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AICN EXCLUSIVE! By Crom! It Looks Like CONAN Has A Director!

Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here. I'm in London, it's just after 8:14 in the morning, and I have to go shower and get ready to head to the set of KICK-ASS for today. All very last minute. But before I run out the door, there's an e-mail from a spy who makes a very persuasive case that there is indeed a director onboard now for the CONAN project that Lionsgate has been developing. And if this is true, then my interest level just went through the floor. That’s sort of incredible, too, because I’m a full-blown CONAN freak. When I met Howard McCain after the screening of OUTLANDER, he told me he’d just been hired with his writing partner to write CONAN for Lionsgate, and in talking with him, I could tell the material was in the right hands. He genuinely adores the Robert Howard stories, and it seemed like he had some big plans for how to structure the film. And let’s be clear... stop calling this a remake. They’re not doing the Milius film. They’re starting over from the original stories. So it’s relly wrong to call this thing a remake at all. You won’t be seeing the same story or even the same supporting characters. This is ground zero. And now it appears to be official that Brett Ratner is directing the goddamn thing. Oh, Brett... why do you want to hurt me? Why do you want to make this movie? Please, please, please tell me it’s because you have a genuine passion for the material and not just because it’s a start date and a financing package that’s ready to go. Please tell me that you really care about the character and its history, and not that it’s just “Hey, I recognize that name.” I’d love to be wrong about this. I don’t think Ratner’s a terrible shooter, and maybe this script is bulletproof. I’d love to find out. Hint. Hint. Anyone who felt like putting a copy in my hands should feel free to do so. In the meantime, I’m going to do my best to keep positive and pray that this is a good thing for the material and not a death sentence. I believe in CONAN... and I hope like hell that Ratner does, too. Thanks for the heads-up, Gilgamesh.

Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:20 a.m. CST


    by BrooseTheScharuk

    Conan is dead to me now. Fucking Ratfink.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:21 a.m. CST


    by We

    Why not get the writers of X3 as well?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:22 a.m. CST


    by Zach_Talks_Back

    all I can say is i'm not as excited now....but hopefull

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Fuck you studio. I will not pay for this.

    by jimmy_009

    Fuck you again.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST

    pedestrian filmmaking

    by juice willis

    too bad really.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:24 a.m. CST

    It's totally irrelevant if Ratner is passionate about Conan

    by IndustryKiller!

    He simply doesn't have the skill or talent or sense of vision to make a good film out of it. I don't care if he came on last minute on X3, just from a technical standpoint that film looks like a Sci Fi Channel movie of the week. Just horrendously cheap. At his best (Red Dragon) he is merely workmanlike, making a film that I guess it wouldnt be bad to catch on HBO at 1am when you're bored cause you havent seen it in a while. In fact I think his appearance on Entourage says it all, meant to be self parody, his slimy Hollywood party boy douche bag image seems disgustingly accurate. It's like he's bringing back the 80's except without the delicious sense of pulp and no concept of scope or the visual.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:27 a.m. CST

    BTW tell Mark Millar to never forget Civil War is crap

    by IndustryKiller!

    I just want to remind him, you know just in case in the interim since the hype died down he forgot, what cynical, money grubbing, uninsightful, character mangling garbage it was.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:28 a.m. CST


    by Lord John Whorfin

    Is Terence Howard really off Iron Man 2, replace by Don Cheadle? Or is this just some nasty internet rumor, not some negative news about AICN's favorite superhero film that's being mysteriously ignored?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:28 a.m. CST

    Wow, I'm happy that I don't really care for Conan.

    by DerLanghaarige

    But it could be worse! Imagine Stephen Sommers as director of Conan!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:29 a.m. CST

    Civil War is Henry V...

    by Lord John Whorfin

    compared to Kick Ass.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    Stop Calling John Carpenters The Thing


    A Remake! If we are going to talk about making movies closer to the source material.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    John Worfin

    by DerLanghaarige

    This story has been covered by AICN a few days ago.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:33 a.m. CST

    As long as there ain't

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    some dufus swinging a hammer with a head as big as a keg I think i'll dig it

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:40 a.m. CST


    by O_Goncho

    Seriously. Fucking seriously. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCK :(

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:40 a.m. CST


    by O_Goncho

    Seriously. Fucking seriously. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCK :(

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:41 a.m. CST

    I stand by my double-post

    by O_Goncho

    Whole-heartedly. I have to go to class now, but when I get back I want Ratner taken care of, guys.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Aw, fuck me sideways!

    by deanbarry

    X-Men 3 killed all hope I EVER had for Ratner being a decent director. Red Dragon was ok. But damn, man! I just don't care for this project anymore. Can someone please get this guy back on to music videos or something. Shit...I'm going to get drunk now.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:45 a.m. CST

    I wouldnt doubt it Lord John

    by IndustryKiller!

    I didnt read it but it looked like yet another inspirational decent into the depths of the lowest common denominator.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:46 a.m. CST


    by Redfive!


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:46 a.m. CST

    This sucks balls. Why couldn't he just do Guitar Hero: The Movi

    by Bass Bastardson

    and leave movies I might actually want to see for a non-hack director to make?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Maybe we get a Lalo Schifrin score!

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:49 a.m. CST

    "I don’t think Ratner’s a terrible shooter"

    by Brody77

    Are you kidding me? Did you even see X-3? Ratner blows big style. This is crap news, if true.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:51 a.m. CST

    "this is a rumor... this is just a rumor..."


    "...just keep telling yourself: this is just a rumor... this is just a rumor..."

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:56 a.m. CST

    "this is a rumor... this is a rumor"

    by deanbarry's NOT working man!!! Hold me :(

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:56 a.m. CST

    From John Milius to Brett Ratner

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Kind of sums up the fall of Hollywood over the past 30 years...tragic.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:01 a.m. CST

    Well at least it will be on time and on budget

    by Xiphos_2

    But a Conan movie? Nope, don't think so. If Ratner follows his usual modus Operendi he'll copy Milius.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:05 a.m. CST

    "Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the

    by Det. John Kimble

    That's what's best in life.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:06 a.m. CST

    "And to hear the lamentation of the Ratner."

    by Det. John Kimble

    Subject lines suck.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:07 a.m. CST

    I pledge to not pay one penny for this

    by wash

    I don't even care if it turns out passable, fuck them for giving this to that hack.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:07 a.m. CST

    Fuckity fuckity fuck...

    by Bootskin

    Starring Jackie Chan as Conan, and Chris Tucker as Red Sonja. I seriously want to strangle the fuck out of Brett Ratner. Jesus Christ, if done right, this flick could be on par with LOTR, seriously. Jumping Jesus on a fucking pogo stick. I'm beside myself with rage & disapointment...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:13 a.m. CST

    The visionary director of Rush Hour 2 and X-Men 3

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:13 a.m. CST

    Oh good..

    by Aeghast

    That's one more movie I'm not going to see..

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:15 a.m. CST

    Don't forget that it'll probably be PG-13

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    Just saying...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:17 a.m. CST

    X-Men 3

    by ChocolateJesus

    Xavier, Wolverine, and Storm are all walking from their car toward Jean Grey's house, with the camera moving backwards along with them. They're talking as the camera swings all the way around them. Suddenly, there's Magneto and all of the Brotherhood standing there, and the X-men all gasp as though they couldn't already see them all standing there before the camera panned around. One of the dumbest fucking shots I've ever seen.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Never mind

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Iron Jim is on his way back, bringing some vision and filmmaking passion with him. The Hack Pack cowers in fear!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:26 a.m. CST

    M-O-O-N. That spells "fuck!"

    by Tom Cullen

    The absolute worst of hollywood's paycheck directors. Yeah he'll get it in on time and on budget, he'll also inject absolutely nothing into the film directorialy apart from pointing the camera in the right general direction and yelling "roll film", "cut" and "print". Oh, and he'll do anything the studio wants without hesitation, so if they want a pg-13 Conan (which worked out real fucking well last time, leading to the death of the film series...) then that's exactly what he'll give them. The man is an artistic amoeba, and if I had one wish this year it would be that hollywood stop giving him the reigns of any property that actually has potential to be great. As a hardcore fan of Conan in all his incarnations (Milius' film, the marvel and dark horse comic incarnations, and especially, and most importantly, Howard's original pulp stories) this truly is the most fucked news I've heard for a long, long time.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:27 a.m. CST

    Brett Ratner secretly hates fanboys

    by newc0253

    his revenge?<p> getting hold of beloved film properties like Conan and trashing them before our eyes.<p> seriously, though, i liked Ratner's X-Men and thought he did a good job with Red Dragon. i can think of at least a dozen directors much better suited to direct Conan, but - truth be told -Ratner's version would/will probably not suck as much as you expect it to.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Scorpion King #3

    by deanbarry

    That's what we are going to get. Wait and see...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:35 a.m. CST


    by Steve Rogers

    There goes Conan, right in the shitter. Don't let this be true!!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:36 a.m. CST

    IndustryKiller!!! and newc0253

    by onezeroone

    IndustryKiller, my views exactly. Doesn't matter how much he cares, he doesn't have the skills. Period. A dry tit can't feed a baby no matter how much it wants to or cares about.<p> newc0253... well, that exactly is problem with Ratner. He can make movies not suck, but he takes up properties that we 'fanboys' don't want to 'not suck' but be something much much more than that.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:37 a.m. CST

    I'm actually happy!

