Review

Harry says, JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH Is Like Drinking From A Hot Bowl Of Steaming Dick!!!

Published at: July 12, 2008, 1:24 a.m. CST

Fucking Mediocre Luminescent Turd! Tonight my wife and I had nothing to do. We decided to go see a movie and I suggested JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH in 3D. I used logic to convince her. I said that when I last checked ROTTEN TOMATOES - that the film was rated 93% positive to HELLBOY II's 90%. And although we both have pretty much despised the acting and effects in the trailer - I figured it was my duty to see the film. That I needed to come home and let you guys know... ya know... the truth about this latest version of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH. I'm a geek... I love the original Jules Verne Novel. In fact, it was one of the 30 books I gave my Nephew for his 8th birthday - along with titles like THE THREE MUSKETEERS, THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK, THE HOBBIT, JUNGLE BOOK, WAR OF THE WORLDS, THE TIME MACHINE, DRACULA, ARABIAN KNIGHTS, KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE, LAST OF THE MOHICANS, IVANHOE -- you know, stuff like that. Books like these are the essentials to my mind. The give birth to a fertile imagination and JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH is one of those books. Now personally - I've always loved the original James Mason version of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - even if fucking Pat Boone was in it. The fate of Gertrude the Goose always terrified me as a child - and I loved that story. The film had its flaws, but it works. It feels authentic and it seems like something survivable. The film feels plausible. I knew they were going to be updating the premise. I gathered that it was set in the here and now - and from the trailers I deduced that it existed in a world where Verne's novel existed as a template for their story. What I didn't realize was this... that the filmmakers, writers and actors were all fucking retarded at every turn. I generally like Brendan Frasier - but here... he's just bored. Nothing engages him, his dialogue is spoken with the conviction that it deserves... which means it is sold as diarrhea. When he's hanging for his life and spouts out, "I hate field work," I was already oblivious to it all. His nephew... FUCK HIM. First - he has a magical PSP that gets internet signals at 30,000 feet... and apparently a cel phone that he expects to get signals from in Finland on a mountaintop. Oh - but apparently it does get a signal... AT THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING EARTH!!! Yes, He gets a call from his mommy as he's batting prehistoric flying piranha fish on a raft in the center of the fucking earth! Oh - but a fish eats the phone and plunges back into the ocean. The "we couldn't get Rachel Wiesz, but this blonde will do" love interest starts with dialogue in Finnish, but quickly loses all accents and speaks perfect English - even being completely aware of slang and the meanings of phrases like "Dibs". Well - how's the effects? Terrible. Nothing looks real. Nothing looks convincing. And in comparison to the 1959 classic. This film was directed by the Visual Effects Supervisor of Michael Bay's THE ISLAND and PEARL HARBOR, along with M Night's THE VILLAGE and THE SIGNS, and WILD WILD WEST, MEN IN BLACK, HOOK and TOTAL RECALL. He seemed to work at ILM - and did solid work - so how could he allow such shoddy shit work in his theatrical film debut as a Director? Cuz - before this, his only directing work was apparently episodes of XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS. And apparently this was written by a guy that wrote a single episode of WAR STORIES WITH OLIVER NORTH! Oh now the dialogue makes sense. At this point - I decided to recheck ROTTEN TOMATOES to see what fucking idiots loved this turd... the percentage is now down to 62% - Still way too fucking high. And the Top Critics give the film a 79%. That's folks like Richard Corliss at TIME, Owen Gleiberman at ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, John Anderson at VARIETY and of course that chad, RICHARD ROEPER loved it. It seems that 3D - all by itself is a reason to give the film a thumbs up (although curiously Ebert didn't) - Look - just because there's an extra dimension to the action on the screen doesn't mean you just give the film a pass. The 3D is the worst 3D has to offer - shit constantly sticking in your face. Spitting into camera. Trilobyte antennae into your face. The 3D isn't there to make you feel like you're looking at a window into another reality - but just constantly stabbing at you. There's a fun mine cart rollercoaster ride - but again... I was left thinking, jesus - ILM did a better job of this in INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM. Mainly because that mine cart chase actually felt story driven. Here... it just existed because they could do it and they were left wondering what else to have the characters do in a cave... OH A MINECART CHASE! Yes, that's what you do in mountains. Sigh. Then they build in this plot about the inner earth super heating up - and how it does this in a regular fashion - and it will end up boiling the ocean to nothing - and then I'm thinking... HMMM... ok, so if this shit happens every 10 years... HOW THE FUCK DOES THE PREHISTORIC LIFE EXIST? Is it not enough that they want to get out, because they have LIVES outside of the center of the Earth? That they get out because it's dangerous in the center of the Earth? I don't know - but everything about the film seemed safe, bland and distilled. Everything just fell flat - and I can't help but get the feeling that if we continue to have a slew of 3D films that think all you have to do is 3 STOOGE the audience - the magic will wear off because it isn't magic, it is annoying. I hear that what Cameron is doing is going to reset everyone's brains for how to do 3D, but at this point... is it going to be too late? I mean, I saw a whole host of shit 3D trailers before JOURNEY TO THE CENTER THE EARTH and it made me feel discouraged... not for the format, but for what these early days have in store for us. I feel 3D is the future, but folks need to think about the process and how to involve the audience without abusing them. JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH is a waste of time. I'd say it was a waste of talent, but other than Brendan Frasier, who has abused his talent so much, he's near going blind and shaving his palms regularly. The most heartening thing about the screening tonight was the 88% empty theater at a 7pm Friday Opening Night screening. Thankfully you people sensed what I felt from the trailers - but that critics tricked me into seeing. It's a turd that won't float.

Readers Talkback

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  • July 12, 2008, 12:34 a.m. CST

    First?

    by TheMcflyFarm

    Fuck me!

  • July 12, 2008, 12:37 a.m. CST

    and Fraser couldn't have been all bad

    by TheMcflyFarm

    after all, he did take down the same mummy...TWICE!

  • July 12, 2008, 12:39 a.m. CST

    and I may still see it

    by TheMcflyFarm

    if only for the 3D. I kinda like the kind that shoves shit in you face just for the hell of it. Also, maybe with no real prior knowledge about the story I'll be more open minded.

  • July 12, 2008, 12:46 a.m. CST

    I've seen a lot of great 3D work.

    by Bungion Boy

    I don't know if we need Cameron to reinvent it. I think it has been reinvented and looks great when used well. The presentation for films like Monster House and Meet the Robinsons really enhanced the film in just the right way. It was about tricks and gimmick. It just added a lot of texture and depth to world. Oh. And Roeper isn't a chad. He occasionally likes some awful films, but so do you, Harry. So do I. Roeper does seem to be big on pop culture more than actual films, but he's grown and learned a lot in the 8 years he's been doing the show. He'll never be Gene or Roger, but I'll take him over Leonard Maltin.

  • July 12, 2008, 12:47 a.m. CST

    Love the Original

    by Lost_Horizon

    Although, I was more interested in journeying to the center of Arlene Dahl. Yummy.

  • July 12, 2008, 12:49 a.m. CST

    Couldn't tell from the headline if Harry liked it or not

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    HONEST. He's got weird tastes. :P

  • July 12, 2008, 12:49 a.m. CST

    SO ITS NOT GOOD?

    by Shia LaBeoufs Uncle

    I didn't see that coming! I wonder whether or not MEET DAVE will be good? Or SPACE CHIMPS?

  • July 12, 2008, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Little Spoiler..

    by Errockk

    Isn't there a scene where the boy receives a cell phone call? In the FUCKING CENTER OF THE EARTH? I don't get reception from my bedroom, what the hell is that.

