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Mr. Beaks Laps Paul W.S. Anderson's DEATH RACE!

DEATH RACE is a film for no one. Neither bloody enough to please the gorehounds, nor trashy enough to qualify as a transgressive pleasure, Paul W.S. Anderson's lobotomization of Paul Bartel's futuristic satire is just a mindless onslaught of incoherent mayhem: engines rev, tires squeal and and cars go boom. Not that this is inherently a bad thing. Sometimes, ninety minutes of loud noises, rolling heads and bountiful boob-age are more than enough; unfortunately, for an R-rated movie about hardened convicts committing vehicular homicide as a means of securing their freedom, DEATH RACE goes unconscionably light on everything but Dolby-fied cacophony. Films that are deafening in their awfulness are rarely endearing, but one might've excused the muddled din had Anderson given the screenplay over to someone who understands and actively enjoys exploitation cinema (John Sayles being an obvious candidate). Though the modern gladiator scenario is pretty useless as social commentary anymore (movies like ROLLERBALL, THE RUNNING MAN and SERIES 7: THE CONTENDERS have worked every possible variation on this not-terribly-versatile theme), the basic concept is still rife with lurid potential. What's not to love about legalized murder on the race track, be it cross-country or enclosed? Because the former option could be prohibitively expensive, Anderson has decided to limit his DEATH RACE to a dreary gray factory so that he can make his days and... employ the color palette from CHILDREN OF MEN's urban combat sequences? No worries. Stealing is what B-movie artists do. If only there were some semblance of joy in Anderson's craft! As with every other mediocrity to which he's lent his name, DEATH RACE has all the ambition of a made-for-TV movie from the 1970s; it's the kind of droning, vaguely engaging thing folks used to half-watch from 9 PM to 11 PM because there was nothing else on. There's a strange, infuriating arrogance in this: Anderson is behaving as if he has a captive audience; he's subjecting ticket buyers to insipidness because, he seems to be implying, they've nothing better to do. This brand of creative laziness should not thrive in today's climate of leisure over-saturation; it should hardly be enough to taunt consumers with a passive, live-action version of what they've been playing all night on their PS3. Where's the added value in Anderson's product? Is it Milla Jovovich's sex appeal? The Woodruff-and-Gillis creature design? Jason Statham's rippling lats? The familiar sight of Statham behind the wheel of a car seems to be the primary selling point here (he's like a twenty-first century Burt Reynolds, sans the inimitable cackle and Dom DeLuise/Jerry Reed), but at least the TRANSPORTER movies are touched by a Besson-ian madness. The sole hope for lunacy in DEATH RACE is Joan Allen, who's been hired to reprise her ice-queen act from the BOURNE sequels. As the amoral warden of Terminal Island, the prison to which Statham's been committed for a crime he didn't commit (stabbin' up his wife), Allen does her best to dial up the kink in her one close-quarters moment with Statham. One would think that a movie inspired by the work of Roger Corman would know what to do with a female warden, but the scene is a non-starter. From there, the movie fails Allen at every turn; for the most part, she's stuck in mission control barking out orders to the "Death Race" broadcast crew. Given the resounding drabness of her surroundings, her inexpressive schoolmarm severity only makes the film duller. It's depressing. The other major miscalculation of DEATH RACE lies in the design of the vehicles - all of which are monochromatic heaps of metal outfitted with been-there, done-that weaponry (to be fair, there's a barely discernible streak of red on one or two of the cars). Anderson would probably argue that the prisoners' harsh reality is too grim to allow for much in the way of color; still, on a purely logistical level, one would think that the show's producers would want the cars to be a little more identifiable for the viewers at home (who, as is Anderson's world-shrinking wont, are never once glimpsed). Certainly, on a strictly commercial level, the film's producers should absolutely want their paying audience to be able to figure out what the fuck is going on at all times. This confusion is exacerbated by Anderson's decision to cover rather than choreograph the race scenes; for the most part, the action is just a jumble of hand-held, catch-as-catch-can chaos - the exception being the undeniably spectacular wreck of the Dreadnought (though even that felt a little fake, even if it wasn't). There are a few potentially interesting flourishes in Anderson's script - most notably Tyrese Gibson's out-and-pround Machine Gun Joe. Perhaps it's a sign of progress that Gibson doesn't play him as a fey Nero the Hero clone (Martin Kove's flamboyant character from Bartel's original); still, the film could've benefited from the glowering tough guy queening it up a little. Sure, it'd be in bad taste, but this is DEATH RACE. There shouldn't be a respectable goddamn bone in its diseased body. Producers Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner have been threatening this remake for years, and they were probably under the gun to get it up and running before the rights expired. Totally understandable. That said, this is the kind of aberrant material that should be entrusted to a young director eager to leave his mark, not a barely capable hack desperate to remain anonymous. In any event, they got what they settled for. Only Paul W.S. Anderson would make an R-rated Roger Corman movie and leave out the boobs. Faithfully submitted, Mr. Beaks

