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Wanna Threesome With Scarlett Johansson?
Hey folks, Harry here... There are reasons I love my wife - one of the key reasons is that she's totally down for us having a Threesome with Scarlett Johansson. So imagine my delight, when I went to ScarlettJohansson.Com today, like I do everyday - and I found that Scarlett is looking for the perfect pair to have a Threesome with. Holy shit... there is a God... and her name is Scarlett Johansson - and she wants a Threesome with my wife and me! Actually... that isn't entirely true. She wants to have a threesome with some couple. I've submitted over 300 times this morning, but I figure... maybe if I appealed to all of you to make my wife's dream come true... and you could email Scarlett at this email address and let her know how much she would enjoy a Threesome with Harry Knowles & his wife. This is the reason I've been losing my weight. This is my Olympics, my 8 Gold Medals... This is my fate! Join me in my cause. Together we can make my wife the happiest little lady on the planet... just after Scarlett Johansson, that is!
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+ Expand All
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Yes! Always wanted to do that!
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mm yeah...
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Puke
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...it says on the site that "Threesome refers to the moviegoing date experience consisting of three people."
It's just some lame date. It was just too good to be true.
You need to read the fine print Mr. Harry. -
Quite.
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your wife is gonna have to sit this one out...on the bright side, it gives you and Quint an opportunity to get a lot more familiar with eachother....
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Are you serious Banzai Rootskibango? Just askin...
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...to be one of the sexiest women in the film industry. Have you guys seen Match Point? Jonathan Rhys Meyers, you lucky son of a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!
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'So I can get you drunk and fuck you 'til my cock breaks' wont win it then :(
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...check the site! I swear it says it at the bottom.
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...sloppy can be a good thing in certain respects...
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Woody Allen film...What a gull-a-bull.
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Aug 14, 2008 12:18:46 PM CDT
So, Woody Allen is pimping out Scarlett Johansson...
by -guyinthebackrow
Prettyyyyy, prettyyy, prettyyyyy tasteless.
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Damn you Michael Bay!!
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...Woody Allen would be the other dude in the threesome. That means you'd look like Superman in comparrison.
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...the longest talkback in Ain't it Cool history.
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...with Scarlett. Sexy time.
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and break out the video camera!
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...I'm going with the spirit of what Mr. Harry wrote...it is insinuated that it is a real threesome. When someone uses the word "threesome" what comes to mind? Obviously, it's not gonna be what is insinuated, I'm just trying to have some fun with it you hoople-headed cocksucker.
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She's good looking and all but going to ScarlettJohansson.com everyday? lame.
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Moriarty knows Harvey Weinstein! Masswyrm dated several girls before getting married! Harry likes ScarJo and got a tummy tuck. Guys we all love the site ... but this Ain't why we come. Get it ... Ain't
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...proofs of purchase I sent in to win the Brand New Huffy BMX bike from Captain Crunch cereal when I was a kid??!! I found The Captain on that treasure map on the back of the fucking box and everything...dreams DO. NOT. COME. TRUE. I was happy today...and now I'm bitter. Fuck.
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But Herc and I have talked thing over, and we've decided it will be a foursome. Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Herc, and me.
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Aug 14, 2008 12:28:31 PM CDT
So, what is Reynolds gonna sit in the corner spanking it?
by rev_skarekroe
Maybe occasionally offering up commentary and directions."Just keep doing what you're doing. Yeah..."
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and you said work instead of word. You are upset. Tell you what, look in your mailbox in two days and that shiny new bike is going to be waiting for you.
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Read the fineprint. "Threesome refers to the moviegoing date experience consisting of three people."
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Fred too scared to say anything else though.
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Aug 14, 2008 12:31:26 PM CDT
Well I finally get to bring this up and it's in context
by cotton mcknight
I think any guy who really REALLY likes her is secretly homosexual. She has too many "man" features for that not to be the case. The husky voice, the choir boy face.. its like a dream for the closet homosexuals out there. You get to be with a guy who has guy features but she never was a guy and she has lady parts.
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maybe she can be convinced to butter your corndog and eat it whole while you watch.
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...but sometimes we don't get what we want, Mr Knowles!
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As long as I get me some Scarlett, that is. That's worth it right??
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His own wife wants a foursome and doesn't even want him to be a part of it. Kill yourself now Harry.
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dude...you're projecting.
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We're talking movies over here....FUCK!!
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...yeah, we'd all like her to put on some football pads and mens after shave while you're at it.
