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Casey Ryback: Alien Slayer?? Can The Universe Be So Generous?? Seagal Wants Geeky Coolness In UNDER SIEGE 3!!

Merrick here...
We've heard for a while now that talk...just talk...of a third UNDER SIEGE movie had been going down. Nothing concrete on any front, only whispers here and there. We're not even sure how far up the food chain discussions of this project have gone - presuming they've gone anywhere at all. While The Powers That Be would undoubtedly prefer Steven Seagal's culinary specialist/bad-ass neck breaker to take on something like Al-Qaeda, Seagal is apparently interested in taking the oft-mentioned sequel in a decidedly different direction:
“I wouldn’t mind if it was about something more mystical or…maybe extraterrestrial in nature. Some real government top secrets instead of just the typical.”
...says Seagal in THIS INTERVIEW with MTV, which preemptively offers the following embed as evidence:
Maybe he can be the cafeteria boss on the first U.S. moon base and beat down Chinese infiltrators? Or, maybe he could run the ship's galley during humanity's first Mars mission...but has to crack some Martian skulls when the little green bastards try to keep us from reaching the Red Planet? Or a Roswell(ish) cover-up thing? The possibilities are boundless, and I'm giddy with glee. Of course, he did also express interest in "mythical"...so the whole thing could go NATIONAL TREASURE or INDY on us instead. Or, most likely, we'll just get "the typical". He needs a sidekick now. Who should it be?

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:47 a.m. CST

    They will delete the supernatural stuff in the editing room.

    by DerLanghaarige

    They did it before, they will did it again.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Casey Ryback is an exile from the planet Zeist

    by Spandau Belly

    You heard it here first.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:50 a.m. CST

    No way...

    by ducki3x

    I've read Vern's book - even if he wants some kind of crazy alien shit, they'll recut the film & ADR it within an inch of its life, and it will suddenly be about fighting Jamacian drug lords (who happen to be green) in Detroit (which happens to have red soil, next to no buildings and have giant plants that eat you).

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    "They will did it again"?

    by DerLanghaarige

    I just reached a point where "Sorry, I don't speak his language very good" is no excuse anymore.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Where is Richard Marcinko when we need him?

    by RogueWarrior65

    BAAAAH! This sounds like drek to me. Seagal hasn't done a watchable flick since Under Siege. Will SOMEBODY in Hollywood PLEASE do a decent film adaptation of Rogue Warrior: Red Cell?!? So what if it's not politically correct. Just gather the people who made American Carol. Trust me. This will sell BIG.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    And with "his" I meant "This".

    by DerLanghaarige

    You know what? I go to bed. Good night everybody!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    VERRRRRRRN!

    by DivisionPost

    Get your ass in here, Vern, we need a Segalologist's opinion stat!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    This might be the very first Straight to Blu Ray

    by ArcadianDS

    since DVDs are gone now.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    steven seagal is 57 years old...

    by coachaaron

    and he must be broke as hell! nobody cares, he's a has-been. move on.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    he needs to parody himself now

    by zom-bot.com

    van damme did it, and look at the reviews! we need a flick that's a day in the life of seagal... breaking a neck over a parking lot fender bender. breaking a neck over whip cream on his frappucino, shooting the mailman through the door when the bell rings...etc...

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    What Does Vern Think? (c)

    by brokentusk

    Enquiring minds want to know.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    YYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Please fucking make this movie.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Fuck me sideways

    by toxicbuddha

    The best argument for genocide anyone can make is the fact that people apparently still watch Segal movies to the point that he can get the financed and made.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    haHA

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    Casey-fucking-Ryback...taking on aliens??? that.is.awesome. this sounds so bad its good, i could easily rent this...booze it up and laugh myself into a drunken stupor watching that fat elvis-impersonating martial arts phony throw aliens around in a space ship...sounds killer.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    There are only two things that will get this movie made:

    by TheContinentalOp

    Superior attitude, and superior state of mind.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Segal wants his own RAMBO but it won't happen.

    by TheLastCleric

    With all due respect to Vern, Segal has such limited talent that any hope of a comeback or an impressive swan song seems unlikely. Had Segal kept his ego and his gut in check, he could have enjoyed a solid action career, especially after the success of the original Under Siege. Unfortunately, Segal's ego was such that he took on the creative reins of most of his films after Under Siege and made the cinematic equivalent of a shit trail and that's too bad because I enjoyed his early work and consider Under Siege to be one of the better action films ever made. Regardless, he doesn't possess Stallone's talents and even if this film gets made it will probably be horrifically lame.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    He looks pretty haggard...all those top secret CIA missions...

    by kravmaguffin

    Or the pies... Get my pies out of the oven! I want him to kill a bad guy with a pie. US3...Ryback shoves the whole pie into henchman #3's mouth and chokes him to death with it... Possible Ryback one liners: "He was dying for some pie", "Eat this", "It's Die-licious", "Time for you to PIE". Please feel free to post your own. eol

