Cool News
We have a review of TWILIGHT! Does it suck? (Get it? Get it?)
SPOILER ALERT !!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Now, I've been a bit pessimistic about this movie... actually, that's not true. Being pessimistic would mean I feel strongly about it and I don't. The whole TWILIGHT craze has passed me by. I'm open for the movie working, but nothing I've seen so far has really struck me as being impressive. At this point if it's just not THE COVENANT with vampires and Kristen Stewart, the movie will be a big surprise for me.
What we have below is a review from a reader calling herself Saffron Starlet, a fan of the books who got to see the movie early. And it's a positive review. I'm really curious to hear reviews from all over the map. I usually don't put my interest in early reviews, but I really do want to hear what non-fans think of this film before I see it (as it looks like I won't be able to sneak into a press screening).
But here's one of the first looks we've gotten on the film! Beware of spoilers and enjoy!
What do screaming girls, blood, proms and pale skin all have in common? That would have to be the new vampire flick “Twilight.” While it hits theatres in a matter of days, a quick sneak peek tonight invited many of us to enter into the world a little early.
As a fan of the books (yes, I’ve read all four and did so in less than a week. I know, I have no life), I knew that a lot would have to go to make the movie short enough to fit into a teenager’s attention span. On that, I believe the writers, directors and other staff of the film succeeded. There were some problems with pacing, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Oh, and just to warn you, I’m liberal on spoilers, so fans and non-fans alike: BEWARE.
Firstly, the casting department did their duty in finding people who captured the essence of the characters, if not the exact look every person who read the books concocted in their own minds.
Kristen Stewart reads like a dream. Her inflections during narration and voice over never come off as though she’s reading a script. Rather, you feel like the confession flows off of her lips before she can properly retrieve and destroy it. In the role of Bella, she asserts more confidence than one might read in the book, and a little less of the vulnerability one might expect, but the balance is basically achieved.
When pushed to the brink in moments of despair, she delivers. Her unfinished, jagged sentences never seem planned, never seem rehearsed. After viewing interviews with the teenager, I was not sure what to expect out of her as an actress, but she shines.
Robert Pattinson. I cannot say enough about how much I loved in his performance. At the conclusion of the film, the moments that stuck out most in my mind involved him and variances between the film and book that only he could carry off. Most notably, Pattinson accurately captured the disgust Edward feels for himself, not just for what he is, but what that could do to the only person he’s ever loved so intensely. The simultaneous drive to protect and destroy his beloved reads across Pattinson’s face with such intensity that I felt tempted to cry several times.
One of the most notable scenes was one of the shortest, but his face sold it. As Bella lays against his chest, caught up in sleep, completely at ease, he stares at her, his face filled with trepidation; as though this moment simultaneously captures his greatest fears and greatest joys all at once. He’s unable to enjoy the moment because of the fear he holds at his own lack of control, and Pattinson sells this so beautifully.
I could go on and on about what he did with this role, and how he took it places I thought it never could go, but I’ll say just one more and then hang up the towel on the Brit-love for the time being.
The scene when he starts to unravel, when he’s begging his family to help, even the ever-off-putting Rosalie, I couldn’t stop watching him. Edward of the book never seemed so breakable, at least not in the first book, and yet I thought it made perfect sense for him to be at his most vulnerable when someone else threatens his love because of his own perceived selfishness. Pattinson takes Edward to the brink without pushing him over, and the moment remains one of my favorites from the film.
Among the Cullen family, Peter Facinelli as Dr. Carlisle Cullen stole the show, but that may be because the rest of the family felt horribly underused. Facinelli gave Dr. Carlisle a degree of control and authority over the rest of the family despite their lack of a significant age difference. Never once did I doubt Carlisle’s hundreds of years of history and life experience.
One of the most understated, and probably will be underrated, performances in the movie was Billy Burke as Bella’s father, Charlie. The level of discomfort he felt talking with his daughter about boys, about their lives together, about almost anything was sold to a note-perfect degree. Silly moments, such as playing an almost imaginary game of tag with his friend in a wheelchair, never seemed phony, and the more heart-wrenching moments, such as watching his daughter walk out on him, always felt organic and real. It would have been easy for any other actor to break down and oversell the pain in that scene, but Burke’s face and eyes sold it without pulling him out of the character of Charlie that we know from the books. I do hope critics do not ignore his performance, because his balance of “normal” helps us better appreciate the fantastical world of the Cullens.
The school chums were all well cast, as were the Cullens, but as said previously, I feel like I did not see enough of them to comment too much on their performances and characters. Jackson Rathbone radiates off the screen with his quiet presence, and Ashley Greene’s Alice was appropriately sweet and mischievous. Kellan Lutz as Emmet probably had the least to do besides Elizabeth Reaser’s Esme. They both had maybe ten lines the entire movie, and that is one of the weaknesses for me. Nikki Reed as Rosalie did have a few very nice moments, one of them being towards the end of the movie, and a favorite for me.
The baddies did a fairly good job with what they were given. Rachelle Lefevre came off appropriately sexy and creepy at once, while Edi Gathegi did well with the small part of Laurent. Cam Gigandet really sold James for me. My version in the book was nearly as malicious as his on-screen interpretation, so I walked away satisfied.
There’s not a lot to say about Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, but I know someone would stone me if I failed to mention him. He did not have a lot to do in this film, but I think that he is more than prepared for what he needs to do in the next one. That is to say, I felt the potential in him to shine, the same way I did when first I spotted a young Robert Pattinson as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter.
There was a lot to break down with the book to try and condense it for film, so when I noted several scenes in the book condensed to one in the film, or scenes missing altogether, I was not surprised. I tend to enjoy a book better than its movie adaptation, but there are exceptions (Princess Bride being among them). I went into the film trying to keep an open mind, and most of the time I think they made exactly the right choice on what to keep and what to leave behind.
A lot of the back-story with Bella and her school chums fell to the wayside, as did a lot of her first day of school, which takes up a significant amount of time in the book. Similarly, a lot of Bella and Edwards first moments as a couple disappeared. Among the casualties are lunch table conversations, a million and one questions, before-gym-class face stroking, Edward taking time away from her to get strong before the Meadow Scene, Tyler trying to ask Bella to prom, Edward and Bella’s discomfort in the dark in Biology, and so much more. I have to say, I didn’t really miss much of it. It seemed like the right stuff to go went.
My problem was with the pacing of the first half of the film. In a book, or even in a television series, there’s more opportunity for breaks and to skip and flit around. In a book, you end a chapter. In a TV series, you go to commercial. In a movie, though, that principal does not always work as well, and at times I could barely tell if it was supposed to be a different day, the same day, or a flashback. The only thing that gave me a clue was the clothing in the scene to let me know if it was “later that day” or another day entirely. However, I know some footage lays on the cutting room floor, someday destined for the DVD release, and I cannot fully judge the layout of that first half until I know what had to be cut. I also believe there may be some missing Cullen family scenes in that cut footage, but I guess I’ll have to wait until the DVD comes out to find my answer.
Once the film reaches its groove, once the teen and immortal determine this is their path, the movie moves swiftly from one thing to the next. I feel like the beginning had to be condensed so there would be enough freedom in the second half of the movie to include as much as possible and to keep it as put together as possible.
Everything from the baseball scene, to the scene at Bella’s home where she declares she’s leaving, to the prom scene at the end resonated perfectly, and I found myself thinking “What a cool pace we’re at now” as soon as all that started moving.
Most of the iconic, fan-adored lines from the book find a way into the movie, even if in ways you did not expect. Many key moments that book fans cling to shine, but there are also a few added scenes and lines that add so much to the movie.
That’s not to say anything detrimental about the books at all, but only to say that I think the writers handled that aspect of the medium change with ease. One of the biggest changes comes toward the end of the flick, and I don’t want to completely ruin everything for those going in blind, but it’s a Cullen family moment, and it’s completely contrary to the book, and I don’t care.
There is another big change from the book to the movie that happens in the last ten minutes. Again, I don’t want to spoil you all too much, but the way Pattinson played it, and the way they edited it together was magic. It was torturous, and added so much more agony to Edward and to the relationship, but it resonated with me even more than that section in the book ever did, and I thank whoever came up with that one major change. It enriches the characters so much, and I think it gave Pattinson even more to work with in those final moments of the movie.
I do wish we got to see more of the Cullen family in this one based on my knowledge of the future books. I feel like we needed a little more setup on how they relate to one another and to Bella. The one or two scenes we had never felt like enough for me when I thought about it in context of the series, but for the one movie, for someone not familiar with the books, it works.
There is only one thing in the movie that really bothered me actively. One thing. I know, after all the adulation I’ve laid out, you’ve been waiting for me to have a major issue. Well, here it is: Bella’s Lullaby. In the book, that is such a huge iconic thing for him to hum it to her, for him to play it for her, because it so greatly contrasts the other song he played for her that he wrote. The Lullaby symbolizes such a drastic change in him and in his heart. In the book, Esme goes on about how Bella changed Edward, about how she was worried he would never find someone, and that lullaby is an actual representation of the change. It’s unlike the other song he plays for Bella because it’s inspired by her bringing out the humanity in him. We do hear the song in the movie and see him play it for her, but I think it was under-utilized. It needed more explanation because music is such a big part of the next book, and I would have hoped they would give it a little more care. Again, there could be a deleted scene somewhere out there contradicting everything I’ve said, so I’m trying to keep my heart and mind open.
I would like to advise book fans to go in with an open mind and remember that movie adaptations are never exactly the same as the book due to time constraints. There are some differences, there are some different scenes, there are some different lines. None of it should be perceived as bad until you allow yourself the full experience of the film.
I want to see it again so I can really soak it up and stop thinking, “Ok, they cut that. They added that. Oh, what’s that!?” If I were not a Twilight fan, though, I would still have enjoyed this movie. It’s fun and romantic and even a little dark and twisted, which makes it even sweeter.
-Saffron Starlet
-
+ Expand All
-
seriously
-
anyone with an eye for cinema is going to hate it.
-
Avatar will make you cum out your tear ducts! Optic orgasm!Oh, and fuck first posters
-
a positive review like this one, can make a person NOT want to see a movie.
-
with everyone saying that Avatar is going to fuck our collective eyeballs? Let's see a trailer and then we can pass judgement. Until then, my eyes are happy being unfucked. Because that would be painful.
-
Im not even going to read it.
good job typing it all up there buddy.
Not because I dont like Vampire movies or anything. But simply because Twilight isnt a Vampire movie. I mean all of the scenes in the commercial take place outside during the daytime. "Oh but its cloudy out so that makes it ok".. FUCK YOU U STUPID WHORE AUTHOR. VAMPIRES DONT COME OUT IN THE DAYTIME CLOUDY OR NOT.
-
Twilight looks gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.
-
At least the shit will have corn in it.
-
Plant.
-
cuz I know nothing about this whole book series - why do the vampires run around in daylight?
-
I'm actually curious to see how this movie will turn out. I've read all 4 books, and while they had their strong suits, it suffered from the same problems that most teen-dramas suffer from: completely unrealistic behavior from the characters involved and horribly contrived plot devices.
The movie, from all the trailers I've seen, looks like shit. But perhaps I'm wrong. It *might* be good, sort of. (But probably not.)
I'll probably just watch Let The Right One In instead. Hahaha. -
PLANT
-
this movie looks terrible. The acting looks like it would be absolutely unacceptable, were this not a major, popular franchise.
Not to mention that the art style of the movie looks like muddy shit, rather than an effective darkness.
I honestly feel like it was slapped together in 3 months. Was it? -
has described the gay porn version of Twilight I will look forward to watching in a month or so. Maybe called Twinklight.
-
Vampires run around in daylight because Stephanie Meyer (the author) decided to reinterpret the entire vampire mythology to her own personal liking.
Off the top of my head, Meyer's vampires still retain super strength/super speed/immortality, but the differences are that they can walk around in sunlight (it doesn't kill them, only make them sparkle), they're immune to Christian artifacts, and the only way to kill them is break them up into really tiny pieces and preferably burn them. -
Jesus, even the trailers make me cringe. Chick flick.
-
I don't recall eating that.
-
but not a dime from me.
-
I was typing and it just went ahead and posted. My joke was ruined by ghey vampire karma.
-
Nov 18, 2008 11:50:20 PM CST
I sure hope Whedon is getting royalty checks for this bunk..
by ogieoglethorpe
..because most of that story is sucked right out of Buffy, it sounds like..
-
Frankly, from what I've heard of the books, they're just trashy romance novels and I never want to read them. I want to know if the movie can stand up on its own - if there's anything that would appeal to someone outside the squealing, frenzied, hive vagina that comprises the existing fandom. This review? Not doing that.
-
The first book is quite good, if not my 35 year old male cup of tea. After that the novels fall off a cliff quality wise. Two is not bad, three is readable, and Breaking Dawn is frankly a piece of crap. The 5th book turned into a non-starter. (I'm a children's/YA librarian, so reading these was pretty much required)
-
...for a special screening (premiere?) on MONDAY in Westwood, CA. 80% were girls that looked like they were probably ditching class. In comparison, when Dark Knight opened, there was only a line around the corner.
-
but after that lovely review, I'm not going to see this still.
-
for releasing "Bolt" on the same weekend as "Twilight".
-
...the only thing worse than reading this review would be reading the books.
Watchmen is looking pretty good. I hope so. -
If you aren't a 14 year old girl, this isn't even something made with you in mind. No sense talking about how much its like blows.
-
Seriously, who gives a fucking shit! It looks like crap that took a crap. They might as well call it The Covenant 2. I fucking hate it when these things come around, you see a trailer for it and want to shoot your entire family in the face. Then all of a sudden you hear people talking about it like it's the most anticipated film in the world and how all these people read this book that you never heard of in your life! Just the fact that there is a review for it on this site and that I am writing in the talkback makes me want to eat a bowl of AIDS
-
If you think about it, there IS a possibility that this will be someone's book report. . . so I guess it makes sense. Anyway, I look forward to seeing this on channel 23 during the Saturday afternoon movie, I'd say roughly three years from now. . .
-
She's so in love with the male actor, that naturally he's the greatest most subtle performer the world has ever seen.
-
That was the Plantiest thing I've read on here in a good long while.
-
Meyers is correct about this aspect of the traditional vampire...while they aren't crazy about daylight, it doesn't harm them.
That was an improvisation started by the original NOSFERATU in 1922 and used as plot gimmick ever since. -
between cast interview bits, it showed the vampire guy jumping/flying around with the girl on his back, and some other action/fight stuff, and it looked really bad. It actually made the movie look even worse than the trailers did.
-
John Lindqvist's book "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN" and his subsequent screenplay for the film are amazing. THAT is the book teens should be reading, not this "TWILIGHT" junk. too light, too fake, too empty...
-
A reviewer covers every single aspect and actor, often with cheesy adjectives, then mentions the extra stuff that will be on the dvd, you know it's a plant.
-
Romance novel crap at that. Wow. The young women of this country are stupider than I could ever have imagined. They have bought this dreck wholesale, without so much as a tiny bit of discernment or discrimination. It's completely disheartening. This "phenomenon" has only shown one thing: that today's young women wish for nothing more than a man to take over their lives and "save" and "protect" them. No self-actualization, no self-reliance, no self-determination - let the beautiful man do it all! This makes me sick.
-
i agree with annoyyou.
anyways i bought the poltergeist bluray and it had a booklet for coming attractions and at the back had the logo of LotR:fellowship of the rings, not the trilogy just fellowship, WOW when is that coming out on blu? anyones knows? -
"Buffy did it!" and much better. Whedon should sue for the Angel/Buffy ripoff storyline.
-
Nov 19, 2008 1:30:49 AM CST
That review is hard to follow if you're not a fan of the books
by mace13
It was apparently wrote with just people who are already familiar with the story and characters in mind. I couldn't follow it because I know absolutly nothing about Twilight. And just from what I did get from that review it's going to probably stay that way. Sounds like a teenage girl flick to me. I'll pass.
-
Annoyou, the fact that young girls around the world love a book series "Makes you sick?" With all that's going on in the world this is the kind of stuff that turns your stomach? Wow, I feel sorry for you.
-
But I do smell plant. The way it's written just reeks. Probably the author lol. Either way, sorry but the book report nee movie review didn't do much for me, it's 'The Covenant' all over again...
-
Robert Pattinson is hot. What do I care about Twilight? Let's just see Cedric Diggory.
-
Id fuck Alice so hard every teenage girl who likes this movie would feel it. And by jesus titty-fucking god, we would NEVER get married.
-
Twilight: Edward saves Bella's life and kills James.
New Moon: Edward's family almost kills Bella after she accidentally cuts herself. Edward's family leaves town. Bella pals around with local boy Jacob Black who turns out to a werewolf. Edward has a change of heart and comes back.
Eclipse: New born vampires in Seattle are killing people. They come for Bella to get even with Edward for killing James in book one. Edwards family joins up with the werewolves and they kick ass.
Breaking Dawn. Edward and Bella get married. Bella gets pregnant and eventually gives birth to a half human half vampire girl. Edward turns Bella into a vampire. Jacob Black "imprints" and instinctively choses the baby girl as his future mate or life partner. Once again the vamps and werewolves join forces to fight the Voluturi, aka, the vampire rulers of the world who want to destroy Edward and Bellas baby because they view it as an abomination.
During the fight Jacob Black dies to save Edwards life. Bella bites him and turns him into a vampire. They defeat the baddies and live happily together as a vampire family. -
Now go forth and spread your message to every forum from here to webMD
-
I don't know if I have a girl or not, she is sort of testing me, so I can't pull this, but if you guys are looking for high quality girls who are into genre films, what better way to meet them than standing in line for this movie, or being seated in a movie theatre or theatres, showing this film??? Good luck, and I hope you meet a nice girl, and treat her well, if you do!!!
-
I tried to turn my brain off and read the books, but I couldn't get past the first few pages. The writing is absolutely appalling - the worst I've seen in a published book for ... well, ever. It reads like some teenage girl jotted it down on the back of her pencil case, replacing the dots in the i's and the j's with little love hearts. I'm not anticipating finding the movie any better.
-
Mormon vampires don't drink, don't smoke, don't swear, and don't french kiss. Chance of ridiculous underwear: 95%!