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Aug 14, 2008 12:36:47 PM CDT
10 years ago I wanted a threesome with Xena & Gabrielle.
by derlanghaarige
But I guess nobody cares.
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and its a threesome with yourself, Woody, and an underaged Korean girl with the body of a twelve year old boy...
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...beg you to fuck her...
...in the turd-cutter. -
Biggest fag in the talkbacks.
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...to cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.
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Harry, I have been a loyal reader of your site for many years now and that headline is hands-down the best one you have ever posted. You put a big ol' smile on my face, just thinking about the glorious possibility of sex with Scarlett. Good times.
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all the while shouting "I LOVED The Black Dahlia.."
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BMX all the way. Pegs, one of those things that lets you spin the handlebars 360, the works.
However, I will need a validation of your story. I know you don't have the proof of purchases anymore but I'm sure before you mailed them you made a photocopy of all of them. I'll be a sport and send the bike with my return address, you just go ahead and mail me the photocopy. -
...Nicole Sullivan and Christy Carlson Romano? I mean...come on, there is no other way for a man who doesn't live in a cartoon to have a threesome with Kim Possible and Shego!
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between a fat guy with a massively hideous orange chin strap, and a skinny, loose-skinned guy with a massively hideous orange chin strap.
I'll let you do the math. -
The only flaw in your theory is that homosexuals like men, not women who look like men but big old, hairy, man love. So, even somebody was so repressed that they were only attracted to women who looked like men it's still not going to work. It would be like ordering a foot long, juicy hotdog and unwrapping the paper to find a greasy taco. You get the idea...
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...Scarlett Johansson is definitely NOT on my list of women who I want a threesome with. I just don't like her. Not as an actress, not as object of sexual desire.
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As first I thought you wrote Christy Canyon..her labia's got to be hitting the ground by now..
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then it's a win, win.
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You really did son. That goes into the booby hall of fame or shame.
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Because I too had the same dream. Life is cruel to offer so many possibilities but so few probabilities.
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Sex with Harry techincally counts as a threesome.
what say you, Yoko?
PS: She's got mod powers. At least now we know who was doing the indescriminate banhammering in the scriptgirl talkback. And here I thought being one of the first to call her Yoko was just a funny joke. Guess I feel silly now. -
Sex with Harry is technically a moresome.
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...You're never supposed to go full retard.
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The end.
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more cushion for the pushin'.
scarlett johansson would be lucky to tongue shovel harry's stink ditch.
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...on her genitals...but hey, who says we can't go back to her place and feel each other up on the couch? That's not sex. It's pre-sex.
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Imagine you could travel through time and space and could have sex with two of your future or past incarnations, would you "fuck yourself"? (Let's imagine the Timecop rules don't apply here)
I mean, it's not really worse than jerking off anyway, only that you have real sex this time. And yes, I know it's technically gay sex and even the most liberal hetero isn't necessarily into trying this, but on the other hand, it's just you! Discuss! -
...here...I think we called them Xerox's back then, and to get one I would have had to go to NASA...or the Oval Office or something. Maybe Donald Trump had one. Anyway...now I'm screwed by that sweet crunchy Captain once again. Come to think of it...that cereal was so crunchy it always made the roof om my mouth sore. I'm starting to really hate that guy. This day has gone to shit.
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YA YOU HEARD ME LETS DO IT AND GIT ALL STICKY AND SWEATY AND STUFFF YEA
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Sadly I will have to settle with my daily One-somes with her picture...
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I mean, just looking at her makes me want to throw up. I don't know how any straight male can think she is attractive. She looks like the aborted fetus of a cow and penguin's baby. She looks like the rotted corpse of a dead hyena that was sacrificied to some kind of tribal god and left out in the sun for 8 weeks. I mean, it's her teeth man. Those teeth look like a horse with down syndrome. I wouldn't let her touch me or my super fucking hot girlfriend with a 20 foot pole even if it had a wad of cash tied on the end of the pole. When will hollywood realize that these "women" are just way below my standards? Anyone who thinks she is attractive must be a gay.
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I think it's acceptable to time travel, have sex with yourself and maintain your hetrosexuality. It's not like when you're jerking off you're getting all excited because you've got your hand on a dick, is it? As long as both your incarnations are approaching the situation from this angle then it's masturbation. But what if you're future self has discovered an open sexuality that's all the rage in the future but has previously been so deeply repressed that your past self isn't aware of it? So, your future self is getting a kick out of the man on man action but your past self thinks he's involved in the ultimate wanking session. But then maybe it's your future self's visit that triggers you're new found sexuality? It's complicated so, I'd avoid it and if the opportunity for time travel presents itself go see some dinosaurs instead.