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Pie Hard With A Vengeance

    by TheContinentalOp

    Touch my pie, you die.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Sure.

    by Knuckleduster

    Why the fuck not. Having aliens might even make me watch it.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Pie

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    "theres always room for pie"...grabs bad guys arm and twist it (snapping noise) then shoves it in guys face and suffocates him in sweet goodness.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    why is he lip-synching over Jack Johnson?

    by BMacSmith

    goofy

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    I blame INDY for this crap.

    by V'Shael

    Hollywood has sunk to a new low when the THIRD movie of a Steven Seagal trilogy, is the one that "nuked the fridge"

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Die Hard on a battleship

    by skimn

    then Die Hard on a train..<p>Die Hard on a space station??? Why not? We haven't had a good "Die Hard on a _____" in a long time. And a zero gravity martial art fight scene would be great! And I believe zero gravity is slimming...

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    A zero gravity fight scene WOULD be great

    by skimn

    the more I think about it. It would be like the underwater fight scene in Top Secret! God, I've got to watch that movie again.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    by sott68

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 2 = Greatest Movie Ever

    by sott68

    Big Ed from Twin Peaks, The stupidest villan since the fat Freddy Mercury in Commando... but I love the dialogue, action and Segal is at his (worst) best...

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    If you think Dark Territory was "lackluster"..

    by neal2zod

    ...I don't even know what to say to you anymore.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    I got it, I got it...

    by El Gooche

    Casey Ryback is Master Chief's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and this is a prequel to the soon-to-be-made Halo live-action movie! Fucking Hollywood is brilliant!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 2

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    the first one was alright and in my opinion ranks up there with some of the better action movies of the era...but 2 was just BAD, not even in a good way...i remember at the end when the bad guy is hanging on to the helicopter, Ryback closes the door and slices his fingers off (fingers still in the helicopter...nice) and the guy falls into a sea of fire screaming "RYYYYYYYBAAAAACK"...brilliant, isn't it???

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Forearms of Fury!!!

    by Droid

    As long as he cuts someones throat with a credit card, i'm there!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:58 a.m. CST

    fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    by David Cloverfield

    You just gained Under Siege 2 a download.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Cloverfield

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    its good for laughs, and watching a macho "steven seagal fodder" villain take a finger in the face and take pepper sray like BINACA and shrug it off all tough-guy like...then get his ass absolutely handed to him (did he even scratch Seagal in that fight???) like hes a five year old fighting Mike Tyson

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    extraterrestrials?

    by redshirt

    Ya, that twist worked so well for Indiana Jones it's worth repeating. If he wants to make a sci fi movie, fine. Why call it under siege though? Think it makes much difference in the box office take?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Alien VS Predator VS Segal!!!!

    by BatPsycho

    come on who wouldnt pay to see that??!!!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Talking about "Nuking The Fridge".

    by DerLanghaarige

    Is this crappy website, that had nothing better to offer than claiming over and over that it might be Harry's new project, still active?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    5 reasons Under Siege 2 IS brilliant...

    by neal2zod

    1) You think this is being shot? This ain't being shot. 2) Chance favors the prepared mind. 3) Assumption is the mother of all fuckups. 4) A man doesn't call his wife +1. 5) Nobody beats me in the kitchen.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Seagal

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    you know, all the jokes out there about Chuck Norris and not nearly enough about Seagal...who is just asking for all kinds of ridicule given his past....and why does he always have that expression on his face like hes taking a dump??? you know that t-shirt that shows the dogs face over and over, each one representing a different emotion but they all look the same...THAT is Steven Seagal, happy, sad, angry...he always looks like hes straining.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Aliens in Indy

    by Neosamurai85

    Ok, not going to start listing ALL the problems with Indy, but the thing with the Aliens really was bad as much as it was poorly handled. No effort was made to build suspense to the mystery - there was no mystery! Everybody knew going into this one what was happening, everyone but the characters. So we watched them bumble around with so very little sense of something being unraveled. Say what you will about Temple of Doom, it had a mystery being unraveled and you were engaged in it. I didn't feel that level of wonder on this outing, and then when we got to the aliens... that ending just sucked. It worked in Raiders, but at this time it felt like they ran out of time and asked the Mummy crew how to finish it. "LOTS OF CGI AND EVERYTHING FALLS ARART!" I mean, was I the only one who felt like that ending drew a little too much from The Mummy Returns? Indy should not be ripping off Mummy movies.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Hell yeah

    by subtlety

    This is going to make my Seagal Box-set win all the more sweet. <br><br>Actually, mystical would be fine, but extraterrestrial worries me immensely. Unless they're Star-Trek variety aliens (ie, exactly like humans) which would be lame, I don't know how Seagal is going to practice his unique brand of tough on em... how do you have a martial arts fight with a giant octopus, and is it really worth a great one liner if all the octopus can do is stare quizzically back and you and mutter 'grrrvvvlaaaarrrghhhh?' Maybe the thing to do is have aliens who possess human bodies... you know, like evil space slugs or something . That would lend itself to all kinds of great catchphrases. "Space slug, meet Earth slug!" as he blows one away with his trusty firearm. Or better yet, since he's being attacked by slugs in the kitchen, he shrivels em with a sack of salt and then goes, "Salt of the Earth... bitch."

