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Latauro Trashes All Eighty-Five Minutes Of MAX PAYNE!!

Hi. I'm back. Have been incredibly busy with various things lately, so I apologise for my absence. (To the people who hate my writing: you're welcome. To the people who have never heard of me: it's okay, I'm a plant.) I've got a lot of new and upcoming Australian films I really want to talk about, and will hopefully be able to in the coming weeks. In the meantime, though, I have to tell you about MAX PAYNE. Why? Because I suffered through it, and you shouldn't have to. Even though I can't think of a single video game adaptation that has turned out well (though I will entertain arguments in favour of SUPER MARIO BROS.), I didn't think MAX PAYNE would necessarily be a total wash-out. My expectations were low -- very low -- and when they're low, I tend to have a good time. The power of low expectations actually allowed me to enjoy (on some level) Stallone's DRIVEN, so it's a pretty powerful pre-conditioning. And it worked. For a little bit. Expecting absolutely nothing of any interest caused me to have some hope during the first twenty minutes. Then the reality of the film began to seep in. Horrid dialogue, surprisingly bad acting across the board, and some really dodgy sound editing -- have you ever noticed sound editing before? neither -- helped to drive an already sub-standard plot further into the ground. I never have much interest in recounting a film's plot in my reviews, and having next-to-no memory of said plot doesn't help much. Payne's after the people who killed his wife, some people turn out to double-cross him, etc etc. It's so unbelievably dull, I'm struggling to find the energy to even write about it. So, I'll instead discuss Mark Wahlberg. Or, at least, one of him, for there are two very similar-looking Mark Wahlbergs who otherwise bear no resemble to one another. There's Good Mark Wahlberg. Good Mark Wahlberg has done films such as BOOGIE NIGHTS, THREE KINGS, I HEART HUCKABEES and THE DEPARTED. In each of these films, he doesn't just stand there whilst the movie is good around him, he gives performances that elevate them. His addition is a good one. Good Mark Wahlberg is one of my favourite actors, and I have high anticipation levels for both THE LOVELY BONES and Darren Aronofsky's THE FIGHTER. Bad Mark Wahlberg has made some very poor choices. Ditching Soderbergh to do the PLANET OF THE APES abortion was a big one, appearing in THE HAPPENING at what I hope is the nadir of M. Night Shyamalan's career was another. But, much like Good Mark Wahlberg, he's not a passive observer who just happens to be in a really bad film; he's actually bad in them. THE HAPPENING might almost have scraped through with a decent lead performance, but BMW (hey, awesome acronym!) showed up and, I honestly feel, plunged it further down into the abyss. So, which turned up for MAX PAYNE? I've actually been struggling with that, and the more I think about it, the more I think there's a third Wahlberg. I was trying to avoid mentioning some of his movies because they didn't fit into that neat little description I had above, but there is a Neutral Mark Wahlberg, who has appeared in THE PERFECT STORM, THE ITALIAN JOB, and, now, MAX PAYNE. The character of Max Payne is a very silly one, and Wahlberg does his best, but he's always walking a thin line between intensity and parody. He never slips over into either one, but spends the whole film on that balancing wire. So, if nothing else, for managing to Not Suck in this of all films, I do give the man some credit. Jumping back to the film itself, I think we also need to think very carefully about how much you want to pay homage to the source material. You need to know when doing something because it's familiar is going to help your film and when it's going to hinder your film. Example: my favourite bit in Lord of the Rings was always the scene with Tom Bombadil, but when I heard PJ's reason for leaving it out, I thought "You know what, you're absolutely right; that wouldn't work in the movie". Somebody needs to tell the people behind MAX PAYNE that the slow-mo option from the game may be great in that context, but looks fucking retarded in the film. I've never played the game, and I only found out that the slow-mo stuff is integral to the game after I got out of the cinema, so I'm sitting there thinking "What the hell is going on? who thought this was a good idea?". I'd like to show it to John Woo. I guarantee even he'd be going "Fucking get on with it!" after minute two of Payne pumping a shotgun. My favourite part, however, is the end. The message throughout seems to be Drugs Are Bad, as everybody's life is getting ruined thanks to this exciting new drug that's out on the street. It's a drug that makes 1% of people into superhumans, and turns the rest of them crazy. Can you guess what the Act Three twist is? Max takes the drug and becomes a superhuman. I don't even know where to begin. Did they not think about this? Did they not think, "Hey, our market is boys between the ages of twelve and twenty-five, maybe we shouldn't be condoning drug use?". It's utterly irresponsible, and without any hint of self-awareness. Conservative Christians, if you'd like me to respect you at all, stop going after films that contain sex, and maybe take a swipe at the year's most socially reckless movie. If you have to take easy shots at the film industry, why not go after a film that actually has something to answer for? Nobody comes out of this thing looking good. The damn thing's 85 minutes and you swear you've been in there for about two and a half hours by the time it's over. All the buzz you've been hearing about how this film is good is coming from people whose jobs depend on it making money. Do not give it the time of day. Peace out, Latauro

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Sorry, I'm just waiting for Quint's HMAD.

    by Gilkuliehe

    That is all.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    PG-13 =

    by Turd Furgeson

    Me no see...

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:44 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for Frogger the movie

    by Roketopunch

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:52 p.m. CST


    by Gozu

    I mean, it's not really surprising, but the trailers look REALLY good. It is from the studio that brought us "Hitman." Sigh.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:52 p.m. CST

    I read the review before you put the spoiler tag...

    by Gilkuliehe

    Aw what the hell. I'm still curious about the angel dudes, Latauro. Is this movie supernatural, or are those just crazy allucinations or whatever?

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST


    by Latauro

    There are small clues in there to suggest it might be supernatural after all, but it's safe to say that they are drug-induced hallucinations. As was this film.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 9:58 p.m. CST

    Marky Mark

    by Flint420

    Wahlberg is fucking AWFUL in EVERYTHING i've ever seen him in. How he keeps getting work I'll never know.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:03 p.m. CST

    Say hi to your mother for me!

    by Spacker Dave

    I was looking forward to this flick... Guess I'll see Burn After Reading then.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST

    The longer he's around the more Wahlberg turns full prick

    by reflecto

    He was one of the most cutesy, insufferable things in the cutesy, insufferable movie that was The Departed. And his offscreen persona is increasingly assholish. He gave this incredibly fucked up intv a couple years ago giving a creepy glimpse at his draconian home life with the wife and kids. And that's not even getting to The Happening or shit like The Italian Job, etc. I like him in certain things but this will surely not help.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Well I was going to see this

    by Kneprock

    now I will save my time and money. Thanks for the warning Latauro.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:04 p.m. CST

    BTW does anyone remember his Boogie Nights commentary

    by reflecto


  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:10 p.m. CST

    The Drug Thing

    by BackwardGalaxy

    Hey, didn't they do that in Doom? Didn't Bones McCoy get infused with a drug to keep him alive and roided out so he could kill the People's Scorpion King? How do you rip off crap? <BR><BR> Incidentally, Resident Evil wasn't a horrible video game adaptation either.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:10 p.m. CST

    Wasn't he kind of a dick to PTA in the commentary?

    by Lovecraftfan

    Or I remembering wrong.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Mark Wahlberg last scenes are usually vengeance shootings

    by ricarleite

    I can name FOUR films where he does that. That Seven Brides for Seven Brothers meets Shaft flick he did some time ago was a good example.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:18 p.m. CST

    Max Payne + Mark Walberg + PG13 =

    by Nuking the Fridge

    Pure Shit...........

