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FRED DURST! ICE CUBE! Massawyrm prays that THE LONGSHOTS is gonna be awesome. Is it?
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting a long time to get these two guys in the same room together. And now they’re making a film! On one hand you have the baddest of the bad ass, one of the fathers of Gansta Rap, Mr. NWA himself ICE CUBE! And on the other you have the ass beating, knuckle-cracking father of the family Values tour and purveyor of Angry-at-your-dad rap/metal, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst. Making a movie. Together. Holy shit! This is gonna be the meanest, hardest, mother fuckiest slam bang movie about…the…the…first girl to be a quarterback for Pop Warner football? Wait. WTF? Fred Durst? THE Fred Durst? He’s directing Ice Cube. THE Ice Cube. In a heartwarming kids movie? ABOUT A GIRL PLAYING FOOTBALL? Wait, wait, wait. I know what you’re thinking. Girls can’t play football. But trust me. There’s nothing in the rulebook that says a girl can’t play…they check.
I would LOVE to have been a fly on the wall of that meeting.
DURST: So yeah, man. I was thinking. My careers slowing down and I keep watching these Rob Zombie movies thinking “Yeah, I could do that. I could direct.” So where do I pick up my contract and check?
STUDIO TYPE: Well, Mr. Durst, what did you have in mind?
DURST: Well, whatever it is it’s gotta have girls. Someone young, you know? And maybe some badass music-type. I still have connections in the industry. I could get someone. Someone really badass. You know what I’m talking about?
STUDIO TYPE: (Smiling) Yes. Yes, I think we have just the thing for you.
You know, when Durst sang “hope you know I pack a chain saw, I'll skin your ass raw, and if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!!” I don’t remember the next line being “And then I’m goin’ to direct a touching film about a down and out town finding its heart when a 13 year old girl decides to play football.” Maybe I just wasn’t listening close enough.
Okay, now that I have all that out of my system…wait. Hold on. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay - now it’s out – so how was the movie? About what you’d expect from an Ice Cube led family film. The guy’s making a career out of modestly budgeted, fire and forget kids movies. As many of you might remember from Friday, I posted something of a rant in my Clone Wars piece in which I discussed the difference between a Children’s Film and a Kid’s Movie. This is without a doubt a Kid’s Movie. You’ve seen this before 150 times, mostly while you were growing up. The local team is losing badly and someone discovers some real talent in the unlikeliest of places. In this case in the arm of a 13 year old girl. Based on a true story, the girl goes on to inspire an entire town that has been devastated by the closing of a local plant, and takes a losing team all the way to the Pop Warner Superbowl. Ice Cube plays her uncle, one of the town’s unemployed lowlifes who finds himself again by teaching his niece how to play the sport he loved so much when he was young.
While not as dopey or gag driven as Are We There Yet? or Are We Done Yet?, this is no less for just the younger crowd. It’s not exactly Is He Coach Yet?, but it does get laughable at a few points when they wheel out some of the creaky old clichés – up to and including the heart attack that forces this down on his luck uncle to have to step up and play coach. What’s weird is that the first half of the movie is very much a film about a young fatherless girl trying to find acceptance and struggling to prove herself when she finds that she has an unlikely talent. But once the team accepts her, the movie kind of forgets about her and follows Ice Cube as he goes off on his own personal journey.
There are plenty of flaws to be found. A romantic subplot that gets attention for a while only to be completely abandoned. A cardboard cutout mom character who pops in and out for the sake of humor and to remind us that it is not Cube’s kid we’re watcing. A complete lack of development of every other kid on the team. And Durst’s style is nothing to write home about either. He’s clearly borrowing bits here and there from the visual palate of the Disney football films like Remember the Titans and Invincible, but it always feels like an imitation rather than a genuine application of the style. The games aren’t particularly exciting – but then again, if you’ve ever watched Pop Warner, well, it is much more about the kids than it is the excitement of the game.
Cube certainly seems to be trying, though. He starts off the movie seemingly bored as the mumbling, shiftless bum of an out of work uncle. But as soon as he finds a purpose he makes a slow transition into the Cube we know and love, barking out inspirational speeches that not only will win those kids games, but have them ripping off heads and shitting down necks while they do it.
If you have kids and they’re clamoring for it, sitting through this won’t kill you. In fact, if anything you might get a little enjoyment out of the Uncle-becoming-the-father-figure thing this has going on (including potential misty moment.) It’s cute enough for what it is and never gets annoying or dull, but otherwise there’s no real reason to see this. It was nice to see Garrett Morris get a little work again (he has a small role), but this is EXACTLY what it looks like with almost no surprises. If your kids haven’t put it on your radar, there’s no real reason for it to be. But it is relatively painless if it is.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
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In the TV ad, every scene has him wearing an ill-fitting porkpie hat. EVERY SCENE.
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Aug 19, 2008 7:20:21 AM CDT
Durst's 'The Education of Charlie Banks' was surprisingly good.
by jedirob
I saw it at Tribeca last year and was pleasantly surprised. Looks like he took his glimmer of artistic possibility and acknowledgment and promptly cashed it in.
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sit through a Norbit/Meet Dave double feature. Someone shoot me now. Am I dead yet?
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That is all.
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Gotta love that Hobbes.
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...but he IS basically responsible for totally killing Woodstock... so I gotta give him props for that.
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Two signs that say "Stay away"
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man that's funny
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Had to be said.
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The only smart member of Limp Shitdick, Wes Borland, has joined Marilyn Manson's band.
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Fred Durst, aka sellout, aka, bullshit "rap" artist, aka fucknut.
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...are not in this movie.
