Movie News

Vern asks Why Watch Dark Knight when you could be watching...

Published at: July 19, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST by quint

Well it looks like this week is Nerd Hanukkah, when everybody freaks out about the new Batman movie and then they go to San Diego and they seem to open presents every day. I'm not clear what exactly it is they do there but it apparently involves comic books and occasionally Halle Berry or Charlize Theron or somebody. There will be alot of exciting posters passed out or something and lots of exciting news will be broken about some movie or other. You'll be hearing about your star treks and your hobbits and your Iron Man part 2s and what not. But there is one sequel that you won't be hearing jack shit about there unless you are currently sitting there reading this article. Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I got the exclusive inside scoop on a movie and the title alone is gonna knock your god damn socks off. Your socks are gonna tear right through your fuckin Captain America boots, fly across the room and land on a table where somebody from some Dr. Who spinoff is signing autographs. There's only one thing to do, I gotta spit it out: THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL. Starring WESLEY GOD DAMN SNIPES. (straight to video) Yeah, THE ART OF WAR. Such a perfect title. A reference to the Sung Tzu book, so everybody can relate. Action movie fans or war buffs know it's supposed to be badass, business men or rappers think it makes them cool and deep if they quote it. But also it just has that yin and yang shit going on. ART is the creative act that man strives to perform, WAR is the destructive one he usually does instead. And in its star ART OF WAR had both - the art of the classically trained dramatic actor, the war of the cocky capoeira motherfucker from BLADE. ART + WAR = Wesley Snipes. So maybe it's some kind of justice that THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL would be, as far as I can figure, the first DTV sequel to a theatrical movie that retains the original star. They could've easily done it with DMX or Bill Goldberg. In fact they went so far as to make an ART OF WAR II starring Treach, but fate and the Internal Revenue Service intervened and Wesley offered to do one himself. (The Treach one is listed as INTERVENTION on IMDb, as if they're gonna pretend it's not a sequel, but I've been told it will probaly be released as ART OF WAR 3 somewhere down the line.) Let's not get too excited though, fellas. One problem with making this a trilogy: THE ART OF WAR wasn't very good. Definitely slicker than part 2 here, but not memorable at all. He was some kind of U.N. guy I remember. He wore a cool African hat in one part. That's about it. But that's the weird world of DTV, I guess. Nobody has to like the movie, nobody even has to know about the movie. It's sequel recognition, one step below name recognition. If it's part 2 then somebody must've liked part 1, right? Semi-legitimacy. Snipes returns as Neil Shaw (now answering the phone with the much cooler handle Nigel Stone). He's left the spy game and now works as a consultant for movies, but he gets pulled back into it when his mentor (a "super agent crossdressing martial arts instructor" named Mother) gets killed, and when his actor friend who's running for senator gets blackmailed, and when he gets framed for a political assassination, and that type of deal. Snipes's performance is a little stiff in a few scenes. He does do a funny expression when a woman at his master's funeral says "Mother was my father," and he has a couple funny smartass moments. I always like Wesley but I've seen much worse movies where he gave better performances. I guess he had alot on his mind. The fights are pretty good though, and they remind you how tragic it is that Wesley's not doing real action movies anymore. He and his stunt double are a great team. There's a fight on a boat that lasts less than half a minute, is cut too quick and has a little bit of shakycam, but the moves shine through. Later fights are longer, sometimes lit too dark. My favorite is the second boat fight, where after some fancy kicks he singles out one of the guy's pinkies and breaks it. Then he lassos him with a fire hose. My favorite scene though is the almost-climactic shootout, because that's where Wesley gets to be funniest. This one brings out the classic action movie trope of the superweapon - the villains are into cutting edge military hardware and shoot bullets that act as little CGI missiles. Wesley says "Damn, what the hell was that!?" because he was totally unaware of that subplot. The director is Josef Rusnak, the guy who did THE THIRTEENTH FLOOR and the upcoming unnecessary remake of IT'S ALIVE. He does okay I guess. Maybe he should get