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Moriarty @ Fantastic Fest Part One: I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW, ASTROPIA, SAUNA, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, and JCVD!
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here.
If you’d told me a month ago that I’d be in Austin for Fantastic Fest, I would have told you that, regrettably, that was not the case. And if you told me that I’d be on a jury handing out an award for best feature film at the festival, I would have wondered what you were smoking and where I could get some.
But here I am, back in Austin, excited by the films I’ve seen already and the ones I’m still going to see, and I couldn’t be happier if I tried.
It’s all thanks to Grande Rojo, of course. We were talking recently, and he determined that my constant state of stress and anxiety was running a little higher than normal, and he told me to block out the dates because I was going to have to come to Texas. Sure enough, Roland put the trip together in a hurry, and I moved a few things around to make sure my schedule was clear, and I rolled out of town on Wednesday morning, the day before the festival was set to start.
To help me get ready for jury duty, I was sent screeners for all eight of the films that are in competition for the Fantastic Features section of the festival. ASTROPIA. SAUNA. HOW TO GET RID OF THE OTHERS. EX-DRUMMER. LEFT BANK. SANTOS. THE SUBSTITUTE. And CARGO 200. I’d only ever heard of one of them before they showed up at my house, which is perfect. There’s no early favorite, and plenty of room for discovery.
Even before I left town, I had movies to watch. When AMD and Fantastic Fest announced the online portion of the festival, the first thing I did was play I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW. It was the description that most intrigued me right away, and I’ve always got a weak spot for documentaries about truly fringe characters.
Fringe barely even begins to describe the two central figures in Sean Donnelly’s horrifyingly sad and strange look into the lives of two long-time stalkers for the pop singer Tiffany.
And, yeah, I know how crazy that sounds. Being a stalker is crazy, no matter what, but a stalker for Tiffany? Really? You mean the chick who sang a few songs in the ‘80s and who flashed some boob in PLAYBOY? Seriously? Maybe I’ll grant you one stalker. But two? At the same time? That’s just mind-boggling. Jeff Turner is a 50-year-old man with Asperger’s Syndrome, a high-functioning autistic man who has a rich fantasy life involving his “relationship” with Tiffany. He’s had court orders against him, one for showing up to see her carrying a samurai sword and roses, but somehow he still manages to show up at autograph events and get close to her, time after time. Turner freaks me out a bit, but he’s nothing compared to the slow-motion meltdown of Kelly McCormick, a hermaphrodite from Denver who was in a coma for 18 days and who came out of it convinced that Tiffany is meant to be her soulmate. This is a film with a bottomless well of loneliness at the heart of it, disturbing and sad in equal measure. If I were Tiffany and I saw this, I’d never be able to leave my house again. I’m a tolerant person with a pretty broad definition of what is acceptable, but these two are like the personifications of everything bad about celebrity in this country. This is what our celebrity culture can do to people who already have a fragile grip on reality... they’re sold this bill of goods, like they have real personal connections to these famous people, and it’s reinforced by the way we digest paparazzi photos and gossip reporting and the way we manage to put celebrities on a pedestal and treat them as less than human at the same time. We are fucked up, and Jeff Turner and Kelly McCormick are just two of the many symptoms of this pervasive disease. I’m not sure how Donnelly managed to get this close to these two, and I’m less sure how he managed not to run screaming from each encounter with them. It’s a short film, running just over an hour, but it’s riveting and worth your attention.
The night before I left town, I managed to watch another film, my first of the competition titles. Harry quite liked ASTROPIA, and I talked to a number of people over the course of the festival who felt the same way. It hit a note for them, the same way FANBOYS did for several people I spoke with. I know what the feeling is that these people are describing; it’s the feeling I got the first time I saw SPACED.
I can appreciate the intention behind ASTROPIA. But if this were an American film, it would star Paris Hilton or Anna Faris, and it would be a mainstream studio release. Here, because it’s a micro-budget indie from Iceland [not Denmark, as I originally posted -- thanks, angry talkbackers! - "M"], it’s considered an alternative title. The sensibilities here are the same though; this thing’s got Hollywood romantic comedy deep in its DNA, and despite the geek trimmings, it’s about as predictable as any Reese Witherspoon film. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, of course. There are plenty of formula movies that work because they execute the formula so well. I can see how this one might charm you if you react well to the cast, or if the geek references are enough to ring your bell. I think the difference between this and SPACED (an easy comparison to make) is that this is a movie about geeks, while SPACED feels like a movie that’s actually in the language of geek.
It’s the story of Hildur, played by Ragnhildur Steinunn Jonsdottir, a pampered society princess whose scumbag car dealer boyfriend is busted by the cops and sent to prison, leaving her to fend for herself. She’s never worked an honest day in her life. For her, a workday is standing around in a bikini looking good. She doesn’t even know how to wash a dish or pick up her apartment. She’s useless. A friend takes her in, and Hildur spends a few days just sort of stewing in her troubles before her friend tells her she’s going to have to find work somewhere. She takes her friend’s little boy out for the afternoon, and as they’re shopping, they stop by Astropia, a local mecca for all things RPG/comic book/cult movie related. She sees a help wanted sign in the window, heads inside, and proceeds to learn a valuable life lesson about how nerds are people, too.
And that’s it, basically. She learns to play D&D. She learns to love a nerd. She learns she has some abilities beyond shaking her moneymaker. And she learns her boyfriend is a shit. It’s all stuff you’ll see coming down Broadway. I thought the film was amiable fluff, forgettable but inoffensive, but if you feel like you need another movie that tells you that it’s okay to like comics and D&D and SF and the like, ASTROPIA will certainly soothe and validate. I guess I’m at a point where it’s not enough just for me to see a subculture I’m part of on film... there has to be more to it, and with ASTROPIA, I’m not sure I believe there is.
Bonus points for the two great ROMANCING THE STONE jokes, though. I’ll admit they both got guffaws from me.
I flew into town on Wednesday, giving me one evening with friends before the festival began, and I spent most of the night playing THE FORCE UNLEASHED on XBOX 360 with Quint and Kraken. After playing the first two levels, I can honestly say...
... oh, wait. It’s STAR WARS. Never mind.
We also threw on another one of the screeners I was sent for the in-competition films, picking it at random out of the stack. Considering how little I knew about any of them, I figured that was the best way to chip away at the stack... just let them hit me without any real warning.
SAUNA is a moody little film about a group of Swedish and Russian soldiers in the 1500s who are sent on an expedition to map and divide some lands after a prolonged and bloody war. All the men are hollowed-out by the experience, so as they make their way north, they have a hard time switching off the savagery that has become their stock in trade. An ugly encounter with a farming family kicks off a series of events that drives the men deep into a swamp where both time and direction start to get strange, and where the dead don’t quite seem to be dead.
Eventually they find a town deep in the swamp that’s not on any of the maps, built partially underwater around a stone sauna building. And, of course, there’s a reason that town’s not on any map, and there’s definitely a reason no one should ever go into that goddamn sauna.
I wouldn’t call SAUNA a bad film, but it feels somewhat incomplete. It’s got a great confident sense of mood and atmosphere, though, and there are some strong performances in it. But it’s a long slow burn, and what little payoff there is at the end doesn’t really seem to be worth the effort. Director Antti-Jussi Annila and writer Iiro Kuttner play with chronology in a way that’s more confusing and annoying than effective or illuminating, but it’s the only real misstep in the storytelling. This is a great example of a strong voice without a lot to say, and it almost feels like a warm-up. I’d guess, based on this, that we’ll see a great film from them at some point.
This one just isn’t it yet.
Thursday kicked off with a couple of press screenings as everyone was picking up their badges and their t-shirts and their tote bags. This year, you had to submit a “shakeyface” picture for the badge, which is basically a photo that someone snaps while you whip your head around, face totally slack, trying to sling your skin like a Sharpei. In taking my photo for my badge, I (A) learned some rather upsetting things about the elasticity of my giant awful WC Fields-like nose (B) managed to freak out Toshi quite a bit and (C) gave myself a headache so bad it felt like I got punched by Tyson in his prime. But it turned out to be a good badge photo, so I guess the three days worth of headbanger’s neck was worth it.
Our first press screening of the day set the bar incredibly high for the rest of the festival, something that can easily lead to someone becoming disappointed with the line-up afterwards. It’s just one of those flukes of scheduling that LET THE RIGHT ONE IN turned out to be one of the best films I’ve seen all year, much less in the festival. John Ajvide Lindqvist adapted his own novel for the screen and, working with director, Tomas Alfredson, the result is haunting and gorgeous, smart and subtle and hard to describe. It’s almost impossible to discuss without offering up one real spoiler, so if you don’t want to know anything at all about the film before Magnolia rolls it out in limited theatrical release next month (it’ll be on video at the start of 2009), then just suffice it to say that this has far more on its mind than “just” scaring you. It’s a film about how important connections to other people can be for us, how even one friend can change the way we live, and how monsters come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Now skip down to where I start talking about the next film.
If you don’t mind a few basic spoilers, then read on. It’s inevitable anyway. By the time you see the movie, you’ll know that it’s “just” a vampire film. The same way you’ll know that another movie in the fest (I won’t say which one) is “just” a zombie film. But in both cases, that’s not really true. These are films that take these familiar monsters, this worn-out iconography, and they bend it to something real. Not even new, per se. Just real. These are movies about something more than their genre.
That’s nice to see. There’s a lot of irony out there in the world. A lot of movies that strike an arch pose but don’t really mean it. Movies that want to wink at you and diffuse their own potency just to make sure that you don’t get a chance to laugh at them for trying. And I’ve certainly enjoyed my fair share of that. But LET THE RIGHT ONE IN is painful because of how real it plays. It’s like AU REVOIR LES ENFANTS, a film about this difficult childhood relationship playing out in extraordinary circumstances. Here, we meet this lonely kid Oskar (Kare Hedebrant), angry and embittered and frail at the start of the film, standing outside alone in the cold and practicing with a knife. He’s rehearsing what he’s going to say, his tough guy patter, as he prepares to stab someone. Oskar’s 12, but he’d be easily mistaken for 10 or even 9 years old. He’s just a wee squirt of piss, the kind of kid who was genetically evolved to give bullies something to do. And Hedebrant’s great, right from that first scene. If the movie was just about him dealing with the world, I have a feeling it would still be a great film. That’s something you can’t say about many genre films. Someone moves into the building where Oskar lives, right into the apartment next door. Someone he doesn’t see at first. And there’s a guy, he’s attacking people. Trying to drain their blood. He’s got local police on edge, and he’s clumsy, not terribly good at what he’s doing, so he’s always justthisclose to getting caught. And this guy... he’s got a little girl. And his little girl... she’s hungry.
Oskar meets this little girl, his strange new neighbor Eli (Lina Leandersson), who seems to be 12 years old just like him. Strange is an understatement, actually. Alfredson plays subtle tricks on the audience right from the start with little physical impossibilities, little digital or make-up or even editing tricks that all enhance the fact that this little girl’s seriously not right. Oskar’s no dope. He figures out what she is. What her dad’s doing. Why she needs this blood he’s draining. He calls her what she is, and she never denies it.
But whatever this movie is, it’s not a standard revenge film. Yes, Oskar sees Eli as a way to settle some scores, a motivator or maybe even a weapon. But it’s not handled the way any Hollywood movie would handle it. The storyline sneaks up on you. It dodges formula in favor of very simple, raw character work that all feels real.
And whatever this movie is, it’s not a standard horror film. Eli’s a monster in a conventional sense, but her actions actually help pull Oskar back from the edge of being a very real and recognizable human monster, the kind we’ve seen march into schools or malls or post offices, guns blazing, determined to make the world hurt just as much as they do. Oskar’s on the road to that. He’s just so easy to pick on, such a blinking red target, that he’s been pushed more than anyone should be. Every day. Pick. Pick. Pick. Pick.
And whatever this movie is, it’s not a standard coming-of-age romance. There’s something animal in the way Oskar sniffs out exactly what Eli is. Little boys are wild things, and Oskar’s just about to lose that the way little boys do when they become teenagers, but he still has enough of it to recognize her for what she is, and to accept her just as easily.
So whatever this movie is, it’s a powerful and intimate film that commands real respect. Alfredson has a real gift for directing young actors. He gets remarkable work out of both of his young stars, and from the supporting cast as well, and he has impeccable taste when it comes to the way he stages his big moments. He could probably make a terrifying film if he wanted to. His scares here are sophisticated and perfectly timed. But that’s not what he’s really trying to do. That reaching deeper, that attempt to make his movie more... that’s what makes this one such a profound surprise, and such a pleasure.
Color me shocked, but the same is true of Mabrouk El Mechri’s JCVD, although to a lesser extent. I’m not surprised at all that so many people at the festival were so demonstrative in their affection for this film, especially if you talked to them right after they saw it. It’s a solid little movie with an interesting premise and one scene that is so amazing that you’ll buy the DVD so you can show it to friends. And it’s amazing to actually write this, but the only reason this film exists or works or dazzles is because of Jean-Claude Van Damme as “himself” in the single most emotionally lacerating self-portraits on film since Charlie Kaufman’s ADAPTATION.
