stake. I used to love fucking with the bible thumpers. Mormon or christian the biggest and most dangerous freaks you'll ever meet are hypocritcal thumpers.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Ghostbusters III? Damn, forgot about that. What the Hell was it going to be about, again?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    I like the phrase "hardcore Mormon". I'm going to...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...work that into conversations more.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Where the fuck did assholes like Drake and that

    by Lost Jarv

    other cunt come from. I bet they're plants. <P>I'm going to check.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    This would be a much better film if Steven Seagal

    by Stuntcock Mike

    was involved. But then, any film would.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Mike

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Shatner would nail the Vampire role.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    "My name's Steven. I'm 200 years old. Through the

    by Stuntcock Mike

    window your tight, young ass will go."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I don't know. I've heard 5 different versions of it. My favorite was the Ghostbusters go to a hellish version of Manhattan. That reminds me of the cartoon, they always did bad ass alternate hell dimension shit.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    I'D TRUST A VAMPIRE BEFORE A MORMON

    by BringingSexyBack

    Jewish Holocaust Survivors Still Upset With LDS Baptism For The Dead <P> Reported by: Dan Rascon <P> Last Update: 11/10 5:48 pm <P> (Associated Press) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is on the hot seat again…this time it’s the Jewish holocaust survivors who are upset. <P> At a press conference this morning in New York City the American Gathering of Holocaust Survivors said the Church is continuing its practice of baptizing Holocaust victims. <P> It’s part of the ordinance the Church calls Baptism for the Dead which it does inside its temples. <P> The issue of baptizing holocaust victims started back in 1995 when Ernest Michel who is a holocaust survivor found out his parents had been baptized by proxy in the Las Vegas LDS Temple. <P> “I was shocked I couldn’t understand how the church will do that go gave them the right,” said Michel at a press conference in New York. <P> In 1995 the Church removed 260 thousand holocaust victims’ names from his family history records, and since then it has removed another 43 thousand names. <P> “We’ve been true to our word,” said Elder Lance B. Wickman from Church headquarters in Salt Lake City. <P> Wickman says the church made an agreement in 1995 to remove all the names and stop the practice, which he says the church has done and continues to do. <P> “We would not want our doctrine to be thought in anyway as an infringement upon or dishonoring the lives of those who perished in the holocaust. Ours is an offering of love to be freely accepted or rejected by those who live beyond the veil," Wickman said. <P> Michel says he’s tired of fighting the issue and his through working with the church to try and come to an agreement.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Enjoyed it

    by Uncle_Eldritch

    but have to go. time warner is here to fix my fucked up cable

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Jarv

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Yeah its funny when these pricks drop in here and say "HOLY MOSES....DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS TALK THIS ON THIS SITE?" <P>Uhhhhh yeah. Fuck off.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    "I'm Shatner. I'm 200. I could bounce a quarter

    by Stuntcock Mike

    off your cornhole, it's so fucking tight. Come here, youngling."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:14 a.m. CST

    ...baptizing Holocaust victims?...that's pretty...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...hardcore Mormon. Hmm...gonna have to work on that.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:14 a.m. CST

    There's a shock

    by Lost Jarv

    Total number of threads posted in by that Drake plant= 1 including this one. <P>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Danny

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Hah - eh, nothing beats my idea for Gremlins III. In short, Gremlins vs. the world. It'd be amazing if I could actually sit down and write it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Drake

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Drake - Dracula. Hmm.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:15 a.m. CST

    hardcore mormons

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    also baptized Hitler. Seriously. Now why the FUCK would you WANT him to be in heaven? Wouldn't you want to leave him down there? Did I mention that these people are FUCKED?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:16 a.m. CST

    BSB

    by Lost Jarv

    read that review I put up. She outlines it all really well.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:17 a.m. CST

    I think JumpinJehosaphat = COUGHLINS LAWS

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    As soon as I called him out on that he disappeared.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Fucking plants

    by Lost Jarv

    somoene must be worried about this. They need not be- this is a fucking lock for tween girls.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Klytus_I.m_Bored

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    To look better in comparison?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    John Drake = STEPHANIE MEYER

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    If it is indeed you, please kill yourself you pudgy bitch.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    "its good" says saffron starlet

    by ValMcKee

    with a name like that how can they NOT know about the quality of a WB vampire flick

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I would fucking love to see Gremlins take on the world. Think of the possibilities. They could get into so much crazy shit if they were running all over the planet causing mischief.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Made solely for girls to get wet to

    by performingmonkey

    and there's nothing really wrong with that. Girls dig the whole 'deep' emo vampire thing. Hell, why do you think so many teenage boys try to make themselves look like that...?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    if Shia can become a leading man...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....and George W. can be elected twice, and John McCain can survive Melanoma three times, then Twilight's success does not surprise me. This world is indeed a fucked up place.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:24 a.m. CST

    If it is Drake= Dracula

    by Lost Jarv

    then that is fucking lame. Because that's from the unholy shitpile that is Blade 3.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Don't get me wrong...

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    I'm not against girls having light porn to rub off to. And I don't even give a shit about this movie. I don't care if it makes billions. I'm not gonna see it. I'm just here to bag on mormons. That's all. I could go all fucking day.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    I wonder if Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter.....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    .....just finished reading Twilight the night she let the 19 year old blow his wad in her cunt. <p>Abstinence Only programs sure do work well eh, Sarah?!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    That's a lot of Talkback response for a flick noone is intereste

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    This movie isn't for us. It seems to have grabbed the hearts and minds of the tweens just outgrowing Hannah Montanna who are enjoying Harry Potter on their way to becoming Anne Rice fans.I didn't know anything about this until I saw the huge shrines of stuff related to the series at Border's books a month ago. But for a low budget film, it seems on the verge of becoming the box-office sleeper of the year. Reading the spoilers above, it doesn't sound particularly original. Didn't the "Underworld" movies pretty much already cover this? I guess the age of the characters is the important factor. For a flick all of you claim to be uninterested in, you all sure clicked on the review and posted Talkback for it. I'm guessing a lot of you will be wearing dark glasses and trying to hide your faces, but you'll be at the theater seeing the movie this weekend (even if you buy tickets for "Quantum of Solace" so you don't have to ask for "Twilight").

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    The Reluctant Austinite

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Yeah I'll be there. I'm real interested in Mormon Propaganda. It just sounds like a fun time!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    The Reluctant Austinite

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Man, why pay for QoS? That film was terrible. Stupid Bourne Bond.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I have an image of Gremlins attacking The White House, and Obama kicking the living shit out of them. 'This ain't the previous administration. America no longer panders to Gremlins.'

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:29 a.m. CST

    pay for SOUL MEN....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...in memory of Bernie.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Obama to Gremlins, "There's a new sherriff in town...bitches."

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    It isn't porn though

    by Lost Jarv

    she keeps cockblocking it. <P>And there's one part of the second book where she literally puts in about 40 blank pages. <P>Yeah, trees- thanks for that.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    ...maybe I should switch to the more current...

    by FlickaPoo

    ..."Going the Full Mormon".

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    "I remember the Civil War. I nailed a lot of tight cooch

    by Stuntcock Mike

    back in the day. Your turn, sweetie."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Austinite

    by Lost Jarv

    I never said I wasn't interested. I said I am interested because it's fucking evil propaganda.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Forty Blank Pages?

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Is that so the fangirls can write their own sex scenes between characters? Cause I doubt they'd get past half a page before 'URGGGH...', said Belle as Emo Vampire 257 grunted in pain and then said: 'That was magical.'

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    BSB

    by HoboCode

    They could find a way to Bring Naked Lizzy Caplan back. Make her a witch or some shit. She seemed liek a witch wha twith her whole mother earth vegan schtick.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Lizzy Caplan back on TB. How?

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    A wizard did it. End of.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    the name BELLA is so fucking pretentious....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...and just showcases Meyer's thought process. Ooooohhhh my names Bella....its like all dark and dreamy and unique...look at me....I'm such a fucking artist.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    This is what was originally on one of the blanks.

    by Lost Jarv

    "As the silvery moon rose and Jacob transformed from man to dog, bella realised she still loved him despite the fact that as a man he was brown. <P>He hadn't meant to scratch her last time, but he had been unable to control himself. She knew that this time would be different.<P>She cast a lingering look into his deep eyes before reaching up to the bedside cabinet for the jar of peanut butter. It was time."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    It's a shame they didn't go all the way and just make it a 'so bad it's funny' flick. Cut out half the dialogue, cue the bad dubbing and have lines like 'If vampirism were a lollipop, we'd all be getting handjobs.'

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    bella realised she still loved him despite the fact that as a ma

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    THAT'S RACIST!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Attempting to read the first book...

    by crankyoldguy

    ...as my wife loves 'em; insisted I read the first book, then "I'll get it." Uh, no. I don't. It reads like Dawson's One Tree Vampire. Whedon's take on high school/vampires/demons/etc. was clever, funny, passionate, dark and more. The female narrator here is annoying. I'd sooner read Anita Blake, etc. I don't get this Twilight-mania at all. Teen romance novels with vampires. I'm throwing in the reading towel and going to the library today to pick up the new Spenser by Parker I reserved there for a buck - that's a quick read I know I'll enjoy.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Jarv & DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by u.k. star

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD Nope I just said I don't have an issue with watching it as I watch most films that come out, Jarv made a comment (which may have been taken out of context, but would still need a response) I explained my point of view, Jarv got all personal and has decided to just keep throwing insults around for no reason. It's lame and has wasted way too much space on this talkback and should just end, now. Jarv Again with the name calling and swearing? Why? I still haven't insulted you. Times? . . . . . "Damned right I insulted you. And I wasn't joking. by Lost Jarv Nov 19th, 2008 09:07:18 AM " . . . . . . "just pillow talk by u.k. star Nov 19th, 2008 08:37:09 AM You mean in regards to what you said or what Jarv said. I have no issue with what you said, and responded to you in a similar manner. Jarv wasn't trying to have a laugh with me, he wasn't even really having a laugh AT me so humour has nothing to do with it. He's just insulting me in lieu of an argument. If I read it wroong and it was all in good fun, then I'm truly sorry and I move on.... There ya go. Once again are we done with this nonsense?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Is Bella's last name Christiansen?

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    All the fucking mormons in Salt Lake have that as their last name. That section alone in the white pages is like 100 pages.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Last post (have a meeting to go to)

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'm writing a novel. My goal is to be infinitely better than Twilight, or be so much worse it's funny. Wish me luck.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    crankyoldguy

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Were you guaranteed anal stimulation (on you or her) if you gave the first book a read?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Jarv: PB?

    by HoboCode

    WTF? That's funny. I assume you made that shit up but this stuff is so nuts who can tell.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Peace Winston...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Yes it is.

    by Lost Jarv

    and it's a rough parpahrase of half the shit in the novel.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    I've been done for ages and now you've started it again

    by Lost Jarv

    fuck off. Just fuck off.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Bella sounds Mormon.

    by HoboCode

    It's no Sookie Stackhouse that's for sure.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:44 a.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    We are done..... <p> Please use: < p > as paragraph breaks (take out the spaces)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    on the other hand...

    by crankyoldguy

    the film HAS to be better than fucking Sex in the City, which my wife, thankfully, has no interest in. Also, a zillion moms at my son's school are going. Yeah, chick-flick indeed. Bet it makes Underworld series, the now-cancelled Moonlight and more all look brilliant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    danny, actually...

    by crankyoldguy

    a bj; I then countered with bj and the hokey pokey after I've injested a blue pill helper to get the most out of it...again and again. I don't care if she likes the books, just leave me out of it. Meanwhile, found a far more appealing Bella character in the detective novels of Jim Fusilli.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Wonder what a non-fan thinks

    by drewlicious

    Unless I hear fromm a trusted source that it's really good I'm gonna skip it. I am curious to hear what the unitiated might think because hearing from a fan is pointless. They do what a lot of people on the internet do, they see a subtext in the film and performances that isn't there. I kinda get that feeling with this review.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Actual script dialog..........................

