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First off, I have to make a correction to MORIARTY'S RUMBLINGS FROM THE LAB from Tuesday. Seems the evil genius, decided to cause evil money pains for movie geeks in the L.A. area... Hoping to incite a riot, thus distracting the city police force long enough to pull a daring daylight invasion of the Warner Print Vault to make off with EYES WIDE SHUT. And while I appreciate his scheme... I'll be damned if he see's the movie before me. So...

Admissions for the CLASSICALLY INDEPENDENT FEST this weekend are $8 per screening, not per evening!

There... Take that you evil genius!!!! Now onto his review of SOUTH PARK!

Hey, Head Geek...

"Moriarty" here.

You'll have to excuse me if I sound a little on the irritated side this evening. You see, I'm trying to calm down. You know how it is when someone really, really pisses you off and you've got that shaky, too-much-adrenaline feeling, right? A little bit sick, a little bit hysterical, with just a touch of a headache. Well, that's me right now. You see, earlier tonight, I was here in the Labs, just relaxing with the henchmen as we planned a full weekend of mayhem. I'll be the first to admit I was in a good mood, but that still doesn't excuse the henchman who said, "Y'know, Professor, you really aren't all that Evil these days, are you?"

The room went silent, and the other henchmen all scurried for cover. "What did you say?" I asked, giving him every opportunity to correct his blunder.

"I said that for an Evil Genius, you really haven't been very Evil recently."

I thought it over for a moment. "Hmm... I see..." Then, before he could see the barely-repressed rage I'm sure was evident upon my face, I reached into my pocket and produced what looks to the casual observer like a large gold pocketwatch. In reality, I have the entire Labs hooked up to that remote, and I can do almost anything with it. In this case, a simple twist of the fob and a double-click of the hinged cover was all it took for a pair of robotic arms to sweep in and quickly, efficiently, and with maximum possible pain eviscerate my silly mutant friend, rendering his argument moot.

Now, as the smoke clears and the rest of the henchmen clean up the mess, I'm starting to believe I may have overreacted. I think the reason he made me so mad is because in some ways, he's right. I've been enjoying myself a lot at the theater lately. Some of you readers have written me to say that I've been having too much fun. Don't blame me, though. It's Hollywood's damn fault. They're the ones who are actually doing their jobs and making good films right now. Blame them, not me!

Besides, I've decided to reaffirm my dedication to doing real Evil in the world, and it's to that end that I kick off my review of the new SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER & UNCUT by confidently stating that this film not only deserves, but demands at least one major Academy Award nomination next year...

... and we'll get to that in a minute.

First, I'd like to state where I stand on the whole SOUTH PARK thing, since that seems to be a prerequisite for reviewing a comedy today. "Normally I hate Pauly Shore, but..." *Sigh* I think Trey Parker and Matt Stone are, just by themselves, independent of any project, pretty funny guys. I thought ORGAZMO was very funny. Didn't laugh once during CANNIBAL: THE MUSICAL. Really dig the first six episodes of the SOUTH PARK show and the original "Spirit of Christmas" short. I'm so-so on the rest of the series to date. Some highs (the whole Amazon jungle/"Getting Gay With Kids" episode was a riot) and some lows (if Jar Jar's that damn annoying, then why do a whole episode that's annoying just to make the point?), but it always seems willing to try anything in an effort to get laughs.

That willingness reaches a new high here, and it pays off in what I would say is the single funniest SOUTH PARK story to date, in any form. I laughed really, really hard throughout most of this picture. I will say that even when I didn't laugh, it wasn't because I was offended. There's something too gleeful about the shock effect in the film. How can you be offended by someone who's working this hard to offend? Some of my favorite moments in the film were jokes that crossed "the line" and got actual gasps instead of laughs. That's bold. That's worth paying for.

There's a few celebrity cameo voices -- Dave Foley, George Clooney, Brent Spiner, Minnie Driver, and Eric Idle -- but none of them are playing themselves. In fact, picking them out is pretty much impossible. Just to give you one example, Dave Foley shows up as the voice of all of the Baldwin brothers. Really. There's also appearances by most of the supporting characters the show has introduced since going on the air. The characters are all used well, with some of the more popular ones getting some very funny specific business. Big Gay Al has a showstopping musical number late in the film, Chef and his military preserve play a special role in the war with Canada, and Jesus, Jimbo and Ned get to suit up in Army greens as well.