  • July 12, 2008, 12:59 a.m. CST

    TheGhostWhoLurks

    by Lost_Horizon

    Good point. Actually, that's why I bothered to read the review. Usually, Harry cuts to the chase with his grotesquely descriptive headlines, and I can get the gist without having to click on the link. In this case, I wasn't sure either.

  • July 12, 2008, 1 a.m. CST

    3D IS THE FUTURE

    by Shia LaBeoufs Uncle

    If Pixar says 3D is the future, then its the future. UP will be my first 3D film experience, fuck all of these pretenders.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:05 a.m. CST

    I love 3d

    by BrightEyes

    3D Anything really

  • July 12, 2008, 1:13 a.m. CST

    Peter Travers did NOT love it

    by Zeegloo

    2.5/4 is HARDLY positive, especially when he said that a star is automatically deducted when you take away the 3D.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:17 a.m. CST

    This is the real review for Indy 4

    by wash

    Or at least resembles it.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:20 a.m. CST

    3D IS NOT THE FUTURE

    by Finding Forrestal

    Or at least I hope not. In my mind, the future of theatrical film presentation is IMAX. Similar to what Chris Nolan did with THE DARK KNIGHT, but instead of 30 minutes of IMAX footage we get an entire film photographed that way. Hopefully it will be as revolutionary as CInemaScope was in early 50's.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:22 a.m. CST

    "Hot bowl of steaming dick."

    by Finding Forrestal

    Really?

  • July 12, 2008, 1:23 a.m. CST

    One can never tell

    by Project424

    I thought he was bashing Blade II that time... did Harry like it?

  • July 12, 2008, 1:25 a.m. CST

    The funny thing is...

    by Finding Forrestal

    Harry stole that line from Pauline Kael.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:37 a.m. CST

    Dammit wash, you beat me to it

    by Harry Weinstein

    In fact, pretty much just swap in the appropriate names and delete any mention of 3D and it becomes a convincing review of CRYSTAL SKULL.

  • July 12, 2008, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Where´s Harry´s the Wall-E Review?

    by Chanoc

    Did I missed it or is there no Wall-E review by Harry? If there´s not how come you´re giving this piece of turd a review and not a nod to the greatest little robot (besides R2-D2)?

  • July 12, 2008, 1:51 a.m. CST

    Brave, Harry. Brave.

    by Fletch F. Fletch

    Hating a G-rated kids movie, marketed on a gimmick and filmed almost entirely on a sound stage. What's next, posting a negative review of a Uwe Bolle film? Do they give marriage licenses to people who say things like, "a hot bowl of steaming dick?" I wouldn't think so. Marriage is for grown-ups.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:03 a.m. CST

    LOL at you mocking other critics...

    by shaneo632

    And calling Roeper a "chad" is beyond hilarious.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:07 a.m. CST

    G-rated is no excuse for a shit made film - quite the contrary

    by HEADGEEK

    A film doesn't need violence or disturbing imagery or harsh language to be an engrossing fantastic tale. This is a shoddy sloppy affair. Had they simply shot the book, they'd have a G-rated movie worth telling.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:08 a.m. CST

    Hot Bowl of Steaming Dick

    by HEADGEEK

    actually I stole the line from my wife, who heard it from a waiter at the BNAT pre-party last year.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:15 a.m. CST

    But if it was made by one of his friends

    by DrPain

    It would be a must see.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Harry...

    by Finding Forrestal

    Do they at least do anything interesting with the idea that the Jules Vern book exists in their universe?

  • July 12, 2008, 2:31 a.m. CST

    New headline Harry.....

    by Han Cholo

    If Shit got Journey to the Center of the Earth on it, Shit would wipe it off.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Just saw Hellboy.......

    by Han Cholo

    Damn that movie was awesome. Johann Krauss pretty much steals every scene he's in. Even when he says "Agent Hellboy", it's funny.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:35 a.m. CST

    THANK GOD

    by The InSneider

    Now this is the kind of no holds barred, take no shit review from Harry that I love and will always keep coming back for.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:42 a.m. CST

    if 3-D is the future...

    by Holgi65

    is doesn't look very bright. To me it seems as hyped as "virtual reality" years ago. Read yesterdays L.A. Times article about the reluctance of theater chains to install digital 3D projectors. They even get a "virtual print fee" of 1.000$ per film, but what use is that if the cinema is empty 'cause it's a bowl of... you know what. The little Shrek 3D playing in themeparks is surprsingly funny though...

  • July 12, 2008, 2:58 a.m. CST

    I agree with Bolzonnia

    by DrPain

    Coincidence? Future advice for directors, write to this site, make friends with these people and you’ll never get a bad review. I’m looking at you too, Eric Brevig.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:59 a.m. CST

    Dear Harry

    by Silverglade

    I wait for your TDK review and I wait without sleep, until it comes. Please let your TDK review happen.

  • July 12, 2008, 3:40 a.m. CST

    Great review, Harry

    by No Respectable Gentleman

    There's an immensely irritating review in Variety that sneers at the '59 classic and calls this version "mercifully updated". Quite scary that new travesty of Jules Verne is getting some positive feedback from mainstream critics.

  • July 12, 2008, 3:43 a.m. CST

    But, Harry, you weren't the target audience.

    by Uncapie

    Its made for ten year olds. Anyone can clearly see that. You should have brought your eight year old nephew. Let the kid decide if he was entertained or not. The audience I saw it with was filled with kids and their parents. They had a great time too. Sure, its suspension of disbelief(Like the scene where they fall 4,000 miles through a angular shaft and enter the center of the Earth in five minutes.), but so is a Bond or an Indiana Jones movie. Kids will enjoy it. Its 92 minutes of babysitting. Plus, Anita Briem is Icelandic, not Finnish and she's a very nice lady.

  • July 12, 2008, 3:47 a.m. CST

    So basically Harry has only 2 reviews...

    by Scapulawings

    Greatest thing ever! Worst thing ever! Lol... ok, then.

  • July 12, 2008, 4:01 a.m. CST

    Don't stop! Believing! Hold on to that feel-eee-ah-on!

    by Orionsangels

    We're better off watching 'Journey At The Center of the Earth' "This band is rockin way too hard!!!" haha! http://tinyurl.com/5a45ga

  • July 12, 2008, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Avatar is the future

    by kwisatzhaderach

    That is all.

  • July 12, 2008, 4:26 a.m. CST

    so if you are a gay man, you will love this movie

    by bacci40

    so harry gets taken in by reviewers? unbelievable...this movie should never have been made...dumbing down verne for them kiddy crowd is not the way to go...next up, 20000 leagues under the sea in 3d with shia labouf as the teen heart throb captain nemo

  • July 12, 2008, 4:58 a.m. CST

    "It's made for kids!"

    by HEADGEEK

    FUCK THAT SHIT! <BR><BR>I call bullshit on that. Ya know what - the James Mason version was made for kids too. Gave a lot of kids a lot of good dreams and it managed to not be bad. <BR><BR>As a work of adaptation - it fails. <BR><BR>So what about aiming it at kids makes a cel phone signal work in the center of the Earth? So what about aiming it at kids makes a PSP log online in an airplane? <BR><BR>Let me get this straight - because it is aimed at kids and more importantly FAMILIES... it is poorly acted and has terrible dialogue and dunderheaded plot changes from the original novel? <BR><BR>Ya know - THE ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD was aimed at kids, it didn't manage to suck. ET was aimed at kids, it's dialogue, acting and story elements were not terrible. You know - making a man of science an idiot isn't a way to inspire kids to be scientists. To make a film aimed at kids that has a kid call dibs sexually on the female character... oh, that's what we're talking about... right? <BR><BR>You can capture kids with awe and wonder, with a stunning adventure - and you can certainly throw QUALITY VISUAL EFFECTS at them - but when a 21st century film's Jewel room is less spectacular than a film fifty years old, when giant fossilized mushrooms are less stunning than those in a 50 year old film's? I've shown that old rusty James Mason film to kids at my Kid's club - PACKED HOUSE btw - and they loved it. My nephew collects geodes and crystals as a result. <BR><BR>Family film is one of my favorite genres. Did WALL-E dumb it down? Did it make the film banal and inadequate for an adult mind... or... perchance did the wizards at Pixar tell a story that would please an audience of ALL AGES?