    by tempurasan

    I was like "it's gonna be Brett Ratner, it'd make my night", and sure enough it was. Hey, I like the original. Nothing wrong with it. But I think Ratner can bring a fresh perspective to it. If anything, I think this is a natural match up. Ratner is very good at shooting an energetic and hard hitting action scene. And he's not one to screw up a script. If the film fails, it'd be on the script itself. Ratner will get you there just fine. The problem with people calling him "uninspiring and workmanlike" directing is just silly. Nowaday every goddamn fanboy think a film must have some sort of slow motion, or an exotic vocal to be considered stylish. If anything, the absence of that is EXACTLY what is needed in this film. We need snappy direction, hard hitting action scenes, and the director to not throw every trick he learned in film school on the screen. If anything, the film NEEDS workmanlike directions. Concise, to the point, and fucking balls to the walls. That's the Conan I know and love. The director needs to stop masturbating to to the screen, get the fuck out of there and frame a shot decently and not shake the goddamn camera like every other director nowaday. If there's one thing you can say about Ratner, he keeps the camera fucking still, and he doesn't cut every 2 seconds. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't belong in a Concan film. I'm happy with Ratner, and can't think of a better choice.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST


    by alice 13

    obviously they are going with the ' try to lower expectations' approach.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4 a.m. CST

    How about some passion

    by deanbarry

    and some respect, admiration and a little be love for the material at hand? How about a bit of pizazz and style. How about injecting some heart and soul into the project so that it isn't a paint by numbers, studio clone. Anyone can point and shoot to get an image onto a screen. but it takes someone with a masterful eye and imagination to create something truly special. Something that a Conan film, considering it's pedigree, deserves. So far, Ratner has not proven that he can do this. If he surprises everyone..then Yabba Fucking Doo. But seriously, we can expect his usual. Perdestrian, uninspired, flashy, hollow, cartoony efforts. Tempurasan...I'm glad you have faith in him. He'll be pleased as punch ONE person is excited.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:02 a.m. CST

    by DRACULA_WANTS_THE_AMULET <P> Love how the comic is panned by most of the reviewers, and how they found out that Miller lifted shit from his newphew to make the opening monolog. "I didn’t know that Millar literally DID just copy some kid’s profile, but that’s how it read - like he just threw in a bunch of pop culture references that a modern teen would be into"

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:07 a.m. CST

    I suppose you really can't blame Ratner.

    by thedarklinglord

    Well, I mean, we can blame Ratner, and we will, but it's understandable why he'd jump on the project. If he's passionate about the material, then, of course, he's going to want to be involved. He can't possibly turn it down, regardless of the fact that he's grossly inept and can only do more harm than good. It's the same way Kevin Smith couldn't help wanting to be in a Die Hard movie or Paul W.S. Anderson can't help snatching every director's gig thrown into his incompetent hands. Really, how many fans would pass on the opportunity to be a part of something they love, even if they fucking KNEW they would ruin it? Damn few. We're self-serving, not self-sacrificing. <br> <br> Second, don't you think Ratner knows how shitty a director he is? Okay, he probably doesn't. He probably reads negative comments or harsh criticism and thinks it's just coming from someone with a chip on their shoulder and personal grudge against him. After all, some of his movies have made money, and he still seems to get work, so he really can't suck that much, right? But, for a second, let's suppose he is aware of his shortcomings, and maybe he does take that criticism to heart. How, then, is he supposed to walk away from anything - especially a potentially huge project that screams franchise like Conan - when it MIGHT be his chance to prove himself? You know the guy has got to be telling himself, "If I can hit this one out of the park, if I can really deliver, if I can make those goddamn fanboys eat their fucking words, then I'll finally have vindication. I'll finally prove I deserve to be entrusted with properties like X-Men and Conan." I'll bet whenever projects like Conan come along, and certainly when X-Men 3 fell into his lap, he firmly believes this will be the one, his shining moment to rise above mediocrity and prove his name attached to a movie shouldn't be a reason to cringe and cry and beg for him to get an inoperable brain tumor. <br> <br> While I certainly wish he'd realize that he sucks ass and just give up, I understand why he doesn't, why he can't. No matter how bad you are at something you love, could you really deny your passion for doing it? Could you give up on something you love because you're, at best, merely adequate and seemingly incapable of ever improving, only to go do something else? I doubt it. As long as you're able to find someone to employ you, as long as you can make a living off it, you're going to stick with it. <br> <br> Granted, sometimes it's not a matter of passion and love. So, perhaps more appropriately, just because you're told you suck by your critics, if someone was still willing to hire you, could you really walk away from a huge paycheck? Would you really pass up the opportunity to not only get paid, but actually get paid to once more piss off all those people who've been bashing you all along by crushing their hopes and dreams? Maybe that's what keeps Brett Ratner, McG, Paul W.S. Anderson, and Uwe Boll in the game; studios are (somehow) still willing to give them projects and pay them and, as such, they simply can't resist taking a massive dump on things their harshest, most vocal opponents love. An attitude of, "You think I suck? You think I have no talent? Fine. Here's a Cleveland steamer on your precious Alien vs. Predator. Eat it, bitches!" <br> <br> Whatever the case, I understand. I have zero interest in a Conan being helmed by Brett Ratner, but I can certainly understand the numerous reasons why he wouldn't/couldn't pass on the opportunity if it came his way.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:17 a.m. CST

    I'm sure Ratner is a lovely man

    by Mr Gorilla

    ...but he's just NOT RIGHT for this kind of stuff. Why does he keep putting himself in a position where he'll be compared to originals which are inevitably better - Silence of the Lambs, X2, and now Conan the Barbarian. Who is advising him to do this stuff? Anyone knows that to make these 'reboots' really sing, you need to gamble on an AUTHOR. Sometimes it works commercially - Nolan's BATMAN films, Raimi's SPIDER-MAN 2. Sometimes it's a relative failure - Singer's SUPERMAN, Ang Lee's HULK. But it is ALWAYS worth the gamble. The GAMBLE is going to make you as much money as getting a workmanlike director - look at the disappointing BO of the new HULK film - so you might as well take the gamble.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:17 a.m. CST


    by mr.brownstone

    Nobody wants to see a PG Conan movie.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:19 a.m. CST


    by Bob of the Shire

    A good, R-rated Conan film would be so fucking good right now. The time is right for something like this and if Lionsgate hires Brett Fucking Ratner to direct some neutered PG-13 cookie cutter bullshit I will be pissed. God, fuck Ratner. Fuck him.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:33 a.m. CST

    The Franchise-Fucker strikes again!!

    by MaxTheSilent

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Ratner is a soulless studio robot

    by quintana007

    Let the script better be purest gold and keep every exec from the movie, because Ratner paints only by numbers and adds nothing to it.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Ratner is a hack, but I love Red Dragon

    by ev1ldead

    A little hope is left.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:52 a.m. CST

    Moriarty and KING OF CONAN review

    by Spacesheik

    For what its worth Drew, that review of yours is one of the best written reviews ever on this site, passionate analysis and beautifulyl written. I wish they were making that film...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:02 a.m. CST

    What a shitty way to wake up.

    by arizonahotrock

    Seriously, this is what I woke up to... ...maybe this is just a bad dream and I'll wake up for real in a minute...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:11 a.m. CST

    HERE WE GO!!!!!

    by Playkins

    blah blah blah RATNER SUCKS blah blah blah HACK blah blah blah FUCK HIM blah blah blah X3 WAS SHITTY blah blah blah RAPED MY CHILDHOOD blah blah blah IM A FANBOY FAGGOT blah blah blah SOULLESS DIRECTOR blah blah blah...<P> I can hear people queue up to bitch about this from a mile away.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:14 a.m. CST


    by Player 1

    ...please insert your head into a toilet and flush. Continue to do this until you agree to hand this over to someone with talent. QUICK, CAN WE GET FINANCING AND A SCRIPT FOR RUSH HOUR 4/5/6 whatever? JUST THROW IT AT HIM!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:15 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    Fucking plant. Bugger off. <P>As if anyone with a functioning brain can't tell that this is terrible news.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST


    by psychedelic

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST


    by BrightEyes

    I could care less. As long as he stays away from things I like I'm okay.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:24 a.m. CST

    passion doesn´t equals talent

    by joergn

    The "Rat" is a hack, nuff said!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:26 a.m. CST

    I used to be agnostic.

    by gotilk

    Now, I am officially atheist.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Two words...

    by Demon Disco

    Paul. Verhoeven. That is all.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST


    by psychedelic

    I meant something more like that. Can't somebody stop him and Michael Bay, and any other number of hacks you could name? From the man who had a hand in writing, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like...victory". To the director of Rush Hour 3, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:35 a.m. CST

    He will not cry... I cry for us.

    by B Arnold Quizzling

    Let's see now. Have well established violent and adult pulp property needing a reboot. Hire a director known for lame comedies and music videos. What's next? Getting Britney Spears to play Valeria (she's on the comeback trail you know)or Mila Kunis to play Belit, Queen of the Black Coast? Hey wait, she might be okay. Mmmmmmm, Mila...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:39 a.m. CST

    Red Dragon is solid though

    by BrightEyes

    so you guys should hold out some hope.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:40 a.m. CST

    pure shit.

    by palewook

    maybe the studio can sign up chris tucker to play conan's wisecracking never-heard-of sidekick... <P> TG I have the REH, Camp & Carter collection. I'll stick to these books. <P> F'the studio for putting the Ratt in charge of Conan. I'll never pay the studio 1 cent to see it. The movie will always be the worst Conan movie ever made to me. And that's without me needing to see it to verify that claim.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:47 a.m. CST

    Read today's Variety

    by destruit

    It says that Ratner will be directing every major studio release over the next three years. Jason Bourne? Ratner. James Bond? Ratner. Batman? Ratner. The best part is that since "Red Dragon" is the only Ratner movie I've seen I don't freak out every time I see his name somewhere.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:54 a.m. CST

    Hah, I jokingly thought "Rat" the second I saw the headline...