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Segal is an ASSHOLE

    by KenseiMusashi

    Seriously. The guy is a prick. I get pissed every time I read one of Vern's articles about that sadistic motherfucker. The guy is known for deliberately going off-choreography and seriously injuring stuntmen who are sticking their necks out for him to make him look good (and let's not get into his abusive treatment of women). Don't support his career.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    See?

    by KenseiMusashi

    I hate him so much I even refuse to spell his name properly.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    CAlling doctor Vern...Calling doctor Vern.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Come on, no black box opinion yet? Hurry up, man.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:44 a.m. CST

    as requested, a segal emotional chart

    by Bouncy X

    http://www.thebadandugly.com/

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Ryback vs. Aliens.. I like it!

    by Ironmuskrat

    But only if the aliens are those frail, big headed Grey's with the tiny arms and legs. Seagal can punt them around the room like footballs and neck snap them by the handful. I'd pay ten buck to watch Seagal smash Thor from Stargate: SG-1 repeatedly in his tiny, expressionless face with knees and elbows.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    INDY SIEGE FROM LEPRECHAUNS IN SPACE

    by Mullah Omar

    I guess Seagal must have been one of those weirdos who LIKED the new Indiana Jones film. <br> <br> Still, this is an astonishing idea that could take the series into legendary territory not seen since LEPRECHAUN IN SPACE.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, noon CST

    Neal2zod NAILED It

    by sott68

    Great reasons. Others: "RYBACK!" Who is Casey fucking Ryback? Now, Lets Find Sarah - we will suprise her. Finers on a helicopter, simply brilliant.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:04 p.m. CST

    That was a very misleading headline.

    by rbatty024

    Mystical OR extraterrestrial. It's obviously not in space. It might deal with the government covering up aliens. About a month ago I wouldn't have cared about a new Under Siege movie, but I just finished Seagalogy so I say BRING IT ON!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Are they filming him

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    from the colar bone up?<p> Last time I saw him he was built like a pickel<p> Meaning his butt was far broader than his shoulders

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Thanks Melvin...

    by El Gooche

    I just busted out laughing in front of my students taking a test!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Casey Ryback and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

    by otm shank

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Ryback + Time Tunnel

    by Fred

    Ryback at the Alamo, Waterloo, Marathon, Troy, Gettysburg, Little Big Horn, Bunker Hill, Hastings...

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Seagal gotta eat. More.

    by Fa Fa Fooey

    True dat.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Why not get Van Damme, Dudikoff, Chuck Norris, Bolo Yeung..

    by DarthBakpao

    ...Dolph Lundgren and all those 80's action stars in one movie where they fight each other to the death? That would guarantee asses in seats

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST

    see Seagal run

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    man...remember his old school movies, watching him run was hilarious, he would flail his arms around like a girl when booking it after a bad guy...that AND he would have a even uglier constipated look on his face in the process.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Leave the Seagal Stuff to Vern, Merrick!!!

    by Dreamseller

    At least he knows what hes talking about and doesnt post freakin stupid YouTube Videos in his News/Reviews all the time.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:10 p.m. CST

    "Go, Cueball"

    by unionJACKass.webs.com

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:10 p.m. CST

    YEAH! I wanna see Casey kicking E.T.'s alien ass....

    by travis-dane

    Lets go Steven!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:16 p.m. CST

    DarthBak

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    that would be the greatest movie of all time...watch all the "has been" action stars of the early 80's to early 90's duke it out for "who gives a shit" supremacy. i wouldnt even know who to go for...but dont forget Don "The Dragon" Wilson and Patrick Swayze to some extent...remember...is it Steel Dawn he was in...and Road House, he could kick there as...Dirty Dancing style woohah!!!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:16 p.m. CST

    I have a great fucking idea

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Instead of a gaint birthday cake, we can get a topless chick to rise out of a fat guy like the chestbursters in Alien.<p> aliens + Seagal + tits = $$$

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Swayze would whistle and his Black Dog would attack

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Randy Travis would sing at the funerals.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:19 p.m. CST

    ChittyChitty

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    fucking excellent idea....bravo bravo

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Instead of a facehugger

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    She wraps her legs around a guy's face, mashing her whisker biscuit over his mouth, planting a tiny stripper in the belly, which burst out when back-to-back songs from N.E.R.D. are played.<p> Trust me hollywood.<p> Seagal + alien strippers + three tits each = $$$

