Cool News
BABYLON A.D.!!! The Studio Hates It, The Director Hates It, And Now Massawyrm Hates It Too!!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
I don’t know what the hell went wrong here, but whatever it was it went wrong BAD. The studio seems to not want anything to do with it. The director sure as hell seems to want nothing to do with it. And for the first two acts of this movie I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why not. And then came the third act twist. And boy howdy was it a twist. It twists a fairly cool, if somewhat lifeless, science fiction film into a laughable piece of garbage that begins to beat the audience about the head with some of the dumbest god damned things you’ve heard in a long time. I’m not talking improbable. I’m not talking impossible. I’m talking downright fucking goofy.
This thing sure starts out cool enough. While the trailers kind of sell it as a dystopian future ala Children of Men, it is actually something just a little different. This is CYBERPUNK. No, not like cyberpunk. Actual, honest to god, Gibsonesque cyberpunk. You don’t see it at first, primarily because the film opens in the poor ghettos of Eastern Europe, but as the world gets wider and wider it begins to appear. Cybernetic implants. Advertising everywhere. Well-funded criminal organizations. And of course future tech just a wee bit ahead of our own. And what makes this a pretty cool version of a cyberpunk world is that we spend a vast majority of our time in crumbling, war-torn Eastern European and Asian countries.
Vin is cool enough. He looks kind of tired and bored here, but then again it comes off as if that’s how his character is supposed to be acting. He’s a mercenary with a past that has somehow gotten himself branded as a terrorist in the United States. He’s got a history with the guy who hired him. He’s got a history with the guy sent to collect him. He’s got a history with several of the people he runs across in this little adventure. Except that it isn’t until the end of the film that you realize they’re never going to give you the slightest inkling of what that history might be. Early reports have this film missing an entire hour – and it sure as hell feels like it – except that the European cut is only 11 minutes longer and director Mathieu Kassovitz (Gothika, La Haine) claims it’s only missing about 15. Which can mean only one thing: this really is a shallow, empty, soulless film with nothing that can save it.
Like I said, I was enjoying the first two acts. The fact that we never really get to know Diesel as anything but a cliché keeps us from ever getting involved in the action sequences – none of which were very inventive or shot particularly well to begin with anyhow. It is the scenes in between, the landscape of this world on the edge of eating itself alive, the crime ridden hovels through which Diesel ducks and hides, hell, the way a comically awful (and unrecognizable) Gerard Depardieu crime lord travels around in fully armored personnel carriers complete with ready and waiting prostitutes. It is a well thought out, fully realized dystopia that just feels dangerous – even if the fights do not.
And then the third act twist hits. And it is more than a little jarring. Then it is immediately followed up by a revelation so profoundly ludicrous, so mind numbingly incomprehensible, that it leaves you quite stunned. Once you realize what this film is really all about, you’re gonna be kinda pissed. And that’s when they drop one of the most unbelievable lines I think I’ve ever run across in the history of bad science fiction – a line that will haunt this film whenever it is mentioned. A line that will haunt me whenever I think about it. “20 years ago they kicked me out of the medical community for trying to put artificial intelligence in babies.”
What?
No. Seriously. What? That doesn’t make any god damned fucking sense. At all. Artificial intelligence? In Babies? Oh. Fuck. You.
From that point on the film simply nosedives down into the ass end of nowhere, never to return to anything resembling a real narrative. There’s another action sequence that feels more like a mid-film action beat than a climax, and then it caps off with a completely inexplicable ending that will leave you scrambling to figure out how this thing went south so fast. And once the credits begin to roll there isn’t a doubt in your mind why everyone is trying to distance themselves and dump this thing, placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of someone else. This thing is a fucking embarrassment. A cool film with one of the most unspeakably awful third acts in recent memory.
This thing is just silly, a grotesque cinematic partial birth abortion unlike anything I’ve experienced. When Kassovitz said "It's pure violence and stupidity," he wasn’t lying. But he didn’t mean that in a cynical, eggheaded, pretentious director sort of way. It is utterly meaningless and only serves to make your brain hurt when it begins trying to be smart. It is kind of like what would happen if your thirteen-year-old brother watched Children of Men and got the money from FOX to make a better version of it. And I don’t mean that in a good way. Not at all. When Paul W.S. Anderson is making better science fiction than the French, you know something is terribly wrong with the world. Terribly wrong indeed.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
-
+ Expand All
-
I laughed my ass off at the 'A.I. in babies' comment and now am contemplating watching it on the 'so bad it may be worth it' scale?