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Life beats jokes, eh? <p> Any prognosis of forest fires, flash floods or earthquakes near Ratner's mansion?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Get ready for another "Red Dragon"

    by JackPumpkinhead

    A lot of talent tied together and then carefully shat on by Ratner. A lot of talent and not an ounce of it visible or audible from underneath Ratner's gigantic mountain of shit.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:02 a.m. CST

    The lovely man Ratner

    by JackPumpkinhead

    I mentioned this earlier, but it's wort linking - a fun little story:<p>

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:08 a.m. CST

    Kick Ass in London?!! Is Kubrick directing?

    by pokadoo

    Hope it's not going to be big fake looking 'New York' sets on a london lot!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST

    Red Dragon was the 2nd best version of the book - after Manhunte

    by HarryBlackPotter

    I actually quite liked Red Dragon. I thought Ratner did a very tidy job. Let's just hope he's got a strong stomach for some serious R rated Conan action! By Crom!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:17 a.m. CST

    Red Dragon is NOT GOOD

    by Lost Jarv

    stop using it as some kind of justification for Twatner. <P>Considering the talent available, and the good will for the title, what was produced was dismally bad. Arguably worse than X3.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Rob Zombie would have been a better choice

    by HarryBlackPotter

    We'd have got to see Sheri-Zombie in a sheep-skin bikini as Conan's trash talkin' mother.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Could be worse... but not much

    by br1947

    Could have been Michael Bay, then we would get great dialog such as "Crom! Thank you for this gift of this see-four brought to me by a time traveling bikini girl death squad" and many 'splosions follow...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Brett Ratner!? By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth!

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Wait...wrong character...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:29 a.m. CST

    The studio said: Brett Ratner or Tim Story?? Pick one...

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Can't be worse than "Conan the Destroyer" or "Red Sonja" anyway...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:30 a.m. CST

    As long as he makes it brutal and bloody.

    by Mr Nicholas

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Manhunter was the second best version of the book

    by kafka07

    The first best version being the book itself.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:39 a.m. CST

    Rob Zombie= worst choice of the lot

    by Lost Jarv

    Conan in a trailer park? no thanks.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:40 a.m. CST

    well that's not good, not good at all

    by just pillow talk

    In fact, it blows Cloverfield's balls.<p>DocPaz will be thrilled.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:42 a.m. CST

    Should have been Twohy

    by Lost Jarv

    DocP is right. As much as Riddick is a mess, he would have been great for Conan.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:47 a.m. CST

    Yes...DocPaz saw the light...

    by just pillow talk

    I love Riddick too. I don't even care what those necrothingie's are, nor do I need an explanation.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7 a.m. CST


    by Primus

    You've got to be kidding - who the hell would hire this idiot for such a potentially lucrative franchise with his track record?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:03 a.m. CST

    Is this some kind of AICN running joke?

    by Knuckleduster

    Every time a much anticipated project seems to be getting on it's feet, we hear news of Ratfuck planning to direct. Is this a joke, or does he just love fucking with us?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:04 a.m. CST

    In a word

    by Calm_b4_the_Strm

    FUCK !!!! who wants to see a pussified Conan. The guy managed to make Lector look like an overweight fag. Fuck Ratner and his Rush Hour crap-fests

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:09 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    I believe are from the place whatsitcalled and are led by a man called whatshisname. <P>They look great, but are in fact rubbish in a fight, and they don't like the colour green.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:10 a.m. CST


    by Conanreturns

    Not my beloved Conan! Sons of bitches. And here I thought it was a good start to the day. I heard Cruise was dead, then he wasn't and now this. What a shitty day...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:12 a.m. CST

    you just lost my ten bucks

    by Spandau Belly

    What was wrong with Rob Zombie???

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:15 a.m. CST


    by sonnyfern

    This is CONAN we're talking about here...if they do this goddamn thing right it could be INCREDIBLE. This is a movie that needs to be BLOODY rated R and be treated with the goddamn respect it deserves! Seriously. THE HELL WITH BRET GODDAMN RATNER!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:17 a.m. CST


    by RosebudsTheSled

    It seems like you guys report a new movie that he's directing every week. The Hugh Hefner biopic, some Rat Pack movie, sequels and remakes...didn't in the last couple of months he's working on a God Of War and a Guitar Hero movie? Either your sources are wrong as hell, or we have absolutely nothing to worry about because he'll be off this in a week. I also was thinking that Robert Rodriguez would do this and would tie it into his Red Sonya movie with Rose Mcgowan...or perhapes they should all get together with Djimon Hinsou and tie it into his Thulsa Doom movie. Why are there three movies based on Robert E. Howard movies being developed individually?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Green soup with heads and hands in it.

    by YeahSureWhatever

    That is all I want.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:18 a.m. CST


    by RosebudsTheSled

    my spelling and typing is kinda terible there...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:21 a.m. CST

    CONAN by Ratner will look like SCORPION KING.

    by Nosferatu Jones

    With a lot of godawful CGI. Pass!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:26 a.m. CST

    by doubleh55

    This is what I like to call Entertainment Karma. Stop advertising shitty movies like Sex Drive and maybe the studios won't hire Brett Ratner to direct every property you get a boner from.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Oh, crap!

    by jae683

    Might as well hire Ule Bol. Well ... ok, maybe not, but still ... of all the people they could have gotten.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    HA HA HA

    by Zarles

    Let the lamentations of the women begin.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    This is our fault...

    by Six Demon Bag

    Until Rat's movies stop making money, they will keep giving him scripts to shoot

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Speak for yourself

    by Lost Jarv

    I haven't paid for a Ratner film since Rush Hour 1. <P>It's a pity, this, Ratner should be doing that He-Man movie (because I don't care about that).

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    This needs a European visionary type director

    by BenBraddock

    Not Mr.Hollywood Horseshit. The concept of using the original stories is great and made me hope that the studio was serious but now, I realise I just got fooled... again

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Conan by Ratner is a terrible thing.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    Milius' film will remain the only good Conan movie.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:05 a.m. CST


    by dr sauch

    I'm sorry, I don't really care about Conan, so I think its funny that of all the directors, they gave you pretty much the worst. Sucks to be a Conan fan.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:09 a.m. CST

    It could have been worse

    by photoboy

    It could have been Bay.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:17 a.m. CST

    I was expecting this

    by DoctorStopMo

    Wasn't he rumored to be attached to this a while ago? Not very surprising to see them finalize the deal, though disappointing.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:18 a.m. CST


    by grendel69

    This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happeningThis cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant be happening This cant This cant be happening be happening This cant be happening

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Red Dragon

    by enderandrew

    Just keep telling yourself "Red Dragon" over and over again. With a great script, and a great cast, even Ratner can't screw it up.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    By the way, Ratner is also doing a Nolan's Joker spinoff movie.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    In his own mind, anyway:<p>

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    That's funny

    by Beowulf316

    Ha ha ha. This is precious. All the people who bitch over Millius and Arnold will really have something to cry over when this gets made. This is gonna be a $100 million PG13 movie that will make a ton of cash from kids who have never seen originals, never picked up a comic, or read a story. Then after an even worse sequel the new Conan will slowly fade away just like AVP. Bring back Arnold. Bring back Millius. I want King Conan or nothing!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    You just lost my ten bucks also

    by sarajevobot

    You fucking idiots. This could have been a free throw.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:46 a.m. CST


    by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone

    As I was opening this article, I had my eyes shut and I was repeating, "Please don't let it be Ratner...please don't let it be Ratner!"

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    C R A P

    by pipergates

    -headed studio pricks

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST


    by Jawa 007

    I love his legacy. I can't wait for him to receive a lifetime achievement award. I watch Red Dragon over and over, not to mention Rush Hour 3. Good move guys. Good thing you didn't hire Neil Marshall.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Oh man, isn't Ratner dead yet??!

    by O_Goncho


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    Get a foreign director

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    Milius's Conan film already felt like it was made by some Italian guy. So get some foreign director. Russian or Japanese or Swedish. It makes sense if you think of the character as he's meant to be. Some Celtic barbarian type. Not a WWE wrestler.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    This is why Robert E. Howard shot himself...

    by artyfufkin

    This is a fucking joke, right? Doesnt care, has no passion for the material, why Hollywood, why? Give it to someone who gives a shit, not this balsa wood, Diet Coke, aluminium siding director (term used as loosely as Bangkok hooker's working apparatus after a half price sale on Singha beer in Soi Cowboy. Pass it along to somebody who actually pretends to give a shit. For fucks sakes.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Knew it would be the Ratfink


    How can you get the writing soooo right and the directing soooo pissaweful!?<P>So will Jackie Chan pop up as a kung-Fu sidekick to Conan! and will it have racist jokes about the culture clash between Barbarian tribes! Duuuuugh!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:13 a.m. CST


    by Fat Lenny

    FUCK! Stupid fucking Brett Ratner?! FUCK! I had hopes for this fucking movie. Now Bozo the Fucking Director Clown is going to come in and take a big shit all over Robert E Howard. This movie is going to fucking fail. FUCK. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:15 a.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Your Talkback-Fu is required here to lay the holy smackdown upon this Ratner business.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:38 a.m. CST

    The exclamation points in the article title...

    by chaplinatemyshoe

    should be replaced with question marks.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST

    GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...way to fuck up my Friday morning. Fuck....I can't even think of any creative obscenities right now....FUCK!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Ok Everyone see if this sounds right.....

    by landocolt45

    CONAN, A Brett Ratner film. Because you know that motherfucker has his name after every movie he makes just to let us know what kind of shitbomb it will be. I weep for Hollywood. Why do the good directors never get the decent movies.....I'll just go read some of my old Conan books that Robert Howard and Robert Jordan wrote instead

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    He isn't that bad, come on!?!


