Movie News

Massawyrm's Contractually Obligated DISASTER MOVIE Review!!!

Published at: Aug. 29, 2008, 8:18 a.m. CST

Hola all. Massawyrm here. At this point I just feel like a fucking bully. Disaster Movie is like the mentally challenged kid climbing out of the short bus with a head brace and two inches of snot caked into a mustache above his malformed mouth. No one really expects anything of him. He’s just there and its best to ignore him and let him go to his life skills class and get a gold star for being able to hold it until he gets to the bathroom. But here I am, waiting for him to step off the bus to I can beat the shit out of the little moron. And you’re all here to watch. Admit it. It’s why you clicked the link. You didn’t come here to find some deep explanation of the meaning of this film or to get my spoiler free reactions with which to help mentally prepare yourself for a great cinematic experience. You came here to watch me pulp that kid. Because he deserves it. So why review it? a few you are beginning to ask yourselves? Because you guys asked for it. In the 7 and a ½ years I’ve been doing this I have NEVER received so much mail in advance looking forward to a review as I have with this. As soon as the movie was even announced it started trickling in. E-mails, private messages, hell, people at screenings. Meet the Spartans was the breaking point for Friedman/Seltzer. Up until then no one really cared that they were making the shittiest movies out there. Most critics didn’t even bother to see them. And it was hard to process once you did because it didn’t actually feel like a movie. It felt more like a very long, ill-conceived talent show skit at the company retreat. But now people are on to these guys. They know them by name. After I wrote my review of Spartans I got thank you mail, fucking THANK YOU MAIL, from members of the crew. People who worked on it, who were embarrassed by the experience but ultimately chose eating and paying rent over self-respect. And I admire that. No one, let me repeat that, no one mistakes these films for anything but what they are. Friedberg and Seltzer aren’t in any way talented. If they were they would have shown us a glimmer of some by now. They just have simply set the bar on their aspirations so low that they make films without pretension. No one likes to feel stupid, especially not the morons and misfits that genetics and careful breeding have left behind. And really, that’s who this is for. And Friedberg and Seltzer know that. They take the time and care to explain every joke or reference that might be confusing. I mean who the fuck is that overweight bald guy with the bad mustache? Don’t worry, a character from the film is on their way to assist you by shouting “Hey, look, it’s Dr. Phil!” Wait, what’s the girl who played Brittany Spears in that Spartans movie doing in that bad wig and a pink jersey? “Hey, look, it’s Jessica Simpson!” “Oh my God look, Hannah Montana’s dead!” “Amy Winehouse?” “I’m Woof from American Gladiators!” You could make a drinking game out of these moments, but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you have a liver like Artie Lange and have no plans on driving home. And to make things even easier, very few of the jokes actually involve the movies in question. They are instead parodies of the trailers. Just in case you’ve been too busy rutting, cleaning up the trailer and watching pro wrestling to trouble yourself actually seeing the movies being spoofed – they’ve gone to the effort of making things as simple as possible so you don’t hurt that woozy, mullet covered little head of yours. Moriarty said it best: these things are at best “pop culture yearbooks” to be enjoyed by those who simply want to see something referenced. They don’t actually feel the need to have you dissect it and find something funny about it. It feels more like a 90 minute version of that great old Chris Farley Chris Farley Show sketch. “Do you…do you remember that…that movie Batman the Dark Knight?” Yeah? “Heh. That was so awesome. Do you…do you remember Hannah Montana?” Yeah. “Good times.” I mean, the bar was set so low this time around that I actually have to kind of praise something. There was a string of dialog making fun of Juno that really began to skirt the shores of real satire. When an underwear model starts hitting on little Juno she looks down and says “I haven’t seen a sixpack like that since a I shotgunned a Molsons at Lalapalooza last summer” and proceeds to follow that up with a string of obscure, witty references that feel like Diablo Cody herself got some extra rewrite work. And it begins to be a little scathing as it goes on and nails its point like good satire should. But then you begin to think “wait, who the fuck are these guys to bag on someone else’s dialog?” “Look! It’s a High School Musical!” It’s clear that they’ve only seen three or four of the movies they’ve parodied by the time they got around shooting this thing (I shit you not, less than four months ago), and the ones they have seen they have little to say about. The bulk of the plot is Cloverfield without the monster, but they have nothing at all to say about it. They just really liked the plot enough to use it as the framework for a bunch of other jokes. The city is being ravaged by every disaster known to man, which allows them to pluck out disasters from movies that are very easy to poke fun at. Like Armageddon, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow and Twister. One would think this thing would be loaded with Michael Bay slow-mo moments and people slowly outrunning flash freezes and floods and hell, with Cloverfield one could imagine a shakycam shot in which the cast on screen has to stop and puke from all the shaking. Something, anything more clever than The Guru Shitka and another fucking ridiculous dance off. But at least Hollywood seems to be taking notice. When these two bozos first stepped on the scene it was with Alyson Hannigan, Eddie Griffin and Fred Willard in tow. Then it was Kal Penn and David Carradine in Epic Movie. By the time Meet the Spartans came around all they could scrape together was Carmen Electra and Kevin Sorbo. Well, Carmen Electra is back along with…Kim Kardashian…the woman who forced America to ask itself: which came first, the celebrity or the sex tape? There’s no one else recognizable in this at all, except the usual cast of MadTV misfits doing some of the world’s worst impressions. I swear to Christ, the next line Ike Barinholtz delivers should be about the night’s specials and what wines will go well with them. You know, honestly, I don’t hate these guys anymore. I just feel kind of bad for them. I know a guy like this who looks at his limited success and thinks that his critics are full of shit as a result. I can only imagine that’s how these two guys sleep at night. What I hate is that they (and the studios that fund them) think that this is how stupid the youth of this country is. They honestly believe they have to spoon feed them their comedy. Sadly they’ve been just successful enough to kinda prove themselves right. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.



Readers Talkback

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  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Worst Movie ... Ever

    by GetEveryone

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:21 a.m. CST

    Top Secret

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    The ulimate parody and first.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:21 a.m. CST

    Damn you GetEveryone

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Okay so let's debate stupidity

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Is GetEveryone first as he posted first with only a subject, or am I first because I posted both subject and comments. My self-esteem is so low, to quote from Dirty Harry "Hey... I gots to know."

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Thing about Meet the Spartans is

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I've never seen it. I saw the trailer, thought it was funny, then heard a lot of garbaage about it. Seems to me like with many comedies that aren't good enough, they pile the best stuff in the trailes and commercials so there's nothing else worth seeing.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Razzie! Razzie! Razzie!

    by Pennsy

    Yes.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Massa: That Intro is an instant classic

    by Romoehlio

    lets see how the rest holds up - but the first few paragraphs are GOLD!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:28 a.m. CST

    uhh...i got a secret

    by kilik777

    the youth of the America are that stupid. http://tinyurl.com/pv8do

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    You can have my "First"...

    by GetEveryone

    When you pry it from my cold dead fingers! At least Massa let them down easy, poor retards. Also, nice avatar.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    This film gives kids on the

    by tomdolan04

    special bus a bad rap. <p> If the producers of this series of god-awful series of films were the mentally retarded kid it'd make we want shed all my humanity, steal his lunch money, ass-rape him with a copy of Airplane!, chainsaw his arms and legs off, chuck him over a ledge and then run him down with steam roller proceeding a marching band. <p>

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    I'm curious was it e-mail or snail mail

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    If it was snail mail then it was even more special. Someone took the time and effort to lick a stamp. Here's the scary thing, let's look at our moviegoers of the future. Quint is getting comments sometimes about his AMAD picks are old and/or out of touch. These same moviegoers will plunk down money for this. Parodies like Airplane,Top Secret,and even Spy Hard parodied movies. They didn't put in pop culture icons every two minutes and parody them. that is the difference.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Sad thing is.

    by drMeth

    Disaster Movie will probably debut number one in the box office.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Damn You Michael Bay

    by MCMLXXVI

    Damn You Michael Bay

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Totally agree with intro..

    by JBouganim1

    its exactly the reason why I came in here.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:34 a.m. CST

    GetEveryone if that's his easy I wouldn't

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    want to see him put his full fury of hate into a review. Ouch.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    drMeth, Couldn't Agree More

    by Slippy

    Meet the Spartans beat Rambo earlier this year. The two guys who made this movie, douchbage and penis wrinkle, found a niche with the teenage audience and will exploit it for every penny they have in their pockets.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    And Massawyrm

    by Slippy

    Best fucking intro ever!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    "X movie" movies are where madtv members go to die

    by ironic_name

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    These movies are 'written' based on trailers.

    by MaxTheSilent

    Why the hell else do you think they featured NACHO LIBRE so heavily in EPIC MOVIE. They thought that movie was going to be huge based on the trailer. But when NACHO LIBRE sucked and bombed all their references fell flat. And as David Zucker once said "You can't parody a movie people hate."

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Nacho Libre sucked because

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Jack Black sucks

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    I watch pro-wrestling.

    by UMAGA

    I don't have a trailer or a mullet, but I have a nice big cock for you to suck. You're the dumb shit who spent your time watching this crud.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    Where is grueman?

    by GetEveryone

    This is his fucking baby; He should be here.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    I hafta rule that binks got the first - for content.

    by ironic_name

    in other shit movie news, brett ratner wants to make guitar hero: the movie.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:41 a.m. CST

    I wonder if they watch it?

    by dr sauch

    I mean, I get that these movies are money printing machines. They play to the crowd that has a Jamster cell phone account and changes their ringtone every day. The crowd that buys an iPhone but has $2.71 in the bank at the end of every month. The people who walk around the mall at 4:30 PM in $1000 boots and a $12 outfit. These are people who get their news from commercials. The world, to them, is not whats happening in politics, science, or even entertainment, but only what is happening in the world of consummerism. New stuff, new clothes, new albums, whats new and for sale. They watch this movie, I think, not necessarily to see spoofs of movies they've seen (how much of the Disaster Movie crowd do you think has seen Juno?) but to get a two-hour synopsis of the year in entertainment. It's a bite-sized, single serving tutorial in what the rest of the world has been talking about all year. Wyrm is right in feeling sad. His, and the rest of us, should be sad for the hordes of people who enjoy this, not for the guys who accept their stupid, stupid money.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:42 a.m. CST

    That was a hugely entertaining review

    by mefrog

    I've actually been excited for the movie to come out, because I can't WAIT to hear the feedback on this film. Disaster Movie, fuck yeah.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Nacho Libre cracked me up

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    remember that bit when he was gonna jump on that guy, and he farted? That was awesome.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Actually the people seeing this..

    by UMAGA

    are just fucking dumb asses. That guy that you think is a fucking idiot? He's got a ticket.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    "Worst. Movie. Ever." should be the title of their next flick...

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    And I predict also that this will unfortunately be #1 at the box office this Labor weekend.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    oh and Massa, fantastic review

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    though you didn't mention the film much, you da man.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Nacho Libre wasn't bad.

    by UMAGA

    You can't sum it up in one fart joke. Plus it had Silver King in it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    As soon as I read your first line about being a bully....