-
Perhaps this is the fun dumbness I was looking for in 10,000 BC. Did you come through Vin?
-
seriously i laughted so hard it still hurts.
i might have to see this film, a little drunk, and let the good times roll. ai in babies..... genius. -
Aug 29, 2008 9:11:00 AM CDT
i got kicked out of the medical community for the exact same thi
by newc0253
perhaps this film is semi-autobiographical?
-
oh wait, sorry.
-
the line about my babies in my head with a cliched John Voight "MYYY GOOOD" slow mo close up shot style delivery. I've no idea why.
-
okay, i'll stop now.
-
conceivably, there are some people out there who want to experience the "AI in babies" revelation in the comfort of the cinema.
-
But that line basically sells the movie to those that potentially were on the fence.Oh, and has the medical community accepted you back with open arms or are you still shunned?
-
Would make a great title for a skinimax movie.
-
Is that really so unbelievable? Doesn't that sort'a define the type of people we see in Hollywood?
-
This review actually makes me want to see this movie to see how bad it is. i mean not PAY for it, probably download so FUCKING FOX GETS NO MONEY! but I may see it now...
-
I really want to know.
-
but your name isn't knowthytwist...was that worse than A.I. in babies?
-
Uhhhh.
-
The wacky twist is that she is a human host that will produce a genetically modified Messiah thanks to a religious cult.
at least that's what another review said... -
It is time.
-
... the lady was a Nun with a Jesus clone pregnancy going on or something. As for the AI in babies line, it sounds lame. It would have been more palatable to say "I got kicked out for taking bribes to implant computer hardware in babies as some kind of jacked up human cyborg experiment. The pay was good." *shrug* :)
-
What's so hard to comprehend Massawyrm? Have you not seen D.A.R.Y.L.?
-
when I first heard it announced a few years ago, but yeah...damn....this is sad.
-
That huge church of Scientology centre in the middle of Hollywood Blvd. That thing was right next to the Jimmy Kimmel Show.
-
The line has no context. It's just thrown out there by this reviewer as being awful, when out of context it can't be judged. Maybe it is awful, but I'd like to know more specifics on delivery, timing, placement etc.
-
Does this mean no Pacifier 2?
-
of this have seen D.A.R.Y.L. Hell they've probably not even seen short circuit
I suspect their level of technospeak and understanding extends to 'Hacking the internets. All of them'. -
nothing else matters
-
are Roland's. I saw one scene of this movie on Conan I think, and a small missile, I believe, his honed in on Vin. Vin proceeds to run through some van and just as the missile is coming shuts the back doors. Missile blows up sending Vin flying. This is the sort of ridiculousness where A.I. in babies in the same movie makes perfect sense.
-
This will be a rental for me though.
-
And i love every second of it.
over on the Disaster Movie review he has written one of the best intros ever written in the history of this page and now this:
From that point on the film simply nosedives down into the ass end of nowhere
awesome -
Really, Michele Yeoh, really, REALLY needs to start picking better material. As for AI in babies, it'd probably make for smarter people than we've got walking around right now. But, yeah, it is an idiotic line.
-
either he was drunk or just plain stupid. seriously. that guy has no clue.
-
Heh... oh well, everybody KNEW this was just a gigantic steaming pile of shit, it's just no-one wanted to bail. In this industry, if you bail on a project it comes back to bite you in the ass. Vin's been i bad films before, and sticks them out.. it's his job *shrug*. It's not his fault the film sucks, and I'm sure he's got plenty more left in him, good AND bad. I like the guy, I really do... but if anyone actually believes he can act worth a shit they need a wakeup call. What I don't understand is why have Studios been INTENTIONALLY shitting up their projects over the last couple years??
-
...with Mission Impossible 3, then. And Tom Cruise is into Scientology. I don't think that's a coincidence.
-
Look at 'em. They can't even read. They need all the intelligence they can get.
-
It sounds like the writers were using Madlibs again.
