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Light House Shines looks at the world premiere of THE WILD WILD WEST and a regular review of SOUTH PARK
Alrighty folks, here is Light House Shines with his latest reviews... This time of WILD WILD WEST and SOUTH PARK. My opinion of WILD WILD WEST is a bit less enthusiastic from his, but I still thought it was enjoyable.. as for SOUTH PARK... I'll tell ya tomorrow... Here's the man....
I know that both films come out tomorrow, but I wanted to wait till
after the Wild Wild West premiere before I finished my review. Especially
since I have to leave the original screening I attended last week for a
few minutes and (supposedly) missed one of the best scenes in the film.
I also got to talk to director Barry Sonnenfeld about Men in Black 2 and
some other stars, it was pretty cool. So without further delay, here
are my two brief reviews for South Park and Wild Wild West.
WILD WILD WEST and SOUTH PARK REVIEWS:
Since I saw both the Wild Wild West and South Park films earlier last
week, I really should have taken the time to review them then. But
unfortunately I just haven't been able to find the necessary motivation or
time, especially since L.A. has been experiencing a mild heat wave of late
( I get rather cranky when it's hot). Plus I thought it would be nice
to wait until after the official Westwood premiere of Wild Wild West
before I submitted my final reviews. Mainly because it is always an
entirely different movie going experience when you attend the premiere of
a film along side it's respective stars, as I was fortunate enough to do
last night in Westwood.
Were such stars or celebrities as Shaquil O'Neal, Martin Lawrence, Oscar
Delahoya, Christine Laiti, Lara Flynn Boyle, Jamie Fox, Keenan Ivory
Wayan, Alfonso Ribeiro, could be seen in addition to the film's main
stars. Will Smith ( along with his lovely wife Jada Picket-Smith), Kevin
Klein, and director Barry Sonnenfeld ( I unfortunately didn't see Salma
Hayek of Kenneth Branagh). All of whom seemed to be in very high spirits,
for a film that was actually a lot better than I ever had anticipated.
Largely because I assumed this film would suck, much in the way that most
tv shows to films suck. All because of the simple fact that the films
never live up to the original magic or nostalgia of the original
television show ( Think Lost in Space, Car 54 where are you?, The Beverly
Hillbillies and many, many others). Plus I also had a lot of trepidation
about Will Smith being able to properly carry the mantle of a character
that was originally played by white actor Robert Conrad in the originating
TV series. Though that has more to do with the fact that I cannot stand
when writers or directors take such broad or unnecessary liberties with
already established characters. I.E. if a character has black hair and
blue eyes in the original comic book, TV series or play, then all
correspondings incarnations of said character should reflect this fact (
Batman, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park are prime examples of this not
taking place). Which I know is just a personal little hang up I have,
that I just need to get over. But it really, really bugs me to no end!
Especially since there is no way that a black man could ever walk around
acting the way that Will Smith's character did without getting lynched or
shot on the spot by a bunch of angry, racist Southerners! Though I must
admit I was glad to see that the film at least tried to address this
issue, by having an ongoing theme of racial tension or intolerance
surrounding Will's characters. Sharpshooter federal Marshal James T. West,
the James Bond of the late 1800's.
Which is probably the best way to describe this film, a James Bond movie
set in the Wild Wild West. Replete with high tech gadgets, beautiful
women, and an equally bizarre cast of super villains, bent on world
domination and mass destruction. Said super villain in this film being the
evil and legless, Dr. Arliss Loveless, played to perfection by Kenneth
Branagh. Who was actually a midget in the original TV series, though this
incarnation seems to work just as well for me. More so since the loss of
his legs during the civil war is part of the motivation behind his
character wanting to take over the United States and return control to
it's former owners ( Mexico, France, England and Spain, with Loveless
keeping some land to rule himself). Which he attempts to accomplish with
the use of a huge 80 foot mechanical tarantula that shoots fireballs.
A point in the film where things really start to get a little hokey, but
luckily I wasn't bothered by this as much as some people in audience were.
Since the original TV show was much the same way, so naturally I expected
to see impossible physical feats of daring, or technological marvels that
were years if not centuries from realization. And therefore I never got
too bent out of shape by the film's numerous historical inconsistencies or
general lack of realism. Even less so since the film was extremely well
acted with a great cast, the special effects looked amazing and the set
designs were fantastic ( The train and Dr. Loveless' lair were
especially detailed and cool to look at). So I personally didn't have a
problem with the film, even though this film was not the greatest thing to
ever come out of Hollywood. Just as Sonnenfeld's last team up with Smith,
Men in Black, wasn't a terrific film either. Though I still watch
Men in Black religiously on video for various select
parts that do make it a good film to watch over and over, purely for
entertainment value if nothing else. Which is what Wild
Wild West ultimately boils down to, a nicely done piece of
entertainment that should be appreciated as such and nothing more.
