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All Children Welcome Here?? MGM Plots POLTERGEIST Remake!!
I am – Hercules!!
Does the "Poltergeist curse" extend to the very franchise itself?
“Boogeyman” writers Stiles White and Juliet Snowden are ramping up a needless remake of the Steven Spielberg/Tobe Hooper thriller “Poltergeist,” maybe the coolest ghost movie ever forged.
The duo also has a remake of Hitchcock’s “The Birds” in the works at Universal.
Find all of Variety’s dispiriting Wednesday-morning story, which does not disclose who will inherit the Zelda Rubinstein role (and admirably avoids the phrase "They're baaaaak"), here.
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Needless remake # 34486235486258
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in its ear.
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as the ghost.
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Great Glam girls too.
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Anyone want to join me?
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This is getting fucking ridiculous. What's next? Jaws? The Sting? E.T.?
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Aug 19, 2008 7:06:43 PM CDT
WILL THE OLDER SISTER BANG THE CONSTRUCTION CREW THIS TIME?
by bringingsexyback
Gotta update the thing somehow.
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It should be law that you can only remake Bad films that had Great ideas. Otherwise a significant genre/setting shift is required (7 Samurai-Magnif 7-Battle beyond...). Alternatively, some sort of intensification (The Thing, The Fly), or re-examination of theme makes it seem more worthwhile.But just doing the same thing again is for wankers.
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There are more announcements of remakes than original films lately, wel I mean the last 10 years.
When will we see something fresh and new because we all know that most remakes suck. And why allways remake good films? Ah well it's all about the dough a guess. -
When will this stop? For the love of God.
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At the rate that these remakes pop-up, can get the remake news post get some kind of fun title? At least something to separate it from all the other real news. If we have a Buzzkill for rumors, we might as well get a different section for this. I dont want this place turning into Aint It Remade News
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Haven't heard that guy's name in who knows HOW long. I can't wait for The Sixth Sense remake. But seriously, Hollywood should definitely remake bad movies, instead of good ones.
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The first is a fucking classic, do not mess with it. Please let Spielberg stop this.
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These remakes will never stop until idiot kids stop going to see these films.
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Is it going to take a Schindler's List or Fried Green Tomatoes Reboot for this shit to fucking stop?
I could handle a Hulk reboot, Planet of the Apes reboot, Batman reboot, the Superman Returns and subsequent reboot, the James Bond reboot, Robocop reboot, and Child's play reboot but please stop.
We're going to be inundated with the Nightmare on Elm Street reboot, the Poltergeist reboot, the Birds reboot, the already completed Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboots, the Bewitched reboot...
I want to see movies with new ideas or semi-new ideas. I'd take for films that are mixes of other movies at this point, just no more reboots! Sequels/Prequels are fine, though. -
the originals will always exist and be available. remakes make no difference what so ever. if you like the original then get it and smile, end of story.
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Aug 19, 2008 7:13:57 PM CDT
Is there such a thing as white noise anymore?
by stereotypical evil archer
High Def could kill the possibility a Poltergeist remake, unless it's a period film set in late 30s Nazi Germany with the first broadcast network. Tom Cruise could play a rebellious Nazi with an American accent and a heart.
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...as long as you give them to a team which is going to respect the material and try to do it in a "new," "fresh," or all-together different yet interesting manner.
Rob Zombies Halloween was no where near as great as the original...hell it could arguably be considered to be a terrible movie...but I still enjoyed watching that spin on it and it was much better than any of the recent sequels.
The Chainsaw Massacre Remake (and subsequent prequel) were well-made and fun to watch...much better than ANY of the sequels which came after the original Massacre.
I was just watching ROBOCOP on tv today and I couldn't imagine how someone could remake that movie...at least they have someone like Aronofsky working on it and the final product should be very interesting. I would rather watch a remake and see where they take the series than let it die and fade into the land of movie-yesteryear.
If an original is good, it will always be there for you to enjoy and have nostalgic worth. In my opinion, remakes can be justified if given a good approach by a good team of filmmakers. -
Article first appeared in Coax so i thought maybe it was going to be a MOW or some such, ala the Guttenberg Poseidon.I don't mind those so much because no one is going to take them seriously. But a big budg remake of this just seems like a waste of everybodys time. Like The Omen and The Fog.
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GET A FUCKING NEW IDEA YOU LAZY FUCKING PRICKS! Can I PLEASE see an ORIGINAL FUCKING MOVIE?!? Hollywood producers are nothing but WHORES!!! GET ON YOU FUCKING KNEES AND SUCK SATAN'S SCALY PECKER YOU FUCKING NO TALENT WHORE! AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
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What's next, Child's Play remake?
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..people would freak out
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Fuck off MGM
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Or have they just become lazy fuckin' hacks? Seriously, this is getting ri-goddamn-diculous!! I have about 3.2 billion ideas for new movies, call me, we'll do lunch.
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with the remakes. Also Poltergeist has already had a shit tv series for how long now? just give up america. go home.
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Poltergeist is a perfect movie, and there isn't a cast of actors alive who could be better than those assembled for the original. Craig T. Nelson is the man, and Zelda Rubinstein? The only possibility for that role is for her to play it again...
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Why??? I mean... come on. The first one was great. Why make another? This is going to be the McRib of movies.
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Seriously?! This is becoming a joke now for Hollywood. The industry is too far gone to ever really get back to what it was. Someone call in an air strike, fire bomb every last studio in Los Angeles!
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Why can't they just make a great sequel? Carrie Ann could be all grown up with a family of her own. What's that? We can't think of anything original... people know the name and if it's a "re-imagining" we can just steal what worked the first time and fuck everything else up. Well Fuck You Hollywood.
Hollywood has always remade stuff, but it's getting fraking full retard at this point.
AAARRRGHHH! -
Hollywood used to re-release things in the theaters all the time. Before Home Theater. But you just don't see that anymore. That is sad.
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The problem is that if you look at the last 5 years, at least 70 percent of the movies are remakes. And regardless of whether of their "worth," that's a sad state for films.
Reboot or remake a film if you think it will be a great change or direction of the source, not to make a buck. -
Who'll direct let me guess Paul WS Anderson.
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Is every action/sci-fi/fantasy/horror film that managed to turn a profit during the Reagan era getting a remake? -
Not perfect films. Give The Rocketeer another go, leave Poltergeist alone. I dread the day Spielberg dies and we have to deal with the Jaws remake.
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And Buckaroo Banzai.
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My RAGE caused a Brain Fart.
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Why reinvent the wheel when the original is perfectly round?
As was mentioned above, just re-release this film in theaters. Maybe - MAYBE - touch up some of the effects, but that's all you need to do for this to rake in some cash. -
If this does happen and they use shitty CGI for the beast I will personally burn all prints.
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remake "the Manitou" instead - or "prophecy" - the monster movie from 1979 not the angel movie with walken
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great minds think alike.
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I think all films from this point on should be remakes or based on comic books and computer games...and nothing else should ever be made.
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The Rocketeer was a hairs breath away from being a great blockbuster. Most of the pieces were there. There are a lot of movies like that. Maybe it was a pacing problem, maybe it was chemistry, or lackluster direction. Whatever it was there is something there that's great, we all see it, but the movie was mediocre. Now that some time has past maybe you can go into the well and try again.
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I remember reading about how they had to build this 4 foot or so intricately detailed model of a house so they could suck it through a vacuum for the finale. Stories like that made me want to be an FX guy. Now I can create the same effect on a Mac in 1/2 hour. Where's the fun in that? And the hand won't come out of the TV but a PC with the Blue Screen of Death.
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Do not fucking remake Poltergeist.
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She was really hot in The Rocketeer. She would have made a great Wonder Woman before she got too skinny. She still looks Great, though.
I actually really love The Rocketeer. The cast was near perfection. I have an advance 1-sheet for that movie that is one of my all time favorite posters. Beautiful, I tells ya.
Thanks to Y'all for calming my rage a bit.... -
But Spielberg's fingerprints were all over it.
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It makes so much sense. Of course, it only makes sense if you assume the goal is a quality movie.But the real goal of course is market exploitation through brand recognition. Originality is seen as risky. Repackaging a proven product = much safer.They don't realise, or care, that they will soon run out of things to cannibalize.
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Holy fuck, why not just get into the people smuggling game or sell some fucking kiddie porn. Jesus christ, would it fucking kill you to either purchase some original scripts or at least partake in adaptations of the literally thousands of great books not turned into movies yet? I mean, what is the fucking point in doing a remake to save cash, if you just go out and hire a new fucking writer and a top flight director anyway. At least just admit that your useless, moronic, talentless whores and just re-use the same script and hire a fucking local area news crew or carpet store commercial director to mimic the exact same shots from the original. Save your money, its not like you give a fuck about the product you vomit onto us anway.