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "Tight. Ahh, memories of days gone by. The night blankets me in it's cold web of desire. You are my one true love. My Mormon desires have shackled me for too long, my love. I shall cherish you as no other. Our love will bring forth the jelousy of the Gods. Let me show you how much, my darling."....He said as he savagely entered her anus.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Underworld is better

    by Lost Jarv

    at least there is actual shagging in it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    How To Quit Masturbating -- according to the Mormons...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    <p> 1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company. <p> 2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. <p> 3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present. <p> 4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. <p> 5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak. <p> 6. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act. <p> 7. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethren. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities. <p> 8. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, but keep the problem out of your mind by not mentioning it ever -- not in conversation with others, not in your prayers. keep it out of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it. <p>We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan. <p>This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect and feel guilty and depressed, which can in the extreme lead to further sinning. As a person feels spiritually unclean, he loses his interest in prayer, his testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offering no joy and limited success. <p>To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brief explanation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function. <p>The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions of reproductive cells call spermatozoa. These are moved up a tube called the vas deferens to a place called the ampulla where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. The resultant fluid is called semen. When the seminal vesicles are full a signal is sent to the central nervous system indicating they are ready to be emptied. The rate at which the filling takes place varies greatly from one person to another, depending on such things as diet, exercise, state of health, etc. For some it may be several times a week, for others twice a month and for others, hardly ever. <p>It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night during sleep. This is called a wet dream. The impulses that cause the emptying come from the central nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. If a young man has consistently masturbated instead of letting nature take its course, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at this increased rate, for an indefinite period of time, creating sexual tensions and pressure. These are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of release is once again established. <p>During this period of control several things can be done to make the process easier and more effective. <p>As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of the suggestions which follow. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated. <p>Suggestions<p> Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest. <p> Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing. <p> When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge. <p> Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation. <p> Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations. <p> Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents. <p> Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. <p> Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc. <p> Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. <p> A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities. <p> In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act. <p> During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers. <p> Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity. <p> Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring. <p> Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. <p> Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding. <p> Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement. <p> It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases. <p> In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. <p> Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress. <p> Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment." <p>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Aversion therapy?

    by Lost Jarv

    what if you're a masochist?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    holy shit...you read this line

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    "In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    UK star needs to read that

    by Lost Jarv

    It might help him. <P>or at least stop his eyesight from deteriorating further, seeing as he's utterly incapable of reading what other people write.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Watch the "Bad Guy" clip...

    by zinc_chameleon

    And you'll see why this movie will be the new 'Titanic'. Kristen Stewart is a real standout actress. I predict she'll have an Oscar on her mantle before she's 25. Her reading is so natural, and Robert Pattinson's response so subtle, that you might not get it the first time. The chemistry between them is palpable. This should have been Anakin and Padme!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    If Twilight is primarily masturbation material for...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...girls then I think it's perfectly legitimate. When I was twelve I had to resort to the underwear section of the Macy's catalog in the Sunday paper. I'd say that Twilight has at least as much artistic merit as the underwear section of a Macy's catalog. Even the really fancy catalog that the Macy's in the Paramus mall used to send out...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    "First a thought, then an act"

    by HoboCode

    Fuck these assholes.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Mike Huckabee on Gay Rights....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee was on The View Tuesday talking about same-sex marriage and declaring that gay rights are not civil rights because gays have not had violence inflicted upon them like Blacks have. <p> HuckabeeSaid: "People who are homosexuals should have every right in terms of their civil rights, to be employed, to do anything they want. But that's not really the issue. I know you talked about it and I think you got into it a little bit early on. But when we're talking about a redefinition of an institution, that's different than individual civil rights. We're never going to convince each other...But here is the difference. Bull Connor was hosing people down in the streets of Alabama. John Lewis got his skull cracked on the Selma bridge."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:11 p.m. CST

    LOL

    by HoboCode

    "A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Titanic was awful

    by crankyoldguy

    I was forced to go to that one and when DiCaprio died in the ice flow, clapped and cheered. Terrible. Quite possible the worst film ever to win an Oscar.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    "gays have not had violence inflicted upon them"

    by HoboCode

    WTF? Is this guy fucking crazy?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Huckabee takes it up the ass...

    by crankyoldguy

    from a hired dominatrix. I guarantee it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    crankyoldguy

    by HoboCode

    At leats Jack and Rose fucked.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    OBSD...

    by DarthCorleone

    That's like saying that people who love Britney Spears's music are gonna love Godspeed, You Black Emperor.<br><br>Comment of the day.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    I always thought Huckabee and Lindsay Graham fuck....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    That live journal link...

    by knowthyself

    ...is stupendous! Wow. Fucking hilarious and scary in its truthfulness.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    ...no way...Huckabee and Graham are both bottoms.

    by FlickaPoo

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Mike Huckabee...

    by DarthCorleone

    ...continues to wrongfully trumpet discrimination and prejudice via straw men, which are the only arguments that the same-sex opposition can conjure.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Hobo

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I like this one: <p>"Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement." <p>Awww fuck. So I can't even go to the fucking bank? There is this redhead teller that gets me up to 30% every damn time.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:19 p.m. CST

    zinc_chameleon: "Her reading is so natural"?

    by SpyGuy

    Are you the same studio plant that wrote this review? Who the hell talks about how someone gives a "reading"?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    I've been having an on again-off again affair with

    by Stuntcock Mike

    the Sears catalog for the last 25 years. Mormon idiots.The knuckle shuffle is where it's at, you funny underwear wearing maniacs.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by u.k. star

    Cheers

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    zinc_chameleon quote, fucking hilarious:

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    "And you'll see why this movie will be the new 'Titanic'. Kristen Stewart is a real standout actress. I predict she'll have an Oscar on her mantle before she's 25. Her reading is so natural, and Robert Pattinson's response so subtle, that you might not get it the first time. The chemistry between them is palpable. This should have been Anakin and Padme!" <p> We need to make a list of all the plants in this TB.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:22 p.m. CST

    u.k. star

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Take care.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    crankyoldguy re: Titanic

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Yeah, I had to sit there and watch that endless steamer trunk of horse dung as well. When Dicaprio dies it was dead quiet in the theater except for some guy going "glug glug" super loud. Hilarious. Most guys laughed, no women did.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    ...Sears was OK at first....but pretty soon I was hooked...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...the more hardcore Macy's catalog. It's slippery slope out there...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Jesus Christ u.k. star

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    u.k. star - you're still here??

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    No shit Danny.

    by HoboCode

    Obviously these dumbfucks don't realize that the male teenage mind will turn any situation into a sexual one.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    ah come on Titanic is a classic.

    by knowthyself

    Lets leave it out of this discussion.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:31 p.m. CST

    There's no way this could be better than Indy 4

    by landrvr1

    Sorry, lads.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:31 p.m. CST

    NEUR0M4NCER

    by u.k. star

    I keep dropping in yeah. Believe it or not I'm still trying to reason with Jarv and get the inane name calling swearfest thing over and done with. Especially as most of it appears to just be missunderstandings. Is this crap over yet Jarv?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Jarv is gone.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    He said if you cared about him you would get everyone you know to boycott this piece of shit.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    NEUR0M4NCER rubs hands together... hee hee

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Can I throw some more monkey poo now?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    When you use the word fantastical...

    by Alkeoholic77

    you are a plant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST

    I'm a plant?

    by zinc_chameleon

    That's pretty funny. I've been posting to AICN for over ten years. Sorry guys, but I'm a University lecturer in Psychology who lives in Western Canada, and uses 3d graphics as a teaching tool. I post on YouTube as zincChameleon. I'm a Linux and Blender head. But I'm honored to be considered a plant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    zinc_chameleon

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    All those credentials make you even more of a clueless douche bag for supporting Twilight. Bravo!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    knowthyself, I gotta admit.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    I drained my balls to the lovely Kate Winslet once or twice.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    zinc_chameleon...you reveal far too much...you could...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...lose your University position. Knowing the Reverend Wright nearly sunk Obama...what do you think rubbing shoulders with Mr. Dick Blood will do for your career?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKHEAD

    by Paul Bucciarelli

    Such vitriol. Everyday. And in multiple tallkbacks. Does your deadend office job really make you that miserable? Maybe you need to log off (I'm sure that your employer would appreciate a little work for his troubles) and take a few deep breaths...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by u.k. star

    Ha ha. If I knew it was shit I'd gladly do so, but I aint seen it, and no one whose opinion I trust (based on similar tastes) has either. I've also got a feeling it's going to be the film I get preview tickets for next week to rate. I can fell it cominging. Believe me if it's crap I'll say so. Even if it's crap but I enjoy it I still say this film is awful, but so help me I enjoyd it, don't go. <p> My secret awful movie that I love. <p> Tank Girl There are so many things cinematically wrog with that film, it's awful in so many ways, but My wife & I find it absoloutely hilarious. "2 dollars & 15cents". I remeber we were in the cinema and it was full of people just all quiet and thinking what is this gaarbage and we (unmarried then) were in hysterics. <p> Anyone else brave enough to admitting their guilty movie? A dDoug McClure classic perhaps? Or have I just made a total arse of myself by saying something that noone else does?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    That whose opinion I trust thing.......

    by u.k. star

    Reads like I'm having a go at people on here who think it's rubbish. I'm really not. I mean people I know or a reviewer who usually likes what I like or hates what I hate........

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Most of my favourite films are shit

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Strange Days, Johnny Mnemonic, Total Recall (people are starting to realise its genius now), etc.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST

    FlickaPoo

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    We didn't rub shoulders. We merely sat on an Education Board together. Fuck.

  • Only someone with a heavy theatre background would use a word like that, but kudos on the credentials. If you're not a studio plant, you're certainly a freelance plant for hire.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    ...I know, I know...and the quotes were taken all...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...out of context.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Your name is Starlet and your review is too long

    by BurgerKing

    Fuck your review

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    If I had studio money I would have a sleeper plant...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...program...harmless sounding talkbackers talking shit for years, maybe decades...but ready to spring into action and praise my shitty movie at a moment's notice. Oh, wait...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    "Consider that a divorce".....

    by u.k. star

    Classic bad movie one liner. Total Recall is a great bad movie, and I have a feeling it’ll get a little more respect as time goes on. Controlling the air, risking people's health, it's very prescient in some ways; Oil, greenhouse effect, global warming and so on. It has an absolutely awesome score too. That theme music is pure oclass, it’ll be in my head all night now though!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    I watched wing commander and battlefield earth..and tank girl.

    by knowthyself

    In theaters. It was hard to laugh when the joke was on me.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Danny... what ARE you?

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    and WTF is a Coughins Laws? What are you even talking about? We know it's not the movie, Twilight, which is what this post is actually concerning. You know? Subject matter that doesn't involve using the caps key you're so fond of?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Can't say I've had a bad experience with Mormons

    by drewlicious

    I actually rented a room in an apartment with a fairly young Mormon couple. They were really very nice and very charitable. They never acted holier than me and didn't impede on my lifestyle. I think the only complication regarding their religion is that sometimes I had to hide my coffee pot when they had their study group come over. They didn't want to be judged by their friends. Apparently they couldn't simply say we have a roommate and I chalk that up to one of those weak things people do with people they call their "friends." For all I know they're probably from a more modern chapter of the church and not something terribly orthodox. I'm well aware of the werid, depressing shit some of those chapters in Utah have and those are more than likely the traditional form.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:37 p.m. CST

    I think a lot of you are being a tad unfair...

    by Potch

    I'm sure that I will get flamed mercilessly for this post, but I felt that I had to say something anyway. Yes, I'm a fan of the books, but I'm also a fan of many of things that the rest of you are fans of. I read comics. I'm looking forward to Watchmen. I'm a Whedon fan. I love Kevin Smith. I love Star Wars. I'm a fan pf pretty much anything and everything vampire-y. I'm also a girl, which is probably why I relate to Twilight more than say.. most of you. Although I do know several guys, 25-40 who read the books and enjoyed them. So it CAN happen. Yes, the vampires in this story have a different lore than most. It honestly doesn't bother me. There's been so many different spins on vampires, that a new twist is nothing more than that... a new twist. What's great about these stories for me are the characters. Stephenie created characters that are incredibly distinctive and have very rich histories. It makes for a fun, interesting read. I for one am looking forward to the movie, if nothing else, to see these characters brought to life. Twilight is not for everyone by any means. It is, at it's core, a love story. If that isn't something you can relate to, then you probably won't enjoy it. But, unlike what someone said, it is far from a trashy romance. From my understanding though, the film makers made an effort to make the movie appeal to a broader audience than the book does. Just my two cents. :-)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:41 p.m. CST

    And... Mormons?