"20 years ago they kicked me out of ________ for trying to put ________ in babies.” -
Is the signed picture of Screech on Massa's avatar. "To Massawyrm BFF XOXOXO" Genius
-
Here is the review by Publisher's Weekly:
Explosive and paranoid, this futuristic fable by French sci-fi novelist Dantec explores the frightening ramifications of genetic experimentation. In a constantly shifting world conflict circa 2013, violent-minded (though well-read) Hugo Cornelius Toorop, a 20-year Special Forces veteran of the Bosnian conflict, is offered a lucrative new job by the Siberian mafia in Kazakhstan to transport a young woman to Montreal. Who is Marie Zorn, and what does she carry that is top secret? Armed with new identities and the requisite grenades, Hugo, along with his expert team—the gun-happy Israeli Rebecca Waterman and the hard-core Belfast rebel Dowie—get her to Montreal, where it becomes clear that Marie is a pawn in a vast, pernicious artificial biosphere program and that, moreover, she's pregnant, feared to be carrying an animal clone, and thus contaminated. The nimble, hyperbolic Dantec creates a surreal alternate identity for her on the streets of Quebec through a kind of virtual death. Toorop is pressed by a New Age army of cyborgs (aka Cosmic Dragons) to find Marie and bring her back, and under drug experiments he penetrates the double helix to achieve a surprisingly humanistic conclusion. Riddled with acronyms and pop culture allusions, this is an intense, intellectually labyrinthine ride. -
with good old-fashioned flash cards?
-
Aug 29, 2008 10:12:15 AM CDT
Now, in "Cyborg," there was an artificial brain in Dayle Haddon.
by kabong
So, is the Euro cut of "Babylon A.D." worth seeing?
-
Obviously there have been good films that touched on the aesthetic or plotlines found in Cyberpunk, like Bladerunner or The Matrix. But has there ever been a good pure Cyberpunk film? With industrial espionage//Artificial intelligence//Hi-tech slums//Deadly assassins//A complete disregard for human life//A Eurasian future//Computer hacking// You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult to nail it.
-
Where was that "all the internets" line from? Fucked if I can remember, and its annoying the hell out of me. (Epiphany) GOOGLE!! *Runs to google*
-
I thought. Although I think the Matrix probably qualifies, too (more than Blade Runner, at least).
-
George W. Bush said it in a State of the Union speech a few years back.
-
sounds like sunshine all over again.
-
Luv dis Movie............
Seriously -
Burnt crispy man makes me sad.
-
A.I., I Am Legend, War Of The Worlds...
-
Specifically Endymion, when Aenea is revealed to be the daughter of a human female and a computer persona, and she is also a Messiah with the power to change the universe. I suspect they ripped off a lot from this story.
-
Aug 29, 2008 10:28:47 AM CDT
Sounds Like The Perfect Marriage Of French SciFi and Fox
by troutmaskreplicant
I just remembered that French scifi film from 2004 called Immortel. It also stars the wondrous Charlotte Rampling and has a bollocks plot. Something to do with pregnant weirdos too.
-
That would have been more true if the annoying as fuck kid got killed right from the get-go. Would have made the movie much more enjoyable until they got sidetracked on Arlington Road.
-
I don't know why you're freaked out by that line. In fact, you're so bloody vague about what's bad with this movie that I may just have to watch the damn thing.
-
Regarding A.I., If Kubrick had directed it you'd all be saying how fucking brilliant it is.
-
Really. All the bad comments made this an instant cult movie.
-
Kubrick DID direct Eyes Wide Shut, and you can't swing a cat without hitting someone who thinks that movie was a big pile of shit.
-
Ghost In The Shell (+sequel + tv versions) have all the factors you mentioned and more.
-
Cuz there was no better way to end that film. That film was frakking awesome. Screw any haters
-
Ghost In The Shell has a similar effect on me as fingernails on a blackboard. I just can't stand the dialogue (subbed or dubbed) and Mamoru Oshi's lethargic characterization and plotting never does anything for me. Still people seem to like it, so it must have something.
-
Aug 29, 2008 10:56:32 AM CDT
I Imagine Massawyrm Is Having Difficulty Expressing
by troutmaskreplicant
How badly put together the baby plot point is. Surely there are good scifi stories and novels that feature similar plotpoints? It might also be a case of written scifi's problem with cinema, full stop. A good example is the Keats element of the Hyperion books. It (mostly) works in the books but in the shorter timescale of a film you might have the audience going WTF?
-
I want one!
-
I really enjoyed Sunshine up until burnt crispy blurry guy showed up. It took an unnecessary left turn in my eyes. I thought them just trying to get there and some of the choices they made which led to their difficulties was tense enough without blurry burnt crisp guy.
-
I went to see The Dark Knight the other day and during the trailers I lost count of the movies that showed shots of the bullet/rocket on its way to its target...Bab AD was one of them. Looks like my Vin Diesel = no watch mantra makes sense...
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of Kmart for trying to put spatulas in babies.”
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of IHOP for trying to put puppies in babies.”
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of NASA for trying to put booster engines in babies.”
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of The Sewing Institute for trying to put Bernina Sewing Machines in babies.”
"Why?"