It's the main four kids that carry the bulk of the film, though. Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny all give stirring performances. One thing we never knew about these talented young thespians until now is that they're singers, musically gifted one and all. The movie is, in the grand tradition of Disney, a musical, and it's a surprisingly good one. Oh, that's right... we're at that part of the review now. I get to tell you why SOUTH PARK should be Oscar nominated in the spring.

Marc Shaiman, you wicked, wicked man, you are almost as Evil as me. Only someone truly deranged would have written such a sharp, specific satire of each type of show tune. One after another, he trots out perfect parodies of each of the types of songs that we're so used to hearing drive the Disney films forward. You will not be able to resist humming "Uncle Fucka," "Kyle's Mom's A Bitch," or Satan's heart-warming ballad, "Up There." Even Sadam Hussein gets in a toe-tapper called "I Can Change." I know that reading these song titles in print must have you questioning my sanity or taste, but I sat in a theater tonight full of film press and college students, fans and nonfans, and I heard the audience go nuts for each of the songs. Not since I saw BEAUTY AND THE BEAST at the El Capitan in its opening weekend have I heard a full theater applaud not one, not two, but three seperate musical numbers. Shaiman wrote his songs with Parker and Stone, but the arrangements are his, and there's real wit in his work. Remember, everyone... the category is "Best Musical or Comedy Score." It's not "Best Score that Happened to be in a Movie We Approve Of." It's "Best Musical or Comedy Score." Here's a score that's an honest-to-God comedy musical. Shaiman does the arrangements for Billy Crystal's big show-opening song parodies, so it's clear the Academy approves of him. I'm going to bet they can't unclench their sphincters enough to nominate him, but I'm equally sure that they should.

There's some nice technical work in the film by Blur Studio, Inc. in Venice, who deserves credit for creating a better, more convincing version of Hell for this film than Mark Dippe was able to manage in SPAWN. The animation is, for the most part, exactly like the show, and it looks really nice on the big screen. I think I actually prefer seeing the characters this big, with a crowd. There was something really enjoyable about seeing them on the bigscreen. I think this is a more successful translation to film than BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD made. Parker and Stone seem to have made this film as if they are never going to get a chance to make another.

Maybe it was the communal thing that made it so much fun tonight. That's frequently the case with comedy. Maybe Trey and Matt just ignored the show for a while in order to focus on the film. Maybe all the stars were in alignment. Who knows why it happened... but it did. Paramount deserves to have a hell of a run with SOUTH PARK. If you're not a fan of the show already, chances are you won't change your mind here, but for anyone who's open to this particular bent of humor, this is 90 minutes that will leave you hurting in all the right ways. Evil, man... real Evil. That's the highest praise I can give it.

Watch me work this weekend as I try and hit screenings of CHOOSE ME, RESTAURANT, DILL SCALLION (which I'm going to see with David Koechner, one of the film's stars), ARLINGTON ROAD, FIVE CORNERS, BROKEN VESSELS, and WILD WILD WEST. If you bump into me at any of these films and I seem a bit distracted, realize that I'm not sleeping between now and Monday. Be kind. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • June 25, 1999, 3:43 a.m. CST


    by SJC

    I think that this film sounds cool. But living in the UK, it will be butchered before it is given a cert. I'll probably wait for the DVD release.

  • June 25, 1999, 4:21 a.m. CST

    I'll tell you again...

    by Doc_Valor

    I've say it once and then I'll day it once more : South Park will be yesterday's hottest thing in a couple of months time. Mark my words : All you South Park fans will be selling all your South Park items on ebay in a couple of months time when the show loses it's popularity. If you don't believe me, just take a look at all the Beavis and Butthead and Ren & Stimpy stuff for sale at ebay right now. If you would like me to say it once more for you I can, but I guess half of you are listening to the Spice Girls and can't hear me. the reason i say this is because you only have to look where that musical group (A term used loosely) is right now and wonder about the fate of South Park in months to come. Okay, so I was a but extreme in my last post blaming the Columbine Killings on Kenny, but you get my point : South Park is one of many shows in the long line of controversial cartoons. Nothing special. All you wannabe rebels are wanking yourselves over this show and you think that you're really hip and cool because you indulging in such an controversial show. Get a life and go back to watching the Simpsons or something... In closing I would like to say that I guess it's because of you, the people that like to indulge in "the flavour of the month cartoons" that this show is so popular. You WILL spit it out as easily as you swallow it, people, so don't waste your money on this or any other offensive cartoon in the future.

