Ain't It Cool News (

It's Time To Reimagine...Herman Melville's MOBY DICK!?!?

Merrick here...
Timur Bekmambetov (WANTED, NIGHT WATCH, DAY WATCH) is gearing up to make a MOBY DICK movie that isn't really a MOBY DICK movie, even though it sort of is. Bekmambetov will direct from a screenplay by Bill Collage and Adam Cooper.
The writers revere Melville’s original text, but their graphic novel-style version will change the structure. Gone is the first-person narration by the young seaman Ishmael, who observes how Ahab’s obsession with killing the great white whale overwhelms his good judgment as captain. This change will allow them to depict the whale’s decimation of other ships prior to its encounter with Ahab’s Pequod, and Ahab will be depicted more as a charismatic leader than a brooding obsessive. "Our vision isn’t your grandfather’s ‘Moby Dick,’ " Cooper said. "This is an opportunity to take a timeless classic and capitalize on the advances in visual effects to tell what at its core is an action-adventure revenge story."
...says THIS ARTICLE in Variety. With so many young sailors in the film, there must certainly be a way to work Shia into this, no? Bet there is...

Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Just what the world needs

    by Hawaiian Organ Donor

    Another re-imaging.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:26 a.m. CST

    This ain't right

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Call me....

    by Xero


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Mastadon's "Leviathan" should be the soundtrack.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST


    by jamaicanpenguin

    a world with original ideas..

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    I Dunno

    by FentonCrisp

    This seems to miss the point of the novel.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Why did that quote make my scalp crawl?

    by I am_NOTREAL

    I foresee a pumping soundtrack, jittery camera work, and cluttered, junky, jarring special effects like the ending of the 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean. Ugh.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Okay so I lied

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    but now that I'm not racing like a dork to be first, let's talk about this. Moby Dick is about one thing and one thing only: one man and his obsession with revenge at all costs. Ahab is not likeable, he is a madman obsessed. We don't care about the background on other ships that he's run into. The narration of Ishmael in first person is iconic. The Patrick Stewart remake, not reimagining, but remake was balls to the wall great. The only thing that made it better was Gregory Peck in what I believe was his last performance as the local parson. I don't recall if he was nominated, or received an emmy for it, but he should have. Buffalo Bill as Starbuck was nice. Queequeg was a good and gentle friend, and a bad mo fo at the same time. If you want to reimagine, do something like putting this in outer space or some crap. To re-write the traits of the main characters is blasphemy.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    So it's a prequel...

    by UltimaRex we need one? Do Moby Dick or do something else. Don't do MDINO. Fone Bone'd be pissed...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Yo mamma's so stupid

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    She thought Moby Dick was an STD. Thank you, you've been a lovely audience, good night.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Jason Statham for Ahab!

    by Slippy

    And Seth Rogan as Ishmael! The perfect bumbling buddy movie while chasing the white whale. There is re-imaging at its finest.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:35 a.m. CST


    by Embeedeuce

    Grammaton beat me to it. They obviously don't understand Moby Dick with the changes outlined here. Remake it however you want, but at a certain point it stops being Moby Dick. Hey, I'm going to reimagine Star Wars, but instead of Darth Vader being evil, I'm going to make him a nice, even-tempered florist with asthma.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller's DARK AHAB RETURNS should be the basis for this

    by epitone

    Gerard Butler as Ahab, Andy Serkis as the whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:38 a.m. CST

    this isn't my grandfather’s Dick?

    by newc0253

    imagine my relief.<p> someone should make an adaptation of Moby Dick which focuses on all those boring chapters that everyone skips over, the ones about knots and whale blubber. think of it as the Cloverfield approach, told from the perspective of one of anonymous crew of the Pequod...<p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    I'm sure someones childhood is raped.

    by DerLanghaarige

    But in fact: I don't care.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    A few ideas...

    by Boba Fat

    The whale has a son<p> A CGI Gregory Peck appears<p> The whale can transform itself into a gun and shoots the ship<p> Moby 3D Dick!<p> Ahab is Female<p> The film is made up of handheld "found" footage but the tape is recording over the heros homemade porn tape and we keep getting glimpses of him in action inbetween the whale action<P>Timur those ideas are all yours, a gift from me to you.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    "Your grandfather's Moby Dick"?

    by BrooseTheScharuk

    And what the fuck is wrong with that? Does everything have to be reinvented for the purpose of distancing the current generation from their elders? Your grandfather's Moby Dick IS Melville's Moby Dick! I'm so fucking sick of the mentality that says that anything more than a decade old is quaint or primitive or "emo" or whatever. Here's to marginalizing anyone and anything over 30. I'm sure this movie will be super fucking hip.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    "MOBY DICK from the Whale's point of view"

    by Spacesheik

    As stated by Dustin Hoffman in WAG THE DOG - life truly imitates art!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Reimagine Moby as a female

    by Diagnostic

    Call it <I>Moby 'Gina</I>.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    From the point of view of the whale?!!

    by Josh Acid

    RIP Stanley Motss...But his legacy lives on!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    But come on, classic novels get modernized all the time.

    by DerLanghaarige

    They did everything from Shakespeare in space to deLaclos for teenies. Some was good, some was bad, so why not doing Melville for popcorn audiences?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST


    by THX1227

    "Call me pissed off."

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Modernizing is one thing

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    but if you change major character traits you're not moderizing, you're rewriting.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    LOL Boba Fat!

    by BrooseTheScharuk

    Excellent suggestions. Maybe they could also have Ahab struggling with his evil side, resisting the urge to join with the whale on its unstoppable killing spree. Or maybe the whale just attacks ships crewed by hot girls, and Ahab and his crew are all vengeful boyfriends. There could be all kinds of flashbacks to happier times, like the kegger parties in Cancun during spring break. Maybe one of the guys has guilt issues about a moonlit night on the beach with his homie's girl. Of course, no one in the movie should be over 25 or so, except the old seafarer (who would be about 35) whose wise advice all turns out to be fucked up bullshit, cuz, like, he's so old.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    This is an adaptation of the wikipedia entry on Moby Dick

    by drturing

    cause anyone who thinks this is an action adventure revenge tell does cocaine in this economy.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Cue the Led Zeppelin DRUM solo!!!

    by Randfilms

    John Bonham was THE Ahab of drummers, baby! Greg Peck wasn't bad either. And that Orson Welles cameo! The VOICE. The VOICE!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:55 a.m. CST

    "...their graphic novel-style version..."

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Bad, bad idea.<P>"...depict the whale’s decimation of other ships prior to its encounter with Ahab’s Pequod..."<P>WHAT?! So, this portion will be fabricated from the ether then?<P>"This is an opportunity to take a timeless classic and capitalize on the advances in visual effects..."<P>Sounds more like an excuse to make a movie with nothing more in mind than the special effects.<P>If you really want to do a movie based upon but not wholly centered on MOBY DICK, why not try adapting IN THE HEART OF THE SEA (the true story that served as Melville's inspiration) instead? Give us something worthwhile; not some graphic novel-style shorthand.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Moby Dick! Size does matter!

    by kravmaguffin

    Will Smith for Ahab and Shia for Ishmael. Ishmael will also be gay, but completely accepted by the diverse crew. Quequay will now be a woman who knows martial arts. The Peaquod will have secret weapons and armor and in a pinch can submerge... Melville & rolling over in his grave. GFY

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    ...... ..... ....why?

    by subtlety

    there literally is no other point to Moby Dick than Ahab's obsession. That's the whole novel! I mean, I'm not even a huge fan of the material, but there's just no reason at all to do this. It would be like re-imagining "Crime and Punishment" as an action-adventure with a heroic Russian character who happens to be named Raskolnikov being unfairly persecuted by a depraved detective who happens to be named Petrovich. Actually, come to think of it, that sounds like a slightly BETTER idea. Maybe the whole point is lost, but at least there won't be a giant CG white whale splashing around shouting "Dont worry! It's not your grandfather's Moby Dick! I'm NOT a symbol!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, noon CST

    Three-word tagline: "Ride the dick."

    by Nosferatu Jones

    Or something really lame.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay's Moby Dick

    by RaveX

    Shia LaBeouf as Ishmael("Captain Ahab, no no no no no no..."), Will Smith as Queequeg ("Awwwww, hell naw, whale!!!"), Katee Sackhoff as Starbuck (sorry about that one...), Megan Fox as Little Pip, Bruce Willis as Captain Ahab and CGI as Moby Dick. <p> White with flames on it. To amp it up.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST


    by s0beurself

    Moby Dick is NOT an action/adventure revenge story. Jesus. Ahab a charismatic leader? He's a metaphor. I understand the idea of making a text mainstream, ie giving XMEN black costumes instead of colorful spandex. Fine. But Moby Dick is dark, brooding, a reflection on human nature. It could work as a film if it kept that spirit. As an excuse for a cgi extravaganza, what's the point? We already have Jaws, or the Kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean. Aaarggg. Stupid.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST


    by subtlety

    At the very end both Ahab and the big white porpoise are revealed to be... Aliens!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Will Fall Out Boy be on the soundtrack?

    by Nosferatu Jones

    Or have a Jessica Simpson ballad playing over the end credits?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:05 p.m. CST

    "Arrgh, call me back, Ishmael...."

    by RobotDevil007

    Is this a joke? A charimatic Ahab? WTF!?!?!?! What next? A reimagining of Romeo and Juliet where their families come together in the spirit of love and friendship to throw a them a huge wedding and they all live happily after? Accch. May anyone involved in this choke to death on their own vomit after being forced to watch their own children choke to death on their own vomit.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Moby Richard

    by WS

    This story made me think of the Demi Moore version of "The Scarlett Letter". Charismatic leader? The hell?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:07 p.m. CST

    We already have a reimagining...

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    It's called The Wrath of Khan.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST



  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:10 p.m. CST


    by Mullah Omar

    "This ain't your grandfather's MOBY DICK!" <br> <br> No shit. <br> <br> JAWS remake has to be next, this time with a full reveal of the shark in the first scene. Because, you know, why bother with tension and setup when visual effects have advanced so much?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:11 p.m. CST

    In a world of salty seamen a dick will rise...

    by Boba Fat


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    OK, I'm patently against this, and I'm usually for this stuff

    by dr sauch

    I'm usually all for remakes, reimaginings, and graphic novel adaptations. But not here. Moby Dick is a fucking classic, not a comic book. I'm on board with the idea or remaking it, but we have two problems here: 1. The director, though talented, is not right for this. We need a bit more 'serous' director. I have to stress, I like the idea of surreal visuals and action, but that is not really the point of Moby Dick. 2. You cannot change the plot or the characters at all. Period. The whole point of the book is that Ahab is not well, that he is a sick, obsessed man. Don't make him Leonidas. For the love of god, someone step in and kill this project.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    ......and this time Moby Dick TALKS!

    by Elgyn6655321

    Voiced by Robin Williams.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Leave my grandfather out of this you ratfucking sonofabitch

    by Vern

    He never said word one about your slow motion CGI and pseudo-hip nihilistic dialogue and you gotta take a swipe at him unprovoked. How the fuck do you get off dragging a great man into this ridiculous whale attack bullshit. god damn you you will pay for this you bluetooth wearing hollywood pricks<p> Sorry guys, don't mean to get worked up but this piece of shit is mouthing off about my grandpappy in a major Hollywood trade publication. I never seen anybody sink so low.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    But, I like Timur or Zack Snyder on board for visuals

    by dr sauch

    Just get a real director for the rest of it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    So this is the "Rob Zombie Reimagines Halloween"...

    by Kid Z

    ... version of Herman Melville's classic? Where is Melville buried anyway? Get ready for earthquakes caused my the massive vibrations of his corpse spinning at 200,000 RPM in his coffin. This reminds me of that Demi Moore version of The Scarlett Letter where they basically threw out everything but the fact that Demi did, in fact, wear a dress with the letter "A" sewn on it at one point in the movie. Oh yeah... and they added in that massive Indian attack on Boston that we all know so well from the novel and history books...(chortle). Burn, Hollywood, BURN! PS: What cameo role is techno singer Moby (who actually is Herman Melville's great-great granson) going to play? (more chortles)

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    These douches obviously didn't get Moby Dick in the first place

    by Mattyboy122

    The whole book is about Ahab's obsession, his pride, his willingness to sacrifice not just himself, but his crew, for vengeance. Keep these numbnuts away from Moby Dick!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST


    by Kid Z

    ...shit man! "May anyone involved in this choke to death on their own vomit after being forced to watch their own children choke to death on their own vomit." You've just given me my latest insult! Can't wait to use it. Too fuckin' funny!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    by the way

    by Vern

    I heard the dudes who did CRANK are gonna reimagine OLD MAN AND THE SEA. Also looking forward to Joseph Kahn's WUTHERING HEIGHTS.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    And one last thing. Patrick fucking Stewart as Ahab.

    by dr sauch

    Thats a dealbreaker. He needs to be in it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:19 p.m. CST


    by Cheif Brody

    Make all the fuckin whale movies ya want, bitches! Just don't mess with the master! <p> BTW...."Ride the Dick" made Mountain Dew spew outta my nose! Thanks, Nosferatu. <p> Not your grandfather's moldy dick is more like it. <p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Yeah, they can go on for the first 45 minutes...

    by Kid Z

    ...detailing Moby Dick's unhappy homelife living with a white trash father, drunken mom and slutty half-sister. Fuck Hollywood! Just fuck 'em!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Moby Dick will be played by Vin Diesel

    by Darth_Inedible

    It's actually a cop drama set in modern day Los Angeles with Robert Duvall playing Captain Ahab, a grizzled LAPD veteran chasing after Dwayne "Moby" Dick, the wily head of a drug smuggling ring played by Vin Diesel whose trademark is a snow white tuxedo. It's gonna be fantastic.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST


    by Curious Jorge

    I'm just sayin...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    New Green Source of Energy!

    by Ragnar Danneskjöld

    Just hook a generator up to Melville! He'll be spinning so fast he could power a large town! Also, wasn't it already re-imagined in space in ST:TWOK...sort of?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Sorry to beat a dead hors... uh... whale....

    by Kid Z

    ...but seriously, this whole idea sounds like a throwaway gag on Family Guy (Yeah, I know they're ALL throwaway gags on Family Guy... therein lies my point.)