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Is that Joe Biden?

    by lordgrimplemort

    Didn't read the entire talkback, but am I the only who thinks Seagal looks like Biden with black hair and a little extra weight?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Oh. My. God.

    by Archive

    Why hasn't Vern weighed in on this?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:31 p.m. CST

    ha ha ha

    by Charlie_Allnut

    This could be so awesome and fun! Rybeck gets transported to the future and shows Space Marines how killing is really done...and shares culinary tips!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 1:58 p.m. CST

    What part will Shia play?

    by DrunkenBusboy

    Shia & Segal! Pure Box Office! Think about it!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    ZERO GRAVITY FIGHT SCENE

    by skimn

    I hate to shout but, c'mon...<p>Kurz, your pie one liners would give the writers of Pushing Daisies ideas...lol, by the way..

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Aliens > Bogosian

    by blue1622

    http://www.veidt.com/?p=175

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:32 p.m. CST

    this is going straight to betamax

    by joe90025

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST

    see Seagal be INVINCIBLE

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    why is he so damn immune from pain in his movies???...that is why i have a tough time getting into his movies, they arent interesting because the dude is apparently impervious to damage and the "last fight"s of his movies are B.S. because they all end the same way...he WHOOPS their ass for about a minute...he says something dumb they say something dumber, they scratch him/barely injure him...he shakes it off then kills them. this happened in...well damn...ALL his movies i DO believe (except for Executive Decision...because they wouldnt let him be a douche in that movie). example of the above: in The Glimmer Man hes fighting the dude a burning church (if i remember correctly) simply kicking the guys ass, so the dude is frstrated (as are ALL of the villains in his movies...because they are fighting a GOD apparently) and the guy throws two head kicks one after the other...be blocks them effortlessly only to say afterwards "is that all you got"...the guys throws the EXACT same headkick hitting Seagal SQUARE in the face...blood spurting out of both nostrils Seagal seemingly unphased mutters "well if thats all you got im just gonna kill you now" and then proceeds to punch / kick the guy off a ledge only to land on a fence...crucified (like the killer did his victims)...WOW...gotta love it.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    see Seagal say stuff

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    found this and thought it was too good to rob you of. quotes from "Hard to Kill" "I'm gonna take you to the bank Senator Trent. To the blood bank" "This is for my wife. Fuck you and die" "Take your cue and die" simply priceless.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 2:58 p.m. CST

    More pie-isms

    by successor

    <br>"We didn't see pie to pie."</br> <br>"He was dying for a slice of pie."</br> <br>"He's pied out."</br> <br>"You just got served with some humble pie, son."</br> <br>"Here's a slice of kick ass pie with a side of death!"</br> <br>"You just got pied."</br> <br>"He couldn't handle my filling."</br> <br>"Crumble before me."</br> <br>"It's my way or the pie-way."</br>

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    That Planet Zeist joke was NOT funny!

    by Richard Cranium

    Seriously, there are 3 things in this world that are so horrible that you just don't joke about them. Cancer, children being sexually abused, and Highlander 2.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Deborah Kara Unger in Highlander 3 is no joke

    by Stuntcock Mike

    That's just good old-fashioned nudity.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Seagal's sidekick:

    by thegreatwhatzit

    High Pitch Eric. That would pretty much apply restraints to the budget and Seagal would draw a plug on the Stern show (assuming Stern is still on the air...stopped listening years ago). Seagal abused his pregnant wife in an L.A. tavern (back in the 90s); I lost any curiosity to screen his films.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Fav quote

    by Embeedeuce

    Casey Ryback's on that train?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Best line in Under Siege 2.................

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "MMMMMMMRRYYBAAAAACKKKK!!!"- Everet Magill as Penn.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    I'm not holding my breath

    by Vern

    He doesn't even seem very serious about it in the clip. It is sort of newsworthy though because from what I've heard an Under Siege 3 could've happened a long time ago but Seagal never agreed to any of the versions that were developed. So if he actually is interested it could happen eventually, maybe.<p> As a couple people have pointed out, Seagal tried to do aliens previously in ATTACK FORCE, but the producers recut it so they were European gangsters. So I guess this is something he's interested in now. Personally I don't like the idea of making the series "more modern" and think a throwback to the DIE-HARD-on-a-blank era of action would be refreshing now. I don't want to see him go up against aliens. On the other hand it's Seagal's willingness to do whatever the fuck he wants in his movies that makes him interesting to me, so if that's what he wants I'll be there.<p> As for a sidekick, I think Merrick is making a joke about Die Hard and Indiana Jones adding sidekicks for their later chapters, but actually the Under Siege movies both have sidekicks, and both are MUCH worse than Shia or even Justin Long. I know everybody likes Erika Eleniak for her boobs and everything, but Ryback really should've left her in that closet. Hopefully they would go the reverse direction and unsidekick for part 3.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    What the heck happened to Everett McGill?

