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Timur Bekmambetov Has Found His STAR WARS in THE RED STAR! And Mr. Beaks Has Found Another Source of Great Annoyance!

"I have in development a... very interesting script called THE RED STAR based on the comic book. It's my dream project. It's something between STAR WARS and DR. ZHIVAGO." - Timur Bekmambetov, June 25, 2008,

He's not lying. In its current state (before the inevitable rewrites), Matthew Sand's screenplay adaptation of Christian Gossett's celebrated graphic novel manages to land somewhere in that vast expanse that separates George Lucas's popular space saga from David Lean's beautiful-'n-bloated recreation of the Bolshevik Revolution. A lot of things do, really. STARSHIP TROOPERS for example. 300 even. In fact, had Mr. Bekmambetov said this...

"I have in development... a very interesting script called THE RED STAR based on the comic book. It's my dream project. It's something shamelessly imitative of STARSHIP TROOPERS and 300, which boast a combined worldwide gross of over $500 million. Ha-ha! Big bucks for Timur!"

... he would've been right on the money. But just as rampant derivativeness didn't keep young men from flocking to WANTED, the redeploying of set pieces and quotable dialogue from one genre classic after another probably won't deter an even wider audience from the ferociously well-paced, four-quadrant come-on that is THE RED STAR. This is a massive blockbuster in the developin', folks. It's got everything: good-hearted proles sacrificing life and limb for love of country; bloodthirsty villains bent on decimating said good-hearted proles; a brawny protagonist who learns his brawniness is much more effective if he shows up late to the battle when everyone's tired; three rough-and-tumble heroines who will no doubt look smokin' hot in their Soviet fetishwear (casting suggestion: Kristen Stewart as the gum-snapping Makita); fleets of skyscraper-sized aircraft called skyfurnaces that blow up real slow and awesome-like. Motherfucker's verily stuffed with spectacle and incident. And, judging from the gorgeous illustrations I've seen from Gossett's graphic novel (only flipped through the first four issues), it's all going to look astonishing once Bekmambetov and his cohorts do their $100 million-plus thing with the production design. I'm just wondering if this surfeit of craft will be enough to drown out some of the most tin-eared fantasy nomenclature since M. Night Shyamalan introduced us to "narfs" and "scrunts" in LADY IN THE WATER. Is this nitpicking? Perhaps, but ask yourself: Is there an inherent menace to the name "Sirdar"? Could you see yourself living in fear under the imperious shadow of... Sirdar? Would you rather die a swift death than face the knight-outing wrath of... Sirdar? "Sardar," maybe. Sirdar? Of course not. Now imagine hordes of bad guys-- I'm sorry, "Nistaani" chanting this goofy moniker incessantly while the Ming the Merciless clone engages in one o' those scintillating power-orb battles with the Red Star's Palpatine-esque emperor, Imbohl (doesn't exactly roll off the tongue either). I don't know how it's going to look once it's up on its feet (probably speed-ramped to shit), but the sequence in question reads like a straight-faced recreation of the Lo Pan/Egg Shen showdown from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. Unintentional hilarity aside, this is not the kind of kickass tableau you expect from a film that's supposed to crack $200 million domestic and launch a trilogy (though I'm sure it'd look bitchin' on the back of a 7th grader's spiral notebook). I will admit that I'm not the ideal film geek to be appraising the merits of Sand's screenplay. Though I've no aversion to fantasy whatsoever, I can no longer stomach tales that drown you in an onrushing flood of clunky terminology (I'll grandfather in the works of Tolkien, Herbert. L'Engle and a handful of others, but the latter day reworkings generally wear me out). And while I'm aware that STAR WARS could be accused of the same flaws that dog THE RED STAR, Lucas at least knew to couch mouthfuls like "It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs" in braggadocio yanked right out of a B western. In THE RED STAR, we're clobbered over the cranium with a somber schoolroom lecture on "navkasters", "warkasters", "kast power" (aka "soul power"), "Nistaani" and "skyfurnaces" (aka "airblades") before the story can even get into second gear. The speech comes courtesy of Maya, a Bene Gesserit Witch Sorceress-Colonel whose kast fuels one of the many skyfurnaces that will lumber into battle against the evil Nistaani (led by my boy Sirdar). She's the main squeeze of Marcus Antares, the supreme ass-kicker of The Red Star who wields the devastating Red Sword (a cross between the three-bladed implement from THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER and whatever the fuck it is Link uses in LEGEND OF ZELDA). Antares is so mighty that he can halt the progress of plough horses (which sort of negates the use of plough horses altogether, but you go with it 'cuz it's only page one). He is the "First Soldier of Our Army!"; his rippling muscles adorn propaganda posters all over the nation. And he shall lead his people to victory over the warlike Nistaani at Kar Dathra's (Hot) Gate! As this battle - replete with "insertion rafts" plummeting from the hovering skyfurnaces into the battle zone while Antares screams "Who wants to live forever!" - occurs within the first thirty pages of the script, we're primed for a defeat. Sand is also heavily foreshadowing an early exit for Marcus, but, since the rules of this universe are hazily defined, we can't be sure that a battlefield death truly marks the end for this great warrior. If it does, we're led to believe that a romance between Maya and Marcus's brother Urik is in the offing; that said, there's something about Urik... perhaps it's the "dark and ugly" movement in his eyes whenever Marcus's name comes up. That's probably not good. So when Marcus buries the Red Sword deep into the Earth before getting swarmed by Nistaani combatants, we're very certain it's not the last we're going to see of him or the blade. Basically, after the route at Kar Datrha's Gate, the narrative is driven by the retrieval of both Marcus (still alive according to the teenaged mercenary Makita) and the sword (only Marcus knows where it's hidden). Though it's been eight years, Sirdar and the Nistaani are still torturing Marcus for the whereabouts of the weapon; meanwhile, Maya and the surviving soldiers of the Red Star are licking their wounds as the nation's fleet of skyfurnaces is being rebuilt/upgraded (there's a new, state-of-the-art airblade under construction; it's been christened the "Konstantinov" in honor of the fallen Detroit Red Wings defenseman). But when the scrappy Makita turns up with news of Marcus's imprisonment, Maya and a small group of patriots (including a big bear of a warrior named Kyuzo) hijack the Konstantinov and chart a course for the mysterious Well of Lost Souls. You read that right, and... I know. Though I hold this entire endeavor in contempt for brazenly stealing from every major fantasy/sci-fi work of the last century, it really is an adroitly structured piece of shit. Also, at 111 pages, it values brevity. There's talent at work here, but it's undercut by a desire to do what's been done before (and better) rather than take risks; the only gamble is Bekmambetov's hope that his audience doesn't feel too insulted by his escapist cinema of borrowed parts. Sadly, he's a skillful enough thief that he needn't worry. It's Timur Time, baby. Faithfully submitted, Mr. Beaks P.S. Tomorrow, we'll talk about Sergio Sollima's THE BIG GUNDOWN, which I saw for the first time over the weekend. To prepare, I recommend that you download the inspiring Ennio Morricone score from iTunes.