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    I wish he would make MEG instead!!


    I put his name forward on the IMDb meassageboards months ago.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST


    by Harold-Sherbort

    ..but I enjoyed my "grandfathers" Moby Dick. Wait..that sounds bad. But seriously, I'm gay.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Annihilation not decimation

    by Beowulf316

    Decimate means to destroy one tenth of something. Just one decimal point disappears. If you decimate a ship that is 100% structurally sound it will then still be 90% sound. So this description says that Moby Dick will only slightly damage all other ships before the Pequod Sorry that just bothers me.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Why must they fuck up literary classics?

    by F-18

    People who want to make original movies can't get them made because of all the shitty "remakes" and "re-imagining" that's going on.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Patrick Stewart DID play Ahab

    by skimn

    and I recall Henry Thomas as Ishmael on a made for TV movie. Maybe for Hallmark?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...and out of newfound compassion and understanding, Ahab will pull it out. The now happy whale and vengeful captain become the best of friends as they swim off, together, into the sunset.<P>Reimagining bastards.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    @Stereotypical Evil Archer

    by ZapRowsdower

    Even better would be MastOdon's "Leviathan" album.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:36 p.m. CST

    WILL FERELL as Ahab

    by Yotz Von Frelnik

    Hey, why not. I would've thought it impossible a couple years ago.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    A CGI whale.

    by Knuckleduster

    Two words: Fuck. This.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Remember Dustin Hoffman's diatribe from 'Wag the Dog'

    by zinc_chameleon

    And I! Only I! Had the genius to re-imagine Moby Dick from the whale's perspective. And then film it in 3d!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    I wonder if we'll see a "Blowhole of Fate"

    by DEX

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    At a Time When All Directors are....

    by D o o d

    realising that it's impossible to better a classicly written piece, these fuckwits think they've got a handle on it. The fact that they speak of modern day advances in CGI shows exactly where their priorities lie. GENTLEMEN, no one is impressed with CGI anymore. We all love a good movie, with or without good CGI..!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    I've got something for you to re-imagine.....

    by rben

    right here!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST


    by Dollar Bird

    Why would anyone want to tell this story from the whale's perspective? Especially if the whale is villainized and Ahab is a hero. Why should we follow the terror of the whale for hours on end until Ahab shows up and kills the whale—not because the whale took his leg, but because it's the right thing to do. And for the record, I like all those chapters about the knot-tying and whale blubber, and hundreds of words on the meaning of the color white. The book is pretty much the great American novel. This doesn't mean that it can't be re-interpreted. It's kind of like "The Wizard of Oz"; the story is so entrenched in the American consciousness that you can play with it. But this angle/reinterpretation sounds just lame.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Call me AHAB...

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Just don't call me "baby"...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:48 p.m. CST

    this guy isn't even worth making a joke about


    Fuck this. Its not funny anymore. This is just sad........

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    How dare you?

    by BizarroJerry

    My grandfather was an Irish whiskey drinking, WW2 veteran machinist who could kick your ass! I prefer anything of his to your "cool" Moby Dick story. Creating a new version of something because you have something new to say is one thing, but this is kinda dumb. The whalers followed Ahab for two reasons: money and fear. Yeah, none of that Ishmael crap, giving us insight into the events of the story...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    skimn, it was TNT

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Hallmark is the grab a box of tissue and watch with your girl on the off chance you'll get laid for being the sensitive caring type.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST

    Call me Disintrested.

    by Jared

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Yes, Stewart was Ahab

    by BizarroJerry

    Shown on TNT several years back. It was a two-parter and was a pretty good adaptation. I think someone mentioned it further up in the talkback.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    at its core is an action-adventure revenge story"

    by oisin5199

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    If they did Moby Dick right...

    by fastcars could be an Oscar-nominated/winning smash hit. But instead, they're going to do a 'tween Shia LA boooof cheap buck-film. Dumb. Story should always come before special effects.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:54 p.m. CST

    see above

    by oisin5199

    um, have they actually ever read Moby Dick? This 'action adventure' statement strikes me as soooo wrong to be absolutely laughable. I hope Melville rises from his grave and harpoons these dumbasses.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Shia LeBeouf as Queequeeg. Alicia Keyes as Ahab.

    by Johnny Smith

    Makes about as much sense as everything else in Hollywood. Oh, and is it bad that two Star Trek movies have done Moby Dick better than this is going to?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Rashomon to be remade!

    by Mattyboy122

    I wish this was a joke. It'll be called Rashomon 2010, but will take place in...the U.S.? What the fuck?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    The whale...

    by Merrick

    Should be rendered in dubious CGI and it should *speak* in this version. Voiced, of course, by a formerly A-list celebrity.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Morgan Freeman as Ahab

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Angelina Jolie as Queequeg who will teach Ishmael how to curve the path of the harpoon.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST


    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Stop giving these Hollywood turds ideas they would actually use.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Troy McClure as Ahab

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    He's moved on from dolphins to whales.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Moby Dick Versus Godzille!

    by cookylamoo

    with King Kong as the Refaree.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    In fairness to Herman Melville

    by kafka07

    the filmmakers shouldn't have the right to even call it Moby Dick. If Melville were alive he'd be ten times as pissed off as Alan Moore is about the adaptions of his written works.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for Brett Ratner's THE ODYSSEY.

    by Nosferatu Jones

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    This remake has KEANU REEVES written all over it.

    by Nosferatu Jones

    Ishmael or Ahab. He's a given for either one.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Do I smell Chris Tucker as Queequeg?

    by Nosferatu Jones

    I think I do!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST

    So basically shit all over the content...keep the title

    by fiester

    Fuck you, Hollywood!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Dirk Benedict as Starbuck.

    by Nosferatu Jones


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST

    KID Z

    by RobotDevil007

    You should have seen what i wished on those human shit-stains that are remaking Poltergeist. Sigh.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:14 p.m. CST


    by Royston Lodge

    sulk sulk sulk...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Ahab is a woman who has no grudge

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    against Moby Dick, but is obsessed with cosmetics. She is going after him for one reason and one reason only: ambergriss. What is it? Whale barf. Expensive whale barf used in perfumes. No lie. White whale barf in this case would be even more valuable we assume.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    This is fucked

    by alexpaknadel

    Moby Dick isn't Jaws, you mouth-breathing bastards!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    A Stupid Idea

    by maelstrom_ZERO

    There's such a thing as interpretation--like putting Romeo and Juliet into modern-day NY like West Side Story. Then there's something called an egregious error in judgment--like trying to make a movie adaptation of Street Fighter and hoping it turns out well. This version of Moby Dick errs the side of being egregiously erroneous. Captain Ahab is about fucking obsession and revenge, who'll do anything and everything to kill the white whale. Ahab is NOT charismatic. I swear, every time I hear some of these half-baked movie ideas, it feels like the concept came out of a drunken brainstorm in the middle of a bar.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:19 p.m. CST

    How can they revere the original text...

    by Octaveaeon

    and then say that "at its core [it] is an action-adventure revenge story"? Go remake 'Orca: the Killer Whale' instead if that's what you think and leave Moby Dick for somebody who actually knows how to read.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    YEah, Grammaton...

    by Kid Z

    ...but that "watch some godawful estrogen-fest on Hallmark with the girl" ploy never works. Women secretly HATE the "sensitive male." They'll ALWAYS ditch you casually for some jock asshole, then, if you're REALLY unlucky, you'll end up trapped in the "Just-A-Friend Zone". Fuck it... grab the remote and flip over to the Die Hard marathon... bitches are a dime a dozen, anyway.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Someone back there had a great idea

    by subtlety

    Major Hollywood Producer: "Love the concept, but something about this project struck me as not quite right... and then I read this talkback and realized... of course! Why not have the whole thing set in SPACE?!" And then all was right with the universe.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Is this a joke?

    by The Ghost of Marcus Brody

    This Adam Cooper idiot just outlined step by step how to turn a classic work of literature into a complete hollywood shit fest almost as if it was from a comedy skit somewhere.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    It's about this Whale.

    by cookylamoo

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Ahab shot first

    by Yamato

    Don't make the whale shoot first.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:23 p.m. CST

    so basically they're getting it all wrong

    by RickyShoreSingsTheBlues

    Charismatic leader instead of brooding obsessive? So they're not making Moby Dick, huh? Why call it Moby Dick? This project sounds ridiculous. Like something out of The Player. Or an April Fool's joke. Check out RICKY SHORE SINGS THE BLUES instead

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Subtlety: Set it in space, and give everyone a cigarette.

    by Royston Lodge

    And headline the pic with Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:26 p.m. CST

    I actually kind of like the Vin Diesel idea

    by I am_NOTREAL

    "Apocalypse Now" was really just a "re-imagining" of "Heart of Darkness," ya know. Did a term paper on it in 12th grade and everything...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    More Hollywood-speak to love

    by BizarroJerry

    I'd like to do some research and see how often when some filmmaker says " it's core it's a story about [blank]", they actually correctly interpret what [blank] is. I still recall "at it's core it's a story about a kid and his first car," or whatever it was...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    I've never seen so much hate toward a

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    "reimagining" and rightfully so. At least with Battlestar Galactica there was some debate. There's nothing but pure hate here.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    This site can ban all Uwe Boll talk...


    ...but lap the milk off Timur's Zaafacvajcakjlaksjda's balls. Fuck that. FUCK THIS. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!! I swear to fucking God I would accept Brett Ratner directing this shit over this cunt. At least Ratner's got The Family Man.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:35 p.m. CST

    hmmm who can play the whale????

    by catlettuce4

    Jennifer Lopez??? Ugly Betty???

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Any day now...

    by MR. MURDOCH

    Hollywood will release a movie with Taye Diggs or some other crappy actor reaching the final denouement yelling, "REIMAGINE THIS, BITCH!" "Reimagine" "Reword" "Reboot" "Reinvigoration" "Requel" "Resubstantiation" "Repatriation" "Repugnation" "RETREAD MY ASS!!!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Quentin Tarantino's...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    MOBY DICK: DICKPROOF!<p> John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Micheal Madsen, and Robert Rodriquez are joined by a cast of has-beens to, "absolutely, positively kill every motherfuckin' whale in the ocean!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST


    by UltimaRex

    That's because it did come out of a drunken brainstorm in the middle of a bar. They had coke too. Lots of coke. And it's "thought showers" now. Screw it! We have to put up with "thought showers" EVERYONE has to put up with "thought showers". "thought showers"... Bullet time Moby Dick... Bush still around... The shit goes ever on.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:45 p.m. CST

    It's okay everybody

    by Vern

    I looked them up on IMDb, it turns out these writers did "Accepted" and "New York Minute" with the Olsen Twins. So it's not like some nobody hacks, clearly this is in good hands. If there's anybody I trust to second guess my grandfather's literature it's the guys who did an Olsen Twins movie.<p> But what in fuck's name is a "graphic novel sensibility"?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    from the writers of 'new york minute'

    by alice 13

    now im thinking this might be so bad its a must-see.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Steven Seagal standing up for Moby

    by Spandau Belly

    This obviously needs a modern ecological tone to it. So Seagal has to be a lone drifter like The Lorax only with a special opps background who is standing up for the whale's rights and fights Ahab (Tom Berenger).