credit for leaving in weird little touches like the funeral full of drag queens. There are funny parts here and there, like the scene where Wesley switches phones with some dudes at a gas station and then subdues them with the deadly art of squeegee. And there's a scene where he fucks with the Department of Homeland Security by pumping rats into their building, which was kind of funny since I saw it before I saw WANTED. Who ever thought that British pipsqueak would one-up Wesley by putting bombs on his rats? Seems so obvious in retrospect, but ART OF WAR II was made in a more naive time. There are a couple subtle twists on typical action movie plot points. There's the standard scene where the hero is about to get shot but suddenly the bad guy falls over dead and the girlfriend is standing behind him with a gun. But usually when that happens there's no consequences - in this one you get a whole scene where she cries, complains that she will be wanted for murder, and pulls over to throw up. Another one is the computer expert guy they use to hack into CIA computers and what not (unfortunately the words "blogosphere" and "hacktivist" are both used in this movie). Many action movies use a character like that to get information to the hero, but then they usually disappear. In this one the authorities track them down, kick the door in and kill them all. Also there's a little trick after the opening. It cuts to Afghanistan, where an idealistic female journalist has scored a dangerous assignment, and she and her crew get stuck in a gun battle. It turns out to be the movie Snipes is working on, and of course we've seen that routine a million times. But this one goes on a little longer than usual and because so many DTV movies these days take place at least partially in Afghanistan it was convincing that this was what the movie was gonna be about. And when it's not you think "Oh, thank God" because you didn't want to watch that shit. That's just a couple touches though - overall it feels fairly generic. I think it's an above average DTV sequel, but I wouldn't really recommend it to anybody who's not a Snipes completist or a serious DTV action aficionado. Or Treach - I would recommend he watch it in case they do a part 4, so he knows more of the backstory. The rest of you feel free to sit this one out. If you can only watch one DTV sequel to a not very good Wesley Snipes movie, the Snipesless UNDISPUTED II: LAST MAN STANDING is actually a better bet. Okay, I give in, I'll mention Wesley's troubles with the law. The guy is supposed to get 3 years in the can and the prosecutors are openly saying that they want to make an example out of him. Personally I believe in paying taxes, because I like when the street lights come on and the bridges don't collapse. But I also don't like what they do with most of our taxes so if Wesley was serious about his tax protest I can understand. On the other hand, who the fuck thinks that's gonna work? As a wise character played by Wesley Snipes once said, "Motherfuckers always tryin to ice skate uphill." So okay, real stupid move on Wesley's part. But it still seems kind of fucked. If you're a celebrity you can get away with slitting a few throats, shooting your wife, molesting kids, videotaping yourself peeing in a 13 year old girl's mouth, etc. We're gonna let those ones go and it's the guy who doesn't pay taxes we want to make an example out of? I don't get it. Make him pay the back taxes, plus a huge fine, plus some community service (ideally BLADE 4). Putting him in prison is not gonna help anybody unless it's to film a cameo for UNDISPUTED 3 in which case it would help Scott Adkins a little. Why is this the guy we're making an example out of? How about we make an example out of the girl-peeing guy after he makes a couple more chapters of TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET? That's just an idea I came up with, thanks for listening. If you guys like peeing on kids though that's fine, put Wesley in jail. I doubt he'd come back for ART OF WAR PART 4 anyway. In unrelated DTV sequel news I noticed something called BELLY 2: MILLIONAIRE BOYZ CLUB comes out on August 12th, same day as this one. Not much info is available but it's not directed by Hype Williams, it stars The Game, and doesn't seem to have any connection to BELLY at all. Another example of sequel recognition for you. In this case the small cult following of BELLY knows it's not related but feels like they should watch the official part 2 just to have an opinion on it. I think this is a shitty thing to do since Williams has been trying for years to make a sequel called BEAST. Does this mean that's officially dead? Does anybody know? If you do email me. --Vern http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern http://www.titanbooks.com/products/us/10148-seagalogy/