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:18 p.m. CST


    by Brian

    For the record, I was never going to see this movie, but I AM a fan of the games. Anddd I don't think anyone should trust this reviewer. He reminds me of that asshole at work who insists on putting in his two cents on EVERYTHING and loves the sound of his own voice, but in reality he's just a glib know-it-all twat. In my mind... this movie should never have been made. What a foolish step for everyone involved.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:35 p.m. CST

    new benji trailer

    by kjl451

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:40 p.m. CST

    I was NEVER going to see this in theatres...

    by Redfive!

    now I wont even download this for free,thanks for the heads up on this one.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 10:44 p.m. CST


    by LargoJr

    Oh SHIT I loved his closing comment about the people trying to spread positive buzz about this film.. SO godamn spot on.. thanks for the review Latauro

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Payne using drugs = irresponsible?

    by Viewer 3

    Ok, before I laugh at the utter ridiculousness of that portion of the review, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt, as I have not seen this yet of course.<p><p>I don't like Mark. The only Mark I was able to enjoy was The Departed Mark. But I do like Max Payne. Big fan of the games. As much as I hate the terribly cheesy ways that slo-mo stuff is used these days, and how much it comes across as a desperate cry of "everyone in high school is gonna think this is SO dope", I still figured that I'd be able to handle it in this movie. I knew it'd be overused. And I knew that the "it's from the game, so that makes it Ok" excuse wouldn't fly with the vast majority of reviewers. Hell, I could even end up hating it myself. But I still imagine I'd be able to tolerate it just a bit more than the average viewer.<p><p>As far as Payne taking drugs being "irresponsible"... give me a break. I thought that part of the review was a joke at first. Again, I'll concede the point that I'll have to see it first before I can properly comment. But Max is forced to take the drug in the game. It's unclear whether he takes it willingly or not in the movie, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here. From the way the story of the game is set up, Payne will do whatever it takes to take these people down. Even if it destroys who he is. So the fact that he resorts to doing the bad thing and taking the irresponsible path all in the name of doing what it takes to accomplish his goal, well that seems very fitting of the character. Becoming just as empty and wreckless as those he pursues is a crucial character trait that I was hoping would be included in the film. <p><p>Now, maybe it's just done in a dumb way. Which I'm sure it is. And I'm sure when I see the way they pull it off, I'll probably just roll my eyes. So I can't defend the quality of that certain plot twist's presentation, but I can defend the logic behind it.<p><p>Oh, and someone please shoot BackwardGalaxy for actually having the braindead audacity to suggest that Resident Evil was anything more than a laughable, nonsensical abomination that could've had every proper name in the film changed and you'd never know it had anything to do with the source material. RE stands as one of the worst. Ever.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:08 p.m. CST


    by uVa

    You say not to trust Latauro because he loves the sound of his own voice, and in the same comment go on about how you never had any intention of seeing the film and it should never have been made. Why post then? You silly man.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:13 p.m. CST

    I thought Woo directed this. But not interested enough to verify

    by Stormwatcher

    it on IMDB. I saw Shooter in theatres cuz for some reason the movie I wanted to see was late or sold out ect.. I remember thinking it was the Commando of the 21st Century. So terrible it was great! But still it really was terriblw.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Resident Evil was a horrid film.. adaptation or otherwise

    by LargoJr

    It made the single worst mistake that most 'action' films make. Giving handfuls of SUPPOSEDLY crack/professional soldier absolutely SHITLOADS of ammunition, and watch them completely panic and waste all of it hitting everything BUT head shots. "Wow joe.. I just shot that person who is dripping blood and looking moldy shambling over here, and they just got right back up again. Hmm.. lemme blow off a limb.. nope, they got right back up again. Ok.. lets stand here and wait to get chomped, and spray the walls uselessly with bullets. I wonder what kind of drugs these 'people' are on? Oh well, we're crack troops, and very quick on the uptake. We'll figure it out soon enough"

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:15 p.m. CST

    Not that I was gonna see it or anything...

    by tHeGRinGoGenTiLE

    ...but thanks for the SPOILER tag, you fucking douche. Glad this wasn't a movie I was dying to see. What a fuckhead...

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Tomb Raider? Really?

    by Dominic-Vobiscum

    I didn't bother with the second one because the first one was so dumb. That scene where they're racing up the side of the pyramid thingy?...I kept expecting to see "BONUS LEVEL" flashing above their head.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:16 p.m. CST

    PS: 'Get Smart' was the 1st film in DECADES

    by LargoJr

    ... that actually had professionals hitting what they were shooting at first or 2nd time. Movie had more going for it then most anything made in the last 2 decades.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Two in a row for Wahlberg

    by kafka07

    I got money that says he can go for three.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:25 p.m. CST

    RE: viewer 3

    by Larry of Arabia

    It's possible that as presented in this movie the character's choice and actions makes don't make sense. As a big fan of the games I'm sure you "get it" right away but a movie exists independently of the game. For them to turn a profit people who haven't played the game have to see the film. They won't have the hours and hours of back story you do. They will simply wonder why Max took/was given the drugs or even when it happened. That's what has hobbled so many game adaptations. You can't do shot for shot with them, just like its near impossible to do it with books, stageplays, musicals, or comics. Different mediums require different devices.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST

    So why are studios STILL making video game movie adaptations?

    by Orbots Commander

    Are they hoping that maybe one, just one, out of all that have come before will succeed? The original video games are cool, but the problem is that most games don't translate well to movies, and when they ARE made into movies, they lose whatever appeal they had as games.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST


    by Viewer 3

    I'm all too acquainted with the "they have to make it understandable and enjoyable for people who haven't played the game/read the book/read the comic/saw the original, etc." argument. I wasn't making the case of "you would've had to play the game to get it", but when you read that part of the review the guy seems absolutely mortified by it. Now, if there's absolutely no hint in the movie of the dark character traits that would make him take the drugs and whatnot, then of course it'll make no sense. But I made it clear I haven't seen it, so I wasn't defending the things that only hardcore gamers would understand, but to rather elaborate on it incase it wasn't explained to its full potential, or if the reviewer just didn't get it. Besides, complaining about the stereotypical anti-hero character taking drugs to get an edge is like complaining that they kill people and break the law instead of taking them to jail.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:41 p.m. CST


    by Viewer 3

    As I said, I imagine the character development was pretty weak, so I'm sure that I'll agree- once I see it- that they squandered the task of bridging the gap between source material and a standalone film. So don't get me wrong; if this guy says it didn't make much sense from a standalone-film perspective, I don't find that very hard to believe.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Has it been a while since Fox has had an actual hit?

    by Gozu

    Like what was the last Fox movie to really hit it big? Like an actual 20th Century Fox movie, not a Fox Searchlight indie. "The Simpsons?"