P.S. If you're interested, here's my write-up on the Bartel flick.

Readers Talkback
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  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Too bad.

    by kyle051554

    I'd hoped that it'd at least be a fun popcorn flick. Ah well.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    dicks

    by lopan

    a sea of flaccid members as far the eye could see

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Dick-shitting assness.

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    Of course this movie blows diseased monkey sputum. No doubt.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    What a Shame

    by Machine Gun Joe Viterbo

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    was he really expecting oscar worthy?

    by Cajunsblues

    come on Beaks, we ALL know it is going to be bad. But do most of us care? nope

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Paul W.S. Anderson's Twisted Metal: The Movie

    by WickedJester

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    We Need More Verhoevens

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    I was watching total Recall Recently. I had forgotten how incredibly bonkers it was. Now there's a man who knows how to bring pulpiness into the mainstream and give it three boobs.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    THE ORIGIN OF W.S.

    by JBouganim1

    I was at a convention when I was younger and he was signining autographs with Jovovich. I was probably 14 15 at the time. When it was my turn, I basically told him I had seen all his movies..Magnolia, Boogie Nights, etc. He thanked me and when I got home I realized it wasnt him. Two weeks later he changed it.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Hey, this is Paul W.S. at work.

    by vic twenty

    He is crap. His films are crap. Just because there are worse directors out there (the notorious Dr. Boll) does not excuse his hackitude. Look for the name on the label, folks. If it says Paul W.S. Anderson, you've been warned.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    To trust Beaks or Massa?

    by O_Goncho

    I actually bothered reading Massa's review so I'm going to still assume it's shit but fun shit.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    JBouganim1

    by vic twenty

    You have some stroke there, pahdna. I would guess the only reason people still hire this twat is because they have him confused with Paul Anderson. There is no excuse otherwise.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Trust Beaks

    by Olsen Twins_Fan

    a little heavy on the thesaurus at times, but far and away the best contributor to this site.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Go watch the movie, then have a valid opinion

    by palimpsest

    meet back here Sunday and discuss its cheesy brilliance or mediocre blah-ness. Me? I trust in Vern.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Next: Beaks' Review of Mad Dog 20/20...

    by KosherWookie

    "I am shocked--- shocked, I say, that MD 20/20 is not a fine, dry white zinfandel! It is cheap and obviously inferior to what I would like to drink." What the fuck were you expecting? This flick was always pretty much a known quantity--- cars crash, guns fire, shit blows up. End of list! Calling it out for not being brilliant, Voltaire-grade social satire is a bit like cursing a hamster for the horrible crime of not being a dog. This film DEFINITELY gets my money, just so I can talk about it and piss off all of the effete-snob douchebags I run into...

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    We all trust in Vern

    by O_Goncho

    I like Beaks, I think, but his reviews give my auto-pilot brain a terrible ache.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Part of me wishes The Most Dangerous Game were never written...

    by AdrianVeidt

    Seriously. This idea of hunting human for sport was genius with that short story. So it's not that I wish it wasn't written. It's just that this one story spawned so, so much trash. <p> However, my hopes lie with Massawyrm's review...

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Also, Beaks, what are your thoughts on Massa's?

    by AdrianVeidt

    Do you feel you might have viewed the movie in a good way, not letting anything lacking seriousness stand in his way?

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    Correction

    by AdrianVeidt

    Do you feel *HE* might have viewed the movie in a good way...

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    STALLONE'S 1975 ORIGINAL is a cult classic!

    by ABking

    DEATH RACE 2000 was like a PAUL VERHOEVEN movie complete with great satire, nudity and violence. It had Sly playing a bad guy who actually punched women in the face. The film being so cheap actually made it better. Now we have PAUL W.S. ANDERSON with a big budget piece of shit starring Jason "I wish I could replace SYLVESTER STALLONE and ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER" Statham. OH PLEASE! Tyrese is actually playing Machine Gun Joe. What the hell is that??? This project at one time was going to be produced by Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner and was to star Cruise and Stallone. Oh I wish we got that movie!