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...I hope the fucking producers are the ones that get murdered by ex spouses or contract rare fucked up diseases and die slowly this time.
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...own the rights? And, isn't he like the most powerful single person in Hollywood? So, unless he really didn't care, couldn't he like....I don't know....pay to have done to the writers and producers of the "Poltergeist" remake, what appears to happen to Shia Lebouf in the "Eagle Eye" trailer? Just saying, because "Poltergeist" is a movie I have no idea on earth why I don't own it on DVD......
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Aug 19, 2008 8:01:27 PM CDT
Spielberg needs to flex those muscles and stop this, now!!!!!
by sequitur
Don't get the Beard angry...
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...Reboot. Remake. Reimagining. From now till the end of time, or when they agree on curbing the madness, just refer to it as theft. Headline should read "Hacks who shat forth Boogeyman to steal Poltergiest as next project."
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Will find her way into this film. Mark my words....every fucking horror remake has one.
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Just use the old script. Hacks don't deserve ta gets PAID!!!!!!
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Bestiality will give it a fresh spin.
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Why don't they do a re-make of Psycho? It ca be shot in color and star Vince Vaughn and...oh, wait. Nevermind.
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There. Original idea.
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You made me want to scream again.
Brand Name Recognition. That's all it is. And I'm starting to feel abused.
Pople can bitch all they want about 70's and 80's cheezy movies, but at least studio and filmmakers took chances back then.
Not to say there is no originality today, but it's getting painful to read about a new remake every freakin day.
If I hear about how much respect a film maker has for the original one more time, I'll fucking bang my head against a wall - better yet I'll bang his fucking head against a wall... If you have respect, don't wipe your ass on my celuliod memmories. Create something inspired by your respect. Fucking CREATE something. Little bitches... all of them.
Sorry guys... it's been a long day. -
wish sag would go on strike already and bankrupt the whole lot of them...in 10 years, the studio system will be obsolete anyway, and the fat fucks in suits will all be on soup lines
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I really dislike Forest Gump. But that quote really applies here. Why try to remake something that was perfect and that still holds up today as a great movie? You don't need to remake it. I agree with BringingSexyBack, why do remakes need screenwriters? Although, the concept of the TV going off at night to static wouldn't translate today. Instead, the TV would cut straight to an infomercial for Hair Club For Men.
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Here's hoping they cast Keanu Reeves, Orlando Bloom, Dane Cook, Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell and get Paul W.S. Anderson to direct. Let's see...who else would I like to see dead?
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Because rarely are they better than the original. Some are, most aren't.
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...even "The Day the Earth Stood Still," when the film is so inexorably tied to the age it was made and could be remade to be better informed to a modern audience. While I'm opposed to the Keanu-infused "Day" remake, I'd probably still watch it, the same way I watched Spielberg's "War of the Worlds" remake. But when you're dealing with a movie so perfect and timeless as "Star Wars," or "Poltergeist" or the "Indiana Jones" films, they defy remaking. There's no point. Why remake Poltergeist simply because it's a property that has narrative and financial merit? Look at the mess that was Carpenter's "The Fog" remake. A timeless classic, undone by the casting of young Clark Kent. No tights, no flights, indeed. Bad move, bad movie. Don't just remake a movie to put younger, prettier actors in the coveted, classic roles to try and make a few bucks. Come up with your own franchise concepts, dickheads! Poltergeist is a perfect, classic movie. Craig T. Nelson was great in the role of the father, the direction was great (thank you, Mister Spielberg...we all know it was you), it was creepy as hell, and the effects - while maybe the tiniest bit dated - worked perfectly for the film they were in. They were minimalist and scary. Leave the movie the fuck alone! Go remake something that deserves it, like "The Last Starfighter." Now, THERE'S a movie I'd like to see them remaster. Let's put new effects on THAT movie and re-release it in theatres. I'd buy THAT for a dollar!
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I was read somewhere that if the first one had been a box office success they had a sequel planned where Cliff was a pilot in the war and ended up fighting Nazi versions of himself in the skies over Europe. I always thought that sounded really fun and a good direction to take it.
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Seriously, this is fucking ridiculous. Why dont they let Darren Lynn Bousman direct it and call it a day?!
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Pass the imodium!!
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Aug 19, 2008 8:33:45 PM CDT
THEY NEED TO REMAKE BOLLYWOOD MOVIES WITH WHITE PEOPLE
by bringingsexyback
At least that would be amusing!!
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He'll put fuckin Jar Jar Binks or some stupid crap in it.
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So says D.Vader. You hacks.
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Fuck MGM and the tweenagers who pay to watch this inevitable travesty.
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Aug 19, 2008 8:36:59 PM CDT
May anyone involved with this rot in hell for all eternity
by phaedrus007
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Seriously. That movie is dead to me anyway. Blake Lively should be Leia.
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I loved, LOVED, the original. Still do and can't wait for the Blue Ray release, even if the extras dodge the whole question of whole really directed the thing. But then again, does it really matter? This movie rocks. Sorry to give my age away, but I was in college when the original came out. Scared the living excrement out of me. Then I took some female friends to see it. They screamed their lungs out, talked (yelled, actually) out loud to characters on the screen, the whole bit. On the way out, one of them remarked, "Oh my god, that was SO good! The parent's were so heroic. That was so much better than 'E.T.'" I was disappointed by the sequels. Always thought after the first movie, the plot should've been centered around either Tangina and/or Dr. Lesh. The Freelings had been through enough, and I wanted to know more about these supporting characters.
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So says (your name). You hacks.
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Aug 19, 2008 8:41:51 PM CDT
May anyone involved with this choke to death on human feces
by phaedrus007
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All CGI, including Uncle Remus. Get to it, Pixar!!
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A tapeworm epidemic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6pAfQInf2c -
a re-make of Tropic Thunder is in the works! They're also planning a re-make of Iron Man 2.
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Does Hollywood have any original ideas? Between making every comic book into a movie and going back to classic movies from the 70's and 80's. I honestly can't remember the last original movie, oh wait, maybe the Sixth Sense. That's it. WOW! No wonder I don't go to the movies anymore.
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But this is stupid. There is no reason to remake this. it will not be enhanced by modern technology, and it is perfectly accessible (i.e. is of recent enough vintage) to be enjoyed by younger movie fans. I do not support this. Thats the gist!
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Poltergeist is magic for me. The music, the f/x, the pacing....they can't do this.
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Yeah, you be worried.
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More valid points.
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who would'a thunk it...whats next a remake of Alien??
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...when you have a story about a childs play remake and a poltergeist remake in the same day a couple weeks after you mention news of a nightmare remake and post stills from the remake of Friday the thirteenth. And it doesn't help that somehow a Birds remake was mentioned either.
Fuck Hollywood. -
Yet another pointless remake of a movie that was already good. Why not remake BAD movies instead? Or better yet, how about original ideas?
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No joke. He was at the movie theater when I saw this the first time with my pops in CT. I only know that cos I had to take a piss and when I was doing my business he was a few stalls down and a bunch of kids were givin him shit. "Heeeey Ricker!" "Hiiii Riiiiicky!" Kinda funny, but kinda not...that is all...
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...I figure somebody in here is bound to know what the hell I'm talking about...
There is a piece of music played in the films "Talk To Me" and "The Last King of Scotland."
It's a light, jazzy piece, quite reminiscent of the 1970's era, obviously why they play it in both of those films. There aren't any words in it but it's catchy.
I've been searching for it for a long time...I wann download it but I don't know what it's called. -
Fuck this. Fuck it hard. Horror remakes of the recent past or near future: The Fog, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, Dawn of the Dead, When a Stranger Calls, The Omen, The Amityville Horror, House of Wax, Prom Night, Halloween, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, Hellraiser, Candyman, The Birds, and now Poltergeist. Those are just off the top of my head, and I'm SURE I'm leaving plenty off of that list. And that's not even taking into account the J-Horror Americanizations that are - for all intents and purposes - remakes. This shit HAS GOT TO STOP. Yes, the originals are still around, and aren't being fucked with, but for GOD'S SAKE, how about some original material? Unfortunately, even though horror is getting hardest hit, it's not just horror. Rock and Roll High School anyone? Rocky Horror Picture Show on M-T-Fucking-V? Jesus Christ...
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Aug 19, 2008 9:04:35 PM CDT
No remakes until 45 years have passed since the original
by alice cooper stalker
There should be a rule not to remake a film until 45 years have passed. Then, anybody that cared about the original would have moved on to other things and wouldn't care. Poltergeist is too new and too good to be remade by some hacks.
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why didnt this movie become a franchise? i thought it was actually a decent and pretty good flick, and certainly doesn't require to be remade
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They're baaaaaack.
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...then you are the peanuts in Jar Jar Binks' shit. It's time we ALL send Hollywood a collective message. I hate to take it out on just one film, but that's exactly what we need to do. BOYCOTT THIS FILM. Pass it on.