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:46 p.m. CST


    by slkboxrman

    get smart was absolutely horrible..hate to say it, it was....i couldnt even finish watching the movie...that bad...steve carell is the most untalented actor in the history of hollywood...most of mark wahlbergs movies have been enjoyable, even the happening..and tomb raider and resident evil were great video game adaptions..prob two of the most successful...

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:53 p.m. CST


    by LargoJr

    Never said it was a good film.. just said it was the first one in literally decades that didn't have professional soldiers shooting things up like a bunch of drunken yahoo militia-men. Seriously... How many times have you seen someone running past a steel railing on a balcony, and NOT get hit by gobs of shooters, but showers of sparks from the metal rail as every single rod gets hit?

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Did they not release THE SHOOTER

    by comedian_x

    in Australia? That's a BMW (emphasis on BM) if there ever was one. Shit, I'm pretty disappointed; I wanted this to be good. <p>Oh, and SILENT HILL is the only good video game movie.

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:57 p.m. CST

    nice heads up but it always looked shit

    by G100

  • Oct. 13, 2008, 11:59 p.m. CST


    by the beef

    ...yes, I'll agree it's not a very good film, but it's the best video game film that's been made. It's exquisite visually. The tone matches the eeriness of the game. It's genuinely creepy. And, it's no holds-barred fucked up. If nothing else you can't argue that the creators had much more than just a cash-in based off the popularity of the title on their minds. At least give it the most ambitious award or something.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Oh, man...I was looking forward to this...

    by Banzai Rootskibango

    ...oh well...guess I'll just wait for 007.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:06 a.m. CST

    Video Game Adaptations =

    by The Eskimo

    Videodrome. Get it?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Wahlberg was good in PLANET OF THE APES

    by caruso_stalker217

    He didn't help the film, but he didn't hurt it either. He got upstaged by the apes. Not his fault. It must have taken years to train those apes to talk. No actor could be expected to compete with that. You could stick Brando in that movie and he'd be overshadowed by the apes.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:11 a.m. CST


    by Leafy McPlantsalot

    you are no longer allowed to go to the movies. Please read your previous post for reasoning behind this decision.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:14 a.m. CST

    A review as ragged as the movie purportedly is

    by König Lear

    Latauro could not have even seen the movie and--aside from the sound editing beef--written the same review. Approximately forty percent of the thing is spent talking about other movies or the reviewer's personal take on Mark Wahlberg's screen persona and not, for instance, specifying what made the sound editing so dodgy. When a person presumes a position of critical authority and then deviates from the topic at hand because he's "struggling to find the energy to even write about it," he removes any potency and relevancy his review might have had. The job isn't "to be entertained whilst writing the review" and this particular writer receives no points for attempting to disguise laziness with disdain. This isn't to say that Latauro is a bad reviewer--this is the only bit of his I've ever read--but this is a pretty shabby review. (I have no idea how good or bad Max Payne is, but the PG-13 rating doesn't bode well for the movie's quality and I'll likely share Latauro's dislike.)

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:55 a.m. CST

    I hated driven so much

    by deanbarry

    i wanted to gouge out the eyes of the person next to me just so nobody could say they saw me in the theater watching it. Max Payne...the game never interested me. Nor does the movie. Hope Marky Mark stops doing these shitty looking flicks man.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:56 a.m. CST

    I'll say it again.

    by otm shank

    R rated source material turned into PG-13 product does not work.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:17 a.m. CST

    The director of the Omen remake made a bad movie?!?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    How can that be? It's almost as if you said WS, Brett or Uwe could make one... 'tis nothing but a lie!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Wake me when they film Full Throttle

    by symphy

    Yeah, it's short, but it's still my favorite video game of all time, and I just re-completed it using ScummVM on my XV6700 cell phone and it was just as awesome so bite me. <br> <br> December 61.<br> My dads wages light.<br> Still on that salary<br> We, all four, could sleep tight.<br><br> Hell the f*ck yes. <

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:42 a.m. CST

    König Lear

    by BadMrWonka

    "Latauro could not have even seen the movie and--aside from the sound editing beef--written the same review."<p>what does that mean? the same review as...his review? are you saying he didn't see it? what are you comparing it to?<p> "Approximately forty percent of the thing is spent talking about other movies or the reviewer's personal take on Mark Wahlberg's screen persona and not, for instance, specifying what made the sound editing so dodgy."<p>how do you describe in detail what is wrong with sound editing. if it feels, of, it just feels off. he even made a joke about how odd it is to even be mentioning it in a review.<p>"When a person presumes a position of critical authority and then deviates from the topic at hand because he's "struggling to find the energy to even write about it," he removes any potency and relevancy his review might have had."<p>if you're job is to write about a particular film, and the film is so shitty that it makes you not even want to do your job, that in and of itself is a good point to make. if a huge action film bores a movie reviewer so much that they are bored writing about it, that is important. come on now, you can see that sir, can't you?<p>"The job isn't "to be entertained whilst writing the review" and this particular writer receives no points for attempting to disguise laziness with disdain."<p>jesus christ, lighten up a bit. first, you're being a way too melodramatic there. second, when a reviewer sees a film that genuinely excites them, you can feel it in their review. it should be exciting to read a review by someone who was genuinely surprised or excited about a film. so why then, as the inverse, should we not hear if a reviewer is so bored by an action film that they can't even be bothered to write a really smash-bang review of it? boredom speaks as much to the negative as excitement to the positive.<p>"This isn't to say that Latauro is a bad reviewer--this is the only bit of his I've ever read--but this is a pretty shabby review."<p>a) then you don't come to AICN much. Latauro writes a lot, and is one of the best reviewers with the most consistent opinions. b) no it isn't

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:44 a.m. CST

    oh, and Latauro

    by BadMrWonka

    how dare you incorporate BMW as "Bad Mark Wahlberg"?!?!<p>we all know it actually stands for "BadMrWonka"!!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:10 a.m. CST


    by sonnyfern

    Shame. That trailer LOOKED interesting anyway...what with all the crazy angel stuff. Shame. Hopefully War Zone won't suck.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:18 a.m. CST

    Predator had the professionals hitting their targets

    by most excellent ninja

    apart from Predator himself. But remember the ambush scene? Fuck yeah.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:20 a.m. CST

    Wasn't Max Payne 2 a straight film noir story?