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I decided to read it aloud to my wife.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    this is less a movie - more a second wave of terror from osama

    by ironic_name

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Hey I love Libre

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I was just doin the Chris Farley Show.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    The nextone should be PARODY MOVIE

    by MaxTheSilent

    It could be about a couple of talentless, soul-less douche nozzles who set out to indiscriminately rip off any cultural references that have a half-life of about three months. And at the end they both get ass-raped to death. I might pay to see that.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST

    I'm reading this review...

    by SilentP

    because of my morbid curiosity to find out just how bad the jokes are without spending money on the film or having to actually sit through it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST

    High school kids still love this stuff, right?

    by rev_skarekroe

    I mean, that's who it's for, right? Dumb high-schoolers and 11 year old boys who like any form of parody you put in front of them.<p>Still, I wish they'd do some spoof movies from the Brook/Zucker-Abrams-Zucker/Python school, where there's more to it than referencing whatever was popular in the last 6 months. Walk Hard was in that mold, but it didn't, imo, deliver the laughs.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Select quotes from some of the mouth

    by peagreenboy

    breathers I've heard in the cinema where I work <p> "I can't wait to see that" <p> "That looks really funny!" <p> Oy

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    It really is true.

    by Knuckleduster

    "No one has ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Also, do the people who make these movies...

    by SilentP

    and the people who make other spoofs really think it's clever to title their movies "<Insert Genre> Movie" anymore? Maybe the very first time, it could have elicited a smirk or something. But after superhero movie, epic movie, date movie, disaster movie... fucking hell. It's not even like an attempt at comedy gone wrong, it's just pure laziness.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Also

    by SilentP

    how depressing is it that this movie will make more than The Dark Knight this weekend? Grarrgghhh.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:59 a.m. CST

    I started out hating these movies but . . .

    by Nico Toscani

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    I started out hating these movies but . . .

    by Nico Toscani

    now they amuse me because of just how awful they are. Now I just laugh my ass off at just how bad they can get. I hope these guys keep making movies forever!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:02 a.m. CST

    Fuck anyone who pays to see this

    by Atticus Finch

    You are the reason they keep churning these out!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:10 a.m. CST

    This talkback needs to be a list of new "movie" ideas...

    by kravmaguffin

    Trailer Movie! Summer Movie! Oscar Bait Movie! Straight Person Playing Gay Movie! Parody Movie! I wish Ed Wood was alive, cause he would making better crap than these idiots. GFY

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Massa

    by BigFo

    I would also feel kind of bad for them if they weren't making money hand over fist on this crap! I'm sure like all assholes they sleep fine.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:14 a.m. CST

    I haven't read this yet...

    by Marxeffect

    but im excited :)

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    i agree that they are stuck with electra

    by pcassou

    Come on, does she works for peanuts, what its the budget for this thing? For what i've seen in the trailer it looks really cheap, i've seen really cheap independent movies done with nothing but goodwill and they look 10 ten times better. Hell, even el mariachi looks better than this shit. In epic movie they had kumar and darrell hammond, that bit about pirates of the caribean always cracks me, in the spartans everyone fled.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST

    I notice you didn't use the word "Retard".

    by C.K. Lamoo

    So the PC crusaders win again. Damn.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Sounds like an episode of Family Guy

    by hatespeech

    Seth McFarlane is a lazy bitch too

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Christ

    by caruso_stalker217

    I'd almost forgotten this existed. It's gonna suck when this comes out on DVD. I work at Wal-Mart and I get stuck greeting a lot and I'm gonna have to stare over at the fucking Redbox and listen to wave after wave of brain donors say shit like, "Oh DISASTER MOVIE! I wanted to SEE that! It looks FUNNY!" <p>FUCK YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS YOUR FUCKING KIDS TELL YOUR SHITTING KIDS TO STOP PLAYING WITH THE ELECTRIC CARTS YOU FUCKS!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Dr. Sauch ...

    by GiveMeAnFinBreak

    Hit the nail on the head. Consumerism. Blind, idiotic consumerism. That's what's to blame. That ... and MTV.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    I honestly think these guys should be executed.

    by HoboCode

    They are nothing but a detriment to society catering to the lowest common denominator. Either fry the fucks or forcibly sterilize them and put them in jail forever.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Also,

    by GiveMeAnFinBreak

    Great review, Massa. Probably one of the best things you've ever written for the site, all spelling errors aside. (And, there were ALOT of them.)

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Dr. Sauch

    by HoboCode

    A Fucking Men my friend. Hit the nail on the head. Thank Poseidon that people like you still visit this site.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:41 a.m. CST

    if you gave money to these fucks i hate you a little

    by BMacSmith

    if you snuck in thats fine

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    This stupid shit needs to stop

    by Gungan Slayer

    These movies are disgusting and downright insulting not only to film in general, but to the wellbeing of the public as well.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    A lot of the 'youth' ARE that stupid

    by quantize

    take the hint, that's precisely what keeps the shit factory rolling..

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    I would rather

    by MrDuke118

    get put on the sex offenders list than watch this movie

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    caruso_stalker217, HILARIOUS!

    by butterbean

    I teach 6th grade. When I was giving them a pep talk about how you can do anything with your life, I showed a short film about Stephen Hawking. Snickers were heard and I asked what was so funny? They said they made fun of that guy on Superhero Movie and Family Guy? WTF??!?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    I would rather

    by MrDuke118

    let R.Kelly piss on me than watch this movie

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST

    I would rather

    by MrDuke118

    have George Lucas run through the entire doctrine of the Trade Federation rule book than watch this movie

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Artie! Artie!

    by salesdude

    Great reference to the baby gorilla!!!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Soooo....anybody see "Postal" yet?

    by DoctahJonesDoll

    Or "The Hottie and the Nottie"? Comedy gold, Jerry!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Uwe Boll has more talent than these guys.

    by knowthyself

    Seriously. How sad is that?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    this is more like beating up a willful idiot than a special kid

    by BMacSmith

    cuz the willful idiot does deserve it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    movies like this remind us why George W got a second term

    by Rupee88

    lots of dumb people out there folks...I'm talking sub 90 IQ people have are legally able to vote. If you look at a box office site, all of these guy's previous movies have made a nice profit.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm nailed it

    by harosa

    All they do is parody trailers now, not even a specific genre, i knew this when i was seeing parodies in their trailers for movies that havent even come out yet. What's sad is these movies probably cost a dollar to make so they will always be profitable and continue to be made.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Hey Massawyrm

    by kdoc13

    Dude, nice review, but sadly isn't this what "comedy" these days has been reduced to? It's basically "Family Guy: The Movie" "It could be worse Peter, remember the time when Robert Downey Jr. got drunk and pissed on the dog?" I mean, sadly, there is a very clear and marketable audience for this kind of thing, otherwise they'd stop making them after the first movie. I am in no way defending this as a cinematic work, but I'm just saying, that with what comedy has been reduced to these days, they make these things because there are people who will pony up $10 for it, and be happy when they leave.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Parody of trailers makes sense.

    by C.K. Lamoo

    Because that's usually the part of the movie that has the widest audience. Besides, trailers tell you the whole plot.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    How is that "Hey look" stuff

    by INWOsuxRED

    any different than 90% of all SNL skits, yet that gets a weekly free press release here.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Masawyrm, tell me this time you didn't pay to see it

    by jim

    You got your friend to let you in for free, right? Or you bought a ticket to something else and snuck in? <p>Please people, if you feel you need to see this for whatever reason (friends forcing you to, masochistic need to see just how bad it can be, want to take a dump in the theatre, etc.), at least buy a ticket for another movie and sneak into this. Don't pay for garbage. <p>And I firmly believe Spartans beat Rambo because underage kids were buying tickets to Spartans and sneaking into Rambo. <p>I don't feel bad for these guys, pathetic and talentless as they are. I once thought that any one of us here could do what they do but I no longer believe that. I think that most of us could never do anything that bad; I think it takes tremendous lack of talent to be that awful. Most of us, with what little talent we may have, would put enough effort into it that it would never reach the abysmal depths of crap that these two manage, time and again, to achieve. Simply put - they suck!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    it's not just stupid kids...

    by SpanksterOfLove

    stupid adults eat this shit up, too. I've shat better films than this. I really have. "Citizen Kane"? I shat that.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    If this bombs, Aaron & his partner will be hired for "Family Guy

    by Stalin vs Predator

    And they'll be doing what they're doing right now, in the exact same manner. And their - and Family Guy's - audience will react by screaming "Duuuude! Family Guy, like, got even better since the Epic Movie guys came on, duuuuude!" <p> <p> Not that it will, bomb, of course - it will open within the top 5, probably as #2 or even 1. <p> <p> Note, however, that this trend started not with them, but with Leslie Nielsen. After his Naked Gun popularity, in the 90s, he went on to, ahem, "star" in a pile of horrors - "Spy Hard", "Wrongfully Accused", "Space Travesty" - remember those? Then those things spawned some even worse clones (anyone recalling "The Silence of the Hams"?) and opened the huge gates for Aaron and his buddy. And the gates will stay open.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Why the Family Guy hate??

    by pdennett316

    I see Family Guy being compared to this shit and I have to wonder why. Sure, FG hits us with random references, but the jokes in those are usually funny and posess some comic timing.<p> Also, the average FG episode at least has a plot and talented people working on it. These dipshits just seem to think that talking black is cool..."Awww hellllNAW!!!!" Hahahahahhaahahah. Even better when the person is white. Oh the hilarity! <p> I doubt these assholes could tell a knock-knock joke, but, they're tapping into that market who just needs something colourful moving on a screen to be entertained. I physically hate those people, I don't care how young they are, theres no excuse for being a moron.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:50 a.m. CST

    SpanksterOfLove, funny you mention that

    by jim

    this morning, floating in my toilet, I had "The Remains of the Day".

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    One thing, though: where's Michael Caine, John Rhys-Davies

    by Stalin vs Predator

    ...and Malcolm McDowell? Those three guys will do literally anything for money and it's shocking that they haven't appeared in any "XYZ Movie" yet. Aaron and his buddy probably simply haven't thought of that. C'mon, Aaron! Yes, your audience will never know who McDowell is, but they will remember Caine - it's only been a month since "Dark Knight" - and they still may recall "that short Gimpy dude from that Rings movie".

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Gotta agree with Umaga

    by American Hyena

    The idea that pro-wrestling fans are nothing but mullet-headed trailer-trash needs to die. It's as thin and worn out a cliche as anything you'd find in this movie.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Rupee88 is correct

    by I am_NOTREAL

    and sadly, enough of the youth of America really *is* dumb enough to sustain a market for shit like this. And Family Guy blows too - I unfortunately absorbed a couple of minutes before I could find the remote and they were telling a Bert and Ernie are gay joke. Bert snaps at Ernie for eating cookies in bed! Haven't heard that one since 1991, Seth - you are a comic genius!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Of course I realize

    by I am_NOTREAL

    that accidentally soaking in 2 shitty minutes of Family Guy because I couldn't find the remote speaks to my own conditioned laziness...

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Caruso you idiot

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I just blew chunks of hamburger on my keyboard because that was too funny. What you should really do is greet AND recommend bad movies to the brainless.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Tonight, on an all-new "Ow! My Balls!"

    by ZeroCorpse

    ASS<p> .<p> .<p> The natural progression of this movie.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:35 a.m. CST

    PENIS!!

    by Harold-Sherbort

    Just wanted to throw that in there.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:35 a.m. CST

    The Zone has a wrestling thread.

    by UMAGA

    I guess they don't like to mention that..