  • June 25, 1999, 5:41 a.m. CST

    Waning Evil...

    by Encelladus

    Tell me if I'm wrong here, but for a show that's seems to be so easy to write and produce, "South Park" has suffered from "Moonlighting" syndrome... fans have been made to wait for months sometimes, appeased with watching the same repeats over and over on television that they already own on video. Perhaps "South Park: the Movie" will be the crowning achievement, and Matt and Trey will move on to create the next big thing. And to Moriarty: don't worry... "Wild Wild West" should put you back in a properly maniacal mood if all the buzz is correct. And take it easy on the staff; loyal mutant henchmen don't grow on trees, you know (swing from them, maybe...)

  • June 25, 1999, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Oh My God! The Trenchcoat Mafia Killed Kenny!

    by Anton_Sirius

    I don't think it's a 'bit extreme' to blame Kenny on the Columbine massacre... I think it's bloody insane. If you're at the point of arguing that animated construction paper cutouts could lead someone to commit an act like that, then I think you might as well just say "Hey. They were loonies." and leave it at that. I'm sure they would have listened to talking demonic dogs if they could have, but Spike Lee had them all booked. As for your whole comment on the nature of fads... um, what's your point exactly? Fads come and go. Some people hop from bandwagon to bandwagon, some stay constant. Some fads register barely a blip on the collective unconscious, some leave deep impact craters. The Sex Pistols were a fad too; does that make them any less important? Why don't you just come out and say you don't like South Park, rather than awkwardly trying to contextualize it (oooh! big word!) in such a way that you can slag it without seeming 'uncool'? Oh wait, that would involve growing up and trusting your own opinions. Never mind.

  • June 25, 1999, 7:12 a.m. CST

    Those Bastards!

    by Tall_Boy

    Can't wait to see the flick, but can't see it on opening night. *sigh* oh well "DISCO SENSATION!!!"

  • June 25, 1999, 7:20 a.m. CST

    WTF is up with all The Evil Genius Crap anyway???

    by purpleD

    I have been reading this site daily for quite a while (about a year and a half), and this is really getting on my nerves. I mean I am here to read the movie reviews!! Is the whole Evil Henchman thing supposed to be a joke or not? I can't even tell. Is it supposed to be a testament to Moriarity's geekiness? Sure, I am a geek myself but I really feel that these rants just alienate readers.

  • June 25, 1999, 7:34 a.m. CST

    South Park's longetivity

    by Phreek

    Hopefully this movie will spark some new creativity for a show that has truly lacked since its inaugeral. I think that when Parker and Stone began to get some recognition the show's creativity slipped. BUT, with the forum of unedited film, they will probably do much better work when given free reign to express themselves. The Spirit of Christmas is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, partially because of it's adult nature. I am excited to see this movie and hope it does well enough to talk sequel.

  • June 25, 1999, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Hey Doc_Valor

    by sheared

    How many fads can you name that didn't eventually run out? South Park is all about enjoying it while it's around. I'm not looking for something to last until I'm 65. What the hell do you expect from something like this? What the hell do you think the people that like it expect? I've enjoyed almost every minute of it, but I'm not going to cry one tear when it goes away. Your message basically just states the obvious. I understand if you just don't like the show, but if your refuse to not like the show just because it's going to go away, there are going to be a lot of things you miss out on in life.

  • June 25, 1999, 7:53 a.m. CST



    you know whats funny about south park??? it has these kids walking around who each have different personalities, and then theres this whole town with charactors that have differsnt personalities, they make jokes and silly things happen, they also curse alot, its a good show, its a funny show, it has expanded alot and got funnier lately cause they are losing audiences, but so did every other cartoon show, i watch the simpsons, ive watched it since it began, if i watch the old ones i think their funny but when the show started to lose a lot of the band-wagon fans from when it first and only the true fans stayed, it got evan funnier cause they totally expanded the show and its charactors to save the show and keep the fans it had, now 100 times funnier than it ever was and it makes the old episodes from the first couple of seasons look not so good, thats what south parks doing now and i can see it getting better and better as it goes along , SO MEESA THINKS THE MOVIES GONNA BE AWESOME.

  • June 25, 1999, 8:01 a.m. CST




  • June 25, 1999, 8:11 a.m. CST


    by JaneDoe33

    And will someone please take that JAR JAR BINKS GUY outta here? Every time I go to a review or story, he's got some annoying posts in the talkback section. Is someone e-mailing this guy and telling him he's funny?

