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Presenting AICN's First Review Of DRAGONBALL...
Beaks here...
Ever since they announced the bargain-basement casting of James Marsters and Emmy Rossum, I've been getting a strong WING COMMANDER vibe from James Wong's DRAGONBALL. Turns out, it might be a little bit better than WING COMMANDER. Praise Jesus.
Hello to all of you,
I am a huge fan of your site and constantly visit here but this will be my first time emailing you about something. I love geek movies because there is nothing better than a well made geek movie. Well after watching the 95-100 minutes (excluding credits) of the movie i say this movie was solid. Ya you heard that right. I simply love the anime but I was very very nervous about it being made by fox. After all the studio has been making nothing but shit lately. Another reason why I was worried about this movie is that the director is James Wong who made final destination 1 & 3 and The one starring Jet Li. What I watched had unfinished sfx and with no scoring done yet. Also... they will be adding one or two scenes which will be shot sometime end of october.
Now let me list the positives of this movie
1) Action - I wasn't expecting the action scenes to be as awesome as they were. Simply put the best thing about this movie. The last action scene of Goku vs. Picollo are simply amazing and when picollo takes out his huge fucking ass sword with weird rectangle shape tablet attached it at the tip of sword and slamming it on goku was fucking awesome. Lot of blowing shit up, super cool flying scenes, awesome ki blasts. This fight scene was around 13-15 minutes long. There are other small action scenes that are fun and entertaining with slo mo but nowhere as good as the picollo vs. goku scene.
2) James Marsters as Picollo was awesome. He was perfect as picollo. Very mean and a villain that makes you say fuck ya kick all their asses. Oh and Picollo transforms into a light greenish color picollo towards the end of the movie.
3) Justin Chatwin as Goku. This guy surprised me a lot. I really didn't like him when they casted him as goku but he did a damn good job in the acting department and he nailed the KAMEHAMEHA line.
4) Oozaru - the giant monkey is in the movie. Goku turns into a 8-9 feet tall giant baboon when he looks at the moon. It was awesome looking though a bit CGI. Maybe they will fix it later.
5) Emmy Rossum as Bulma- She was really really good in this role. I liked how she never acted like a wimpy girl and eventhough she knows she can't win against the evil forces yet she kicks ass. A strong female role I will say.
6) Fullum Assasins - I thought adding these monsters were bad idea but they were pretty damn cool and there was an enitre scene where Goku and his friends fight these monsters and that fight scene was pretty damn good.
7) Joon Park as Yamcha was pretty cool. His acting was spot on like the character and they showed some cool fighting techniques of his. The fight scene between him and goku was good.
Negatives
1) Story - Dragonball fans will be dissapointed with some of the changes they have made with stories and characters etc. Krillin isn't in the movie, Tien isn't in the movie too. High school setting for the first 22-23 minutes was so not needed but ah well typical hollywood garbage of adding bullshit like that.
2) Jamie Chung as Chi Chi - Ya this was another casting i didn't like and my worst fears came true. Her acting is as bad as Jessica Alba's in F4 movies but thankfully her screentime isn't that big. I really wished they could have tried harded to find someone else. I hope for sequel she can improve if there is one of course.
3) Chow Yun Fat as Master Roshi - I was dissapointed with this. I wanted the fucking perverted roshi who fucking grabs breasts and asses like in the anime but alas all of that is fucking gone. Also he acted like Mr. Kesuke Miyagi. You know what I mean. The lines he spoke were fine but I felt he was uncomfortable in the movie. Very dissapointed.
4) Shenron the dragon - Ah another huge dissapointment. This is like sentinel in X3 all over again. FUCK FUCK FUCK you fox. So ya they get all the dragonballs and the dragon appears but the dragon is hiding behind fucking clouds and you only see his shadow. The voice of the dragon was provided by none other than Christopher Sabat who provided the voice for the dragon in the american version of the anime. When the dragon spoke it was chilling but damnit it was hiding behind clouds. One can hope they will fix this but chances of that are very slim.
5) Eriko Tamura as Mai was underused character and frankly speaking if that is what their intention was to underuse her then they might as well have not added this character and just added more picollo. Her moments were cool and she basically was there to show her nice boobies but ya she was kinda wasted.
