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Brett Ratner To Direct New CONAN Movie?? Can You Hear The Lamentation of His Enemies’ Women??

I am – Hercules!!
Dread Central is reporting that Brett Ratner, the man behind the “Rush Hour” series as well as “Red Dragon,” “The Family Man,” “After The Sunset,” “X-Men: The Last Stand,” is being sought by Nu Image to direct the first Arnold-free “Conan” movie. Find all of Dread’s story on the matter here.

Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:37 p.m. CST


    by Vorlagen


  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:39 p.m. CST

    As Goes Brett Ratner...

    by FreeKill disappears another franchise!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST


    by Kneprock

    I wonder who will play Conan

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:41 p.m. CST


    by Le Vicious Fishus

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    well that just kind of sucks doesn't it

    by juice willis

    hopefully they'll go with more of an auteur for the beastmaster remake. "I am Dar."

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    You can hear my damn lamentations!

    by Jinxo

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:43 p.m. CST


    by sailingmaster

    Brett "Fucktard" Rattner? Great. Conan the Comedy. I say that because it will either be funny due to design, or due to it being FUBAR.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST

    being 'sought'? someone actually SEEKS the Rat?

    by Mr Gorilla

    Look, the guy clearly has great intentions but he's done enough bad sequels to know not to do this one.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST


    by RokurGepta


  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:45 p.m. CST


    by Rando Calrisian

    Anyone else feel like they just got kicked in the balls?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Yes, Rando. I do too.

    by Le Vicious Fishus

    And did you listen to that piece of shit bond theme? A bad night for film geeks...

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:48 p.m. CST

    call me crazy, but

    by wash

    I'm going to predict this will suck. Yeah I know, feels weird being the odd man out here.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:48 p.m. CST

    All say farewell to John Milius' King Conan

    by tolomey

    Which was by far a more intresting concept. Now all we have to look forward to is a Ratnerized PG-13 Conan with John Cena in the title role, Jackie Chan as "The Wizard" and Chris Rock as an annoying cunt in the corner. I would rather have bowel surgery in the woods with a stick than watch this shit.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:50 p.m. CST


    by TheDudeinLA

    Please can't this guy go away? Have Millius take another crack at it!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Bollocks Meant Chris Tucker

    by tolomey

    Fogive me for even daring to confuse the two

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:51 p.m. CST

    The Lamentations of his ENEMIES' WOMEN?

    by Smurfeus Maximus

    How about the lamentation of anyone who ever enjoyed Conan in any form (book or movie)? How about us as Ratner ponders "Who should I cast as Conan? I know: Chris Tucker!"

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Please make the ouchies stop...

    by Merrick

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST


    by Smurfeus Maximus

    Wow, Tolomey and I went to the exact same place at the exact same time...

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Can't somebody just meet him in a parking lot at midnight....

    by LHombreSiniestro

    ...offer him some money to watch him jerk off, and then beat him with a lead pipe until he loses his memory of being a movie director and pursues mediocrity in another field? Seriously, I'll pitch in five bucks.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Get the fuck out of here!!!

    by Spacker Dave

    Can someone please put a bullet in my head? I don't wanna live in a world this fucking insane! I would rather cut off my nose than watch a Ratner directed Conan.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8 p.m. CST

    Yeah this makes sence.

    by TooWhippy

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8 p.m. CST

    How can the guy planning Guitar Hero The Movie

    by tolomey

    be taken seriously as a director? Every single one of his films that I have seen have either been uninspired (Rush Hour 1,2,3), turgid (Red Dragon, Family Man) or just plain shit (X-Men 3)<br> For example; during the climax of X3 the scene goes from day to blackest night over the course of 2 shots! That is bad people, sloppy filmaking at it's worst.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    So he's doing Conan AND God of War

    by Lyghthouse


  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:04 p.m. CST

    This will be so much better than Milius' King Conan

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    And if you believe THAT, you believe there are Richard Simmons juniors running around!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:04 p.m. CST

    At least it's not Superman...

    by Cannabis Holocaust

    But how does this guy keep getting work?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:06 p.m. CST


    by MattmanReturns

    I've waited patiently for a Conan movie for decades. Please God No.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Read this in Mako's voice....

    by SubliminalJones

    "Between the time when the oceans drank New Orleans, and the rise of the son of Onyango Obama, there was an age unwanted. And unto this,Conan, destined to bear the talentless cock of Ratner in his troubled rectum. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can warn thee of this unbelievable bullshit. Let me tell you of the days of hiiiiighh mediocrity! Cue Little Wayne song.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:15 p.m. CST

    In before..

    by VegasRon

    ...the Ratner and Rock apologists.<p> Oh, and in before rumours of Will Smith playing Conan surface and the defenders of that move, too.<p> SubJones, that was some funny shit.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:17 p.m. CST


    by warphoenix

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Imagine If Peter Jackson Stepped Up To Direct Conan

    by tolomey

    Sure it would be a day and a half long but it would at least let him return to his slaughterhouse roots and I'm sure that the guy would love to let some heads and imbs fly once again.<br> Alas he is off busy making Tin Tin. <br> "From director of Bad Taste & Brain Dead, we bring you Tin Tin!" WTF?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Family Man = ****

    by IndoorPlumbing

    Family Man was one of the best movies in the past decade. American Beauty level of good. C'mon, argue with me.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:21 p.m. CST

    are you FUCKING kidding us?

    by palewook

    this is about the best news since Bush got a second term. <p> FFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuck me. <p> waited 20 years for another conan movie. hoped for a real REH movie. and they've already fucked up the movie before its been cast. <p>^$#^$&^%*^&&(*&(^(*&%!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Lemme guess.

    by DarthCorleone

    PG-13. Conan's sidekicks played by Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Works For Me

    by A-COD

    Even the haters would have to agree that this is right in the Rat's wheelhouse.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:23 p.m. CST

    Well, it could be worse . . .

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    It could be McG.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:24 p.m. CST

    Somewhere, Crom is crying...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    I can think of some people who will be most displeased with this information. Oh dear.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    All you bitches

    by Lukecash

    Whine, whine, whine. Bret Rattner is not a bad director. His Red Dragon was pretty damn good as well as his first Rush Hour.<p> And considering he had to pick up X-Men 3 only weeks before filming-he didn't do to bad of job. In fact, he outgrossed Singers Superman Returns.<p> If he's given enough time, I think he will do a good job on Conan. Nothing can be worse than Conan the Destroyer

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Conan will not cry, so I cry for him.

    by Strelnikov!

    Great men once made Conan movies. Giants. Gods. Once, but long ago. Do you think Ratner knows the riddle of steel? The riddle of steel would make him crap his pants. Anyone who thinks he's right for this job should spend some time contemplating it on the Tree of Woe.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:28 p.m. CST


    by Sulla

    Way to go assholes. Nothing say's "fuck you Robert E. Howard fans" like this. Brett fucking Ratner?!? Please just don't even make this.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:29 p.m. CST

    It's perfect this news should come from "dread central"

    by robotdevil

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:30 p.m. CST

    There is very little Cool News on this site lately

    by ebonic_plague

    Remember when it was fun to talk about upcoming movies? Remember when lowest-common-denominator mediocrity wasn't a sought after virtue? What the fuck happened in this country? Which one of you assholes stepped on the Jurassic butterfly? Was it YOU, MCMLXXVI?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Lukecash: Right on, brother!

    by Playkins

    I've always stood up for Ratner around here as well. Knowles' near-slanderous attitude of the guy on this site is truly suspect to scrutiny. I'll bet Ratner forgot to kiss his ass at a press junket opr something.<P> As for the other Ratner haters around here:<P> BAAAAAAAHHHHHH. Go eat some grass.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    @ Lukecash

    by Sulla

    I disagree, something CAN be worse than Conan the Destroyer, and it's called "Brett Ratner's Conan". Red Dragon was the closest he's come to making a watchable movie, it was decent. The rest of his stuff is just downright fucking terrible.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    We'll never get a proper Conan movie.

    by Its a LION

    It just isn't going to happen. (Hell, we couldn't even get a good Kull movie.) Prepare for the return of Thulsa Doom who leads the snake men.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:34 p.m. CST

    Was Uwe Boll unavilable?

    by fiester

    So much for the Conan franchise.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:34 p.m. CST

    Red Dragon

    by enderandrew

    I know most of his movies are pretty terrible, but I still really prefer Red Dragon to Manhunter. Maybe it is because Red Dragon has such a strong cast.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:38 p.m. CST


    by VegasRon

    Brian Cox is Hannibal Lector. Now gtfo.<p> Lukecash and Playkins: I owned your asses about 5 posts before you fucking retards showed up. gtfo.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Manhunter Sucked

    by A-COD

    I thought it was lame and dated.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Brian Cox is Hannibal Lector.

    by Its a LION

    That's a fact.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:42 p.m. CST

    Brian Cox IS a Manhunter...

    by TooWhippy

    just what I heard.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Cox as Lector, Ok but seen by 12 people

    by A-COD

    I never got the Cox love, let's point to the scoreboard. Hopkins Best actor oscar and Hannibal grossed over 200 million. Cox, manhunter grossed 8 million and cost 15 to make.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:47 p.m. CST

    manhunter indeed sucked and dated

    by DarthBakpao

    Red Dragon is far superior

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    This is all Obama's fault...

    by Banzai Rootskibango

    ...I swear.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    There go all hopes

    by DoctorStopMo

    for yet another movie franchise. How does a hack like Ratner continue to find work?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST


    by Playkins

    Preemptively insultinging someone is far from "owning". All you proved is how big a douchebag you are.<P> So by your rationale, if I predict that you'll come back with "Ratner sucks, bullshitbullshitbullshit", you GAWT PWNED!!!!!<P> Fucking moron. Suck my cock.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    is he still doing beverly hills cop?

    by ReEkOs_RoUgHnEcKs

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:50 p.m. CST

    RED DRAGON was a bore-fest...

    by Le Vicious Fishus

    but Emily Watson's blind act gave us one of the most unintentionally funny performances in film history. IMO.<BR><BR>MANHUNTER will always be five times the film RED DRAGON was. <BR><BR>In a gada da vida, baby.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Carter: "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!?!" <p> Conan: *Cuts Carters head off*