"So they could literally shit their own diapers. Think of it."
"Ooooh Myyyy Gooooood!" -
the hound dog and spitoon in the corner.
-
Because in the future people have become so incredibly stupid from watching crap like Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, SuperHero Movie, Date Movie and anything on the Bravo network.
-
That one went way off the rails for the third act....just don't get it. why this hapens so often.
-
Madlibs is fun for the whole family!!
"20 years ago they kicked me out of AICN Talkback for trying to put Harry Knowles in babies.” -
"20 years ago they kicked me out of The Navy for trying to put tomatoes in babies.” - from my 5 year old son.
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of film school for trying to put flames in babies.”
-
would have been much better with Kubrick's usual atonal music, instead of John Williams schmaltzy piano plinkering. It's actually a very bleak ending but Williams music works to undermine the effect.
-
yes? If so, i want to put Artificial Intelligence in my dick.
-
your son is funnier than family guy's writers. no exaggeration. that is truley off the wall type stuff. kaufman smiles on him.
-
Aug 29, 2008 12:24:53 PM CDT
Consider, however, that if you did put artificial intelligence i
by stalin vs predator
...then "Disaster Movie" would have no audience.
-
Aug 29, 2008 12:28:12 PM CDT
And there are a few excellent quasi-cyberpunk titles...
by stalin vs predator
"eXistenZ", "Strange Days", "The Thirteenth Floor", for instance - not quite cyberpunk (Strange Days would be the closest to the definition, I suppose), but all with a cyberpunk vibe and all highly enjoyable.
-
20 years ago they kicked me out of mcdonalds for tying to put jude law into babies!
-
i loved that shit when i was a kid. stolen jet fighters. cool ejection sequences. loving family despite his bowlcutted cyborgness.
-
Babylon Babies was an awesome book!! I am so mad that they raped the movie (of course I knew they would) but one can hope. Toorop is a true professional soldier and the writing does remind me of Neuromancer a lot. I hope there is a hour of extra movie in the DVD because that is probably when I will see it. It's the end of summer and the studio should have allowed all the actual story to be in it and sidelined the explosions.
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of Hollywood for trying to put Shia LaBeouf in babies."
-
Since you mentioned Oshii, I assume you're talking about just the two movies. The Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex TV series (and its sequels, the 2nd GiG TV series and the Solid State Society movie) are much closer in tone to Masamune Shirow's original work, and don't have that Oshii flavor (the GitS movies really do seem to be very full of the typical Oshii stuff).
If you haven't seen them, and are looking for something more purely cyberpunk, I'd definitely consider checking Stand Alone Complex out at least (and then 2nd GiG and Solid State Society if you like the first TV season). -
I wasn't gonna see it anyway, haha
-
And 6 of them sucked? Well, Blade Runner of course is great. But for a genre that was big for about a decade and a half (In written form), it's amazing to me that some of the better stories didn't find themselves translated to good movies.
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of a butcher shop for trying to put my sausage in babies.”
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of the Plumbers Union for trying to put my pipe in babies.”
-
"20 years ago they kicked me out of a chicken coop for trying to put my cock in babies.”
-
"From that point on the film simply nosedives down into the ass end of nowhere, never to return to anything resembling a real narrative."missing a comma, but still, the alliteration, the clever metaphor extension...well done!and I will be seeing this movie out of morbid curiosity now...
-
Doubt he'll be able to get another Stateside gig after this travesty, shame.
-
And the Confederate flag shirt....real funny, cock.
-
whaaaat theeee fuuuuuck???...this shit puzzles me. i can't believe people get paid to come up with THIS shit.
-
Or 'Re-Imagine' it..
Or Re-tool it.. -
I thought you'd been around long enough to know that those are reader submitted avatars making fun of me - not fully endorsed social statements by yours truly.
That said, if there's anyone who deserves to pay full price for this shit, it is you. ENJOY! Can you take Memories of Murder with you? Thanks. -
Reader submitted avatars? And I guess EVERY reader decided to put the Confederate flag on you? Wh ywould they do that?
-
No. Forgive me, I didn't know that. I skip your write-ups most of the time because your writing is shit. Thanks for heads up!
-
AI in babies could refer to a means of automated education, as opposed to spending 25% of one's lifespan in classrooms.
In that regard, it sounds kinda brilliant.
Also, does Massawyrm have any cartoons of himself that are NOT entirely homo? -
First you see DM and then this. Or do ya'll just have to pick straws for shitty movies?
-
Daddy. Dont feed me chili. I'll break.