    by most excellent ninja

    I only played half of part 1 but I played the whole part 2 and that was a straight forward realistic film noir/crime story that would of been great as a film directed by someone with a vision.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Fuck you all Mila Kunis owns my eyeballs

    by drturing

    Oh sweet mercy girl makes me weak all over

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:43 a.m. CST

    If you'll excuse me for a moment

    by TOGSolid

    First off that review was very poorly written Latauro. Half of it was you whining about Mark Wahlberg and then a little about slow mo over-use and a little about the ending. What about the audio work you opened your review with? No further comment on that besides "shit sucked?" If you can't even remember a movie's plot after you get out of it what the hell are you doing writing reviews? Anyway, reviewer bashing aside, as a fan of the games I have been keeping an eye on this movie. The comments from the production crew were always about how they wanted to stay true to the game and this line: "but he's always walking a thin line between intensity and parody. He never slips over into either one, but spends the whole film on that balancing wire." Says to me that they nailed it. That is Max Payne to a god damned T. So, while I know you "high brow" AICNers could never stoop to watching such a "lowly" video game movie without gouging your eyes out in some sort of nerd disgust, I for one will be brushing this badly written review aside and will still be looking forward to watching it. Especially since I actually am capable of thinking for myself and not blindly agreeing with anything posted on the front page of AICN. And Latauro, don't quit your day job, unless, yanno, trolling AICN with badly written reviews is your day job.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:45 a.m. CST


    by TOGSolid

    Hurh, wonder what the hell happened to my post formatting. I know I put some paragraph spacers in there. Oh well.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:48 a.m. CST

    "It's utterly irresponsible, and without any hint of self-awaren

    by The Dum Guy

    A movie about video game characters getting superpowers from fake drugs... are you retarded?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:50 a.m. CST

    Quoting the production crew is in no way plant-y

    by reflecto

    I totally believe your completely independent endorsement TOGSolid.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:43 a.m. CST


    by waldo

    I know this is off topic, but I just watched the new "at the movies", dear Lord. Ben Lyons = future Entertainment tonight host. Scratch that, E! news host.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST

    wow the review sounds JUST like the game

    by mattforce7

    but the game was bad ass...cuz it was a game and i could control the bullet time and be bad ass jumping through the air...i knew a movie would never work..and this just affirms it. will not see...and also, its too late for anyone to even care for this movie, plot, gimmick of bullet time, they waited toooo long

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 5:10 a.m. CST

    This idiot likes Super Mario and Driven.....

    by masteryoda007

    Fuck off you clown shoe

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 5:14 a.m. CST

    "I've never played the game"

    by masteryoda007

    This is just like, " I have not seen the movie but it is fuckin shit" type of speculation. Does it not make sense to use a review by someone who actually understands the source material?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST


    by TOGSolid

    How did you guess I'm actually a sentient ficus? :( That's right, bow to me, the world's first talking ficus. Fear me for I have /roots. Asshatery aside, if you honestly expect me to spend ten bucks to get into my local movie theater (yeah, ten god damn dollars to watch a movie, and that's just the ticket) to watch this, you're fucking nuts. I said I'd see it. Not HOW I'd see it. Can I get a lolwut?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST


    by TOGSolid

    That's basically what I was getting it at. I'm certainly not jumping for joy exciting to see this movie anymore than I was before, and much like Fallout 3, I fully expect it to suck more dick that a room full of broke crack whores, but hey, that's pessimism for you.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 5:46 a.m. CST

    Are you kidding? A message?

    by joergn

    In "Max Payne"? Sorry, i´ve got no idea what you were expecting from an action movie based on a videogame. It´s like expecting a message from "Mortal Kombat" or an oscarworthy performance in "Super Mario Bros.". If your´re not into that kind of movie, don´t watch it and don´t even try to review it (besides mentioning Wahlberg´s performances there wasn´t anything informative in this one).

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:16 a.m. CST

    Welcome back Lat!

    by raw_bean

    Sorry to hear about the film though, thought it might finally be a decent adaptation from a game. Silent Hill was close.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:18 a.m. CST

    Nice review. Shame it confirms my fears. :(

    by Mr Nicholas

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:03 a.m. CST

    You guys are so easily led. That makes you idiots

    by Kizeesh

    Latauro, this shambles of a review is the worst piece of hack pseudo-critical writing I've ever read.<p> Shame on you. For a start, it would seem that from what little you've written about the story that you didn't have the least bit of interest even before you started watching. From the trailer alone I could say that you could at least have mentioned, the Valkyries, burning skies, the washed out film stock colour choices and the post-modern noir style they chose to shoot it as. But no, insterad we get 3 paragraphs of 'I don't rate Mark Wahlberg', a block about excessive slow-motion and a retarded comment on the merits of drug use in films... <P> AND THE REST OF YOU, every toenail-brained twerp who posted a comment saying "wow, thanks I can't make decisions on my own, I'm glad you told me what to think Lat!, excuse me while I vote for Bush again (whattya mean I can't?)" You need help you people. Don't you make your own choices? Ever? I read reviews and then I see films to MAKE MY OWN MIND UP. Then again my parents weren't related.<p> I'm not saying the film will be good, god knows it looks about as fun as Stallone's Get Carter, But at least I'll wait till I've seen it or read a review that bothers to define the problems in the movie rather than just shitting on an actor's career for the majority of it.<p> Christ, I've been reading this site since fucking '99 and this is the crappest piece of copy I've ever looked at. No wonder Lat doesn't have a proper writing job.<p> Oh and for the record, I do, I've been a journalist and a critic for 5 years and I do know what the fuck I'm talking about.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:08 a.m. CST

    Super Mario is good, masteryoda007 is the real idiot

    by dr sauch

    First of all, "masteryoda007"? Yoda suddenly got double 0 status? In her majesty's secret service? How about you name yourself supermanbatmanawesomeninja, you fat fuck? Mario Bros pwns.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Understands the source material?

    by dogstardude

    Yeah, because you really needed the book to appreciate Barry Lyndon, or No Country For Old Men. If an adaptation is successful, you don't need to have immersed yourself in the source material to like it/understand it. That's a spectacularly weak argument.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Yeah but Mila Kunis with a machine gun is adorable

    by I Dunno

    I'll at least rent it for that alone. As for video game movies, what was so horrible about Tomb Raider? I'm not saying it was Raiders of the Lost Ark but it was competent.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:24 a.m. CST

    DOA: Dead or Alive was superfun

    by Spandau Belly

    It perfectly captured the feel of the game and was a really fun movie with some good fights. I hadn't even played the game when I saw it, but I really liked it anyway.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Mila Kunis is the new Milla Jovovich!

    by Spandau Belly

    I had high hopes for Kunis turning into a DTV superstar with her work in American Psycho 2, but then when she started showing up in Judd Apatow comedies I got scared she might actually get a real career that would delay her rise to DTV B-movie trash queen. <br><br>It's good to know she's back on track.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Appreciating the source..