  • June 25, 1999, 8:48 a.m. CST


    by VonLuger

  • June 25, 1999, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Cannibal The Musical, and S.P. as a fad

    by Lemur Master

    Just for your information, oh evil and devious one, Cannibal the Musical is a genius of modern film making. Perhaps the funniest film ever to hit the screen....though I had to utilize my proliferous prosimian pets to procure a p...a ppp... a Cinema to view it on the Big Screen. In any case, that film is bloody hysterical! Talk about a fun musical comedy! As for South Park, and the Fad of the Month Club....what the hell were you expecting? South Park to turn into the next Rocky? Or Cheers? Or Dick Clark? So little of what we watch and listen to maintains its "coolness" especially when it is so totally proliferated into our society. Perhaps thats why Dick Clark will live forever....he hasn't had dolls made of him. Trey and Matt are apparently really tired of doing South Park, and I am sure that when they get the first opportunity, they'll scrap it and start something new, and we, the Lemurs, will be watching. - The Lemur Master

  • June 25, 1999, 9:44 a.m. CST

    What, no DiCaprio rumours?

    by Tiger Ninestein

    Well, that's my day ruined. Come on people, THINK. There must be SOME role out there that his name can be attached to. I'm counting on you Harry, to get us this vital information and your SLIPPING UP!!

  • June 25, 1999, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Jeeze !!!

    by xipetotec

  • June 25, 1999, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Jeeze !!!

    by xipetotec

  • June 25, 1999, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Jeeze Janedoe33!

    by xipetotec

    I was under the apparently wrong impression that the Talkback area was for one and all to post their thoughts and opinions. I wasn't aware that anyone including Jar jar Binks had to conform to your idea of what a post should be... quick!! let's get Harry to make YOU a mediator!! that way you'll be able to delete ANY messages that don't please you!

  • June 25, 1999, 10:28 a.m. CST

    To Tiger Ninestein

    by CaptainBerryman

    Hey Tiger... just a quick note. I've heard DiCraprio is considering playing Johnny Bravo in a new biopic. How's that to make your day? And I am still with you... Harry does need to make a seperate Leo page if he is going to continue to kiss Leo's ass. On SOUTH PARK: I am looking forward to it, Matt and Trey haven't let me down yet. Loved Basketball, Loved Cannibal: The Musical... Leep it up, Matt and Trey... with South Park and with whatever comes after. End Transmission.

  • June 25, 1999, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Latest Leo rumor....

    by Bemistape

    Isn't Leo up for Hannibal Lector if Hopkins doesn't want it?

  • June 25, 1999, 10:44 a.m. CST

    South park

    by -Z-

    has good moments and bad moments. Eventually it'll slip away. I will NEVER forget the first time I saw the show. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. From time to time the show has moments like that, and hopefully the movie will too. So, until the "next big fad" comes along, I'll be lining up for the South Park flick.

  • June 25, 1999, 11:33 a.m. CST


    by George M.

    Anyone here ever read Sherlock Holmes at all? Moriarty's "Boring ass intros" are referring to the character of Sherlock Holmes' arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty, the evil genius. And as far as the South Park movie goes, well I haven't seen the series for about 10 months or so, but it used to be incredibly original and funny, and I realize that it's taken a "Pop Culture Nosedive" like anything will after the first year or so. I will still take my 11 year old brother and his friends to see it though, they still dig it.

  • June 25, 1999, 12:33 p.m. CST

    South Park - hysterically intelligent

    by cobaltgirl

    This movie is fantastic! Not since Bugs Bunny has a cartoon worked on many levels. Yes, on the surface it is crude, lude and offensive which I find very humorous but, if you really pay attention it is an extremely intelligent film. For example, we find Mrs. Brovslowski, who is Jewish, as the leader of the Anti-Canadian movement. In many ways, she resembles Hitler and there is definately irony in that. The war sequence is another example by the way it resembles the Broadway musical Les Miserables. I could go on forever but the fact remains that this film makes a strong statement about society, the mistakes it's made throughout history and the hypocrisy that persists to this day. And if that's too much for you, then just see it because it is just out-right hysterically funny even at it's most basic level.