Why in the world would a 100 year old man choose to enroll in high school? High school is universally reviled as one of the most miserable life experiences endured by modern man! The only reason anyone goes is because they have to. A man with a century of knowledge and life experience would have to be pretty sick in the head to moon over a vapid, ugly 16 year old. (If I remember right she's supposed to be clumsy as hell and not especially pretty.) Hell, I'm not even thirty and I think most teenagers are abominable, annoying twits! A 100 year old fart wandering the halls of a modern American high school would be driven nuts by the self-centered whiny arrogant entitled myopic egotistic selfishness on display. If not, he's most likely a pederast on patrol and who'd head straight for cheerleader heaven, not waste time on a bookish, clingy nerd like Bella. What a love story for the ages! The fact that teenage girls across the nation swoon over this ridiculous garbage their complete imbecility. Their idea of a storybook romance is for an asexual ladyman 30 years their senior to sweep them off their feet and solve all their problems. Remember ladies -- your life is worthless without a man, and if he dumps you your life is over! If Edward existed in real life he'd be over at the university scoring chicks old enough to drink and put out without being arrested. -
Retards
-
like in one of those cartoon stories, where in order to get a job/promotion, he needs to get his high-school diploma.
-
is a fucking idiot.
"Everything from the baseball scene, to the scene at Bella’s home where she declares she’s leaving, to the prom scene at the end resonated perfectly, and I found myself thinking “What a cool pace we’re at now” as soon as all that started moving."
Come ooonnn!! -
Particularly the action scenes. Ugh.
-
...why anybody would give half a damn about a vampire tale written by a Mormon. Are these vampires going to sit around singing together and play games at for their family home evening? This isn't even a knock on Mormons. However, you can't really have cool vampires if you're not allowed to even think about any of the stuff that makes vampires cool.
-
..... stupid Mormon vampire story ....
-
My goodness, I tuned out of this review at about the 2,000 word mark, but all I saw until then was "this was left out, this changed, they kept this in."I haven't read the book, and I still have no clue what the reviewer saw.
-
Why am I even reading this shit? I hear enough about the fucking books and this fucking movie in the break room at work. I swear everybody with working goddamn lady plumbing is talking about this bullshit.
-
I'm there.
-
Nov 19, 2008 2:50:28 AM CST
So she basically gives the movie a free pass because shes hoping
by mike_d
that there will be deleted scenes to solve plot issues. nice.
-
Hot protagonist chick who wields Excalibur. That's better than Twilight already.
-
Count Orlok is rolling in his grave.
-
Christ, kids these days.
-
Time constraints are nothing to do with bad movie adaptations. They're two completely different mediums. If you shot a book word for word it'd be dull. It doesn't fit with the basic structure we expect from film. Bad movie adaptations are a result of the people making the film, not having a fucking clue about film-making.
-
or a 12 year old girl with a thesaurus but no dictionary.
-
i mean, sure someone from a studio wrote this, and sure no one here cares about this movie.. so does a studio give this review to harry to print..just in case some of us might be interested... then pay him back in favors, etc, etc? seriously? i would understand.. that makes sense, right?
-
You've got to be kidding me "At the conclusion of the film, the moments that stuck out most in my mind involved him and variances between the film and book that only he could carry off."
Oh, wait, it gets better: "One of the most notable scenes was one of the shortest, but his face sold it."
Piss off, you studio PLANT! -
Check-out Denice Duff in Full Moon's direct-to-video SUBSPECIES franchise. Not great (not by a mile) but Duff is hot and more tolerable than this generic soap opera.
-
"Rather, you feel like the confession flows off of her lips before she can properly retrieve and destroy it."
1) What the hell does that even mean?
2) Who has the WEED KILL?
-
Give me a break. How come every vampire flick written by women sounds gay. Makes me want to rake my nuts on a cheese grater.
-
Oh, and those darkies are evil! BTW, can I suck your plump ass?
-
All rosy without any shit to stain its mulch? Yeah, sure...
-
Or something like that. Whatever.
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:01:00 AM CST
Who cares when AVATAR is fucking our eyeballs in 2009?
by motoko kusanagi
nobody
-
That is a genius phrase. Applause is due. I would watch a film about a squealing frenzied hive vagina, no question. Sadly, this is not that movie!
-
Sorry, but I happen to like movies / films. I also own a cinema pass, so unless someone whose opinion I really trust says otherwise, I'll be going to watch the movie. It IS a fantasy type film after all.
As for the Vampire daylight thing, I have no idea how, or why this works in these stories but it is by NO means the 1st time I've read / seen Vampires that can move around in some kind of daylight. Although it is usually the mostt powerfull, Dracula types, that can do so. -
Nov 19, 2008 4:21:18 AM CST
If a Buffy movie happens off the back of the success of this
by henrydalton
Then it'll be worth all the mewling teenygoths getting wet over it.
-
needs to be taken out back and beaten with a lead pipe.
-
But this plantalicious review is worth it because you lot are on awesoome form.
-
Wow, with a quality filter like that you must watch some proper crap.
-
It may be a Buffy rip-off, but Buffy stole from Anne Rice... and X-Men... and countless other shows. Now Buffy is, to me, excellent so I let it slide, but it's hardly a complete original.
-
Seriously, what the hell?
-
this just about sums the whole thing up...and read the comments.
-
Nov 19, 2008 5:44:24 AM CST
Well, The Book Sucked, So, I Reckon The Movie Will Suck More
by laserpants
Twilight = cheesy, inept, poorly written romance novel for teens with goth pretensions. Its a Harlequin novel for the too-much-eyeliner set.
-
Its BUFFY for adults.
-
Looks great, and Del Toro praised it.
-
Yeah, plant. LOL
-
Joss Whedon should be rounded up with the rest of these hacks (Anne Rice definitely included) and pack them off to Germany or France or somewhere they can only make foreign language teen shit instead of english teen shit? At least then we could moan that foreign films don't get enough distribution, rather than getting the opportunity to sit through 90 minutes (i'm guessing at its length - what did the 'reviewer' say? Oh yeah: "I knew that a lot would have to go to make the movie short enough to fit into a teenager’s attention span." Hahaha) worth of teen fucking angst in-place of plot. All those fucking whiny bitch bands like My Chemical Romance must be wanking into their wallets right now, in preparation for the teen-goth resurgence the likes of which hasn't been seen since The Crow.
-
best review of this dreck, I'm going to repost this every time Harry sanctions another article on this nasty, bigoted, morally bankrupt tween dreck.
-
Woah. Hold on a fucking second. You did not just slam The Crow did you?
-
Hell no, The Crow is great... I even owned my own pair of leather pants for a while. But you see where i'm coming from; The Crow inspired millions of teens in creating, or at least 'energizing' a niche sub-culture. 'Goths' suddenly had a new (awesome) icon in Brandon Lee, but at least it was justified in that case. Twilight is just going to inspire more of that pathetic "I'm so different, nobody understands me" shit we had to put up with when The Crow came out.
-
ok, i read the books and loved them, but that is the plantiest plant i've ever seen planted. every trailer i've seen for this movie makes it look like shit, and this "review" makes the studio seem desperate. i mean, we know the studios think we're all stupid--just look at the shit movies they keep tryin to shove down our throats. but, damn, this obvious of a plant just kinda reeks of a bit of contempt.
-
Given the fact that i'd never heard of this 'franchise' before last week, and on the strength of that review, I just went to check out the trailer. Fuck, it's poor. I hate Buffy, but i'd still rather watch the musical episode looped to the runtime of this piece of shit than pay to see Twilight.
-
... and on the trailer page at IMDb there's a button that says "This content should be taken down; how do I report it?"... we should report it en masse for being crap. Go on, put your IMDb accounts where your mouths are.
-
and I've reported it for being offensive propaganda.
-
No what 'I do is see a lot of good or entertaining or very good films that other people miss out on because their "quality" filters are set way to high. Actually they aren't they just think it's cool to say something looks shit or rather IS shit when they aint even seen it.
More to the point I see lots of films on the big screen, as they are meant to be. Sure some of them are rubbish, but I've seen nothing about Twighlight to make me assume it must be rubbish, especially not just because it appear to be aimed at girls. So what? so are all of these films that are supposed to be aimed at men Rubbish too? They must be if it is so impossible for Women to like them. It's just outdated nonsense.
A film being highly anticipated by women / girls does not mean it's automatically rubbish. Vampires being able to move in some amount of daylight does not instantly = rubbish (it may be but you can't assume).
Oh and trusting my peers, my friends & family with similar tastes, reviewers who have a similar history with films they like dislike is pretty much the best "filter" I could have. Miles better than listening to whiny fanboys who seem to hate all movies. Let's see, X-men, spiderman, The Departed, Iron Man, Lord of the rings and countless other movies I should have missed according to the "plant" this will suck", "it WILL be a turd" brigaid on the net.
Oh I also happen to rate movies for a research comapny over here, it's one of the reasons I have a pass and get to see some movies early, so I actually have to watch some films.
I'd rather stay a movie lover and see some crap along with the good, than be a person who seems to just hate movies as so many on here appear to do. I wonder why they are on a movie site when they appear to loathe all things big screen. -
Why else would a 200 hundred year old vampire be hanging about a high school with teeny boppers? Raincoat wearing peado is what I would call him.
-
And the fact that you rate movies for a research company makes YOU the reason pieces of shit like this get a green-light.
-
Everyone keeps saying how women go bat shit for this. My wife never read the book dismissing it as, "Tween books for the emo crowd." Then she saw the trailer and said, "Thankgod I never read the books because that looks fucking terrible, like Jumper meets the Little Vampire!" Yeah, glad I married her.We also hate Twilight fans who think TrueBlood is a rip-off of their beloved franchise; the Southern Vampire series was written years before this. Oh yeah and Kristen Stewart looks like Mask.
-
...and wasn't it called 'Buffy'?Or maybe it was two decades ago and called 'Fright Night'. I can't remember...
-
It's Vampire Potter dude. there's no getting out of it. The trailer says it all. Every second of the trailer whispers sexily in my ear "I'm sexy, i'm slick, i'm about all the things *you* want to be", like a drunk jock on prom-night. Thing is, when you move away from his beery breathed mouth, you see that he's actually soiled himself, and you wouldn't want to be seen dead with him.
-
Has anyone EVER actually been proven to be a plant? No? I thought so. That's because all of you think that this site and your opinions are worth more than they actually are. Get over yourselves for Christ's sake. And why come on to this section if you already hate teen girl vampire stories? Just so you can make another junvenile comment peppered with "crap", "turd" and other references to bodily funtions. Do you really feel superior after leaving posts like that? Does it alleviate the pain of knowing that while you're spinning your wheels wasting time scribbling assinine shit thinking that you know about film so much and are also being witty , others are actually CREATING things that you will eventually tear down. You're pathetic.
-
Heh. You couldn't resist your own bodily function reference though, couldya? You're one of us now.
-
... did that sound like vampire dialogue? Fuck, I should write movies.
-
"I wonder why they are on a movie site when they appear to loathe all things big screen."Because this is...TAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLKBAAAAAAAAACK!
-
I hate movies.
-
I think it looks bad too, but Jesus Christ, every fanboy geek site is dripping w/ venom. Just don't read the books, don't watch the movies, don't cry about all the girls you aren't fucking enjoying it so much. It's like everybody has reverted back to first grade and pulling the girls' hair again.
-
When we yammer on about Star Wars and comic book movies to people who don't care. Makes you think.
-
You're a poop head.*pillow runs away laughing*
-
Nov 19, 2008 7:28:56 AM CST
I Love Twilight because it gives my wife perspective
by shut the fuck up donny
on why I'm so geeky on all the shit I'm geek about. So now that she's a complete fan-girl for this series she can't complain when I go on and on about my interests.
-
No squid, no like!
All films must have THE SQUID!!!!
And do nasty things to my eyeballs -
Not in defence of the venom, but I reckon it's because guys feel very strongly about genre films. Making a film about vampires, from whatever source material, immediately begs comparison to other vampire movies. There's an unspoken sentiment that goes along the lines of "If you can't do it better, or as good as, don't do it at all"... Compare the look of this movie, and it appears to do nothing 'better or as good as' at any point. If anything, it looks *inferior* to The Covenant, which seems to be the closest recent film. Other films it will have to stand alongside (not saying thses are good or bad) are: Underworld, Lost Boys, Interview With The Vampire, and maybe The Craft (tonally). I think fanboys (myself included) take this as a personal affront to a genre we quite like. To elaborate, what I mean is that it looks like someone's taken some of the things we like about vampire flicks, and watered it all down with thick smelly piss, and then painted the resulting goop onto a bunch of unknowns, filming the resulting chaos.
-
Know Squid, Know Peace.
-
...get so bent out of shape when girl geeks find something they love? Let them enjoy it the way we enjoy The Dark Knight or LOTR. Christ you guys are a bunch of easily threatened little nerd.
-
everything is worthless here, a TWILIGHT talkback is worthless, you know why? cause what we shouldve been really doing is ignoring that piece of turd and go on with our lives as though it never even existed. and girls change quickly so their fandom will decrease and grow up to be miserable soon so lets cut them some slack. let them have this one. which is why im gonna say: TWILIGHT IS AWESOME!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!! --jesus that was painful to write but im doing it for the peace.
-
... to put this gay-ass Twilight movie and book series in it's place!
-
I'm surprised she didn't put a link to her slash-fanfic page afterward.
I appreciate it's an opinion and an early review but the writer has no concept of criticism, only what's different from the book she schlick's over nightly. -
Dang, that review was longer then the movie!
-
i fucked that wife of yours. sorry i just liked the fact that she hated twilight too.
-
Keep hold of that sentiment, son. It'll stand you in good stead for when you get married. Trust me on this.
-
oh fuck off you condescending shitbag. Listen, asshole, I watch a hell of a lot of stuff, and do not tend to dismiss things out of hand. However, 2 minutes of research into this dreck (see link I posted earlier) should give you enough of a clue as to why it not only is bad and best avoided but also downright fucking evil propaganda. And you CLEARLY aren't up to your job as a rating officer, given some of the shit that gets the green light. So fuck off and die in a pool of your own vomit, you talentless homonculous that is partially responsible for the abysmal output of most studios. And for the record, asshole, if you can find ONE example of an AICN user that posted negatively about Iron Man then I'll be astounded. I actually think you're a fucking plant.
-
does everyone here think im some 12 year old? im 20! idiots.
-
a tree. It's never to early to celebrate Earth Day.
-
marriage will be a joke. so i dont care
-
is because it's a fucking emo tween drama masquerading as genre work. Neormancer is bang fucking on. If this is successful, then watch out for 1 million wank clones following (that rating officer assholes will give 7/10 because they're so easily fucking satisfied) or if it bombs then we can say goodbye to anything with Vampires (proper ones, not sparkly ones) for a fucking long time.
-
I'm calling Shenanigans on that bullshit right there. The idea that going to see a movie and then picking up a girl who is into that movie is beyond ludicris. But let's break this down for those delusional enough to believe it. The girls who are going to see this are gust that Girls. (mostly) tweens or at most teens. Any woman older than that is going to bring their boyfriends/ husband. And the younger ones will bring their mothers/ or travel in gaggles, as teenage girls are wont to do. And the older ones will travel in packs as well. So if you want to hit on a teenage girl who is with her mom, that shit will land you in the pokey. If you want to hit on a girl with a boyfriend, that shit will land you in the emergency room. And if you're dumb enough to hit on a girl who is cloisterd inside a whole gang of girls and you don't have a shitload of tequila on you, well, good fucking luck. Also, these girls/women want to fuck that vampire dude. Not you. And let me tell you, these girls are not going to settle for a real dick when they can have the fantasy. Also, I have to call bullshit on Harry's theory that Twilight is a gateway to better genre movies. That's like saying that people who love Britney Spears's music are gonna love Godspeed, You Black Emperor. Sure, it could happen. But it won't.
-
It does? YOu have somehow gleaned what movies I likke ? You have somehow seen my movie collection? Or the essays I wrote for film studies have you? Better yet you've travelled to the future to a time when i have SEEN this film and given it a positive score? Don't try to wind me up and start an argument I reserve judgement for films I've seen.
Oh and the reason films like this get greenlit ( I assume you've seen it as you call it shit?) is to make money. It's greenlit because it's based on a massively popular book and has a chance of MAKING MONEY. If you or I don't like that it's too bad.
Interesting that you should coose to be so "angry" at me when I haven't even seen the thing? -
I doubt I'll watch it or read them, but hey, I'm always curious to read a review and glad that people write them up, especially if they know they're going to get ripped to pieces in the talkback.
-
"just". Not "gust".
-
it's not cool, it's not geeky and it's only being pushed by Harry because his missus likes it. Which is fair enough as it's his site.
-
Is that supossed to be an answer?
I ate Soap operas, but I aint on a soap opera website telling everyone how rubbish soaps are. -
How about you elaborate on that little sentiment of yours "marriage being a joke" now?
-
You insult me.
I answer your insult with an explanation and I@M the condescending one?
Your answer then, rather than to say " o.k then we have different approaches to how we avoid movies" is to swear and get even more personal? Seriously. That's your argument, that you can swear at me? How muc power do you think a guy who fills in a form at the end of movies that are already made has? It aint exactly a job either.
The hatred is just bizzare. Why the venom and hatred to someone you don't know, and who hasn't insulted you personally?
Oh and who for all you know knows way more about good movies than you? -
Apparently you don't want to have a sense of humor right now (humour for Jarv).Clearly rational discussions are not the norm in talkback, it's fucking war here baby!And this movie looks like a soap opera, so why are you surprised that many on this movie site (which is attracted to Iron Man, LOTR, Indy, etc) don't think this looks good?
-
...as we do fellas. My wife loves these books and is primed to see the film with fangirl T-shirt and her girlfriends on opening day. We have plenty of starwars flicks and LOTR movies to go gaga about. Give em a break. Think about it...THAT'S how stupid WE look to them lol.
-
I'm 32 and want to see this?
That said, I do think this reviewer was a plant. Someone who can read all 4 of those books in one week is not going to know that many actors/actresses by name other than maybe the two main stars. Who review was not that of a reader who enjoyed the movie transition, but that of someone who can only praise every nuance of every actor...honestly who would do that other than the studio? -
Funny, I feel the same way about Harry Potter.
-
Why not cash in on it? A producer credit on this flick is like a Golden ATM card.
-
Nov 19, 2008 8:29:45 AM CST
I couldn't get through the 1st paragraph of that review.
by mr slippy fist
I couldn't give a shit about this movie. This looks like the same crap as High School Musical. True Blood is where it's at.
-
...that doesn't mean everyone does. I for one will be taking advantage of my wife when she comes home from the flick. I'm sure all that vampire on girl necking will get her in the mood. And yes thank god I'm not being forced to go with her. But I am not going to put down something she enjoys. Again...geeks should understand better than anyone. LOTR may be cool to you....not to others.
-
I think I'll watch it. If it sucks, I bought a ticket which gives me the right to bitch. If I like it, I will have to swallow a lot of humble pie and crow.