Seriously.
A friend this week talked to me about how they were reluctant to see JCVD because they were afraid it was going to be just another PAULY SHORE IS DEAD. If you haven’t seen that film, count yourself lucky, and if you have, then you understand why that’s a truly scary prospect. It’s fake and dim-witted and obvious and never really says anything at all. It’s a vanity piece. JCVD is not that at all. It’s basically a heist movie, in which a character walks into a heist already in progress and finds himself caught up in it, forcing him to deal with the complete mess he’s made of his life. It just happens that the character is Jean-Claude Van Damme. And not him as someone in a movie, either. Him. He’s come home to Belgium after losing in a nasty custody battle. He’s just shot some cheapo action direct-to-video junk that he probably won’t see a dime of after everyone else gets their taste. And at 48 years old, the wear-and-tear of it all has caught up to him. He’s tired. He’s unable to do continue. He’s threadbare. So much so that he can’t even use his credit cards or get money from an ATM. He’s frozen out.
Much of this is played at a slight exaggeration, but not much. The Hollywood stuff is some of the most specific and real I’ve heard in a film. It’s not ENTOURAGE... that’s fantasy-land. This is the way it works for guys like Van Damme who are “movie stars” in that they can guarantee a certain budget level of payback in the international market, and so their films can cost a certain amount and no more. And that certain amount? It’s nothing. In actual dollars spent on what you’d see onscreen, you’re talking about million dollar movies. Maybe two million if you’re lucky. But that’s it. That’s the world Van Damme’s in right now. No wonder he’s so crushed. There’s nothing luxurious about what he’s doing. It’s a job. It’s a grind like anything else, only he has to stay in shape to a certain degree, and he has to accept that a certain amount of physical damage is part of the cost of doing business.
So that’s the guy who walks into the hostage situation in this small Belgian post office, where he tries to pick up some cash from a wire transfer, not realizing there’s a robbery in progress. When they realize who they’ve lucked into, they quickly make him talk to the police, leading everyone to think that the movie star has cracked, and that he’s the one holding the prisoners. The real robbers exploit that misunderstanding as they try to figure out what to do.
The heist stuff is the weakest material in the film. It’s okay, but it’s basically like pretty much every hostage situation ever in the history of movies. Fairly standard set of hostages. One robber’s a controlling psycho. One’s a decent guy doing this bad thing. One guy’s star-struck by Van Damme. I didn’t mind it, but it was all the other stuff, all the character work and inside Hollywood stuff, the things on the edges of the film, that really worked.
And then there’s the scene. Once you’ve seen the film, you’ll know which one. It’s a confession. A moment of clarity. And it’s amazing. It gives Van Damme a second half of a career if he’s lucky. I would hire him now. I would have him act in his own language, and I would definitely cast him, and not in an action film. In anything. He flattened me with this sequence, and I’m dying to hear him talk about the process that led to the shooting of it. I have no idea how they pulled it off, or how many takes they had to do, or even if it was scripted, but it’s unforgettable, and I urge you to give the film a chance, even if you don’t like Van Damme in anything else ever. And if you do, then prepare to re-evaluate the guy in every way. This is quite literally the film he had to make if he ever hoped to matter again, and although I don’t think the film as a whole is amazing, it more than does what it sets out to do, with enough skill and grace that I would recommend this to anyone.
I’ve gotta run catch a plane in a few hours, so I’ll have to post my EAGLE EYE review when I land this afternoon. And I’ve got a ton more festival coverage coming over the weekend, so keep an eye out for that.
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
Readers Talkback
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the more i read about it the more intrigued am.
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Great Star Wars joke!
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or are the scandinavians taking over the world?
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I was hoping for a quick review of The Force Unleashed! I was going to get it tomorrow!
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John Travolta, Samuel Jackson and others got a second wind in their career thanks to QT. They owe him a lot. <p> If there's ANY fucking justice in Hollywood, JCVD will save Jean Claude's career as an actor. But if there's not, we can only hope that someone like QT sees this fucking movie, and realises that Jean Claude is more deserving of a second chance than that stuck-in-a-closet $cientologi$t.
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I've been looking forward to JCVD. Dammit, when the hell is this thing hitting DVD!?
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Sept. 26, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST
A hermaphrodite from Denver who was in a coma for 18 days
by unionJACKass.webs.com
LOL!!!
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If I was Tiffany, I'd tell him/her to go and fuck himself.
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I know both will take fucking yonks to arrive in my neck of the woods. Oh well.
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I have nothing bad to say about him. He is one of the very few actors of which I always finish the movie no matter how bad the movie might be. Van Damme is certified cool, but because he isn't such a dick sucker in Hollywood, Hollywood doesn't want him. The man deserves a break. And no one can tell me he didn't enjoy a Bloodsport, Time Cop or a Hard Target. Like I said before Van Damme is certified cool and lots of the so-called big stars wish they had his coolness.
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I personally find that flick hilarious, despite it's weaknesses.
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Sept. 26, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST
Does the JCVD scene you speak about Mori..
by Itto Ogami loses Daigoro
have him doing the splits?
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Not Danish and does not star Stellan Skarsgard.
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possibly, but we don't know because we only see from the chest up.
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As usual, a smart and effective piece of writing. I'm already losing my mind in anticipation of seeing Let the Right One In, but now I can't wait to see I Think We're Alone Now and JCVD! I'm all for a Van Damme comeback, myself. I've always had a bit of a soft spot for the guy.
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Sept. 26, 2008, 1:32 p.m. CST
Turner is *way* more fucked and scary than McCormick
by Le Vicious Fishus
McCormick seemed deranged but horribly lost and lonely. Her relationship with Tiffany was much more fantasy-based and <SPOILER> by the end of the doc the viewer is left with a sense that she is getting it together a bit and moving on with her life. I never really felt like McCormick deep down believed in her own Tiffany-fantasy (which is why she seemed so reticent and nervous to actually meet Tiffany near the end of the doc).<BR><BR>Turner, on the other hand, is a megalomaniacal, mega-delusional, and potentially dangerous shut-in who is proactively aware that he is a stalker and seems to absolutely relish that fact. Plus, perhaps even more significantly, and aside from his delusions, Turner simply comes off as a selfish, arrogant prick who loves the sound of his own voice.<BR><BR>I felt sorry for McCormick at many points. I rarely felt sorry for Turner, and by the end I really wanted to see the guy institutionalized for Tiffany and <SPOILER> Alyssa Milano's sake. Though Turner hides behind the pudgy, goofy, positive-Polly geek persona, I firmly believe his conspiracy theories and horrifying "Tiffany communication" device propel his mental state from the mere obsessive to the absolutely schizoid. Turner is a time bomb.<BR><BR>Great *great* little doc.
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and you was lying out there in that gutter dying, and you had time to sing one song. One song that people would remember before you're dirt. One song that would let God know what you felt about your time here on Earth. One song that would sum you up. Would that song be JCVD? <P> That's the kind of song people want to hear. That's the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain't got nothin' to do with believin' in God. It has to do with believin' in "John-Claude Van Damme"
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but you can't really change Them, and eventually this guy would get out, only now a little more bitter. <P> He already has issues that limits his ability to function in a self efficient manner. That disorder affects his judgement, interaction, and communicational abilites. <P> OCD is part of that disease, and well for people who don't have it, they just can't understand. It's like sweating when your hot. Your'e going to sweat weather you want to or not. Now imagine something have a hold over you, and well that sort of reflects what the sweat is for this guy. Even if he doesn't want it anymore he can't shut it off. It will not leave him be.
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You sure bring it up a lot. Seriously, dude, boycotting/bashing Lucas is so 1999. You continually talking about how you aren't going to spend anymore time talking about something makes you look like an eight year old sitting in the corner holding his breath hoping someone will notice his protests. No amount of stamping your feet hoping to make us notice that you are still holding your breath is going to make us (or Lucas) care any more about your "silent" protest. We don't come here to hear about your (or Harry's) personal demons or if you were chatting with Elijah Wood the other night. We want geek news. The site is "Ain't IT Cool News" not "Ain't I Cool News". Remember that once in awhile.
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I agree with IG. We love information on these piece of entertainment entertain you- that means it might entertain us as well, and we sure do love them sneak peaks you give us a gander at, and those early reviews you toss up. Some of us believe that some of you guys opinions match our own, but some of us are even wiser to know that you don't fully dig everything we might dig. But yeah I agree we get it. Star Wars is hush hush . You know why Regis has the Rippa. Cause that crazy Kathy bitch wouldn't stop talking about Cody! Fuck Cody~! I don't care about Cody. I hope Cody goes gay and get anal warts, and after that I hope he secretly uses the turkey baser to get off and everyone of his family members gets anal warts on the mouth sortly after Thanksgiving! Not that I have anything against gay guys, but I'm picturing a very specific order of attack here, and for that to follow through- Cody has to enjoy anal sex. Industry Geek has a point.
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Van Damme deserves a chance to be great. Many of his 90s films, as cheesy as most them were, had heart. And say what you will, but Van Damme is a good actor, capable of expressing strong, believable emotion.
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Industry Geek, calm down. Or get a sense of humor. Or don't. I've mentioned it once, in passing, in this article, as a joke. If that's too much for you, I guess you're just going to have to deal with it, but talk about an overreaction...
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I've always thought that VanDamme had more in him. I've never thought about english as his second language holding him back.
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Take the star wars boxed set and limited edition full scale lightsaber out of your ass. Lucas has made three good movies, and 4+ bad ones, and he's an asshole to boot.
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And one mixed-bag movie with one third kick ass, classic climax, one third mediocre climax and one third painfully bad climax. And as far as climaxes are concerned, we should all be so lucky.<BR><BR>The three SW prequels were--to varying degrees--bad. I'm not including the CW movie since I have not and likely will never see it.
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Sounds pretty awesome. I'm glad it's not a vanity piece. All the time you see Van Damme being a dick in the tabloids and even normal news. Don't know if it's all true but i guess he took a step back and re-evaluate his life and career. I'm very much intrigued to see how much of that honesty comes back in to the film. I can't wait to see "the confession" scene too. Just watched the trailer for that little swedish vampire flick. I MUST see it now!
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just wanted to make that clear
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"We don't come here to hear about your (or Harry's) personal demons or if you were chatting with Elijah Wood the other night." <p>Nonsense. If all you want is straight up news and info, there are dozens of sites (some possibly better than this one) to provide you with that. The personalities, proclivities, views, opinions and lives of Harry, Mori, et al are what makes this site what it is, and that's always been the case.
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...don't diminish what he has done for the state of the art or the movies he's made developing it. His films are much better and his sensibilities sharper than the most vocal people give credit for. No one has to like any movie but to pretend that what Lucasfilm puts out suffers compared to almost anything comparable is laughable.
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No offense, but you need to let the Star Wars thing go. Most websites would be thrilled to have a cease and desist from Lucasfilm. Either way don't take yourself that seriously.
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That's what you don't seem to get. It's a joke at this point. I choose not to write about it because, frankly, what more is there to say? It's like the election... everyone's already made their minds up, and no one says anything new. <P>It was a joke. A simple jab. I'm sorry it got several people's panties in a bunch, but no offense right back, you can let it go, too.
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Can we get one more review please? The first 9 reviews didn't help me make up my mind!
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Hey all.
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Ok, lets ramp this puppy up!<p> Fred!!!!
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Sept. 29, 2008, 11:24 a.m. CST
Tom Hulce's pizza sauce covered penis is in the house!!
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
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There was a story in the news about a man who had his penis amputated - and he did not give consent!<p> He had cancer, but the Doctor did not ask him or his wife for permsision to amputate his johnson! Imagine waking up to something like that!
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Because the door has just been kicked in!<p> Astropia sounds like fun.<p>
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Bet he was porking the babysitter. Or his secretary. Or her sister. Or her mother. Or her best friend. Or her pet. <P>You get the idea.
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yes!
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Chitty, you should write a D'Onfrio-Hulce movie, in the vein of Being John Malkovich. The whole Denny's concept has me crying over here.
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where were we?<P>What a good day. I've completely avoided anything that even remotely resembles work, fixed the server so I can now get on the Z-drive AND Mrs. Jarv want's to go to the pub. <P>See, if I gave a toss about my job then I would think twice about the pub on a Monday. <p>But I don't so YIPEE!
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is that this stupid antiquated computer I have to work on after 5 hates Zhura. It just won't load it. <P>I'm going to do some research instead.
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Hulce has camped out at a Denny's table and refuses to move. Some young scandinavian thing sits four tables over sling-shotting brown n serve links at his maw.
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I've got a request. These rollover ad banners make my work computer really slow. Is there any way that you can only use ordinary advertisements?
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That's too bad. I was really looking forward to Sauna and JCVD and early word on them was they were the second coming in their respective genres.
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Sept. 29, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST
Have my penis amputated or watch Eagle Eye?
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
I gotta think about this....
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seriously, the rollover ad thing has piqued my interest. A lot.