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    Seriously. What? See there's this movie. It's called Twilight. It had this non-review posted. Any thoughts on that? Or are we just all monkey purple gocart soda?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Potch

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    You almost make me want to read the books. No offense, but you sound like a smarter, cooler version of the 'reviewer'. <br><br> I REALLY want to say "Of course the characters aren't distinctive, what's wrong with you????"... but I haven't read it. I really really want to say "New twist? That's like saying Spiderman offered a new twist to the superhero genre (it didn't)"... but I haven't read it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Pattinsons hair

    by drewlicious

    I serioulsy wonder how long it takes that guy to style his hair. That's got to be at least a can of mouse up there a day. Not to be outdone I'm sure Zac Effron will have his styled into the shape of an exotic bird.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    And on that note -

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    with diminishing profits, do you htink films will get more and tailored for very specific demographics? Case in point: Potter (nice as a Christmas Day afternoon film) was pretty pathetic, as were the books (I read those so I could diss them properly too) - but I wasn't the target audience. Kids ate that shit up and begged for more = $$$

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST

    drewlicious

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Y'know, I was gonna say something about that hair, but got sidetracked by Mormons. It is truly tall and firm.<br><br> Comparisons of Trek2.0 to 90210 might be misplaced, as that 'do was stolen right off Luke Perry's head (pre-alopecia).

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Mormon Vampires

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Kind of explains Mitt Romney. Guys got hair like Frank Langella circa 1979.

  • Did i read correctly that this chick somehow gets pregnant from a 100+ year old vamp??? WTF?!?! How does that happen? Aren't vampires supposed to be dead? See that's the shit that makes me not want to see it. Half the women in my family are running to see this on Friday and have been trying to sell me on it for months. After reading through this review (in parts because fuck that was a long review), I'm staying away.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Oh and he sparkles in the daytime... wow.

    by Sin86a

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Sin86a

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Pity you dude - we've got another month 'till release in the UK... thank fuck. Thankfully nobody I know has ever heard of the film OR the books. Either I run in very cool circles, or the book simply hasn't sold very well over here. I hope it's the latter.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    It's be funny as fuck if Bolt took the weekend...

    by Sin86a

    .0000001% chance but still funny.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    It'd be funny as fuck if Bolt took the weekend...

    by Sin86a

    .0000001% chance but still funny.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:15 p.m. CST

    FYI

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    The IMDb board for Director Catherine Hardwicke is funny as fuck. Bunch of pussies talking about how insightful she is, and how inspired 'her' casting has been - HAHAHAHA.<br><br> How does the production designer of films like 'I'm Gonna Git You Sucka', 'Three Kings' and 'Vanilla Sky' end up directing shit like this?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Vampire semen will impregnate if applied via rectum

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Potch

    by HoboCode

    You know guys between the ages of 25-40 who have read Twilight and enjoyed it? Your dating scene must be horrendous. Do you live in Salt Lake City? Be honest.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Warciples rule this Talkback

    by Abominable Snowcone

    and aren't about to stop masturbating! If it's good enough for Rambo, it's good enough for me.<p> Citation: "First Blood Part II" novelization by David Morell-"...rarely, on occasion, he'd masturbate."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    especially if she's young and tight

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Snowcone - what's a Warciple?

    by NEUR0M4NCER

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:21 p.m. CST

    MORMONS VS. MOONIES: THE EPIC BATTLE BEGINS

    by BringingSexyBack

    Starring Mitt Romney as Dracula and John Cho as Rev. Sun Myung Moon. Special appearance by Lizzie Caplan, naked.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:23 p.m. CST

    CATHERINE HARDWICKE ...

    by BringingSexyBack

    Reminds me of Debbie Does Dallas. Classic scene. A take of seduction and Mr. Hardwicke's thing.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by Abominable Snowcone

    I wasn't aware of the author or her intentions prior to reading this TB. When I said "we should ignore it," that was coming from someone (me) who had only read about the film in passing. Enough to know it was about Dawson's Creek vampires, or something like that. But if there's a cause to be championed, this warciple shall take up his sword.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST

    RAMBO MASTURBATES IN THE DEPUTY'S SKULL

    by BringingSexyBack

    Smartly, he edited that out of the final draft ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:26 p.m. CST

    WHAT IS THE PRO-LIFE STANCE ON ABORTING THE UNDEAD?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'm afraid the answer to that is above my paygrade ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Neuromancer

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Lost Jarv could probably find a quote which defines "warciple" better. Put simply, a warciple is one who espouses the nobler virtuous of masculinity, usually of the ass-kicking kind, as portrayed onscreen by the likes of John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Chuck Norris, Bruce Campbell, Fred Ward, etc...the list could go on. I'm talking about the kind of guys who use their hands to do god's work one minute, punch a douchebag out the next, and then caress a MILFs cheek the next just before sticking his tongue in her mouth.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST

    ABOM - YOU FORGOT TO PUT SHIA ON THAT ESTEEMED LIST ...

    by BringingSexyBack

    Shia and Charles Bronson are cut from the same cloth, you know.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Snowcone

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    I like. Not me, but I like. Basically a Tyler Durden outlook on life. But less miserable.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:32 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Abominable Snowcone

    When Rambo rubbed one out in the jungle, he regarded his spooge in the thick underbrush and told it, "You're expendable."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Does it have to be

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    the character traits, or can I just go ahead and count crazy-assed Christian Slater and his ilk as Warciples?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Someone mentioned the guy's hair

    by Abominable Snowcone

    resembled a bird. My initial impression was that it looked like it could be a home for birds. It's like a deluxe-model of those little uni-horn things that Chachi guys make with their gel, so that if leaned over they might resemble a rhino

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:39 p.m. CST

    His hair resembles the breeding ground of the infamous

    by Stuntcock Mike

    semen-falcon.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Man this talkback is long...

    by The Eskimo

    ...oh and you are correct, you have no life.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:47 p.m. CST

    MORMONS VS. THE ORCS!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Starring Frank Langella and Bobby Duvall!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Ummm....

    by Sin86a

    BringingSexyBack has a point... What is the protocol for aborting the undead? Can you even abort the undead (not like you can kill what's already dead)? What's the mormon stance on this? Oh and does anyone actually know how this happens in the book? I need ammo to laugh at my fam for this silly fucking idea.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Neuromancer

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Uhhhh...I would have to consult with brother warciples Jarv, pillow, DGDB, etc to determine whether Slater qualifies. I admittedly haven't seen enough of his films. The best singular example I can think of is Clint Eastwood. Good with his fists, good with guns, good with his one-liners, good with the ladies. Okay, well maybe not all the time, now that Locke springs to mind. Or younger Sean Connery. What I'm saying is, it helps to have an element of suaveness or attitude. I'm not sure how to search the archives for old TBs, but there's a lot of stuff about warciples. And bears. And Warwick Davis.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Brother Abom

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Mr. Slater starred in Gleaming The Cube, Tales From The Darkside, and Pump Up The Volume, and Broken Arrow. He has also been arrested numerous times for packing a peace. So I'd say he's in.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Lice could surf in that hair

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Field mice go on safari in that hair. Marines take cover in that hair. Disney based "pride rock" in Lion King on the profile of that hair. A 2x4 could be sawed in half by that hair, and nails could be pounded into by that hair. Someone could be disemboweled by that hair. That hair is above sea level.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    MORMON VS. TERMINATORS

    by BringingSexyBack

    Mormon Soldier: "I'll be back." <P> Sister-Wives Soldiers: (in unison): "We'll all be back!!"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    THAT HAIR LOOKS LIKE SCRIPTGIRL'S BUSH

    by BringingSexyBack

    In my dreams ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    I saw Broken Arrow

    by Abominable Snowcone

    and the Heathers and a couple others, so I'm okay with that. He fought John Travolta on a train and impaled him with a nuke. I guess if that doesn't get you in, nothing will.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    SIN86A

    by BringingSexyBack

    I think that should be the de facto response to any pro-life argument. The undead gambit - we've got a game changer, folks!!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:09 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Abominable Snowcone

    you think so? I always surmised that perhaps there's no carpet down there, that it's well-kempt and freshly shorn

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Robert Pattinson for Magneto!

    by riskebiz

    Ever since Goblet of Fire, I thought he'd be good for the Xmen Origins: Magneto movie. I'm glad he's getting some notoriety with this movie. Perhaps he could be considered for Magneto?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    HERE'S SOME CHEERFUL NEWS FOR YA

    by BringingSexyBack

    Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales are indicted in Texas. <P> Too late for a Bush pardon, too. Perfect timing!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    I THINK HER BUSH IS SHAVED IN THE SHAPE OF TITS

    by BringingSexyBack

    That was from another dream ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    DANCES WITH MORMONS

    by BringingSexyBack

    He came as an enemy, and became a believer.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    That hair

    by Abominable Snowcone

    That hair could be used to lathe spindles for a railing and sand them down. That hair faithfully reproduces the mechanical aspects of one-half of velcro. That hair should be sold in hand-sized packets for teenagers to buff out their zits. That hair is waterproof and repels hail and whatever objects are thrown at it, except perhaps spoiled fruit, which gets impaled on it.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    I would cut off my willy for Kristen Stewart.

    by Damien Chowder

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Dances With Mormons 2: Crusty Two-Socks

    by Abominable Snowcone

    "We will teach you not to indulge in the digital manipulations of a nonbeliever."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    INDIANA JONES AND THE MORMON TEMPLE OF DOOM

    by BringingSexyBack

    "No time for big love!"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    "DIGITAL MANIPULATIONS"

    by BringingSexyBack

    LOL!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    The only way to kill

    by Abominable Snowcone

    a Dawsons Creek Vampire is to impale it on the hair of another Dawsons Creek Vampire

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    THAT HAIR IS AN UNDEAD CHIA PET

    by BringingSexyBack

    Satan's pubes!!!!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Dances with Mormons 2

    by Abominable Snowcone

    He came. Then they taught him to stop coming alone.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Young McPlant, party of one?

    by tvspace

    Why even post these things?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    That hair

    by Abominable Snowcone

    could be decorated for Christmas. That hair could be the prototype for the next evolution in Swifter sweeping products. That hair could skin a cat. That hair could filet a fish. Nothing attacks soap scum and mildew like that hair. At the vampire wedding, the zombie preacher will say, Do you, Kristen, take this Dawson's Creek Vampire...and his hair

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    MORMON WARS: EPISODE IV: A NEW HOE

    by BringingSexyBack

    Epic battle breaks out among the sister-wives when hubby brings home the 28th wife. Starring Kristen Stewart as the new hoe.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Dances With Mormons 2

    by Abominable Snowcone

    The touching story of a young undead Dawsons Creek Vampire who learns to stop playing pocket pinball under the auspices of the kind and gentle Rev. Philip Paysho

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    THAT HAIR IS THE NEW NATO MISSLE DEFENSE SHIELD

    by BringingSexyBack

    Russia is not amused!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    uk star, Tank Girl isnt guilty pleasure

    by the milf lover

    it is an awesomely thrashy fun sci-fi movie, with Lori Petty, Malcolm McDowell and Naomi Watts, how could you feelguilty about that? I for one love Tank Girl, and feel no guilt about it. <p> I also feel no guilt about masturbating to Gina Lynn and Jada Fire porn, because I'm not some stupid brianwashed Mormon imbecile! Fuck, that masturbation abstinence thing Danny posted is scary as hell!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST

    and Chriastian Slater rules

    by the milf lover

    Pump Up the Volume is one of my favorite movies ever. I identified a lot with his introverted character back in highschool, and it's got sweet Samantha Mathis tits in it too!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Coming this summer...messily

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Cold-blooded. Caught red-handed. This emo-vampire is about to learn a lesson in controlling one's own passion. There will be no sticky sheets in this commune. Now his nocturnal emissions come with conditions.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    IF YOU SUBSTITUTE THE "T" WITH A "Y" IN SLATER

    by BringingSexyBack

    You'd have an excellent title for a vampire movie.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Mormons want Pole Dancing to be in the Olympics.

    by HoboCode

    They can't all be bad.<p> http://tinyurl.com/6apjrk

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    DANCES WITH POLES

    by BringingSexyBack

    Like The Pianist, but with dancing.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Pattinson's hair looks like an exploded Ewok

    by SpyGuy

    And do most women these days go for guys who look like women because they're actually lesbians and haven't come to terms with it yet? <p>I'm just sayin'...</p>