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    I'm buying a ticket to Dark Knight......then

    by liljuniorbrown

    Dumping in the floor of Disaster Movie. I know I was bragging about doing this on another talkback but I just can't stress enough my hatred for this film and the one's before it. I'm not one to wish death on some one I don't like but damn, can these guys go away and just admit that they pulled a good one on America? Oh well, I've ate two days worth of 7-11 food and in six hours i'm going to try my best to ruin some one's 7pm showing of Disaster Movie... then i have to go home and get ready for the impending hurricane that is probably going to be beating my ass this time monday. Happy Birthday to me.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, noon CST

    I'm just happy

    by jsm1978

    That I won't have to see the trailers on tv anymore until the dvd comes out. <p> I do have to say though, the rabid and demon-possessed Alvin and the Chipmunks made me laugh a little the first time I saw it pop up in a trailer.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Rat shit! Bat shit! Dirty ol twat!

    by Darth Macchio

    69 assholes tied in a knot!<p>Hooray!<p>Lizard shit!!<p>FUCK!!!<p><p><p><p>Sorry, felt like this TB needed a good Carlin cheer.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    fuck this movie's existence

    by turketron

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    I was at a bar the other night and I ordered a "friedberg & selt

    by LaneMyersClassic

    ...the bartender proceeded to defecate in a shot glass and then put a cherry on it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    feel bad for them???

    by bacci40

    they are making more money than the entire staff of aicn combined, and i highly doubt that they can read and comprehend most of what is written here...these guys are the luckiest fucks in hollywood, because they have absolutely no talent...there are dudes on youtube who make better spoofs...and no one is paying them millions...this entire chapter of hollywood history is just sad...spoofing trailers? next, they will be spoofing posters

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Fuck you Massawyrm

    by loogenhausen

    Pro-wrestling is only for dumb trailer trash? Way to perpetuate an archaic stereotype. Dumbass...

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    I'm surprised

    by Thrillho77

    we haven't seen a poorly impersonated Daniel Plainview drinking a Jamba Juice or some shit. Wait, no I'm not. That's far to high-brow for these people. Hell, The Dark Knight is too highbrow for them, but they just don't realize it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    I would like to do coke off of Kim Kardashian's ass...

    by LaneMyersClassic

    I've never done coke before, so I think that would be a good starting platform.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Myspace has had an ad for this plastered on the front page

    by jsm1978

    "Your favorite movies are about to be destroyed!" <p> Destroyed... as if this was some biting satire that was just going to rip them to shreds.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Ah-hah, Aaron and his buddy reveal "what makes great parody"...

    by Stalin vs Predator

    All in this, excuse the use of the word, article: http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1550211/story.jhtml <p> <p> Admittedly, though, those who get their excitement (and probably news) from MTV actually will believe that. On the other hand, they don't read anything, and if they do, they get bored and distracted after three sentences... so I have to wonder, what exactly was the point of that, uhhh, "article"...?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:36 p.m. CST

    lather, rinse, repeat

    by nogimmick

    didn't we just sit through this movie a couple months ago? and a couple months before that? and a couple months before THAT? like the Talking Heads said..."same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was..." the only reason i like it when these movies come out is that i know damn well i can come on AICN, read the TBs, and laugh my ass off far more than all of these shit-ass "fill in the blank movie" movies ever will. THANK YOU, TBers!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Massa beat me to it

    by skimn

    The difference between a recent Zucker parody and a Friedman/Seltzer parody?<p>Zucker employs out of work SNL cast members, Friedman/Seltzer employs out of work MadTV cast members. Oh, and Zucker tries to be funny...

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Saw Carmen Electra comment on Comedy Central

    by skimn

    that she loves these movies because they give her different sorts of role to play in the same movie. Like cop, or wrestler or whatever. Because Carmen Electra equates acting with kiddie dress-up time. "I'm in a cop uniform,now I'm a cop...I'm in a wrestler costume, now I'm a wrestler..."<p>She should go back to what she does best..giving homeless people rim-jobs behind the dumpster.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Friedberg & Seltzer LOVE being punched in the face

    by G100

    Because after you punch them to the ground while humming the theme from Rocky you can then shout in their bloody faces<p> <p>"That was a spoof of the Rocky Movies. geddit ? GEDDDIT!!!!"<p> <p>They laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.<p> <p>Even after you have done it 20 times.<p>In 5 minutes.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    Friedberg (damn you Massa) & Seltzer

    by skimn

    should be tried and forced to watch Airplane and Top Secret over and over to see how "smart" film parodies can be done. Of course they may be confused because of the lack of Borat and Jamie Lynn Spears references.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    "should be tied"

    by skimn

    but tried as in a trial works too.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    00% on Rotten Tomatoes

    by Miss 45

    Never saw 00% before. No just plain zeroes for these guys, double ones! http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/disaster_movie/

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    I haven't read the review, but...

    by The Dum Guy

    Massa, you poor bastard. I hope you still can enjoy movies, now that you've seen this one.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:13 p.m. CST

    So Massa

    by skimn

    what is your ritual after viewing crap like this, wash your eyes out with Lysol...drink enough pure grain alcohol till you pass out..?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:14 p.m. CST

    wow..such defensive wrestling fans

    by Bouncy X

    stereotypes exist because those sorta people the stereotypes describe do indeed exist themselves. so maybe you aren't one but they are out there so why get offended? whats next, a black person being offended because someone says they probably like rap music?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    I loved it!

    by zappaman

    I thought this was the funniest movie I've seen all year. Tropic Thunder? Boring. Pineapple Express? Too long. This movie is the right length and manages to have quite a bit of on-the-money jokes! C'mon, you didn't laugh when Iron Man got hit by the cow? Or when the main characters had a dance-off? I will be taking my friends to see this fine movie over the weekend. It's all too obvious that people on this board need a sense of humor!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    the review doesn't begin till paragraph 3

    by ArcadianDS

    feel free to jump right there.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    zappaman is a parody of a plant

    by G100

    If this Movie lasted a fraction of a second it would still be an hour too long.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:27 p.m. CST

    wait....Family Guy episodes have plots???

    by Spandau Belly

    pdennett316 said that up there and I thought I'd stepped into crazyworld. I hate the show, but I figured all the people who liked at least realized there was no story, just a bunch of random asides which are to aside to anything.<br><br>I'll gladly put Family Guy on the same level as this stuff. What these Disaster Movie guys do with pop culture references, FG does with "offensiveness". They just throw it out there in no context and move onto the next reference/shock value statement.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    It really is very simple.

    by Alonzo Mosely

    These guys make very cheap movies. Those movies never run over budget. They are produced in record time with no delays. The movies never flop, and in terms of cost to produce vs revenue generated, they outperform the majority of 'real' Hollywood fare. And at pretty much zero risk. Why wouldn't Hollywood continue to churn them out? Until America, fuck that, the World, starts avoiding these movies we will not only see a constant stream of them, we will start seeing even worse, even cheaper knock-off versions of them.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:34 p.m. CST

    zappaman

    by skimn

    You really should read Neill Cumpston's Mom's review of Spiderman 3 for pointers, but a solid effort.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Where are the Zucker/Abrams guys to show them how its done??

    by Jugdish

    COme outta retirement people...please

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Family Guy episodes dont have plots

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    Family Guy episodes are composed of nothing but flashback after flashback.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Not a plant *spoiler*

    by zappaman

    There is a joke in this movie that is funnier than anything in TROPIC THUNDER or PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. It even manages to out-funny COLLEGE ROAD TRIP. If you don't want to be spoiled, stop reading. At one point, Hannah Montana gets hit by a meteor. Now, I'm no Hannah Montana fan, but fortunately one of the characters points out that Hannah Montana just got hit by a meteor. Then her wig falls off and someone says "Ohmigod! That's Miley Cyrus!" Get it? Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus are the same person. I laughed out loud.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    "out funny College Road Trip"

    by skimn

    OK thats good.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2 p.m. CST

    I'm not a big Family Guy fan, but Family Guy

    by skimn

    is Jonathon Swift, Mark Twain, H L Mencken compared to this crap-trap.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Dance off

    by jsm1978

    I forgot seeing the danceoff in the preview for Spartans... so not only are they unoriginal in just taking scenes from other movies... they can't even be THAT original and have to reuse scenes from their other "films".

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    p0llk4t

    by Thrillho77

    What you just wrote would be the funniest joke on FG in YEARS!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST

    what's the difference between this and Family Guy?

    by IAmLegolas

    The answer is none. None more different.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2:23 p.m. CST

    It probably cost $1 million to make.....

    by closeencounter

    And guess what?? Because of stupid people, it'll make $25 million at the box office. Then what happens??? They'll make another one!! B....S....

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 2:32 p.m. CST

    If you want to see parodies that are actually funny

    by jim

    just stay home and spend 90 minutes on Youtube. I guarantee the videos you see there will be much more topical as they were made last week not last month. They were made by people who actually saw the movie and not just the trailer. It won't cost you no $8 to see them and you don't even have to put your pants on. <p>Honestly, leaving the house to go see Disaster Movie is a lose-lose situation (you lose by wasting your money and we lose by getting stuck behind you at the multiplexe doors because you can't tell the difference between "push" and "pull").

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Dumbfucks of the country unite to make this #1

    by Broseph

    Seriously this appeals to the lowest common denominator of movie viewer.This will do well why'll Traitor will be forgotten

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    PETITION TO BRING BACK Z/A/Z

    by JimStansel

    Someone should start a petition, asking the Zucker-Abrahms-Zucker team to come back and do one of these movies the right way. All 3 or nothing. They're all funny guys but only seem to get it right when it's all 3 on board. As a lover of spoof/slapstick films, it kills me a little bit more each time one of these shitbag "Movie" movies come out. Based on the success of these films, I would not be surprised at all to see "Ow My Balls: The Movie" on screens sometime in the next 5 years.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    You know they suck

    by INWOsuxRED

    when they couldn't even make Indiana Jones is Old jokes because instead of using an old guy, they just used a midget.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Well ya gotta hand it to Boll...

    by Gearfree

    in Postal they sorta kept to a decent plotline. But yeah, ya hit it on the head about these movies being trailer based. The big joke about wrestling is that while there are a ton of fans, its not so much "trailer trash" as it is being a redneck. Here is a minor question, if you happen to like wrestling, would you like to see a monster truck rally? Now tune in to the next WWE(or whatever the hell they call it now) and ask yourself: Does the audience look like they might go to see said truck rally?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Where the fuck is NEILL CUMPSTON when we need him?

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:41 p.m. CST

    "I'm already pregnant, what other shenanigans could I get into?"

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    That's...EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAYS IN THE ACTUAL MOVIE!!! Word-for-friggin'-word. My God.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Uh, zappaman.

    by mrfan

    That so-called spoiler has been shown countless times on tv and the internet. Throw out something bigger plantman.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Then why the fuck do studios keep giving them money!!???

    by alienindisguise

    It's a slap in the face to every artist who would give their left nut to make a movie. Fuck these 2 guys and fuck the dumbshits greenlighting their garbage. They deserve to have their heads caved in.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Lovely

    by drew mcweeny

    "You came here to watch me pulp that kid. Because he deserves it." You know, when Ben Stiller used "full-retard" in his film, there's a level of remove in the joke because he's not making fun of the "full retards," he's making fun of anyone grotesque enough to use that phrase as awards bait. But your analogy isn't clever enough for that level of remove. It's like your headline about raping a movie and leaving it laying it its own juices... pure vile inhumanity disguised as a conversation about a movie. I dare you to review a movie you don't like just once without resorting to this kind of disgusting, repulsive imagery. Based on reviews like this, I don't think you can, and it's amazing how far the level of discourse can be dragged down around here.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Yeah!

    by Die_Hardest

    Get 'im Massawyrm! Make that snot-nosed little retard pay!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Bitch Fight! Bitch Fight!

    by Mr.Meanie

    But seriously Mori...It was a good review, and a pretty funny intro. What wild hair got up your ass this morning??