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Read your own post.
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Believe it or not, but that's pretty much the most intelligent answer that I ever got to this question.
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and its just silly to what extent some of you are going in order to "convince" the rest of the galaxy that she is not.
now - had some of you gone with the 'She's attractive but not nearly as much as some people make her out to be' then I'd figure it was just a matter of taste. But comparing her to dessicated swine carcasses? First off, you've never looked hard at a rotten pig corpse, and second - you're being an idiot in front of a whole bunch of people. Knock it off, or I'll diagnose you with Autism faster than you can say "waa i cut myself nao"
So please stop with the fake "she's so ugly it hurts the eyes" nonsense because nobody is buying it. -
Jerking off is one thing, fucking my own dirty rank ass is another. Maybe if i could go back too when I was a real young boy my ass wouldn't be so ....uh forget I said that.
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...if you could time-travel would you have sex with a dinosaur?
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What if your future self gave you AIDs? I will wonder what my future self has been doing. But then as a result, if I give my past self AIDs, won't that mean I've always had AIDs? And then why haven't I died because past self existed before really good AIDs treatment, so how can a present and moreso a future me exist?
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...to make Barack Obama jealous for publicly rolling his eyes at her little love notes. (sigh.) Desperate, sister, way too desperate.
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Evidently, you bought it. I think it says something about the preposterous state of affairs here if my mockery is undetectable.
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Sailor, this leads to an interesting question: Could a pedophile become a pedophile because he raped himself when he was a kid? (Am I banned now?)
And Banzai: Only if it was a sex-o-saurus. Or a Sleestack. -
Greatest...response...ever.
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C'mon, Woody fucked his stepdaughter. I wouldn't call that old fashioned. I'm sure he could teach you a thing or two.
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So you wouldn't want to hang out with Scarlett for the day?. Go back to thinking about Judd apatow and how much you think he's a hack.
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Simpy bravo.
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That this talkback isn't even half as filthy as the average Scriptgirl talkback.
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Yes.
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...10...I don't know...10 seconds is a lot...I'm gonna have to go with a resounding no. Sorry Scarlett, I love you...but you know how it works with dignity.
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She's so ugly that the first time I saw her I fell to my knees and wept because I knew there was no God. I want to save up enough money so that I can send her and every image of her into space via rocket ship. I would just send the rocket into the sun, but I would not want to subject the sun to that kind of horror. My only fear is that an alien civilization may retrieve the Johansen rocket. Cthulhu himself would take one look at her nose and pass her off to his winman. When the first picture of SJ surfaced, people went out onto the streets, wailing and gnashing their teeth.
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This is great, Harry! I wish you all the luck in the world, you big lug! You're gonna need it!) ;) ;) ;)
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So, Dapper Swindler is apparently Justin Timberlake.
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Then this talkback has achieved something
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Would you pinch Harry's nose closed while your cock was in his mouth so he would gag and have to spit it out?
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Until the people who say she is unattractive admit they are full of shit. ...Or until I get bored.
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No, but I'd smack him in the back of the head and make him call me Brett Ratner.
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That e-mail address is going to get some truly fucked up e-mails.
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Okay, it was a ten piece mcnugget extra value meal from McDonalds but ya know I meant well.
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I think that this contest is going to be every man (woman?) for himself (herself?)...
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Does this make anyone want to see that film? At all?
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..people are faced with the big questions in life: why are we here? what are we doing? But now science and religion must finally come together so that we may one day come up with an explanation for the fugliness of Scarlet Johannsen. Top minds from around the world are currently working towards a solution.
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You can take my spot, I'm not big on sharing.
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Someone call Adrian Veidt, he's big on Eugenics.
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of Scarlett. Been saving for years. That paper route has truly paid off for me. Built character and excited for my RealDoll.
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Just don't use sticky back plastic
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This seriously sounds like something out of a movie satirizing Hollywood or something. Hey, is this a gag in Tropic Thunder? They missed the boat I guess.
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This skipped the boat, had sex with the shark and never called it back.
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Bring in Natalie Portman, I'll get my Henry VIII costume on, and we'll keep bonin' 'til the breaka breaka dawn.
Damn... gotta go take care of some bidness now. Peace. -
We wonder why our mulitplexes are filled with sophomoric crap and then you post stuff like this because you think its funny. This isn't helping us raise the bar on Hollywood product, Harry. Make this site mean something.
file-film.blogspot.com
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Is that your blog, pal? Good on ya.
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...Scarlett has some pretty amazing boobies.