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    JOHN CARPENTER'S THE MORMON THING

    by BringingSexyBack

    Alien parasite infects Fundie Mormon community. <P> No one can tell the difference.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    You have to have read the book to understand this review

    by zooch

    Can we get one from a non-fan of the book?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Twilight VS Blackula

    by Dr Gregory House

    Make THAT happen, then I'll give a shit.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    I guess the cool thing for young guys now

    by Abominable Snowcone

    is to have that above-described "exploding ewok hair," or hair that is brushed into your face instead of back from it, and you've got to wear those skintight elf jeans where it barely covers your pubes and assacrack, and other people look and wonder if they ran out of denim when they were made

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    GET ELIZABETH SMART

    by BringingSexyBack

    Starring Kristen Stewart as secret agent Elizabeth Smart.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    I Was a Teenage Mormon Nosferatu

    by Abominable Snowcone

    with a birds nest for a haircut, and emo jeans, and better cheekbones than any 15 year old girl I bedded in the mormon village...that is, when I wasn't wildly gesticulating with my hand under the sheets in the dark of my solitary mausoleum at night

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Wasn't there a huge Mormon article posted earlier...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...specifically about how to stop "dancing with your pole"?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    I Was a 200 year old teen cunt muncher

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Cumming 2008

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    I'VE BEEN IN DETENTION FOR 200 YEARS

    by turketron

    FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAGGEEE

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    milf lover

    by u.k. star

    Ah masturbation. <p> "say it. say I win" <p> "I WIN"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    milf lover

    by u.k. star

    Ah masturbation. <p> "say it. say I win" <p> "I WIN"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    First few dozens of posts on this thread are gold.

    by CreasyBear

    Reminding me why I visit this site.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    200 YEARS OF STRETCHED TEEN ASSHOLES

    by turketron

    It never gets old

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    When you're dead you can't get erections. no circulation...

    by turketron

    Which is why you insert a stainless steel splint into your dong and PROFIT

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    uk star ... uh what?

    by the milf lover

    not sure what you mean there...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    NEUR0M4NCER

    by Potch

    Considering that I skew about 15 years older than what the series tends to gear towards, I would hope I would sound a little more intelligent than the reviewer. Personally, I found that review to be extremely poorly written. As I said, I'm a fan of the series. That being said, I can also see the down sides to it. The writing isn't stellar. It's really not. But, it's the storytelling that sucked me in. Sure it's probably not going to appeal to most of you. Think about it this way... ok, as a teen guy, most of you probably related to things like Superman, Spiderman... superhero stuff where ultimately the geeky guy gets the pretty girl, AND saves the world doing it. It's a fantasy. That's what us ladies have got in Twilight. Here's this seemingly average girl, who someone gets the attention of arguably the most desirable man on the planet. In the end of the entire series, she goes from being the awkward, clumsy, average girl, to being this super-powerful, hot vampire who saves everyone. Along the way, there's some intense romance, fun characters, a love triangle, some intense villains, and some pretty decent action scenes. But it's all told from the point of view of this 17 year old girl, so of course it's not going to appeal to everyone. I mean, you guys have your guy things to get obsessed with, it's our turn right? But, what I've found interesting is this... Several people that I know didn't like it. They didn't like at all. They complained the entire time that it was too girly, or poorly written, or other similar complaints. But, every single one of them still finished the entire series. It's interesting. Oh, and none of us are Mormon. Personally, I abhor the mormon religion. I really do. There really isn't a huge influence of mormonism in the books. There is some, but it's not that strong. And to the person that asked, no I do not live in Salt Lake. Out of the guys that I know that have read it... one is my boyfriend who is 27. He complained a lot, but read them all and is going to the midnight movie with us. One is about 40 with a wife and kids. He read it because his wife did. He read all four. Another is recently married, and actually read them before his wife did. He complained a lot about the "girly-ness" as well. That's pretty typical among the guys I know that have read it. They actually tend to prefer The Host, which is Meyer's non-vampire book. Personally, I think most men could stand to take a lesson in chivalry from Edward Cullen. ;-)Honestly, I think that's a big part of the appeal for most female readers. It's that fantasy that this perfect guy has lived for over 100 years and has never found anyone else that came even close to affecting him the way this person does. It's all about the fantasy. At least that's what I think.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Jeez Potch, that was far too rational...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...you shouldn't just open the door and turn the light on during a good pillow fight...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    vampire baseball

    by zooch

    What is vampire basball?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    "When I'm done, you'll be able to fit a 2 litre bottle in that a

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Script exerpt.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    "I'm 200. Whatever happens, your ass will stretch."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    is anyone in here actually a Mormon?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    some funny shit in this TB indeed...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    my favorite post so far: <p>"Twilight looks gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    DANNY, check the filthiest replies. Therin lies the Mormon

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the spoiler warning.

    by happybunni

    Were there even any spoilers given? Or any details about the actual movie? All this "review" seems to amount to is glowing praise of each and every actor/actress in the movie. Sounds like a plant. Either way this shouldn't have been posted, it's not a review.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    "200 year old jizz may be green, but won't taste minty fresh"

    by turketron

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    I heard Ass 2 Mouth is a important verse in The Book of Mitt.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    yeah, "8 blowing 9" comment is the winrar

    by turketron

    gayme over

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    "Kristen Stewart's anus will fall to the forces of darkness!"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Her shit will literally fall out of her cornhole.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    the milf lover

    by u.k. star

    It's just a quote from Tank Girl, when Malcolm McDowell was tryin to force Lori Petti to say "I win". Sorry, Lame much........

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Hate to say it.

    by phool2056

    But this pretty much reads like it was planted. Also, everyone whose opinion I have even a tiny bit of respect for who's read any of these books says they're terrible, so yeah I'm not going to give them my money.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:37 p.m. CST

    awwww Brother Turketron

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    glad you recognize the 2nd most prolific verse in The Book of Mitt, "8 Blowing 9" <p> This is the verse where they discuss the magic of invisible anal lubrication. Its called "Mormon Spit."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    The story sounds terrible anyway

    by happybunni

    This movie is about a 100 year old vampire being in highschool, and falling in love with highschool girls? WHAT THE F. Highschool girls are stupid and annoying, their life problems make me want to slap them, as do their exciting life details about what happened in history class. Is he the most retarded vampire in existence? He must be.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    He fed on a steady diet of used tampons and pads...

    by turketron

    from the girls bathrooms throughout the school

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    According to the book of Mitt...........

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Anal beads are perfectly o.k. for a vampire as long as the recipient is 18 or younger. Male or female is not important. Usually, crystal meth is the preferred lubricant when liberally sprinkled on both anus and penis/iron instrument that is to be thrust/inserted into said rectal cavity. So let it be written. So let it be done. Sayeth the Mitt.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Why would a 114 yeard old vampire go to high school?

    by zooch

    He does not age, and he can go out in the day when it's cloudy. Does he move from place to place going to different high schools? Does he repeat the same grade? Why on earth would a vampire do that?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Jack Bauer vampire from Lost Boys needs to show up

    by turketron

    and cause TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Why don't all the vampires live in seattle?

    by turketron

    Since cloudy days don't affect them. No need to go around sparkly like THE CANDY PAINT ON MY 64 IMPALA

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Savage the Rump! So sayeth Mitt "Corndozer" Romney

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    tvspace

    by Magic01273

    there is a very obvious reason why they post these plant reviews. Because they get paid to. These plant reviews are so easy to spot - even for a casual browser of these site, let alone a professional "journalist" as these guys expect us to believe they are. The formula is very easy - and very obvious. Plant reviews always say something negative very early on in the review to sucker the reader into thinking its genuine. But you'll notice the complaint is always small - and always ambiguous. "pacing" in this example. Plat reviewers also seem to remember everything in excruciatingly small detail covering key "money shots" for the fans - all the key characters and will wax on about notes in the movie they know will resonate with their target audience. All the while the continue to drop minor negatives in to try and make it looked balanced("underused characters" in this case that of course "were great - but they could have done more with them" etc etc) These are so obviously plant reviews that reading ones like this actually make my sphincter clench up and my toes curl up with embarrasment for AICN. It suggests that they are either stupider than your average forum browsing schmo (like me) or they are so low that they would knowingly feed us tripe like this for a studio back-hander. So sad.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 4:55 p.m. CST

    PS.

    by Magic01273

    the books were utter rubbish. I tried to read the first novel and it sucked monkey-balls so bad I couldn't even bring myself to take it to a charity shop. It wasn't fit for wiping my dogs arse with (and seriously - I'm normally the most forgiving person you could ever know when it comes to poorly written literature... as long as the story is good) This story was the most insultingly cliche'd plagurised nonsense writing I have ever lost precious minutes of life for. I trust that I have adequately conveyed my feelings about this material and this rubbish review. Peace out!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    zinc_chameleon

    by Alkeoholic77

    You used the word fantastical... you're a plant.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    "Aimed at girls"

    by happybunni

    Look idiots who are defending this movie, none of us care who this movie is aimed at. Our problem is that from all available evidence, this movie looks like shit. Not only does the movie look like shit, but it looks like this movie smears itself all over a mythology that most of us enjoy - vampires. It has nothing to do with women vs men. It's about good movies, bad movies, and mythology.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    funniest talkback since ridley making

    by crazybubba

    monopoly movie. Laughing my ass off. What's really funny is when you guys verbally bitch slap everyone who tries to criticize what you're doing. <p>What's Michael Jackson's favorite college?............<p>Bring um Young University.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Whats missing from this review?

    by skimn

    OMG before every paragraph.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    hey danny

    by kaiser117

    I'm a Mormon. Do not judge people because of their religion. It's been done. And as for Twilight? Yes, I am a heterosexual male who actually enjoys the books and will probably enjoy the movie. That just happened.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:23 p.m. CST

    wait, he's a vegetarian vampire

    by the milf lover

    that drinks animal blood?? How the hell is drinking animal blood vegetarian? Or would the not drinking blood make him vegan? Either way, it is so stupid.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:24 p.m. CST

    PLANTATION!

    by pr1c3y

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:26 p.m. CST

    The 100 Year Old Virgin

    by happybunni

    I like vampires, so honestly I might have seen this movie if I didn't read this talkback. Learning that they're 100-year old Mormon vampires that sparkle in daylight, and are apparently addicted to being in highschool. Honestly, tell me that sounds like a good story.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Why did the author even call them vampires?

    by happybunni

    Why not be original and make something new up? They're obviously not vampires.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    The IMBD boards are funnier than this TB

    by happybunni

    Check it out.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:45 p.m. CST

    From IMBD

    by happybunni

    "Also, to the people calling Edward a pedophile, get your terminology straight; he's an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Pedo = pre-pubescent, ephebo = post-pubescent"

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Edward is a virgin...

    by zinc_chameleon

    Because in Stephanie Meyer's Edward-perspective now-not-to-be published novel, he doesn't get turned on by the local girls. Bella is different, and importantly so. The smell of her blood makes him *crazy*. He considers killing her and drinking her blood right in the cafeteria the first time she walks in at her first day of school. Meyers wants to create that kind of tension with Edward; he loves Bella more passionately than anyone in his long life, and yet he wants to drink her blood just as passionately. Sounds like me and my first serious girlfriend! And I've never used the word fantastical, so I'm not a plant. I was posting here when 'A Princess of Mars' seemed like a sure thing, and 'King Kong' was just a rumour. That would be the fall of 1997, and it was the dialup era. Now I'm on a dedicated fibre-optic T3 line, and I have my own Linux renderfarm (mostly Suse 11.0 and Mandriva) and I use Blender 2.43 to 2.48. No studio plant would have a clue about that sort of thing.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Re: The best part of twilight: Edward is a virgin.

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    It is ridiculous. He doesn't even have to worry about catching anything, because he CAN'T FUCKING DIE THROUGH HUMAN ILLNESSES. So he can smoke, drink and shag his way through Eastern Europe.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    zinc

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Edward's a fucking idiot if he's a two hundred year old virgin.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    WHAT IF YOU HAD GAY POLYGAMY?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Wouldn't that make Mormon heads explode?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:53 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Mormons can't explode their heads, that's an affront to Joseph Smith.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:56 p.m. CST

    It's I-M-D-B people! (not IMBD!)

    by Shan

    Internet Movie Data Base!