    I really enjoyed RED DRAGON and RUSH HOUR. And I don't think X-MEN 3 is that bad, it's just isn't as good as the great X-MEN 2. RUSH HOUR 2 and RUSH HOUR 3 are okay. So, to me, he really isn't that bad.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Brett Ratner is to film

    by macheesmo3

    What Hemrrhoids is to upholstry

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Don't forget about The Family Man!!!!

    by Six Demon Bag

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Moriarty, stop with the phony "My director vs. Ratner" drama

    by NoDiggity

    Okay, so you are going to see "Kick Ass" which is directed by Matthew Vaughn, who Ratner replaced for X-Men 3. And now you are busy setting up a dramatic story in your head where YOU get to champion the One Who Would Have Made X-Men 3 Great, and wail and gnash your teeth that the man who Usurped Vaugn's Rightful Place on X-Men is now going to make the Conan movie. Oh, and let's not forget how you pimped out the Vaughn-produced and written STARDUST for months (it wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't a work of sheer genius.<br><br> Guess what. Vaughn may indeed make a fun movie with "Kick-Ass". "Stardust" had some cheesy fun in it, and it wasn't bad at all. But Ratner has made some movies well. "X-Men 3" was a lot more fun than X-Men 2, which was only seen as great because of the Hero Worship extended to Bryan Singer for not fucking up X-Men 1 (which he squandered by fucking up 2 and Superman). Brett Ratner has made entertaining movies. I haven't seen Rush Hour, but it seems to have worked for some people. I've seen Red Dragon and X-Men 3, and X-Men 3 had a more comic-booky and fun feel to it than 2 had, and Red Dragon was really well made.<br><br>

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10 a.m. CST


    by SpawnofAchilles

    FUCK. I don't even know what to write. I was really excited about this, I just read the first set of stories and they are SO badass. Some of them gave me chills. Brett Ratner? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!!? FUCK FUCKKKKK fhilauhqnefp !^$@ %^!#$% The rage, oh the rage

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST


    by NoDiggity

    He was a right-wing retard. Any of you see "Red Dawn"? It was fucking retarded. And his "Conan" was fucking retarded. Anything is better than Milius. We don't need ponderous, pretentious Epic nonsense, we need spectacle and action and FUN. Howard's Conan stories neatly stitched all three elements together. Milus's version was all ponderous "epicness" and hardly any fun, and his Conan was a grunting Hulk-like moron. I'm on board for a Ratner Conan. Those of you who screech about how you are scared that Jackie Chan will show up as a sidekick .... did Jackie Chan show up as a sidekick in "Red Dragon"? In X-Men 3? Get your heads out of your assholes and appreciate that we've got Conan in the hands of a competent, non-right-wing, director, who, as far as I can see, has a sense for spectacle and Awesomeness. (if you weren't awed by the swirling rock scenes in the aftermath of Cyclops' destruction in X-Men 3, or the death of professor X, or the Wolverine Phoenix confrontation, you have no Soul).

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    CONAN, TARZAN, and HERCULES ...the buddy movie

    by JDanielP

    But when Jane shows up, all hell breaks loose!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Demon Disco...

    by Darkman

    Verhoeven...fucking perfect, and if Poledouris were still with us, all the more. <br><br> I'm pretty indifferent to this news, myself, though.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Incoherent RAGE

    by Larry Jay

    I cannot begin to express my utter and complete outrage at this travesty. An ANAL POX on the studio suit who thought this was a good idea. By the heavy balls of CROM, this sucks.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    To make my point to Moriarty clearer ...

    by NoDiggity

    Both Vaughn's "Kick Ass" and Ratner's "Conan" can be good movies. There's no need to make anything out of their pasts. Vaughn could have made a shitty X-Men movie, YOU certainly don't know. Ratner can make a great Conan movie. YOU certainly don't know. But if you set up Vaughn, in your head, as triumphantly returning to kick the evil Ratner's ass, with his movie, you aren't doing Vaughn's movie any favors. His movie should be seen as a movie, not some righteous revenge against Ratner for stealing Vaughn's X-Men from him. Similarly, Ratner's Conan should be judged on it's own merits, not by one's hate for Rush Hour, or blaming him for the IMAGINARY X-Men 3 Masterpiece he destroyed by not being Vaughn.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Good Choice

    by zappaman

    AFTER THE SUNSET is very under-rated. And in fact it is one of the best movies of the last 10 years. If you haven't seen it, rent it immediately. You will not regret it.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST


    by Larry Jay

    It could be worse. Uwe Boll could have been involved. I take some comfort in that thought.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    My interest for this now?

    by IAmLegolas


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Uh... Matthew Vaughn WALKED AWAY from X-Men 3

    by IAmLegolas

    And rightfully so. He wasn't replaced or forced off by Ratner.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    oh...(gulp)...shit...i just threw up ALL OVER MYSELF after reading this, fuck i just washed that...i mean why dammit...why???

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST



    Vaughn left the X-MEN 3 project because it meant he would be away from his wife and kids for nearly a year!!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    this is the largest shit in the biggest bowl of cereal i've heard in a while

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    "Red Dragon was really well made."

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    And yet it was a lifeless ball of suckitude. Nothing more than a studio's attempt to get Hannibal Lecter into one more movie (probably meant to incorporate into some sort of half-ass Hannibal trilogy DVD).<P>It's amazing that someone could take one of Harris's better books, add all that acting talent, and still produce a snoozer.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    I Fucking Knew It

    by Gungan Slayer

    Look, I'm not a Ratner hater like a lot of people like to be. I enjoy some of his films. I recognize he isn't top talent, but he isn't a complete wreck of a director. HOWEVER, he is not the type of director that a Conan film needs. A Conan film needs someone with a experience and a epic sense scope, which Ratner does not have. I used to be excited about this project, but now I fear for the worse.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Quote: "...appreciate that we've got Conan in the hands of a competent, non-right-wing, director...".<P>Competent as in technically sound or as a milquetoast studio yes-man?<P>Non-right-wing as in who gives a fuck?! Regardless of your strange fascination with political leanings, it's not like Ratner oozes creativity and vision.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Terrible News

    by DeathShrike

    ...and I don't even give a shit about Conan. Anytime Ratner is attatched to any property it's terrible news. Quite possibly the worst A-list director.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Let's the Conan "memorable quotes" begins

    by The_Hypnotoad

    Or so...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:44 a.m. CST

    "Do you want to SUCK forever?"

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    What a cunt.

    by Knuckleduster

    “As a kid, Batman was my thing,” Ratner said. “I’m a little jealous that I didn’t get to direct it, although Nolan did a great job. But there are so many characters in the Batman series, so many characters that I love, that the opportunities for spin-offs are endless.” <p> That fuck should be shot for just mentioning a Joker spin-off. Trying to cash in on Nolan's thunder. I wish he gets raped by truckers.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    It's worse than riding the wheel of pain...

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    (1) "The gods forgot the secret of moviemaking "

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    (2) "...and left it on the battlefield"

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Knuckleduster, Ratner said nothing about a "Joker Spinoff"

    by NoDiggity

    That's in your pointy little fanboy head.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    "There, on the rocks; a beautiful girl. Come to me, my child..."

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Grant me revenge! And if u do not listen, then to HELL with you!

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    (1) "2 or 3 years ago it was just another bad remakes cult"

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    (2) "now... they're everywere. It's said that they are deceivers

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Fuckin' Shakespear could write something...

    by Kid Z

    ...and Ratturd would use is power to bend bullets and shoot the whole project full of holes. Conan will suck balls! Ratturd rapes Conan! Crom!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    "I would sell RATNER to a slayer such as you?"

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Does it matter if the Ratt loves the material?

    by Darth Macchio

    Could he actually make a good movie if he was the biggest Conan fan in the world? The guy's a fucking hack director beyond just being a studio yes-man and a good mimic.<p>What you should be hoping for is Ratt to mimic Millius work...<p>This has shitfest written all over it and this is exactly WHY you guys shouldn't go see Ratt's shitty movies if you don't like him as a director...cause the studios greenlight this poseur on big studio projects!!! So, will Conan have a comedy side-kick who can't understand him and never stops talking or screaming? Will he hire a wrestler to be Conan? Will Ratt bring in Thoth-Amon and make him wearing all black leather and standing around brooding while his comically inept goons fall of their horses?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Oh for crying out loud.

    by epitone

    Are we in for "Dost thou understandeth the words that come out of mine mouth?"

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:13 a.m. CST

    (1) "Mongol general Rattner, what is best in life?"

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:14 a.m. CST

    (2) "The open steppe, falcons in wrist, and a PG13 reimagination

    by The_Hypnotoad

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Fuck Conan....where the fuck is OUTLANDER?!!!


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST


    by MattmanReturns

    Guess I'll have to stick with the original movie. It may not be true to the source material, but it's a damn good movie. Ratner's will be watered down and inconsequential, like all his movies. Oh well, Red Sonja might be cool at least.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    He is Conan; Cimmerian.