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:52 p.m. CST

    And I thought my day couldn't get any worse

    by Darth Thoth

    I thought wrong. Wow. This is horrible news. No offense to Ratner but he's not the one I want making a Conan movie. This is B-A-D news.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:53 p.m. CST

    Original had one of the best scores ever

    by quintana007

    while the movie was mediocre at best. Not contentwise, more technically. Lame camera, sloppy editing, clearly not well aged. Too bad Poledouris is gone, he turned shit to gold.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:57 p.m. CST


    by VegasRon

    Yes, Academy awards and box office grosses indicate quality.<p> One word: Titanic. Douche.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 8:59 p.m. CST

    Nu Image Cinema hates their fellow Human Beings

    by Xiphos_2

    Proof of this? They are considering that hiring The Rat for Conan is even remotely a good idea.<p>Also "NU" Image, tell me something, was it too expensive to write the NEW? or are you trying to capture the Zeitgeist of the texting generation, you know, the retards.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:01 p.m. CST


    by VegasRon

    Go back to defending Ratner, you stupid fuck.<p> There seriously isn't a bigger hack in hollywood. Even Bay accidentally had a pretty good flick one upon a time.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:01 p.m. CST


    by VegasRon

    I think "Nue" was taken.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:02 p.m. CST

    Cox as Lector is a real psychopath.

    by Its a LION

    He'd kill you, not for fun, just... because.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Why not make one of Howard's stories into a Conan movie?

    by Its a LION

    Because it might turn out good. Can't have that.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:06 p.m. CST

    Conan the Fuckedbarian

    by The Crystal Skull

    Too bad, the Conan franchise had such potential. At least there will BE a movie, I guess...

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Okay, first of all...

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    Red Dragon is an okay but forgettable movie. Manhunter is fucking MANHUNTER. A-Cod, how dense can you be? Correlating audience with quality is about as silly as it gets, even sillier than correlating Academy Awards with quality. Second of all, a Ratner Conan is just wholly depressing.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:09 p.m. CST


    by Xiphos_2

    Shit, I didn't think of that you're probably right. Anyway you slice it, it still looks and sounds stupid.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Did these people not see X-men 3?

    by The Outlander

    Why do these people keep using shit directors for these projects? Is there really no one in Hollywood that could do a better job?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:11 p.m. CST

    "Red Dragon is far superior" OH FUCK OFF!

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    You utter cretin.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:20 p.m. CST

    I call Bullshit...

    by TELF

    They are meeting with a bunch of directors. Presumably Ratner is in the mix. He is attractive to producers because he sticks to budget and schedule-which on a project like Conan is no small concern.<p>He would still be a bad choice I think.<p>However, this thing will sink or swim on the story they choose to tell and the casting of Conan. Failing that they will need a truly great director to elevate proceedings.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Ratner is no Michael Mann

    by wash

    DUH. JFC people.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Nu Image and A list directors

    by TELF

    Who else have they worked with? De Palma did Dhalia with them didn't he? That film was poor - but a De Palma Conan could be fun. How about Coppola (needs the work). Imagine the Dracula aesthetic applied to the Hyborian age.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Good Christ who's driving this bus??

    by DoctorWho?

    I mean damn, i don't hate Ratner...he's a serviceable director but c'mon....THIS IS CONAN...and many a geek are anticipating something 'special' here.<p> Make a move no one saw PJ with LOTR.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:27 p.m. CST

    There is no God....

    by crazybubba

    Crom be damned!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:27 p.m. CST

    There is no Crom

    by Mr. A

    Lets face it, Ratner is extremely average. I was hoping more Yimou Zhang

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:27 p.m. CST


    by MetalMickey

    That muthafucka don't know the secret of steel!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Chris Tucker as Conan

    by crazybubba

    Title: In Search of Roscoe Chicken and Waffles

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Hate him for being mediocre. Don't hate him for X3 sucking.

    by Shermdawg

    That was all Rothman and Berry's doing.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST


    by The Dude Abides

    Why, Crom, Why?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    May God have mercy on us all.

    by Geekgasm

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:32 p.m. CST


    by arizonahotrock


  • I love Mann yet hate Manhunter. It can be done, Miami Vice is the most underrated movie of this decade. Hey VegasRon, Titanic is the number #1 movie of all time for a reason. The last half hour when the ship goes down is some great stuff. Cameron is the king of the world for a reason. You probably hate it because the scenes of boys kissing girls make you feel left out. All you Manhunter lovers, when grissom is yelling out loud to himself about the killer it's awkward, admit it.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:39 p.m. CST

    I've got a plan

    by crazybubba

    We call up ratner disguising our voices as mariah carrie, set up a dinner date with him at some obscure resturant. Grab some ski masks, brass knuckles and baseball bats and do the world a favor. Who's with me?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST


    by VegasRon

    ohnoes, I'm gay. Well done de-closeting me.<p> Titanic is shit. It being the biggest moneymaker of all time does not prove any kind of quality. It probably won some oscars, too. Who fucking cares.<p> Though yes, lol, I agree, Peterson yelling out loud was funny as hell, my ex-gf(oops, i mean bf) and I watched that scene like 5 times in a row and were laughing out asses off.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Did A-Cod Really Just Same Miami Vice Was

    by tolomey

    The most understated film of the decade??? Wow.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Or Underrated Even

    by tolomey

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:52 p.m. CST

    I feew queasy....I would have been first in line....

    by FlickaPoo

    ...Conan has real potential...I want to say something clever...but I feel sick.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:52 p.m. CST

    Conan = meh!

    by pdennett316

    Don't care, don't read fantasy novels and don't give a shit about his epic backstory.<p> Saw the film once when I was a kid and thought it was boring THEN, now I'd rather watch Junior. Well, not really but I wanted to make a point...and that point is YAAAAAAWWWWWWWWNNNNNN!<p> First Rush Hour was mildly entertaining, 2 was shit and never saw 3 on principle due to Tucker managing to nab $20 million. Enjoyed Red Dragon, and while I have a man crush on Brian Cox, Hopkins is Lecter, plain and simple.<p> Xmen 3? meh! Did the best he could under the circumstances, studio ruined that shit. Ratner's shit quota far exceeds his minor successes though, so expect this to be crap.<p> Oh, and cast Dwayne Johnson in the title role...kay?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Oh Fuck No!!!

    by picardsucks

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Fuck Conan go watch Mongol

    by drturing

    its out on dvd any day now. its about as realistic. if it had more boobs and gore itd be pretty much conan but with historical basis.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    dear god no

    by El Borak

    just don't even start making it. please don't make a pre-ruined conan movie. it means too much to me.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Some of you people don't get the short....

    by FlickaPoo

    ...stories. The original ones. Yeah, it's pulpy stuff, but done right it should be LOTR+Gladiator+300x10

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:57 p.m. CST

    Crom, I have never prayed to you before...

    by AhQ

    I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if it was a good movie or a bad movie. Why it was filmed, or who went to see it. All that matters is that it does not suck donkey balls. That's what's important! Movies that don't suck please you, Crom... so grant me one request. Don't let this moron direct the next Conan film! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:57 p.m. CST


    by pdennett316

    So the last half-hour of a 3 hour movie is enough to justify that drizzling shitstorm of mediocrity?<p> I want some of what you're smoking my friend, 2 1/2 hours of mawkish, cloying bullshit about a pair of fuckers no-one cares about, fucking cinematic gold right there. It's top of the list because millions of hormonal and pre-pubescent women and girls saw the thing a bout eleventy billion times each for a glimps of that little ladyboy other reason.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:57 p.m. CST

    What a great track record he has!!!

    by jimmy_009

    Let's let him ruin another franchise!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 9:59 p.m. CST

    Why Don't All The Conan Fans Around The World

    by tolomey

    Just chip in $100 dollars - Then maybe we could hire Milius and get him to shoot his script. And if Arnold won't come back, let's hire that Roland Kickinger and slap some age makeup on him. lol<br> After all it it a mere coincidence that Roland is an anagram of Arnold? I don't think so

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:02 p.m. CST

    I think it's funny.

    by Harold-Sherbort

    The only people that care are the geeks that care about film, and actually pay attention to who does what. You could go up to the average person on the street and say "What the fuck?!! The Ratt is directing the new Conan movie!!! NOOOOOOOO!!" Of course they'll look at you like you're retarded.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:02 p.m. CST

    AhQ...did you have that quote at your command?..

    by FlickaPoo

    ...or did you have to look that up?...good shit brother...

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:06 p.m. CST

    We don't want the Milius/Arnold Conan...

    by TELF

    We, or at the very least I, want the REH Conan. The vital, smart, killing machine motherfucker from the books. You do too if you think about it.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:06 p.m. CST

    I cannot lie...

    by AhQ

    I had to go to IMDB to remember the prayer to Crom. Lol.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:07 p.m. CST

    I agree,atleast it's not Superman

    by liljuniorbrown

    He's taken enough beatings lately.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:07 p.m. CST

    VegasRon: "Even Bay accidentally had a pretty good flick one upo

    by Playkins

    And what imaginary movie was THAT? Personally, I always thought BAY was the biggest overrated hack making movies. At least Ratner ATTEMPTS to have a decent story. No, Ratner isn't Sidney Lumet, but he's a better storyteller than all-flash, Mr.Short Attention-Span Bay". Pissing autobots FTW!!! W00t!!<P> Be honest, you're just a drunk fratboy, aren't you?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:08 p.m. CST

    REH should come back from the dead

    by El Borak

    and put a bullet through ratner's brain.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:08 p.m. CST

    The last honest man....

    by FlickaPoo

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:09 p.m. CST

    uwe boll would be better . . .

    by swordsmasteryen

    . . . because it would at least be unintentionally hilarious. Ratner is not only a total hack, but his movies aren't even interesting enough to be so bad they're good. they just float there like a mammoth bowel movement waiting to be expelled. i love conan, this will blow

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:11 p.m. CST

    "and if you do not listen....then to HELL with you"...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...I'm going to use that next Thanksgiving instead of "Amen".