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Mori

    by Die_Hardest

    I think the "because he deserves it" line was meant in irony. Cruel, hateful, funny irony.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    holy shit you put an Artie Lange reference in your review

    by palewook

    props.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Lovely indeed

    by Massawyrm 1

    <p>Die_hardest got the irony. And I don't think he was alone. It was not meant to be a true hateful statement, but one about everyone standing around watching wanting to see someone beneath them have their blood spilled. So I gave them a good show.</P>

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:51 p.m. CST

    How Much Can One Review Stand?

    by ghostwriter56

    Is this it? Have you met your match? I almost want to see this thing just to somehow take the pain away from you! It's hard for me to understand Hollywood anymore...I know they make bad films and good films and even a few stellar films, but why in the name of all that is Good would they think that this has credit? I just hope you're making some good money for having to sit through that! Thank you for saving us once more! You are my movie hero!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST

    It'll make every cent spent on production back..

    by conspiracy

    and these ass clowns will be laughing as they drive the new Ferrari to the bank. Why? Because America has turned into a place where people get neck tattoos and think it is socially acceptable for their 15yr old girlfriends to take their newborns to the movies, a country that thinks NASCAR is racing and Professional Wrestling is a sport; where mediocrity is rewarded and where the masses actually think Politicians really DO look out for their best interest. I predict this thing will make $20mil+ easy not counting DVD rentals....which, with this bus riding, welfare check cashing, section 8 housing, Wic stamp selling, 40oz drinking crowd is where the real money is at.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:02 p.m. CST

    American Hyena

    by American Hyena

    Sweet! Infighting! This is it, boys! Let's bang out a "Rise and Fall of AICN" spec script while the iron is hot! But seriously, I kid 'cause I love. Now hug and make up, Dammit!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Heh

    by American Hyena

    Apparently I'm so ego-centric I made my own name the subject. Awesome.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    BAH!

    by VictorVonDoom

    FAMILY GUY the Movie...without the regular cast.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    what a piece of shit write up....

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    ...and seriously-- what fucking loser takes the time to make avatars for Massa? Get a fucking life...Jesus.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Please don't watch this shit.

    by DarthCorleone

    I know this doesn't apply to much of the audience here, but if you're reading this and there's any chance that you or your friends will go see this just on a lark...just please...DON'T. Take a break from the multiplex and give a deserving indie/foreign film a shot instead.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    And, Moriarty...

    by DarthCorleone

    ...if you really found his review that offensive, you could consider giving someone new a shot at reviewing films around her. I've written you a couple times asking for just such a chance.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    "here," rather.

    by DarthCorleone

    Great endorsement of my writing skills. :- )

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Another *spoiler*

    by zappaman

    The talented cast of this ultra-funny movie have a scene during a mass(12-16 people)evacuation of the city where they run into BATMAN! Seriously, BATMAN! After some crazy, flirty banter with the Princess, BATMAN realizes he's late and throws his bat-boomerang-on-a-rope thingie. It gets caught in a car's bumper and he goes flying after it! But, it gets funnier! The car just keeps going while he is being dragged along the ground! As he's screaming "WHOOOAAA!", you will be screaming with laughter, I guarantee!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:50 p.m. CST

    NO IRONY INTENDED: DM looks great.

    by worldofwarcraft

    Had to pass on the new Woody Allen cause it got lukewarm reviews, and I can't afford to go to the theater and drop thirtybucks for me and my woman to have an 'ehh, that was okay' movie experience. But I KNOW for a fact I will laugh at the entire freak show that will be showing up for opening night of Disaster Movie, and I certainly see a lot of humor in the movie itself. It's actually shocking what these guys try to pass off as jokes. And people laugh an them. Theater of the absurd. This is can't miss!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Is it possible

    by Die_Hardest

    That these movies are the "Flavor of Love" of film? Could this be intentional unintentional comedy? Y'know like the two Coreys?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Where's liljuniorbrown?

    by skimn

    Didn't he volunteer to take a steaming dump in the middle of an aisle in a theater playing this?<p>Probably the audience cheered him on "Dude! Did you SEE THAT! That fucker just laid one in the theater! AWESOME!"

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    16 months 'til AVATAR

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    liljuniorbrown is probably watching previews,

    by worldofwarcraft

    and getting ready to squat down I the aisle once the 700 pm show starts. But where's grueman?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    FWIW the real reason why McWeeny attacks Massa . . . .

    by PierceBrosnansPancreas

    It has nothing to do with the film or with the review and especially not with that little retard thing. It's only because last year he got to promote what's basically a nasty little S&M porn video named 'The Poughkeepsie Tapes' -- he carried it with him to its public screening where he raved about its genius and promised how much fun the viewers would have with it. In fact the film was horribly bad and the audience rightfully hated it and got hostile to the point where the directors of the crap ran out of the building because they were actually scared of the reaction. But Massawyrm was there too and next day he posted a review on AICN. It's still up somewhere and you can still read it. Of course he trashed the film but he also mentioned (literally in one random sentence) that McWeeny introduced that crap and praised it like the second coming. It's no secret that McWeeny is very insecure because of his childhood and a few other things so he took it all very personally and was so stung by what he thought was a 'vicious attack on him' that even a month later he went around other sites' forums flinging shit on Massawyrm (That's right, the guy who loves preaching about 'ethics', 'integrity', 'loyalty' and 'standards' in every review he writes posted messages on the C.H.U.D. forums where he invited Nunziata and Farraci to 'come and get a free handjob from Massawyrm' because 'there has to be a reason why Harry keeps that little shit on our site!!' Go search CHUD, you'll see all that and more unless Mr. Loyalty is busy deleting it now right after banning my account and removing this message)

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Lies! All Lies!

    by loodabagel

    Family guy is a cartoon! It used to have mildly entertaining epsiodes! Family Guy doesn't have a an increasingly dwindling amount of star players! And most importantly, Family mocks stupid stuff from 20 years ago, not stupid stuff from 2 months ago!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    But they both suck...

    by loodabagel

    (presumably) I've never actually seen one of these movie movies.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Soylent

    by worldofwarcraft

    Theres a difference between you drumming up a movie you want to go see with your friends, and a critic praising a piece of crap he's screening. And as for whose a bitch, we're all pretty familiar with the behavior of the staff around here as a whole.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    I won't pay 10 bucks to watch a 90 minute youtube clip...

    by FilmFanatik

    ...I can stay home and watch as many as I want for much less. NOTHING, which is what these movies are worth!

  • He will become a Legend if he goes through with his bold and 100% accurate critique of this "Movie".<p> <p>I mean what else is there to say about it ? His is the perfect review and reaction.<p> <p>BTW Did anyone REALLY think Masssa was being serious ? I think overblown prose and rude or risky mataphor is hardly just the exclusive domain of Massa on this site. Sometimes it's very funny, sometimes less so, sometimes not really but I'm not about to claw my eyes out everytime I see it.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Easy boy.

    by worldofwarcraft

    Not trying to be snarky at all. You're talking to a guy who's still taking shit for leading people to see Judge Dredd. Just think it's funny that there's dome cattiness going on with the writers around. This place gets more bitch every day, no?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    I haven't posted in fuh-eh-vah

    by occula

    ...because I've been trying to get some damned work done in my life, but Massa, your review literally gave me a titty twister and I just had to give you props for it. I fucking LOVE your intro, man. I fucking HATE that a review this tight is essentially wasted on a dumb movie like this one. Unless...that's part of the beautiful irony. If so: well done, friend-o. I am, in point of fact, inspired.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Hey McWeeney

    by gunga galunga

    Gotta ask. Did you publicly bitch to Herr Knowles about dragging down the level of discourse on this site with his review of Blade 2 with his infamously protracted cunnilingus analogy? Or when he said "It’s not everyday that I walk out of a theater wishing that a God’s seed took bloom inside my ass cavity, so that I could be the one to shit out the spawn of a God to rule our earthly kingdom… But as I watched ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY – that was exactly what I wanted"? Massa's analogy was obvious to even the biggest of idiots, hell, even Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer could grasped the point he was trying to make.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:26 p.m. CST

    more to the point re: mori's distaste

    by necgray

    This review, the Sex & the City review that Mori references in his post, and several news items posted by various other contributors, particularly Herc in the Coax section (Transexual contestant on America's Top Model. That's definitely AICN worthy...), are bread and circuses. Hate bait. Massa says it himself in plain english. The bloodthirsty masses enjoy a good beating and asked him to do it. I'm glad he states that he feels like a bully, because that's exactly what he is. He was egged on by a bunch of assholes who wanted to see the retarded kid get beat up. What I call bullshit on and where I think Mori would agree, and maybe this is his point about the "discourse" is that just because someone asks you to do something, you're not "obligated" to do it. If that were the case, then I'd be asking a few people to go fuck themselves. I think he likes the attention and the feeling that he's serving some public need on AICN, but it's the need of the cretin. Unless Harry himself e-mailed or called Massa and said, "hey, write up a review of Disaster Movie", then this was not an "obligation". I just don't get why he feels the need to do these reviews. I thought the "Imposter" review was well-done, so it's not like he's incapable.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:36 p.m. CST

    PierceBrosnanPancreas

    by necgray

    I recall the incident of which you speak, but I also recall tension between the two gentlemen prior to that event. I'm pretty sure whatever went down there was just a log on an already-burning fire.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:41 p.m. CST

    TALKBACK: The Movie

    by Zeldas

    Trade Federation doctrine. that shit's funny

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:52 p.m. CST

    T.V. Movie

    by Ozman X

    I'm calling it now, the next film in this series of abortions will be called "TV Movie" It will be based off commercials from the upcoming television season.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Occula

    by Xiphos_2

    What's up kid? Been awhile.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Enough

    by shodan6672

    I wish death on the makers of this film and herpes on those who actually spend money to see it. How can you feel sorry for them when they are making more money than (probably) any one on this board? Seriously, fuck them.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Grammaton Cleric Binks

    by shodan6672

    Sweet tap-dancing Christ what did you find funny in the Meet the Spartans trailer?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST

    necray

    by gunga galunga

    **The bloodthirsty masses enjoy a good beating and asked him to do it. I'm glad he states that he feels like a bully, because that's exactly what he is. He was egged on by a bunch of assholes who wanted to see the retarded kid get beat up.** - Wow. It's like you guy are taking this analogy literally and think that what "the masses" are clamoring for is for Massa to beat some actual poor retarded kid. What Massa was saying (do I really have to spell it out?) was that people have been egging him on for weeks to give a movie, a crappy scam job marketing itself as a comedy being hustled upon the public like some fake rolex by two street hustlers named Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. And now that the moment has come, Massa can't bring himself to do it because the strip of celluloid with the temerity to call itself a film is so mind-blisteringly pathetic, he can not possibly take the satisfaction in the drubbing that we have been wanting him to give. He is not ACTIVELY ADVOCATING OR PLANNING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ACTUAL ASSAULT OF A MENTALLY CHALLENGED CHILD. Jesus, this whining is no different than the paternalistic condescension of the 'Tropic Thunder' detractors. This elitist "oh yes, we understand that it is supposed to be quote-unquote satire. But what I am worried about is them. The unwashed masses. They're not as observant as I am and can not comprehend what you are saying as anything other than an invation to harrass and abuse people who are blah blah blah de fucking blah blah blah."