Readers Talkback
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  • July 14, 2008, 1:41 a.m. CST

    Please send me a copy

    by icen9ne

    of the screenplay.

  • July 14, 2008, 1:46 a.m. CST

    Wow, they're going to make "The Red Star"?

    by Holeman

    Talk about a fucking hard to adapt comic. The comic itself is one of my favorites, but like say...."Dune", it'll come across as an incomprehensible mess to anyone not familiar with the source material. He would be well advised to seek life elsewhere.

  • July 14, 2008, 1:48 a.m. CST

    Anybody seen Richie?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    I keep coming back until someone remembers seeing Richie!

  • July 14, 2008, 1:49 a.m. CST

    Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo?

    by Motoko Kusanagi


  • July 14, 2008, 1:50 a.m. CST

    sign me up

    by RokurGepta

    that sounds GGGGRrrrrrrreeeeeeeeat!!!

  • July 14, 2008, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Fuck Red Star, Where's Red Dwarf?

    by br1947


  • July 14, 2008, 2:16 a.m. CST

    He needs to


    focus more on his actors than set pieces... He'd make a great 2nd unit director because if wanted is any indication of his work with actors, then i'm not looking forward to this. <p>

  • July 14, 2008, 2:30 a.m. CST

    Starship Troopers and 300?

    by DerLanghaarige

    One of the best (Troopers) and one of the worst (300) movies of the last 15 years combined? Directed by the guy who made some interesting looking, but everything else than original movies?<br> Well, let's see how this turns out.

  • July 14, 2008, 2:34 a.m. CST

    Sounds like an epic piece of shit

    by judge dredds fresh undies


  • July 14, 2008, 2:41 a.m. CST

    Wanted was a giant stupid poseur of a movie

    by IndustryKiller!

    Kind of like The Fast and the Furious made kids with beat up Pontiacs feel like they too could beat a jacked bald guy in a street race, Wanted makes dumb young guys feel like they could be assassins. Not literally of course, but in that way that you used to imitate movie characters when you were little kids....but for douche bags. Too stupid to see how they are being played like fiddles by shitty Hollywood conventions. Too thick and impatient to see it's got literally no plot, and is directed like a fucking commercial. I will never understand the public penchant for colorful slow motion action. How can one appreciate such CG crap when you have real films like The Bourne Films? One is so obviously better and more exciting and visceral than the other that I would think it would be impossible to devolve and go back to this same ole' Matrix rip off crap after witnessing it. The movie even watered down the anarchist subversion of the comic adaptation, cause you know...if you don't wanna bite the douche bag hand that feeds, ya gotta make 'em feel cool rather than pathetic. The Red Star has literally no hope.