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    Pretty big guy with rugged good looks, a voice that sets him apart, talented actor with a fairly wide range.<br> And he's fallen off the map.<p> Has he been ill? Anyone know or see him, anywhere, film festivals, grocery store?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    But Vern, aliens would provide the ultimate challenge.

    by TheContinentalOp

    If their physiology was completely different than a human's, Seagal wouldn't be able to break their wrists--BECAUSE HE COULDN'T FIND THEM! I assume they'd go through panes of glass just like anybody else, though.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Melvin_Pelvis

    by neal2zod

    i saw him preaching at a church. Then he turned into a werewolf and i shot him in the eye

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Seagal needs to retire

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    sorry but its true...he needs to just give up already because its getting harder and harder to make him look badass. hes overweight, his fights have to be edited quickly and shot at awkward angles because he just isn't fast or technical anymore and his fight choreography is a far cry from what it used to be...hes old, his ponytail looks like shit, he seemingly plays the SAME character in every movie (or maybe its just his acting....he is 1-dimensinal in EVERY way), and in real life....he is batshit crazy, a liar, and a total douche and when i read about his run-in with the mafia (NO not one of his shitty movies...the real life run-in) i nearly pissed myself at the hilarity and absurdity of it all. hes a dried up old turd thats turned white and chalky and hopefuly a light breeze will blow him away sooner than later. Seagal was a interesting 80's action hero...but all go the way of the dinosaur and he simply refuses...some call that an admirable quality...others see it as being stubborn. i could care less if he continues or stops...just about every 6 months or so ill see a "new release" direct-to-video flick with his ugly mugg on it, rarely are they checked out.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Will Sasso should do this.

    by Garbage

    He could play Ryback's evil twin brother.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    "Seagal vs Donut"? "Seagal: 25, Donut Tray: 0"?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Or perhaps: "Steve & the Mob: How I Learned To Stop Pretending And Found Out Real-Life Tough Guys Really Are Tough, Unlike Me"?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Garbage

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    i dont think that would work...ya see, last time i saw Will Sasso he had lost ALOT of weight...and in the mean-time, Seagal has gotten fatter and fatter...hell, i bet the dude bleeds gravy now-a-days.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Pronounced Guitar Collection

    by Hikaru Ichijo

    Segal played The Rex here not too far back, and apparently is WAY into the blues. Judging from this video. I'd say he could make a career of doing Hot AC numbers for forty somethings. And why not? AICN bring us some Bacon Bros. vids, PRONTO!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    KenseiMusashi

    by toxicbuddha

    I realize a lot of you guys are industry types of one sort or another or even bigger geeks than me, but can you give me some links to check the Assbag's rep for going off choreography?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Die Hard in Area 51?

    by xavier masterson

    Starring a geriatric Seagal? Terrorists(or are they?) have taken over Area 51 in hopes of stealing the Governments greatest secrets from beyond the stars. The only thing in their way is Area 51's cook Casey Ryback. Yes, please!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Also:

    by xavier masterson

    There is bound to be some super tech and weaponry of unknown origin laying around Area 51 that Seagal must utilize to stop the terrorists(?) from reaching their ultimate goal. Think about it. It's Seagal in an alien exo-suit kicking terrorist ass, people. Make this movie!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 5:55 p.m. CST

    The lead terrorist, of course,

    by xavier masterson

    turns out to be an alien in human form who put together a team of mercenaries to help him break into Area 51 and reach his captured ship. He just wants to go home to his family after all of these years. Seagal, seconds away from killing him, after having a final fight on the hovering saucer and the alien hangs from the edge of the craft, instead hauls him up, suddenly understanding the E.T.'s plight and deciding to let the stranded alien finally go home. As the ship flies off into the heavens, Seagal begins a 15 minute speech about prejudice and our place in the universe.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Needs Nazis

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    gif uz zee doughnuts herr Seagal or vee vill achtungivate zee dark matter starship drive

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Segal Needs to make a movie with Will Sasso

    by DRACULA_WANTS_THE_AMULET

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 7:09 p.m. CST

    M-O-O-N. That spells "Steven Seagal vs Jenny Craig"

    by Tom Cullen

    That's about the only matchup he's capable of these days, and the poor fucker would even lose that one. Seagal = washed up joke.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 7:30 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Underer Siege-i-erer...er

    by Amy Chasing

    Wait, there was an Under Siege 2? Geez I'm out of touch. But then I put Seagul in the Chuck Norris bin of action-stars-to-ignore.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    He also cooks

    by Samson_K

    And eats most of what he cooks by the looks of him!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Wow, we got a whole new batch of non-believers