-
Two of you are gay. The other one has no business being in a movie. Also, there's a ghost in a tux standing in the window.
-
In a breaking report just emerging out of San Diego, an 'AI Baby' has filed suit against the Democratic National Party for its advocacy of using stem cells to cure their own physical ailments.
"They're my stem cells. I should decide what happens to them. Its my body, right? Or wait - am I still part of my mommy's body. so confusing even for an AI Baby."
-
There's an AI in my baby.
-
Except for Hercs. His is badass.
-
I'M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING A.I. IN MY MOTHERFUCKING BABY!!
-
Rise of The IQs
-
Aug 29, 2008 1:35:10 PM CDT
CNN Reporting: "Ted Kenneyd's Brian Tumor threatens filibuster."
by arcadiands
is quoted to say, "If you dont give me the stem cells, I'm not going anywhere. I need me the stem cells."
Representatives for AI Baby call this move nothing more than political grand-standing in a hotly contested election year. -
Aug 29, 2008 1:35:10 PM CDT
Yobo and Arcadian are more entertaining than....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...the actual review.
-
A smooth scalped Denzel Washington, has ordered immediate alterations to the script of his upcoming Kojak movie. he was overheard talking to his dialogue coach, and the phrase "who loves ya, AI baby?" was overheard several times. Variety reporting.
-
True story.
-
but they have a gate around it and a guard shack. Once they kick you out, you're not getting back in without a garage pass.
-
for you morons who didn't have a damn clue what that line was talking about (hi Massawrym), he's referring to the artificial INFLATION of intelligence in babies.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine reference: Dr. Julian Bashir was an "A.I. Baby"
Now that you have had this puzzling and mysterious riddle unraveled for you, please proceed to being confused by other rather simply explained conundrums - like how a thermos works. -
spandau, I was trying to make a baby geniuses joke.. but i was just standing there at the urinal, no flow. your joke tinkle gives me empathetic relief.
-
Aug 29, 2008 1:51:31 PM CDT
haleyjoelosment's dad sez 'I tried to put my baby in a.i!'
by ironic_name
-
Ha! Post of the day, sir. Too funny.
-
Wait a minute....you watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine? Seriously?
-
"yeah...this is gonna make for one DUMB. ASS. ADULT."...."might as well juice him up with A.I.....do this country a service before this kid grows up and fucks it all up"
-
i watched star trek.....until i realized what vagina is. thats a situation where you CANT have your cake and eat it too.
-
Someone adapt Stephenson's Snow Crash Right the fuck now! Get Masi Oka to play Hiro Protagonist and Dakota Fanning for Y.T. She's 14 now she could do it.
-
Go see it there:)
-
hmmm....that must be the most incredible 11 minutes in the history of film to save what appears to be a huge steaming pile of shit. amazing what a handful of minutes can do.
-
The trailer actually had moments that looked promising considering it was a Vin Diesel movie (has this guy actually ever made a GOOD movie? I mean, The Fast And The Furious was good like Showdown In Little Tokyo or something) and had a cool book to work from with a cool director. Sounds like a disaster.
-
Actually the flag goes back to a time YEARS ago when Harry posted a photo of me and thought it would be funny to photoshop a rebel flag tattoo on my arm. Needless to say it became an injoke, especially among submitters of the avatar contest.
This has all the relevant info on most of the avatars: http://tinyurl.com/5dvamt -
...Great director. Great writer. Great cast. Fucking shit film, also carrying a semi-retarded third act.
-
Aug 29, 2008 3:02:33 PM CDT
Oh, you bitches whining for a good Cyberpunk movie...
by whinynegativebitch
...Can rest easy, Neuromancer is on the way with the legendary Joseph Khan (director of Britney Spears videos and the one and only Torque) is on the way.
-
You should have used the avatar of Harry taking you from behind for the disaster movie review.
-
That was SERIOUSLY in consideration. But everytime I post that I get angry "NSFW WARNING ASSHOLE!" e-mails.
-
The New York scene where they are driving through Manhattan at night - There are no sounds of internal combustion engines. When you are downtown in any major city there is an unmistakable deep bass rumble from the diesel engines of semis, garbage trucks and city buses. That was entirely missing here. The sounds in Babylon AD were just tire noise, electric motors, and the occasional squeel of brakes. Clever and subtle. It obviously doesn't rescue the movie from the garbage bin of Hollywood history, but it tells me that someone with a brain was involved, and they cared about details. Knowing that, it makes me wonder just what the hell went wrong? I'm guessing FOX knows full well they have a steaming turd on their hands, and are only releasing it to try to recoup a part of their investment. Question is, who is *really* at fault for screwing this up?