  • July 14, 2008, 2:55 a.m. CST

    Does it take place during the rectification of the Vuldronaii?

    by newc0253

    Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!

  • July 14, 2008, 2:56 a.m. CST


    by tbransonlives

    Isn't what link uses called the triforce?

  • July 14, 2008, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Garbage in, garbage out, esp. if the director is a trashcan

    by StanTheProgressor

    I grow cynical, but there is potential for seriously high garbage multiplication factor here. Meaning, that due to Timur you'll get more and dirtier garbage _out_. Welcome to the garbage enrichment center that is Timur Bekmambetov. [Sigh] He's got ambitions, but his ego is writing checks his skills cannot cash. He tried to create a modern classic with "The Irony of Fate 2," but instead produced a stylized, soul-less piece of trash. "Wanted" left me wanting my money/time back. The man lacks the caliber to make great movies. He understands lighting, camera angles and special effects. He can't direct actors, does not know how to portray human emotions or relationships, or how to make movies meaningful beyond what's shown on the screen. Given this P.O.S. derivative/convoluted script, I expect a truly terrifyingly empty movie.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:04 a.m. CST


    by StanTheProgressor

    Amen brother. Spot on with the 2nd unit suggestion.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:10 a.m. CST

    Timur Bekmambetov rocks the shit

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I love this fucking Russian.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:12 a.m. CST

    IndustryKiller is a giant stupid poseur of a human

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Sir, I believe it was Gandhi who once said, "Lick my balls, douchebag."

  • July 14, 2008, 3:12 a.m. CST


    by Uridium

    Oh My, I just watched THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER yesterday and the 3-blade sword looked so crappy...! However this sounds like it could be great, nothing like a hige sci-fi epic!

  • July 14, 2008, 3:19 a.m. CST

    I can see why Timur wants...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    To abandon the third Nightwatch film. Money. Even if those films made big bucks in Russia, comparatively speaking, he was still probably making less than what a Hollywood Madam makes in a year. So if he stays in Hollywood and earns himself a few million, he can head back home and build a mansion out of fur coats and porn stars. He's still more likeable than Michael Bay, but only because he does it with bigger piles of style over substance.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:37 a.m. CST

    Wanted Sucked Ass

    by MasterBateman

    But this actually sounds sorta cool. Uhhh, I'm not sure if Beaks was trying to bag on the movie or promote it, but he definitely sparked my interest.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:45 a.m. CST

    And what is Beaks biggest contribution to the world?

    by Sledge Hammer

    Oh, that's right, being a whiny bitch wannabe fanboy, which in itself is incredibly derivative, especially around here. Furthermore this bloated self indulgent and whiny rant lacked any sense of originality, instead going over things that have been said a thousand times before, only here with less style and substance, clobbering us with its points with all the subtlety of a jackhammer, and all the panache of a retarded gymnast. Therefore it clearly has no worth and had no place even being written. I mean I don't like it, so no one else could possibly see any value in it whatsoever, and if they did then they're clearly less intelligent than me. Isn't that how it works?

  • July 14, 2008, 3:49 a.m. CST

    More New Brutalism

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • July 14, 2008, 4:15 a.m. CST

    This just in: Russian names sound funny

    by smackfu

  • July 14, 2008, 4:19 a.m. CST

    MrBeaks (The Real MrBeaks) has reclaimed my adoration.

    by F-1000

    I am once again enamored with the true MrBeaks. (E.G. - Not the drunk and/or impersonator Mr. Beaks who made a futile attempt at COMPELLING us to go see that steaming turd Wanted. I skipped it, I hope most of you did too.)<p> Anyway; awesome, well written, elaborate and incisive review. These are the kinds of scoops AICN was built upon. <p> The lesser (in seniority only) brass are really bringing the goods lately, which is really helping pull AICN through this difficult era of Emperor Harry's temporary (hopefully) insanity and excessive pandering.

  • July 14, 2008, 4:20 a.m. CST

    The game was released

    by ducki3x

    Per GameSpot, was released for PS2 on 4/23/07 (the gave it a 8 out of 10 - not bad for a licenced game). It also implies PSP and Wii versions, but details seem so thin here that I have to believe these were planned but dropped...