    by Kizeesh

    Isn't necessary, I mean the source of the game was a pisstake of cheesy film noir, crossed with Norse Mythology and John Woo violence. The plot was straight out of a bad crime novel, purposefully so and was simple to follow, the fact that Lat didn't even bother to mention it is a fairly damning indictment of both him as a writer and the site for using him. There are ways of doing that well, e.g. Harry didn't mention the plot of W but reviewed it well. This is something I'd expect to read on an amazon page, as written by a vitriolic 14 year old otaku.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:41 a.m. CST

    When has there EVER been a good video game film?

    by j2talk

    some have been ok-Mortal Combat-but has there ever been a good translation to film?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:47 a.m. CST


    by most excellent ninja

    you really think the majority of people here can think for themselves? this is the site where you get people saying they'll wait for the dvd of the dark knight.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Game - Movie translations

    by Kizeesh

    Resident Evil - horrible mediocre<p> Resident Evil Apocalypse - Utter vile crap<p> Resident Evil Extinction - Amusingly mediocre pap<p> Tomb Raider - mediocre Indiana Jones rip-off, watchable<p> Tomb Raider 2 - terrible crud<p> Super Mario bros - below average kids movie<p> Double Dragon - chop sockey b-movie crap<p> Streetfighter - Unwatchable rubbish<p> Mortal Kombat - Fun action daftness<p> Mortal Kombat 2 - shite<p> Silent Hill - Entertaining Horror, decent<p> Hitman - mediocre B-movie action, friday night brain-free stuff<p> DooM - see Hitman<p> Alone in the Dark - not even a movie as I understand the term. unwatchable <p> Postal - surprisingly entertaining sick comedy<p> In the Name of the King - below average fantasy epic, (still better than Eragon)<p> DOA - everything a 14 year old boy's libido wants from a film.<p> House of the Dead 1 & 2 - dire Zombie crap<p> Max Payne - dunno yet....<p> <p> There you go, Sorry if I missed anything.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:51 a.m. CST

    I am agreeing with Spandau on DOA

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    I cannot put my hand on my heart and say it is a good film by any normal standards of quality, but it is ridiculously enjoyable. Stupid as hell, but in a good way, plus with a attractive women in small outfits fighting each other.<p>I would even watch that one again, and I can't say that about any other videogame adaptations.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST


    by Curious Jorge

    He's just trying to work that reverse-psychology trip on you guys...

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Say hi to mother for me...

    by Ice Devouring Sex Tornado


  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Uh, There's No "Neutral" Mark Wahlberg ...

    by cowboyone

    Not at at 20 mill a picture. He either carries a film or he doesn't. The Happening was the funniest film I saw last year, and a fair amount of that can be attributed to Wahlberg's silly performance. Good review otherwise.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Masteryoda007 FTW

    by cowboyone

    I gotta agree with that statement. Driven and Super Mario?! WTF?!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Crap review

    by Lost Jarv

    and Resident Evil is an abomination. AWful, awful shite. <P>Silent hill is the best adaptation and is still pretty shit.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Kizeesh, you missed the UweBoll classic

    by I Dunno

    BloodRayne, a movie that made a naked sex scene with the Terminatrix as a vampire UNsexy. I actually think that's something that takes a special kind of talent to make happen. <p>Anyway, I think the point is that most video games are ripoffs of movies. So making movies based on video games results in an incestuous Mobious Strip of suck. </p><p>Look at Mortal Kombat. Why is Raiden a silly demi-god guy played by the highlander instead of the bad ass lighting thrower from the game? Because the bad ass lighting thrower from the game is a rip-off of the guy from Big Trouble in Little China. </p><p>I disagree with Ebert that video games aren't art, they are but most of them ar pretty bad art, so movies based on them tend to suck. </p>

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Just wondering...

    by GaiustheBrave

    when was the last time a conservative Christian group tried to ban a movie for having sex in it? Latauro, welcome to the 21st century, we're happy to have you. Yes, they may go on about the evils of hollywood while their kids are in their bedrooms watching women eat each other's shit on the internet. But, I've not heard of a movie being controversial for having nudity or sex in it for a while. At this point it'd be pretty pointless. But, not everyone's a thinker, I guess. You still get a gold star sticker for the review.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 9:39 a.m. CST

    The problem with video game movies...

    by jackofhearts29

    is that watching them always feels like you're watching over someone's shoulder while THEY are playing a video game. After about 10 seconds, that stops being really fun in any way.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Fucking Marky Mark

    by HoboCode

    This guy is the worst hack of an actor. He hasn't been good in ANY film. He's fucking ridiculous. the Happening, though I enjoyed it, was nearly ruined by another one of his pathetic performances.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Lat, if you're out there...

    by half vader

    Why on Earth does the Hoyts website have a LIVE-ACTION film of Evangelion listed? What the hell is going on there?! I might go over to Harry's column to see if he knows anything too. <p> They say "This film is a live-action feature film based on the acclaimed japanese animation (anime) series." and it's slated for the 11th of December THIS year! WTF?!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Random thoughts

    by frozen01

    The Lovely Bones: I just got done reading this book, coincidentally, and I didn't know they were adapting it into a movie until just now. I hope they stop. There is NO WAY that this movie will be good unless they deviate signficantly from the book. It's a somewhat boring story to begin with, and will be even moreso on the big screen. Seriously, I can't imagine 2 hours (especially if Marky Mark's in it) of watching a soul in heaven following her family as they go through normal life stuff, like parents splitting up, sister marrying her high school sweetheart and having a baby... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.<br><br> Tomb Raider 2: Sucked more than words can describe. My husband and I watched this on cable one night. The worst part was when she was coming out of the underwater tomb and she lost her oxygen tank so she had to find a quick way to get to the surface (which looked like it was about 10 feet away). She pulls out a knife. Jokingly, I turned to my husband and said "I know what's she going to do! She's going to cut herself and use the blood to attract a shark, and then she's going to get the shark to take her to the surface!" We both had a good laugh... until SHE DID EXACTLY THAT (except she also punched the shark... didn't call that part). We stopped laughing and turned off the movie. Seriously, I was just joking... I didn't expect them to actually do it! That's just pure retarded. <br><br> Evangelion: There's going to be a live-action movie coming out in a few months?!?!?!?!? I hope you're right!!!!!!!!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    How could I have forgotten Bloodrayne?

    by Kizeesh

    Actually because I haven't seen them yet. But yes almost certainly utter rubbish. I also re-iterate that this is a dire dire piece of writing. A decent review, would have mentioned more than a single performance and would comment on the tone, the complexity and the style of the movie. Even if it was a lump of Epic Movie-alike garbage then there should at least be a mention of a CITED EXAMPLE.<p> I genuinely question whether the reviewer (and that's all he is because he doesn't actually critique the film) has even seen it. But seeing as so many of you can barely type comments as your hands are so full of his cock, I can only assume he has some vague credibility. Pity for him and writing as a whole.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Every thing/one sucks...