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:11 p.m. CST

    His one good movie was...

    by VegasRon

    Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall. Duh.<p> Of course he's better than Bay. But that's like saying regular explosive diarrhea is better than dysentery.<p> Anyway you slice it, Ratner is shit.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of course Brett Ratner

    by kabong

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:13 p.m. CST

    I say make a Conan HBO series like ROME

    by Drath

    Write the episodes like the Howard stories, but give them a steady arc, building up to his becoming King. Start off with the Frost Giant's Daughter maybe and use the original story as a framing device to flash back to Conan's life and establish how he became a barbarian. Then proceed to adapt the Howard stories as episodes but with similar supplemental story elements. Maybe have an ongoing subplot chronicling the fall of the villain Thoth Amon (similar to Justin Crowe's rise in HBO's Carnivale), possibly even saying Conan was the anonymous thief who stole Thoth's ring that he regains when Conan is king of Aquilonia. A whole episode could be devoted to the God in the Bowl or Tower of the Elephant, and with today's effects these could be awesome. Get those production values from the ROME series and some A-list guest stars (come on, John Malkovich would rule as Thoth Ammon) and you'd have something serious. Even if the series only goes two seasons like ROME and CARNIVALE, it'd be 1000 times better than anything Rattner could direct. Hell, Milius produced ROME and his Conan movie, though obviously not completely faithful to the Howard version, remains the best media adaptation of the character--unless you have some special fondness for Conan and the Young Warriors, there's no accounting for taste after all.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:14 p.m. CST

    Is Brett Ratner going to direct everything?

    by Reverend Toast

    He is pretty much rumored to be directing every new movie being produced... why is he so in demand?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:15 p.m. CST


    by Gungan Slayer

    This is a joke, right? I thought NuImage was going for a serious Conan movie? What the hell is this anyway? Fuck, Dead Centeral better be just bullshiting and have a shitty source, in which case, FUCK THEM. If this is real, then they're doing they're job. In that case, FUCK NUIMAGE...and Bret Ratner too of course.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST

    ROME type series.....I'd watch that. Then I'd buy it.

    by FlickaPoo

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Props FlickaPoo

    by tolomey

    That was funny

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST

    "Who cares? It's Conan the Barbarian."

    by El Borak

    obviously a lot of people. now go put a plastic bag over your head.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Drath hit it on the head

    by VegasRon

    Make The Stand an HBO/Showtime dealio, too.<p> And WWZ.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:18 p.m. CST


    by nerosday

    Who are these bored motherfuckers who read an article, not a huge waste of time, but then proceed to read the TB which given the TB can take quite a while and then be smart asses enough to go, "Man, Conan was fuckin' lame. Conan was fuckin' boring. This is like rape my childhood, gawd its just fuckin' Conan. I didn't read the books or watch the movies cause I didn't want to but you're all cunts for liking Conan." Who the fuck are these people that have the time to waste reading these TB's on something they could give a shit about and then post a prick comment to those who fucking know and like the material? Do we wallow in your shit? At least we have a fucking interest, what is missing in the void of your parents basement that makes you be a diliberate prick? Fuck. If you've got nothing constructive to add then don't fuckin post.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Now for something constructive

    by nerosday

    Ratner is a hack. He's made a career of quick fixer uppers when Hollywood needs a replacement guy in a hurry, but Conan could be epic. Ratner does not do epic. Ratner takes epic and make it asshat. I weep for Conan, and what could have been.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Ratner is the Antichrist

    by kafka07

    the child is marked by three sixes on the forehead....he is evil and he must be stopped

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:25 p.m. CST

    One more time, this hould have been LOTR+Gladiator+300x10

    by FlickaPoo

    Good night.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Amen FlickaPoo

    by nerosday

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    Conan does not weep

    by kafka07

    so I weep for him

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:30 p.m. CST

    Paul Verhoeven

    by tolomey

    It's time for him to return to Hollywood and show the hacks how adult action movies are meant to be done. Or imagine Ridley Scott venturing into fantasy land once again.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:31 p.m. CST


    by drompter

    The be directed by Brett Ratner. Seriously, who the fuck takes these decisions? Brett fucking Ratner?? May a plague of Gremlins fall upon Hollywood if this ever materializes. P.S. AhQ, LOL!!!!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:32 p.m. CST

    No Kafka, there is but one Antichrist: Uwe Boll

    by nerosday

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:33 p.m. CST

    If there really is a Crom...

    by VegasRon

    "Conan does not weep so I weep for him" would be spoken by Al Leong.<p> Instead we'll get John Cho.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Well X men 3 had kick ass action

    by hallmitchell

    Give him a shot. He's not writing the script. You guys are too hard on Brett.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Hahahaha, Conan would laugh

    by Lukecash

    At you pansy ass bitches getting your panties in a bunch over a director. REH would box your asses just because your flabby ass disgusted him. And he would be happy his shit was being made into movies...any movie!<p> I hope he proves you all wrong...that he takes the time and effort to make a kick ass Conan movie.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 10:43 p.m. CST

    the best parts of x-3

    by El Borak

    were the deleted scenes on the dvd. wtf? the coolest parts are cut? proof of retardation right there.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:14 p.m. CST

    This is some kind of sick joke

    by Charlie_Allnut

    I am just rereading the books for the first time since I was a kid...this property needs someone with vision like Peter Jackson had for LOTR. These movies could go above the stereotype of what most people know Conan to be and be high fantasy of the best kind, but this shows that the people who own the rights could give two shits about that. They want a hack who will make a kid friendly movie that will sell toys. Sure it will be kinda ok to a certain extent, but the shitty part will be when you realize the massive lost potential in what could have been. We are already getting a mediocre GI Joe movie, please don't give us a mediocre Conan Movie. Ratner I beg you go make your Guitar Hero movie, do alot of blow, and bang some supermodels. Just stay away from Conan.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:15 p.m. CST

    The Towering Inferno of the Elephant!

    by Andre the Frog

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Crom laughs at your Ratner...

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    ...Laughs from his mountain. <p></p> And I can't believe Ratner actually has cocksuck...I mean supporters. You guys probably defend the nutrional value of McDonalds, the singing abilities of the Pussycat Dolls, and the doctrine knowledge of Sarah Palin. Oops, didn't mean to inject politiks. Really didn't, but my point stands: Ratner sucks hack cock and gets chocked.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:23 p.m. CST


    by Charlie_Allnut

    inspired choices my friend - I still think of the Arnold/Verhoeven movie that never was...The Crusades - Arnold in his prime as a pissed off German knight? Bliss. Ridley would be great too...Anybody ever see The Duellists with Harvey Keitel? Love that movie - one of Ridley's first.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:30 p.m. CST

    I Like How

    by Crow3711

    At this point, after all this garbage Hackner has been attached to in the last few weeks, AICN just posts the simplest, blandest opinionless story on it. Hackner is attached to ruin <insert franchise> X3 sucks.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Be very very quiet.....

    by thesinofthesky

    I'm about to go Ratner and Nu Image hunting. Hate for that horrible horrible idea is the wellspring from which I flow.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:39 p.m. CST


    by Veraxus

    What happened to the Rob Zombie version? FUCK. I had so much hope and now... just... FUCK!

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:41 p.m. CST

    Brett Ratner To Direct And Star In "Brett Ratner: The Movie"

    by kennerado

    You know it will happen

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:42 p.m. CST


    by tolomey

    Duellists is great and I think I was Scott's very first film infact.<br> I've been reading about Crusade for ages now and from little I know it sounds like it would make an awesome movie.<br> I've been searching the internet for ages trying to find a copy of the script, but I think it's locked in Arnie's vault somewhere.<br> If anyone knows where to find a copy please let me know, I have a few scripts I can trade.....William Gibson's Alien 3 anyone?

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:48 p.m. CST

    My other Arnold dream project

    by Charlie_Allnut

    never to be was With Wings as Eagles... Arnold as a SS officer who has a change of heart and assists an allied unit destroy the Third Reich - was supposed to have a higher body count then any other Arnold movie. Instead of making those movies he gave us the classics "The Sixth Day" "Collateral Damage" "End of Days". Sigh. Now he's just a fat old guy further screwing up the state of California.

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Well, Leobloom, that's a little melodramatic...

    by Pop_aristocrat

    ...but I agree, terrible idea. X-3 = shitty, even the action... but somehow, people keep flocking to Ratner films. <p> I think an Arnold commentary on the DVD would save it, though. <br> "Heeauuw. You see, hees eyes, they get all beeg because they are doeeng eet."

  • Sept. 18, 2008, 11:58 p.m. CST


    by tolomey

    I think most of us on this talkback aren't going to quite the extreme that you portray in your post. I'm pretty sure that I speak for many of us when I say that we just want a Conan movie of EPIC proportions.<br> The 1st Conan movie is a good movie, it has some great action, the score is one of the best of all time, the story is interesting and you are a fool if you say that Arnold doesn't have some charisma in the flick.<br> Everything that I have seen that Ratner has directed is not on an epic scale at all. In fact, I can't see anything in his work that hints that he is the right man for the job.<br> Ratner directs "pop movies", disposible, lightweight material for the studio machine.<br> I just want someone with some vision to tackle this movie and although I don't proclaim Conan to be the greatest movie ever made, I do enjoy it greatly and therefore I care about it's next incarnation.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:15 a.m. CST

    Ratner is not that bad

    by Toonol

    X-Men 3 sucked, but it was pretty clearly not Ratner's fault. The other stuff he's done is fair. There are many worse directors that could be picked.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:18 a.m. CST

    Brett Ratner aspires to be Sydney Pollack

    by reflecto

    The end. *drops microphone, stalks off with attitude*

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:22 a.m. CST

    Can James Earl Jones please shoot a snake arrow at the Rat?

    by darwinmayflower

    those things seem to kill pretty effectively. at the very least he should beat him with a crowbar.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:49 a.m. CST

    if they're not following REH and Arnold isn't starring...