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    shodan, that doesn't validate this review

    by necgray

    I agree with the sentiment. Fuck these guys and their horrible movies. They are taking advantage of the lowered expectations of the American cinema-going public. ON THE OTHER HAND, we all know this. We all know these are shit movies, we all know we hate these guys. Making this review just as bad as the film itself. It's just as self-satisfied and aware of what it's doing as Disaster Movie. And that is playing to the lowest common denominator.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:10 p.m. CST

    gunga galunga, then why write it?

    by necgray

    Simple question, point blank. Yeah, he felt so fucking bad about trashing this film that he wrote an entire review... trashing the film... and posted it. It's a great sign of maturity that the dude was fucking PEER PRESSURED into giving a shit movie a shit review. We all knew this was going to suck. It was a foregone conclusion. Why bother? Because assholes like you need to have their smug sense of self-satisfaction boosted. What I did was take the analogy out to another conclusion. You learn stuff like that when you're preparing for the SATs. And no, you don't have to spell it out. I believe Massa himself belabored the point quite enough, thanks.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:11 p.m. CST

    I'm with Mori on ths one.

    by HoboCode

    Mori knows you were attempting irony, Wyrm, but his point was that it utterly failed in the context you attempted because your tone almost glorifies and rellishes in the situation.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Necgray

    by worldofwarcraft

    Why use the term "lowest common denominator"? If you're talking about aiming for the biggest audience you can get, how does that apply to DM, instead of, say, TDK, which clearly has a far larger audience? Or do you mean lowest as in lowest quality maybe? You make a good argument, but I'm not following this last bit.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    necgray

    by gunga galunga

    Again, you're taking offense as if Massa was pummeling on some poor defenseless kid. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer has the temerity the shovel shit on to the public with the con job that it is actual entertainment, they deserve their public flagellation. What Massa did was confess that he can't deliver the flogging being begged of him because it's picking a fight against somebody too pathetic an opponent. You're responding as if Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer were some actual special needs kids who required shielding from the harsh realties of the world. What you are doing is taking an offense over a bad movie being given a bad review. The really funny thing is I don't see any sign of you taking offense in this thread until AFTER Moriarty threw down the gauntlet. Answer me this. With your nose so far up Drew's sphincter, can you tell us what he had for lunch?

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Moriarty is a whiny little bitch

    by rhcp2sweet

    Seriously come off it Mori. Your holier-than-thou attitude is getting ridiculous and you just come off as an egotistic asshole. Do you ever criticize Harry's "politically correct" reviews? I mean Massa never used the words "Chocolate covered pussy juice" but go ahead and criticize him. I know that you're some big shot hollywood "screenwriter" but come on, this is AICN. I've been reading this site for 5 years and have had some great laughs, most of them coming from raunchy humor. And yes, I know I'll probably get banned for this, but I thought you should know that not everyone is a pretentious hack like you. I mean say what you will about Harry, at least he doesn't come on talkbacks to boost his ego.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:41 p.m. CST

    amazing how far the level of discourse can be dragged down aroun

    by RedwingsHoolihan

    I clicked on this review knowing it would be a bloodbath. I knew the review would have more laughs than this excuse for a movie, which I'll never see. The analogy is pretty accurate. I laughed. Of course I would never stand by and watch a mentally challenged kid get pummled. Unless it was the mentally handicapped kid that kicked my ass in second grade.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:45 p.m. CST

    necgray

    by shodan6672

    As you stated, we agree in sentiment, but having the attitude of "we all know it sucks so why criticize it" is the kind of apathy that is responsible for the complete lack of originality in Hollywood now.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 8:46 p.m. CST

    RE: Die_Hardest

    by Larry of Arabia

    "the Flavor of Love" and "The Two Coreys" know exactly what they are, as do the casts. The people are freak shows and each plays op their stereotype. Those are made by professionals and have production values. They may be has-bens and never was, but everyone in them are self aware. The best parody of those is "My Life on the D List," which may be the most meta thing I've ever seen in my life.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    Someone doesn't know their Bill Hicks.

    by RedwingsHoolihan

    "I just had a nightmare The New Kids On the Block were inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Tiffany was there to greet them." Bill Hicks often blasted stupid American pop icons. I don't even get your point. Are you saying Massawyrm should take on shit like complacency and apathy during the FIRST gulf war? That would make for a great review.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:49 p.m. CST

    captivating review!

    by couP

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    This may just get me Flamed here, but ...

    by The Wolf at the Door

    I think all this shit started with Kevin Smith (or in the proximity of Smith, at least). I'll accept that maybe, MAYBE some people really loved 'Clerks' because of the charm of a couple of losers living their losers lives loser-ly. But what I think really sold that film on people were the clever references to things they already liked. <p> Star Wars, for example. One of the centerpiece conversations in that film, what I hear quoted a lot from that film (besides "57 dicks," or whatever the fuck ... okay, "poop," "pee" and "dick" will always be jokes onto themselves to some people, but that's another story) is the whole "Death Star contractors" bit. It's clever. I'm not saying it's not clever. But it's a "clever reference." There's nothing clever about it in a vacuum, or to people who live in this time and era but never saw Star Wars. <p> I may be inflating that example a bit, but from all I've seen of Smith's work (which is most of his films), plus live talks he's given, I don't know what much there else to the guy besides "references", except maybe an endless array of "gay jokes" and man-children who don't get how lucky they are to be listless do-nothings with gorgeous women fawning over them for no godly reason. <p> What really cemented the idea in my head, though, is when he cracked this joke once before an audience (paraphrasing): "So I heard Tim Burton was going to do Superman, which I guess would mean Superman has scissors for hands or something." <p> And people laughed. <p> Okay, Burton doesn't do filmSSSSS with characters randomly having scissors for hands. He did ONE film with a guy CALLED "Edward Scissorhands." See, this is the next step in cultural devolution following in the wake of 'Clerks.' <p> Mention Star Wars + dick jokes, get a laugh. Want it to be "PG-13"? Just mention Star Wars (and maybe pee-pee). Want to lower the bar even further? Forget Star Wars, which came out, like, YEARS ago. Instead, just turn on the TV, figure out what's playing, and record yourself saying, "LOOK, SOMETHING IS ON TV, AND I'M REFERENCING IT!" <p> Stop calling these PARODIES or SPOOFS ... or even COMEDIES ... <p> ... they are REFERENTIALS, a term I just made up to describe movies ("Disaster Movie") and television shows ("Family Guy" ... heck, even "Seinfeld") where the central crux of the quote-unquote "humor" comes from referencing shit people know. <p> The only step left to take is the inevitable release of "MOVIE MOVIE." Yep, it'll be a brilliant meta-movie black-hole-implosion of an event in which all those supposed "spoof" movies get spoofed. It will be two hours of characters saying things like, "Look, I'm referencing the movie that referenced Amy Winehouse! Remember Disaster Movie? I'M THAT GUY!!! THE REFERENCER!!!"

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    I would rather watch a Chester N Turner movie

    by Tubbs Tattsyrup

    ...than watch this.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:12 p.m. CST

    xi squared!

    by occula

    how you been, friend-o? i have shamefully neglected the TBs as i've been sort of slaving for months to finish this accursed novel. i hope all is well in your motorcycle-riding world of redneckery and debauchery!

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 10:57 p.m. CST

    gunga et al

    by necgray

    Wow. That's some stellar logic there, Gunga. I posted AFTER Mori, so I must be sucking up. Or it could be that I didn't read the "review" until well after Mori had already replied. But make up whatever bullshit excuse you need to justify your point. It's what I've come to expect from your kind of talkbacker. I'm not taking offense to a bad movie getting a bad review. I'm disgruntled by Massa once again taking an EASY shot at an EASY target for the simple purpose of playing to the crowd. I posted the same sentiments on the stupid Herc Coax story about the transexual contestant on America's Next Top Model and Mori didn't post shit in that talkback. Who the fuck cares about that show on AICN??? Nobody! It was an easy target. It was bullshit playing to the homophobes and/or xenophobes. It's dirty pool, loaded dice, shooting fish in a barrel, etc. If that's what you want, you can have it. But I'm going to call bullshit on it, and I'm going to back up others, particularly moderators or whatever the hell the black box dudes are. <p> WorldofWarcraft, I'm using "lowest common denominator" in the sense of intellect, not box office. Though I've already stated several times that TDK, while a decent film, is also massively flawed in the script department. And it's absolutely appealing to people who don't notice things like plot holes and aren't bothered by a dozen dangling subplots. <p> shodan, I'm all for calling a shitty movie a shitty movie, but there's no need to post an entire review on a website. Particularly when that website is AICN, and nobody with half a brain thinks that shitty movie is "cool". Snicker and sneer at it all you like, but there's no need for a straw man.

  • Aug. 29, 2008, 11:08 p.m. CST

    ruven76, how's your boss?

    by necgray

    I DO think Mori should keep that kind of criticism "behind the scenes". It'd be the more professional tactic. On the other hand, I also have to ask you how many times you've bitched at your coworkers? Now how many times have you bitched at your boss? It's a different number, isn't it? Or if not, then how's unemployment treating you? A wiser man than me once said, "Everyone is someone else's bitch."

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 12:18 a.m. CST

    Oh, I'm Sorry...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... I didn't realize only you talkbackers are allowed an opinion. <P>I don't edit or publish Massawyrm's material, so I don't have an editorial hand in it. I'm just a commenter like you guys, and sorry if my distaste for his makes-no-sense-analogy chapped your collective ass, kids. <P>I still don't get it. I've read it again, and it still just reads like he thinks that someone expects him to beat up a retarded kid for being retarded. No one ordered him to go see this movie, so he wasn't forced to review it. I don't think anyone's shocked by these filmmakers squeezing out another truly wretched non-satire. And, yeah, I think the comparison to a kid with a learning disability is a cheap and easy one that does nothing to advance any REAL conversation about film or film craft. <P>Lots of critics do this. They write to make the audience laugh, or they write for other critics, or they write to vent. But what they don't do is contribute something to any real or lasting conversation about film, which is what Massawyrm has always said he wants to do. Have that conversation. If that's the case, then I will repeat my only point from earlier... there has to be a better, smarter way. And if that observation offends you, I really couldn't care less.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 12:22 a.m. CST

    And, Uh, Pierce...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... you are hilarious. I said exactly what I meant, and was crystal clear as to why. The only one holding a grudge is, evidently, you, baby.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 12:28 a.m. CST

    The Wolf at the Door

    by uVa

    Awesome post, and I agree with you to a great extent. I'd never really thought that Kevin Smith was the harbinger of this style, but the connections you draw make sense. Family Guy gets away with it, as the pop culture stuff is interspersed with genuinely funny character comedy and social satire. The comedy genre is in a very bad place at the moment. I still think certain British comedies have far more class, wit and timing than anything coming out of hollywood. And you're right - these are not 'spoof' films per se. What happened to the days when a Leslie Nielson comedy was actually funny? I think MOVIE MOVIE is inevitable, but it'll get to the point where it transcends even actors. It'll just be an image of a film reel being projected for 65 minutes, with a laugh track and bloopers / breakdancing over the end credits.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 12:36 a.m. CST

    Mori

    by uVa

    I know what you're saying about Massa's comparison 'does nothing to advance any REAL conversation about film or film craft.' But (not having seen Disaster Movie, and being forced to sit through Spartans) I think that there's no film craft as such to really be discussed here beyond pointing a camera and shooting. These 'writer/directors' are a wasteland.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 12:38 a.m. CST

    This is all very interesting and odd

    by LesterGroans

    Like watching people watch The Hills . . .