  • July 12, 2008, 5:03 a.m. CST

    great points Harry

    by kungfuhustler84

    I was about to address the guy, but you basically said it all.

  • July 12, 2008, 5:12 a.m. CST

    I didn't like the PUNISHER because

    by HEADGEEK

    John Travolta fucking sucked in it. Because the had THE PUNISHER torture a man with a popsicle. I hated THE PUNISHER because it was fucking a piece of shit. I don't have a problem liking multiple films on the same weekend. I loved that WALL-E and WANTED both did their business - it means that no matter what - the audience won. <BR><BR>I was genuinely excited when I heard the reviews were positive. I thought the trailers were bad, but hey - we've all seen bad trailers for good movies - off the top of my head... DEAD POET'S SOCIETY and GALAXYQUEST. <BR><BR>If HELLBOY 2 fails at the box office... ya know what? Guillermo is still signed to direct THE HOBBIT - and I'm fairly sure that isn't box office poison - after all... Peter Jackson directed FRIGHTENERS before LORD OF THE RINGS - if anything, it'd signal a good luck charm.

  • July 12, 2008, 5:35 a.m. CST

    It's funny what's considered for kids these days

    by Orionsangels

    I was 8 watching nazi's faces melt off in Raiders of the lost ark. Shitting my pants.

  • July 12, 2008, 6:06 a.m. CST

    Absolutely predictable review, and here's why...

    by Sledge Hammer

    This is exactly the same shit Harry pulls EVERY SINGLE TIME one of his "special friends" film is coming up on it's opening weekend. He picks the most likely opponent opening against his buddy's film and then sets about to absolutely eviscerate it. Just like clockwork this happens every single time a Del Toro, Tarantino or Rodriguez film opens. Harry pisses on his buddy's competition at the box office, acting like it's a utterly worthless waste of money, just so he can pimp out the latest Del Toro / Tarantino / Rodriguez film in it's place, and hopefully help swing the box office in their favour. Ethics? At AICN? Never!

  • July 12, 2008, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Coming from a guy who raved about INDIANA JONES 4, ARMAGGEDON an

    by Spacesheik

    Gimme a fucking break Harry. I bet you this film had more thrills than that 'nuke the fridge', Tarzan-swinging turd CRYSTAL SKULL.

  • July 12, 2008, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Oh wow, someone else bringing up the Godzilla review!

    by Deathpool

    New an exciting! We've never heard that one before!

  • July 12, 2008, 7:14 a.m. CST

    for shame harold

    by mynemaborat

    really harry... i like reading the reviews on this site because they are so obviously biased or paid off and it amuses me, i don't have a problem with it, but please just admit you're on the take, and stop pretending that you have any journalistic integrity!!

  • July 12, 2008, 8:07 a.m. CST

    My theater was full, and clapped at the end.

    by Zombieflicker

    Call me an idiot, but I haven't read Journey, and I haven't seen any of the movies. I might have tried to watch them as a kid but I don't remember it. That's probably why I enjoyed this movie. My 11 and 9 year old loved it, and I like that "stab in your face" 3D shit. I have fond memories as a kid seeing Spacehunter, Friday 3, and Jaws 3 in the theater and all of them were the same way. Yes, the story was dumbed down, and the effects won't win any awards. But Harry, if you can remember back when we were dumb ass 10 year olds, just remember some of the shit we used to watch over and over again. That's what this movie is. For me, watching this made me feel like a dumb ass 10 year old again, and I liked it.

  • July 12, 2008, 8:09 a.m. CST

    ...and you reviewed this but not WALL-E???\

    by Zombieflicker

  • July 12, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    The Trouble With Harry

    by rhcp2sweet

    The best part about Harry being on the take is that when talkbackers call him out on it, he doesn't respond in the talkbacks b/c he really has no defense. His biased reviews never fool anyone (Godzilla 98? FF: Rise of the Silver surfer?) and it's truly an insult to our intelligence that Harry acts like he isn't taking bribes or playing favorites. Just come clean Harry, it worked for Jason Giambi, it can work for you.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:02 a.m. CST

    And THAT'S why you shouldn't trust ratings from Rotten Tomatoes

    by DerLanghaarige

    Or imdb. Or Entertainment Weekly.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:03 a.m. CST

    P.S.: An ILM-guy who directs a movie with crappy F/X?

    by DerLanghaarige

    Sounds like Spawn to me!

  • July 12, 2008, 9:06 a.m. CST

    It's Okay...

    by BurtGummer

    Hellboy 2 is kicking ass at the Box Office. $33-36 mil for the weekend. JOURNEY= $15-17 mil

  • July 12, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Hmmmm, not a friend of AICN, check, against a friends film, chec

    by ComputerGuy68

    Journey never had a chance here. So is the review of Hellboy 2 about warm vagina? Cause I know Harry will love the shit out of it. <p> After Blade 2 I gave up on his reviews after I saw that POS film.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Bring on The Dark Knight!

    by batzilla

    AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!

  • July 12, 2008, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Brendan Fraser...

    by davebaxter1989

    slays me. But he is in some SHIT films. Still I'll always have his guest spots in Scrubs to know that he is awesome.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    HARRY- ENOUGH WITH THE HOMOPHOBIA HEADLINES

    by Rubiks Doob

    Seriously- it's fucking gross and offensive...

  • July 12, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Harry only hates the ones that are easy to hate,

    by cinemixtape.com

    .

  • July 12, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Homophobia??

    by davebaxter1989

    I think it's unbelievably homophobic to claim homosexuals drink 'hot bowls of steaming dick'. Thats more what cannibals do and I will definitely stand up for cannibalphobia, hate those bastards.

  • July 12, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Don't be dissin' the cannibals!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Cannibals gotta eat!

  • July 12, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Actually from the headline

    by buffywrestling

    I wasn't sure if he liked it or not. Compare it to Massa's HB2 headline and see my confusion.

  • July 12, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Cannibals...

    by davebaxter1989

    ...can dine out on all cast and crew of Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Superhero Movie etc. They can film it and release as Cannibal Movie. Now THAT I'd pay to see.

  • July 12, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    harry needed a handjob last night

    by bacci40

    the man was way too tense....mrs head geek was not doing her wifely duties

  • July 12, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    I love a hot bowl of steaming dick!

    by God-Man

    I can't wait to see this movie.

  • July 12, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    You don't have to like the movie, Harry...

    by Uncapie

    ...but, the way you handled the review could have been with more tact. True, you write emotionally as all writers do, but you've lowered yourself to the lowest common denominator with this review and you're too good a writer to have allowed yourself to do that.

  • July 12, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Okay, so that review blurb won't be quoted in ads.

    by MCVamp

    "It's Like Drinking From a Hot Bowl of Steaming Dick!" -- Harry Knowles, Aint It Cool News. Nice. By the way, WALL-E was preachy but awesome. Is this some sort of record for lag on seeing a blockbuster and the time it takes to post a review, Harcourt?

  • July 12, 2008, 12:07 p.m. CST

    And yet you LIKED Indy 4??????

    by Merriman Lyon

    AICN double-standards apply again. Hey Harry, how does this movie compare with THE DARK IS RISING, the turkey you gave such an enthusiastic write-up....?