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Saying Texas Chainsaw, Halloween, Batman and Superman were enough... guess what? You're part of the problem. When you paid them money, they said "hey, you see, there is an audience for this" and, the remakes kept on coming. I think the only remake I ever saw at the theatre was The Departed. So, you know what? I can't bitch about Asian remakes, even when they are my FAVORITE films (My Sassy Girl, Il Mare). Don't get me wrong, I'll download it if it's good. The Dark Knight, for example. But, hell if I'll give those pigs my money without at least a handjob before hand.
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GIMME A COTT!!! BOYCOTT!!
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...to everybody the first time around?
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So says Fa Fa Fooey. Today, tomorrow, and everyday thereafter. Done.
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I happen to have the Last King soundtrack, and if you're describing the song I think you're describing, it's "afro-disco beat" by Tony Allen.
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Die, Hollywood, die!
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and maybe anyone involved in this poltergeist thing bleed profusely out of some inappropriate orifice.
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CItizen Kane, but keep the script, just to fuck around.
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...we're surrounded by morons...
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Here's my cast and crew:
Blake Lively: Leia
Miley Cyrus: Hannah Solo
Alexis Bleidel: Lucy Skywalker
Rosie O'Donnell: Jabba
Ellen DeGeneres: Voice of Yoda
Directed by A Lesbian Porn Director
Because at this point, anything is an improvement ... -
It could be great!
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You said: "Is every action/sci-fi/fantasy/horror film that managed to turn a profit during the Reagan era getting a remake?" That got me thinking. Maybe that's the point! Liberal Hollywood wants to make sure nothing positive is left associated with the Reagan Era! Destroy all memory of it! It all makes sense! It's a Left-wing conspiracy! Hehehe.
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Starring ... Steven Seagal!!!!
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I remember hearing from an industry analyst on why there are so many remakes. The problem is that the studios are going after the teen audience, and this demographic simply won't go to re-releases. Unless they are real film-savvy, teenagers are turned off by old movies. Anything that their parents or grandparents liked is considered "uncool" in their eyes. So from the studio's point of view, it makes economic sense to remake a classic rather than re-release it. It's a proven commodity that will attract the younger audiences they want. So they put big stars in it, put CGI effects on it, give a PG-13 rating to it, and boom - they've got a $30 million opening weekend. It sucks, but that's how this shit is going down.
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Damn she is hot! But she fucked up the hurdle.
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When I was in kindergarten, my teacher told us we were going to have a class halloween party. We spent a week making little decorations and shit everyone was all excited because we were going to get to watch a movie. The day before the party one of the parents asked what movie we were going to watch the day of the party, was it going to be The great Pumpkin or Halloween is Grinch night (seriously,it exists) and the teacher stated that she found the perfect movie for us to watch...she was going to show a class of kindergarten children Poltergiest. I swear on my life this is a true story, she held up the movie box and talked about how great of a movie it was. I got to see Poltergiest on tv when I was like ten or eleven and it scared the shit out of me, i can't imagine the damage it would have done if I would have gotten to see it at the ripe old age of 5 years old.Now the thought of her getting to show a class of five year old children that movie makes me laugh my ass off. Just thought i'd share.
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ESB and it will be a stand alone movie taking place on earth and Darth vader will reveal in the end that he is really no ones father and jump around Maury's Set high fiving the other "Not the Fathers".
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Aug 19, 2008 10:13:44 PM CDT
I'll be a little more restrained and reasonable...
by whinynegativebitch
...I can see A logic (not THE logic) to remaking certain films, i.e, Robocop. The satirical futurism of the first film has been superceded by an even more ludicrous reality. Updating the property to reflect our times, times especially ripe for that particular field that Robocop deals in, makes sense. Even an aesthetic update to match todays visual cues works (of course, MGM just see a geek fanbase and a robot blowing shit up). But Poltergeist? What giant leaps foward have been made in the world of paranormal investigation and ancient native american curses have been made that I'm not aware of? I hope the MGM lion is struck down with Crohn's Disease.
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Things go awry when the rat boy encounters ... a REAL RAT BOY!!!!
Rated Z for ZOMG -
I think I just wrote a Robot Chicken sketch. If see that shit on TV Im going to be That punk better give me my check.
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what kind of fucking crack are you guys smoking to remake this? What's next, the Shining Remake? You know what really pisses me off? How droves of the mentally hilarious come out of the woodwork to protest a Ben Stiller movie for saying 'retard' yet no one protests studios like MGM for taking big steaming dumps on our favorite films?
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I heard that in the remake, the Troll Market has been cut and replaced with a longer shower scene...
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you know, if it's gonna be really different then fuckin call it something new...or just fuck off...really
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...Who protest Ben Stiller flicks, are the same Mongoloids who line up to watch shit like this. I mean, I assume the audience for these flicks is legit full retard.
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Because he would have rattled off a hundred remakes that would be more entertaining than this POS.
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You heard it here first, kids.
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TOTAL CRAP!!!
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In the thirties,forties and fifties Hollywood remade movies that had been hits in prior decades. Quite a few silent movies were remade when sound and color came in.
I do agree that remaking anything originally made after 1970 that was a quality film to begin with, is a bad idea artistically.
Unfortunately, as others have mentioned, as long as remakes make money we are stuck with them.
What I really want Hollywood to do is to remake movies that had good ideas but, the execution was bad in the original.
The one that always comes to my mind is Steven King's "The Running Man". The Arnold version completely fucked-up a great book. It would be very topical today with all the reality TV, global warming and economic problems. The ending would have to be changed because I don't think the audience could handle the hero doing what he does in the book after 911.
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The Shining was already remade.
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Terrible... the next remake will be Christine, starring a Prius (no one dies because a Prius can't catch anything)
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sigh.
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The people in charge find a script that they want to produce into a movie. Then they find an already-made movie with a title that can be attached to their production.
It's not that they are totally without movie-making ability. It's that they are without the courage of their convictions.
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Courtesy of the IMDB soundtrack listing link, this is the only song that appears in both those films...
"Grazing in the Grass"
Written by Philemon Hou
Performed by Hugh Masekela
Courtesy of Geffen Records
Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
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Right on kabong. I was going to say something very similar before I read that. Some remakes aren't remakes at all. They're just either cashing in on a better made, already successful film or they're ripoffs afraid of being labeled as such. Is there anything that isn't passed on these days? Creative things, I guess.
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bunch of retarded bastards. you've got tons of young aspiring writers out there with tons of creative ideas who can't break into the industry because Hollywood is busy shitting out loads of remakes and sequels out of its fucked up ass.
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Thank you guys for the song suggestions...I'll check them out and see if it's one of them...thanks again dudes!
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Aug 19, 2008 11:08:11 PM CDT
Pretty soon we're just gonna buy tickets to blank screens
by wolfmannards
They should just give up. Just admit you guys are done and project nothingness onto the screen.
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...and Tobe Hooper will pull the strings behind the scenes.
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...you hit it right on the nail man! That's the song...been lookin' for it long time now...appreciate it dude!
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Aug 19, 2008 11:31:33 PM CDT
Moriarty or somebody had a column called "Remake this!" didn't h
by vern
But I would prefer a title like RE-IMAGINATION STATION or REBOOT IN YOUR ASS.
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You're welcome. I might check out some of his stuff, so I appreciate your pointing me in the direction. He has a good sound.
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...a long time ago. I think it was when these two original and talented screenwriters were talking about their Birds remake. Every project they wanted to work on (all of which were blocked out of memory) were remakes. The thing is, remakes will always happen. Especially with the way Hollywood caters to the teen crowd. They know that teenagers will go see anything, no matter how crap it is.
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Aug 19, 2008 11:40:17 PM CDT
Yeah, and that 1941 remake of The Maltese Falcon? What shit!
by nasty in the pasty
The '31 version is CLEARLY superior in every way...
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Themes? Who needs *themes* in a horror movie...?
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Count on it.
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I grew up in the heart of the bible belt in the deep south, and to this day I can't figure out why that teacher decided it would be cool to let us watch that movie. She just retired from teaching not to long ago, and it always cracks me up when I think of of the shit that would have went down if one parent wouldn't have asked "so what are the kids watching tomorrow" , it's funny to think about it now. On the flip side if a teacher pulled that shit with my 5 year old i'd have to fuck there world up just on principal.
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Damn typo.
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Aug 19, 2008 11:51:23 PM CDT
This is a perfect movie... it just scared the shit out of my nep
by darthsiskel
Definitely a pointless remake.
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I know it just opened this week, but...too soon?
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...The Running Man book is fucking fantastic. It would be like, Children Of Men good up on the screen. It's a shame Arnies version raped it into the ground. It's also a shame that current events will ensure it probally wont ever be faithfully adapted.