Readers Talkback

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  • July 19, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    first

    by ManEatingFish

    ...

  • July 19, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Always bet on black!

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • July 19, 2008, 1:55 p.m. CST

    by Tarashian

    Because this is the definitive Batman film a lot of us have been waiting our entire lives for? Just a guess..

  • July 19, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    TDK will help put snipes back on the big screen

    by g-ride9000

  • July 19, 2008, 1:58 p.m. CST

    ..VErn

    by huggerorange

    Is there any teeny bit of news on Wesley Snipes's GallowWalker??

  • July 19, 2008, 1:59 p.m. CST

    Am I my brother's keeper!?

    by Baked

    Gratuitous Wesley Snipes quote. And it was either that or something stupid about "Suckheads" and I don't want to be THAT douche.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:03 p.m. CST

    IT'D BE COOL IF HELLBOY JOINED GHOSTBUSTERS

    by ingloriousjedi

    IN A MIXED MOVIE SLASH SPINOFF

  • July 19, 2008, 2:04 p.m. CST

    YES I AM!

    by dr sauch

    classic

  • July 19, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Hence fourth 19 July Will be known as Nerdukkah

    by Xiphos_2

    As it is written so shall it be.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:09 p.m. CST

    So.....

    by The Dum Guy

    Whats this "tax" thing all about, is it like e-mails or faxes? And, why do you have to pay for them?

  • July 19, 2008, 2:13 p.m. CST

    KILL SWITCH!!! Vern. Are you getting a sneak peek?

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    I liked The Art of War.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Good addition to the Snipes Legend.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:16 p.m. CST

    YAWN!!

    by The Gospel According to Bastardface

    How can someone write so much about something so disinteresting.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    TDK FTW

    by DarfurFTW

  • July 19, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Wesley Snipes= the poor man's Chris Tucker.

    by ChrisTuckersOnlyFan

  • July 19, 2008, 2:36 p.m. CST

    So who pissed into a girl's mouth?

    by theycallmemrglass

    I figured some of the other obvious ones (Simpson, Jackson) but not that one. And who slit other throats? I like Vern's idea of Snipes community service by doing Blade 4!

  • July 19, 2008, 2:40 p.m. CST

    vern

    by theBigWasted

    you rule. that is all.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Snipes career in the last decade...

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    has to be one of the most spectacular and sad nosedives I've ever seen. What. The. Fuck. Happened!?

  • July 19, 2008, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Berenger returned for Sniper 2, didnt he?

    by BitterMan23

    Also, I think Art of War was the last non-Blade movie from Snipes I saw. I remember it being incredibly boring. Even Michael Biehn sucked.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Making an example of Snipes

    by antonphd

    I'll be the first to say it... Obama, you had better fucking bail out Snipes when you are President. I know it will look bad, but what they are doing to him is racist and EVERYONE knows it. Karl Rove didn't pay taxes for 3-5 years and he got off with a fine. This is bullshit what they are doing to Snipes.

  • July 19, 2008, 2:56 p.m. CST

    btw...

    by theBigWasted

    am i the only one on this board who expected more from the dark knight? i mean, ledger's performance was a unbelievably brilliant but what about the rest of the film? the joker had all the best lines. bale's voice as batman was borderline silly at times, CGI dent as two face was laughable and undersold, the ferry scene went WAY too long and had a cheesy, pointless ending, there was virtually no chemistry between rachel dawes and harvey dent and even less between her and batman/bruce wayne. plus when she dies, she doesn't even get a funeral, alfred doesn't even appear to be upset, he simply tells bruce to "endure". in my opinion, nolan SHOULD have killed off gordon. doing so would have hijacked the movie from the audience and we wouldn't know what to expect after that. killing off a major character that we know damn well is supposed to live on would have been a brilliant move that would have allowed him to truly own the story and the audience for the rest of the film. the last 30 minutes of the film were just god-awful with that ridiculous sonar device and two face suddenly forgetting all reason and logic and kidnapping gordon's family. it's not like he suffered brain damage. harvey dent was an intelligent, upstanding idealist who we were shown during the first two thirds of the film to be an extremely rational and strong person. it's simply not believable that he would go that far, that quickly. i buy that he might kill the crooked cops and the mobsters but gordon's family? batman? didn't buy it. one last thing, with all the talk of realism in this film, making gotham and the joker more realistic, why the CGI two face? the last part of the film, once dent became two face felt rushed and crammed into a movie that didn't need it. they should have introduced two face at the very END of the film as the villain for the next batman. just some thoughts, anyone agree, disagree? i'm curious to hear your responses.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    DONT FORGET ABOUT ST3 & LOST BOYS 2 DTV.

    by Redfive!