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    He won't cry, so I cry for him.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:24 a.m. CST


    by Darth_Kaos

    This site cracks me up. No one, and I mean no one on this site has ever explained why they hate this man so much. All I hear is HACK! and shit like that. I offer, no....DARE anyone on this site to give me an intelligent criticism on way Brett Ratner is such a bad filmmaker without calling him a 'Hack'.<br><br> Begin.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST


    by Knuckleduster

    "Ratner thinks that the first one should be a film just about the Joker, exploring his (possible) origin as the Red Hood. “That would be really cool,” he said. But don’t we then run into the not-so-little problem of who could possibly fill Heath Ledger’s shoes? <p> “Heath was great,” Ratner said. “But the Joker is a great villain. That’s why Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger had so much to work with. And I think there will be another actor who can interpret that. It would be great to see [Robert] Downey [Jr.] as the Joker, for instance.”<p> /09/23/should-there-be-a-joker -spin-off-film-brett-ratner-th inks-so/

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    drunk Conan

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    "i fight for the promise i was no...for the kingdom i was promised"...that Ratner came and shat all over, now, now i work at 7 Eleven serving hot-dogs and BBQ, go home to my meth-head queen, this the Ratner version of Rob Zombie version???...both will/would be shit

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Red Dawn was great

    by Lost Jarv


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Will we get "Dost thou understandeth?" No...

    by Darth Macchio

    ...because Conan wasn't Arthur and Hyboria isn't Camelot. I don't think the Ratt would fuck it up that much. Did I just say that?<p>But, yes, Conan will get a comedy sidekick with modern 'pop culture reference' colloquialisms as well as probably ceaseless talking, screaming, or giving Conan a hard time. Making a joke about Conan's "loincloth" or maybe why he has long hair when it's so 1968..he should have the bedhead multi-colored hair helmet thing all the kids got goin on today!<p>They could get Mike Myers...get him in a fat suit with long orange hair, bunch of blue tattoos and that 'o so cutsey-patootsie' Scottish's a fucking virgin cherry cash MINT waiting to be popped!!! Natch!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Leo Bloom? Again? Really?

    by TELF

    For someone who doesn't care you really struggle to avoid posting in Conan TBs. Why don't you toddle off and get back to pretending you understand James Joyce?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Dave Chapelle

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    as his herb-smoking, lazy, sorcerer sidekick ...hmmm, or Vern Troyer as a pygmie warrior with a sword equivalent to a dagger to Conan...or perhaps Amy Winehouse as a singing swamp sorceress...minimum make-up required.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Hate the Ratt?

    by Darth Macchio

    Absolutely not. I don't even think about the guy on a personal level. He's probably a kewl guy who has genuine fan-boy/film-geek traits. But that doesn't seem to stop him from making dumbass or boring films. X-men 3 was just missing something and I think it's a makeup of a bunch of small things so it's hard to articulate why or how exactly he sucks. Easier to point out specific examples in his movies that are hugely annoying or distracting stupid unfunny bullshit taking away from the story (like, for example, anytime Chris Tucker opens his mouth). He's not Uwe Boll of course so it could be worse, but he is definitely the Wal-Mart of directors, no question there, in MY opinion.<p>What I'd like to know from those of you who want a precise scientific formula for why people have a subjective opinion of hating Rattner is, why? Do you really care? Why does someone's opinion about a fictional work need defending? You like him? Great! I don't see anyone asking you why, do you? So if you like's all good. But if you don't, you've got to somehow explain it in a matter that makes other people who either like him, or are one of those detached and super-cool people who question everything, happy or understand your hatred? Are you serious? That's almost as absurd as saying, "All you haters...I wanna see your Hollywood movie! I wanna see you snorting coke of hooker's asses like the Ratt is doing right now as we speak!! You make millions of dollars as a director and then you come back here and talk!"...can you smell the genius of that statement? Smells like mothballs a little, no?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Muthafucka Don't Know The Secret Of Steel!

    by MetalMickey

    What a waste.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    I haven't been this depressed since X-Men 3

    by O_Goncho


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST


    by Cedar_Room

    *shakes fist in rage*

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:07 p.m. CST


    by O_Goncho

    I can't stop expressing my dissatisfaction. Maybe if we fill the internet with enough pissing and moaning Lionsgate will liste---we're doomed :(

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST


    by hank quinlan

    Fucking Ratner. That guy is the plague. You have fucked this franchise. That's it. Make the safe choice. Do it! Just think if you gave him Batman. Oh gave that to a smart, interesting director. And got what? One of the biggest movies of all time.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    I hate the Rat

    by kungfugazi

    Seriously, I'd rather gouge out my eyes than watch a Ratner crapfest. I pray to Crom that something happens to prohibit him from even starting this project.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Conan is Arnold. No Arnold = movie fail

    by geraldbeans

    The movie doesn't work without Arnold. He was so unique and different and awkward and huge and endlessly watchable. Without him you can't make this good. You just can't.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    I want to play Conan

    by samurai sark

    Im tall and long haired and muscular. Pick me! If Ratner's doing it, it won't even matter if I can act or not! Pick me, Ratner! Im waay more marketable to women than Shia LaBeef because I unlike Shia I use my penis. (Megan Fox woldn't be safe around me, is what I'm saying.)

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST


    by mrbong

    yes it FUCKING IS a remake. so what if it has nothing to do with the excellent existing films, it's presumably based on the same source novels, thus it is REMAKING the thing. let's all be clear on that.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Now they we have Ratner on it...

    by YeahSureWhatever

    All we need ti them to cast Shia in a role, and this place would explode.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:58 p.m. CST

    well damn

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    if they wanted to ruin Conan why not just go ALL OUT with it and have Joel Schumacher do it???...then we'd see Conan with a cucumber stuffed down his pants to make up for not being able to put nipples on him since he's already shirtless.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST


    by alucardvsdracula

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Im serious, Bretty-Boy

    by samurai sark

    Pick me! I have my own sword! I punch camels every day! I kill for fun, homes.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Wanna know JUST HOW RETARDED this clown is...

    by alucardvsdracula

    When asked why he decided to cast Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon he replied: "Because I wanted an unknown actor in the role". Yes indeed, Mr Fuckwit was talking about an acadamy award winning actor who just happened to have starred in Schinder's List and The English Patient. With that kind of observation, what does that tell you of this retard. By Crom this production is doomed to fuck. I prey this cunt gets cock cancer or something equally as tasty.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Another one bites the dust...

    by SithScorp

    I am amazed that this hack continues to get work. Maybe he will change the script and kill Conan half way through the story and let the plot tumble around for the last half of the movie... Damn hack PoS...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Brett Ratner = Sarah Palin

    by Darth Thoth

    I can't stand Ratner as a director (even though I did like Rush Hour and Red Dragon) and I think Palin is a nut-job (or, to be more civil- I disagree with her politics). BUT. BUT! I still don't blame them for their poor performances (i.e.- X3 to the Katie Couric interview). I actually think both of them are courageous individuals, trying to do the best they can with their limited abilities. I don't blame Ratner for taking X3 or now Conan. I'd do the same. I blame the stupid studios for hiring him! That's who I blame. And Sarah Palin, let's be fair- she only got into the mix months after everyone else. In many ways she's just trying to play catch-up and do the best she can. I can't knock her (even though I think she's a psycho- albeit a very attractive one for her age, lol). I knock the McCain brain trust who tapped her as his potential VP!! Sure, at first she was a great choice- she galvanized the base and presented an "option" for disaffected Hillary supporters. But now, I have to believe they're kicking themselves for picking her because clearly she is unprepared on a number of important political topics- specifically foreign affairs and some other key domestic policy issues. So in short, even though I am not a fan of Ratner (I think he's a hack), and I totally disagree with the policies of Palin-- in trying to be as objective as I can, I don't blame them on many levels. They're doing what any of us would do in their shoes. And I have to believe they're trying to do the very best they can. The real blame needs to be placed with the powers that be that give these folks access to these positions in the first place. Lastly, just so you know and if you even care- 1) I'm a progressive who's voting for Cynthia McKinney (Green Party), 2) I love Milius' first Conan- one of my all-time favs (so yes, even liberals can love Milius' work, lol), and 3) I had high hopes for King Conan or something closely related to Howard's original vision of Conan. This news of Ratner taking over is like a gut-punch. When the rumor first broke I was distraught clinging to the sliver of hope that it wasn't true. But now, that little bit of hope is gone. Conan... like Star Wars... is now officially dead to me.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Coulda been worse part 2

    by Turtle_Z

    Could have been Paul W Anderson.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:34 p.m. CST

    I Guess Uwe Boll Wasn't Available

    by thelordofhell

    By the way folks, it didn't really matter who the director was for Conan The Barbarian, it was Basil's soundtrack that MADE the movie!!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    thelordofhell - great point about Basil P

    by Darth Thoth

    Easily one of the greatest scores in history. Unbelievably powerful and beautiful.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    nah...he's busy directing his next straight-to-hell release

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    c'mon Rat-Shat

    by samurai sark

    I'd make a great Conan! I promise I won't fuck up your movie... I know how much you care about this property. I won't disappoint! I look just like the guy from 10K BC, so I know you'll think I'm handsome enough. Stop being a douche Brett, let ME be Conan!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:07 p.m. CST

    samurai sark

    by TELF

    Get in line, sunshine.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    samurai sark

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    the guy from 10,000 B.C.??? you look like a fratboy caveman???...okay, maybe you aren't right for Conan...but perhaps Quest for Fire 2 directed by Kevin Williamson is up your alley.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST

    AICN what is your feud with Brett?

    by hallmitchell

    I heard it has something to do with Superman. Why does Harry have such venom for the man?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:25 p.m. CST


    by DerLanghaarige

    Has nothing to do with Conan, but I thought I should mention this. :)

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing Beverly Hills Cop

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing God Of War

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing Guitar Hero

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing a Rat Pack movie

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing a Hugh Hefner Biopic

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:36 p.m. CST

    BTW, I thought Ratner is directing Samurai Jack - The Movie

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST

    He seems to be pretty busy.

