Beaks here...

I think I've missed just about every press screening they've held for Larry Bishop's biker flick throwback HELL RIDE, so I guess I'm gonna have to pay to see it this weekend. Let's check in with "Jeff" to see if that's a good idea.

Harry,

My roommate and I attended a screening of Larry Bishop's Hell Ride last night in Chicago. The screening was about three quarters full mostly of the usual crowd (not as many hobos though...they always seem to show up at these free screenings).

I didn't much care for Bishop's previous film Mad Dog Time (aka Trigger Happy), it fell into that post-Tarantino 90s rut where it had a bunch of good actors in it but it didn't give any of them much to do or say. Which is the same problem with Hell Ride. Bishop doesn't have a problem creating a world of characters he just can't develop a plot for them..

The story starts with Pistolero (Larry Bishop looking like Tom Savini and acting like he's drunk or tough...I don't know which), The Gent (a really weathered Michael Madsen dressed like a 50s comic) and Comanche (Eric Balfour who is supposed to be 40 but looks more like 28) atttending a biker funeral with their gang, The Victors. It seems their decade spanning war with the rival 666ers (who act and dress the same as they do) has reached a head and they want revenge against Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones who actually earned a lot of credit from me in Midnight Meat Train as an actor but just growls his lines), who explains his name in one of the movie's best scenes. David Carradine and Dennis Hopper show up intermittenly and seem to be having a good time (Carradine just seems pleased to be in a movie released theatrically). The film flashs back to 1976 frequently to show why there is such a feud between the two gangs but in retrospect it doesn't really matter.

Since the movie is set in 2008 (though it doesn't feel like it) I have to wonder what Pistolero and his gang are actually rebelling against since there is nothing to rebel against since there is no such thing as rebelling anymore (at least here in America). Perhaps that is the point of the movie...the editing isn't fluid at all and the story seems listless and bed ridden...its so bloated it can barely drag itself to any sort of conclusion. The movie's point may just be that it doesn't matter why there is this feud between the 666ers and the Victors or what Comanche's relationship may be to Pistolero since the days of bikers ruling the roads is pretty much over. Nevertheless, the movie waxes poetic like astroglide and the dialogue seems to stem from the overuse and double entrendres of a single word (in one over the top flirtation scene the word is "fire").

I can't say the movie is well done or even an effective homage to past biker movies since most of those revolve a group of rowdy barbarians showing up in a town and annoying the locals until the locals attack them with a fury which always begs the question...who are the real monsters? Hell Ride has none of that however it is better then Wild Hogs but I don't know what that means...

Rating: C-

Eh... C- is still passing. What say you, "DoubleO"?

What's up Moriarty, caught a screening of Hell Ride last night...disappointment. Anywhere here's my review if you wanna use it.

The story revolves around three bikers, Pistolero, Comanche and The Gent. We follow them as they try to avenge murders, find treasure, and eliminate the rival gang.

Wow...I mean, really...WOW if you were to look up the term wasted idea I'm pretty sure the poster for 'Hell Ride' is sitting right next to it. The flick was produced by Quentin Tarantino and it's pretty obvious that he had his hand it is making it, unfortunately he didn't have a hand in writing it because the story here was disjointed, and chaotic and was basically the cinematic equivalent of a kid with ADD running around a Chuck E. Cheese by himself.. it didn't really know where it wanted to go. There's a main plot that you could miss if you happen to zone out for a second and about three sub plots that never really pan out or even bother to really tie in to the main plot. Now, one of my main reasons for wanting to catch this flick in the first place was Vinnie Jones, the guy is gold and is one of the MOST underused villains in all of Hollywood (You'd know Vinnie as the lead soccer hooligan from Euro-Trip, or as the Juggernaut in X Men 3) Unfortunately the creators of this movie decided to make him little more than screen filler who at no point posed any real threat, and for some reason he was using an accent that just didn't work and sounded like a mixture of British and Canadian....weird. It wasn't all bad though the three main bikers played by Eric Balfour, Larry Bishop and Micheal Madsen were likable even if Madsen really seemed to be just going through the motions. The movie was also shot nicely, all of the scenes of the group riding down the dust strewn road were awesome to look at and the soundtrack added a funky quality to it all. There was also no shortage of beautiful women to be seen. There was, however, a shortage of clothes to cover them so I see this having a long life as a late night skinemax feature for 12 year old boys all over the world to love. The other shining point of the movie was in it's run time, at just barley over an hour you didn't have to suffer through too much, so at least they made it quick.

Judgment: A good idea completely wasted for lack of any thing resembling a story. Hopefully this will at least inspire someone who sees it to make a GOOD biker western so that some good may come of it. Don't see it in theaters, Don't Rent it, if your hungover on a Saturday morning and you don't feel like getting up to change the channel....then OK, check it out. But don't say I didn't warn you.

I like that DoubleO identified Vinnie Jones as the "lead soccer hooligan from EURO TRIP". I also like that he just saved me $10.