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Shame to hear it doesn't work. Then again, I saw the director's first film, Jade Warrior and felt it had similar issues upon initial viewing, but I really liked that one now after seeing it a second time. <P> With Jade Warrior at least, he had a great visual style. Im hoping for at least a bit of that with Sauna. <P> LTROI is excellent, but I think if we hype it too much, people are going to go in expecting the wrong thing. It's definitely a great movie, but some of it's greatness lies in aspects that probably don't translate well to mainstream audience appeal.
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with that choice, I'd have to go with watch Eagle Eye. <p>But I'd punish myself afterwards.
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She slings them over using her anus.<p> She shoves one in and Hemlich's herself on the edge of the table with her mouth clinched tight.<p> The air pressure has to go somewhere so...POP! The sausage flies over like a Titan missle to Hulce's awaiting pie hole.<p> I bet he looks like a baby bird, straining his mouth open and making eager squeaks and farts.
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and I value his insight, but I'm not writing off Sauna or JVCD. The guy over at the Twitch TB said Sauna was dividing the audiences, and he fell on the positive side of it. There were plenty of JCVD reviews that were quite positive. Besides, HOD, even if all these films were recieving the kinds of reviews Wicked Lake is getting, we would still try and see them. <P> By the way that Competitive Girl Swimmers thing is up over at the asian horror site. I got through less than six minutes.
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And that will remove all banner advertisements. The downside is you no longer get to see Busted Tees girls.
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Busted Tees girls are the highlight of my day here........
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I just made myself laugh rereading that.<p> If I ever need a new talkback handle that is it!<p> Eager Squeaks and Farts...<p> Shit, I'm cracking myself up reading that and seeing Hulce straining against the table weaving his head back and forth, eyes bulging like in Total Recall.
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I re-read Mori's JCVD. It's quite positive. He just says it isnt super great or anything. He raves about the very same things everyone else raves about. So, he's definitely positive on that one.
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I flipped through on the other day for the first time in probably 15 years.......and I was like-- what the fuck? Where the hell are the tits? Its like 95% interviews and cologne ads with about 5 pages of naked chicks that were shot with such soft focus and massive airbrushing it actually made me go soft. That is the weakest shit on the planet. Can anyone actually get off on this? I swear to Christ the JC Penny bra ads are more arousing. There are fucking tattoo magazines that are more arousing.
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and have no idea what you are referring to with it. <P>And I can't install a host file because I don't have the power. <P>I have got TOP MEN on it, though.
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and he tried to make out that Playboy was never about the tits. <P>Lying twat. <P>It's pointless nowadays- you have to get over the embarrassment of having to buy porn, and then when you've done that you then get home with your freshly purchased scud-mag to try to beef one out over some fucking article on the banking crisis. <P>You'd have more luck masturbating to Vanity Fair, frankly.
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*types he quickly* <p>Is that some fool left it on the tube. Seriously, what sort of state is the world in when you can happily read Playboy on the tube without causing offence?
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Sept. 29, 2008, 11:53 a.m. CST
Jarv....Vanity Fair has some hot ass spreads.....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
...Its not just the fact that 2% of Playboy's magazine is naked chicks. I think it has more to do with the fact that their photography and poses are so fucking dead and uninspiring. I couldn't believe how lame it was when I flipped through a friend's the other day. I asked him, "Why the fuck do you pay for this?" He said he's not going to anymore. He cancelled his subscription. Thank fuck.
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Mrs Jarv Subscribes. And while I think Vanity Fair is great "bog reading" it isn't exactly boner stimulating. <P>Unless reading about GM Crops and whether or not Bill Clinton is insane makes you splooge. In which case, good luck to you.
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Sept. 29, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST
I'm sure Equinas feels the same way about Horse and Rider
by ChittyChittyGangBang
Not enough pictures of the horse and all these articles with jockeys and saddle makers.<p> Even the Kentucky Derby article focused on the hats for fuck's sake!<p> Poor Equinas...
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Answered your question over at z-dive.
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Sept. 29, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST
I don't know why anyone would subscribe to a mag...
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
...when you can get all that stuff online.<p>Danny, believe it or not I like my porn fresh out of the dishwasher clean. So although I haven't spackled the walls to a Playboy in years, that's the sort of spit shined T&A I like to wax poetic over.
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You are more of a gentleman than I. I like it filthy and degrading, like Shia's facial hair.
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"Last night, I went to see Harry Potter's peen in its Broadway debut in that play about horseys and smoke. Seriously, there was a lot of smoke in that shit. I thought I was hot boxin' with Snoop Dogg. Anywang, let's just get to the important shit, shall we?<p> Harry's wand makes its appearance at the end of the second act, so you have to sit through a lot of acting stuff before then. The acting stuff (especially Richard Griffiths) is good and that's saying a lot coming from my grouchy ass. However, the director immediately needs to address the peen issue. This is my issue: I could barely see that shit! It was dark as hell during his peen's scene. I wanted to shout, "Somebody! Turn on the fucking lights! I can't see his dick!" His peen even looked like it was ready to give the performance of a lifetime! From what I did see, it was standing straight up, eager to entertain us. Put a spotlight on it! The peen obviously wants to show us what it can do. When the light would hit it, I would see it getting all excited, thinking the moment its been waiting for finally arrived. That moment never came and neither did he. Overall, the peen is short and not showcased enough. It was ready, willing and able, but it never got the chance. <p> And don't even ask me if I got pictures of that shit! I was told that if the ushers catch you taking pictures, they will shame you in front of everyone by taking your cell phone away. I don't want to be known as the bitch who got caught taking pictures of Harry's peen. It's bad enough that I'm devoting an entire post to Harry Potter's cock! Yes, I'm desperate. <p> Oh and let me just briefly talk about Richard Griffiths' magnificent belly. I was probably mesmerized by his belly of wonder than I was by Harry's junk. I want to sit on top of Richard's belly and eat a peach. It's fucking amazing."
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And I, sir, am no gentleman.
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Although I would pay to read Eggsalad's review of that.<p> I just wonder what would have happened of Hermoine had shown up.
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She turned 18 this year.... <p> Uhhhhh....yeah.
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Sept. 29, 2008, 1:41 p.m. CST
Didn't she have some racy pictures taken of her
by ChittyChittyGangBang
sort a Britney Spears type of accident? I heard the British tabloids were all over it, although I never saw the actual picture.
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"In French, LaBeouf means 'beef,' but mine is spelled wrong. It should be 'LaBoeuf.' My grandmother was a beatnik lesbian in the '50s, who hated her family and decided to change the spelling, and it's been that way ever since. So you go to France and people are like, 'LaBeouf? You have an illiterate last name.' By the way, Shia is a bad four-letter word in French. So the literal translation of my name is 'Shit the Beef.' Kind of rock-starry isn't it?"<p> From an interview with Parade Magazine.
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to Shit the Beef
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I posted something under scripts at z-dive. Can you give me some feedback?
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What is the topic?
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I just have a couple of classes to go to and I need to grab some food. I was just dropping by to say hello.
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that's how you get mad cow disease right?
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I'm sure everybody on here was saying the same thing about Iron Man before it came out. There was a time when comic movies were more successful based on the geek fandom, but that time is pretty much over now. Comics have gone 100% mainstream thanks to this summer's ridiculous number of superhero movies. If it's any good at all, people are gonna go fuckin crazy for it. Hell, even Hancock made a pretty penny. I'm not saying it will be successful critically, but after this summer, I doubt there would be any question at all of a superhero movie making substantial bank regardless of the original material.
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for a bluntman and chronic movie. besides. thor's gay.
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I am a comic book fan but I'm more of a Daredevil/Criminal/Captain America type of guy. Thor has never really been my thing, though I do appreciate his character in the Ultimates comics. I just think you are underestimating the general public nowadays, especially after the superhero frenzy that occurred this summer. Even the Hellboy sequel was raking in the millions.<p>Also, people go crazy for this kind of shit. Remember 300? Don't be daft man. Just because you don't like the idea doesn't mean it won't sell well.<p>And don't mistake my hypothesis on the general public for my own thoughts on the film. I am certainly intrigued, but still definitely skeptical. And yes, a robot or two would help. It always does.
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How goes it talkbacker who used to be known by the name of the former owner of a budget motel chain. We kept the lights on for you.
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I really loved how the whole film was given all the external trappings of an espionage thriller (e.g. cinematography, soundtrack, lighting) but the characters were all so ridiculous.idiotic. Brad Pitt really does kill in this. He plays the well-meaning but idiotic friend splendidly and is probably one of the best parts of the movie. I also really enjoyed the dialogue between the two CIA higher-ups that sort of rounded out the story. Hilarious. On another note, the movie has violence. It's graphic and shocking, and works in the film to fabulous effect. This is definitely worth checking out, especially if you're one of those people who "gets" Coen comedy. If you liked Hudsucker Proxy or the Big Lebowski, you will probably enjoy this.<p>8 out of 10
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That's been jammed with stunt casting for ages. And Radcliffe is a terrible choice for the lead- he doesn't have the vulnerability or lack of confidence needed. <P>Mrs. Jarv saw it in the west end and was unimpressed. I refused to go, because I've seen Equus about 50 fucking times and don't ever want to see it again.
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Lovefilm are finally sending me Army of Darkness. <p>That's only taken 1 year.
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Mrs. Jarv has never seen the awesomeness of Army of Darkness. And she's still pissed at me for waking into the flat and saying "Hail to the King Baby" when I was 3 sheets to the wind. <P>I'm bombarding her work email with epic quotes from it.
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but I'm only really doing this to make sure that we don't drop out of the top 10
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things I'm retarded at the moment. I'm sitting here giggling like a fool.
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I'm hoping for Bubba Ho Tep. <P>Probably get Black Orpheus. I've got a feeling that they're doing it alphabetically
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because I have some awesomeness in the high letters. And that means I'd get walloped with a load of shite like 16 Candles, Sliding Doors, Beaches and other such likes
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are up next. <P>And Bride of Reanimator. <P>Why do so many great films start with the letter "B". <P>This is like AICN Sesame St: <P>"B" is for "Badass" or "Big Trouble in Little China" Can you name anything else that starts with "B"? <P>erm... "Blade Runner"?
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Beastmaster <p> Beetlejuice <p> Batman <p> Back to the Future <p> Brazil <p> Blues Brothers
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Bridge on the River Kwai <p> Bonnie and Clyde <p> Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid <p> Bad Boys <p> Bringing up Baby <p> Blue Velvet <p> Blazing Saddles
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Big Momma's House, Bad Boys, <P>yeuch. I need another letter
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How goes it?
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Ready for my day off now, so it goes well. How are you today?
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I was already in the middle of making a jerk marinade and realized I was out of orange juice. I wonder how Sunny Delight will work as a substitute...
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I need a nap before class time. Best of luck on your next letter, Jarv. The rest of the group should be here soon to make things more lively.
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I see Pillows' Jets whom he derided as being useless just put 50 points past someone. <P>Maybe they aren't that shit.
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won't do it. I'm pretty certain there's no actual orange juice in Sunny Delight. <P>Hilariously, if you drink enough of it, it will actually turn you orange.
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No offense meant, but if Mrs. Jarv is unable to appreciate the magnificence that is Army of Darkness, then there may be little hope of her ever achieving cinamatic zen in her life. Good luck with that, too.
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I'm very confident. She liked Evil Dead 2.
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"Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town."<p>When I was watching it last week it took me 10 minutes just to get past that scene.
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You've got yourself a rare woman. My wife walks in on me watching stuff like AoD and scoffs, calling it "insulting garbage." Yet P.S. I Love You brings her to tears. Go figure.
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It's on the list. <P>I am lucky with Mrs. Jarv's taste (there is still some appaling bollox- Sliding Dooers, I'm looking at you- that she rates), but she has got a line not to be crossed. <P>In saw the line, measured where it was and then took a flying jump straight across it- apparantly Surf Nazi's must die is "Tasteless, useless shit". She is now sceptical of anything with Troma on the front. <P>I've re-evauated since then and am working up through the vanilla end of shite movies (Lep- because it has famous actors in it, Sword and Sorcery type rubbish because they are weirdly acceptable to her), before I spring the mighty Class of Nuke 'Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, and The Subhumanoid. <P>I reckon she will be mentally ready in about 1 year. It won't be before she stops describing Starship Troopers as "empty headed- Moronic shit".
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I feel that Mrs. Jarv will have an "awakening", and many more things will become clairvoyant, including the location of the rebel fortress.
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Not sure how the Steelers won it last night, because they sure looked awful during the first half.<p>Me thinks they won't be going far at all this year.
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You are in for a treat. I remember having a smashing good time with Bubba Ho-Tep and a case of stout.<p>Starship Troopers a no go? That's unfortunate.<p>Pillow, I look forward to Alzheimer's. All these movies will be new again.<p>OK, new political TB a-brewin' and I'm prepared to go waist deep in the muck smiting idiot neocons.
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It just makes the Cardinals look more useless than the Jets, that's all. Xi knows all about the Cardinals.