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    If Wanting Boobs and Gore in an Exploitation Movie...

    by mrbeaks

    ... makes me an effete snob, then please, good sir, a bottle of the 2005 Justin Cabernet Sauvignon!<br><br>By the way, white zinfandels are sweet, and, generally, not that far off from your average bottle of "Red Grape" Mad Dog 20/20. Next time, try "fine pinot noir". (I mean, did SIDEWAYS teach you nothing?)

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    great review

    by lex romero

    Good to see that someone else on the site understands trashy action films do have to have certain qualities about them to be "fun to watch" trashy action films. A lot of people get up in arms when you try and tell them it's shit "what? that's not hte point, it's just a trashy action flick, did you want citizen kane?". No i didn't want CK ffs, i just want an action film with some excitement, well shot and visable action and a few laughs in the script.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Great review, Beaks

    by subtlety

    The perfect, literate antidote to Massa's inexplicable whitewash. Glad to have you back, sir.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    But guys, how would we MEASURE a good trashy action flick...

    by AdrianVeidt

    ...without having a truly MINDLESS trashy action flick to accompany it? <p> The jury is still out on what makes a mindless action flick too dumb to enjoy. In my opinion, see my next post...

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:26 p.m. CST

    You want a bad action flick? Go watch Smokin' Aces --

    by AdrianVeidt

    Seriously. Now there is a movie that was aimed at being mindless fun, but also wanted it to be taken seriously. Hence, it inserted the slow motion Ryan Reynolds-coming-to-grips-with-the-truth moment, as well as Matthew Fox's "what does life mean" dying moment. <p> What the fuck was all that about? Didn't we just go to see a "cool" movie with a bunch of hitmen trying to take down a target in a little amount of time?<p> When action flicks that SHOULD be mindless, get too involved in themselves mentally, then shit hits the fan. <p> I feel like this movie (before having seen it) is correct in its approach to mindlessness.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    Never Saw Sideways...

    by KosherWookie

    ..And, honestly, I know absolutely dick about wine. I'm a gin drinker (Bombay Sapphire, to be precise). And I only took the segment of your review which was decrying the writing... 'Cause I always want more boobs and gore, and agree with you on that point.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    BEAKS IS THE NEW MORIARTY

    by skintandminted

    And I mean that in the best possible way. Great writing. Great review. You're filling the current Mori-shaped gap in coverage nicely!

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    thanks for the warning, beaks

    by samizdat

    Seriously, it's great having you back. You were always my go-to guy on the site before, and your return is deeply appreciated. (Especially after Rob Nelson was so unceremoniously dumped from the Voice media conglomerate - were you a fan of his as well?) That being said, I was hoping against all odds for W.S. Anderson t actually make this decent. Sigh.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Just Derivative

    by lonestaricon

    I have no desire to ever see this rich man's remake. A bad movie can be so bad that it is good, but a movie this derivative and lacking in original thought is so uninteresting that even great actors can't make it entertaining.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Is anyone surprised?

    by I am_NOTREAL

    Foolishness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Ergo, going to a PWSA movie and expecting anything decent is foolish.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Umm..sicne we all knew this was gonna be crap, regarding Rollerb

    by The7Returns

    Has anyone noticed how entirely relevant that film is? This society and world economy and thirst for bloodletting....that story predicted what has come to pass.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    *Rollerball (ORIGINAL)

    by The7Returns

    that is all.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:36 p.m. CST

    They Are Being Sued!!!

    by Media Messiah

    A script writer has just filed a lawsuit against Anderson and a partner of his, claiming that they stole his script and worked it into Anderson's Death Race script.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 5:54 p.m. CST

    G rated Death Race 2000

    by Happyfat73

    I've got a mate, who has the original Death Race 2000 on DVD, only it's labeled as being G rated (no shit). I love the idea of some nice mother putting it on for her toddlers and leaving it to babysit them for a couple of hours. That's probably what Paul WS Anderson's mum did to him when he was a lad.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    I love the idea of a mother that wants

    by g-ride9000

    her stupid kid to watch anything called deathrace.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 6:06 p.m. CST

    frankenstein is the shit!

    by reckni

    Sounds like Anderson crapped all over an entertaining original. What a loser. Dude should be hung by the neck until dead.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Anderson's main problem is

    by Phategod2

    He's a Company man. He does what eveer the studio demand not realizing the power he truly has. he lets Fox ruin his career.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    So, has anyone seen Uwe Boll's Vietnam movie yet?

    by Stalin vs Predator

    It's supposedly getting good reviews. What was that third sign of the Apocalypse?