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Have Rob Cohen direct it with

    by skimn

    lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of CGI.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    I just reread the quotes from these idiots

    by fastcars

    "At its core an action-adventure story"?! Good Lord. What did they do, skim the abridged version and doodle explosions in the pictures? Authors need to get the rights to their books on lockdown. Hollywood is full of shameless, dangerously stupid people.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    "graphic novel sensibility"

    by UltimaRex

    = Insane tracking shots and slow-mo.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    my reimagining

    by redshirt

    Ahab represents the evil whaling industry, and by extension, all corporations bent on destroying the earth. Moby Dick is a manifestation of Gaia, representing the earth finally rising up to destroy the evil race of mankind. In the end, as the ship sinks, all sea creatures rise up in celebration and sing.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    "graphic novel sensibility"?

    by skimn

    Just like Hudsucker....ya know, for kids.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST


    by drturing

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:53 p.m. CST


    by drturing

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    I feel physically sick after reading this news

    by The Rabbit Of Carrot Shaped Doom

    This is terrible, terrible news. I am simply in a mixture of shock and nausea at hearing about these "updates" to the classic text. I hate these people with every inch of my soul. Hate them!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah I forgot.

    by UltimaRex

    + weird colour correction.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    I'm an optamist. Maybe they'll get it right?

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    Guys? ....Hello?<p>*Leaves TB quietly*

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST


    by drturing

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST


    by drturing

    oh wait, never fucking mind

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Well, I actually love the musical. Sorry!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST

    "From Hell's heart, I stab at thee."

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    "For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."<P>Do you feel me, Hollywood? Cause it's on like Donkey Kong.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:56 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Kinda sorta?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    McG's "Speak, Memory"

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Vern, a graphic novel sensibility

    by drturing

    is the kind of movie that would appeal to Massawyrm, i.e., dudes with long hair and black trenchcoats and backwards baseball caps who think time on Xbox Live makes them authorities on the properties of real weapons

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    You want me to CURVE THE HARPOON?!?

    by all

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:58 p.m. CST


    by Dick Bahls

    It's time to stop falling for the hype, and start not spending your money watching their garbage. They spent years shoving Ben Affleck down our throats, untill everyone woke up and stopped buying the hype & realized how bad he sucked.That's the only way they will learn, and give us a better product. Next year they will be giving us their reimagined, "better" Star Trek. They think that is money in the bank for them. Let's make sure that one tanks & is next year's Speed Racer.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 1:59 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Cuz she's mighty buoyant!!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2 p.m. CST

    "graphic novel sensibility"

    by skimn

    Oh wait, thats right, 300 was a graphic novel set in ancient times, and made a ton of money. Imagine a treacherous sea journey on the hunt of a giant white whale, with roller coaster CGI effects, and highly stylized "cinematography".<p>There's the mindset...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2 p.m. CST

    Reimagine Marcel Proust

    by Klytus_I.m_Bored

    Remembrance of Things Past 2: No Time To Bleed starring Jesse Ventura and Chris Rock

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:01 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Oh my Lawd!! *Slaps hands like Ruby Dee*

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:06 p.m. CST


    by Charlie_Allnut

    Captain Ahab and the crew will be animal murdering villains while the hero will be a clean cut ripped blond guy who is an early animal rights activist who is undercover on the ship as a member of an organization not unlike Greenpeace. He will eventually find a way to scuttle the ship thus justly killing the evil crew, and will be shipwrecked with the beautiful blond aristocratic headstrong girl who is also defy's her generation's mores on women's sexuality(i.e. she puts out...alot). The film will be shot w/ a HD video handheld camera to put us right in middle of the action. There will be a mandated minimum 60 cuts per minute and the whole thing will be filmed on a bluescreen. The script will be fully vetted and improved by every employee of the studio who will also all get co-producer credits. Focus groups will be on set at all times to resolve various issues ranging from dialogue revisions to makeup choices. 20 million dollars of the budget will be designated to provide organic costumes and foods, and to ensure the production is carbon neutral, carbon credits will also be purchased just to be sure.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Orca 2:Make it Stop

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Too bad Richard Harris is dead. "Macarthur Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing FLOWWING DOWWWN, someone left the cake out in the rain."

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Hayden: "Please don't kill Moby!!!" <p> Ahab: "Damn girl, you hot!!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:11 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Oh god...

    by UltimaRex

    All the talk of Shia, bullet time and remakes... Please keep him away from the Matrix... Please god I beg you...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    There are moments like reading this...

    by Brians Life

    ...when I wonder why the fuck we're all here. Is THIS all we've got left. Some douche bag telling me it's not my "Grandfather's Moby Dick"....GOD DAMMIT! You know what, with all the pitch meetings and development deals I've sat in on...I KNOW THAT THAT MOTHERFUCKER ACTUALLY SAID THAT WHEN PITCHING! God Dammit!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Kris Kristofferson as Ahab or fuck this shit.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Me and Bobby Magee. And a whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Walt Whitman

    by the podosphere

    Can't wait to see what Seth Rogen's gonna do with "Leaves of Grass".

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST


    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    It's been done with Leonardo DeCaprio and Claire Danes.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    STAR TREK II: If Khan was Ahab...

    by Nosferatu Jones

    ...I guess that makes Shatner the big white whale. Yup, it DOES make perfect sense...!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    should be done entirely with monkeys

    by just pillow talk

    dressed up as sailors. And to make the size of the whale more in line with the size of the monkeys, make it a beluga whale. It can be filmed in one of those kiddie turtle pools. And throw in aliens and maybe an irate jellyfish for good measure.<p>Yes, jellyfish get irate when you poke them with a stick.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST


    by Sithdan

    The best "killer whale on a rampage" flick in my opinion. Hmmm, now that I think about it, it's the ONLY "killer whale on a rampage" flick. Unless you count the various incarnations of Moby Dick, which focused on the characters, not the whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:20 p.m. CST

    The Bates as Moby Dick

    by just pillow talk

    Warwick Davis plays the jilted lover Ahab, lusting after his true love across the open seas...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Damn it. Always late with the good ideas.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST

    "This seems to miss the point of the novel."

    by IAmLegolas

    yep... somehow I never envisioned this classic novel as a CGI action/adventure. Maybe they should have the whale talk with a Sean Connery voice, too. Besides, JAWS already took the crown for Best Moby Dick Reimagining Ever. Good luck with that.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:26 p.m. CST


    by Octaveaeon

    Nah, that was 'Jaws'. In 'Orca' it's the whale that is out for revenge. Same as in Jaws 4.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:26 p.m. CST

    will it include the modern plot-point that whaling is illegal...


    and kind of pointless, what with light bulbs and all.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:27 p.m. CST

    ps. just because we like movies doesnt mean we dont read.


    This one works best on the page. Always has. Always will

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Dicky Mo!

    by rxse7en

    Thar be nipples on that that whale!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST


    by IAmLegolas

    right! I mean... what happened? All those ballsy movie makers from the the past, did all their grand kids take over the family business and they care fuck all about good movies anymore?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Bruce Campbell as Ahab

    by IAmLegolas

    with the "Evil Dead cam" as The Whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:33 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Damn it. Whale tales confuse me.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    by nukethefridge

    Thats what I thought!!!! Why won't anyone make meg!!! It would make the authors dream come true. On the paperback edition that I bought over ten years ago there is a quote saying "its going to make one meg of a movie" And yet no one will make one meg of a movie. Thats going to be my new thing I'm going to log on to every talk back and say "its going to make one meg of movie" I'm actually not but if i had a bit more spare time and a bit less of a life i would. For sure.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    How much coke does everbody in Hollywood Use?

    by Xiphos_2

    I'm guessing half of Columbias production of coke base must go to Hollyweird.<p>The abuse of cocaine is the only answer I can come up with as to how anybody in Hollywood would think this is a good idea. What a fucking bunch of imbiciles.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:44 p.m. CST

    So what

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    The book is virtually unadaptable anyway.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll for A Finnegans Wake reimaging

    by Xiphos_2

    That's gold right there, Academy Gold that is.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:48 p.m. CST


    by DeweyOxburger

    the best boat movie out there w/ sea monsters and stuff

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST


    by DeweyOxburger

    Cast Fred Ward as the whale and Joel grey as Ahab, only call them Remo and Chun and have them work for a secret agency run by Willy Brimley. Also rename it 'Remo Williams 2: The Adventure Continues...' instead of this MOBY DICK nonsense and BAM! blockbuster.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:53 p.m. CST

    It's Called "Jaws"

    by destruit

    They've already made the action/suspense version of this. Not only was Quint Ahab lite, but I think making him that way was a deliberate decision. As for the "Wag the Dog" joke, Mamet claims that line came from a real producer trying to sell him on writing the script.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 2:55 p.m. CST

    The Reimagining Was Already Done, It's Called "Jaws"!!!

    by Media Messiah

    And after "Jaws"...Hollywood did another Moby Dick Remimagining called "Orca"!!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3 p.m. CST

    I read this earlier -

    by reni

    To the writers: You stupid fucking piece of shit. Your pitch was the dumbest thing I've ever read on the internet.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah


    Dude don't be stupid. Jaws is overrated. The orignal Moby Dick book is a masterpiece. <p> In all seriousness......this probably won't be that bad. As long as they are faithful to the source material, I'm fine with a fucking CG whale. The Dark Knight had a ton of CG...that turned out alright. I don't like the director, but I've been reading some interviews with him about what he wants to do with this and his ideas actually sound interesting. Its gonna be sort of like Waterworld.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Oh great, another classic story ruined by graphic novelization

    by superunknown85

    This means that the whale will be 1,000 feet long, have burning red eyes, giant tusks, will roar like Godzilla and breathe fire. Meanwhiele, Ahab will be a muscular He-Man who is surrounded by beautiful (but dangerous, of course) women and an impressionable youngster. And of course he'll have a 50-foot glowing spear. The best thing they can do is make it a comedy and cast Samuel L. Jackson as Ahab. "I have had it with these motherfuckin whales in this motherfuckin ocean!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    and typical of AICN....they leave out the info to prove their po


    ...Bill Collage was a writer on Ransom as well. That movie was fucking awesome. Nobody mentions that.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Look - this might not be bad. Give it a chance

    by toadkillerdog

    We already have a great and 'definitive' Moby Dick movie with Gregory Peck. So no harm from a follow-up. The Psycho remake did not harm the original Psycho. And yes, I know it was a 'shot for shot' movie, but it still was not the original. Hollywood has been remaking movies since the twenties! And the book is a true masterpiece that can not be harmed in any way because a movie is made from it. This might be a kick ass whale killer movie!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    I agree Danny

    by toadkillerdog

    Too many people judging too quickly - and following along like lemmings because someone said it would suck.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST


    by alienindisguise

    I guarantee that with the "advances in technology" thy're going to make the whale do backflips and shit. Lame! New ideas people, that's what the world needs.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Vern and BrooseTheScharuk own this TB

    by Fireball XL-5


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    any word on whether this is period or not?


    It would be great to keep it in the same era it was originally intended but to modernize the overall style of it. What if they went the complete opposite way of realism and made it very visually stylistic and otherworldly (Speed Racer sort of thing) could be interesting. The key here is a good original score....somebody like Marco Beltrami would be great.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    What if...

    by I am_NOTREAL

    Moby Dick uses his tail to fling Ahab between the Pequod's masts at the very end, and a bunch of crabs watching from a nearby reef hold up their claws to signal touchdown (or field goal)????

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    don't get me wrong...I fucking hate Timur cocksucker....


    ...but the more I thought about this the more interesting I thought it could be. The post-apocalyptic thing could really work. That would be funny if they got Costner as Ahab.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Face it guys, we do need this remake

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    In a world of new ideas that are just plain are choking themselves, Timur Bekmambetov will be a breath of fresh air.<p> Every Moby Dick I have seen so far hasn't really been anything to write home about.<p> I even thought the book spent too much time muddled in metaphors and symolism.<p> Melville would have wanted this.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Movies and books are source material that can be reimagined

    by toadkillerdog

    People. stop freaking out and think. How many movies that you love came from a source material that was radically different than the finished product? <p> Like I said, the definitive movie already exists, so if they make another movie from a different angle, so what? As long as it is a good movie.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST



    Are you serious?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    even Beaks jumped on the bandwagon of trashing this...