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a tool. Ah, well. The reviews are usually good at least. I'm just glad he's not a music critic.
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Fred supports Fred!
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...This isn't a joke? This film exsists? I remember back when Fincher was trying to sell Durst as a director, and I endured reading an interview with him, where he broke down every plot point of some proposed film he was going to make and tried to explain the themes he was dealing with. It was seriously functional retardation.
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...Being a fan of Limp Bizkit. I hope he was. Otherwise hes officially a gaylord tool.
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I just saw this last night in a theater full of young black girls and they loved the crap out of it -- not because there's some cute guy in it (there's not), not because it's racy or crass (it's PG), but because they connected with the female empowerment angle. Watching their reactions was actually pretty touching. So we can mock it all we want on this board, but we sound like petty morons.
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I had no idea Fred Durst was directing. This vexes me. I am very vexed.
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Aug 19, 2008 9:12:59 AM CDT
The Words "Fred Durst" and "Awesome" Should Never Appear Togethe
by laserpants
even in jest. "Fred Durst" and "Talentless Douchebag Has-Been Also-Ran" on the other hand, fit together quite nicely.
Btw, is Fred Durst even still alive? -
does he really have love Fred Durst? tell me that was a joke. the most untalented human being on the planet gets way too much love in this article.
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Wow. It's an apt insult, but I don't think massa was trying to be insulting.
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He apparently thought him how to direct.
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I say Berry deserved every vile second of it.
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whilst Limp Bizquick does not....
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Once that movie was made, all other scripts involving kids, football, girls playing football, bullies and small towns should have been tossed in the paper shredder.
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Moranis AND Al Bundy in the SAME MOVIE? How wasn't it even MORE awesome than it ended up?
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Fred Durst is a dumb *ss. Why the f*** would you want to see him in a movie?
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DAMN! I was really hoping for a new ghetto rap-nu metal asskicking collaboration! Which I wouldnt have got with Durst anyway, so never mind...
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he was in this lame movie with Jeremy Sisto, and he actually shone above the crap. He really did a good job of acting. Maybe his true talent lies in filmmaking. Still hate his music though.
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Calvin and Hobbes FTW!
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We need a Calvin and Hobbes movie or TV show.
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It'll never happen. Bill Watterson HATED the idea of a TV show or movie. It's part of why he stopped making the strip: all the corporate pressure to "sell out" his creation. He never has, and I respect him immensely for that.
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How random that he is directing this should have been direct to DVD flick. TV commercials make this movie look awful I would rather watch Death Race than this.
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not the hack that is Fred "I fucked Britney in the ass" Durst. speaking of, this movie sounds like ass.
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but liked the interview in EW last week, and he came off as a pretty decent guy.
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Ice Cube - It was a good day. well in my opinion anyway. anyone agree?
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Former badass now consigned to shitty kid movies.
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"We do it like that and we do it right there!"
Fred Durst can eat a bushel of cocks. That's right, an entire cock-bushel. His "muzick" is active proof of a sadistic God angry at a cold world. -
Is a brother that'll smother your Grandmother
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Necro. "I Need Drugs." Everything else is tied for second.
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That made me laugh.
So the guy's gonna go from making crap music to making crap movies? Congratulations. -
Now out of morbid curiosity I want to see this movie. Hello rental here I come.
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So put down the shovels and pitchforks. They were never my cup of Tea.
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'ya know what I'm talking about? ' LOL!! Durst is such an incredible douchebag
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the absence of Limp Biscuit for all these years had meant Fred Durst had died.
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Damn You Fred Durst!
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...check it out before you condemn the man.
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Aug 19, 2008 4:25:44 PM CDT
There’s nothing in the rulebook that says a girl can’t play…they
by iamjack'suserid
WTF does that mean?
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"There’s nothing in the rulebook that says a girl can’t play…they check." THAT'S what I am asking about. I know AICN is over a decade behind in forum technology but can you at least make it so that our cursor stops at the end of our input limit? It's ri-goddamn-diculous!!
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It shocks me how this guy can make all these charming but inconsequential kids movies and seem like such a nice guy in interviews but the moment there is a microphone in his fist and a dj behind him he becomes absolutely terrifying. Those eyes, those hateful, dangerous eyes. I realise that Ice Cube is an intelligent, educated guy and that the Cube we see on stage is probably just as much a character as the Cube you'll see in this movie, but damn, what a villain. Personally, he's my favorite rapper (along with his cousin Del), I think he's one of the greatest Rock 'n' Roll frontmen of all time and Straight Outta Compton is my favorite rap album. I wish he would do something more Boyz 'n' the Hood again, I want to see him be a really scary guy without a hint of humor.
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Nothing gangsta about him.
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I'm sure all these suburbia types going to see these family flicks featuring the hapless but lovable angry Ice Cube would fly into a semi-rage if they heard some of his classic NWA and AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted cuts. Though on the flip side his latest album Raw Footage....very well done, surprisingly.
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"My careers slowing down". His career has been dead for YEARS
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"And on the other you have the ass beating, knuckle-cracking father of the family Values tour and purveyor of Angry-at-your-dad rap/metal, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst."
What? Who starts a sentence with, "And on the other?" Also, who thinks Fred Durst is a tough guy? No one. -
The Black News Bears.
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WHO KNEW ???????????
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WHO KNEW THAT TOO???????
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Seen Durst first movie? The education of Charlie Banks? When will that be out on the DVDs?
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My sarcasm detector is picking up 0% here, which freaks me out.
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Just in case there was still any debate on this matter...
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They're re-imagining the movie "Quarterback Princess" that had Helen Hunt. That will be a pass for me...no pun intended.
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