    Man what a steaming pile of crap,both.And whats up with all these DTV staring the original actors from way back when.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    thanks guys

    by Vern

    BitterMan: I think you're right, SNIPER 2! I didn't think of that one. I was thinking UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN but I looked it up and that actually got a theatrical release. Good call BitterMan.<p> Stuntcock: I got a KILL SWITCH review in the works. I want to watch it again first though. I realize I'm sort of on vacation since it won't be for the book, but I got a reputation to uphold.<p> Mr. Glass: the peeing was R. Kelly, the throat slitting was the famous athlete and actor O.J. Simpson.<p> Also, sorry for the Dark Knight joke. I saw DARK KNIGHT and would have to concede that it is in fact better than THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL. So if anybody is trying to choose between those two then yes I would go with DARK KNIGHT. Also THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL is not yet available so that might also aid in your decision. Good luck.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    LOST BOYS 2!!!!1

    by The Guy Who Slept Through Everything.

    Dude, I can't wait for that, it's sure to disappoint!

  • July 19, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Another piece of Wesley's own advice...

    by MaxCalifornia.

    "Money talks, and bullshit runs the marathon". Why didn't Wesley heed the wisdom of Nino Brown?

  • July 19, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    mr spork...

    by theBigWasted

    "this time he has a window seat" hilarious. i laughed out loud.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Snipes should make Leonard Part 7

    by The Funketeer

    He's a good actor. It's too bad he's such a loon.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Write a book Called SNIPEOLOGY!!!!!

    by Cinemajerk

    Hey, they did it for Segal with SEGALOGY.... So why the FUCK not? Snipe's life is just as fucked up as Segals and his movies are just as cheesy. In fact, he's the new Black Segal!

  • July 19, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Same Stars On DVD

    by DangerMan

    Jim Belushi did two Direct To Dvd K-9 sequels. The way to biz now, you're going to see more of this happening. Also, Get Smart has a DTD knockoff called Bruce & Lloyd with a lot of the movie cast in it, including Hathaway.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    This is why Vern rules...

    by rbatty024

    I will probably never see this film in my entire life. I have zero interest in a DTV Wesley Snipes film. Yet, I read ever word of that review. I knew that it was going to be worth my while because Vern's name was on it.

  • July 19, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Seen Art of War: betrayal

    by floatybrownthing

  • July 19, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Seen Art of War: betrayal

    by floatybrownthing

    It was shit. Seriously, there's a reason it went straight to video.

  • July 19, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Why Snipes' Career tanked

    by Hipshot

    David Goyer made him promises on Blade 3 that he reneged on once the contract was signed. As a result, the shoot was awful and contentious, Snipes barely emoted, and he was pretty much black-balled in Hollywood. Not a pretty story.

  • July 19, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Only cool thing about Art of War was Michael Biehn...

    by Sledge Hammer

    ...and even he looked like he'd rather be somewhere else, as did Donald Sutherland. Oh, and it was "Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill", if you're gonna play the quote game, it helps to actually get the quote right. Frankly, I expected better from you Vern. <p>Remember a guy called Wesley Snipes? Used to be quite popular in the late 80's through to about the late 90's. Ironically his downward spiral seemed to have started with his back to back efforts of the tv movie Futuresport and the theatrical release of the original Art of War. And ever since we've been stuck with that guy instead, a Wesley Snipes who apparently can barely act and couldn't pick a decent role or film to save his fucking life, or career, or tax debt. Sad really.

  • July 19, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Man I wish he'd do a Blade TV series.....yes I am serious

    by Stormwatcher

    Something out of Snipes cuz man, he is totally wasted. Segal deserves his fate.