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 2:41 p.m. CST

    I'm still down about this, but...

    by O_Goncho

    I just booked a ticket to see The Good the Bad the Weird at a Koren film festival in Liverpool next month so I'm also absofuckinglutely ecstatic... but, yeah, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    On the PLUS SIDE....

    by alucardvsdracula

    When McCain Wins this Novemver it won't matter anymore. Why? Glad you asked, come closer. After Barack admits defeat and once again America looks forward to another glorious four years of Republican rule, McCain dies of a massive cardiac. Sarah Palin is ushered in as President of the USA and without delay proves her worth by nuking everyone she has ever taken a dislike to, in every corner of the globe. She then turns her attention to domestic matters and nukes all remaining life in America. At this point Conan fans, now dying from radiation poisoning rejoice at Palin's salvation, chanting "So what if we're all dead meat, at least we won't have to watch that Rat Bastard shit all over our lovely, lovely Conan" At this point the world blows up, just like at the end of Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Amen.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    And by the way

    by alucardvsdracula

    Sarah Palin is not the antichrist. She'd shit all over a pussy like that. No, she's more antimatter than anything. The only thing scarier than her is a black hole. I bet you she'd take it up the ass though. Underneath that satanic grin is one kinky bitch I'll wager. In fact I'd stake my minimum wage on her shooting scat videos and selling them to children. Any way it is sad about Conan though. And yes I should stop masterbating over images of Sarah Palin. I hate her, but by Crom I shot the longest piece of jizz across the room whilst jerking off to her evil grin. Soooo sexy, yet soooo cold.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I'M STILL WAITING. . . . . .

    by Darth_Kaos

    . . .No Takers huh? Com' on!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    You know, God does have a sense of humor.....

    by The Dum Guy


  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    The Dum Guy

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    God has a sick sense of humor

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Dracula vs dracula

    by Six Demon Bag

    Did Fiennes win an oscar? dont think so could be mistaken. Though he shoulda won for schindlers list

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Ok, this is make or break...

    by holden_oz

    Ratner... I've gone from not caring about your films to down right loathing them. <P> I care about Conan... A lot. I read the comics, I play the game, I read the original stories. <P> If you make a great Conan film, I'll renounce my loathing for you and start defending you everywhere. <BR> But if Conan turns into Xmen three... I will hunt you down and end you.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST


    by Jake Barnes

    I dont comment much on these boards, although I probably visit the site 4-5 times a day. But this news just saddens me. They have the opportunity, if done well, to create another trilogy of movies, that could be on par with LOTR. But now with the Rat on board....... I guess Conan will have a wisecracking sidekick that gets into whacky situations... sigh

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    How can he be doing this and

    by comedian_x

    the God of War movie? Someone is confused.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Eh. I'll believe it when it starts shooting.

    by Orbots Commander

    Ratner is attached to many movies. When this starts shooting with him in the director's chair, then I'll believe it. This could also be a trial balloon by Lionsgate. Maybe they'll put the news out there, run it up the flagpole and if fans decry it, quickly kibosh Ratner. Besides, though Milius' take on Conan was great, the character is pretty limited and one-note. Any filmmaker would be hard pressed to squeeze more than two movies out of that character. Most of Howard's books in the series were essentially the same story over and over again, with various settings. The only thing you can do is Conan the Barbarian and King Conan, and then finito.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    Do you think they re-write the God Of War script...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...into a Conan movie?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Brett Ratner is a Douche!

    by krull rules

    This movie will SUCK DONKEY DICKS!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Oh, sweet Ishtar.

    by Devil'sOwn

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Fucking BULLSHIT!!!!!

    by Sulla

    I'm usually a pretty reserved guy, but this is pure fucking BULLSHIT. Fuck you, you stupid, ignorant assholes. You are all hacks who care NOTHING for the original REH stories. If you did, Brett Ratners name would have never even been considered. So, from all the true lovers of Howard's work...FUCK YOU.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:04 p.m. CST

    So who does that twat Tucker play?

    by spud mcspud

    So Subotai is from the hood in this one! Conan is being attacked by spirits from the underworld, and what do we hear from the sorceror Subotai?<P> "Aw HEEEELLLL NOOOOO! Daaaaaaaamn! Nobody understands the words that be comin' out your mouf, maaaaaaan?!? Now come fuck me, temple bitch."<P> Disaster of SPEED RACER proportions. Any of you creatives with any sense whatsoever, stay the fuck away from this. The CONAN franchise just took a further fucking nosedive. As if Ralf Moeller wasn't bad enough *shudder*...

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:14 p.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Both would be perfect. Verhoeven would get some of the ironic nuance and certainly keep the requisite titty and gore quotient, but after RIDDICK and PITCH BLACK... I loves me some Riddick mythos, and Twohy slam-dunked that franchise. Fuck the critics, RIDDICK rocked, and roll on RIDDICK Parts II & III.<P> So: PAUL VERHOEVEN OR DAVID TWOHY. ALL ELSE IS FALSE, BY MITRA AND CROM!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 6:16 p.m. CST

    That said...

    by spud mcspud

    As much as I love the Milius firt CONAN movie, and how Arnold defined the character physically, Conan is anything but dumb, and certainly more aware of civilised modes of behaviour and manners than the movie showed. As awesome as it was, Conan is more complex than that. They need to go for a bodybuilder who can ACTUALLY ACT, for starters. That would be the place to go from. And DON'T DEVIATE FROM THE STORIES. They are the wellspring from which Conan flows, people.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:08 p.m. CST

    It MIGHT be all right, as long as...

    by Logan_1973

    As one of the few people in the world who actually liked Red Dragon, I think this is a good long as he cares about the material. He clearly didn't give a shit about X-men and you see what happened.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:14 p.m. CST

    That ... that's a shame ...

    by Geekgasm

    ... a damn shame. I wouldn't want Ratner to direct traffic.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 7:34 p.m. CST

    The guy's a legit fuckup.

    by Devil'sOwn

    What to say that hasn't all been said before? His work is forgettable at best. Conan deserves better. It's not the grand Anglican fantasy of LotR, but it's OURS dammit! Milius' Conan wasn't perfect, but it's a friggin' masterpiece compared to what Ratner could concieve.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:10 p.m. CST

    Does EVERY geek franchise "deserve better" now?

    by tempurasan

    Fuck, it's goddamn Conan. As much as I enjoyed reading Conan over the years, it's nothing to really cry over. Ratner is not gonna fuck it up, if anything he's a natural fit. Call me a plant if you must, I'd rather be a plant than a idiotic fanboy who doesn't think before he opens his mouth.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:12 p.m. CST

    And Moriarty, you confuse me

    by tempurasan

    You praise Ratner for what he did in X3, even going as far as saying that if he had more time he would make a "GREAT" Xmen film. Yet here you condemn him. What's going on?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:21 p.m. CST

    By Grapthar's Hammer...

    by Stan Arthur

    As soon as I saw Ratner on Entourage, I instantly hated him. I don't care if it was all Hollywood and plot device. He's either a really good actor or a total douche bag.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Well Fuck Me Sideways

    by toxicbuddha

    There really are no words for this. Should it come to pass, 'twill be a day that e'er tastes of dross and ashes.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:42 p.m. CST


    by Sephiroid

    You sir, and people like you, are th reason that Hollywood sucks SO much ass these days. "Yay, i wanna a pop-corn movie!!! Brain must remain inactive"

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:43 p.m. CST

    tempurasan... your process is all fucked up.

    by Devil'sOwn

    Practice what you preach. Nothing you said remotely made sense. To answer your retarded question, no, not every "geek franchise" deserves better. Some properties are more deserving of decent treatment than others. Yeah, I know it's goddamn Conan! It's a phenomenon that has survived beyond it's pulp roots. But a cool mofo like you knew that already, right?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:45 p.m. CST

    tempurasan = plant

    by Geekgasm

    hey, you asked for it

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 8:54 p.m. CST

    I just think Ratner will do a good job at it.

    by tempurasan

    I may be proven wrong when the film is made. But I don't think the fact that Ratner got chosen is deserving of such bile. One of the reason I think Ratner is a good choice is because he's the type of the director that doesn't meddle beyond his job description. I'm a FIRM believer that film is a colaborative format, and the best film is made when a director holds back and allows others to work as well. He's only there to steer the film in the right direction. Ratner has consistently shown that in every single one of his film. When he's handed a bad script, such as After Sunset or Rush Hour 3, he has made a bad film. But TECHNICALLY they were good. When he's handed a good script, Red Dragon, Family man, Rush Hour, and in my opinion X3, he has made very enjoyable films. But in every single of these films, he doesn't overwhelm the film and weight them down. I don't think of his films as "Workmanlike" rather it's a happy marriage where every talent has consistently shown through, from SFX to Music to Editing. Plus he films very energetic and hard hitting action scenes. Even rabid fanboys can't deny that. And I wish I'm a plant, at least I'll get paid for having an unpopular opinion. Here I'm just sitting in front of the computer like the rest of you... not getting paid for typing this. Which is a shame, cause if I'm gonna be flamed, I'd like some cash.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:06 p.m. CST


    by Darth_Kaos

    I asked early for someone to give me an Intelligent and constructive reason why they hate Ratner, without using the word HACK, CUNT (or any other colorful words). No one here has answered my request. Well, that tells me two thing.<br><br> First, the people that work for this site have a personal reason why they hate this guy, and has decided to try to destroy his rep (which of course, they haven't). They won't say that reason, but I'm sure it's stupid and juvenile.<br><br> Second, in the quest to blend in, most talk backers here just crunch on this guy(Ratner), because the people of AICN do it, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about because it's fun to do and they just want to be part of the crowd.<br><br> Now, don't get me wrong, everything Ratner does isn't GOLD, but he has made a couple of good movies. That analogy applies to all Hollywood directors.<br><br> I would like, for once, for the people who run this site to attack QT or RR.. . . . OH WAIT, that will never happen, cause those guys make nothing but good movies. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, YOU HYPOCRITES!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Geez, Mori. It's a frikkin' barbarian movie

    by catlettuce4

    Let's have a little perspective here. Even the first Conan was basically a "B" movie.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Let's not get into an irony contest, Kaos.