-
Aug 29, 2008 3:28:37 PM CDT
Lawzy, we got to have a doctor! I don't know nothin' 'bout putti
by dr lizardo
-
may not be as good as "Torque" though.
-
Maybe the AI ate your baby.
-
When is the last time we got a really good science fiction movie? Not including comic book/superhero movies, or the various Star Wars/Star Trek sequels, I can't remember the last good Science Fiction film I saw. Children of Men? I liked Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, but it seems like Hollywood is too busy with remakes and sequels than developing original science fiction content. Shame.
-
The last great science fiction film I saw was called Mass Effect, and it was a video game.
-
You'd only get half of the book onto the screen. Remember all the haters whining about the philosophy in the Matrix films? There's A LOT of philosophy and history about language in the novel that moviegoers wouldn't have the patience for. That said, Stephenson writes excellent action sequences, and I totally understand how great a Snow Crash movie could be. I just don't think it'd happen to any kind of satisfaction or justice.
-
The philosophy in the first Matrix film seemed rather original and interesting, but in Reloaded and Revolutions my impression was that it was dumbed down a tad. Not only dumbed down, but it all became very derivative. Somewhere along the line Neo became a cross between Paul Atreides and Jesus Christ. I don't think there have ever been two sequels as disappointing as Reloaded and Revolutions.
-
its jacked story from several Japanese anime and stole action sequence from several hong kong movies.
-
Damn You Michael Bay
-
Aug 29, 2008 4:56:46 PM CDT
last great science fiction film was called....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...5th Element, and it was directed by a fat French guy that fucks all his starlets. God Bless him....and God Bless the tumor eating away at John McCain's face!!
-
I loved it when I first saw it, but upon multiple viewings some of the acting in that movie is just horrific.
-
.. read Altered Carbon, they should make that into a movie and hopefully not fuck it up, that would be the greatest cyberpunk movie ever
-
...and then what the hell happened?
LA HAINE was brutally awesome, but every film he's directed since then has been shit. Maybe he's one of those guys whose talent comes out the more financially restricted he is.
At some point this guy is going to have to go into acting full-time instead of just part-time. -
I heard the same thing as Massawyrm - the director hated it because the studio did the editing. A 2 year old with plastic scissors could have done a better job.
Yeah the first 2 acts were good but they could have been great.
The last act... remember the last ten minutes of Mission Impossible 3.
Not as bad but not far off.
Save your money -
Last 10 minutes of Mission 3? When Cruise is all fucked up from that bomb in his brain and him and PSH beat the shit out of each other? That shit was fucking golden. You're an idiot and you just convinced me to see Babylon. Thanks.
-
The end of the effing movie you tool.
The bit where Cruise and his bint walk over the bridge talking calmly like nothing happened and then the whole "back at headquarters" where they walk into the sunset and everyone is all smiles.
That end you moron. Or did you have your mammy hold her hand over your eyes at that point. -
the way words are thrown around in any world it doesn't have to totally make sense. the essence of it makes sense. You don't have to be 100% artificial to benefit from artificial intelligence. Wait, explain to me why this line is bad again?
-
Such a fun genre. THOUGH it seems hollywood execs just can't put the genre onscreen without it becoming direct-to-video b grade bullshit. The Japanese have no problems making incredible cyberpunk films with 0% cheese.
-
though I hear the unborn baby is an L. Ron Hubbard clone, btw... (oh, spoilers. My bad.).
-
Horrible movie. Don't get why some here seem to salivate over it. Ol' Vin's career continues to nosedive. It started when he turned down XXX part two and did the terrible Riddick flick.
-
something less preposterous than what the reviewer seems to think it means... his take is hilarious... but the words may mean something else:
as in, implanting an artificial intelligence "brain" into a human body from birth so that the "baby" grows up into an ai/human hybrid. giving ai flesh.
i don't know that that's what they meant but even from complete ignorance, it sounds reasonable that could be what they meant... although they really should have changed the wording...
but the fact that it's soooo awful but has good cyberpunk dressing makes me want to see this now! -
Without knowing the twist or anything else, that "AI in babies" line doesn't sound all that ridiculous. There are ways it could make sense.
-
Aug 30, 2008 1:24:20 AM CDT
I can see it now, a baby sipping cognac and saying I love proust
by ironic_name
-
another johnny mnemonic.
-
I don't get the hate it gets. The out of it ending is the best part. Also AI in babies, maybe they mean the Altered Carbon way, where they can upload shit in the brain. Doesn't sound so wtf. Maybe depends on context.