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    "smoke, drink and shag his way through Eastern Europe."

    by Shan

    "smoke, drink and shag his way through Eastern Europe." = Spike or Angel for starters.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST

    There's not a vampire nation in this, is there?

    by drewlicious

    That's what has always pissed me off about Blade and Underworld. For some reason important people were at the mercy of the vampires when it should be the other way around. We have them outgunned and outnumbered yet they're super powerful. They're the ones who have easily exploited weaknesses, plus it's not like they can actually stay in one piece against our weaponry. The subculture in Buffy made more sense. Do they have exploitable weaknesses in this or are they practically indestrucible like in those Anne Rice novels?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Shan

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    If anything, Angel and Spike seemed oddly committed to relationships with Darla and Dru. Those boys were whipped even as evil bloodsuckers.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:26 p.m. CST

    I'm pretty sure i'm going to like the movie

    by Jed

    the books are t-rash but taste is subjective. The movie seems to clean up some of the less unseemly aspects of the execution of the novel's plot.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:27 p.m. CST

    actually you could take out Anne Rice vamps

    by crankyoldguy

    with a bazooka or portable missile kinda like Zander w/ that Buffy ep demon

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:30 p.m. CST

    "Yeah, I'm 200 years old. My name? Corndozer."

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Just ask Kristen Stewart.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:32 p.m. CST

    "The greatest trick Corndozer ever pulled was...........

    by Stuntcock Mike

    convincing Kristen Stewart to go ass to mouth."

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:32 p.m. CST

    knowthyself, Titanic is classic crap maybe

    by crankyoldguy

    though I'd buy you a beer while the wives had a girls night out at this crapola film.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    "Oh Louie, still whining"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Don't get much gayer than that Gents.

  • Look! in the shadows. The dark undead one, the dread immortal Vampire of myth it's... EDWARD!! (screams)

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    I can't even bring myself to pick up the book to

    by crankyoldguy

    finish it. it's so bad so far about a third of the way in. Wow she figured out 'what he is.' Lame. I sure ain't hiding my Trek pride anymore. not with this junk as cult mania

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:49 p.m. CST

    G100

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Not you. NOT EDWARD. BWAHAHA

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Zed, was that an '80s Justice League laugh?

    by crankyoldguy

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST

    And punk rockers may be right...

    by crankyoldguy

    in wanting to beat the crap out of brooding emo types on principle

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST

    crankyoldguy

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Yes.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:10 p.m. CST

    I'll stick to True Blood, since...

    by MCVamp

    ...y'know, Rogue titties and all. Plus it's becoming clear that "The Vampire Bill" is refreshingly just a regular vampire Joe who not only has to obey a boss, but a boss's boss. And now he's stuck with a retard vampire spawn. The show still isn't up to HBO's classic standards (I still can't believe that Showtime vaulted FAR past HBO in terms of quality shows almost overnight) but it's getting a little better. And, y'know, Rogue titties.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Then Zed, someone needs to punch Edward

    by crankyoldguy

    like Bats punched Gardner

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:24 p.m. CST

    What an absurd PLANT

    by WhatsntheBox

    Wow. That review was so long, and yet it had little to no substance. Who are they kidding?

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:36 p.m. CST

    WhatsntheBox...

    by MCVamp

    You could substitute the word "book" or "movie" for the word "review" and you'd still have a perfectly good point in this talkback.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:44 p.m. CST

    200 YEARS OF TALKBACK

    by BringingSexyBack

    Sometimes it feels that way. Especially the Michael Bay ones.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:45 p.m. CST

    ROGUE'S GOT THE SWEETEST LITTLE BODY

    by BringingSexyBack

    but damn, that girl needs some Proactiv.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore

    by Shan

    That's why I said "for starters". You've got something there you could build on. The Immortal for example (yes, I know an unseen punchline for that episode but still) ...

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 9:53 p.m. CST

    I would like to see this

    by just get real

    I would also like to poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick, and I one day hope to have my rectum infested with angry bees.

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Hot Topic

    by happybunni

    hottopic . com WHAT THE F

  • Nov. 19, 2008, 11:20 p.m. CST

    Look ! Look !

    by PTSDPete

    " Watchmen are over.... What do you suggest we do about it ? " " Retribution " . AHAHAHA This movie's going to SUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK !!!!!!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:23 a.m. CST

    I'll presume that was hilarious Zeddmore

    by G100

    I'll stick with laughing my ass off at anyone who thinks there is anything remotely scary or sinister about the name Edward. Edward the Vampire. yep, REAL fucking scary.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:25 a.m. CST

    Sounds like SHIT..and not a Trueblood fan either..

    by quantize

    all this fucking around with Vampire mythology is so boringly EMO, try hard and droll...like slowly letting the air out of tires..there's NOTHING scarey much less interesting with this shit..and before some dickhead defends Trueblood...FUCK OFF stick some inbreds shagging eachother with a bit of leather and everyone drops their shit...i dont give a fuck when it was written..it was shit then too.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:27 a.m. CST

    ...its all Blade watered down to piss

    by quantize

    should have been left well enough alone after Blade. As for those Underpants films...gaaaah

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:54 a.m. CST

    Either a PLANT or a hopeless SUCK-UP...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Either way, this poor sap's "review" is completely skewed and tells us nothing about how good the film is. Only that Saffron was intent on LOVING this movie regardless of how it turned out.<p>Completely USELESS. :(

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST

    UK Star- seeing as you are weirdly stalking me

    by Lost Jarv

    hours after I was gone, at least now you are admitting that you came across as an asshole. <P>Progress of sorts. Now just stick to the anti-masturbation guide posted above, and I'm sure you'll make more progress. <P>And Total Recall is a GOOD film, simply because Verhoeven is a genius.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    There's some foilage in here.

    by Lost Jarv

    Just in case anyone thinks I'm not paying attention.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:33 a.m. CST

    no-one's mentioned it but it is relevant

    by Lost Jarv

    Edward, 200 years old of cool, Drives a volvo. <P>And I'm not joking.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:40 a.m. CST

    I agree with the guy that mentione Let The Right One In

    by ChuckImania

    Yeah, I'll take my girlfriend to see Let The Right One In, a actually good vampire movie that involves somewhat of a romance plot. Twilight is nothing more then a machine created to remove the balls of many young men that are forced to sit through this with their annoying, Moley Cyrus lookalike girlfriends. I hope this movie gets aids and dies a horrible death.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:43 a.m. CST

    True Blood

    by ChuckImania

    is fucking awesome! My Sunday night lineup consists on True Blood, then a record Dexter and watch that, then back to HBO for entourage. I'm hooked on True Blood, they should keep that and shit can John From Cincinnati (if they haven't already).

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:31 a.m. CST

    either a PLANT or a 12 year old girl.....

    by BRUTICUS

    "Kristen Stewart reads like a dream"<p> "with such intensity that I felt tempted to cry several times."<p> "he stares at her, his face filled with trepidation; as though this moment simultaneously captures his greatest fears and greatest joys all at once."<p><p>seriously, who wrote this? A 12 year old girl a plant or motherfucking JAMES LIPTON from inside the actors studio?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:34 a.m. CST

    I was going to rant at Potch for being a plant

    by Lost Jarv

    but having read her post, it's clear that it's a woman. <P>In this case, I reserve the right to club you like a baby seal, but I suspect that your bias to this is similar to my (wife annoying) bias towards troma.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:07 a.m. CST

    How does this movie have 580 posts?

    by Droid

    Has the world gone mad?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Yeah Edward is a funny name for a vampire

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    Just like "Billy The Kid" is a funny title for a cowboy. Ha ha ha.<p>What do you want vampires to be called? Vlad?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:30 a.m. CST

    Harry loved this movie according to Facebook!

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    Can't wait for the talkbacks when his review arrives!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:37 a.m. CST

    "What do you want vampires to be called? Vlad?"

    by Lost Jarv

    funny. <P>I personally would like him to be called Nigel. <P>And are you sure that it wasn't the book he loved, rather than the movie?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:51 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    Pretty sure it was the movie although you could be right as his status simply says "Harry LOVED Twilight".<p>I'm sure I read a previous article where he claimed not to have read any of the books but I'm sure we'll find out soon.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:52 a.m. CST

    Overuse of the word "sure" above

    by My Mom Is A Whore

    Sorry about this.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Too Bad Bram Stoker never captured the youth market.

    by cookylamoo

    Why is it that if you turn on millions of little girls you're a genius and if you turn on one little girl you get arrested?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    200 year old pedopire+teen gash+mormons=Twilight twinks

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:40 a.m. CST

    I'd like to see a vampire named Hank

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "The names Hank. Hank Dracula. TWO! TWO PINEAPPLES! HA HA HA!"**sound of thunder**

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Funniest vampire name

    by skimn

    ...Butters.....per se.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Flickapoo and Lost Jarv

    by Potch

    Flicka: Sorry to be so rational. I will try to be more annoying fan-girl next time so you guys can flame me. Lost Jarv: Yes, I am in fact a woman, which I think I stated in my post. Go ahead and club me like a baby seal. I would totally understand. I know us Twilighters can get very annoying at times (to say the least)... hence why i try to be a little more rational than some. I know my boyfriend gets annoyed at me for talking about it... even though he read all four books AND took a vacation day from work to go to the midnight movie tonight. He likes it more than he lets on. Ha ha.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Somebody call the Winchesters to decapitate this Edward fool

    by turketron

    Drives a Volvo? A 100 year old virgin? Still in High School? Doesn't feed on human blood? What a bitchmade piece of shit excuse for a vampire! Probably shops at Hot Topic. BURN THAT SHIT TO THE GROUND, IT'S IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO TURN THE VAMPIRES BACK TO NORMAL.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Magic01273

    by frozen01

    Wow, if you thought the first book was terrible, just be very, very thankful you didn't read the fourth one. I made it through the first 3 books, and they were okay... a good beach read, something you can turn your mind off for and just go along with it. The 4th was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. I bought the series, but I think I'll sell the 4th book and pretend it was never written.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    according to THE BOOK OF MITT....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    "BE THANKFUL FOR YOUNG PUSSY. IT STRETCHES MOST GENEROUSLY."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    True Blood rocks man.

    by HoboCode

    I hope Herc does a TB for the last episode. The charcters are all fucking great. Jason is a hilarious mimbo. Tara is a loudmouth badass but lovable somehow. Sookie is just cute. Bill is cool as shit but has a dark side. Eric is a badass. Amy was a hot piece. The cops are hilarious dimwits. Sam is pretty cool now that he has stopped whining so much. And Lafayette is badass homo that crooked politicians and dumb redneck patrons don't want to fuck with.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Cam Gigandet....

    by nam0krut

    is the new Billy Zabka, you know it be true..

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST

    The Book of Mitt teaches:

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    "I'm 200 years old, and I invented ass fucking. Now take off those invisible underwear and start sucking like we're back in Utah bitches!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    STUNTCOCK MIKE

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    You bastard....you got me fucking hooked on Mitt Romney jokes. I got one going on every fucking TB. Awwww damn. This is too fun.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    D.Vader

    by HoboCode

    She kicked him out because he was beating the shit out of Sam. It was justified.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Mitt prefers the tightest, sweetest mitt of youth.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Invisible gotch be damned.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    I'm Glad 14 y.o. Girls Are So Into This. Glad!

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    I've been waiting for a chance to exact my revenge. This is a movie they really, really want to see. Now I can go to the movies and put my feet up, talk to my friends, send text messages, play with my ringtones, run up and down the aisle shouting, "Stacey, where are you?", laugh at serious moments and comment on how fucking ridiculous the movie is. See how they like it. Bitches.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Mitt nails a 16 year old virgin....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Virgin: Shouldn't we use a condom? <p> Mitt: I am wearing a condom honey. Its invisible.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    SLYANDTHEFAMILYSTONE - NOW THAT IS A BRILLIANT PLAN

    by BringingSexyBack

    Definitely worth the ticket price. <P> "Stacey, where are you?" ... LOLOLllLLLL

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:39 a.m. CST

    THE CHURCH OF ROMNEY OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

    by BringingSexyBack

    The Whoremons.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    by HoboCode

    God damn that would be great.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Best plan ever.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    "I'm 200 dammit!. Bring me the finest young snizz."