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Heather O'Rourke, Dominique Dunne and Tobe Hooper's Career are all waiting for you on the other side, you art-thieving, know-nothing, greedy, stupid bastards.
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Imainge what he could do with some white trash family moving into a haunted house, and the ghosts getting pissed off when he tries to molest the teenage stepdaughter, blah blah blah...
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Aug 20, 2008 12:40:59 AM CDT
Actually, I'd like to watch Rob Zombie's BMX Bandits.
by pops freshemeyer
Would be great if he could get Nicole Kidman to reprise her role, only now she's the MILF married to some creepy white trash alcoholic who wants to get kids to come over so he can molest them while teaching them how to do wheelies and jump over shit...
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First the bad news about a Robocop remake, something that can never, ever top the classic piece by Paul Verhoeven...
And now this... Poltergeist?! Hollywood is out of ideas. Burn motherfuckers. -
Starring the cast of Saved by the Bell. Mario Lopez as Khan, Mark john paul van ranselaar as Kirk, Screech as Spock...I can just see it! Movie mashups!
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DUMB...DUMB...DUMB
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I mean... COME ON. A remake of POLTERGEIST? I bet in the remake the spirits will fucking contact her using YOUTUBE. The clown will be replaced with a Shreck doll and the spiritualist will be Verne Troyer aka "Mini Me". Shit, I better stop... I might be giving them ideas!
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...we should all not go to watch it!!
Why on earth remaking a perfect film?!?! -
I've told this before on this board, but it's topical (and funny if you decide to read it):
A long, long time ago, when this movie first came out on video, I lived in a little neighborhood that looked a LOT like Questa Verde. We had neighbors that had young kids, about 5 and 7. The older kid (who we'll call Harvey) had a stuffed clown that looked almost EXACTLY like the one in the movie. Being a mean 11-year old, I thought it would be funny to show him the part of "Poltergeist" where the clown comes alive and tries to strangle the kid. He was TERRIFIED, and went home to dispose of the clown.
Flash-forward 5 years. At a dinner with the former next door neighbors(they had since moved), Harvey's mom starts telling a story about how much I used to scare little 7-year old Harvey. Turns out, that after he had seen the movie, he hid the clown doll in the bottom of the closet. Mom found it while he was at school and put it back up on his bed. He hid it again in the laundry room, mom finds it, back on the bed again. This happened a bunch of times until little Harvey was scared to go anywhere NEAR this doll for fear that it would murder him. it got so bad before Mom finally figured out what was going on that little Harvey was having severe nightmares.
And that's how a scarred a little kid for life with "Poltergeist". 100 percent true. -
Do these assholes really think they can make a better movie than Poltergeist? It's probably gonna have a bunch of digital shit in it also. Just stop it already.
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I'm reading a lot about remakes on AICN lately. I mean, what the hell! Now, their going to remake Friggin' Poltergeist?! Why try to update near perfection? If it's just too show "cool CGI", don't bother, ok? Probably going to replace Jerry Goldsmith with Hans Zimmer now. Please no remake.
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A 2 star rating on Allmovie, a 3.8 rating on IMDB, and nice 14% on Rottentomatoes. So basically anyone involved with the Poltergeist remake can just Fuck Off now...
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What's really sad is that every single day aspiring writers submit original scripts to Hollywood. Thousands of them. 90% of them get placed in cardboard boxes and lazy assed production compaies have interns sift through them looking for the "next big hit". Some have old fashioned notions on bullshit things like the scripts to be taken seriously are to be clasped with this type of clasp, and printed in this kind of font and spacing. If they aren't no one will give it a second look. Then if by chance a script gets through the first level of hell you end up getting a series of rewrites of it by "seasoned" writers who haven't been to the movies in years who have no touch with what fans like. The end product then gets handed off to asshats like Uwe Bolle and made into a crapfest. I just wish Hollywood would start liking movies again. It is so intimidating for a new screenwriter to get into the system. Studios won't accept scripts from non WGA members, or you have to be sponsered by WGA Members to politic your script even into a production company. Hell even if you throw together money to produce your own movie, if you want to get ahold of any acting talent of name recognition, good luck with that, because SAG has SO MANY GUIDELINES that a small production has to shell out lots of wasted $$$ coddling 4th tier talent who spend the whole day arguing with the producers over the square footage of their trailers and throwing bullshit like favored nations in their faces. It's no wonder Hollywood goes back to recycling, they have it so fucking backwards that prospective new talent gives up and quits before they even start most of the time. Hollywood politics is ourown worst enemy. And teenagers eat their bullshit up.
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Seriously. Shut your fucking fanboy yaps.
We may not like to hear Sonic youth cover the Carpenters, but I’ve yet to hear any fan of the Carpenters screaming that it somehow ruins the original. (and those hard core Carpenters fans are crazy motherfuckers.)
It’s pack mentality hysteria and juvenile over-reaction. It may be a sign of creative bankruptcy on the part of the studios but it’s part and parcel of the business to wring every last dollar out of a concept. BFD
Where was the ire and outcry when Peter Jackson made the graceless decision to remake King Kong? The only improvement he could make, the one single thing he could bring to that particular table was “better special effects” and yet most of the fan community was so overcome by wallowing in the giddy adoration that they flopped over and thrust their collective asses in the air for him, biting down on the pillow till their teeth cracked as that interminable and night unforgivable drone of a movie unspooled.
He’s my “shut your fucking mouth” guideline. If it’s a movie based on a book, shut the fuck up – the time to hue and cry is when the 1st adaptation is announced, once a novel has been shoehorned into celluloid it’s open season. If it’s because the original has a flawed script or shows signs of age that some auteur thinks he can redress, shut the fuck up: let them take a pop: it damages nothing – to complain loudly is simple whining – reacting as if you got home to find your best friend giving your mother a facial, when in truth you only caught them jerking off over her picture. Relax and take a step back.
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Death Race 2000, Child's Play, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, The Birds...and now THIS ??? Where're the new ideas ? The new characters ? The new stories ? Come ON guys...what's gonna happen in, say, ten years ? Are we seriously gonna have the remake of the remake ? Think outside the box, give us something new.
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If you are still interested here is the track list for Last King of Scotland with the option to listen. http://www. artistdirect.com/nad /store/artist/album/0,,3746202,00.html
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Oh brother! King Kong was made a looooong time ago, not to mention many times. So spare me the "apples to hand grenades" comparison and your pretentious attempt to explain the "real world" to us. You actually sound as ridiculous as the people who's heading up the project. So my response is screw you! Screw you for defending this rape of cinema gold. Peter Jackson didn't rape King Kong you hack. If you can't see the difference between the remake of King Kong, and the remake of Poltergeist, then nobody will ever be able explain it to you, or respect your opinion when it comes to film.
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should direct this...and spectacularly prove yet again that he is not the new Spielberg.
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How you gonna top that with CG!God they're actually starting on the fricking Classics now I just have no energy left to Rage against this hideous machine any more! If you posted they were remaking Starwars or The Godfather it would not surprise me at all.
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When will they realize that they've not made an original in ages that could be remade? What will we have then? Re-imagining of remakes? Oh wait... here is an idea... 3D animation version of originals. Just imagine, a kid friendly CG animated Evil Dead... complete with motion captured Bruce Campbell with voice of *insert your favourite male teen celebrity here*
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on Blu-ray in a few weeks! Awww yeah!
Which means incidentally, that they CAN just do a re-release. The rerelease/dvd re-issue worked for Exorcist... -
all the great classics instead of making shitty remakes. No remake will EVER EVER EVER touch the original Poltergeist. It's one of the scariest, most insane movies of all time. Did anyone else read the cracked.com article about cursed movies? http://www.cracked.com/article_16541_insane-true-stories-behind-6-cursed-movies.html
They used real fucking human remains in this movie. Hollywood are idealess cowards who'd never do some shit like that. Re-release the original at a discounted ticket price. I'd pay 5 bucks to see old movies in the theater. That's how to fill seats. -
...as all the cool kids like to say.
You know why? Because you left off the ONLY director that would make me (and I'm sure some others) say FUCK YEAH I'LL SEE THAT REMAKE!:
Chris CUNNINGHAM. Think about what he's done (and if you don't have his directors' series DVD fucking get it), and think about how he could do a version of this that would make you lose control of every bodily function.
Rubber Johnny for Zelda's part. Or Bjork! -
Remake this for the Noughties with the Xbox 360 red ring of death standing in for the static on the tv, and a Tellytubby doll replacing the clown. 'They're heeere...ehh-ohhhh'.
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Chris Cunningham directing a Poltergeist remake? Yeah, I have to agree that would work.
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Mostly for the worm/possession/vomit sequence. You don't get that in every movie! Never saw III.