-
Aug 30, 2008 1:34:05 AM CDT
snow crash's action set pieces could be strip mined though
by ironic_name
-
suddenly, the sound of implanting actual know how and philosophy in an unborn, so that it has the ability to talk [garbled from non use - but rational]
is kinda cool. -
you whimsicaly luck bastard.
-
Depends on what you mean by "science fiction." The Prestige (2006) is a masterpiece and is sf-nal but the science is impossible (unlike, say, Gattaca, which is real sf). Ditto for 2007's Southland Tales (truly great when combined with the necessary graphic novel first half), Children of Men, The Fountain, Night / Day Watch, Deja Vu (which is perhaps more "pretty good" than "really good") -- they're all science fantasy, really. Still in 2006 (greatest year ever for fantastic cinema), V for Vendetta was great, but it's a comic book adaptation; A Scanner Darkly was great, but it's animation.
Back to 2005, there's Serenity, but that's only great as a sequel to a TV series. So the answer to the Q is "2004," which saw two brilliant films which are real sf: Primer (the science may actually be impossible but it's worked out with incredible rigor rather than hand-waving) and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Hmm... one that was shot for $7,000 and one that wasn't marketed as sf..
So, when was the last really good big-budget movie that was marketed as sf? 2002: Minority Report. Hollywood should do better, for sure.
-
This movie should have been called Baby...lon A.I. Hahahahahahahahhaha...no? Airball? Ok, sorry.
-
...I guess I'll take my girlfriend with me to see it. She's used to it by now.
-
Aug 30, 2008 2:13:13 PM CDT
It's pretty fuckin sad when a director treats his film like an u
by broseph
-
As much as I love a young, gothed-up Angenlina Jolie in Hackers, cyberpunk should take a break since we can't seem to do it right. STEAMPUNK, on the other hand, has never been done in a film, and boy could it be awesome. For those who played the Thief series of games, you know what I'm talking about. Imagine 600 AD, dark ages, but with electric lamps and some messed up technology that seems completely anachronistic. Throw in some pagan mythology that completely defies reason, and you've got yourself a cult classic, if nothing else.
-
Sorry, Masswyrm, but your science is behind the times. By 2015 all of our silicon-based computer technology will be as useful as steam engines are to us, replaced by several possibilites: DNA computers built right into our cells, or massive quantum machines that tunnel through alternate universes. But bet on the DNA stuff, I know some of the guys who invented it. And you'd have to use babies, because a brain-jack like that would kill an adult. I think this is what Kassowitz was so angry about: all these great dystopian ideas ruined by the suits at FOX.
-
Or bad like in He Who Must Not Be Named needs to have a prophecy which says that only one can survive bad? Or bad like when George Takei gets killed in Heroes for no damn reason bad? Or bad like in Mitocondrians? Or bad like in when Jean Grey can't lift the plane with her in the plane and dies but comes back wicked and crazy in the next movie bad? Or bad like when plot device was stupid and unimaginative generally? Is this movie bad llike Riddick was bad - I liked that movie. Or good like the last Tarantino movie was great - I hated it. ??
-
Nothing relaxes me after the long work week like an excruciatingly terrible sci-fi movie. Cinematic gold.
-
I wanted to like but just remember it being awful and really quite silly if you gave it too much thought. It wasn't just me, one of my mates went to bed half way through it and the other kept dozing off. Maybe I should waych it again and re-evaluate it but I just can't bring myself to do it. Sorry, do you hate me?
-
I liked the movie.
I always like journey movies. Nothing new in concept here for escort mission that goes wrong or not what it seems.
The James Bond scene with snowmobiles was good with the drones after Riddick er whatever name he is playing.
I like the way it starts off with hole in the ground Russia to clean and bright looking USA it was a shock to see because I was expecting a dirty USA the way the movie plays out from start to finish.
I was expecting a big payoff at the end with a big message either anti or pro religion or something along that line. But it's glanced over. Not even a don't mess with babies makeup or something.
They don't explain supergirl's superpowers too much either.