Overall, I would give the movie a 6.5/10 simply because i was expecting disaster but it turned out better. The positives I mentioned coupled with some cool funny goku moments like eating a massive turkey etc. were hilarious. If only Master Roshi was perverted and Shenron was visible I would have given this 9 but ah well they messed up there. Hopefully they will fix shenron as they still have 5 months to movie's release but if not then well fuck you to fox and james wong. But in all seriousness I am glad it aint the disaster I thought it would be. Hopefully you guys will post this. Thank You.
Call me DON
Hard to believe that Chow Yun-Fat could be perceived as a "negative" in dreck like this. But, hey, light-greenish Picollo!
Readers Talkback
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Oct. 26, 2008, 11:36 p.m. CST
How can a live action version of a really shitty anime be good?
by SG7
Seriously? DBX is crap. Unless it's beeing roasted by Robot Chicken, then it is good.
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...is hanging out with Galactus. Yeah, that's lotsa fun.
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Looks like this wont suck completely. Flying? 13 - 15 Minute fight? count me in...
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I did great on Angel/Buffy and looked even better on Smallville as Brainiac. Not really planning on seeing this movie but I have to admit this review creeped me the fuck out. I guess it's just a personal thing with me,but when anime geeks start speaking in there "anime talk" my stomach turns just a little.
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Just on principle, alone...
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Blood WILL flow.
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Still probably wont give a shit about it
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PLANT!!! >:O<p>This movie's crap. Quit wasting our time with fake "reviews."
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Come on.
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I'm seeing this movie just for her. She looks great in it! Movie will probably be medicore, but....I don't care.
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I'll venture a guess that pre-teens are the only ones that will be satisfied by this movie. I've never read the word "awesome" so many times in one piece of "writing." <p> "The last action scene of Goku vs. Picollo are simply amazing and when picollo takes out his huge fucking ass sword with weird rectangle shape tablet attached it at the tip of sword and slamming it on goku was fucking awesome." <p> I just sent that sentence to my Cryptographer buddy figure out what it meant. I'll report back.
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She was freaking amazing in Phantom of the opera...
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And he says at the outset that the movie was "unfinished" and "hoped" that Shenron would be improved when the movie comes out.<p>Proclaiming "I'm a geek and love geeky films!" a first time reviewer, tons of cursing and hyping up as "AWESOME" a film that to everyone who's seen clips or stills looks like a big bucket of slimy poo = PLANT. >:(
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Like Jay reading the e-mails back to the Movie Poop Shoot posters in JASBSB. "I fucking wish they would have made Roshi a fucking pervert..."
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Oct. 27, 2008, 12:15 a.m. CST
I had forgot WING COMMANDER, I want to forget again.
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
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Internets.
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Not a Fox plant.
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shouldnt this be renamed shadow ball?
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Oct. 27, 2008, 12:25 a.m. CST
Kamehameha wave, shenron, giant monkey, green piccolo, im there.
by Mike_D
it has my ticket.
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Oct. 27, 2008, 12:25 a.m. CST
If this Anime Adaptation sucks will it set the tone for others?
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
Robotech, Akira, Ninja Scroll, Cowboy Bebop. That's the limit to my Anime knowledge. Oh, and that Animatrix stuff.
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the review is positive overall but he's still saying a lot of negative things about the movie. Restraint to appear legit? Either way, very little besides the basic premise and character names have anything to do with the real Dragonball, another case of if they gave it a different name it would be better, like the american Godzilla.
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The acting was terrible, the story was terrible, but if the Roshi character were perverted and the dragon were visible then the "reviewer" would have given it a 9?
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I mean way back in like the 90's. I still can't figure out how you could make a good live action movie from DBZ, or Dragonball for that matter.... unless you made a 12 hour long movie that had massive amounts of time showcasing a weird looking man in suit, grunting while a big ball of light kept getting bigger, until he threw it at another weird looking guy, and then proceeded to keep doing that over and over and over again.<br><br>Or it just isn't possible.
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Doesn't bode well for the reviewer or the reviewee.
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So it might be a clever plant or a mediocre movie. I might go, but only if it turns out to be as big of a trainwreck as it looks.