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    The art director was just trying to recapture...

    by Iowa Snot Client

    the, erm, muted palette from the Death Race arcade game.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Twisted Metal, when what we need is...

    by worldofwarcraft

    Super Off Road! Remember playing that at the movie theater? Pumping up your truck between races? I tried to go for a nicely balanced ride, but with a focus on' tires'. But really it was best just to load up on nitro! Then you went to sit and watch Turtles2 : Secret of the Ooze! Toka and Razaar were the shit! Then on the subway back Kenny pushed Anthony off one stop early. Anthonys big cousin wasn't feelin that. Too bad about that for Ken. But thanks for taking us Ken!

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Cajunsblues

    by mr.brownstone

    Where in his review does he say he wants it to be oscar worthy? He was pissed because it wasn't SLEAZY ENOUGH. How you got yearning for oscar worthiness from that I have no fucking idea. Did you even read it?

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST

    i dont care about the gore, but no boobs? SACRILEDGE!

    by BMacSmith

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 8:39 p.m. CST

    70's TV Movies

    by wilbur gray

    Mr. Beaks-To compare a bad film to '70's TV movies is wrong,considering there were many classics of that period(Brian's Song,Night Stalker & Strangler,Duel,etc.)Please use '80's made for TV flicks instead.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 8:49 p.m. CST

    If this review gets anything right, it's....

    by Norm Cascade

    the fact that Paul W.S. is a filthy fucking hack. I hate that asshole. Still, good review, dude.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Also

    by Norm Cascade

    What's with you little ninnies saying nonsense like, "WUT WERE U EXPECTIN SOMEHINTG OSCAR WORTHYY LOOL"? Did you even read the god damn review?

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 8:58 p.m. CST

    I don't agree with Beaks' politics...

    by Banzai Rootskibango

    ...but I do agree with his viewpoint on P.W.S. Anderson and trust this review enough to stay far far away from Death Race.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 9 p.m. CST

    He's not so bad, I really liked There Will be Blood.

    by TooWhippy

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 9:12 p.m. CST

    wilbur gray

    by mrbeaks

    Agree w/ you on those movies, but, percentage-wise, the rote far outweighed the exceptional. Also, we didn't have widespread cable or VCRs in the 70s, so if you wanted to watch a movie on Sunday night, you were stuck with whatever ABC was servin' up.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    HOW DOES THIS FUCKER KEEP GETTING WORK??

    by picardsucks

    ????????????????????????????????

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 9:59 p.m. CST

    How about only reviewing a PWSA movie if...

    by Anti-fanboy

    it's miraculously NOT tragically mediocre?

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 10:28 p.m. CST

    Boll 's next film is Seed.

    by liljuniorbrown

    I read that some where yesterday. It has something to do with a botched execution by electric chair. Atleast it keeps him away from video game adaptations and remakes of films we love. As far as Anderson goes, i'm still pissed over his raping of Alien vs Predator, how hard is it to take these big ass budgets and awesome properties and make something watchable? Damn, enough is enough.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 11:40 p.m. CST

    I want a movie version of Stephen King's The Long Walk

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Let Darabont make that fucker.

  • Aug. 21, 2008, 11:53 p.m. CST

    Totally vibing on the exclamation point, Beaks!

    by PotSmokinAlien

    Judiciously used. I'm serious. It made the review for me. Throw in another one of those babies and leave out the word "absolutely" next time and that one'll a 10 in my book.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 12:28 a.m. CST

    No boobs.... NO BOOBS!!!!!

    by The Dum Guy

    Female convicts... who don't show vag or boobs.... there is no God.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 1:34 a.m. CST

    Don't you know the story behind Death Race?

    by Sherlock Holmes II

    Corman bought Peter Weir's 'The Cars that Ate Paris' to distribute in the USA, then decided he'd create his own version for American tastes, called it something that would appeal to their monkified brains, like Death Race 2000, then simultaneousley bury Peter Weir's debut on the cinematic stage by cutting it up and Americanizing that as well. DEATH[RACE] TO AMERICA! So all your whining about a so called classic being remade is rather pointless, ain't it? Just sayin'!