-
No, I wouldn't care to guess what you have in your movie collection - and let's not get onto the Film Studies essays (my Film Studies essays have been on such notable films as Supernova, Nightbreed and Spacehunter - yeah, lecturers hate me). You are absolutely entitled to your personal opinion, but I still say that, given what i've seen in the trailer and excerpts i've now read from the books, as-well as the marketing, that this film will not be very good. Sure, it's not the end of the world, but like pillow says: "It's fucking war in here baby!". You obviously don't frequent these boards much. Perhaps you'd be better off in the nice clean moderated boards at IMDb... which I also frequent. The whole idea of this site and its TalkBacks is to give hard-core film fans a place to vent their spleen, not to be all fucking "Well, I respect your opinion". And I think that if you had the balls, you'd caome back here after seeing the movie and tell us all how wrong you were. It's gonna be poo, and it's obvious for all to see.
-
You mean in regards to what you said or what Jarv said. I have no issue with what you said, and responded to you in a similar manner. Jarv wasn't trying to have a laugh with me, he wasn't even really having a laugh AT me so humour has nothing to do with it. He's just insulting me in lieu of an argument.
If I read it wroong and it was all in good fun, then I'm truly sorry and I move on, just as I'm trying to do now, but a little happier.
I'm not complaining about people trashing the movie. It's more the whole attitude of proclaiming every film a turd before it's even been seen. Also this idea that any movie aimed at girls / women must be shit, anyone who likes a film that "you" (any poster) doesn't is an idiot. As I said with the films I listed. acording to talkbackers they were all goona be crap too. You can't find a mvie that doesn't have tons screaming it'll suck, so it's logical to wonder if there are ANY films that they like at all. -
Don't waste your breath. He's one of the new breed (I hope so because if he's my age, that's totally pathetic) of fanboys that hates on everything but defends their mean-spiritedness by saying how much they love cin-e-ma. Look for the telltale behavioral signs: juvenile (this movie looks like someone took a shite and laid a big turd) ,whiney (Why do they have to change things when they adapt them?), sexist (threatened by girls/women having something to go geek over), judgemental or worse, PRE-judgemental (Judging from the 30 seconds I just saw, I declare that this movie will suck!). He and his kind are the reason these talkbacks have become unbearable. Here's the funny thing. When once in a while one of these effete little pricks manages to land a PA job on a movie, they usually make the worst type of crew member because they're too busy talking about how much of a genius David Fincher is instead of actually learning and working. The upside is if they don't get canned quickly by the AD dept.and quickly sniffed and singled out for potential perfect practical joke victim by the grips.
-
Actual script dialog.
-
I've been on aintitcool for about a decade. there was a time when spleen venting ment taking it all out on the system on Hollywood and so on, not on your "brothers", certainly not without cause. It's nothing to do with cojones, I have never said it WILL be good, just that I've not been put off by the whole "aimed at girls" thing. My wife and I will see it when it comes out over here, and if there's a talkback on AICN I'll say what we both thought. What I won't be doing is swearing at other talkbackers. fuck the system for sure, not each other. (oh you know what I mean!)
I got 97% in mine. I did The Searchers, Birth of a Nation and Alien vs Alien (directors cut). I hhad a hell of a time gtting them to accept the director's cut of Aliens as official. Oh like everyone on film studies I had to do Star wars too. Also did a funky piece on tech noir of the early 80s. Cool way to do an essay on The Terminator. -
Its funny to watch non-geeks that rug us about our interests, then find something to hook them.I'm not going to see it, except maybe on video. But then again, I'm not the target audience. If I was vampire/mortal love angst, I will read the SEVERAL paranormal romance-series that feature grown adults, rather than a high-schooler. Same reason I haven't read the HP books (and for the record, I think HP is many times better than Twilight) - I like to read books w/ adult main characters, since I'm well into adulthood.
-
I'm going to see it. Why? Because I find watching bad movies to be an awesome experience. This sort of film is new Grindhouse, chaps.
-
Nov 19, 2008 8:47:49 AM CST
I first heard about this Twilight business about a month...
by flickapoo
...ago. In the four weeks since it seems to have taken over the world. Is it really that big of a deal? And I have to say...I'm amazed that someone managed to trot out teenage vampires again and turn them into some sort of phenomenon. I would have thought this particular horse had been beaten to death and had its corpse fucked years ago...
-
Funny as you can see above I was just talking about how different these talk backs used to be.
-
I'm doing an MA in Screenwriting, and just did an Essay on Death Proof. I now hate that film. True story.
-
Nov 19, 2008 8:57:25 AM CST
Thank God the US isn't the only country making vamp flicks
by uncle_eldritch
Anyone who digs vamp movies isn't a freshman girl in high school should check out Let The Right One In instead. It's a swedish movie with a real limited release. The movie website has a list of playing theaters. See it now before its remade and totally fucked up.
-
HAHAHAHA.
I was lucky I managed to come out of it all liking some films more than I had before. I was forced to watch Gone with The Wind more times than i'd care to remember though! It's the film on all the best ever lists that I have Never understood why it's there. I just do not rate it at all. Maybe it's a black thing, I don't know? I doubt it, I was abl;e to appreciate the artistry of Birth of A Nation (loathsome but very well made).
another True Story. -
That does look like a good film. Have you seen it?
I'm gonna finish by quoting Star Trek (another crime I guess)
"Just because we can do a thing, doesn't mean we MUST do that thing.!
Sure talkbacks CAN be war, but they don't HAVE to be. -
FYI.
-
I love the course for forcing us to watch new films, but Suspicion (Hitchcock, 1941 I believe) was pathetic. Just God-awful.
-
You totally misinterpreted my initial post (which was a joke), then come back with a load of condescending horseshit about whiny fanboys, negative thinking- the clear implication of which is that you are in some way fucking superior. And you can take your rating job and your "film school" bollocks and jam it up your arse. There are lots of valid reasons for disliking twilight (trailer looks like shit, it's evil mormon propaganda etc), and you have the fucking temerity to bitch about us Geeks hating it? Fine, go and see it, give it your easily pleased 7 out of 10 but don't fucking slam on us that dislike it and it's ilk. If you have any balls at all then I expect to see you back here apologising to everyone that was negative and admitting that perhaps we knew what we were talking about?If you can't take Talkback then fuck off to some regulated board- imdb like someone else suggested. This is notorious for being like a cage full of monkeys slinging poo at each other.
-
I'm lucky enough to live in Austin. Or unlucky enough depending on your political leaning. Let the right one in played here at Fantastic Fest. I liked it so much I had to see it the second time it played FF. Everyone loved it. If you see it and like it spread the word.
-
You can fuck off too. I'm endlessly enthusiastic about lots of things, and I've been on here for fucking years (since before Attack of The Clones)- I like a good bitchfest as much as the next AICN-er, but that doesn't mean that I hate indiscriminatly. Now say sorry.
-
good because of Vivienne Leigh. Not my favourite (not a fan of melodramas) but I understand why people love it.However, seeing as Scarlett O'Hara basically is a young Blanche Dubois it isn't that surprising.
-
Dracula could go about during the day. Check the book - Harker sees him in London in broad daylight. He just doesn't have any power. It wasn't Nosferatu that invented that trope - in fact, it was daylight that killed Orlock in Nosferatu (both versions). That said, this movie looks like a piece of fuck.
-
Thats right...he's been a vampire for many years...and for some reason he wants to wait until marriage before he fucks a chick. Thats what happens when a Mormon writes a vampire book lol.
-
Go ahead and mope and feel all self-important all you want while listening to Muse, but I'm watching my DVDs of TRUE BLOOD rather than surrender my testicles watching TWILIGHT.
Or to put it simply, Naked Anna Paquin > Fembot vampires who look more like chicks than their female co-stars.
-
Nov 19, 2008 9:27:28 AM CST
Fuck this movie. Its a disgrace this site covers this shit....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
PLANT
-
I do however, freely admit that I'm a lot more cynical and sceptical now than I used to be. There's only so many times you can get burnt by things like AvP or Star Wars before you become slightly bitter.
-
I mean, blood, prom, pale skin ect.... guess I am old. Man this sounds terrible, oh and the trailer makes me think its a SciFi channel show.
-
Movie geeks can't even get along?!I think we can all agree that we're not the intended audience. I'm sure as hell not going to pay money to see it. But my 18 year old son will probably have to take his girlfriend. I ran into a girl at 1/2 Price Books who came in looking for "vampires who aren't scary". I told her to check out True Blood on HBO. It's a great show. Every kid that loves Twilight is one the rest of us can expose to Nosferatu and Hammer Horror when they go looking for more blood.
-
It's fucking awesome. Can't wait for the finale this Sunday. Bill and Eric would rip these Twilight emo pussy vampires to shreds.
-
Fuck me, say no more. I mean I knew this was going to be a piece of shit but now I know it's going to be a limpdicked piece of shit. Why do mormons write about anything? They have no life experiece? It's no wonder they write for children...
-
Definately helps make True Blood a watching experience. Hopefully season 2 will have Scarlet Johannson join the cast for lots of gratuitous nudity.
-
I'm not writing in a review to this site because I actually write reviews for another site. But briefly, I figured I'd let you know what I thought since people on here seem to be curious about non-fan reactions...
I have a feeling the movie's better than the book. From the people I've talked to who have read it, even the ones who liked it said it was amateurish writing with lots of meandering passages about how Bella's hopelessly in love with Edward.The movie automatically improves just by (almost) avoiding that, but I think it's a matter of talent raising the level of the material in general. Kristen Stewart is terrific, and the cinematography gives you a good sense of feel for the town. The special effects, however, are extremely pedestrian, especially some nearly-laughable wire work.
Some of the plot elements I connected with. A very strange game of baseball that ended with a vampires vs. vampires face-off was kind of rad. A lot of the school elements are handled surprisingly well and realistically. The love story, which is what made it a phenomenon with young girls, doesn't do much for me, but again, Stewart sells it. (Pattinson tries to act too weird, but it doesn't really matter -- he's hot, he wouldn't even need any lines for the target audience to love him.)
Overall I left kind of relieved that this many people weren't obsessed with something that's really bad. It's "pretty good" -- not "good," but I at least understand now what the hype is about. -
STOP INVESTING IN HATRED AND INTOLERANCE!
-
Naked Anna paquin is nice, but man, naked Lizzy Caplan makes the show! Bonoriffic! tood bad she bought it in the last episode.
-
The would be a big negatory, son. Come back now.
-
I mean, I don't know from Twighlight. I think there are teenagers and vampires involved. And judging from the TBers gathered here, it would seem that overall this movie holds little to no interest other than being a mini-sized cultural phenom. Am I wrong? Or is it that this IS the demographic, just most seem to dislike it?
-
They're big boned. Not fat.
-
Yeah you have to watch some bad movies. Just reminds you that they have always made bad movies, and even the greats can make mistakes.
-
the Twilight fans will turn into the kind of vamp freaks that the Rice fans used to be. Of course back then black clothes and macabre tastes were marketed to kids at the mall from Hot topic. I keep hoping she falls down and get knocked on the head and goes back to writing horror. Or at least turn the subjects of her biblical biographies into blood sucking lamia.
-
Anna bares her breasts i na couple episdoes and is scantilly clad in a Hooters-like uniform all the others. But there is nudity in EVERY episode. Google True Blood Lizzy Caplan and prepare to wank.
-
Whatever you wanna call it, they're not fun to look at but they sure can suck a good dick in the dark.
-
Nice to see you've entered into the spirit of reconcilliation and movie talk with the rest of us.
This nonsense was over, I'd like it to stay that way. You prefer to just be swearing and throwing bile through the net for no reason?Realy? Is that honestly mor fun for you than talking about the movies? -
...that girl is fine and looks like she gets nasty. I loved her in 25th Hour. Would it be taking it too far to fantasize about nailing her on a piano?
-
IN The Piano, no
-
But they won't- or at least I'll be surprised. Have you seen the comments that they put up- it's all shit like "OMG isn't he LUSH!!!!" They fancy whatshisname, not the genre. You'd have more chance turning Judy Bloom readers into crack whores than converting them.
-
Very nice.
-
want to know if there is something in the flick for them. As someone that reads a ton of YA fiction for various reasons I can say some things about Twilight. The flick would require several huge departures for there to be enough action to dilute the melodrama. The trailers and commercials tell the entire story of this movie so don't expect there to be anything big held back. For most men there will be very little in this flick for you except a happy female in your life for taking her or just being willingly dragged along.
-
Nov 19, 2008 9:59:28 AM CST
I would rather pay to see a Judd Apatow film....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...with Seth Rogen and Quentin Tarantino felating me the whole film, then sit through this piece of shit. I think Seth is a ball man....yeah, I would have him focus on my balls. I like it when he does the POP out of the side of his mouth.
-
Seriously. Goes with the territory.
-
I've said it before, I would never get involved with a female that read this shit. I'm sorry but I prefer women with intelligence, not lobotomized twats.
-
Christ, you're a dickhead. I'd finished with you, twat that you clearly are, and commented on Gone With The Wind, open minds and twilight fans and you come back with that. To quote DGDB: Fuck off.
-
I'm guessing, from what I've read, that the main target is fans of the book and their peers. This looks like teenaged girls (mostly) and "tween" girls. That seems to ba lot of people by itself, but as well as aiming at the other teen, tween girls who've never read it the fact that there's action and vampires, they're are gonna be hoping that the "vampire fan" and genre guy will go too. Take his girlfriend maybe, stuff like that. Talkbacks are often a bad place to get a clear picture of how something is playing. They have a tendency to skew more negative. at the end of the day I guess if they fall somewhere between High School Musical and Sex & the city they won't goive a money's toss about what we think. or whether we showed up or not, they'll have a massive hit on their hands.
-
..."edward is so hot and I'm so not good enough for him." Thats what my wife told me.
-
I second that. It's thinly veiled mormon propaganda with a loathsomely anti-feminist message. Why would any woman (note I say woman not teenage girl) be into this?
-
You can't judge a persons entire intellect on a guilty pleasure. Come on now. My wife admits its fluff and she just as easily reads much more thought provoking stuff.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:05:45 AM CST
TWILIGHT represents teen girls like SARAH PALIN represents women
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
If any high school guys are trying to use this to get a girl/s whatever let me offer some advice. Don't go alone or with your friends to see this thing. Get a girl/s to 'drag' you along... you've got two days to get a girl to think she is convincing you to see something you don't want for her. Fight it all day tomorrow but on Friday or Saturday let them know that if there's an extra seat you'll "see it with/for them" depending on the conditions that align. I have been to Twilight book releases and I've seen guys make moves at them. They will smell single guys trying to use the movie to pick up chicks a mile away... you need a girl to bring you in the door to get any benefits.
-
I know, I know. Your wife is cool.
-
Edward is controlling and a dick and she sticks with him. She's imperfect...he's perfect. So what if her vampire baby is going to destroy her she's keeping it! Yup. And book 4 is happily ever after for this dumb broad. Ugh.
-
But just tell her not to see it in theater....download a bit torrent version for the gal.
-
I had my resevations about this show at first but I find it to be really good. This show is pretty fucked up but thats why I like it......Jason Stackhouse is a legend!
-
...I would probably see this piece of shit 10 times, just to get a blowjob in the parking lot afterward. It may me worth the misery.
-
name calling and this
"Damned right I insulted you. And I wasn't joking."
I believe I'm done with you. I said it was over and you started it again, I said clearly "do YOU want it to stay over. All you had / have to do is say yeah, that was some crazy shit, forget it it's done. You keep choosing not to. Seriously why is it so hard for you? Condescending and sarcastic are not the same thing. My last comment at you started with sarcasm and went back to trying to just end this thing you have for hurling insults. End it it is easy to do. -
..I can give a rats ass how she see's it. Lets see..what else is really funny about this series...so apparelty Bella spends 4 books trying to get edward to fuck her...NO DICE. He refuses and even after they get married..he pusses out at first because he's afraid he is going to hurt her. Wow.
-
go see QofS...
fuck those opening numbers up...
(yeah right) -
A werewolf novel by an Amish mom with a litter of 6
-
Wait wait...I came in late. So what is the issue here? You're defending this piece of shit and Jarv is hating on it right?
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:11:33 AM CST
"I'm 200 years old. I'm a Mormon. I like silky teen anus."
by stuntcock mike
In the script.
-
“His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.”
Sound like your wife is correct. This unadulterated kiddie Mormon porn.
-
I can't believe I'm arguing with a patronising submoron about what order I posted in. Go back and read the times.
-
What? No fucking way. This sounds like Mitt Romney's biography.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:13:51 AM CST
damn....if I was a fat 15 year old goth girl....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...I might jerk off to this book as well. Maybe they got it all figured out.
-
except because it's mormon they don't actually shag. Not to mention the fact that it's snidely racist as well. Mind you, the whole mormon faith is. It's repellent shit and you frankly don't need an open mind- just an open internet connection, half a brain and 5 minutes of research. Something that is clearly beyond film school cinema rater up there.
-
Vampires with no sharp teeth. When they stand in the sunlight they glitter for some reason. Werewolves have life long partners designated for them...get this..the main werewolf..who loves bella but can't have her..ends up having HER DAUGHTER be his future love. Pedophile much?
-
I almost tossed up my fucking coffee
-
How are the books racist? This I have to know.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:17:36 AM CST
TWILIGHT promotes PEDOPHILIA!! Make Joseph Smith proud!!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
and I haven't even seen it. I hate it based on the poster alone, with that scrawny-ass guy with the powdered cheekbones and floofed up uni-horn hair. If I saw that actor, I would have to punch him in the face, just because. He might even be a great guy in real life, but I cannot stand that poster. Yet, apparently girls are ga-ga for him and this movie, because it's all over the news. I thought we were done with vampire movies, especially gay teenage vampire movies (remember Blood and Chocolate? Didn't think so)
-
......will ensure a MITT ROMNEY RUN IN 2012!! So Twilight is ANTI-OBAMA.
-
....gosh it just never fucking ends. how do I know all of this you ask? Well my wife told me every little thing..frankly I was enthralled by all of its crappiness. I had to know more! It was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Probably the worst offense in the book is that for all of her wrecklessness and bad decisions Bella never suffers for it. She wants to be a vampire...luckily she doesn't get any of the transformation pains...drinking blood becomes second nature to her. She's do fucking perfect its insulting. Happy ending with zero consequences. Wow. What lesson does that teach fat goth girls?
-
It's even worse than that- it's her foetus. And once it's born, for some inexplicable reason no-one tosses his perverted ass out of the house.Not to mention the fact that he tries to kiss her by force or some such shit, and everyone approves. And this is before you even get on to the weird stalklerness of the hero or the fact that the Vampires have "powers" as some kind of deus ex machina (one of the bad vampires has the power to run away- and I'm not joking about that) including the ability to see the future (which only works when the author needs it), or telepathy that inexplicably doesn't work on whatshername because she is a "private person". Now I think about it, it's got a lot of the same flaws heroes has.
-
If you like them young just rent a hearse, park in front of the theater on opening night,dress in black, and ask for ID's,and look pale and brooding
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:23:52 AM CST
STEPHANIE MILLER ENDORSES MITT ROMNEY FOR 2012!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
This is not the change we need.