    by Devil'sOwn

    You know. Where two dicks call each other pussies? What you cry out for cannot really be given: What you desire are "facts", which really have little to do with this site. Opinions, on the otherhand, there are an avalanch of. And unless you are profoundly dense, you've already seen those in abundance. I can't speak for the folks who run the site, but a gather their not out to destroy his rep so much as warn readers a guy with his batting average is taking another whack at it. Perhaps it is something petty. I don't imagine we'll ever know. And maybe some talk backers do get caught up in a sort of mob mentality. But some of us do have genuine opinions. All directors do drop duds sometimes. But okay, I'll be your Huckleberry. Here's my two cents; Ratner started out with the first Rush Hour, IMHO a so-so buddy cop movie. Two mavericks learn to work together and Save the Day. Lotsa chop-socky and property damage. That's about it. He later did The Family Man, which was a hit-and-miss thing with me. I love Nic Cage, and it was a departure from RH, but it was basically a reworking of It's a Wonderful Life. He would go on to do a sequel to RH with a mindless plot, and Red Dragon, which had some good points, but will always pale in comparison to Manhunter. And then there's X-Men: Last Stand (ohGoddon'tmakemegothere). His most recent work? Because the world needed it- Rush Hour 3. So, what on his resume screams visionary director in need of sword & sorcery?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST


    by Darth_Kaos

    Thank you sir, for at least responding. I agree that this site is more about opinion. however, I've seen people get banded from this site when they would insult someone in their good graces. It's not about irony, it's about hypocrisy. BTW- I appreciate you not using the terms douche, cunt or hack in your response.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:11 p.m. CST


    by The Amazing G

    Hollywood really does hate us don't they?

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:21 p.m. CST

    You're welcome, Kaos.

    by Devil'sOwn

    In these dark days, it's not easy being a gentleman.

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 10:52 p.m. CST

    who cares about this because it will be a remake

    by Prossor

    Haven't you learned to not trust any of the ass-air that wafts out of studio people's mouths? Who gives a shit that someoen says they love the material, really no kidding huh? That statement should be up there as most cliched things ever said. I guarantee we will not be getting anything to do justice to REH's tales, this will be a remake of Conan the Barbarian whether we want to belive it or not, search your feelings you KNOW it to be true, a remake directed by Bret Ratner. So be like me, don't waste time being pissed about this joke news, Carrot Top can direct this soulless nonsense and it wouldn't make a difference from the Rat. This won't be a tale-adaptation directed by a hungry new visionary director so being scared about a shit project from the get-go is wasting energy. When remake #99387 is released, remember this comment and who said it when you look up into the night sky!

  • Oct. 17, 2008, 11:43 p.m. CST

    They should wait for Del Toro and get Javier Bardem as Conan

    by Chuck_Chuckwalla

    an you imagine a Guillermo DelToro Conan movie? I'd cast Javier Bardem as Conan. And I would do a straight adaptation of one of REH original stories. Or maybe an anthology of 3 stories. One would have to be The Tower of the Elephant, my favorite Conan story. That would be one fucking awesome movie.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:01 a.m. CST

    NOOO! Stupid Hollywood

    by Therealumlaut

    Why must you shit all over everything Brett Crapner. I HATE YOU!

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:20 a.m. CST

    The hell with you, Crom!!!

    by drompter

    You didn't listen, AAAARRRRRGGHH!!!

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    a questionable choice

    by Darth Scourge

    This news is very disheartening. I have severe doubts that Ratner will successfully capture the essence of Howard's stories. But I guess if it's true, we'll just have to wait and see.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    The director, the score, Mako, Arnold

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    equals a masterpiece that spawned many impersonators, and will never be equaled. Some of the impersonators were even good in their own way. Sword and the Sorcerer, and Beastmaster come to mind, but Conan crushes them, sees them driven before them, and hears the lamenations of the women.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Anyone know where I can get the King Conan script?

    by L. Ron Bumquist

    Pretty please!

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 7:57 a.m. CST

    It's in that vault where the next

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Revenge of the Nerds movie was put by mistake. The too good to be made vault. What show was that from? Was it Simpsons or am I imagining things?

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 8:08 a.m. CST


    by antmanx68

    I'm a conan fanatic, my middle name is conan.... I wanted a king conan movie so bad but I'll see this too..... Ratner would not have been my 1st or 50th choice to direct this but hopefully he can pull it off.... I hope they go for a frazetta style and adapt some of the stuff dark horse has done in the last few years.... I think the casting of Conan will be what makes or breaks this.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST

    It would be sweet if this was all a horrible lie...

    by alienindisguise

    Conan has so much potential to kick massive ass but all that hack ratner will do is make it a 300 clone

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Can you understand the Lamentations that are coming out of my mo

    by XxL3THALxX

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    I just hope

    by XxL3THALxX

    It's the Conan O'Brian biopic. Crom!

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    A fine choice

    by 'Cholera's Ghost

    If you wanted to make Conan in New York.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST


    by DarthCorleone

    Ratner is disheartening enough.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Goddam it.

    by Cartagia

    Damn dammity damn damn damn.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Just lost all interest

    by Charlie_Allnut

    This will be nothing more then a campy studio hack job. Wouldn't surprise me if Ratner tries to make it look like 300 cinematography wise. I am rereading the books now and I really envision more of a Thief of Baghdad type setting - extremely rich colors old fashioned long lense filming (no shaky camcorders) and a very exotic ancient Persia feel with hardcore violence like Gladiator.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Ratner is a piece of dog shit with AIDS

    by nukeface

    Not only do I not get to see Trick r Treat this year, but I find out this LA Film School cocksucker is doing Conan!! I really really really hope Ratner dies of a cocaine over dose while Chris Tucker is sucking his dick for a part in this movie.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:33 p.m. CST

    What. The. Fuck.

    by DoctorWho?

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:53 p.m. CST

    dear god

    by El Borak

    when will it end?

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 1:53 p.m. CST

    dear god

    by El Borak

    when will it end?

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 2:43 p.m. CST

    I've got the SOLUTION!

    by half vader

    Tell him it's shooting in Sydney. Then see if he gets on the plane. It worked before... <p> Or was that McG? I can't tell those two douchebags apart...

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST

    they should make king conan

    by El Borak

    w/ arnold and have stallone direct. make conan like the last rambo. there it is. someone pay me a million dollars now.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Love Conan. This is BAD news.

    by uberman

    Its over.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Full Retard

    by Die_Hardest

    Ratner's a jagoff.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST

    BARDEM and a good director

    by sarajevobot

    It's easy. This is great material; give it a great director and a great actor and odds will increase that you'll get a great movie. What's wrong w/ the 28 Weeks Later guy? He was on the list. Get him. It's not too late for the studio to announce that this was a rumor, or for 'em to change their minds.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 6:41 p.m. CST

    A True Friend Stabs you in the Front

    by the1980mutant

    Why didn't he stick to his "Guitar Hero" movie? That seems to be up his retarded alley a little bit more. I was hoping the Rob Zombie directing rumor was on the money. At least he would not have "pulled his punches". *SIGH* Oh well, at least I have the originals..........

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Tower of the Elephant

    by spud mcspud

    Would be the obvious choice for a cool Conan movie - and would be amazing too. But the one I'd REALLY like to see:<P> Get Arnie back in the saddle. Adapt the novel CONAN OF THE ISLES. Call it CONAN THE KING. And give the trilogy a fucking fitting end. That novel is fantastic, and chronologically is the last story in Conan's life. Awesome stuff.

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah

    by the1980mutant

    at this point lets go G-rated and make it voiced by John Goodman. This makes me want the Second Great Depression to happen. Not realy but damn

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 10:06 p.m. CST

    Peter Berg???

    by maxxsterling

    Even though Hancock sucked! (Scripts fault! Shooting script, that is...)Very Bad Things is fuckin' classic!!! Kobe Tai!!! The Rundown was fun. The Kingdom had great action. Brett Ratner... Rush 1 was cool. Aiiight. Rush 2. Like a remake of Big Shots. Rush 3. Only purpose was to prove that C. Tucker wasn't dead. Red Dragon. The cast directed that. X3 is Beverly Hills Cop 3. Karate Kid 3, even. Fuck. I mean, The Destoyer was no Godfather II, but at least it had Grace Jones. And Tracey "Bob 'The Goon' Walters". Oh, and Wilt probably added chicas #99,973 thru 99,986 whilst filming. C'mon!!! Read Kurt Busiek's Dark Horse Comics run instead. Please. Prove us all wrong, Ratt!!!

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 10:08 p.m. CST

    And no Mariah Carey cameo... unless...NUDE!

    by maxxsterling

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 11:25 p.m. CST

    uwe frackin boll

    by yeuxdesoir

    was too expensive, so they went with ratner?

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 12:10 a.m. CST

    I'm still holding on....

    by sonnyfern

    I know AICN's usually nails this kind of thing..but i'm still hoping against hope that this is just another rumor and it'll fall through... ....dear God NOT MY CONAN!