  • July 14, 2008, 4:31 a.m. CST

    On one hand...

    by ducki3x

    ...I'm pleased this is moving forward - I remember talking to Gossett at ComicCon a couple of years back, and he said Timur was attached/in discussions; when I saw that Wanted was in the works, I assumed that this had died on the vine. On the other, this seems like a project that could easily generate an uber-crap script. Hopefully I can just drown out the words and enjoy the pretty (unless things take a turn for the better, or at least, leave Craptown for Medicoreville). Also, Beaks: you like Bay but dismiss Timur as a thief? I don't disagree that he lifts a lot (OK, maybe all), but at least he makes an entertaining forgery, rather than impossible-to-follow crap...the further Bay gets from his commercials and music videos, the more I hate his stuff. The man was never meant for a format more than 4 minutes long...

  • July 14, 2008, 4:33 a.m. CST

    Even if you didn't like Wanted...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    At least Bekmambetov didn't have James McAvoy fuck the audience up the ass at the end.

  • July 14, 2008, 4:46 a.m. CST


    by TroutMaskReplicant

    "Not the drunk and/or impersonator Mr. Beaks who made a futile attempt at COMPELLING us to go see that steaming turd Wanted. I skipped it, I hope most of you did too." You got to love people who can prognosticate a film without seeing it. But soon enough they put sites like this out of business...

  • July 14, 2008, 5:10 a.m. CST

    17 months to Avatar

    by kwisatzhaderach

  • July 14, 2008, 5:28 a.m. CST

    didn't like the video game, not so sure about a movie version.

    by Stalkeye

  • July 14, 2008, 5:48 a.m. CST

    [smug]What have you done with your life recently?[/smug]

    by O_Goncho

    Smug fuck. If that wasn't a fuck up the arse it was near enough to clench.

  • July 14, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST

    Is this a Script Review?

    by Alex Childress

    I didn't even know it until the end of the article. Just seemed like Beaks was bitching about Bekmembatov, and Wanted and his next project for shits and giggles. Now knowing that it is, it's hardly a balanced review. Who pissed in your cereal before you read this?

  • July 14, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Beaks, I love you.

    by savagexp

    /no homo!

  • July 14, 2008, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Indiana Jones 4

    by Wants Vaders Executor

    off-topic, I know. But check this out: There's a book from 2002 called "The Mystery of the Crystal Skulls" here on amazon: Apparantly, some reviewer guy said back then: "Janet Brennan for Fate magazine: Reads like an Indiana Jones-style adventure tale" The book seems to be pretty similar to the IJ4-story. 13 skulls, mystery in south america blablabla. Question: Did these guys get any credit or did Lucas and company just flat out steal this story?

  • July 14, 2008, 7:20 a.m. CST

    I liked the game.

    by Knuckleduster

    Also, that was incredibly whiny.

  • July 14, 2008, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Thank You, Knuckleduster

    by Alex Childress

    Whinier than a weak wristed toddler out in the sun. Nothing wrong with having an opinion, particularly about the script, but assuming that everybody in the world who doesn't think the same thing about a movie that came out is just kinda childish, dude. Did you write this just before nap time? Were you gassy? Did you need a new di-di?

  • July 14, 2008, 7:29 a.m. CST

    legend of zelda

    by hulkbuster

    sword of time dude sword of time

  • July 14, 2008, 7:29 a.m. CST


    by hulkbuster

    also know as the master sword

  • July 14, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    my favorite thing to read on this site

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    is whiny bitches whining about other people whining.<p>good lord.

  • July 14, 2008, 8:12 a.m. CST


    by Wants Vaders Executor

    was my comment on Indy old news, too off topic or is someone preparing an incredible articulate answer right now?

  • July 14, 2008, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Casting must: hot chick from the end of Bourne Suprem.

    by CreasyBear

    Find a place for her, perhaps working in one of them furnace space ships' hot engine rooms, where a few scraps of cloth reveal beads of sweat tracing the curves of her body. I recommend this solely for the integrity of a genuine Russian in this production. And Anna Kournikova could be her assistant.

  • July 14, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Mr. Beaks is wasting his time...

    by DEX

    ...going through the story points of the Red Star graphic novel. Wanted had NOTHING to do with the comic despite all Timur's lip service about remaining true to the spirit of it. Perhaps Timur will introduce the "(insert mundane item here) of Fate" into Red Star.

  • July 14, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST


    by vanchimera

    What the fuck did I just read?

  • July 14, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Sounds like Final Fantasy...

    by MCVamp

    ...or whatever passes for story in these ADD-addled times.

  • July 14, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST


    by BangoSkank

    I don't know about the story details, but the Crystal Skull mythology has been around for about a hundred years.... and has been a part of pulp fiction for about just as long...