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on Alzheimer's....<p>It would be an endless loop of AoD for me. That would be pretty sweet.
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...they'll run headfirst into the brick wall that is the Cat Attack. That is assuming Smith, Muhammad and Delhomme can stay healthy and we can fix the holes in our offensive line from injuries.
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The NFC representative will be coming from the NFC east. The cats will still be in their kitty litter box for the winter yet again.<p>I would say that the Chargers and Colts are still much better than the Steelers, as are the Jags, perhaps the Bills. The Steeler's 'O' line is horrid. And Ben has moves like Testerverde.
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at me bombarding her work email with Ash quotes. <P>I think it was "Yo she-bitch" that did it,
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telling me that the Redskins are going to win the Superbowl. I do not believe him.
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since I ran head first into the wall of Republican stupidity that is Arcadian DS, Coughlins Law, Doctor Who? and that prick that wrote about Bush's "strong will" I feel dirty about it. <P>I don't blame DocP from taking time away,
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which TB is that? <P>Having just said that about political TB's. Twat that I am.
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Mrs. Jarv just emailed to say she has listed Troll 2. <P>I thought for sure that one would never get past. <P>Score.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST
It's the American Carol review that was just posted
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
I'm freaking sick and tired of hearing the right condemn socialism as their platform dictates but when it comes to bailing out their corrupt buddies who should be receiving life sentences, suddenly socialism is the savior of our economy.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST
And yes, I realize the Panthers will be lucky to finish...
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
...with a 10-6 record but a fella can dream, can't he? Barring a massive Met-down, Dallas will probably be representing the NFC in the Bowl this year. If Romo has another epic collapse in the playoffs, then count on the Giants going back.
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Not that the Redskins are a bad team, but I think he's a bit delirious after they beat Dallas.
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First you want to kill me, then you want to kiss me. Blow.<p>I would think that would be an epic fail on the humor scale, though I could be wrong.
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but you are completely right that they launch into their attack mode as soon as socialism is mentioned. What about education? Fuckers.
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Met-down.<p>I feel the Mets will far surpass the Cubbies in this regard since the Cubs have always been deemed lovable losers. Plus Wrigley.<p>Maybe Citi field will change that. Though I think a more apt stadium name for the NY Mess would be AIG field. Fuckers.
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My favorite teams are the Jints (Giants for those across the pond)and the Steelers. Loved them since I was a kid. The Steelers have a great defense, a legit threat to carry them all the way. But the O-line is just awful, and they lost another starter last night. Poor Fred. Poor Ben!<p> The NFC will represented by a team in the East. Redskins are a scary team in that they still do not know how good they can be. I think it is still one or two years too early for them though. The G-Men are rock solid, and have confidence. Confidence carries teams. They will struggle in a few games, but I see them in the NFC championship game. Dallas, is high scoring, but has a porous defense. They may win a shootout, but are just as likely to get snuffed if the rely soley on Romo. The Eagles have a punishing defense, but McNabb gets hit very hard, and I do not think he will last the season. The Saints - well, I think they come out of the South. Not convinced about Bucs. The Panthers are a good team, but have been lucky. <p>The AFC - Chargers are starting to turn around. The Colts are done. Denver is a fraud. Jags are one dimensional. Bills are too young. Titans. Hmmm. That is intriguing. I can see them in the Championship game, against the Chargers.
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I got away with loads but I knew those 2 were going to be trouble
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heh heh heh
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Neigh means Neigh!!!!!
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heh.
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Not this year, not ever. Such is their way...
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Sorry Pillow.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST
I have binged on films like a fat girl with a tub of ice cream!
by Franklin T Marmoset
Hey, all.<p>I watched a bunch this weekend. In Bruges, which was at least as good as everyone here said (thanks for that); Doomsday, which was a terrible disappointment; Harold & Kumar 2, which was okay but not as good as the first; and Cloverfield, which was a lot better than I was expecting it to be.<p>Is everyone in the States okay? I hope no banks fell on anyone over the weekend.
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seriously though. You haven't seen misery until you've seen the "team" (or 11 arseholes that turn up every saturday to make me sad) that I'm stuck with.
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Titans haven't played anyone good besides the Jags in the first week, so it's way too early to tell. And they have a pretty damn easy schedule now that I look at it, considering they won ten games last year. A four game stretch at the end of October, beginning of November will show how good they are.
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...Brett Favre starting wearing fur coats and schlepping shaving cream.<p>Don't even get me started on how the right rails against socialism. They do realize that our public schools, our law enforcement, our transportation system and a ton of other stuff is all run by state and federal governments, right?
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I hear society is going to collapse because a load of greedy wankers have been caught with their fingers in the till. <p>I resent the fact that we've nationalised 2 banks, 1 more had to be taken over even after it extracted more cash from it's shareholders and more are to come. It pisses me off. <P>What's hilarious though, the BBC worked out that if the $700billion (what a fucking obscene amount of money- that's over $2000 per man woman AND CHILD! in America. There's no way there is that many "sub-prime" mortgages) went through then $200m of it would have to go straight to HSBC and other British banks. How funny is that? <P>There was this prick on TV this morning saying the bailout isn't going to work because all the banks are doing is just sitting on the money, they aren't lending it on as they don't know where the next cash injection is coming from. Theiving scumbags.
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Wait until we start hearing the first stories of bank executives padding their accounts with pay-offs and bonuses and whatnot taken from tax payer's money. Holy fuck, there may well be rioting in the streets.
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2 Suicides reported at Merril Lynch, London. <P>And the fuckers have been padding their bank accounts for years- the bonus structure was obscene and is what has actually led to this mess. Not regulation, not socialism, but pure unfettered greed. <P>Fuck them all.
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pushed too far, and will finally say "enough is enough". <p>How much longer can society continue to function like this? Fuckers.
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That fucking James Cameron TB beats this?!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhh.
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I will accept £65,000. <P>Not a penny less.
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Fast
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST
I know James Cameron is behind this bail-out....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
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and possibly took a dump on his front lawn. <P>Otherwise it's impossible to explain this anger.
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see you chaps in an hour.
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It would be a fucking great bail-out, with sparks and steam and flashing yellow lights and whatnot. Also, probably a robot. That is a bail-out I can get get behind.
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...but the dump on the lawn is quite true. I have never seen someone so fucking drunk. The weird part is....after he wipes his ass with his hand a Lincoln Navigator with a smashed up front drives up on my fucking lawn and James climbs in the back. The thing took off with back door wide open, blasting Young MC!! Fucking prick.
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That Stacey off Eastenders looks like a slightly chubbier version of Megan Fox?<p>This question is going to fall on deaf ears, I reckon.
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Perhaps a chubbier Meagan Fox doesn't look quite so cracked out and whoreish? Eh?
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I saw Dunston Checks In, which is a film about a loose-cannon orangutan cat burglar who causes all manner of mischief at a swank hotel run by George Costanza off Seinfeld.<p>He he. Swank. You do not get enough opportunities to use the word 'swank' in a sentence that is not about that skinny actress. Also, how often do you get to put 'loose-cannon' 'orangutan' and 'cat burglar' together in one sentence? Not too often.<p>In conclusion, Dunston Checks In is the greatest film ever made.
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Which would I prefer? Cracked-out and whoreish Megan Fox, or slightly chubby (with grating cockerney accent) Megan Fox.<p>Although, now that I have given it some thought, both together would probably be worth a go.
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Paul Reubens (Pee Wee) is awesome as the animal catcher guy. <P> And I would totally be into a chubbier non-spray on tan Meagan Fox with eyebrows, minus the cursive BRIAN AUSTEN GREEN tattoo right about her muff that spells WHORE backwards.
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I want to see the Orangutan go on a bender of booze, babes and bananas.<p> Also for him to randomly sucker punch people, probe their pockets for money while they are knocked out and develop a nasty meth habit.<p> Once he gets to rehab, I want it court-ordered, so he feels resentment and often tries to buck the system time and time again.<p> Hilarity ensues.
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Isn't that the plot of Any Which Way But Down......the 3rd chapter of Eastwood's Orangutan trilogy of terror?
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:30 a.m. CST
I thought she had the McDonald's tattoo Danny
by ChittyChittyGangBang
Right above her bog of a muff that said 'Billions served'<p> I bet it is like fucking a bucket of coyote guts.<p> Rotting coyote guts with a hint of cod.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST
another vote for slightly chubbier version of Fox
by just pillow talk
if I must not have both of those versions on the pillow express.
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The only one that bothers me is the Brian one. No matter how much you love a guy, every sane woman knows you should never have the word 'Brian' tattooed on any part of you. If he's got a cool name, maybe... but Brian? What the hell was she thinking?
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Yeah, It was right after Eastwood ordered the anal rape of the Black Widows and one them happened to be an undercover FBI agent.<p> Clyde's attorney went with the angle that being undercover gave Clyde no clue that he was FBI agent, thus rendering the assualt of a agent a reach at best.<p> Judge didn't buy it.
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Mmmmmmmmm.....
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Our cook has outdone herself.
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Not only that...but come on-- its Brian Austin fucking Green from 90210!! The dude has probably seen more holes than Tommy Lee Jones when he looks in the mirror.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST
Its like me having 'Enid' tattooed over my cock
by Franklin T Marmoset
And why the hell would I tattoo 'Enid' over my cock?
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....with a dude's name directly over her snatch. Right when I was about to pop I'd be thinking....damn I wonder how many times this guy Greg popped on his own name. FUCK!
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST
Hahahahaha I just saw trailer for Loch Ness Terror!
by ChittyChittyGangBang
That does it. I'm watching this shit.<p> Where's Jonah? I need to know how bad this thing is.<p> Nessie's babies were chasing people.<p> "They move in herds! They do move in herds!"<p> Good stuff.
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I have -- I HEART SEAN ASTIN on my left ass cheek. No one seems to mind.
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I would spell my name in jizz and let it dry on top of the other guy's name.<p> Then it would get crispy and peel off the tattoo.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST
I firmly believe society is on the brink of civil collapse
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
When completely normal people like us lose our jobs, house and our dignity and we're at rock bottom, we can be persuaded to do some pretty jacked up things.<p>When a millionaire banker who could still come out of a financial meltdown somewhat rosy decides to jump in front of a train, how far behind are us peons?<p>Megan Fox doesn't need to change one bit. If she showed up at my door this weekend I'd buy a case of Gatorade and cover the entire house with plastic sheeting.
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....seriously. Thats disturbing. Poor girl.
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"When a millionaire banker who could still come out of a financial meltdown somewhat rosy decides to jump in front of a train, how far behind are us peons?"<p>I call that progress.
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Put a firecracker in her twat and timed it so that he and she both climaxed as the little explosion occured.<p>
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That's strange, since I have "Samwise completes me"....
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I would cover my cock with some plastic sheeting too...<p> You don't know where she has been.
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He probably blasts Linkin Park and loops the Hiroshima A-Bomb footage every time he fucks.
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to buy a Tsar Bomba.<p> That big bomb the Russians set off a long time ago.<p> It had more firepower than all off the gunpowder used in WW2.<p> Look it up and tell me Bay wouldn't want to get his hands on that thing.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST
Linkin Park? That isn't nearly patriot enough
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
Bay probably starts each session off with Brooks and Dunn, works his way up to the speech Reagan gave at the Berlin Wall and blows his load to the Star Spangled Banner as the Air Force does a flyover.
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Idiot fingers.
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...even if you end up with a chick like Meagan Fox for a night-- you gotta bag that shit up so thick you can't feel a damn thing!! If you don't take industrial strength precautions you could very well be contributing to the growing STD epidemic in Hollywood! Thats why they need leg doubles for walking scenes....practically every actor walks like they didn't wipe their ass because of all the infestations on their pubic region. It all started with The Duke.
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Don't forget that some Lee Greenwood would be in there and some Toby Keith.
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Then you get a condition called butt crunch (or butt munch).<p> Crabs love that shit (pun intended). It's sort of like potatoe chips for them or Crunch and Munch, depending on what you ate for dinner.<p> It flaky and gooey around the rim, as it provides enough sweat and kneeding to keep moist.
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The blast was seen and felt hundreds of miles away. The video of the detonation is something else.
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Jeez, can you imagine that thing going off in your backseat?
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....I don't think he's necessarily patriotic or country music lovin'. He pledges allegiance to two things only, PUSSY and EXPLOSIONS. It doesn't matter if its in Fort Worth, Texas or Zurich, Switzerland.....if its got his two key ingredients of life-- he is there!
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Fist fights, bare naked at the Taco Bell counter, Oasis snorting coke in the bathroom, rednecks grinding in a theater, exploding propane tanks, LiLo bumming a beer, gooey crabs.<p>I'm one sheltered individual.
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I wasn't around for the naked people at Taco Bell.....who had that one?
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And I also went naked in the ocean on vacation a few weeks ago and walked back to the beach and a crowd had gathered around by swim trunks.<p> They were part of a youth group there on a retreat.<p> So I'm sure I was used as an example of Christian "How not to act" speech.<p> I can't explain my habit for streaking while drunk.