  • July 12, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    I'll stick with the James Mason version

    by kafka07

    poor Gertrude

  • July 12, 2008, 2:01 p.m. CST

    "Tonight my wife and I had nothing to do."

    by Trazadone

    So the best you can come up with is to go see a movie, again? Don't you kind of do that 7 days a week anyway? For God's sake, man, go see live theater, a musical performance, a book reading, a sporting event, anything but a movie. Doesn't Yoko ever say, "Uh, Harry, I'd rather do ANYTHING else than sit through another fucking movie tonight"? Seriously, dude, doesn't it grow old?

  • July 12, 2008, 2:01 p.m. CST

    glad to see I'm not the only one...

    by shane420nsf

  • July 12, 2008, 2:15 p.m. CST

    A "Hot Bowl of Steaming Dick" you say?

    by Sidepocket

    Unless it is Guillermo del Toro's dick, then it is one hell of a fondue right Harry? *rolls eyes* Anyhow, 3D IS the future. Just like Digital and IMAX is. Here is the catch, you need a film first as a film that then has the feature added too it. Right now all 3D is poking people in the face, just like how IMAX was just making a movie big. The Dark Knight however stands as a film, it does not use IMAX as a crutch. So it is an amazing film that just HAPPENS to be shot in IMAX. That is what 3D needs. We need an amazing compelling and well acted film...that just HAPPENS to be shot in 3D. Then the studios will realize the potential like they are doing with IMAX now with The Dark Knight.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Hey McFly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by matineer

    Read some books. Harry's list isn't a bad place to start. I switched from books to movies/TV at 12-- a mistake. Books are better and to make good TV/movies people need to know books. It's the circle of reel life.

  • July 12, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    calling Harry out on the juvenile headline!

    by shane420nsf

    You guys, I'm a 40 year old GAY man-proud of it, but also still a huge geek/sci-fi/comic fanboy-there's more of us than you think. And I get why Harry or some other less evolved straight guys feel the need to say shit like this-or why they call Bryan Singer a fag and always bring up the fact that Joel Schumacher is gay when discussing"the steamimg bowl of twat juice"(yuck) that was Batman and Robin. Alot of you guys haven't had too many girlfriends-if any-and need to say things like that every once in awhile to make sure everyone knows that even though you like all this stuff, you're not gay-and being gay isn't cool-and so on. Enough already-this isn't grade school-it's the 21st century-it's not funny anymore-just kind of pathetic. Harry, you're married-you got yourself a female partner-no one will ever question whether yo're a red-blooded,chick-loving dude-so,why not set an example for these up and coming fanboys and dorks,huh? Do you even realize that w/o gay people, there would be no Hollywood as we know it-actors,directors,stuntmen,creative staff,etc? How do you even make a steamimg bowl of dick? what is it-is it like a broth,or a stew w/ little pieces of cock in it? It's cool,dude-you're just drinking dick,not sucking it-that doesn't make you gay-so feel free to slurp down as much as you want-your manhood is intact-even if you still live w/ your Mom and play lots of on-line gaming and fan-made Star Trek episodes. As far as your review goes, I haven't seen it, but it sure looked like a steaming bowl of dog crap (see? that works as well...)-and 3d isn't enough to sell me a movie if the movie isn't good. I like Brendan Fraiser ALOT-and he has been letting his career slide a bit-although Mummy 3 is starting to look promising, so maybe there's hope. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's lunchtime-and I'm having a huge,steamimg bowl of delicious creamofsomeyoungguy-served at gay Chinese reataurants-followed by the thickest,meatiest,tastiet and fattest egg roll you've ever seen.Then a matinee of Hellboy 2 after getting properly baked-as I patiently wait 5 1/2 more days til my 7/19 3:ooam screening of THE movie- ps-harry-everyone already knows I'm a fag, so I don't care about losing any cred-I LOVED Indy 4-despite the things that sucked, it-to me-still was fun, and felt like Indy to me as well-and I think everyone's new favorite and overused buzzphrase is "nuke the fridge"-and your Love Guru review was quite accurate,as well. Rock on,everyone.Peace and love from San Francisco!

  • July 12, 2008, 2:44 p.m. CST

    EARLY CINEMA

    by TheFlypaper

    And I'm talking about when movies were still being shown in Vaudeville type settings, were full of gimmicky, hokey shit. It was just the first filmmakers playing around in a new medium. So why does it surprise anyone that the new 3D technology is any different? Let the directors like Cameron finish their first projects, establish a new cinematic language around the technology. THEN judge whether the transition has been worth it.

  • July 12, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    This is too good to pass up.....

    by Anton Chigurh

    So..."Why can't they get girlfriends?"

  • July 12, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Anton Chigurh

    by Sidepocket

    Because people like you think lame, over used jokes are hilarious and turn you into George Carlin. AKA your an idiot.

  • July 12, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    shane420nsf

    by Skraggo

    Calm the fuck down, man. While you may have a point about the general gay bashing that sometimes goes on here, it's a bit of a stretch to say that Harry's headline is homophobic. I mean, you're a gay man... does a hot bowl of steaming dick actually and literally sound appealing to you? I love breasts and vaginas. I don't exactly want to drink a hot soupy broth made from chopped breasts and vagina. And look, all that aside... It's not homophobic for a straight man to find the consumption of penis disgusting. That's pretty much the expected and normal reaction. If straight guys didn't find gay sex itself repulsive, they'd all be bi-sexual. I have a live and let live attitude about homosexuality, but gay sex is completely unappealing to me. You're not attracted to women. I'm guessing you probably find the notion of cunnilingus cringe-inducing. Harry doesn't want dick anywhere near his mouth. That doesn't make him a gay-bashing homophobe, anymore than the fact that you don't want to eat pussy makes you an intolerant hetero-hater. Honestly man... relax.

  • July 12, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Me Thinks Thou Dost Protest Too Much

    by robamenta

    yes ..that headline pretty much convinces me Harry is in the closet...its ok dude...being gay is ok!...group hug

  • July 12, 2008, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Harry, did you not see the trailer for Coraline?

    by Series7

    The new Nightmare Before Christmas guy movie? I thought that looked pretty cool? Plus it seems like Henry doesn't have Christopher Columbus fucking up his shit like your cameo in Monkeybone. I didn't see this but I saw U23D, and I thought that 3D use was amazing, is this not the same?

  • July 12, 2008, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Kind talkbackers everywhere and Skraggo...

    by shane420nsf

    Guys,didn't mean to be so serious-and I certainly don't think Harry is a gay-basher - I was trying to be a little humorous and sardonic while making a point-one already addressed earlier by other posters- that the title of the article seemed slightly homophobic-like . I actually said it was juvenile-which made me finally sound off about the fair amount of comments that are a little hateful. Didn't mean to stir anyone up so much,Skraggo-seems like you may need to relax a bit yourself there,pal,-believe me, I am a very low key person- and very little truly offends me-I don't find women or thethought of being w/ one repulsive or cringe-inducing,btw-yet another gay stereotype-like all lesbians wear flannel shirts and wear tool belts. I did ,however,went way off topic-which is always irritating, I agree-esp when we should be discussing harry's review,which movies are good, which ones suck, and why that is. "lame title, but funny,well written review that is probably very accurate. Love the site and check it everyday." "Time to see Hellboy,then read what everyone else thought about it. Life is short-go see a movie today,then discuss...