    by Vern

    I recommend you pick up three copies each of Seagalogy at your local independent book store or library. Read it over, have a cry, look at yourself in the mirror, come to terms with yourself. Then if you come back here and apologize for all the hacky fat and age jokes and admit that you are ashamed of yourself then I will send you a free bookmark that says you will eventually be forgiven. Some restrictions may apply, go fuck yourself for more details.<p> Look, I get that he is old and his movies are low budget, etc. But for those of us who appreciate low rent action movies, URBAN JUSTICE and PISTOL WHIPPED are good shit. Even ask DannyGloversDickBlood, he hates fuckin everything but he liked PISTOL WHIPPED. Furthermore Seagal's earlier works like OUT FOR JUSTICE are classics of their genre. I know some of you are probaly in your teens or early twenties and wear those tiny pants they got now, and maybe you weren't born when UNFORGIVEN came out, but your mama should've taught you that you look stupid talking that "he's too old" nonsense. Forget Seagal, all the best tough guys have been older and craggier than you: Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Toshiro Mifune was making movies into his 70s. In fact Seagal's martial art aikido was invented by an old man as a way for the small and weak to defend themselves. And Seagal's not either of those yet. Shit, I saw Clint Eastwood on the Daily Show last night, he could beat up everyone in this talkback while playing jazz piano and still come across as a gentleman. Face it, none of these guys are too old, YOU are too young.<p> If you would prefer more of these "action" movies with a camera shaking around a 25 year old waxed-chest Abercrombie and Fitch model you are welcome to them, but don't come in here making your smarmy no-nothing jokes and think you came up with a new one. You're more of a cliche than Seagal handing over his badge and gun in Above the Law.<p> Nothing personal, we're all friends here, but these are the facts.<p> the end

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:26 p.m. CST

    Vern: Superior Atittude, Superior State of Mind.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Accept no substitutes.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Hey Vern

    by Amy Chasing

    I have no problem with action stars like Eastwood, Connery, heck even Bruce Willis, getting older. I remember one of my favorite childhood moments in cinema was Mr Miyagi beating up those punks while Daniel-san lay on the ground in a daze. But lets face it, those guys are in another league than your Seagal, Norris, even Van Damme level of action star. Eastwood has ageless charisma, Seagal just simply has never done much for me. Each to his own I suppose. <P> However, for mentioning Toshiro Mifune in the same post as a Seagul one, shame sir.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:03 p.m. CST

    The Adventures of PickleMan

    by Melvin_Pelvis

    Grizzeled old movie heroes rock. Both Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren hit slumps, did really bad low budget DTV. They turned it around and now make low budget DTV good movies.<p> Seagal otoh is his own worst enemy.<br> The hair, the clothes, etc.<p> He plays the same part over and over, while appearing completly out of character for the role.<p> Self inflicted career sucide.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:18 p.m. CST

    Amy Chasing

    by caruso_stalker217

    Did you just compare Steven Seagal to Mr. fucking Miyagi?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:23 p.m. CST

    This shit gets better every day!

    by chewyou812

    Why do I even read this crap?

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:47 p.m. CST

    Hey Merrick! Seagal said 'mystical" not "mythical."

    by HellKing

    He's already done that! Remember? All a terrorists needs to do is knock-out Seagal with a feather. My prediction it will be a bigger bomb than any explosion in his movies. Why doesn't he reincarnate into the next Dalai Lama that kicks ass in Tibet? What a joke!

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 10:49 p.m. CST

    caruso_stalker217

    by Amy Chasing

    No. I used Mr Miyagi as an example of an aged action character who kicked arse while the young guy couldn't. But I would venture to say that Miyagi is a more iconic character than anything Seagul has portrayed.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Seagal's early movies

    by veritasses

    are definitely worth recognition. They're classics in their own way. But the thing with Seagal is, he hasn't grown. He never took advantage of whatever potential he had. Rather, he regressed. The deterioration of his physique and martial arts skills is obvious. But, I'd also argue that his acting hasn't shown one tiny bit of improvement. While he was never a great actor by any means, he at least had some energy/enthusiasm in his roles when he was younger. The old Seagal doesn't even seem to have that. It's Seagal's regression (and not so much the low budgets of his movies), that makes his current stuff difficult to watch... though yeah, the low budgets don't help. I don't know the man but he appears to be someone that has little care or concern about improving himself or his craft. And it's truly sad watching someone not really giving enough of a sh!t to be better and do better and presenting that part of himself on film. In contrast, actors like Eastwood etc matured well. They gained a certain gravitas as they aged and improved as craftsmen. It's not too late for Seagal though. There's still plenty of time for him to garner some respect. But he has to change and care and he has to put in the effort.