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 1:39 a.m. CST

    No boobs, no point!

    by Brody77

    When will somebody step in and stop this clown making movies? It's bad enough he gets to boff Milla. He showed a bit of potential with Event Horizon & Mortal Kombat years ago, with training he could have been a not bad director, but seriously - he needs to walk away.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 1:43 a.m. CST

    Hey Beaks,

    by Jed Black

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 1:47 a.m. CST

    Oh fuck.

    by Jed Black

    What I meant to write, before I touched the fucking enter key, was did you see "An American Crime"? It hits DVD this week and I'd be interested to hear your take, did you write a review somewhere? Sorry to hijack the discussion, but isn't Ellen Paige being tortured to death in Catherine Keener's basement more interesting than PWS Anderson's latest cinematic Partial Birth Abortion?

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 2:44 a.m. CST

    Next geek to see WS at a con

    by bottombrick

    needs to give him the old Hand-Grenade trick.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Just saw it

    by fofo

    And despite the flaws, it was one helluva enjoyable movie. I had a blast watching the car stunts, and explosions. Was better than I expected.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 3:21 a.m. CST

    Sorry but I liked it....a lot

    by masteryoda007

    Take me out the back and shoot me now but I fuckin liked the movie. I know.....take me to Guantanemo Bay now

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 3:30 a.m. CST

    I'll say it again...

    by Turtle_Z

    ...why the hell do people keep expecting anything good out of PWS Anderson. He's NEVER done anything that wasn't C-grade, third-rate, derivative bollocks. Even his most shining moment, "Event Horizon", is a total rip from Alien and Hellraiser. The guys a no imagination hack who pedals other peoples ideas and somehow keeps getting money thrown at him. In a just world, this guy would be stuck directing Debt-Buster ads :P

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 3:45 a.m. CST

    i like his movies

    by deanbarry

    It's like, how you fel better after you throw up. Wierd I know. But find his flicks a guilty little pleasure. They are dumb, inconsistent, poorly written/acted and directed. But I know what to expect from him, and if i feel like a loud, colourful distraction on a rainy day, i'll throw one of his movies in my trust dvd player. Sue me.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 5:17 a.m. CST

    The Thing remake.

    by GetEveryone

    Figured this was the right place to post about a genre flick. Just read that rather than a remake, there is a prequel about the norwegian base in the works. This may have been discussed months ago, but its the first I've heard. May be nonsense, anyone care to back it up for me?

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 5:19 a.m. CST

    this movie is most likely ass, but..

    by VegasRon

    ...beaks, fuck off. twat.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 5:38 a.m. CST

    In future...

    by GetEveryone

    I'll use my initiative and simply do a quick google search first. Turned up what I was looking for in spades.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Mr Beaks

    by WhySoSerious

    your reviews all suck...always have, always will. not because or you opinions, but because of your writing style. you're the typical writer how tries to use every catch-phrase known to man in the review in an attempt to sound witty. you're lame, go back to writing class.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Great summary line

    by palewook

    "Only Paul W.S. Anderson would make an R-rated Roger Corman movie and leave out the boobs."

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    ROAD WARRIOR

    by alcester

    Hey George Miller! get off your butt and make a new ROAD WARRIOR movie. and no THUNDERDOME crap!

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Yeah, boobs are important

    by dr sauch

    I mean, come on. Even Total Recall had gnarly mutant boob.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Memories-Of-Murder

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Quote: "...by saying inanities about the reviewer..."<P>Well, aren't you the pot calling the kettle black. You do that shit ALL the time. Especially when the reviewer doesn't agree with your over-delicate sensibilities.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    SERIES 7: THE CONTENDERS

    by Series7

    I FUCKING HATE THAT MOVIE!