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I'm a fan of the original Manga.. and HUGELY enjoyed the original Anime as was shown in Japan. That being said.. while Pioneer TRIED to make a good adaptation.. they were far too squeemish and made huge numbers of changes. Funimation just made things worse with terrible dialogue casting (4 people doing ALL the voices, voices simply not matching the characters.. etc), and video looping to replace missing footage that just irritates the living shit out of anyone who enjoyed the Japanese version. I have no desire to see this. Would rather get a collected Japanese release of the entire series on Bly-ray
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3 frame per second swill
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Planty McPlant has spoken.
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Funny Beaks, funny!
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this review was either written by: <p> a) A studio plant who knows this movie is so shit that a 6.5 out of ten is the most generous score he can give the film before diving off the edge of plausibility. <p> or <p> b) A mentally challenged 12 year old.
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Hey, Thrillho77. Assuming this reviewer is an American, and considering the sorry state of our educational system, he could be as old as 20. That's arround the point they stopped any semblance of standards for spelling and grammar instruction. As for the movie, I await the horror and inevitable schadenfreude.
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When you mess up on a post? What I meant was I thought James Marsters did great on Angel,Buffy,and Smallville. But, after reading my post twice I'm still convinced that i did great on Buffy and Angel.What ever I did on those shows, it was awesome.
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it was like it was written in Danish or something...what the hell is this movie? is it from a video game?
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<br><br>I can't think of a movie (except maybe the new street Fighter) that screams FLOP the way this one does.<br><Br>and like someone else mentioned, why even expect a movie to be good when it's based on totally shitty source material to start with?
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SOMMM. WOAAAAH. Woah! Awesome!
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Never thought I'd say this but this has to be the plantiest plant this side of Plantwille.
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What has Hollywood done to you, Fatman?
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You know the ones. They use "ya" instead of "yeah" and "u" instead of "you" just to shave a precious second or two off of typing. And what do they do with all of that saved time? Why text more of course! Mark Bauerlein is right. Truly the dumbest generation.
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Same?
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Oct. 27, 2008, 6:48 a.m. CST
This reviewer is an absolute moron. Not a plant, just retarded.
by ricarleite
Picollo with a sword = nipples on Goku.
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It doesn't look as good as DOA: Dead Or Alive, but it looks stupider, so at least it's achieved something. But no Eric Roberts means no seeing this in the cinemas.
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This seems about as fucking stupid, right?
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definitely the first time I've seen a character named after women's underwear be referred to as a 'strong female role.' thanks for the review though. sadly, I will probably see this.
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Can't wait for this. It will be utter shit, but I still can't wait!!
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Whether it is good or not because I am a glutton for punishment. However, the Oozaru is only 8 feet tall? WTF? Make that SoB about 50 ft tall in post-production.
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standard TB'er title.
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PLANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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So MAYBE they'll change some of the weak spots... BTW, I heard Jamie's not a very nice person to be around. I think celebrity's gone to her head.
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Where are they?! GET HIM TO WRITE THE REVIEWS!
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I'd love to hear a review from him on this one!
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even back when i was a 12 year-old kid who was *really* into all things dragonball. the fact that it showcases piccolo, sans the turban, cape and dark GREEN skin, would've been an automatic dealbreaker.<p> beige, capeless, turbanless piccolo = flames on spidey's organic webshooter. with nipples...
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I know Spike gotta eat, but it was a shitty cartoon to begin with! Fuck this shit! Make more real action movies like from the 80's! You know, with people who can act! And real action scenes, not shit that looks as choreographed as the Nutcracker. Hey, that would make for a great action movie title! Nutcracker! Sweet! Get it? Nutcracker Suite? I'll go see it if Emmy Rossum gets naked though.
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I mean, this film wasnt even on my radar, and I've got no idea about the source material- i think i MIGHT- have flipped by DragonBall Z once on late night TV-but considering that (I assume anyway) the target audience is 8-12 yrs old- maybe the reviews should keep that in mind?
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I'll pass on this one
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......the reviewer was 11 years old.
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DO NOT WANT
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Oct. 27, 2008, 11:44 a.m. CST
Judge Briggs, don't you mean Neil Cumpston?
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
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scrreeewww this, DBZ is the most irritating one-trick pony of a animated show i've ever seen, every episode feels like deja-vu...its the same formula for virtually EVERY episode, yet this still has a very hardcore fanbase...albeit a little more underground these days, thankfully some of its popularity has dwindled not that a portion of its fans have actually GROWN UP a bit or at least enough to realize the lack of depth in their obsession.