Now as for the South Park screening I attended, well, let's just say I
was glad that the film did not suck at all for me. As I was somewhat
mislead to believe by all the people who saw the film before me, who
didn't like the large amount of musical interludes the film contains among
some other things that didn't seem to gel. That seriously made me wonder
if this film was going to be any good at all, let alone funny, as I
sincerely wanted it to be. For I am a huge South Park fan, and have been
looking forward to this film for months! Though in actuality I was looking
forward to seeing a rough cut of this film, and not the finished product.
Because I knew that Matt and Trey would have to edit most of the
film's raunchier material out, just to avoid a dreaded NC-17 rating. And
as a result it might not be as funny a film as it was originally intended
to be, if Matt and Trey were allowed free reign. Especially since not
everyone appreciates Matt and Trey's unique brand of humor, as it tends
to run a bit on the dark side.
Which reminds me, this film is sure to upset just about anyone and
everyone who sees it! Regardless of their religious, ethnic
or social background, since everyone and everything is made fun of at one
point or another in the film. In fact there were even a few jokes and
comments made during the press screening I attended where the audience
literally gasped in shock upon hearing some of the incredibly offensive
things that were said. All because they were in such bad taste and people
couldn't believe their ears! That I wont bother to ruin by mentioning them
here, as you have to experience the shock and horror of film for
yourself! Including all of the the far too numerous musical numbers, as
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is pretty much a musical for the
most part. As both Matt and Trey are really big fans of the musical.
As is evident by their having written and performed almost all the songs
in the film and having their own band D.A.D.A (Double Vaginal, Double
Anal). An ongoing sight gag on South Park (Look for characters wearing
T-shirts with these initial). In fact they are such big musical buffs,
that they even produced and stared in a musical of their own creation in
(Cannibal the Musical, out on video now).
Still all in all, in spite of the parts of the films that didn't work (
the majority of the musical numbers, Chef and other characters small
or nonexistent roles). The parts that weren't funny, or
simply dragged on way too long. I loved the film and I was laughing my ass
off almost constantly throughout the film. Especially during Terrence and
Philip's incredibly foul Uncle Fucka song in the beginning of the
film, and Cartman's new rendition of Kyle's Mom is a Bitch, sung in
several other languages besides English. Which had the audience in tears
before it even finished, along with a few other key scenes that are so
unbelievably over the top and shockingly offensive. You can't
believe they made it past the rating board, like the ongoing abusive
sexual relationship between Sudan Hussain and Satan. In which the
Devil is essentially Sudan's bitch ( I wonder if that will offend anyone
or just Sudan Hussain himself?!). All of which naturally makes up for
whatever film worthy qualities South Park lacks or is perceived to be
lacking in, because the film is so damn funny! And shouldn't be judged in
the same manner as other films, since you really just need to be a fan of
the show or appreciate the creators style of humor and comedic talent.
Which I fortunately do.
Lastly as some of you undoubtably noticed, my latest two reviews were
not done in my usual style. Which will either make some of you very happy
or simply piss you off further. Much to the point that you will feel the
need to vent your hostility, which you are more than welcome to do. Though
if you wish me to actually hear or read your various comments, you should
email them to me directly. Since I have stopped reading the talk back
sections altogether. Especially since there seems to be a small core group
of people who spend the vast majority of their time complaining after each
and every review is posted. Regardless of the individual writer, style,
or manner the review was written in in the first place ( Like accusing
people of not seeing certain films when indeed they have, as I know some
of the other reviewers personally). Which leads me to believe that there
are some of you out there who will never be satisfied no matter what, and
simply like to complain for the sake of complaining. Hence, if you have
any legitimate questions or comments about anything I have just said or
written about. Please feel to email me at
lighthouseshines@hotmail.com and someone will get back to you, thanks!
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+ Expand All
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Good reviews...
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Hey, Light House Shines...
As you normally write your reviews. And you wrote these as well. While not quite making sense. When you say these are different. But are exactly the same as the others. That I don't know what to say about you liking WILD WILD WEST. And making my brain bleed with your writing.
"Moriarty" out. -
I saw a free screening last night and was so entertained, I feel guilty I didn't pay! Oh, my god - it was the funniest film I've seen this year. The Jar Jar joke is the funniest joke in the film. I *must* go see it again! Trey and Matt deserve my $7.50. As for Run Lola Run, it was the hit of the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Film Festival this spring, and it opens on Friday - I'll be at CONvergence with Harry, but I'll be sure to see it on Monday.