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    Except for Summer Glau (oh, the irony) and cheeseburgers from Jack in the Box. Everything else? Stugots!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST


    by Viewer 3

    That's not a bad list at all. I actually think Mortal Kombat is the best game-to-movie outing ever. Maybe it's just because I was really into the games at the time, and seeing it when I was young was really a thrill. It's a movie I can actually watch today and still enjoy. But pretty much every other movie on that list is utter garbage. I'm still shocked that there are still idiots that keep popping up to actually attempt to defend Resident Evil... What a joke.<p><p>I knew that people would bring up the Silent Hill thing. I wrote about this in the other TB regarding the Max Payne trailer's initial release. As a hardcore Silent Hill fan, I can appreciate the film for what it was. As a standalone film, it was mediocre- although "mediocre" actually makes it "better than 99% of other game-to-film adaptations". As far as being faithful to the source material, it had its moments. Visually it wasn't bad. But it wasn't near dark enough. Most of the games were played in areas with no dramatic background lighting or mysterious ambient light that lets you actually see everything in front of you. It was running through pitch black rooms with a tiny flashlight, and that's what made it so terrifying.<p><p>But obviously Hollywood isn't gonna go that route. They're not gonna show an audience a movie in pure darkness, because they have to show off all their fancy set designs and CG environments. And Pyramid Head should have never been in the film, it's just sad that the studio probably said "We need a villain, use the most famous one from the games, make it work". But all-in-all, it was a step in the right direction as a whole. I still don't like it though.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    most excellent ninja

    by LargoJr

    Heh.. you're making my point for me.. The movie Predator was released to American theaters 21 years :) Thanks

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Instead of throwing my money at a "video game adaptation"

    by skimn

    I think I'll stay home and play Dead Space and Saints Row 2. I'm sure I'll have tons more fun in 5 minutes of either of those, than 90 minutes of John Moore's latest.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Marky, Markity,Mark


    The three faces of Mark -<P>Good = 3 Kings and Departed.<P>The Bad = Italian Job and The Shooter<P>The Ugly = Planet of the Apes and The Happening.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    The ending reminds me of: "SPOILER"

    by WickedMonster

    The ending reminds me of 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, where Josh Hartnett becomes a vampire so he can kill the other vampire. <p>Similar, no?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Eh, I've got a screening of this on thursday and will still go.

    by Novaman5000

    It's free so if it sucks, it's not like i wasted money on it.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    The real problem with Video Game movies

    by Lost Jarv

    can be summed up by Resident Evil. <P>Hollywood has no fucking understanding of what made them successful and no respect for them. <P>Resident Evil is a classic example of Hollywood boneheadedness- The game is essentially a haunted house movie with a few knobs on. It's derivative, sure, but when has that ever mattered to the studios. <P>However, in their need to make it more of a film and their own property they basically gutted the game invented their own plot. And what a plot! Amnesia! the last resort of the fucking hack. The gutting was so bad that they invented a main character instead of going with either Chris or Jill. And don't get me started on her Superpowers. Basically, they gutted the mystery and suspense out of the game, replaced it with idiocy, crap characters and dreadful Nu Metal shite. <P>I honestly believe that in 20 years time they will treat them like Nolan et al treated comics this summer- if these games are still as popular. Until then, we'll keep getting the cinematic equivalent of 80's Captain America.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    I know someone posted this earlier,

    by skimn

    but a game rated M for mature players turned into a PG13 movie MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. I don't care if Moore just had to trim a few seconds from some scenes to pass the ratings board.<p>I will admit that Latauro's review is pretty non specific. Going on about Wahlberg, but what about the plot? What about the angels/demons?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    so drug use is "irresponsible"

    by oisin5199

    but the whole shooting people thing is okey dokey? Pretty damn silly. This seems like a Punisher ripoff anyway. Let's get to the real stuff - hard R, Ennis-based Punisher brought to you by Titus Pullo. 13th!!

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    And I don't think Nolan re-invented the wheel

    by skimn

    when he made TDK, which seems to now be the pinnacle and template of "comic book" movies.<p>Lets not forget Road To Perdition, Ghost World and History Of Violence were all based on "comic books".<p>I think a successful movie could be possible from the Grand Theft Auto franchise, it just needs a plot based in reality. Maybe get Shawn Ryan involved, now that The Shield is through.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Was playing The Force Unleashed...

    by Heckles

    They should make a movie about this 'Star Wars' saga discussed in the game. Could be interesting.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:32 p.m. CST

    I would cite Silent Hill as the exception

    by smackfu

    I only played the game for about an hour once in the '90s, so I have no idea how it stacks up in that respect. But as a stand-alone movie, while no masterpiece, it was a decent horror movie. It had a good creepy atmosphere, the monster designs were above par, and it was one of the few movies where I actually noticed the sound design and was impressed by it. The siren and the creepy Bass-drop everytime the shit hit the fan were fantastic. And the scene in the unrated version where the big monster rips the chicks skin off whips it against the door was unsettling, and I'm a hard guy to unsettle. It completely unraveled and got downright silly once it had to finally explain what was going on, but up until that point it was quality horror in my book.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:40 p.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    true skimn...the game Max Payne had adult themes written all over it so to water it down and pussify it with a PG-13 rating is just bullshitty shit. i'll wait and rent this. Silent Hill and Mortal Kombat are some of the better videogame-movie adaptations...Silent Hill kept the visual style and creepiness of the games so props to IT for THAT...and Mortal Kombat had the kinda kung-fu cheese i would expect from something made in in the 70s (a la Enter the Dragon...which i think MK took some inspiration really). the third Resident Evil film (Extinction) was amusing but still shit...the first two were (especially the second) pretty damn awful. Mario Bros. and Double Dragon were cinematic diarrhea.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    What about 'Ogre Battle: The Movie'?

    by smackfu

    "Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!!!"

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Who cares when AVATAR is fucking our eyeballs in 2009?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    n o b o d y

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:06 p.m. CST

    85 minutes? They've Hitmanned it!

    by Jack_Bauer

    The UK release is 99 minutes long and rated "15" sounds like they've cut about 14 minutes out to get the pg-13 rating. what a load of crap.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Dear Hollywood

    by hallmitchell

    I am so sick to death of. 1. Video game adaptions. 2. Movies that deal with fighting hell or demons. 3. Matrix slow mo rip off scenes. Max Payne deserves to flop.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    A 20th Century Fox film is bad?

    by Jack Burton

    And a PG-13 one at that? No way. Seriously, what was the last Fox movie that wasn't mediocre at best? X-Men 2? Rothman needs fired immediately.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST


    by VADER77


  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Avatar will bomb....