  • July 14, 2008, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Epic Flatulence


    You can't replicate the success of something by thieving from other sources and cherry picking good bits and wrapping it all up a new flashbang wollop dollop of FX driven eyecandy!, Oh wait, the Wakowski Brother/sisters did it to Asian cinema with the Wanktrix and even Ol Georgie Lucass pilfered Lord of the Rings for Starwars!<P>Obi Wan = Gandalf, Han Solo is Aragorn, The death Star is Mount doom and LUke Skywalker is the little farmboy Hobbit sent to deliver the ring/bomb and destroy the whole damn shebang! Oh and Darth Vader = Sauron or Sauruman or whatever but you get me drift! Hell he even knicked the glowing swords! the tea-leaf!

  • July 14, 2008, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Right on, MCVamp

    by alienindisguise

    sounds like a total mess to me. I realize there's no getting away from the influence of Star Wars but this sounds like 10 different stories smashed together to amount to really nothing but maybe cool visuals..yawn.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Wanted was pretty good

    by BMacSmith

  • July 14, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    @Bango Skank

    by Wants Vaders Executor

    thx for the answer. so i guess i'm the idiot for not having heard about this skull stuff earlier. apologies to lucas and gang. but... at least i thought the whole aliens maya skull blabla was an invention of lucas to have aliens in a indy movie, now i know he wasnt that imaginative. even lazier than i thought.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST


    by Cobbio

    This DOES sound like Bekmambetov's dream project. Thanks for the info, Beaks. I like the massive cosmic scale of it, and I'll be exited as hell to see what Timur does with futuristic battles.<p> The only thing that makes me nervous: combining magic (Sorceresses) with science fiction (skyfurnaces). Maybe it'll work in "The Red Star" the way spice power did in "Dune," but I generally dislike combinations of such genre-crossing elements. Someone using sorcery on a spaceship? Come on, that's just lazy. What's all the technology there for then? Fact is, your society wouldn't have developed technology if magic was the most powerful element in your universe. Magic and science almost never mix. "Dune" and precious few other stories by great authors are the exceptions, not the rule. "Dune" works because the terminology is cloaked in far-futuristic philosophies and practices, so alien that we don't quite know what's magic and what's science. But naming a character in a science fiction story "sorceress" because she uses "magic" leaves no doubt. It's clumsy and lazy, in my opinion, and bends physical rules and relationships in silly ways. I'd rather not ever read it in a book or see it onscreen.<p> Here's to hoping the "magic" in "The Red Star" isn't really "magic," but a force based in physical possibility. And I wish Bekmambetov the best as he moves ahead with this project.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST


    by BetaRayBill07

    IDK why, but that fits here. Great Ghostbusters reference!

  • July 14, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Beaks' review of Wanted read like he mixed up the comic with the

    by Wesley Snipes

    His accusation that Wanted promoted "self-actualization through murder" was flat out inaccurate. The comic was certainly guilty of that (but then again, all of the characters in that book are villains), but the movie was simply about taking charge of your life. It never promoted killing as the means to the end; indeed, all of the hero's personal breakthroughs (telling off his boss, gf, etc) had nothing to with killing at all. Frankly, Beaks' accusation is tantamount to saying Rocky promotes self-actualization through beating up Negroes.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    I Liked WANTED

    by LaserPants

    Yeah it was dumb, yeah we've seen it all before (basically it's FIGHT CLUB meets THE MATRIX meets SHOOT 'EM UP), but it was still fun to watch. <br><br> Actually, I think THE MATRIX would have been a lot cooler if it turned out that Morpheous and crew were actually the bad guys, a terrorist organization that uses drugs and brain washing to enlist Neo in their cause of insanity. Of course, the Smith's (aka The Man, aka The Establishment) would have to be just as bad. Of course, if this was how it played out, it would have remained a cult hit that made a modest bank rather than a bloated disappointment that made a mint.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST


    by bluetunehead

    did i miss something? are the hobbits wizards in training the way luke is training to be a jedi like obi-wan? what exactly was the 'ring' in star wars? star wars didn't steal from lord of the rings so much as it just followed the same traditional mythical storytelling structures.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    Fretful geekdom's collective mindhole just prolapsed.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST


    by Cobbio

    Captain Justice, you wrote of Bekmambetov, "He's a poser. A failure."<p> Really? A failure? At what, exactly? Making films that caress your personal sense of what's totally awesome in the world? Because this sounds like you projecting your personal sense of failure onto someone else.<p> Bekmambetov isn't the greatest filmmaker ever, I agree. He's heavily spectacle-based, no doubt, but he also worked his ass off, pulled himself up by his bootstraps in Tashkent, and got "Night Watch" made. Not an easy thing to do in Russia, to put it mildly.<p> I'm not a huge fan of "Night Watch" or "Day Watch," but I respect the fact he made a film that single-handedly thrust Russia into the craft of 21st century filmmaking. And with the success of "Wanted," he's pushing ahead with his career like no Russian ever has.<p> A failure? A poser?<p> Go look in your mirror.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Being Russian, Timur is perfect for this

    by chien_sale

    Red Star the comic was a huge allegory about Russia.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Hey Beaks, fuck off

    by dr sauch

    Timur is bringing fun back into cinema.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    I Have A Better Idea For Him

    by Media Messiah

    I'm still playing with it...and am only 20 pages in, but it seems more managable than this.