    by Prossor

    ...then they can cast carrot top for all i care in this shit dumpling. wont mater who directs.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:50 a.m. CST

    oh, and RED DRAGON sucks Balls

    by darwinmayflower

    Michael Mann is a real director. Manhunter will never be dated fools.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:53 a.m. CST

    only 2 type of Conan movies should be allowd

    by Prossor

    1.King Conan, Arnold and Milius back <p> 2.start from scratch with a hungry new director and star and do the REH tales by the fucking LETTER.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:56 a.m. CST

    Playkins I just ate some grass

    by DOGSOUP

    And Brett Ratner STILL is too lowly to lick the cum off of ooohhhh let's see...Stephen Sommers boot. That grass did make Xavier: Renegade Angel make sense though so thanks at least for the suggestion even though I'd rather have my dick chopped off and force fed to me with a broken glass glaze then watch your hero's movies.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:56 a.m. CST


    by j-bot

    That's not terrible news, but that's the least cool news I've heard all day.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:59 a.m. CST

    Arnie as Conan the King & The Rock as Kon!

    by Orionsangels

    I still want that to happen. The Conan films ended with Conan as a King. Arnie's old now. It's perfect. The Rock can handle most of the movie, but at the end. There's this huge battle and Conan fights one more time. Where he dies in Kon's arms. How dramatic and fitting.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:04 a.m. CST

    Oh and Basil Poledouris score must return!

    by Orionsangels

    Most of the film should play around Basil Poledouris's famous Conan score. It's not until Kon is about to be killed and Conan's Axe blocks the sword and we see Conan hold up his sword, flowing grey heair and beard. Then Basil Poledouris's full score comes on as Conan fights. The theater erupts into clapping and cheering!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:14 a.m. CST


    by BrooseTheScharuk

    I'm looking for the Conan movie that makes up for what Milius did to the character (sure, it's an okay sword and sorcery movie, bit it has little to do with R E Howard's creation). It needs a grown-up, honest-to-goodness director, and an UNKNOWN in the role of Conan. Those of you talking about this new movie in the context of a remake are missing the point.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:20 a.m. CST


    by Maestro610

    I'd love to see that as well. This news makes me fear that these people don't understand how good a movie King Conan would be. I know the Rock would be excited about it and it could be timed so that Arnold is available. <s> Though, if I'm correct Red Sonja will be rebooted first. Robert Rodriguez is supposed to have a hand in both series along with a possible prequel featuring Thulsa Doom, James Earl Jones' Set worshipping villain. I'm holding out hope he'll keep someone like Ratner from getting the helm here.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:51 a.m. CST


    by alucardvsdracula


  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:12 a.m. CST

    Of course the real story is that Ratner met with Nu Image

    by Samson_K

    As did Neil Marshall, as did others - Ratner is one of many directors they're meeting with - so is he being 'sought' no - he's been interviewed.<BR><BR>Of course AICN seems to have some hard-on with Ratner hating at the moment - this seems to have been posted to boil the blood of many a Conan fan.<BR><BR>Nu Image are going to be meeting with the guy who directed 28 Weeks Later too.<BR><BR>So, here was are in the midst of yet another round of Ratner hate / Ratner Defence / Ratner Defender haters and all of sweet fuck all. Save the vitriol for the announcement that he's been hired - if it ever comes but as it stands it's just hate mongering from the site unfortunately.<BR><BR>When Ratner was considered for The Wolfman Harry launched an incredibly harsh attack on Ratner - citing X-Men III as an abortion - which, when you looked at his review was a complete 180 degree turn around. I'm not sure why this is - but every time he even sniffs at a project it's almost reported here that he's definitely doing it and then the bloodlust begins.<BR><br>I neither like, nor dislike Ratner - I enjoy some of his films and dislike others - he is the Peter Hyams of today. Servicable, bland but doesn't fuck films up as well as doesn't bring flourishes to them.<BR><BR>So a Ratner Conan is unlikely

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:14 a.m. CST

    This is a fucking joke right?

    by BigCZee

    I really hope this is just an ugly rumor. I've been looking forward to a more serious Conan approach ever since i first read that they were making a new film. Just the thought of Brett Ratner coming anyway near this film, makes me want to puke up my intestines. He totally ruined the third X-Men and should not be allowed to make films what so ever. So for fucks sake, let this just be a stupid rumor. I'd rather not have a new Conan movie than a Brett Ratner directed Conan movie!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST



    Ratner's only good flick. He is a hack, a shill, god bless him. So generic and bland. go make another rush or destroy another franchise you talentless fuck tard.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:58 a.m. CST

    McG or Ratner

    by BenBraddock

    Who sucks most?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:18 a.m. CST

    Ban Ratner, Ban Ratner, Ban Ratner, Ban Ratner

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    Seriously, Ratner sucks, lets move on; Nu Image won't throw their money away at Ratner, they want a successful movie and a franchise with the support of old fans with the ability to win and earn new fans; this simply doesn't happen with Ratner.<p><p>Proof?<p>Hollywood hasn't hired Ratner for X-Men 4.<p>Proof #2: Hank Moody insulted Ratner's existence with cultural relevance, and Hank Moody is a fictional character. Even the characters of Hollywood think and know that Ratner is a bad choice.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:25 a.m. CST

    I'm more concerned with the rating

    by Mr Nicholas

    A PG-13 Conan would be awful, no matter who directed it.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:27 a.m. CST

    What? Why! Dammit!

    by deanbarry

    This makes me feel so hyped. This means that anybody can walk into a studio lot and be offered millions of dollars to direct a flick. On my way in right now. Anybody opposed to me directing a new X-Men flick? couldn't be any worse, right?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:51 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    Where are you? Or has this news caused some kind of Anuerism? <P>And I can't believe that there are some fools up there that think Red Dragon is better than Manhunter because Manhunter is dated. <P>Are you 12?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:51 a.m. CST

    Personal Conan Story

    by MrMajestic

    A couple of years ago I was at a local mall on a Saturday and the place was fairly packed. I can't remember what I went there for but I was loitering looking into a pet store window when for some unknown reason the Conan theme came on the mall speaker system. It wasn't loud but it was unmistakeable. I swear to god that every adult man in the mall stopped whatever they were doing and started listening. You could practically see their ears perk up and they all seemed to puff up their chests as if answering some strange gender-specific call. Meanwhile the ladies and kids didn't seem to hear anything and continued on with their business. True Fucking Story.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:56 a.m. CST

    and give it to Twohy

    by Lost Jarv

    as much as Riddick was a mess, the thinking is more suited to Conan. And some of the fight scenes are great.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:16 a.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    What the fuck are you talking about? Read a filmmaking 101 book and get back to us.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:20 a.m. CST

    Take Ratner to the Tree of Woe

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • I doubt they'll go with Ratner or that he'll have the time to do it. Also considering it's these Nu Image guys it's unlikely they'll get anybody good. But I hope they surprise me.<p> Neil Marshall would've seemed like a good idea at one point, but that era ended shortly after the opening credits of DOOMSDAY. The 28 WEEKS LATER guy is a possibility, but let's all agree that Conan doesn't need a "documentary feel." Conan has a Jason Bourne scalp braided and hanging off his furry briefs, so let's leave that handheld shit in the 21st century. Movie with battle axes = no shakycam, please.<p> If we're gonna get into Coen Brothers Superman territory of farfetched directorial choices why don't we throw them all out there: George Miller, John Boorman, Walter Hill, a well-behaved Ridley Scott, David Cronenberg, and most of all Verhoeven. And I like TELF's De Palma idea.<p> But if it was up to me and Verhoeven told me to fuck off I think I'd throw the dice on Steve Norrington. Dangerous choice but it would be a hell of a movie for him to redeem himself with.<p> confidential to Jerry Horror: I'm glad somebody else likes MONEY TALKS. Every time somebody starts cursing about Brett Ratner I say "yeah, but MONEY TALKS..." but of course nobody listens. I don't care how many times I watch it, that shit cracks me up. I have to admit to me it's way funnier than the movies it's blatantly ripping off.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:38 a.m. CST

    oh yeah, and Mel Gibson

    by Vern

    to direct, not to play Conan

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Hah! Crom Laughs at your Bret Ratner!!

    by pokadoo

    Ratner is a good mimic of other directors. Red Dragon & X3 'LOOKED' like films by Demme & Singer, but lacked the depth & originality of the originals. I don't think his films are meaty enough. Kinda hollow and lacking identity or a style of his own. Yet Conan is pulpy and dumb, if he apes the Millius film(not Destroyer or Red Sonja) AND uses the Basil Polodoris (?) score, (and gets a decent Arnie-alike) this could maybe be watchable. My hopes were always for John Millius, or someone actually good to come back and make a decent Conan film. And leave Tracy Walters out of it.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:44 a.m. CST


    by B Arnold Quizzling

    Suits suck. Someone must have thought this was a great idea between cocaine snorts and escort hummers.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    NOT the 28 weeks later guy

    by Lost Jarv

    Because that was shit. And Vern you'd really rather have Norrington than Marshall? I think if someone kept an eye on Marshall it could be great, not to mention the fact that Doomsday was 1 million and 47 (I worked it out exactly) times better than LXG<P>Verhoeven woud be great though, but I still say Twohy.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Those directors you guys are mentioning

    by CreasyBear

    are far inferior to Ratner, in that Ratner can also fetch slippers, get coffee, nod his head much more vigorously when the Rothmans of the world are making their decrees, and generally be a vision-less, malleable lump of yes-boy clay. I mean, apparently, it's no contest. Ratner's the man!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Vern - Neil Marshall

    by Samson_K

    Okay - 'Doomsday' was like a big sugar rush fuelled ridiculous distillation of every post apocalyptic film ever made - but it still had some visual style and pacing. I'm putting it down to third film syndrome (you know when someone with two hits goes a bit mental and produces 1941?) - but what do I know - I enjoyed it - it's cool to see a city that you know really well being used in a post apocalyptic story. And finally a hero with an eyepatch that I can legitimately have erotic dreams about without waking up screaming 'Fuck off and leave me alone Plissken / Cogburn'!<BR><BR>Marshall has still got a good track record - his style for The Descent could be great in any scene where Conan ventures into a subterranean temple and he proved with Doomsday and Dog Soldiers that he has the chops to handle the action scenes well.<BR><BR>I still hope that he doesn't get it though because I want to see his John Buchan style 'Die Hard with Tweed Suits fighting Nazi's film' that he's planning.<BR><BR>I agree that an old school style director would be good - Conan doesn't need too much of a modern sensibility - I'd hate to see it being filmed like 300 and I'd hate to see the slightest hint of a shake to the camera - unless there's an Earthquake scene or something.<BR><BR>I'd plump for someone like Joe Dante or Frank Darabont along with your suggestions.<BR><BR>My only problem with Verhoven, and it's one that I may be alone in sharing, is that I'm not sure that he wouldn't be able to reign in the cartoon style violence that worked brilliantly for Robocop and Starship Troopers but almost sunk Total Recall for me!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Mel Gibson came up back when we first started...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...talking about a Conan movie last year I think it was...still think he's do a great job. He won't of course...but he could.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:38 a.m. CST

    I mean, if you sat through The Passion, how much...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...would you have given to have Jesus just finally get pissed halfway through, pull his hands right through the nails on the cross, pull a soldier up with his feet, wring his neck, take his sword, jump down off the cross and start making the dust muddy with centurion blood? And you know that deep down Mel Gibson wanted to make that movie too...