    ....on his other TB. There is not even a fucking script people!! The guy co-wrote fucking bad can it be? If I remember correctly Beaks has given glowing reviews to quite a few shit storms as well.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Chitty - exactly!

    by toadkillerdog

    Timur Bekmambetov is a visual genius! He has been hailed all across these TB's for bringing his own style to movies. I say turn him loose! I want tos ee what he can do with this type opf flick. A real kick ass whale killer movie with a good backstory!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Danny - A Speed Racer style Moby Dick? I love it!

    by toadkillerdog

    That movie kicked major ass in the visual style department!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    the same TB'ers bitching about this jerked it to Wanted....


    ...what the fuck? hypocrites. That proves the pack like behavior....a few people give good reviews to TDK and this whole fucking site goes crazy before anyone has even seen it. And on the flip side, no one knows a fucking about this project and you're all bashing it....why? Because thats the cool thing to do? <P> This site has become a 3rd grade popularity contest, it makes me sick.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST


    by Orionsangels

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    toad== obviously not Speed Racer extreme.....


    ...but something along those lines. An alternate world. It could work for this with the post-apocalyptic angle.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Orionsangels of FUCK OFF


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Orionsangels oh FUCK OFF


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Jett - I can totally dig a reworked Wuthering Heights

    by toadkillerdog

    And though you may have been joking about Tyrese, why not?<p> A reimagined Moby Dick could be awesome!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Think about it

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Here we have the perfect template for a kick-ass action adventure.<p> Granted the template is flawed, but that is something I think Timur can fix.<p> Why not give it a chance and see before we all trash it to death.<p> Look at how many people are ready to crown Avatar the best film in cinematic history without seeing it.<p> Maybe this will be Timur's Aliens. You know the movie that truly shows what he can do, even with murky source material.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    JGL could be great in this...


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    They will never stop!!!

    by rost

    I see it coming, one day there will be a remake of PSYCHO.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Yeah - Danny the post apocalyptic angle of Moby Dick

    by toadkillerdog

    Has not been explored enough. Only hinted at. I can see the color pallete of speed racer.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    F*ing Ridiculous

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    Ahab as a charismatic leader? That is just sad. Why don't they just reimagine the whale into a snail and people into ants and the title into "Turd Blossom"?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    Why can't he be charismatic instead of laconic?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I don't see why people bitch about remakes....


    ...who fucking cares? Its showing classical stories to a new generation of audience. Where is the crime in that? Most younger kids will not sit through shit like the original Moby Dick with Peck....they just won't. The film was good back then but it is dated and boring now. Today's audience needs a faster moving story. Why doesn't anyone understand that? Change isn't bad.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    This could work..

    by Jonah Echo

    but I think that we have enough big action adventure films out there, that Timur will really need to distinguish himself. I can see this working if they actually do it from the POV of the whale! Seriously, can you imagine how groundbreaking that would be? We follow the whale's POV for the whole film, and that way everything that would typically bog down a film like this, exposition, slow human interest scenes can be cut out. Just start from the moment that Moby blasts from the depths, and create it so that we see his pain and turmoil and loneliness. Do that and I gurantee an Oscar for all.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Coughlins Laws

    by toadkillerdog

    Do you like Battlestar Gallactica? That was reimagined, and it worked out pretty darn well.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    How many kids will read the book based on what we have?

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    None. Zilch. Zero. Nada.<p> But we know that we are going to get the usual good effort from Bekmambetov and I know after he makes what will be the definitive Moby Dick film, more kids will be interested to see Melville's take on it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Jonah - that is awesome! Sort of like a video game gun

    by toadkillerdog

    I can't recall the name of the game, but it was from the gun's point of view! That would take balls of steel to convince the studios though.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    this is the problem with that film elitism shit....


    Close minded fucks. I'm sick of it. When everyone on here is raving about how groundbreaking this shit is next year I'm gonna hold up a big middle finger to every one of you fucks. Jonah..I'm sure you were kidding about the Whale POV shit....but something like that could work intercut with the normal stuff. It worked well in Orca because we could relate to the beast and feel his pain. We need that here. We need to root for the whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:32 p.m. CST

    I will be there opening night

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    and buy the DVD on release night.<p> Bekmambetov hasn't let me down yet.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Chitty - the book is long and boring in parts

    by toadkillerdog

    But still a masterpiece. Any movie that can make kids read, is a good movie!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    how about a sci-fi element?


    The whale is some sort of government defense system gone bad? Seriously. Imagine how fucking scary that would be if it was one big weapon.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Orca! Yes!

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Now that is a whale movie!<p> I can only imagine that it will soon be in second place though.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Bekmambetov - will make this work

    by toadkillerdog

    His involvement alone makes me truly anticipate that this will be a ground breaking kick ass whale killer of a movie

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    How about a Moby Grape Movie??

    by cookylamoo

    Call it, Grape Jam! Wow!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    While Hollywood is Reimaging. . .

    by Slippy

    We need 3 Muskateers, the Bible, Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, Last Days of Pompeii, Macbeth, and Ben Hur all redone.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Half the people on here bitching about this.....


    ...were on the Eagle Eye TB foaming at the mouth over its release this Friday. And those were the same cunts that go and and on about how great Disturbia is. So its okay to support ripping off Hitchcock-- but its a mortal sin to not rip off....but to do an admitted "Reimagining" of a dated and very flawed original film? Fuck that. Fuck least these guys are on the record saying what the source material is....not like that dripping cunt D.J. "I didn't rip off Hitch" Caruso. FUCK THAT!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    I coulda sworn it was more

    by Westonian

    a story about a brooding obsessive ....but hell...what do I know.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    The whale could be from IN-GEN

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Get John Hammond on a boat crewed by Vince Vaughn, Jeff Goldblum, Sam Neill and a new Wayne Knight that was also engineered by In-Gen.<p> I smell Oscar!<p> They can chase it in circles around Isle FUBAR! Ha!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Mr Slippy Fist -- you wanna discuss or....


    ...just be a fucking smart ass all the time?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Does anyone know what the name 'Moby Dick' means?

    by toadkillerdog

    Explore this in the movie

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST



    Well it wouldn't have to be a NEW Wayne Knight.....we don't know that he died. He could have just been getting an H.J. in the backseat of that fly Jeep for all we know.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:41 p.m. CST

    We also need to see when the whale changes

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    It was a regular whale, but something happened to make it white.<p> Like something scared it maybe.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    MD II

    by skimn

    This time.....its personal

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Every time they got near the whale

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Wayne Knight could do his computer alert phrase over and over when they tried to get him to tell them the whale's weakness.<p> "Uh-Uh-Uh! You didn't say the magic word!"<p> That's right, just have him stand there wagging his finger back and forth.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    In all seriousness, make the whale

    by Jonah Echo

    a force of nature and the film will take on it's own feel. It will be seperate from the book. And you are telling me if a big budget period maritime film came out with a crazed man hunting a whale, none of you would see it? <P> BRING.IT.ON.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:44 p.m. CST

    You guys are WRONG!!!!!!!!!!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Sorry but...<P>THIS. IS. MELVILLE!!!!!!!!!!<P>I'm surprised someone hasn't said that already.<P>TKD, comparing the remake of BSG to a "graphic novel-style version" of MOBY DICK is completely backwards. By that logic, the remake would have been based off the current series - not the OS.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Chitty - That is a great idea!

    by toadkillerdog

    It gives motivation to the whale. Whales are reputed to be the second smartest mammals on the planet. So why would they not have emotions as well? The baby whale may have been frightened or caught in a tuna trap. He may have been abused! These are motivations that would never have occurred in the 19th century!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    I hope it includes 55 minutes

    by cookylamoo

    on the history of whaling. It just wouldn't be like the book without it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    everyone here will see this...


    ...again its the pack mentality. If Christian fucking Bale was in this shit the entire AICN community would be collectively squeezing their nuts as they popped right at this very moment.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    The hunt for Red October IN Moby Dick

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Alright the whale swallows the Red October sub.<p> Now the hunt is on!<p> Also the whale is on a collision course for the coast of Alaska and Palin is standing on the beach stomping the base of a harpoon on the ground saying "You shall not pass!!!"<p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:46 p.m. CST


    by Jonah Echo

    Making it's way through the galaxy, gobbling up worlds recklessly, until one man leads the A.H.A.B. Armored Harbinger Annihilation Brigade on a suicide mission to destroy the dreaded menace.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Yippie Kai Ay!!!

    by Smerdyakov

    You whaling Japanese Motherfuckers!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    I was doing that anyway Danny

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Just saying...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    MNG - I am only saying that reimagining can work

    by toadkillerdog

    You can take hallowed source material and 'update' it! The source will never change. The book remains inatct. The definitive movie version has been made. But updating the angle can be refreshing. Just about every major Shakespearean work has been updated and reimagined.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    most TB'ers have never fucking seen the original Peck...


    ...version. Admit it you cunt motherfuckers.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    The great Forbidden Planet was based on a Shakespeare play

    by toadkillerdog

    It was 'reimagined' from The Tempest!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Get Moby the electronica muscian to do the score

    by Xiphos_2

    It fits.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    the post apocalyptic take could work..

    by Jonah Echo

    what if the whale was radioactive, like godzilla, and Ahab is actually trying to save humanity by destroying it? I think that could really work.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Hayden Penistree would be crying

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    and screaming "Stop! Stop!" as Ahab found it cheaper to outsource a group of Asian whale hunters to overtake Moby and his Dick.<p> She would still be pounding the beach as snot flew from her gasps of emotion, as the whalers canned up the final jar of whale oil.<p> The end scene would be one of the guys handing her the Dick of Moby as she slowly starts to grin...

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Danny - I bet most never even read the book!

    by toadkillerdog

    They just hear that a masterpiece will be 'desecrated' and follow along like lemmings. Pathetic.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Xiphos -- RE: Moby


    You know he is related to Melville?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    They can just call it "DICK"

    by DarthBakpao

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Also right after the screen goes black and before the credits

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    You hear Hayden moaning in self-gratifying lust and all of the sudden you here one of the whalers yell out just as Hayden squeals.<p> "Look! Thar she blows!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    its true Toad....


    Moby Dick is just "KNOWN" as a masterpiece. How the fuck do any of these jerk offs here know that? Have they ever actually read the book? Well I have....its okay, but its not all that. Thats why i'm saying it can't hurt to spice it up a little bit. Flock of fucking sheep, if only Equinus were here he would fuck every one of you dry.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Moby Dick could be edited by 500 pages

    by Jonah Echo

    and lose nothing. That is why the definitive version will always be the Illustrated Classics one, and you can pick that badboy up for like a 1.50 at the Dollar Tree.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Jonah...hehehe...I seriously own the Illustrated


    ...Classics version. Thats funny.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Make the Moby Dick able to walk on land

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Why should we limit this to the sea?<p> Also Ahab's boat could be amphibious.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST


    by dr.bulber

    it could work.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Moby Dick is the best subject if you want to parody

    by David Cloverfield

    updates, remakes and adaptations. I say use all the stupid "modern!" ideas suggested in this talkback and you have a relevant movie on your hands.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    I know what you're saying and I do admit there are a few successful modernized versions of classic, hallowed stories. However, I'm a longtime fan of Melville. And what I've seen from Timur Bekmambetov does not sit well with me when I consider the nature of the source material. Like I said in my first post up top, the press release just reeks of a production inspired only by the application of modern FX.<P>In any case, if they do go through with this, I'll wish them luck. They're gonna need it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    David Cloverfield


    Thanks for the endorsement. <P> Prick.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Whales have emotions and motivations just like men do

    by toadkillerdog

    There is a reason why he turned rogue - if indeed he really did. I mena come on. Ahab stalked the damn thing! Wouldnt that piss you off? This is a revenge flick of the highest order - but the hero does not have to be human!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Mr. Nice Gaius


    I understand you may be a fan of Melville's work....but I think what you were trying to say is that you were able to project your own images of expectations of the classic legacy of Moby Dick over the actual text you read and make it an overall better reading experience. There is too much of a legacy to read something like Moby Dick with an honest point of view. Its like watching Citizen Kane for the first time right are too heavily influenced by public opinion that it is a classic. That being said....I find the orignal Peck film pretty lackluster. Everyone is making fun of a CG whale, but in all seriousness its not like it can be any worse than the original whale effects.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Also I think

    by Jonah Echo

    they could really have an uplifting ending here and make it redemptive if Ahab actually reconciles with his anger, and doesn't kill Moby. Imagine him lowering the harpoon, and allowing all that wonder and mystery to roam free. It would be a brave, moving ending.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    That is an honest response. It is more than most of the lemmings on here who can only parrot the moderators. NOthing worng with having misgivings, but realize that 'sacred' source material has been reworked for a very, very long time and sometimes the results are breathtaking. Take a look over on the twitch TB MNG.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Ahab to be played by......

    by odo19

    New Wayne Knight, while Moby Dick is to be played by Old Wayne Knight. You all know it could work.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    As an english major though

    by Jonah Echo

    I gotta cop to the fact that the original novel is a classic and it would be well written and important if it was written tomorrow and it was the first time we ever read it. <P> However, I think we all know this is gonna be nothing like that whatsoever. This will be as much Moby Dick as Underworld was Romeo and Juliet.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST


    by Xiphos_2

    I was unaware that Melville and Moby were related. I guess that explains his choice of a stage name.<p>I've read Moby Dick. and enjoyed it, but I like sailing stories, ships and such. I found those long passages in the book about these subjects intersting. So, am I a "cunt"?<p>never mind answering that. I get what is behind that statement of yours.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    Very well said!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Too many people tear things down

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    without ever seeing it.<p> How can we honestly say this is going to suck if we haven't seen it?<p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST



    I read your post again. Are you a fan of Melville himself or of Moby Dick. Melville the man would make more sense, as he seemed like a fascinating fellow. <p> Were you aware of the homo-erotic themes all over the place in Moby Dick. I have read theories that Ishmael and Queequeg actually sleep together in the chapter titled, "Squeeze of the Hand."