  • June 25, 1999, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Evil comes in all shades of black...

    by Encelladus

    Professor Moriarty can be a bit melodramatic, but that is his right. And "henchmen" need constant negative re-enforcment to keep their tiny little minds on what they should be doing, specifically furthering their master's evil purposes. Remember to post kindly about the evil all around you, and you, too, may be favored when one of us at last takes total control of this forsaken rock we live on. As for actual movie topics of discussion, "The Matrix" is the best film that's come out this year... feel free to discuss among yourselves.

  • June 25, 1999, 1:01 p.m. CST


    by jdegraf

    Who cares if this is a fad. You sound like the kind or person who can't enjoy themselves and won't let others enjoy themselves. It's not like south park is the second coming, or is it...

  • June 25, 1999, 6:20 p.m. CST

    South Park Review

    by flameon

    First I want to say that I'm not an addicted watcher of the show (even though the few episodes I have seen were pretty funny), it seems the first 5 minutes of an episode is hysterical, then after that everything seems to go flat. So I was worried about the movie being able to sustain 90 minutes. Not only does it sustain the full duration, but its completely entertaining from start to finish! That's thanks in part to the fully orchestrated musical numbers that not only parody Disney films but Le Mis as well! I've got to get the soundtrack because every number is a gem, even though there seemed to be another a every 5 minutes. All of the main characters get to sing. From Mrs. Brofloski's rallying cry "Blame Canada" to Big Gay Al's "I'm Super". Even Saddam Hussein gets into the act. The audience I was with was actually applauding after some songs. This was also the funniest movie I've been at since the time I saw Airplane for the first time. Admittedly, a lot of the humor was of the shock variety. Such as when the Kids sneak into see the new Terrance and Phillip movie. It's just non-stop, mile-a-minute foul language. "You're a ass ramming, uncle fucker" is just one selection. But the humor is also very smart (that's stuff I don't wish to give away, because its too good.) The other surprise is how good the special effects are in this film. The sequences in hell are right up there with anything from "SW Episode I" (which was the only real reason to see that movie). So if you have a choice between seeing Star Wars and South Park, the choice is easy. I've seen both and South Park is much better! Oh, one last thing. I took my wife to the screening and she loved it. So it turns out this is a date movie! Who would have though?

  • June 25, 1999, 8:02 p.m. CST

    purpleD, JaneDoe33, and Spoiler Laden Talkbacks

    by The_Cleaner

    If you don't like Moriarty's little evil genius riffs, you just don't get the geek chic that this sight exemplefies. So fuck off and read CNN if all you want is the "straight goods". And I don't know about the rest of you geeks, but I think it sucks hind tit when some dickwad slaps a whole bunch of spoilers into a talkback; as the wanker above me just did. If you're gonna do that, at least put "Spoilers!" in your subject line. Oh, and yes I am the mediator.... g*

  • June 25, 1999, 11:26 p.m. CST

    South Park Durability

    by AIKI

    Did someone say there was cool Ren and Stimpy shit for sale on ebay? I'd buy it.

  • June 25, 1999, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Off topic:School Shootings/SP

    by Dlhstar

    An earlier post about Kenny=School Shootings got me to thinking... I seem to recall a video "Sheep Go to Heaven" by Cake a month or so before the most recent school shooting that had animation similar to South Park. Does anyone know if the video was pulled in light of the school shootings? Side note, the video features an outcast who goes to a club near the end and kills everyone.

  • June 26, 1999, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Why waste time, South Park haters?

    by Henry Fool

    Every time South Park gets mentioned on AICN, a bunch of anti-South Park militia freaks show up to endow us with their supreme wisdom on why this show sucks? Why? I honestly don't know. It's not like anyone cares what they think. Some of us just love the show. It's appeallingly vulgar and it also has a lot of pot shots at popular culture icons that are just to demonic to resist. What is it that inspires some of you to go on a crusade of negativity that does not add anything to this web site? When are you people going to get a life? Yes, you've said it before and you'll say it again, South Park will lose it's popularity and fade away. What grand wisdom that is! Every show loses it at some point and gets cancelled. Did you have to think really hard about that or did it just come to you? I'm very impressed...really...

  • June 28, 1999, 10:02 a.m. CST

    I don't work for Artisan... but

    by alganon

    The acting is phenomenal! This is the scariest, er... funniest movie I've seen in years! I'll never go camping again! (sorry, couldn't resist)

  • Aug. 6, 2006, 9:49 p.m. CST

    Personal Respsonsibility? Fuh-sheesh.

    by Wolfpack