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Her name is stacey. She has the perfect anus for a gay vampire to felch.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Mitt Romney is such a pimp....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ....I hear he even fucks the ghosts of Holocaust victims.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    THE BOOK OF MITT PLEDGE!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    NO HOLE WILL GO UNFILLED.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    "Big Love? That shit is lightweight."- Mitt Romney

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "Plus there all too fucking old."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Felching

    by HoboCode

    Fucking sick. Even the word makes me sick.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Big Love

    by HoboCode

    I saw a promo for the upcoming season. It looks like it's going to be surprisingly badass.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:55 a.m. CST

    "The Mitt neeeeds ass. Young, gaping rossettes."

    by Stuntcock Mike

    I hear he fingered the spirit of Hitler's anus.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:57 a.m. CST

    I'm pretty sure Mitt wrote "Get Buck In Here"

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    <p> Don't make me get buck in here!! <p> Shorty drop em to the ground like she ain't got manners <p> Too much booty for one man to handle <p> When all I need is a one night scandal <p> And ima get buck in here!! <p> Damn lil' momma you know you fit my standards <p> You the type to make me grip that handle <p> Lick shots in the air, bustin' that grandam <p> While you make it clap clap clap clap clap <p> You gotta shake that thang, shake that thang <p> While you make it clap clap clap clap clap <p> Just shake that thang, shake that thang <p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    This Isn't Made for Us...

    by conspiracy

    It was made for 12-16yr old girls who are exploring their budding sexuality for the first time...their minds racing with dark, delirious thoughts, lust racing through their veins...they will return home after this cinematic masturbation for the female tween crowd, flushed and heated. Running past their parents they will lock themselves away in their rooms and re-read all the books in one heart pounding session. Later..after leaving the window ajar..they will explore themselves in a fit of unbridled Twilight fueled passion..their long coltish legs opening just wide enough for a trembling hand to slowly, gingerly, slide towards that part of them that begs to be unlocked from its cage, heart pounding, Hello Kitty watching on and with thoughts of Twilight vampires seering their tender minds they will in one blindingly hot orgasmic moment propel themselves into womanhood.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Mitt's opinion on 13 year old girls and boys?

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Just right.**rubs hands together**

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    In Fact...this might have alot in common with...

    by conspiracy

    JJ's STar Trek Reboot/Rape.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Sly, joining the rest in kudos

    by skimn

    Don't forget to giggle and say "OhMyGod" every three minutes...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    12-16 yr old girls think a Vamipre's cock is non-threatening

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Mitt Romney will tell you different. He will tell you it's like being ass-stabbed with a 200 year old rusty claw hammer.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Conspiracy

    by Abominable Snowcone

    That's pretty good. I need you on my writing team.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    "I'm Mitt Romney. And I approve the rectal punch."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    "My name is Mitt Romney. Always bet on Black."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Nigel is almost as good admittedly

    by G100

    But Edward is a pretty douchey name for a Vampire. Luckily he does indeed sound like a comlette Douche.<p> <p>It's like Tim the Enchanter.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    New Twilight poster for Mormon theatres.

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    hxxp://s93.photobucket.com/albums/l63/bmartz77/?action=view&current=40yrdvirgn06.jpg

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    conspiracy

    by HoboCode

    I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:48 p.m. CST

    SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    by HoboCode

    Link didn't work even with spaces removed. Try TinyURL.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Let's try again

    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    http://tiny.cc/3bGQk

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Nevermind.

    by HoboCode

    I got it. Funny.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    anyone remember The Last Vampire books by Christopher Pike?

    by turketron

    Read some of those as a kid and I remember them being quite good. Had vampires that actually fucked shit up and stuff...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 12:54 p.m. CST

    Christopher Pike

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Did he write those series of books where a girl died and became a ghost and tried to solve the mystery of her death. I remember there were teen books like that I read where they described death very well....

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:13 p.m. CST

    He might have...

    by turketron

    I just did a search for him on amazon, and the books you're referring to look to be the Remember Me series. I never read those.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Hey chaps

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'm back and... wow, this got vulgar and funny real quick.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Imagine TWO girls watching Twilight

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    And coming back to spend the night at one or another's house.<p> That much untapped self-lust would no doubt spill over into each other, causing the parents downstairs to wonder if the girls are moving furniture.<p> In reality, they have both just torn through whatever social barrier that kept them from slamming their mouths together in deep kiss. Tongues probing deep into each other, while hands find their way onto trembling bodies that explode into a purpose-driven mission.<p> In an instance one breaks free from the kiss and goes down the others neck, instantly transforming one into a submissive posture on the bed, eyes closed and arching her back in wild pleasure.<P> The other quickly pulls her shirt up and grabs her bra to expose her breasts, heaving with each deeper breath.<p> She quickly grabs the bottom of the breast to cup it and give the nipple a hard lick and a quick full-mouth suck.<p> She goes to the other breast and gives it the same attention while her friend bites her bottom lip and starts unbuttoning her pants, lifting her back up to make sure her ass in the air to allow the pants no resistance in coming down and being kicked to the floor.<p> That's when one girl quickly takes a hand and slides it down to a waiting passion that it already hot and wet.<p> To her surprise a hand is already down there, quickly sliding up and down, going deeper and deeper until two fingers are quickly jammed in, causing a squeal of pleasure that is muted by a pillow that ironically says 'Hello Kitty!'<p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    ChittyChittyGangBang

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    What.....no fisting?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Edward is a virgin forever because he was when vamped

    by turketron

    His hymen regenerates every time.<p><p>And yes, he does have one... cuz he's a BITCH.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Splice 2girls1cup into the middle of the movie

    by turketron

    PROFIT!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Nah Danny, didn't have time

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    people were walking in the room and I had to log out and wrap it up.<p> I was thinking of one of them adding fingers until she felt the girl wiggle her hips in pain and back one out to add it to her ass.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Chitty

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Also make one of the girl's be on the rag....lightly. Its almost over.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    And when their parents....

    by The Eskimo

    ...come into the room the excuse is that they were just playing leap frog, right?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:07 p.m. CST

    The Eskimo

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'd go with The Legend of Zelda.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:09 p.m. CST

    Yeah..

    by The Eskimo

    ...I guest leap frog wouldn't work as an excuse for two girls. Maybe "checking for lumps" would be better.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:11 p.m. CST

    They were playing "Facepie"

    by Stuntcock Mike

    All the youngsters are doing it.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:48 p.m. CST

    They were playing "Baste the bald taco with your quivering tongu

    by turketron

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Tongu: The prequel to Ringu

    by turketron

    The creepy facial distortions on the corpses were caused during by orgasmic fury

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 2:50 p.m. CST

    death by orgasmic fury

    by turketron

    My typing's gone to shit

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    "I'm a 200 year old Vampire. Basically, I cum rust."

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    LOLLLOLL

    by BringingSexyBack

    roflOLma

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    "I lost my keys...."...?

    by skimn

    Kind of like the old punchline..

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Cum Rust? Hahahaha

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I guess he uses Rustoleum for lubricant.<p> *starts spraying as his thighs tighten up..*

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    HERE'S HOW IT REALLY WENT DOWN ...

    by BringingSexyBack

    Vampire: "I have wandered in my own wilderness for 200 years. Never in my lonely travels have I met one, such as you, whose soul is the perfect match for mine. Long have I yearned to feel the joy of love, of companionship. I have found you, and you have saved me. Your beauty ... your heart ... you are the savior of this humble man ..." <P> 16 Tween: "Shut UP!! Really? That's so awesome."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    "I AM A 200 YEAR OLD VIRGIN"

    by BringingSexyBack

    "I have a serious case of crotch rot."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Went down cont.

    by skimn

    What car do you drive...?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    "I am a 200-year old virgin!"

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    "As you are riding me and my thighs tighten up and I give you the tap to get off, you really better get the hell out of the way."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    THINGS TO SCREAM IN THE THEATER DURIING TWILIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    "Oww oww watch the teeth!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    More things to scream

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    "Suck me beautiful!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Mormon Priests Interview About Masturbation

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Priesthood leaders several times per year interview Mormons. Men, generally a Bishop or a Stake President, conduct these interviews in private. Questions regarding personal "worthiness" are conducted. <p> Mormons are asked if they believe in God. They are asked if they sustain the current Prophet and "recognize him as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys". They are asked if they sustain current Mormon General Authorities. They are asked if they live the law of chastity. They are asked if they keep the word of wisdom. They are asked if they are full tithe-payers (those who are not cannot receive temple recommends).<p> Any Mormons who cannot answer yes to all of these questions run the risk of loosing their temple recommends or loosing positions in the Church. This sets up a systematic progression of lies that are continued into adulthood.<p> Children as young as 8 years old are asked if they masturbate. Children as young as 12 years old are asked if they masturbate or have "petted" or have "necked" with a partner. Many Mormon children have no idea what any of these terms are. If the child has committed any of these "sins", they are pressed for details. Many are then scorned and told that their acts will lead them to hell. Those who have masturbated are then denied the sacrament and must then be interviewed by the Bishop on a weekly basis until the masturbation has stopped. Mormon children grow up sexually repressed and many grow up emotionally insecure about their own sexuality.<p> Parents are not allowed in the room at the same time these sexual questions are asked. Mormon parents are not allowed to question Mormon Priesthood authority and do not hesitate to turn their male and female children over to men behind closed doors.<p> The Mormon Curtain firmly believes that adult men asking sexual questions of minors behind closed doors is a criminal act. <p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Chitty

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    You joke....but it is a decent thing to do to call her "BEAUTIFUL" if you are asking she put your smelly, sweaty dick in her mouth.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    I bet interviews are awkward as hell

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Mormon priest: "Do you masturbate?"<p> Young Chitty: "If it is clear and not white does that count?"<p> Mormon priest: "Hmmm"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    MORE THINGS TO SCREAM DURING TWILIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    "Jesus Stacey! This is gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys! Let's go see Bond!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Nice only goes so far Danny

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Until you have to scream "No more Mr. Nice Guy, on your knees bitch!!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Mitt Romney masturbates with a cheese grater .

    by Stuntcock Mike

    It keeps the mind sharp and the tweens close.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Just rub Gold Bond powder on it Danny

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I swear your dick will not sweat, but the girl will cough up a plume of smoke afterwards.<p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    GOLD BOND POWDER ...

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'm on the fucking floor man ...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST

    yeah, a dick should be treated like a foot.

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Things to scream during Twilight

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    "Is this the prequel to Fright Night!"<p> Warning this will also reveal your age, which will bring out NBC's Chris Hanson from behind the curtian to ponder the reasons on camera of you being there..

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I wouldn't tell people to go and see QoS. Sure it's better than Twilight, but stubbing a toe is better than having your leg cut off - doesn't mean I'd tell people to stub their toe.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Romney has a zero tolerance policy on

    by Stuntcock Mike

    non-loaf busting in a 12 year olds ass. Demand it!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Yep Danny...

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    But only if your dick is a FOOT long!<p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    I keep saying....pay for SOUL MEN people!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    DO IT FOR BERNIE!!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4 p.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Has a point. I'd pay if that film was ever going to come to fucking Eng-er-land.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4 p.m. CST

    Mitt has a thing for the old Tiger Balm/Anus combo

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Spackle that shit like stucco Mittski.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    TOTAL CHICK FLICK

    by Sappers Forward

    Sorry, I'm not 16, and I'm not a chick. I seriously doubt I'll be seeing this one.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    You're English, Winston?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Yep. Residing in Wales currently. And QoS is only just now ending at the main cinema, and starting a three week run at the Arthouse cinema.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Genesis 19

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    "Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them." And Brother Mitt, stepped out from his home wearing nothing but a satin brazere and commended, "I'M 200 YEAR OLD, NOW SUCK THESE BALLS!!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    if Mitt Romney was Tim Treadwell...

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    He would have bent that bear over, fucked it in the ass and screamed, "That ass is mine. LDS FO' LIFE!!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:24 p.m. CST

    I'LL BET HER PUSSY TASTES LIKE SWEET BUTTER

    by turketron

    Other things to shout.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    But his crusty unused 200 y/o cock will feel like burnt toast

    by turketron

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    turketron

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I'd like someone to chant 'CHANGE THE FILM' and 'THIS FILM SUCKS' as loud as they can.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    Ejaculation scene from Scary Movie... except red

    by turketron

    when he finally blows his 200 year old load.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    sweet butter at Soup Plantation....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...amazing. I can see Mitt crouched in the shadows in the barn, milking the lips like a hissing rattler and whispering, "Yes.......yes.....my........precious...."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    SO WHEN IS BLADE GONNA SHOW UP AND KILL THEM ALL?

    by turketron

    shout it!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    turketron

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Forget Blade, someone call Shaft.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    What does Mitt and zits have in common?