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:01 a.m. CST

    And Ratner was doing so well lately...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    By not actually doing anything. People were ready to forgive him and call him a silly puppy. But he just couldn't let the geeks alone could he? Tut, tut.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Also: If only you had some magical director time machine

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    That could grab copies of directors from the past. Imagine what a 1989 Verhoeven would do with Conan? Or a 1973 John Boorman?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Emily Watson's blind act not as bad...

    by Kid Z the chick that played Alicia Masters! "Let's see, my character's blind... hmmmm... stand directly in front of whoever I have a scene with... look slightly to the left or right of their face...GOT IT!"

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:18 a.m. CST


    by L. Ron Bumquist

    Genndy Tartakovsky is the only man for this job. Do it! Do it NOW!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:18 a.m. CST

    That would be guaranteed suckage

    by ATARI

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:19 a.m. CST


    by L. Ron Bumquist

    I'll say it again, just so you notice.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Brian Blessed as Old King Conan

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    did anyone else read Empires piece on Ratner a few months back?

    by RockLobster800

    ..they must have been paid to do it or something....they tried defending him by saying how great the parties he threw in Hollywood were, how well liked he was by stars and how much money his flicks made-alll the while dodging round the fact that the magazine itself had declared his films as utter bollocks in the past. The best review I remeber him getting may have been three stars...he must have asked them to do it cos he made friends with the editor or something :S I will say this for Ratner though-he's not DEVASTATINGLY bad...not uwe boll, paul ws anderson absoultely eye gougingly cap, but hes just reaaaaaalllly mediocre. He can just direct and no more-theres nothing exceptional about him. And due to this mediocrity he should be a tv director, or at least some one that man on the street doesnt know-he doesnt deserve any of the fame landed on him....tragically (and ironically) I think a lot of his fame comes from the shit storm he kicks up on web sites like this when he gets announced to direct anything...and he should kick up a fuss. I mean Hollywood should know that when it attempts anything with any film they should aim for greatness of quality, not the kinda "ach, it'l be watchable and just kinda "ish" but it'll make money from the kids who dont know better" level of quality Ratner offers...and as we all know thinking like this has caused by majority the stagnation in quality from major Hollywood films since the 1980s....oh well.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:54 a.m. CST

    No- that's just Empire proving what fucking idiots they are

    by Lost Jarv


  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:05 a.m. CST

    Do you want to live forever?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    No, but long enough to see a good Conan movie.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Worst. News. Ever.

    by DocPazuzu

    You unbelievable assholes. <p> David Twohy is by far the best choice at the moment if we're to judge by looking at genre output over the past few years. Say what you want about Chronicles of Riddick, but it's great-looking and Twohy's a terrific action director. He has a perfect eye for Hyborian opulence and good sense when it comes to staging and shooting hand-to-hand combat. <p> Seriously, you guys downplaying this Ratner news by saying "he's just been interviewed, along with others", you're part of the problem. If you can't see something inherently wrong with NuImage's attitude towards the project when they even CONSIDER talking to a hack like Ratner, then you're part of the problem. <p> Oh, and leobloom is a cunt.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:18 a.m. CST

    You all deserve "Lady of Soul" awards...

    by Mr. Profit

    For outstanding displays of drama and bitchassness on a TalkBack. Is it really that fucking serious? Brett Ratner is not an awful director. He just makes movies that have shitty scripts most of the time. But they all pretty much look good. I hated "X3". But it looked good. "Red Dragon" was no "Manhunter" but it wasn't a terrible peice of shit, and that movie looked good too. So it's not that he is incapable of directing a good looking film.<p> The way you guys have your bitch meters on high alert here, you would have thought they announced Rob Zombie, Uwe Boll, and Paul WS Anderson as co-directors.</P><p>Give the guy a break. He may surprise us. The bigger question is who is writing this movie. And who is starring as Conan. And if its will stay the fuck away from the foolish looking Red Sonja movie in development.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    I suggest Kevin Reynolds.

    by Knuckleduster

    Call me old-fashioned.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:28 a.m. CST


    by CloneWars

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    So directing is all about making the movie look good?

    by Knuckleduster

    So that's why that dude who directed the Texas Chain Saw remake is still working.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Mr. Profit

    by DocPazuzu

    Let me put it to you this way: <p> BRETT RATNER'S THE HOBBIT <p> Any reaction?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    Twohy's not all style.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    C'mon Leobloom...

    by jackofhearts29

    I actually enjoyed raping my adolescent sister in the ass. Better than the prospect of a Ratner Conan anyway. I think she would agree from her end too.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:45 a.m. CST


    by adiehardfanwithalethalweapon

    Why is this guy attached to every fucking picture on the planet?! It boggels the mind.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Yeah Knuckleduster

    by Mr. Profit

    Marcus Nispel made a 9 million dollar horror remake (that looked damn good for the money spent),that was really a sequel, that revived the dead series in the process, and it made 80 million domestically. That is why he is still working. That is why he is making the Friday the 13th Remake. That is why the F13 remake looks better than we would have gotten in someone elses hands. The TCM Remake film didn't replace the original, but it was it's own thing that wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. <p>And as for taking my words too literally, yes the look of a film accounts for a lot. I believe that. X2 cost 135 million dollars and it looked dull and fuck visually.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    DocPazuzu - part of the problem?

    by Samson_K

    Seriously - how can someone who brings a little perspective to a story that has been reported on this website be in any way part of the problem?<BR><BR> For myself, I would hate to see Conan being directed by Ratner - but 'downplaying' is not what I was doing - I was adding a perspective that differed from the story that he was actively being sought.<BR><BR> I am as far away from being the part of any problem within any aspect of Hollywood shenanigans as I am from being part of the problems that the Labour Government had with Unions in the early 1970's.<BR><BR>I have never paid to see a Bret Ratner film at the cinema, I have never bought any of his DVD's and I doubt I ever will. <BR><BR>I work in an office in Edinburgh and count the hours until I can get home and have a life that I'm in any way happy with - my limited sphere of influence barely exerts to choosing which pub me and my girlfriend will go to tonight so, no, I'm not part of the problem of Nu Image interviewing Bret Ratner for a film based on a character from the 1930's who had two films in the 80's, a cartoon and a shitty live action series - which, let's face it is what 75% of the cinema going population will know.<BR><BR>

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Fucking Fat Thumbs - Submit Button Too Soon

    by Samson_K

    - The problem with Nu Line interviewing him comes from the fact that like Peter Hyams and so many other directors - while Ratner does not bring an awful lot to movies he doesn't actually fuck them up - not enough to matter to the majority of people.<BR><BR>X-Men - The Last Stand had enough in it to keep people generally entertained and happy - those who saw it as a film not based on a beloved X-Men story wouldn't have cared if the aliens and comic book excesses weren't present - they wouldn't have cared that Cyclops was killed so early because Singer had sidelined him so much anyway. He made a movie that while not setting the screens alight didn't suck all that much objectively speaking.<BR><BR>Ratner turns a profit and as long as he does that he will be considered

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Crom agrees with DocPazuzu...

    by Ultron ver 2.0

    Twohy may be the man needed. Proper action editing and visual flare are needed, and he can bring that.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:19 a.m. CST


    by Knuckleduster

    I like Twohy. He's an interesting choice for a Conan movie. My comment was aimed at Mr. Profit, who has a very appropriate name when you think about it. Seems to me that some people simply can't grasp how box office and quality filmmaking aren't always the same thing. <p> P.S. Is he suggesting that X-men 3 looked better than X2? That would be silly, wouldn't it?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:22 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    When I say part of the problem, I mean seeing it as no big deal that Ratner is being interviewed for such a beloved property which deserves much more respect and care. <p> Hackery thrives on "no big deal".