-
Having the privelege of being British, I'd never heard of it until it surfaced on AICN. Then all of a sudden articles started appearing in our press on it. So I started reading around- and it's all down to the mormon shite it's based on. It's pretty repellent stuff. And don't get me started on the misogyny of the fucking books- which is suprising seeing as the author is female.
-
That is the lamest vampire characteristic I have ever heard. Does it at least weaken them?
Speaking of...the way vampires die on True Blood is sweet. None of that bursting into flame bullshit, the fuckers basically turn inside out and explode. It's sick as fuck but cool. -
Is that really from the book? Then it truly is romance-trash written for girls in training bras. Guys like us here can't take it seriously. At least, we shouldn't be taking it seriously.
-
I never realized the book went that far. (And again I'd like to remark that the movie's probably superior solely on the basis of its omission of prose like that.) Suddenly the obsession from pubescent teen girls makes even more sense than it did before.
-
I worked with a guy who told me that he had a date with a BYU chick. I looked at him like he was nuts and said "good luck." He then explained to me that BYU chicks fucked like crazy, they just did it in the ass. They save the pussy for marriage but they do anal and oral like porn stars. True story.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:26:41 AM CST
holy shit....read these reviews Meyer posts on her website...
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Amazon.com
"Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands. 'Be very still,' he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen. Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat."
As Shakespeare knew, love burns high when thwarted by obstacles. In Twilight, an exquisite fantasy by Stephenie Meyer, readers discover a pair of lovers who are supremely star-crossed. Bella adores beautiful Edward, and he returns her love. But Edward is having a hard time controlling the blood lust she arouses in him, because--he's a vampire. At any moment, the intensity of their passion could drive him to kill her, and he agonizes over the danger. But, Bella would rather be dead than part from Edward, so she risks her life to stay near him, and the novel burns with the erotic tension of their dangerous and necessarily chaste relationship.
Meyer has achieved quite a feat by making this scenario completely human and believable. She begins with a familiar YA premise (the new kid in school), and lulls us into thinking this will be just another realistic young adult novel. Bella has come to the small town of Forks on the gloomy Olympic Peninsula to be with her father. At school, she wonders about a group of five remarkably beautiful teens, who sit together in the cafeteria but never eat. As she grows to know, and then love, Edward, she learns their secret. They are all rescued vampires, part of a family headed by saintly Carlisle, who has inspired them to renounce human prey. For Edward's sake they welcome Bella, but when a roving group of tracker vampires fixates on her, the family is drawn into a desperate pursuit to protect the fragile human in their midst. The precision and delicacy of Meyer's writing lifts this wonderful novel beyond the limitations of the horror genre to a place among the best of YA fiction. (Ages 12 and up) --Patty Campbell --------------- From Publisher's Weekly's starred review: "The main draw here is Bella's infatuation with outsider Edward, the sense of danger inherent in their love, and Edward's inner struggle—a perfect metaphor for the sexual tension that accompanies adolescence. These will be familiar to nearly every teen, and will keep readers madly flipping the pages of Meyer's tantalizing debut." From Becky Anderson, of Anderson's Bookshops: "What a totally amazing debut! Twilight is that rare story that combines suspense, desire, love and friendship with an awesome twist on the vampire genre! Both young adults and adults will be "sucked" into Edward's and Bella's world and beg for more, especially after they turn the last page. I can't wait for the next book!" From Karen Rosenthal, Children's Department Manager for R.J. Julia Booksellers (printed in Publisher's Weekly's "Galley Talk"): "I'm not usually a vampire book reader, but I haven't read a book in a long time that had as much sexual tension and creepy terror throughout as Twilight by Stephenie Meyer [Little, Brown]. The main character is extremely compelling. The protagonist is so consumed with her crush on him that she blocks everything else, and the fact that he's a vampire adds a whole other level. It really is the perfect crossover book. It will appeal to kids who read fantasy and darker books, but also kids who like more realistic fiction like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and all those kids who read Gossip Girl... It's a riveting action book but thoughtful as well. Sometimes teen books can be plot-driven and the quality of the writing goes out the window, but this one has both."
-
No weakness. They just shine cause...I don't know...stephanie meyer never read a fucking vampire book in her life before writing Twilight so...she just made this shit up to be different. Mormon women are taught to obey their husbands. That is why all of the men in Bellas life boss her around.
-
there's nothing like the combination of alcohol and self loathing in a student woman.Mind you, you'd wake up and find the inevitable smiths CD and know for sure that you weren't going to make it out of her place without having to listen to some tripe about her parents' divorce.
-
Misogyny makes sense coming from a Mormom women.
-
Misogyny makes sense coming from a Mormom women.
-
Hell yeah! The way the fag vampire strapped to the chair turned into bloody snot was fucking great. I caught myself thinking "what in the fuck did the effects guys make that shit out of?"
-
...I've heard this before as well. Same can be said about hardcore Christian girls. They seriously thinks abstinence just means pussy.
-
...make sex with christian girls difficult. Damn trolls.
-
You've made a TWILIGHT Talkback # 1.
-
Fancy that.
-
And so shall his film.
-
...this plant. This is Harlequin Romance for the Hannah Montana crowd.
I blame Anne Rice for the Metrosexual emo vampire BS that even SHE has now become a born again Christian to get away from. True BLood is way better. -
Nov 19, 2008 10:34:23 AM CST
"I'm 200 years old. Where do you keep the crisp young anus?"
by stuntcock mike
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:34:26 AM CST
I wonder how much of the profits Meyer will donate to....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
MITT ROMNEY 2012 campaign.
-
I dated one in college. Thankfully the bitch ran off with a PE major. Her whole goal in life was to be an elementary chool teacher, have a house with a white picket fence(no lie) and 5 kids. Man, did I dodge the bullet.
-
the nauseatingly pro-twilight article in Vanity Fair I read the other day said the film is light years better than the books. Doesn't make it good though.
-
You can major in PE?
-
Did she swallow?
-
Way to represent the inbred knuckledraggers of America, my man. What's your sagelike stance on black and Jewish people?
-
...and mashes dead pigeons in his crotch.
-
no we shouldn't ignore it. It's fucking evil stuff. We should fucking complain and we certainly should be chastising the powers that be for condoning this horrible shit. I haven't felt this strongly that a film is evil since Forrest Gump.
-
There really is no edit button on you, is there? You'll just type the first thing that pops into your head, relevant to the topic at hand or not. You are truly an amazing feat of public self-gratification. And, yes. I just fed the troll, guys. Sorry.
-
It could be worse, he could be a Mormon.
-
Fuck off. You are being ignored.
-
At a health food store. On Sundays the mormons would come in with their broods after church. You'd see the same sallow, fatass women, 3-8 obnoxious little brats, and the husband slowly moving through the aisles. The husbands are all doughy and have the same empty, haunted look in their faces. Kind of a "what the fuck did I sign on for? Is this all there is?" kinda look. Seriously fucking sad. The women were always harping on the men and demanding they pay attention to their worthless fucking brats. Utah has the largest percentage, per capita, of women on psychoactive medication. It also has very high rates of divorce. Not sure about the rates of suicide, but I used to think the rates of suicide for mormons, whatever they were, should have been higher.
-
I know some people are going to bitch about that. But the people who bitch never lived in Salt Lake City. Seriously - fuck ALL of those people. They are FUCKED UP.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:46:27 AM CST
"When I first met Mrs Romney her quim was as tight as a drum."
by stuntcock mike
"Now I seek the young ass"
-
http://stoney321.livejourna l.com/317176.html Written by a mormon woman. Very funny and absolutely scathing.
-
this is already going to do well in its target demographic - so why the need to send out these shitty PLANT reviews?? Fuck this film and the PLANT who wrote this piece of shit "review".
-
By who? by you? It's a public forum you idiot, not your own personal puppet stage. Just please try and make some sense. I've seen you do it before, so I know you can, you little choo-choo, you! Like all those intelligent girls you date who don't read this pap, I believe in you!
-
Thats interesting. I heard the same thing from a guy I used to work with. He lived in Salt Lake City for a few years and would just get real angry when I brought it up and say, "FUCK THAT PLACE." I tried to press him more and get some stories out of him but he would never get into it. He just said the same thing you did -- THOSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP.
-
It's amazing how such a ridiculous obvious cult (not that all religions aren't) is flourishly so well. I mean no one with half a brain would take it seriously. My only guess is that it has been sucessful because each Mormon has 12 kids that most of which will be Mormon as well. This is probablt how any religion flourished now that I think about it. The first thing al lthese fuckign cults do is preach the evils of contraception and glorify procreation. It's to increase their numbers, not becasue of any specific tenet.
-
They wear magic underpants for Christ's sake. I knew I had to get the FUCK out of there when their weirdness no longer seemed that weird to me. I was there for 6 years (undergrad plus 2 years of work). It took about 5 years but I started getting used to the place. That's when I knew I had to get the christ out of there or be irrevocably scarred and changed. It's kind of a Winston Smith thing - enough people are telling you that 2+2=5 and after a while you start thinking "I know 2+2 used to equal 4, but y'know, everybody is different and I should be more tolerant." No, fuck that. If a nuke went off in Salt Lake, there are a few people I would mourn. The rest - FUCK 'EM. Seriously.
-
I can't bash the way Twilight does Vampires, I'm working on a script where a Vampire Detective goes to a Human City to find out the truth about some Vampires murders. Course, mine isn't mysoginistic trash...
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:53:07 AM CST
"After 200 years of drinking Blood I'm making a change. Ham sand
by stuntcock mike
-
Downright fucking evil. No 2 ways about it. It always struck me as some sort of proto- Handmaid's Tale kind of thing.
-
That's just it: It wasn't a review. The reviewer even admits it as such in the last sentence. This was a non-entry into a world full of... something most who post here seem to care very little about. Curious, since so many here are young and like vampires 'n shit.
-
Nov 19, 2008 10:56:13 AM CST
"Hey, I'm Mitt. I'm 200 years of age. Let's go rollerskating"
by stuntcock mike
"Before the anal discovery."
-
If you were 200 years old would you really want to go to fucking high school? And sit through classes? Not to mention stalk teenage cretins that smell like foie gras?
-
You sound like Coughlins Laws. Is that you? And yes....ignored by me fucker. I WILL IGNORE YOU. How difficult is that to comprehend?
Annoying twat. Kill yourself. -
How the hell did you make it out of there without becoming a Mormon yourself?
-
"It's like a training manual on procuring underage gash"
-
How many of you actually even READ the book? I'm surprised that there aren't any actually "rules of conduct" on hand concerning certain content on some of the feedback postings.
-
...and the funny thing is they, like everyone else, love to point the fingers as Scientology and point out how weird they are. What the fuck is the difference? There is no difference at all , except I hate Mormons more because not only are they weird-- they are misogynistic, racist, and continue to overpopulate the fucking planet.
-
How so?
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:05:02 AM CST
I bet Twilight rocks if you watch it through those magic...
by flickapoo
...golden Mormon eyeglasses that translate home made ancient writing that you found in your back yard. Better than 3-D I bet...
-
I went out there to attend the film program at the U of U, which is a very good program. I've been an atheist since birth (I think we're all born atheists) and that never changed. I grew up in places other than Salt Lake so I wasn't all softened up by the mormons.
-
... it's both hilarious and disturbing how much you guys hate Twilight. Oddly, I'd laugh my ass off if you guys ripped into something I wrote (I'll get published... someday.)
-
I was looking forward to her weekly fuck sessions with Jason. I remember her from Cloverfield but she was never THIS hot. I'd do V with her anytime.
-
What percentage of people you knew were hardcore? And did they try to recruit you often?
-
When that kid Elizabeth Smart was returned to her mo' parents, they said that they would work on deprogramming her (she had been kidnapped by a couple wacko cultists). Then in the same fucking breath her daddy said that she would be welcomed back into the LDS church.
-
Please...just keep focusing on that draft of Ghostbusters 3. Its gonna be dynamite!!
-
Had to have been almost as fucked up. I was stuck there for almost 10 years. It's on the edge of west Tx in the middle of nowhere. There are 3 private christian universities there. Abilene Christian has so pull they bought a street and had it moved father away from the dorm. the good christian girls used to flash people as they drove by. Abilene is about 2 centuries past burning peple at the stake. I used to love fucking with the bible thumpers. Mormon or christian the biggest and most dangerous freaks you'll ever meet are hypocritcal thumpers.
-
Ghostbusters III? Damn, forgot about that. What the Hell was it going to be about, again?
-
...work that into conversations more.
-
other cunt come from. I bet they're plants. I'm going to check.
-
was involved. But then, any film would.
-
Shatner would nail the Vampire role.
-
window your tight, young ass will go."
-
I don't know. I've heard 5 different versions of it. My favorite was the Ghostbusters go to a hellish version of Manhattan. That reminds me of the cartoon, they always did bad ass alternate hell dimension shit.
-
Jewish Holocaust Survivors Still Upset With LDS Baptism For The Dead
Reported by: Dan Rascon
Last Update: 11/10 5:48 pm
(Associated Press) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is on the hot seat again…this time it’s the Jewish holocaust survivors who are upset.
At a press conference this morning in New York City the American Gathering of Holocaust Survivors said the Church is continuing its practice of baptizing Holocaust victims.
It’s part of the ordinance the Church calls Baptism for the Dead which it does inside its temples.
The issue of baptizing holocaust victims started back in 1995 when Ernest Michel who is a holocaust survivor found out his parents had been baptized by proxy in the Las Vegas LDS Temple.
“I was shocked I couldn’t understand how the church will do that go gave them the right,” said Michel at a press conference in New York.
In 1995 the Church removed 260 thousand holocaust victims’ names from his family history records, and since then it has removed another 43 thousand names.
“We’ve been true to our word,” said Elder Lance B. Wickman from Church headquarters in Salt Lake City.
Wickman says the church made an agreement in 1995 to remove all the names and stop the practice, which he says the church has done and continues to do.
“We would not want our doctrine to be thought in anyway as an infringement upon or dishonoring the lives of those who perished in the holocaust. Ours is an offering of love to be freely accepted or rejected by those who live beyond the veil," Wickman said.
Michel says he’s tired of fighting the issue and his through working with the church to try and come to an agreement.
-
but have to go. time warner is here to fix my fucked up cable
-
Yeah its funny when these pricks drop in here and say "HOLY MOSES....DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS TALK THIS ON THIS SITE?" Uhhhhh yeah. Fuck off.
-
off your cornhole, it's so fucking tight. Come here, youngling."
-
...hardcore Mormon. Hmm...gonna have to work on that.
-
Total number of threads posted in by that Drake plant= 1 including this one.
-
Hah - eh, nothing beats my idea for Gremlins III. In short, Gremlins vs. the world. It'd be amazing if I could actually sit down and write it.
-
Drake - Dracula. Hmm.
-
also baptized Hitler. Seriously. Now why the FUCK would you WANT him to be in heaven? Wouldn't you want to leave him down there? Did I mention that these people are FUCKED?
-
read that review I put up. She outlines it all really well.
-
As soon as I called him out on that he disappeared.
-
somoene must be worried about this. They need not be- this is a fucking lock for tween girls.
-
To look better in comparison?
-
If it is indeed you, please kill yourself you pudgy bitch.
-
with a name like that how can they NOT know about the quality of a WB vampire flick
-
I would fucking love to see Gremlins take on the world. Think of the possibilities. They could get into so much crazy shit if they were running all over the planet causing mischief.
-
and there's nothing really wrong with that. Girls dig the whole 'deep' emo vampire thing. Hell, why do you think so many teenage boys try to make themselves look like that...?
-
....and George W. can be elected twice, and John McCain can survive Melanoma three times, then Twilight's success does not surprise me. This world is indeed a fucked up place.
-
then that is fucking lame. Because that's from the unholy shitpile that is Blade 3.
-
I'm not against girls having light porn to rub off to. And I don't even give a shit about this movie. I don't care if it makes billions. I'm not gonna see it. I'm just here to bag on mormons. That's all. I could go all fucking day.
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:25:53 AM CST
I wonder if Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter.....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
.....just finished reading Twilight the night she let the 19 year old blow his wad in her cunt. Abstinence Only programs sure do work well eh, Sarah?!!
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:25:56 AM CST
That's a lot of Talkback response for a flick noone is intereste
by the reluctant austinite
This movie isn't for us. It seems to have grabbed the hearts and minds of the tweens just outgrowing Hannah Montanna who are enjoying Harry Potter on their way to becoming Anne Rice fans.I didn't know anything about this until I saw the huge shrines of stuff related to the series at Border's books a month ago. But for a low budget film, it seems on the verge of becoming the box-office sleeper of the year. Reading the spoilers above, it doesn't sound particularly original. Didn't the "Underworld" movies pretty much already cover this? I guess the age of the characters is the important factor. For a flick all of you claim to be uninterested in, you all sure clicked on the review and posted Talkback for it. I'm guessing a lot of you will be wearing dark glasses and trying to hide your faces, but you'll be at the theater seeing the movie this weekend (even if you buy tickets for "Quantum of Solace" so you don't have to ask for "Twilight").
-
Yeah I'll be there. I'm real interested in Mormon Propaganda. It just sounds like a fun time!
-
Man, why pay for QoS? That film was terrible. Stupid Bourne Bond.
-
I have an image of Gremlins attacking The White House, and Obama kicking the living shit out of them. 'This ain't the previous administration. America no longer panders to Gremlins.'
-
...in memory of Bernie.
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:30:03 AM CST
Obama to Gremlins, "There's a new sherriff in town...bitches."
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
she keeps cockblocking it. And there's one part of the second book where she literally puts in about 40 blank pages. Yeah, trees- thanks for that.
-
..."Going the Full Mormon".
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:32:04 AM CST
"I remember the Civil War. I nailed a lot of tight cooch
by stuntcock mike
back in the day. Your turn, sweetie."
-
I never said I wasn't interested. I said I am interested because it's fucking evil propaganda.
-
Is that so the fangirls can write their own sex scenes between characters? Cause I doubt they'd get past half a page before 'URGGGH...', said Belle as Emo Vampire 257 grunted in pain and then said: 'That was magical.'
-
They could find a way to Bring Naked Lizzy Caplan back. Make her a witch or some shit. She seemed liek a witch wha twith her whole mother earth vegan schtick.
-
A wizard did it. End of.
-
...and just showcases Meyer's thought process. Ooooohhhh my names Bella....its like all dark and dreamy and unique...look at me....I'm such a fucking artist.
-
"As the silvery moon rose and Jacob transformed from man to dog, bella realised she still loved him despite the fact that as a man he was brown. He hadn't meant to scratch her last time, but he had been unable to control himself. She knew that this time would be different.She cast a lingering look into his deep eyes before reaching up to the bedside cabinet for the jar of peanut butter. It was time."