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Didn't Tarintino

    by Bloo

    start the referentail stuff in Res Dogs which came out before Clerks and really came to force with it in Pulp Fiction (The McDonald's in Amstradam scene) but I will conciede that Smith has continued it longer...although the two scenes I really remember from Chasing Amy is the porno mags in the train station, the Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Man Friendly lesbian/Man hating dyke scene and the "going down" war wounds (which I suppose could be a refrential to the Leathel Weapon scene)

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Wolf at the Door

    by Vern

    I tried to warn you! But nobody would listen!<p> http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=9809<p> Actually, I don't think it's Kevin Smith's fault, and I would have to say his movies are probaly not as bad as these ones. But he is guilty of doing some of that and it's true that it's something that has become acceptable within a generation, this idea of just making a reference to something and everybody is supposed to be delighted that they know what it is. "I have TV too! I saw that show once! I LOVE THIS MOVIE!"<p> I'm gonna try to remember your word "referentials" and I hope other people will use it. Actually, I hope we won't have any reason to refer to these movies, but if we ever do they will be called referentials.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:05 a.m. CST

    KIM KARDASHIAN LIKES TO GET URINATED ON BY BLACK GUYS

    by F-18

    "Kim, have you met R. Kelly?"

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:07 a.m. CST

    this thread is funnier than that entire movie

    by bacci40

    proof positive that the wrong people are working in hollywood...and i wish the boll hate would stop...ya, the dude cant write or direct worth shit...but he honestly loves the craft...even if he isnt good at it...these guys are cynical hacks that make stuff to make a profit...and the craft be damned...and the reason that it looks like they are spoofing trailers, is cuz they are...when they made the movie, most of the movies they are spoofing, only had the trailers released...

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:27 a.m. CST

    Massa and Mori

    by ManiacCop

    It's impossible to read Massawyrm's opening paragraph without finding it dehumanizing. If you're OK with that, you should think about your life a bit. Even his ideal, "He’s just there and its best to ignore him and let him go to his life skills class and get a gold star for being able to hold it until he gets to the bathroom," is sick. At the same time, Moriarty's lack of professionalism, publicly condemning his own site colleague, is pretty stunning. I guess I was expected to forget Moriarty's shallow (and cruel) dismissal of Joseph Kahn's TORQUE: "Joseph Kahn should be tried for war crimes against my eyes and the laws of physics. On the positive side, this may well be the highest-budget film ever directed by a retarded person." Yes, that was not utterly repugnant and mean, Moriarty.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:57 a.m. CST

    I Don't Think Smith Is To Blame At All

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    Isn't one of the corner stones of Geekdom what you know? And by expressing that knowledge in a semi amusing way, you're basically defining the boundaries of the culture. So the stylings of Smith and The Family Guy writers are more of an inevitable development of the growth of Geek Culture. I don't think Smith's style of comedy (and for a more recent example The Venture Bros.) has much to do with the "Movie Movies". Don't those movies originate from The Simpsons writers being influenced by the spoof comedies of Zucker Abrahams Zucker in the 70s and 80s and thereby putting in tons of movie references in the 90s? And these Seltzer and Friedberg guys saw both, didn't quite process the influence properly and wrapped their "offerings" in the toxic packaging of the youtube generation?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 4:30 a.m. CST

    Actually Here's A Question...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    Was Scary Movie the first film done in that "look! an obvious reference!" style? Or was they're something earlier? I can't think of one.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 4:39 a.m. CST

    It All Becomes Clear Now...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    I remember now, in between all the jokes based on cliches and archetypes, the ZAZ films did have really obvious references. Like the Saturday Night Fever one from Airplane. So really these "referentials" are just an infectious meme that's been growing since the 70s. Now it's burst open into an oozing, pus filled cavity. Oh yeah.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 4:44 a.m. CST

    This Talkback got pretty deep

    by bottombrick

    What for many is their 2 minute hate has been laid bare as such. What role does, should, must hate play in sorting out our collective geek zeitgest here on our idiot canvas. When all the times previous headgeek's unabashedly spouting love for inferior films had seemed lacking in appropriate judgement now in light of necgray's piercing insight he instead seems a gentle Buddha.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 4:44 a.m. CST

    Sounds like Family Guy

    by criticalbliss

    Future showrunners?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 4:56 a.m. CST

    And back to some geek squabbling...

    by bottombrick

    The Death Star contractors bit would not qualify as one of your "referentials", it is employed as characterization and humorous situation, how far Randall will and does take his musings of star wars. closer would be silent bob tossing a demon off the train in dogma and using spielberg's "no ticket" bit, but even then its a geek act committed by a character, no, its not the same as a Family Guy or *Movie referential which being committed by the director and not a character is not defining a persona in the film.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Hey, Mori, congrats...

    by Daytripper69

    ... you managed to de-rail what promised to be an awesomely-hilarious talkback at "Disaster Movie's" expense. Massa's review was the perfect opening salvo against a movie that richly deserves to be ridiculed, then the usual cast of talkbackers were putting in their own (hilarious) two cents in, and then we get your attack on Massa's writing style. WTF? Was your rant serving the interests of the readers of this site? Massa's whole point of the review to warn people away from the movie, albeit in a humorous way (which is what I usually expect from AICN) but now it's turned into a "Mori v. Massa" slugfest. (Actually, I have to admire Massa's restraint of not taking the bait and turning this into an all-out flame war.) I took Massa's opening paragraphs in the spirit that it was intended, as I'm sure that Massa was only making a figure of speech. So let's all just try to get along, huh? In the future, we would appreciate it if you didn't take this "grudgefest" out into the streets--- namely the Talkback boards--- thanks, pal. : )

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 5:49 a.m. CST

    And getting back on topic...

    by Daytripper69

    ... sadly this cinematic fool's gold will make a killing at the box office and more wretched "[Blank] Movies" will be made. I seriously doubt that any of the "creators" of this insipid string of movies are reading these reviews (they're probably too busy snorting coke to give a shit), but maybe, just maybe, one of them will take these reviews to heart and put a little more thought into their parodies, a la classic Mad magazine. One can hope, anyway.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 5:55 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm cements the rumours that he...

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    ...Is a Limp Bizkit fan. The jokes weren't funny. That said, if something as tame as a retard joke offends you, I wish you well enjoying your view from the biggest fucking ivory tower in the world. Also, anyone saying Stiller didn't make fun of retards in Tropic Thunder slept through the entire stage show production of Simple Jack. It was the retard impersonation that got laughs (good laughs too, because retards CAN be funny, just visit youtube) not the impersonation of an actor impersonating a retard.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:02 a.m. CST

    I was gonna attempt to say something clever and/or meaningful he

    by The Eskimo

    ...but god Mori, you are such a douche!

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:04 a.m. CST

    Movie Movie

    by Screwhead

    It's already been made. Came out 30 years ago. Stanley Donen directed. Good stuff if you can find it.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:12 a.m. CST

    I don't think you can blame any filmmaker in particular...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...especially not Kevin Smith, because even if he used the "look it's ________" humor in "Jay & Silent Bob...", it wasn't the "main attraction" of this movie. <br> This kind of humor is pretty much in all of us. When I was 14 (1996), I made some homemovies with my buddies and the scripts we wrote were pretty much all about saying lines from other movies, just because we thought the "look, it's ________" effect would be funny.<br> So I think the people who do this kind of humor are a.) stuck in the age of 14 or b.) much smarter than we expect, because they know how to make "da kids" laugh.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:12 a.m. CST

    I say "pretty much" pretty much.

    by DerLanghaarige

    :P

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Wow

    by auraboy

    I never thought I'd say it but my level of respect for Mori pretty much fell through the floor. That is such a petty, invalid argument that it doesn't even deserve this post on it. Man, I love his reviews, his prose, his careful ability to think around an issue and discuss it and this...well...all I can say is Mori shouldn't be writing on this site. What a sad day.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    One thing I agree with Drew about...

    by Screwhead

    The hyperbole does often get out of hand in the world of online film criticism. I'm not a big fan of the "insult" style of reviewing, although I sometimes get a laugh out of it. But these movies are, above all, just forgettable, to the extent that it's hard to get worked up about them one way or the other. MEET THE SPARTANS was lame, but I survived the experience. Bad comedies have always been with us. Considering how much money the (BLANK) MOVIES rake in, it might be more apt to draw comparisons with the inexplicably popular kid at school who gets laid at will despite a dire lack of brains or personality.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 7:01 a.m. CST

    Hey!

    by drew mcweeny

    I was congratulating Joseph Kahn! His success is a triumph for the American Special Education system! That's a heartwarming review, damn you!

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 7:14 a.m. CST

    Slogan

    by auraboy

    Ah...The internet...The gas chamber of irony since 1992.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 7:43 a.m. CST

    I think we're all missing the most important point, here...

    by Darkman

    Did liljuniorbrown drop the deuce or what?!

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    I remember..

    by CharyouTree

    ..being in uni once and a retarded guy kept yanking my I.T. friends tie.. so he punched him in the face. Yes it was cruel but deserved, the guy was "REALLY" annoying and not "THAT" retarded, and it was a very funny thing to witness...man i'm going to hell.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:40 a.m. CST

    "I didn't realize only you talkbackers are allowed an opinion. "

    by gunga galunga

    Last refuge, Mori. Last refuge. That's up there with "if you criticize what I had to say, it obviously means you hate freedom of speech". You offered your opinion on Massa's review. And we offered our opnion on your opinion. And now you if you like, you can offer your opinion of our opinion of your opinion. I'm sure some of us might ever offer our opinion of your opinion of our opinion of your opinion, but for personally, I predict I'll have lost interest by then.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Joseph Khan...

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    ...Neuromancer. Does anyone else not find this funny?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:58 a.m. CST

    I liked the review Masa. My Irony chip is fully functioning

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    And Mori, fan though I am, I dont think you can take stock with Massa over his choice of writng language, when pornographer-in-chief, and generally creepy man Harry still writes reviews. I find his reviews 10 times more offensive than Massa's.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Where th hell is Grueman....

    by The Eskimo

    LOL OMGFAO HOLLA YA'LL POPCORN TRAILER PARK...oh well, fuck it...

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Daytripper, does anyone need warning?

    by necgray

    Seriously, would you have considered going to that POS without Massa's cheap and easy review? No? Then the point is made. He wasn't warning anyone off, he was PLAYING. TO. THE. CROWD. Cheap and easy. Kind of like the movie he claims to revile in the review.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    I mean, he points out the Diablo Cody bashing

    by necgray

    Convenient that the only part of the movie he claims to have found amusing was the Diablo Cody bashing. Could he possibly pander to you people more?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Good lord.

    by DarthCorleone

    Allusions have been part of all forms of art since art's inception. There is nothing "wrong" with the use of them in and of themselves.<br><br>So what's the problem? The problem for me occurs when a piece of art becomes so reliant on references that essentially references are its only substance.<br><br>One skilled way to prevent this is to more smoothly integrate the references into the art's established universe. (This series of movies - as far as I can tell, as I've never watched one of them - makes very little attempt to do this.)<br><br>Take for example two particular episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy. In "Bart's Friend Falls In Love," the episode opens with a Raiders of the Lost Ark homage in which characters and items in the Simpsons universe are cleverly integrated into the scene. Homer becomes a boulder, the change jar is the idol, the garage door becomes the closing wall, etc. It actually puts a new, fresh spin on the material. In contrast, the same escape is referenced in Family Guy at some point (I don't know the episode, because Family Guy is dung and not worth knowing that well), but all that it does is directly place the family into the escape from the natives with no clever substitution whatsover. (Granted, the story had taken the family to the jungle, but the disparity in cleverness can't be denied; in my observation the Family Guy reference method across all episodes is almost entirely of the non sequitur sort.)<br><br>As for someone above who criticizes *US* for seeing these movies and claims that the filmmakers are not at fault and are just intelligent blokes who saw a market and exploited it - fine. However, as I said, I've never given any of these movies my money, and I encourage everyone else to stay away too. Maybe these guys are reasonably intelligent, but that doesn't mean I have to respect them for lowering the bar of intelligent artistic discourse. Wake me up when they use the money they made from this dreck to actually create something artistic and personal. Or hell, wake me up when they make a comedy that actually has some original material in it.