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You meant FF4:RotSS not X3, right? Right?
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Keep in mind that this isn't made for 30 year discerning film snobs. This is made for the twelve-year old boys that run around the neighborhood with sticks pretending to swordfight each other.<p> "I'm Goku" "Ok, I'll be Neo!"
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Is beautiful. How is she bargain basement!? With all due respect, you're talking shit, Beaks.
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i don't subscribe to the theory that a kid's movie must necessarily be synonymous with mindnumbing dreck. contrary to the popular opinion expressed on this tb, i believe that given the source material, the parties involved *could* have made something appealing to the stick-wielding, twelve-year-old kiddies; as well as we twenty/thirty-year-old film snobs... or whomever.
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I think it's funny that plants have gotten to where they just want to generate lukewarm interest in shit movies. You can smell Dragonball from a mile away. "It's not quite the turd you think it is, just mostly shitty".
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youre and idiot. dreagonball is fuckin legendary. robot chicken is a few guys with ADHD making terrible jokes. the only show on adult swim i absolutely hate. i turn it to the daily show instead on comedy central. dont talk about things youre too ignorant to understand.
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straight up not going to see it. maybe its rentable. ill wait and see.
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Agreed, kids movies don't have to be complete horse shit. Look at Hayao Miyazaki, Monster House, Wall-E. I forget who it was, but some comedian pointed out that we treat kids like dogs when it comes to entertainment. "Don't throw that expired ham out, the dogs'll eat it" "Don't throw out that Dragonball Z movie, the kids'll watch it".
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miyazaki's work stands strong alongside anyone's... live action or otherwise. now if hollywood ever tries to adapt any of *his* work into live action, hell will be paid. i don't know as of yet how i'll make them pay up, but they will, damnit...
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I thought it stopped be popular 6 years ago. I don't think this is exactly aimed for kids... I'm kidding, all movies today are aimed for kids.
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Oct. 27, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST
The real Dragonball (before the Z) is actually funny and full of
by textual
You've got 16 year old Bulma's boobs or ass being flashed in every issue, Oolong the anthropomorphic shape shifting pig/attempted rapist, the bad ass desert bandit who shits himself wheneer he sees boobs and so forth.
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so he's allowed to actually produce something of quality. In Hollywood, unless you're Pixar, it's rare that whatever you do isnt dumbed down by the studios, and when looking at box office results, you'd think they'd take a hint from Pixar and let the creative people do their thing with no interference.
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are you saying you actually saw the DOA movie in a theatre? I kept hearing they were pushing back the release date for more than a year, I didnt know they gave it a shot before dumping it on dvd. I saw it in stream eventually, it was crap, but funny at times thanks mostly to Kevin Nash, and the babes were hot.
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What studios aren't even thinking about is shelf life. Kids will be watching Wall-E with their parents twenty, thirty years from now. Chicken Little? A Shark Tale? Those were forgotten the minute they were plopped out. Miyazaki, likewise, will endure. Those DVDs will keep making money forever. It seems actually more sensible, financially, to make something good, to shell out for actually talented writers and animators. All producers see is the opening weekend ticket and toy sales, they don't care if the movie never makes any more money after that. If they ever adapt Miyazaki, I'm ready to strap on a suicide-bomber vest, and I don't even like anime very much. The dude draws like, 50% of every movie he makes all by himself.
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as much as i will be voting Palin/Mccain next week (no that was not a typo... snootchie bootchies). Seriously, I have a feeling this will be bad, but the geekiness in me is just drawn to this film.
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Horribly written plant review. Notice how the seemingly "balanced" list of positives and negatives actually focus the positives on those areas most likely to make the fanboys and casually interested people moist (ie. the "awesome" action scenes and the money shots everyone will want to see) and focus the negatives on crap like "underused characters" (ie. the kind of bollox most people won't give two shiny shits about) but then, just in case, they throw in a slightly-too-convenient hint in that more scenes will be added (pressumably to address these imperfections - in our subconcious - if not in reality) Its written like an adult - trying to write like a child. And anyone who says "6.5? can't be a plant"... read it again. The reviewer actually gives it this score - but then casually drops in that it would have been a 9 - were it not for a couple of flimsy gripes. I think in reality the pschology of the review is actually [not so subtely] suggesting its "almost a 9". I'd like to believe these fake reviews make it onto the site purely by accident and that the guys here at AICN genuinely don't realise these are plants - but a small part of me gets the feeling that there is at least some measure of collusion going on behind the scenes to make sure this crap is served up to the salivating masses. Saddening if it is true..