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I kept fighting the urge to scream "SHITHEEL" and rain leaden death on them. <P>off to the pub now. Have fun.
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My nude exploits also run to a party next door in college.<p> Although they convinced me to wear a sock after about 10 minutes of nude mingling.<p> Damn, I used to get druuuunk.
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That drinking and dudes getting naked go hand in hand?<p> Have you also noticed that getting liquered up and naked goes hand in hand with getting an ass kicking?
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Sept. 30, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST
I can happily say I've never gotten naked while drunk....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
...and I too have been drunk as fuck on many occasions. When I get completely out of my mind I just piss on everything in sight...but the clothes never come off completely.
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A friend of mine had stayed over and was sleeping on the sofa because he had gotten too drunk and we didn't want him driving.<p> He said he was in a peacful slumber when a commotion woke him.<p> There I was in the hallway getting ready to pee.<p> He said my wife was saying "Go to the bathroom! Go now!"<p> He said that I gently put my arm around her, gave a loving kiss on her cheeck and said "Don't worry everything is going to be fine..." and with that I pissed and pissed right there in the hallway and went back to bed after cleaning it up with some towels.<p> He said he it was all the more funny because he didn't want us to know he was awake and had to hold back the laughter.
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I need to know the cheese factor of Loch Ness Terror!
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BOOOOOM!<p> Weird for you not to at least make an appearence.<p>
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I've instructed Locke to stop entering the abort code, so please assume your drill position....<p> 5..4..3..2..1...
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...I gotta go pick him up. Seems he got in a little scuffle with Baltimore's finest. He doesn't drink often...but when he does he turns into a sex maniac.
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He grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels and goes batshit crazy!<p> I can see Baltimore PD pumping about four tasers into him and he just rips them out and attacks anyway.<p> He wakes up tomorrow and has no memory of any of it.
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A geek with an encyclopedic knowledge of B movies? He could design weapons of mass dstruction that actually worked!
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He would kidnap Nancy Pelosi - who is still kind hot, and try to climb the Washinton Monument with her!
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Might decide that the Capitol could use some 'renovation'. He then builds a molecular destabilizer - like they had in Mars Attacks - and goes apeshit!
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And would bend over behind the Whitehouse and blow a tremendous fart that would mimic the alien attack in ID4.<p> He would then raise up after the entire Capitol was wiped out and put his hand over his mouth and giggle.
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The CoC would sit at the table to discuss world domination.
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I can see it!
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...or has AICN been boring as fuck lately. There is like nothing going on around here. Is it just the world in general that seems to be a little "Off" as of late? Maybe I need to have my penis aligned.
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We are switching over to a whole new business system (something called SAP) and we have been balls and piss fenders-to-the-wall working, so I haven't been posting as much lately.<p> If I get a good streak going, then I can post in waves, but it has been slow lately.<p> Regulars haven't been posting as often and I'm sure it has been work, vacation, etc..<p> Example: Jonah hasn't been here today and he usually comes up with a topic that we discuss and you and I usually turn into gross humor.<p> Also the political talkbacks are hard to ignore as great reading.<p>
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Besides politics.
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Have you noticed that the trolls and troll killers (Like the Warrior) are no longer around? It has made for a much less raucous TB environment.
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That is why the political talkbacks have been so entertaining.<p> People go at each other.<p> That really doesn't happen anymore here.<p> No Eggsalad, no Lib Warrior anymore it seems.
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I do not know if it is a policy decision by the powers that be, or just a coincidence, but due to the bannings of some of the more outrageous personalities around here - good, bad, and mediocre, we really no longer see the protracted flame wars and all out attacks that characterized the TB's. Even those like M-O-M who was condescending, but at least entertaining, got whacked. The more I think about it, the more I am certain it is a deliberate strategy to clean up the TB's.<p> The thing is, that is what a lot of people have been howling for, for quite a while. Now that it has come to pass - even if by accident, we can see the results are a less lively site. <p> I think that what Mori said about the new system coming online, and how it is prohibiting new users from signing up, or re-signing after the have been banned, is also contributing to the morer civil tone. Mori said that TB'ers are only roughly 300 regulars. If that is indeed true, then we are a rare breed.
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for a day, and before long, Im written into one of Chitty's stories. Actually, that drunken cope beating theory may hold water. I woke up yesterday with part of a deputy's badge between my teeth. <P> So, I got relocated today, due to get this, asbestos in our building. Great stuff, and we had to move everything ourselves. And now Im in a room where it's unlikely you will be seeing as much of me anymore. I'll still be around, but to less frequency. <p> I'll probably be frequenting Z-Dive more actually, since I have actual things I work on. <P> I'll probably just try to get on at lunch, and respond to as mcuh as is possible. We will see. <P> And two weeks from now, the wife and I are headed on a cruise up through New England and Nova Scotia, so I might be MIA then as well, unless I get to bring the laptop. <P> Everclear? Ha! I use that stuff for MOUTHWASH! <p> And if you really miss Eggy: <P> I hope all your dogs and mothers die in horrible accidents while getting each other off, you limp silly stuffing geeks, you. <P> And now for the million dollar question. <P> Loch Ness Terror is a ton of fun as a crappy B-movie. Don't get me wrong it's terrible, but I had alot of fun with it. Use the HOD rule. Beer + LNT= fun. Even fermented Yoohoo might do the trick in this instance. <P> Chitty and Therewolf, I really want you guys to read my script over at Z-dive. It's just an intro. Take a look.
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It feels like we are backed up more and more into the corner. That is true-- all the personalities are gone. Whats left is me and Chitty making jokes about how stank Meagan Fox's pussy be, and a whole load of guys waiting in line to get on their knees and suck James Cameron's dick. FUCK. I've said it before and I'll say it again...the day AICN starts permanently banning the crazies around here, is the day AICN's demise begins.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST
It also usually tapers off this time of day anyway
by ChittyChittyGangBang
I know that early mornings people are buzzing away and it quietly dies down late in the afternoon.<p> Sometimes it picks up at night when the late shift gets on, but here lately it has slowed quite a bit.<p>
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FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!
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I could be MIA at my job for four days and they might not even notice. I slipped off a few hours, and everyone had something to say. <P> I think we could liven things up here, we just need to think of something. I used to love the rapid fire, stream of consciousness trails we would go off on.
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and post some gross out humor.<p> You know to liven things up.<p> Or we can celebrate the fact that Danny and I can turn any topic into a gross-out contest.
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And maybe it's a dead end...but craziest dreams you have ever had? I've been curious about this topic on here for awhile, but was always afraid to ask. Mostly for Chitty's responses. :) But, bring it on.
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what is that massive faaaawk in reference to?
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Sept. 30, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST
Suggest benign topic and see if Chitty can make it gross!
by toadkillerdog
Cookie.
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This is totally true. Once I had a dream I was having a threesome with Whitney Houston and Gadget from Rescue Rangers, in a tree house. That was an amazing dream, and everything smelled like fresh flowers. Awwwww....amazing.
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Catch you geeks later!
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AICN will shut down for a week to retool and here is what will happen during that week:<p> 1: Warwick Davis will have a sex tape with The Bates.<p> 2: Lucas will apologize to Danny for Indy IV<p> 3: It will be announced that a XXX B-Horror movie is taking place starring Pumkinhead and Joan from Mad Men.<p> And we will not be able to talk about it.<p> That would be the luck right there.
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In response to you being relocated to a shitty office where your computer screen is probably in plain view of higher ups.....and going on a cruise. I'll say it again-- FAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!
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I had just bought fresh pack of Oreos and my mouth was watering.<p> I swung open the fridge to grab the milk and NOTHING!<p> I was fresh out of milk! Fuck!!!<p> So The Bates' heard the commotion in the kitchen and came walking in.<p> She asked what was the matter and I told her I was out of milk.<p> So she lifted up her shirt and grabbed one of her pants leg-looking tits and gave it a white-knuckle squeeze.<p> Nothing came out but a pfft of dust and a centipede, so I was going to have to make do without.<p> That's when I got a bright idea and pulled down her pants.<p> With one squeeze of her sweet muff my glass was filled with what looked like a greenish milk.<p> Those cookies never tasted so good.
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and awesome that everything smelled like fresh flowers. Odd that you dreamed of having sex with a cartoon...and Gadget from Rescue Rangers.
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Im further away from higher-ups. Like we now occupy a building with NO higher ups, just other co-workers, but right now it's a handful of us in a room with no partitions. So we are working pronto to get some partitions.
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Where in the world would I start?<p> They mostly involve sex and running from creatures in slow motion.<p> But I did dream that the blonde chick from Slums of Beverly Hills was in the back of my car naked.<p> She was just sitting there with her heels on the edge of the seat opening and closing her legs.<p> I remember riding around and running errands with people and nobody said anything about her in the car.<p> I never fucked her, although I did get my pants down and started to, but kept getting interupted.<p> I can still see here sitting back there smiling and opening and closing those legs.<p> She never blinked at all either.<p>
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Milking Kathy Bates' twat gave me visions of milking a rattler's venom in a glass. I can see Kathy spreading the cooze to reveal two large fangs which clip to the corner of the class and hiss as she jiggles her ass and squirts The Bates Gravy.
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check this the fuck out. http://tinyurl.com/3th4oc
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The spider that attacked Sam and Frodo (Shelob?)<p> Of course Warwick Davis can still pop out and attack as well.<p> I would use some heavy gloves to milk that thing.
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These are the gloves I would use to milk Shelob.
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This is the real deal. Many men died to bring us this information. <p> http://tinyurl.com/4fwsdt
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Had a dream once we visited a buffalo farm near my house(which actually exists, and oddly I dated the owner's granddaughter years later) and I somehow wandered near the fence, and suddenly all the buffalo were grazing on my side of the fence, and when I looked down, I saw there was a small hole in the fence and the buffalos were squeezing through that hole in the fence like cartoon characters, and then they all attacked me, and I remember lying on the ground as I was bitten to death by buffalo. <P> Remember having a dream shortly after The Ring came out, and I was babysitting the little boy from the movie, and I only had one thing I had to do as a sitter and that was make sure he didnt watch the tape, but no sooner had the parents left then I walked in and the kid was watching the tape, and from then on it was me franticly trying to keep Samara/Sadako from killing him. At one point I put her in the time out corner for trying to drop a safe on his head. Needless to say these were my days of teaching special ed. <P> Two nights ago, I dreamed I had a second set of teeth in my mouth, one above the other. I could never discover a good use for them though, and they mostly seemed like a pain to brush.
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So a quick glance is all that is needed.<p> Can you Imagine a smoking hot chick that had the power to turn people to stone if you looked at her?<p> She would be the ultimate weapon.
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can you check out z-dive? I need your monster input.
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Damn. Gadget is fine, man. She is just fine.
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They also have giraffes too and a few zebras if I remember correctly.<p> I bet the velociraptors and T-Rex are being genetically built as we speak.<p>
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not a movie
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I once dreamed I was Kurt Russell, and I was wading around in this icy cold river with these two big icebergs in front of me. The icebergs were huge and epic, but there was a gap between them. And in the gap between the icebergs, bears were funneling in. Huge grizzly bears. And my job as Kurt Russell, was to grab the bears as they swam by and cut them up into pieces with a saw so they couldn't get to the kiddie pool the river flowed into behind me, which was housing all my hundreds of children.<p>This was a real dream. Swear to God.
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I posted a teensy little review for it on here last night before I went to bed.
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I was in a room full of men discussing every possible surreal aspect of Kathy Bates' vagina...<p> and you were there...<p> and you...<p> and you, too! <p> Auntie Em, Auntie Em!!!
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We shall be #2!!!
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Even if only for a moment...
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Not used to going solo on these missions.
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And I am outta here. Ciao!
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that phrase has single handedly ended my girlfriends enjoyment of red shoes.
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Quint's got a month of horror lined up for AMOD, including some Asian stuff. May be some future threads in Quintland for us to invade.
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Bah, who needs red shoes. Sandals are the only way to go. Red shoes in a whirlwind will get glitter in your eyes. Sad fact, Glinda was killed when all of the glitter from her outfit came loose mid-flight and smothered her. The munchkins ate her. Don't trust those guys. They are evil!
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Fred will never tell!
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It has been quite a while. Howdy do?
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:08 p.m. CST
Unfortunately, Fred can not hang around too long tonight
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Fred missed you and ThereWolf
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:09 p.m. CST
But Fred will do what Fred does best - as long as Fred can
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Post until someone notices
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I was gone too much last week, also. How's mister nastie buckz Dirk?
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:11 p.m. CST
Fred has stories from Ninja Fred rescue mission in Georgia
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Dirk caused all kinds of trouble, and Putin wants him...bad. <p>
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Specially when politicos get involved. Dirk better be careful.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:14 p.m. CST
Dirk in hiding from Russian and Uzbek mafia
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
The invasion of Georgia was just a cover by Putin in order to get Dirk who had fled to South Ossetia. Dirk still being mum, but Fred believes it entails Putin and a lovesick moose.