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You bring up a very interesting point, (in a charming clumsy moronic way) does "it was a long time ago" mean films are somehow viable candidates for remakes? Despite its legendary flawless classic status - head and shoulders over Poltergeist - you seem to be fine with Kong getting the redo treatment. When is the cut off point, what are the criteria that the mewling mob follow when deciding what to "allow" and when to drag out the knee-jerk buzz words ("rape!!!")like drooling pavlovian mutts. For the record, in case you find another gear on the "Losing my Shit over nothing-O-Meter" I’m not accusing you specifically of being a drooling pavlovian mutt – just implying it. Only you know for sure.
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How can you remake Hitchcock. Am I missing something....has this been done alot? Do house painters try to reinterpret Picasso? Ok...maybe that analogy is a little off...but you get my point.
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What is Cunningham up to these days? He's certainly got the visual chops to direct, although i'm not sure the film world needs another promo director unleashed upon it.
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You either remake the remakes, which is actually starting to occur. Or, and I think Hollywood will prefer this one, you simply bill people monthly for remembering parts of the movie that they previously watched, saving them from having to remake the film, and us from having to watch the pieces of shit.
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What they're already doing. Not even remakes in terms of shaking up the original but adding stuff for 'today's audiences' bullshit, no no no. They're redoing the originals as stage productions. They love it because it's even more about a built-in-audience. Stage is all about pre-sales. Sure you don't get a huge opening weekend, but you do get that same opening profit for maybe a year or more (unlike movies), which turns into even more money in the (hopefully) "long run".
If that's not greedy enough, they then use the money from the pre-sales to fund the actual production! Before it's even opened! Which is such fucked-up time-travelling fiscal shit it messes with my head!
Lastly, a friend told me about productions where they made their profit from the pre-sales and decided it wasn't enough, so still before they'd opened, they cut cast members and set-pieces. Audience wouldn't know, and they already had their money! Begs belief! -
I've got identical twin daughters who could do it, 5 years old! So in terms of 'insurance', I'm covered!
Man, I hope my wife doesn't see this, she'd kill me. Yes, I'm going to hell... -
Collection. he will come out of retirement and sue the ass out of Hollywood.
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This time with mocap 3D.
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DAS boot! Supergirl, Legend, Silverado and back to the future, the dirty Harry movies, the clyde movies(peta will have a field day) heartbreak ridge, space camp, something wicked this comes, The hunt for red october, patriot games, clear and present danger, project A. the fievel movies. Cluedo the movie, The money pit, splash, Uncle Buck, Licence to Kill, the living daylights, basil the great mouse detective, Condorma, Q the winged serpent, Addams Family movies, watership down. the snowman, Comet Quest, Waynes World movies, the golden child, what about bob?, the three amigos, All of Sergio Leonies films. Big trouble in little China, the care bears films, teddy ruxpin, three musketeers and that is all I can think of for now.
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The only 4 remakes from the past 30 years that actually improved on the originals. The other 200 made have been garbage sitting in the discount bins of our favorite local chain grocery stores. No one wants to own crap like the Haunting remake, or the Omen remake.
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this time.
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it was called Pulse.
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The first one does fairly good business, they do a sequel to the remake that bombs, the third one (if there is a third one) goes directly to DVD, and that's the end of it. The original is still remembered as the best, the remake sinks off into bargain bin obscurity, while the original still sells more DVDs.
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Why not Jurassic Park? Make it more like the book (a techno thriller with gruesome horror). Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the original JP movie for what it is, but something closer to the book where more than two people get attacked by dinosaurs would be cool to see on the big screen.
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Many of us here are old- you know, late twenties- and the young whipper-snappers don't understand why a remake of Prom Night or whatever might be irritating. They just know that in the trailer a girl ALMOST takes her top off or the token black guy ALMOST says a swear. But, whatever. If I'm offended by shit, or god forbid it makes me feel old as goddam Bea Arthur, I probably just won't see it. I'll sit around talking about Kurt Cobain and how the new 90210 is nowhere as topical as the old 90210.
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The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith. There have promising concepts if a skilled director that knows how to successfully integrate special effects with genuine acting were to step in. It's obvious that they are meant to be tragedy (as oppossed to the hero's journey of the original 3 films), so if someone were to remake these with real acting and dialogue that didn't sound like it was written by Ed Wood circa Bride of the Monster, they could very well be on par or surpass the original trilogy.
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Yes, they'll CGI the living shit out of it, but here there are three things they'll NEVER improve. EVER.
1) The house sucking itself into a dot.
2) Jerry fucking Goldsmith.
3) JoBeth Williams spinning around the room in her undies.
Go to hell, Hollywood.
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Add them to the list of things that can't possibly be improved on. It's not like we can replace them with Pierce Brosnon and Daniel Craig.
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Oh Christ.....
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Wasn't he big enough at the time to get the rights to this stuff to put a kibosh on this and the rumored JAWS reboot? Or does he not even care. Why not remake ET or Close Encounters? Somebody step in and STOP THIS!
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What's really idiotic about this remake is that it's most likely just going to be a generic nu-horror haunted house movie. Why the fuck even call it Poltergeist then? Just make your lame-ass ghost movie and call it something else instead.
Whores. -
Is it Poltergeist you're involved in or is it some other remake? Either way, you're either too thick to understand the difference between Jackson's KK (despite its flaws) and the canned diarrhea which passes for all horror remakes today or you actually enjoy that shit -- or can you name one good modern horror remake?
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If you disregard the idiocy of the horror remakes themselves, how soon and at what point while watching one of them did you know they had fucked it up?
I'll go first:
Two minutes into The Amityville Horror when Ronnie DeFeo points a rifle at his kid sister and says "I love you, Jodie."
Instant and fatal fuck-up! -
when there was an overwhelming wealth of original material being made - as someone said above, now if its not a comicbook video game tv show or old genre movie (death race, chucky etc) hollywood wont spend any money - rather than gamble on an original idea (like ladd at fox did with star wars in 77) theyll just keep "re-imagining" older movies - good ones and crap ones - i want to see that viking/alien/monster movie that weinstein's sitting on (outlander)
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I agree that the prequels need to be remade. I also agree that there are some great ideas buried in those movies, but unfortunately they're covered up by some terrible, terrible execution.
The remake craze has to wear itself out at some point. Eventually they will run out of popular films to remake and we'll get movie remakes to films that people have never heard of. It has to end sometime. Doesn't it? -
that doesn't need a remake. I don't mind remakes that much. I'm always intrigued to see the new directions and idea at play to retell a story. Even the worst remakes exhibit something redeeming, something good in the mix. But some movies just don't call for it. This is one. Granted the CG will be better, but who cares?
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I have 2:
1st is Rob Zombies Halloween. The moment the family began arguing at the dinner table in teh beginning over breakfast I was ready to turn it off. I kne then and there it was wrong. Also, While watching the FOG remake, when the kids were partying on the boat and the fog comes and dispatches with them....and the scene with the chick running from the seaweed in the pool....hell, the whole film was a fuck up -
So cold, remaking this movie.
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here is what he needs to do. Make Night Skies. do it now. HE will have to make up with Rick baker. Get John Sayles. or Lawrence Kasdan. to write the screenplay and hire Tobe Hopper. and finally leave hooper alone to make a kick ass horror film. Sayles says He modeled Night Skies on Drums along the mohawk.
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come on Hollywood - motorcycles with missile launchers = $$$!
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For those of you taking my posts personally, I don't mean it. Just kidding, of course I do, you're a bunch of fucking retreads.
I read "Argh! Remake! Evil!" a lot here - and recently it's become the bonding bandwagon du jour. So my fellow erudite critics, if it's bad to remake, tell me why? Construct a fucking logical argument, I DARE you. Consider this my one futile attempt to raise the bar.
"Cash grab" isn't an answer, because most movies are: if we cancel the media projects that get made because of avarice then there goes most of the slate. Tell me why you hold this oppinion, because my guess is it's not an opinion at all - it's regurgitation.
Or you could just spouting the same few lines every time a REMAKE banner hits the site - as if anyone gives a shit about what you say. And woah there, don't for a second think that I do, I just like calling mindless baying drones out once in a while, doubly so when they actually think they are saying something.
If you are going to go to the trouble of posting, try and fucking SAY something. -
There is no touching the original. The mystery. The magic. The terror. The wonder. The sexy Jobeth Williams in a football jersey and panties, or with a punk grey streak in her hair. The resilient Craig T. Nelson as the dad who always seemed to keep it together, even if he was unsure just what the hell was going on. This was movie magic. There is no remaking movie magic. Do a story like it and call it something else, sure, but don't grace the bastardization with the same name and try to sell it as equal magic. Cuz it ain't. Won't be. Can't be.
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Ah yes another hit from summer '82. There has never been a hero like ACE HUNTER!! (kisses thumb) DEEDS NOT WORDS!! (profers kissed thumb to hot chick and rides off on motorcycle--into the sky)
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New sector of the company that will release 5 to 6 movies a YEAR based on remakes, sequels or prequels. Story at deadlinehollywooddaily[dot]com.