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST



    If you're so smart and well versed in film....list your Top 10 films of all time right fucking now.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Are you trying to imply that my response to reading MOBY DICK for the first time wasn't a genuine one because of public opinion?! I suppose my subsequent visits to the book matter little then too, eh?<P>For the record, I have seen the John Huston/Greg Peck version of MOBY DICK many times over the years. It used to scare me a little as a kid. But the movie brought me to the book and the book (IMHO) is the masterpiece it's lauded to be.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    The difference is that Whales are real. Dragons are not.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Maybe they could use Moby's "God Moved Over The Face Of The Waters". It's an appropriate enough title.<P>(Most people know the song from the final scene in HEAT.)

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST

    I want to see this!

    by the milf lover

    It needs to be an epic post-apocalyptic trilogy! Seriously, nobody can tell me they wouldnt want a grandiose reimagining of Moby Dick! At the end of the first movie you think they killed it, and in the second part it turns into a lost at sea adventure like the Ulysses story with different kinds of mythological aspects like mermaids and angry gods, with the cliffhanger revelation that Moby is still out there, then part 3 is the ultimate cat and mouse chase and final confrontation between Ahab and the "resurrected by a Poseidon Cult" Moby Dick!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Mr. Nice Gaius -- don't get upset....


    But that is precisely what happens. Its not your fault. Everyone's views of art are skewed by the pack mentality of the world we live in. If something is hammered down you throat as a "CLASSIC" your entire really isn't a fair view when you read it and agree it is indeed a classic. Did you find the homoerotic subtext in Moby Dick to be disturbing? It actually bothered me after I read about it more. <p>But have decent taste in film. If this Moby reimagining was something on par with Jurassic Park...would you support it?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    moby dick is really anything but...

    by juice willis

    an action/adventure, revenge tale. simple motherfucker misses the point entirely.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST



    Toad posted those pics that you guys were talking about. He has the link over on the Twitch TB. Its the 3rd down on Top Talkbacks.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Wow - Jonah! Letting Moby live?

    by toadkillerdog

    Very thought provoking. Might work.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    juice willis -- have you read it?


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    just fucking stop this now!!!!

    by Gabba-UK

    A) Fuck of and die!! B) We already had a very good re-imagining nearly 30 years ago. It was called Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan and finally C) Fuck of and die in case you weren't sure I meant it the first time!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    I'm a fan of Melville in general and he was definitely a fascinating fellow. When it comes to themes, there are a ton of theories as to what may or may not be contained in MOBY DICK as well as a few of his other novels. As for the homo-erotic stuff, I think it's mostly whimsical speculation but not without plausibility.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    Why are you so 'threatened' by the prospect of an updated Moby Dick?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:24 p.m. CST


    by Xiphos_2

    I don't know anything about Moby's music except for his one big song, "Here we are now" I think its called. I was just being a smartass.<p>I'm not so much botherd by this or any remake/reimaging or what ever the fuck you want to call it. What bothers me is the cowardness behind the whole concept.<p>What I mean is this. Instead of trying a new and diffrent idea by some writer, we get remakes/sequals/reimaging.<p> I get that easily recognized names bring in the cash with little risk but have some balls Hollywood, take the risk. Move off of the easy button.<p> To quote Paul'Muad Dib from Dune, "The safe path leads ever downward into stagnation." I might of paraphrased that one, its been awhile since I read the book.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    fuck moby dick! fuck it! I dare you to read it!

    by chipps

    I dare you! watch this instead:<p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:26 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    See what I wrote about Forbidden Planet abpve. It was a reimagining.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    MOBY DICK is not an FX action extravaganza

    by Mullah Omar

    I know it's an acknowledged classic, but I don't think it has any sort of towering legacy that will force any reader to bow down before it. I would actually be kind of surprised if that many people without AARP membership have ever read it. Of those who did read it, I'll bet many got bored with the constant chapter-long tangents to discuss whales or whaling. <br> <br> But this proposed film really does seem to be an excuse to turn a character-driven story into a special effects-filled action extravaganza. Timur is a director who is good with sleek, stylish action shots, but his style would be out of place in MOBY DICK. This story needs somebody doesn't need music or even words to portray menace and danger. <br> <br> Also, the original film didn't wow me that much. When I read the book years after seeing it, I could barely remember the plot, and I found myself most engaged in the chapter-long tangents about the culture of whaling, which are what I believe really distinguish the novel from other classic books. I don't know if you could weave that into the film or not. If you focus only on the main plot, you're cutting out most of what made the book special in the first place, which is the rich insight into the world of whalers. In that sense, any film version of MOBY DICK is kind of doomed.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    casting news just in

    by Maximus Prime

    Corey Feldman as Ahab<p> Queen Latifah as Moby Dick<p> best movie ever

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Mullah Omar -- thank you!!


    Finally someone has the balls to admit the original film is shit.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Dicky Moe!!!!!

    by Han Cholo

    Cmon that's the perfect name for a remake of this film. Box office gold, 200 million opening weekend. The title itself is hilarious!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    what happened to the Wolfgang Peterson reimagining...


    ...of this from a few years back? He wanted to go sci-fi and make it genetically engineered or some shit.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    "don't get upset...."

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Oh, I'm not upset, far from it. I'm just a little opposed to my honest take on something being accused of some sort of "herd" mentality. Frankly, that sounds like something Memories-Of-Murder would say.<P>I don't find the homoerotic subtext disturbing because it was never something that stood out to me during the times I read it. But you'll find more obvious sexual themes in TYPEE (considered risque for the time) and BILLY BUDD (repressed homosexuality).<P>As for a MOBY DICK on par with JURASSIC PARK, I would not endorse it outright. Sounds too much like an FX filled fun ride with a surface-value only plotline. Visceral thrills notwithstanding.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Mullah Omar

    by toadkillerdog

    That is precisely whay a man of Timur's talents should helm (pun intende) this flick. He will bring a visual panache and elan unmatched by today's filmakers. <p>

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Leviathan: The Movie

    by Octaveaeon

    Now there's a book crying for a 're-imagining'. Nothing screams "CGI action-adventure" more than 'Leviathan, or The Matter, Forme and Power of a Common Wealth Ecclesiasticall and Civil.' Although the 'man vs. state of nature' parable is an important element to this popular tale, at heart it's about a biblical monster taking over the planet. Hobbes would have approved, and so would Carl Schmitt, who was also a big fan of the fish. And after this box-office smash, if we're lucky, somebody could do Jonah and the Whale, but from the whale's POV. Or what about Pinocchio, only this time focusing less on Pinocchio and more on the whale? Of course they could just drop Pinocchio altogether.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    and for those in the cheap seats...

    by Gabba-UK

    I have read it. It's too bloody good a book to cheapen with 'graphic novel sensabilties' but I guess that's what's needed now to drag MTV influenced, ADD riddled, playstation addicted fucktards into cinema's these days. If reimagining is needed for classics these days why is Mr. Darcy never a crack dealer in the latest version of Pride and Prejudice.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Even better casting news!!!

    by odo19

    David Hyde Pierce as Ahab, Crispin Glover as Ishmael, and Shane "blackzilla" Diesel's actual cock as Moby Dick.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    Check out the twitch TB when you get a chance.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    A reimagining does not require that you completely alter the personality of the character - hence making Mr. Darcy a 'crack dealer' would not work. It supposes that the basic established character can be put into different situations - such as the translation of Shakepeares The Tempest into outer space with Forbidden Planet. Romeo and Juliet have been reimagined multiple times - West Side story for instance. Do not dismiss what you do not know.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Hollywood: Thar she blows.

    by Ingeld

    I understand that in adaptations changes in plot sometimes have to occur in order to tell the story, but where the hell do Hollywood writers think they can improve on the themes and the nature of characters written by the best authors and poets of literature? What Melville got it wrong? The abomination that was the recent Beowulf movie is another example. The Beowulf poet apparently didn't know what he was doing because obviously the hero, according to the movie, was supposed to be tragic rather than epic. Thank God Hollywood is around to fix the mistakes made by incompetent authors.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    I have read it several times

    by juice willis

    focusing on the action/revenge elements rather than the subtext and symbolism inherent in the novel would entirely defeat the purpose of using it as source material. it's much more of an existentialistic piece. anybody who doesn't agree should read it again and pay attention to the "boring" parts.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST


    by toadkillerdog

    Are you opposed to a reimagining that works? Great authors can be reworked and 'updated'. It does not diminish from their greatness, as the source material still exists.<p> West Side story (Romeo and Juliet) <p> Forbidden Planet (The Tempest)<p> Shakespeare aint exactly chopped liver, and those two reworkings are excellent.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    A movie about a bald techno-musician's genitalia?

    by Snookeroo

    Gives a whole new meaning to the title "Play", I suppose.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Frankly I'm waiting for a movie about a huge killer seal.

    by Snookeroo

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    i'm flipping through it right now

    by chipps

    and the 'boring' parts are 400 pages long. the action revenge parts are like 40 pages long. the bulk of the actual story is less than ten percent of the novel. the rest is endless musing on whether or not a porpoise is a whale. It is by far the hardest to read 'classic' that i have every encountered coming across as a poorly composed treatise on whales and whaling full of outdated scientific infomation, with a short story tacked on the end. The vast majority of people who i know who have actually read it (and this is pretty much confined to those studying literature) believe that anyone claiming to like it is doing so in order to impress someone as to how well read they are. Maybe this is not the case for some of you i'll leave that option open, but i remain suspicious, I have studied the classics and have several friends who have degrees in literature and like i say we are all suspicious that anyone other than a pompous try hard could like it. if you liked it, more power to you. I'm beached bro!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    'for those in the cheap seats'

    by chipps

    my point exactly

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    I want a manitee to run amuck

    by ChittyChittyGangBang

    Or swim amuck whatever.<p> Make it so that it has this huge gaping maw. Filled with razor-sharp teeth.<p> Perfect for ripping open the flesh of relaxing retirees.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    re: Toadkillerdog

    by Ingeld

    I think especially if a movie is going to use the name of the source text, (its characters by name, etc.) then it should remain faithful to the spirit/theme/soul of that original text. It, however, does not have to be slavish retelling--TLOTR for instance does not slavishly stick to Tolkien in every way--but it always held onto its themes and characters. Re imaginings which borrow character types rather than specific characters and general plot elements/conflicts I do not think need to be that faithful. Interestingly the examples you cite, West Side Story and Forbidden Planet were fairly faithful to the original source in spirit and theme despite the fact that they were not adaptations. They are better adaptations in my opinion than what this movie aims for, which will have the outer appearance of the the novel Moby Dick but none of its spirit or soul.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST


    by spacehog

    "Marry me!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    i take back

    by chipps

    'poorly composed treatise on whales and whaling full of outdated scientific infomation' and replace it with 'well composed treatise on whales and whaling full of outdated scientific infomation' I admit he is quite methodical. and i don't mean any offence to anyone, i have just in my time encountered many people who claim to have read it but when you ask them questions they fall apart. It one of those books people like to prominently display in their book case in order to show off how smart they are.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Man, all of a sudden...

    by Brians Life

    ...alot of you took your retard juice. See you clowns in a year when this comes out, SUCKS and you're all talkin' about how you said it would.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Gotta Cast Samuel L. Jackson in this!

    by Cheif Brody

    "I'm tired of these motherfuckin whales in this motherfuckin boat!" <p> "Quint is Ahab-lite"? Fuck you and the whale you rode in on. Quint was in it for the $$$ and the case of apricot brandy...the "obsession" only kicked in after he'd been bested by the beast. Only THEN was Quint getting his revenge for all those poor souls who died after the Indianapolis sunk. <p> Two completely different characters...two completely different kinds of obsession. Both equally kick ass. Quint was never lookin for a "white shark" found him.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    The Secret Hollywood Unoriginality Act of 2001

    by bswise

    In order to protect the nation from terrorists, all original content must be phased out by the year 2012. <p> Can't wait for McG's reimagining of "To Kill A Mockingbird."