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Now that is how WWW should be viewed, as a fun, popcorn movie, thrill ride not meant to be taken seriously. You should talk to Moriaty, and teach him how to suspend his disbelief, and just enjoy the movie. Man this movie is going to be fun. I am going to the first showing today during my lunch break.
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Why would anyone pay $6.50 to watch a Fresh Prince episode in the movie theatre? I mean really folks we're talking about the same character Will Smith has always played.... a mouthy black guy who comes into every situation jive talking. I hated Independence Day... Men in Black was unwatchable... and I would never pay money again to see a Will Smith movie.
I'm on my knees pleading to god that this movie bombs so badly that it destroys Will Smith's career forever. No more cheesy songs.... no more jive talking... and no more Fresh Prince. -
...we can get Light House Shines some remedial writing lessons. I don't think I saw a single complete sentence in the entire review. It's real simple, guy: subject, predicate. That's it. Harry, please, if you get another review like this, send it back and ask him to edit it. It's impossible to read this nonsense.
There is an interesting side point, however... Has anyone noticed the irony that this guy's name is a better English sentence than anything he writes?
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Okay lets see its Shaquille O'Neal, Oscar De La Hoya, Jamie Foxx, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Kevin Kline. I'm suprised you even got Will Smith's name right. Come on Harry, can't you do a little editing to these "reviews" before they are posted?
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1) With respect to this being a popcorn movie, that statement should be a permanent reminder. Should Hollywood expect us to suspend belief when it features gigantic, flame-throwing robotic spiders, yet indulge our critique of historical sociological realities? (i.e, the "racist Southerners" the reviewer apparently expected to be a necessary element of a wild WEST fantasy movie); and
2) Do you really think that someone with a schedule as packed as Harry's should take time he could spend on the real mission of his site to play English Composition TA to every reviewer? The different perspectives of the reviews are the point, not the quality of the syntax. -
I enjoy LHS' reviews. They are sort of like trying to figure out the crossword puzzle.
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never submit a review here again. Your grammar is atrocious. Spend some money for a writing tutor. Your reviews are really sad. My cat can write better than that.
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Jun 30, 1999 1:46:54 PM CDT
The distincitve phrasings of one Mr. Light House Shines
by themalcontent
I was reading these reviews and felt very amused. For a Benihana chef cannot chop rib eye steak like LHS chops sentences. Where periods are used at the expense of commas. But LHS has a very distinctive prose style. For his first language is definitely not English. Or so I am hoping. -
That is one of the signs of the apocalypse, isn't it??? I would chip in a buck, but then i would be deprived the pleasure of reading everyone's complaints about his writing. How much does Hooked on Phonics cost anyway??? LHS. is an idiot. who. can't write worth. shit.
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yes to the above, but can we really trust a person who's so uninformed, they can't even spell Hussein's name vaguely right.
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The only thing that upsets me about these type of movies is that they really tend to lose the spirit of they're predisessor TV shows. I don't mind WWW with W. Smith, but keep the old premise somewhat in tact. At leats Jim West and Artemus Gordon were somewhat realistic in the show, they just did unrealistic things. The characters in the movie look as if they are clowns of the former cast. It's the spirit that counts. Mission Impossible kept the spirit, and so did the Brady Bunch, another fun TV - Big Screen success. The SPIRIT was there, dammit!! I think I'll go see South Park instead this weekend!!
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Man...Harry
Please, at least post reviews from people who can write. The reviewer made no sense at all. I couldn't tell if he saw the film or wanted to see it. English 101 anybody? -
Holy shit guys back the fuck up on light house! You got the point of the review so chill about the grammer! Anyway do yourself a favor and go see SOUTH PARK, Stone and Parker are absolute gods and you will not stop laughing. As for WWW i am looking forward to see it for the same reasons that i loved MIB, its the forth of July, it's Will Smith, and its fun you tight ass mofos!!!
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Come on people i can spell "Hukt on Foniks" who said i couldn't spell hukt on foniks?!, for godssake my parents tutor me and there both polish and my brother wants to be a doctor!, just kidding its me phat boy!, i just could'nt resist making fun of poor old light house shines
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Could it be that you saw the same movie I did??? Maybe I stepped into an alternate dimension and saw the bizzarro world's WWW.
The baldhead of the man in front had more of a plot than this piece of shite. I'm sick of this notion that people should embrace these story-less FX exercises as worthy entertainment just because someone labels it a "popcorn movie". Sorry, I ain't buyin' what your sellin'. This movie is so unentertaining, it actually makes me wish for the heydays of Jean Claude Van Damme!