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Let me 2nd Genndy Tartakovski!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Although at this point we got no idea how good he is as live action director

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Brett Ratner

    by MOTHdevil

    NOT the guy you want to be "rebooting" a franchise with. Brett's schtick is a competent torchholder. He works off what others have already established. Depth and immersion are not his forte. There is ZERO chance of this being anything other than a bland Kull or Scorpion King look alike. If we're "lucky" we'll get Conan the Destroyer without the camp and wrestling hommage. I thought this was going to be closer to the source material? Not a good sign.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:29 a.m. CST

    For fuck's sake

    by Lost Jarv

    Why the fuck should we "give Ratner a Break"? has he done anything that doesn't suggest he's a fucking hack?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST


    by Gungan Slayer

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:33 a.m. CST


    by Gungan Slayer

    I'm not here trying to bash Ratner's brains out. I don't hate the guy nearly as much as most everyone on here does, HOWEVER, he is NOT the type of director that needs to be attached to this sort of project. Not at all. He's the type that needs to be far away from this sort of thing. I had such high hopes for a new Conan film. I thought Nu Image was going to do it right.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:38 a.m. CST


    by Samson_K

    I see your point - but the fact that they're not just looking at Ratner (it seems their first choise is Robert Rodriguez - which makes me shudder) is just part of the process - it's that whole Hollywood merry-go-round - as mentioned in my first post - save the viriol for when it happens<BR>My main point was that I just don't get why AICN would report this in such a way when the cooler news is that people like Neil Marshall (who may not be the best choice but is still cooler and as far as I know not been mantioned until now).<BR><br>Besides - even hacks can make an enjoyable film now and again but as someone who was addicted to Savage Sword of Conan as a spotty teenager - no, I don't want to see Conan fucked up either

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    Easy, because if it were a positive piece of news like that then the hit count would be much lower, whereas if the put up some news that is a sign of impending disaster then the geek army will be mobilised to put up millions of posts. <P>Seriously, this thread is only 2 Hours old and has already passed 210 posts.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:52 a.m. CST

    What Jarv said.

    by DocPazuzu

    If there is the slightest chance Geek Nation counts for anything any more, now is the time to roar.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:52 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    ...think of all the cool revenue for AICN.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST


    by Samson_K

    That's what fucks me off - it's tabloid shite at it's most potent and shows a total lack of respect for the sites readership!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Twohy would be a perfect fit.

    by palewook

    ratner is not the guy for this movie.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Twohy's fingers would be a perfect fit in my anus....


  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    14-15 hours old thread actually

    by Le Vicious Fishus

    but it's still a good point.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    VERN-- Verhoeven, Norrington, Gibson?!!!


    We have had our differences. But throwing the names of these three up has earned you massive respect in my book. Norrington would rock the fucking house with this shit.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    if Mel directed....


    ...for fucking sure we would get a bad ass torture scene where Conan is beaten and whipped for 20 minutes. That would fucking rock.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Ratner should just Kull The Conqueror this bitch!!


    Hire Sorbo, and have buckets of tits, laughs, and metal music!! FUCK. YES!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST



  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    We shall all be forced to push the wheel of pain now

    by wraith777

    if this comes to fruition...

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Yes yes yes yes yes

    by Fred

    If only to see what a stoned Conan does to the camel this time around.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Good directors sometimes make shit movies

    by TheManBehindTheMask

    so why a shit director could not make one good movie? I admit this news is not hype friendly but I have faith... that Brett will be fired from this job!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Hello Fred

    by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar

    You are the only Fred besides Fred that Fred has seen on this site. Happy Fredday to you!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Saw Red Dragon first and for free in the theaters...

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    Saw Manhunter long after and liked it a lot more. Anyone with a brain should realize Manhunter has it's own style whereas Red Dragon is Ratner trying to essentially ape the style of Lambs.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Conan the Barbarian was not a great film.

    by TheLastCleric

    Arnold’s Conan was incredibly flawed and fundamentally wrong in most respects. Arnold really was a pretty lame Conan and the directors/producers turned him into a bit of a meat-head, which he most certainly isn’t in the books. It was also incredibly lame that Conan was ever a slave and it’s equally lame that at the beginning of the film, the Cimmerian tribe goes down like a French battalion despite the fact that the novels allude to the Cimmerians being feared, almost god-like warriors. I want to see Conan snapping the neck of an ox as a rite of passage and I want to see him portrayed as a brilliant military strategist and cunning warrior. That said, Ratner is not my first choice but all the hate he gets around here is flatly ridiculous. Rush Hour 1 and 2 are fun, well made action/comedies and Red Dragon is a solid film. Also, X3, while flawed, wasn’t the unwatchable mess so many claim and most of the problems with the third film were a direct result of decisions Singer made in the previous two movies, including the marginalization of Rogue and Cyclops. I will state for the record however that loosing Nightcrawler was a HUGE mistake on his part, though I’m not entirely sure the decision was his.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    IAmJack'sUserID - to be fair

    by Samson_K

    The reason, only reason, that Red Dragon was made according to the studio was so that the Hannibal Lecter films would all have the same look / feel/ style etc.<BR><BR>This is NOT to defend Ratner as it is fairly obvious that as directors go he is not one to stand up for any form of visual integrity - he works in the style he's paid to work in.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Verhoeven love among film-fans

    by Jaws Wayne

    Always love it when Verhoeven is mentioned on this site for yet to be made movies. I'm Dutch and very proud of his worldwide successs with his crazy cool kick-ass films. Thing is, I'm about 99% sure that if Nu-Image contacted Paul, offered him a sack of money to make this film, give him a good salary and free reign he would probably bite. When they would hire Verhoeven, that would just be great. So, Mr. Nu-Image, I know you're an avid reader of A.I.C.N. Please get in contact with Paul, that movie he'll be delivering to you will make you tons of money after release, just go for the best guy for this job. Thank you very much. (And he would be a lot cheaper as Ratner to boot !).

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    What is best in life?

    by smackfu

    Certainly not this shit. Zing!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    You know...

    by Blue_Demon

    I was just sitting here, thinking about a Guillermo Del Toro "Conan." The man is well read in the fantasy realm (he's mentioned Dunsany in an interview) and of course you can't deny his visual flair. Too bad he'll be tied up with "The Hobbit" for the next twenty-two years. Second favorite choice? David Twohy. DocPaz is right. I watched Chronicles of Riddick recently. That movie is a design fest. Huge sets, giant statues, texture galore. If Twohy directed it I'd be happy.<p>Also, as I was watching that movie I thought that Carl Urban would make a good Elric if he dropped a lot of weight and had long white hair. Twohy could direct, too. Just a thought. Urban just has mean eyes.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Jaws Wayne


    You forgot the one negotiating tactic that always gets Verhoeven to sign on-- carte blanche to shoot as many fuck scenes as he wants. <P> And while I have your attention. Do Dutch seriously fuck that much? Like multiple partners, multiple times a day, every day of the year (holidays included/ do you have holidays? Fuck holidays maybe...) ?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST


    by Blue_Demon

    Make that KARL Urban.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    I wish Riddly Scott was the director

    by Blitz

    Quick, someone get me some mothafuckn Ruby Slippers.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST


    by Charlie_Allnut

    You're critisicm of Conan the movie seems to be based on the fact that it is not like the book...I love the movie as a great Arnold movie and a great fantasy movie. I agree that it is unlike the books but it is more of a stand alone property. I think that is why so many of us are excited about new movies being we can see Howard's version of Conan on the big screen. And no Ratner is not the worst director ever, he is simply a mediocre director who gets his hands on great properties and this movie does not need mediocre, it needs someone like Peter Jackson, Ridley Scott, or Paul Verhoeven. I think we can all agree that Ratner is none of those.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    That's not all that fits in your anus.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:22 p.m. CST

    A Milius script would be cool, Conan written by Walter Sobchak!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    why the fuck do you people keep mentioning visual flair...


    ...when it comes to a new Conan movie?! Like it needs a director with visual flair. Fuck that. I can give a fuck about Conan being shot real pretty like. <P> Its very easy to make a successful Conan film. The list of necessary elements are pretty similar to my list for Lethal Weapon 5 -- its gotta have a shitload of violence, a shitload of tits, Joe Pesci yucking it the fuck up non-stop with one-liner after one-liner, Danny Glover slobbering the fuck all over himself, full frontal, a torture scene, and at least six beheadings. Fuck visual flair. You can lock the fucking camera down the entire movie for all I care. Bring the goods-- you put asses in the fucking seats!! <P>Fuck Guillermo Del Toro.....Paul Verhoeven SHOW US SOME TITS!!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I know I'm coming into this a little late, but...

    by O_Goncho

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............................ :(

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST



    I know-- don't worry, I haven't forgotten Aspen last winter. You little flirt.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Joe Pesci as Subotai?

    by Blue_Demon

    Hmmm...I can see it. "Hey, da fuckin' Vanir just fuckin' came and wiped out da fuckin' village!"

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Actually DannyGlovers...

    by Blue_Demon

    I think people mention visual flair (well, I do anyway) because Robert E. Howard's writing puts incredible pictures in your head.<p>When shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars..."<p>Seriously, the guy could write. Say what you will about the "pulpiness" of it all, but his stories were like dreams.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST



    Is there any beastiality in his original stories?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST


    by Blue_Demon

    TONS! Read "The Frost Giant's Sheep."

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST



    You lie. <p> I'm serious though. Not hardcore fuck scenes...I know that ain't happening. I'm talking love between a beast and a woman?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Okay, okay...

    by Blue_Demon

    No. But girls are almost always described as half-naked and they tend to lose their clothes during the story.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST


    by Vern

    You're right Jarv, I am being way too optimistic with Norrington, hoping he can do a good job based on his one great movie, while assuming Marshall can't based on his one really bad movie. So my logic is flawed. But I just really would love to see the guy who made BLADE hit another one out of the park, and if the mind behind that movie still exists I would think Conan would be a good movie to unleash it on.<p> Samson, glad you got something out of Doomsday, but it is actually the action scenes that I most hated about it. I wouldn't mind the brainless derivativeness if it was a thrilling action movie, but to me it was just a sloppy pile of random shaky photography and the uusual careless bullshit that every stupid DTV hack does now. No rhythm, pacing or geography, like Michael Bay divorced of the pretty sunsets.<p> I really liked The Descent though and Dog Soldiers was decent so maybe he'll regain my trust with his next one.<p> thanks

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST



    See thats what I'm talking about! We need Verhoeven.....nobody knows how to backlight a nipple quit like him! He can do it all-- the sex, the gore, buckets of shit poured on naked Verhoeven!! We need a National Holiday in his honor known as the Day of Decadence. The only thing he hasn't tackled is beastiality....thats why I'm feelin the new Conan needs some sort of hybrid human/beast creature making love to a fine female in a grassy meadow. I'm fucking serious!! Bring it on!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    what was wrong with Rob Zombie?

    by Spandau Belly

    I thought he was up for this at one point. I mean how can't you admire the dude taking a slasher movie like Halloween and turning it into a perverse anti-psychiatry Mike Meyers biopic with Meyers and Loomis having entirely one-direction Good Will Hunting moments? I'd love to see him find Conan's inner pain. Hell, if he plays 'Love Hurts' again while young Conan cries on his door step it would be ten times more ridiculous than it was in Halloween. It would guarantee The Trejo and it would definately guarantee a lasting impression on any one who saw it; whereas Ratner Conan will just be like Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC. Bland.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Dannny! Neigh Means Neigh!

    by toadkillerdog

    You are inching towards Equinas territory with your beastiality wish!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 12:57 p.m. CST



    I'm not talking any real world animal we know. You can't say you wouldn't fuck a good looking centaur because you would never have the opportunity. There is just something about an attractive man/beast, Paul Verhoeven, Kevin Sorbo, and Brett Ratner that clicks. I need a shower and some sweet feed to cool down. Blue_Demon knows what I'm talking about.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Danny - Remember what Skipper did to Chitty's Donkey

    by toadkillerdog

    Just keep that in mind when/if you get to close to a Centaur (female I hope). And by the way, I think Dolores Umbridge found out exactly what some Centaur lovin' means in the last Harry Potter film.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:12 p.m. CST

    toadkillerdog -- what?