-
It's a shame they didn't go all the way and just make it a 'so bad it's funny' flick. Cut out half the dialogue, cue the bad dubbing and have lines like 'If vampirism were a lollipop, we'd all be getting handjobs.'
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:38:43 AM CST
bella realised she still loved him despite the fact that as a ma
by mr. zeddemore
THAT'S RACIST!
-
...as my wife loves 'em; insisted I read the first book, then "I'll get it." Uh, no. I don't. It reads like Dawson's One Tree Vampire. Whedon's take on high school/vampires/demons/etc. was clever, funny, passionate, dark and more. The female narrator here is annoying. I'd sooner read Anita Blake, etc. I don't get this Twilight-mania at all. Teen romance novels with vampires. I'm throwing in the reading towel and going to the library today to pick up the new Spenser by Parker I reserved there for a buck - that's a quick read I know I'll enjoy.
-
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
Nope I just said I don't have an issue with watching it as I watch most films that come out, Jarv made a comment (which may have been taken out of context, but would still need a response) I explained my point of view, Jarv got all personal and has decided to just keep throwing insults around for no reason. It's lame and has wasted way too much space on this talkback and should just end, now.
Jarv
Again with the name calling and swearing? Why? I still haven't insulted you.
Times?
. . . . .
"Damned right I insulted you. And I wasn't joking.
by Lost Jarv Nov 19th, 2008
09:07:18 AM " . . . . . .
"just pillow talk
by u.k. star Nov 19th, 2008
08:37:09 AM
You mean in regards to what you said or what Jarv said. I have no issue with what you said, and responded to you in a similar manner. Jarv wasn't trying to have a laugh with me, he wasn't even really having a laugh AT me so humour has nothing to do with it. He's just insulting me in lieu of an argument. If I read it wroong and it was all in good fun, then I'm truly sorry and I move on....
There ya go.
Once again are we done with this nonsense?
-
All the fucking mormons in Salt Lake have that as their last name. That section alone in the white pages is like 100 pages.
-
I'm writing a novel. My goal is to be infinitely better than Twilight, or be so much worse it's funny. Wish me luck.
-
Were you guaranteed anal stimulation (on you or her) if you gave the first book a read?
-
WTF? That's funny. I assume you made that shit up but this stuff is so nuts who can tell.
-
and it's a rough parpahrase of half the shit in the novel.
-
fuck off. Just fuck off.
-
It's no Sookie Stackhouse that's for sure.
-
We are done.....
Please use: as paragraph breaks (take out the spaces) -
the film HAS to be better than fucking Sex in the City, which my wife, thankfully, has no interest in. Also, a zillion moms at my son's school are going. Yeah, chick-flick indeed. Bet it makes Underworld series, the now-cancelled Moonlight and more all look brilliant.
-
a bj; I then countered with bj and the hokey pokey after I've injested a blue pill helper to get the most out of it...again and again. I don't care if she likes the books, just leave me out of it. Meanwhile, found a far more appealing Bella character in the detective novels of Jim Fusilli.
-
Unless I hear fromm a trusted source that it's really good I'm gonna skip it. I am curious to hear what the unitiated might think because hearing from a fan is pointless. They do what a lot of people on the internet do, they see a subtext in the film and performances that isn't there. I kinda get that feeling with this review.
-
"Tight. Ahh, memories of days gone by. The night blankets me in it's cold web of desire. You are my one true love. My Mormon desires have shackled me for too long, my love. I shall cherish you as no other. Our love will bring forth the jelousy of the Gods. Let me show you how much, my darling."....He said as he savagely entered her anus.
-
at least there is actual shagging in it.
-
Nov 19, 2008 11:54:41 AM CST
How To Quit Masturbating -- according to the Mormons...
by dannyglovers_dickblood
1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
6.
Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
7. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethren. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.
8. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, but keep the problem out of your mind by not mentioning it ever -- not in conversation with others, not in your prayers. keep it out of your mind!
The attitude of a person toward his problem has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.
This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect and feel guilty and depressed, which can in the extreme lead to further sinning. As a person feels spiritually unclean, he loses his interest in prayer, his testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offering no joy and limited success.
To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brief explanation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.
The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions of reproductive cells call spermatozoa. These are moved up a tube called the vas deferens to a place called the ampulla where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. The resultant fluid is called semen. When the seminal vesicles are full a signal is sent to the central nervous system indicating they are ready to be emptied. The rate at which the filling takes place varies greatly from one person to another, depending on such things as diet, exercise, state of health, etc. For some it may be several times a week, for others twice a month and for others, hardly ever.
It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night during sleep. This is called a wet dream. The impulses that cause the emptying come from the central nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. If a young man has consistently masturbated instead of letting nature take its course, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at this increased rate, for an indefinite period of time, creating sexual tensions and pressure. These are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of release is once again established.
During this period of control several things can be done to make the process easier and more effective.
As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of the suggestions which follow. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.
Suggestions
Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest.
Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation.
Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.
In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.
During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment."
-
what if you're a masochist?
-
"In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken."
-
It might help him. or at least stop his eyesight from deteriorating further, seeing as he's utterly incapable of reading what other people write.
-
And you'll see why this movie will be the new 'Titanic'. Kristen Stewart is a real standout actress. I predict she'll have an Oscar on her mantle before she's 25. Her reading is so natural, and Robert Pattinson's response so subtle, that you might not get it the first time. The chemistry between them is palpable. This should have been Anakin and Padme!
-
...girls then I think it's perfectly legitimate. When I was twelve I had to resort to the underwear section of the Macy's catalog in the Sunday paper. I'd say that Twilight has at least as much artistic merit as the underwear section of a Macy's catalog. Even the really fancy catalog that the Macy's in the Paramus mall used to send out...
-
Fuck these assholes.
-
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee was on The View Tuesday talking about same-sex marriage and declaring that gay rights are not civil rights because gays have not had violence inflicted upon them like Blacks have.
HuckabeeSaid: "People who are homosexuals should have every right in terms of their civil rights, to be employed, to do anything they want. But that's not really the issue. I know you talked about it and I think you got into it a little bit early on. But when we're talking about a redefinition of an institution, that's different than individual civil rights. We're never going to convince each other...But here is the difference. Bull Connor was hosing people down in the streets of Alabama. John Lewis got his skull cracked on the Selma bridge."
-
"A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases."
-
I was forced to go to that one and when DiCaprio died in the ice flow, clapped and cheered. Terrible. Quite possible the worst film ever to win an Oscar.
-
WTF? Is this guy fucking crazy?
-
from a hired dominatrix. I guarantee it.
-
At leats Jack and Rose fucked.
-
That's like saying that people who love Britney Spears's music are gonna love Godspeed, You Black Emperor.Comment of the day.
-
Nov 19, 2008 12:15:30 PM CST
I always thought Huckabee and Lindsay Graham fuck....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
...is stupendous! Wow. Fucking hilarious and scary in its truthfulness.
-
...continues to wrongfully trumpet discrimination and prejudice via straw men, which are the only arguments that the same-sex opposition can conjure.
-
I like this one: "Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement." Awww fuck. So I can't even go to the fucking bank? There is this redhead teller that gets me up to 30% every damn time.
-
Are you the same studio plant that wrote this review? Who the hell talks about how someone gives a "reading"?
-
the Sears catalog for the last 25 years. Mormon idiots.The knuckle shuffle is where it's at, you funny underwear wearing maniacs.
-
Cheers
-
"And you'll see why this movie will be the new 'Titanic'. Kristen Stewart is a real standout actress. I predict she'll have an Oscar on her mantle before she's 25. Her reading is so natural, and Robert Pattinson's response so subtle, that you might not get it the first time. The chemistry between them is palpable. This should have been Anakin and Padme!" We need to make a list of all the plants in this TB.
-
Take care.
-
Yeah, I had to sit there and watch that endless steamer trunk of horse dung as well. When Dicaprio dies it was dead quiet in the theater except for some guy going "glug glug" super loud. Hilarious. Most guys laughed, no women did.
-
Nov 19, 2008 12:25:28 PM CST
...Sears was OK at first....but pretty soon I was hooked...
by flickapoo
...the more hardcore Macy's catalog. It's slippery slope out there...
-
u.k. star - you're still here??
-
Obviously these dumbfucks don't realize that the male teenage mind will turn any situation into a sexual one.
-
Lets leave it out of this discussion.
-
Sorry, lads.
-
I keep dropping in yeah. Believe it or not I'm still trying to reason with Jarv and get the inane name calling swearfest thing over and done with. Especially as most of it appears to just be missunderstandings.
Is this crap over yet Jarv? -
He said if you cared about him you would get everyone you know to boycott this piece of shit.
-
Can I throw some more monkey poo now?
-
you are a plant.
-
That's pretty funny. I've been posting to AICN for over ten years. Sorry guys, but I'm a University lecturer in Psychology who lives in Western Canada, and uses 3d graphics as a teaching tool. I post on YouTube as zincChameleon. I'm a Linux and Blender head. But I'm honored to be considered a plant.
-
All those credentials make you even more of a clueless douche bag for supporting Twilight. Bravo!
-
I drained my balls to the lovely Kate Winslet once or twice.
-
...lose your University position. Knowing the Reverend Wright nearly sunk Obama...what do you think rubbing shoulders with Mr. Dick Blood will do for your career?
-
Such vitriol. Everyday. And in multiple tallkbacks. Does your deadend office job really make you that miserable? Maybe you need to log off (I'm sure that your employer would appreciate a little work for his troubles) and take a few deep breaths...
-
Ha ha.
If I knew it was shit I'd gladly do so, but I aint seen it, and no one whose opinion I trust (based on similar tastes) has either. I've also got a feeling it's going to be the film I get preview tickets for next week to rate. I can fell it cominging. Believe me if it's crap I'll say so. Even if it's crap but I enjoy it I still say this film is awful, but so help me I enjoyd it, don't go.
My secret awful movie that I love.
Tank Girl
There are so many things cinematically wrog with that film, it's awful in so many ways, but My wife & I find it absoloutely hilarious. "2 dollars & 15cents". I remeber we were in the cinema and it was full of people just all quiet and thinking what is this gaarbage and we (unmarried then) were in hysterics.
Anyone else brave enough to admitting their guilty movie? A dDoug McClure classic perhaps? Or have I just made a total arse of myself by saying something that noone else does? -
Reads like I'm having a go at people on here who think it's rubbish. I'm really not. I mean people I know or a reviewer who usually likes what I like or hates what I hate........
-
Strange Days, Johnny Mnemonic, Total Recall (people are starting to realise its genius now), etc.
-
We didn't rub shoulders. We merely sat on an Education Board together. Fuck.
-
Nov 19, 2008 1:15:32 PM CST
zinc_chameleon: That still doesn't explain the "reading" usage
by spyguy
Only someone with a heavy theatre background would use a word like that, but kudos on the credentials. If you're not a studio plant, you're certainly a freelance plant for hire.
-
...out of context.
-
Fuck your review
-
...program...harmless sounding talkbackers talking shit for years, maybe decades...but ready to spring into action and praise my shitty movie at a moment's notice. Oh, wait...
-
Classic bad movie one liner. Total Recall is a great bad movie, and I have a feeling it’ll get a little more respect as time goes on. Controlling the air, risking people's health, it's very prescient in some ways; Oil, greenhouse effect, global warming and so on. It has an absolutely awesome score too. That theme music is pure oclass, it’ll be in my head all night now though!
-
Nov 19, 2008 1:28:38 PM CST
I watched wing commander and battlefield earth..and tank girl.
by knowthyself
In theaters. It was hard to laugh when the joke was on me.
-
and WTF is a Coughins Laws? What are you even talking about? We know it's not the movie, Twilight, which is what this post is actually concerning. You know? Subject matter that doesn't involve using the caps key you're so fond of?
-
I actually rented a room in an apartment with a fairly young Mormon couple. They were really very nice and very charitable. They never acted holier than me and didn't impede on my lifestyle. I think the only complication regarding their religion is that sometimes I had to hide my coffee pot when they had their study group come over. They didn't want to be judged by their friends. Apparently they couldn't simply say we have a roommate and I chalk that up to one of those weak things people do with people they call their "friends."
For all I know they're probably from a more modern chapter of the church and not something terribly orthodox. I'm well aware of the werid, depressing shit some of those chapters in Utah have and those are more than likely the traditional form. -
I'm sure that I will get flamed mercilessly for this post, but I felt that I had to say something anyway. Yes, I'm a fan of the books, but I'm also a fan of many of things that the rest of you are fans of. I read comics. I'm looking forward to Watchmen. I'm a Whedon fan. I love Kevin Smith. I love Star Wars. I'm a fan pf pretty much anything and everything vampire-y. I'm also a girl, which is probably why I relate to Twilight more than say.. most of you. Although I do know several guys, 25-40 who read the books and enjoyed them. So it CAN happen. Yes, the vampires in this story have a different lore than most. It honestly doesn't bother me. There's been so many different spins on vampires, that a new twist is nothing more than that... a new twist. What's great about these stories for me are the characters. Stephenie created characters that are incredibly distinctive and have very rich histories. It makes for a fun, interesting read. I for one am looking forward to the movie, if nothing else, to see these characters brought to life. Twilight is not for everyone by any means. It is, at it's core, a love story. If that isn't something you can relate to, then you probably won't enjoy it. But, unlike what someone said, it is far from a trashy romance. From my understanding though, the film makers made an effort to make the movie appeal to a broader audience than the book does. Just my two cents. :-)
-
Seriously. What? See there's this movie. It's called Twilight. It had this non-review posted. Any thoughts on that? Or are we just all monkey purple gocart soda?
-
You almost make me want to read the books. No offense, but you sound like a smarter, cooler version of the 'reviewer'.
I REALLY want to say "Of course the characters aren't distinctive, what's wrong with you????"... but I haven't read it. I really really want to say "New twist? That's like saying Spiderman offered a new twist to the superhero genre (it didn't)"... but I haven't read it. -
I serioulsy wonder how long it takes that guy to style his hair. That's got to be at least a can of mouse up there a day. Not to be outdone I'm sure Zac Effron will have his styled into the shape of an exotic bird.
-
with diminishing profits, do you htink films will get more and tailored for very specific demographics? Case in point: Potter (nice as a Christmas Day afternoon film) was pretty pathetic, as were the books (I read those so I could diss them properly too) - but I wasn't the target audience. Kids ate that shit up and begged for more = $$$
-
Y'know, I was gonna say something about that hair, but got sidetracked by Mormons. It is truly tall and firm.
Comparisons of Trek2.0 to 90210 might be misplaced, as that 'do was stolen right off Luke Perry's head (pre-alopecia). -
Kind of explains Mitt Romney. Guys got hair like Frank Langella circa 1979.
-
Nov 19, 2008 2:02:59 PM CST
Cedric the mormon virgin vampire who has a thing for teens and s
by sin86a
Did i read correctly that this chick somehow gets pregnant from a 100+ year old vamp??? WTF?!?! How does that happen? Aren't vampires supposed to be dead? See that's the shit that makes me not want to see it. Half the women in my family are running to see this on Friday and have been trying to sell me on it for months. After reading through this review (in parts because fuck that was a long review), I'm staying away.
-
Pity you dude - we've got another month 'till release in the UK... thank fuck. Thankfully nobody I know has ever heard of the film OR the books. Either I run in very cool circles, or the book simply hasn't sold very well over here. I hope it's the latter.
-
.0000001% chance but still funny.
-
.0000001% chance but still funny.
-
The IMDb board for Director Catherine Hardwicke is funny as fuck. Bunch of pussies talking about how insightful she is, and how inspired 'her' casting has been - HAHAHAHA.
How does the production designer of films like 'I'm Gonna Git You Sucka', 'Three Kings' and 'Vanilla Sky' end up directing shit like this? -
You know guys between the ages of 25-40 who have read Twilight and enjoyed it? Your dating scene must be horrendous. Do you live in Salt Lake City? Be honest.
-
and aren't about to stop masturbating! If it's good enough for Rambo, it's good enough for me.
Citation: "First Blood Part II" novelization by David Morell-"...rarely, on occasion, he'd masturbate." -
Starring Mitt Romney as Dracula and John Cho as Rev. Sun Myung Moon. Special appearance by Lizzie Caplan, naked.
-
Reminds me of Debbie Does Dallas. Classic scene. A take of seduction and Mr. Hardwicke's thing.
-
I wasn't aware of the author or her intentions prior to reading this TB. When I said "we should ignore it," that was coming from someone (me) who had only read about the film in passing. Enough to know it was about Dawson's Creek vampires, or something like that. But if there's a cause to be championed, this warciple shall take up his sword.
-
Smartly, he edited that out of the final draft ...
-
I'm afraid the answer to that is above my paygrade ...
-
Lost Jarv could probably find a quote which defines "warciple" better. Put simply, a warciple is one who espouses the nobler virtuous of masculinity, usually of the ass-kicking kind, as portrayed onscreen by the likes of John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Chuck Norris, Bruce Campbell, Fred Ward, etc...the list could go on. I'm talking about the kind of guys who use their hands to do god's work one minute, punch a douchebag out the next, and then caress a MILFs cheek the next just before sticking his tongue in her mouth.
-
Nov 19, 2008 2:29:50 PM CST
ABOM - YOU FORGOT TO PUT SHIA ON THAT ESTEEMED LIST ...
by bringingsexyback
Shia and Charles Bronson are cut from the same cloth, you know.
-
I like. Not me, but I like. Basically a Tyler Durden outlook on life. But less miserable.
-
When Rambo rubbed one out in the jungle, he regarded his spooge in the thick underbrush and told it, "You're expendable."
-
the character traits, or can I just go ahead and count crazy-assed Christian Slater and his ilk as Warciples?
-
resembled a bird. My initial impression was that it looked like it could be a home for birds. It's like a deluxe-model of those little uni-horn things that Chachi guys make with their gel, so that if leaned over they might resemble a rhino
-
Nov 19, 2008 2:39:34 PM CST
His hair resembles the breeding ground of the infamous
by stuntcock mike
semen-falcon.
-
...oh and you are correct, you have no life.
-
Starring Frank Langella and Bobby Duvall!
-
BringingSexyBack has a point... What is the protocol for aborting the undead? Can you even abort the undead (not like you can kill what's already dead)? What's the mormon stance on this?
Oh and does anyone actually know how this happens in the book? I need ammo to laugh at my fam for this silly fucking idea. -
Uhhhh...I would have to consult with brother warciples Jarv, pillow, DGDB, etc to determine whether Slater qualifies. I admittedly haven't seen enough of his films. The best singular example I can think of is Clint Eastwood. Good with his fists, good with guns, good with his one-liners, good with the ladies. Okay, well maybe not all the time, now that Locke springs to mind. Or younger Sean Connery. What I'm saying is, it helps to have an element of suaveness or attitude. I'm not sure how to search the archives for old TBs, but there's a lot of stuff about warciples. And bears. And Warwick Davis.