  • Oct. 3, 2008, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Amy Chasing

    by caruso_stalker217

    I don't know if I'd call Miyagi an "action" character. As I recall he spent most of the movie making Daniel-san clean his fucking house.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 12:18 a.m. CST

    veritasses

    by Vern

    Well, he's obviously no Eastwood as an actor or as a director. But he has evolved more than you're giving him credit for, and in my opinion that's how he lost people. He started with the personal street level action (my favorite), grew into the big studio effects action movies like Under Siege (most people's favorite), and then when that was a success was when he truly started expressing himself in his weirder movies like (and especially) On Deadly Ground.<p> In the DTV years he also started to change. His characters are usually cynical rogues without official jobs or family connections, who get involved in (I think overly) complicated international intrigue.<p> It's true that during that period the movies started to get lazy and weirdly inept (part of what's enjoyable about them) so I give you credit for actually knowing the movies. But have you seen Urban Justice? You don't think he's putting more effort into that one?<p> (Unfortunately Kill Switch put an end to that roll he was on, but we'll see what he does next.)<p> thanks v

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 1:10 a.m. CST

    vern count me as a seagal supporter

    by Prossor

    take glimmer man for example, i actually thought the serial killer baddy was a welcome change of pace from his normal rogues gallery of terrorists and hoods.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 1:14 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3

    by mrbong

    will be an absolute mother fucker of a film. get Hackman or Pacino as the bad guy, both quality actors who are not adverse to accepting the odd role for the bank account.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 1:21 a.m. CST

    Oh sweet Heaven! PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!

    by Big Dumb Ape

    Seagal versus Aliens?!?<p>Definitely waaaay high on a list of dream films I've waited my geek life to see.<p>Of course, why couldn't he have made this in his prime? It would have been an instant classic AND YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE!!!

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 2:27 a.m. CST

    I'm with you Vern... Steven Seagal is NOT OLD!!

    by BradMajors

    ...and he will never be. By the way, I gave Seagalogy to my best friend as birthday present and he told me it was the best present ever. Seagal makes people happy. Period.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 2:35 a.m. CST

    M-O-O-N. That spells "wow"

    by Tom Cullen

    Face facts, Seagal isn't fit to even wipe shit from the boots of Eastwood, Mifune, Coburn, Bronson, Marvin, McQueen, Lee, Brynner, Hauer, Stallone, Schwarzenegger or even the low renters like Van Damme, Lundgren and the like. He was a talentless charisma-vacuum that made a couple of mildly entertaining films decades ago, and has since turned out little more than a seemingly never ending stream of utter shit that has absolutely no worth to the world other than showing what a tired joke the walking ego has truly become. You see, there's still hope for the likes of Lundgren and Van Damme, there still exists the possibility of them showing up in films that are actually entertaining, point in fact, the new JCVD film looks great. But Seagal, he's now a shadow of a man who wasn't much to begin with. And the only thing he's capable of snapping these days is the buttons on his too-tight pants. I know you want to write off all Seagal haters as being dumb kids, but most aren't, most are people who know good r-rated action, who pray to the twin gods of Walter Hill and Don Siegel. And who also know that Steven Seagal is now about as sad, pathetic and relevant to action cinema as fat, dead Elvis was to music when he took the throne to heaven express. And if you didn't still have books to sell, I think you'd see it too Vern.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:37 a.m. CST

    Cool! I second that idea with Seagal...

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    ...as the moon cafeteria boos whooping some Chinese / alien (isn't that the same, hrhrhr) ass.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:38 a.m. CST

    Are you some special forces guy or something?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Nah. I'm just the cook.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:38 a.m. CST

    Anybody seen Richie?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    I'm gonna keep coming back until someone REMEMBERS seeing Richie!

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:39 a.m. CST

    That's for my wife.

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Fuck you and die.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:40 a.m. CST

    One thought he was invincible.

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    The other one thought he could fly.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:41 a.m. CST

    If I find out you're lying...

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    ... I'll come back and kill you in your own kitchen.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:42 a.m. CST

    I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent.

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    To the blood bank!

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 4:07 a.m. CST

    You tell your asshole boss that nobody, NOBODY threatens me

    by Prossor

    now you get your ugly white ass out of here.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Seagal shoots kids?!?

    by ILikeScotch

    Anybody know what the gif on this site is from? http://www.theriseoftsm.com Its Seagal shooting a bunch of kids.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Attack Force

    by Chief Joseph

    I had not heard of this "Attack Force" story before and find the "deextraterrestrialization" in the edit bay fascinating.<br> Why is there nothing written about this on imdb.com or even Wikipedia?

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    I say let him do it....

    by ass clown

    I'll be honest, if this movie gets made, I will pay to see it. I will go in expecting a movie on par with Plan 9 From Outer Space, Disaster Movie, and Transformers. Yeah, Im talking Transformers bad here, this is gonna be a real shit bomb. The idea of an overweight, aging Steven Segal battling aliens with knives and karate just seems too hilarious to vent over. They will need to throw in another classic gratuitous tits scene in this one to meet that random Erica Eliniak, or whaterver her name is, topless cake scene in Under Siege. I remember seeing Under Siege in the theater as a kid and having my mom freak out when that topless scene came out of nowhere. Oh the memories, how I've missed you Casey Ryback.