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Yeah, "Paul Bartel's futuristic satire" my ass.

    by cowboyone

    Give me a frickin' break! The original was a dumb piece of crap, and this is an entirely appropriate remake. Jesus, people hate on PSWA almost as much a Boll! Give the guy a break. He picks low brow material appropriate to his skill sets.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE LAPS UP COCK

    by Broseph

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    Buena Vista

    by Series7

    Released the Death Race 2000 DVD? As in Disney's Buena Vista? Really? Well ain't that a poop in the pants.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    A shiity Paul Anderson film....what else is new?

    by Bong

    Nothing

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    cowboyone - Why no body (born before 1990) likes Paul Anderson

    by Series7

    Paul "I didn't make the movie about raining frogs" Anderson will never get anything but scorn from anyone who knows what the acronym AICN means. Because of AVP, seriously man, nothing brings out the hate like the mentioning of that film. People talk about how much Star Wars I rapped their childhood. I'm pretty sure that AVP was the fucked up Uncle that came in and rape your childhood again while it was in recovery after the first time. Never has there been a franchise fucked so hard as Aliens and Predator were. Added to the fact that there was plenty of PRE-MADE Alien Vs. Predator material out there, that the fans loved. That PTA decided to say, I've never heard of that video game or comic (which would be a weird thing for him to say seeing that this man probably sprinkles blended up video games on his morning bowl of weetabix (its a british thing) just so he can somehow get that much closer to knowing the inner workings of a video game) and I'll just make something up. <P> I mean it would've been less forgiving if maybe he hadn't wrote the theme tune, sing the theme tune, direct the theme tune for AVP. But he did, and he did so acting like he was having a joygasm that he was going to spray over all of us. Thats why Everybody Hates Paul W. S. Anderson.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    God, I'm going to get flamed

    by Homer Sexual

    ...I don't hate PWSA. I actually liked the Resident Evil movies, and God help me, AVP. I admit that AVP was a travesty to the Alien series, but still trashy fun. <p> That said, this review convinced me not to see Death Race, which I had planned to see because for my money, Milla is the only real good ass-kicking female in movies today, and I am also a big fan of Jason Statham. But this review with no gore or nudity, sounds worse than bad...it sounds dull.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    What happened to the last contest?

    by MidnightBomber

    I'm probably just an idiot this morning, but I can't find the link for the Anakin Vs. Obi-Wan script contest. Can anyone point this idiot in the right direction?

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Homer

    by Series7

    I don't hate PWSA. I hate fox for fucking everything good they've ever done like they always do. I mean once you saw the name PWSA attached to AVP you knew it was going to suck. No matter how much he Hugh Grant wannabe charm was working on you. You just knew he didn't have it in him. I don't mind all the other crap he's done. In fact I think I've seen most of his films in theaters. They are mindless fun, and I don't understand the hate for Resident Evil. I think it serves a good transition piece between games one and two. I won't speak of movies 2 and 3. But at least on 3 he got Russell Mulcahy to direct, and it seriously must've been one of those working with my idol moments. Its obvious that Paul went to the school of Mulcahy film. <P> Also I don't like this notion that Paul is a "young director eager to leave his mark" I'm pretty sure he has, and he's not young. Having made his first movie over 10 years ago and has been working consistently ever since, he's at a point where you know what your going to get with him.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    with AVP....what did you expect regardless of the director

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    I too was at one point in time super pissed about AVP, then i realized.....why am i pissed??? Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection basically killed the franchise for me in the sense that, i stopped taking it seriously...then theres Predator 2, which did about the same for that franchise and it was barely beginning to crawl and get out of diapers. so before you get really upset about AVP (which even in the hands of a accomplished director....more than likely would have sucked and /or failed to interest audiences outside of the Alien Vs. Predator fanboy-base). AVP isn't terrible if you consider it a completely stand-alone film thats far and away from the ones that count (Alien, Aliens, Predator)....except for that atrocious shot of the predator running side by side with that chick (shudder). i gotta say, AVP is shit....but its watchable shit, AVP:R is also watchable shit....even more watchable shit than the shit that is AVP....yeah.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    I think the best way to sum up why

    by Series7

    AVP was shit. It was rated PG-13. Also Alien 3 and 4, didn't kill the franchise. The first 4 Alien movies where directed by up and coming talent, all 4 right now are probably in the top 10 directors working today. And 3 and 4, hold up very well. I never understood the hate toward 3, I can see why people didn't like 4. But it is still serious, its FOX thats the joke. Fox mishandles all of its shit, once it gets something good its like they don't know what to do with themselves (X-Men 3?). They are soooo worried about marketing appeal and returns, that they miss out on making good movies. Now I know movies are a buisness, and I think AVP is the highest grossing Alien movie.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Just like