-
Mr. Slater starred in Gleaming The Cube, Tales From The Darkside, and Pump Up The Volume, and Broken Arrow. He has also been arrested numerous times for packing a peace. So I'd say he's in.
-
Field mice go on safari in that hair. Marines take cover in that hair. Disney based "pride rock" in Lion King on the profile of that hair. A 2x4 could be sawed in half by that hair, and nails could be pounded into by that hair. Someone could be disemboweled by that hair. That hair is above sea level.
-
Mormon Soldier: "I'll be back."
Sister-Wives Soldiers: (in unison): "We'll all be back!!" -
In my dreams ...
-
and the Heathers and a couple others, so I'm okay with that. He fought John Travolta on a train and impaled him with a nuke. I guess if that doesn't get you in, nothing will.
-
I think that should be the de facto response to any pro-life argument. The undead gambit - we've got a game changer, folks!!!
-
you think so? I always surmised that perhaps there's no carpet down there, that it's well-kempt and freshly shorn
-
Ever since Goblet of Fire, I thought he'd be good for the Xmen Origins: Magneto movie. I'm glad he's getting some notoriety with this movie. Perhaps he could be considered for Magneto?
-
Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales are indicted in Texas.
Too late for a Bush pardon, too. Perfect timing! -
That was from another dream ...
-
He came as an enemy, and became a believer.
-
That hair could be used to lathe spindles for a railing and sand them down. That hair faithfully reproduces the mechanical aspects of one-half of velcro. That hair should be sold in hand-sized packets for teenagers to buff out their zits. That hair is waterproof and repels hail and whatever objects are thrown at it, except perhaps spoiled fruit, which gets impaled on it.
-
"We will teach you not to indulge in the digital manipulations of a nonbeliever."
-
"No time for big love!"
-
LOL!
-
a Dawsons Creek Vampire is to impale it on the hair of another Dawsons Creek Vampire
-
Satan's pubes!!!!
-
He came. Then they taught him to stop coming alone.
-
Why even post these things?
-
could be decorated for Christmas. That hair could be the prototype for the next evolution in Swifter sweeping products. That hair could skin a cat. That hair could filet a fish. Nothing attacks soap scum and mildew like that hair. At the vampire wedding, the zombie preacher will say, Do you, Kristen, take this Dawson's Creek Vampire...and his hair
-
Epic battle breaks out among the sister-wives when hubby brings home the 28th wife. Starring Kristen Stewart as the new hoe.
-
The touching story of a young undead Dawsons Creek Vampire who learns to stop playing pocket pinball under the auspices of the kind and gentle Rev. Philip Paysho
-
Russia is not amused!
-
it is an awesomely thrashy fun sci-fi movie, with Lori Petty, Malcolm McDowell and Naomi Watts, how could you feelguilty about that? I for one love Tank Girl, and feel no guilt about it.
I also feel no guilt about masturbating to Gina Lynn and Jada Fire porn, because I'm not some stupid brianwashed Mormon imbecile!
Fuck, that masturbation abstinence thing Danny posted is scary as hell! -
Pump Up the Volume is one of my favorite movies ever. I identified a lot with his introverted character back in highschool, and it's got sweet Samantha Mathis tits in it too!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
-
Cold-blooded. Caught red-handed. This emo-vampire is about to learn a lesson in controlling one's own passion. There will be no sticky sheets in this commune. Now his nocturnal emissions come with conditions.
-
You'd have an excellent title for a vampire movie.
-
They can't all be bad.
http://tinyurl.com/6apjrk -
Like The Pianist, but with dancing.
-
And do most women these days go for guys who look like women because they're actually lesbians and haven't come to terms with it yet?
I'm just sayin'...
-
Alien parasite infects Fundie Mormon community.
No one can tell the difference. -
Can we get one from a non-fan of the book?
-
Make THAT happen, then I'll give a shit.
-
is to have that above-described "exploding ewok hair," or hair that is brushed into your face instead of back from it, and you've got to wear those skintight elf jeans where it barely covers your pubes and assacrack, and other people look and wonder if they ran out of denim when they were made
-
Starring Kristen Stewart as secret agent Elizabeth Smart.
-
with a birds nest for a haircut, and emo jeans, and better cheekbones than any 15 year old girl I bedded in the mormon village...that is, when I wasn't wildly gesticulating with my hand under the sheets in the dark of my solitary mausoleum at night
-
...specifically about how to stop "dancing with your pole"?
-
Cumming 2008
-
FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAGGEEE
-
Ah masturbation.
"say it. say I win"
"I WIN" -
Ah masturbation.
"say it. say I win"
"I WIN" -
Reminding me why I visit this site.
-
It never gets old
-
Nov 19, 2008 3:57:40 PM CST
When you're dead you can't get erections. no circulation...
by turketron
Which is why you insert a stainless steel splint into your dong and PROFIT
-
not sure what you mean there...
-
Considering that I skew about 15 years older than what the series tends to gear towards, I would hope I would sound a little more intelligent than the reviewer. Personally, I found that review to be extremely poorly written. As I said, I'm a fan of the series. That being said, I can also see the down sides to it. The writing isn't stellar. It's really not. But, it's the storytelling that sucked me in. Sure it's probably not going to appeal to most of you. Think about it this way... ok, as a teen guy, most of you probably related to things like Superman, Spiderman... superhero stuff where ultimately the geeky guy gets the pretty girl, AND saves the world doing it. It's a fantasy. That's what us ladies have got in Twilight. Here's this seemingly average girl, who someone gets the attention of arguably the most desirable man on the planet. In the end of the entire series, she goes from being the awkward, clumsy, average girl, to being this super-powerful, hot vampire who saves everyone. Along the way, there's some intense romance, fun characters, a love triangle, some intense villains, and some pretty decent action scenes. But it's all told from the point of view of this 17 year old girl, so of course it's not going to appeal to everyone. I mean, you guys have your guy things to get obsessed with, it's our turn right? But, what I've found interesting is this... Several people that I know didn't like it. They didn't like at all. They complained the entire time that it was too girly, or poorly written, or other similar complaints. But, every single one of them still finished the entire series. It's interesting. Oh, and none of us are Mormon. Personally, I abhor the mormon religion. I really do. There really isn't a huge influence of mormonism in the books. There is some, but it's not that strong. And to the person that asked, no I do not live in Salt Lake. Out of the guys that I know that have read it... one is my boyfriend who is 27. He complained a lot, but read them all and is going to the midnight movie with us. One is about 40 with a wife and kids. He read it because his wife did. He read all four. Another is recently married, and actually read them before his wife did. He complained a lot about the "girly-ness" as well. That's pretty typical among the guys I know that have read it. They actually tend to prefer The Host, which is Meyer's non-vampire book. Personally, I think most men could stand to take a lesson in chivalry from Edward Cullen. ;-)Honestly, I think that's a big part of the appeal for most female readers. It's that fantasy that this perfect guy has lived for over 100 years and has never found anyone else that came even close to affecting him the way this person does. It's all about the fantasy. At least that's what I think.
-
...you shouldn't just open the door and turn the light on during a good pillow fight...
-
What is vampire basball?
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:27:56 PM CST
"When I'm done, you'll be able to fit a 2 litre bottle in that a
by stuntcock mike
Script exerpt.
-
my favorite post so far: "Twilight looks gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys."
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:32:00 PM CST
DANNY, check the filthiest replies. Therin lies the Mormon
by stuntcock mike
-
Were there even any spoilers given? Or any details about the actual movie? All this "review" seems to amount to is glowing praise of each and every actor/actress in the movie. Sounds like a plant. Either way this shouldn't have been posted, it's not a review.
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:34:15 PM CST
"200 year old jizz may be green, but won't taste minty fresh"
by turketron
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:35:13 PM CST
I heard Ass 2 Mouth is a important verse in The Book of Mitt.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
gayme over
-
Nov 19, 2008 4:35:29 PM CST
"Kristen Stewart's anus will fall to the forces of darkness!"
by stuntcock mike
Her shit will literally fall out of her cornhole.
-
It's just a quote from Tank Girl, when Malcolm McDowell was tryin to force Lori Petti to say "I win".
Sorry, Lame much........ -
But this pretty much reads like it was planted. Also, everyone whose opinion I have even a tiny bit of respect for who's read any of these books says they're terrible, so yeah I'm not going to give them my money.
-
glad you recognize the 2nd most prolific verse in The Book of Mitt, "8 Blowing 9" This is the verse where they discuss the magic of invisible anal lubrication. Its called "Mormon Spit."
-
This movie is about a 100 year old vampire being in highschool, and falling in love with highschool girls? WHAT THE F. Highschool girls are stupid and annoying, their life problems make me want to slap them, as do their exciting life details about what happened in history class. Is he the most retarded vampire in existence? He must be.
-
from the girls bathrooms throughout the school
-
Anal beads are perfectly o.k. for a vampire as long as the recipient is 18 or younger. Male or female is not important. Usually, crystal meth is the preferred lubricant when liberally sprinkled on both anus and penis/iron instrument that is to be thrust/inserted into said rectal cavity. So let it be written. So let it be done. Sayeth the Mitt.
-
He does not age, and he can go out in the day when it's cloudy. Does he move from place to place going to different high schools? Does he repeat the same grade? Why on earth would a vampire do that?
-
and cause TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION
-
Since cloudy days don't affect them. No need to go around sparkly like THE CANDY PAINT ON MY 64 IMPALA
-
there is a very obvious reason why they post these plant reviews. Because they get paid to. These plant reviews are so easy to spot - even for a casual browser of these site, let alone a professional "journalist" as these guys expect us to believe they are.
The formula is very easy - and very obvious. Plant reviews always say something negative very early on in the review to sucker the reader into thinking its genuine. But you'll notice the complaint is always small - and always ambiguous. "pacing" in this example. Plat reviewers also seem to remember everything in excruciatingly small detail covering key "money shots" for the fans - all the key characters and will wax on about notes in the movie they know will resonate with their target audience. All the while the continue to drop minor negatives in to try and make it looked balanced("underused characters" in this case that of course "were great - but they could have done more with them" etc etc)
These are so obviously plant reviews that reading ones like this actually make my sphincter clench up and my toes curl up with embarrasment for AICN. It suggests that they are either stupider than your average forum browsing schmo (like me) or they are so low that they would knowingly feed us tripe like this for a studio back-hander.
So sad. -
the books were utter rubbish. I tried to read the first novel and it sucked monkey-balls so bad I couldn't even bring myself to take it to a charity shop. It wasn't fit for wiping my dogs arse with (and seriously - I'm normally the most forgiving person you could ever know when it comes to poorly written literature... as long as the story is good)
This story was the most insultingly cliche'd plagurised nonsense writing I have ever lost precious minutes of life for.
I trust that I have adequately conveyed my feelings about this material and this rubbish review.
Peace out! -
You used the word fantastical... you're a plant.
-
Look idiots who are defending this movie, none of us care who this movie is aimed at. Our problem is that from all available evidence, this movie looks like shit. Not only does the movie look like shit, but it looks like this movie smears itself all over a mythology that most of us enjoy - vampires. It has nothing to do with women vs men. It's about good movies, bad movies, and mythology.
-
monopoly movie. Laughing my ass off. What's really funny is when you guys verbally bitch slap everyone who tries to criticize what you're doing. What's Michael Jackson's favorite college?............Bring um Young University.
-
OMG before every paragraph.
-
I'm a Mormon.
Do not judge people because of their religion. It's been done.
And as for Twilight?
Yes, I am a heterosexual male who actually enjoys the books and will probably enjoy the movie.
That just happened. -
that drinks animal blood?? How the hell is drinking animal blood vegetarian? Or would the not drinking blood make him vegan? Either way, it is so stupid.
-
I like vampires, so honestly I might have seen this movie if I didn't read this talkback. Learning that they're 100-year old Mormon vampires that sparkle in daylight, and are apparently addicted to being in highschool. Honestly, tell me that sounds like a good story.
-
Why not be original and make something new up? They're obviously not vampires.
-
Check it out.
-
"Also, to the people calling Edward a pedophile, get your terminology straight; he's an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Pedo = pre-pubescent, ephebo = post-pubescent"
-
Because in Stephanie Meyer's Edward-perspective now-not-to-be published novel, he doesn't get turned on by the local girls. Bella is different, and importantly so. The smell of her blood makes him *crazy*. He considers killing her and drinking her blood right in the cafeteria the first time she walks in at her first day of school. Meyers wants to create that kind of tension with Edward; he loves Bella more passionately than anyone in his long life, and yet he wants to drink her blood just as passionately. Sounds like me and my first serious girlfriend! And I've never used the word fantastical, so I'm not a plant. I was posting here when 'A Princess of Mars' seemed like a sure thing, and 'King Kong' was just a rumour. That would be the fall of 1997, and it was the dialup era. Now I'm on a dedicated fibre-optic T3 line, and I have my own Linux renderfarm (mostly Suse 11.0 and Mandriva) and I use Blender 2.43 to 2.48. No studio plant would have a clue about that sort of thing.
-
It is ridiculous. He doesn't even have to worry about catching anything, because he CAN'T FUCKING DIE THROUGH HUMAN ILLNESSES. So he can smoke, drink and shag his way through Eastern Europe.
-
Edward's a fucking idiot if he's a two hundred year old virgin.
-
Wouldn't that make Mormon heads explode?
-
Mormons can't explode their heads, that's an affront to Joseph Smith.
-
Internet Movie Data Base!
-
"smoke, drink and shag his way through Eastern Europe." = Spike or Angel for starters.
-
That's what has always pissed me off about Blade and Underworld. For some reason important people were at the mercy of the vampires when it should be the other way around. We have them outgunned and outnumbered yet they're super powerful. They're the ones who have easily exploited weaknesses, plus it's not like they can actually stay in one piece against our weaponry. The subculture in Buffy made more sense.
Do they have exploitable weaknesses in this or are they practically indestrucible like in those Anne Rice novels? -
If anything, Angel and Spike seemed oddly committed to relationships with Darla and Dru. Those boys were whipped even as evil bloodsuckers.
-
the books are t-rash but taste is subjective. The movie seems to clean up some of the less unseemly aspects of the execution of the novel's plot.
-
with a bazooka or portable missile
kinda like Zander w/ that Buffy ep demon -
Just ask Kristen Stewart.
-
Nov 19, 2008 7:32:08 PM CST
"The greatest trick Corndozer ever pulled was...........
by stuntcock mike
convincing Kristen Stewart to go ass to mouth."
-
though I'd buy you a beer while the wives had a girls night out at this crapola film.
-
Don't get much gayer than that Gents.
-
Look! in the shadows. The dark undead one, the dread immortal Vampire of myth it's... EDWARD!! (screams)
-
finish it. it's so bad so far about a third of the way in. Wow she figured out 'what he is.' Lame. I sure ain't hiding my Trek pride anymore. not with this junk as cult mania
-
Not you. NOT EDWARD. BWAHAHA
-
in wanting to beat the crap out of brooding emo types on principle
-
Yes.
-
...y'know, Rogue titties and all. Plus it's becoming clear that "The Vampire Bill" is refreshingly just a regular vampire Joe who not only has to obey a boss, but a boss's boss. And now he's stuck with a retard vampire spawn. The show still isn't up to HBO's classic standards (I still can't believe that Showtime vaulted FAR past HBO in terms of quality shows almost overnight) but it's getting a little better. And, y'know, Rogue titties.
-
like Bats punched Gardner
-
Wow. That review was so long, and yet it had little to no substance. Who are they kidding?
-
You could substitute the word "book" or "movie" for the word "review" and you'd still have a perfectly good point in this talkback.
-
Sometimes it feels that way. Especially the Michael Bay ones.
-
but damn, that girl needs some Proactiv.
-
That's why I said "for starters". You've got something there you could build on. The Immortal for example (yes, I know an unseen punchline for that episode but still) ...
-
I would also like to poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick, and I one day hope to have my rectum infested with angry bees.
-
hottopic . com WHAT THE F
-
" Watchmen are over.... What do you suggest we do about it ? " " Retribution " . AHAHAHA This movie's going to SUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK !!!!!!!!
-
I'll stick with laughing my ass off at anyone who thinks there is anything remotely scary or sinister about the name Edward. Edward the Vampire. yep, REAL fucking scary.
-
all this fucking around with Vampire mythology is so boringly EMO, try hard and droll...like slowly letting the air out of tires..there's NOTHING scarey much less interesting with this shit..and before some dickhead defends Trueblood...FUCK OFF
stick some inbreds shagging eachother with a bit of leather and everyone drops their shit...i dont give a fuck when it was written..it was shit then too. -
should have been left well enough alone after Blade.
As for those Underpants films...gaaaah -
Either way, this poor sap's "review" is completely skewed and tells us nothing about how good the film is. Only that Saffron was intent on LOVING this movie regardless of how it turned out.Completely USELESS. :(
-
hours after I was gone, at least now you are admitting that you came across as an asshole. Progress of sorts. Now just stick to the anti-masturbation guide posted above, and I'm sure you'll make more progress. And Total Recall is a GOOD film, simply because Verhoeven is a genius.
-
Just in case anyone thinks I'm not paying attention.
-
Edward, 200 years old of cool, Drives a volvo. And I'm not joking.
-
Yeah, I'll take my girlfriend to see Let The Right One In, a actually good vampire movie that involves somewhat of a romance plot. Twilight is nothing more then a machine created to remove the balls of many young men that are forced to sit through this with their annoying, Moley Cyrus lookalike girlfriends. I hope this movie gets aids and dies a horrible death.
-
is fucking awesome! My Sunday night lineup consists on True Blood, then a record Dexter and watch that, then back to HBO for entourage. I'm hooked on True Blood, they should keep that and shit can John From Cincinnati (if they haven't already).
-
"Kristen Stewart reads like a dream"
"with such intensity that I felt tempted to cry several times."
"he stares at her, his face filled with trepidation; as though this moment simultaneously captures his greatest fears and greatest joys all at once."seriously, who wrote this? A 12 year old girl a plant or motherfucking JAMES LIPTON from inside the actors studio? -
but having read her post, it's clear that it's a woman. In this case, I reserve the right to club you like a baby seal, but I suspect that your bias to this is similar to my (wife annoying) bias towards troma.
-
Nov 20, 2008 6:07:35 AM CST
How does this movie have 580 posts?
by i_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looking_for
Has the world gone mad?
-
Just like "Billy The Kid" is a funny title for a cowboy. Ha ha ha.What do you want vampires to be called? Vlad?
-
Can't wait for the talkbacks when his review arrives!