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you got me.
Hopefully you'll find me woefully undersized and throw me back, but for the time being, you got me. -
That sounds less ridiculous than this.
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cuz he makes about as much sense as those silly 'date a millionaire' reply-bots from about a month back.
also, if you can't afford the $9.95 a month for a domain, then put the keyboard away - blogging is not for you. -
i also wish to make a pointless statement followed by a plug to my blog... filmguy27@blogspot.yahoo
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It does, doesn't it? Crazy fucking Internet.
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Lay off the guy. Nothing wrong with having a blog - some people don't like posting absolute shit on a domain site.
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You DO know this isn't sexual, right? Read the fine print at all?
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Aug 14, 2008 2:41:58 PM CDT
Remember the photo shoot Scarlett did with Dita von Teese?
by half vader
Looking very 'strict'? Ah... happy times.
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So let's not throw Woody's name in there. It's also for a charity, so I'm pretty sure Harry's just pulling your legs to help out. He's not an idiot.
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Harry's the same guy who wrote a blog entry where he discussed the sexuality of Claire Bennett, so I wouldn't immediately say Harry's pulling our legs...
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It just doesn't work. In the end it's always two people getting it on and another guy/girl feeling pretty left out.
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But she will let you do her up the arse.
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will be with Ben & Jerry.
Ba-zing! -
almost made me not want to pound her hot pussy and cum on her ecstatic, upturned, moaning face as she begs for more LaserCock. Almost.
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...are you a graphic artist?
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Graphic design is one of the things I do with my time in addition to teaching, writing, and making with the musick. It should explain the vivid imagination about things that will most likely never happen; like, for instance, coating the lovely Ms. Johansson with gallons of my hot sticky seed.
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with the Golden Girls!
But now, it ain't gonna happen!
I don't even know which ones are still alive... -
I guess that would have been a fivesome...
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How many people need to be involved before you can officially call it an orgy?
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I'd tag those tits but that's about it.
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Careful there Harry... chances are you as the lone fella in this "drie ecke" will have blown your load watching.... and then the ladies will go on to marathon lovin.... just proposing some advanced strategy here.....
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Hell yeah!
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...it's a not a real threesome? I'm so shocked!
Humor, my good sir. Humor. -
Cotton McKnight, DerLanghaarige, FlickaPoo, Sailor Rip you guys fucking crack me up. And to all you gay talkbackers who think she's unattractive, especially you Cotton......you are why incest is illegal in this country.
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http://tinyurl.com/pv8do
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(anyone else here play golf?)
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need a "cute" AICN writer/contributor ID? Cripes, just call her Patricia. "Yoko" is a 20-years-dead joke. (I'd say almost 28, but that would be tasteless.)
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Barnacles. I won't believe till I see it = sex tape.
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so here at the bottom im not sure if we still think this is for real or not, so let me know. somebody told poor harry this isnt a sexual threesome, right? dont feel like reading through for the inevitable head smack.
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...Harry knew it was a joke.
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but Scarlett is one of those women who needs to be photographed carefully. Her outsize lips (fake?) can make her look a bit freakish.
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Now there's a twosome I wouldn't mind seeing.
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As if Scarlett Johannson is gonna have sex with random strangers to promote her career....she's not Lindsey Lohan!! For dumbasses who cant read, you can certainly write some stupid shit!!
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Aug 14, 2008 6:10:07 PM CDT
If this is true, I've lost all respect for her as a human being.
by starwarsredux
On the other hand, if this is just a stupid marketing lark, then I've only lost all respect for her as an actress. There's a difference.
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But what is the young actress supposed to do with all of Harry's jiggly folds of flesh hanging off his newly svelte body? Shit, what does his wife do? Harry, please don't talk about sex anymore. Please. It's not a topic for you.
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when I say NOBODY wants Harry to have sex with ANYTHING ever. The fact that this idea was even put into my brain is disgusting. I love you man, but the further you are in my mind from the wonderful world of sex, the better.
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fuck you in your fat folds for even posting this not-even-new nonsense story.
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Aids was created by Time Travel.
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I too have learnt that if you have anal sex with yourself regardless of having any std's or aids prior to said anal sex, you will miraculously create aids in yourself...thank you JacksUserID for you informative comment....dumbass!!
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I dont think its disgust KOTC_SKULLFUCK, I dont think he can read and understand what he's reading. Most children cover comprehension in elementary school, obviously StarWarsRedux has yet to take this class, I did it at 5 years old.