    There was centaur fucking in the last Potter movie? Fuck me...that must have been during the 20 minutes I fell asleep. FUCK!!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:14 p.m. CST

    RE: Charlie_Allnut

    by TheLastCleric

    I understand where you're coming from regarding the original Conan film as a stand alone property but my response is why even bother adaptiing the character if you're going to ignore the fundamentals that make him so compelling in the first place? Also, I agree completely about Ratner: he's no Ridley Scott or Del Torro and a Conan film directed by men of their talent would be sublime.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    She was led into the Forest, and then taken away by Centaurs

    by toadkillerdog

    Ya think they were just gonna play tiddly winks with her?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    no to ratner, wheres red nails!

    by cr1ms0n

    please dont use ratner, please use someone who gets great results from a movie with the kind of tone conan movies shoud have, hard R... i was interested with rob zombie... and i remember talks about vin diesel playing conans son in king conan. speaking of conan, wheres the animated "red nails"?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:19 p.m. CST

    ratner equals another kull!!!

    by cr1ms0n

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:20 p.m. CST


    by the1980mutant

    They've done it again. Well, at least I have the originals. Too bad Alex Rodriguez couldn't have gotten a hold of it after Red Sonja and paired the two. What are these idiots doing. Isn't it funny how the idiots who shouldn't make movies are the people who make movies?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    What about John Milius?

    by toadkillerdog

    He's still alive and kickin

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    why Verhoeven should direct this movie

    by Charlie_Allnut

    Go watch Flesh+Blood if haven't already seen it. Add that to the rest of his resume and you have the perfect Conan director. A HBO series would be awesome tho. When is Game of Thrones coming BTW?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Cobra--Kai -- You mentioned Rome...


    lots of beastiality and kinky shit in there right? Fuck yes. Verhoeven is the future of Conan!! Lets start a fucking petition. And the villain. Michael fucking Rooker!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    toad-- oh thats right....I remember that now.


    Yeah that was totally some Centaur Bukake.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    D. Dickblood

    by Jaws Wayne

    Haha, do us Dutch fuck all the time ? There are these polls out there that I never trust (that says Dutch people fuck about 4 times a week on average ), and I think that poll says we're third behind the Italians (1) and Germans (2). As for me, man, if I had sex 4 times a week with my lady-partner of 10 years, that would be quite something. Haha. The folks that think Twohy would make a more kick-ass Conan film as Verhoeven are probably all very young and innocent. Like Mr. D. says, would you rather have a glitzy, polished and shiny interpretation of the R.E. Howard novels or a visceral, very gritty, smelly, sweaty, and really violent version with buckets of blood and loads of sex ? No Twohy please, just an hard R-rated Verhoeven Conan fest please with all the cut-out censored sex and violent bits re-instated in the Unrated Director's cut on DVD or the blue thing a couple of months later.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:35 p.m. CST



    First off, congratulations on coming in 3rd in the Fuck Poll. The only reason Germans rank higher is because the poll didn't specify the partners had to be living. Anyway yeah....Twohy. Fuck no. I like him-- and I love the hell out of the Riddick films, but he Verhoeven would mop the fucking floor with him. All joking aside nobdy shoots violence/gore and sex like Verhoeven. He is a twisted fuck, but he makes some extremely entertaining films with high replay value. He is the best way to go.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:40 p.m. CST

    One thing though. Don't make the new Conan a CGI fest!

    by Orionsangels


  • Sept. 19, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    good news

    by cr1ms0n

    apparently ratner is not in.... and instead robert rodriguez is up to helm, i like that idea

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:05 p.m. CST


    by Johnnie Walker

    ...Because he gets his movies in the can, and because they make money. <p><p>PURE AND SIMPLE.<p><p>Everyone--the public, the studio execs, maybe even him--know that he is the quintessential studio hack. And he doesn't give a shit. He knows the only reason he has a career is because he helped Russell Simmons get chicks back in his NYU days. <p><p> If you don't want him attached to a dozen different projects, THEN DON'T WATCH HIS MOVIES. As soon as he has a couple (more) bombs like Rush Hour III his star will, thankfully, fade.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Who is this Girly-man fucking up Conan!?!

    by KongMonkey

    I can hear Arnold's crucifixion cries of pain from all the way over in California. Vulture bite!

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:21 p.m. CST



    You gotta be fucking kidding me. Are you serious about Rodriguez?! If so-- fuck you for delivering that news.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Chris Tucker for narrator please.

    by Damien Chowder

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Enough already

    by slone13

    Ratner's currently "attached" to like 8 different movies all set to come out in the next couple years. My guess is he might actually direct one of them.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST


    by The Amazing G

    it's as if they KNOW they're fucking with us

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Crom weeps this day

    by EmptyWalletProductions

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Say it aint so, please...get Milius or Verhoven

    by KillaKane

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    YAY!!! for Conan.....FUCK!!! for Ratner sticking his head so far up Conans ass he can see the back of his teeth.....FUCK!!! this sucks. i even checked my calendar to make sure it wasn't April Fools Day...damn

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    NOT first.


    This wouldn't be the FIRST "Conan" movie without Arnold, just the first theatrical one. There was a hilarious one with Arnold's bigger buddy Ralf Moeller in it that was greenlit just after Ralf had his big moment in "Gladiator". As for who should direct it? Verhoeven's gone back to Europe, Twohy already RE-MADE "Conan: The Barbarian" in space and John Milius is never going to be given a movie budget again (even after the triumph that was ROME). My vote would be for Alex Proyas or Alfonso Cuaron - both good at fantasy and action. As long as they leave all the racist s**t out that was in the books, I'll be happy. That is all.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Crom's hairy scrote!!

    by Devil'sOwn

    This Talkback is more entertaining than any Rattner-directed Conan will ever be. Contemplate that on the Tree of Woe.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    "Ratnan, what is best in life?"

    by Mosquito March

    "A Ferrari, a big opening weekend, and snorting coke off a supermodel's tits. Top that, losers."

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5 p.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    DAMMIT....i was JUST about to mention Alfonso Cuaron, i think his unique visual style coupled with his talent for the "gritty" could work with Conan. im sure ill get some "fuck you"s for this...but i was thinking David Mamet (REDBELT)...thats just ME though.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5 p.m. CST


    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    Can anyone say fail? So we want Ratner for the relaunch of one of the most beloved franchises in geek history, and we're telling Spielberg and Peter Jackson to get fucked, when the two titans of cinema propose a relatively modestly budgeted faimly adventure film. Yes. You deserve to be as broke as you all will be.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Awww hell no !!!!

    by grendel69

    Can I PLEASE get a real Conan movie?? One where the character that Howard wrote actually appears onscreen? Is that to much to ask???

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Norrington is at least...Professional.

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    His movies look like movies. Not like photographic accidents, like a certain other brit.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST


    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    how about David Milch???...well, im not sure if he directed "Deadwood" (the HBO series) but he wrote and produced it. its gritty, raw, sex-filled, and crude enough eh?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    About Red Nails

    by Gungan Slayer

    Production stalled (obviously, as evident by the lack of news and development) like two years ago or so. I don't know if it's canned, or if they've already done voice work, or not. I don't know. but again: FUCK THIS NEWS about Ratner. We need a real fucking Conan movie, not some half ass shitty piece of shit.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Ratner is a talentless piece of shit and here is why:

    by namasteandgoodluck

    X-Men 3: Thoroughly ended that franchise with bullshit plot lines, horrible CG and camera work and possibly the worst performances from some of Hollywoods brightest actors, men and women that are talented award winners. What ent wrong? Studio pressure to milk life blood out of an otherwise succesfull franchise to maximise profits. And who was the yes man up to the job of bootlicking? Ah yes, our man Bitch Ratner. Someone with just enough knowledge to seem capable of putting image to film and lackey enough to do the studios bidding. Fuck, this man has no sense of scale, depth or precision, let alone the ability to tell even a simple story. This man is the directorial equivalent of "Simple Jack".

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Makes me want to get drunk and knock a fucking camel out

    by namasteandgoodluck

    Thats my Conan.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:34 p.m. CST


    by Series7

    Brett Ratner gets attached to every movie that ever gets made now. I heard he is going to be the bad guy in the next batman as well.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 5:47 p.m. CST

    NO to Ratner. YES to JAVIER BARDEM as CONAN

    by sarajevobot

    Pay Bardem whatever he wants to play Conan. Then get him a trainer and some steroids. He's PERFECT. <p> Then hire a decent director. Fuck, ANYBODY'd do a better job than Ratner, but Peter Berg springs to mind. I'm not a fan of Eli Roth but HE'D be better than Ratner for this. John McTiernan. Fuckin' GUY MADDIN would make a better Conan than fucking Ratner. <p> Then hire a production designer and have them actually look at the old Frazetta paintings. Better yet, hire Frazetta. <p> Make sure everyone involves reads the old Howard stories. <p> This ain't rocket science. THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY TO BE MADE IF THEY DO THIS RIGHT. But I'm gonna have to quote Gungan Slayer here: <b>"We need a real fucking Conan movie, not some half ass shitty piece of shit."</b>

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Bullet dodged?

    by sarajevobot

    According to the Latino Review: "....Nu Image is meeting with everyone in town. They took a meeting with Brett Ratner. But guess what? They also met with Neil Marshall, James McTeigue, The Strause Brothers, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. This I will tell you...You know who else they met with and really want to take the gig? Robert Rodriguez. The problem with Rodriguez is a scheduling issue, he’s booked solid. They are also going to meet with Juan Carlos Fresnadillo. So don’t go and get excited folks, all Nu Image is doing is taking meetings with directors, hearing different takes, and seeing how things pan out..... as it stands, no one has been offered the job… YET." <p> McTeigue, Rodriguez, and I think, especially Fresnadillo are ALL WAY BETTER and far more inspired choices than Ratner, and those choices in particular show that Nu Image may very well be using their heads in this. <p> They need someone who can direct big, involving action scenes that actually hurt to watch. Being able to tell a story would be a good bonus. All these other directors fit the bill there. <p> My money is on Fresnadillo -- and Javier Bardem.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Um, those people they met with...