It's getting worse.... -
because Jobeth made me choke my chicken
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The Dark Knight. I mean come on it's now already like, what, getting on for two months old. Time enough for those talented scumfucks in Hollywood to start prepping it for a remake.
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If Peter Jackson feels like taking over the reins on this Poltergeist remake, and hires some better writers, then maaaaybe I could get on board with this. But hacks of the caliber that are currently attached? Please! I'm reminded of a quote from Full Metal Jacket: "It's a big shit sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite," except I guess we won't have to take a bite if we don't want to, so...yeah.
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Some movies benefit from a remake. Those were films that had potential greatness narrowly missed due to factors such as budget, special effects or poor acting, etc. Poltergeist is NOT ONE OF THEM! Neither was Planet of the Apes, Willy Wonka, and plenty more. Leave it alone you hacks! I'm for re-releasing it in theaters. It's fine the way it is!!!
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...i saw poltergeist when i was a kid. maybe 7 or 8. i am now 30. they're ALREADY remaking it?
i have never seen the original king kong. when peter jackson remade it, (though the time spent in the jungle was indulgent) i enjoyed it.
if they're remaking poltergeist, or goonies, or whichever 80s movies they are remaking, it seems to be to make some bank off of the people that haven't seen the original. people born after 1982.
my issue with these remakes is...i've seen the originals, and would like some new material, not a replica with bigger effects and more extreme editing.
i wish they'd write a new ghost story, instead of capitalizing off of an established name.
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...and write a new movie in the same vein?
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How about the fact that NOT ONE SINGLE horror remake of the recent past has been any good.
Maybe you'd like to answer my earlier question to you:
Can you name one single good, recent horror remake?
Why should we do anything but complain considering the dire offal we've been served so far? -
Poltergeist is a masterpiece. Leve it alone. Bad enough they made 2 and 3.
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And it is not even out yet.
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We need to pass a law that specifies that certain movies never get remade or "reimagined" and the original "Poltergeist" should be one of the first titles on that list.
What's next? "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" with Zac Efron?? Oh shit... I may have just given some dickbag studio exec an idea. -
Would be pretty badass. Badass!
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Listen fuckfaces, this is Hollywood here. Yeah, that's right, I, Hollywood, exist as a living embodiment and I am SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of all you whiny fanboy bitches complaining every time I decide to steal ideas from the past and 'remake,' or 'reimagine' them. Yes, I'm out of ideas, and yes, my purse strings are tight and I will never, ever, ever spend a dime on a property that isn't a guaranteed $200 million payday at the box office. But so what? You all go see the crap over and over again so just shup up, climb down out of my ass and let me do all the coke I want off the chests of $2000 a night hookers, ok? - Sincerely, Hollywood
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...to contain less Ausperger's Syndrome.
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Copyright Act? I don't know. Would lapsed copyrights lead to more remakes, or faced with the fact that any one could make a film based on a certain property, would studios actually try to come up with original material? I think at this point I'd feel better if anyone could make a remake of Poltergeist, not just MGM. They've had a lousy quality track record for eons now.
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It might work. Snoop could play the dad! Ice Cube could be Carol Anne! And Wanda Sykes could play Tangina.
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Aug 20, 2008 2:31:38 PM CDT
Why not Tyler Perry's "Medea Family Haunted House With Fucked Up
by pops freshemeyer
Many, many tickets sell.
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more, it's trying to remake Poltergeist. This will be the worst remake ever. Not that it'll be a bad movie, but so far from the original and what it stood for and it's powerful viewing experience. Why not just call it a different title. It won't have the charm, the laughs, the brains, the music, the tone, the acting, the atmosphere. I saw Polty 8 fucking times in 82. I doubt I'll even see this once.
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Peter Jackson's just wasn't that good.
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I could see that.
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That was funny and yet so freaking true.
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... to see the Remake of the Remake?
Or will the forgiving hand of Death put me out of my misery before that happens? We'll see.... -
I even heard Stephen King wrote the novelization of the film! Honestly, I don't really consider a made for tv miniseries to be a 'remake' of the Shining, anymore than I'd consider an audiobook to be a 'remake' of a novel. Remakes have to occur in the same medium as the original to be remakes.
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Dear Moguls,
I cannot help but notice the high number of remakes and "re-imaginings" we're seeing in movie theaters these days, and I have to wonder if the simple accounting of these projects has escaped you. Instead of appealing to your artistic ideals (which assumes you have any to appeal to) I will appeal to your bottom line. This is about money.
Simply put, it costs millions of dollars to remake a movie. There's not a lot of getting around that figure, either. Millions. You know; You see the books. You approve the budgets. This is your money. When you invest a shitload of cash into a remake, the hope is that the box office take will be good enough to pay for the film and then earn your studio a profit. It's simple business.
But why spend millions of dollars on a remake? Why spend the budget on actors' salaries, building new sets, hiring a new director, and paying a new crew? You have a finished product already!
What I propose is this: Instead of remaking a classic like Poltergeist, you might consider cleaning up the original print, digitally repairing the special effects that look dated, remastering the score and audio tracks, and then re-releasing the film in theaters as a "Enhanced Edition" or "Special Edition".
Surely a process like this would cost a lot less than remaking the entire film. You could even hire the surviving actors for publicity tours to the talk shows, and maybe have them record some lines if needed to repair the original's audio. That would still be cheaper than hiring them to do a full-on acting job.
There are people out there who have never seen the originals of these movies you're remaking, and that's a shame, because many of these movies are proven money-makers.
You could even re-release without telling people it's a re-release. Do you realize how much of your audience wouldn't know it was a re-release if you didn't tell them?
Yes, they can buy the movie at Wal*Mart for $6, but they're watching an old print on DVD, and screening it on their home theater. For most non-enthusiasts, the home experience just isn't the same as a theater experience.
Another option is to use the new 3D enhancement process that had George Lucas so excited. Apply it to these older films and re-release them as "TRU3D" or "Ultimate 3D Edition" or something like that.
Look, guys... People WILL pay to see these movies in theaters if you advertise them as much as you advertise your newest Martin Lawrence piece of crap. The old fans will pay to see a classic the way it's meant to be seen, and the new viewers will welcome a movie experience that isn't neutered and glammed-up.
Clean it up enough, do a digital transfer, and you'll have some audience members think the new print of the original Poltergeist was made in 2008. THAT'S a worthwhile investment, and the returns will be about the same as if you went through the process of making a whole new film, once you consider the costs involved. -
What in the world are you thinking, to decide that one of the very few truly endeering horror movies in existence that are as scary and fun today as the first day they were released, needs a remake. As earlier posters said, just RE-RELEASE THE ORIGINAL TO THEATRES. I'll go see it. Twice. The biggest hurdle you have here, is near perfect casting. How do you expect to replace Zelda Rubinstein? Do you have another up-and-coming 50 year old dwarf with freaky alien voice waiting somewhere in the wings? Or a child actor who can best Heather O'Rourke's performance? A cooler dad actor than young Craig T Nelson? A not-traditionally hot yet for some reason every guy in the world wants to bang milf like Jobeth Williams? This is one of the few truly class-act horror films of our generation. And you want to get it drunk and finger-fuck it in the alley behind Applebees. Fuck you MGM.
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best nude space vampire - EVER!!!
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Cue crap kid actors that act like adults, saying things that kids wouldn't. Basically Dakota Fanning and M. Night Shyamalamadingdongs school of acting.
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...I think Jaws would be a great remake. In fact, I think this will be do. The problem with the remake trend is that many of them are movies that don't even deserve a second look in their original context. The "greats" (loosely defined) are the one that are cool to see reimagined. Jaws, yes. Candyman, no.
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It will be out next year.
If they will remake a B-horror movie from the 70's about a baby with big claws and teeth, then you damn well better believe they will remake this.
Warwick Davis will replace Zelda in case she doesn't want any part of this.
Warwick Davis = $$$ -
put that in petition form and I'll sign it, you warciple you
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You didn't ask ME, but for my money, the HILLS HAVE EYES remake was pretty good.
Still, that's IT. Everything else has been fucking shit. From all those cheap ass remakes of Asian movies (the exception being THE RING, which was probably the only competent one) to all these "small" classics being line assembled: THE FOG, THE HITCHER, AMYTIVILLE, TEXAS CHAINSAW... I heard they were remaking NEAR DARK for Christ's sake. It's infuriating. -
I know that I have been clamoring for Hollywood to just make MEG instead of remaking Jaws, but as long as a movie has a title everyone remembers, then they will test the waters (no pun intended) for reaction to a remake.
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and watch them die from the Poltergeist curse.