  • July 12, 2008, 6:46 p.m. CST

    shane420nsf -- it's coup de la...

    by Skraggo

    I hear you. Let the relaxing begin. I can't argue with you about the "juvenile" part. Remember, Harry is the guy who once favorably compared a movie to "chocolate covered pussy juice." Again... not something that even straight men necessarily want to consume. So, you shouldn't have been surprised when, to Harry, the opposite of "Chocolate Covered Pussy Juice" is "Hot Bowl of Steaming Dick." Anyway, I think we can both agree of all the things Harry may or may not be, Shakespeare ain't one of them. Gotta love the big guy, though.

  • July 12, 2008, 7:23 p.m. CST

    The Signs? THE SIGNS?!

    by Not The Messiah

    THE SIGNS?!?!?!?!?

  • July 12, 2008, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Well, I don't know

    by shran

    about all ya'all, but I like to fuck chicks. But you gay fellers is OK by me. I figger I don't prolly turns ya' on, but ya' might not mind havin' a beer wid me. As fer chocolate covered pussy juice, thank ya', no. Don't mind a chompin' on one wid some whip cream and cherries, though. And if'n I were tuh see this here movie, I'd prolly compare it to the youtube vi-dee-oh of that there oh-rang-u-tang a pissin' in his own mouf. I don't care what orientation ya' are, thet's jes gross.

  • July 12, 2008, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Pat Boone

    by rsswope

    What did he deserve to rankle your bowels? Everyone LOVES Pat Boone! His daughter lights up my life!

  • July 12, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Coming at ya! 4 Crowns, Jaws 3-D

    by Mace Tofu

    Remember all the crap 3-D back then? Hollywood don't care about 3-D. Stick it at the Camera. It's in Ohhhhh 3-Deeeee. Cameron will save us with some great 3-D but yes the crap will sink it again as a replacement for regular movies.

  • July 12, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Shane...

    by NiceGuyEddie19

    You're basically arguing that a hot steamin' bowl of dick is appealing. Dick, like it or not, is synonymous with disgust and unlikeability. What can I say? It's a straight man's world.

  • July 12, 2008, 7:46 p.m. CST

    After 3-D dies the projectors will be use for

    by Mace Tofu

    commercials in 3-D, COKE, PEPSI Oh Joy!

  • July 12, 2008, 7:56 p.m. CST

    What's wrong with Indy Spacesheik?

    by Orionsangels

    It featured music from John Williams and Harrison Ford. Right there its a billion times better than Journey to the center of abomination!

  • July 12, 2008, 8:04 p.m. CST

    I will say this about Harry's descriptions.

    by mrfan

    They are very original.

  • July 12, 2008, 8:45 p.m. CST

    So, Harry, let's get this straight...

    by Hooded Justice

    You complain bitterly about the "credibility" of a mobile phone and PSP working in unfavorable conditions - but are prepared to give a resounding pass to INDY 4 on the following issues:<p>"magnetic" gunpowder that flies through the air?<p>a nuclear bomb testing site within walking distance of Area 51?<p>A fridge that protects a person from a direct-hit nuclear blast AND from the impact of being catapulted hundreds of metres through the air?<p>And you've no problem with this???<p>Shia leBoeuf swinging through the trees, leading a bunch of monkeys?<p>Falling over not one, not two but THREE waterfalls in a steel boat with no injuries?<p>A randonly telepathic alien skull that manages to transmit messages both at high altitudes and far beneath the earth?<p>You praise all this and yet have the nerve to criticise other movies for stretching some irrelevant details.<p>Do you have ANY idea of how STUPID you have made yourself look?<p>You've completely destroyed any pretence of impartiality and credibility that remained to you. Your opinion no longer counts for anything except as an object of hilarity and derision.

  • July 12, 2008, 8:59 p.m. CST

    I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

    by jimmay

    This movie looked atrocious from the first preview. You know all those positive reviews on rottentomatoes? Go read them. Most of them note that the only redeeming feature of the film is the 3d gimmicry. This movie was made solely to capitalize on the 3d trend, and it shows through in spades.

  • But Yet you gave all the idiot scenes in Indy 4 a complete pass. You are a fanboy through and through Harry.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    at least this tb abuse has made up for the article!

    by couP

    well done guys, thoroughly enjoyed the indy 4 deconstruction

  • July 12, 2008, 9:24 p.m. CST

    Harry's dumbass language

    by Slaphappy Slim

    "Hot bowl of steaming dick" "If shit got 'The Love Guru' on it...." What a juvenile ass. Why does anyone read this blubbering clown's fucking reviews anymore?

  • July 12, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Indy 4

    by girlintheworld

    Is that all some of you people think about? For crying out loud!!

  • July 12, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Maybe the kid just got the new Iphone

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    after waiting in line, then went on his adventure.

  • July 12, 2008, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Christ guys,

    by jimmay

    I didn't get this bent out of shape about Harry's terrible reviews for Michael Bay films. Sure, I mock them (and, of course, the infamous Godzilla review), but you guys seem to be genuinely personally offended at his Indy IV review. I can only account for this in one of two ways: Either you got your hopes for KOCS from Harry's review and were bitter;y disappointed when the houselights came up and it became brutally obvious that Harry was grasping at straws and you'd been had (I wasn't so easily fooled, so I wasn't as disappointed to find out that it sucked about as much as I thought it would), or, alternatively, you can't believe that Journey to the Center of the Earth ("IN 3D!!!") actually sucked as bad as it sounds.

  • July 12, 2008, 10:32 p.m. CST

    SHRAN I almost wet my pants

    by sidburnd1

    laughing at your post! I'm from Texas obviously.

  • July 12, 2008, 10:56 p.m. CST

    I'm confused... people take Harry seriously?

    by Noddy93

    I appreciate that he gets me into the odd Lynch screening in Austin but other than that Harry's pretty much a Class-A toolbox. I wouldn't judge a movie by his reviews for anything. I loves crap while hating greats and loves greats while hating crap. Valley Girl best movie ever in the same universe where Soderbergh's Kafka blows. blah blah blah... he's a man with a rubberband in his gut.

  • July 12, 2008, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Good. I wasn't gonna see it anyway..

    by Aeghast

    ..so thanks for confirmation (?!)

  • July 13, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST

    I will say this about Harry's descriptions

    by quantize

    if you think they're 'original' you either cant sell irony in a post OR you're as fucking lame as Harry...easily bought and sold and desperate to deride anything obviously crap to appear credible

  • July 13, 2008, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Harry, Are you retarded? And how does Hollywood take you serious

    by nukedthefridge

    I just got back from seeing this movie. Though it isn't Citizen Kane, it is actually pretty fun. But fine, you actually didn't like the movie. Besides the obvious thought that it must be because New Line didn't fill your pockets with enough money, you are entitled your opinion. But your review is childish and moronic. First get Brendan Fraser's name right...its spelled "Fraser." Secondly, "go fuck his nephew"? Well go fuck your nephew. People are fucking tired of hearing you talk about your nephew. But lastly...you realize the movie was set in Iceland right??? In Iceland they speak Icelandic, not Finnish you retard. And if you ever got your ass out of your wheelchair to go travel outside of this country, you would know that the people of Iceland, like most of the rest of the world outside the U.S. speak English, most perfectly. You are a total buffoon.

  • July 13, 2008, 12:58 a.m. CST

    He meant "steaming SPOTTED dick".

    by thebearovingian

    Harry must've been anglicized on his trip to the UK.

  • July 13, 2008, 3:06 a.m. CST

    And the truth shall set us free!

    by DrPain

    could this review be a turning point for the future of AICN? Way to go nukedthefridge and everybody else who ain't content with sub-par, biased reviews from this site. We deserve better, we deserve respect as it's readers.

  • July 13, 2008, 3:33 a.m. CST

    One more thing Harry....

    by nukedthefridge

    Do you know any other words besides Fuck, shit, and dick? I thought this was supposed to be a reputable site?