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 9:16 p.m. CST

    That video makes me want to shoot myself....

    by LHombreSiniestro

    .....everytime I see it. No, girl, it's not alright....

  • Oct. 4, 2008, 9:31 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by veritasses

    First, I hope this makes sense. It's been a long day. Second, I wanted to say that while I don't quite share the same level of enthusiasm for the movies you like I do have respect for you and Harry and all the other AICN staff... maybe particularly Harry for all the abuse he gets. You love what you love, you're passionate about it, willing to express that passion to the masses and then willing to accept whatever criticism (or praise as the case may be) that might come your way. That's truly laudable. Third, generally speaking, I can understand the appeal of the DTV market. There's a certain consistancy in production, a certain... cadence/rhythm in delivery that has an odd sort of... charm and... comfort. I'm not sure if those are the right words but that's all I can come up with at the moment. I think you get what I mean though. Or maybe not. Anyway, going to Seagal the actor for a moment, I probably look at his movies differently then I would other actor's and perhaps that's unfair of me. But I just don't see what there is to respect about the man over the last 8 years or so. I don't see the effort from him and it's somewhat frustrating because I expect more from him. I expect better and that's not something I'd say with all actors of the genre. I think there are actors who work their butt off and take risks and challenges (not always successfully) to hone their craft. There are also actors who are gifted or who have reached a certain level of mastery and maybe don't need to work as hard to pull off a good performance. There are others who found success but now take things for granted. There are actors who are completely clueless about acting and will just never "get it" no matter how hard they try. And then there are actors who have some form of potential and were lucky enough to have one (or more) of those rare Hollywood hits on their resume but for whatever reason never seemed to put in the requisite effort and degenerated over the years... despite still being given leading roles (or maybe because of it). That's what I see when I see Seagal and it's sad and when I watch his recent stuff I can't help thinking how he's wasted away. That's what I meant when I said that it's not so much the low budget as Seagal himself that makes his movies hard to watch. I suppose I could and should just ignore the issues I have with Seagal. Perhaps he's satisfied with being the defacto King in his little corner of the movie world and who am I to say a man can't be happy with what he's done in his life. On the other hand, there are so many examples of actors in the action genre who show care in what they do and do what they can to improve and are better because of it. Jet Li strives to grow as an actor and move beyond being a martial arts icon. It hasn't always been possible for him to do this but he still struggles along and gives it everything he's got regardless. Brandon Lee could've been forever stereotyped because of his father but took a big leap in The Crow. Schwarzenegger might be the best example of someone who fought against the odds and stereotype to find huge success. Jackie Chan always gives 110% in everything he does and always talks about how he can do things better. Tony Jaa worked hard on his physical skills and broke out (of Thailand of all places!) to gain respect and an international audience. And then I see Seagal and ask what the heck happened to the man? Does he take care of his body? Would it be too much to ask to go on a diet and work out few days a week? Has he improved as an actor (interpret a role in a different/unique way, take chances, etc)? Can he blame anyone for not being taken seriously by the mainstream? His life might be hard for whatever reason and the system might be working against him but that's not a reason to give up. The thing is, even to this day, I really think there's potential left in the guy. Maybe not huge, A-list potential, but enough potential to reestablish a respectable career and I still want to hold him to a higher standard than he's set for himself.

  • Oct. 5, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    @ ILikeScotch

    by Dreamseller

    The Footage seen in the .gif is cut together from scenes of Uwe Bolls "Postal"-Movie (the kids) and Steven Seagals "Kill Switch" (At least I think its Kill Switch. Isnt it the shootout after he beats the guys in the bar "American History X" Style) Maybe Grandmaster Vern can clarify that.

  • Oct. 5, 2008, 3 p.m. CST

    Well,

    by Lornsorrow

    If he's going to do a real movie for a change instead of some of the crap pictures Lord Seagal has done recently, I think maybe, just maybe, he should consider getting just a a little bit of face lifting done. Couldn't hurt him. Not that I'm all big on that sort of thing, and not that I think he's a big mess or anything, but I think a little bit of face work could probably do him some good (and a hell of a lot of diet and exercise). I'm certainly up for Under Siege 3. But way things are headed, he's going to look like an old Pillsbury Doe Boy (who's ex-CIA or some other three letter org.) vs. the hungry munchie men of some drug operation or something. Incidentally, I think his last watchable film was probably Exit Wounds (2001), but his last decent film for me would be The Glimmer Man (1996). Some of those early films of his are pretty damn cool though. There are some good ones in there, Marked For Death (1990) Out For Justice (1991) especially.

  • Oct. 5, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Nice post Vern

    by Lornsorrow

    Well said.