This really is just a brainless fun action movie that's good for a one time viewing. -
I agree with Massa's review. The movie has all the foundations of being a pretty cool little flick. However, the movie just feels like it's missing alot of plot/backstories that would have aided it immensely. We learn to nothing about the 'No-Lights", beyond the fact they're led by some neo-botox bitch and somehow they aren't respected. We don't learn much about the world. In Children of Men, the film had enough clues sprinkled throughout to give you a decent idea. Here, all I can figure out is Russia became a shithole, the Canadians got militant (probably because of w/e happened in Russia), and New York City became sexier. We learn that somehow that doctor made it so a supercomputer was able to infuse a human fetus with computer powers, making it so she knew just about everything. What's less clear is why she suddenly develops Akira-like powers of telekinesis. They say that somehow the babies are the reason (networking for the win?), but they don't elaborate. Furthermore, they don't elaborate as to why the kids are so special beyond the fact they might be a jump in the quality of a person in terms of intelligence and -maybe- they have psionic powers. Honestly if the film had another hour to flesh the ideas out, it could have been pretty good. As is, it's just a quickly forgotten flick that burnt out 2/3rds through the flick
-
What a badly written review.
-
all they had to do was change it from AI, to "race memory" or "implant all the memories of soldiers from the last forty years".
-
LAST 20 MINUTES SPOILERS
So Aurora was raised by AI and can process info like a computer. Uhh..ok. But she's pregnant with twins. How? Who knows. And the twins have superpowers. Why? Who knows.
The 'father' says he searched for Aurora for years but could never find her. So why the hell did he immediately have eyes on Aurora when Diesel began to move her?
Then there's a really weak car chase. Evil church lady sends her boys to get Aurora. Church Lady's men immediately shoot at vehicle, even though minutes before she was screaming at her people because they used guns when Diesel refused to deliver Aurora.
Then we're suddenly in a hospital. Aurora has given birth and tells Diesel that he has to take care of the twins. How can he take care of them WHEN HE HAS A TRACKING DEVICE IN HIS NECK. That issue is never resolved. And what the hell happened to Evil Church lady?
We wrap the movie up with Diesel and two twins girls(one black, one white) who look like they're at least five years old. ????????
What a fucking mess. -
now THAT would have been the best line in the film.
-
SPOILERS read at own risk
Aurora was raised by nuns not AI. Here dad said he tried to infuse AI into a baby, not that she was raised by AI. She is a Mary figure as in virgin birth, they tell us that in the movie. The father has now found her because the evil church lady, who is her real mother, found her and so now he has too. Vin's tracking device was taken out by the people who brought him back to life.
If you accept the fact that she is having a virgin birth and that you can inject a passport/tracking device into your neck why is anything else in the film so far fetched. Accepting the quasi-sci-fi and religious elements of the film is all you need to do to enjoy it. If you don't accept those things and don't like Vin then of course you won't like it. Saying that AI in babies though, after everything else, is the reason you hate the film is week Mass.
Oh and just for the fanboys. DK was third at the box office, behind Babylon A.D. -
'Raise' was the wrong word. The father says something like "I built a supercomputer to be Aurora's mother". And when do they tell us she's a 'Mary figure'?? All the father says is that the church people wanted him to design a healthier human. Then all of a sudden she's having superpowered babies. And The father found her because the evil church lady found her? That makes no sense. The church lady always knew where she was. Gorsky was hired by the church to take her from the father and hide her. Lastly, Vin's tracking device was taken out by the people who brought him back to life? SAYS WHO? I don't remember them saying anything about that.
-
it actually worth a good watch. vin was perfect for his character. sure the last 20 knock people for a loop, but other than the last 5 mintues, i felt like i got my money's worth. ( i do agree that climax was a little lame, i expected something big to happen afterwords.)
-
its still worth seeing, but i cant help but think that if fox put about 5 million back into this, to re-edit and promote it correctly, they might have a summer movie here. not a huge franchise, but something they could have tkae about 70-80 million home if they marketed right.
-
It's still kind of an abortion (starting out with a good premise and nice visuals before screwing the last act up horribly) but it does fix several significant issues with the theater-released version. Anti-climactic but 2/3 of it is a guilty pleasure.
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 425 total posts 425 posts
- Quint travels to Barsoom and visits the John Carter set!!! -- 125 total posts 94 posts
- SPACE 2099!! -- 155 total posts 79 posts
- Rest In Peace Bethesda’s Adam Adamowicz -- 70 total posts 70 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 67 total posts 67 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 86 total posts 66 posts
- The Sensorties Revisit The Friday Docback (And Still Smell)!! DOCTOR WHO Story #7 Again, The Coming Of Season/Series 7, And More!! -- 65 total posts 65 posts
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 57 total posts 52 posts
- Ridley Scott's Next Will Be Cormac McCarthy's THE COUNSELOR! -- 48 total posts 48 posts
- Wanna smell like the Hulk? What about Cap? Consider yourself a Thunder God or a unisex God of Mischief? -- 45 total posts 44 posts