  • In a review for DISASTER MOVIE?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:07 p.m. CST

    "lasting conversation about film" rather

    by zooch

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    The great unifier of geekdom

    by Larry Sellers

    You can always count on TBers to unanimously hate one thing: whatever monstrosity Seltzer & Friedberg have conjured this year. I've only ever seen Date Movie in its entirety. I honestly couldn't finish Epic Movie and didn't bother with Meet the Spartans. But I know enough about these movies just from the negative feedback and from what I absolutely hated from Date Movie. This isn't about references, guys. This is writing style. Pop culture references can be made by anyone. They can be stated in a witty manner/context by anyone. But what these people do is blatantly steal an entire story framework from an already successful film, and then look at the covers of every EW from the last 6 months. What does Juno have to do with the disaster film genre? What the fuck does American Idol have to do with 300? Absolutely nothing. I just caught that the post above me made the same point I was about to. So, in other words, DarthCorleone, you're entirely right.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    I used to love parody movies

    by Flipao

    :(

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Breaking news! Disaster Movie to be remade next year!

    by Violator90

    Ah, yeah! I can’t wait for a remake of this movie. I bet its gonna be dark and brooding with tons of CGI and ‘splosions, with some skimpy dressed hotties. Where’s Mikey Bay with you need his coked up ass??? Oh, doing coke of course.

  • What's worse is that there's people out there willing to watch this sh*t

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Disaster Movie isn't packed with allusions.

    by WhinyNegativeBitch

    Just cheap mimicry. They don't "make reference" to a film. They just stage a cheap production of it. You know when you were 5 or 6, and it was funny to repeat everything a friend said, but only in a stupid voice, until they got angry enough to punch you? Thats what these two UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO GRADUATES!!! do. In most cases they don't even parody the material, they simply present a cheaper, shorter alternative of another popular film, hoping to hell that juxtaposition with other scenes from dissimilar movies will raise a laugh from the sub humans who attend these movies. They don't even bother positioning the imitations in a way that will make them play off each other. They're shameful and lazy plagarists. Rich though. And honestly, if I could get rich selling shit to retards, I would.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:48 p.m. CST

    THIS IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN MEET THE SPARTANS

    by TallBoy66

    I laughed maybe 4 times in Meet the Spartans. I laughed twice in Disaster. And they were only chuckles. Gawdawful, and the quality of cast it somehow getting worse with each movie. Only made 2 mil on Friday, which is heading towards a 6 mil opening. Maybe that'll finally end these abortions. Worst flick of the year.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    thank god this isn't making lots of money

    by Rupee88

    It didn't do that well on Friday...could still end up profitable with DVD but don't think it is going to make much at the bo

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 7 p.m. CST

    The Younger Generation...

    by Cujo_Fugate

    that watches this movie will all be slaves in the coming Chinese Empire.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:06 p.m. CST

    Gotta Agree with Big Jim!! Parody isn't that hard!!!

    by Sundaycall1

    Look up Youtube! Seriously! Look up 'Batman Joker Parody' from the Dark Knight. That stuffs done by fans in their living room and is great to watch! These movies must stop. Before Luke Wilson becomes the world's smartest man.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:09 p.m. CST

    TallBoy66

    by TheNorthlander

    Why did you go see this and Meet the Spartans?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:22 p.m. CST

    "Referentials"

    by TheNorthlander

    Isn't that what Family Guy is? One long running referential TV show?

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 8:44 p.m. CST

    shodan6672

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I laughed at Britney Spears being kicked into the pit of death. Then, I was disappointed to learn it wasn't a documentary.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 10:21 p.m. CST

    I watched Spartans for "Worst of '08" Fodder - same here

    by TallBoy66

    And I saw it for free, same with this one too, so they didn't get any of my money.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Good for you Mori

    by Jonah Echo

    I had an issue with this when I first read it.I, however, was for many years a special ed teacher, and I have actually seen someone who was not special needs "pulp" a child who was. I've had students who have died(not in the classroom but out in the world, in their lves) as a result of the kind of thinking that is above. And, yea, I have a sense of humor. I know what you were trying, but Massa, the truth is you aren't a good writer and you honestly seem a bit twisted, or maybe you just have an awful grasp of wit and irony. But, please, whether you are offended by what I say, or Mori is saying, don't ever write anything like that again. It is irresponsible, and it wasn't funny, not even as a shock tactic.

  • Aug. 30, 2008, 10:58 p.m. CST

    I did it!

    by liljuniorbrown

    I almsot didn't go through with it because there were like only ten people in the theater ,but I went through with it. At 6:45pm I bought a ticket to Dark Knight at the Carmike cinema close to my house. I went in and for like twenty minutes I was the only person in the whole theater. I almost crapped my pants before the lights even went out. I held on until the opening credits started,let my seat up, dropped my pants and went to work. I used some napkins ,was kind of disapointed that there were no loud sounds and was kind of mad that it didn't reek all that bad. I started towards the exit ,but before I got down the stairs a couple of douch bag Abercrombie types busted past me with there dates. I told them loudly "i'm out of here,somebody shit in the floor of that row over there". I couldn't help but wait in the lobby thinking there would be a mass exit....but seriously only one group of like five or six girls left complaining that they couldn't stay in there. I laughed and left out feeling like I really accomplished something. As soon as this hurricane is over i'm posting what i recorded on my phone on youtube. The quality sucks but it's definite evidence that i'm not bull shitting (pun intended). If only i could have wiped my ass with a Meet The Spartans dvd. Oh well.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 4:02 a.m. CST

    If you had told critics in, say, 1987

    by PacmanFever

    That a Rambo movie would one day be beat opening weekend by an even more lowbrow movie, that was also part of a franchise (I would say all these Seltzer movies constitute a franchise) that is even more lowbrow than the Police Academy movies, do you think they would believe you? Fuck, the PA movies are honest-to-God fucking *deep* compared to these movies. Well, maybe not the Moscow one.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    to be honest

    by Spaceghost116

    Say what you want about the guys that made this movie, but they've figured out a loophole to keep making movies and they're milking it. Hell, I would do it if I could. I know you'll say that it's because of assholes like me that won't say anything about it that they continue to be made. But isn't finding a loophole and making easy money really kinda the American Way?

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    I'm a little late here, but Joseph Kahn's 'Torque'

    by soup74

    is genius, movie camp. it should be revered in the same way 'death race 2000' or 'the Evil Dead' is. (yeah, thats right, i put it up there with Evil Dead! evil dead was a film in a genre that took it self a little seriously -horror- that went over the top..as did torque, with the racing/biker genre)<br><br>seriously..watch it again without worrying about ridiculous it is. it was a live action cartoon way before speed racer. and screw making fun of joseph kahn..give this guy some good material and i think he'll make a good, stylized movie. I guess we'll find out if im full of shit or not when Neuromancer comes out.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    also, since im saying crazy things..

    by soup74

    i just downloaded and watched uwe boll's "postal." now dont get me wrong, it's hateful movie that is offensive just for the sake of being offensive. but, that being said, uwe actually shows some comedy chops. It's a pretty interesting watch for those who are curious in a 'must try to spoiled milk' kind of way. No doubt its funnier than 'disaster movie.'

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    $6.17 million this weekend.

    by Pennsy

    Yikes.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 5:10 p.m. CST

    liljuniorbrown we salute you !

    by G100

    Though of course they didn't notice your big steaming pile.<p> <p>You would need a herd of diarrhoetic buffalo to overwhelm the shit they were watching.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 7:07 p.m. CST

    liljuniorbrown

    by nogimmick

    we salute you! post a link to the youtube when you got a chance.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 7:49 p.m. CST

    Godspeed liljuniorbrown

    by CharyouTree

    I second the youtube request and good look with the hurricane

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 8:36 p.m. CST

    Bobo'sGhost re: Mori

    by necgray

    I'm sure this will earn me calls of brown-noser, but whatever. First of all, Mori IS a screenwriter. He has a couple of movies under his belt as well as multiple episodes of the Masters of Horror series. Directed by some pretty big name horror directors. So I'd like to know what part of that is "aspiring"? Seems "successful if little-known" is more apt. Assholery like that is why the WGA struck last year. Because everyone thinks that "successful screenwriter" means "rich and famous screenwriter". Second, unless you're his agent or someone to whom he sent his resume, how do you know what he uses to market himself to studios? And what writer in his/her right mind would use posts on AICN to boost their resume, particularly shit in talkbacks? If he does, that seems like a silly move to me. More likely he doesn't and you're just furthering your attempt to vilify the guy. Third, the "raped in the face" Hamlet 2 review by Beaks was a direct reference to the song title in the movie. Finally, I agree that there's some "good for the goose, good for the gander" going on with the callouts of misogyny but the use of the word "cunts", but I'd say since he was using the word to describe a group of people, male and female, in a particularly virulent manner that it wasn't really misogyny. I agree that he overreacted to the negative reaction of the audience and Massawyrm, but Massawrym in HIS post threw the first "jab". I don't see anything wrong with promoting a fauxumentary as real because as intelligent adults we should all know the difference and should all understand when we're being asked to play along with a gimmick. Why Massawyrm took that so personally I have no idea.<p>At the end of the day, every moderator/contributor on this site has posted something stupid or in bad taste. I just feel like of the two Massa is MUCH the worse offender, both in quantity and quality. If Mori is an asshole, then Massa is the small intestine.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 8:58 p.m. CST

    audience for wrestling, reality shows = much the same audience f

    by harryflashman

    High-brow this is not. Do we really hate the people that make this crap or the people that necessitate the making of this crap ie. anyone that buys a ticket. The makers are no worse than the carnival or freak-show 'pioneers' of the 19th century. After all, if the people hadnt come to watch and paid their hard-earned money it all would've folded.

  • Aug. 31, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Thanks

    by liljuniorbrown

    As soon as this storm is over i'm posting the youtube link. Now if i only had the nerve to find out which street corner Anderson Cooper is standing on during his "hurricane coverage" and throw shit at him. Seriously, do we really need him standing outside in the wind and rain to tell me how bad this hurricane is? It's all the fuck around us! Anyways, I appreciate the props. I figured somebody would call me an idiot for dumping in the theater, I guess we all kind of agree on this one. Take care .

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 12:15 a.m. CST

    Liljuniorbrown

    by worldofwarcraft

    Did you pay for a ticket to disaster movie, or something else?