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    ...Are as bad as fucking Ratner. Almost. Marshall couldn't direct his way out of Ratners ass, McTieuge is a real person? The fucking Strause Brothers!? Are you kidding me? They just got done anal raping a franchise into the ground with a film worse than a Paul W.S. Anderson venture. I can't picture Fresnadillo or Rodriguez taking the gigs, but they would actually be good choice. Or a start in the right direction. Bardem and Fresnadillo. Yeah. But its fucking Nu Image, I can gaurantee you if they brough James Cameron on board, invented an anti ageing pill for Arnie and got fucking Robert Howard to come back from the dead and write the script, it will still suck. They are cursed. Cannon of the now.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 6:31 p.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Ratner as a director AT ALL is a fucking joke - as director of a halfway decent CONAN movie, doubly so. Twat of serious magnitude.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 7:49 p.m. CST

    What happened to Rob Zombie?

    by zombiwolf

    Not that I would support that either.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 8:05 p.m. CST

    it's official then

    by JWAO

    the movie will suck.

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Nu Image?

    by Tony fucknuts

    The studio responsible for Crocodile 1 and 2, Spiders 1 and 2 and Octopus 1 and 2 has the licence to Conan? How in sputtering fuck did that happen?

  • Sept. 19, 2008, 11 p.m. CST

    The Cannon of now!!!! OMFG!

    by namasteandgoodluck

    Thats just funny as all hell to me. The Carolco of now? Or perhaps the Tri-Mark of now? Nah, not even that. Nu-Image is even shittier than Morgan Creek!

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Leave my classics alone....

    by JestaFool

    As a rule of thumb, the less money a movie has, the better it usually is....oh yeah and remakes generally suck. Dont remake robocop. dont remake conan. dont remake goonies. leave it alone. yes i want to see more of these films but whats the point if hollywood is just going to make them suck? And Ratner making Conan...COME ON!!!??? remake muthafucking Cherry 2000 if you want to remake something.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:20 a.m. CST

    Zack Snyder!!

    by JestaFool

    nuff said.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:49 a.m. CST

    I'd like to see a Conan remake

    by VegasRon

    I'm genearlly against remakes of classics, but if done right, it could lead to a franchise, something I always wanted with Conan.<p> And I'm all for Twohy or Verhoeven doing it.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:51 a.m. CST

    Mel Fucking Gibson

    by Andillformthehead

    To direct. No?

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 2:06 a.m. CST

    "the less money a movie has, the better it usually is"

    by The Amazing G

    eh not really, no, unless you want to claim something like Troll 2 is a good movie

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 2:38 a.m. CST

    King Conan was by far the best film that got away

    by alucardvsdracula

    Let’s take a trip back to April 2002. It’s the opening day of John Millius' King Conan. At the premiere a grinning Arnold is being bear hugged by Millius whilst trying to tell the world’s media that “It’s da last mooovie I’m starring in before I retire from acting. It’s really fitting to be playing a King now that I too oversee thousands upon thousands of citizens in my domain. Har, Har, Har. Dat was a joke, but I feel like both me and Conan have come full circle.” Arnold now puts his huge arm around Millius’ neck. “It’s also fitting by choosing to end my movie career by working with my good friend John once more, and properly concluding this wonderful franchise.” Someone in the press then asks would he be interested in playing the Terminator one last time, to which Arnold deftly replies: “If Cameron was interested I’d be back, but the chances are some dickless executive would get some hack to helm the mooovie instead. So no way, fuck that shit, hardcore mooovies like Terminator and Conan deserve better.” Anyway, the rest is history, as you already know King Conan went on to make $40 million on its opening weekend and to this day is the most respected and appreciated Arnold film.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Shame about the Red Nails movie

    by alucardvsdracula

    Some of the concept design looked ace. Just what went wrong with this. Don't get it.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 4:27 a.m. CST

    Family Man

    by youhatestarwars

    Inherently flawed movie. The movie asks us to bond with the couple and their kids, then for its denouement transports us to a reality where those kids cannot possibly exist. Way to catharsis, Ratner.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 6:18 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Your argument presumes Ratner understands terms like "denoument" and "catharsis", when, as evidenced in his body of work thus far, he barely understands the words "funny", "narrative" or "less annoying, please, Tucker, you shrill unfunny bitch".<P> But, in essence, I agree. FAMILY MAN was waaaaaaay better back when it was MR DESTINY and starred James Belushi, Linda Hamilton (back when she was hot!) and Michael Caine as Michael Caine.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Cage was better in TRAPPED IN PARADISE though

    by spud mcspud

    Still one of my favourite Christmas movies. Not Holiday - CHRISTMAS! Dammit.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 6:54 a.m. CST

    Why don't the suits...

    by Roketopunch

    listen to the intelligent film crowd before they make a movie. Just because a director has made money doesn't mean then make art that is quality. Do they even watch the movies that are being made? I think not. Give the film to Nolan or just about anybody. Don't give it to a sequel killer. Fuck you Ratner.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Yes for Veroheven only if it's Flesh + Blood gritty

    by chien_sale

    Not Starship Trooper with all the fake CGI. I also like Ridley Scott based on the opening of Gladiator, the only scene in the movie that I truly liked with the screaming Germanic barbarians. I would also take Gibson for obvious reasons. To play Conan I would go for Benicio Del Toro. He's dark skin, he looks like a big killer. Just buff him up like a body builder and look at the everybody cowering with fear. Barden is too artsy and never played badass in his life.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Two things:

    by Orbots Commander

    1. Let Ratner do a Conan movie. It'll keep him away from anything that's really good. He's not a terrible director, just highly mediocre. I like the Conan character, but aside from Milius' movie, the character has a high cheese factor potential. 2. Javier Bardem is a really good actor, but after the Oscar win, there's no way he's doing Conan, especially with Nu Image. If the dude does a genre movie he'll likely be looking to work with one of the top guys like Zemeckis, Spielberg, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson or Tim Burton. He's an actual thespian, so he'd want a director that's experienced enough that he wouldn't make Bardem look ridiculous. Same for Del Toro. He dipped his toe into genre with Wolfman, but he likely made sure he wouldn't look stupid in it.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    I really like the Mel Gibson idea.

    by rbatty024

    Gibson knows how to direct action well, but he needs the right vehicle for it. I almost enjoyed Apocalypto if it wasn't for the fact that he knew nothing about Mayan culture and completely misrepresented their society. That and the two second birth pretty much ruined the movie for me. However, I did perk up during the chase scene. Like I said, the man knows how to film action. <p> Let's drop Gibson into the middle of a fantasy film where he doesn't have to make racist movies about Jews and Mayans.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    SHit Bratner to direct everything! EVER!


    Conan PG, no Ta!

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:45 p.m. CST

    "This man is the directorial equivalent of Simple Jack."

    by fasterpussycat

    Damn. I can't top that.</p> <p> Brett Ratner is the studio whore. He has not a single trace of artistic merit and exists only to be the studio's puppet. He shows up, collects his paycheck and would never dream of doing anything remotely challenging that might anger his bosses. He is a cunt, plain and simple. </p> <p> I'd rather have McG, McRib or whatever the fuck that pathetic tweaker is calling himself this week than THAT.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Oh and...

    by fasterpussycat

    Mel Gibson is not a bad idea. Ever since he lost his damn mind his movies HAVE gotten better. Goes to prove the old saying - the best artists are the worst sons of bitches around.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    leobloom doesn't care about conan

    by El Borak

    guess what leobloom suck my fetid ass.

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    STARSHIP TROOPERS wasn't over-reliant on the CGI though - it was the icing on the cake, but the meat of that movie was a wickedly subversive little satire on war and fascism. The CGI was fucking awesome in it anyway - tell me any moment in any one of Lucas' orgiastic CG-fuck-fests was anywhere NEAR as great as the Zulu rip-off scene on Planet P, where the trooopers are trapped and isolated on the ruined outpost, and the ENTIRE FUCKING VALLEY is teeming with those badass over-size insects. Michael "Don't Fuck With Me" Ironside wipes his mouth with his cyborg hand, and we are in for the best fucking action sequence in a sci-fi movie in the last twenty years. Tell me I'm wrong.<P> CGI could not have been utilised better in that movie - STARSHIP TROOPERS is the textbook example of a movie's narrative leading the SFX instead of the other way around (known colloquially as "the Lucas gambit"), and is yet another reason why Verhoeven should do the next CONAN movie. Because he's fucking AWESOME, that's why!

  • Sept. 20, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST

    "Bardem never played badass in his life"

    by Vern

    Bullshit. I know that's supposed to be a trap to get somebody to say "Whuh!? He's not a badass in No Country For Old Men?" and then you'll pull out some crazy argument for why his haircut disqualifies him or some shit. But even aside from that, do a google image search for "Perdita Durango" and tell me the motherfucker is "too artsy" in that movie.<p> I don't know where his name came from in this discussion, and I don't think he would do it, but he actually looks like some of those Conan paintings.

  • Sept. 22, 2008, 4:25 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    fair enough, and I loved Blade as well. I think though, that Blade's sort of technopunk aesthetic is totally wrong for Conan. <P>And Doomsday was lots better than LXG.