  • July 14, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    I would like to include "A Clockwork Orange"

    by g-ride9000

    in the list of movies with non-annoying custom language and dialect. It's like have cockney street slang half Russian. It was called Nadsat.

  • July 14, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST


    by Godovhellfire

  • July 14, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    13 skulls

    by Bouncy X

    not sure about that particular book but, the whole 13 skulls thing is true, they exist. i dont think they found em all but some are on display in museaums. so if anything, lucas probably just took a real life idea and turned it into his Indy fantasy story.

  • July 14, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST


    by Wants Vaders Executor

    Hm. All I know about the history of Indy 4 is that there was an unused script by Darabont which I read 3/4 through. Great read, I thought the characters were better than the Spalko/Blanchett chick from the film (only saw the trailers anyway, will only watch Indy with Aliens when I have a remote and 12 bottles of beer with me. To quickly erase the memory). So congrats that you and others knew all along that Lucas is/was interested in skulls. To me, it was new, so think of me as not-in-the-know. And keep me up to date on what is on Lucas' mind when he does his next movie, will ya

  • July 14, 2008, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Bouncy X

    by Wants Vaders Executor

    I gotta admit, all Indy stories so far took more or less real life ideas and translated it to (magic) film. So skulls being also "real" shouldn't have surprised me that much.

  • July 14, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    also "WANTED" is like watching a compilation of

    by g-ride9000

    Other movies' action scenes. Strung together with catch phrases coming from Angelina's DSLs. "Fun back in cinema"?"The guy makes entertaining flicks with some level of artistry"?<P><P>umm these comments and others like them remind me that one should not have high expectations when it comes to Hollywood. I think the "Wanted" defenders have a point, but the sad truth is: Warshawski, Lucas, Spielberg, and other top action adventure filmmakers have borrowed with more panache, more elegants and less obviousness.

  • July 14, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Vader D.

    by Wants Vaders Executor

    Your suggestion (me not really knowing that much) seems to be accurate. For example, never heard of Vic Armstrong until AICN ran this story yesterday about Mummy 3 and how Armstrong was Indy regular but not invited for the fourth movie. Bottom line, no offense taken, I'm thankful some of you educated me about story of skulls being somewhat out in the open for a while now, especially considering this is supposed to be a talkback about some russian/soviet space saga with magic sorceress flying spaceships. Lord Vader on board his mighty Executor would kick the asses of every russian magician/wannabe pilot. :-)

  • July 14, 2008, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Wanted is a Wretched Ugly Piece of Shit

    by MasterBateman

    It starts out as Fight Club Jr. (fucking on the ikea desk, anyone?), proceeds to become a half-baked Matrix. Drowns itself in contrivances and plot holes (uh, they are "wanted" by the cops, but no one is able to identify him with his picture all over the fucking place?). I'm all about a stupid action movie, but this movie tries to tell us that it's something more when it's something far far less. And to Wesley Snipes (the talkbacker, not the actor), you're an idiot, because Beaks is right. It DOES promote self-actualization through murder. This loser kills a bunch of people, kills that nice Russian guy, kills his dad because he's a moron, and causes the death of hundreds of people on that train, and then proceeds to ask us "what did you do today?" The fuck did you do today? You lost your job, you killed your dad, you killed the nice Russian guy, and caused the death of hundreds of people on that train. And you did it because of an "omniscient spool of thread." You're "the man" now! Despite all these reasons, if there was a fleeting moment where I actually gave a shit about any of the characters it may have captured my interest. But the characters are never likeable, they're completely hollow, and Angelina needs to keep her bony ass covered up. Yeah, and "bullet time" doesn't save the movie either. The audience's favorite part of the movie was when Morgan Freeman is tragically reduced to a racial stereotype. Flame all you want, but this mentally retarded movie was a steaming pile of shit. I'm all about escapism, but the only thing I wanted to escape from was my seat. In a summer full of superhero movies, now we have James McAvoy's "fast heartbeat man." Remind me to shoot the wings off of a fly the next time I do a fat rail of coke. Best part of the movie is where Common and all the rest of these douches get shot in the head. Too bad, Angie missed one.