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He better start being more generous with his tip jar with you.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:15 p.m. CST
Dirk may have been pimping the moose, and got some pics
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
But that is mere speculation on Fred's part
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He'll have the Canadians on his trail! The mounties are more dangerous than any of his European foes (and snappier dressers!).
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:16 p.m. CST
Well, Dirk was going to take Fred off-planet
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
If the Super Hadron blew up. But Fred think ThereWolf sabotaged the collider.
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He is a bad influence. Don't let him change you, Fred. Is this some vestige left over from his pod infestation?
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Dirk will have the whole United Nations after him soon! Dirk talking smack about Dudley Do-rights.
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He won't admit it, but saving us from impending doom of the Hadron was probably how he hurt his back. Gardening....yeah right!
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:20 p.m. CST
Fred not gonna touch 'Moose porn' - no ma'am
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Dirk has always slithered a fine line between right and very wrong. Moose Porn is very wrong!
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He would be the type to attempt smashing atoms, just for fun... and also to have a reason to get you off planet.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:22 p.m. CST
Fred knows it was ThereWolf who sabotaged the collider
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
He is a good Wolf - even if Dirk still thinks he wants to eat him.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:25 p.m. CST
Mavra Chang - you are treading in dangerous territory
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
There are forces on this planet -and off, who have a vested interest in the collider. And perhaps Dirk tried to play both sides against the middle and make a killing.
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Who wants to eat something involved in the sordid world of moose porn? Unless, of course, Dirk really is going atom smashing. In that case, Therewolf might be forced to try to stop Dirk. This is getting intense. Could be a battle!
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I have Nathan Brazil (who may be a god) and a super-computer named Obie, with the ability to change matter AND reality, on my team. Dirk's chums are nothing when it's midnight at the well of souls. Guarantee it!
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:28 p.m. CST
Dirk is the Lex Luthor and Ivan Boesky of Amoebas
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Greed is good. Dirk may also have had a psuedopod involved in the recent bank collapses. Fred knows he is working on a way to siphon off a few hundred million from the bailout.
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Not with a bang, but with a slther. Catchy.
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oops!
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The cunning little Amoeba vs the insatiable ThereWolf. On paper, Dirk does not stand a chance. But Dirk had a whole country invaded, and brought the economy of the United States to its knees!
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A titan vs. a titan, sort of. Epic!
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:34 p.m. CST
Dirk is mumbling that he has something for that Wolf
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
It may involve Little Bo Peep, and Red Riding hood.
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:35 p.m. CST
Dirk also revealed that he knows a few pigs with a grudge
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Dirk is sneaky.
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No surprise, given his line of work. What a Casanova he is.
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Should be interesting! (and messy)
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:36 p.m. CST
Knows a few pigs with a grudge and some bricks
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
Tell ThereWolf to beware if he smells pork
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Pigs with bricks. Bad news! <p>Hey, I've gotta go. Glad we got to talk again. Take care. See you soon!
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Sept. 30, 2008, 9:38 p.m. CST
Fred thinks Dirk may have become a bit unhinged
by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar
During his sojourn through Eastern Europe. He is not really a bad Amoeba. He just has his priorities out of whack.
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Take care!
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I will, of course, be there.<p>That is *sniff*, if I can find the time any more. *sniff*<p>(shuffles over to Twitch report, frightened and alone)
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...the best film of year as far as I am concerned. Absolutely loved it. There is a set piece in there that is in my top ten scenes of all time. Its in a pool. That is all I will say but it is fucking amazing. Absolutely amazing.
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I'm sick as fuck today. <P>Want to go home to bed, but stupid evil job has a deadline on Friday that if I miss it guaran-fucking-tees me my P45.
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I'm never going to make it. <P>Want to go home. Sleep until midday, then indulge in my mother's patented flu remedy. Sleep. Watch Army of Darkness, Indulge more in patented flu remedy. <P>What I do not want to fucking do is sit in this fucking freezing office doing cunty data entry.
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After the resounding "success" of 3, I hoped they would just pretend it didn't exist for a while. <P>And why bring back Dunst? Didn't we have to endure enough of her "singing" last time?
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What's a p45? It sounds painful like if you don't do what the they say the bosses are allowed to p45 you.
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That google and wikipedia they're pretty handy.<p>For one very brief second I thought you were talking about getting a Para Ordance .45 semi-automatic pistol. Then I remembered you live in England and that Para Ordance changed their P code designators for pistols.
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All comic book films should have a scene where the hero turns into a dancing asshole.<p>ALL OF THEM!
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Better still, get a good fever demntia going and watch all three Evil Deads in a row.<p>Man, how bored am I today? It's 10am and I'm already posting.
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And while you are all sleeping soundly, I will rummage through your sock drawers, taste the various cheeses in your fridges, de-alphabetise your DVD collections, and defend Spider-Man 3 on your internets!<p>None of you can stop me.
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Maybe not since I'm not in America either. Never mind, move along. How's all that cheese treating ya?
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3rd worst superhero film ever behind Superman Returns, and Elektra.
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followed by the BBC's newest (and wasn't the world just waiting for this) adaptation of Pride and Prejudice than Spiderman 3 again. <P>I hate it so much I gave away my copy.
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If it came to a choice of emptying out the contents of a septic tank with a spoon and watching Spiderman 3, I say: <P>
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If it came to a choice of emptying out the contents of a septic tank with a spoon and watching Spiderman 3, I say: <P>BRING ON THE SILVERWARE, BITCHES. <p>and if this double posted- I don't care. I'm to ill to worry about such trifles.
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having had a dearth of them. there's this one, Twitch, Sleepaway Camp 2, <p>Fucking hell.
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I have tasted your cheese, and it is delicious! Next up, I will sample the many soaps in your bathroom!
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It's a real clusterfuck of a film, no doubt, but I very much enjoyed the story of Peter Parker becoming an asshole and then deciding, after some consideration and dancing, to not be an asshole any more. That was good.<p>Also, I liked the bit with Bruce Campbell as an hilarious French sterotype. Funny stuff.
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Who doesn't love Spider-Man? He's all swinging about and shooting webs and whatnot. Fighting crime. I love all that stuff.
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I must depart swiftly, my swag of half-empty condiment jars and fancy towels tucked securely under my arm.<p>Also, I nicked just pillow talk's copy of Army Of Darkness. And I'm not even going to watch it! I'm going to give it to a tramp!
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Give it back Frankie!
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No, no, no, no, NO <P>While I applaud your transatlantic condiment swiping ways, I may be fored to punish you if you keep defending that fetid load of tosh.
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for fuck's sake. It's worse than X3. It's worse than a lot of things, but it doesn't make my top 10 most hated because it isn't quite as awful as Superman Returns.
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...where the wretch can't name one media source she gets her news from? It's like watching a graphic car accident in super slo-mo.<p>Chitty, what is it with the dreams where you are with a hot woman and you're about to get it on or in the middle of getting it on and there are constant interruptions that prevent you from finishing? I had my very first dream about triplets on the weekend only to be cut short, I kid you not, but gigantic monsters attacking the city. Freud must have written something about never being able to pop the cork in a dream.
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Kirsten Dunst. Emo-parker. Song and Dance Numbers (especially not 3 of them), rubbish villains, boredom, rewriting canon for no real reason, real credibility destroying co-incidences- I can suspend disbelief to a certain extent but that took the piss.
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http://www.pointsincase.com/articles/sarah-palin-makes-me-want-lay-pipe-alaska
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Sadly. But still quite funny.
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I just like him, ever since I was a wee kid, so I get a kick out of seeing him swinging about in full twnety-first century CGI glory, no matter how big a mess the film around him is. Therefore, I enjoyed Spider-Man 3.<p>I do agree with most people's criticisms of the film, but the one area I will stand firm on is the dance scene. That was fucking hilarious, and a brave move on Raimi's part to show Peter Parker as a full-on laughable asshole.<p>I also really like the action scenes in that one. Surely everyone enjoyed the bit with the crane and Spidey jumping around from various bits of falling debris? I thought that was cool as hell.<p>Since I have no interest in being right, I suppose I will just have to accept whatever punishment comes my way.
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Spidey 3 is much worse than Indy 4 (take that Danny!). And I think I'd rather watch X3 than Spidey 3. In fact, I'm sure of it. <p>I just picked up Iron Man last night. I think I'll throw it in tonight...
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Sorry, JPT. Your DVD is property of the homeless of Bristol now. They were a little snooty about me giving them Army Of Darkness, on account of they all prefer Evil Dead II, but they're off to find a DVD player right now. They're going to get all fucked up on White Lightning and do all of Ash's lines.
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Probably not over here in lagging England, I suppose. I'm looking forward to seeing that one again, though. Much better than The Dull Knight.<p>Is there a Favreau/Downey commentary track on it? I imagine that could be pretty entertaining.
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Though I suppose you are spreading the word of the blessed holy trinity to Bristol, which is a good thing.<p>I believe it does have a commentary, but I'll let you know tomorrow.
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Frankie.<p>Dull Knight?<p>First you declare your unbridled love for FF...now Spidey 3? Neither are bad in that hard sought after good way.
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But you really can't compare them even though they are both comic movies.<p> Iron Man was in-your-face entertainment, while The Dark Knight was more of a crime thriller that happened to have some costumed opponents.<p> I didn't think The Dark Knight was dull, but I can see if you went in looking for Iron Man-type action you could come to that opinion.
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It stank to high heaven. Other things that are not needed: <P>Pointless butler to explain to one of the main villains how he has to go and help spidey because his dad is a shitbag. <P>And, Frank, if that's all you're aiming at watch the other 2. Which I'm not nuts for but piss all over that abortion. <P>The dance number was not ballsy. It was hopelessly misguided, appalingly cringeworthy and really shows the lilmitations of their thinking. If the best they can do to show "evil" peter is to have him dance around like a cretin then, really, they may as well not bother.
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And she is a creationist, which means she is deeply, deeply evil, and I do love an evil brunette.<p>Also, her daughter is named Bristol, which I like for obvious reasons. Do you suppose the daughter was conceived right here in my home city? I like to think she was. In fact, I'm having a pretty good time imagining Sarah Palin getting fucked on a Bristol park bench right now. A pretty good time, indeed.
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Iron Man was mediocre + Downey, Dark Knight was very good. No comparison,
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A crime thriller with magical mobile phone bat sonar? A crime thriller with hardened criminals who would sacrifice themselves to save nine-to-fivers? A crime thriller with a rich guy dressed in a rubber costume and talking in a billy goat gruff voice?<p>Please. That film is easily dumber than Spider-Man 3. Also, more boring and pretentious. It's no different to Ang Lee's Hulk, but for some reason people hate that one (rightly so) but love this one.<p>I declare 'Emperor's New Clothes' on The Dark Knight.<p>P.S. Thanks for worrying, jpt, but it's okay. I reserve the right to have terrible taste and not ever apologise for it.
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Palin didn't leave Alaska until 2007.
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Bristol was born in 1990. Mrs. Palin wasn't even close to getting her passport then.<p>Imagine away...
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What the fuck? <P>Nothing is dumber than Spidey 3,
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I hated the ferry scene in TDK. I realize what Nolan was going for, but that whole scene didn't work for me at all.
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Because it was fun to watch and didn't take itself nearly so seriously. Jon Favreau, I think, understood that films about rich guys fighting crime in crazy costumes are not supposed to taken so seriously.<p>Also,Robert Downey Jnr > Christian Bale. Can you remember one notable Christian Bale scene from The Dark Knight? He was half asleep!
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Was when Pete put the beatdown on Harry in Harry's apartment.<p>That's it.
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You should have seen Hellboy 2.<p>Damn you.
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I have a prefectly good fantasy going here, with a noted American politician getting rocked on a park bench in Eastville Park, and you guys are trying to spoil it.<p?What the fuck?
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Even real life cops and criminals have mobile phones with GPS and tasers and cool equipment.<p> Batman is just better funded. And a snappier dresser.<p> Although he lost some of my respect for trashing that gorgeous Lambo.<p> He should have gone to jail for that!
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I should have seen it. That's my one regret of this past summer season. I was very much looking forward to that one, but things got fucked up and now I have to wait for it on DVD.<p>Damn me.
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I wonder how many times that went over that and just said "Fuck it. We have to move on."<p> I think I know what he was going for, but it really didn't grab me like it should have.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST
Iron Man was good, but not quite as good as I expected
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
All the hoopla had me expecting the second coming.<p>Spider Man 3 had the cool crane scene with Gwen Stacy and the Campbell restaurant scene and that was it for me. Yes, SM has always been my favorite superhero so just seeing him swing around in a crappy movie makes me happy in my pants, but it was still a weak effort. I'd rather watch Transformers again and I hated that pile.<p>Two cups of coffee just ain't enough.
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Hmmm, I bet it would be with the power suit left on, just raise the skirt up and maybe unbutton the shirt so the jublees pop out.<p> Also knees on the seat part of the bench and hands with white-knuckle grip on the back rest.<p> When done, just pull skirt back down, button up shirt and adjust glasses back to position.<p> Exchange business cards and gop for fish and chips.