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 2:47 a.m. CST

    WHY DOES ALL OF AICN HATE MASSAW

    by BurgerKing

    TheRealMoriarty, don't try to be clever by cutting him up, Vern already did that when he reviewed Sex and the City. Your late to the party

  • Harry's "chocolate covered pussy juice" and what not grosses me out just like anybody, but it's not a good comparison because he's just talking about sex, he's talking about Blade 2 performing oral sex on the audience. I personally had a problem with Massa when he metaphorically brutally raped a movie and left it "crying and bleeding on the mattress." Moriarty had a problem with him metaphorically beating up retarded kids, and excitedly describing it in detail so you can picture it. You don't really think oral sex is equal to and synonymous with raping women and beating up retarded children, do you? You're just trying to play "gotcha" so you can call people hypocrites.<p> Whatever, I shouldn't tell somebody else how to write their reviews. But I don't blame Moriarty for commenting because I know in the other case I was embarrassed to be writing for the same websight and I wasn't gonna stay silent on that shit. And I don't have some grudge against Massawyrm, I actually assumed somebody else wrote the headline.<p> Anyway as you can see nobody's censoring anybody, Moriarty just stated his opinion that the review was cheap and stupid, you all stated your opinion that he is a weiner, and we can all go on living as adults and colleagues who have different ideas about writing, about movies, and about what the word "irony" means ever since that Canadian singer gal muddied the waters. (Seriously, how is that metaphor irony? I'm lost on that one.)<p> One thing we do all agree on though, if liljuniorbrown really did take a shit in that theater that is a groundbreaking new form of protest. Fuck online petitions, I'm calling in liljuniorbrown. I just hope the directors of the movie were available to clean it up.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 3:30 a.m. CST

    This is what happens...

    by Fortunesfool

    When teenagers get disposable income. Utter shit like this becomes big box office because kids with no critical faculties go and see it to break their routine of getting high and stabbing younger kids. If the target audience for movies drops any lower, they'll all be starring the teletubbies.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 3:51 a.m. CST

    RETARD

    by bender7

    That is all.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 7:27 a.m. CST

    In any case

    by Die_Hardest

    I think my favorite AICN Review moment ever is still in Harry's review for Wrong Turn. Remember, when he demanded to see "dead raped deer in the forest" and couldn't understand why that was left out of the film?

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Good post Bobo_Visions Ghost

    by mrfan

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Bobo and Vader

    by Vern

    Thanks for your responses. I think I see where you're coming from. Bobo, you make a very good point about using "Full on retard" in the headline. I saw the movie early so at the time I thought more about the issue at hand than using that term out of context. I agree with the point Harry made in the review, because the movie actually is dead-on about the way Hollywood exploits people with disabilities. I thought that by being so wrong about the movie the lobbyists who turned it into a controversy were doing a disservice to the very good cause they stand for. The morning Tropic Thunder came out I heard them discussing the controversy on Adam Carolla's radio show and of course instead of sympathizing with the protest they pointed out how inaccurate it was and then went into jokes about actual retarded people. So it backfired. But you make a good point about Harry not helping the matter with his headline.<p> I think my main disagreement with you though is that I don't expect Moriarty or anybody to patrol every talkback and review and consistently criticize everything that offends them. I don't remember seeing the Quint thing you're talking about (sounds terrible) but I know I personally can't debate somebody every time I think somebody's being racist in talkbacks. Every once in a while I think "enough is enough" and I say something but every time it just causes a shitstorm of outraged talkbackers calling me the PC police and the original poster never even has a clue what I'm talking about. I think this is the nature of having a worldwide forum like this, everybody is coming from different places with different ideas and experiences. I guess if you live somewhere with no black people then it makes sense that you're gonna think Common, with his hat collection and sensitive image, is a scary gangster rapper.<p> I only speak for myself but I'm guessing Moriarty feels the same way - I don't want the job of moderating the talkbacks (or Massawyrm's reviews, or anything). It's just sometimes I have to speak up if something pisses me off enough. Just like you did with the racist comments.<p> Vader, I agree that both are trying to be shocking. And maybe Harry's has more power because it's more bizarre. But Harry's asks you to picture something gross, Massawyrm's ask you to picture cruelty and abuse. Both are only metaphors, and not meant to hurt anybody. But I think you can see how somebody could be bothered by one and not by the other.<p> I didn't see the steaming dick one, so I can't comment on that. But I do have to congratulate both Harry and Massawyrm for moving away from metaphors involving piles of shit, doing things to the orifices or genitals of animals, and jism. Those three are overused in internet movie reviews.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 1:56 p.m. CST

    There was already a MOVIE MOVIE!

    by PacmanFever

    It was a parody too, and it was a faux double bill. It starred George C Scott. It was a better idea than film from what I remember though

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST

    thanks guys

    by Vern

    In Moriarty's defense, he has kids and deadlines which I don't. And I think it's just a preference thing, he rarely responds to me either but says nice things in his intros to my articles. I don't take that as a dis I just think it's his way of doing things. I have always tried to be a reply to every email, post in the talkbacks type of guy which gets me into more shit than Moriarty would probaly want to because I either say something stupid or somebody misinterprets what I meant and everybody gets mad.<p> Anyway, thanks for the thoughtful responses. I'm glad you came back after getting banned.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Bobo'sGhost re: re: my post

    by necgray

    Regarding the Diablo Cody thing. I pointed it out because what I find offensive about Massa's review for DM and S&tC (and posts like it, ie: Herc's transgender Top Model contestant news) is the fact that they are easy targets. They're not movies that are even VAGUELY marketed at what I would consider the "average" AICN reader. Now I know there are more diverse tastes than just action, sci-fi, and horror on this site, but you cannot with a straight face tell me that anyone but MAYBE a handful of AICN readers really thought S&tC and/or DM were going to be good and worth their time. And certainly I wouldn't expect Massawyrm to enjoy either one. That's not a slam on him, he just doesn't seem the type to enjoy TV-show-based chick flicks or low-brow shitty comedies. So the fact that he took time out of his lambasting of this film to point out that he was sort of amused by the fact that it derides Diablo Cody's dialogue style, a source of massive derision by the majority of the talkbackers on this site, strikes me as even MORE pandering. Pandering is bullshit. Hence I call bullshit on it. <p>I think anyone who goes into a film festival and watches a "documentary" that is, essentially, a snuff film, and thinks that it's real, is an utter fucking idiot. And I'm sorry if that's offensive to anyone, but fuck you and your low IQ if you HONESTLY think it's possible that the organizers of a film festival would KNOWINGLY screen a snuff film. Maybe Mori thought he could trick people into thinking that. In which case, shame on him for thinking so lowly of people. On the other hand, if anyone in the audience was disgusted because it was being made out to be real, fuck them. That's the style. It's SUPPOSED to seem "real". If it's a shitty movie, that's one thing. But you can't blame a fauxumentary for using the tools that make it what it is. <p>I was all ready to be pissed at Beaks for a shitty title, too, but then when I read the actual REVIEW I figured out, oh, this is in context. Yes, without context it's inflammatory. But then the review gives it context. Where the fuck was the context for Massa's S&tC review? Is there any scene in S&tC where a sensitive character's virginity is taken? Is there a scene where violent sex occurs? Did Massa tie that heading into his actual review? NO! He didn't! But that was that review, and this is this review. And what I say again is that this review was shit because we ALL KNEW the movie would suck. He even admits in the review himself that he only wrote the review because he got several e-mail requests to do so! HE SAID IT! I'm not taking him out of context, I'm not putting words in his mouth, those are HIS words. And it's pandering. It's buckling under peer pressure, which is absolutely ridiculous. I thought his Babylon AD review was fine. Same with Traitor. I like perusing the Tabletop posts. But this review is bullshit. And what's crazy is that some people LOVE it. They're eating it up. I can see from this last post that you're more in the camp of calling out Mori on hypocrisy, so I'm with you. I don't like hypocrisy any more than pandering. But you other people who enjoy this shit, you're JUST AS BAD AS PEOPLE WATCHING THIS ACTUAL MOVIE! It's cheap, easy humor.

  • Sept. 2, 2008, 12:14 a.m. CST

    i think people are losing track of this argument..

    by soup74

    the point is not whether Mori is right or wrong, or even hypocritical, in his reprimanding of Massa. you can all write 3 page essays stating who you side with.. <br><br>the point, that i think most of us can agree with, is that Mori shouldnt have aired his dirty laundry in a talkback for all of us to see. It's unprofessional. <br><br>Mori is a senior writer, and he can probably tell the junior writers to tone it down a bit if he wants (hypocritical or not, he's earned that privlige.) He just really shouldnt do it in front of all the 'kids,' because it comes out looking petty.

  • Sept. 2, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    maybe they're in collusion to increase hits

    by necgray

    There really isn't tension between them, Mori just picks fights to increase tb traffic... It's plausible... What? It is.

  • Sept. 3, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Whether you find it offensive or not

    by jim

    Massa's analogy isn't accurate. This film is no special needs kid. The budget was $20 million, written & directed by a pair who have done the same on 3 previous films. This is a rich kid who's had all the breaks, hangs out with the cool crowd, has access to the hottest girls in school, and even though he treat them like shit, still gets laid. <p>We hate him, not necessarily because he has what we want, but because he's no better than the rest of us. He's not good looking, he's not overly intelligent, he's not athletic, he's not funny. He's popular because his parents have money and becuase of his association with a couple of kids who went on to play varsity football (the Wayans brothers). But he doesn't appreciate what he has. Instead of thinking "wow, did I ever luck out, I'm going to make the most out of the opportunity I have and be the best person I can be", he acts like an entitled asshole. He hides behind the football team (no screenings for critics) and hopes no one has the balls to stand up to him. <p>We didn't come to watch Massa, our own personal Judd Nelson type, take this kid down a peg. We came to join the fray. We came to let this little shit know exactly what we think of him. Sure, we expect Massa to take the hits (by seeing the film) but we'll be there supporting him all the way.<p>This isn't a massacre of a kid who can't defend himself against the school bully. This is a self-entitled prick who continually asks to get his ass kicked. Massawyrm simply answered the call.

  • Sept. 3, 2008, 7:37 p.m. CST

    Big Jim: the sad truth

    by necgray

    Your analogy is better. Because just like the rich kid, the makers of Disaster Movie don't give a flying shit what a bunch of nobodies say about them. I mean, seriously, "we" can't let this little shit know what "we" think of him? But this is a "self-entitled prick"? Pot call the kettle much? And in case you didn't notice, this limp review kicks the prick's ass about as hard as a stiff wind. The possibility that anybody found it funny and/or clever is sadly proof that the IQ of Johnny Public is ripe for Disaster Movie.

  • Sept. 4, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Necgray, the trouble with analogies

    by jim

    They rarely fit the argument perfectly. The kid in my analogy was at times the writers/directors, sometimes the studio releasing the film, and sometimes the film itself. All in all I think the point is better made without analogies.<p>This movie deserves all the negativity being generated towards it. I'm glad Massawyrm reviewed a film I knew he would hate (based on how much he hated Meet the Spartans) and that most of us would not have seen anyway. Is it wrong to bad-mouth an obviously bad film? Yes, if it's some small-time indy film from a first-time writer/director that was made for next to nothing. But that's not this movie. This movie has a major studio behind it and had a budget of $20 million, created by 2 guys who have done this 3 times before. This movie was advertised all over the mainstream media for weeks. The same mainstream media that, due to the film not being screened for critics, would be silent on the merits (or lack thereof) come opening day. If only one person read Massawyrm's review and decided "no, I'm not going to see that afterall" then this review was well worth it.<p>Do the writers/directors of this movie, and the studio that released it, give a shit what a bunch of nobodies think? Based on the movie they made I would have to say "no". But they should care. Us "nobodies" are the ones who go to the movies. The same nobodies, for the most part, that stayed away from this movie. If you have no respect for your audience, if you don't listen to your critics and continually keep making the same mistakes, it will eventually come back to bite you on the ass ($6 million opening weekend). In this case it took 3 movies before the majority of film-goers wised up. Sad to think there were still about 3/4 of a million people out there who saw the trailers and commercials for this movie and thought "that is something I am willing to pay money to see" and did.<p>I do think Massawyrm's review wasn't as scathing as the one he did for Meet the Spartans. I think the best review I read for Disaster Movie was (to paraphrase) "Why should I put more effort into writing a review since they obviously put no effort into making the movie". I think that sums it up nicely.