  • July 13, 2008, 3:42 a.m. CST

    Xena

    by maggiemerc

    To be fair it looks like he only directed one episode and it was a shitty first season one. Seeing as nearly every director worked more then once on that show it speaks volumes of his shittiness.

  • July 13, 2008, 4:15 a.m. CST

    FUCK THIS THE DARK KNIGHT WILL OWN

    by applescruff

    I am gonna fucking rock out on Thursday. Fuck all you motherfuckers! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  • July 13, 2008, 6:47 a.m. CST

    hmmm

    by ScaryJim

    Can't quite understand the logic of slating a film that is clearly aimed at being a piece of brainless fun and doesn't aim to be anything else. As people point out- you praised Crystal skull which errrr pissed of 90% of it's 'actual' core audience (us kids of the 70's and 80's) and the other 10% the 'new' target audience couldn't give a fuck about it. I can think of more examples but I can't be bothered. The fact is you will give a negative review to people outside your group of favoured directors, but when it comes to getting a proper review about a possibly great film makers career miss step you will either wimp out with a 'wow wasn't this film crazy, I don't know what it was about, but it was great!' review or you'll completely go over the top over it. Enough of the 'Dick' euphanisms too. How old are you?

  • July 13, 2008, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Yeah Like Hellboy 2 was a Masterpiece.

    by Redfive!

    HB 2 was absolute crap and I enjoyed Journey wayyyyyyy more the the sloppy writing of HB 2.

  • July 13, 2008, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Dark Knight will own..

    by Redfive!

    Everything this summer.

  • July 13, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Books like these are the essentials to my mind.

    by JackSmack

    Jesus christ, Harry, if you really love those writers, why blame them for the condition of your alleged mind?

  • July 13, 2008, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Harry, Harry, Harry...nothing like getting things ass backwards

    by BlutoBlutarsky

    You love the original? It's believable? Survivable? Gertrude THE FUCKING Goose??? Even as a kid I thought that movie was total shit. Talk about steaming bowl of dick. You even have a refugee from a men's underwear ad running around in a loincloth to drive home the point. Yet you hated this movie. The 3-D was the worst? Obviously you never sat through movies like Jaws 3D, Spacehunter, or Robert Rodriquez's attempts at 3-D, Spy Kids 3 and The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Those movies tried to use red and blue filter glasses to bring out the 3-D. What super genius Rodrigues didn't seem to realize is you can't do that with a movie that is IN COLOR. Every hint of red or blue in the movie bleeds out the 3-D effect, and the only thing it does is make you cross eyed. Now, was this version of Journey an award winner? God, no. But is it shit? Absolutely not. The story moves briskly, although there are many plot holes to dodge, and the actors are capable, likeable, and don't grate on the nerves. But ultimately the enjoyment of this movie is based on its visual effects, and the 3-D experience, which I'm glad to say, is first rate. There are the typically redundant "comin' at ya" 3-D moments that serve no purpose other than to drive the effect home. But mostly the effects actually serve the story. They do what they are meant to do, which is put you in the moment. They make you feel like you are in this environment, and more than once I saw people in the theater ducking and dodging incoming objects. So, as a flat 2-D experience, the movie would be an enjoyable, if forgettable movie. As 3-D experience, however, it's a great time at the movies. Harry needs to unwrap his mouth from around Guillermo Del Toro's knob, and straighten his ass out. But then Harry was probably the ONLY person in existence to say he couldn't wait to see Speed Racer again. So I ask you, does this man's opinion really mean anything to anyone anymore?

  • July 13, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    ATTACK OF THE GINORMOUS STEAMING DICK ... IN 3-D!!!

    by BringingSexyBack

    Rated G for ginormous!

  • July 13, 2008, 9:25 a.m. CST

    What New Line didnn't pay you enough??

    by nukedthefridge

    Oh and by the way Anita Briem did an excellent acting job. She is going to be a huge movie star.

  • July 13, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    3D the future?

    by SeattleBuff

    it's more like a blast from the past, just jazzed up with the digital element. trouble is, you STILL HAVE TO WEAR THE GLASSES. it's cumbersome, annoying and not as cool as Hollywood tries to make you think. i know Cameron is touting it (and Katzenberg is crazy about it and pissed that theater owners aren't falling in line with his plans) and maybe AVATAR will change my mind, but I'd still have to wear the damn glasses for 2.5 hours. one thing Hollywood forgets is the added dimension of size and scope. one of the greatest movie experiences was a giant, curved screen showing a movie in CINERAMA, 70mm or TODD AO. that seems to have slipped their minds. i love the clarity of digital projection, but i miss the size and the sweep of a huge curved screen. IMAX is nice, but it's a giant square...and if the movie isn't in true IMAX, it's just a regular scope image on the wall. it looks like a giant letterbox presentation on the IMAX screen.

  • July 13, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    Harry

    by Bricktops hammer

    Just saw Hellboy 2. You have to be kidding me. Yeah, SOME cool visuals, but maybe the worst script and inept dialogue since Indy4

  • July 13, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    CELL SIGNAL AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH!"

    by David Cloverfield

    I'm puzzled by that complaint. If there are living conditions atthe center of the earth, I can imagine magnetic plates... I dunno... giving a boost to telecommunication devices. My retarded point is, if this is a movie based on a fantasy concept for kids, what kind of idiot goes crazy over a detail like that. I'm not saying it's a good movie, it's just a weird thing to complain about (Just like I didn't have a problem with fridge nuking. It's the same kind of thing.)

  • July 13, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Is it SO hard to spell FRASER

    by ShiftyEyedDog2

    <br><br><Br>F-R-A-S-E-R. not Frasier, damnit! <br><br><br>

  • July 13, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    nuked the fridge site liked it

    by LARDASSESREVENGE

    i can't even buy harry's reviews he likes crap and he hates crap.

  • July 13, 2008, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Everyone who goes on this site cares...

    by pleasebanme

    ...about Journey to the Center of the Earth in Fucking 3D. Where the hell is the ONE review 99.99999% of readers actually WANT, you lazy bastard?!

  • July 13, 2008, 1:14 p.m. CST

    Milf lover.....

    by pleasebanme

    Shut the fuck up.

  • July 13, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    LARDASSESREVENGE

    by wash

    Who gives a fuck. Seriously.

  • July 13, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    your opinions are irrelevant

    by ironic_name

    your opinions are irrelevant, so are mine.

  • July 13, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    the folks at nukedthefridge.com do

    by LARDASSESREVENGE

    wash, you whiney bitch, who hates indiana jones 4 so much you still bitch about it to this very day. seriously. seriously you shouldn't have been birthed.

  • July 13, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    ALL THIS PSP WHINING FROM HARRY

    by sloanist

    Some overseas flights have wifi, the PSP would work, get over it.

  • July 13, 2008, 7:02 p.m. CST

    the best commentary on Harry's reviews

    by Juggernaut125

    Came from Scapulawings. Harry seems to need to either love a movie so much that he would want to have sex with it, or else it's an atrocity to the world of cinema. He doesn't seem to register any middle ground. Even when he gives a movie a lackluster review, it always registers as a dissapointment. You're very odd Harry. Sucks to be you.

  • July 13, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST

    3D in movies is like what FMV was for 90's PC games

    by Glamour Fairy

    Sure the FMV in some of the 90's games were sometimes fun but eventually they tried to sell the live action video added as the point of buying the game. I won't see a movie just because it's supposed to have some cool effect either.

  • July 13, 2008, 9:08 p.m. CST

    lardy ass

    by wash

    STILL - nobody but a couple of catchphrase spammer kids gives a fuck. I made a one comment about Indy 4 vs. the scores of spam you made with all your alt logins. GTFO.