    ...mark my words. It will make back about half its budget.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Please dont hold him accountable for this character

    by ArcadianDS

    The character of Max Payne was poorly conceived and poorly executed when the first video game was released. I have not seen this, but Mr. Wahlberg probably did as much as he could do with this character, but really - Max Payne isn't something you can really bite down onto with your serious acting chops. Its high school drama class quality writing, and has all the artistic opportunities of painting a bathroom ceiling with white semi-gloss laytex.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3 p.m. CST

    Street Fighter with Van Damme

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Is still the pinnacle of bad video game adaptations.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Someone just ban VADER77...

    by Viewer 3

    Honestly, I'd rather you type in all lower case with no periods or commas or ANYTHING... The only time I'd ever understand someone using all caps is if it was their first time ever to use a computer and didn't understand what a Caps Lock key was. Other than that, if you're any older than 9, you should just be ashamed and not allowed to use the internet ever again.<p><p>And Arcadian, I'm afraid you're poorly mistaken. Most people complain about the cheesy dialog of the games. But I guess those people have never read a comic (which, if you bothered to notice, the entire game was meant to parody). I'm not a fan of the overly dramatic, cheesy comic book style of writing, don't get me wrong. But crying about it being exactly what it was meant to be doesn't exactly prove a point.<p><p>As far as the character goes, I'm not sure if you ever actually finished the games or what, but I always saw plenty of acting opportunity there. If you simplify it down to the "someone murders man's family who now has nothing to lose in pursuit of the killer" motif, then I can see how that would seem tired and empty. But from beginning to end, I saw quite a bit more to it than that within the many situations and moods of the 2 games. So for you to pretend as though he had "nothing to work with" apparently means you and I were playing completely different games. But I wouldn't blame Mark for not giving a damn if he was anything less than a diehard fan of the video games. Which I would have a very hard time believing. It just goes to show that these director's never really "get" the source material, because they could easily direct an actor to their full potential if they understood the structures of the original characters. But these directors just end up saying "Ok, stand over there in front of the green screen and shoot this way. We'll make it interesting later in post."

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Latauro lost all credibility with me...

    by subtlety

    with his smug and unnecessary trashing of the actually pretty interesting X-files movie. I hope he's just a snob who wanted to dish on thing one too, because I actually had some small amount of hope for the thing based on the trailer.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Which Mark Wahlberg talks to chickens?

    by Garbageman33

    Good or Bad? You weren't real clear on that.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Video games are the worst properties to adapt

    by alienindisguise

    Yeah alot of them make alot of money because they cost 50-60 fucking dollars a pop. Note to studios...this does not translate into ticket sales you morons.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    I liked DOA

    by Drunken Rage

    No, really, I enjoyed the hell out of it. I thought it would be stupid and I wasn't surprised. I'd see it again. What was the video game movie with J-CVD and Raul Julia? Was that Double Dragon?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    I'll wait for a unradted DVD release thank you.

    by Stalkeye

    Max Payne (the game that is) had an R rated theme and to make the film pg-13 is a big cop out. that's the one thing punisher war zone did right atleast.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:41 p.m. CST

    My bad

    by Drunken Rage

    Sorry, had to look it up on imdb.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Be Fair to Happening

    by Asaraiel

    I'm pretty sure,the more I think about it, that everybody was trying to fuck it up in a B-Movie kind of way. Which isn't to say that it was good. Or a good B movie. Just that I think the badness of everyone's work was on purpose. It backfired terribly. But I think it was on purpose. It's a lesson in why directors shouldn't try to get back at bad reviews by making bad movies.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    And don't hate...

    by Asaraiel

    ...on Super Mario Bros. I mean, it's not great, or even a good adaptation, but its at least an interesting reimagining. I always wondered how cool it might've been if they made it some crazy trippy affair involving lots of muppets.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:32 p.m. CST

    I won't see it because

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    the concept of Jackie from That 70's Show as a bad ass assassin is parsecs beyond stupid

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:39 p.m. CST

    on caps usage VIEWER 3...

    by VADER77

    well, there are other reasons, like for the fact that EVERYTHING I do at work is in caps, has to be, that is how our system is designed, and yes, I forget to change 'cause I don't usually post from work, so there are reasons you twat.... and like I give two fucks that it bothers you, and apparently only you, so get over yourself, like it really matters anyway caps or lowercase, get a life you cunt

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST


    by König Lear

    "what does that mean? the same review as...his review? are you saying he didn't see it? what are you comparing it to?" Yes, the same review as the one he wrote. I'll put it another way, if you like: he could have written this review without seeing the movie. He mentions hardly anything about the movie itself aside from a few scant plot details and a complaint about the sound editing. He spends most of it talking about Mark Wahlberg in other movies or making vague comments, direct and indirect, about how his time would be better spent on things besides writing a review of Max Payne. "how do you describe in detail what is wrong with sound editing. if it feels, of, it just feels off. he even made a joke about how odd it is to even be mentioning it in a review." Well, "feels off" is a subjective term. What about it felt off? Did the dialogue not sync with lip movements? Was the soundtrack mismatched to the action? Did the director conspicuously recycle sound effects from other movies at inopportune moments? Do the gunshots sound like bike horns? What? Of course I don't expect an in-depth analysis of the highs and lows of the movie's dynamic range, and I avoid the New Yorker-like critics because they make ME constipated, but a mention of even one instance of bad sound editing is not unreasonable. "if you're job is to write about a particular film, and the film is so shitty that it makes you not even want to do your job, that in and of itself is a good point to make. if a huge action film bores a movie reviewer so much that they are bored writing about it, that is important. come on now, you can see that sir, can't you?" No, sir, I can't. Whether one wants to write a review or not after seeing a piece of shit doesn't really factor into the equation. Plenty of reviewers give plenty of bad reviews to movies they review in full, especially if they're getting paid. That isn't too much to expect. "jesus christ, lighten up a bit. first, you're being a way too melodramatic there. second, when a reviewer sees a film that genuinely excites them, you can feel it in their review. it should be exciting to read a review by someone who was genuinely surprised or excited about a film. so why then, as the inverse, should we not hear if a reviewer is so bored by an action film that they can't even be bothered to write a really smash-bang review of it? boredom speaks as much to the negative as excitement to the positive." I agree that a critic's enjoyment or loathing of a movie tends to be clear in the review. But I don't think I complained anywhere that Latauro hadn't written a poem about this thing, and I wish you wouldn't call me melodramatic for sharing an opinion that doesn't jive with yours. Film reviews aren't supposed to be literature, they're supposed to be informative. This review is not informative. For that matter, neither is Quint's HMAD review of Silent Night, Bloody Night. But, even if I adopt your rationale, I doubt Max Payne is as awful as SNBN. "a) then you don't come to AICN much. Latauro writes a lot, and is one of the best reviewers with the most consistent opinions." So what? That isn't true, but what difference would it make if it were? I'm not able to spot a poorly-written review because I don't read the writer regularly? I made that statement in order to make it clear that I was commenting on this review and not Latauro as a writer. I hope you didn't take it as meaning more than that, or something more negative than I intended. "b) no it isn't" I'm glad you see it as more than I do. I don't disagree with his sentiment (or, at least, I said I expect to agree with him when I eventually see the movie), but I take issue with how he presents it. That is all.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8 p.m. CST

    König Lear

    by BadMrWonka

    please use < p > paragraph breaks (but without the spaces, of course, or I can't read your response.<p>also, here is what you wrote that is confused:<p>"Latauro could not have even seen the movie and--aside from the sound editing beef--written the same review."<p>next time try, "He could have written the same review without having seen the movie."<p>you'd still be incorrect and not too bright, but at least it'd be clear.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:01 p.m. CST


    by The Amazing G

    I kinda figured that would happen, I'll defiantly pass it's theatrical run that's for sure

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Hey Goat!!!

    by Six Demon Bag

    Say hello to your motha for me. yeah, it seems that for someone who started out making money wearing jockeys, he takes himself waaaay too seriously

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:20 p.m. CST

    Elevator Action: The Movie

    by Six Demon Bag

    Make it happen. John Woo meets Dick Tracy. What's the problem?