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I was also at the world premiere the other night. Light House Shines was there and he and Shaq got into a bit of a tumble. Shaq got L.H.S. with a few good jabs to the mid-section. But holy shit...L.H.S. is quite a fighter. He came back with a solid roundhouse kick to Shaq's groin, plus a number of lightening-quick karate chops to Shaq's face, chest, neck and head. I was like "Damn! This is better than a episode of Jerry Springer." Suddenly L.H.S. looked at me with a demonic eye. I was all "Hey, hey, take it easy. I'm friend, not foe." But L.H.S. was out of his mind. (I think it was some kind of crazy drug or something). He came up to me and started choking me. "Help! Help!" I cried. But what did all those fancy schmancy Hollywood stars do? They just ignored me. Even Will Smith, who plays a cowboy in the movie, did nothing. He actually laughed at me! Some hero he is! He thinks he's a cowboy, huh? Well, bullshit! Stick to what you do best Will...rapping! Does anyone remember that song "Parents Just Don't Understand"? That was totally fresh and dope! I can totally identify with that song because my parents don't understand a word I'm saying sometimes. It's like Will Smith read my mind or something. Ohhhh...what color am I thinking of? Will? Will? What color am I thinking of? We've got to go back. But what about those fighters? Chewie, just do it. But what about-- Roar! Alright, alright.
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Jun 30, 1999 5:34:06 PM CDT
SCREW WILD, WILD WEST IT SUCKS! DON'T GO SEE IT! SAVE YOUR DOUGH
by uncapie
It does and you'll have cash in your pockets too!
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I know Light House Shines' reviews are a little...um...well...confusing. But, since when did the Talkback forum become a place to bitch about reviews. Stop complaining. Talk about the films in question not the quality of the review.
2 cents
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Actually, I shouldn't group Waterworld OR Westworld into that NAME Wild Wild West. WWW was one of the most slapped-together, lame, re-shot to hell, lame, what-the-hell-is-going-on movies I have ever seen! Ok, I admit it. I actually had some hopes for this film. I rather enjoyed MIB, it had a subtle humor that is lacking in current films! But then, Jon Peters... Anyway, from the opening scene with the crazy guy running, to the scenes on the 'Wanderer', to the Robot Spider City crap, all I could think was 'This is BAD!'. Salma Hi-YUCK was awful. Wil Smith was GUESS WHAT! Wil Smith. Kevin Kline was OK. Brannagh was OK. But the thing about this movie that sucked most was how there was no plot or continuity at all. You could SO TELL that there had been re-shoots. (such as Artimus's every 30 minutes recaps, please note, he re-caps the same things each time!) Even most movies I consider 'not good' at least have structure. An obvious 'direction'. Oh, and the Belly Dance scene! Grinding, screeching HALT! Really bad. But, I think the worst thing about this film was the total lack of VIOLENCE. In my opinion, you do not make a Western without violence. The most violent part of this movie was when he shoots up the painting people, and then you don't even see anyone get hit. Wil just leaves the room (hint- the scene is JUST LIKE in the trailer, I mean, that's ALL the longer it is.) Terrible! Come on! Throw someone throw a window, smash chairs on their head! Oh, and the fight inside the giant spider?? LAME! It was like Peters was ripping off every fight scene in Batman 1 and threw them together. Ok, GIANT GEARS, PEOPLE FIGHTING. What SHOULD we see? Someone stuck in a gear! What DO we see? People endlessly falling off the spider, cuz that's the LEAST violent way to get rid of them. LAME! And the shot of Wil hanging at the end, looking down, gets my vote for MOST FAKE BLUE/GREEN SCREEN SHOT EVERY. UG!!!! Oh, final rant. The score SUCKED. The whole time it sounded like a lame send-up of the WWW score, you know, like on a sitcom where they can't use the real thing, so they use something very close? But it was dumb, because they DO play the WWW music, but only once. So, OBVIOUSLY they could use it, why DIDN'T they use it the whole damn time? Woulda saved money on the scoring, but, not like they were into saving money! 200 mil was it? This is bad filmMAKING at it's best, cuz WWW doesn't even remotely look like it cost even 100. Of course, those re-shoots will get 'cha every time! I can't imagine WWW making money. I feel kinda bad for all involved, however, perhaps this will FINALLY spell the end for Peters. The audience DID laugh at WWW, heck I did once or twice. The opening credits were kinda cool. Woulda been cooler with the REAL music. But trust me, IT'S BAD! "Oh, Matrix, where for art thou Matrix?" -Neo In Love
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Hey, Light House, its not Sudan. Sudan is a country.
While I'm sure God sees everything, I think He's gonna skip WWW.
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