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    i suggest

    by chipps

    at the end of the movie moby dick gets beached and some state trooper blow him up with dynamite. yeah that would be sweet.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST



    IT WERENT NO WHITE WHALE THAT ANGER"D YA IT WAS ME FLACID PEG LEG. NOT THE ONE OF WOOD MIND YA.<P> Don't like me no Passive Ahab. Love the Gregory Peck version. Love the TV one with Capt Picard as Ahab too. Very visual that one was. This one unless Ahab is an asshole with vengence in toe. I don't care. I'll tell you what movie Uni should make..

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST




  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Get Sam Jackson to play the captain. With lines like.......

    by The Dum Guy

    "I'm tired of this mutha-fucking whale, fucking up my boats!"<br><br>"I'm the captain, you have to do what I fucking say!"<br><br>"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You fucking semen looking, white piece of shit fish!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:34 p.m. CST

    They need to make a movie with a killer car that


    lives in the ocean. Don't explain it, just do it!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:37 p.m. CST

    It will be EXTREME!

    by Stalin vs Predator

    Long live quick cuts, realistic shake came and slow-motion takes of the whale being shot with an improvised steam cannon. All set to a pounding soundtrack by Marilyn Manson.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST


    by Cameron1

    Fuck you, you stupid venal cunts.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Vern's related to the scribe of Mobish Cock?


    And Harry had Bob A. Burns and Gunnar Hansen come to his Birthday party, but actually he said it was on Halloween before in a previous post related to TCM, so I always took that tale with a grain of salt. I did however call Bob Burn's at home once shortly before he passed away. Talked to him for 45 minutes or so, cool guy. So sad he's gone. My best friend is blood kin to Jesse James. Looks exactly like him too. So in a way Harry is related to my best friend since he claims to be kin. Got any kin with the last name Grubbs Mr. Knowles. Wonder if we will ever meet at a family BBQ or something.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:43 p.m. CST

    MOBY DICK is a showoff book?

    by Mullah Omar

    Really? Even though it's considered a classic, it seems like a real niche book to me. The fact that most people don't ever acknowledge that most of it isn't even about Moby Dick, Ahab, or Ismael tells me that most people haven't even actually read it in the first place. In fact I don't recall ever meeting more than 3-4 people who I was sure actually read the novel rather than just saw the film. I think that in a lot of ways, MOBY DICK is kind of a forgotten book, and I don't think anybody's snob credentials are enhanced by a reference most people don't even know. Not like I poll everyone on this, but that's my sense of it. <br> <br> FYI, I tend to think pretty much ANYBODY who keeps a shelf full of books they've already read is showing off, especially if they're paperbacks. Give that shit to friends.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    mullah up north in massachusetts it's required


    reading in like the 4th grade.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Will that dufus "Moby" do the soundtrack?

    by Cotton McKnight

    After all, he is Herman Melville's great great grandson's uncle's neighbor's cousin, as he likes to point out to anyone who has a pulse. And he is a vegan, too! Must be fun at parties.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:47 p.m. CST

    This makes perfect sense.

    by rbatty024

    Take THE classic American novel about obsession, race, democracy, and all the other complex issues of 19th century America and make it into a Jaws knockoff. I assume by "comic book sensibilities" they mean that the film will be shot entirely with green screen so that it feels as if we're watching a poorly acted play instead of an actual movie.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Moby Dick is too much a product

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    of its form - in other words it's very much about the written word. It's a BOOK. It is not at all a blueprint for a movie; far from it. So attempting a "loyal" adaptation is silly anyway. The story such as it is and the plot are only part of the sprawling - let's face it - near mess the novel is. <p>So however they want to fuck around with it is fine with me. There's no "right" way to film the thing, so doing it wrong is no big deal.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Note to Film-makers

    by Die_Hardest

    Moby Dick is not an Action Adventure film. It's the tragic story of a man who's single-minded goal of revenge consumes him and damns himself and all those around him. Also, Jaws isn't about a shark, it's about a monster.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Not your grandfather's...

    by lsleelee

    I just heard a lecture a few nights ago about how unique this country was in its complete hatred and disregard for history. How radio propaganda in the Muslim world can make vague reference - a name, a date - to a historical event maybe a thousand years old and everyone - including the large illiterate population - would understand it. Try that here, with these fucks.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    This is nothing new

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Hollywood has been doing this for decades. I'd say James Whales' "Frankenstein" bears little resemblance to Mary Shelley's novel. Both film versions of "War of the Worlds" are equally worlds apart from the original H.G. Wells novel. Anyone recall the Roger Corman "adaptations" of Edgar Allan Poe tales in the 1960's? Let's not even talk about Walt Disney. And going back to a film like the Universal "Frankenstein", it's not like that movie suddenly rewrote the novel. There have been many different film versions since, all re-imaginings of Shelley's work, but you still have to read the full unabridged novel in college. Point is, I don't think 19th century American Literature will crumble as a result of this movie. Heck, if you read an abridged copy of "Moby Dick", it kind of reads like an action-adventure story.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    BTW chipps

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I don't think "flipping through" the book is sufficient to criticize it, or to criticize people who think it's great. You're free to say what you like, of course, but it's pretty ridiculous unless you've actually read the thing.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    and actually funny thing about the book

    by Die_Hardest

    "all those chapters about knots and blubber that everyone skips over." Those chapters are actually highly inaccurate haha. For instance Melville refers repeatedly to the whale as a fish, even though by the time the book was written everybody knew that whales were mammals. So there's a funny anecdote.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and the White Whale of Doom!


    Ofay Dokey Dr. Jones! Hold on to your Potatoes!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Chapters everyone skips over

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    aren't that inaccurate. Most of it is about the whaling "industry" and the history of whaling. It's not as if he's unfamiliar with the anatomy of a whale for chrissakes. The bit about whether it's a fish or not is obviously wrong, but so what. That was a scientific golden age and things were still being classified and categorized. It's an old fucking book.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:09 p.m. CST


    by Thunderbolt Ross

    the whale as fish thing is presented as an argument, making it obvious that during the writing there was still debate as to the categorization, or at least that it was a new one, and one Melville disagreed with. Etc

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:10 p.m. CST

    One more thing

    by Die_Hardest

    Somebody earlier said that Wrath of Khan was an adaptation of Moby Dick. I thought I should correct the record, NOT SO! NOT SO! NOT SO! If anything it's closer to Paradise Lost, another revenge classic, y'know, about Satan. But even that's pushing it. The fact that Khan quotes Lucifer from it saying "from Hell's heart I stab at thee" to Kirk is more a reference to the original series episode in which Khan appears. At the end of the episode (Space Seed) when Kirk offers Khan the alternative of being brought before a federation court martial or being marooned with his crew on Ceti Alpha V Khan asks him if he's read Milton. Kirk says he understands and quote from it "I'd rather be a King in Hell than a slave in Heaven." Consider the record corrected. Now, a movie adaptation of Paradise Lost....

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:14 p.m. CST


    by Thunderbolt Ross

    "from Hell's heart I stab at thee" IS from Moby Dick. I agree there's no way you could say Wrath of Khan is a adaptation in any way of Moby Dick, but that little speech is a tip of the hat for sure.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Thunderbolt Ross

    by chipps

    i have read it, i was just refeshing my memory, not wanting to get specific details wrong eg: the ratio of story to info. I often do this, which is why i buy some books and borrow the ones that i am likely to want to re read or reference. and don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the start and the end, the parts that were about obbsession, i just felt that the detail that he goes into over the characteristis of whales, what makes a whale a whale, which animals qualify as whales, i just felt that was overly long (it is about four hundred out the the 440 pages of the book) Also I certainly wouldn't criticize someone for liking it, i wasn't clear enough on that. What i would criticize is anyone who a)pretends to have read a book that they haven't read in order to look smart or b)pretends to like a book they didn't like in order to look smart.<p>on several occasions i and some of the other recent posters have caught people on this site doing just that - and with movies too. I find it absurd. And i feel that this is the number one book for that. One person above pointed out how many people bang on about it being only a story about obsession and that these people have obviously not read it. that is what i was getting at. Anyone who read this book that i didn't really get into (i thought i was going to like it but didn't) and liked it, well good on them i certainly wasn't criticizing people who are genuinely like that.<p>i actually read a survey recently (done anonymously) and it is number one on the list of books that book reviewers claim to like but secretly don't. this rings true to my experience. further more i am scratching my head because a number of people have posted comments show they have both read it an liked it. furthermore this is true of some posters whose opinion i trust. so i need to reevaluate. still, i dress as a yobo and talk like a yobo and have had several people talk down to me about this book assuming i would be too stupid to read it, only for it to turn out that they haven't read it, which is where i am coming from, that this is book that pompus people love to brag about reading. Not that i am saying anyone here is specifically like that.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:16 p.m. CST

    reinventing the Dick

    by Napoleon Park

    "does he have to be white?"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    And Isleelee

    by Die_Hardest

    I'm not sure that's so true of Americans. I may argue that we simply have a shorter history to work with. Whereas Middle Eastern culture has existed for thousands of years, in someplaces relatively unchanged since the the first recording of the Qu'Ran, the first British colony wasn't even established until about 1607 here. Therefore the dates and events of significance are fewer because it's a smaller window. You'd be hard pressed to find a kid who doesn't know 1776, Abraham Lincoln, World War II, or the Industrial Revolution. Just a thought.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Is it!?

    by Die_Hardest

    Then I apologize to Mr. Milton.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST


    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I thought I might have misunderstood. It would have been weird to have a book like that just sitting around unread, I guess. But I forged ahead, like a madman.<p>I only read the book for the first time in the last year and thought it was great. It bogs down at times in the middle but it's well worth it overall.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    I predict the King Kong treatment

    by terry1978

    The first hour will be Ishmael and Ahab on dry land, recruiting scalawags and murderous dogs for their journey, with fist fights and tomfoolery. Ishmael will have a sweetheart, or meet one, that somehow tags along for the journey. They will not see Moby Dick until the first hour and a half. While we see him cause damage, the Pequod's crew will encounter dangerous seas, giant squids, sharks, and other bizzare sea creatures before finally getting to the big Dick, who will be a sympathetic villain, as we find out the only reason he causes damage is because he's like the Hulk....others have always antagonized him and hunted him for sport.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Wrath of Khan

    by Chishu_Ryu

    I think it's safe to say that Star Trik II took influence from both Paradise Lost and Moby Dick. How the paradise that Kirk and crew left Khan and his followers on turned into a barren desert hell is a bit like Milton's classic, and Kirk is definitely Khan's white whale.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:22 p.m. CST

    yeah dude

    by Die_Hardest

    wrath of khan is the shit.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:24 p.m. CST


    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I got into that kind of dense book for a while, and so I was ready for it. Also I'd heard about the slow parts and girded myself for them; they weren't bad at all, maybe cause I mentally prepared myself, but I gotta say I would agree with anyone who puts it in the loftiest of literary categories. <p>As I said earlier, at the very least, as Alan Moore (perhaps dubiously) claims of Watchmen, it is a piece of work that really exists within and takes full advantage of the medium for which it was created. Naturally, that doesn't help the reader to enjoy it necessarily, and sometimes it's not even that enjoyable but I loved its "voice" and found it to be pretty exhilarating in all its near-chaotic ambition and energy.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Thunderbolt Ross

    by chipps

    the interesting thing about his arguments is that he knew his shit for the time. the info was quite up to date scientifically when the book was written. He actually for a while was a whaler. The book is actually supposed to be in part the sequal to a real life event. A whaling ship called the essex was rammed by a whale and sank. Only two life boats made it off. One went missing, never to be found the other was dramatically picked up later. The people in this boat had resorted to canabalism and when found would not let go of the bones of a guy they had eaten as they were sucking the marrow out of them. One of these guys wrote his story and melvele bumped into one of his relatives who had a copy and read it, inspiring moby dick. I actually find this back story more interesting than the novel it self.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:28 p.m. CST

    I'm more interested

    by Die_Hardest

    In the movie about Biggie Smalls.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:32 p.m. CST


    by Thunderbolt Ross

    It is compelling!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Dicky Mo! Dicky Mo!

    by Heckles

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Kirk is definitely Khan's white whale

    by Ingeld

    Well, if not Kirk then Shatner these days certainly qualifes! Bada bing! Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week folks. Be sure to try the fish.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD - I'm gettin too old for this shit

    by Orionsangels

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    I heard Moby Dick is sent back from the future...

    by brokentusk

    ... to track down and eliminate a young Ahab before he grows up and leads an expedition to kill his grandather, who is in fact the leader of the Whale Resistance in the year 2025, who fight to take back their ocean from Seanet. It's like TERMINATOR meets HOME ALONE 3.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:02 p.m. CST

    MOBY DICK out West

    by SnootyBoots

    THE WHITE BUFFALO. Charles Bronson plays a syphilitic Wild Bill Hickock who returns to the West to hunt down the Giant White Buffalo that haunts his dreams. Kind of a strange movie. But in a good way, if you ask me.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Oliver Michael Bay!

    by Dragon Man

    Oscar will bend over for it!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:21 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    William Faulkner screams across the great beyond: <p> "Tooooooo Sooooooooon!!!!!!"