  • July 14, 2008, 1:56 p.m. CST

    fantastic comic(s) - i hope they dont fuck up the movie

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • July 14, 2008, 1:59 p.m. CST

    "The Light Brigade" could be a cool movie

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • July 14, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    BIG GUNDOWN on iTunes

    by mrbeaks

    La Resa Dei Conti

  • July 14, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    MasterBateman, did you really miss the point?

    by Wesley Snipes

    Based on your name and the non-stop spew of unprovoked insults and hilarious msg board tough guy posturing, I'm guessing your post is just a transparent cry for attention rather than a real desire to debate. But for the record, McAvoy's character obviously feels terrible for most of the murders he commits against innocents (and he didn't set out to kill a trainful of people either). And more to the point, it's not the kills that make him a new man either. It was having the confidence to take charge of his life and standing up for himself. He could have been learning how to surf for all the activity really mattered. If anything, the film was careful to highlight the immorality of indiscriminate killing. As for the film advocating harsh treatment of your enemies, that's pretty right wing but so what? You clearly support that philosophy with your "best part of the movie is where all these douches get shot in the head" comment, tough guy.

  • July 14, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Red-Star? Red-Dwarf?

    by Pum-Spak

    Where the heck is Red Monika? :( Regardless, the day goes to 'newc0253' with the Rick Moranis shout out. Woot!

  • July 14, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST


    by Dogmatic

    I dunno about Timur directing it but this series is flat out one of the best looking and well-thought out ever! It's analogy of the illusion of the great Soviet Empire is perfection and just think of seeing the massive battle between the renegade Skyfurnance Konstantinov and the one sent to bring it down....well that is gonna be an orgy of cinematic splendor! I hope.... Don't mess this up please! And it is gonna blow people's minds Matrix (the first one) and 300 style!

  • July 14, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    Seriously folks find the series

    by Dogmatic

    on ebay or amazon or in your local comic shop and I promise you won't be disappointed and will be looking forward to this as much as me! THis is pure geek heaven this series!

  • July 14, 2008, 6:52 p.m. CST


    by MasterBateman

    I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings by calling you an idiot. McAvoy's character feels "sorta bad" about killing people for about 10 seconds until Angie gives him that lame story about her dad getting murdered. A story that's meant to make the audience understand why they kill people, although it's ultimately contradicted when we find out that the "magical spool" is spitting out everyone's name and that The Fraternity is actually a bunch of self important asswipes. He doesn't seem to feel so bad about killing people when he gleefully offs Morgan "mothafucka" Freeman in the end. He doesn't SET OUT to kill the people on the train, but when you're writing a narrative, it's not a good idea to have your protagonist cause the death of a bunch of civilians. Most sane people don't like a guy who does that! Or maybe just us right-wingers.... Listen, buddy, I'm not saying that the movie needs to be socially responsible. I could give two shits about that. The movie SUCKS. There is zero character development aside from McAvoy going from being a pussy to an asshole. I've never read the comic, but after you mentioned it I took a look on wikipedia and it sounds a thousand times more interesting than this trainwreck and it sounds like it actually conveys some of the messages that you are claiming the movie conveys so perhaps YOU are the one who is confusing the comic with the movie and not Beaks. Moriarty said it best in his review where he stated that the movie fails to write to theme. Tell me, Snipes, what is the movie trying to say? That you need to take charge of your life? How the fuck does McAvoy take charge of his life? He loses his job, kills a bunch of innocent people, blah blah blah. Killing = assertiveness? If there is conceivably a theme to the film, then that's what it is, and I think that's a pretty sad and ass backwards message to spend 100 million + trying to convey. I like movies that actually have something to say. I'm sorry if I frightened you with my "tough guy" positioning, I promise I play nice. And I ensure you that I'm not trying to get attention. If I wanted to stand out I would post a message that said "WANTED IS AWESOME" because just about everyone on here seems to agree that it sucked ass.

  • July 14, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    And my name...

    by MasterBateman a play on the name of the main character in my favorite book. Ironically Wanted also rips off the movie version of that book during several moments most notably when the ATM starts talking to him. "Feed me a stray cat" was a lot more entertaining.

  • July 14, 2008, 7:18 p.m. CST

    Mr Beaks

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Usually his stuff is some of the best on AICN but this just sounded whiny/bitchy. Tough slog of a read.

  • July 14, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    MasterBateman is the man

    by pleasebanme

    Excellent evisceration of film excrement.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:06 p.m. CST

    American Psycho?