    by Series7

    Die Hard 4.0: Live Free or Die Hard, PG-13, highest grossing Die Hard.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Series 7

    by fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    Alien 3 isn't completely terrible, but it simply can't compete with its previous installments. now im not a HUGE Davis Fincher fan er anything, i DO enjoy some of his films....but even HE can't stand Alien 3 and he directed the mother fucker, the studio REALLY fucked him over on that flick....which is why he refused to do a director commentary for the Alien Quadrilogy box-set....damn shame.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Tom Cruise

    by cinemajunkie

    I have seen the new Tom Cruise/Bryan Sanger film due Dec. 26th. Anyone interested in an opinion?

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 7:03 p.m. CST

    fartedinthefaceofhollywood

    by Series7

    Its funny that your name has fart in it, because right before I read it I had just farted. And just got back from BW3's and it smells of wings and beer!!! WOOOO HOOOO!!!! <P> Compare Alien 3, with Roc boxing a fucking Alien to 90 other sci fi films, and you'll find out that it ends up being in the top ten, and thats a fact.

  • Aug. 22, 2008, 7:05 p.m. CST

    cinemajunkie

    by Series7

    Maybe Jesus?

  • Aug. 23, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Paul W. S Anderson's Directing Tips...No really!

    by thatpeterguy

    This is a list that goes 14 points strong on how to direct an action film and pretty much explains why he makes films without a soul. http://tinyurl.com/5vzf9x

  • Aug. 24, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    I saw it

    by Biowolf

    and I liked it just fine. I wanted a fun action movie and that is what I got. Don't understand all the hate. Oh, and Ian was awesome as always.

  • Aug. 24, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Seriously though... How does this guy continue to get work?

    by currylamb

  • Aug. 25, 2008, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Very Solid action flick

    by Spacesheik

    Saw DEATH RACE, pretty entertaining yarn, fast-paced, kinetic, bloody and had some great turns by Jason Statham and Ian McShane. I expected much, much worse, its a solid actioner (even the Mrs liked it).

  • Aug. 26, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Interesting...

    by WS

    ...this movie sounds more like a remake of Lucio Fulci's "New Gladiators"...

  • Aug. 26, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    thanks...

    by blackterrorgt

    for saving me my ten bucks. I caught his interview on Attack of the Show yesterday. This review added to his belief that reality tv's next gen is a real life Death Race is enough to seal the deal on me never seeing another of his movies.

  • Aug. 27, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Rather put up with PWSA than the other hacks:

    by Stalkeye

    uwe boll, Roland Emmerich,Eli Roth and that overgrown walking tumor that is kevin Smith.yeah Paul's Movies are lacking but atleast to some point it's entertaining be it Resident Evil,Soldier or Event horizon. (AVP would have fared better if the shit had a R rating, but nooo it was dumbass Anderson's idea to make it PG-13.)<p>I'm gonna pass on DR and torrent instead. My hard earned money is better off going to some charity donation like a cure for blood cancers or somethin.

  • Aug. 27, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Let's throw W.S. in a pitt...

    by Roketopunch

    and have him fight to the death with Tim(IFUCKINGHATE)Story and Uwe(HOPEHEDIESBYMOLTENSLAGENEMA)Boll. The winner gets to make the next Mummy movie. Hey the Mummy films are bad enough, let's make them worse.

  • Aug. 28, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Saw it

    by RowanM

    It entertained me just fine.

  • Aug. 28, 2008, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Anderson is an insult to UK Exploitation Film-Makers...

    by Neon Killer

    I've finally, totally, and utterly had it with Anderson, a director whose real potential has been glimpsed occasionally, but largely ruined and ignored BY HIMSELF. As an aspiring British Exploitation Director myself (my serial killer Horror-Comedy Short Film "NEON KILLER" just played London's Frightfest, where DEATH RACE was the last film of the festival)Anderson's bloody-minded refusal to TRY and make decent trash is so fucking infuriating, that if I ever see him in the street, I will politely walk up to him and tell him exactly what I think of his 'career'. When is Hollywood going to stop giving him money? There are plenty of other directors with British accents and a predisposition towards B-Movies out there. Pick one of us instead!.....Oh fuck it, what's the point. He's gonna keep working, and ruin Castlevania next....No one can stop him........why even try?!......Has he made a pact with the Devil?......