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:23 p.m. CST

    I once worked with a Russian named Fuchov...

    by KongMonkey

    He bitched at us every time we said his name wrong. Fucking ruskies. If they get Angelina Jolie's glistening white ass to play moby dick, I'll see it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:24 p.m. CST

    An excellant opportunity

    by 2deaconblues

    to throw out the entire point of the story. Ahab will be played by John McCain.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST


    by EyeofPolyphemus

    Moby dick is a classic because of itss ymbolism. right off the bat, they are getting rid of all the subtlety in order to make an eyecandy special effects movie. meh. <P> Bonus points for kids who rent this version five years from now and write a book report on it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 8:11 p.m. CST

    god damn

    by mithrandir16

    i wish it were april fool's day. this might be the worst idea i've ever heard.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 8:27 p.m. CST

    LINKIN PARK should do the theme song...


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 8:30 p.m. CST

    Ratner is right about the Storm spinoff

    by terry1978

    I would want to see that, her backstory is pretty interesting, even if on the surface she's just "hot white haired Amazonian black chick that spouts off weather".

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Die_Hardest..."Jaws isn't about a shark...

    by Cheif Brody's about a monster". <p> I respectfully spit on your shoe, sir. <p> Jaws isn't about a's about the PEOPLE around the shark. THAT'S why Jaws was so damn good. <p> The makers of this new Moby Dick will forget this lesson, like Renny Harlin before them. <p> What we will get is "Deep Blue Dick" seen thru the filter of Frank Miller and the look of "300". <p> These "re-imagined" remake movies are inspired by idiots who are only motivated by how "realistic" the updated "monster" will look with the most recent CGI breakthroughs and render farms at the their disposal. What they forget is...the "monster" is just eye one can really identify with it. What audiences identify with is the CHARACTERS that inhabit the monster's world. <p> I applaud Peter Jackson for understanding this simple at least attempting to make the people running away from...and those trying to capture Kong...interesting and identifiable characters...I felt he STILL went a lil overboard with the WETA tools in his arsenal (the bug/ravine scene, Peter? Really?)...but he and his talented artists did a wonderful job of making Kong a character that most identified with. <p> But that was easy...Kong had very 'human' features...easily identifiable 'moods' and facial expressions. <p> With Moby...all you have is that huge eyeball...that's it. An eyeball. Well...The best CGI eyeball in the world won't make us love this movie...unless they concentrate on the HUMAN characters first and foremost. <p> Because Bruce was a practical effect movie monster...he failed to work properly 90% of the time while filming "Jaws". Spielberg should thank the film Gods every night for that problem. It made him make a better forcing him to shoot AROUND the shark....and focus on the people. <p> BTW...I think Khan may have just happen to have READ Moby Dick...and was merely "quoting" Meville...Saying ST:TWOK = Moby Dick is a huge leap, IMO.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 8:52 p.m. CST


    by methosb

    So all this time Moby Dick was really about a rampaging whale and a badass do-gooder set on revenge that goes on an adventure to take the whale out... I guess it will be staring Michael Chiklis as Ahab. Any smart actor will not touch this shit with a 1000 ft pole.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Uh ... yeah ... sadly, this does not surprise me.

    by jae683

    Let's just toss out the original core idea of Moby Dick and replace with special effects. Yeah ... uh ... right. This will be in the dollar bin faster than the Olsen Twins movie.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:10 p.m. CST

    WTF? Sounds fucking stupid.......

    by TheWaqman

    what a dumb fucking idea. Its like they are trying to make "Moby Dick" badass or something. Just leave the original novel alone. Holy shit this is one of the dumbest ideas I've heard in a while.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    Sounds like a WHALE of a TALE!

    by BurnHollywood


  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Anton Chigurh Vs Moby Dick


    My moneys on the compressed air tank.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Hancock vs Moby Dick

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    We know how this turns out already.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:34 p.m. CST

    Soundtrack by Led Zeppelin

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Someone had to say it.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:42 p.m. CST

    I say we send Michael Bay over Russia...

    by chaplinatemyshoe skullfuck the hell out of the Brothers K. See how they like that shit! I can see it now, the whole Great Inquisitor sequence can end with Jesus shooting the shit out of those evil priests! FUCK YEAH!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Henderson Valley Eggs!

    by necgray

    "You're gonna looove our Eggs! These aren't your Grandmother's eggs! FUCK YOU GRANDMA!!!" <p> - David Cross

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST


    by redkamel

    My grandfathers Moby Dick IS Moby Dick. I dont want to see something about whalers with a stupid love subplot and a crazy captain as they hunt a white whale that could or could not be an alien. More like "based on Moby Dick". I bet Michael Bay will direct.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:55 p.m. CST

    We'll find out Ahab's true angst is

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    because Starbuck would not reciprocate his true feelings. Not being able to get his hands on one white whale he tries to go after another.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 9:59 p.m. CST


    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Sorry dude, you were first. Not sure how I missed your post.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 10:05 p.m. CST

    The 1930 version of 'Moby Dick'

    by Tindog42

    Featured a giant white whale and a one legged sea Captain named Ahab but otherwise has little resemblance to the novel. John Barrymore stars as the lovable sea scamp Ahab Ceely who not only surveys the final conformation with Moby Dick but marries the girl. CHE (Classic Hollywood Ending).

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Well if they're replacing the lead singer

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    it's not Led Zep.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST


    by Babba-Booey

    Need I say more than the subject? Of course! Two hacks are going to tell Moby Dick better than Melville. Let's REIMAGINE the art of the HACK. Aw fuck, I give.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:08 p.m. CST


    by The Amazing G

    how about a reimagining of that classic instead?

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Trailer for new book released

    by tubuku69

    The trailer for a new book "Carriage Returns" was released 9/22/08. Watch at:

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:30 p.m. CST


    by tHeGRinGoGenTiLE

    I am witty as FUCK!!

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Graphic Novel Sensibility: TDK but cheaper budget

    by Stormwatcher

    So lots of night shots, probably a whale music soudtrack. The girl from whale rider will also be involved somehow. Maybe she delivers a rainbow to Ahab. Who now, get this, is a Arab! plus an environmental message.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:42 p.m. CST

    Oh and let a Stormwatcher tell you were to film the best storms

    by Stormwatcher

    West Coast Vancouver Island. plenty of wrecks there to testify to that. Vern would have to agree.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:43 p.m. CST

    An idiot's guide to Moby Dick

    by INWOsuxRED

    this book was an excuse to make a cool cgi whale. The End.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Classic Literature Market Testing

    by DarthCorleone

    Why does this come to mind?<br><br><br> Man: How many of you kids would like Itchy & Scratchy to deal with real-life problems, like the ones you face every day?<br><br>Kids: [clamoring] Oh, yeah! I would! Great idea! Yeah, that's it!<br><br>Man: And who would like to see them do just the opposite -- getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers?<br><br>Kids: [clamoring] Me! Yeah! Oh, cool! Yeah, that's what I want!<br><br>Man: So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show... that's completely off-the-wall and swarming with magic robots?<br><br>Kids: [all agreeing, quieter this time] That's right. Oh yeah, good.

  • Sept. 23, 2008, 11:51 p.m. CST

    If we are going to throw around Star Trek movies..

    by Cotton McKnight

    what about First Contact? Alfre Woodward even mentioned the book by name.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:08 a.m. CST

    MOBY DICK is a classic......

    by the1980mutant

    this film WILL NOT be. nuff said.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:45 a.m. CST

    Our grandfather's Moby Dick

    by wampa_one

    is Moby Dick. This will be a piece of CG shit. Wait, why not set it in space??? That'd be brilliant!

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:15 a.m. CST


    by BadMrWonka was his name again?

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:24 a.m. CST

    This Dick is bigger and badder than the old Dick...

    by The Dum Guy

    Of course I'm talking about a remake of that Kevin Kline movie... In and Out.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:42 a.m. CST

    uh, cowbell... axl & friends?

    by the milf lover

    considering the constant revolving door of bandmembers GnR has had for the last 15 years, not sure if they qualify as friends.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:50 a.m. CST

    This will be...

    by Embeedeuce

    ...the Godfather II of whale movies.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:54 a.m. CST

    shia will play everyone

    by ironic_name

    even the boat.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 2:12 a.m. CST

    I don't think this will be my grandpa's version of Moby Dick

    by Samson_K

    Cause is his version the whale grew legs and arms and stomped over New York, London and Tokyo, killing millions and decimating major landmarks with fiery plankton breath. Ahab was a scientist who built a giant Robot Squid to fight the mutant bastard Whale - the final confrontation took place in the Bermuda Triangle and there were aliens and shit involved.<BR><BR>He was a visionary my grandpa, mad as a bag of stoats and penniless after being sued by the estate of Howard Melville and the many other writers that he had 'versions' of - but a kind and good man!

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 2:33 a.m. CST

    That'd be Herman Melville Samson_K

    by snappy

    Not so much a movie about a white whale as one that turns into a white elephant. This will be a $100 million plus festival of meh. There are some stories that don't benefit from retelling differently, especially when the original is a classic.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 3:14 a.m. CST

    When it is released will a bunch of newly registerd TBers

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Appear as if by magic and tell us "What were you guys expecting, Shakespeare? It's just a popcorn movie about a whale."

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:06 a.m. CST


    by Vern

    I'm not related to H. Melville, I was just making fun of the dude in the article for saying "this is not your grandfather's Moby Dick." I almost feel bad for that guy because you can't read that article without wanting to punch him in the face. I am an individual of non–violence but I volunteer to punch this dude as portrayed in the article in the face. Hopefully every word was misquoted.<p> For the record I see nothing wrong with re-interpreting a many-times-interpreted classic tale like this, that's not offensive and this movie could even end up being entertaining. But the way the guy describes it (for example using the meaningless "graphic novel sensibilities" term) just seems like such an exaggerated parody of the kind of idiocy that we all imagine is behind the shittiest and most moronic movies. The guy sounds more like a Ben Stiller skit than a human being. Good stuff.<p> Now if we could just work some x-games in there, didn't the youths like x-games a while back? I think I heard something about that, let's throw em in. This is not your grandfather's games this is something different, so get ready. Moby Dick/wakeboarding 2010.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:24 a.m. CST

    Dissing 'your grandfather'...

    by Mr Gorilla

    Is a particularly pathetic way of Timur saying that he is going to tear up a thoughtful classic. Claiming that they 'revere' the original book, just as they are about to ignore everything in it apart from 'man vs. whale' adds insult to injury. In about, what?, 15 years' time, some punk will maybe think about re-imagining Jaws, capitalising on the breakthroughs in visual effects. And probably gutting it of everything else.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:30 a.m. CST

    I blame everyone who went to see WANTED

    by Mr Gorilla

    It's said many times over: the reason people like Michael Bay etc keep working is because people keep paying to see their films. The films that these guys make is (I'm paraphrasing David Mamet here) closer to the circus than to drama. You don't go to watch a story, to feel emotion, to see a drama. You go to applaud visual effects, or kick-ass stunts. Now, there is plenty of skill involved in putting together a circus, and Bay etc do indeed have skill. But they are not telling stories, and don't let anyone ever tell you that they are.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    heh, meanwhile at fox.....

    by Lost Jarv

    "Philibrick, we need a new concept. What can we reimagine now?" <P>"Well sir, what about Moby Dick" <P>"What, that old shit"<P>"Well sir, it's about Whales" <P>"WHALES, PHILIBRICK, WHADDAYAMEAN WHALES? THAT SHITHOLE NEAR ENGLAND"

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay's DICK

    by Lost Jarv

    Coming to cinemas near you, the visionary director of Transformers brings you "DICK". Based on the Herman Melville masterpiece, this eagerly anticipated blockbuster tells the story of one man's crusade against forces beyond his control. Marvel at the groundbreaking special effects and trailblazing slow motion. Laugh at the humour of one giant whale pissing on Ahab, cry when Ahab must choose between the woman he loves and the whale he needs. Starring Martin Lawrence (Black Knight) as Ahab and Jessica Biel as nelly, the barmaid that captures Ahab's heart. Soundtrack by Aerosmith.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:49 a.m. CST

    How to adapt a classic with REVERENCE!

    by Mr Gorilla

    Here's how: take a good look at BEOWULF. They made MASSIVE changes to the story. But it was done with a genuine reverence for the text, and one that teased out meanings rather than just giving excuses for CGI. I'm not saying that you have to stick to the originals verbatim. But if you do meddle, it better be for a reason. So there.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:15 a.m. CST

    Beowulf sucked

    by Lost Jarv

    Sorry, but it was fecking awful.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:38 a.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    Why not just make a movie that explores similar themes, but call it something else? MOBY DICK is one of my favorite novels, a classic, one that is highly influential on modernism and post-modernism, and now we get this? R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:40 a.m. CST

    Forget Moby Dick!

    by Berbs

    Uwe Boll to direct mars movie!