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I just don't care for Nolan's version. A man fighting crime dressed in that way is inherently goofy, and the more seriously you take that concept when adapting it, the more out-and-out stupid it seems. To whit, Christian Bale's ridiculous fucking accent. Would serious people like a politician and police officer take a man who speaks like that seriously? Of course they bloody wouldn't. And neither do I.<p>But that's just me. I accept I am a snob about comics (I think they're mostly shit) and I don't think they have the substance to work as serious films. They should be turned into daffy, enjoyable slices of nonsense, and The Dark Knight was none of those things. It treated the source material as though a man who effectively has handles on the top of his head would stand any kind of chance in a fight.<p>Well, fuck that. Give me Iron Man any day of the week.
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...of Palin strutting around on a stage in a one piece and if she wasn't who she was, I'd hit that. Now I'd only hit her with a shovel.<p>I'll be watching Hellboy 2 on Saturday, Franklin, so I'll give you my worthless opinion then.
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That was very much how I was seeing the park bench scenario, although you have added the fish and chips element, which was a nice touch.<p>It's good to have a hearty meal after a quality park bench rocking.
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I despise pretty much everything she stands for, and somehow that just turns me on even more. Hatred is much underrated as a sexual motivation.
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Fuck's sake.<P>Anyhoo, I think if you're going to talk about nailin' Palin then it has to be down and dirty as possibly- My thought would be in a back alley behind an abortion clinic. Preferably with piss stains all over the place. Push her up against the bin they dispose of foetuses in, hike her skirt up, yank her knickers to one side and pound away- but make her say "I support a woman's right to choose as you blow in her hair"
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Are you saying you nailed Palin? Maybe in the Philly cheese steak place she was at?
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curse my sloppy typing- Take 2: <P>I think if you're going to talk about nailin' Palin then it has to be down and dirty as possibly- My thought would be in a back alley behind an abortion clinic. Preferably with piss stains all over the place. Push her up against the bin they dispose of foetuses in, hike her skirt up, yank her knickers to one side and pound away- but make her say "I support a woman's right to choose" as you blow your load in her hair, and a solitary tramp forlonely masturbates in the background.
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to the road to nowhere. Park and tell her you've got the extra pork she really needs.
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Violently sodomise her in a church while pounding on her buttocks with a semen encrusted holy bible and she deep throats a hunting rifle.
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I sense the oncoming ban hammer
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Push her down on a steaming moose carcass and then stuff her like a trophy kill.
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In fact, I think I actually like her less than Spiderman 3. <P>Which blows. Horribly blows. Just in case you'd forgotten.
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honest.
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In fact, I think the black goop took her over. Maybe that's why she's evil.
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I don't agree with any of that vile behaviour. I'd treat her real nice, maybe even let her have some of my chips after it's all over.<p>Not the fish, though. That's all mine.<p>Also, I do not accept that I am a crazy person. Wrong, maybe, but who the fuck cares about being wrong now and then?
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Oct. 1, 2008, 9:19 a.m. CST
How can you do a Batman film and not include the Batoosi?
by Franklin T Marmoset
Fuck you, Christopher Nolan. You just don't get it.
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As the nice, plump twat was being pounded and the inevitable tingly feeling started happening in your thighs and you go to your tippy toes in pleasure...LEAVE IT IN!<p> Nothing like a real life scenario of bastard juice taking effect to make her choose.<p> She then would have to make the call for keeping it or a little fetus ejecta.<p> Also when things are going dry, you can squeeze the grease from the bottom of the fish and chips paper to get things lubed up again after you eat.<p>
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...filled with piss stains? And you use the word KNICKERS?!! Christ....that is the dirtiest post I've read in my entire life. Chitty writes dirty shit....but its cartoony dirty....Jarv....that is.....wonderful. <p> Spidey 3 worse than Indy IV? Oh fuck that. I had fun for about 7 minutes in Indy IV. I had fun for about 45 minutes in Spidey 3. Not only that but Spidey films were never amazing cinema. 1 and 2 are fun....sure. But they aren't amazing. Indy on the other had was a masterpiece of a trilogy. What a fucking let down. <p>And The Dark Knight? Fucking masterpiece. The ferry scene showed incredibly humanity I never thought I'd get from Nolan. And Tiny Zeus is a God.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST
I'm all for people having their own beliefs and whatnot
by Franklin T Marmoset
But, for fuck's sake, how the hell can anyone be a creationist in this day and age? What the fuck is wrong with a person who stubbornly insists on clinging to that claptrap?<p>Believe in God if you want, that's fine. Believe in Jesus, too, he seems like he was probably a pretty cool guy. But creationism? Fuck.<p>It really upsets me that people with the potential to be elected to positions of power can display such willful ignorance.<p>I'd still fuck her, though.
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...fucking rocked in the theater. Coming out I was convinced it would be one of my favorite films of the year. About 2 days later I lost the magic, and now I don't care if I ever see it again. The final fight in the street fucking blows a limp cock. The final fight between Hulk and Abomination absolutely destroys it.
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...fantastic/bizarre film. Nobody mentioned it...but please people-- keep the memory of Marlon and Frankenheimer ALIVE!!
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Such a pounding mutual climax that her glasses shatter.<p> Also when I would yell out as I came and stand up hard, with thighs tight and toes pointed, arching my back to make sure every inch of my cock was in there.<p> Damn, I'm getting an erection at work. Off to find the office slut and the empty second floor storage room.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 9:28 a.m. CST
Why did you think you'd never see humanity from Nolan?
by Franklin T Marmoset
Memento, still far and away the best thing Nolan has done, is all about the humanity. Horribly flawed humanity, maybe, but humanity all the same.<p>Plus, have you ever spent any time with hardened criminal types? They would fuck over that other boat in an instant. Never mind doing it to save their own lives, they would do it for that day's fix money.
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...another one on my list of films to put on when having trouble sleeping. I never thought a guy with such strong cheek bones could be so fucking boring to watch.
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That little person playing the tiny piano freaked me out.<p> I can't explain it, but I was scared and also couldn't turn away.<p> Those little fingers, probing, curious little fingers....*shudders, while little drops of pee escape from piss hole and cause tiny spot on pants to go dark....*
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Can't be assed.<p>Can not be assed.<p>I did a test the other day where they ask you a whole bunch of questions to find out what sort of job you're best suited for. Do you know what they recommended for me?<p>Scriptwriter!<p>For serious, that's what it said was my number one recommended occupation. Cool and all, but not too practical. I don't remember seeing any listings for screenwriting vacancies in the Evening Post.<p>Also, the test said I would be a good locksmith. Fuck knows where they got that one from.
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Yeah I agree. I couldn't stop staring at him in the theater. He is so fucking small!! I couldn't believe he was real. He moves weird too....like a puppet....
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Is this test online?
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I suppose if I'm going to badmouth The Dark Knight and defend Spider-Man 3, I'll just have to accept that there are some crazy people out there who don't like Memento.
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I signed up at an employment agency on Monday and they gave me the test there.<p>There are probably similar tests on the web, though. I once took an online test that told me my ideal celebrity partner would be Christina Ricci.
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Let's not get banned over Palin. That is some disturbing yet erotic imagery you chaps have put down.<p>Iron Man is fun. It's a neat little romp. But it won't have the staying power of other comic movies like Blade or X2.<p>Franklin, I could punch you in the maw for bringing up fish n chips. I won't be able to shake the desire for golden battered haddock and freshly cut fries all day. Damn you, sir.
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...if a friend right out of film school made it for 500k. I would say-- oh cool....good job. But come on-- FIVE FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS?!! Where the fuck did that money go-- to the shoe-shiner they hired to polish his cheek bones every take? <p> Brick cost 475k....and it is 10 times the movie Memento is-- in scope, execution, and entertainment value.
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...that is funny you mentioned it. Mrs. Dick Blood was just saying we need to hit up this British joint we go to again....we haven't been there in awhile.
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I like Joseph Gordon Levitt - he's a good actor - but that is a one note film. Once you get the joke that they're teenagers talking like Raymond Chandler characters... that's it. It doesn't have anything else to offer.<p>Anyone else seen Mysterious Skin? Levitt is great in that one, but I think it's one of the most unpleasant films I've seen. Good in that it was well made and all that, but I was glad when it was over. Lots of rape in that one.
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If that was my lady, everytime I came home I'd expect her to stampede up to me while ripping open her shirt like she did in Black Snake Moan.
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Anybody put hot sauce on thier fish and chips?<p> Good stuff.<p> I could eat fish and chipps for breakfast, lunch, dinner.<p> Wash it down with Fat Tire of course.
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A visit to the local chippy on the way home is definitely in order.<p>Sixteen minutes to go...
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I never got around to that one.<p>I liked Hustle & Flow a lot. I think BSM is by the same guy.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST
oh...I didn't tell you guys I tried Fat Tire finally....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
...I didn't really like it. The taste is a bit too sharp for my liking. I had a Red Stripe afterward and enjoyed that much more. But I New Castle still be me #1.
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It started off okay....but it got sort of ridiculous. There are elements that are good, but all in all I think its a failure. His stupid musical number while lighting crashes outside and Ricci rolls around cumming on the couch really made me roll my fucking eyes. Hustle is a much stronger film.
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Brick was okay and all, but it by no means compares to Memento. And I'm not putting Memento on a pedestal, but it was a better movie than Brick.<p>What's with the comparison anyway?
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I was saying when you take Memento's budget into account its an abomination. It cost 5 million dollars when it looked like it should have cost half a mill. Brick on the other hand did cost half a mill and IMO is the stronger film.
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But I like that sharp bite that Fat Tire has.<p> It's not too sharp though, so I can drink more than a few.<p> Red Stripe has enough taste and subtle flavor, that I can drink way past a couple of six packs.<p> It just cost a lot here. About $8 per six pack.
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...that shit is expensive. What I also like about Red Stripe is the small size of the bottles. It stays cold and fresh tasting until you're done.
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You have to bear in mind it had Joe Pantoliano and Carrie Anne Moss, both of whom were fresh off The Matrix. That costs money.
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...then Nolan should have given them both the boot and put some money into the cinematography. That movie looks like shit. Ugly flat photography. Even the black and white is shitty looking.
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From a sheer entertainment value, I preferred Memento, though I came out of the closet with my Levitt love like most people.
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I love pumpkin beer and always like to sample new ones.<p> I went to the shop the other day and saw Ship Yard pumpkin beer.<p> I generally like the standard Ship Yard and thought maybe this would be alright.<p> Jesus Christ on a pony! It was bad. Very bad.<p> I got less than halfway through the beer and turned the bottle into an ashtray.<p> Gave one to a friend just to see if it was me and he took two sips and threw the beer into the trees behind my house.<p> Wife hated it too and my cat usually loves a little beer and also took one lap and walked away.<p> Please stay away from this beer.
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God she has a magnificent set.<p>I put malt vinegar on my fish and chips. Not sure if that's a Canadian thing or we inherited it from the Brits.<p>Newcastle is tough to beat. There are probably much better ales in England that are local, but until I'm back over there, Newcastle and Guinness are my go-to UK brews.<p>Somebody strap a Fat Tire to a pigeon and fling it my way. I want to be able to add my two cents.
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...really Pillow-- like you could watch Memento more times than you could watch Brick?
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I don't give a fuck about photography. I also don't care too much about the budget. I care whether it's a well-written, original story with interesting characters and (whenever possible) a sense of depth and insight.<p>Memento has all that good stuff; Brick has some cheap nods to film noir.
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While riding backroads in the country, they make wonderful road sign ammo.<p> Easy to throw and very accurate, ecspecially with the top and doors off the Jeep.<p> We are griiling out and drinking beer and watching the debate Thursday (and a little football).<p> Red Stripe will be in attendance now.
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I'm off to get my fish and chips (with salt and vinegar and tomato ketchup, I reckon).<p>See you all for more crap and whatnot tomorrow.
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Guinness is fantastic. Utterly fantastic.
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It seems there are more shit ones than good ones.
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Red Stripe, eh?<p>If I'm going to pay $8 for a sixer, I'll just go with the Sierra Nevada Anniversary Ale.<p>I like a beer with bite. I mean, I'll go with Corona frequently because they go down like water and don't bloat me up, but I like a beer that takes a sledgehammer to my tongue.
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My first viewing of a film is always more aesthetic based. The second time I pay closer attention to the actual dialogue and writing. I'm not saying budget influences my opinion of the film. If its good...its good...regardless of how much it cost. But I was just a little disappointed when I first saw it-- thinking, thats it? What the fuck. And then I was thinking maybe they made it for literally nothing...like a few hundred grand for film. But no-- they had quite a bit of money for a film that small and simple. I don't understand what the fuck they did with it. Story wise....everyone was bragging about how original and intense it is. It seemed like one big gimmick right off the top to me. Its like those filmmakers trying to cram it down your throat how witty and intelligent they can be. Almost like my same feelings about Fight Club. Its a big gimmick from start to finish. There were several great moments in Memento for me, where it really seemed to be on track-- about to become greatness....but it never happened.