  • July 14, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    Harry, what other books did you get your nephew?

    by mr_shoreditch

  • July 14, 2008, 6:04 a.m. CST

    "AKA your an idiot"

    by Shan

    Kind of shot yourself in the foot with that statement.

  • July 14, 2008, 6:19 a.m. CST

    BRENDAN FRASER NEEDS A NEW AGENT!!!

    by OgreYouAsshole

    He's needed a new one for a long time actually. After Gods and Monsters I said, "ok, now we've seen his range, maybe he'll finally grasp on to at least a few oscar-worthy screenplays". Well, no. Funny, the same thing has continued for Eddie Murphy after Dreamgirls. His movies also make me only want to hold my nose. Shame.

  • July 14, 2008, 6:43 a.m. CST

    what is it with Harry and DICKS anyway??

    by Maniaq

    why do we have to wait for Cameron for someone to "get" 3D? Nolan filmed sequences in Dark Knight 'specially for the 3D right? I missed it, but I heard the Harry Potter 3D was actually awesome and the same goes for some of the IMAX stuff that is less feature and more... show-off... <p> So can we get Cameron off this fucking pedestal already?

  • July 14, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Hmmmmmmm

    by Stormshadow4life

    Something tells me the only reason Harry wrote this review was because Hellboy 2 is out the same weekend....

  • July 14, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    3D

    by DIBARAHMAN

    I see this whole 3D business in terms of creativeness. In the hands of a complete twat, its useless. But same as the way CGI was crap in the early days, now CGI can be sublime in its usage. I think when Pixar sit down and write a film specifically for 3D; maybe they are;, then we will see just how masterful 3D can be.

  • July 14, 2008, 9:02 a.m. CST

    3-D is a lame gimmick...

    by Kid Z

    ...that gets unearthed out of its grave and propped up again every 20-30 years or so. There are few directors creative enough to work with the process so you get all the same lame things time after time (shit thrown in your face, paddleballs bouncing at you, etc. People inevitably get sick of it and those effin' glasses are a pain to wear, make you look like an idiot and give you a headache. So the fad is back, but not to worry, it'll die again soon enough. Then, around 2030 or so, some moron will attenpt to bring it back again.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Two things my dear Harold:

    by heyscot

    1. The bowl of steaming dick line was great! 2. I think Brendan Fraser should officially have his name changed to Brendan Frasier, but it's actually pronounced "FRAY-ser", which surprised me.

  • July 14, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Oh one more thing:

    by heyscot

    I hope you're feeling better and staying on target! Woot!!

  • July 14, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    gives floating turds a bad name

    by blooker68

    at least the glasses were only $2

  • July 14, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Journey to the Center of the Nuked Fridge

    by Second Try

    Great review, Harry. Really entertaining, keep up the good work!

  • July 14, 2008, 6:01 p.m. CST

    From your headline I can't tell if you love it or hated it.

    by fiester

    Knowing you, it could go either way, tubby.

  • July 14, 2008, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Indy 4 Kicks ass!!!

    by Crackles

    Fuck all you hatin bitches!!!

  • July 14, 2008, 7:54 p.m. CST

    fuck that Harry

    by Fat Lenny

    I took my 4 year old to see it mainly because he saw the dinosaur from the preview. The movie wasn't that bad... You're kind of being an idiot when you are nitpicking about a PSP getting internet at 30,000 FT in a movie where DINOSAURS live in the center of the earth! Jesus H Christ man, you of all people should understand the suspension of disbelief factor. My kid liked it a lot. That fact definitely makes me like it more than I would if I weren't a dad, but even without kids I probably would have caught it on HBO and not felt like I had completely wasted an evening.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:17 p.m. CST

    coupla things

    by shran

    Thanks sidburnd1. Reckon ah oughter lets folks know thet the only ones ah caint stomach is the dipweeds. And man the bitterness aimed at a dude who writes movie reviews is odd; It's like he called your mom names or owes you money or something. Speaking of dipweeds, if you post on a TB that has nothing to do with TDK about how it's gonna own this or that, you are a grade A dipweed that is gunning for asshat status. Continue the good work, private dickbrain. Oh yeah, and Shan, when I picked my name I didn't realize how close it was to yours. I've been posting for about a month or so; if you feel I should get a new handle just give the word.

  • July 14, 2008, 10:38 p.m. CST

    Maniaq

    by one9deuce

    You want Cameron taken "off his pedestal"? When AVATAR lands with the force of a hydrogen bomb on Hollywood you'll have to eat those words. Trust me.

  • July 15, 2008, 5:45 a.m. CST

    Bowl of Steaming Dick is overrated

    by Glamour Fairy

    Try the fish balls with noodles instead. I don't know what restaurant he's been eating at. Oh and don't watch this movie either.

  • July 15, 2008, 7:32 a.m. CST

    A question for all the talkbackers that don't trust Harry's revi

    by ChickenStu

    Why do you visit the guy's site in the first place? You know, just asking...

  • July 15, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Headgeek on the punisher

    by Brett_FlashJ

    I wasn't a fan, but the bit with the popsicle is from a punisher comic I have. I can't remember which issue or if it was War Journal or the regular series but it was definitely early to mid 90's. Travolta did indeed bring the suck though. But Thomas Jane was great. It had moments but fell flat. Journey to the center of the earth looks like trash. Skippin' it. Give me good 3D and I hope that includes Neil Gaiman's Coraline.

  • July 15, 2008, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Ivanhoe ...

    by 300 monkeys

    so I guess you plan on keeping him busy into his 20's or thereabouts? foisting Ivanhoe on an 8 y.o. IS akin to child abuse, and can anyone tell me why Last of the Mohicans even survived into the 20th Century, never mind the 21st?

  • July 15, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    theres gay geekheads that participate in talkbacks??

    by TheDudeintheShadows

    haha, big surprise there.

  • July 15, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    hooded justice

    by TheDudeintheShadows

    good point. why would you ever judge a movie on how it stretches the boundaries of the imagination. personally i liked indy 4, but people need to realize its a FUCKING MOVIE! if indy did what normal people did, like sit around and play nutball,there wouldnt BE any movie in the first place. having said that, JOURNEY looks like it was made for kids harry. your not a kid, so stick to judging movies in your demographic. i doubt anybody here gives two shits about this movie anyway, come to think of it, why am I even here?

  • July 15, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    oh yea

    by TheDudeintheShadows

    i saw the headline and wanted to gay bash

  • July 15, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST

    I told my gf that the movie was a bowl of steaming dick...

    by Executor

    ...and now she wants to see it.<p>Thanks, Harry.

  • July 15, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    I will never see this movie...ever

    by Sparhawk38

    Harry..you are the man! I loved HBII and I am going to love TDK. In fact...I think I will love HB2 just as much for different reasons. what a great movie.

  • July 15, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Bowls of Steaming Dick everywhere are..

    by Sparhawk38

    pissed off at the comparison. They are contacting their steaming dick lawyers(redundancy intended)as I type.

  • July 15, 2008, 8:29 p.m. CST

    if ya want to be a real movie critic...

    by omarthesnake

    learn how to fucking spell the name of the fucking lead actor in the fucking movie al-fucking-ready. No pass on this. You need to know how to fucking spell. Otherwise wait for a copyeditor to read over your fucking review before you fucking post it on your fucking website, fuckwit. I mean, really, fuck.

  • July 15, 2008, 8:30 p.m. CST

    oops

    by omarthesnake

    I shoulda said, "No fucking pass on this". my bad.