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 8:24 p.m. CST


    by Six Demon Bag

    People dont consider those 3 comic book movies...The Dark Knight had a guy running around in a costume. Unfortunately thats how people see things, movies with people in tights or i dunno...

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Out of this World - The Movie !

    by G100

    That could be good. You could use the Large Hadron Collider for the intro sequence.

  • Oct. 14, 2008, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Walberg is NOT a leading man.

    by catlettuce4

    There's a pattern there to GMW and BMW. With the possible exception of "Boogie Nights" (which was, really, an ensemble flick where no one was really the star), Walberg's best work always comes in the supporting roles.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 12:47 a.m. CST

    video game adaptation that turned out well: TRON

    by Maniaq

    you know I remember noticing sound editing before - it was in Jurassic Park, when Sam Jackson flicks open a Zippo lighter and it sounds like 50 calibre weapons fire... <p> ahhh... if only Marky Mark performed like in The Departed (or Four Brothers for that matter) in EVERY movie!

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 12:51 a.m. CST

    Re: Caps

    by Viewer 3

    If I had the choice between voicing my immediate opinion in all caps and simply waiting until I got home to save myself from looking like a complete idiot... believe me, I'd save what I had to say until later. That's just idiocy.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 2:01 a.m. CST


    by Cobbio

    I generally despise video game movies, and I guess "Max Payne" is no exception. The under-15 crowd will love it, no doubt, and at 85 minutes (a clear sign the movie ABSOLUTELY sucks), the ADD pre-teens will eat it up even more.<p> Wahlberg knows where his bread is buttered. He knows you have to make a few braindead abominations to balance the good films. A-Listers like Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Samuel L. Jackson, and Nicole Kidman have known this for years.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 4:34 a.m. CST

    Silent Hill

    by thedarklinglord

    Probably the only video game to movie adaptation that didn't completely suck ass. It wasn't an especially great movie, certainly not as tightly written as it could have been or satisfying as it should have been, but it had a LOT of atmosphere and moodiness about it that kept it interesting. <br> <br> Was it flawed? Absolutely. The characters, for the most part, took everything in stride without the freakout one would expect under those circumstances. There were definite pacing issues, coupled with a backstory that wasn't particularly compelling. And the ending was largely unsatisfying. But there really wasn't a single moment throughout the movie that felt retarded because they were forced into the script as a lame-assed attempt to stay true to the source material. It didn't FEEL like a movie based on a video game, like it was held down by that baggage. <br> <br> If Hollywood is determined to keep on trying to milk video games for ideas, they really need hire people who love the source material and are passionate about it, but have the insight to know what will work in a movie context and what clearly has to been abandoned. They need to make movies that are "inspired by" the games rather than "based on" them; they need to learn which elements are worth using, things that capture the flavor or spirit of the material, and which elements are at best superfluous and at worst crippling to a movie adaptation.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 4:40 a.m. CST

    Oh, and regarding Mila Kunis...

    by thedarklinglord

    That bitch loses serious sex appeal for allowing Macaulay Culkin to put his dick inside her. Because that's fucking nasty.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Viewer 3

    by most excellent ninja

    seems the game writers and yourself haven't read a comic in years. cheesy comic book dialogue hasn't existed in this decade in comic books.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Metal Gear Solid is the movie that....

    by most excellent ninja

    if done right will start a Batman Begins esque movement of video game movies.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Anyone remember Double Dragon?

    by Knuckleduster

    Yeah, me neither.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    There is no GOOD Mark Wahlberg....

    by TheWaqman

    Boogie Nights was the first and only time he ever appeared. Three Kings and Departed were just pretty good movies with Wahlberg in them, otherwise he was always a shit actor.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    ....also wait for Metal Gear Solid

    by TheWaqman

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Wasn't that the EXACT SAME ending as in DOOM?

    by Reverend Toast

    Where Karl Urban took the serum stuff, and he became superhuman opposed to everyone becoming demons?

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST


    by Viewer 3

    Although I don't like comics at all, I have read plenty of them. Apparently you haven't though. If you honestly think the writing of the Max Payne video games isn't on par with everything else currently out there, you're just blind. Maybe it's the fact that the words in the game were spoken, thus forcing the verbal interpretation upon the viewer. But try muting everything and just reading it for what it is. Sounds exactly like the stuff I've read in ANY current comic book. It reads like nothing more or less than you'd find in a cheesily written comic like Sin City. But something like Max Payne is meant to parody the medium, as I stated earlier. So naturally they overdo it for style purposes. Perhaps you should start reading something different if you honestly think this kind of writing "hasn't existed in this decade", my friend.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 2:04 p.m. CST

    TRON was a movie first,then a video game

    by j2talk

    sorry Maniaq

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    muhahahahaha for real. Culkin banging Kunis is just two girls one cup nasty. i wonder if he makes that "O" face with his hands slapped on his cheeks when he blows one oh her face....EWWWW.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    King of Kong

    by TheNewDirector

    I know it's a documentary, but it's the best videogame film made. Runner up goes to Silent Hill.

  • Oct. 15, 2008, 11:26 p.m. CST

    Fuck this shit!

    by Mr. Saladhands

    Video game movies always suck. PERIOD!

  • Oct. 16, 2008, 12:36 a.m. CST

    Target Market: Boys from 12 to 25??? Really?

    by Dreamwriter

    Where exactly did you get that from? Video gamers are 33 years old on average. Female gamers make up almost half of them. And Max Payne was an M-rated game, which means 17+.

  • Oct. 16, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    latauro why are you such a square

    by lilgorgor

    drugs are awesome

  • Oct. 16, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    so did this guy even play max payne?

    by BurgerKing

    Cause this movie seems like it was made for the people who played the game, not people who didn't so fuck this guy.

  • Oct. 16, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    oh i guess he didnt play max payne. so why are we listening to h

    by BurgerKing

    It's like my grandmother giving a review on Superbad. Sorry your not the target market retard

  • Oct. 16, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST


    by half vader

    But in the MOVIE it's a game that already existed BEFORE the movie begins! Chicken or the egg, chicken or the egg...

  • Oct. 18, 2008, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Yeah I liked this

    by bender7

    I thought it was pretty good. Ridiculous but at least very well done visually. Some of the acting was dodgy but for a an action flick it was pretty cool. Better than Wanted at least