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 1:14 a.m. CST

    Lionsgate has become the new FOX in fucking with fans

    by chien_sale

    I mean really. It's like the new Boss of Lionsgate is Don Murphy.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Ratner == the cancer that is killing Hollywood

    by Chrighton

    Fuck this. Fuck it in the goat-ass. I'll not see this.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 2:41 a.m. CST

    Bardem??? pass that fatass blunt!!

    by Prossor

    get that gorilla-nosed alien-eyed muddafuka outa here! conan is from cimmeria, a quasi-scottish/nordic nation not from a spanish-mediterranean area. and he was the weak link in no country for old, a pussified version of the force of nature from the book.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    are good directors

    by LarryTate

    <p>so rare that we have to have Ratner ruin everything we cherish?</p> <p>Why does he keep getting work?</p>

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST


    by Chuck_Chuckwalla

    He looks like the character. Just look at Frazetta's and Buscema's Conan and compare. I don't know of any other actor that has the look, the build or the intensity that could pull it off. Who cares if he's Spanish? Arnold was Austrian — not Scottish or Swedish. Of course, Bardem doesn't have blue eyes, but that can be done digitally.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Bardem. Good Actor? Yes. Conan? F! No.

    by maxxsterling

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST


    by maxxsterling

    Heavy D's 'Now That We Found Love' video is the teaser trailer to this new movie. But Conan The Librarian rules!

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Conan Claymation movie

    by plate of shrimp

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST


    by Earthquake WestCoast

    Hate the man all you want fools! But, the man keeps on getting hired, because...unlike all you gay fanboys, most regular mainstream people liked X-MEN 3 and RUSH HOUR! Personally, Ratner is a nobody to me. I neither hate or like him. He's just a director doing his job. Personally, I dislike a director like Bryan Singer for putting superman in a "gay speedo costume" and writing a horrible story! Or disliking George Lucas for horrible directing, especially since the director of THE CLONE WARS CGI animated series give the characters more personality than their live-action counterparts.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 8:24 p.m. CST


    by Earthquake WestCoast

    Instead of being angry because of a director directing a movie based on a comic book, you should be angry about the United States becoming more communist. According to Webster's Dictionary the definition of Communism is:"COMMUNISM: A one-party system of government in which the state plans and controls the economy." Well, the state NOW plans and controls the economy and the republicans and democrats are becoming more alike. Notice how Republicans keep on going farther to the left.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 8:28 p.m. CST


    by Earthquake WestCoast

    What would you do?......What would whiney-cry baby fanboys do? They would bitch about it all day, while they're eating their 10 gallon tub of popcorn and slurping their x-large cup of corn syrup, all the while watching a Ratner directed TDK sequel. Ha! The Russians are going to have a field day with you all.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Not even STALLONE as Conan and a harder R than Rambo

    by Its a LION

    could save this one now. Fuckin' weak.

  • Oct. 19, 2008, 10:42 p.m. CST

    Lionsgate hasn't denied this yet...?

    by westwood13

    If this was untrue and I was trying to get a kick-ass CONAN franchise off the ground, I think I'd have debunked this by now...

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Digital blue eyes? Are you serious

    by Prossor

    Schwarzenneger was Austrian but he looked a lot closer like the character even though he didn't act like him. I get why people say Bardem because they correctly look at the paintins of how COnan really looks, the brown skin, jet black hair, but Conan was from the gloomy dark northern lands yet he was brown skinned because he wandered all of Hyboria including spending lots of time in the desert wastelands and other southern areas the rest of his life. In the text it's mentioned alot of his piercing cold blue eyes beneath his black mane frequently.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 3:02 a.m. CST

    what a bummer

    by swordsmasteryen

    . . . it probably won't even be R rated. What a waste of awesome material. I really hope this falls through, I'd rather Uwe Boll do this.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 3:23 a.m. CST


    by Chuck_Chuckwalla

    Good points, I guess we all have our idea of what he looks like if you've read the stories and seen the comics and novel covers. Even though I liked him in the movie, I never really bought Schwarzenneger as Conan. But I would like to see Bardem take a shot at it. His face and body type looks like Conan's. And he's intimidating, like Conan should be. I'm sure if he buffed up a bit more than he is he would look dead on. And yeah, I know how much the blue eyes matter, so I'd rather they color them digitally instead of blue contact lenses.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    "Instead of being angry because of a director directing a movie

    by sonnyfern


  • Oct. 20, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Holy shit....

    by Darth Macchio

    Is it ok if I find Ratner's films boring? Am I allowed to say I was not entertained? Is that ok? Or does it mean I'm a AICN conformist? I either have to like Ratner's films or keep mum so I don't reveal my 'AICN pod people who hate Ratner" belonging? That I, like a wad of clay, have no opinions of my own, nor the ability to form my own opinions, and must have my daily dose of AICN to find out what I think about this or that? Is that what you really think? Really?<p>To be sure, I do think there's a certain 'mob' mentality to piling it on Ratner, and it's childish in a fun way perhaps...but I'd never think that people's opinions of any particular film or director are based on anything other than their experiences with the material created.<p>Why is it that if someone has a prevailing opinion, all of the sudden they're "followers" being lead around by the penis or something by the kool-aid sucking tardbots at AICN? Really? That's what you think it is? Or are you really just questioning your own opinion against the wall of prevailing counter-opinions and attempting to defend it by insulting those who think differently than you?<p>Be yourself man! Even if you're the only Ratner fan in the room!

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    There has yet to be a good Conan movie...

    by Pdorwick there's nothing really for Brett Ratner to fuck up.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Milius' Conan Ruled!

    by uberfreak

    May the ghost of RE Howard rise and throttle Ratner in his sleep. PG-13 movies suck donkey dick.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 5:42 p.m. CST

    I agree: FFFFFUUUCCCCKKK!!!! this guy blows

    by darwinmayflower

    please fire him and get someone good.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 6:05 p.m. CST

    really guys, just read the howard stories.....

    by rben

    they work better than any filmed shit anyway.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Milius Conan was good but not Conan

    by sarajevobot

    It's a great movie. If I hadn't grown up with it I might not think it's so great but I think I would... it's loud, it's bloody, there's tits, there's an orgy, there's ponderous talk about steel. What's not to like? It's a good movie. It's a good movie. It's a good movie. But it's not really a Conan movie. Arnie's Conan is a big, dumb, furrow-browed baboon. RE Howard's Conan is a sharp, mean, cunning, explosively violent symbol of uncivilized humanity. Which, to me, seems alot cooler than the Arnie interpretation. So I for one would like to see THAT version of Conan in a movie, and I'd like to see it delivered by an actor and director who can mine that concept for all it's worth. As opposed to the guy who made Rush Hour. But that's just me. For Christ's sake.

  • Oct. 20, 2008, 10:58 p.m. CST

    Its amazing

    by Charlie_Allnut

    a twenty five year wait for a new Conan movie...and we get a Ratner movie. Wonder if he will be taking over the Superman franchise, James Bond, John Carter of Mars, Mad Max sequels, Lethal Weapon 5, Die Hard 5 and various other properties. You would think execs would follow the Batman model - give a talented director with a passion for the project creative control...but no. This'll be a cult classic ala Beastmaster at any rate.

  • Oct. 21, 2008, 2:34 a.m. CST

    I hate reimaginings!!! ARGH!!!

    by Orionsangels

    I love continuations!!!

  • Oct. 21, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Ratner? Really?

    by grendel san

    ... and this may be the worst idea in film since Greedo shooting first. At least it's not M. Night Shammalammadingdong, but Ratner? Is it going to be another debacle like the last X Men film?

  • Oct. 21, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    You said "SPOILER"

    by DrManhattansUnit

  • Oct. 21, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    You weren't kidding.

    by DrManhattansUnit

  • Oct. 21, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Old Marvel Barry Smith Conan stories are best...

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Classics. All of them.

  • Oct. 22, 2008, 1:40 a.m. CST

    I'm starting to think mark millar is a genius...

    by soup74

    he's just not for us. (mature writing fans.) he a good writer for 13-17 year olds. thats why reviews are ambivilent.. people can appreciate that there is something special on page, but they cant understand why they dont like it.. it's because its not for them.

  • Oct. 22, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    "Conan...What is Shite in Life?"

    by KillaKane

    "Having your saga told by a geek reviled shooter who can't cut it in the S&S genre" Expect a revisionist Conan lite.

  • Oct. 22, 2008, 8:09 a.m. CST

    ratner has already ruined franchises

    by ZO

    why would anyone think differently here?

  • Why would a studio hire an overpaid hack for a director!? Ratner!!! Why the fuck did they choose Ratner!? Pay me scale, and I'll be the hack the studio wants! At least the studio would get what they paid for. This just means that they are hoping to maximize profits by dumbing down the story more and making the film PG-13. I wouldn't pay $1 at a second-run theater to watch a Ratner film.

  • Oct. 22, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    "They’re starting over from the original stories."

    by kiddae

    Conan'll be a racist shitweasel, then?

  • Oct. 23, 2008, 12:56 a.m. CST

    Benicio Del Toro would make a great Conan too

    by chien_sale

    He's tall, dark, big as a motherfuckker. Just buff him up.

  • Oct. 23, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Good Idea about BDT

    by BranMakMorn

    And have the guys from the HUNTED do the fight scenes.

  • Oct. 24, 2008, 1:32 a.m. CST

    What a waste

    by Arteska


  • Oct. 24, 2008, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Hunted is exactly why I think he should be great for it

    by chien_sale

    Plus he's such a class "A" brooder

  • Feb. 12, 2010, 12:14 a.m. CST


    by orcus