  • July 19, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    How come no one gathers all these DTV guys up in one film?

    by Stormwatcher

    I mean I'd pay to see Jean Claude, Dolph, Wesley, Segal and others star in a movie together a new dirty dozen. Maybe the bad guy could be an A lister and do it for kicks.

  • July 19, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by Reelheed

    You are a true SOB for not sticking the title of the film in the header. I just wasted 30 seconds of my life reading this "joke". Well - Ha fucking Ha. I only get one of these fuckers y'know! *cries*

  • July 19, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by GilbertRSmith

    Prepare to be less impressed with Wanted: Bombs on rats appeared in the early Ronny Yu flick The Postman Fights Back, predating Wanted by a decade or two. It had the added touch of the hero being emotionally attached to the rats and treating them as comrades in arms, nobly sacrificing themselves for the greater good.

  • July 19, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    LOST BOYS 2 FTW!!!

    by Mike_D

    cant wait

  • July 19, 2008, 5:51 p.m. CST

    There, I said it.......

    by VicSage

    Wesley gotta eat!!!!! <duck> Sorry, but it's utterly appropriate in this case.

  • July 19, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    SNIPES FOR JOKER IN DARK KNIGHT 2

    by Prossor

    search your feelings, you KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.

  • July 19, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    No Space Chimps reviews?

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Talk about dropping the ball...!

  • July 19, 2008, 7:12 p.m. CST

    that second-to-last oaragraph is hilarious...

    by the milf lover

    That's a great review Vern! For a movie that probably doesnt deserve such an effort on your part! we need more of that, made me laugh out loud a few times..

  • July 19, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST

    second-to-last Paragraph of course

    by the milf lover

    damn, why do I never catch these typos before posting?

  • July 19, 2008, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Damn You Michael Bay

    by MCMLXXVI

    Damn You Michael Bay

  • July 19, 2008, 8:57 p.m. CST

    MCMLXXVI you have imposters

    by Prossor

    did you know there was another guy who broke out in this big dramatic post about how he's been on this anti-bay crusade and all, then ousted as an imposter. if you acknowledge that just repeat your post.

  • July 19, 2008, 10:10 p.m. CST

    On behalf....

    by durikaj

    of "Dark Knight"-watching, Nerd-Hanukkah-celebrating geeks everywhere, learn how to spell "SUN TZU." Even us nerds know there's no "G" at the end of "SUN." See all the rest of you Nerds at the Con on Wednesday!

  • July 19, 2008, 11:38 p.m. CST

    You're seriously asking this question?!?!

    by ColloquiallyBorn

    Why so serious?!

  • July 20, 2008, 12:29 a.m. CST

    snipes' next role in WARSAW SYMPHONY looks good

    by ironic_name

    hes a jewish piano playing karate expert, with robot hands!

  • July 20, 2008, 12:33 a.m. CST

    Great Review Vern.

    by Munro Kelly

    Always love your reviews. I was one of the people who was urging you to watch Undisputed 2, a few months back. I knew you would like it. I wish Isaac Florentine would get a big budget break from Hollywood, so he can show what he can do. Remember when people like Joel Silver would have taken a chance on him?

  • July 20, 2008, 1:06 a.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/6d6ude

    by ironic_name

  • July 20, 2008, 2:43 a.m. CST

    by whatyoufear

    fuck YOU, "Vern"! I'm already point two seconds away from never visiting this site again due to bullshit ads (and now POP-UPS??).. now I see shit like "why watch the best fucking movie released in 2008 while it's still in theaters when you could be watching some Wesley Tripe BULLSHIT?"... fuck you, man. Most retarded headline ever.