  • July 15, 2008, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Harry, time to chug what you're chuckin'

    by WolfmanNards

    it's a stupid fuckin' 3D affair to the tune of theme park rides T23D, the Muppets, and Honey I shrunk the audience- only presented on a much more grand scale. How can you properly gague this movie? Was it in 3D?- check. The end.

  • July 16, 2008, 12:06 a.m. CST

    Cell reception on a mountain in Finland?

    by vvrinne

    As a Finn I doubt you can find a mountain in Finland where you can't get cell reception.

  • July 16, 2008, 12:57 a.m. CST

    Harry's got a kids club?

    by austin316

    Creepy. Insert steaming dick... joke here

  • July 16, 2008, 3:59 a.m. CST

    You bought an 8 year old 30 old-timey books?

    by Kimbo1930

    who says you're out of touch?!

  • July 16, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    classless

    by wcgilb

    Harry I will not psychoanalyze your review title but Harry at some point you need to class up your website making comments like you have really detracts from your credibility.

  • July 16, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Come on, man!

    by Ikeaboy69

    It's Iceland, not Finland. Damnit.

  • July 16, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    and also

    by Ikeaboy69

    it's Icelandic man. Come on! Ása Briem is Icelandic.

  • July 16, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Realism?

    by BozeMaster69

    A kid getting a phone call in the center of the Earth in a FANTASY FILM? That's like suspending belief to accept that a man in a red cape could fly and shoot heat rays from his eyes. But spin the Earth backwards to turn back time...UNACCEPTABLE! It's a fantasy film, Harry. If you want a film grounded in realism, go see Hellboy 2. FYI-I just saw a fish dude swimming in the ocean just yesterday.

  • July 17, 2008, 4:40 a.m. CST

    yeah, criticising cell reception in journey to the centre of the

    by goatboy500

    kinda like my aunt shouting 'unbelievable' at high volume in a packed cinema when the raptor turned the door handle in jurrasic park. one of my oldest and most embarrassing memories.

  • July 17, 2008, 8:13 a.m. CST

    this movie had suck written all over it since day 1

    by Gungan Slayer

    since the first trailer, since the first set reports, and since the press release announcing this film, SUCK has been written all over it. what a pos

  • July 17, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    retro sci/fi

    by alcester

    would someone please make a movie the old fashion way! with models instead of computer effects overload. I'm sick of computer eye candy that passes for a movie.

  • July 17, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    by harryissofat

    harry would know what drinking from a hot bowl of steaming dick tastes like

  • July 17, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Wait, isn't his nephew the kid from Bridge to Terrabithia?

    by Drath

    He was great in that, so he's talented, even if you didn't like him in this. Just calling out bullshit when I see it.

  • July 18, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Harry...retract the Indy 4 Review

    by ScottinDC

    It's giving your usual posse of fanboiz too much ammo to attack you when you shit on a film like this for being 'unbelievable'. Please, for the love of all that is holy in cinema, retract your fucking Indy 4 review. And do so now.

  • July 19, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Wait...Harry didn't like something?

    by WillowFan2001

    I mean, I know it's an easy target, being a crappy movie and all, but still...Harry thinks a movie is crap?! I never thought I'd live to see this day. It's a beautiful day. Mr. Knowles, even though I will probably reinstate many of them in the future (i.e., the next time you praise an overhyped piece of crap), I hereby take back fully one-third of all the bad things I have ever said about you.

  • July 20, 2008, 9:17 p.m. CST

    This was a kind of unnecessary review....

    by BatVomit

    ...as anyone with an above retarded IQ who's seen the preview would instantly recognize that this movie would be complete and utter shit. Oh, and the Mummy 3 is going to blow also.

  • July 21, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Fuck Brendan Fraser...

    by loafroaster

    ...fuck his stupid hair impants and his massive ass. He's sucked in everything after Encino/California Man.

  • July 23, 2008, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Please, Harry HeadShill

    by Bob Dobbs

    You didn't like this movie (or Punisher) because the studio didn't give you enough schwag, comps, blowjobs, whatever. Another awful, barely-literate review. No surprise there.

  • July 25, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    *sigh* For God's sake, Harry...

    by THT3000

    First of all: So much of this is incorrect. The movie takes place in Iceland NOT Finland! Look, it goes like this: Canada - Greenland - Iceland - Feroe Islands - Denmark - Norway - Sweaden - Finland - Russia There is a pretty big diffence, y'know. And why the shit would they cast Reachel Weiz as the love interest when the acress that played her was FUCKING ICELANDIC?!?! And second of all: I'm from Iceland. I'm sixteen. I know very well what "dibs" is. A lot of us do. Why assume otherwise?

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 9:57 p.m. CST

    when I was a kid...

    by redkamel

    I dont know about you guys, but even when I was 10 I would be able to spot inconsistencies like cell phones working in the middle of the earth, and animals living somewhere where the ocean boils every 10 years. It called common sense. <p>in terms of realism, there is fantasy and there are rules. It is acceptable that superman can turn back time. He is superman. Angelina Jolie can curve bullets, whatever. It is not acceptable that Supermans grits would cook faster than everyones elses, ,a Nokia would get reception at the core of the earth, or Polly Perkins film is not exposed in a radioactive mine. <p>Sorry for the really random movie references. I never thought I'd mix superman and my cousin vinnie.

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 10:06 p.m. CST

    Indy 4

    by redkamel

    people hate the Indy 4 review because it was generally positive for a movie that sucked and let everyone down. There. I said it. Indy 4 sucked, and anyone who tells you different is lying. <p>It had many parts that were out of place unrealistic and not funny, unlike any other Indiana Jones movie. Please compare monkey vine swinging /fridge/alien ship/macguffin ruining all puzzles/villainess killed for no reason to any other indiana jones scene in terms of ridiculousness. You only have to pick one of those btw. <p> I speak for myself and probably others, but thats why the Indy 4 review sucked and why AICN lost big cred with me on that one.

  • Aug. 9, 2008, 9:02 p.m. CST

    just saw it

    by slkboxrman

    im no scientist but i felt the cell phone working in the center of the earth was satisfactorily explained by the reverse magnetic field.....cuz his cell phone DID NOT work right after the cave in trapped them in the mountain..and worked later after they mentioned the magnetic variance....i dont care if its not scientifically plausable but it made it make sense in my mind....its a movie, i dont put a lot of mind towards what isnt realistic... decent movie tho

  • Aug. 12, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Best opening line I've read in a very long time.

    by Sylvia Simon

    Fan-tastic. The first sentence rocks too; tells me all I need to know. Bravo!

  • Aug. 15, 2008, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Wrong! Tastes like ASS

    by Dark Doom

    WTF knows what ass or dick tastes like (cept my wife)?

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 5:52 p.m. CST

    JOURNEY 3D Yikes!

    by talktopete

    Wow. What a shitty review and unprofessional too (my opinion). The theater I saw it in was packed. The kids loved it! It is a rated "G" movie for Christsakes! What do you want from it?? Don't you remeber the days of the "Sinbad" movies and going to the matinees? You drop the ball here, and you were rude too.

  • Sept. 1, 2008, 6:11 p.m. CST

    CEL PHONE BULLSHIT

    by talktopete

    Stop bitching about "realism in movies already!! Have you seen Iron Man or The Dark Knight???? Movies aren't real Harry, they are fantasy!! My friend HATED Iron Man because the Character flew through his ceiling and didn't get it fixed. He actually said "dude, he left a hole in his ceiling, he's a billioinaire, someone could've climbed thru and ripped him off!!" I liked the cel phone bit during "journey" it was funny. He kept trying to reach his mom throughout the film then she calls during an attack by prehistoric fish says "we're on a fishing trip!" I suppose you hate the gopher scene in Caddyshack too.

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