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    IN SPACE!!!!!

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    I've seen All Quiet on The Western Front in Space

    by Lost Jarv

    It's called Leprechaun 4. <P>Seriously, I'm not joking. It's got soldiers and a german in it. And everything. <P>Although the Leprechaun may represent a white whale representing the East Side of Kathmandu though. I'm not sure. <P>Anyway this is still a shit idea and I don't like the book.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:27 a.m. CST

    I don't mind if a film changes certain things...

    by rbatty024

    After all, they're different mediums that must tell a story in different ways. However, I prefer it if the filmmakers truly understand the classic and uncover certain themes in their version. In the best adaptations there's a conversation going on between the book and the film. Take a look at Blade Runner, which seems to contradict the book, but it's interesting because you could tell the filmmakers at least understood the book enough to talk back to it. Likewise, Kenneth Brannaugh knows Shakespeare well enough that he can uncover particular meanings or play with certain themes. <p> However, this film sounds like shit. Ahab as a swashbuckling character? More action? Why even bother if you don't understand or even like the original? It's not like the title Moby Dick is going to really excite the preteen audience. "Fuck yeah! Moby Dick by that Melville dude! I loved it when my teacher assigned that book. I only read the first chapter but I really want to know how it ends. Fo shizzle Mo Dizzle!"

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:31 a.m. CST

    Vern’s Right On The Money

    by Evil Chicken

    We need a line down the isle – just like in “Airplane”. I’m next behind Vern to smack this guy around. That’ll learn ‘em that Grad Dad’s story (the one based on a great, long established, American novel) was never broken in the first place.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:38 a.m. CST

    Mr Gorilla

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I saw wanted. I enjoyed it very much. It was what it was, a fun popcorn flick with a lot of neat effects. Nothing cerebral about it. I an enjoy that, and still hate the idea of what they're trying to do with The Dick.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Hell yeah Kurt. Tom and Jerry

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Dicky Mo, Dicky Mo. That was one from the era of T and J where the animation was not at it's best.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    The title alone gets two snaps up.

    by themikejonas


  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Just call it Queequeg

    by Abominable Snowcone

    You say "Moby Dick," people say "Huh? What?"<p> You yell "Queequeg!" People say "Wow--that's a movie I want to see!"

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Call him Ishmael

    by Abominable Snowcone

    I use a casket for a floatation device, bitches

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Good point A-bom

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Melville wrote hardcore before there was hardcore. The only thing I can think of being comparable was the soccer team crashing in the Andes.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Moby Dick VS Dickie Mo

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Dickie Mo was far more disturbing and intense. But not as funny.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:46 a.m. CST

    A reimagined "Tom Sawyer" is inevitable...

    by Ned Pepper

    ...just wait and see. If Herman Melville's not safe, it's only a matter of time before some no-talent ass-clown pisses all over Mark Twain. Jeebus help us all.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Uh Ned, see League of Extraordinary Gents?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    It's been done. Although in that case it was cool because it was a grown up Tom. In the deleted scenes Huck was also an agent, merely referenced as KIA. There was a made for TV movies years ago with Tom and Huck returning to Hannibal, MO as adults. I think one was an attorney.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    grow up people....give it a chance....


    It cant be Transformers 2 bad.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Hey DannyG, I never got around to asking

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    how'd you come up with that screen name. Any plans to see Blindess. Looks like a cool flick. And yes, it can be Transformers 2 bad if they are changing the inherent traits of the main characters. Modernized settings, etc, can work, but only if you keep the characters true to their nature, and this does not seem to be the case with this movie.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST



    The name was just a sort of inside joke my friends and I came up with after watching Predator 2. We were joking it would be funny if Danny's dick was bleeding and thats how the Predator was tracking following the trail of dick blood. Don't ask me why we thought that was funny at the time......awww....I guess it still is. Anyway-- Blindness.....yeah that shit looked pretty good. Didn't they play a trailer like over a year ago? Its coming on DVD soon right?

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST


    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Nope, maybe you're blind because they've had the trailer ad on this site. The movie opens 10/3. Normally I'm broke, but as I have two movie passes I'm going to check it out. As for my name, I thought I'd take one of the coolest things in existence, and combine it with one of the dumbest things in existence. Can't wait to see 2012 either. I like the Back to the Future joke.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    really? 10/3? Fuck. I saw a trailer like a year ago...


  • Sept. 24, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I had to see how Blindness ended so

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I searched for the spoilers and found it. Kind of what I thought, which is fine. I'm still going to see it. I love post-apocalyptic stuff, and this is sort of like that.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Call me Shia.

    by Embeedeuce

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    What the hell is going on in here?

    by Darth Macchio

    I leave for 2 minutes and all god damned hell breaks loose? When we were kids we'd play opposite this 'opposite decade'? or some shit? Besides, Mody isn't even a's a cyborg-mutagenic-xenos so why not have a reimagining where Moby eats a kindergarten floatilla and Ahab is actually Mr. Vandehab the beloved Art & Music teacher who witnesses the tragedy and goes looking for Quinn from Jaws to help. He finds out Quinn is dead so instead rises to the occasion and hires a shrimp boat to hunt down the mutant whale cause by humanity's evil need to create super soldiers for the war in Istanbul.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    To be fair...

    by Gozu

    Not one cinematic adaptation of "Moby Dick" has come close to capturing the tone or detail of the book. I'm not saying this one will, but I am saying that the definitive "Moby Dick" has yet to be made.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay's 'Ulysses'

    by Laserhead

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:58 p.m. CST

    McG presents... 'The Brothers Karamazov'

    by Laserhead

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    'The Sound and the Fury'... a film by Kaos

    by Laserhead

    Alright. I'm done.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Hey Vern...

    by ldm882

    what about David 'The Demon' DeFalco's planned version of "The Grapes of Wrath"?

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 2:33 p.m. CST

    We need Peter Weir's Moby Dick

    by Mattyboy122

    Can you imagine how fucking epic that would be? After Master and Commander, I'm certain Weir could pull it off magnificently.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Kathy Bates' pussy.


  • Sept. 24, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Weir was the first guy who came to mind

    by Mullah Omar

    MASTER AND COMMANDER has the same kind of vibe and low-key intensity you'd need in a good film version of MOBY DICK, and Weir was outstanding at showing the gritty details of sea living. I could see him making a definitive adaptation of MOBY DICK if he was ever given free reign and a good budget.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay's GRAVITY'S RAINBOW

    by LaserPants

    In which the complicated, brilliant, completely unfilmable prose is reduced to car crashes, explosions, cocaine decisions, and deeply offensive racist stereotypes.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Definitive adaptation impossible

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I'm just going to keep saying that until everyone acknowledges it.<p>Lasers Head and Pants - please continue.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:21 p.m. CST

    What Needs--Instant Messenger

    by Media Messiah account holders should be able to click on each other's names...and leave email for one another. Like I have noticed over the last two weeks, I haven't seen Mavra Chang on any postings, or Organ Donor for that matter, etc. It's like everybody is melting away and there is no way to contact anybody on this site other than to run into them when a popular post is up, if that??? And right now, all the available movie news coming from the studios is stale, and will probably be that way until deep into November.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:24 p.m. CST

    This has already been done...

    by SG7's called "Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan."

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Peter Weir directing Moby Dick

    by Octaveaeon

    Is a damned good idea. But I'm just happy with him directing anything. How much longer do we have to wait? (Man, I wish he was directing Dune...)

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:29 p.m. CST

    I like the bit halfway through this talkback...

    by ebonic_plague

    ...when we were sternly admonished for AICN pack mentality for thinking this is a bad idea. Yeah, we need to keep an open mind about "not our grandfather's Moby Dick," but Shia? HE MUST BE STOPPED!!! Sorry, but not even the sheer cinematic brilliance of, uh, "Ransom" can stop me from throwing this whole "2Moby2Dick" clusterfuck under the bus. I would actually much prefer to see Dustin Hoffman's character's idea, especially in 3-D, shot entirely in whale sounds with subtitles, that would be sweet.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Definitive Adaptation vs. Complete Adaptation

    by Mullah Omar

    I believe there's a difference. <br> <br> I think you CAN make a film that follows the "plot" part of MOBY DICK and captures the spirit of the book. It shouldn't be an action film, though - there should be a lot of downtime showing the regular struggles of life on a whaling ship, with the occasional outburst of panicked action. <br> <br> DO NOT think you could ever film the book as it was written, because you'd have to pause for lectures, flashbacks, etc. That's just not a film most people would sit through. <br> <br> Then again, maybe ANIMAL PLANET or DISCOVERY CHANNEL could do it or something, that's kind of how cable channels handle their educational docu-dramas. <br> <br> That said, I would rather watch the former - so long as it was brooding and willing to spend time showing the lives of whalers while letting the narrative unfold slowly. <br> <br> In a way, I think this could be adapted kind of like LOTR - I liked the original books, but there was plenty of exposition that they were able to cut while keeping relatively close to the spirit of the work. I consider that to be a "definitive adaptation" of a book, meaning I think it captures the spirit of the work. You can make an adaptation that is not complete but still definitive.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST

    That said....

    by ebonic_plague

    ...this could be one hell of a great bad movie. If there's a slow-mo shot in the trailer of a berserk Ahab with a harpoon leaping off the bow of his ship toward the whale as it charges towards him... well I'm still not going to pay anyone to see it, but I'd watch when it's on cable and I'm really high, and I'd probably love it. There needs to be more elaborate, big budget, unintentionally ironic comedies.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:49 p.m. CST

    media messiah - that's what the Zone is for

    by finky089

    It'll let you send messages to other users as long as they created an account (doesn't take long to do). Only thing I ever use it for. I like to do all my TB ranting and laughing here in the TBs.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    "In a world where a man can obsess over a giant while whale..."

    by finky089

    Starring Ed Asner as Ahab, Daniel "I stab your White Whale! I stab it to death!) Day Lewis as Isaiah, Vin Diesel as Starbuck and Kathy "Feed the" Bates as Mobert T. Richard. <P> you will believe a whale can fly!

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST

    "Isaiah"? WTF? - meant "Ishmael"

    by finky089


  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:17 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    If they've registered in The Zone, you can contact them there.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:47 p.m. CST

    Just wanted to rejoin this conversation and mention

    by Die_Hardest

    The best ever reimagining of a classic work is the transformation of Heart of Darkness into Apocalypse Now. See, they took Heart of Darkness and put it in Vietnam instead of Africa. That's a good idea.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:48 p.m. CST

    by Die_Hardest

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    cheif brody

    by Die_Hardest

    Oh I agree completely. All I meant with that sentence was that Bruce isn't a shark at all. Sharks don't eat a ton of people over and over again and wreck ships and think critically. Bruce is a monster. And Khan was the genetically enhanced military dictator of the Middle East and most of Asia, so I'm assuming he read a bit.

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 9:32 p.m. CST

    the real deal

    by dilbynuggets

    How much money is 700 billion? Let me put it into perspective. If you were to divide that pie amongst all the men and women in the United States of America above the age of 18 they would each receive $300,000 dollars each, from the lowliest bus boy in Manhattan to the highest paid celebrity in Hollywood. Do you think that might stimulate the economy?

  • Sept. 24, 2008, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Thanks Finky And Grammaton!!!!

    by Media Messiah

    I had no idea about the Zone. I've never been on it, and had no clue. Thanks guys!!!