While I'm here at Moriarty Labs, I figured I'd interrogate him about his recent adventures before I go have my own... later tonight on the set of... Well... shucks, you'll have to wait and see.
Moriarty.... Tell me what you heard today?
Well, I had a chance to hear many cool things today, including a fair section of the score that Stephen Warbeck wrote for MYSTERY MEN. I managed to subdue a Sony guard and sneak onto the scoring stage, where I found the entire MM team hard at work. My problems with the original ending to the film are no longer relevant, I learned, since director Kinka Usher has come up with a new, more focused way to make the film pay off. As far as Warbeck's score is concerned, it's really not your standard-issue cookie-cutter superhero music. I managed to hypnotize producer Lloyd Levin into discussing the approach to the score. Since the characters in the film are so determined to be superheroes that they've made costumes and actually go out on patrol every night, it would make sense that they hear their own theme music in their heads. Warbeck has managed to write the music they're hearing, and the effect makes this comedy somehow poignant. That's not the best thing I heard today, though.
Well gosh Mr. I'm Gonna Be A Coy Bastard, what was the Best thing you heard today, oh pretty please with sugar and almonds and coconut on top?
Remember that Kinka was under my evil hypnotic influence when he said this. I commented on Michael Bay's cameo in the film and asked why he had been included in the movie. Kinka's exact answer was, "Everyone deserves to be associated with at least one good movie in their lifetime... and you can quote me on that." I'm sure when the post-hypnotic suggestion wears off, Kinka's going to send the real Mystery Men after me to kick some ass, but how great is that line?!?
Well given I have a paid-off contract to be nothing but nice to Michael Bay I have to say how utterly offended I am at his comment about another fine director's work. Ahhhhh.... What am I saying? That's pretty darn funny Monsieur Moriarty. But the real issue is... Exactly why do you keep all these inept men around you... That's the true mystery?
Do not mock my henchmen, Mr. Knowles. It's because of them that I'm able to infiltrate sets with them running interference. It's because of them that I'm able to gather every single draft of every single script in town. And you don't want me to send them after you the way I'm mobilizing them to go take out Jeff Wells. You haven't read HANNIBAL but you'll condemn it based on someone else's synopsis? That's just retarded, sir.