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I want an Olympic sized pool full of it that I can flop around in.
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Maybe Red Stripe and Sierra Neveda for debate grill out?<p> Of course it will be 46 degrees down here, so maybe whiskey too.<p> Wait, nevermind. I shouldn't drink whiskey and watch a political debate.<p> That would be bad.
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See what the hubbub is.
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Which is pretty tasty. <p>A couple of weeks ago I went to a Uconn football game, and the theme of the tailgate was Mexican: chips, salsa, wraps, etc. What I ended up getting was corona in a fucking can. Has anyone seen this before? I was shocked I got get corona in a can. They were so small and cuddly.
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That's likely to end with a bottle through the telly. I'll need to be strapped down like Hannibal Lecter to prevent a wake of destruction.
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I may have to try that.<p> I know the owner of the local beer store and he will let you grab different beer and make your own six-pack or 12-pack sampler.<p> So I can go different flavors AND different brands.<p> Maybe for the debate...two Red Stripes, three Sierra Nevedas, a raspberry wheat, four Harvest Moon pumpkin ales and two Guninness.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST
damn...it seems like I'm drunk and not even know it
by just pillow talk
"I was shocked I could get corona in a can."<p>I could really go for a guinness or two during lunch.
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As it's actually a buck cheaper than in the bottle. Shoving a lime into a can isn't the same though.
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It's surprisingly hard to get good Fish and Chips in london. <P>I am quite disgusted at myself at the moment.
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They look so different and are indeed cute, just like the wittle baby kegs of Hinekien (sp?).<p> You just have to watch shoving the lime into the can, as you will get a nasty cut with burning lime juice mixed in.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST
I kind of agree with Danny here (especially about Iron Man)
by Lost Jarv
and to some extent about indy: while there can be no disputing that Spiderman 3 is a worse film, Indy 4 is more of a let down. <P>However I would rather watch Shia Leprick recite Hamlet in swahili whilst holding Palin like a bowling ball (think about it), than one second of Spiderman 3 again.
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....awwwwww...you still thinking about the piss stained knickers and the dumpster of fetuses? Don't worry about it man. We've all been in that situation.
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You go with the UFO Raspberry Heffewiezen from Harpoon Brewery. That stuff will give you the meaning to life.
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Palin is in to Pirate Sex? <P>That's where you come in a girls eye and then kick her left leg.....<P>hehehehehe
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Perfect Peter Parker replacement for Tobey.......FUCKING SHIA!!! Hell yeah!! I said it!!
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Showing beer bipartisanship. I feel we should really give every beer a chance.
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I don't go a bundle on them.
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..this is from his blog. <p> -------------- <p> Given Bush's lame, nay DEAD duck status with his congressional constituency and his inability to rally support for the 700 billion dollar Wall Street bailout, his next best and only option is to return to the ample, crude-soaked bosom of his one TRUE constituency and the group which has profited most exponentially from his fiery f*cking debacle of a presidency: Big Oil. <p> Exxon alone posts a 40 billion dollar annual profit. So get all those wildcatters and Saudi shadow puppets together at the same poker table down in Crawford and ante the f*ck up. The era of the American-Taxpayer-As-Piggy-Bank needs to be brought to an sudden, shuddering halt. If some poor bastard carrying two mortgages on a farm house in rural Kentucky and shouldering his share of the twelve billion a month being spent in Iraq can't get some relief, then why the hell should we give it to the golden parachutes at Goldman Sachs? Get F*cked is my only piece of advice for that lot. Welcome to a miserable, pre-Depression economy and a country that you helped bring to its knees. Pull up a chair, you're gonna be here for awhile. And this notion of needing this bailout to 'restart the economy' is like asking an arsonist to join the bucket brigade and douse the f*cking inferno that he helped light. <p> It's called 'Darwinism' some will survive, some will fall and we'll be stronger after. <p> Goddamit I'm mad. Feel free to vent boys and girls. If I'm off, then I'm waaaaaay off, because this plan makes perfect sense to me.<p>
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I'll have to check around for that magical beer you call "Raspberry Heffewiezen".
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....about where he's been lately and how won't be on much?
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So my writing style is "angry venting a-hole"? Yeesh. I never should have skipped those court ordered anger management classes.
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It seems like a bipartisan committee and everything goes well...<p> Until the beers realize that this is a violent dictator-driven goverment and I rip off their hats and drink their souls.<p> When I'm done with a bottle I raise it up and give a hearty roar!<p> Then chuck the bottle into the trees.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST
I'm speaking of your angry political posts.....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
....they are clever, colorful, and full of alliteration.
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Have no idea where I picked it up but I've been doing it since grade school. Got me in lots of trouble with the head-cocked dunces who didn't understand a word I was saying.
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the debate grill out. And I'm making sure they all have a beer in hand.<p> We're also watching it outside on the patio, so the added element of smoking will also attribute to a quicker buzz.<p> Maybe I should video the grill out, as it has potential to be a live-action TB.<p>
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Fuck them all. I hope they suffer.
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Beer is forgiving yet relentless. Beer apologizes to no one or no thing.<p>Beer is the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems.<p>Beer is....good!
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Oct. 1, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST
Chitty....how far is the nearest airport to you?
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
I'll fucking be there!!
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Is anything with large amounts of alchohol and sugar.<p> It comes to you all nice and sweet and the next morning you feel like you got into a fist fight with a chainsaw.
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Damned if I can remember, but it used to make me laugh.
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It's called the Golden Triangle Airport.<p> I even lined up babysitters for everyone that had kids.<p> I can't wait for the first argument to break through the censorship barrier of freindship.<p> You know how when you are good freinds with someone, there is sort of a reluctance of really getting at it?<p> That barrier will easily give way under the relentless pressure of alchohol and smokes.<p> After the first "Fuck You!" I will sit back and quietly mutter "Dance puppets, dance..."
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The statement only needs to be made, no reason needs to be given.<p>Beer is always consistently there for you, through the good times and bad. Beer is like having a liquid doctor with you.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST
You're going to have Dems and Repubs on the same porch?
by Hawaiian Organ Donor
Watching Palin speak? Chitty, that could make Antietam look like a slapping match.<p>Is it just me or is it reeeeeeally slow in the movie news world lately?<p>Jarv, what's public opinion on Cameron, HBOS and Bradford? How you guys holding up?
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I know what you mean. Every time a presidential election comes around I start looking over my shoulder suspiciously at close friends. I start to go kinda crazy and think, "If our ideals are so damn different....then why are we friends? " Interesting. Its all veewwwwy interesting.
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regardless of your political affiliation, during the course of daily dealings, it's all good with your friends. Alcohol, pussy, pool, and whatnot does not require politics to factor into the equation.
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and is, sadly, a shoo in for next PM (unless Labour come to their senses and fire Brown asap). He's Blair in a different tie. <P>HBOS is a fucking disgrace, especially seeing as they raised £4billion from their FUCKING SHAREHOLDERS last month, and they've still been swallowed by Lloyds, and Bradford and Bingly getting nationalised may actually cause revolution. We're fucking livid.
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They were talking about something and poltics came up and apparently they both just assumed they had the same political views.<p> They didn't.<p> What followed was the most akward exchange of looks since Michael Richards was televised meeting with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.<p> They both quickly dropped the subject and talked about football instead.<p> I just took another swig of beer and leaned back in my chair in relief that I didn't have to break up a fight.
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Remember, this time there is no coming back. At least not until they get the new system online.<p>
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Hahaha.....that shit was so bizarre on Letterman when the screen lowered and Richards is on via satellite, all hunched over and sad looking. The audience starts laughing and Seinfeld tries to shush the them like a pissed off parent. I was at home just laughing hysterically when he said, "Stop. Its not funny."
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And look at the world exactly like I do. With the exception of my tough on crime stance which ironically only my Buddhist wife shares with me. But otherwise I can be in a room with all my buds and we could bash neocons until the end of time.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST
Love Fat Tire- Red Stripe is ok, but I prefer Carib or El Presid
by toadkillerdog
Carib and El Presidente are carribean beers - along with Red Stripe. El Presidente dominates in the Dominican. It is a cheaper beer, but has good flavor. Carib dominates in Virgin Islands. <p> I have been eyeballing some Raspberry wheat beer, but thought it might be too sweet. I tried some Lindemanns Framboise, which looks like wine, it is very sweet. I agree whith Chitty about the Shipyard Pumpkin beer. It has a higher alcoholic content, but the taste is nothing to write home about.
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Cameron.....FUCKING CUNT!! <P> Miliband.....DIRTY FUCKING LYING TWAT!! <P> Bradford......WRETCHED CUM DUMPSTER DISEASED TWAT!!<P> Brown......ROT IN FUCKING HELL YOU CUNT!! <P> Blair......FUCKING DIE YOU WRETCHED TWAT!!!!!
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Looks like we're in the same boat.
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....I don't really talk to them anymore.
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a bit ago, I have the emergency ID Nilbog in reserve.
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However, aside from that. SPot on
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Because if there was a massive amount of career-ending injuries in professional baseball, basketball, football and hockey they would be fucked.<p> I still think all the insurance for player's arms and legs is still with them.<p> At least it was as of a few years ago.
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aside from the fact that we are the most taxed generation in fucking history, is that when he talks he looks like he's had a minor stroke. <P>Superficial, I know, but he's such a dirty, corrupt, incompetent, greedy, annoying, shitey, despicable, shitbag of a human being.
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Bradford is an actual bank and not a politician? Hehehehe....oops...I was just searching British politics at lightning speed trying to make a joke and I FUCKED IT ALL UP!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!! FUCK SARAH PALIN IN AN ALLEY WITH THAT ONE!! PISS STAINED WHORE!!
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I'm looking at an article about him....he looks like he's fucking 15, even though it says he is 42!! What the fuck...does he have that Jack disease?
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and actually, they're in great shape. They were the only bank that didn't go nuts on lending. <P>bastards.
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are fucking horrible opportunist scumbags. <P>They're not as bad as Ed Balls (that's his name) who I've got a great story about, but I can't put it here as it not only reveals Mrs. Jarv's identity, but the doss twats probably check.
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I used to go by that exact name when I did solo masturbation webcam work.
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so we of course called him Rill Bawls (Real Balls). Nice guy too.<p> Although he was standing lunch line one day and threw up all over a girl's head who was sitting down eating.<p> Good ole Real Balls.
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I would call him an arsehole, but an arsehole is something I can't do without.
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checking in from the land of never never..hows it going? what are we even discussing? <P>
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And how those poor sods are being bent over just as bad as us.
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and while it could be worse, Im thinking we are in dire need of some good leadership, not jus for the obvious reasons, but to remind us all that this governing system can work out from time to time.
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...doesn't have anything that resembles that disgusting clammy creature John McCain. <p> Jonah-- you read Omelas right? We talked about that before.....I picture the poor pathetic creature scratching its genitals in the closet to look just like John McCain.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST
I'm trying to get support for my campaign....
by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD
....and get Vern to choose me as the winner for the Seagal DVD set of 11 films!! Support me in the Vern Seagal TB PLEASE!! Your VOTE WILL COUNT!!
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I also will add a post calling for the best quotes from Seagal movies.
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Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.......Seagal was Hollywood's first environmentalist.
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Oct. 1, 2008, 1:38 p.m. CST
Shit I wrote that and then saw your request for votes
by ChittyChittyGangBang
I'll go back and tell Vern to you have my vote.<p> Sorry.<p> Vote Dickblood in 2008!
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...when the Kathy Bates DVD contest comes around I'll work my ass off to make sure you win it!
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I have been at the Twitch TB since last night. Any chance you guys will be moving over there?
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Although this is also worthy.
Top Talkbacks
- Nordling Reviews STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! Spoilers Abound! You Are Warned! -- 866 total posts 634 posts
- UPDATE The Friday Docback Calls 'The Name of the Doctor'!! DOCTOR WHO's S7 Finale Arrives This Weekend!! Now With Glen's Ultra-Brief, SPOILER FREE MiniReview!! -- 205 total posts 140 posts
- The big screen adaptation of ASSASSIN'S CREED has been given a release date!!! -- 147 total posts 133 posts
- Hey! Fat Face! Here's The New Teaser To ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND CONTINUES! -- 125 total posts 125 posts
- Mr. Beaks Reviews STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! -- 1165 total posts 106 posts
- Harry gets seriously geeky on the very geeky cool STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS! Can't wait for the next one! & See this again! -- 1449 total posts 102 posts
- Capone reviews STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS and considers the art of messing with canon and why it doesn't bother him!!! -- 485 total posts 93 posts
- AVENGERS 2 might be filming in SOUTH AFRICA, does this mean that Black Panther is going to be a part of the action!?! -- 328 total posts 82 posts
- Did you guys like RED 2? Oh it's not out yet, well who cares?? Get ready for RED 3 anyways!!! -- 108 total posts 51 posts
- ‘I Am Not Fucking Like You!!’ The 3-Minute Trailer For The Rampling-Enhanced Final Season Of DEXTER!! -- 87 total posts 45 posts