-
funny. I personally would like him to be called Nigel. And are you sure that it wasn't the book he loved, rather than the movie?
-
Pretty sure it was the movie although you could be right as his status simply says "Harry LOVED Twilight".I'm sure I read a previous article where he claimed not to have read any of the books but I'm sure we'll find out soon.
-
Sorry about this.
-
Why is it that if you turn on millions of little girls you're a genius and if you turn on one little girl you get arrested?
-
Nov 20, 2008 8:38:20 AM CST
200 year old pedopire+teen gash+mormons=Twilight twinks
by stuntcock mike
-
"The names Hank. Hank Dracula. TWO! TWO PINEAPPLES! HA HA HA!"**sound of thunder**
-
...Butters.....per se.
-
Flicka: Sorry to be so rational. I will try to be more annoying fan-girl next time so you guys can flame me. Lost Jarv: Yes, I am in fact a woman, which I think I stated in my post. Go ahead and club me like a baby seal. I would totally understand. I know us Twilighters can get very annoying at times (to say the least)... hence why i try to be a little more rational than some. I know my boyfriend gets annoyed at me for talking about it... even though he read all four books AND took a vacation day from work to go to the midnight movie tonight. He likes it more than he lets on. Ha ha.
-
Nov 20, 2008 9:20:41 AM CST
Somebody call the Winchesters to decapitate this Edward fool
by turketron
Drives a Volvo? A 100 year old virgin? Still in High School? Doesn't feed on human blood? What a bitchmade piece of shit excuse for a vampire! Probably shops at Hot Topic. BURN THAT SHIT TO THE GROUND, IT'S IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO TURN THE VAMPIRES BACK TO NORMAL.
-
Wow, if you thought the first book was terrible, just be very, very thankful you didn't read the fourth one. I made it through the first 3 books, and they were okay... a good beach read, something you can turn your mind off for and just go along with it. The 4th was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. I bought the series, but I think I'll sell the 4th book and pretend it was never written.
-
"BE THANKFUL FOR YOUNG PUSSY. IT STRETCHES MOST GENEROUSLY."
-
I hope Herc does a TB for the last episode. The charcters are all fucking great. Jason is a hilarious mimbo. Tara is a loudmouth badass but lovable somehow. Sookie is just cute. Bill is cool as shit but has a dark side. Eric is a badass. Amy was a hot piece. The cops are hilarious dimwits. Sam is pretty cool now that he has stopped whining so much. And Lafayette is badass homo that crooked politicians and dumb redneck patrons don't want to fuck with.
-
is the new Billy Zabka, you know it be true..
-
"I'm 200 years old, and I invented ass fucking. Now take off those invisible underwear and start sucking like we're back in Utah bitches!"
-
You bastard....you got me fucking hooked on Mitt Romney jokes. I got one going on every fucking TB. Awwww damn. This is too fun. -
She kicked him out because he was beating the shit out of Sam. It was justified.
-
Invisible gotch be damned.
-
Nov 20, 2008 11:34:34 AM CST
I'm Glad 14 y.o. Girls Are So Into This. Glad!
by slyandthefamilystallone
I've been waiting for a chance to exact my revenge. This is a movie they really, really want to see. Now I can go to the movies and put my feet up, talk to my friends, send text messages, play with my ringtones, run up and down the aisle shouting, "Stacey, where are you?", laugh at serious moments and comment on how fucking ridiculous the movie is. See how they like it. Bitches.
-
Virgin: Shouldn't we use a condom?
Mitt: I am wearing a condom honey. Its invisible. -
Nov 20, 2008 11:37:24 AM CST
SLYANDTHEFAMILYSTONE - NOW THAT IS A BRILLIANT PLAN
by bringingsexyback
Definitely worth the ticket price.
"Stacey, where are you?" ... LOLOLllLLLL -
The Whoremons.
-
God damn that would be great.
-
Best plan ever.
-
Her name is stacey. She has the perfect anus for a gay vampire to felch.
-
....I hear he even fucks the ghosts of Holocaust victims.
-
NO HOLE WILL GO UNFILLED.
-
"Plus there all too fucking old."
-
Fucking sick. Even the word makes me sick.
-
I saw a promo for the upcoming season. It looks like it's going to be surprisingly badass.
-
I hear he fingered the spirit of Hitler's anus.
-
Nov 20, 2008 11:57:04 AM CST
I'm pretty sure Mitt wrote "Get Buck In Here"
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Don't make me get buck in here!!
Shorty drop em to the ground like she ain't got manners
Too much booty for one man to handle
When all I need is a one night scandal
And ima get buck in here!!
Damn lil' momma you know you fit my standards
You the type to make me grip that handle
Lick shots in the air, bustin' that grandam
While you make it clap clap clap clap clap
You gotta shake that thang, shake that thang
While you make it clap clap clap clap clap
Just shake that thang, shake that thang -
It was made for 12-16yr old girls who are exploring their budding sexuality for the first time...their minds racing with dark, delirious thoughts, lust racing through their veins...they will return home after this cinematic masturbation for the female tween crowd, flushed and heated. Running past their parents they will lock themselves away in their rooms and re-read all the books in one heart pounding session. Later..after leaving the window ajar..they will explore themselves in a fit of unbridled Twilight fueled passion..their long coltish legs opening just wide enough for a trembling hand to slowly, gingerly, slide towards that part of them that begs to be unlocked from its cage, heart pounding, Hello Kitty watching on and with thoughts of Twilight vampires seering their tender minds they will in one blindingly hot orgasmic moment propel themselves into womanhood.
-
Just right.**rubs hands together**
-
JJ's STar Trek Reboot/Rape.
-
Don't forget to giggle and say "OhMyGod" every three minutes...
-
Nov 20, 2008 12:17:00 PM CST
12-16 yr old girls think a Vamipre's cock is non-threatening
by stuntcock mike
Mitt Romney will tell you different. He will tell you it's like being ass-stabbed with a 200 year old rusty claw hammer.
-
That's pretty good. I need you on my writing team.
-
But Edward is a pretty douchey name for a Vampire. Luckily he does indeed sound like a comlette Douche.
It's like Tim the Enchanter. -
hxxp://s93.photobucket.com/albums/l63/bmartz77/?action=view¤t=40yrdvirgn06.jpg
-
I'll be in the bathroom if you need me.
-
Link didn't work even with spaces removed. Try TinyURL.
-
http://tiny.cc/3bGQk
-
I got it. Funny.
-
Nov 20, 2008 12:50:00 PM CST
anyone remember The Last Vampire books by Christopher Pike?
by turketron
Read some of those as a kid and I remember them being quite good. Had vampires that actually fucked shit up and stuff...
-
Did he write those series of books where a girl died and became a ghost and tried to solve the mystery of her death. I remember there were teen books like that I read where they described death very well....
-
I just did a search for him on amazon, and the books you're referring to look to be the Remember Me series. I never read those.
-
I'm back and... wow, this got vulgar and funny real quick.
-
And coming back to spend the night at one or another's house.
That much untapped self-lust would no doubt spill over into each other, causing the parents downstairs to wonder if the girls are moving furniture.
In reality, they have both just torn through whatever social barrier that kept them from slamming their mouths together in deep kiss. Tongues probing deep into each other, while hands find their way onto trembling bodies that explode into a purpose-driven mission.
In an instance one breaks free from the kiss and goes down the others neck, instantly transforming one into a submissive posture on the bed, eyes closed and arching her back in wild pleasure.
The other quickly pulls her shirt up and grabs her bra to expose her breasts, heaving with each deeper breath.
She quickly grabs the bottom of the breast to cup it and give the nipple a hard lick and a quick full-mouth suck.
She goes to the other breast and gives it the same attention while her friend bites her bottom lip and starts unbuttoning her pants, lifting her back up to make sure her ass in the air to allow the pants no resistance in coming down and being kicked to the floor.
That's when one girl quickly takes a hand and slides it down to a waiting passion that it already hot and wet.
To her surprise a hand is already down there, quickly sliding up and down, going deeper and deeper until two fingers are quickly jammed in, causing a squeal of pleasure that is muted by a pillow that ironically says 'Hello Kitty!'
-
What.....no fisting?
-
His hymen regenerates every time.And yes, he does have one... cuz he's a BITCH.
-
PROFIT!!!
-
people were walking in the room and I had to log out and wrap it up.
I was thinking of one of them adding fingers until she felt the girl wiggle her hips in pain and back one out to add it to her ass. -
Also make one of the girl's be on the rag....lightly. Its almost over.
-
...come into the room the excuse is that they were just playing leap frog, right?
-
I'd go with The Legend of Zelda.
-
...I guest leap frog wouldn't work as an excuse for two girls. Maybe "checking for lumps" would be better.
-
All the youngsters are doing it.
-
Nov 20, 2008 2:48:32 PM CST
They were playing "Baste the bald taco with your quivering tongu
by turketron
-
The creepy facial distortions on the corpses were caused during by orgasmic fury
-
My typing's gone to shit
-
roflOLma
-
Kind of like the old punchline..
-
I guess he uses Rustoleum for lubricant.
*starts spraying as his thighs tighten up..* -
Vampire: "I have wandered in my own wilderness for 200 years. Never in my lonely travels have I met one, such as you, whose soul is the perfect match for mine. Long have I yearned to feel the joy of love, of companionship. I have found you, and you have saved me. Your beauty ... your heart ... you are the savior of this humble man ..."
16 Tween: "Shut UP!! Really? That's so awesome." -
"I have a serious case of crotch rot."
-
What car do you drive...?
-
"As you are riding me and my thighs tighten up and I give you the tap to get off, you really better get the hell out of the way."
-
"Oww oww watch the teeth!"
-
"Suck me beautiful!"
-
Priesthood leaders several times per year interview Mormons. Men, generally a Bishop or a Stake President, conduct these interviews in private. Questions regarding personal "worthiness" are conducted.
Mormons are asked if they believe in God. They are asked if they sustain the current Prophet and "recognize him as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys". They are asked if they sustain current Mormon General Authorities. They are asked if they live the law of chastity. They are asked if they keep the word of wisdom. They are asked if they are full tithe-payers (those who are not cannot receive temple recommends).
Any Mormons who cannot answer yes to all of these questions run the risk of loosing their temple recommends or loosing positions in the Church. This sets up a systematic progression of lies that are continued into adulthood.
Children as young as 8 years old are asked if they masturbate. Children as young as 12 years old are asked if they masturbate or have "petted" or have "necked" with a partner. Many Mormon children have no idea what any of these terms are. If the child has committed any of these "sins", they are pressed for details. Many are then scorned and told that their acts will lead them to hell. Those who have masturbated are then denied the sacrament and must then be interviewed by the Bishop on a weekly basis until the masturbation has stopped. Mormon children grow up sexually repressed and many grow up emotionally insecure about their own sexuality.
Parents are not allowed in the room at the same time these sexual questions are asked. Mormon parents are not allowed to question Mormon Priesthood authority and do not hesitate to turn their male and female children over to men behind closed doors.
The Mormon Curtain firmly believes that adult men asking sexual questions of minors behind closed doors is a criminal act. -
You joke....but it is a decent thing to do to call her "BEAUTIFUL" if you are asking she put your smelly, sweaty dick in her mouth.
-
Mormon priest: "Do you masturbate?"
Young Chitty: "If it is clear and not white does that count?"
Mormon priest: "Hmmm" -
"Jesus Stacey! This is gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys! Let's go see Bond!"
-
Until you have to scream "No more Mr. Nice Guy, on your knees bitch!!"
-
It keeps the mind sharp and the tweens close.
-
I swear your dick will not sweat, but the girl will cough up a plume of smoke afterwards.
-
I'm on the fucking floor man ...
-
"Is this the prequel to Fright Night!"
Warning this will also reveal your age, which will bring out NBC's Chris Hanson from behind the curtian to ponder the reasons on camera of you being there.. -
I wouldn't tell people to go and see QoS. Sure it's better than Twilight, but stubbing a toe is better than having your leg cut off - doesn't mean I'd tell people to stub their toe.
-
non-loaf busting in a 12 year olds ass. Demand it!
-
But only if your dick is a FOOT long!
-
DO IT FOR BERNIE!!
-
Has a point. I'd pay if that film was ever going to come to fucking Eng-er-land.
-
Spackle that shit like stucco Mittski.
-
Sorry, I'm not 16, and I'm not a chick. I seriously doubt I'll be seeing this one.
-
Yep. Residing in Wales currently. And QoS is only just now ending at the main cinema, and starting a three week run at the Arthouse cinema.
-
"Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them." And Brother Mitt, stepped out from his home wearing nothing but a satin brazere and commended, "I'M 200 YEAR OLD, NOW SUCK THESE BALLS!!"
-
He would have bent that bear over, fucked it in the ass and screamed, "That ass is mine. LDS FO' LIFE!!"
-
Other things to shout.
-
Nov 20, 2008 4:25:59 PM CST
But his crusty unused 200 y/o cock will feel like burnt toast
by turketron
-
I'd like someone to chant 'CHANGE THE FILM' and 'THIS FILM SUCKS' as loud as they can.
-
when he finally blows his 200 year old load.
-
...amazing. I can see Mitt crouched in the shadows in the barn, milking the lips like a hissing rattler and whispering, "Yes.......yes.....my........precious...."
-
shout it!
-
Forget Blade, someone call Shaft.
-
They both pop on youngster's faces.
-
Twilight can have PocketKnife. A young hybrid that hunts others.
-
THE CELERY STALKS AT MIDNIGHT
-
But I have discovered images of the famous "MAGICAL UNDERWEAR". Brothers....gather 'round. http://preview.tinyurl.com/84c3t
-
Billy-Boy Cassidy and The Emo Kid.
-
Young vamp drawing blood not from neck of victim, but licking the cherry-popped sheets of victims like Jerry Tarkanian did those towels for UNLV.
-
Call her EMOry board.
-
To members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the temple garment represents the sacred and personal aspects of their relationship with God. For this reason, Church leaders discourage members from discussing the garment in a casual or disrespectful manner. One church leader has compared the garment to the clerical vestments worn by clergy of other churches.[7]
Church leaders have publicly discussed the above principles and beliefs since the mid-1840s, however, because of the sacredness surrounding temple rites and the garment to many Latter-day Saints, some people have utilized it as a source of humor and parody.[8] Mormon opponents who sold garments on internet auction sites have been criticized.[9]
During the October 2003 General Conference of the Church, some anti-Mormon demonstrators outside the LDS Conference Center reportedly spat and stomped on garments in view of those attending the conference. A scuffle broke out between a protestor and two members of the church who attempted to take the garments from him.[10] To avoid a repeat of the conflict, the municipality of Salt Lake City planned stronger enforcement of fighting words and hate speech laws for the April 2004 Conference in Salt Lake City with new protest buffer zones.
-
Tastes like CHERRIES.
*HARD CUT TO BLACK*
*ROLL CREDITS* -
Peachy!
-
Yeah, that's fucked up. PedoBear would be proud, but most other people would be sickened. I mean it's a LITTLE KID for Christ sake.
-
Thats not fucked up. How do you think our Lord Savior Mitt Romney found his bride? He was only 146 years old when she was born and he told her one day they shall wed and he would be her King. ALL HAIL THE MITT!
-
Mormon beliefs are dangerous and oppressive and I don't take this shit lightly. Obviously this Twilight cunt has infused her whacky cult themes into her books and the whole planet ate the shit she fed them like blind mice. -
Ages 12-16 only. Unisex. With a hole for the fudge tunnel. NOW WITH THE OPTIONAL "SOFT MOUTH" ATTACHMENT.
-
Some scrawny, pasty dweeb dressed in black is gonna get laid like a manman after those frustrated, sexed up little minxes stumble from that theater.
-
Is pale, neurotic sex worth it?
-
Harry...Please...a simple edit function.
-
There is nothing hotter than a issue laden, vampire fantasizing girl who wants nothing more than to swim in her darkest, most secret desires. Her smooth almost hairless and translucent skin contrasting against the pitch black of her lace or latex clothing...the pink firmness of her aching vagina peeking from behind her bat adorned black lace thong...her ruby red lips part as her black eyelined eyes close tight in anticipation of the first hot touch of lust.
-
always use a Motel 6...and never..ever let them know your address. lmao
-
some have cinder blocks for walls. Easier to wipe off DNA-rich cum and cherry blood also laced with DNA to which District Attorney's can label the case a "Slam Dunk."
-
Damned good advice!
Plus..cinderblock walls are easier to get the wrist restraints and ankle irons screwed into! -
Also cinderblock masks sounds better and after wrapping a head in a towel, can be a good blunt device to which you can make someone "understand" that you mean business.
-
This is one insane TB.
-
Just wait till May 2009 when "Starfleet Academy the Musical" hits the screens!
Set Flaming Posts to Kill! -
I've no desire to see the film. It's not made for me, at all. So I'll juat laugh at the vitirol.
-
That makes me smile in a 'oh, it's on' kinda way.
-
That makes me smile in a 'oh, it's on' kinda way.
-
It will be full of Mormon baiting, pederastic,sex joke goodness and them some.
-
Whose more fucked up? A virgin Vampire or Pedo-Wolf?
-
I've thought about getting the books, but have held off on them for one reason or another (or unless I get a kickass Borders Rewards coupon like a 2 for 1 deal). The Mormons are taking enough righteous heat for the passage of Prop 8. But I admit I'm out of the loop on how the Twilight quadrilogy is Mormon propaganda.
-
as tweens nationwide shake and shudder in orgasmic delight when they get home.
Hence the need for new sheets and handsoap to wash the busted-cherry-soaked fingers of tweens.
Clamidia, meet Clamato juice. -
Come on, I leave you guys alone for a day, and let this shit slip?
-
... you have said some funny fucking stuff.
-
Nov 20, 2008 6:43:28 PM CST
We have Twilight so this shit writes itself Neurom4ncer
by chittychittygangbang
I just have to pulg in the gaps (pun intended) like frog DNA at a Jurassic Park research facility.
Although it would have been better if they had used Tasmanian Devil DNA instead of frog DNA to fill gene sequence gaps.
That triceratops would have been going apeshit with his ravenous beak/maw. -
Michael Vick would make millions with a stadium of dinos like that.
Undercard would be bronto neck-swinging thunderfest.
Main draw would be T-Rex vs. Raptor vs. Mormon throwdown. -
lying there like a constipated... triceratops.
So if they don't drink human blood, do they drink/eat animal period? Because that'd be fucking rad to see in a film. -
I hear it's pretty rich in iron. If I were to re-invent Vampires, i'd make them drink piss. It would be so much more offensive to middle-cinema viewers.
-
The wind would hit just right, causing hundreds of noses to rise in the air and wiggle in olfactory bliss.
Then the stampedes of carnivors would march to the bloody source.
I would by tickets to that, beer and brat in hand. -
fucking love that shit, but I wouldn't take him. Because of all the Mormons, you see.