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    They both pop on youngster's faces.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Instead of Blade

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Twilight can have PocketKnife. A young hybrid that hunts others.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    When will they make a Bunnicula movie?

    by turketron

    THE CELERY STALKS AT MIDNIGHT

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Holy shit....I could be hung for this!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    But I have discovered images of the famous "MAGICAL UNDERWEAR". Brothers....gather 'round. <p>http://preview.tinyurl.com/84c3t

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Instead of PocketKnife

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Billy-Boy Cassidy and The Emo Kid.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Twilight's money shot

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Young vamp drawing blood not from neck of victim, but licking the cherry-popped sheets of victims like Jerry Tarkanian did those towels for UNLV.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    The could have female vamp hunter/emo hybrid

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Call her EMOry board.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Magical Underwear

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    To members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the temple garment represents the sacred and personal aspects of their relationship with God. For this reason, Church leaders discourage members from discussing the garment in a casual or disrespectful manner. One church leader has compared the garment to the clerical vestments worn by clergy of other churches.[7] <p> Church leaders have publicly discussed the above principles and beliefs since the mid-1840s, however, because of the sacredness surrounding temple rites and the garment to many Latter-day Saints, some people have utilized it as a source of humor and parody.[8] Mormon opponents who sold garments on internet auction sites have been criticized.[9]<p> During the October 2003 General Conference of the Church, some anti-Mormon demonstrators outside the LDS Conference Center reportedly spat and stomped on garments in view of those attending the conference. A scuffle broke out between a protestor and two members of the church who attempted to take the garments from him.[10] To avoid a repeat of the conflict, the municipality of Salt Lake City planned stronger enforcement of fighting words and hate speech laws for the April 2004 Conference in Salt Lake City with new protest buffer zones.<p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    I meant HANGED for this....FUCK FUCK FUCK

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    and have him look at the camera and say...

    by turketron

    Tastes like CHERRIES. *HARD CUT TO BLACK* *ROLL CREDITS*

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    turketron

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Peachy!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Werewolves

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Yeah, that's fucked up. PedoBear would be proud, but most other people would be sickened. I mean it's a LITTLE KID for Christ sake.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Mr_Incredible

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Thats not fucked up. How do you think our Lord Savior Mitt Romney found his bride? He was only 146 years old when she was born and he told her one day they shall wed and he would be her King. <p>ALL HAIL THE MITT!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:45 p.m. CST

    All joking aside....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    Mormon beliefs are dangerous and oppressive and I don't take this shit lightly. Obviously this Twilight cunt has infused her whacky cult themes into her books and the whole planet ate the shit she fed them like blind mice.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Now at Wal Mart. MITT'S MAJICK UNDEROOS

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Ages 12-16 only. Unisex. With a hole for the fudge tunnel. NOW WITH THE OPTIONAL "SOFT MOUTH" ATTACHMENT.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    One good thing about Twilight...

    by conspiracy

    Some scrawny, pasty dweeb dressed in black is gonna get laid like a manman after those frustrated, sexed up little minxes stumble from that theater.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    conspiracy

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Is pale, neurotic sex worth it?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    manman=Madman...

    by conspiracy

    Harry...Please...a simple edit function.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore...are you serious?

    by conspiracy

    There is nothing hotter than a issue laden, vampire fantasizing girl who wants nothing more than to swim in her darkest, most secret desires. Her smooth almost hairless and translucent skin contrasting against the pitch black of her lace or latex clothing...the pink firmness of her aching vagina peeking from behind her bat adorned black lace thong...her ruby red lips part as her black eyelined eyes close tight in anticipation of the first hot touch of lust.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore...However...

    by conspiracy

    always use a Motel 6...and never..ever let them know your address. lmao

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:07 p.m. CST

    use Days Inn

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    some have cinder blocks for walls. Easier to wipe off DNA-rich cum and cherry blood also laced with DNA to which District Attorney's can label the case a "Slam Dunk."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:10 p.m. CST

    ChittyChittyGangBang...

    by conspiracy

    Damned good advice! Plus..cinderblock walls are easier to get the wrist restraints and ankle irons screwed into!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Yep Conspiracy..

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Also cinderblock masks sounds better and after wrapping a head in a towel, can be a good blunt device to which you can make someone "understand" that you mean business.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Wow.

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    This is one insane TB.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Mr. Zeddemore..if you think we are Raping this film

    by conspiracy

    Just wait till May 2009 when "Starfleet Academy the Musical" hits the screens! Set Flaming Posts to Kill!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Starfleet Academy

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    I've no desire to see the film. It's not made for me, at all. So I'll juat laugh at the vitirol.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Harry wuvs Twilight

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    That makes me smile in a 'oh, it's on' kinda way.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Harry wuvs Twilight

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    That makes me smile in a 'oh, it's on' kinda way.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Mr_Incredible..I agree

    by conspiracy

    It will be full of Mormon baiting, pederastic,sex joke goodness and them some.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Okay - quick poll

    by Mr. Zeddemore

    Whose more fucked up? A virgin Vampire or Pedo-Wolf?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST

    This will probably be a $60-70 million opening weekend...

    by Pennsy

    I've thought about getting the books, but have held off on them for one reason or another (or unless I get a kickass Borders Rewards coupon like a 2 for 1 deal). The Mormons are taking enough righteous heat for the passage of Prop 8. But I admit I'm out of the loop on how the Twilight quadrilogy is Mormon propaganda.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Then another $50 million in new sheets

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    as tweens nationwide shake and shudder in orgasmic delight when they get home.<p> Hence the need for new sheets and handsoap to wash the busted-cherry-soaked fingers of tweens.<p> Clamidia, meet Clamato juice.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Down to 3rd in the TB ratings war.

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Come on, I leave you guys alone for a day, and let this shit slip?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Although...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    ... you have said some funny fucking stuff.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    We have Twilight so this shit writes itself Neurom4ncer

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I just have to pulg in the gaps (pun intended) like frog DNA at a Jurassic Park research facility.<p> Although it would have been better if they had used Tasmanian Devil DNA instead of frog DNA to fill gene sequence gaps.<p> That triceratops would have been going apeshit with his ravenous beak/maw.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:46 p.m. CST

    Imagine dino DNA spliced with Pit Bull DNA

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Michael Vick would make millions with a stadium of dinos like that.<p> Undercard would be bronto neck-swinging thunderfest.<p> Main draw would be T-Rex vs. Raptor vs. Mormon throwdown.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Instead of

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    lying there like a constipated... triceratops. <br><br> So if they don't drink human blood, do they drink/eat animal period? Because that'd be fucking rad to see in a film.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Because we know they obviously like the menstruation

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    I hear it's pretty rich in iron. If I were to re-invent Vampires, i'd make them drink piss. It would be so much more offensive to middle-cinema viewers.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Big pile of bronto afterbirth stew

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    The wind would hit just right, causing hundreds of noses to rise in the air and wiggle in olfactory bliss.<p> Then the stampedes of carnivors would march to the bloody source.<p> I would by tickets to that, beer and brat in hand.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:52 p.m. CST

    My kid's two, and he'd

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    fucking love that shit, but I wouldn't take him. Because of all the Mormons, you see.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:53 p.m. CST

    I would make them eat shit M4ncer

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I'm talking stinking logs just stiff enough to be placed on a hot dog bun without breaking into chunks.<p> I would allow hot sauce to give Tabasco a shameless product placement plug.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:54 p.m. CST

    Veggie-period Lex, VEGGIE-period.

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Dinosaur vs Vampire smackdown. Mormons would be long gone.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Mormons are deadlier than Raptors

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    unless Raptors learn how to make cool commercials that tickle your sympathy bone.<p> Although Jehovah's Witness' would had a cardio advantage and could rope-a-dope their way to a win based on stamina.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Fuck it.

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Wait for a torrent of this crap to come online, i'll download it, fuck you DRM copyright bitches. I'll then edit it together with 180 Days Of Sodom/Salo and re-release the fucking thing. You get first dibs Chitty.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Edward:

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    "You are the one thing that has kept me..." [cut] "eating faeces. It tastes different with every girl."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7 p.m. CST

    I am waiting M4ncer

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Instead of music remixes, we can have movie remixes.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7 p.m. CST

    Can anyone do decent video splicing?

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    I think we're onto a winner. I'll give Fox Searchlight a call in the morning, let them know we've got another one for them.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Edward meets a girl that fails the corn test

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    He raises up from her shit-crusted buttocks and asks..."Is this Iowa?"<p> She says "No, shrimp boil party had corn on the cob."<p>

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Dude. I'm all over it.

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Lemme get my copy of Salo ripped and i'll get the best sequences... y'know what would be more fun? Can't someone just *replace* the Twilight reels with a copy of Salo? That'd really get the kids wet.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Dude, i'm British...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    ... like I know what the fuck a Shrimp Boil Party is.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    This is really making me want to put bad things in the script i've gotta write for University...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:07 p.m. CST

    That silly Marquis De Sade

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    He was such a silly goose.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Shrimp Boil

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    It is a HUGE pot filled with shrimp, shrimp mix (premixed and bought at store), sausage and corn on the cob boiled together.<p> Then it is dumped on a table and you can pick out the shrimp, potatos, sausage and corn and put them on a plate and eat.<p> Goes great with light beer and makes your shit look like a corn-eyed baby.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Mercury made the Grand Marquis auto

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    But alas, no De Sade version.<p> I bet those seatbelts would clinch tight.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST

    I'm tired of pussy pretty boy vampires

    by alienindisguise

    It's a bunch of queer crap! I'm sure there will be a ton of fat goth chicks at the theaters tomorrow.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:16 p.m. CST

    With their milky-white asses sweating through their black denim

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I bet more bloated moose-knuckles will be pounded tomorrow night than all the Pig Parties in history.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:25 p.m. CST

    for all the hate this shit movie deserves

    by the milf lover

    you gotta admit it brings out the best in talkbackers... funny funny stuff today!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Perhaps Twilight marks the beginning...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    ... of a new era; one in which moustachioed ladies take the back seats of the cinema, shuffling in, wearing their three-quarter length leather jackets, black leggings and New Rocks. hose unlucky enough to be seated close to the back will assume that they're getting a lot of text messag... wait a minut - I recognise that BZZZZZZ

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:31 p.m. CST

    just having fun milf

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Unlike the fingers of the Goth chicks that will force them into orfaces that have never felt stimulation beyond the bouncy seat of a school bus.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Male Suffragettes

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Female arrests for lewd behavior will go up, Hugh Hefner will die of syphilis and be replaced by Roseanne Barr/Arnold/What-The-Fuck-Ever. New World Order. Of dirty women. Soon enough guys will be fighting for their rights and throwing themselves under horses n shit.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:34 p.m. CST

    It will sound like a swarm of bees M4ncer

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Menacing bees.<p> Although the lights will also go dim as batteries will only last through the first act and toys will have to be plugged into sockets.<p> Teeth will be chipped....

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Heh. You almost said

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    orafaeces.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:37 p.m. CST

    I swear to god

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    I'm gonna keep going until we get to number two... <br><br> "That's what she said... huh huh"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:37 p.m. CST

    So anyway, back to the film...

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Sounds pretty good, huh?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:41 p.m. CST

    HAHAHAHA Take THAT "Harry's thoughts on Star Trek"

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Boo-ya.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Wiccan chicks are easy. Lots of pussy at the pentagram.

    by Uncle Stan

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Wiccan chicks also

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    drink to excess and smoke a lot of pot. Two thumbs up.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    I bet fat goth chicks...

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    are beyond having cherries.<p> More like bloated ripe black plums.<p> With a big fat bloody seed that has to be picked up between trembling fingers wrapped in issue.<p> Although you can suck on them for hours and still get that fresh cod taste...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    And they'd probably

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    be down with all the scat we had in mind earlier. "Woden hath decreed that you eat my poo, Lilith."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:55 p.m. CST

    ... we'll pick this up later.

    by NEUR0M4NCER

    Keep the faith.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:56 p.m. CST

    Wiccan chicks' dildos have goat horns for handles

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    also the big ears wipe away the sweat gel that looks like toothpaste.<p> The ushers will have to wipe away seats with bleach and industrial vaccums.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:57 p.m. CST

    if Harry has a positive review of Twilight

    by the milf lover

    does this mean that the site is run by his wife, and that Harry is just a mascot now?<p> That would explain a lot of the recent trends around here....