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I think the primary argument against the onslaught of remakes is this: They're being green-lit while original scripts sit, unproduced, and we're all the poorer for it. What it comes down to is that the studios producing these things are in the BUSINESS of selling movie tickets, and the built in brand recognition of a pre-existing franchise makes that much much easier than trying to sell something new that no one has ever heard of. Fair enough; I can see that. The problem with this is twofold, as I see it: First, since what they're really selling is the NAME and not the MOVIE, the quality of these recent remakes has been almost wholly lacking. DocPazuzu had it right; show me one that's been better than it's predecessor... Second, there's a law of diminishing returns here; there are only so many iconic horror franchises out there, and at this point, the well's starting to look a little bit dry. The bottom line, for me, is that horror movie FANS, who admittedly make up a small segment of society but who are probably well represented on a site like AICN, would mostly prefer interesting, good (or even not so good), new stories on the screen, as opposed to reheated versions of stories we've all experienced before. I said it earlier in this talkback - you're right, the originals are still there, unmolested, but - we'd like some NEW stuff. That's all.
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Too obscure? Ripe for a remake then.
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Cripes.
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THEY WON'T GET ANY CHILLI FOR LUNCH!
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On one hand, I don't want these stupid fuckers touching these good ideas that were executed correctly but at the same time, when left to it's own creative devices, Hollywood comes out with bullshit like Beverly Hills Chihuahua.Are you fucking kidding me?
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scroll up. Although you know who'd make the musical version work? Paul Williams! AND he could play Tangina! Zing!
I must admit though - Little Shop of Horrors was GREAT on stage. -
Yeah, I was only joking around with the 'fail' malarkey. IF Cunningham could do feature-length it would be the most fucked-up pants-soiling thing ever, but people who know about him are sort of resigned to him having gravitated away from that, part of the reason Neuromancer never happened. I think he's much happier making his freaky little objects d'art as everything bar the editing seems like torture to him. Ah well. Still, he'd be the ONLY choice I can think of that would out-scare the original.
I think the "music video director" putdown is redundant though at this point. You don't think just as high a percentage of lousy directors come out of filmschool? -
already posted that they HAVE cleaned it up/remastered it. Coming out on Blu-ray in a few weeks. Which means they CAN do a re-release as per Exorcist.
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The reason most everyone on these boards is so vocally against remakes might be because all current evidence suggests that virtually no good can come of the trend. If every remake were as worthwhile as The Departed we'd be singing a different tune but *that* is not the reality, is it? How does Hollywood's relentless and profligate expenditure on creatively bankrupt and critically doomed bullshit instead of fresh work NOT constitute a bad thing in your eyes? What planet are you from, mate? And do they have Cinema there?
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You think MB's GWTW needs some "Giant(Clark Gable like) Robots." Well, what if Bay teamed up with George Lucas and the Civil War was actually fought by battle droids?
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Well what if we got top directors to remake crappy films? Just imagine M. Night Shyamalan's "Leprechaun in the Hood," Francis Ford Coppola's "The Hottie and the Nottie," or Stanley Kubrick's "Freddy Got Fingered."
Of course, that last one can only happen is SK's family went Ted Williams on him and his head is in a storage container someplace... -
Aug 21, 2008 2:35:15 AM CDT
toshiro-solo (and you other oafs who i cant be assed to name)
by goldenage
I understand your argument I think, that remakes mean other projects won’t get greenlit and thus somehow by proxy there are fabulous scripts laying around waiting to entertain us being denied budget because of these “evil” horror remakes. It’s a fair point, I just don’t think you can back it up. Firstly because I doubt the money flows in that logical a way and second because I can’t remember the last time a truly fantastic imaginative genre horror movie came “out of the west”, unless you count Blair Witch* – and that project wasn’t greenlit one day because Peter Jackson had just decided NOT to remake Bad Taste. (*I’m not saying I do, but a case can be made...)
I agree, it’s very often exploitation on some level, treating a iconic artwork as a brand name – but that’s the business that greases the wheels. If the studios make a few bucks from churning out sub par remakes it doesn’t bother me one jot, no more than it bothers me that some people prefer Jacksons KK to my preferred version. And frankly my bottom line is that I will sit back and watch any amount of remakes tank like turds – because the horror remake genre gave us the Thing or Cronenbergs Fly, not just a great genre movie but one of the all time greats.
I agree that remaking classics like poltergeist is a “board room decision” rather than an artistic one, I’m not in favour, it just doesn’t get my blood racing. What I’m objecting to here is the AICN lowest common IQ point pack mentality of the talkbacks, of which BOO REMAKE BOO! Is the latest example. I’d rather TB was a place to discuss (argue) movies with the like minded rather than the stupid fucking cess pit it invariably is – so this is my lame attempt at swimming against the shit filled tide.
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apparently Bay didnt make it into film school - rejected as opposed to just didnt go. Why didnt he get the hint back then. And he's John Frankenheimer's son? Or at least says he is. Has he watched Ronin and then looked at his own work. Surely that might bring about some suicidal tendencies? Or at least retirement? I'm feeling rather bilious it seems
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"remakes, are not something new. The only thing is, today we are far more savvy as an audience of what movies that have gone before in the recent past, and all thanks to home video." Fuck, that never occurred to me - perhaps that's why the studios can't change gears and are still cranking out remakes and wondering why the trick isn't working. They used to be able to spoon feed what they wanted us to be watching - now with home cinema and cable Tv they don’t have the reigns anymore. We may be seeing the death throes of the remake? Which most people here thing is a good thing, despite the fact that without it they wouldn’t currently be jerking off into The Dark Nights open maw.
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Your justification for remakes didn't address the fact that remakes today in almost all cases suck balls and that it's the suckage which we're opposed to, not the remakes per se -- a distinction which is somewhat difficult to make these days, not because of us, but because recent and current remakes are more or less synonymous with anal leakage. If you had just happened to be a run-of-the-mill film fan or geek like us instead of talking to us in your professional capacity, it would mean that you're perfectly happy letting film studios jerk off into YOUR open maw while stealing your money just so you could watch Dark Knight. What's laughable about your "argument" is that you think we're morons and sheep for wanting more quality associated with remakes, and should just shut the fuck up and take whatever you people shovel at us.
Well, fuck you.
Nobody is buying your shit and your faux tough guy act, so you might as well just fuck off back to your marketing division. -
The near consensus that "remakes suck" is not wholly unjustifiable given how uninspired or awful most remakes turn out to be. If 9 out 10 people agree that drinking reheated vomit is unpleasant does that make them all members of a mindless pack? Not necessarily. Okay, maybe you think that most new remakes aren't that bad; you are welcome to that opinion and here we will have to disagree. But if you fancy yourself to be the anointed one raising the quality of talkback then maybe try not opening your arguments with a demand to all and sundry to shut their "fucking fanboy yaps". That's no way to get a civilized discussion going. You want to help clean out the cess pit then start with the corner you just shit in.
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No more remakes!
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Fair enough - thanks for the correction. so your original point stands. totally. One thing though, you own the SE dvd of Pearl Harbor. seriously. that cant be healthy.
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but listened to the commentary as well. I was going to have a go at him for his unsupported "vast majority of 'directros'" garbage, but now I don't think I need to! Having said that I do like some good comedy...
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Have YOU tried drinking reheated vomit? Well have ya? Second time around, goes down like a charm. O.K. I must be the 1 in 10...
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Dear Sir,
So am I right here - you’re all (mostly) not opposed to remakes, just the fact that they suck – but because they “suck” still call for “Hollywood” to stop making them because, let’s face it they probably will be shit, so shouldn’t be allowed. Especially where sacred “classics” are concerned, then they should be banned DOUBLE. YEAH!
Caveat: Except y’know unless it’s a Batman movie, or by Peter Jackson*. If “Hollywood” would only log into the internets and look at an AICN talkback they would totally improve overnight. ACES!
Am I close? Is that what passes for your opinion? Because if so, fuck you twice, that’s not an opinion, it’s barely coherent. “recent and current remakes are more or less synonymous with anal leakage.” Let me finish that sentence for you “...except the small majority of ones we like which invalidate the claim and which we will ignore for convenience.”
Whats your answer to the problem that’s got you so fucking irate? Ban all remakes? Impose a time limit? Whine like a baby in a sea of babies? I’m guessing its C)
General PS response: No faux tough guy, I type like I speak – passionate but rude perhaps to make up for my really small cock. if it irritates you so much the better. And no with my post above I was not pissing on TDK – but I can squeeze a little yellow out if you want: TDK was the most clumsily over-written move of the year so far with some of the dumbest dialog I’ve ever heard on the big screen. Now shake.
(* Jackson, who it now occurs to me remade Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings as a live action feature, what a fucking hack - Fellowship must therefore SUCK by the rules of the sheep geek herd!)
Yours etc. -
...and I'll be sure to type real slow so you'll understand:
Can you name one single good horror remake of the recent crop? It should be in your interest, because then I could "ignore" it, thus validating what at the moment is nothing but a straw man argument on your part.