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Oct. 27, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST
Plant reviews have to be modest when addressing a shit movie
by GilbertRSmith
The best are the plant reviews that actually shit on the movie, but encourage going to it for the good parts. I work as a ghost writer/copy writer, and this kind of thing is exactly what I'd be asked to write if the client was trying to overcome some negative publicity.
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It's clearly a plant.
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And one that is well-versed in fanspeak. Too well-versed to be convincing.
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Yeah hun he would
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They know no one is gonna fucking believe a glowing review on this horse shit. So the studio is saying "Just talk about how good the action is! Kids love the action! They saw Transformers....action puts asses in seats!!" <p>
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"...And it even has some filthy sex jokes that will go over kid's heads to keep the adults interested"
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By the way, my little sister actually gets all those prostitute and Cleveland steamer jokes in The Cat and the Hat. Wall-E managed to interest adults without alluding to gangbangs or excessive pubic hair, so no, those jokes are not appropriate for a kid's film.
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man<p> Like a very special episode of Blossom<p> These are things we need to confront
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yes, this man has no penis.
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How is that NOT typical Dragonball bullshit?
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Pretty much sums it up. This is just some kid who dares not say an evil word about his beloved DBZ. The movie could be nothing but the main character saying "IT'S OVER NINE THOOOUUUSAND!" for 90 minutes and he'd probably go on about how supar fukkin awsume!!!111 it is
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Trust me.
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I was checking out the top 10 grossing films this year, Fox didn't have a single film on the list. What's the last good movie fox has produced and why hasn't anyone fired Tom Rothman?
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Oct. 27, 2008, 10:58 p.m. CST
I just got off the phone with Tom Rothman....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
....he said every one of you can go fuck yourself. Seriously. Weird guy.
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Or, as actual working Hollywood screenwriters call it, motivating the scenes. This is why fanboys are frowned upon. Because they seem to hate anything that makes their beloved obsession accessible to anyone outside of their limited little bubble of fandom.
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Yes, live action is a fukn joke but respect for the director. Hope is still alive for Astroboy animation but nothin else
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Even worse. I hope Goku dies in a roller coaster.
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No, I didn't get to see DOA in cinemas. I wish I had. I don't even know if it was released theatrically here in Quebec. But I would definately make a more researched effort to go see a sequel in cinemas if they made one. They killed Eric Roberts in the first one, but if they got Michael Jai White or somebody to play the baddie in the next one I'd be there. I'd also like Scott Adkins in there somewhere.
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when a plant low balls a movie because his mediocre yet better than expected review might entice someone to go to this train wreck. snap.
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dont overthink it, just give them what they already bought....You dont need to reinvent things...seriously, why do they think they need to mess with things-Not that i give Fuck about Drangonball- but with ANY adaptation, the studios seem to fuck things up...take the source material,use it as a blue print-shit if you are adapting a comic, you have a premade story board, hire a writer that knows the source material, hire a SCREENWRITER to adapt from the writers work and film....
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AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA<p /><p />aaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
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EXACTLY! Hillarious. And on its own proves this is a plant. Noone who uses the word "awesome" that much then goes on to say something was "when the dragon spoke it was chilling".LOL. What a tool.
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Of course - I am still going to see this just in case it is, in fact "chilling"
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I might see this after all
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A sword that fucks asses? (Ouch!) A Fuckin' sword made of ass? (R&D report: Ass has proven to be an inefficient construction material for melee weapons owing to low density and inability to hold a sharp edge) I ASSume this is one of the stranger elements of the anime. Still, James using a sword that fucks asses is in keeping with his role on Torchwood...
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...about his power level?<p> It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!<p> Oh, c'mon...somebody had to say it.
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pVMEfjP <a href="http://qyataz.com/ ">cSPfdJUy</a>
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WymbKweJ <a href="http://xtxsot.com/ ">FFmjKHs</a>
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