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    If that's your favorite book ... I really don't know what to say.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Bateman, are you sure...

    by Wesley Snipes're not just blinded with rage that you're McAvoy's character minus the balls to do anything in real life? Why else would you act like such an angry child? Despite all the frustration you feel right now, you must know that jumping online so that you can randomly insult strangers on the web and show the adults your new swears isn't going to fix your problems. You have to zero in on what's limiting you in this world and take action to rid it from your life. And that's exactly what McAvoy does in the film. Dead end job with a ridiculous boss? Tell her off, quit and find something better. Bitch of a gf? Dump her ass and find something better. "Friend" screwing you over? Confront him and pay it back twice as bad. That's taking charge of your life and your destiny. He's not just accepting where he is anymore. And did he kill any of those people? Nope. Are you sure you've actually seen the film? You sound as if you haven't. Oh and no, he doesn't feel bad about killing Freeman. Why should he? If you've seen the film, you'd know he has more than adequate justification for it--even real world law would acquit him for it, let alone "movie justice". As for your other ranting on the speed of the character development and blah blah, that's all wonderfully insightful, but I wasn't discussing that so kindly direct it to someone who cares.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:59 p.m. CST

    Beaks, you've got it right

    by BadMrWonka

    "Lucas at least knew to couch mouthfuls like "It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs" in braggadocio yanked right out of a B western."<p>absofuckinlutely. if you want to write a story that necesitates this type of new terminology (sort of a cyborg lexicon, if you'll excuse the pun, I'm more referencing bell hooks than star trek) then you have to be willing to take it in a new direction. if not, you might still make a couple hundred million, but you have no hope of a place in the pantheon of sci-fi. star wars built on old sci-fi in a new way, much the same way indiana jones built on those old serials of that type. but it took it in a new direction. star wars gave us glimpses (and lines like the one you mentioned) of this expanded universe, but it was always grounded in this tiny personal stories. the dialogue might be clunky, but the characters are not. han solo will be in the top 10 great film characters as long as people make films. <p>similarly, indiana jones is great because instead of being the unshaven meaty hero, with a nerdy professor sidekick, like in all those serials (or The Mummy) he is BOTH the hero and the nerdy professor.<p>you can build on these genres, and even on their staples, especially regarding the language and it's hints at the world, but you have to do something new.<p>beaks, it's good to have you back. I love a good "this movie made me cum!!" review as much as the next fanboy, but it's nice to excercise the old brain muscle like before.<p>I've been coming to the site since it's inception, and I think Mori and Quint are starting to really engage again in a way that I haven't seen them in a while. not knocking them, I just think they both had things going on, and spent a lot of time on sort of the logistics. quint's movie a day, some of the AMAZING interviews he's's really fun, and a pleasure. welcome back to that, and to you as well.<p>now back to a typical argument between 2 guys named "Wesley Snipes" and "Thunderbolt Ross"...already in progress...

  • July 14, 2008, 10:03 p.m. CST

    Wonka ...

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    Look a little closer.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:38 p.m. CST

    If it's fun, I'll see it!

    by Bones

    The comic is fun and Iconic, like a socialist propoganda poster come to life...with lots of amazing fantasy/sci fi elements in it. If he can make it fun like Nightwatch, I am there.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:05 p.m. CST


    by Mace Tofu

    Didn't The Chronicles of Riddick with Vin Diesel kind of do the Overblown DUNE riff this script review reeks of. I'm a fan of the first DUNE film and STARSHIP TROOPERS but I hope RED STAR plays more to the latter than a bad RIDDICK mess.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:51 p.m. CST


    by BadMrWonka

    even if you're in the's still unfortunately a pretty typical AICN talkback argument...<p>not trying to be mean...shit I have been in more than my fair share...hell I was here in the fuckin' 90's...I don't even WANT to tell you what these arguments were like when the backstreet boys were still in power...

  • July 15, 2008, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Timur Bekmambetov

    by FatherMcGruderKicksAssForTheLord

    So Hollywood imported a new dog & pony show. Why? Like we didn't already have enough hackneyed half-asses more than willing to cover up their shortcomings with a nice digital post-production gloss. <p> Fuck. <p> After slogging through Night and Daywatch, I couldn't figure out why the fuck anyone gave a shit. After wasting valuable lifespan on a (free) viewing of Wanted, I'm now convinced that nobody does give a shit. They'll finance anything because they know the moviegoing public will throw fistfulls of cash at literally anything that turns up in a theater. <p> (In all honesty, I've known this for awhile now.) <p> If you like Wanted, you are on the fast-track to fuckhole. <p> Sorry about being a foulmouthed lowbrow ass about it, but I am aghast at the notion of this guy reaping buckets of moolah by churning out more tripe, of which we have too much to begin with.

  • July 15, 2008, 1:44 a.m. CST


    by FatherMcGruderKicksAssForTheLord

    "the moviegoing public will throw fistfulls of cash at literally anything that turns up in a theater" <p> UNLESS it principally stars Eddie Murphy in a live-action role. <p> That is all.

  • July 15, 2008, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Wonka ...

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I said look closer because I wasn't engaged in the argument. 'Twas Master Bateman and Wesley Snipes