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Wiccan chick conversation

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Fat Wiccan No. 1: "Lilith, did you have corn today?" as she wipes the corners of her mouth..<p> Fat Wiccan No. 2: "No that was three days ago, I've been constipated..."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:47 p.m. CST

    YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT A 'TWIHARD'?

    by Pennsy

    ;)

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    YOU NEED TO CHOOSE: TEAM EDWARD OR TEAM JACOB.

    by Pennsy

    Well, what say you?

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Imagine a scary "jump" scene in Twilight

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I bet the simultaneuos expelling of tension-held queefs will decompress theater and give entire audience a fatal case of the bends.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    The blatting queefs would be the equivalent of...

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    A vodka-fueled comrade kicking open the door of the Red October at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.<p> People will look like Ah-nuld and his lady friend gasping for air at the end of Total Recall.<p> Shit, I'm making myself laugh...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:20 p.m. CST

    So are the werewolves mormon too?

    by happybunni

    Do they also drive a volvo, hit on children, abstain from intercourse, only have anal sex, and treat women like they're objects? Ahh young Mormon romance, so beautiful.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:26 p.m. CST

    Enough!

    by Citizen Sane

    I'm totally fuking sickof all the hype around this thing. It better be good!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Tell you what Citizen Sane

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Go to the early show and stand outside and see if you can quell the tide of squealing Wiccan tweens, eager to get home and "release a spell".<p> They will power this thing past James Bond in a symphony of eager squeaks and queefs.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:35 p.m. CST

    I have decided. I will see this movie.

    by happybunni

    "Oh shit I just came in my pants!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    I'm glad my suv is four wheel drive

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    I will have to select the low-range transfer case setting to power up the street which will be flooded with busted-cherry discharge.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    You know what will be cool

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    To sit at the front of the theater and look through the lenses of a infrared lense like the Predator.<p> It will look like every tween girl has a camp fire happily cracking and popping in their laps.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Only Fat Fugly white chicks

    by EightiesBaby

    Will see this movie. It looks like that movie the Covenant. YAWN!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Don't be so narrow minded EightiesBaby

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Don't forget Fat Fugly Black chicks, Fat Fugly Latino chicks, Fat Fugly Indian chicks, Fat Fugly Asian chicks, Fat Fugly Native American chicks, Fat Fugly European chicks, Fat Fugly Spainard chicks, Fat Fugly Artic chicks, Fat Fugly Korean chicks, Fat Fugly Russian chicks, Fat Fugly half breed chicks, Fat Fugly tri breed chicks, Fat Fugly Middle Eastern chicks, Fat Fugly Alaskan chicks, Fat Fugly little people chicks...etc, etc.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Here a Fat Fugly chick, there a Fat Fugly chick

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Old McDonald had a farm, T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T!

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:05 p.m. CST

    They should have the girl in Twilight bisexual

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Then they could call the sequel Bilight.<p> Vampires + Bicurious tweens = $$$

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:30 p.m. CST

    SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT I BRING AN IMPORTANT VIDEO FOR DICKBLOOD

    by BringingSexyBack

    Sarah Palin interviewed while turkeys are slaughtered in background ... enjoy! <P> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:32 p.m. CST

    ANOTHER OFFENSIVE THING TO SAY IN THE THEATER DURING TWILIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    "How about daddy and his princess play Edward and Bella tonight?"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:34 p.m. CST

    TWILIGHT 2: BAPTISM OF THE UNDEAD

    by BringingSexyBack

    Mormonism is the gift that keeps on giving ... in talkbacks.

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:35 p.m. CST

    TWILIGHT 5: TIME FOR A NEW CHICK

    by BringingSexyBack

    R.I.P. Bella ...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 10:45 p.m. CST

    *sigh*

    by selenya

    thank god teenaged girls only have so much money...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:10 p.m. CST

    TWILIGHT VS. THE READER

    by BringingSexyBack

    Vampire: "I am a 200 year old virgin." <P> Kate Winslet: "Sorry, I only do guys 16 and under."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:11 p.m. CST

    TWILIGHT VS. TERMINATOR

    by BringingSexyBack

    "I'll be back." <P> "When?" <P> "About 200 years. Give or take."

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:14 p.m. CST

    BROKEBACK TWILIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    Edward: "I wish I knew how to quit you!" <P> Thomas: "Baby don't! It's like you're driving a stake through my heart!"

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Brokeback Twilight part two

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Edward: "I know where you can drive your stake."<p> Thomas: "I'll get the Anal Ease gel and sandpaper to prevent splinters."

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Fuck this bullshit

    by Lamerz

    Just saw Bond, that kicked muthafuckin ASS!! Fuckin tweens should go see that.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 12:31 a.m. CST

    Twiglight vs Terminator pt2

    by Lamerz

    Where Arnold snaps the fuckin twig lead dude in half cuz he's a vampire but oh such a pussy.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 1 a.m. CST

    Twilight

    by Chief Joseph

    I think it's great that the kids are getting back into the Electric Light Orchestra.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 1:07 a.m. CST

    Harry's review is up now

    by the milf lover

    so let's move the funny stuff over there now, shall we? It'll need something to balance out the vitriol Harry's praises is gonna attract...

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Spoiler

    by Lost Jarv

    When emo-twat heroine has to give birth to half vampire mutant baby (despite the fact that as a member of the undead he should be firing blanks, but lets not let logic get in the way of a shit narrative), it starts trying to chew its way out (not ripping off Alien or nothin', honest, on the immortal soul of Joseph Smith), so Edward/Nigel/ Drippycunt has to use his diamond hard teeth to perform an emergency C-section on her. <P>He chomps that little mutant half baby loose, then licks his lips afterwards and says "tastes like chicken". <P>And the bitch still doesn't have the decency to die.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Starring the guy from harry potter who was even MORE BORING than

    by Sepulchrave

    Urgh. Vampires for brainless middle-school Bratz. Go watch that Swedish vampire thing instead' Let the Right Ones In. That was excellent.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 9:12 a.m. CST

    good morning followers of the Book of Mitt!!

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    I say we take this party over to Harry's glowing review of Twilight. We gotta raise a serious stink. The reputation of this entire fucking website is on the line.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    SPARKLING VAMPIRES !

    by PTSDPete

    AHAHAHHAHHA-HAHAHAHA-HA-HA!

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Even my fiancee didn't much care for it...

    by Half-Baked-Goggle-Box-Do-Gooder

    Not particularly, anyway - And she's a member of the Fan Club and does all of the same shit that we dirtclods do except for the sneer-at-other-fans part. (She's a much nicer person than I am.) <P>I knew virtually nothing about the backstory going in, but surveying the audience as they filed in gave me the willies - 99% female, 98% of that adolescent, and a (forgive me) unavoidably noticeable percentage of those were small groups of loud, morbidly obese swooners, tricked out in every imaginable piece of "Twilight" merch - it was like a crowd of chickenshit, fake-Goth "Rocky Horror" wannabes. <p>Wannabes in the sense of an entire mini-subculture of girls that will never even find the nerve to become a Janet BEFORE she gets hipped to the possibilities of liberation - A bunch of nervous, sexually-terrified delusionistas, who if they ever DO land a similarly pathetic male will probably cling to the entire "Beautiful Abstinence" bullshit even AFTER the marriage, instead of growing the fuck up. The unwashed, tatted-up, high-school-drop-out, WalMart-employee, Sarah-Palin-voting Jesus Freaks of the future. Yee...Ikes. <P>Suffice to say, the AUDIENCE creeped me out far more than the fucking MOVIE did. Not one remotely frightening or threatening moment in the whole thing, and I'm no high-tolerance gorehound fan of slasher shit, either - To me, a good horror movie is "The Silence Of The Lambs" or "Near Dark" or even "Apt Pupil" - movies that fuck with you, that confront uncomfortable ideas about society and personal identity <p>But this "Twilight" is just pure grade-school romantic pablum for the permanently afraid. Afraid to live, afraid to color outside the lines, afraid to experience anything that might actually hurt them - this movie does not CONFRONT those fears, it CONGRATULATES them. Shit, the closest thing to a subversive idea that I could detect was the idea of the heroine being the sexual predator, and the boyfriend holding on to the Abstinence ideal, instead of the usual Other-Way-Around. The Perfect Boyfriend for future Control Freaks - every other girl in the school wants him, but he only has eyes for The One - and he's too shit-scared to even ATTEMPT the tiniest molecule of rebellion or violation or any expression of plain old Male Pride - his entire act is one long moping whine of "I'm not GOOD enough for you." Keep the kind of woman that lives for that bullshit the fuck away from me, Thank You Very Much. <P>And the FX DO suck on ice, by the way.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    "Y'know, I can collapse the bones in my had. That way

    by Stuntcock Mike

    it'll fight right up your 13 year old toilet."----Actual dialog.

  • Nov. 21, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Meant to say hand. Ruined the whole fucking thing.

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Nov. 21, 2008, noon CST

    Half-Baked-Goggle-Box-Do-Gooder

    by PTSDPete

    But the VERY EXISTENCE OF THIS BAT-SHIT FRANCHISE makes people uncomfortable. Does that count ?

  • March 19, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    Huh? Why is this months old review on the front page again?

    by DerLanghaarige

  • March 19, 2009, 10:11 a.m. CST

    It probably got fluffed

    by orcus

    Meaning artificially inflating the post count so it registers on the front page. More than likely the perpetrator got banned and his posts removed

  • July 24, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST

    TEST

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    ............................ ………………….._,,-~’’’¯¯¯’’~-,, ………………..,-‘’ ; ; ;_,,---,,_ ; ;’’-,…………………………….._,,,---,,_ ……………….,’ ; ; ;,-‘ , , , , , ‘-, ; ;’-,,,,---~~’’’’’’~--,,,_…..,,-~’’ ; ; ; ;__;’-, ……………….| ; ; ;,’ , , , _,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯’’~’-,,_ ,,-~’’ , , ‘, ;’, ……………….’, ; ; ‘-, ,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-, , , , , ,’ ; | …………………’, ; ;,’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-, , ,-‘ ;,-‘ ………………….,’-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-‘ ;,,-‘ ………………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;__ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,’ ………………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’¯: : ’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; _ ; ; ; ; ;’, ……………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| : : : : : ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’¯: ¯’’-, ; ; ;’, …………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,_: : _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | : : : : : ; ; ; | ……………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-,,_ : :,-‘ ; ; ; ;| …………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-~’’ , , , , ,,,-~~-, , , , _ ; ; ;¯¯ ; ; ; ; ;| ..…………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ , , , , , , ,( : : : : , , , ,’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| ……….,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’, , , , , , , , ,’~---~’’ , , , , , ,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’, …….,-‘’ ; _, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’~-,,,,--~~’’’¯’’’~-,,_ , ,_,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ….,-‘’-~’’,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; | . . . . . . ,’; ,’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,_ ; ‘-, ……….,’ ; ;,-, ; ;, ; ; ;, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ;’, . . . . .,’ ;,’ ; ; ; ;, ; ; ;,’-, ; ;,’ ‘’~--‘’’ ………,’-~’ ,-‘-~’’ ‘, ,-‘ ‘, ,,- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ‘~-,,,-‘’ ; ,’ ; ; ; ; ‘, ;,-‘’ ; ‘, ,-‘, ……….,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ‘’ ; ; ;’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’-,,_ ; ; ; _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ;’-‘’ ; ; ; ‘’ ; ;’-, ……..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;¯¯’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-, ……,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-, …..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|..’-,_ ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’’,-~’ ; ; ; ; ; ,’ …,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’~-,,,,,--~~’’’’’’~-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…..,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,- …| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘ …’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’….’, ; ; ; ; _,,-‘’ ….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’~~’’¯ …..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;_,,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ………’’~-,,_ ; ; ; ; _,,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘ ………..| ; ; ;¯¯’’’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘ ………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘ …………| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| …………’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ~-,,___ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’, ………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘….’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ………..,’ ‘- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’……….’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ……….,’ ; ;’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-‘…………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’, ………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’…………………’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ……..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘………………………’’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…………………………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ ……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’………………………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’’ ……..| ; ; ; ; ; ;,’……………………….,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ……..’,_ , ; , ;,’……………………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ………’,,’,¯,’,’’|……………………….| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘--,, ………….¯…’’………………………..’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~,, ……………………………………………’’-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~-,, ………………………………………………..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ,,_ ; ;’-,’’-, …………………………………………………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,__,--. ……………………………………………………’-, ; ; ;,,-~’’’ , ,|, | ………………………………………………………’’~-‘’_ , , ,,’,_/--‘

  • July 24, 2009, 1:55 p.m. CST

    test

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

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