-
I'm talking stinking logs just stiff enough to be placed on a hot dog bun without breaking into chunks.
I would allow hot sauce to give Tabasco a shameless product placement plug. -
Dinosaur vs Vampire smackdown. Mormons would be long gone.
-
unless Raptors learn how to make cool commercials that tickle your sympathy bone.
Although Jehovah's Witness' would had a cardio advantage and could rope-a-dope their way to a win based on stamina. -
Wait for a torrent of this crap to come online, i'll download it, fuck you DRM copyright bitches. I'll then edit it together with 180 Days Of Sodom/Salo and re-release the fucking thing. You get first dibs Chitty.
-
"You are the one thing that has kept me..." [cut] "eating faeces. It tastes different with every girl."
-
Instead of music remixes, we can have movie remixes.
-
I think we're onto a winner. I'll give Fox Searchlight a call in the morning, let them know we've got another one for them.
-
He raises up from her shit-crusted buttocks and asks..."Is this Iowa?"
She says "No, shrimp boil party had corn on the cob."
-
Lemme get my copy of Salo ripped and i'll get the best sequences... y'know what would be more fun? Can't someone just *replace* the Twilight reels with a copy of Salo? That'd really get the kids wet.
-
... like I know what the fuck a Shrimp Boil Party is.
-
This is really making me want to put bad things in the script i've gotta write for University...
-
He was such a silly goose.
-
It is a HUGE pot filled with shrimp, shrimp mix (premixed and bought at store), sausage and corn on the cob boiled together.
Then it is dumped on a table and you can pick out the shrimp, potatos, sausage and corn and put them on a plate and eat.
Goes great with light beer and makes your shit look like a corn-eyed baby. -
But alas, no De Sade version.
I bet those seatbelts would clinch tight. -
It's a bunch of queer crap! I'm sure there will be a ton of fat goth chicks at the theaters tomorrow.
-
Nov 20, 2008 7:16:28 PM CST
With their milky-white asses sweating through their black denim
by chittychittygangbang
I bet more bloated moose-knuckles will be pounded tomorrow night than all the Pig Parties in history.
-
you gotta admit it brings out the best in talkbackers... funny funny stuff today!
-
... of a new era; one in which moustachioed ladies take the back seats of the cinema, shuffling in, wearing their three-quarter length leather jackets, black leggings and New Rocks. hose unlucky enough to be seated close to the back will assume that they're getting a lot of text messag... wait a minut - I recognise that BZZZZZZ
-
Unlike the fingers of the Goth chicks that will force them into orfaces that have never felt stimulation beyond the bouncy seat of a school bus.
-
Female arrests for lewd behavior will go up, Hugh Hefner will die of syphilis and be replaced by Roseanne Barr/Arnold/What-The-Fuck-Ever. New World Order. Of dirty women. Soon enough guys will be fighting for their rights and throwing themselves under horses n shit.
-
Menacing bees.
Although the lights will also go dim as batteries will only last through the first act and toys will have to be plugged into sockets.
Teeth will be chipped.... -
orafaeces.
-
I'm gonna keep going until we get to number two...
"That's what she said... huh huh" -
Sounds pretty good, huh?
-
Boo-ya.
-
drink to excess and smoke a lot of pot. Two thumbs up.
-
are beyond having cherries.
More like bloated ripe black plums.
With a big fat bloody seed that has to be picked up between trembling fingers wrapped in issue.
Although you can suck on them for hours and still get that fresh cod taste... -
be down with all the scat we had in mind earlier. "Woden hath decreed that you eat my poo, Lilith."
-
Keep the faith.
-
Nov 20, 2008 7:56:23 PM CST
Wiccan chicks' dildos have goat horns for handles
by chittychittygangbang
also the big ears wipe away the sweat gel that looks like toothpaste.
The ushers will have to wipe away seats with bleach and industrial vaccums. -
does this mean that the site is run by his wife, and that Harry is just a mascot now?
That would explain a lot of the recent trends around here.... -
Fat Wiccan No. 1: "Lilith, did you have corn today?" as she wipes the corners of her mouth..
Fat Wiccan No. 2: "No that was three days ago, I've been constipated..." -
Well, what say you?
-
I bet the simultaneuos expelling of tension-held queefs will decompress theater and give entire audience a fatal case of the bends.
-
Nov 20, 2008 9:18:36 PM CST
The blatting queefs would be the equivalent of...
by chittychittygangbang
A vodka-fueled comrade kicking open the door of the Red October at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.
People will look like Ah-nuld and his lady friend gasping for air at the end of Total Recall.
Shit, I'm making myself laugh... -
Do they also drive a volvo, hit on children, abstain from intercourse, only have anal sex, and treat women like they're objects? Ahh young Mormon romance, so beautiful.
-
I'm totally fuking sickof all the hype around this thing. It better be good!!!
-
Go to the early show and stand outside and see if you can quell the tide of squealing Wiccan tweens, eager to get home and "release a spell".
They will power this thing past James Bond in a symphony of eager squeaks and queefs. -
"Oh shit I just came in my pants!"
-
I will have to select the low-range transfer case setting to power up the street which will be flooded with busted-cherry discharge.
-
To sit at the front of the theater and look through the lenses of a infrared lense like the Predator.
It will look like every tween girl has a camp fire happily cracking and popping in their laps. -
Will see this movie. It looks like that movie the Covenant. YAWN!
-
Don't forget Fat Fugly Black chicks, Fat Fugly Latino chicks, Fat Fugly Indian chicks, Fat Fugly Asian chicks, Fat Fugly Native American chicks, Fat Fugly European chicks, Fat Fugly Spainard chicks, Fat Fugly Artic chicks, Fat Fugly Korean chicks, Fat Fugly Russian chicks, Fat Fugly half breed chicks, Fat Fugly tri breed chicks, Fat Fugly Middle Eastern chicks, Fat Fugly Alaskan chicks, Fat Fugly little people chicks...etc, etc.
-
Nov 20, 2008 10:04:23 PM CST
Here a Fat Fugly chick, there a Fat Fugly chick
by chittychittygangbang
Old McDonald had a farm, T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T!
-
Then they could call the sequel Bilight.
Vampires + Bicurious tweens = $$$ -
Nov 20, 2008 10:30:15 PM CST
SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT I BRING AN IMPORTANT VIDEO FOR DICKBLOOD
by bringingsexyback
Sarah Palin interviewed while turkeys are slaughtered in background ... enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-kjM1asH-8 -
Nov 20, 2008 10:32:45 PM CST
ANOTHER OFFENSIVE THING TO SAY IN THE THEATER DURING TWILIGHT
by bringingsexyback
"How about daddy and his princess play Edward and Bella tonight?"
-
Mormonism is the gift that keeps on giving ... in talkbacks.
-
R.I.P. Bella ...
-
thank god teenaged girls only have so much money...
-
Vampire: "I am a 200 year old virgin."
Kate Winslet: "Sorry, I only do guys 16 and under." -
"I'll be back."
"When?"
"About 200 years. Give or take." -
Edward: "I wish I knew how to quit you!"
Thomas: "Baby don't! It's like you're driving a stake through my heart!" -
Edward: "I know where you can drive your stake."
Thomas: "I'll get the Anal Ease gel and sandpaper to prevent splinters." -
Just saw Bond, that kicked muthafuckin ASS!! Fuckin tweens should go see that.
-
Where Arnold snaps the fuckin twig lead dude in half cuz he's a vampire but oh such a pussy.
-
I think it's great that the kids are getting back into the Electric Light Orchestra.
-
so let's move the funny stuff over there now, shall we? It'll need something to balance out the vitriol Harry's praises is gonna attract...
-
When emo-twat heroine has to give birth to half vampire mutant baby (despite the fact that as a member of the undead he should be firing blanks, but lets not let logic get in the way of a shit narrative), it starts trying to chew its way out (not ripping off Alien or nothin', honest, on the immortal soul of Joseph Smith), so Edward/Nigel/ Drippycunt has to use his diamond hard teeth to perform an emergency C-section on her. He chomps that little mutant half baby loose, then licks his lips afterwards and says "tastes like chicken". And the bitch still doesn't have the decency to die.
-
Nov 21, 2008 3:54:47 AM CST
Starring the guy from harry potter who was even MORE BORING than
by sepulchrave
Urgh. Vampires for brainless middle-school Bratz. Go watch that Swedish vampire thing instead' Let the Right Ones In. That was excellent.
-
I say we take this party over to Harry's glowing review of Twilight. We gotta raise a serious stink. The reputation of this entire fucking website is on the line.
-
AHAHAHHAHHA-HAHAHAHA-HA-HA!
-
Nov 21, 2008 10:36:17 AM CST
Even my fiancee didn't much care for it...
by half-baked-goggle-box-do-gooder
Not particularly, anyway - And she's a member of the Fan Club and does all of the same shit that we dirtclods do except for the sneer-at-other-fans part. (She's a much nicer person than I am.)
I knew virtually nothing about the backstory going in, but surveying the audience as they filed in gave me the willies - 99% female, 98% of that adolescent, and a (forgive me) unavoidably noticeable percentage of those were small groups of loud, morbidly obese swooners, tricked out in every imaginable piece of "Twilight" merch - it was like a crowd of chickenshit, fake-Goth "Rocky Horror" wannabes.
Wannabes in the sense of an entire mini-subculture of girls that will never even find the nerve to become a Janet BEFORE she gets hipped to the possibilities of liberation - A bunch of nervous, sexually-terrified delusionistas, who if they ever DO land a similarly pathetic male will probably cling to the entire "Beautiful Abstinence" bullshit even AFTER the marriage, instead of growing the fuck up. The unwashed, tatted-up, high-school-drop-out, WalMart-employee, Sarah-Palin-voting Jesus Freaks of the future. Yee...Ikes.
Suffice to say, the AUDIENCE creeped me out far more than the fucking MOVIE did. Not one remotely frightening or threatening moment in the whole thing, and I'm no high-tolerance gorehound fan of slasher shit, either - To me, a good horror movie is "The Silence Of The Lambs" or "Near Dark" or even "Apt Pupil" - movies that fuck with you, that confront uncomfortable ideas about society and personal identity
But this "Twilight" is just pure grade-school romantic pablum for the permanently afraid. Afraid to live, afraid to color outside the lines, afraid to experience anything that might actually hurt them - this movie does not CONFRONT those fears, it CONGRATULATES them. Shit, the closest thing to a subversive idea that I could detect was the idea of the heroine being the sexual predator, and the boyfriend holding on to the Abstinence ideal, instead of the usual Other-Way-Around. The Perfect Boyfriend for future Control Freaks - every other girl in the school wants him, but he only has eyes for The One - and he's too shit-scared to even ATTEMPT the tiniest molecule of rebellion or violation or any expression of plain old Male Pride - his entire act is one long moping whine of "I'm not GOOD enough for you." Keep the kind of woman that lives for that bullshit the fuck away from me, Thank You Very Much.
And the FX DO suck on ice, by the way. -
Nov 21, 2008 11:28:35 AM CST
"Y'know, I can collapse the bones in my had. That way
by stuntcock mike
it'll fight right up your 13 year old toilet."----Actual dialog.
-
But the VERY EXISTENCE OF THIS BAT-SHIT FRANCHISE makes people uncomfortable. Does that count ?
-
Mar 19, 2009 3:10:54 AM CDT
Huh? Why is this months old review on the front page again?
by derlanghaarige
-
Meaning artificially inflating the post count so it registers on the front page. More than likely the perpetrator got banned and his posts removed
-
............................
………………….._,,-~’’’¯¯¯’’~-,,
………………..,-‘’ ; ; ;_,,---,,_ ; ;’’-,…………………………….._,,,---,,_
……………….,’ ; ; ;,-‘ , , , , , ‘-, ; ;’-,,,,---~~’’’’’’~--,,,_…..,,-~’’ ; ; ; ;__;’-,
……………….| ; ; ;,’ , , , _,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯’’~’-,,_ ,,-~’’ , , ‘, ;’,
……………….’, ; ; ‘-, ,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-, , , , , ,’ ; |
…………………’, ; ;,’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-, , ,-‘ ;,-‘
………………….,’-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-‘ ;,,-‘
………………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;__ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,’
………………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’¯: : ’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; _ ; ; ; ; ;’,
……………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| : : : : : ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’¯: ¯’’-, ; ; ;’,
…………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,_: : _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | : : : : : ; ; ; |
……………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-,,_ : :,-‘ ; ; ; ;|
…………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-~’’ , , , , ,,,-~~-, , , , _ ; ; ;¯¯ ; ; ; ; ;|
..…………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ , , , , , , ,( : : : : , , , ,’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|
……….,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’, , , , , , , , ,’~---~’’ , , , , , ,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
…….,-‘’ ; _, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’~-,,,,--~~’’’¯’’’~-,,_ , ,_,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
….,-‘’-~’’,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; | . . . . . . ,’; ,’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,_ ; ‘-,
……….,’ ; ;,-, ; ;, ; ; ;, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ;’, . . . . .,’ ;,’ ; ; ; ;, ; ; ;,’-, ; ;,’ ‘’~--‘’’
………,’-~’ ,-‘-~’’ ‘, ,-‘ ‘, ,,- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ‘~-,,,-‘’ ; ,’ ; ; ; ; ‘, ;,-‘’ ; ‘, ,-‘,
……….,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ‘’ ; ; ;’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’-,,_ ; ; ; _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ;’-‘’ ; ; ; ‘’ ; ;’-,
……..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;¯¯’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-,
……,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,
…..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|..’-,_ ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’’,-~’ ; ; ; ; ; ,’
…,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’~-,,,,,--~~’’’’’’~-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…..,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-
…| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
…’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’….’, ; ; ; ; _,,-‘’
….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’~~’’¯
…..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;_,,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
………’’~-,,_ ; ; ; ; _,,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
………..| ; ; ;¯¯’’’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘
………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
…………| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|
…………’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ~-,,___ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘….’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
………..,’ ‘- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’……….’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
……….,’ ; ;’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-‘…………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’…………………’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |
……..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘………………………’’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…………………………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’………………………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’’
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ;,’……………………….,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
……..’,_ , ; , ;,’……………………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
………’,,’,¯,’,’’|……………………….| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘--,,
………….¯…’’………………………..’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~,,
……………………………………………’’-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~-,,
………………………………………………..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ,,_ ; ;’-,’’-,
…………………………………………………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,__,--.
……………………………………………………’-, ; ; ;,,-~’’’ , ,|, |
………………………………………………………’’~-‘’_ , , ,,’,_/--‘
-
.......................................................................
………………….._,,-~’’’¯¯¯’’~-,,
………………..,-‘’ ; ; ;_,,---,,_ ; ;’’-,…………………………….._,,,---,,_
……………….,’ ; ; ;,-‘ , , , , , ‘-, ; ;’-,,,,---~~’’’’’’~--,,,_…..,,-~’’ ; ; ; ;__;’-,
……………….| ; ; ;,’ , , , _,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯’’~’-,,_ ,,-~’’ , , ‘, ;’,
……………….’, ; ; ‘-, ,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-, , , , , ,’ ; |
…………………’, ; ;,’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-, , ,-‘ ;,-‘
………………….,’-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’-‘ ;,,-‘
………………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;__ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,’
………………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;,-‘’¯: : ’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; _ ; ; ; ; ;’,
……………..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;| : : : : : ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’¯: ¯’’-, ; ; ;’,
…………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,_: : _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | : : : : : ; ; ; |
……………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ¯¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’-,,_ : :,-‘ ; ; ; ;|
…………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-~’’ , , , , ,,,-~~-, , , , _ ; ; ;¯¯ ; ; ; ; ;|
..…………,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ; ;,’ , , , , , , ,( : : : : , , , ,’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|
……….,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ; ;’, , , , , , , , ,’~---~’’ , , , , , ,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
…….,-‘’ ; _, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’~-,,,,--~~’’’¯’’’~-,,_ , ,_,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
….,-‘’-~’’,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; | . . . . . . ,’; ,’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,_ ; ‘-,
……….,’ ; ;,-, ; ;, ; ; ;, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ;’, . . . . .,’ ;,’ ; ; ; ;, ; ; ;,’-, ; ;,’ ‘’~--‘’’
………,’-~’ ,-‘-~’’ ‘, ,-‘ ‘, ,,- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ‘~-,,,-‘’ ; ,’ ; ; ; ; ‘, ;,-‘’ ; ‘, ,-‘,
……….,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ‘’ ; ; ;’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘’-,,_ ; ; ; _,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ;’-‘’ ; ; ; ‘’ ; ;’-,
……..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;¯¯’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;’’-,
……,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,
…..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|..’-,_ ; ; ; , ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; | ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’’,-~’ ; ; ; ; ; ,’
…,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;’~-,,,,,--~~’’’’’’~-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…..,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-
…| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
…’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’….’, ; ; ; ; _,,-‘’
….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…….’’~~’’¯
…..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;_,,-‘’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
………’’~-,,_ ; ; ; ; _,,,-~’’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
………..| ; ; ;¯¯’’’’¯ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘
………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘
…………| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;|
…………’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ~-,,___ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘….’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;‘,
………..,’ ‘- ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’……….’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘,
……….,’ ; ;’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ,,-‘…………….’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’,
………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,-‘’…………………’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |
……..,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,,-‘………………………’’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; |
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’…………………………,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;,’
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’………………………..,-‘ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,’’
……..| ; ; ; ; ; ;,’……………………….,-‘ ;; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
……..’,_ , ; , ;,’……………………….,’ ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ,-‘
………’,,’,¯,’,’’|……………………….| ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘--,,
………….¯…’’………………………..’-, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~,,
……………………………………………’’-,, ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;’’~-,,
………………………………………………..’’-, ; ; ; ; ; ,,_ ; ;’-,’’-,
…………………………………………………..’, ; ; ; ; ; ; ‘-,__,--.
……………………………………………………’-, ; ;;,,-~’’’ , ,|, |
………………………………………………………’’~-‘’_ , , ,,’,_/--‘
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 435 total posts 435 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 88 total posts 88 posts
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 86 total posts 80 posts
- Rest In Peace Bethesda’s Adam Adamowicz -- 76 total posts 76 posts
- The Sensorties Revisit The Friday Docback (And Still Smell)!! DOCTOR WHO Story #7 Again, The Coming Of Season/Series 7, And More!! -- 69 total posts 69 posts
- Quint travels to Barsoom and visits the John Carter set!!! -- 127 total posts 62 posts
- SPACE 2099!! -- 159 total posts 61 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 88 total posts 60 posts
- Wanna smell like the Hulk? What about Cap? Consider yourself a Thunder God or a unisex God of Mischief? -- 58 total posts 57 posts
- Ridley Scott's Next Will Be Cormac McCarthy's THE COUNSELOR! -- 50 total posts 50 posts