  • July 20, 2008, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Stormwatcher, try the zone

    by ironic_name

    sign up and discuss DTV films with the connoisseurs<P> http://tinyurl.com/5funva <P> trust us, we know our eric robertses from our christopher lamberts <P> http://tinyurl.com/6pwb53

  • July 20, 2008, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Stormwatcher, try the zone

    by ironic_name

    sign up and discuss DTV films with the connoisseurs<P> http://tinyurl.com/5funva <P> trust us, we know our eric robertses from our christopher lamberts <P> http://tinyurl.com/6pwb53

  • July 20, 2008, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Munro

    by Vern

    Joel Silver and Isaac Florentine, that's a good idea. But hey, it's good to have one trustworthy DTV director. I'm looking forward to his upcoming one called NINJA where I believe Scott Adkins will be playing some sort of a ninja. And I guess it will be competing with Joel Silver's production of NINJA ASSASSIN, which does not have Adkins but does have Sho Kosugi.

  • July 20, 2008, 2:49 a.m. CST

    whatyoufear

    by Vern

    I believe it was either Mark Twain or Foghorn Leghorn who said, "It's a joke, son."

  • July 20, 2008, 2:49 a.m. CST

    shit

    by ironic_name

    sorry.

  • July 20, 2008, 3:16 a.m. CST

    Baby keeping me up, writing at 1am, Vern what are you doing up m

    by Stormwatcher

    No excuse, get some sleep. What about Chaos? Is it worth the time? I remember a Dolph Lundren DTV set in the desert where this little boy runs splashing through a puddle looking back, that scene always stuck with me for some reason. Total stream thinking here.....hmmm...Fortress was DTV right? That was a good Lambert movie.

  • July 20, 2008, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Wesley fucking Snipes!!!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Welcome back, brotha!

  • July 20, 2008, 3:20 a.m. CST

    VERN

    by whatyoufear

    it damn well better be a joke, dad. sorry for flipping out on you, but DAMN. like getting kicked in the nuts for saving a life. PS I still love YOU. :)

  • July 20, 2008, 4:29 a.m. CST

    Is this article meant to be deeply ironic?

    by V'Shael

    Cause I'm not laughing. Wesley tax-evader Snipes to appear in crappy Direct-To-Video sequel, because the dude has bills to pay. <p> Not exactly cool news.

  • July 20, 2008, 5:32 a.m. CST

    So Joseph Rusnak is doing american DTV now?

    by DerLanghaarige

    I remember that he was supposed to be some kind of hot shot in Germany a few years ago, when he tried to establish the style of gritty crime drama here in Germany. The series he made even was shot with a shakycam, long before people got used to it, which is why nobody watched it and everybody hated it.

  • July 20, 2008, 6:05 a.m. CST

    Vern, the pace Seagal makes films you can write another book in

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • July 20, 2008, 6:05 a.m. CST

    3 Years

    by Stuntcock Mike

  • July 20, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Art Of War 2: The IRS Strikes Back

    by LaserPants

    This would be the Empire Strikes Back / The Dark Knight of the series in which Wesley, brought low by the Internal Revenue Gestapo, is arrested for tax evasion. Will he escape? Find out in ART OF WAR 3: RICH CELEBRITIES EVENTUALLY GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING to find out!<br><br> But I joke. Snipes rules. Too bad Blade 3 sucked so hard.

  • July 20, 2008, 7:59 a.m. CST

    Stormwatcher fortress was cinema - so was f2! no shit!

    by ironic_name

    and in the zone, we have two lane blood top, a movie we want to see made starring wesley as kicker, a skydiving fbi agent, <P> c thomas howell as a skydiving drug dealer, eric roberts and dolph, not to mention trejo as el presidente! marc dacascos cameos! <P> check the poster. <P> http://tinyurl.com/5r64vy

  • July 20, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    Dark Knight review by Vern

    by half vader

    C'monnnnnn maaannnnnn!