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You are 100% right. Could you imagine those milkbags popping out of her shiny body suit? I mean, could you fucking imagine?! It would have been a gift to the world forever.
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...should be a regular feature in all future talkbacks...you know...once things have calmed down a bit. It will be like the end of Doogie Howser...but different.
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...in this talkback I learned that I shouldn't be so upset all the time because Huffy is a shit brand of Toys'R'Us BMX bike anyway.
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Scarlett has great boobies, spotty 14 year old virgins get very irate when you promise them the possibility of sex with a movie star and dont deliver...oh and harry still has a weight issue....anything else guys??
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...a guy can dream can't he?
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im not attracted to her at all, i probably wont be able to get it up when shes around. i rather have a threesome with harry and his wife,
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....do a naked conga line dance around the room, drunk off our asses with socks on our dicks and Peter Gabriel blasting in the next room.
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...we always knew you've been angling to worm your way into that conga line...
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Aug 14, 2008 8:11:56 PM CDT
FlickaPoo -- Yeah right. They would embargo the shit outta me.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
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Aug 14, 2008 8:15:45 PM CDT
I would have called for a nation wide boycott of Indy IV....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...if I wrote for this site. And George would have put a fucking hit out on my kids. Can't do it man....can't do that to them.
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so what does he do when she's in the lobby of the building he works the desk at? "Scarlett, what's up?". "Nothing, what's up". "What are you doing here?". "going to a party". "Alright". Then the elevator came and she went out of his life forever.
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shes a celebrity she cant talk to normal people like us she looks down on us
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with your friends conversational skills, it really is a mystery he didn't win her over with his witty repartee
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and you don't even TRY to kick it to her? Not even a little bit? C'mon, take your balls out of the glass case you've got em in. And though it may be true about celebs thinking they're above non famous people, it's a natural law that a women are generally wired to respond to dick. This overrides almost any other instinct in many women. I have hot friends with gross men, but the men were undaunted and the women responded to the balls. And as for celeb women, a guy I know made out with Cameron Diaz in a club two weeks ago, and this guy ain't no George Clooney.
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so he lied lol. she has a boyfriend or something, but to her making out is just part of every party. plus he didnt fuck her so he didnt get anywhere. she makes out with all kinds of people no problem, but scarlet is more modest so good luck finding her drunk making out with strangers.
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There's something a little condescending about the whole "taking out the everyman/woman" thing. Selling sexuality is nothing new-- nor is using it as false advertisement. But what is this, exactly? Selling friendship? I don't know why, but reading the fine print actually made it seem even more unsavory for me. Soliciting for sex is trashy, but not too surprising. This, on the other hand, just feels phony. Maybe I'm a tad cynical here, and if so, guilty as charged...
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"Selling friendship?" I would hardly call being the guest of someone as a 'friendship'.
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Aug 14, 2008 10:53:51 PM CDT
You all realize her Woody film threesome is PG-13 back-nudity?
by tallboy66
What a fuckin gyp.
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but I'm just trying to get across that women can be freaks regardless of social status. And a modest image often means nothing; Orthodox Jewish girls GET DOWN! Here's to hoping so does Scarlett.
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PG-13....Woody Allen.....must resist the urge...for joke in bad taste.....argh!
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Like I said, I don't really know what to call it. Feels pretty empty, though, for a "guest" offer to scream "threesome" so loud.
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Mine!
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the movie being promoted is about a love triangle...hence the 'threesome' thing.
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I went and saw the Clone Wars movie/tv thing yesterday.
It's awful, but the thing I kept trying to keep in persective was that the high production quality & theatrical presentation, it's definitely a kiddie tv show (barring a few decapitated heads!). Definitely no better and definitely no worse. You just except the writing to not be clichéd garbage where they spout catchphrasey-tweeny one-liners for no actual reason because the visuals are proficient.
The only thing that surprised me was just how much unadulterated and unused Ralph McQuarrie stuff they used. It's like the only thing that made it through the process unscathed!
And the less said about the mincing cajun hutt/Oogie Boogie the better. -
..I've had enough. This website sold out a long time ago, and now exists to allow a disgustingly fat man to boast about how he actually found a woman to marry him while being pimped out to screenings and used by studios. The Clone Wars debacle made me reconsider sticking with a site I've visited for the past five or six years, but this is just too much to swallow. Aint It Sold Out! I'd rather go without the "news" that this site offers.
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Yet many find it funny. Such is the way of the world :(
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to be male. Every woman is wired to respond to dick? Are you fucking serious? I hope you get locked in a room with the cast of The L Word and get your stupid ass beat.
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you people, man
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