No? Didn't think so.
Please explain, if you can, how it's unreasonable for us to assume that yet another horror remake will merely be yet another in a long line of anemic, market-researched pieces of sub-humanoid feces we've been subjected to over the past several years. -
...this "it puts the lotion on its skin" approach just makes you sound like a bigger tool than you already are.
Man up and put a delivery address on your lame retorts. -
...You do know that its going into production, or is in production with Joseph Khan at the helm right? The, um, "director" responsible for the masterpiece or motocycle mayhem that was Torque. Of course that film sucked. But not as hard as Speed Racer. Perhaps hes pulling a reverse Wachkowski. And Memories, if by worst directors working today you mean Jonze, Gondry, Pellington and maybe Romanek, you should check out the work of Kurt Wimmer or Paul W.S. Anderson or Tyler Perry. From the theatre, he is. Also Memories, Darren Aranofsky most certainly went to film school, and its where he set up Pi. Just so you know. Bay went to the art center of pasadena. Alongside Tarsem, another very talented ex music video dude. Don't forget Glazer either. By the way, The Hills Have Eyes remake was better than the original...Although, thats not hard. I didn't mind the Texas Chainsaw remake either. I mean...It wasn't bad or anything. Or as bad as say...Saw. Dawn Of The Dead was also quite top notch. Better than Savinis remake of Night, at least.
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...could be read to misconstrue that I thought Bay was a talented ex music video director. Just to clarify his music videos suck almost as much as his films. Hes a fucking artistic abomination. He shouldn't even be allowed to direct infomercials.
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...It's not rocket science. You have a film that is not dated, that was perfectly executed and would be near impossible to recast to match, being remade by two writers who are both proven to be awful, idiotic and untalented, by a studio that is desperate for revenue and is also committed to remaking its entire catalouge of recognisable properties for the simple financial reason that they are built in brand names. The market is flooded with remakes. People are sick of it, just like they are sick of Eddie Murphy comedies.
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Seriously.In general, I'm opposed to remakes because they show the huge lack of creativity and daring within the Hollywood community. Why risk money when you can just re-shoot someone else's ideas at half the proverbial price, right?Now, the thing I detest most about the current crop of HORROR! remakes is that they seem to be used as a training platform for up and coming directors. While most of these guys are young and hungry, they lack serious vision/experience/skill and seem all to willing to acquiesce to a studio's thoroughly market-surveyed demographic green bottom-line. So, basically what these remakes boil down to is PRODUCT that is low risk with moderate profit and the overall quality has been deemed irrelavant (thanks to the recoup of global BO and DVD sales).I'm so sick of Hollywood-types trying to sell it to us otherwise.
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To be fair, folks, he has a point. He's not saying any of these remakes are good, or even decent. He's just saying that lots of shitty movies are released in a year, and if lots of those are remakes, then so be it. The originals ARE there, and we can always watch 'em. I still come back, though, to the feeling that I wish movies were treated more as art than as product. I fully understand why they are treated as such - you don't see many not for profit movie studios - but it's still disappointing. And I do honestly think that this groundswell of remakes comes at the expense of at least SOME original scripts; there's only so much money to go around at the studio, and if that means making 10 films this year, and it's a safer bet to make 7 remakes and 3 new movies as opposed to 3 remakes and 7 new movies, then that's how it's gonna go down. The other thing that angries up the blood as far as these remakes go is that some people develop an attachment to movies that they loved as a kid, and truly do feel disrespected to hear that some hack is going to fuck with the legacy of one of the films that they love. It's not a RATIONAL reaction; we don't own these movies in any way. It's more of an EMOTIONAL reaction. You're totally right - we can ignore them - but I do think there's a reason why people find them so distasteful as to want to shout "Cut it the fuck out." Thanks for a relatively reasoned response; I think some folks are shouting you down needlessly here, and I hear what you're saying, and you do have a point.
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Proyas film - it was written by these guys. Go to it!
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With all due respect, that's NOT what goldenage is saying. What he's saying is: "You want more Dark Knights? Then shut the fuck up and eat this shit sandwich we're serving you. Why won't we serve you a better sandwich? Because we don't HAVE TO, you geek fuck."
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been around for years and years. Hitchcock himself remade The Man Who Knew Too Much, DeMille himself remade The Ten Commandments, Ben Hur was filmed as a silent short in the early 1900's, the list goes on and on..The Batmans and Bonds and Joness (and McClanes for that matter), are continuing adventures, or stories based on the characters, not remakes perse. Its also funny everyone forgets Connery's Never Say Never Again is basically a retelling of Thunderball.So remakes will be unfortunately be with us forever. As long as there is a producer looking to make an easy buck. Its the artistic intent that seperates the good remakes from the crap. This "introduce a new audience to a film they may have missed" is bullshit.
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Richard Marx's Angelia was even more confusingly edited than his films!
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“Can you name one single good horror remake of the recent crop?” Fuck no, there are none. That not my point, or the question I’m asking.
“Please explain, if you can, how it's unreasonable for us to assume that yet another horror remake will merely be yet another in a long line of anemic, market-researched pieces of sub-humanoid feces” I Can’t, it’s very reasonable to assume just that thing. I assume that myself.
Is this where you A) accuse me of contradicting myself, B) feign “boredom” or is this C) where you go back and work out what the fuck my point actually is.
“man up” – dude that’s a classic, I may re-register for the site with that as my user handle. Still, you just seriously offered to kick someone’s ass on the interweb, so ... 100 points off for being y'know, a twat. (Unless “man up” is some sort of gay slang and your FLIRTING with me? In which case I don't know what to think.)
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Are things like Scarface, The Thing, The Fly and the 78 and 93 Body Snatcher films. They were all made by people who had made great genre films before moving on to remakes. That's when a good remake is made. There are exceptions I will admit. The Dawn of the Dead remakes was pretty good, and so was The 88 Blob.
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True, but - they actually DON'T have to. Sudios put out all types of unwatchable shit all year long, and for some reason, people go out and watch it. I honestly think the reason why these remakes piss us all off in a way that something like "Disaster Movie" doesn't is that we have attachments to the originals, and don't like to see them sullied. It pisses me off too (look at my first post way way up in this thread), but - the solution is simple - we just need to not go see the crappy remake. It sucks that the studios treat us as though we'll swallow anything they shove at us, but - they have reason to treat the audience en masse that way. They continue to make money after all. Again, I think the negative reaction on a site like this is understandable - I have the reaction myself - but I also think the visotors to a site like AICN aren't necessarily representative of the moviegoing public as a whole. If it were, these idiotic fucking remakes WOULD be done and over with by now. From a logical standpoint, I can see where goldenage is coming from. I just think the reaction that most people are having here (again, including myself - see again my first post) is not primarily a logical one. It's more emotionally based. From a logical standpoint, a crappy Poltergeist remake is basically the same thing as something like "Fools Gold" - more Hollywood product that I have no desire to see, but - so what? No one's forcing me to see it. From an emotional standpoint, though, there's a huge difference, since I have fond memories of being scared shitless after watching Poltergeist as a kid, and would prefer that thinking of that movie doesn't automatically trigger a thought of the shitty remake that came 25 years later.
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Will Carol Anne be sucked up into an iPhone now? Will her cries be heard through every video device in the household?.."Carol Anne, if you could just stop talking about the man in the dark long enough so Daddy can enjoy his internet porn?"
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No, this is where I say: "where did I just offer to kick someone's ass?"
You're coming down on us for whining about remakes and drawing a direct connection to remakes and things like The Dark Knight. You're also telling us to shut the fuck up and accept it. I pointed out that the whining is a direct result of the dire quality of remakes while you're trying to separate the two to score a non-existent point.
Again: nobody is buying your horseshit. -
The Dawn of the Dead.. fucking good call. I was primed to hate that and it turned out to be one of the most tight little horror movies in a long while.
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Why doesn't somebody remake the DVD release of the original Poltergeist into something worth buying, with some extra features that actually highlight and illuminate the making or the original film, instead of throwing on a couple of pointless mini-docs about electronic voice phenomenon. The original Poltergeist scared me shitless when I was 8 or 9 years old and I want to revel in its scares-you-where-you-live goodness.
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As I understand it, they couldn't include any extras related to the actual film on the DVD because of the whole Hooper/Spielberg controversy, and also because Craig T. Nelson turned down the chance to participate.
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Gave me nightmares for a year!
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That poor bastard is doing shit like that Scorpion King 2 direct-to-DVD thing - which I guess beats starving to death or turning tricks on the street, but still ... his career just never took off. I guess doing "The Shadow" with Alec Baldwin and that awful Taylor Dayne song will do that to you.
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Would you both please stop making films. Retire with what (if any) dignity you still have and the fond memories we, the fans have of Highlander, Subway, Greystoke etc.
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I wouldn't mind if they remade Congo.
Kidding.
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