  • July 20, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Half vader

    by DerLanghaarige

    He reviewed it on his website. (geocities.com/outlawvern)

  • July 20, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    link hopefully fixed - http://tinyurl.com/6lnmao

    by ironic_name

  • July 20, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    the problem with the first Undisputed

    by Spandau Belly

    I think Walter Hill was going for a story about two different types of underdogs put against each other. But Walter Hill wrote himself into a corner with the Rhames character. He had to leave Rhames's guilt in his rape trial ambiguous because if he said made him guilty it would just make him totally unsympathetic. If they made him innocent then it would look like Hill was making some sexist statement about the validty of rape charges in general.<br><br>It was obvious why Snipes was an underdog. He was in jail for a sensible crime, and for a long period of time during which he didn't get access to the training and diet that a pro like Rhames did. And he'd never fought a big champ like Rhames.<br><br>I think Rhames was supposed to be an underdog because he was a celebrity put in prison where nobody pities him because he's rich and everybody wants to take a shot at him because he's famous for fighting. But I think they should've made his crime something like he snapped and decked a paparazzi and accidently killed the guy. Ya know, something that surely annoys the shit out famous people but that us regular folk can't relate to or pity. But not having some gold-digging chick trump up rape charges on him so that he'll settle out of court, because even though it probably happens a lot, it still comes across as sexist in a movie.<br><br>Anyway, the second one was awesome. I love how they got Michael Jai White to take over the Rhames role and even though he looks younger than Rhames and shows more energy and agility, they only keep talking about how old and washed up he is. Most of his dialogue is telling people to go fuck themselves and there's a brilliant moment where Scott Adkins shows that he's painted a little mural to honour the great tradition of asskicking through the ages. They also played it smart by making Adkins more of an Ivan Drago type who actually wants a fair fight and is just trapped in a big corrupt system. I'm greatly looking forward to his starring role Undisputed 3.

  • July 20, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Vern, please review STARSHIP TROOPERS 3

    by Immortal_Fish

    Must read the opinion of the king of DTV reviews.

  • July 20, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST

    This wa out awhile agoas with Mutant Chronicles.

    by Stalkeye

    Didn't really care to watch either. However I wish Snipes as succesful comeback in the near future.(If not Blade, Marvel wouldn't have had the balls to greenlight their other franchise based films.)In the meantime I'm looking forward to Gallowswalker (Blade meets high noon or every other fucking western.)

  • July 20, 2008, 5:32 p.m. CST

    I don't say "evasion"

    by Geekgasm

    I say "avoision". "Avoision", it's a crime, look it up.

  • July 20, 2008, 7:55 p.m. CST

    How about Almost-Was-ology

    by clubside360

    Lots of great suggestions here Vern, but why not throw in the whole lot of sorta-successes and might've beens into a new book: Van Damme, Lundgren, Snipes, hell, even Brandon Lee (gotta love Rapid Fire)... and Vern, check your email for a message from me!

  • July 20, 2008, 10:13 p.m. CST

    stop dissin' OJ Simpson...

    by lynxpro

    ...anyone with half a brain knows that his adult son was the real killer. Obviously, there weren't anyone with half a brain working in the LA DA's office back then, and probably still to this day.

  • July 20, 2008, 10:35 p.m. CST

    Thanks Der

    by half vader

    I'm on my way...

  • July 20, 2008, 11:12 p.m. CST

    UNDISPUTED / STARSHIP TROOPERS 3

    by Vern

    Good points about UNDISPUTED, Spandau. I think it's cool that Adkins will be the main character in part 3, so in each chapter it follows the antagonist from the previous chapter. Anybody know if another series has done that?<p> Immortal Fish, I've been dying to get ahold of a screener for STARSHIP TROOPERS 3 but I haven't succeeded yet.

  • July 21, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Worst Movie Ever

    by Reverend Toast

    Only once in my life did I ever want to walk out of a movie and that was during the Art of War. Seriously, it was awful. From misquoting the book, to purposely focusing off the actors to be sure to get the nudie picture in focus during a pan, to the attempt to make a Face/Off like battle by having the duelists bracing eachother by leaning against one another while reloading... only to start doing hand to hand combat a second later... not to mention the blatent ripoff of the "twist" in Mission Impossible (Which I didn't agree with plotwise... but at least it was a surprising one... in AoW it was completely predictable)... Art of War was supposed to be Jet Li's first American Picture... but even he didn't think it was going to be good.

  • July 21, 2008, 2:23 p.m. CST

    What Snipes needs.....

    by goatfever2007

    ..is a Batman/Blade crossover movie.

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